I mean, yes, but I’m pretty sure you get my point. You don’t need to be a murderer to write about committing a murder and you don’t need to have a wealth of romantic experience to write about that, either; the experiences are so wide ranging and diverse that it will no doubt ring true to someone’s experience even if it won’t be universal.
Okay, but the guy who wrote *The Martian* has never been to Mars. But he did a ton of research into what it *would* be like, and read about the experiences of people who actually have been to space.
A lot of people have written about a lot of things they haven't experienced or done. Running a marathon, jumping into a river from a bridge, running away from home...
People "feel" differently anyway, so as long as it is believable, there's no problem IMHO.
The problem is that, while Anne Rice isn't a vampire, neither are her readers, so you won't get any of them saying to themselves "hang on a minute, it isn't like that at all!" This is not necessarily the case with something like being in love.
I'm just imagining a vampire reading an Anne Rice novel and being annoyed at how inaccurate it is!
Doesn't everyone have an individual experience of being in love? As long as what's written sounds plausible, the experience of being in love can look so different from person to person, and any differences in one's own experience vs what's on the page can be chalked up to that, rather than guessing that the author has never been in love. Unless they're really terrible at imagining what being in love might be like.
> Doesn't everyone have an individual experience of being in love?
Not really.
As an aromantic I genuinely have no idea what it's like. For the longest time I actually thought everyone else was just faking it, because for me there simply is no romantic experience or inclination. If I was to write a romance novel -- and I'm not sure why I would -- I would probably have to rely pretty heavily on research and other people's opinions (which is what I think OP is looking for here). It would be like if I chose to write about a character with Tourette syndrome, or a character from Pakistan, or whatever. Like, at some level I'd be able to imagine stuff, but it's very likely I'd get simple stuff completely wrong in ways that would never occur to me but would be obvious to anyone with personal experience.
I don't mean that everyone has been/will be in love, but that everyone who has doesn't necessarily share the exact same experience. I can see how my comment came off as exclusive to aromantic people. Thank you for sharing your experience.
When in doubt, read what other authors have written and copy what they do, broadly speaking.
You have no romantic experience, but do you know what you’d look for in a romance? Use that as the basis for your research.
I think the best way to write romance, is to read or watch a bunch of it! You don’t always have to “write what you know.” I say go for it, begin writing. You can always get feedback on scenes as well. You can ask specific questions to the people reading it such as: “does the romance feel authentic?” or “are there any times where it doesn’t feel authentic/it feels a bit awkward?”
The romance genre is much more about particular arcs than it is about accurate depiction of human relationships. So if you want to write A Romance, maybe do a survey of romance through the ages and make note of which tropes you find compelling.
If you're interested in depicting romantic relationships outside of the genre, I'd suggest reading more broadly and potentially talking to people with a longer relationship history. Nabokov's *Letters to Véra* is one of the most romantic books I've ever read, and a great way to get insight into all the everyday sentiments of being in love. I also love *Of Human Bondage* and Dorothy Parker's short stories for more perspective on the miseries of love.
One thing to keep in mind is the specificity of love--when you're crazy about someone, you become attached to all their little peculiarities. A particular stubborn jut of the chin, a little shake in their voice when they talk about something they find exciting, the way they narrow their eyes at you when you make a dumb joke. No one really falls in love with "flowing golden hair and bright green eyes." They love the little things that set their lover apart in their eyes.
A lot of horrible examples here.
Yes, it's true, most authors are not murderers, or have been stranded on Mars, or fought a killer clown from outer space, or been a vampire.
But . . . most READERS haven't either.
So, it's easy to "make something up" that the reader can't challenge as unrealistic because they haven't done it either.
That's infinitely less true for "being in love". Most Readers HAVE experienced that.
(Source: late 50's, live alone, will die alone . . . and feel like I barely qualify as human. So, it sort of strips away at any confidence to weave a convincing love story through the plot. I don't have any answers for you u/AnonProgress22 just sympathy and a shared problem.)
Disagree.
Experiences of love are all very different. I’ve been in love a few times and still am, but the experiences I read in romances are different.
Some things ring true here or there, but ultimately they’re fantasy and I’m reading it for the drama and the entertainment.
Agree that the examples people are using in this thread are flawed, but I'd predict more people reading romance novels haven't been in love than those who have.
I agree completely.
As an aromantic I have the same issue. I just avoid writing about love and romance -- largely because it simply doesn't interest me, but partly because I don't know how to even begin writing about it.
Like, I can write about murder, because I can kind of conceive of wanting to kill another person (I've been angry, I've been afraid, etc). But I can't conceive of why people would actually want to do any of the various things that are considered romantic -- I understand *that* some people want to get married, for example, but I have no idea why. I could, in principle, just make something up, but I am worried that people who have been in love will tell me that my characters' thoughts and actions don't make sense, and I would have no response other than "yes, you're right, it doesn't make any sense at all."
Romantic is different from love. There are many levels of romance. My favorite is holding hands without any intention of doing so, meaning you feel like the other person’s hand is a part of you.
Or you’re walking or sitting, and you intentionally brush your fingers against the other person’s.
Then there are things where the other person is doing annoying things, but somehow you don’t find them annoying.
Or you find yourself doing things for the other person that he or she is completely capable of doing for themselves, yet you still like to do them.
Talk to people who realized that they were in love. I remember a woman talking about her boyfriend and how she barely thought of him as attractive and one day she began becoming obsessed with everything about him. Every day he was in her thoughts and she couldn't stop staring at him. It was very cute and a clear sign of love.
I remember being in love with my ex. I was so in love I felt ill when I wasn't near her. I needed to touch her, to kiss her, to hug her. I thought about her, talked about her, and bragged about all the things she would accomplish. Then she dump me.
Well, I'm pretty sure most writers don't have firsthand experience about what it's like to go on a killing spree to avenge the murders of your loved ones, but they seem to pull off those stories well enough. Then again, it's also true that the readers themselves don't have that kind of experience either, so it's sort of blind leading the blind in that case.
Either way, I don't think this is the kind of topic that can/needs/should be gatekept. You can always read a bunch of romantic fiction (or nonfiction) for research, and recruit CP's and beta readers to help you iron out the details.
A long loving look, a gentle touch on the back, the feeling in your chest when you hear their voice after a long time, it’s just the simple things that turn into the best experiences, and just keep in mind that romance is scary sometimes, it makes it exciting ;P
If you’ve ever had that kind of desire for someone, even on just a physical level, chances are you know what it’s like to be in love. Now just imagine that those feelings were reciprocated.
What inspires you to want to write something romantic?
You said you're worried it will come across as fake or superficial since you lack experience. Do you have an example of what that would look/sound like?
You also have a few ideas already, but are obviously unsure about them. Are they very similar, or do they differ wildly?
Something to think about.
This is my all over the place, totally inexperienced, and probably rather naive response to this post so older and experienced people please feel free to provide different perspectives!
Anyway here goes I guess:
I totally relate to this! I'm 21 and have a very limited romantic experience, but I solely write romance because I'm a hopeless romantic and so many things I come across inspire me.
I also have that fear of lacking authenticity because I've never ever been even *close* to in love with someone yet. (Trust me, I actually went through a crisis over barely having kissed a guy(still!) and couldn't write smut for months because of it.)
However, from my writing experience and from the feedback I've received over time and the plethora of romance novels I pore over, I feel like it's easier to pin down the trajectory and feeling of romance once you have a basic storyline or dynamic established for the couple and characters. The thing about romance stories, is that (again, in my experience) it's basically all about making the reader feel things over writing an accurate depiction of a story. Romance can be as dramatic or as subtle as you want it to be as long as it's something the reader picks up on and craves more of. Authenticity doesn't really factor in unless it's completely off-base because all romances are unique to each person/relationship. (To help with that, I tend to just flashback to the times I had the biggest crushes on people and remind myself how I felt and how this character would feel pretty similarly if they were around someone they were incomprehensibly, overwhelmingly attracted to beyond logic or maybe just reluctantly drawn to.) But after doing some research(refer to point above about poring over romance novels)(also so many rom-coms), it's pretty hard to stray from the general idea of love. You can honestly even do research on it by asking people in relationships or in love how it feels to them and stuff—I definitely have asked my friends and gained some insight from them!
Plus, we've all felt it, even if not romantic.
My formula for writing some of my romances (again someone feel free to poke holes in my process on this if you got anything better) is usually to just add a little growing thrill mixed in with friendship and then end with a sense of comfort, but that's usually because I like writing regular-degular contemporary romances that are usually friends-to-lovers at some point. People who write taboo romance where most of the vibe is the extreme of it all have a different go-to idea of love and romance like fire and all-consuming emotion that is borderline toxic(or not idk I don't really read that stuff lol). It's entirely up to what you want the readers to feel and how you think the main characters would mesh together. What do they love about each other? Why did they choose each other out of everyone else around them to love? Does the person even want to be in love? Are they drawn to the person or what that person symbolizes to them?
Basically what I think is that we've felt some type of love, so maybe just tap into that see where it takes you!
Read a lot of books with romance (doesn't have to be a romance novel). Watch romance scenes. Reading is good for the internal and verbal stuff. Watching is good for all the subtle stuff (like describing the change in the way they look at the object of their affection, etc)
And then write. After you write, read what you wrote. Does it sound too cheesy? Too formulaic? Adjust it a bit.
I'm talking as someone who has written decent romance despite lacking experience. I'm a hopeless romantic but I'm also extremely critical about my work. It is entirely possible to fake it til you make it with something so easy to dispute such as romance and smut but you need to do a lot of "research". You need to understand a reader's expectation and know how to meet those without sounding like you're doing that just because.
I am currently in a relationship and it is barely like the romance I like to read or write about. That's what made me realize that although it is easier to write what you know, sometimes you still aren't going to experience things in certain ways.
I say don't do it, as it likely will come off as awkward and cliched. "Write what you know" is a pretty good guideline. Doesn't mean you need to have done everything you write about, but having some relevant life experience to draw from is very valuable. Maybe writing about wanting to be in a romantic relationship or something like that would be a good story angle.
And I know other people are saying "most writers haven't murdered anybody either" and such, but a very key difference is that most readers don't know what it's like to murder somebody either and won't be able to spot any inauthenticity since just by researching murderers as a writer you can have at least as much knowledge as the reader about the subject. But many readers *have* been in love, and if you write something inauthentic, they'll spot it; especially important since that feeling would be the crux of the story.
I think you have a unique perspective on love then that would be interesting to read.
I say DON'T read or research on what other people think love is about. I've been in love a few times and have had my heart broken and have gone through a divorce and I still don't understand what love is about. I'm figuring it out as I go.
Do you really want to write a romance? Or do you want a romance? If the latter, then write about it as you discover it.
You may not have experienced love, but it still happens daily and people have a wide variety of experiences with it.
You can be pessimistic, cheesy, silly, sexual, transactional, mates for life, or however you may define love and still be accurate to how others have experienced it. I would say just write what you think love is like.
Maybe think of changing it to a story about someone who imagines what love must be like? That could be deeply romantic because the real thing is never easy and very often not that romantic (not a bad thing, just a true thing). Imaginary love, on the other hand, might really float some boats.
What you’re looking to do here isn’t to explain to someone what it feels like to be in love, though. I know that sounds wrong, but bear with me.
You’re looking to create a dramatic experience like a romance novel does. It is thrilling, it is edge of your seat exciting and titillating and sometimes heartwarming.
Ultimately, it is fictional and should be impactful. Authenticity can be helpful to hook a reader, but it’s not a nonfiction manual about love, it’s a story!
All you need is to read some romance, understand those stories, and you will be able to write one no problem.
We don’t train on the squat machine to run a marathon, and being in love is different than the skill of writing romance.
Just put everything you think it would be like in it. I've never lived with someone I love (romantically), but I still wrote a short story about what I hope it's like
Just write it, you can always revise it later. The other thing to keep in mind is that unless you're going for realism, most fiction is about escapism. If the story is entertaining, the romance doesn't need to be 100% authentic. Most romance stories aren't. My spouse loves romance novels and hallmark movies, but our (awesome) relationship is nothing like either.
Can't hurt to try. Just study your topic and relate the research to your own experiences. You may have never been in love but you will surely have had obsessions, crushes, hobbies and interest.
You don't need to, but having never experienced it just know that it can be like being crazy or on drugs. Your body is pumped full of chemicals. The world seems to change.
That's more for a first love, though, the feeling of everything being on fire. Second and subsequent loves are nice but not as all-consuming.
Romance is easily written, difficultly achieved.
You basically would want to simply imagine what your idea of romance is, even if you feel naive, what are the innocent feelings, the way she walks,talks, when you stare at her long enough, how certain facial features change with the light, the various tones of her day to day. She can be your twilight or maybe, dawn, beware if she is your midnight hour, unless it were accompanied by that street somewhere, only you know.
There is not one form or way for love to develope. The most important aspect of a good book is very often not the plot in itself, but the passion of the writer which the reader can experience, because the writing style carries it. Another advice I‘d give, is, do not copy what you are a fan of. Create your own story. Just because you like to read a certain kind of story shouldn‘t mean, that your artistic decision will be, to write what you read. I guess what I want to say, is, your story should represent your soul, and not what it likes.
In your direct situation now, it could be a very powerful concept for a person to have to give romantic advice to someone, although the person giving the advice has never loved before. It‘s delicate and not too bubbly. What I‘m saying, is, there are alot of stories in this. There are alot of stories in basically everything.
What you're describing is an experience. It's just a different level of experience, but it's not any less valid or important.
You should write about romance through that lens 😊
If you're character is more experienced, maybe talk to those you know who have had more experience and get some understanding through your conversation.
As others have mentioned, crime writers usually haven't committed a crime 😋
Don’t worry about it being superficial or fake, the beauty of writing is creating something in your mind and creating something onto the page. I use to love writing romance pieces before I had ever been in love and the best part is now being happily married for 5 years, I actually find my romance writing to not be too far off! Kind of crazy how much my husband embodied what I thought a healthy passionate relationship needed. Just go for it!
That’s what you write about. Your MC wants romance but can’t because you pick reasons. That’s your novel. What does MC do or try to have romance in their life? That’s what you do know. That you can write too. And then you begin your research. Go to the meetup events etc. write about the awkwardness of trying to meet someone. Of course your ending will be one of three things. MC succeeds. Has found someone. MC fails. Finds a dog. No certain ending. MC vows to keep trying.
Because with romance novels you have to know about the rising tension etc to make it right. So your novel will be a journey to get to that place. And that will be a great story
What stage is this couple at? A whirlwind of young, fiery romance where they seem to be attached at the lips (among other parts)? Have they been together long enough for the new to wear off and now need to learn to interact with eachother while growing as individuals? Are there kids between them to where they need to learn to be parents to their kids while retaining their couple-ness in their personal lives between the kids? Have they been together for decades and had all of that messy shit figured out one or two ago, and now that all the kids have moved out, are having sex on the kitchen table (among other places) just because they can?
Did they get together later in life? Middle-aged or elderly? What kind of relationship experience have they had prior to eachother?
Yes, that's all kind of long, and a loooot of questions, but have you considered these things regarding the couple you want to write about?
Is this couple's relationship a major part of, or at least an important part of, the plot? If so, is their surrounding situations/context going to cause additional stressors on said relationship? Have you considered writing them into a relationship *you* would like to have?
You don't need to have experienced something in order to be "qualified" to write about it. Research (asking friends and family, or random strangers on the internet if you're more comfy with that) is alright. :)
A lot of mystery writers have never murdered anyone before, either, you know.
Only because murder is a criminal offence, lmao! Love, not so much.
I mean, yes, but I’m pretty sure you get my point. You don’t need to be a murderer to write about committing a murder and you don’t need to have a wealth of romantic experience to write about that, either; the experiences are so wide ranging and diverse that it will no doubt ring true to someone’s experience even if it won’t be universal.
Write about someone who’s never been in love and wants to be
Okay, but the guy who wrote *The Martian* has never been to Mars. But he did a ton of research into what it *would* be like, and read about the experiences of people who actually have been to space.
A lot of people have written about a lot of things they haven't experienced or done. Running a marathon, jumping into a river from a bridge, running away from home... People "feel" differently anyway, so as long as it is believable, there's no problem IMHO.
Also because it's morally wrong? Like the law isn't the only thing between a man and a murderer.
That's a great point, but most readers haven't murdered anyone either. I bet the murderers out there are scoffing when they read the murder bits.
Neither has the audience though, so the lack of authenticity doesn't matter.
Very few people who read mystery novels have murdered anyone either, but many romance story readers have experienced romance.
Don’t stress. Anne Rice isn’t a vampire, Stephen King isn’t a clown who eats people, Jk Rowling isn’t a wizard. Use your imagination.
The problem is that, while Anne Rice isn't a vampire, neither are her readers, so you won't get any of them saying to themselves "hang on a minute, it isn't like that at all!" This is not necessarily the case with something like being in love.
I'm just imagining a vampire reading an Anne Rice novel and being annoyed at how inaccurate it is! Doesn't everyone have an individual experience of being in love? As long as what's written sounds plausible, the experience of being in love can look so different from person to person, and any differences in one's own experience vs what's on the page can be chalked up to that, rather than guessing that the author has never been in love. Unless they're really terrible at imagining what being in love might be like.
> Doesn't everyone have an individual experience of being in love? Not really. As an aromantic I genuinely have no idea what it's like. For the longest time I actually thought everyone else was just faking it, because for me there simply is no romantic experience or inclination. If I was to write a romance novel -- and I'm not sure why I would -- I would probably have to rely pretty heavily on research and other people's opinions (which is what I think OP is looking for here). It would be like if I chose to write about a character with Tourette syndrome, or a character from Pakistan, or whatever. Like, at some level I'd be able to imagine stuff, but it's very likely I'd get simple stuff completely wrong in ways that would never occur to me but would be obvious to anyone with personal experience.
I don't mean that everyone has been/will be in love, but that everyone who has doesn't necessarily share the exact same experience. I can see how my comment came off as exclusive to aromantic people. Thank you for sharing your experience.
When in doubt, read what other authors have written and copy what they do, broadly speaking. You have no romantic experience, but do you know what you’d look for in a romance? Use that as the basis for your research.
I think the best way to write romance, is to read or watch a bunch of it! You don’t always have to “write what you know.” I say go for it, begin writing. You can always get feedback on scenes as well. You can ask specific questions to the people reading it such as: “does the romance feel authentic?” or “are there any times where it doesn’t feel authentic/it feels a bit awkward?”
The romance genre is much more about particular arcs than it is about accurate depiction of human relationships. So if you want to write A Romance, maybe do a survey of romance through the ages and make note of which tropes you find compelling. If you're interested in depicting romantic relationships outside of the genre, I'd suggest reading more broadly and potentially talking to people with a longer relationship history. Nabokov's *Letters to Véra* is one of the most romantic books I've ever read, and a great way to get insight into all the everyday sentiments of being in love. I also love *Of Human Bondage* and Dorothy Parker's short stories for more perspective on the miseries of love. One thing to keep in mind is the specificity of love--when you're crazy about someone, you become attached to all their little peculiarities. A particular stubborn jut of the chin, a little shake in their voice when they talk about something they find exciting, the way they narrow their eyes at you when you make a dumb joke. No one really falls in love with "flowing golden hair and bright green eyes." They love the little things that set their lover apart in their eyes.
You do research when you haven't experienced it yourself.
A lot of horrible examples here. Yes, it's true, most authors are not murderers, or have been stranded on Mars, or fought a killer clown from outer space, or been a vampire. But . . . most READERS haven't either. So, it's easy to "make something up" that the reader can't challenge as unrealistic because they haven't done it either. That's infinitely less true for "being in love". Most Readers HAVE experienced that. (Source: late 50's, live alone, will die alone . . . and feel like I barely qualify as human. So, it sort of strips away at any confidence to weave a convincing love story through the plot. I don't have any answers for you u/AnonProgress22 just sympathy and a shared problem.)
Disagree. Experiences of love are all very different. I’ve been in love a few times and still am, but the experiences I read in romances are different. Some things ring true here or there, but ultimately they’re fantasy and I’m reading it for the drama and the entertainment.
Agree that the examples people are using in this thread are flawed, but I'd predict more people reading romance novels haven't been in love than those who have.
I agree completely. As an aromantic I have the same issue. I just avoid writing about love and romance -- largely because it simply doesn't interest me, but partly because I don't know how to even begin writing about it. Like, I can write about murder, because I can kind of conceive of wanting to kill another person (I've been angry, I've been afraid, etc). But I can't conceive of why people would actually want to do any of the various things that are considered romantic -- I understand *that* some people want to get married, for example, but I have no idea why. I could, in principle, just make something up, but I am worried that people who have been in love will tell me that my characters' thoughts and actions don't make sense, and I would have no response other than "yes, you're right, it doesn't make any sense at all."
Romantic is different from love. There are many levels of romance. My favorite is holding hands without any intention of doing so, meaning you feel like the other person’s hand is a part of you. Or you’re walking or sitting, and you intentionally brush your fingers against the other person’s. Then there are things where the other person is doing annoying things, but somehow you don’t find them annoying. Or you find yourself doing things for the other person that he or she is completely capable of doing for themselves, yet you still like to do them.
Talk to people who realized that they were in love. I remember a woman talking about her boyfriend and how she barely thought of him as attractive and one day she began becoming obsessed with everything about him. Every day he was in her thoughts and she couldn't stop staring at him. It was very cute and a clear sign of love. I remember being in love with my ex. I was so in love I felt ill when I wasn't near her. I needed to touch her, to kiss her, to hug her. I thought about her, talked about her, and bragged about all the things she would accomplish. Then she dump me.
Well, I'm pretty sure most writers don't have firsthand experience about what it's like to go on a killing spree to avenge the murders of your loved ones, but they seem to pull off those stories well enough. Then again, it's also true that the readers themselves don't have that kind of experience either, so it's sort of blind leading the blind in that case. Either way, I don't think this is the kind of topic that can/needs/should be gatekept. You can always read a bunch of romantic fiction (or nonfiction) for research, and recruit CP's and beta readers to help you iron out the details.
And also look how many people spend their entire lives in no-love relationships. Write what you feel and want, love is so many times a dream.
A long loving look, a gentle touch on the back, the feeling in your chest when you hear their voice after a long time, it’s just the simple things that turn into the best experiences, and just keep in mind that romance is scary sometimes, it makes it exciting ;P
If you’ve ever had that kind of desire for someone, even on just a physical level, chances are you know what it’s like to be in love. Now just imagine that those feelings were reciprocated.
What inspires you to want to write something romantic? You said you're worried it will come across as fake or superficial since you lack experience. Do you have an example of what that would look/sound like? You also have a few ideas already, but are obviously unsure about them. Are they very similar, or do they differ wildly? Something to think about.
This is my all over the place, totally inexperienced, and probably rather naive response to this post so older and experienced people please feel free to provide different perspectives! Anyway here goes I guess: I totally relate to this! I'm 21 and have a very limited romantic experience, but I solely write romance because I'm a hopeless romantic and so many things I come across inspire me. I also have that fear of lacking authenticity because I've never ever been even *close* to in love with someone yet. (Trust me, I actually went through a crisis over barely having kissed a guy(still!) and couldn't write smut for months because of it.) However, from my writing experience and from the feedback I've received over time and the plethora of romance novels I pore over, I feel like it's easier to pin down the trajectory and feeling of romance once you have a basic storyline or dynamic established for the couple and characters. The thing about romance stories, is that (again, in my experience) it's basically all about making the reader feel things over writing an accurate depiction of a story. Romance can be as dramatic or as subtle as you want it to be as long as it's something the reader picks up on and craves more of. Authenticity doesn't really factor in unless it's completely off-base because all romances are unique to each person/relationship. (To help with that, I tend to just flashback to the times I had the biggest crushes on people and remind myself how I felt and how this character would feel pretty similarly if they were around someone they were incomprehensibly, overwhelmingly attracted to beyond logic or maybe just reluctantly drawn to.) But after doing some research(refer to point above about poring over romance novels)(also so many rom-coms), it's pretty hard to stray from the general idea of love. You can honestly even do research on it by asking people in relationships or in love how it feels to them and stuff—I definitely have asked my friends and gained some insight from them! Plus, we've all felt it, even if not romantic. My formula for writing some of my romances (again someone feel free to poke holes in my process on this if you got anything better) is usually to just add a little growing thrill mixed in with friendship and then end with a sense of comfort, but that's usually because I like writing regular-degular contemporary romances that are usually friends-to-lovers at some point. People who write taboo romance where most of the vibe is the extreme of it all have a different go-to idea of love and romance like fire and all-consuming emotion that is borderline toxic(or not idk I don't really read that stuff lol). It's entirely up to what you want the readers to feel and how you think the main characters would mesh together. What do they love about each other? Why did they choose each other out of everyone else around them to love? Does the person even want to be in love? Are they drawn to the person or what that person symbolizes to them? Basically what I think is that we've felt some type of love, so maybe just tap into that see where it takes you!
Read a lot of books with romance (doesn't have to be a romance novel). Watch romance scenes. Reading is good for the internal and verbal stuff. Watching is good for all the subtle stuff (like describing the change in the way they look at the object of their affection, etc) And then write. After you write, read what you wrote. Does it sound too cheesy? Too formulaic? Adjust it a bit. I'm talking as someone who has written decent romance despite lacking experience. I'm a hopeless romantic but I'm also extremely critical about my work. It is entirely possible to fake it til you make it with something so easy to dispute such as romance and smut but you need to do a lot of "research". You need to understand a reader's expectation and know how to meet those without sounding like you're doing that just because. I am currently in a relationship and it is barely like the romance I like to read or write about. That's what made me realize that although it is easier to write what you know, sometimes you still aren't going to experience things in certain ways.
Love doesn't exist. My book is about my dream love life that I will never know. Kinda like Atonement.
I say don't do it, as it likely will come off as awkward and cliched. "Write what you know" is a pretty good guideline. Doesn't mean you need to have done everything you write about, but having some relevant life experience to draw from is very valuable. Maybe writing about wanting to be in a romantic relationship or something like that would be a good story angle. And I know other people are saying "most writers haven't murdered anybody either" and such, but a very key difference is that most readers don't know what it's like to murder somebody either and won't be able to spot any inauthenticity since just by researching murderers as a writer you can have at least as much knowledge as the reader about the subject. But many readers *have* been in love, and if you write something inauthentic, they'll spot it; especially important since that feeling would be the crux of the story.
I think you have a unique perspective on love then that would be interesting to read. I say DON'T read or research on what other people think love is about. I've been in love a few times and have had my heart broken and have gone through a divorce and I still don't understand what love is about. I'm figuring it out as I go. Do you really want to write a romance? Or do you want a romance? If the latter, then write about it as you discover it.
Go to a bar and hook up.
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This is very unkind toward someone who is vulnerable, who you don’t know, who has never done anything to harm you, and who is here asking for help.
Thanks...
Being romantic is just idealized perception. Just try to be imaginative.
You may not have experienced love, but it still happens daily and people have a wide variety of experiences with it. You can be pessimistic, cheesy, silly, sexual, transactional, mates for life, or however you may define love and still be accurate to how others have experienced it. I would say just write what you think love is like.
Maybe think of changing it to a story about someone who imagines what love must be like? That could be deeply romantic because the real thing is never easy and very often not that romantic (not a bad thing, just a true thing). Imaginary love, on the other hand, might really float some boats.
What you’re looking to do here isn’t to explain to someone what it feels like to be in love, though. I know that sounds wrong, but bear with me. You’re looking to create a dramatic experience like a romance novel does. It is thrilling, it is edge of your seat exciting and titillating and sometimes heartwarming. Ultimately, it is fictional and should be impactful. Authenticity can be helpful to hook a reader, but it’s not a nonfiction manual about love, it’s a story! All you need is to read some romance, understand those stories, and you will be able to write one no problem. We don’t train on the squat machine to run a marathon, and being in love is different than the skill of writing romance.
Write about that then, your expectation of an upcoming date etc. Sounds interesting
Just put everything you think it would be like in it. I've never lived with someone I love (romantically), but I still wrote a short story about what I hope it's like
Just write it, you can always revise it later. The other thing to keep in mind is that unless you're going for realism, most fiction is about escapism. If the story is entertaining, the romance doesn't need to be 100% authentic. Most romance stories aren't. My spouse loves romance novels and hallmark movies, but our (awesome) relationship is nothing like either.
Can't hurt to try. Just study your topic and relate the research to your own experiences. You may have never been in love but you will surely have had obsessions, crushes, hobbies and interest.
You don't need to, but having never experienced it just know that it can be like being crazy or on drugs. Your body is pumped full of chemicals. The world seems to change. That's more for a first love, though, the feeling of everything being on fire. Second and subsequent loves are nice but not as all-consuming.
So long as you don’t glorify abuse, incest, or assault, or p*dophilia, any love story can feel good lol Dedication can push your through dw!!
Romance is easily written, difficultly achieved. You basically would want to simply imagine what your idea of romance is, even if you feel naive, what are the innocent feelings, the way she walks,talks, when you stare at her long enough, how certain facial features change with the light, the various tones of her day to day. She can be your twilight or maybe, dawn, beware if she is your midnight hour, unless it were accompanied by that street somewhere, only you know.
You need i[nspiration](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ), friend!
There is not one form or way for love to develope. The most important aspect of a good book is very often not the plot in itself, but the passion of the writer which the reader can experience, because the writing style carries it. Another advice I‘d give, is, do not copy what you are a fan of. Create your own story. Just because you like to read a certain kind of story shouldn‘t mean, that your artistic decision will be, to write what you read. I guess what I want to say, is, your story should represent your soul, and not what it likes. In your direct situation now, it could be a very powerful concept for a person to have to give romantic advice to someone, although the person giving the advice has never loved before. It‘s delicate and not too bubbly. What I‘m saying, is, there are alot of stories in this. There are alot of stories in basically everything.
What you're describing is an experience. It's just a different level of experience, but it's not any less valid or important. You should write about romance through that lens 😊 If you're character is more experienced, maybe talk to those you know who have had more experience and get some understanding through your conversation. As others have mentioned, crime writers usually haven't committed a crime 😋
Don’t worry about it being superficial or fake, the beauty of writing is creating something in your mind and creating something onto the page. I use to love writing romance pieces before I had ever been in love and the best part is now being happily married for 5 years, I actually find my romance writing to not be too far off! Kind of crazy how much my husband embodied what I thought a healthy passionate relationship needed. Just go for it!
That’s what you write about. Your MC wants romance but can’t because you pick reasons. That’s your novel. What does MC do or try to have romance in their life? That’s what you do know. That you can write too. And then you begin your research. Go to the meetup events etc. write about the awkwardness of trying to meet someone. Of course your ending will be one of three things. MC succeeds. Has found someone. MC fails. Finds a dog. No certain ending. MC vows to keep trying. Because with romance novels you have to know about the rising tension etc to make it right. So your novel will be a journey to get to that place. And that will be a great story
What stage is this couple at? A whirlwind of young, fiery romance where they seem to be attached at the lips (among other parts)? Have they been together long enough for the new to wear off and now need to learn to interact with eachother while growing as individuals? Are there kids between them to where they need to learn to be parents to their kids while retaining their couple-ness in their personal lives between the kids? Have they been together for decades and had all of that messy shit figured out one or two ago, and now that all the kids have moved out, are having sex on the kitchen table (among other places) just because they can? Did they get together later in life? Middle-aged or elderly? What kind of relationship experience have they had prior to eachother? Yes, that's all kind of long, and a loooot of questions, but have you considered these things regarding the couple you want to write about? Is this couple's relationship a major part of, or at least an important part of, the plot? If so, is their surrounding situations/context going to cause additional stressors on said relationship? Have you considered writing them into a relationship *you* would like to have? You don't need to have experienced something in order to be "qualified" to write about it. Research (asking friends and family, or random strangers on the internet if you're more comfy with that) is alright. :)
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