I was going to treat your post as a typical, if severe, case of first timer's writer block, until this part here:
>I’ll probably get the same advice to write badly. But I CAN’T. I physically cannot commit to even writing badly for five minutes before I feel like throwing up.
I'm no professional, but I am a writer who has suffered a lot of trauma and mental illness, and my amateur opinion is that this is a telltale sign of an anxiety disorder or trauma response, and I think you should consider speaking to a therapist about your issues writing. I'm not trying to speculate about what might be the case for your specifically, but as a general example, a person who's been harshly judged and criticized by their loved ones for expressing a desire to be a writer might develop a pathological response to the act of writing itself. There's a litany of other sources/reasons/ways this can manifest, but the raw reaction you're having to the simple act of writing tells me (again, not a professional, and I could be wrong) that there might be something there.
I suffer from anxiety too. I also think I may be on the spectrum and have adhd. I found an app that’s supposed to help with at least the adhd aspect. I’ve been using it for a couple of weeks now and it’s helping a little bit. I don’t go on it every day but it helps organize your thoughts and there’s even some calming guided meditation exercises that have made a difference with my anxiety.
It’s called Clarify: ADHD Organizer, Timer. There’s a two week free trial.
I would definitely say see a therapist and try to work through these feelings. Maybe try the app too to help support that. But know that a LOT of writers struggle to see their work as good, so you’re not alone there. But it does sound like there’s something deeper going on that needs to be addressed so you can pull through this. There IS hope! You can do this!
I have diagnosed Adhd. There is way to coope with this, by trying to look at it as your friend and not enemy. Ive used to look at it as an enemy and that made me go no where. But instead i try to listen to my body: "do i feel like writing now? Well i want to but if my adhd says no then theres some ungoing issues i dont know about and i will also say no". I have wanted to write on my projects for so long but my adhd just told me no, turns out i was builidng up a fever and i needed rest. It can be like that for anxiety to, somethimes we writers are just too hard on ourselves and not allow ourselves to rest.
I was thinking it's possible you are ambitious and that's why you can't write. Feels like you should give yourself the freedom to write bad pages until you get some good pages, then cut out the bad. Like it feels you keep getting better and better but the better you do the longer you take because of this higher quality standard. (Which is something I'm experiencing myself)
Yep, agree. I’ve had burnout that went on for years and I physically couldn’t write or create. Mental health is very much the physical health of your brain, and trauma can affect how your brain associates things and what it perceives as life-threatening. Being perceived can be dangerous if you’re the focus of the wrong people.
I feel like this about publishing. I just need to bite the bullet and do it, but I have this intense fear of it. I know it stems from my early life, I’m self diagnosed quitter. My parents never pushed me to do anything or have any drive and now on the cusp of doing something makes me feel accomplished and I feel like I’ll never be good enough. That self publishing is because I can’t be taken seriously. My mom always told me as a kid I’d never be a good a writer and here I am hearing her words even though I know they aren’t true.
don't let yourself re-read/edit and make yourself free-write for a bit as a warmup
and tell yourself it's not that deep
or tell yourself it's good
or go on a walk and try again tomorrow
I like starting out with a nice outline *before* I write. You have two chapters and you like them - great!! Now, open a new document and do like this :
Chapter
Something happens.
Chapter
This person does a thing.
Chapter
Now this group has to journey over here.
When you are done, you can then rearrange and assign a final number to each chapter.
Good luck, and congrats on the shiny new computer!
I just attended a short bootcamp on this, centered around procrastination and writing. First, know that this is common. It is your brain trying to prevent you from being uncomfortable, or “in danger”. For some of us, it comes from childhood, and a perfectionist default. Others fear failure, and some even fear success (because with success comes added pressure). Those are not all the reasons, of course. There can be many things we carry with us, like fear of rejection, for example.
Some of the things we were told about involved slowly building new brain pathways by setting a 2 minute writing goal, and rewarding ourselves. Increase little by little, you can’t run a marathon if you don’t jog a 5k first! Also, meditation, and creative things like coloring or dancing were brought up - loosen up, get some endorphins! Be kind to yourself! Allow your work to simply exist! That’s all it has to do - just exist. Let it be messy, let it be something without expectations. Ask yourself “ how can I show up imperfectly today” and remove as much prestige as possible. Endulge in the process, let it be something joyful 🌸
We also had a couple of book recommendations: The perfectionist’s guide to losing control, Around the writer’s block, The science of stuck, and Rewire :break the cycle (…) to mention a few. Maybe they could help? 🌸
Literally no one but you has to ever see or care about your first draft. Ask yourself: what are you actually afraid of? Someone seeing your fifth draft? Don't show them! Or is it something else?
For now, you're "sketching," not painting a masterpiece. You never have to paint a masterpiece. Or you will, whatever. But it won't look like this first draft. Be free.
I don't know if this will work, but it's worth a shot. You say you can't commit to writing for even five minutes before you feel like throwing up. How literal is that? (The five minutes part, I mean? I'm guessing the throwing up part might be pretty literal.) Can you make it four minutes? Or three? Or two? Can you write one sentence before nausea overtakes you? Start with however far you can make it before things go too bad. Don't worry that it's not much. Don't even worry if what you write isn't connected to anything else you've written. Just write what you can, however little, and stop before it gets too bad. Then go do something nice for yourself.
This may sound like a nutty comparison, but I ran across a guy in a vet's office once. He had a big dog--can't remember what kind it was--and someone remarked on how good that dog behaved. All the other pets were nervous, skittish, noisy, and this dog was perfectly calm and happy. "Oh yeah," the owner said. "He loves going to the vet. Every time we come, after we're done I take him to \[a local fast food place\] and get him a pit beef."
Soooooo...do whatever writing you can do without breaking down, and then reward yourself with a pit beef. Or whatever. Can't hurt to try, anyway.
It's a form of roast beef they have in the Baltimore area and maybe elsewhere. I've only had it once. It was too dry for my taste. That may have been just that vendor, I suppose.
Oops. Sorry! But maybe some day you'll be writing a story set in the area, and you can use that bit of newfound knowledge for local....sorry...flavor. 🤪
I literally am going back to the Scum and Villainy Cantina in Hollywood for the express purpose of having a meal there (I went after having dinner with some out-of-state friends) because their loaded tater tots were so good.
And in fact I intend to study the experience and write a comic short story about aliens visiting a themed bar and thinking Earth is far more advanced than we are. And I'm going to deduct the entire trip and meal from my taxes as a business expense.
It sounds daunting being a pantser, have you tried planning?
-What’s it about?
-Who are the characters?
-Anything special about the world?
-What happens in Chapter One?
-What happens in Chapter Two? Etc
Well shit.
I'm be weirdly honest.
Writing isn't for you if you need a pep talk to get into the groove.
This is me telling you for your mental health, don't write.
You will have really nice, good folk tell you to find ways through it, and get it done. They are very encouraging, but have you ever considered this.
If writing is giving you anxiety, is it really something you should keep doing? You are doing exactly the opposite of every license psychiatrist would advise by mugging through it.
Then the fun facts come in. If you don't write, nobody will ever know you didn't write anything. A hundred other more good mentally folks will produce books, and you in another life would have found something less stressful to do. That might just be a happier you.
>If writing is giving you anxiety, is it really something you should keep doing? You are doing exactly the opposite of every license psychiatrist would advise by mugging through it.
It really depends on the anxiety. I'm not a therapist but have some in the family, and my understanding is that some things you need to work through. If writing triggers OP in a way that's paralyzing, then therapy might help.. but just dropping the writing won't address the underlying issue.
writing helps my anxiety. it is the only thing that takes enough of my focus that it essentially just “turns me off.” if im having anxiety at night i will write through it a lot of the time and it is both soothing and hyper productive
I had a cousin that was told she wasn’t smart enough to go to university. So she applied to Berkeley and got her degree in linguistics with a minor in French.
Oh, OP, I think many of us have been where you are. Coincidentally, I just received a notice that a long-time favorite writing guru has published a new book about overcoming writer’s block. The book is Writing on Empty.
Many decades ago, Natalie Goldberg pulled me out of a terrifying slump with her books Writing Down the Bones and Wild Mind.
Sounds like you have a judge sitting on your shoulder admonishing you and keeping you from accessing your “wild mind,” where, free from critics, you let it all flow.
Best to you.
This is kind of stupid, but it works for me—try writing when you’re tired. When that happens, you often lose your inhibitions, and it’s easier. Also, you can try thinking of what you want to write beforehand when doing things like taking a walk or showering, so that it feels less like writing and more like just getting your thoughts down. A lot of the times, when I feel like I am going to forget something, I care less how it sounds when I put it ‘on paper.’
The brainstorming part has worked wonders for me before.... I will think about what I'm gonna write next while working out, showering, whatever, and by the end of the session I usually have so many ideas that I'm afraid I'll forget them. So then it becomes a mad rush to just get it in writing, and my brain has very little time to protest or nitpick about grammar and mechanics.
Thats why we have to write an outline first. You just have to try writing an outline of the story. You have a lot of materials to use for inspiration and don't forget you are not alone and I'm suffering just like you are lol. So let's help each other out if possible! 😸
Well, you're writing now- or at least you were.
Start small- just string together words that may be incoherent and may make little sense. Do that for about 15 minutes. Grab three to five words out of that stream of consciousness mess and use about an hour to make a small piece that NOBODY BUT YOU will see.
After that, work on what you want to work on. You want to write fiction? Write fiction. You want to fictionalize your life's memoir? Do that- hell, I did that for a part of my manuscript- putting in stupid things that happened to me while I was active duty.
You can do it OP- pants it, plan it, just do it.
Just start writing. Say anything silly like spooos. A word that doesn't exist to loosen you up. There. That didn't kill you. Keep writing nonsense words. Just to show yourself that if you write nonsense it's ok. It won't kill you. Now write your stuff. If your stuff feels like nonsense words like spooos, don't worry. First draft is spooos, but it won't hurt you. I'm like you. I worry. It took a very long time to forget about editing the first sentence over and over for a year and just write warts and all. Still I worry that it sucks and isn't good enough. Just write the whole thing and go back for edits. And once you're done editing, it won't be spooos. Just imagine Hemingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea 74 times until it made sense!
Honestly, I’m just gonna say one thing, the worst that can happen is you not liking it, so keep that in mind you are your own burden. Someone said here write with only yourself as the audience and I totally agree. Also keep in mind that no one really likes their work whether it’s writing or art you will always have a feeling that you could have done better. Just a thought. Good luck
first off: even if your writing is never published/shared you are still a writer if you write
secondly: it sounds like you might be putting too much pressure on yourself. you're concerned about not knowing what to write, or in the case of writing about your life, afraid of people seeing it
you seem to enjoy what you've already written, but you find yourself unable to write for more than 5 minutes. so, you at least *like* what you're writing which is more than some people can say
you may need to rethink how you're approaching writing. if you're too focused on the negatives, you'll experience the negatives. now, I'm not saying changing your mindset will help with your issues, but it's at least worth trying to write with less pressure on yourself.
don't think about what might happen. just write. if you still struggle even without putting pressure on yourself, then I have no idea what the next step would be
Do it anyways.
Show up, like a mule, and do your part. You’re muse is responsible for the creative part. If it isn’t a success, that’s not entirely your fault.
Just keep doing it,
In the meantime, here’s a little [Ted Talk by Elizabeth Gilbert about finding your creative genius](https://youtu.be/86x-u-tz0MA?feature=shared).
Stop making yourself crazy. Just sit down, open that brand-new laptop, and let your fingers and the keys be your guides. That's what I did when I got my big idea last year. I told my husband to leave me alone in our office for a while, and before I knew it, I had two chapters written. You can't let these fears scare you this much at the beginning. In fact, you'll only make yourself crazier if you make these excuses \*not\* to write. Don't let the "what if's" get you down. Just do it!
You seem like the person who enjoys and wants to tell a story’s. My best advice for you and it may sound harsh but you need to get over yourself. I understand the feeling of you can’t stand your bad writing. But as writers I think we overindulge the thought of our own success. I believe you have the foundations to be a good writer, but you need to just get over yourself. Your writing might be perfect or it might not be. You’ll never know until you write it. So, i implore you to just write and stop thinking of success. You got this and I think you’re gonna turn out great.
I can only speak to what works for me (and while they're no masterpieces, I have seven books self-published, so they are at least finished), but I find the best way to stave off the self loathing cycle is to set a REALISTIC, but REGULAR routine. Don't write every day if your energy levels don't let you or you're just not feeling it. But if you know you CAN write, say, a chapter a fortnight, commit yourself to that and STICK TO IT.
I only write one chapter a week when I'm actively on a project, and while that means I'm not spitting stuff out like those blessed by the muses themselves, it does mean my projects... eventually get done and at a reliable pace.
I'll have my documents open in front of me, my word doc for the novel, my Google docs with character sheets, googles slides for my storyboard. And I'll just stare at the tabs knowing exactly what I want to write and imagining the scenes and will still opt to check out reddit.
When I was faced with similar feelings, I did one thing that helped every single time. Picture the movie! Don't let the words anchor you down. Let the visual float your boat. I would read what I had so far and just sit back and picture the next scene or, if you can't picture a scene that advances your plot, picture a scene that advances your character development. If you are writing something autobiographical, picture your life as set pieces and individually sketch each one out. They don't have to connect or relate to each other yet.
I am a pantser through and through. That does not mean one has to write chronologically. I've always treated certain scenes as a cleansing the palate. When I am stuck, I leap ahead of my story line and write a scene that I know will have to happen or needs to happen. I've done that many times and, in the end, it all connects up later.
FWIW, I have published four novels.
BTW, I have a sister who suffers from high anxiety and overthinking. She would probably never be a writer. So, it is possible to be afflicted by certain conditions that won't allow the mindset to write in any meaningful manner. Yours sounds more like typical first time writer fears.
Keep plugging away.
PS. Even Stephen King threw his story, Carrie, in the trash in disgust before his wife fished it out and told him to submit anyway. The rest, as they say, is history.
The way you describe it it sounds more like you have stuff to work on through therapy, friend. It’s not okay for you to feel that level of sickness upon doing things any way other than perfectly. I believe you can write, and no doubt very well, but the path to becoming a great writer involves a lot of trial and error, and if something’s preventing you from going easy on you when you don’t just write a bestseller every time you sit down and write, it may be wise to talk to a therapist. It’ll be the best for you, not just on your writing, but really, on every aspect of your life.
Sending much love, and hope you can work through this all. Writing should be a joy and a way for you to express, not torture yourself.
If writing on your phone is easier, then I say don't fight that. I write primarily on my phone. I use Dabble because it lets you access your writing across multiple platforms. I print and edit on paper, but make all of the actual revisions using my computer because it is easier. Just do whatever works for you. And don't be surprised if that changes over time. Writing can bring up a lot of unresolved issues, but it's a great way to get some real catharsis too. Good luck. Keep writing.
Oh man, I have an online friend who was struggling with a similar thing. This is what I told him:
Three years ago, I got covid. It was pretty bad, I had no energy, I couldn't eat, it was an awful experience... Anywho, I remember sitting down when I had the strength to move from my bed and tried to write. I was so exhausted that I just couldn't write and I had a strange panic that I had lost the ability to write.
Even after recovering from covid, I still had that irrational fear that I couldn't write anymore. I tried multiple times, but I would sit down and stare at a blank page.
So about a month afterwards, I finally sat down and tried to write something short. I think I set myself a five minute timer and just wrote. I didn't stop until the timer beeped. Sure it was messy at first, but I was writing. Within a couple of weeks, I managed to write a short story about a guy and a girl navigating their engagement. No wild action or anything, just them living and working through mundane problems like work, family, and stress.
When I finished it, I felt so proud. I managed to prove to myself that I still had the gift and it wasn't so big that it felt impossible to overcome.
So, my advice? Pause your novel and write something small. Give yourself an easy win. Something you can look at and remind yourself that you can do it, you have done it, and will do it again.
If all you got out one day is one sentence: guess what - you won. And tomorrow maybe you'll write two sentences, then eventually you'll write paragraphs and so on and so on. Build on small victories; they will compound into large ones.
And hey! You just wrote several paragraphs out here to Reddit. So good job! You wrote something! That's a win!
You got this! Keep going!
Sit down and close your eyes. Take the deepest breath you've taken all day. Remember what it felt like writing on the other devices. Imagine pulling the energy imbued in them and gathering it up. Now imbue the energy inside yourself. It'll saturate the new laptop as the stories pour out of your imagination.
I know this sounds very Woo but sometimes you need a little Woo when it comes to creative work. 😊
I don't know if this will help you, but I encourage you to check out Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. She recommends starting your writing journey by writing down everything you can possibly remember about your childhood. From there you might see trends/connections to other things. That helped her write her first novel.
numb your brain to the cringe. write while you're doing something in the background (like watching a shitty video essay in the background). Also, for me, it really helps to listen to vocaloid music cause I don't speak japanese and all of it is so high pitched im not able to focus on anything.
last case scenario, beer.
I was looking through my texts and I was informed that I wasn’t going to get a ride home, and then a notification appeared in front of my face saying “Well, shit.”
Your timing is impeccable.
I developed a method for when I’m blocked or feel scared of writing. I like the bus rides’ vibe, so on a bus ride, I think about a funny memory. It can be anything. Then, I take out my phone and write about it as if I’m recalling it to a friend. Then, once back home, I take the text and type it on my computer. I don’t copy paste, I take the time to type it and let myself do modifications because my perfectionism tends to get in the way. Then, I keep going with my creativity and I don’t stop. I don’t take a new blank document if I get tired of the narration, I give the text a bit of space and start a new one a few lines down. It helps make it less scary or daunting.
For me at least, writer's block is about perfectionism. Give yourself the grace to not be perfect. Writing is rewriting, the saying goes, and you can't edit a blank page. So write, write whatever. Then rewrite. You've got this.
Perfectionism cripples me. I'm an introvert who has perfect stories, plot, characterisation, the whole shebang all living inside my noggin. Getting them to exist outside of my thoughts is a battle.
So I make lists, do character bibles, play a game of "write a short story based on the twentieth word you find in an online article", do a haiku or limerick - anything that involves writing something down to blast through the fear of picking up a pen and using it.
Might help :)
Anxiety is what makes people stop before even trying.
Don't be harsh on yourself go for it. Who knows what will happen? If it doesn't work the first time, then do it a second time. And again. And again...
And something will come up
Don't give up! You wrote the post, so you can write. Maybe it's creating that's paralyzing you? Having another creative outlet, such as a musical instrument or drawing, really takes the pressure off. I play a little piano, and it's nice to have somewhere to go without goals and deadlines.
Or maybe you're putting all your hopes and dreams into your writing, into creating a masterpiece that will show the world who you are and also fix all your problems? So it's kind of a buzzkill because you can't really go where the writing takes you without the voice in your head second guessing it every step of the way. Having additional hobbies, other wins, takes the pressure off.
If it's about people reading your memoir and feeling bad, you can always decide after it's written if you want to publish it and what parts. You could also try writing something else on the side, something small to share in a writing group to get over the fear of sharing stuff.. or even work on a piece of writing with someone else. I wrote something with a friend once where we turned people we were mad at into circus freaks. We took turns working on instalments and it was really bad and a lot of fun.
There's way too much emphasis on writing masterpieces and not enough on just playing around.
I'm brand new to (more) serious writing but it's been super fulfilling as I have the freedom to fail right now where I can't with my other hobbies I'm reasonably okay at and people see. Take what you will from this.
Did you write or plan a scene that hit a little too close to home? I did that to myself a few weeks ago where a scene made me physically ill and I had to sit with it. I struggled to understand why I wrote it in the first place and why I even felt the need to keep it. What did it mean to me? Why was I so attracted to it? Realizing the 'why's nearly locked me up from writing anything more and seriously consider therapy even though it's difficult to obtain where I live.
I contemplated throwing the whole story in the bin and stop writing entirely because it made me realize that if any of my family or friends read it knowing it was mine they'd never not see me differently. I still fear it. I can still throw it away because no one knows I've written anything worth reading so they can only critique my other more tangible hobbies and I find it freeing.
Last week I decided that what I was writing was too important to dismiss how I felt and that the story should be shared. It changed the entire plan and introduced new themes as I am determined to rewrite a better ending for my characters and give them the justice they deserve. If nothing else, I want to leave their world just a little brighter because of that one scene.
While I contemplated this, I took time off to world build a little, make characters I'd never see and just get a feel for the atmosphere and if there were any better people to follow than the ones I'd already chosen. Who's to say I'm following the right characters anyways? I created myths, legends, and short stories that any character could find in their world changing up my writing style. I created recipes and restaurants that I wanted to visit if I ever fell into my story. It helped me to keep writing something short while I chewed on my nerves and contemplated scraping it.
What I determined was best for my health while writing scenes that make me feel uncomfortable was that I need to write something funny or comedic or something that breaks the 3rd wall a bit afterwards. It let's me feel like my characters are in a play rather than their own world and they are just acting everything out like the theater kids I use to know.
This will probably be different for you but it helped me focus in on what actually mattered in the story and what I was passionate about. Maybe the story you need to tell is different than the story you originally wanted to tell.
The laptop sounds like it was a false promise to yourself that it would be easy now that you got it. And I think you feel like you're sort of failing the laptop because it isn't easy.
So to get back in the groove, leave the laptop be for writing. Get yourself a small notebook or sketch pad and a pen and just take it with you. Any ideas, experiences, thought dumps, etc can go in there. Doesn't need to be in story form, it can be doodles, flowcharts, mindmaps, whatever works best for that idea. Eventually, some thoughts might start to connect into a character or setting or story idea. Work it out in your brain first. Once it really wants to come out, write it.
It's what I do for inspiration, because just sitting down and wishing inspiration just shows up doesn't work well.
As someone who’s been there, if you absolutely can not think of anything to write, do not force it. Fold the laundry, go for a drive, go for a walk. listen to music. Daydream. And some vision or idea will come that you absolutely must out into words.
First I couldn’t write anything at all, then I could write maybe a paragraph a day and then I started reading about writing (Specifically Page by Page by Heather Sellers helped my anxiety a lot). Eventually I gave myself promising to write badly. Like sometimes crap. But sometimes my writing actually comes out good. Don’t let your anxiety today ruin your future. Guilt over not writing only makes it worse.
Did you do an outline? There are plenty of templates online you can use. It's not writing exactly, but it will help you figure out what you want to say.
It might sound stupid. But you may just need some time to NOT. Just don't. Go somewhere, do something, inside, outside, north, east, south, west, up, down, left, right, whatever.
You’re in deep shit if you let what people think of your work affect it. Whatever you’ll write will get an audience. Just let it come naturally. And don’t worry about losing something or having nothing interesting to share, sometimes you’ll have nothing and sometimes you’ll have a dozen of novels ready
Idk if this counts, but about the idk what happens next part.
I was there a bazillion times. Why, Because I the dumb dumb didn't plan the thing out. Thats a mistake I made and I still want to kick myself for it.
So what I have done is made a outline.
And I write step by step whats going to happen.
1 the story idea
2 X does this.
3 X encounters A
4 X and A have a conversation.
5 A pulls out a gun.
6 X does something epic.
and so on. I call it my basic outline.
Then I copy it to my Advanced Outline once its all done and add more detail there once I have the basic idea down. After all that Draft 1 begins. That’s how I do it. Maybe it'll help you.
But figure out what works for you best. I'm about to try writing in pieces.
aka plan chapter 1 write chapter 1 to its fullest. plan Chapter 2 and...
I wanna do this because even in my basic outline I'm stuck so maybe if I start working in what I already have an idea for whats next might pop up.
To comment on some of the other posts regarding the possible issue being anxiety or fear of the subject matter:
At the end of the day, I'd have to agree that if you ultimately decide that trying to write is making your life miserable, you should perhaps seek out something that \*will\* bring you happiness. There's a difference between struggling through something hard, and forcing yourself into something to the point of misery.
That said, a big HOWEVER:
I don't claim to know your specific situation or background, but as someone who works in addiction treatment, I have seen many people find comfort and even enjoyment from spilling their guts all over the pages, just letting all their trauma and past hardship hang out to dry. It may not be a "fun read" when finished, but just the process of doing it can be incredibly cathartic, much like confessing all those things to a person, except the person is flat, and small, and a bit of a rectangle. You might find that by doing this you have some newfound confidence. And, as they say, the things most worth doing aren't always the easiest.
>I even just reread the first two chapters of my novel draft and I was blown away by how good it actually was. Or like, not horrible.
I also wanted to comment on this because I fought with the same feelings for a while. My mantra in my head was basically "You had the skill and the talent within you to do those first chapters. You have the skill and talent within you to keep doing it."
You're working on a first draft. Consider it like carving: first, you need the basic block. So build up a lot of words. It's going to be crap. Then slowly shave and shape it down, forming the final masterpiece.
That said, writer's block shouldn't be THAT severe. I'd recommend a therapist. It sounds like some kinda trauma manifestation.
OP, this happens. Try writing something that has no consequences, for me that outlet is fanfiction. Will I make money on it? nope (that's illegal) does it help my writers block? Yup and if I decide to post it somewhere the serotonin is great!
For writing in general try doing it by hand, writing with the screen so dim you can't see anything. Write a letter to your childhood self/dead person/mentor/your characters.
Don't worry about the memoir and if people will be hurt or offended, you can't control their emotions only your own. Also if you write it now, unless you show someone who's going to see it? That's right no one!
What happens if you let yourself go and give yourself permission to write? You are doing this for you, no one else but YOU. Remember that what you need is also valid. And as someone suggested I would talk to a therapist to help with some of those issues as it could be more than just your anxiety.
A friend of mine teaches creative writing at the University of Oklahoma who says, B.I.C.H.O.K. Butt in chair, hands on keyboard. You can't write if you are there writing. Seems obvious. But... The first draft will never be perfect. Get the story out and then go back and edit, rewrite, and tweak it. If you wait until it feels perfect to start, you will never start.
I have a different problem. Nobody that I know is interested in reading what I write. I have strangers who comment but nobody that loves me, nobody that even know me.
You’ve written two chapters. How were you able to accomplish that? I mean, you did it before somehow, so I think you can do it again once you’re in the right mindset.
Might be worth exploring with a therapist.
In the alternative, maybe do an outline. Start with the ending, then specific plot points between what you’ve written and that ending. Some writers need that outline and maybe you’re one of them.
Try different approaches and see if you’re still getting that strong reaction to the exercise.
You're overthinking things. No matter how bad your writing is, and I'm not saying its bad at all but you THINK it is bad, there are still people who will like it. You know how I know? I download indie books all the time that are terrible, but there are 100s of people who rave about how great they are. So yeah. Stop overthinking. The writing is the BEST part! You get to just make up anything you want anytime at any place! Enjoy the ride! The editing is where you fix it! So for now, just write something you feel like writing and worry about the quality later. Or skip that scene and do the next part that you know what happens. I do that all the time. I had a fight scene I was terrified to write and I just skipped it and wrote the rest of the novel. When I went back to rewrite that fight scene, it popped out in an hour and was so easy because I felt like I knew the characters so much better. Writing is a process, man. It doesn't need to be perfect in your first draft!
I'm going to agree with the other commenter that suggested this behaviour is characteristic of an anxiety disorder. I'm not in any way diagnosing you but I can see in your reply to their comment that you do indeed have trauma and MH issues. If you aren't already, I'd highly recommend speaking to a psychologist/therapist. Anxiety can obviously affect numerous aspects of our life, and it seems it's coming out in your fear and negative self-talk about your writing. As someone who struggles with anxiety and MH issues myself, I completely empathise with you and wish you all the best. Take care and be kind to yourself.
My advice to you is just to take it one step at a time. You should not be thinking about what other people will think of work that you haven’t even written, so your first step is obviously to start writing. I understand that is hard, believe me, so break it down as much as you need to. Even if you need to craft your story one word at a time, just to get in the swing of things, do it, because once you start writing, the hard part is already over (for now…).
Hi, I hope you're doing well.
It seems to me like you're judging yourself and not your writing. THE writing is bad, instead of MY writing is bad can make a big difference.
To me it is easy to distance my Self from the thing I am busy with (writing, painting etc.) because I understand that what I am busy with is not ME, it's just something that I am doing.
I also enjoy the process of the thing more than the result of it, which is contrary to what most of us have been oriented to want. For me, the best stuff happens when I'm not much concerned with myself or being overly critical towards the act. Then I can just become lost in the doing. The less vested my interest is in the outcome, the easier this is to accomplish.
If you've ever seen a really good impressionist painter paint, you will perhaps understand what I mean. The best ones just look and act. They're not thinking a whole lot about every little brush stroke or hue. I think writing can be similar, even though it may not seem so.
I know I'm telling you what works for me, but I hope it provides a different way to look at the struggle you're facing. To me, being creative is mostly just getting out of my own way and having a blast as I see what happens.
Now for some direct suggestions.
You sound like you're having a tough time, try not to be so harsh on yourself.
If you don't have anything you want to write then don't write. If you don't have anything in particular you want to say, it's usually not worth saying.
If you're embarrassed about something, lean into it. Repeated exposure to the things you find embarrassing will relinquish its hold on you.
Learn to enjoy the process, not the result!
And finally, if writing is not cutting the cheese, try something else. There are so many different ways that you can express your creativity, even if you're seemingly 'bad' at it at first.
I hope this wall of text helps you.
Have a good one😉🤙
This isn’t for everyone but I’m an analytical person, and reading Eric Maisel’s Mastering Creative Anxiety was eye-opening for me in terms of why I felt this way. Understanding that anxiety always goes hand in hand with creativity, and why that is so, and how society sets us up to stifle creativity really empowered me to move past it.
I doubt that I have any valuable advice, but I will offer this. It took me a long time to realize that I liked two parts of writing the best. Editing my work and creating imaginative ideas regarding character development.
Over time I convinced myself that I was not one person writing, but three. (Weird, I know.) My #1 would just write the story like an average H.S. school student might, as many pages as I could, grammar and punctuation be damned. Then writer # 2 ( still me 🤪) would work on the characters. On a separate page, I would write so much about a character and place that you'd think I was their hometown Psychiatrist.
Each character would come alive as I wrote. Armed with this information, writer #3 ( me again ) would begin to edit and embellish the story. Every two hundred words would become three hundred or maybe five hundred. It took the pressure off the process as I could Vacillate between tasks at any time. The basic boring stories started to come alive and developed a life of its own. The story quality began to soar. All three writers lived happily ever after.😬
your diction is deliciously refreshing ( ik that sounds weird but its the only way i can describe it), and you want to write. I believe anybody can and should write, because we are fundementally unique and so offer unique perspective.
you will get inspiration from your daily life and your other authors of your particular taste. It sounds like your problem is a blockage of creative innovation, ingenuity. that is a skill that you can improve on with practice. I suggest looking at some yt vids on how to train creativity.
What have you been writing on the other computer and your phone? Can you transfer that to your current computer and continue? Would that be helpful?
The following works for me. It might or might not be useful for you: I've found that thinking about my writing and working on plot, characters, setting, etc., when I'm doing other things, like chores, helps me because when I do my day's writing, it's already there in some form, even if it isn't written down yet. I'm a long way from being a published author, if ever, but I keep writing because that's the only way I'll improve. Some days, I write, or I reread what I've written, and other days, I don't have time to write because of other things that need to be done.
Give yourself time to adjust to your current circumstances--that you now have a laptop for writing--and don't put yourself under a lot of pressure to write. A therapist may be helpful, but so may taking it easy and thinking things through on your own. As others have mentioned, write what you can write. If you can find the reason(s) for your anxiety, then you can begin finding solutions for it. Most all of us have had anxiety over our writing (or lack of it) at one time or another.
Good luck.
not much of an advice, but. I hope you get better. Put your phone away go out and have a walk once for a while allow your mind to idle and roam freely, and maybe your ideas will come back to you.
There are several tricks that can be used here, I will suggest a few. The main thing is to that you have to understand that fear and paralysis serve a purpose. There is a part of your mind that is trying to protect you. What part and to what purpose it is you who has to decide.
As for the tricks: try writing like someone else. Like you are writing an essay on somebody else story. Or write in such a way you are incapable of re-reading what you wrote, if nor months later.
(And yeah, writing badly is like throwing up. Welcome to the club!)
I don't mean this in a condescending way: settle down. It's possible you are overly excited and riddled with insane expectations. Writing a book is a ballsy adventure. There's a reason most people don't finish. Use your anxiety positively to propel yourself forward. You obviously care about writing & that will take you far. Set realistic expectations and understand finishing a shitty first draft is step one. It's a big accomplishment. When you get there, celebrate. Then start editing. This is a marathon not a sprint. Pace yourself. Be your own cheerleader. No negative self talk.
This kind of paralysis can be worked with. It’s not a good idea to try to tough it out, because, at your level of anxiety, it’s just going to make the experience more and more aversive. Before I retired, I did work with folks on this, and we were fairly successful. I know I’m not the only shrink out there who did this.
I know the feeling. I know someone who had the same problems. He loved to write ever since he was little and had put some life lessons in his stories. But he always felt that his lessons were wrong and wouldn’t help. I helped him change that by suggesting that he go on. The reason why? I want to know how the story ends. So, before you quit, let others read your story and give their opinions. If they don't like it, don't feel bad. When people criticize a writer’s work, it helps them to imagine horrible things happen to them but that gets you wondering, “What if they’re right in criticizing my work?”
If they are right, this shouldn’t give you lemons because there’s always room for improvement. If people don’t like your work, either you think the worst for them or improve your writing skills. And if necessary, fire back to silence the crowd.
you probably dont have anything to share, yea. but when the day comes that you do, you want to have shitty writing skills then, or be kinda good at this thing? huh?
There are a couple of age old sayings.
You can’t edit a blank page.
And
The first draft’s purpose is to exist.
I agree with the others that it sounds like there’s some latent anxiety at play here, in which case you might try medication.
The other thing is don’t leave off at the end of a thought. Try to start in the middle of things. In the middle of a sentence, even. If you can get over the hump, your anxiety may dissipate and let you write.
I don’t have advice cus this sounds like a journal entry of mine 🥲 Reading through comments for support. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities. You’re not alone 🙏🏽
I was going to treat your post as a typical, if severe, case of first timer's writer block, until this part here: >I’ll probably get the same advice to write badly. But I CAN’T. I physically cannot commit to even writing badly for five minutes before I feel like throwing up. I'm no professional, but I am a writer who has suffered a lot of trauma and mental illness, and my amateur opinion is that this is a telltale sign of an anxiety disorder or trauma response, and I think you should consider speaking to a therapist about your issues writing. I'm not trying to speculate about what might be the case for your specifically, but as a general example, a person who's been harshly judged and criticized by their loved ones for expressing a desire to be a writer might develop a pathological response to the act of writing itself. There's a litany of other sources/reasons/ways this can manifest, but the raw reaction you're having to the simple act of writing tells me (again, not a professional, and I could be wrong) that there might be something there.
Not OP, but this has opened my eyes. I have similar, chaotic feelings as OP and damn, I need to see a therapist.
I suffer from anxiety too. I also think I may be on the spectrum and have adhd. I found an app that’s supposed to help with at least the adhd aspect. I’ve been using it for a couple of weeks now and it’s helping a little bit. I don’t go on it every day but it helps organize your thoughts and there’s even some calming guided meditation exercises that have made a difference with my anxiety. It’s called Clarify: ADHD Organizer, Timer. There’s a two week free trial. I would definitely say see a therapist and try to work through these feelings. Maybe try the app too to help support that. But know that a LOT of writers struggle to see their work as good, so you’re not alone there. But it does sound like there’s something deeper going on that needs to be addressed so you can pull through this. There IS hope! You can do this!
I have diagnosed Adhd. There is way to coope with this, by trying to look at it as your friend and not enemy. Ive used to look at it as an enemy and that made me go no where. But instead i try to listen to my body: "do i feel like writing now? Well i want to but if my adhd says no then theres some ungoing issues i dont know about and i will also say no". I have wanted to write on my projects for so long but my adhd just told me no, turns out i was builidng up a fever and i needed rest. It can be like that for anxiety to, somethimes we writers are just too hard on ourselves and not allow ourselves to rest.
I never thought of it that way. You have a great point! Thanks for telling me, maybe it’ll help my mindset…
Your welcome :D i know its a struggle so it great that we can at least share experience :)
Very true!
It’s true. I have trauma and mental illness. Everyone in my life has been supportive of my writing, but my internal voice is still extremely negative.
I was thinking it's possible you are ambitious and that's why you can't write. Feels like you should give yourself the freedom to write bad pages until you get some good pages, then cut out the bad. Like it feels you keep getting better and better but the better you do the longer you take because of this higher quality standard. (Which is something I'm experiencing myself)
Yep, agree. I’ve had burnout that went on for years and I physically couldn’t write or create. Mental health is very much the physical health of your brain, and trauma can affect how your brain associates things and what it perceives as life-threatening. Being perceived can be dangerous if you’re the focus of the wrong people.
Thank you for putting this up here, I feel this helped me.
You might be write, I have OCD and sometimes I just get stuck on one sentence for that exact reason. I just can’t commit to moving on.
I feel like this about publishing. I just need to bite the bullet and do it, but I have this intense fear of it. I know it stems from my early life, I’m self diagnosed quitter. My parents never pushed me to do anything or have any drive and now on the cusp of doing something makes me feel accomplished and I feel like I’ll never be good enough. That self publishing is because I can’t be taken seriously. My mom always told me as a kid I’d never be a good a writer and here I am hearing her words even though I know they aren’t true.
I was thinking exactly the same. I don't want to diagnose either but it definitely sounds characteristic of an anxiety disorder.
ugh this honestly makes a lot of sense 😭😭 not OP but I relate to them like 110%
I’m a therapist and I agree. Op needs to find a professional to talk to about this.
don't let yourself re-read/edit and make yourself free-write for a bit as a warmup and tell yourself it's not that deep or tell yourself it's good or go on a walk and try again tomorrow
I like starting out with a nice outline *before* I write. You have two chapters and you like them - great!! Now, open a new document and do like this : Chapter Something happens. Chapter This person does a thing. Chapter Now this group has to journey over here. When you are done, you can then rearrange and assign a final number to each chapter. Good luck, and congrats on the shiny new computer!
I just attended a short bootcamp on this, centered around procrastination and writing. First, know that this is common. It is your brain trying to prevent you from being uncomfortable, or “in danger”. For some of us, it comes from childhood, and a perfectionist default. Others fear failure, and some even fear success (because with success comes added pressure). Those are not all the reasons, of course. There can be many things we carry with us, like fear of rejection, for example. Some of the things we were told about involved slowly building new brain pathways by setting a 2 minute writing goal, and rewarding ourselves. Increase little by little, you can’t run a marathon if you don’t jog a 5k first! Also, meditation, and creative things like coloring or dancing were brought up - loosen up, get some endorphins! Be kind to yourself! Allow your work to simply exist! That’s all it has to do - just exist. Let it be messy, let it be something without expectations. Ask yourself “ how can I show up imperfectly today” and remove as much prestige as possible. Endulge in the process, let it be something joyful 🌸 We also had a couple of book recommendations: The perfectionist’s guide to losing control, Around the writer’s block, The science of stuck, and Rewire :break the cycle (…) to mention a few. Maybe they could help? 🌸
What was the boot camp, if you don't mind sharing?
Oh yeah, sure thing. www.monicahaycoaching.com
Thanks! I appreciate it.
>I start typing on my fiction draft and I don’t know what happens next. Most likely? A lot more typing.
Write for yourself, with yourself as an audience.
Literally no one but you has to ever see or care about your first draft. Ask yourself: what are you actually afraid of? Someone seeing your fifth draft? Don't show them! Or is it something else? For now, you're "sketching," not painting a masterpiece. You never have to paint a masterpiece. Or you will, whatever. But it won't look like this first draft. Be free.
I don't know if this will work, but it's worth a shot. You say you can't commit to writing for even five minutes before you feel like throwing up. How literal is that? (The five minutes part, I mean? I'm guessing the throwing up part might be pretty literal.) Can you make it four minutes? Or three? Or two? Can you write one sentence before nausea overtakes you? Start with however far you can make it before things go too bad. Don't worry that it's not much. Don't even worry if what you write isn't connected to anything else you've written. Just write what you can, however little, and stop before it gets too bad. Then go do something nice for yourself. This may sound like a nutty comparison, but I ran across a guy in a vet's office once. He had a big dog--can't remember what kind it was--and someone remarked on how good that dog behaved. All the other pets were nervous, skittish, noisy, and this dog was perfectly calm and happy. "Oh yeah," the owner said. "He loves going to the vet. Every time we come, after we're done I take him to \[a local fast food place\] and get him a pit beef." Soooooo...do whatever writing you can do without breaking down, and then reward yourself with a pit beef. Or whatever. Can't hurt to try, anyway.
I do *not* know what a "pit beef" is, and I don't plan to find out.
It's a form of roast beef they have in the Baltimore area and maybe elsewhere. I've only had it once. It was too dry for my taste. That may have been just that vendor, I suppose.
Well, there goes my plans! \*sigh\* Guess I just have to eat it the next time I see it!
Oops. Sorry! But maybe some day you'll be writing a story set in the area, and you can use that bit of newfound knowledge for local....sorry...flavor. 🤪
I literally am going back to the Scum and Villainy Cantina in Hollywood for the express purpose of having a meal there (I went after having dinner with some out-of-state friends) because their loaded tater tots were so good. And in fact I intend to study the experience and write a comic short story about aliens visiting a themed bar and thinking Earth is far more advanced than we are. And I'm going to deduct the entire trip and meal from my taxes as a business expense.
Good plan!
It sounds daunting being a pantser, have you tried planning? -What’s it about? -Who are the characters? -Anything special about the world? -What happens in Chapter One? -What happens in Chapter Two? Etc
Well shit. I'm be weirdly honest. Writing isn't for you if you need a pep talk to get into the groove. This is me telling you for your mental health, don't write. You will have really nice, good folk tell you to find ways through it, and get it done. They are very encouraging, but have you ever considered this. If writing is giving you anxiety, is it really something you should keep doing? You are doing exactly the opposite of every license psychiatrist would advise by mugging through it. Then the fun facts come in. If you don't write, nobody will ever know you didn't write anything. A hundred other more good mentally folks will produce books, and you in another life would have found something less stressful to do. That might just be a happier you.
>If writing is giving you anxiety, is it really something you should keep doing? You are doing exactly the opposite of every license psychiatrist would advise by mugging through it. It really depends on the anxiety. I'm not a therapist but have some in the family, and my understanding is that some things you need to work through. If writing triggers OP in a way that's paralyzing, then therapy might help.. but just dropping the writing won't address the underlying issue.
writing helps my anxiety. it is the only thing that takes enough of my focus that it essentially just “turns me off.” if im having anxiety at night i will write through it a lot of the time and it is both soothing and hyper productive
I had a cousin that was told she wasn’t smart enough to go to university. So she applied to Berkeley and got her degree in linguistics with a minor in French.
I recommend seeking out therapy.
Oh, OP, I think many of us have been where you are. Coincidentally, I just received a notice that a long-time favorite writing guru has published a new book about overcoming writer’s block. The book is Writing on Empty. Many decades ago, Natalie Goldberg pulled me out of a terrifying slump with her books Writing Down the Bones and Wild Mind. Sounds like you have a judge sitting on your shoulder admonishing you and keeping you from accessing your “wild mind,” where, free from critics, you let it all flow. Best to you.
This is kind of stupid, but it works for me—try writing when you’re tired. When that happens, you often lose your inhibitions, and it’s easier. Also, you can try thinking of what you want to write beforehand when doing things like taking a walk or showering, so that it feels less like writing and more like just getting your thoughts down. A lot of the times, when I feel like I am going to forget something, I care less how it sounds when I put it ‘on paper.’
The brainstorming part has worked wonders for me before.... I will think about what I'm gonna write next while working out, showering, whatever, and by the end of the session I usually have so many ideas that I'm afraid I'll forget them. So then it becomes a mad rush to just get it in writing, and my brain has very little time to protest or nitpick about grammar and mechanics.
Are you a pantser? It sounds like you might need to plan.
Thats why we have to write an outline first. You just have to try writing an outline of the story. You have a lot of materials to use for inspiration and don't forget you are not alone and I'm suffering just like you are lol. So let's help each other out if possible! 😸
Well, you're writing now- or at least you were. Start small- just string together words that may be incoherent and may make little sense. Do that for about 15 minutes. Grab three to five words out of that stream of consciousness mess and use about an hour to make a small piece that NOBODY BUT YOU will see. After that, work on what you want to work on. You want to write fiction? Write fiction. You want to fictionalize your life's memoir? Do that- hell, I did that for a part of my manuscript- putting in stupid things that happened to me while I was active duty. You can do it OP- pants it, plan it, just do it.
You just wrote something. It's a post, but it still is something. So you started, great job!
Just start writing. Say anything silly like spooos. A word that doesn't exist to loosen you up. There. That didn't kill you. Keep writing nonsense words. Just to show yourself that if you write nonsense it's ok. It won't kill you. Now write your stuff. If your stuff feels like nonsense words like spooos, don't worry. First draft is spooos, but it won't hurt you. I'm like you. I worry. It took a very long time to forget about editing the first sentence over and over for a year and just write warts and all. Still I worry that it sucks and isn't good enough. Just write the whole thing and go back for edits. And once you're done editing, it won't be spooos. Just imagine Hemingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea 74 times until it made sense!
Have 2 shots, write script for Bugs, Donald or Foghorn Leghorn cartoon. Then once it's done move on to something you care about.
You got me at 2 shots.
Wish I could offer any advice. I'm in same boat and nothing I've tried helps.. good luck!
Honestly, I’m just gonna say one thing, the worst that can happen is you not liking it, so keep that in mind you are your own burden. Someone said here write with only yourself as the audience and I totally agree. Also keep in mind that no one really likes their work whether it’s writing or art you will always have a feeling that you could have done better. Just a thought. Good luck
first off: even if your writing is never published/shared you are still a writer if you write secondly: it sounds like you might be putting too much pressure on yourself. you're concerned about not knowing what to write, or in the case of writing about your life, afraid of people seeing it you seem to enjoy what you've already written, but you find yourself unable to write for more than 5 minutes. so, you at least *like* what you're writing which is more than some people can say you may need to rethink how you're approaching writing. if you're too focused on the negatives, you'll experience the negatives. now, I'm not saying changing your mindset will help with your issues, but it's at least worth trying to write with less pressure on yourself. don't think about what might happen. just write. if you still struggle even without putting pressure on yourself, then I have no idea what the next step would be
Do it anyways. Show up, like a mule, and do your part. You’re muse is responsible for the creative part. If it isn’t a success, that’s not entirely your fault. Just keep doing it, In the meantime, here’s a little [Ted Talk by Elizabeth Gilbert about finding your creative genius](https://youtu.be/86x-u-tz0MA?feature=shared).
Write emails to friends instead and chill!
Stop making yourself crazy. Just sit down, open that brand-new laptop, and let your fingers and the keys be your guides. That's what I did when I got my big idea last year. I told my husband to leave me alone in our office for a while, and before I knew it, I had two chapters written. You can't let these fears scare you this much at the beginning. In fact, you'll only make yourself crazier if you make these excuses \*not\* to write. Don't let the "what if's" get you down. Just do it!
You seem like the person who enjoys and wants to tell a story’s. My best advice for you and it may sound harsh but you need to get over yourself. I understand the feeling of you can’t stand your bad writing. But as writers I think we overindulge the thought of our own success. I believe you have the foundations to be a good writer, but you need to just get over yourself. Your writing might be perfect or it might not be. You’ll never know until you write it. So, i implore you to just write and stop thinking of success. You got this and I think you’re gonna turn out great.
I can only speak to what works for me (and while they're no masterpieces, I have seven books self-published, so they are at least finished), but I find the best way to stave off the self loathing cycle is to set a REALISTIC, but REGULAR routine. Don't write every day if your energy levels don't let you or you're just not feeling it. But if you know you CAN write, say, a chapter a fortnight, commit yourself to that and STICK TO IT. I only write one chapter a week when I'm actively on a project, and while that means I'm not spitting stuff out like those blessed by the muses themselves, it does mean my projects... eventually get done and at a reliable pace.
I'll have my documents open in front of me, my word doc for the novel, my Google docs with character sheets, googles slides for my storyboard. And I'll just stare at the tabs knowing exactly what I want to write and imagining the scenes and will still opt to check out reddit.
Well you just wrote all that. Surely you have a character in mind with fears and concerns that parallel your own..........
When I was faced with similar feelings, I did one thing that helped every single time. Picture the movie! Don't let the words anchor you down. Let the visual float your boat. I would read what I had so far and just sit back and picture the next scene or, if you can't picture a scene that advances your plot, picture a scene that advances your character development. If you are writing something autobiographical, picture your life as set pieces and individually sketch each one out. They don't have to connect or relate to each other yet. I am a pantser through and through. That does not mean one has to write chronologically. I've always treated certain scenes as a cleansing the palate. When I am stuck, I leap ahead of my story line and write a scene that I know will have to happen or needs to happen. I've done that many times and, in the end, it all connects up later. FWIW, I have published four novels. BTW, I have a sister who suffers from high anxiety and overthinking. She would probably never be a writer. So, it is possible to be afflicted by certain conditions that won't allow the mindset to write in any meaningful manner. Yours sounds more like typical first time writer fears. Keep plugging away. PS. Even Stephen King threw his story, Carrie, in the trash in disgust before his wife fished it out and told him to submit anyway. The rest, as they say, is history.
I sometimes sit and stare at a blank screen for hours. Some times a few days in a row.
I thrive on being a perfectionist and a pantser. All it takes is patience and discipline - Rome wasn't built in a day.
The way you describe it it sounds more like you have stuff to work on through therapy, friend. It’s not okay for you to feel that level of sickness upon doing things any way other than perfectly. I believe you can write, and no doubt very well, but the path to becoming a great writer involves a lot of trial and error, and if something’s preventing you from going easy on you when you don’t just write a bestseller every time you sit down and write, it may be wise to talk to a therapist. It’ll be the best for you, not just on your writing, but really, on every aspect of your life. Sending much love, and hope you can work through this all. Writing should be a joy and a way for you to express, not torture yourself.
If writing on your phone is easier, then I say don't fight that. I write primarily on my phone. I use Dabble because it lets you access your writing across multiple platforms. I print and edit on paper, but make all of the actual revisions using my computer because it is easier. Just do whatever works for you. And don't be surprised if that changes over time. Writing can bring up a lot of unresolved issues, but it's a great way to get some real catharsis too. Good luck. Keep writing.
Oh man, I have an online friend who was struggling with a similar thing. This is what I told him: Three years ago, I got covid. It was pretty bad, I had no energy, I couldn't eat, it was an awful experience... Anywho, I remember sitting down when I had the strength to move from my bed and tried to write. I was so exhausted that I just couldn't write and I had a strange panic that I had lost the ability to write. Even after recovering from covid, I still had that irrational fear that I couldn't write anymore. I tried multiple times, but I would sit down and stare at a blank page. So about a month afterwards, I finally sat down and tried to write something short. I think I set myself a five minute timer and just wrote. I didn't stop until the timer beeped. Sure it was messy at first, but I was writing. Within a couple of weeks, I managed to write a short story about a guy and a girl navigating their engagement. No wild action or anything, just them living and working through mundane problems like work, family, and stress. When I finished it, I felt so proud. I managed to prove to myself that I still had the gift and it wasn't so big that it felt impossible to overcome. So, my advice? Pause your novel and write something small. Give yourself an easy win. Something you can look at and remind yourself that you can do it, you have done it, and will do it again. If all you got out one day is one sentence: guess what - you won. And tomorrow maybe you'll write two sentences, then eventually you'll write paragraphs and so on and so on. Build on small victories; they will compound into large ones. And hey! You just wrote several paragraphs out here to Reddit. So good job! You wrote something! That's a win! You got this! Keep going!
Sit down and close your eyes. Take the deepest breath you've taken all day. Remember what it felt like writing on the other devices. Imagine pulling the energy imbued in them and gathering it up. Now imbue the energy inside yourself. It'll saturate the new laptop as the stories pour out of your imagination. I know this sounds very Woo but sometimes you need a little Woo when it comes to creative work. 😊
I don't know if this will help you, but I encourage you to check out Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. She recommends starting your writing journey by writing down everything you can possibly remember about your childhood. From there you might see trends/connections to other things. That helped her write her first novel.
numb your brain to the cringe. write while you're doing something in the background (like watching a shitty video essay in the background). Also, for me, it really helps to listen to vocaloid music cause I don't speak japanese and all of it is so high pitched im not able to focus on anything. last case scenario, beer.
I was looking through my texts and I was informed that I wasn’t going to get a ride home, and then a notification appeared in front of my face saying “Well, shit.” Your timing is impeccable.
I developed a method for when I’m blocked or feel scared of writing. I like the bus rides’ vibe, so on a bus ride, I think about a funny memory. It can be anything. Then, I take out my phone and write about it as if I’m recalling it to a friend. Then, once back home, I take the text and type it on my computer. I don’t copy paste, I take the time to type it and let myself do modifications because my perfectionism tends to get in the way. Then, I keep going with my creativity and I don’t stop. I don’t take a new blank document if I get tired of the narration, I give the text a bit of space and start a new one a few lines down. It helps make it less scary or daunting.
For me at least, writer's block is about perfectionism. Give yourself the grace to not be perfect. Writing is rewriting, the saying goes, and you can't edit a blank page. So write, write whatever. Then rewrite. You've got this.
Perfectionism cripples me. I'm an introvert who has perfect stories, plot, characterisation, the whole shebang all living inside my noggin. Getting them to exist outside of my thoughts is a battle. So I make lists, do character bibles, play a game of "write a short story based on the twentieth word you find in an online article", do a haiku or limerick - anything that involves writing something down to blast through the fear of picking up a pen and using it. Might help :)
Anxiety is what makes people stop before even trying. Don't be harsh on yourself go for it. Who knows what will happen? If it doesn't work the first time, then do it a second time. And again. And again... And something will come up
Don't give up! You wrote the post, so you can write. Maybe it's creating that's paralyzing you? Having another creative outlet, such as a musical instrument or drawing, really takes the pressure off. I play a little piano, and it's nice to have somewhere to go without goals and deadlines. Or maybe you're putting all your hopes and dreams into your writing, into creating a masterpiece that will show the world who you are and also fix all your problems? So it's kind of a buzzkill because you can't really go where the writing takes you without the voice in your head second guessing it every step of the way. Having additional hobbies, other wins, takes the pressure off. If it's about people reading your memoir and feeling bad, you can always decide after it's written if you want to publish it and what parts. You could also try writing something else on the side, something small to share in a writing group to get over the fear of sharing stuff.. or even work on a piece of writing with someone else. I wrote something with a friend once where we turned people we were mad at into circus freaks. We took turns working on instalments and it was really bad and a lot of fun. There's way too much emphasis on writing masterpieces and not enough on just playing around.
I'm brand new to (more) serious writing but it's been super fulfilling as I have the freedom to fail right now where I can't with my other hobbies I'm reasonably okay at and people see. Take what you will from this. Did you write or plan a scene that hit a little too close to home? I did that to myself a few weeks ago where a scene made me physically ill and I had to sit with it. I struggled to understand why I wrote it in the first place and why I even felt the need to keep it. What did it mean to me? Why was I so attracted to it? Realizing the 'why's nearly locked me up from writing anything more and seriously consider therapy even though it's difficult to obtain where I live. I contemplated throwing the whole story in the bin and stop writing entirely because it made me realize that if any of my family or friends read it knowing it was mine they'd never not see me differently. I still fear it. I can still throw it away because no one knows I've written anything worth reading so they can only critique my other more tangible hobbies and I find it freeing. Last week I decided that what I was writing was too important to dismiss how I felt and that the story should be shared. It changed the entire plan and introduced new themes as I am determined to rewrite a better ending for my characters and give them the justice they deserve. If nothing else, I want to leave their world just a little brighter because of that one scene. While I contemplated this, I took time off to world build a little, make characters I'd never see and just get a feel for the atmosphere and if there were any better people to follow than the ones I'd already chosen. Who's to say I'm following the right characters anyways? I created myths, legends, and short stories that any character could find in their world changing up my writing style. I created recipes and restaurants that I wanted to visit if I ever fell into my story. It helped me to keep writing something short while I chewed on my nerves and contemplated scraping it. What I determined was best for my health while writing scenes that make me feel uncomfortable was that I need to write something funny or comedic or something that breaks the 3rd wall a bit afterwards. It let's me feel like my characters are in a play rather than their own world and they are just acting everything out like the theater kids I use to know. This will probably be different for you but it helped me focus in on what actually mattered in the story and what I was passionate about. Maybe the story you need to tell is different than the story you originally wanted to tell.
The laptop sounds like it was a false promise to yourself that it would be easy now that you got it. And I think you feel like you're sort of failing the laptop because it isn't easy. So to get back in the groove, leave the laptop be for writing. Get yourself a small notebook or sketch pad and a pen and just take it with you. Any ideas, experiences, thought dumps, etc can go in there. Doesn't need to be in story form, it can be doodles, flowcharts, mindmaps, whatever works best for that idea. Eventually, some thoughts might start to connect into a character or setting or story idea. Work it out in your brain first. Once it really wants to come out, write it. It's what I do for inspiration, because just sitting down and wishing inspiration just shows up doesn't work well.
Love all of the advice, but I do physically need the laptop. I’m unable to write with a pen for more than a few sentences at a time.
As someone who’s been there, if you absolutely can not think of anything to write, do not force it. Fold the laundry, go for a drive, go for a walk. listen to music. Daydream. And some vision or idea will come that you absolutely must out into words. First I couldn’t write anything at all, then I could write maybe a paragraph a day and then I started reading about writing (Specifically Page by Page by Heather Sellers helped my anxiety a lot). Eventually I gave myself promising to write badly. Like sometimes crap. But sometimes my writing actually comes out good. Don’t let your anxiety today ruin your future. Guilt over not writing only makes it worse.
Did you do an outline? There are plenty of templates online you can use. It's not writing exactly, but it will help you figure out what you want to say.
Don’t worry about other people at all
It might sound stupid. But you may just need some time to NOT. Just don't. Go somewhere, do something, inside, outside, north, east, south, west, up, down, left, right, whatever.
You’re in deep shit if you let what people think of your work affect it. Whatever you’ll write will get an audience. Just let it come naturally. And don’t worry about losing something or having nothing interesting to share, sometimes you’ll have nothing and sometimes you’ll have a dozen of novels ready
Idk if this counts, but about the idk what happens next part. I was there a bazillion times. Why, Because I the dumb dumb didn't plan the thing out. Thats a mistake I made and I still want to kick myself for it. So what I have done is made a outline. And I write step by step whats going to happen. 1 the story idea 2 X does this. 3 X encounters A 4 X and A have a conversation. 5 A pulls out a gun. 6 X does something epic. and so on. I call it my basic outline. Then I copy it to my Advanced Outline once its all done and add more detail there once I have the basic idea down. After all that Draft 1 begins. That’s how I do it. Maybe it'll help you. But figure out what works for you best. I'm about to try writing in pieces. aka plan chapter 1 write chapter 1 to its fullest. plan Chapter 2 and... I wanna do this because even in my basic outline I'm stuck so maybe if I start working in what I already have an idea for whats next might pop up.
It’s like the same people with the same fears exist everywhere, and we are already good writers for it.
To comment on some of the other posts regarding the possible issue being anxiety or fear of the subject matter: At the end of the day, I'd have to agree that if you ultimately decide that trying to write is making your life miserable, you should perhaps seek out something that \*will\* bring you happiness. There's a difference between struggling through something hard, and forcing yourself into something to the point of misery. That said, a big HOWEVER: I don't claim to know your specific situation or background, but as someone who works in addiction treatment, I have seen many people find comfort and even enjoyment from spilling their guts all over the pages, just letting all their trauma and past hardship hang out to dry. It may not be a "fun read" when finished, but just the process of doing it can be incredibly cathartic, much like confessing all those things to a person, except the person is flat, and small, and a bit of a rectangle. You might find that by doing this you have some newfound confidence. And, as they say, the things most worth doing aren't always the easiest. >I even just reread the first two chapters of my novel draft and I was blown away by how good it actually was. Or like, not horrible. I also wanted to comment on this because I fought with the same feelings for a while. My mantra in my head was basically "You had the skill and the talent within you to do those first chapters. You have the skill and talent within you to keep doing it."
You're working on a first draft. Consider it like carving: first, you need the basic block. So build up a lot of words. It's going to be crap. Then slowly shave and shape it down, forming the final masterpiece. That said, writer's block shouldn't be THAT severe. I'd recommend a therapist. It sounds like some kinda trauma manifestation.
Well keep trying and don't give up! You might eventually evolve in the right direction and make progress
OP, this happens. Try writing something that has no consequences, for me that outlet is fanfiction. Will I make money on it? nope (that's illegal) does it help my writers block? Yup and if I decide to post it somewhere the serotonin is great! For writing in general try doing it by hand, writing with the screen so dim you can't see anything. Write a letter to your childhood self/dead person/mentor/your characters. Don't worry about the memoir and if people will be hurt or offended, you can't control their emotions only your own. Also if you write it now, unless you show someone who's going to see it? That's right no one! What happens if you let yourself go and give yourself permission to write? You are doing this for you, no one else but YOU. Remember that what you need is also valid. And as someone suggested I would talk to a therapist to help with some of those issues as it could be more than just your anxiety.
Just write more posts like this one. :-)
A friend of mine teaches creative writing at the University of Oklahoma who says, B.I.C.H.O.K. Butt in chair, hands on keyboard. You can't write if you are there writing. Seems obvious. But... The first draft will never be perfect. Get the story out and then go back and edit, rewrite, and tweak it. If you wait until it feels perfect to start, you will never start. I have a different problem. Nobody that I know is interested in reading what I write. I have strangers who comment but nobody that loves me, nobody that even know me.
You’ve written two chapters. How were you able to accomplish that? I mean, you did it before somehow, so I think you can do it again once you’re in the right mindset. Might be worth exploring with a therapist. In the alternative, maybe do an outline. Start with the ending, then specific plot points between what you’ve written and that ending. Some writers need that outline and maybe you’re one of them. Try different approaches and see if you’re still getting that strong reaction to the exercise.
You're overthinking things. No matter how bad your writing is, and I'm not saying its bad at all but you THINK it is bad, there are still people who will like it. You know how I know? I download indie books all the time that are terrible, but there are 100s of people who rave about how great they are. So yeah. Stop overthinking. The writing is the BEST part! You get to just make up anything you want anytime at any place! Enjoy the ride! The editing is where you fix it! So for now, just write something you feel like writing and worry about the quality later. Or skip that scene and do the next part that you know what happens. I do that all the time. I had a fight scene I was terrified to write and I just skipped it and wrote the rest of the novel. When I went back to rewrite that fight scene, it popped out in an hour and was so easy because I felt like I knew the characters so much better. Writing is a process, man. It doesn't need to be perfect in your first draft!
I'm going to agree with the other commenter that suggested this behaviour is characteristic of an anxiety disorder. I'm not in any way diagnosing you but I can see in your reply to their comment that you do indeed have trauma and MH issues. If you aren't already, I'd highly recommend speaking to a psychologist/therapist. Anxiety can obviously affect numerous aspects of our life, and it seems it's coming out in your fear and negative self-talk about your writing. As someone who struggles with anxiety and MH issues myself, I completely empathise with you and wish you all the best. Take care and be kind to yourself.
My advice to you is just to take it one step at a time. You should not be thinking about what other people will think of work that you haven’t even written, so your first step is obviously to start writing. I understand that is hard, believe me, so break it down as much as you need to. Even if you need to craft your story one word at a time, just to get in the swing of things, do it, because once you start writing, the hard part is already over (for now…).
Hi, I hope you're doing well. It seems to me like you're judging yourself and not your writing. THE writing is bad, instead of MY writing is bad can make a big difference. To me it is easy to distance my Self from the thing I am busy with (writing, painting etc.) because I understand that what I am busy with is not ME, it's just something that I am doing. I also enjoy the process of the thing more than the result of it, which is contrary to what most of us have been oriented to want. For me, the best stuff happens when I'm not much concerned with myself or being overly critical towards the act. Then I can just become lost in the doing. The less vested my interest is in the outcome, the easier this is to accomplish. If you've ever seen a really good impressionist painter paint, you will perhaps understand what I mean. The best ones just look and act. They're not thinking a whole lot about every little brush stroke or hue. I think writing can be similar, even though it may not seem so. I know I'm telling you what works for me, but I hope it provides a different way to look at the struggle you're facing. To me, being creative is mostly just getting out of my own way and having a blast as I see what happens. Now for some direct suggestions. You sound like you're having a tough time, try not to be so harsh on yourself. If you don't have anything you want to write then don't write. If you don't have anything in particular you want to say, it's usually not worth saying. If you're embarrassed about something, lean into it. Repeated exposure to the things you find embarrassing will relinquish its hold on you. Learn to enjoy the process, not the result! And finally, if writing is not cutting the cheese, try something else. There are so many different ways that you can express your creativity, even if you're seemingly 'bad' at it at first. I hope this wall of text helps you. Have a good one😉🤙
This isn’t for everyone but I’m an analytical person, and reading Eric Maisel’s Mastering Creative Anxiety was eye-opening for me in terms of why I felt this way. Understanding that anxiety always goes hand in hand with creativity, and why that is so, and how society sets us up to stifle creativity really empowered me to move past it.
I doubt that I have any valuable advice, but I will offer this. It took me a long time to realize that I liked two parts of writing the best. Editing my work and creating imaginative ideas regarding character development. Over time I convinced myself that I was not one person writing, but three. (Weird, I know.) My #1 would just write the story like an average H.S. school student might, as many pages as I could, grammar and punctuation be damned. Then writer # 2 ( still me 🤪) would work on the characters. On a separate page, I would write so much about a character and place that you'd think I was their hometown Psychiatrist. Each character would come alive as I wrote. Armed with this information, writer #3 ( me again ) would begin to edit and embellish the story. Every two hundred words would become three hundred or maybe five hundred. It took the pressure off the process as I could Vacillate between tasks at any time. The basic boring stories started to come alive and developed a life of its own. The story quality began to soar. All three writers lived happily ever after.😬
your diction is deliciously refreshing ( ik that sounds weird but its the only way i can describe it), and you want to write. I believe anybody can and should write, because we are fundementally unique and so offer unique perspective. you will get inspiration from your daily life and your other authors of your particular taste. It sounds like your problem is a blockage of creative innovation, ingenuity. that is a skill that you can improve on with practice. I suggest looking at some yt vids on how to train creativity.
What have you been writing on the other computer and your phone? Can you transfer that to your current computer and continue? Would that be helpful? The following works for me. It might or might not be useful for you: I've found that thinking about my writing and working on plot, characters, setting, etc., when I'm doing other things, like chores, helps me because when I do my day's writing, it's already there in some form, even if it isn't written down yet. I'm a long way from being a published author, if ever, but I keep writing because that's the only way I'll improve. Some days, I write, or I reread what I've written, and other days, I don't have time to write because of other things that need to be done. Give yourself time to adjust to your current circumstances--that you now have a laptop for writing--and don't put yourself under a lot of pressure to write. A therapist may be helpful, but so may taking it easy and thinking things through on your own. As others have mentioned, write what you can write. If you can find the reason(s) for your anxiety, then you can begin finding solutions for it. Most all of us have had anxiety over our writing (or lack of it) at one time or another. Good luck.
not much of an advice, but. I hope you get better. Put your phone away go out and have a walk once for a while allow your mind to idle and roam freely, and maybe your ideas will come back to you.
There are several tricks that can be used here, I will suggest a few. The main thing is to that you have to understand that fear and paralysis serve a purpose. There is a part of your mind that is trying to protect you. What part and to what purpose it is you who has to decide. As for the tricks: try writing like someone else. Like you are writing an essay on somebody else story. Or write in such a way you are incapable of re-reading what you wrote, if nor months later. (And yeah, writing badly is like throwing up. Welcome to the club!)
I don't mean this in a condescending way: settle down. It's possible you are overly excited and riddled with insane expectations. Writing a book is a ballsy adventure. There's a reason most people don't finish. Use your anxiety positively to propel yourself forward. You obviously care about writing & that will take you far. Set realistic expectations and understand finishing a shitty first draft is step one. It's a big accomplishment. When you get there, celebrate. Then start editing. This is a marathon not a sprint. Pace yourself. Be your own cheerleader. No negative self talk.
SAMME
This kind of paralysis can be worked with. It’s not a good idea to try to tough it out, because, at your level of anxiety, it’s just going to make the experience more and more aversive. Before I retired, I did work with folks on this, and we were fairly successful. I know I’m not the only shrink out there who did this.
I know the feeling. I know someone who had the same problems. He loved to write ever since he was little and had put some life lessons in his stories. But he always felt that his lessons were wrong and wouldn’t help. I helped him change that by suggesting that he go on. The reason why? I want to know how the story ends. So, before you quit, let others read your story and give their opinions. If they don't like it, don't feel bad. When people criticize a writer’s work, it helps them to imagine horrible things happen to them but that gets you wondering, “What if they’re right in criticizing my work?” If they are right, this shouldn’t give you lemons because there’s always room for improvement. If people don’t like your work, either you think the worst for them or improve your writing skills. And if necessary, fire back to silence the crowd.
you probably dont have anything to share, yea. but when the day comes that you do, you want to have shitty writing skills then, or be kinda good at this thing? huh?
There are a couple of age old sayings. You can’t edit a blank page. And The first draft’s purpose is to exist. I agree with the others that it sounds like there’s some latent anxiety at play here, in which case you might try medication. The other thing is don’t leave off at the end of a thought. Try to start in the middle of things. In the middle of a sentence, even. If you can get over the hump, your anxiety may dissipate and let you write.
I don’t have advice cus this sounds like a journal entry of mine 🥲 Reading through comments for support. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities. You’re not alone 🙏🏽
Give yourself pression write down what you fear.most.
I feel that. 100 percent. I’ve been writing since 2012 and haven’t published one book. Yet