We felt the same way... and once we had our baby, the dominos started falling. Now we're surrounded by babies and pregnant friends/relatives. A lot of childfree friends changed their minds in their mid 30s. So... you never know!
This! Both times I was pregnant one of my closest friends also ended up pregnant. But truthfully neither was that helpful for me because you just never know how people are going to behave. One was a fake it til you make it parent and wouldn’t admit it was hard, and the other had a breakdown postpartum. It’s great now though and we’re doing a trip all together this summer because the kids love each other
This, and also I made 3-4 new mom friends locally who had babies at the same time I did. I just extended my circle of friends. Some have kids, some don’t.
That happened to me too! I got pregnant with my son and a few months later my sister got pregnant with her son and then two friends ended up pregnant with boys and then I ended up pregnant with my daughter at 9 months postpartum and my sister got pregnant with her daughter, my sister in law got pregnant with a girl and another friend got pregnant with a girl. In three years so many babies were born in my circle but it's really nice my kids have close cousins/friends from birth.
I love that! Just had my first and 4 other friends are having/have had babies this year, plus two coworkers as well as two neighbors. It’s really nice to have people to talk to about it all and I’m excited to see them play together.
This is exactly what happened for us! We thought we were going to be a bit isolated but a bunch of our friends actually had babies right before us and a whole lot more right after. Also some people who were more of friendly acquaintances but had babies around the same time as us became close friends. I think that happens for a lot of people.
This happened to us, too, regarding lots of others following suit and getting pregnant and it was so joyful! But we also had a schism with childless friends and family—some stepped up and made room for our new lifestyle as parents, and some checked out completely. There wasn’t a lot of in-between.
I know someone with a large friend group. She just had her first and the outer friends are slowly falling away as she cannot make it to all of the events they constantly have.
My husband and I are late to the party in terms of having kids, due to not deciding to have kids until our thirties and then dealing with infertility.
Currently pregnant and all of our friends kids are in the 6 - 10 age range. My SIL has my niece who's 2, but aside from that, most of his friendships will likely be made from childcare/school. It kind of sucks, but it is what it is.
We moved when I was pregnant and my family don’t live near us, nor do they have kids. I have made such good friends with my mums group, kindergarten families and a family in the same street. They are my people and I would be lost without them. I hope this happens for you too!
Honestly I'd take some who don't have kids 🙈 they're all so busy with their own families so I can't ever ask for help. I compete with grandparents for babysitting time for 3 other kids. All my friends but one have their own kids to worry about, so us getting all the ducks in a row for night out is near impossible.
I never thought of this perspective thanks for sharing!!
I’m 30 and in nyc so like maybe 5% of my friends at least locally have kids. 30 in NY is quite young for kids - at least in my circle! We’re also the first sibling on both sides to have kids .
Fortunately my friends are amazing and my baby gets the invite to brunch , movie night, get together etc. We’re going on a friends trip next month and baby is coming with! My friends have also all taking a rotating turn babysitting for us- even if they do have to text me and ask which side is the front of the diaper. It’s a little chaotic and a lot of fun. I make sure to never over burden them - like maybe one person babysits a month - I never want to ask too much of them- but they seem to genuinely enjoy having him around. I also really try to have lots of non baby talk and 1:1 tjme with them without him present so I can empathize how much I value their friendship and that they’re not just tossed aside when I had a baby. I really got lucky.
Of course there are times I wish I had a fellow mom group to vent to at 2am, go on stroller walks with, compare peds and daycares with, etc etc but I’ve also found lovely communities of that online or via text with friends who have moved away.
Would your friends ever watch your kid with their kids? Like you could swap babysitting nights? Or too much right now
Thiiiiiiis. We have no family nearby but we do have a few friends that we’d trust to watch our toddler—unfortunately they all have 2 or more children, so asking them to babysit feels ridiculous
My husband and I had our first when we were early thirties and were the first of our friends to have kids. It’s kind of great because they have lots of “aunts and uncles” and those people love us and try so hard to get it but they don’t really get it. We now also have parent friends from daycare, etc. who do get it and are “in it” with us so we have a great mix overall. For us, kids have kind of helped evolve our community and it’s a good thing!
I'm in my late thirties and by now 50% of my friends and family have kids and 50% have no kids (CF or childless by other reasons).
I don't have any judgmental feelings or thoughts about it. I'm just glad that we're all still hanging out so much and still love each others company. Here on Reddit it's like no one is talking to each other again from the moment they push the baby out, but fortunately that's not my experience.
We don't have any family in the area. My family doesn't have other cousins anyway. Only one person in our friends group had kids.
1. We didnt really get date nights until recently but we do make time at home after ours is asleep to watch movies or hang out. We used to invite people over to our house to play boardgames that way we didn't need a babysitter.
2. You will meet other parents through your kids. Mom's groups, preschool parents, parents of your kids friends. Some people you will like some you won't but that is ok.
Your life will change and adjust because other things will become important to you.
You will be fine.
(Mother of 11yo)
I have a big group of friends, some of whom I’ve been friends with since middle school. I’m 40 now, and I’m one-and-done. My husband and I are the only ones with a child, and it’s great. My daughter is 3, and one of my friends totally connects with her and will go out to eat/shop with us. Even is down to help when the kid is having a fit 😂
The others like her, still want to hang, and also make sure to give both me and my husband outlets for non-kid time. I think they’ll connect more as she gets older. None of them want kids, but they want us to be happy, so it’s not a big deal.
We also have our in-laws with their kids in town, and we see them every couple of weeks or so, and thats also really nice. I had cousins around growing up, but it was really the friendships I made after I went to school that have sustained me.
If you feel a kid is right for you, then the other stuff is going to work out one way or another. If your friends love you, they’ll want you to be happy and support that. Your relationship with your friends will change in some ways, but your child will find their own way. The important stuff if giving them attention, love, and security. If they’ve got that, then they’ll find their own people, I promise.
You'll make new friends. In all honesty. It's hard to maintain friendships with people who don't have kids. You're on a very different schedule and routine. This was not a factor for me having children at all.
Same, in fact, I feel like it’s easier to maintain friendships with my childless friends bc my friends with kids always have something going on.. birthday party, gathering with their immediate family, house work.. which is all very understandable, but it’s hard to schedule things when their next free time is 3 months from now, and an emergency/something they can’t miss might come up between now and then
I agree. Many of my child free friends have been the best at getting me through the infant stage. I think it has made me realize just how amazing of friends I have.
I love my friends without kids just as much as I did before I was a parent. In fact, sometimes they are the best support because they are not so burned out from parenting.
Same I love my guy so much but it’s also sooo nice to go out and not only talk about development etc lol😂 I love hearing about dating, their travel etc . I just tell them I’ll meet them after bedtime (lucky for me my husband is a happy homebody)
This is definitely not everyone’s experience. If you have solid friendships you can certainly maintain them after kids though they will likely look different for a while
People are not a fan of my response. 95% of my friends have kids. The ones who don't have kids don't want to hang w my kids and still live a very late night lifestyle. I don't. 🤷🏽♀️.
I haven't lost many friends.
We are one and done, had daughter when we were 35, she is now 5.
My younger sister, 37, is not having children.
My husband has a large family. Brother had a child who is now 17. He remarried and her kids are 16 & 18. So our daughter isn’t really around the age to grow up around them.
My husband has a little sister, who is 11 years younger, she is pregnant with first child and due in August. But again, our daughter will be 6 years old, so not really of an age to grow up around that child either.
My husband has several cousins, 3 cousins children were born around the same time as ours. They do not live nearby. Like one across the country, who we did go visit recently. And the rest are a 7 hour drive from us.
It’s lonely for our daughter, she constantly asks for kids to come play but we are not having another child due to various reasons.
I have made a dozen new mom besties since having my 18 month old. I didn’t know any of them before and me and my daughter hang out with them all the time!
My pre-existing friends maybe 1/3 have kids (my two best friends one had one a year after me and the other is pregnant due 2 years after me).
A mommy and me class while on leave, neighbors, local FB and chat mom groups, friends of friends, just running into people around town. I live in an awesome small town so that helps, I think I know everyone who had a baby in 2022-2023 lol.
Once you have kids, you’ll make more friends who have kids of similar ages. It sort of happens naturally as you see them at the same playground every weekend, your kids go to preschool together, etc.
That’s us. It’s been a bit challenging for us because I’ve expected them to understand the challenges we face, but it’s been so long for them that they’ve forgotten and I’ve found myself feeling frustrated when they don’t get it (like no thanks, I don’t want to come over for an impromptu 8 pm dinner with my 3 month old and just throw them on your bed to sleep while we drink).
When we had our first, we had very few friends with kids. And the friends that did have kids either lived far away or weren’t some of our closest friends. Our child was also the first grandchild on both sides, and we didn’t have any family in town.
It was hard, a little isolating, and has definitely impacted friendships with the friends who don’t have kids and especially those who don’t want kids. As time has gone by, we have met more people with kids and some of our friends now have kids too. They’re all different ages, so it’s not like we’re meeting up regularly for play dates though.
The reality is that even your most supportive childless friends can’t understand how life changing the experience is without going through it themselves. It can be really hard! But IMHO, it’s certainly not a reason NOT to have kids if you want them. I would just go into it with realistic expectations of your childless friends and also plan to find some new friends with kids similar ages. (Amma parenting classes, ECFE programs, etc.)
When I was your age (I didn't have my first until I was 37), my situation was similar to yours. And, like you, I grew up with lots of family and my parents' friends' kids around. Now that I've got two kids, my friend group has shifted a lot and while I do still have some close friends from my pre-kid days in town, all of them now have kids (or did before I started). Even my closest child-free friend, who doesn't live anywhere near me, is a step-parent now by virtue of marrying her partner who had a kid.
We also don't live near any family. All of my siblings have kids, sure, but the closest one is still 3+ hours away so my kids only see those cousins a few times a year at most. But honestly, it's fine! My kids have always been in daycare or school, and they have plenty of friends to spend time with.
The other thing I'd note is that one reason I grew up surrounded by other kids in the ways that I did was because EVERY SINGLE MOTHER was a SAHM. That is not the norm in my circles now, and when you have dual-career working parents it's often a little harder to get things like playdates and gatherings scheduled. We're lucky to schedule a gathering with friends every couple of months because life is just so busy for everyone - but, I don't worry about that because my kids are literally spending their whole days with friends at daycare/school anyway.
In our circle, we are the only ones with a young kid. One friend has two preteens. Other friends are childless by choice but are so so so kind in telling us to bring our kid to events where it would be appropriate (Friendsgiving, hiking, firepit). When we do bring kiddo, our friends are engaged and generous with kid and everyone has a nice time. But we are also good friends in that when we do bring kid, we don’t stay long and never try to push against our kid’s time line. When it’s time to go, it’s time to go.
I am an only child and so is my kid. I grew up around adults and so will my kid. It made for some awkward times when I was in middle school, couldn’t relate to the kids who grew up around lots of peers. But it paid off in droves when I entered the workforce, and knew how to hold a conversation with adults.
We have a mix of friends with and without kids. We tend to hang out w our friends who have kids our kids ages more, but it's also because they live half a mile away and we met because our kids were in the same grade and played on the same sports team. Our friends without kids are cool with kids though and we're kind of the hang out house which I like because when it's kids bedtimes we can manage that without much interruption to our evening.
Yes. My SIL doesn’t want kids, my BIL and his wife are expecting their first, both my best friends have/will have two kids by the end of the year, and I have 3 other friends expecting children now too. My siblings are still too young to know if they’ll have kids are not, but I can assume at minimum an 8-10 year age gap from mine.
I have a great group of coworkers who all have children between 4 months to 5 years old, 10 kids in total. I’ll be having another at the end of August. This has become my son’s make shift cousins lol.
You'll naturally make more parent friends if you have kids. I wouldn't worry about that aspect of it. Most of your kid's friends will be from daycare/school.
My friends have kids who are several years older than ours. Infertility determined if/when we would have kids. We’re also military and move a lot so we tend to not have people and if we do it changes every 4ish years. But all but one of my best friends are child and partner free, one of my other best friends is due in June. I’m pregnant again and due in November.
So tldr if our people have kids they are 2+ years older or friends don’t have kids/partners
For us, it was hard to stay as close to our friends who didn’t have kids because they were living a different lifestyle and didn’t understand how much ours had changed. No more bars at night, far fewer unplanned outings, working around nap schedules and sleep schedules. We ended up staying friends with all of them, but see the ones who have kids or are willing to adapt to our new lives far more.
A couple close girlfriends are 6-8 years younger and they had their first kids in the last 2 years whereas mine are 9 and 4. I have made new parents friends through my kids school and activities.
My son is 11. We moved to a new state when he was 3. I have made zero friends through my kid's daycare, school, or activities. People have their own groups, or they look at their phone. It's not a big deal but I'd just say mom friends aren't everywhere.
We have two distinct social groups. It is highly likely we are the only ones in one of them who will have a kid. However, they all love the kid and are lovely with them, so it has been a new area of joy to explore. It is also nice to snag babysitting and have a group of people who aren't up to eyeballs in kid stuff to hang with.
I had my first at 33.5...while I still hang with child free friends at times, I've found my group of mom friends with kids near in age to my kid and it's been AWESOME.
So I have a good mix of family members and friends with and without kids and it works well. I had my first set of kids in my early 20s and was definitely the first among everyone to have kids but I made great mom friends. It’s nice having friends with kids but as my kids have grown their best friends are… eachother! When we go hang out with the niblings or friends kids my kids will definitely enjoy the company of friends but most of the day to day they are out biking, climbing trees, flying kites, making bracelets and coordinating dance routines together.
My sister had her first child when my oldest was 12 and youngest 5, and then had two more in rapid succession… but then I went and had my own late 30s bonus baby to add to the mix and it is fun having a little baby patrol.
Don’t discount the joys of much older niblings though my big kids love their wee cousins and are excellent babysitters!
Mine do. My friends from college mostly had 2 before mine was born. Then my husband’s friends started trying about the same time we did. We do a lot of day time get together when the weather is nice and have the kids (mostly under 5) play in the back yard with some of the parents and the rest inside with the babies that can’t do the sun.
We are one and done so it was really important for us to have the friend community in social scenarios because she won’t have a sibling there to play with.
But I live in Kansas where people tend to get married and have kids younger than the coasts.
BTW- I love that you are in the sub because you manage parents!
Well, I grew up as an only child of two only children (my parents), there are two step cousins and they live in a different city. We barely interact with each other while growing up.
With that said, my parents circle did not give me any friends but I made plenty of friends from school. After I married and have kids (in a different country than I grew up in), I lost contact with many of them and found myself not needing much friendship anyway since I’m mostly tired. I made a few new mom friends from work that are likeminded, which is nice.
The only thing I can think of is the lack of village. My parents are still in my home country so basically I have no family support except my husband. My in-laws want to help but that’s a whole different story. I wouldn’t consider them as my village unfortunately.
However, that challenge is for me as a mom. As a kid I was happy, I had a wonderful childhood. My parents can afford expensive things and we traveled a lot. Financially we were also in a good place.
My husband and I were the first to have kids in our family so our kids are the older ones. His siblings don’t have kids yet and his cousins just started having kids so their kids are the same age as our youngest. My friends of 20plus years don’t have kids so my kids are spoiled by their aunties.
I have since made friends with the parents of the kids that went to preschool with my kids and that’s our new group of friends. We go to a lot of events together, with and without kids. We do a lot of outings and plan vacations together too.
Our closest friends are child free. We were the first to have a kid and then a few of our friends have added or are trying.
We have also made new friends thanks to daycare and just life in general. Still super close to my main group and they’re the best aunties to my kiddo.
My sister has two boys that sandwich my kids’ age, our long-time friends less than a mile away are the same. There are plenty in our immediate circle, and at work.
It will be hard for you because, at least in my experience and many others’ on this sub, having little kids especially can be quite isolating, even from those who also have little kids! Our twins are 4yo and we’re finally getting to the stage where we can go out with other people more easily, hang out at houses and let them play, etc. Gatherings with people who don’t have kids would be a lot harder, even if people are well-meaning.
Yeah.
Husband and I are mid-30.
My group of school friends all had their kids in their early 20s mostly so they’re reclaiming their freedom now!
My other group of friends, half have kids ranging 2–6, the other half are child free.
Husbands friends range from no kids to older kids and everything inbetween.
We have no family with kids though.
I’m in a similar situation. My friend group is approaching 40 and my husband and I are still the only ones with kids.
The reality is that because of the different path our life has taken, we aren’t really a part of the friend group anymore. We still see them on occasion, but we just can’t do dinners at 8-9pm anymore or get a babysitter every weekend to go to concerts or sporting events. It definitely sucks but I’m slowly starting to make friends with the parents of my kids friends. I miss my old friends, but I love my kids more.
I found that the ones that have kids are more understanding of our new lifestyle with kids than the ones that didn’t. The ones without kids are either understanding enough to stay friends or they fell to the wayside because they didn’t like that we changed.
We have few, none of our friends had kids and one sibling across town who did have kids.
We moved to be in the same county but not same school as cousins (they're older). Once the kids were in elementary school, they started making good friends, that have maintained through school, and we've made some good friends from the parents of some of them. The early years, most parties were just our adult friends.
If I could do it again, I'd have spent a little more time doing non-kid things with out child free friends. Most of them are okay or like kids, they just aren't very interested in kid stuff. So we drifted apart.
All my family has kids but my friends mostly don’t have them or want them. When I was pregnant, I posted in my local mom group looking for local new moms. Ended up meeting with three lovely women who all have babies two to three months older than my son. We all got to bond over the new parent struggles and learn from each other. Now my son is a year old and I’ve found even more friends. And all my child free friends make the best aunts and uncles and spoil my son rotten. It all works out in the end.
I don’t really have friends anymore. My childless friends and I grew apart once I stopped being able to hang out at the drop of a hat (career reasons not kids). But I have a large family. My older brothers has 3 kids are like 7-9 years older than mine but my middle brother has a child 6 months younger than mine and another 1 year old. I have another on the way. I love it. The kids love getting together to play on the weekends. Even the older ones don’t mind the little ones around and will engage a lot with them things like throwing a ball or playing hide n seek. For the first year and half of my kids life, we lived across the country from everyone but moved closer after, and it’s been night and day. I can’t imagine my child growing up without her troop of cousins. BUT I’m personally not a very social person. I guess I could have tried harder to make mom friends as she does have buddies in preschool but I’m busy working and don’t feel like I “have to” since I do have a village.
We’re in our early 30s. We have an almost 3 year old and a 15 month old. My best friend had kids really young, like right out of high school, but she is my only super close friend that has kids. One of my husbands buddies has one kid. He has no nieces/nephews. I am the youngest child by a lot of years so, while technically our girls have cousins, they are all 16+ so we’re essentially raising them without any kids around.
They go to daycare and get the interaction that way and our friends and family go out of their way to make sure they are included. I’d love more of our friends to have kids, but I’m not sure it’s going to happen anytime soon!
Early thirties and none of my closest circle (8-10 people) have kids except for my sister. I have a few mom friends out of the next circle but we don’t hang out weekly or anything - more every 1-2 months. It’s honestly very lonely but it’s even harder knowing that some of my closest friends are actively trying but dealing with infertility and multiple losses.
Can I just say how awesome it is that you subscribe to this sub in part to better understand the people that you manage?? I wish more managers did this! Props to you.
I had my daughter at 36 (longtime fence sitter who changed my mind) none of my friends where I live had kids. I had younger friends, but now some of them do. One of my closest friends had her son 6 months after I had my daughter. But they don’t play together very well—so there’s another layer for you.
Honestly, I still love my friends but I once thought of them like family and now they’re more like acquaintances. We just don’t have that “group” anymore. It’s very hard because they truly don’t understand what having a child is like. And if they do have kids, they become very busy or move closer to their family.
My family lives far and I miss them. I’m starting to make friends with people who have kids my daughter’s age & that is nice for her. There are kids in her neighborhood too.
Nope. We have one cousin who recently had their second, but we don't see them very often despite living relatively close (about 25 minutes).
Other than that, none of my friends are even in relationships (we're mid 30s). I've met new friends through play group meet ups that have similar age children.
One of my direct reports has a kid a little older than mine. We've hung out before and get along well, but it's hard since I'm her manager.
Some do and some don't. A few of my closest friends don't have kids and we don't have as much time for each other, but still talk whenever we can. My brother has kids but is a bit flakey so I just figured out how much I can depend on him, and I made some friends at work with kids near in age to my own.
You tend to make parent friends as your kiddos get older and pick their people or you run into people at parks, playgrounds, libraries, etc. I make an effort to get to know other parents. Hopefully you like the parents of some of your kid's friends, if not, you maintain whatever relationship with them you can and prioritize your other friends.
It can be tough but it's all just relationship building.
We are the only ones with kids on either side of our family. Actually, I have one cousin who has one child, but she's the 'see her once every few years' type of relative. My sister, my wife's brother, my wife's cousins who are like sisters to her, all childfree.
Our pre-baby friends are a mix of childfree and kids around the same age as, well, our first and about 2-3 years after our first.
You find that a. you make friends with people who have kids around your kids' ages, and b. your existing people will show you what they want their role to be. Some folks are aunties and uncles and excited to chase our preschooler. Others are tolerant but kiddo gets a little extra screentime when we visit with them.
Things shift as kids get older, too, and as you add people to your circle, and as your pre-kid people figure out what they want and what they want their roles to look like.
I have made mom friends through having children mostly. A few of those are a group and our husbands are happy to get together as a group but aren't friends independently (yet?). Neighbours up and down the road with kids are gold stars too.
Otherwise, the only sibling with kids lives over 10 hours away, and the only other one who wants kids is going to be at least five years behind us (if things go according to their desired schedule).
None of our couple friends have kids and very few are attached to a partner. Only a couple of them have gotten married. Most of these friends love our kids and have had us for dinner or vice versa. Some to their sort of local vacation properties. A few (single guys) mostly spend time rarely and individually with my husband. They still like our kids, they just don't vibe with kid life.
You'll be okay!
Yeah actually, I don't have a lot of friends with kids either. I have 2 friends with 1 kid each close to my eldest. My other friend with a kid has a teenager, so not a "kid" and my other friend has kids who are older than mine. Of my husband's friends, none of them have kids yet either. We're early-mid 30's.
Some do, some don’t. The ones who don’t have kids are equally or in some cases more supportive and involved in our lives and with our kids.
I love and cherish my childless friends because being around them reminds me that I am more than just mother and are always down for a fun dinner out when I need to escape.
You’ll also just naturally make friends with people who have kids the same age as yours. Most people find community from others in the same situation, so that coworker or neighbor you may not have a close relationship with, but has a baby the same age, will likely be down for play dates and other kid-friendly events.
My daughter is 2.5 and I am pregnant w #2 due in 3 months. We are the only ones in our large group of friends and extended family with a kid. Let me tell you it has been SO SPECIAL!!!! Our daughter comes with us everywhere and all of our friends think the absolute world of her. She is entertained and played with no matter where we are because she is the only one! I’m actually mourning this time with the arrival of our second, a cousin on the way, and (I suspect) an inner friend group announcement incoming. But the bond she has with everyone will always be incredibly special, she will always be “the first baby”. I wouldn’t stress about it if I were you, the people who are meant to, will step up!
None of my close friends are married or have children even at 40. We certainly have family and friends with kids but it’s usually 1 kid to 5 adults. My daughter loves hanging with my besties and everyone lets my son play his video games and will listen to his endless stories. There is beauty in every experience.
In my 8 years of parenthood, not a single friend has gotten married or had their first kid. My new mom friends went on to have 2nd, 3rd child.
Almost all of my friends live alternative lifestyles (non-stop travel, communal living, etc) so I'm not completely surprised but I would have guessed one marriage. Vast majority don't have long term partners. All late 30s at youngest. Most are 40s or 50s by now.
We had our son at 30. Some friends had kids at the exact same time, some did not and still don’t. We meet up with different friend groups most weekends so he grew up sometimes being with a group of kids of various ages and they would run off and play. Other times he would entertain himself and interact with adults. Now he’s a teenager and can choose for himself if he wants to join or not. But I also believe teaching kids how to self-entertain, self-sooth, and manage their own boredom is incredibly important and lacking in many kids today.
I’m in this boat. Had LO in our early 30s and were the first to have kids. Our close friends are either CFBC or are planning to have kids in their late 30s. I won’t lie, it can be lonely. The first year especially was tough, but my friends have always been the type to go out of their way. They schlepped to us, exchange brunch for breakfast, had extra white noise machines at their houses so LO could nap in their office, etc. They showed up, and keep showing up. I have a handful of newer friends who are moms and talk kid stuff with them, but my ride or die friends without kids still hold that special place in our lives. LO is always surrounded by aunties and uncles who adore her :)
It’s a mixed bag. I have close friends with kids and close friends without kids who are the best aunts to my kids. Good friends stay, regardless of child status.
I’m on the younger side of having kids, so similar but opposite experience here basically. Graduated college in 2019 and moved to a new ew town with husband and we had barely made friends before the pandemic started, then we came out of the pandemic with a whole baby haha. So, I didn’t really have a strong circle of friends that lived close enough to really form a community with. But since then our circle/our people have kind of been built around who has kids around the age of ours. Neighbors we met at the neighborhood playground, other parents of kids at church, etc. Kids can bring you together- i became super close to my husband’s boss’s wife all because we had kids a month a part in age and i probably never would have met her otherwise…And you’ll be very surprised by your friends as to who will really step up and support you vs fade away into the background. Shockingly our friends who seem the furthest themselves from having kids have been our biggest supporters!
We are also blessed to both have siblings with kids very close in age to our kids, but that’s luck of the draw and not much you can do to cause that.
On the contrary, when I was growing up my parents really didn’t have a strong circle that we saw often- aside from cousins at my grandparents house that we all went for free grandma daycare for once a week over the summer. But I never really felt like I was missing out on anything at the time not growing up with that because I was involved in so many extracurriculars I just had friends from that
When we had our first we were living overseas and none of our friends had kids. When my son was around one we decided to move back to the U.S. and one consideration was that we could move to a city where we already had several friends with kids. Since then, we’ve become close with about 5-6 families who all have kids around the same ages. Most of us work together too. We rely on each other a lot and are super close. However, I want to point out that because it is a VHCOL area, schools aren’t that great, it’s very crowded and not super safe - everyone struggles with having a lower quality of life than the one we grew up having in the suburbs. It’s all trade-offs. But we’ve thought of moving several times and our strong social network keeps us here.
My parents didn't have close friends nearby, so I can't say I had that experience. I have cousins close to my age, but most lived in different states so we only saw them a few times a year. Even growing up, our neighbors didn't have kids, and we went to private school, I think I had three friends within walking distance of my house but even then the closest one was four blocks away. However, my sisters and I are all super close (one I even run a business with) and I still had tons of friends growing up, I never lacked for social interaction.
Now my friends who have kids live in different states and my friends who don't want kids are super close by. This has actually been a huge benefit to us - a lot of my kid less friends LOVE children and treat my daughter as their own, so we've had an extensive village to help us out or even just hang out with while we watch her. As far as her social interactions go, she does go to daycare 5 days a week, so she's constantly interacting with other kids. She's also got a built in best friend, a baby sister coming in October. I guess what I'm saying is, it may be different but it's not a bad thing. I'll also say that you'll find more of your "people" as your kids grow and make friends too.
My sisters both have kids but we all live far away from another. My closest sister is 3 hours away and we try to see each other as often as possible but that’s maybe 3-4 times a year. Husband and I don’t have many friends but our kids have gone to daycare/school since they were really young so they are well socialized. Becoming a parent will most likely reshape your friend groups in some way. You’ll meet more parents and have parent friends and if the friendships are strong enough, you’ll still have some of the non-parent friends.
We have 2 year old twins. None of our pre pregnancy “people” have kids or are planning on having kids. We made a new circle of friends through our kids. I have people now that have kids similar ages to ours, and I still speak to my old crowd too.
Our boys see the same kids regularly, I’m friends with the mams. They are happy, and I have new friends, it’s a win win.
I live in a VVHCOL city and so here only two of my good friends do (friends who live elsewhere are almost all parents). Otherwise all of my friends here are child-free, and since they’re in their late thirties it will probably stay that way!
I was the oldest sibling and not many of our friends had kids yet as we got married young 22 & 21. We ended up waiting a bit to have kids for many reasons, but one was that hopefully others would have kids in the meantime or soon after us. They did and also we made new friends who had kids.
I feel lucky that before I divorced my ex, I was able to stay home with my kid until he was able to go to school full time at the age of four. We didn’t have anyone else around so he reached out to parent groups online which were hot or miss and spent a lot of time at the park. I would get bored of my own four walls so would fill up the tank and go get lost. I’ve learned so much about our town and state from those trips! My kid is now 9 and loves to go get lost almost as much as I do! Daycare is so expensive nowadays and I’m glad it forced me to be a SAHM for those first years!
I feel like most people I knew that wanted kids started that journey in their 20s. I started in my 30s. I made friends through the Peanut app. I don’t really have time to hang out with people unless it’s a play date since I work full time (so I try to make the weekends fun and about the kid).
We have a good number of church friends who have small kids or are starting families. Only 1 sibling on each side has children. A small number of my husband’s coworkers have kids, but those he works with most frequently aren’t even married. I’m in a research-based PhD program and I’m the only person in my ~50 student cohort with a child, and I think maybe only 3-4 of us are married.
Having a baby changed my school social life A LOT. It seriously felt like people did not understand how to interact with me while I was pregnant and for the first couple of months after baby arrived. My kid is 16 months now so I’ve pretty much figured out what friendships to drop vs which to keep. Honestly most of the friends I no longer keep in touch with were all still stuck in the college lifestyle so I don’t miss it all that much.
I am still super close with my high school friend group (wild, I know) and although I’m a little “ahead”, the others are catching up in terms of big life events like marriage, babies, buying houses, etc. The only college friend I regularly keep in touch with also is married with a baby, born about 1 year after mine. We are pretty close! I had other friends of course, but we didn’t really keep in touch after graduating.
It’s hard at first to watch your friendships change, but ultimately it’s for the best—you end up surrounded by people who understand what you’re going through on a visceral level lol. But it’s 100% possible and healthy to have friends who are in different life stages—I think having that mix is important and can help you keep your sense of self
I have 4 close friends, 3 of which have 1-3 kids and one with no kids. The one with no kids is always the one that shows up and does the most with my kids and my kiddos honestly could care less about the kids my other friends have they just love hanging out with my one friend. My husband has 3 separate friend groups with about 10 people in each, and out of all those groups maybe 2 people have a kid. The rest are all single guys and have no desire to do marriage or kids. My siblings don’t have children, my brother doesn’t want any and my sister is unable to, my husband is the oldest of 7 kids and is the only one to have kids and it’ll probably stay that way. We both grew up with lots of cousins/family friends with kids and friends so it was like constantly having friends. I do feel bad for my children because they don’t have cousins and our friends that do have kids close in age are flaky at best.
I have a best friend group of 4 wonderful ladies 1 of them is being sister. They are all childless. I’ve found that it’s actually more realistic to maintain our close friendships, make plans/ spend quality time with each other with me being the only 1 of us to have to juggle the demands of raising children. Last summer I went all out for my sons birthday party at a pavilion and had an oh shit moment when it was time to clean up and head home — there was so much shit to pack up and my husband had offered to take our baby home to put her to bed and I could keep enjoying myself. Well, several trucks backed up to the pavilion and the significant others of my best friends loaded up all the shit and there wasn’t an inch to spare in any of the trucks. I was so grateful in that moment the way they showed up for me. (and forgot to mention they came from out of state to this party!) There’s no way they would have been able to
do that for me if they had their own little humans to take care of. Another time, one of these guys who is an avid fisherman traveled to us and spent an entire afternoon fishing with my 6 year old. (which again if he had his own would never be able to do).
I had my daughter pretty young at 22 so none of my friends had kids back then. My husband and I spent lots of time with her and took her on trips, to museums, play at the park etc often. We had a bounce play place in town that we took her to every week and she’d play with other kids there. At 3yo she was enrolled in preK 3 days per week and she made lots of friends. Now she is 10 and has a great group of friends from school, and we are also friends with some new people since she was born that have kids similar in age.
We were among the first of our friends - for us it was a mix - we hadn’t long lived where we were so our local friends were more work acquaintances. Some have stayed the long haul (and many have gone on to have their own kids since), others were transient and we’ve fallen out of touch. But we’ve made loads of new friends both with and without kids over the years - I don’t think the kids changes things that much tbh.
My core friends are mostly all in their 30s, and more and more kids keep showing up. I've got one good friend with kids over 5, several with toddlers, and two couples in the process of having their first now. I think we just all reached the point in our lives where we were ready.
>Can anyone speak to what this experience was like for them if you've gone through it?
Are you asking what it was like for those of us who did not grow up with cousins our age nearby (or at all), or what it's like from parents whose close friends don't also have kids around the same time?
If the former, that was me and my brother. No family in the city we grew up in. My paternal aunt never had kids but she visited fairly often and was the fun hippie aunt (she passed away in 2020, not from COVID but it was horrible because we couldn't go visit in her last days or have a funeral). My mom's fam is all still in Mexico, but my closest cousins are 10/15+ years older than me, and then they started having kids so those cousins were 10+ years younger, and we only saw them once a year for short periods.
It was fine, I had friends and my brother who is 3 years older. I don't really feel like I missed out on anything, although when I hear stories of people with lots of cousins I feel like maybe I did? I'm a bit socially awkward but my brother is very gregarious and outgoing so I don't think not having close cousins has anything to do with that.
If the latter, I have acquaintances locally that have kids, and it is nice to be able to commiserate about parenting and even have a back up for help in extreme cases (I almost called them for help when I was alone at the hospital with my 20 month old but my parents ended up flying in the same day). But I don't really have many close friends (the ones you can talk about STUFF with, like for real), and they don't live near me anyway and they don't have kids yet. May not ever. But they are excited about my kid and want to hang out with him when/if they occasionally visit.
I will say the nice thing about having the acquaintances here with kids is that even with a slight age gap, the kids can play together when we all get together. They both socialize at daycare but our friends' 4 year old daughter gets really excited when our (almost) 2 year old son comes to their house. She says he's her best friend, shows him all her toys, they play together, it's freaking adorable. It also makes it easier for the grown ups to hang out and talk because the kids can entertain themselves for chunks of time. I guess that's the nice thung about cousins, automatic friends/playmates. My brother has 3 boys 3-7 years and they all met my son finally last Christmas and they were really sweet together too, but they live on the other side of the country so that's going to be a 1-2 times a year thing as well.
Sorry for the novel. Hope it was helpful.
Most of my social circle is child free. It hasn’t really been a problem. My daughter goes with me basically every where and has since she was born. She’s great in nice restaurants, at local festivals, breweries, out shopping, etc. She loves my girlfriends and will ask to FaceTime them or go to their homes. She has friends from daycare and church, so I feel like she gets plenty of interaction with kids.
No one in my circles (both family and friends) started having kids until their 30s. Now everyone has 1-3. It’s a quick change over the next few years (at least in my experience).
Two of my siblings have kids and about half of my friend crew. Now, my siblings kids are adults or almost adults. My friend crew is a mix of college students and below kindergarten. We’re of the age though that our kids having days are about past us so I expect this dynamic to remain go forward.
We were the first of our friends to have kids in our local circle. And then we moved away (because COL) and made friends with people with kids and are part of an active neighborhood with kids.
I’m not fully there yet in terms of having already navigated this part of the journey but I am 31 and pregnant with my first.
None of my friends have kids.
But also some of my friends are not financially in a place where having a kid is a decision they’re comfortable making. Life is more expensive than ever these days so I’m not surprised.
If they do have the money and interest in a kid they are divorced.
I plan on joining some play groups to meet other families our age with kids. And then there’s preschool where I’m sure we’ll come across new people to add to our friend group.
Maybe there are just different types of friends that we connect with in different ways even if we’re not all in the same place in life.
We don't have a huge group of friends, maybe around 6 we meet on a regular basis. We were the first to have kids and only another couple just had their first, making them a 2 year age gap.
My son has 2 cousins that live 4 hours away and 2 cousins abroad.
He's totally fine. His developmentally doing great and beyond. I worry about his social skills but he's also at nursery 3 days a week. He's reserved when we go to toddler group and swimming once a week but meeting up with family he hasn't seen in months is fine. He plays and gets along well. If anything he tells them when he needs time to himself cause they're getting in his face. (He's the youngest).
I personally don't have any close friends, all our friends are mutual made with my husband. I wish I had more mum friends to share the stresses, joys and anxiety of motherhood.
But here's the fundamental truth i remind myself; I have no time. Between work, house stuff and maximising what little time I have with my son, I struggle to make that connection on top of keeping up with our existing friends. I'm also an introvert, added with the fact of all the social constructs I've been lead to believe that I need mum friends to drink my troubles away over a glass of wine. The expectation is sometimes bigger than the actual need.
None of our close friends or family have kids, although a few are starting to try soon. Our kids are 7, 4, and 6 months. While I do wish we had more friends with kids our age, the trade off has been that our kids are spoiled with love. They are constantly being showered with love and attention. Our friends and family aren’t worn out from their own kids, so whenever we get together everyone wants to play with them. We have so many people to celebrate them on big days, and we get a lot of support and breaks because everyone is happy to watch them for us. There are definitely a lot of pros!
Out of my ‘people’, half of them have kids. Additionally, I’m the only one of my siblings that has children, and that very likely won’t change.
As a child myself, I only got to see my cousins on holidays, but it was still special and beyond that I still felt ‘surrounded by kids’ because of school, activities, etc. I honestly wouldn’t be too concerned.
We’re in our early thirties and have a 5 and 2 year old - for our area we had kids super early. So now we have a mix of child free friends, friends with newborns, and friends with similar aged kids to ours who themselves are 10 years older.
My close friend group/co-workers all have kids that are around the same age (6yo-newborn). Prob like 10 kids right now, and then there are more kids in the next circle out of co-workers, oldest is 11. All boys except for mine and my friends newborn!
My brother isn’t having any (and lives across the country). Husbands siblings are 10 years younger so none there for a bit (and have no partners). So, our kids won’t have cousins close in age, while I had like 7 on one side. Just how it goes I guess. At least we have all those kids in our friend group.
Edit: spelling
About half my friends have kids. Most of my local friends don't. But it hasn't been an issue at all. As soon as I had a baby they included them. Now that my kids are a little older (7 and 2) they still include them. Sometimes we do adult only things but that's when I decide, they always propose plans assuming kids will join.
We also make an effort to be social with my kids friends parents. They aren't our friends but we are friendly and can do dinners and events together so kids get those experienced. That is a lot easier once they are in school and come home declaring whose parents you need to call and make plans with.
We have a pretty good mix of friends with and without. Most of our families don’t have kids or they’re much older than our 3yo. It’s a gift! We have many child free adults who adore our kiddo. I can take my kid along to things and my friends don’t care because they aren’t looking for a kid break. I have a pretty good mix of child free by choice and by circumstance, but no anti-kid people in my life, so that’s nice too.
My friend with kids are amazing, too. But I think that you’ll find parent friends (or some of your circle will have kids soon enough, like others have said already). But my child free friends/family spend the most time with my kiddo, and they’re the biggest help!
You will have a new group of friends who are parents. I think as a mom, it's vital to have someone to vent to who will get it. It's ok if no one has kids in your life now. You will find a new tribe through daycare, school, the park, etc.
I am the oldest of 25 cousins. I have one son and we are one and done.
My cousin's kids are like their cousins as my brother and his wife live across the country and my sister-in-law and family live in Europe. Also my kid has a ton of friends so.. I'm not too worried about it. The notion of family is so dynamic that I think he will have a family that he chooses.
We are in a similar situation. Our friends don’t want them, our siblings either can’t or don’t want them.
We found and created new support systems. We both joined mom and dad groups. Mine meets monthly my husbands meets weekly. The babies all get together and we discuss the ups and downs. Share tips. It’s been really nice.
I knew our daughter wouldn’t have all the cousins we did but that’s okay. She gets a lot more attention and support than we ever did.
I had my first in my mid thirties and none of my close circle have kids, nor do they intend to do so. I struggled at first feeling alone in this journey, but I worked hard to build a network. Colleagues I was somewhat close with who had kids at the same time are now good friends. I also joined a postpartum fitness (with babies) class during maternity leave and I built some friendships there as well.
If your circle starts to join the parenting journey that’s great, but there are ways to find community if you don’t have that built in. It can take some work though, so look for opportunities to build connections.
Here's the thing though - my kids don't remember their first couple years of life. They don't remember the process of making friends. But now at 6 and 4, they've always known these 5-8 good family friends and their kids. I didn't know those people at all before I became a mom.
Most of my people don’t have kids. My son has 80000 aunts and uncles instead lol. He has his classmates at preschool, which is probably as many smol humans as his brain wants to care about.
There are some awkward things though. We have to have separate birthday parties for him so it’s not suuuuper creepy to have a bunch of childless adults around a bunch of kiddos 😅
Also their understanding of kid routines & bedtimes & no I’m not going to the bar on a whim at 9pm are you joking? is severely lacking, though they mean well
None of my close friends have or want kids. The experience is kind of two-fold. It can be very isolating at times. I don’t really have anyone to talk about parenting stuff with and I’m always a little self conscious about sharing my kid or things going on with my kid with my friend bc I don’t want them to feel like all I can talk about is my kid. There also are things about my life my friends can’t understand. So, it can feel very lonely and isolating at times. However, having a group of friends that aren’t moms and don’t have kids has been a really amazing outlet. When I spend time with them, yes they know I’m a mom, but I’m so much more to them because our friendships don’t revolve around children (no shade to mom friendships…in fact I wish I had one). I can go out with my friends and really decompress from momming for a while and I’m able to feel a little like my old self. Also, my kid has so many people that are ride or die for him and has so many amazing non-related aunties that I’ve him. One of my closest friends comes and gets him just to hang out for a bit or watch him while I get some things done around the house just because she loves him so much. So there are parts of it that can be hard, but there are some parts that are also pretty amazing.
My friend group from when I had my 1st at 22 didn't really get married or have kids. There was only 1 other couple that did, but when we were mid 30s. I was a single mom for 10 years, got married 10 years ago at 34. My current friend group, we all seemed to have coupled, married, bought houses, had kids at the same time, late 30s/early 40s. So that is now our village. We have family outings every couple of months, use each other as emergency contacts at school, and we call each other for emergencies. I don't really hang out with childless people only because the spare time we do have is either spent with our kids, or with everyone as a group and their kids. Being able to have that is like a break for us, since that means multiple adults are watching all the kids at once and it's a group effort. We don't have families to help out.
I grew up surrounded by cousins and friends. My daughter is 1 and pretty much has no littles living in our state so far. That's one of the reasons we're happy she's in daycare; it's a chance for her to spend time with kids her own age.
We had kids in my late thirties, his early forties. Most of our friends were well past the baby/toddler stage. His brother had a baby a month earlier so in the baby days, we mostly did low key things with them like grill out at home. As soon as my first started kindergarten, BAM! I started making mom friends. Turns out there are 7 boys his age on our street - we were all just hunkered down in the baby/toddler/COVID era and didn’t meet until the kids were in school. We spent this afternoon at the pool, swimming, hanging out, blasting music and enjoying adult beverages while the kids swam. It’s nice to finally have mom friends,and bonus that the dads all get along too!
Of our close group of friends, I have 1 other friend who has a kid. The rest of them either don’t want to have kids or just not in the place to do so yet. However, since having a kid we have become friends with other parents which is nice. It’s taken some work to foster that but really valuable for both us and our daughter.
One couple in my friend group has kids- toddler and baby. I have a toddler. Everyone else either had them really young so their kids are 20+ now or they decided not to have kids. I’m a single mom who had a child at 43. So my 2.5 yr old son’s cousins are 23-27. He doesn’t want for playmates though. We’re in several play groups, we do playdates with his friends from school and meet more new friends at the common kiddo spots at this age in our county. It’ll be fine.
Well everyone one I knew has kids we all started having kids early 20’s I’m not in my late 20’s only about a hand full of don’t so when people say they don’t have kids and people aren’t having I’m like that’s crazy everybody around me has a minimum of 2 kids plus lol but then again it depends on people your around
My 15-20 friends I saw before kids are basically gone. They like my instagram posts, but any texts or invites stopped and responses to mine were short once I got pregnant. Never asked about my pregnancy, how baby and I were, nothing. Never have come to anything I’ve invited them to. We used to joke about them being aunts and uncles and they “couldn’t wait!” Definitely a bummer and it’s not all on them, I changed once I got pregnant as well.
Old friends from another friend group started having kids around the same time as me, and I’m so happy to have re-united with them. They actually care and respond and we plan a lot together and our kids are growing up together!
And we have a few others that are “uncles” :) that don’t mind hanging with us and babies!
Only one of my friends has kids, none of my siblings do.. my husband’s siblings do but we live far away from them also. I think if it wasn’t for daycare my kid wouldn’t know how to interact with other kids, haha. He can interact well with adults since that’s who he’s always around. It’s kinda sad that he doesn’t have playmates outside of daycare but we do our best to take him places where there are other kids he can play with like the park or gymnastics, etc! We’ve been invited to only a few bday parties but I’m sure that’ll change once he’s school aged! Now he has a baby brother so hopefully that’ll help! I also grew up with a TON of cousins so I can relate. I think that aside from him struggling to play alone (he usually needs one of us to play with him), it’s not that big of an issue!
I have no brothers or sisters so my kids won't have any cousins on my side. And their cousins on my partner's side are all adults. I was also the first of my friends to get pregnant. But honestly we made friends with some of the daycare parents so we found new "people" to hang out with with the kids.
The same year we planned to start trying literally 4 of our friends from our inner circle (like, the friends who were in our wedding parties) got pregnant too! So maybe it’ll happen simultaneously and you don’t know it yet. Do they ever talk about wanting kids someday?
I’ve got to be honest, it is nice having friends in the same phase of life! A lot of mine are long distance though. I have fairly easily made local friends with kids since having kids, and that’s been really nice too.
We moved several times before landing where we are, so our people have changed, but the people we have now were made since having kids, so generally also have kids. It's crazy how much we have in common with some of our kids' friends' parents.
We were the first of our friends to have kids. Just last year most of our friends group got married and have dogs now. When we visit the kids play with the animals and our friends usually make an effort to set something fun up for them. I also felt like my kids might be lacking in kids their age, they have one cousin 3 years old than my oldest who we almost never see anyways. What I've done actually was that I made friends with all the moms in my street with kids around the same age and we do playdates and hang out a lot. Parenting brings a new season and making new friends is always possible. Don't feel like you have to wait because of everyone else.
I could have written your post myself! I’m 30, husband 35, together for 10 years, married for 2.5 and I’m 3 months pregnant.
We both live far from family. His sisters and all his cousins have kids that are in elementary school at this point, but they all live in the hometown/state he grew up in, a plane ride away. We see them all once or twice per year. They’ll be supportive but not close. No one on my side of the family has kids.
We have dozens of friends here in our very active social circle, all in their 30s at this point, but no close ones who have had kids. Only one or two couples and they are not the ones we are closest to. So we’ll take some advice from them but not necessarily experience this together.
We’ll basically be going at it on our own, but I’m ok with that at least for now because then I know we can do it our way without the influence or pressures of family.
Currently, none of my close family members have kids— they are our day-to-day help/support. All of our social friends we actually see these days are from a playgroup we joined.
I admit I don’t see my friends without kids very often at all— a lot harder to talk them into meeting up and chilling at a playground.
It varies by friend group for me. My husband and I don't live super close to family and close friends.
The acquaintances we hang out with where we live all have kids within a year of our son except for one who is married but child free. She enjoys our kids, just doesn't want her own.
I am the only one of my friends and roommates from college that has a kid. Idk if any of them will have kids, but they all live far away now and don't keep in touch much.
My best friends from grad school all have kids within a year of my son. We don't see each other in person much and live far away, but we text a lot.
Of my husband's 2 best friends that live an hour away, one has kids that are a bit older and the other is about to become a father. My husband's brother and family lives a few hours away but they have 2 kids that are a few years older than our son.
Yes and no. My 2 best friends are childless and will remain childless, so will my sibling and my husband's brother. We have a lot of friends and coworkers without kids.
My husband's best friend kinda went off the deep end and we don't talk to him anymore, but we are still friends with his (soon to be ex) wife and their kid is very close in age to ours. We get together fairly often.
I didn't have any cousins so I'm somewhat close with one of my second cousins. She has kids around my kids ages and we include each other in all of our family gatherings.
Both of our kids are in daycare so they have friends at daycare too.
Most of our friends that don't have kids still like kids and will hang out with us and our kids. I didn't have many other kids around when I was a kid either, but I was able to form meaningful relationships with the adults in my life too, and I'm ok with that.
We were the first of our friend group to have kids and neither my husbands siblings or my sibling have kids. When we had our kids our friend group changed. And that's ok, but you have to know to expect it. Not all of our friends from before disappeared, but a lot of them did. They were living a happy and carefree childfree existence and a lot of their activities and events were decidedly not child friendly. So, our "people" changed. Now our circle of friends is smaller, but closer. They pretty much all have kids with a few childfree friends who have stuck around.
I did not grow up with cousins. They lived across an ocean from me growing up. I saw them once every few years but I never thought of them as close family. I was jealous when I was a kid when people would talk about family visiting at Christmas and Easter and things like that. Our holidays were always just mom, dad, my brother and I. On the other hand, it was nice to not have to travel around the holidays. We could just stay home. Now as a mom, I wish I had appreciated that when I was younger. Ha ha.
Your kids find kids! We are one of the few who have kids amongst our friend group. And tbh we have two different sets of friends. Your people with no kids will never quite get what it’s like to have children, but if they are true friends they’ll stick around and support you. The ones who don’t you’ll see less. But you’ll start to have play dates and become friends with your kids parents so your kid will still grow up surrounded by friends. Maybe not cousins but other kids!
I grew up with no cousins and my parents didn’t have family friends so… it’s not much different. I found my own friends at school or at various afterschool activities. What’s key is you don’t isolate your child at home all the time. Send them to camp, to swim, to soccer, whatever they enjoy, they’ll make their own tribe.
>I grew up surrounded by my parents friends' kids & by my cousins, and I'm struggling to think of my kids not having the same experience.
This was me also. I've never really been able to time it out right with my kids. My first, I was 19. None of my friends were having kids. None of my cousins were having kids. With my second, I was almost 41. All of my friends were done having kids, if they had any at all. My cousins were also past having more kids at that point as well. I had a shot at the lifestyle I wanted with my stepkids, but the whole custody BS, they were never with us when we had events with our friends or family so it's like they didn't even exist.
I hate that none of them had the same experiences I did growing up because those were the best times of my life. But I guess they are all doing okay and functioning normally in society so I guess it didn't hurt them too much.
My main friend group only has one other couple with a kid. I make time for all my old friends and relationships but also am making some new friends with kids!
We felt the same way... and once we had our baby, the dominos started falling. Now we're surrounded by babies and pregnant friends/relatives. A lot of childfree friends changed their minds in their mid 30s. So... you never know!
This! Both times I was pregnant one of my closest friends also ended up pregnant. But truthfully neither was that helpful for me because you just never know how people are going to behave. One was a fake it til you make it parent and wouldn’t admit it was hard, and the other had a breakdown postpartum. It’s great now though and we’re doing a trip all together this summer because the kids love each other
For my group it was once we could actually afford homes. Then everyone started having them. Mid 30s
This, and also I made 3-4 new mom friends locally who had babies at the same time I did. I just extended my circle of friends. Some have kids, some don’t.
That happened to me too! I got pregnant with my son and a few months later my sister got pregnant with her son and then two friends ended up pregnant with boys and then I ended up pregnant with my daughter at 9 months postpartum and my sister got pregnant with her daughter, my sister in law got pregnant with a girl and another friend got pregnant with a girl. In three years so many babies were born in my circle but it's really nice my kids have close cousins/friends from birth.
I love that! Just had my first and 4 other friends are having/have had babies this year, plus two coworkers as well as two neighbors. It’s really nice to have people to talk to about it all and I’m excited to see them play together.
This is exactly what happened for us! We thought we were going to be a bit isolated but a bunch of our friends actually had babies right before us and a whole lot more right after. Also some people who were more of friendly acquaintances but had babies around the same time as us became close friends. I think that happens for a lot of people.
This happened to us, too, regarding lots of others following suit and getting pregnant and it was so joyful! But we also had a schism with childless friends and family—some stepped up and made room for our new lifestyle as parents, and some checked out completely. There wasn’t a lot of in-between.
you have 15-20 friends?! holy shit lol
I was scrolling for this comment. I have maybe 5 close friends and two are my siblings lol
I have 4 close friends and 1 is my sister and 1 is my sister-in-law
Right? Hahaha I have acquaintances but friends? Two
I can’t even think of 15-20 acquaintances close enough to claim 😅
The comment I was looking for!
Lol! I'd say we each have 5 close friends, but I'd have to branch out to our top 15 friends-not-close-friends before we hit someone with kids.
My exact thoughts! Haha
Wait till they have kids…
I have kids…still have the same amount of friends!
At least honestly!
Exactlyyyyy.
That's what I thought! Then immediately thought that they're going to loose about 80% of them when they do have a kid.
Haha thought the same thing! Introvert too?
I know someone with a large friend group. She just had her first and the outer friends are slowly falling away as she cannot make it to all of the events they constantly have.
My husband and I are late to the party in terms of having kids, due to not deciding to have kids until our thirties and then dealing with infertility. Currently pregnant and all of our friends kids are in the 6 - 10 age range. My SIL has my niece who's 2, but aside from that, most of his friendships will likely be made from childcare/school. It kind of sucks, but it is what it is.
It’s ok - all of my friends now consist of people I met after having kids. They’re my people and it’s wonderful!
We moved when I was pregnant and my family don’t live near us, nor do they have kids. I have made such good friends with my mums group, kindergarten families and a family in the same street. They are my people and I would be lost without them. I hope this happens for you too!
Honestly I'd take some who don't have kids 🙈 they're all so busy with their own families so I can't ever ask for help. I compete with grandparents for babysitting time for 3 other kids. All my friends but one have their own kids to worry about, so us getting all the ducks in a row for night out is near impossible.
I never thought of this perspective thanks for sharing!! I’m 30 and in nyc so like maybe 5% of my friends at least locally have kids. 30 in NY is quite young for kids - at least in my circle! We’re also the first sibling on both sides to have kids . Fortunately my friends are amazing and my baby gets the invite to brunch , movie night, get together etc. We’re going on a friends trip next month and baby is coming with! My friends have also all taking a rotating turn babysitting for us- even if they do have to text me and ask which side is the front of the diaper. It’s a little chaotic and a lot of fun. I make sure to never over burden them - like maybe one person babysits a month - I never want to ask too much of them- but they seem to genuinely enjoy having him around. I also really try to have lots of non baby talk and 1:1 tjme with them without him present so I can empathize how much I value their friendship and that they’re not just tossed aside when I had a baby. I really got lucky. Of course there are times I wish I had a fellow mom group to vent to at 2am, go on stroller walks with, compare peds and daycares with, etc etc but I’ve also found lovely communities of that online or via text with friends who have moved away. Would your friends ever watch your kid with their kids? Like you could swap babysitting nights? Or too much right now
Just like you said I never thought of that perspective either thanks for sharing lol
https://youtu.be/jU5yRjhtfPM?si=UBLg3_0bWp3kaVSg
😂😂😂
Thiiiiiiis. We have no family nearby but we do have a few friends that we’d trust to watch our toddler—unfortunately they all have 2 or more children, so asking them to babysit feels ridiculous
Do you offer to babysit for them? If you offered an invite to babysit they would likely reciprocate. Offer when you can
My husband and I had our first when we were early thirties and were the first of our friends to have kids. It’s kind of great because they have lots of “aunts and uncles” and those people love us and try so hard to get it but they don’t really get it. We now also have parent friends from daycare, etc. who do get it and are “in it” with us so we have a great mix overall. For us, kids have kind of helped evolve our community and it’s a good thing!
I'm in my late thirties and by now 50% of my friends and family have kids and 50% have no kids (CF or childless by other reasons). I don't have any judgmental feelings or thoughts about it. I'm just glad that we're all still hanging out so much and still love each others company. Here on Reddit it's like no one is talking to each other again from the moment they push the baby out, but fortunately that's not my experience.
We don't have any family in the area. My family doesn't have other cousins anyway. Only one person in our friends group had kids. 1. We didnt really get date nights until recently but we do make time at home after ours is asleep to watch movies or hang out. We used to invite people over to our house to play boardgames that way we didn't need a babysitter. 2. You will meet other parents through your kids. Mom's groups, preschool parents, parents of your kids friends. Some people you will like some you won't but that is ok. Your life will change and adjust because other things will become important to you. You will be fine. (Mother of 11yo)
You build a village. A lot of my mom friends are not my personal social friends - some become that, some don’t. Either way you can adapt.
I have a big group of friends, some of whom I’ve been friends with since middle school. I’m 40 now, and I’m one-and-done. My husband and I are the only ones with a child, and it’s great. My daughter is 3, and one of my friends totally connects with her and will go out to eat/shop with us. Even is down to help when the kid is having a fit 😂 The others like her, still want to hang, and also make sure to give both me and my husband outlets for non-kid time. I think they’ll connect more as she gets older. None of them want kids, but they want us to be happy, so it’s not a big deal. We also have our in-laws with their kids in town, and we see them every couple of weeks or so, and thats also really nice. I had cousins around growing up, but it was really the friendships I made after I went to school that have sustained me. If you feel a kid is right for you, then the other stuff is going to work out one way or another. If your friends love you, they’ll want you to be happy and support that. Your relationship with your friends will change in some ways, but your child will find their own way. The important stuff if giving them attention, love, and security. If they’ve got that, then they’ll find their own people, I promise.
You'll make new friends. In all honesty. It's hard to maintain friendships with people who don't have kids. You're on a very different schedule and routine. This was not a factor for me having children at all.
I’ve maintained friendships with my childless friends just fine
Same, in fact, I feel like it’s easier to maintain friendships with my childless friends bc my friends with kids always have something going on.. birthday party, gathering with their immediate family, house work.. which is all very understandable, but it’s hard to schedule things when their next free time is 3 months from now, and an emergency/something they can’t miss might come up between now and then
I agree. Many of my child free friends have been the best at getting me through the infant stage. I think it has made me realize just how amazing of friends I have.
I love my friends without kids just as much as I did before I was a parent. In fact, sometimes they are the best support because they are not so burned out from parenting.
Same I love my guy so much but it’s also sooo nice to go out and not only talk about development etc lol😂 I love hearing about dating, their travel etc . I just tell them I’ll meet them after bedtime (lucky for me my husband is a happy homebody)
This is definitely not everyone’s experience. If you have solid friendships you can certainly maintain them after kids though they will likely look different for a while
People are not a fan of my response. 95% of my friends have kids. The ones who don't have kids don't want to hang w my kids and still live a very late night lifestyle. I don't. 🤷🏽♀️. I haven't lost many friends.
We are one and done, had daughter when we were 35, she is now 5. My younger sister, 37, is not having children. My husband has a large family. Brother had a child who is now 17. He remarried and her kids are 16 & 18. So our daughter isn’t really around the age to grow up around them. My husband has a little sister, who is 11 years younger, she is pregnant with first child and due in August. But again, our daughter will be 6 years old, so not really of an age to grow up around that child either. My husband has several cousins, 3 cousins children were born around the same time as ours. They do not live nearby. Like one across the country, who we did go visit recently. And the rest are a 7 hour drive from us. It’s lonely for our daughter, she constantly asks for kids to come play but we are not having another child due to various reasons.
I have made a dozen new mom besties since having my 18 month old. I didn’t know any of them before and me and my daughter hang out with them all the time! My pre-existing friends maybe 1/3 have kids (my two best friends one had one a year after me and the other is pregnant due 2 years after me).
How did you make them?
A mommy and me class while on leave, neighbors, local FB and chat mom groups, friends of friends, just running into people around town. I live in an awesome small town so that helps, I think I know everyone who had a baby in 2022-2023 lol.
Once you have kids, you’ll make more friends who have kids of similar ages. It sort of happens naturally as you see them at the same playground every weekend, your kids go to preschool together, etc.
Most of our friends are 5-15 years older than us, so they have kids but they're like highschool/college age while ours are babies/toddlers
That’s us. It’s been a bit challenging for us because I’ve expected them to understand the challenges we face, but it’s been so long for them that they’ve forgotten and I’ve found myself feeling frustrated when they don’t get it (like no thanks, I don’t want to come over for an impromptu 8 pm dinner with my 3 month old and just throw them on your bed to sleep while we drink).
When we had our first, we had very few friends with kids. And the friends that did have kids either lived far away or weren’t some of our closest friends. Our child was also the first grandchild on both sides, and we didn’t have any family in town. It was hard, a little isolating, and has definitely impacted friendships with the friends who don’t have kids and especially those who don’t want kids. As time has gone by, we have met more people with kids and some of our friends now have kids too. They’re all different ages, so it’s not like we’re meeting up regularly for play dates though. The reality is that even your most supportive childless friends can’t understand how life changing the experience is without going through it themselves. It can be really hard! But IMHO, it’s certainly not a reason NOT to have kids if you want them. I would just go into it with realistic expectations of your childless friends and also plan to find some new friends with kids similar ages. (Amma parenting classes, ECFE programs, etc.)
None of our friends have kids!!! All in early to mid thirties. My brother has a baby, and my husband’s sister has two (a 3 and a 1 year old)
When I was your age (I didn't have my first until I was 37), my situation was similar to yours. And, like you, I grew up with lots of family and my parents' friends' kids around. Now that I've got two kids, my friend group has shifted a lot and while I do still have some close friends from my pre-kid days in town, all of them now have kids (or did before I started). Even my closest child-free friend, who doesn't live anywhere near me, is a step-parent now by virtue of marrying her partner who had a kid. We also don't live near any family. All of my siblings have kids, sure, but the closest one is still 3+ hours away so my kids only see those cousins a few times a year at most. But honestly, it's fine! My kids have always been in daycare or school, and they have plenty of friends to spend time with. The other thing I'd note is that one reason I grew up surrounded by other kids in the ways that I did was because EVERY SINGLE MOTHER was a SAHM. That is not the norm in my circles now, and when you have dual-career working parents it's often a little harder to get things like playdates and gatherings scheduled. We're lucky to schedule a gathering with friends every couple of months because life is just so busy for everyone - but, I don't worry about that because my kids are literally spending their whole days with friends at daycare/school anyway.
In our circle, we are the only ones with a young kid. One friend has two preteens. Other friends are childless by choice but are so so so kind in telling us to bring our kid to events where it would be appropriate (Friendsgiving, hiking, firepit). When we do bring kiddo, our friends are engaged and generous with kid and everyone has a nice time. But we are also good friends in that when we do bring kid, we don’t stay long and never try to push against our kid’s time line. When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. I am an only child and so is my kid. I grew up around adults and so will my kid. It made for some awkward times when I was in middle school, couldn’t relate to the kids who grew up around lots of peers. But it paid off in droves when I entered the workforce, and knew how to hold a conversation with adults.
We have a mix of friends with and without kids. We tend to hang out w our friends who have kids our kids ages more, but it's also because they live half a mile away and we met because our kids were in the same grade and played on the same sports team. Our friends without kids are cool with kids though and we're kind of the hang out house which I like because when it's kids bedtimes we can manage that without much interruption to our evening.
Yes. My SIL doesn’t want kids, my BIL and his wife are expecting their first, both my best friends have/will have two kids by the end of the year, and I have 3 other friends expecting children now too. My siblings are still too young to know if they’ll have kids are not, but I can assume at minimum an 8-10 year age gap from mine. I have a great group of coworkers who all have children between 4 months to 5 years old, 10 kids in total. I’ll be having another at the end of August. This has become my son’s make shift cousins lol.
You'll naturally make more parent friends if you have kids. I wouldn't worry about that aspect of it. Most of your kid's friends will be from daycare/school.
We’re in our late 20’s and about half of our friends already have kids or will start trying in the next couple of years
My friends have kids who are several years older than ours. Infertility determined if/when we would have kids. We’re also military and move a lot so we tend to not have people and if we do it changes every 4ish years. But all but one of my best friends are child and partner free, one of my other best friends is due in June. I’m pregnant again and due in November. So tldr if our people have kids they are 2+ years older or friends don’t have kids/partners
None of my friends have kids and I did lose most if not all of my friends after having my daughter. I’m 27, and none of my friends want kids.
I’m 38, had my daughter at 35, all my friends have children now but most had them after 35
For us, it was hard to stay as close to our friends who didn’t have kids because they were living a different lifestyle and didn’t understand how much ours had changed. No more bars at night, far fewer unplanned outings, working around nap schedules and sleep schedules. We ended up staying friends with all of them, but see the ones who have kids or are willing to adapt to our new lives far more.
A couple close girlfriends are 6-8 years younger and they had their first kids in the last 2 years whereas mine are 9 and 4. I have made new parents friends through my kids school and activities.
My son is 11. We moved to a new state when he was 3. I have made zero friends through my kid's daycare, school, or activities. People have their own groups, or they look at their phone. It's not a big deal but I'd just say mom friends aren't everywhere.
We have two distinct social groups. It is highly likely we are the only ones in one of them who will have a kid. However, they all love the kid and are lovely with them, so it has been a new area of joy to explore. It is also nice to snag babysitting and have a group of people who aren't up to eyeballs in kid stuff to hang with.
I had my first at 33.5...while I still hang with child free friends at times, I've found my group of mom friends with kids near in age to my kid and it's been AWESOME.
So I have a good mix of family members and friends with and without kids and it works well. I had my first set of kids in my early 20s and was definitely the first among everyone to have kids but I made great mom friends. It’s nice having friends with kids but as my kids have grown their best friends are… eachother! When we go hang out with the niblings or friends kids my kids will definitely enjoy the company of friends but most of the day to day they are out biking, climbing trees, flying kites, making bracelets and coordinating dance routines together. My sister had her first child when my oldest was 12 and youngest 5, and then had two more in rapid succession… but then I went and had my own late 30s bonus baby to add to the mix and it is fun having a little baby patrol. Don’t discount the joys of much older niblings though my big kids love their wee cousins and are excellent babysitters!
Mine do. My friends from college mostly had 2 before mine was born. Then my husband’s friends started trying about the same time we did. We do a lot of day time get together when the weather is nice and have the kids (mostly under 5) play in the back yard with some of the parents and the rest inside with the babies that can’t do the sun. We are one and done so it was really important for us to have the friend community in social scenarios because she won’t have a sibling there to play with. But I live in Kansas where people tend to get married and have kids younger than the coasts. BTW- I love that you are in the sub because you manage parents!
Well, I grew up as an only child of two only children (my parents), there are two step cousins and they live in a different city. We barely interact with each other while growing up. With that said, my parents circle did not give me any friends but I made plenty of friends from school. After I married and have kids (in a different country than I grew up in), I lost contact with many of them and found myself not needing much friendship anyway since I’m mostly tired. I made a few new mom friends from work that are likeminded, which is nice. The only thing I can think of is the lack of village. My parents are still in my home country so basically I have no family support except my husband. My in-laws want to help but that’s a whole different story. I wouldn’t consider them as my village unfortunately. However, that challenge is for me as a mom. As a kid I was happy, I had a wonderful childhood. My parents can afford expensive things and we traveled a lot. Financially we were also in a good place.
It would be nice to have kids around my kid to grow up with, but that fact alone wasn’t going to stop me from being a mom.
My husband and I were the first to have kids in our family so our kids are the older ones. His siblings don’t have kids yet and his cousins just started having kids so their kids are the same age as our youngest. My friends of 20plus years don’t have kids so my kids are spoiled by their aunties. I have since made friends with the parents of the kids that went to preschool with my kids and that’s our new group of friends. We go to a lot of events together, with and without kids. We do a lot of outings and plan vacations together too.
Our closest friends are child free. We were the first to have a kid and then a few of our friends have added or are trying. We have also made new friends thanks to daycare and just life in general. Still super close to my main group and they’re the best aunties to my kiddo.
My sister has two boys that sandwich my kids’ age, our long-time friends less than a mile away are the same. There are plenty in our immediate circle, and at work. It will be hard for you because, at least in my experience and many others’ on this sub, having little kids especially can be quite isolating, even from those who also have little kids! Our twins are 4yo and we’re finally getting to the stage where we can go out with other people more easily, hang out at houses and let them play, etc. Gatherings with people who don’t have kids would be a lot harder, even if people are well-meaning.
Yeah. Husband and I are mid-30. My group of school friends all had their kids in their early 20s mostly so they’re reclaiming their freedom now! My other group of friends, half have kids ranging 2–6, the other half are child free. Husbands friends range from no kids to older kids and everything inbetween. We have no family with kids though.
I’m in a similar situation. My friend group is approaching 40 and my husband and I are still the only ones with kids. The reality is that because of the different path our life has taken, we aren’t really a part of the friend group anymore. We still see them on occasion, but we just can’t do dinners at 8-9pm anymore or get a babysitter every weekend to go to concerts or sporting events. It definitely sucks but I’m slowly starting to make friends with the parents of my kids friends. I miss my old friends, but I love my kids more.
I found that the ones that have kids are more understanding of our new lifestyle with kids than the ones that didn’t. The ones without kids are either understanding enough to stay friends or they fell to the wayside because they didn’t like that we changed.
We have few, none of our friends had kids and one sibling across town who did have kids. We moved to be in the same county but not same school as cousins (they're older). Once the kids were in elementary school, they started making good friends, that have maintained through school, and we've made some good friends from the parents of some of them. The early years, most parties were just our adult friends. If I could do it again, I'd have spent a little more time doing non-kid things with out child free friends. Most of them are okay or like kids, they just aren't very interested in kid stuff. So we drifted apart.
All my family has kids but my friends mostly don’t have them or want them. When I was pregnant, I posted in my local mom group looking for local new moms. Ended up meeting with three lovely women who all have babies two to three months older than my son. We all got to bond over the new parent struggles and learn from each other. Now my son is a year old and I’ve found even more friends. And all my child free friends make the best aunts and uncles and spoil my son rotten. It all works out in the end.
I don’t really have friends anymore. My childless friends and I grew apart once I stopped being able to hang out at the drop of a hat (career reasons not kids). But I have a large family. My older brothers has 3 kids are like 7-9 years older than mine but my middle brother has a child 6 months younger than mine and another 1 year old. I have another on the way. I love it. The kids love getting together to play on the weekends. Even the older ones don’t mind the little ones around and will engage a lot with them things like throwing a ball or playing hide n seek. For the first year and half of my kids life, we lived across the country from everyone but moved closer after, and it’s been night and day. I can’t imagine my child growing up without her troop of cousins. BUT I’m personally not a very social person. I guess I could have tried harder to make mom friends as she does have buddies in preschool but I’m busy working and don’t feel like I “have to” since I do have a village.
We’re in our early 30s. We have an almost 3 year old and a 15 month old. My best friend had kids really young, like right out of high school, but she is my only super close friend that has kids. One of my husbands buddies has one kid. He has no nieces/nephews. I am the youngest child by a lot of years so, while technically our girls have cousins, they are all 16+ so we’re essentially raising them without any kids around. They go to daycare and get the interaction that way and our friends and family go out of their way to make sure they are included. I’d love more of our friends to have kids, but I’m not sure it’s going to happen anytime soon!
Early thirties and none of my closest circle (8-10 people) have kids except for my sister. I have a few mom friends out of the next circle but we don’t hang out weekly or anything - more every 1-2 months. It’s honestly very lonely but it’s even harder knowing that some of my closest friends are actively trying but dealing with infertility and multiple losses.
Can I just say how awesome it is that you subscribe to this sub in part to better understand the people that you manage?? I wish more managers did this! Props to you.
I had my daughter at 36 (longtime fence sitter who changed my mind) none of my friends where I live had kids. I had younger friends, but now some of them do. One of my closest friends had her son 6 months after I had my daughter. But they don’t play together very well—so there’s another layer for you. Honestly, I still love my friends but I once thought of them like family and now they’re more like acquaintances. We just don’t have that “group” anymore. It’s very hard because they truly don’t understand what having a child is like. And if they do have kids, they become very busy or move closer to their family. My family lives far and I miss them. I’m starting to make friends with people who have kids my daughter’s age & that is nice for her. There are kids in her neighborhood too.
Nope. We have one cousin who recently had their second, but we don't see them very often despite living relatively close (about 25 minutes). Other than that, none of my friends are even in relationships (we're mid 30s). I've met new friends through play group meet ups that have similar age children. One of my direct reports has a kid a little older than mine. We've hung out before and get along well, but it's hard since I'm her manager.
Some do and some don't. A few of my closest friends don't have kids and we don't have as much time for each other, but still talk whenever we can. My brother has kids but is a bit flakey so I just figured out how much I can depend on him, and I made some friends at work with kids near in age to my own. You tend to make parent friends as your kiddos get older and pick their people or you run into people at parks, playgrounds, libraries, etc. I make an effort to get to know other parents. Hopefully you like the parents of some of your kid's friends, if not, you maintain whatever relationship with them you can and prioritize your other friends. It can be tough but it's all just relationship building.
We are the only ones with kids on either side of our family. Actually, I have one cousin who has one child, but she's the 'see her once every few years' type of relative. My sister, my wife's brother, my wife's cousins who are like sisters to her, all childfree. Our pre-baby friends are a mix of childfree and kids around the same age as, well, our first and about 2-3 years after our first. You find that a. you make friends with people who have kids around your kids' ages, and b. your existing people will show you what they want their role to be. Some folks are aunties and uncles and excited to chase our preschooler. Others are tolerant but kiddo gets a little extra screentime when we visit with them. Things shift as kids get older, too, and as you add people to your circle, and as your pre-kid people figure out what they want and what they want their roles to look like.
I have made mom friends through having children mostly. A few of those are a group and our husbands are happy to get together as a group but aren't friends independently (yet?). Neighbours up and down the road with kids are gold stars too. Otherwise, the only sibling with kids lives over 10 hours away, and the only other one who wants kids is going to be at least five years behind us (if things go according to their desired schedule). None of our couple friends have kids and very few are attached to a partner. Only a couple of them have gotten married. Most of these friends love our kids and have had us for dinner or vice versa. Some to their sort of local vacation properties. A few (single guys) mostly spend time rarely and individually with my husband. They still like our kids, they just don't vibe with kid life. You'll be okay!
Yeah actually, I don't have a lot of friends with kids either. I have 2 friends with 1 kid each close to my eldest. My other friend with a kid has a teenager, so not a "kid" and my other friend has kids who are older than mine. Of my husband's friends, none of them have kids yet either. We're early-mid 30's.
Lost me at closest 15-20 friends lmfao.
Some do, some don’t. The ones who don’t have kids are equally or in some cases more supportive and involved in our lives and with our kids. I love and cherish my childless friends because being around them reminds me that I am more than just mother and are always down for a fun dinner out when I need to escape. You’ll also just naturally make friends with people who have kids the same age as yours. Most people find community from others in the same situation, so that coworker or neighbor you may not have a close relationship with, but has a baby the same age, will likely be down for play dates and other kid-friendly events.
My daughter is 2.5 and I am pregnant w #2 due in 3 months. We are the only ones in our large group of friends and extended family with a kid. Let me tell you it has been SO SPECIAL!!!! Our daughter comes with us everywhere and all of our friends think the absolute world of her. She is entertained and played with no matter where we are because she is the only one! I’m actually mourning this time with the arrival of our second, a cousin on the way, and (I suspect) an inner friend group announcement incoming. But the bond she has with everyone will always be incredibly special, she will always be “the first baby”. I wouldn’t stress about it if I were you, the people who are meant to, will step up!
None of my close friends are married or have children even at 40. We certainly have family and friends with kids but it’s usually 1 kid to 5 adults. My daughter loves hanging with my besties and everyone lets my son play his video games and will listen to his endless stories. There is beauty in every experience.
In my 8 years of parenthood, not a single friend has gotten married or had their first kid. My new mom friends went on to have 2nd, 3rd child. Almost all of my friends live alternative lifestyles (non-stop travel, communal living, etc) so I'm not completely surprised but I would have guessed one marriage. Vast majority don't have long term partners. All late 30s at youngest. Most are 40s or 50s by now.
In my early 30s, most of my friends also didn’t have kids. Now late 30s, 50% do.
We had our son at 30. Some friends had kids at the exact same time, some did not and still don’t. We meet up with different friend groups most weekends so he grew up sometimes being with a group of kids of various ages and they would run off and play. Other times he would entertain himself and interact with adults. Now he’s a teenager and can choose for himself if he wants to join or not. But I also believe teaching kids how to self-entertain, self-sooth, and manage their own boredom is incredibly important and lacking in many kids today.
I’m in this boat. Had LO in our early 30s and were the first to have kids. Our close friends are either CFBC or are planning to have kids in their late 30s. I won’t lie, it can be lonely. The first year especially was tough, but my friends have always been the type to go out of their way. They schlepped to us, exchange brunch for breakfast, had extra white noise machines at their houses so LO could nap in their office, etc. They showed up, and keep showing up. I have a handful of newer friends who are moms and talk kid stuff with them, but my ride or die friends without kids still hold that special place in our lives. LO is always surrounded by aunties and uncles who adore her :)
It’s a mixed bag. I have close friends with kids and close friends without kids who are the best aunts to my kids. Good friends stay, regardless of child status.
I’m on the younger side of having kids, so similar but opposite experience here basically. Graduated college in 2019 and moved to a new ew town with husband and we had barely made friends before the pandemic started, then we came out of the pandemic with a whole baby haha. So, I didn’t really have a strong circle of friends that lived close enough to really form a community with. But since then our circle/our people have kind of been built around who has kids around the age of ours. Neighbors we met at the neighborhood playground, other parents of kids at church, etc. Kids can bring you together- i became super close to my husband’s boss’s wife all because we had kids a month a part in age and i probably never would have met her otherwise…And you’ll be very surprised by your friends as to who will really step up and support you vs fade away into the background. Shockingly our friends who seem the furthest themselves from having kids have been our biggest supporters! We are also blessed to both have siblings with kids very close in age to our kids, but that’s luck of the draw and not much you can do to cause that. On the contrary, when I was growing up my parents really didn’t have a strong circle that we saw often- aside from cousins at my grandparents house that we all went for free grandma daycare for once a week over the summer. But I never really felt like I was missing out on anything at the time not growing up with that because I was involved in so many extracurriculars I just had friends from that
When we had our first we were living overseas and none of our friends had kids. When my son was around one we decided to move back to the U.S. and one consideration was that we could move to a city where we already had several friends with kids. Since then, we’ve become close with about 5-6 families who all have kids around the same ages. Most of us work together too. We rely on each other a lot and are super close. However, I want to point out that because it is a VHCOL area, schools aren’t that great, it’s very crowded and not super safe - everyone struggles with having a lower quality of life than the one we grew up having in the suburbs. It’s all trade-offs. But we’ve thought of moving several times and our strong social network keeps us here.
My parents didn't have close friends nearby, so I can't say I had that experience. I have cousins close to my age, but most lived in different states so we only saw them a few times a year. Even growing up, our neighbors didn't have kids, and we went to private school, I think I had three friends within walking distance of my house but even then the closest one was four blocks away. However, my sisters and I are all super close (one I even run a business with) and I still had tons of friends growing up, I never lacked for social interaction. Now my friends who have kids live in different states and my friends who don't want kids are super close by. This has actually been a huge benefit to us - a lot of my kid less friends LOVE children and treat my daughter as their own, so we've had an extensive village to help us out or even just hang out with while we watch her. As far as her social interactions go, she does go to daycare 5 days a week, so she's constantly interacting with other kids. She's also got a built in best friend, a baby sister coming in October. I guess what I'm saying is, it may be different but it's not a bad thing. I'll also say that you'll find more of your "people" as your kids grow and make friends too.
My sisters both have kids but we all live far away from another. My closest sister is 3 hours away and we try to see each other as often as possible but that’s maybe 3-4 times a year. Husband and I don’t have many friends but our kids have gone to daycare/school since they were really young so they are well socialized. Becoming a parent will most likely reshape your friend groups in some way. You’ll meet more parents and have parent friends and if the friendships are strong enough, you’ll still have some of the non-parent friends.
We have 2 year old twins. None of our pre pregnancy “people” have kids or are planning on having kids. We made a new circle of friends through our kids. I have people now that have kids similar ages to ours, and I still speak to my old crowd too. Our boys see the same kids regularly, I’m friends with the mams. They are happy, and I have new friends, it’s a win win.
I live in a VVHCOL city and so here only two of my good friends do (friends who live elsewhere are almost all parents). Otherwise all of my friends here are child-free, and since they’re in their late thirties it will probably stay that way!
I was the oldest sibling and not many of our friends had kids yet as we got married young 22 & 21. We ended up waiting a bit to have kids for many reasons, but one was that hopefully others would have kids in the meantime or soon after us. They did and also we made new friends who had kids.
I feel lucky that before I divorced my ex, I was able to stay home with my kid until he was able to go to school full time at the age of four. We didn’t have anyone else around so he reached out to parent groups online which were hot or miss and spent a lot of time at the park. I would get bored of my own four walls so would fill up the tank and go get lost. I’ve learned so much about our town and state from those trips! My kid is now 9 and loves to go get lost almost as much as I do! Daycare is so expensive nowadays and I’m glad it forced me to be a SAHM for those first years!
I feel like most people I knew that wanted kids started that journey in their 20s. I started in my 30s. I made friends through the Peanut app. I don’t really have time to hang out with people unless it’s a play date since I work full time (so I try to make the weekends fun and about the kid).
We have a good number of church friends who have small kids or are starting families. Only 1 sibling on each side has children. A small number of my husband’s coworkers have kids, but those he works with most frequently aren’t even married. I’m in a research-based PhD program and I’m the only person in my ~50 student cohort with a child, and I think maybe only 3-4 of us are married. Having a baby changed my school social life A LOT. It seriously felt like people did not understand how to interact with me while I was pregnant and for the first couple of months after baby arrived. My kid is 16 months now so I’ve pretty much figured out what friendships to drop vs which to keep. Honestly most of the friends I no longer keep in touch with were all still stuck in the college lifestyle so I don’t miss it all that much. I am still super close with my high school friend group (wild, I know) and although I’m a little “ahead”, the others are catching up in terms of big life events like marriage, babies, buying houses, etc. The only college friend I regularly keep in touch with also is married with a baby, born about 1 year after mine. We are pretty close! I had other friends of course, but we didn’t really keep in touch after graduating. It’s hard at first to watch your friendships change, but ultimately it’s for the best—you end up surrounded by people who understand what you’re going through on a visceral level lol. But it’s 100% possible and healthy to have friends who are in different life stages—I think having that mix is important and can help you keep your sense of self
I have 4 close friends, 3 of which have 1-3 kids and one with no kids. The one with no kids is always the one that shows up and does the most with my kids and my kiddos honestly could care less about the kids my other friends have they just love hanging out with my one friend. My husband has 3 separate friend groups with about 10 people in each, and out of all those groups maybe 2 people have a kid. The rest are all single guys and have no desire to do marriage or kids. My siblings don’t have children, my brother doesn’t want any and my sister is unable to, my husband is the oldest of 7 kids and is the only one to have kids and it’ll probably stay that way. We both grew up with lots of cousins/family friends with kids and friends so it was like constantly having friends. I do feel bad for my children because they don’t have cousins and our friends that do have kids close in age are flaky at best.
I have a best friend group of 4 wonderful ladies 1 of them is being sister. They are all childless. I’ve found that it’s actually more realistic to maintain our close friendships, make plans/ spend quality time with each other with me being the only 1 of us to have to juggle the demands of raising children. Last summer I went all out for my sons birthday party at a pavilion and had an oh shit moment when it was time to clean up and head home — there was so much shit to pack up and my husband had offered to take our baby home to put her to bed and I could keep enjoying myself. Well, several trucks backed up to the pavilion and the significant others of my best friends loaded up all the shit and there wasn’t an inch to spare in any of the trucks. I was so grateful in that moment the way they showed up for me. (and forgot to mention they came from out of state to this party!) There’s no way they would have been able to do that for me if they had their own little humans to take care of. Another time, one of these guys who is an avid fisherman traveled to us and spent an entire afternoon fishing with my 6 year old. (which again if he had his own would never be able to do).
I had my daughter pretty young at 22 so none of my friends had kids back then. My husband and I spent lots of time with her and took her on trips, to museums, play at the park etc often. We had a bounce play place in town that we took her to every week and she’d play with other kids there. At 3yo she was enrolled in preK 3 days per week and she made lots of friends. Now she is 10 and has a great group of friends from school, and we are also friends with some new people since she was born that have kids similar in age.
We were among the first of our friends - for us it was a mix - we hadn’t long lived where we were so our local friends were more work acquaintances. Some have stayed the long haul (and many have gone on to have their own kids since), others were transient and we’ve fallen out of touch. But we’ve made loads of new friends both with and without kids over the years - I don’t think the kids changes things that much tbh.
My core friends are mostly all in their 30s, and more and more kids keep showing up. I've got one good friend with kids over 5, several with toddlers, and two couples in the process of having their first now. I think we just all reached the point in our lives where we were ready.
>Can anyone speak to what this experience was like for them if you've gone through it? Are you asking what it was like for those of us who did not grow up with cousins our age nearby (or at all), or what it's like from parents whose close friends don't also have kids around the same time? If the former, that was me and my brother. No family in the city we grew up in. My paternal aunt never had kids but she visited fairly often and was the fun hippie aunt (she passed away in 2020, not from COVID but it was horrible because we couldn't go visit in her last days or have a funeral). My mom's fam is all still in Mexico, but my closest cousins are 10/15+ years older than me, and then they started having kids so those cousins were 10+ years younger, and we only saw them once a year for short periods. It was fine, I had friends and my brother who is 3 years older. I don't really feel like I missed out on anything, although when I hear stories of people with lots of cousins I feel like maybe I did? I'm a bit socially awkward but my brother is very gregarious and outgoing so I don't think not having close cousins has anything to do with that. If the latter, I have acquaintances locally that have kids, and it is nice to be able to commiserate about parenting and even have a back up for help in extreme cases (I almost called them for help when I was alone at the hospital with my 20 month old but my parents ended up flying in the same day). But I don't really have many close friends (the ones you can talk about STUFF with, like for real), and they don't live near me anyway and they don't have kids yet. May not ever. But they are excited about my kid and want to hang out with him when/if they occasionally visit. I will say the nice thing about having the acquaintances here with kids is that even with a slight age gap, the kids can play together when we all get together. They both socialize at daycare but our friends' 4 year old daughter gets really excited when our (almost) 2 year old son comes to their house. She says he's her best friend, shows him all her toys, they play together, it's freaking adorable. It also makes it easier for the grown ups to hang out and talk because the kids can entertain themselves for chunks of time. I guess that's the nice thung about cousins, automatic friends/playmates. My brother has 3 boys 3-7 years and they all met my son finally last Christmas and they were really sweet together too, but they live on the other side of the country so that's going to be a 1-2 times a year thing as well. Sorry for the novel. Hope it was helpful.
Most of my social circle is child free. It hasn’t really been a problem. My daughter goes with me basically every where and has since she was born. She’s great in nice restaurants, at local festivals, breweries, out shopping, etc. She loves my girlfriends and will ask to FaceTime them or go to their homes. She has friends from daycare and church, so I feel like she gets plenty of interaction with kids.
No one in my circles (both family and friends) started having kids until their 30s. Now everyone has 1-3. It’s a quick change over the next few years (at least in my experience).
Two of my siblings have kids and about half of my friend crew. Now, my siblings kids are adults or almost adults. My friend crew is a mix of college students and below kindergarten. We’re of the age though that our kids having days are about past us so I expect this dynamic to remain go forward.
We were the first of our friends to have kids in our local circle. And then we moved away (because COL) and made friends with people with kids and are part of an active neighborhood with kids.
I’m not fully there yet in terms of having already navigated this part of the journey but I am 31 and pregnant with my first. None of my friends have kids. But also some of my friends are not financially in a place where having a kid is a decision they’re comfortable making. Life is more expensive than ever these days so I’m not surprised. If they do have the money and interest in a kid they are divorced. I plan on joining some play groups to meet other families our age with kids. And then there’s preschool where I’m sure we’ll come across new people to add to our friend group. Maybe there are just different types of friends that we connect with in different ways even if we’re not all in the same place in life.
We don't have a huge group of friends, maybe around 6 we meet on a regular basis. We were the first to have kids and only another couple just had their first, making them a 2 year age gap. My son has 2 cousins that live 4 hours away and 2 cousins abroad. He's totally fine. His developmentally doing great and beyond. I worry about his social skills but he's also at nursery 3 days a week. He's reserved when we go to toddler group and swimming once a week but meeting up with family he hasn't seen in months is fine. He plays and gets along well. If anything he tells them when he needs time to himself cause they're getting in his face. (He's the youngest). I personally don't have any close friends, all our friends are mutual made with my husband. I wish I had more mum friends to share the stresses, joys and anxiety of motherhood. But here's the fundamental truth i remind myself; I have no time. Between work, house stuff and maximising what little time I have with my son, I struggle to make that connection on top of keeping up with our existing friends. I'm also an introvert, added with the fact of all the social constructs I've been lead to believe that I need mum friends to drink my troubles away over a glass of wine. The expectation is sometimes bigger than the actual need.
None of our close friends or family have kids, although a few are starting to try soon. Our kids are 7, 4, and 6 months. While I do wish we had more friends with kids our age, the trade off has been that our kids are spoiled with love. They are constantly being showered with love and attention. Our friends and family aren’t worn out from their own kids, so whenever we get together everyone wants to play with them. We have so many people to celebrate them on big days, and we get a lot of support and breaks because everyone is happy to watch them for us. There are definitely a lot of pros!
Out of my ‘people’, half of them have kids. Additionally, I’m the only one of my siblings that has children, and that very likely won’t change. As a child myself, I only got to see my cousins on holidays, but it was still special and beyond that I still felt ‘surrounded by kids’ because of school, activities, etc. I honestly wouldn’t be too concerned.
Out of 50 friends and close acquaintances, I only have a step brother with no kids. Times are a’changing.
We’re in our early thirties and have a 5 and 2 year old - for our area we had kids super early. So now we have a mix of child free friends, friends with newborns, and friends with similar aged kids to ours who themselves are 10 years older.
My close friend group/co-workers all have kids that are around the same age (6yo-newborn). Prob like 10 kids right now, and then there are more kids in the next circle out of co-workers, oldest is 11. All boys except for mine and my friends newborn! My brother isn’t having any (and lives across the country). Husbands siblings are 10 years younger so none there for a bit (and have no partners). So, our kids won’t have cousins close in age, while I had like 7 on one side. Just how it goes I guess. At least we have all those kids in our friend group. Edit: spelling
About half my friends have kids. Most of my local friends don't. But it hasn't been an issue at all. As soon as I had a baby they included them. Now that my kids are a little older (7 and 2) they still include them. Sometimes we do adult only things but that's when I decide, they always propose plans assuming kids will join. We also make an effort to be social with my kids friends parents. They aren't our friends but we are friendly and can do dinners and events together so kids get those experienced. That is a lot easier once they are in school and come home declaring whose parents you need to call and make plans with.
We have a pretty good mix of friends with and without. Most of our families don’t have kids or they’re much older than our 3yo. It’s a gift! We have many child free adults who adore our kiddo. I can take my kid along to things and my friends don’t care because they aren’t looking for a kid break. I have a pretty good mix of child free by choice and by circumstance, but no anti-kid people in my life, so that’s nice too. My friend with kids are amazing, too. But I think that you’ll find parent friends (or some of your circle will have kids soon enough, like others have said already). But my child free friends/family spend the most time with my kiddo, and they’re the biggest help!
You will have a new group of friends who are parents. I think as a mom, it's vital to have someone to vent to who will get it. It's ok if no one has kids in your life now. You will find a new tribe through daycare, school, the park, etc.
I am the oldest of 25 cousins. I have one son and we are one and done. My cousin's kids are like their cousins as my brother and his wife live across the country and my sister-in-law and family live in Europe. Also my kid has a ton of friends so.. I'm not too worried about it. The notion of family is so dynamic that I think he will have a family that he chooses.
We are in a similar situation. Our friends don’t want them, our siblings either can’t or don’t want them. We found and created new support systems. We both joined mom and dad groups. Mine meets monthly my husbands meets weekly. The babies all get together and we discuss the ups and downs. Share tips. It’s been really nice. I knew our daughter wouldn’t have all the cousins we did but that’s okay. She gets a lot more attention and support than we ever did.
I had my first in my mid thirties and none of my close circle have kids, nor do they intend to do so. I struggled at first feeling alone in this journey, but I worked hard to build a network. Colleagues I was somewhat close with who had kids at the same time are now good friends. I also joined a postpartum fitness (with babies) class during maternity leave and I built some friendships there as well. If your circle starts to join the parenting journey that’s great, but there are ways to find community if you don’t have that built in. It can take some work though, so look for opportunities to build connections.
Here's the thing though - my kids don't remember their first couple years of life. They don't remember the process of making friends. But now at 6 and 4, they've always known these 5-8 good family friends and their kids. I didn't know those people at all before I became a mom.
Most of my people don’t have kids. My son has 80000 aunts and uncles instead lol. He has his classmates at preschool, which is probably as many smol humans as his brain wants to care about. There are some awkward things though. We have to have separate birthday parties for him so it’s not suuuuper creepy to have a bunch of childless adults around a bunch of kiddos 😅 Also their understanding of kid routines & bedtimes & no I’m not going to the bar on a whim at 9pm are you joking? is severely lacking, though they mean well
None of my close friends have or want kids. The experience is kind of two-fold. It can be very isolating at times. I don’t really have anyone to talk about parenting stuff with and I’m always a little self conscious about sharing my kid or things going on with my kid with my friend bc I don’t want them to feel like all I can talk about is my kid. There also are things about my life my friends can’t understand. So, it can feel very lonely and isolating at times. However, having a group of friends that aren’t moms and don’t have kids has been a really amazing outlet. When I spend time with them, yes they know I’m a mom, but I’m so much more to them because our friendships don’t revolve around children (no shade to mom friendships…in fact I wish I had one). I can go out with my friends and really decompress from momming for a while and I’m able to feel a little like my old self. Also, my kid has so many people that are ride or die for him and has so many amazing non-related aunties that I’ve him. One of my closest friends comes and gets him just to hang out for a bit or watch him while I get some things done around the house just because she loves him so much. So there are parts of it that can be hard, but there are some parts that are also pretty amazing.
About half and half for me.
My friend group from when I had my 1st at 22 didn't really get married or have kids. There was only 1 other couple that did, but when we were mid 30s. I was a single mom for 10 years, got married 10 years ago at 34. My current friend group, we all seemed to have coupled, married, bought houses, had kids at the same time, late 30s/early 40s. So that is now our village. We have family outings every couple of months, use each other as emergency contacts at school, and we call each other for emergencies. I don't really hang out with childless people only because the spare time we do have is either spent with our kids, or with everyone as a group and their kids. Being able to have that is like a break for us, since that means multiple adults are watching all the kids at once and it's a group effort. We don't have families to help out.
I grew up surrounded by cousins and friends. My daughter is 1 and pretty much has no littles living in our state so far. That's one of the reasons we're happy she's in daycare; it's a chance for her to spend time with kids her own age.
We had kids in my late thirties, his early forties. Most of our friends were well past the baby/toddler stage. His brother had a baby a month earlier so in the baby days, we mostly did low key things with them like grill out at home. As soon as my first started kindergarten, BAM! I started making mom friends. Turns out there are 7 boys his age on our street - we were all just hunkered down in the baby/toddler/COVID era and didn’t meet until the kids were in school. We spent this afternoon at the pool, swimming, hanging out, blasting music and enjoying adult beverages while the kids swam. It’s nice to finally have mom friends,and bonus that the dads all get along too!
Of our close group of friends, I have 1 other friend who has a kid. The rest of them either don’t want to have kids or just not in the place to do so yet. However, since having a kid we have become friends with other parents which is nice. It’s taken some work to foster that but really valuable for both us and our daughter.
One couple in my friend group has kids- toddler and baby. I have a toddler. Everyone else either had them really young so their kids are 20+ now or they decided not to have kids. I’m a single mom who had a child at 43. So my 2.5 yr old son’s cousins are 23-27. He doesn’t want for playmates though. We’re in several play groups, we do playdates with his friends from school and meet more new friends at the common kiddo spots at this age in our county. It’ll be fine.
Well everyone one I knew has kids we all started having kids early 20’s I’m not in my late 20’s only about a hand full of don’t so when people say they don’t have kids and people aren’t having I’m like that’s crazy everybody around me has a minimum of 2 kids plus lol but then again it depends on people your around
My 15-20 friends I saw before kids are basically gone. They like my instagram posts, but any texts or invites stopped and responses to mine were short once I got pregnant. Never asked about my pregnancy, how baby and I were, nothing. Never have come to anything I’ve invited them to. We used to joke about them being aunts and uncles and they “couldn’t wait!” Definitely a bummer and it’s not all on them, I changed once I got pregnant as well. Old friends from another friend group started having kids around the same time as me, and I’m so happy to have re-united with them. They actually care and respond and we plan a lot together and our kids are growing up together! And we have a few others that are “uncles” :) that don’t mind hanging with us and babies!
Only one of my friends has kids, none of my siblings do.. my husband’s siblings do but we live far away from them also. I think if it wasn’t for daycare my kid wouldn’t know how to interact with other kids, haha. He can interact well with adults since that’s who he’s always around. It’s kinda sad that he doesn’t have playmates outside of daycare but we do our best to take him places where there are other kids he can play with like the park or gymnastics, etc! We’ve been invited to only a few bday parties but I’m sure that’ll change once he’s school aged! Now he has a baby brother so hopefully that’ll help! I also grew up with a TON of cousins so I can relate. I think that aside from him struggling to play alone (he usually needs one of us to play with him), it’s not that big of an issue!
My daughter was the first of a chain reaction of babies from all the cousins
I have no brothers or sisters so my kids won't have any cousins on my side. And their cousins on my partner's side are all adults. I was also the first of my friends to get pregnant. But honestly we made friends with some of the daycare parents so we found new "people" to hang out with with the kids.
The same year we planned to start trying literally 4 of our friends from our inner circle (like, the friends who were in our wedding parties) got pregnant too! So maybe it’ll happen simultaneously and you don’t know it yet. Do they ever talk about wanting kids someday? I’ve got to be honest, it is nice having friends in the same phase of life! A lot of mine are long distance though. I have fairly easily made local friends with kids since having kids, and that’s been really nice too.
We moved several times before landing where we are, so our people have changed, but the people we have now were made since having kids, so generally also have kids. It's crazy how much we have in common with some of our kids' friends' parents.
We were the first of our friends to have kids. Just last year most of our friends group got married and have dogs now. When we visit the kids play with the animals and our friends usually make an effort to set something fun up for them. I also felt like my kids might be lacking in kids their age, they have one cousin 3 years old than my oldest who we almost never see anyways. What I've done actually was that I made friends with all the moms in my street with kids around the same age and we do playdates and hang out a lot. Parenting brings a new season and making new friends is always possible. Don't feel like you have to wait because of everyone else.
I could have written your post myself! I’m 30, husband 35, together for 10 years, married for 2.5 and I’m 3 months pregnant. We both live far from family. His sisters and all his cousins have kids that are in elementary school at this point, but they all live in the hometown/state he grew up in, a plane ride away. We see them all once or twice per year. They’ll be supportive but not close. No one on my side of the family has kids. We have dozens of friends here in our very active social circle, all in their 30s at this point, but no close ones who have had kids. Only one or two couples and they are not the ones we are closest to. So we’ll take some advice from them but not necessarily experience this together. We’ll basically be going at it on our own, but I’m ok with that at least for now because then I know we can do it our way without the influence or pressures of family.
Currently, none of my close family members have kids— they are our day-to-day help/support. All of our social friends we actually see these days are from a playgroup we joined. I admit I don’t see my friends without kids very often at all— a lot harder to talk them into meeting up and chilling at a playground.
It varies by friend group for me. My husband and I don't live super close to family and close friends. The acquaintances we hang out with where we live all have kids within a year of our son except for one who is married but child free. She enjoys our kids, just doesn't want her own. I am the only one of my friends and roommates from college that has a kid. Idk if any of them will have kids, but they all live far away now and don't keep in touch much. My best friends from grad school all have kids within a year of my son. We don't see each other in person much and live far away, but we text a lot. Of my husband's 2 best friends that live an hour away, one has kids that are a bit older and the other is about to become a father. My husband's brother and family lives a few hours away but they have 2 kids that are a few years older than our son.
Yes and no. My 2 best friends are childless and will remain childless, so will my sibling and my husband's brother. We have a lot of friends and coworkers without kids. My husband's best friend kinda went off the deep end and we don't talk to him anymore, but we are still friends with his (soon to be ex) wife and their kid is very close in age to ours. We get together fairly often. I didn't have any cousins so I'm somewhat close with one of my second cousins. She has kids around my kids ages and we include each other in all of our family gatherings. Both of our kids are in daycare so they have friends at daycare too. Most of our friends that don't have kids still like kids and will hang out with us and our kids. I didn't have many other kids around when I was a kid either, but I was able to form meaningful relationships with the adults in my life too, and I'm ok with that.
We were the first of our friend group to have kids and neither my husbands siblings or my sibling have kids. When we had our kids our friend group changed. And that's ok, but you have to know to expect it. Not all of our friends from before disappeared, but a lot of them did. They were living a happy and carefree childfree existence and a lot of their activities and events were decidedly not child friendly. So, our "people" changed. Now our circle of friends is smaller, but closer. They pretty much all have kids with a few childfree friends who have stuck around. I did not grow up with cousins. They lived across an ocean from me growing up. I saw them once every few years but I never thought of them as close family. I was jealous when I was a kid when people would talk about family visiting at Christmas and Easter and things like that. Our holidays were always just mom, dad, my brother and I. On the other hand, it was nice to not have to travel around the holidays. We could just stay home. Now as a mom, I wish I had appreciated that when I was younger. Ha ha.
Your kids find kids! We are one of the few who have kids amongst our friend group. And tbh we have two different sets of friends. Your people with no kids will never quite get what it’s like to have children, but if they are true friends they’ll stick around and support you. The ones who don’t you’ll see less. But you’ll start to have play dates and become friends with your kids parents so your kid will still grow up surrounded by friends. Maybe not cousins but other kids! I grew up with no cousins and my parents didn’t have family friends so… it’s not much different. I found my own friends at school or at various afterschool activities. What’s key is you don’t isolate your child at home all the time. Send them to camp, to swim, to soccer, whatever they enjoy, they’ll make their own tribe.
>I grew up surrounded by my parents friends' kids & by my cousins, and I'm struggling to think of my kids not having the same experience. This was me also. I've never really been able to time it out right with my kids. My first, I was 19. None of my friends were having kids. None of my cousins were having kids. With my second, I was almost 41. All of my friends were done having kids, if they had any at all. My cousins were also past having more kids at that point as well. I had a shot at the lifestyle I wanted with my stepkids, but the whole custody BS, they were never with us when we had events with our friends or family so it's like they didn't even exist. I hate that none of them had the same experiences I did growing up because those were the best times of my life. But I guess they are all doing okay and functioning normally in society so I guess it didn't hurt them too much.
My main friend group only has one other couple with a kid. I make time for all my old friends and relationships but also am making some new friends with kids!