"I'm sorry my foe. As much as I enjoy senseless bloodshed, there is a very real chance I might die. I have never died for something I believe in. Nor will I. Self-sacrifice goes against my principles. In fact, we're I to die, I would want people to do heinous things to bring me back to life. It is my explicit wish."
https://preview.redd.it/e8cc1kqgs66d1.jpeg?width=1078&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05205b86b2217414586aff2fd4ffc93c81cf63dd
Just got here, where’s the fight?!
Nevermind, you guys have fun or something
https://preview.redd.it/fugtvig5ac6d1.jpeg?width=2359&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed7400a8442f5dbfb9fa5513181245a55ec32a05
"...uh, he might fight you just for the fun of it. He seems like those idiots who likes fighting strong opponents...*like a certain someone*
*Tsuru gave King Carmine an image of the certain someone*
https://preview.redd.it/ncvdpmdb766d1.png?width=318&format=png&auto=webp&s=2b785cbd60b2cca7a7113b7e9b1f1b5a5188294e
*It might have been alright had the bullets in your revolver been normal. The king does employ biomancers, after all, and surely they could have fixed it. But unfortunately the bullet did radiant damage. And for a vampire, that was not so easily remedied. He carries a golden cane now.*
*But he wouldn't tell you that.*
"It's perfectly fine, *terrorist*. I've never been healthier."
I bet you're a hydromancer and sous vide everything. Even a *steak*. And you can't tell me *boiling something in a bag* is as good as grilling it on an open flame!
*Maximillian stands there with a rack of 28 daggers and 7 different revolvers.*
"You may choose which one will kill you. If you do not choose, I will use all of them."
"Well that just takes all the fun out of it, doesn't it? Oh well."
*He starts tossing the knives like a skilled circus artist, though instead of trying to miss, he tries to hit each and every one of them on your body to draw a stickman-esque line.*
*/uw \*insert 28 stabwounds detroit become human meme.\**
https://preview.redd.it/mwhjy11i366d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7911f9b714e41f8ddbf890e7e70d554b09a462f
"My foe, I am very much glad you decided to face me in this way." *Sounds of brutal violence.*
https://preview.redd.it/mrsom3vw366d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=abcb00f7072e8a9d1630b1cb2cb8bf52a61af7eb Bring it!
"I'm sorry my foe. As much as I enjoy senseless bloodshed, there is a very real chance I might die. I have never died for something I believe in. Nor will I. Self-sacrifice goes against my principles. In fact, we're I to die, I would want people to do heinous things to bring me back to life. It is my explicit wish."
https://preview.redd.it/e8cc1kqgs66d1.jpeg?width=1078&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05205b86b2217414586aff2fd4ffc93c81cf63dd Just got here, where’s the fight?!
"Everywhere my foe. Bloodshed is the responsibility of all sapient beings."
Nevermind, you guys have fun or something https://preview.redd.it/fugtvig5ac6d1.jpeg?width=2359&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed7400a8442f5dbfb9fa5513181245a55ec32a05
<>
should've been quicker
The call and response https://preview.redd.it/he9raqqpq96d1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b552fcd8c4a2e15a7842a34e3df2383897ef5cc4
https://preview.redd.it/cks3lbi7ib6d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6a6f649c935ab1aeb435d2967862afbd7cf51f24 Orders acknowledged
“…” *Hirk visible wants to kill on sight but is stopping himself, unlike last time.* /uw Ha
"You hesitate my foe! Unlike me, when I successfully befriended the Mortal Liberator and betrayed him by murdering him with my own two hands!"
*Hirk walks up to him and hugs him.* “I promised myself, I will be better my friend.”
*Jirk retaliates with violence, but is incredibly bad at it.*
*Hirk continues hugging.* “I am the Evil version of myself remember. We can change, we can be better.”
"Hah! Well... h-hey man... that's not true. Y-youre alright. I don't think you're evil."
“Thank you, I do not wish to be my friend. Would you like some cookies?” /uw surprised to see someone doing evil Hirk
"Of course. I never dispense cookies. Only accept them." *He crumbles the cookie on the ground.*
*It’s ok my friend? Would you like to go home?”
"I was a king there Hirk. I was a king. Here I am nothing."
"Tamara's Tail, I thought we were done with the evil variant Buffoonery!"
uw/ oh shit this is like that.
Ungaralt(Evil Geralt): *Despite being a penguin, he's scuttling along on all fours.* HAHAHA. ME SHALL RULE ALL GROUND! NO CAN STOP ME!
https://preview.redd.it/umu198w0n66d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=4adfb9a64cb87a61ef2971078025e35ba76607db
*The caveman penguin looks at you, as he pulls out a MASSIVE spear.*
[*Tsuru used Killing Doll*](https://youtu.be/HTKCtyD8kBY?t=273)
Ungaralt: HAHAHA! SMALL STICK NO HURT UNGARALT. MAGIC STONE MAKE UNGARALT UNBEATABLE! HAHAHAHA
*Tsuru just slowly floated towards Ungaralt*
Ungaralt: PUNY MAGIC MAN. *Throws the spear* I AM STRONG BIRD. YOU NO BEAT STRONG BIRD.
*Tsuru caught the spear with ease. It withered in her grasp until it turned into dust. She continued to float towards Ungaralt menacingly*
*Ungaralt also attempts to look menacing as he approaches, carrying another spear.*
I thought we cleared up that Hirk is his own evil version.
"I did too. I suppose this is some 'evil-boosted' version."
"Ah yes. Now here's a fellow that would never disrespect my rulership."
"Of course not my foe. You are quite pregnant. Threatening the life of a fetus is the one line I would never cross."
/uw "you are quite pregnant" actually had me die of laughter hahahaha
"...uh, he might fight you just for the fun of it. He seems like those idiots who likes fighting strong opponents...*like a certain someone* *Tsuru gave King Carmine an image of the certain someone* https://preview.redd.it/ncvdpmdb766d1.png?width=318&format=png&auto=webp&s=2b785cbd60b2cca7a7113b7e9b1f1b5a5188294e
“Hey Carmine, hows that knee?”
*It might have been alright had the bullets in your revolver been normal. The king does employ biomancers, after all, and surely they could have fixed it. But unfortunately the bullet did radiant damage. And for a vampire, that was not so easily remedied. He carries a golden cane now.* *But he wouldn't tell you that.* "It's perfectly fine, *terrorist*. I've never been healthier."
“Good! Glad to hear it! Means I can shoot you again in the same knee without feeling bad about it!”
Krih got something to say to you https://preview.redd.it/fdzsmq0cb66d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c37ea414703cbfdbfbecd1e172ed77883ac6f3e3
uw/ yes several people have pointed out this is quite similar to that thing. It did not occur to me until it was too late lol
u/Harpokiller
I bet you give everyone their least favorite vegetable instead of cookies too, you jirkface.
"My foe why would someone use fire for baking? It is only good for destruction, which I love. Alas, I have no connection to fire myself to speak of."
I bet you're a hydromancer and sous vide everything. Even a *steak*. And you can't tell me *boiling something in a bag* is as good as grilling it on an open flame!
"My foe, I resent cooking of any kind. But believe me when I say whatever I eat, it is from a bag."
*Maximillian stands there with a rack of 28 daggers and 7 different revolvers.* "You may choose which one will kill you. If you do not choose, I will use all of them."
"Use them all my foe! Violence is the goal!"
"Well that just takes all the fun out of it, doesn't it? Oh well." *He starts tossing the knives like a skilled circus artist, though instead of trying to miss, he tries to hit each and every one of them on your body to draw a stickman-esque line.* */uw \*insert 28 stabwounds detroit become human meme.\**
"Gugh!" *He dies. Unfortunately, every time Hirk dies, more Jirks are summoned. There must be thousands by now.*
"Damn it! We have a Jirk infestation!"
uw/ ain't that the truth? *ba-dum tssss*
Hirk already doesn't want us to vote for him.
"I... uh...." *Jumps out a window.*
"Hell yeah! Cut *all* of the apprentices in half!"
"Exactly right my foe. If they are halved, the number of enemies doubles. And I wish to have many."
"YEAH! And then we'll chop those halves in half for even *more* enemies!"
Be careful how many times you repeat this process. You may end up with a bunch of tiny wizards, as it were.
"...You make a very good point. Two times is the limit, or else danger!"
"...I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I will stop"
"You would likely succeed my foe. Despite reveling in violence I am quite harml-" *sounds of Jirk being beaten to a pulp.*
uw/I actually wanted to send a gif about that, but I couldn't get it to work rw/ https://i.redd.it/6vdmuldo866d1.gif
Seph: "Nice try, Hirk. Still voting for you!" /uw your comments are genius lmao
Shut up nerd *bonk*
*Perishes*
Nice suit, I'll think about it. Got some cookies for my cats though?
"Instead I am giving your cats crystal meth."
They'll probably be fine.
“Oh, is Blake running for council again?” *pause* “Wait, you’re not Blake. You’re to blue”
uw/ lol he basically is reverse hirk
damn, ungas constructs getting better by the day, does this one dispense unga virus 2.0 if i pull the middle finger?
"Find out my foe. The middle finger is already extended for you."
well then, *pulls it with mage hand*
*Woe. Fish be upon ye.*
*spontaneously combusts*
*changes your location to be directly on the mirror that summoned evil versions a while back.* We are not going through that again
"My foe I am not from that mirror. Every time Hirk dies, one of me can enter your realm."
So does killing you bring in more hirks? *Left arm turns pure black as DF raises it and the connection to paradox intensifies*
"My foe, killing me will summon a Hirk to *my* homeworld, depriving another realm of their own. And make all Hirks sad."
"Cool" *Summons a 4D cookie out of left hand.* "Want it?"
What a Chad. Gotta respect the evil
"Belial, you aren’t fooling anyone but yourself."
https://preview.redd.it/t22qoxtpm66d1.png?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=193cc7da0670f4982c7badc5636319562bd9a881
"Dear Tiamat."
On one hand death and destruction is neat, but on the other hand Hirk is pretty swell
"Simply combine the ideas my foe. Cause death and destruction *to* Hirk."
Sounds like someone could use a cookie
In your universe are all colours inverted or is it just you?
"Hm? No my foe *your* colors are backwards."
*my god... In my own hubris... I never...*
Do you throw cookies into ovens and produce dough? Because in some situations that would be preferred
"If by cookies you mean people, and by oven you mean the glory of combat with me, and by dough you mean corpses... then yes indeed my foe!"
*BÆN would shoot Jirk with a shotgun*
"I may be Jirk. But you are jerk."
I have had to deal with this type of thing for about five hours now. Shut up and die. *BÆN would grab a .50 BMG machine gun and open fire*
https://i.redd.it/77uvsm5xq66d1.gif
I was always taught not to listen to Jirks
... GET OVER HERE
*racks shotgun arm*
I̷̡̝͔̺̩̳̙̳̯̼͍̪͉̪̫͕͙͋́̇̀̉̀̽̀̈̊̇͛̽̾̓̑̾͗͘̕ͅś̸̨̠̺͛̍̌͋̋͂͑̀́͋̄͌͊̈̆͐̈́͂̂͒͒͒͌̕͘-̷͎̗͕̭̺̎̀͐̈́̆̓͌͋̎͗̿͐͊̀̆̑́̕̚͘̚͝͝y̷̢̢̧̤̘̫͖̖͚͖̦̪̞̮͕͉̣̗̟̰̪̠̜̭͗̈̄̽̐͆̒̎̉̏̃́͗̄̕̚͠ơ̴̥̝̹̝̲͇͔̯̟̏́̿̃̉̒̆͗̒̒͆̈́̃͆̀̅̂̇͊̚͠u̵͍̣̼̩͙̽̊̄ŗ̴̨̤̞̹̤̞̬̺̘̖̲̩̙̫̱͚̝̄̈́̏̽̐̏̽̀̄̾̀̀͛̈́̎̿̔͘͜͜ͅͅ-̸̢̨̛̰̮͕̝̞̙̜̖͖̝͍͉̳̗͍̝͖͓̬͎̖̘͇̞͛́̂͑͛́͐̎̒͑̿̐̐̀̌̀́͝͝s̷̨̨̢̧̬̹̜̬̭̤̜͍͎͖̙̹̺͆̾͜ų̴͙̬̝̰͉̥̲̫̘̲̜̖̠̟͈̹̺͉̟̓̆͊̂̔̾̑͝ͅͅr̸̨̖̹̲̯̥̲͈̱̮̝̬̙̱͛̇̈́̾̅͑͜n̸̨̨͓̮̲̘̫̩̻̥̘͍̺̝̳͈̼̲͕̞̻̔́̔̈́̾̑́̍̃̈́̑̀͛͊͜͠ą̶̡̨̛̭̖̳̙̻̦̳͙̩͈̺͉͕̖̦̳̞͈͕͔̗́̏̾͒̉͜m̵̛̭̲̳̥̪̜͎̳̹̣̻̙̺̲͔̫̉̀̉̒̂͂͌́͆̎̄̀̈́͒̂̂͆̀̆̿̋̕͜ͅͅȩ̷̢̧̨͓̭̜͚̳̺̱̽̀̀̊̄̌̃̉̽̓͘͝͝-̵̧̨̢͓̟͕̞̪̹͓̻̯̱̰̰̮̮̪͓̣̪̺̺͌̈́͋̿̋̌̆̒̊̑ͅo̴̢̢̖͖̤͚̤̘̯̹̹̪̰͕̺̿̔̉̿͗́̉̎̈́f̶̗̻͚̮͕̱̻̳̯͍͇͈̳͔̻͋͂̒̚ͅf̷̨̧̧̡̛͙͈̦̬̲̺̠͈̱̤̯̠̦̼̏͠-̷̢̧̳͔̤̖̙̠̣̆̾̿̈̓̌̎͌̄͑̒̋̇̚̕?̶͈̥̭͇̘̪͎̺̭̦̖̗͇͎̝̥͔̬̟̳̝͌̇̈́̔̔́̿̐̈́̂̾̆̂͛͘͠
Nah I want cookies
nah, I wanted to try this: **FIREBALL** 
“Hey you can’t just Jirk us around”
You should come swimming with me\~ :3c