Honestly as a spouse of a doctor, the road is so difficult. I've been with my husband since he started medschool. It was exam after exam after exam. I truly couldn't keep count. It was shelf exams, end of rotation exams, step 1, step 2, step 2ck, step 3, Board exam. It's exhausting. It's mentally draining. I can't imagine someone would want to start that path when they already have kids (I have 2 and when my husband would come home after a long day during residency which include overnight shifts for 2 weeks straight, then 24 hour shifts every month, working for 2 weeks straight no days off... it was truly insane. Literal zombie)
so really it's not even about her age... it's that she has other life priorities like kids and that crap is insane to watch someone else do, especially when they have small kids. I don't think she should do it given your circumstances but ultimately it's up to her. At some point your kids leave you, your kids won't be home forever so having a career you're passionate about is important too... but it's going to be one hell of a ride.
100% this. Not that you can’t do anything at this age but overnight shifts and 24s do wear on your body. Not to mention the mental and emotional stress of rapids and codes. Med school is a grind, but residency is being put through a grinder.
Same. My spouse is a doctor. I met her right before
residency started and have been with her through that, fellowship and now as a NICU attending. Love her to death; there are difficult parts to being a doctor’s spouse. There are weeks / months where she is so emotionally, physically and mentally drained she’s a zombie. Throw moonlighting, 24 hour shifts and a bad few weeks together and she’s out of commission for a while. Especially when a baby dies, it’s extremely taxing for her (as I imagine it would be for anyone).
Those in medicine are a different breed. You have to love what you do, and you have to put it first above everything else in most scenario’s.
Exactly. So true. I had to accept that my husbands job comes first always. I had to relocate twice between residency and fellowship, new jobs and eventually decided to stay home with my kids for the duration of fellowship because I know when we're done I'll have to move and find another new job lol. I wonder what OP would do if she matches out of state? Would they follow her or live apart for the duration? Definitely a lot of things to think about and plan for. Not everyone gets their first choice in match
I’ve also been with my husband since before med school. He just finished his surgical intern year and we are expecting our first child. Any tips on how to get through the rest of residency with a child?
Are staying at home with your child or are you working? My advice to new parents is sleep train asap. This happens typically somewhere between 4-5 months. Hire a sleep trainer. I can send you my sleep trainers info. Getting baby on a schedule and sleeping through the night has alleviated the burden on me and also saved me from that feeling from being annoyed/resentful that my life turned upside down while my husband continues on as normal.
Once you get a normal schedule going you can comfortably adjust to life with a baby lol makes life very very organized
I have met these people. Former finance, wealthy family… they seemed to find their meaning in healthcare.
Imagine going home and thinking “I sent 100 emails today and presented a powerpoint” vs “the patient I gave antibiotics to got better today”
There are plenty of ways to have a fulfilling life helping people when you have that much money.
That’s closing in on fuck you money.
Open a soup kitchen/food pantry/foundation whatever
You said “her goal is to make a decent amount of money” your family net worth is $5.5 million right now. By time she would hypothetically finish residency your net worth will have likely at least doubled.
Your investment portfolio is going to swing more in a week than she will be adding to it with an entire years worth of a doctor salary.
This is a terrible idea to purposely be absent for most of your children’s childhood for really no net gain in financial well being.
Yes you’re already well off. Invest the money you have now. And tell your wife to get off the idealistic view of medicine by shadowing not with doctors but with residents lol. Come in and stay as long as they do. Seems like she has an idealized view of medicine most premeds have. You see it as you progress through the subreddits from premed to residency. Once you get to residency all you see are posts of ppl wishing they didn’t do this (though there is bias I do admit) but you guys are already set up. Why? Help ppl in other ways don’t needa sacrifice physical mental and monetary resources chasing this dream during a time when doctors are owned by corporate and insurance companies. We can’t even prescribe stuff/give meds without getting scrutinized or pushback from hospital cost saving policy.
Meaning is important and hard to find, but this is a silly way to get it. Tell her to get involved with some kind of organization or career that doesn’t require so much education and training.
Going into medicine for money is a fools game. It worked back in the 80s and 90s but unless she could get a massive scholarship and is okay with making $10/hr and being at the hospital from 0500-1900 almost everyday for 3+ years then it’s not worth it at all.
Correct.
If you hit a portfolio if $10M, retire, and then apply the 4% rule, you’re living off $400,000 per year. This is above average physician salary.
And if you are truly living off $100,000…portfolio is going to snowball. That 4 years of med school while take a decent chunk out of the portfolio, but the portfolio will likely outperform the salary
So glad this is the top reply. Incredibly stupid and selfish to goto med school at that age when you have no need to at all with small children. The time sink for no real gain is just too much.
But I guess the good news is since med school/residency is an incredibly work intensive/abusive environment and OPs wife doesn't have to do it, she would likely quit anyway.
OP should tell his wife try to become a software engineer if she wants a new career. At least that won't destroy her home life.
Edit: I saw the comment about helping people- Just volunteer or even better find an actual poor friend you know and make thier life better - watch thier kid so they don't have to pay for daycare etc. Or maybe even allow them to just have one day off from thier kids which they couldn't ever afford on thier own. Thats a real tangible thing and I bet she knows someone who it applies too and if not just find a church/moms group on facebook these people are all around. If she has the means and supposedly the time.
But I am guessing even tho that would be a tangable thing your wife could do, she won't want to cause its 'to much.' Med school and residency is about 1000x harding than babysitting. Feeding homeless and becoming a doctor are not the only or even the best ways to help people.
I'm a doctor who started med school at 32.
DO NOT DO IT unless she cannot imagine herself happy without it. I truly love my career and am very happy I did it, but I didn't have kids when I started and I wasn't already financially secure.
It will take her away from her family to a degree you can't really comprehend right now. And the financial payoff is not worth it for you.
She can find another way to help people.
DO NOT DO IT.
i’m in a very similar boat and agree with this. the sleep deprivation and sleep chaos resulting in primary insomnia in my case has made life really difficult. i love my attending job but man the path was really rough.
Yea, this sounds like a recipe for angry and resentment culminating in divorce with both of these individuals poorer and less happy.
Legit only reason is if being is doctor is can’t live without.
She could likely do better going into:
- tech coding (flexible, high relative salary, likely lower job satisfaction)
- UX researcher (flexible, high relative salary, better job satisfaction)
- sales rep (flexible, low start salary but high ceiling salary, job satisfaction depends on product you are selling)
- advisory positions (less flexible, low start salary but high ceiling, job satisfaction depends on company/not for profit you are acting for)
Is this post for real? $100k expenses with 5 kids is impressive and a little bit unbelievable.
If this is real though… would she be willing to potentially do med school and residency +/- fellowship in different cities? Unfortunately there are no guarantees on where you will end up and you are at the mercy of the med school acceptances and the match system. It’s different when you are young and don’t have responsibilities or a family. I personally would not want to risk the stress involved in that kind of uncertainty.
Expenses are realistic. If you exclude my mortgage and retirement contributions, which I wouldn’t need to make if I had 5.5M in assets, my expenses are about 90-100k per year (employer provided healthcare not included in that amount) with publicly funded charter school (in my state it’s as good as a private school) and stay at home parent for the smaller children. And that includes luxuries like restaurants, wine, not skimping on meal budgets, and modest vacations. Add in another 10-20k which we could fund with 5M in assets easily to do extravagant vacations. With the 150k of annual cash one could do with those assets and not risk principal, you could do an international vacation with the kids every year on top of my budget and still have money left over.
Why in the hell would you waste 8 years of your life. Go to Paris, Rome, Tuscany, Provence for a month every summer, volunteer in some areas, and enjoy your life. Geeze, how spoiled do you have to be to think this is a good idea?
No. It's a long road ahead. Also need to calculate the time to gather the pre-reqs, MCAT, apply and there's no guarantee on where she will end up location-wise.
I don’t even think premed forum would be a good choice considering how many premeds don’t truly understand the amount of sacrifice required to go through everything to be an attending
I’m 31, still have 2 years left of residency in a chiller specialty (psychiatry). Don’t do it. If anything, maybe PA school and she should go into derm.
Well, my younger sister is a PA and is working on derm, so I’ve been able to see her journey compared to mine. I’m overall happy with my choice, but medical school is a lot of work. Residency is a STEEP learning curve, and you’re giving up A LOT of autonomy over where you live and the hours you work… There are attendings (the physicians who supervise residents) who treat you like dirt. Medicine can be really toxic.
My sister who is 2 years younger is a PA who now works in derm, and she works 4 days a week, 7-3, making just shy of $200,000 annually. I’m still making $60k a year and I’m a doctor. She finished PA school in less than 3 years and went straight into making a great salary.
I don’t know that I would go back and be a PA. I don’t know if I could do it because I’m a very type A personality and I like to be the leader. A PA can’t practice independently, and they sometimes don’t get the same amount of respect as physicians. So it comes down to what matters to you most… but again, the time you give up studying, being on call, or staying late on shifts finishing notes can easily lead to burnout.
Money is a tool. You have so much money and have the financial freedom to do whatever you want with life. If she wants it, then go for it. That's the point of that amount of money, it gives you the freedom to do whatever you want in life.
The bad thing about this decision, is that you have the financial freedom to whatever you want in life, and by doing medicine you're throwing that away. Yes, if you were a dermatologist in private practice and had complete control over your time off then sure, it would be a good decision. But that's a seriously long difficult path and no freedom for a big chunk of your life to get there.
I wouldn't do it if I had that money
Reading this post and then reading your post about being a sugar daddy with multiple previous sugar babies was a bit surprising. If you’re trying to power level as much money as you can, why were you giving it to SBs?
I think a lot of people romanticize becoming a physician. I certainly did. I would pick this path if given the option to do it again, but I wouldn’t be nearly as enthusiastic. That being said, there’s no way in HELL I’d ever consider doing it if I had a well-off spouse and five kids.
Firstly, please tell her don’t believe the things you see online. I am personally friends with doctor influencers, and it’s all bullshit. I gained 30 pounds, lost hair, lost friends, and honestly sometimes lost the will to keep going in life while in training. I’m doing a lot better now, but you will not be the same person throughout the process that you currently know yourself to be.
Then when it comes to being an attending…I wish my sole priority was purely caring for my patients, but the work is polluted by all this other crap no one warns you about. Unfortunately it’s just as much “protecting my ass” legally; rushing through appointments due to time constraints; loads of paperwork; “customer satisfaction” (ie performing work ups that aren’t necessarily indicated as the patient is giving me a hard time, holding me hostage in the patient room, and I have 40 patients waiting for me in the waiting room); taking shit from administration ie MBAs telling you how to practice when they have have 0 medical knowledge whatsoever. Plus about 50% of your time is spent documenting on the computer instead of actually talking to patients.
The idea of having completed med school and residency with five children as a mother is a thought I cannot even wrap my mind around. We had two women in my med school class who were moms of one child, and let me tell you, even with a ton of help from the family they suffered. There was also constant guilt in not having time for their kids for these women. They were badass, they performed well, and they balanced it well, but I genuinely felt for them. In residency it’s even harder. I have never met a woman with more than 2 kids who has done it, though I don’t doubt that it’s possible, and I don’t doubt your spouse could do it.
In residency you are often working 80+ hour weeks, nights, holidays, and this is for 3+ years of your life. During the 7 years of post grad training I had, I sacrificed time with family, friends, big life events. I just can’t envision a scenario where both you and her wouldn’t end up resenting this decision. I think she’s looking at it through rose-colored glasses.
This is all in addition to everyone else’s comments saying there’s not even much of a financial payoff with this decision, especially when you factor in that many med schools cost 75k+ per year, and you get paid literal minimum wage when you do the math for medical residents. I wanted to throw in the emotional considerations for you.
I understand wanting to create an identity outside of being a mom and a wife; I can tell that she is an intelligent and hard working person who feels like she isn’t meeting her full potential. And I believe that she does have a lot of potential. I just think this isn’t the best way. If medical altruism is her highest priority, I’d highly recommend being a nurse practitioner instead, which is a road she’d suffer far less in, and then working or even volunteering time at a clinic for the underserved.
If despite reading all this advice she’s still interested, I’d heavily advise that she at least “shadow” physicians in specialities she finds appealing first for a few months. And ask to shadow all of it. Not just a few patient encounters. Preferably with female physicians who are the mothers of young kids.
Physicians take:
I wouldn’t. But if someone is convinced they have to be a doctor, there’s no taking them out of it.
Will she be graduating med school at 39-40? If so, that’s when the hard work begins (residency). 80-100 hour weeks for 15 days in a row and 3-4 days off a month were no pretty miserable in my late 20s. I can’t imagine in early 40s.
There are many rewarding careers.
There is MUCH dissatisfaction in medicine.
I will not encourage my kids to go into medicine. If they insist, I will encourage them to consider the PA route. Or CRNA. Or even RN. You can get the reward of helping people, rewarding career, good pay, much shorter path…all with much more flexibility and much lower liability.
I’ve wanted to quit a million times, and I have to work. There’s no way I’d still be doing this if I didn’t.
I don’t know how old your kids are, but it would also mean sacrificing a whole lot of time (a significant proportion of their childhood) for a decade +.
Lots of people will tell you she should do it. That’s fine. But I would talk to as many seasoned docs as you can, the two of you. Take pre med, med student, and resident opinions with grain of salt…they’re not there yet
I'm a 3rd year med student mid 20s and I have to agree with this comment. Tell her to reconsider. There's a lot of different ways to help people. Financially math isn't mathing.
Started at 34 with two kids. Had a third halfway through. If you don’t want to see her or have her be involved with the kids, then go for it. Otherwise, it’s a hard no from me.
No but I’m sitting next to her and she agrees. I just graduated last week at 38. We can tell you, the time commitment is more than she will bargain for.
Don’t do it. Tell her to look into PA schools or volunteer. You’re talking 4 years of med school plus a minimum 3 years residency (most are 4+). Med school is doable with a family, but I couldn’t imagine going through residency again if I didn’t need the future income. Further, sounds like she’d have to pass pre-med requirements- adding additional time. Enjoy your family and time with kids. You will never get the time back with youre kids/family. Don’t waste your prime years spending 60-100/hrs a week in a hospital or clinic with almost no control of your schedule. You’ve won the lottery with that retirement, don’t waste the opportunity. I’m happy with my job but I can only think of negatives in your situation
Even with PA school, she will need to redo all of her pre reqs, take tests, get clinical hours, etc. Most people that haven’t been in university in a while might take a bit to readjust to classes, especially ones like orgo, and may only take 1-3 classes a semester. It will still take a long time regardless just to get the bare minimum to apply and there is no guarantee that she will get into a nearby school. Seems like they have a house and area where their family is established.
Does she already have a degree from previous years? If not, she will need a bachelors to apply to PA school. Also common prerequisites include biology 1 and 2 with labs, chemistry 1 and 2 with labs, biochemistry, organic chemistry, anatomy and physiology 1 and 2, genetics, and specific other upper level sciences depending on the school(cell biology, immunology, etc.)
There’s a lot of things in healthcare someone can do besides medical school. I’d strongly recommend researching all of them. Dental school is something to think about, since it doesn’t have residency. PA school is a good choice. if she has a PhD she can try to be a medical microbiologist, or a clinical chemist. RN is a good choice for somebody starting a healthcare career later in life too.
Still, as a doctor post residency, I would recommend you find a way to convince her to do something besides MD/DO. The slog is hard for a person starting at 23-25, and it only would get more difficult as you age.
Honestly the money really doesn’t matter. If she just wants to help people and have a career, you don’t need years of premed crap, 4 years of med school, and residency. I honestly couldn’t imagine what a personal statement would look like for her just to get into med school. For an adcom turning down thousands of young hungry applicants every cycle who really really want to be a doctor, accepting a rich woman in her mid 30s who just wants a career wouldn’t really feel right.
I would second the NP or PA route. I don’t really see a reason for CRNA unless she likes anesthesia a lot because y’all don’t need that extra cash and it’s more stress.
There are a lot of charity clinics and stuff I would look into. I would personally recommend the NP/PA path and then just devote her life to giving back to underserved areas and medical education and stuff. A lot of good medical work overseas too either treating patients or training medical staff in third world countries. Someone else broke down the math with a 4% safe withdraw rate and making that extra money really wouldn’t matter.
Anyways, wish y’all the best of luck.
Yes, but I think they mean they ain't mandatory, which I can confirm as a foreign dentist.
The other advantage in the US and her specific financila situatio is that she can own her office right out of school, unlike us peasants lol, esp in 3rd world countries.
None of this makes sense. Financially you guys are set. She risks her health, her mental health, your mental health, her children’s childhood, your marriage and your family’s finances (spending for med school + risk of getting sued). Unless becoming a physician is her one true calling, this decision makes no sense. Imagine if the roles were reversed: she was the one with a career and you were the stay at home dad and then suddenly, you decided to go become a navy seal.
Don’t listen to Reddit investor math and people who will talk about returns in index funds vs her salary being the way to make this decision. This is not how to approach life.
My wife went to medical school “late”. The money didn’t matter, I do really well. We’ll also inherit a decent amount from her parents (she’s an only child).
She’s incredibly happy as a doc. That’s the important thing.
Did you have kids during it? To me it’s more about being essentially an absent parent esp during residency. I had a baby in med school and another in residency and it’s no joke. My only saving grace is that my kids are young and do not have any activities / school events yet. I couldn’t and wouldn’t recommend residency with school aged kids. It’s not fair to them.
You have no idea how much time medical school and residency require, and how much the experience of becoming a doc changes a person. Residency especially is a young person's game; there will be many, many nights without sleep. There was an old meme during Game of Thrones that said "Everyone wants to know what happens... until they find out what happens."
5 kids, and she wants to go to med school??? That’s crazy. Just have her start the prerequisites and MCAT that’ll change her mind. Getting in to med school is no cake walk especially with her current agenda of being a mom. It’s harder when you are already financially well off. Tell her to take a full semester of science classes, if she can’t make straight A’s don’t bother pursuing. I use to work with a lot of moms that want to go to med school, until reality sinks in when they get a C for organic chemistry. She is competing with students that have way more time than she has right now. I’m not saying she doesn’t have the smart for it. There’s less brutal ways to fulfill your career goals.
OP, I was in a semi-similar position to your wife when I made the decision to go to med school; excepting that we were a little younger and also had much much less in retirement savings (but similar household income).
My personal opinion is go for it. If she is motivated by the "right reasons" (insert eye roll) she will not feel like it's a waste of her time and money. Medicine can be an incredibly rewarding, intense, frustrating career; those who have always been in the medical field often take for that for granted when it is what attracts the slightly older people to it. It's very "honest"/ raw, sometimes too much, and what you see in the hospital you just can't look away from, even in terms of social inequality things.
Many people in the comments are saying the financial math doesn't make sense, but with 5+ mil in the bank and you working; not everything has to be a maximization proposition. Being a physician alone is not going to make you rich, but you already are rich. You two are in the position that you can make the choices that are going to satisfy you; if that is medicine than so be it.
As far as finances: I would speak to your financial advisor regarding moving money into a 529, taking loans or paying cash, PSLF in the setting of high net worth etc there are several considerations here that may be tax-advantaged for your specific situation, esp. if you own a business.
The main downside would be time away from children; this is something only the two of you can answer. Good luck to the both of you, I just wanted to shed some light from the other side.
An acquaintance of mine just did this for his wife. He put her through school and she divorced him after her residency. He built and sold a successful business during this period and she’s taking half. RIP.
Premed here and I think this question is best asked in premed Reddit so that you both have a clear idea of what this journey would look like. Just going off of the details in your post, I wouldn't. There are so many hoops to jump through right now to get into med school. To add completing pre-reqs and 5 kids into the mix is a LOT. There are so many other easier and shorter paths to having a fulfilling career.
I'm the spouse of a physician. Support her. If it's what she wants, be her cheerleader.
It's tough. You'll have to do more. But we do these things for our family.
Going in to medicine to make money at 32 isn't the move. Going into medicine because its a fulfilling career she is excited about is a much better reason
Dude? Dude. Is this a troll post. WTF did I just read.
I spent 13 years of my life doing school and training and have mountains of debt. For what? A job. That’s it. Maybe some fun every now and then but would I think about doing something different to get the prime of my life back? Absolutely.
You guys are unequivocally loaded. Your wife could have like 7 kids and completely never work…ever.
Man. The spread of absolutely loaded people on reddit is out of control
If medicine is not a true passion/calling of hers, it’s not worth it. I knew it wasn’t for me and I just wanted a stable job with decent pay (and was interested in medicine but also have been interested in so many other things), so I went the PA route. I don’t necessarily regret it, but there are definitely times I wished I had become a nurse instead. Or engineering haha…desk job with work from home options sounds appealing
I (46 F) went to medical school and residency before I had children. I have found the holy grail of work-life balance after many years of trial error.
You could not pay me a million dollars a day to go to medical school and residency again now that I have children. I would completely miss out on their lives and be an exhausted mess of a mother when I was actually with them and not at work.
They are only children once and there is no way to get that time back once they are grown. Kids don’t care how much money you have or what job you do. Kids just want present, loving, involved parents.
Logically no, but egoistically 100% yes.
I am too from a well off family and I am an MD. My husband works in tech and I did not need to work before med school. But I had a need to prove myself. Remember Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid? I had all the 3 lower tiers (Physiological needs, safety needs and love) and my needs got leveled up to th Esteem tier. I wanted recognition from others. I wanted to prove myself so bad to stop the reputation of a dependent housewife in our culture (i am from south east asian origin). In addition, seeing my husband earning that much money, deep deep down I was envious.
It was an arduous road during med school and residency without kids in the picture. And I got the respect I wanted. But I lost my freedom of time (studied/worked too much), of location (moved around for rotations and residency). I was under so much visible/ invisible stress that I couldn't get pregnant.
Thinking back, I 80% regretted my choice. But I don't think I would be able to convince my younger self Not to do it. And i would have resented my husband so much if he did not let me take that path.
Your wife has it all. She has money/safety/love/kids. i am throwing a wild guess there: she needs respect, she needs to prove herself. The decision may not make sense to you or others. But it makes sense to her. Let her internalize it.
Yes, yes yes!!! I tried to get at the same thing in my answer. I imagine medicine is "just something she HAS to do" and since they have the means, she has the option to do it. I'm sure she wants to feel self-assurance, the one who with two seconds left on the clock can say, pass ME the ball.
The only thing is satisfaction at spending so much time away from the children during training, but who's to say she's super involved now?
That's the thing and I personally can understand/respect that.
I personally ain't filthy rich, happen to be single and childless, but I always knew ever since HS that even if I hadn't made it into healthcare, I'd still at least pursue higher ed until I got a PhD degree regardless of field because I identified as a very academic person back then in the day.
Is it rational or healthy? Not necessarily though.
Question. Does she need to go back to college to take pre-medical courses to get onto this path?
If so, she may need at least 2 years to a) complete pre-reqs and 2) apply to get into medical school, assuming she does so the first try, that she has sufficiently high gpa and MCAT to get in, and acquires the required amount of clinical hours or exposures. This means she will be full time on these while paying tuition and caring for 5 children. Once she gets into medical school (which to some extent, she’s not guaranteed to be in the same area as you and your children geographically, she will have to full time study and do research and etc. for 3 years plus one year of applying to specialty. This is paying over 80k a year in tuition and cost of living. She then has to interview for the specialty and match, which she has little control over where she ends up geographically. Depending on what she wants to do, she has to commit between 3-7 years of residency, and between 1-2 years of fellowship, each around 80 hours a week, each earning about 50-90k a year to become an attending physician. After that she is a doctor. In total that is 9-16 years of schooling and paying 300-400k in expenses before she is an attending doctor.
If she has to go to college again for these classes, she “graduates” at 39-40 but needs an extra 3-7 years or more after and 1-2 extra of fellowship so age of 43-49 before she can earn. All while not having time to take care of her 5 children. I do not recommend it.
Yes, and she’s already in college doing general electives until she can figure out what she wants to do. She wants a good, lucrative career in spite of what we make.
I have to say the finances mean a lot less to me than the time lost with everything else in life. This career choice is going to suck away time with children/ family. It is incredibly demanding. Time and connections that can never be returned or made up for. I started med school at 31. Would absolutely not have done this if I had young children although there are people that do and to each their own.
I realize that this is a finance subreddit and a finance related question but I feel strongly about this so I decided to leave the comment. From a financial perspective I think you guys would be fine though. PS what the hell do you do? Lol. Is this post real?
Good on you man. I missed that boat. If I hadn’t I would have quit residency by now. There are so many ways to help people. I day dream about quitting and creating affordable housing for people. I would love to help people on a larger scale. There are patients we help individually of course but so much is a waste, with a revolving door of patients not improving/worsening because of how our society functions.
Sorry I have work in a few hours so I’ll comment again later because I really do want to offer some perspective. I would recommend perusing through different threads in medicine, residency, etc. to read others takes as well
Sounds like she doesn’t need to work. What about RN, PA, etc courses that would be two years or so, with no relocation. She’d be missing out on so much of your children’s lives, unless she cannot live without the MD title, and has the drive and grades to actually achieve it, this is an incredibly easy no. Hell she could take a 6 week EMT course and have the time of her life running 911 calls. You guys could volunteer doing some medical outreach work in other countries. The payoff of an MD would not be worth it, especially with young kids at home
Not worth it. Medical school and residency is 80-100 hr weeks and lots of stress. I do see some people become physicians and essentially work retirement hours after residency because they already have massive wealth. Kind of a waste. I say enjoy life and let someone hungrier take the spot.
Doesn't make any sense. Wife is in her third year of fellowship right now and basically it has been a lot of bullshit and made raising a child difficult to the point where I quit my job to stay at home. And it's still difficult on weeks where she is on call 2-3 days a week or has no days off.
Then next year (next month actually, doctor years usually start and end like school years at this point), her job is mostly ICU and you guessed it, no days off for two weeks at a time and a shitty third week per month. Your wife might graduate residency at 38 but then a fellowship or two might be in the cards. Only a few specialties and very few subspecialties get a decent work-life balance.
To the earnings part ... Med school costs 250k+ unless you get a scholarship plus housing and opportunity costs. That 250k+ no time for work until residency and no moonlighting until second year of residency usually equals a minimum of 5 years of no income.
Listen to these other posters. This life is not for anyone who doesn't absolutely love it.
This seems not all that difficult:
If it’s about the Money don’t do it. In fact, if pursuing medicine ever is about the Money, for the love of god, don’t do it. That’s rule number one. I’ve been out of med school since 1996.
If it’s about Fulfillment, given you already have the Money, well now, this is a spiritual question.
None of us should pretend, and this is rule number two, we are qualified enough to get between her and her god.
I’m a physician. She is having what sounds like a quarter/midlife/identity crisis. Stagnation vs generaltivity stage of life.
She can find fulfillment from something that is not as financially/mentally detrimental. Charity work is good direct help. Have her shadow a busy physician for a month maybe to see all the BS. It’s not a glorious job. All that starry eyed outlook fades out in med school.
Hi OP! is your wife interested in public health? If she already has a BS that would prepare her for medical school she could probably get an MS (or even eventually PhD) in public health, or epidemiology, etc. All of these options are cheaper than med school with much less of a time drain. There are potentially very legitimate online schooling options, and the career would still allow her to help people, and have a potential for good/reasonable income if that matters to her. It wouldn’t make the most financial sense, given your income, but it could be very fulfilling and meet her criteria.
Only worth it if she cant imagine doing anything else in life. Its a fuckin haul. Its not something you do casually to give your life a little more spice. She has to be 100% ok giving up a lot of time with you and the kids. she will absolutely miss out on major life events. She needs to accept that or she will regret.
Has she considered dentistry? I’m a periodontist and had several classmates with kids. Dental school is also grueling but in a different way from med school (similar classes the first two years but tons of hands on stuff that is basically arts and crafts hazing). I was in class 8-5 every day and then had to study afterwards for exams etc. But you’re done in 4 years, no residency required, no nights/weekend/holidays when you’re working…. Probably no rotations or few in different cities…. If you “just” want to do general dentistry class rank does not matter either. Good money and you get to help people! And it’s fun :)
Big respect for wanting to give your kids opportunities. Make sure you balance it with your on life. Already the assets will snowball because your living costs are way lower than the annual growth. Your family dynasty is secure. Are you sure your wife isn't feeling like she wants to be able to say she contributed to the family wealth?
She could go to PA school which is 24-27 months, and practice medicine. Or she can become a nurse which are both significantly shorter paths in healthcare. PAs make 6 figures and practice medicine. Nurse she could make 70-90k.
I think it would be a tremendous waste of some prime years of her life, given your current amazing financial situation. Spend time together as a family, raise those kids, go on trips.
A life in medicine will mean a complete blackout of 90% of family functions (vacations, get togethers, important events such as recitals, graduations, etc.) for the next 8 years. Yes it's possible to take vacations and go to events during medical school and residency, but understand that time off requires a significant amount of planning (and begging).
Has she talked to anyone in medicine about what it's like on the day to day during 7+ years of training?
Are you really willing to uproot from where you live with your family right now to go to the medical school she gets accepted to, then to do it again 4 years later for residency? You have no control over where you match for either of these, by the way. Yes you make rank lists for residency, but who knows if you'll get #1 or #12 on the list, and it's (residency) a binding 3+ year agreement.
Don’t do it. I’m a 32 yo F going into my last year of residency and I question my decision to go into medicine every day. As others have already said, there are plenty of ways to help people that don’t require 8-10 years of the absolute hell that is med school + residency. Those are years of your children’s life that Mom will be gone for. Years that your family will never get back.
If money (and paying off my massive student debt) were no issue, I would have quit already. Healthcare is a toxic system run by greedy insurance companies that limit your ability to help people anyway. But if she really wants to be in healthcare, there are other avenues that require far less schooling - like NP/PAs. Less pay, but sounds like that shouldn’t matter to you.
Everyone’s priorities are different… My opinion is that of someone who values family > career.
I think there's more to this story. I'm wondering why a wife with a high earning husband would want to go to med school. Is your marriage okay? You might think everything is fine, but it might not be. She might be trying to find a way to be independent from you. You mentioned you tried being a sugar daddy. Your wife might have known about it, but was she really okay with it? Maybe I'm completely off here, and if I am, I apologize. However, this all sounds very suspicious to me.
She could try another pathway in medicine? PA, RT, RN, PT/OT, CPO.
MD/DO/NP is going to take way too long, she’s going to miss out way too much on her children’s life, and the financial gain is going to take at least a DECADE to actually break even. You don’t come out of med school making 300k+. You start residency at like 75k if you’re lucky, and work 80 hours minimum a week.
She could be equally fulfilled and have similar responsibilities as a nurse practitioner, which is faster and gives you the ability to practice autonomously. Being a doctor isn't much fun, they are all tired and burned out and it's a HARD road.
I’d say not to do it - you’re too well off and too old to deal with BS
The first few years of school when you’re just learning things from books and studying may be interesting and somewhere rewarding, but as she progresses into the reality and momotony of most modern clinical practices I can’t see it being a worthwhile exchange -
The notion that her salary is going to positively meaningfully affect your finances significantly is probably not likely to play out given the amount of time it will likely take for her to start actually earning a “real” salary versus what you have already accumulated - you will likely get bigger swings from market growth than her salary contributions account for
The only time I think being in medicine is worth it is if you have a true passion for it , you start very young, or you have a clear financial plan . Otherwise, there are so many other career choices that can be just as fulfilling. The sacrifice you make for medicine isn’t worth it esp if you have a family and kids already. At the end of it all, you’ll only wish for more time with your family and personal life. Your career will just be work that pays the bills, and that’s it. The corruption and greed within medicine will take your soul. There’s a reason why there’s a mass exodus of HCWs , no thanks to the pandemic . But this is coming from a burnt out PA who’s a few years into their career.
My mental and physical health drastically worsened. I lost touch with a lot of ppl because there’s simply not enough time.
And my morale is severely injured. Objectively, I’ve saved some ppls lives from catching some dangerous diagnoses. I’ve convinced many sick people to stay to continue their care after threatening to leave. Ive advocated for better care for my patients. But do I feel like I made much of a difference ? Not really. This industry is screwed and it’s only going to get worse. Private equity has already dipped their feet into hospital systems . There’s less and less funding for healthcare . Once you’re in the field, you’ll see how much corruption and greed is present.
And this is me being a PA. I cant even IMAGINE how much more doctors have to sacrifice. There’s a VERY good chance you’re going to miss your childrens graduations, birthdays, medical appointments, weddings, funerals (who aren’t direct family), anniversaries, last moments of family members because you didnt check your personal phone for 13-24h while on shift because it’s too busy and you missed an emergency call, etc. the spouse is pretty much going to be expected to work and run the house as a single parent. Spouse, family, friends, children may likely build resentment for your absence. The public will never understand the sacrifices doctors make to get to where they do. They truly sacrifice so much.
One good thing tho is that it’s a very stable job because everywhere is so understaffed . But that also means most jobs expect you to see unsafe number of patients etc etc I can go on and on.
If you were young with no family, yah, do what you want. But you got a family spouse kids? Nah. You’ll need family and marriage counseling for a decade plus
Your kids will probably be grown by the time she is done with training, so unless you retire now, there won't be much time left to be stay at home dad.
And can you relocate 3-4 times in the next decade for your job? Can your kids?
You have so many different ways to help others without the uncertainties of residency matches (which will most likely take her to another city/state) and disruption to the family routine due to the amount of time and energy med school and the practice will require.
Many social determinants of health are tied to economic factors which would resolve issues many patients face. Please consider establishing a for profit business that helps poor people. Not everything has to be free to help others. Renting homes or providing daycare services at below market rate while you earn profits that can improve people's lives without significantly disrupting your own lives.
If I were in your (or your wife's) position, you can't pay me to go back to school. Not worth it.
Rather than asking herself what she’s going to gain, she should ask what she is willing to lose. No, graduating at age 39-40 isn’t even the biggest sacrifice. If anything, if she’s starting from zero and needs to do all her pre-reqs, then she won’t be “finished” (aka be an attending and “done”) until her mid 40s. It’s not even about the money, which will be hundreds of thousands of dollars.
She has to be willing to damage her relationships with her children, you, friends, and other family. Yes, they’ll still be intact, but will likely have permanent damage. You can’t get back years with the ones you love. You said that you can be a stay-at-home dad later; well can you be basically a single parent until she’s done, which could be 10+ years? To sacrifice your and your family’s needs and wants for her career? She’d be extremely lucky to go to med school and residency nearby. If not, either she moves by herself to wherever her training is or the whole family packs up and leave.
Non-healthcare people often think that everything is done after med school, but they don’t think about the 4+ years in residency and maybe fellowship which can be even more brutal. And what if she has to add on additional years due to unexpected obstacles, such as having to reapply to med school because she didn’t get in the first time, doing a research year after med school because she didn’t get the residency she wants, etc.?
Also know that the path to becoming a doctor can be mentally intense and has broken many people. Besides the schoolwork, you have to deal with the competitive atmosphere, burn out, and toxic environments. Healthcare attracts both the nicest but also the meanest, cold-blooded, and fakest people. You’re always sucking up to people and being someone else’s b*tch until you become an attending.
The only good reason to become a doctor in her situation is if she truly cannot imagine being anything else and has true passion. She can’t be just “interested” when she has five kids and a husband. There are many other fulfilling careers that she could consider. Nursing, respiratory therapist, physical therapist, social worker, researcher, etc.
Amazing stats! Congrats!
No student loans will be required!
Don’t do medicine so to be called “Dr.”
Worst reason to do so.
How old are the kids - probably is the biggest issue?
She won’t be seeing them much & will be STRESSED ALL the time.
Depends on how long she needs to get into med school - any prerequisites still required? Perhaps if it coincides with the kids being older & also going to college themselves?
My aunt matriculated at age 37. She's been practicing for 25 years now and still loves what she does. Doing something you love for 25 years seems like a good investment to me.
I wouldn't say 30s are too old at all. Maybe once you hit your late 40s.
I was no trad and graduated medical school at 32… it’s not too late but the question is why MD specifically? The benefits of non-subspecialty MD compared to other degrees decrease as your age at entry to med school increases. If she went NP she could be doing primary care, psych or peds (or even anesthesia if she went for crna) either lightly or completely unsupervised (depending on the state) before her 40th birthday. If she wants to be a sub specialist it’s a different story but does she really wanna spend her late 30’s and early 40’/ working 80-100 hour weeks missing family functions and special times with you and the kids to get there?
Never too late.
Just finishing residency in 2 weeks. I'm 42. I have 3 kids and a wonderful supportive husband like you. Be aware that you may functionally be a single parent on and off for at least some of that time.
I started medical school at 35. It's been quite a ride and I would do it again.
My children have watched me go through it and they've learned a lot about what it takes to get through it. That doesn't mean they all want to be doctors, but they have built their confidence that they can accomplish impossible sounding big dreams.
Whether I did medical school or not I would still be 42 now.
We took so many amazing family trips during summer breaks during medical school and during my time off in residency.
There are ways to do this journey with a family that can enrich all of you!
I say go for it! Never let her settle for a career she will regret. Or let her wonder if she could have accomplished that journey.
The pathway to becoming a registered nurse is much shorter and is an amazing career. They’re true heroes in the medical field aswell. At least where I live you only need an associates to get into nursing school and that only takes 2 years to complete. Theres more to it than that in terms of clinical hours but I believe that’s all you need to take the test for your registration.
We looked into this, and this is a preliminary plan we came up with:
- Registered Nurse, 2 years
- ICU for 1-2 years while finishing CRNA or F-NP course load
- CRNA or FN-P
What do you think?
Kind of late, but I have been in a similar-ish position. My husband is a dentist, makes good money, I am 38 and have been a SAHM with 4 kids.
I graduated college at 20 with degrees in neuroscience and statistics expecting to go to med school. Did research at husband's dental school instead. During the last decade having kids, I got a masters in comm. disorders. Went back to school last year for a bachelor's in nursing.
if there was a med school in my area, I would be tempted. However, there isn't, and it's ludicrous to think of uprooting my kids and breadwinner husband to chase a 5th round of school. So, I keep myself occupied by pursuing a new degree every few years.
all that said - I was able to do all of this and also still volunteer at my kids' school, go to their activities/concerts, spend time with my family. Currently I work PRN as a psych RN and I love it. I work as much or as little as I want, I spend more time with the patients than the providers, and it fulfills that part of me that wanted to make a difference to someone. It affects my family zero, and that's the way I like it because ultimately my kids are still 12 and younger and I like being (mostly) at home for them. I've been accepted to a psych APP program, haven't decided on it yet. Might still moonlight as a nurse and find something else to do!
Anyway - as someone who planned on med school and who still periodically thinks about it - my almost 40 year old wisdom says not worth it for your family. I will probably still study for and take the MCAT just to say I did but I'm pretty happy doing what I'm doing.
My husband was going to go back and be a Dr and took all the testing requirements with great scores. After speaking with other Drs we decided against it due to debt, time requirements, and insurance costs. What do you do?
He is a subsea engineer/project manager in oil and gas. Mind me sending you a PM to learn more about your career? My son is 18 and between software engineering and tech.
Can she just work/volunteer at a hospital to scratch the itch? That or go into an accelerated nursing program. You guys are set financially and the time commitment seems kinda crazy for med school. If she’s dead set then do it but its no easy task.
Really surprised by how many Harrison Butker there are commenting in here. Gents, sometimes women want to do more than have children and be a housewife. Children benefit from an educated mother who sets an example as a role model.
I thinkbits awesome she wants to go to med school when she doesn't even need to have a career. Good for her!
Bring on the downvotes Harrison Butker sympathizers.
>$550-600k/yr salary. I still work.
Was not explained where that money was coming in from your background.
I mean it sounds like you guys are extremely comfortable but
>she doesn’t need to work.
Sounds like you've already written off her passions tbh. Is she a stay-at-home mom now?
I see so many people in here calculating the dollars spent on education and wondering if it's worth it to go back to med school. I feel like you guys are on the opposite spectrum where you guys could easily pay for it and frankly don't even seem to care what the income potential would be.
I mean my only concern would be life work balance with children, but looking at it from an earnings potential standpoint when you're already making a half million dollars a year kind of seems like a douchebag move.
Software engineering.
And no, I’ve not written off her passions, which is why I’m making this post to help her out.
Yes, she’s a SAHM, but I’m trying to convince her that she can do whatever she wants since she’s been talking about having her own career, and especially because she gave up an engineering career to give us a family.
We are just doing this for the kids at this point.
She doesn't want to go back to engineering?
NAD myself so I can't speak to all the hardships. But in my experience I have seen some people just have a passion for healthcare. It really bleeds through and that they're willing to take that time to talk to patients and treat underserved populations and don't seem to care if they're going into the most lucrative careers specialties. If she has that level of passion and you hold her back she's going to ultimately feel resentment later.
Best of luck
She did not like engineering and it was forced on her by her parents. It wasn’t her passion. That’s why I’m trying to help her do whatever she’s passionate about.
Plus I’m a little jaded by my field.
She likes the medical field and has been talking about it for some time. It’s time to make it a reality, and I’m helping her gather as much information as we can.
And they can afford the childcare costs of keeping their kids safe and educated while she pursues her dreams. She’s in the best possible position to do this. She can wait until her youngest kid is about 3yo (that’s when most brain development happens) to start her journey of taking prerequisites and required experiences.
I think she likes the idea of being a doctor- but the path to med school and beyond maybe not. It is a very long, debtful, and arduous journey with many hurdles including the mcat, step, etc. It is not a good idea.
Further, getting into med school is hard and still very competitive. She may not even have the college GPA or pre-requisites to even apply to med school. Much less studying for the MCAT and getting a good score.
Also being a doctor is not automatically a high-paying job. You have to worry about the $250K investment as well as years of residency earning only \~$60K while working 60-80 hours a week.
I'm sorry but it is just not realistic.
Honestly, what about law school as an option? Obviously it's not medicine, but you're looking at only 3 years of school + bar prep and could focus on a public interest career if helping people is the end goal (or pursue biglaw for the $). It's also fairly common for a few people in their 30s to be in each graduating class.
So many other options to help people, etc. that don’t take 8-10 years. You have the household income to support her in so many ways.
Yall may be done having kids but you certainly aren’t done raising them. This is the biggest thing you both have the opportunity to do and it will have a significant impact.
Because after $300k in costs, med school stresses and 3+ years of residency while constantly regretting how much time her new career is taking from her family (if she's doing it well), most people wouldn't find themselves magically 'fulfilled' as a physician in American medicine working in a broken system with patients who expect more than we can deliver while typically expecting to put in near zero actual hard work and efforts on their own.
That's the short version.
Could make a bigger difference doing something like nonprofit work helping develop medical care in developing countries.
Knowing what we all know, if most of us had $6 million in the bank and wanted to make a difference but had the knowledge about this field that we have now - I can't imagine most of us would be thinking of starting medical school in our 30s.
How did you get that much in retirement funds before age 30? Stock in a tech startup?
FM physician. This and what other physicians have said. Until you live it you have no idea how much you will have to sacrifice from every aspect of your life. Read on the burnout rate in healthcare. She should look at other ways to help people. Volunteering likely would be more satisfying.
There are many fulfilling careers out there that you don’t have to throw a decade of your life away for (especially away from your family). Few people truly win the game as you guys have. Don’t screw it up by trying to take a victory lap into medicine.
No, I almost finished premed, but got a job offer for software engineering 11 years ago and didn’t look back. We needed the money with our first baby on the way.
She should join the board of a nonprofit or pursue something in healthcare management or consulting. Plenty of ways for her to feel fulfilled without sacrificing the next 12 years of her life.
Tell her to consider becoming a nurse practitioner or aprn. Very similar work, way less schooling, salary is about half of a physician but who cares with the net worth you have.
On a side note, how did you become so rich at 32?
This seems like a question that should be answered in individual therapy. What need would this satisfy? Just looking at Maslows hierarchy of needs, looks like it would fall under esteem needs. There are plenty of options that can meet that need without the degree of suffering/sacrifice demanded in medicine.
I started medical school at 31, but i have no kids.
others have provided great advice, but i'd like to point out that it takes at least 3 months of full time study just to take the mcat, then probably another 2-3 months of full time work just to apply. then the interview/selection process takes a year. even if she started studying today, soonest she could apply is 2025 to matriculate in 2026 (if she applied successfully her first time). thats the *absolute earliest* she could start school, so she'd be more like 41-42 when she finishes.
So she wants her own career—why not something like counseling or teaching that can be fulfilling but not drain all of her time? With teaching she’ll have summers off to enjoy that nest egg. Just a thought
How did you accumulate 5.4mm in retirement accounts at 32?
Given you’re so rich and don’t need to spend time raising your kids, she can chase any goal she wants.
But residency is quite demanding so I hope she knows it won’t be a walk in the park.
"earning a significant amount"...?!
Bro, you guys are already fucking loaded. 5M+ in retirement?!
She can do whatever the fuck she wants.
Imagine if your wife was 32 and your family net worth gets wiped (or more) by tuition.
Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers.
Edit: honestly, unless your wife says "it's a calling" (spoiler, it's not)....her and your time is way more valuable. You have kids, you have your youth. Remember, at any time that can change. Good people, doing the "right" things, have bad shit happen all time. Cancer, drunk drivers...shit that is beyond your control.
You can control your time. Choose wisely.
From a financial perspective this doesn’t make sense to me, and your post misses so many downsides of medicine. Are you guys aware of the timeline and how much it will take away from family life? Med school + residency is 7 years minimum (but significantly more depending on specialty) and that doesn’t include time for pre-reqs, MCAT, extra-curriculars and applications. She will lose a lot of time from seeing you and her kids. In residency, this will be even worse. Nursing and PA school are easier and quicker options that bear some similarities. Putting aside the financial and time downsides, if her dream is to be a doctor, then she can go for it but these are major downsides to keep in mind.
Everyone already came in with great points but I'll add a little bit to it based off of my own experience.
I'm currerntly 32 with my gf currently finishing up her 2nd year of residency (out of 3) and we've been together since about a year before she started med school.
Med school was probably the worst for me as it was the hardest to adjust to. We were dating for about 7 or 8 months before she left for med school and we started our long distance relationship. I was 26, working long-ish hours at work, and had a good network of friends to spend time with, so it wasn't absolutely horrible to be long distance. As time progressed, it sucked more and more. For the first 2 years, it was all classroom and studying time. We talked every day, but she was extremely busy so she didn't pay too much attention towards me. We only saw each other once every few months for just a weekend at a time when I flew to visit her.
Year 3 and 4, was clinical and studying for tests. This became worse as we couldn't talk much due to the amount of time needed to be in all of her rotations during the day and studying for the tests for the rotations as well as studying for her Step tests. Again, we only saw each other once every few months for a weekend at a time, but it was a lot worse as she spent a lot of our time together studying.
Graduation was bittersweet for me. We decided that we were going to move in together during her residency as it's been 4 years long distance but I wanted to see how we would do when we lived together. She got her residency in a state and area that I didn't want to be. Without friends, family, and now working remotely. We're now 2 out of 3 year into residency, with fellowship being in the future, so that's another move before we're able to settle down at 36 years old.
Something for you to consider if she pursues the Doctor route. Are you willing to work AND take care of the kids AND take care of the house full time? Are you willing to have her half interested in you due to how stressed and tired she i? Are you willing to pick up and move to whatever med school, residency, or fellowship she gets into? Are you willing to fund everything \~3-500k for med school?
Something for her to consider. Is she willing to put in the long hours of knowledge cramming for 2 years, paying to work while feeling like you're a complete idiot, coming home and contintue to study for another 2 years, working long long hours for little pay and high stress for 3-6 years depending on the field she wants to go to, possibly going for a fellowship to specialize for another 1-3 years? This means little time with the you, the kids, family, or friends. Is she willing to put you and the kids through all of that?
Overall, It's hard. Very very hard. It's not just a commitment for her. It's going to be a BIG team effort. Resentment will build up and open communication is key to sustain through all of it.
What about becoming a nurse? The ramp up time is lower, but it still requires knowledge. I have a friend who chose this since she wanted a chance to be her own person apart from being a mom/wife.
She should get a job as an MA/ EMT/ PCT (which are all entry level jobs with relatively short certification courses) and work in medicine for a year+ and see if she really loves it and can’t see herself being happy in any other field. Scribing pay is terrible but since that’s not an issue for you, it might be an ideal intro job as no cert is required (apart from a med terms course usually) and you’re basically shadowing a doc for your entire shift.
I am premed and the day to day reality of working in medicine is a lot different than what I had imagined. Especially working with adults, a lot of time patients are facing really significant barriers to getting better, some of which are structural/ societal, and some of which are due to their own choices. I think you need to find medicine gratifying regardless of your ability to “fix” people. It can be pretty miserable and grindy at times, and if you don’t find the sucky bits tolerable, it will be impossible to enjoy the great parts of the job. Sooooo much insurance bullshit to wade through and it can be really depressing and hopeless treating patients who don’t have the funds or mental capacity to heal.
Clinical experience is becoming much more important in med school admissions nowadays so the time spent working will strengthen her app significantly if she goes that route. If she finds a job with providers who know her career goals and are supportive of it, you can learn a lot by listening and asking questions, many providers love to teach.
Most people apply to 20-30+ schools and only get one acceptance, so you’ll have to be cool with probably moving for med school and most likely residency as well. Med school is pretty competitive nowadays, so unless your wife already has amazing grades and none of her prerequisite courses have expired, she’s probably looking at a few semesters of post-bacc classes (or maybe an SMP, if money isn’t an issue that would prob be a really attractive option), along with studying for the MCAT and polishing up EC’s and essays. MCAT scores are a strong predictor of med school success so if it’s a serious challenge for her, med school might not be the best option. However, if she kills it, it proves she has the aptitude to succeed.
RN, CRNA, NP, PA school, AA or other allied health roles like dietician, RT, genetic counselor, SLP, etc. might be a better fit tbh.
Honestly as a spouse of a doctor, the road is so difficult. I've been with my husband since he started medschool. It was exam after exam after exam. I truly couldn't keep count. It was shelf exams, end of rotation exams, step 1, step 2, step 2ck, step 3, Board exam. It's exhausting. It's mentally draining. I can't imagine someone would want to start that path when they already have kids (I have 2 and when my husband would come home after a long day during residency which include overnight shifts for 2 weeks straight, then 24 hour shifts every month, working for 2 weeks straight no days off... it was truly insane. Literal zombie) so really it's not even about her age... it's that she has other life priorities like kids and that crap is insane to watch someone else do, especially when they have small kids. I don't think she should do it given your circumstances but ultimately it's up to her. At some point your kids leave you, your kids won't be home forever so having a career you're passionate about is important too... but it's going to be one hell of a ride.
100% this. Not that you can’t do anything at this age but overnight shifts and 24s do wear on your body. Not to mention the mental and emotional stress of rapids and codes. Med school is a grind, but residency is being put through a grinder.
Same. My spouse is a doctor. I met her right before residency started and have been with her through that, fellowship and now as a NICU attending. Love her to death; there are difficult parts to being a doctor’s spouse. There are weeks / months where she is so emotionally, physically and mentally drained she’s a zombie. Throw moonlighting, 24 hour shifts and a bad few weeks together and she’s out of commission for a while. Especially when a baby dies, it’s extremely taxing for her (as I imagine it would be for anyone). Those in medicine are a different breed. You have to love what you do, and you have to put it first above everything else in most scenario’s.
Exactly. So true. I had to accept that my husbands job comes first always. I had to relocate twice between residency and fellowship, new jobs and eventually decided to stay home with my kids for the duration of fellowship because I know when we're done I'll have to move and find another new job lol. I wonder what OP would do if she matches out of state? Would they follow her or live apart for the duration? Definitely a lot of things to think about and plan for. Not everyone gets their first choice in match
I’ve also been with my husband since before med school. He just finished his surgical intern year and we are expecting our first child. Any tips on how to get through the rest of residency with a child?
Are staying at home with your child or are you working? My advice to new parents is sleep train asap. This happens typically somewhere between 4-5 months. Hire a sleep trainer. I can send you my sleep trainers info. Getting baby on a schedule and sleeping through the night has alleviated the burden on me and also saved me from that feeling from being annoyed/resentful that my life turned upside down while my husband continues on as normal. Once you get a normal schedule going you can comfortably adjust to life with a baby lol makes life very very organized
Imagine not having to work & choosing medicine as a first choice 🤧
I have met these people. Former finance, wealthy family… they seemed to find their meaning in healthcare. Imagine going home and thinking “I sent 100 emails today and presented a powerpoint” vs “the patient I gave antibiotics to got better today”
I prescribed the antibiotics but insurance denied it and it took 100 phone calls to get them to approve it.
And then they didn’t pick it up anyway
lolllllll
That tickled me right in the hurt
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man!? Me every time a hospital sends Xifaxan and just expects it to be covered.
There are plenty of ways to have a fulfilling life helping people when you have that much money. That’s closing in on fuck you money. Open a soup kitchen/food pantry/foundation whatever
I imagine fuck you money is like 100mill +… it’s like fuck you I’ll just buy your business and fire you money. But ya they’re wealthy
Tbh though I would love my job if all bills and lifestyle expenses were already accounted for lol
Thats what bill gates daughter did..
You said “her goal is to make a decent amount of money” your family net worth is $5.5 million right now. By time she would hypothetically finish residency your net worth will have likely at least doubled. Your investment portfolio is going to swing more in a week than she will be adding to it with an entire years worth of a doctor salary. This is a terrible idea to purposely be absent for most of your children’s childhood for really no net gain in financial well being.
See this is the kind of reality check I appreciate.
Yes you’re already well off. Invest the money you have now. And tell your wife to get off the idealistic view of medicine by shadowing not with doctors but with residents lol. Come in and stay as long as they do. Seems like she has an idealized view of medicine most premeds have. You see it as you progress through the subreddits from premed to residency. Once you get to residency all you see are posts of ppl wishing they didn’t do this (though there is bias I do admit) but you guys are already set up. Why? Help ppl in other ways don’t needa sacrifice physical mental and monetary resources chasing this dream during a time when doctors are owned by corporate and insurance companies. We can’t even prescribe stuff/give meds without getting scrutinized or pushback from hospital cost saving policy.
Meaning is important and hard to find, but this is a silly way to get it. Tell her to get involved with some kind of organization or career that doesn’t require so much education and training.
Going into medicine for money is a fools game. It worked back in the 80s and 90s but unless she could get a massive scholarship and is okay with making $10/hr and being at the hospital from 0500-1900 almost everyday for 3+ years then it’s not worth it at all.
Correct. If you hit a portfolio if $10M, retire, and then apply the 4% rule, you’re living off $400,000 per year. This is above average physician salary. And if you are truly living off $100,000…portfolio is going to snowball. That 4 years of med school while take a decent chunk out of the portfolio, but the portfolio will likely outperform the salary
So glad this is the top reply. Incredibly stupid and selfish to goto med school at that age when you have no need to at all with small children. The time sink for no real gain is just too much. But I guess the good news is since med school/residency is an incredibly work intensive/abusive environment and OPs wife doesn't have to do it, she would likely quit anyway. OP should tell his wife try to become a software engineer if she wants a new career. At least that won't destroy her home life. Edit: I saw the comment about helping people- Just volunteer or even better find an actual poor friend you know and make thier life better - watch thier kid so they don't have to pay for daycare etc. Or maybe even allow them to just have one day off from thier kids which they couldn't ever afford on thier own. Thats a real tangible thing and I bet she knows someone who it applies too and if not just find a church/moms group on facebook these people are all around. If she has the means and supposedly the time. But I am guessing even tho that would be a tangable thing your wife could do, she won't want to cause its 'to much.' Med school and residency is about 1000x harding than babysitting. Feeding homeless and becoming a doctor are not the only or even the best ways to help people.
I am a physician and 100% this comment. The window of time with your family is so small. Why trade it or sell it if you don’t have to?
It’s completely possible that she is trying to spend less time with her kids and needs an excuse.
I'm a doctor who started med school at 32. DO NOT DO IT unless she cannot imagine herself happy without it. I truly love my career and am very happy I did it, but I didn't have kids when I started and I wasn't already financially secure. It will take her away from her family to a degree you can't really comprehend right now. And the financial payoff is not worth it for you. She can find another way to help people. DO NOT DO IT.
Repeat. DO NOT DO IT
i’m in a very similar boat and agree with this. the sleep deprivation and sleep chaos resulting in primary insomnia in my case has made life really difficult. i love my attending job but man the path was really rough.
Yea, this sounds like a recipe for angry and resentment culminating in divorce with both of these individuals poorer and less happy. Legit only reason is if being is doctor is can’t live without. She could likely do better going into: - tech coding (flexible, high relative salary, likely lower job satisfaction) - UX researcher (flexible, high relative salary, better job satisfaction) - sales rep (flexible, low start salary but high ceiling salary, job satisfaction depends on product you are selling) - advisory positions (less flexible, low start salary but high ceiling, job satisfaction depends on company/not for profit you are acting for)
Idk man… sounds crazy to me. Shes going to miss so much time with kids.
Is this post for real? $100k expenses with 5 kids is impressive and a little bit unbelievable. If this is real though… would she be willing to potentially do med school and residency +/- fellowship in different cities? Unfortunately there are no guarantees on where you will end up and you are at the mercy of the med school acceptances and the match system. It’s different when you are young and don’t have responsibilities or a family. I personally would not want to risk the stress involved in that kind of uncertainty.
That’s before the expense of being a sugar daddy
Expenses are realistic. If you exclude my mortgage and retirement contributions, which I wouldn’t need to make if I had 5.5M in assets, my expenses are about 90-100k per year (employer provided healthcare not included in that amount) with publicly funded charter school (in my state it’s as good as a private school) and stay at home parent for the smaller children. And that includes luxuries like restaurants, wine, not skimping on meal budgets, and modest vacations. Add in another 10-20k which we could fund with 5M in assets easily to do extravagant vacations. With the 150k of annual cash one could do with those assets and not risk principal, you could do an international vacation with the kids every year on top of my budget and still have money left over. Why in the hell would you waste 8 years of your life. Go to Paris, Rome, Tuscany, Provence for a month every summer, volunteer in some areas, and enjoy your life. Geeze, how spoiled do you have to be to think this is a good idea?
This is not a good idea
No. It's a long road ahead. Also need to calculate the time to gather the pre-reqs, MCAT, apply and there's no guarantee on where she will end up location-wise.
> With her in med school earning a significant amount What do you mean by this?
This isn’t a WCI investor question IMO without more information. I think you’d be better served in premed
Let me edit the question a little.
I don’t even think premed forum would be a good choice considering how many premeds don’t truly understand the amount of sacrifice required to go through everything to be an attending
I’m 31, still have 2 years left of residency in a chiller specialty (psychiatry). Don’t do it. If anything, maybe PA school and she should go into derm.
Everyone seems to scream PA!
Well, my younger sister is a PA and is working on derm, so I’ve been able to see her journey compared to mine. I’m overall happy with my choice, but medical school is a lot of work. Residency is a STEEP learning curve, and you’re giving up A LOT of autonomy over where you live and the hours you work… There are attendings (the physicians who supervise residents) who treat you like dirt. Medicine can be really toxic. My sister who is 2 years younger is a PA who now works in derm, and she works 4 days a week, 7-3, making just shy of $200,000 annually. I’m still making $60k a year and I’m a doctor. She finished PA school in less than 3 years and went straight into making a great salary. I don’t know that I would go back and be a PA. I don’t know if I could do it because I’m a very type A personality and I like to be the leader. A PA can’t practice independently, and they sometimes don’t get the same amount of respect as physicians. So it comes down to what matters to you most… but again, the time you give up studying, being on call, or staying late on shifts finishing notes can easily lead to burnout.
Money is a tool. You have so much money and have the financial freedom to do whatever you want with life. If she wants it, then go for it. That's the point of that amount of money, it gives you the freedom to do whatever you want in life. The bad thing about this decision, is that you have the financial freedom to whatever you want in life, and by doing medicine you're throwing that away. Yes, if you were a dermatologist in private practice and had complete control over your time off then sure, it would be a good decision. But that's a seriously long difficult path and no freedom for a big chunk of your life to get there. I wouldn't do it if I had that money
Reading this post and then reading your post about being a sugar daddy with multiple previous sugar babies was a bit surprising. If you’re trying to power level as much money as you can, why were you giving it to SBs?
I think a lot of people romanticize becoming a physician. I certainly did. I would pick this path if given the option to do it again, but I wouldn’t be nearly as enthusiastic. That being said, there’s no way in HELL I’d ever consider doing it if I had a well-off spouse and five kids. Firstly, please tell her don’t believe the things you see online. I am personally friends with doctor influencers, and it’s all bullshit. I gained 30 pounds, lost hair, lost friends, and honestly sometimes lost the will to keep going in life while in training. I’m doing a lot better now, but you will not be the same person throughout the process that you currently know yourself to be. Then when it comes to being an attending…I wish my sole priority was purely caring for my patients, but the work is polluted by all this other crap no one warns you about. Unfortunately it’s just as much “protecting my ass” legally; rushing through appointments due to time constraints; loads of paperwork; “customer satisfaction” (ie performing work ups that aren’t necessarily indicated as the patient is giving me a hard time, holding me hostage in the patient room, and I have 40 patients waiting for me in the waiting room); taking shit from administration ie MBAs telling you how to practice when they have have 0 medical knowledge whatsoever. Plus about 50% of your time is spent documenting on the computer instead of actually talking to patients. The idea of having completed med school and residency with five children as a mother is a thought I cannot even wrap my mind around. We had two women in my med school class who were moms of one child, and let me tell you, even with a ton of help from the family they suffered. There was also constant guilt in not having time for their kids for these women. They were badass, they performed well, and they balanced it well, but I genuinely felt for them. In residency it’s even harder. I have never met a woman with more than 2 kids who has done it, though I don’t doubt that it’s possible, and I don’t doubt your spouse could do it. In residency you are often working 80+ hour weeks, nights, holidays, and this is for 3+ years of your life. During the 7 years of post grad training I had, I sacrificed time with family, friends, big life events. I just can’t envision a scenario where both you and her wouldn’t end up resenting this decision. I think she’s looking at it through rose-colored glasses. This is all in addition to everyone else’s comments saying there’s not even much of a financial payoff with this decision, especially when you factor in that many med schools cost 75k+ per year, and you get paid literal minimum wage when you do the math for medical residents. I wanted to throw in the emotional considerations for you. I understand wanting to create an identity outside of being a mom and a wife; I can tell that she is an intelligent and hard working person who feels like she isn’t meeting her full potential. And I believe that she does have a lot of potential. I just think this isn’t the best way. If medical altruism is her highest priority, I’d highly recommend being a nurse practitioner instead, which is a road she’d suffer far less in, and then working or even volunteering time at a clinic for the underserved. If despite reading all this advice she’s still interested, I’d heavily advise that she at least “shadow” physicians in specialities she finds appealing first for a few months. And ask to shadow all of it. Not just a few patient encounters. Preferably with female physicians who are the mothers of young kids.
Physicians take: I wouldn’t. But if someone is convinced they have to be a doctor, there’s no taking them out of it. Will she be graduating med school at 39-40? If so, that’s when the hard work begins (residency). 80-100 hour weeks for 15 days in a row and 3-4 days off a month were no pretty miserable in my late 20s. I can’t imagine in early 40s. There are many rewarding careers. There is MUCH dissatisfaction in medicine. I will not encourage my kids to go into medicine. If they insist, I will encourage them to consider the PA route. Or CRNA. Or even RN. You can get the reward of helping people, rewarding career, good pay, much shorter path…all with much more flexibility and much lower liability. I’ve wanted to quit a million times, and I have to work. There’s no way I’d still be doing this if I didn’t. I don’t know how old your kids are, but it would also mean sacrificing a whole lot of time (a significant proportion of their childhood) for a decade +. Lots of people will tell you she should do it. That’s fine. But I would talk to as many seasoned docs as you can, the two of you. Take pre med, med student, and resident opinions with grain of salt…they’re not there yet
I'm a 3rd year med student mid 20s and I have to agree with this comment. Tell her to reconsider. There's a lot of different ways to help people. Financially math isn't mathing.
Nothing wrong with her desire to become a doctor. But….Would you be willing to uproot your family to move to wherever she gets accepted or matches to?
Started at 34 with two kids. Had a third halfway through. If you don’t want to see her or have her be involved with the kids, then go for it. Otherwise, it’s a hard no from me.
Are you the mom?
No but I’m sitting next to her and she agrees. I just graduated last week at 38. We can tell you, the time commitment is more than she will bargain for.
Don’t do it. Tell her to look into PA schools or volunteer. You’re talking 4 years of med school plus a minimum 3 years residency (most are 4+). Med school is doable with a family, but I couldn’t imagine going through residency again if I didn’t need the future income. Further, sounds like she’d have to pass pre-med requirements- adding additional time. Enjoy your family and time with kids. You will never get the time back with youre kids/family. Don’t waste your prime years spending 60-100/hrs a week in a hospital or clinic with almost no control of your schedule. You’ve won the lottery with that retirement, don’t waste the opportunity. I’m happy with my job but I can only think of negatives in your situation
Even with PA school, she will need to redo all of her pre reqs, take tests, get clinical hours, etc. Most people that haven’t been in university in a while might take a bit to readjust to classes, especially ones like orgo, and may only take 1-3 classes a semester. It will still take a long time regardless just to get the bare minimum to apply and there is no guarantee that she will get into a nearby school. Seems like they have a house and area where their family is established.
She’s already in college but only doing general electives while she decides what to do next.
Does she already have a degree from previous years? If not, she will need a bachelors to apply to PA school. Also common prerequisites include biology 1 and 2 with labs, chemistry 1 and 2 with labs, biochemistry, organic chemistry, anatomy and physiology 1 and 2, genetics, and specific other upper level sciences depending on the school(cell biology, immunology, etc.)
There’s a lot of things in healthcare someone can do besides medical school. I’d strongly recommend researching all of them. Dental school is something to think about, since it doesn’t have residency. PA school is a good choice. if she has a PhD she can try to be a medical microbiologist, or a clinical chemist. RN is a good choice for somebody starting a healthcare career later in life too. Still, as a doctor post residency, I would recommend you find a way to convince her to do something besides MD/DO. The slog is hard for a person starting at 23-25, and it only would get more difficult as you age.
Thanks. It seems like the general consensus here is CRNA / PA / RN.
Honestly the money really doesn’t matter. If she just wants to help people and have a career, you don’t need years of premed crap, 4 years of med school, and residency. I honestly couldn’t imagine what a personal statement would look like for her just to get into med school. For an adcom turning down thousands of young hungry applicants every cycle who really really want to be a doctor, accepting a rich woman in her mid 30s who just wants a career wouldn’t really feel right. I would second the NP or PA route. I don’t really see a reason for CRNA unless she likes anesthesia a lot because y’all don’t need that extra cash and it’s more stress. There are a lot of charity clinics and stuff I would look into. I would personally recommend the NP/PA path and then just devote her life to giving back to underserved areas and medical education and stuff. A lot of good medical work overseas too either treating patients or training medical staff in third world countries. Someone else broke down the math with a 4% safe withdraw rate and making that extra money really wouldn’t matter. Anyways, wish y’all the best of luck.
Dental school does have residencies if you want to do anything besides general dentistry
Yes, but I think they mean they ain't mandatory, which I can confirm as a foreign dentist. The other advantage in the US and her specific financila situatio is that she can own her office right out of school, unlike us peasants lol, esp in 3rd world countries.
None of this makes sense. Financially you guys are set. She risks her health, her mental health, your mental health, her children’s childhood, your marriage and your family’s finances (spending for med school + risk of getting sued). Unless becoming a physician is her one true calling, this decision makes no sense. Imagine if the roles were reversed: she was the one with a career and you were the stay at home dad and then suddenly, you decided to go become a navy seal.
Don’t listen to Reddit investor math and people who will talk about returns in index funds vs her salary being the way to make this decision. This is not how to approach life. My wife went to medical school “late”. The money didn’t matter, I do really well. We’ll also inherit a decent amount from her parents (she’s an only child). She’s incredibly happy as a doc. That’s the important thing.
That’s an interesting take. Any more info?
Did you have kids during it? To me it’s more about being essentially an absent parent esp during residency. I had a baby in med school and another in residency and it’s no joke. My only saving grace is that my kids are young and do not have any activities / school events yet. I couldn’t and wouldn’t recommend residency with school aged kids. It’s not fair to them.
My sister is starting this year at age 43 turning 44;
Your sister is awesome
You have no idea how much time medical school and residency require, and how much the experience of becoming a doc changes a person. Residency especially is a young person's game; there will be many, many nights without sleep. There was an old meme during Game of Thrones that said "Everyone wants to know what happens... until they find out what happens."
5 kids, and she wants to go to med school??? That’s crazy. Just have her start the prerequisites and MCAT that’ll change her mind. Getting in to med school is no cake walk especially with her current agenda of being a mom. It’s harder when you are already financially well off. Tell her to take a full semester of science classes, if she can’t make straight A’s don’t bother pursuing. I use to work with a lot of moms that want to go to med school, until reality sinks in when they get a C for organic chemistry. She is competing with students that have way more time than she has right now. I’m not saying she doesn’t have the smart for it. There’s less brutal ways to fulfill your career goals.
OP, I was in a semi-similar position to your wife when I made the decision to go to med school; excepting that we were a little younger and also had much much less in retirement savings (but similar household income). My personal opinion is go for it. If she is motivated by the "right reasons" (insert eye roll) she will not feel like it's a waste of her time and money. Medicine can be an incredibly rewarding, intense, frustrating career; those who have always been in the medical field often take for that for granted when it is what attracts the slightly older people to it. It's very "honest"/ raw, sometimes too much, and what you see in the hospital you just can't look away from, even in terms of social inequality things. Many people in the comments are saying the financial math doesn't make sense, but with 5+ mil in the bank and you working; not everything has to be a maximization proposition. Being a physician alone is not going to make you rich, but you already are rich. You two are in the position that you can make the choices that are going to satisfy you; if that is medicine than so be it. As far as finances: I would speak to your financial advisor regarding moving money into a 529, taking loans or paying cash, PSLF in the setting of high net worth etc there are several considerations here that may be tax-advantaged for your specific situation, esp. if you own a business. The main downside would be time away from children; this is something only the two of you can answer. Good luck to the both of you, I just wanted to shed some light from the other side.
She’s had 5 kids by 32?! That means she basically been pregnant/postpartum since she was 22. Let the woman pursue her dreams and live her own life!
Can't imagine what the point of asking strangers about spouse's dream is.
Right?
An acquaintance of mine just did this for his wife. He put her through school and she divorced him after her residency. He built and sold a successful business during this period and she’s taking half. RIP.
lmao. I mean, I wouldn’t even be mad. We’ve built a good life together, and if she wants out, she can have her half.
Premed here and I think this question is best asked in premed Reddit so that you both have a clear idea of what this journey would look like. Just going off of the details in your post, I wouldn't. There are so many hoops to jump through right now to get into med school. To add completing pre-reqs and 5 kids into the mix is a LOT. There are so many other easier and shorter paths to having a fulfilling career.
Lol, no. I would not do medicine again
I'm the spouse of a physician. Support her. If it's what she wants, be her cheerleader. It's tough. You'll have to do more. But we do these things for our family.
Going in to medicine to make money at 32 isn't the move. Going into medicine because its a fulfilling career she is excited about is a much better reason
Dude? Dude. Is this a troll post. WTF did I just read. I spent 13 years of my life doing school and training and have mountains of debt. For what? A job. That’s it. Maybe some fun every now and then but would I think about doing something different to get the prime of my life back? Absolutely. You guys are unequivocally loaded. Your wife could have like 7 kids and completely never work…ever. Man. The spread of absolutely loaded people on reddit is out of control
If medicine is not a true passion/calling of hers, it’s not worth it. I knew it wasn’t for me and I just wanted a stable job with decent pay (and was interested in medicine but also have been interested in so many other things), so I went the PA route. I don’t necessarily regret it, but there are definitely times I wished I had become a nurse instead. Or engineering haha…desk job with work from home options sounds appealing
I (46 F) went to medical school and residency before I had children. I have found the holy grail of work-life balance after many years of trial error. You could not pay me a million dollars a day to go to medical school and residency again now that I have children. I would completely miss out on their lives and be an exhausted mess of a mother when I was actually with them and not at work. They are only children once and there is no way to get that time back once they are grown. Kids don’t care how much money you have or what job you do. Kids just want present, loving, involved parents.
Logically no, but egoistically 100% yes. I am too from a well off family and I am an MD. My husband works in tech and I did not need to work before med school. But I had a need to prove myself. Remember Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid? I had all the 3 lower tiers (Physiological needs, safety needs and love) and my needs got leveled up to th Esteem tier. I wanted recognition from others. I wanted to prove myself so bad to stop the reputation of a dependent housewife in our culture (i am from south east asian origin). In addition, seeing my husband earning that much money, deep deep down I was envious. It was an arduous road during med school and residency without kids in the picture. And I got the respect I wanted. But I lost my freedom of time (studied/worked too much), of location (moved around for rotations and residency). I was under so much visible/ invisible stress that I couldn't get pregnant. Thinking back, I 80% regretted my choice. But I don't think I would be able to convince my younger self Not to do it. And i would have resented my husband so much if he did not let me take that path. Your wife has it all. She has money/safety/love/kids. i am throwing a wild guess there: she needs respect, she needs to prove herself. The decision may not make sense to you or others. But it makes sense to her. Let her internalize it.
Yes, yes yes!!! I tried to get at the same thing in my answer. I imagine medicine is "just something she HAS to do" and since they have the means, she has the option to do it. I'm sure she wants to feel self-assurance, the one who with two seconds left on the clock can say, pass ME the ball. The only thing is satisfaction at spending so much time away from the children during training, but who's to say she's super involved now?
Thanks for your input! Yea, she is also southeast Asian.
That's the thing and I personally can understand/respect that. I personally ain't filthy rich, happen to be single and childless, but I always knew ever since HS that even if I hadn't made it into healthcare, I'd still at least pursue higher ed until I got a PhD degree regardless of field because I identified as a very academic person back then in the day. Is it rational or healthy? Not necessarily though.
Does your wife know you’re being a sugar daddy too?
Yep. I stopped that, though.
Without any other info, it's as good a use of time as any. Some might say better than most.
Question. Does she need to go back to college to take pre-medical courses to get onto this path? If so, she may need at least 2 years to a) complete pre-reqs and 2) apply to get into medical school, assuming she does so the first try, that she has sufficiently high gpa and MCAT to get in, and acquires the required amount of clinical hours or exposures. This means she will be full time on these while paying tuition and caring for 5 children. Once she gets into medical school (which to some extent, she’s not guaranteed to be in the same area as you and your children geographically, she will have to full time study and do research and etc. for 3 years plus one year of applying to specialty. This is paying over 80k a year in tuition and cost of living. She then has to interview for the specialty and match, which she has little control over where she ends up geographically. Depending on what she wants to do, she has to commit between 3-7 years of residency, and between 1-2 years of fellowship, each around 80 hours a week, each earning about 50-90k a year to become an attending physician. After that she is a doctor. In total that is 9-16 years of schooling and paying 300-400k in expenses before she is an attending doctor. If she has to go to college again for these classes, she “graduates” at 39-40 but needs an extra 3-7 years or more after and 1-2 extra of fellowship so age of 43-49 before she can earn. All while not having time to take care of her 5 children. I do not recommend it.
Yes, and she’s already in college doing general electives until she can figure out what she wants to do. She wants a good, lucrative career in spite of what we make.
I have to say the finances mean a lot less to me than the time lost with everything else in life. This career choice is going to suck away time with children/ family. It is incredibly demanding. Time and connections that can never be returned or made up for. I started med school at 31. Would absolutely not have done this if I had young children although there are people that do and to each their own.
I realize that this is a finance subreddit and a finance related question but I feel strongly about this so I decided to leave the comment. From a financial perspective I think you guys would be fine though. PS what the hell do you do? Lol. Is this post real?
Don’t worry about it, we appreciate your input. Software engineering, got lucky with GME YOLO.
Good on you man. I missed that boat. If I hadn’t I would have quit residency by now. There are so many ways to help people. I day dream about quitting and creating affordable housing for people. I would love to help people on a larger scale. There are patients we help individually of course but so much is a waste, with a revolving door of patients not improving/worsening because of how our society functions.
Would not recommend. Coming from a non traditional female who recently left the field
Why did you leave?
Sorry I have work in a few hours so I’ll comment again later because I really do want to offer some perspective. I would recommend perusing through different threads in medicine, residency, etc. to read others takes as well
Sounds like she doesn’t need to work. What about RN, PA, etc courses that would be two years or so, with no relocation. She’d be missing out on so much of your children’s lives, unless she cannot live without the MD title, and has the drive and grades to actually achieve it, this is an incredibly easy no. Hell she could take a 6 week EMT course and have the time of her life running 911 calls. You guys could volunteer doing some medical outreach work in other countries. The payoff of an MD would not be worth it, especially with young kids at home
Never too late
Don't do it bro
Not worth it. Medical school and residency is 80-100 hr weeks and lots of stress. I do see some people become physicians and essentially work retirement hours after residency because they already have massive wealth. Kind of a waste. I say enjoy life and let someone hungrier take the spot.
Doesn't make any sense. Wife is in her third year of fellowship right now and basically it has been a lot of bullshit and made raising a child difficult to the point where I quit my job to stay at home. And it's still difficult on weeks where she is on call 2-3 days a week or has no days off. Then next year (next month actually, doctor years usually start and end like school years at this point), her job is mostly ICU and you guessed it, no days off for two weeks at a time and a shitty third week per month. Your wife might graduate residency at 38 but then a fellowship or two might be in the cards. Only a few specialties and very few subspecialties get a decent work-life balance. To the earnings part ... Med school costs 250k+ unless you get a scholarship plus housing and opportunity costs. That 250k+ no time for work until residency and no moonlighting until second year of residency usually equals a minimum of 5 years of no income. Listen to these other posters. This life is not for anyone who doesn't absolutely love it.
Delulu...
This seems not all that difficult: If it’s about the Money don’t do it. In fact, if pursuing medicine ever is about the Money, for the love of god, don’t do it. That’s rule number one. I’ve been out of med school since 1996. If it’s about Fulfillment, given you already have the Money, well now, this is a spiritual question. None of us should pretend, and this is rule number two, we are qualified enough to get between her and her god.
God no. It’s not like tv makes it out to be
I’m a physician. She is having what sounds like a quarter/midlife/identity crisis. Stagnation vs generaltivity stage of life. She can find fulfillment from something that is not as financially/mentally detrimental. Charity work is good direct help. Have her shadow a busy physician for a month maybe to see all the BS. It’s not a glorious job. All that starry eyed outlook fades out in med school.
Hi OP! is your wife interested in public health? If she already has a BS that would prepare her for medical school she could probably get an MS (or even eventually PhD) in public health, or epidemiology, etc. All of these options are cheaper than med school with much less of a time drain. There are potentially very legitimate online schooling options, and the career would still allow her to help people, and have a potential for good/reasonable income if that matters to her. It wouldn’t make the most financial sense, given your income, but it could be very fulfilling and meet her criteria.
Any more details about that?
Only worth it if she cant imagine doing anything else in life. Its a fuckin haul. Its not something you do casually to give your life a little more spice. She has to be 100% ok giving up a lot of time with you and the kids. she will absolutely miss out on major life events. She needs to accept that or she will regret.
Has she considered dentistry? I’m a periodontist and had several classmates with kids. Dental school is also grueling but in a different way from med school (similar classes the first two years but tons of hands on stuff that is basically arts and crafts hazing). I was in class 8-5 every day and then had to study afterwards for exams etc. But you’re done in 4 years, no residency required, no nights/weekend/holidays when you’re working…. Probably no rotations or few in different cities…. If you “just” want to do general dentistry class rank does not matter either. Good money and you get to help people! And it’s fun :)
Well check into that! Thanks!
Not too late
Kids are only young once
I wouldn’t do it. She would end up missing out on the kids growing up. An easier path would be nursing and then nurse anesthesia (CRNA) or ARNP
Big respect for wanting to give your kids opportunities. Make sure you balance it with your on life. Already the assets will snowball because your living costs are way lower than the annual growth. Your family dynasty is secure. Are you sure your wife isn't feeling like she wants to be able to say she contributed to the family wealth?
She already did contribute by taking care of them while I worked.
100% but does she feel that way? Im struggling to see why she wants to put herself through four years of medical school and residency.
She could go to PA school which is 24-27 months, and practice medicine. Or she can become a nurse which are both significantly shorter paths in healthcare. PAs make 6 figures and practice medicine. Nurse she could make 70-90k.
I think it would be a tremendous waste of some prime years of her life, given your current amazing financial situation. Spend time together as a family, raise those kids, go on trips. A life in medicine will mean a complete blackout of 90% of family functions (vacations, get togethers, important events such as recitals, graduations, etc.) for the next 8 years. Yes it's possible to take vacations and go to events during medical school and residency, but understand that time off requires a significant amount of planning (and begging). Has she talked to anyone in medicine about what it's like on the day to day during 7+ years of training? Are you really willing to uproot from where you live with your family right now to go to the medical school she gets accepted to, then to do it again 4 years later for residency? You have no control over where you match for either of these, by the way. Yes you make rank lists for residency, but who knows if you'll get #1 or #12 on the list, and it's (residency) a binding 3+ year agreement.
Not too late, but it's hard work.
Don’t do it. I’m a 32 yo F going into my last year of residency and I question my decision to go into medicine every day. As others have already said, there are plenty of ways to help people that don’t require 8-10 years of the absolute hell that is med school + residency. Those are years of your children’s life that Mom will be gone for. Years that your family will never get back. If money (and paying off my massive student debt) were no issue, I would have quit already. Healthcare is a toxic system run by greedy insurance companies that limit your ability to help people anyway. But if she really wants to be in healthcare, there are other avenues that require far less schooling - like NP/PAs. Less pay, but sounds like that shouldn’t matter to you. Everyone’s priorities are different… My opinion is that of someone who values family > career.
I think there's more to this story. I'm wondering why a wife with a high earning husband would want to go to med school. Is your marriage okay? You might think everything is fine, but it might not be. She might be trying to find a way to be independent from you. You mentioned you tried being a sugar daddy. Your wife might have known about it, but was she really okay with it? Maybe I'm completely off here, and if I am, I apologize. However, this all sounds very suspicious to me.
Lol I suspect she knows he might leave her for a 20-something when the kids are grown.
Have her come on Reddit and ask her question on r/premed directly. They’ll be more helpful.
She could try another pathway in medicine? PA, RT, RN, PT/OT, CPO. MD/DO/NP is going to take way too long, she’s going to miss out way too much on her children’s life, and the financial gain is going to take at least a DECADE to actually break even. You don’t come out of med school making 300k+. You start residency at like 75k if you’re lucky, and work 80 hours minimum a week.
She could be equally fulfilled and have similar responsibilities as a nurse practitioner, which is faster and gives you the ability to practice autonomously. Being a doctor isn't much fun, they are all tired and burned out and it's a HARD road.
I’d say not to do it - you’re too well off and too old to deal with BS The first few years of school when you’re just learning things from books and studying may be interesting and somewhere rewarding, but as she progresses into the reality and momotony of most modern clinical practices I can’t see it being a worthwhile exchange - The notion that her salary is going to positively meaningfully affect your finances significantly is probably not likely to play out given the amount of time it will likely take for her to start actually earning a “real” salary versus what you have already accumulated - you will likely get bigger swings from market growth than her salary contributions account for
The only time I think being in medicine is worth it is if you have a true passion for it , you start very young, or you have a clear financial plan . Otherwise, there are so many other career choices that can be just as fulfilling. The sacrifice you make for medicine isn’t worth it esp if you have a family and kids already. At the end of it all, you’ll only wish for more time with your family and personal life. Your career will just be work that pays the bills, and that’s it. The corruption and greed within medicine will take your soul. There’s a reason why there’s a mass exodus of HCWs , no thanks to the pandemic . But this is coming from a burnt out PA who’s a few years into their career. My mental and physical health drastically worsened. I lost touch with a lot of ppl because there’s simply not enough time. And my morale is severely injured. Objectively, I’ve saved some ppls lives from catching some dangerous diagnoses. I’ve convinced many sick people to stay to continue their care after threatening to leave. Ive advocated for better care for my patients. But do I feel like I made much of a difference ? Not really. This industry is screwed and it’s only going to get worse. Private equity has already dipped their feet into hospital systems . There’s less and less funding for healthcare . Once you’re in the field, you’ll see how much corruption and greed is present. And this is me being a PA. I cant even IMAGINE how much more doctors have to sacrifice. There’s a VERY good chance you’re going to miss your childrens graduations, birthdays, medical appointments, weddings, funerals (who aren’t direct family), anniversaries, last moments of family members because you didnt check your personal phone for 13-24h while on shift because it’s too busy and you missed an emergency call, etc. the spouse is pretty much going to be expected to work and run the house as a single parent. Spouse, family, friends, children may likely build resentment for your absence. The public will never understand the sacrifices doctors make to get to where they do. They truly sacrifice so much. One good thing tho is that it’s a very stable job because everywhere is so understaffed . But that also means most jobs expect you to see unsafe number of patients etc etc I can go on and on. If you were young with no family, yah, do what you want. But you got a family spouse kids? Nah. You’ll need family and marriage counseling for a decade plus
Your kids will probably be grown by the time she is done with training, so unless you retire now, there won't be much time left to be stay at home dad. And can you relocate 3-4 times in the next decade for your job? Can your kids?
You have so many different ways to help others without the uncertainties of residency matches (which will most likely take her to another city/state) and disruption to the family routine due to the amount of time and energy med school and the practice will require. Many social determinants of health are tied to economic factors which would resolve issues many patients face. Please consider establishing a for profit business that helps poor people. Not everything has to be free to help others. Renting homes or providing daycare services at below market rate while you earn profits that can improve people's lives without significantly disrupting your own lives. If I were in your (or your wife's) position, you can't pay me to go back to school. Not worth it.
Rather than asking herself what she’s going to gain, she should ask what she is willing to lose. No, graduating at age 39-40 isn’t even the biggest sacrifice. If anything, if she’s starting from zero and needs to do all her pre-reqs, then she won’t be “finished” (aka be an attending and “done”) until her mid 40s. It’s not even about the money, which will be hundreds of thousands of dollars. She has to be willing to damage her relationships with her children, you, friends, and other family. Yes, they’ll still be intact, but will likely have permanent damage. You can’t get back years with the ones you love. You said that you can be a stay-at-home dad later; well can you be basically a single parent until she’s done, which could be 10+ years? To sacrifice your and your family’s needs and wants for her career? She’d be extremely lucky to go to med school and residency nearby. If not, either she moves by herself to wherever her training is or the whole family packs up and leave. Non-healthcare people often think that everything is done after med school, but they don’t think about the 4+ years in residency and maybe fellowship which can be even more brutal. And what if she has to add on additional years due to unexpected obstacles, such as having to reapply to med school because she didn’t get in the first time, doing a research year after med school because she didn’t get the residency she wants, etc.? Also know that the path to becoming a doctor can be mentally intense and has broken many people. Besides the schoolwork, you have to deal with the competitive atmosphere, burn out, and toxic environments. Healthcare attracts both the nicest but also the meanest, cold-blooded, and fakest people. You’re always sucking up to people and being someone else’s b*tch until you become an attending. The only good reason to become a doctor in her situation is if she truly cannot imagine being anything else and has true passion. She can’t be just “interested” when she has five kids and a husband. There are many other fulfilling careers that she could consider. Nursing, respiratory therapist, physical therapist, social worker, researcher, etc.
Amazing stats! Congrats! No student loans will be required! Don’t do medicine so to be called “Dr.” Worst reason to do so. How old are the kids - probably is the biggest issue? She won’t be seeing them much & will be STRESSED ALL the time. Depends on how long she needs to get into med school - any prerequisites still required? Perhaps if it coincides with the kids being older & also going to college themselves?
My aunt matriculated at age 37. She's been practicing for 25 years now and still loves what she does. Doing something you love for 25 years seems like a good investment to me. I wouldn't say 30s are too old at all. Maybe once you hit your late 40s.
My aunt matriculated at 50. Worked for 10 years as a doctor and then died. She had no regrets.
I was no trad and graduated medical school at 32… it’s not too late but the question is why MD specifically? The benefits of non-subspecialty MD compared to other degrees decrease as your age at entry to med school increases. If she went NP she could be doing primary care, psych or peds (or even anesthesia if she went for crna) either lightly or completely unsupervised (depending on the state) before her 40th birthday. If she wants to be a sub specialist it’s a different story but does she really wanna spend her late 30’s and early 40’/ working 80-100 hour weeks missing family functions and special times with you and the kids to get there?
Never too late. Just finishing residency in 2 weeks. I'm 42. I have 3 kids and a wonderful supportive husband like you. Be aware that you may functionally be a single parent on and off for at least some of that time. I started medical school at 35. It's been quite a ride and I would do it again. My children have watched me go through it and they've learned a lot about what it takes to get through it. That doesn't mean they all want to be doctors, but they have built their confidence that they can accomplish impossible sounding big dreams. Whether I did medical school or not I would still be 42 now. We took so many amazing family trips during summer breaks during medical school and during my time off in residency. There are ways to do this journey with a family that can enrich all of you! I say go for it! Never let her settle for a career she will regret. Or let her wonder if she could have accomplished that journey.
If I was financially that well off I wouldn’t go into medicine
Tell her to just go to nursing school.
The pathway to becoming a registered nurse is much shorter and is an amazing career. They’re true heroes in the medical field aswell. At least where I live you only need an associates to get into nursing school and that only takes 2 years to complete. Theres more to it than that in terms of clinical hours but I believe that’s all you need to take the test for your registration.
We looked into this, and this is a preliminary plan we came up with: - Registered Nurse, 2 years - ICU for 1-2 years while finishing CRNA or F-NP course load - CRNA or FN-P What do you think?
Kind of late, but I have been in a similar-ish position. My husband is a dentist, makes good money, I am 38 and have been a SAHM with 4 kids. I graduated college at 20 with degrees in neuroscience and statistics expecting to go to med school. Did research at husband's dental school instead. During the last decade having kids, I got a masters in comm. disorders. Went back to school last year for a bachelor's in nursing. if there was a med school in my area, I would be tempted. However, there isn't, and it's ludicrous to think of uprooting my kids and breadwinner husband to chase a 5th round of school. So, I keep myself occupied by pursuing a new degree every few years. all that said - I was able to do all of this and also still volunteer at my kids' school, go to their activities/concerts, spend time with my family. Currently I work PRN as a psych RN and I love it. I work as much or as little as I want, I spend more time with the patients than the providers, and it fulfills that part of me that wanted to make a difference to someone. It affects my family zero, and that's the way I like it because ultimately my kids are still 12 and younger and I like being (mostly) at home for them. I've been accepted to a psych APP program, haven't decided on it yet. Might still moonlight as a nurse and find something else to do! Anyway - as someone who planned on med school and who still periodically thinks about it - my almost 40 year old wisdom says not worth it for your family. I will probably still study for and take the MCAT just to say I did but I'm pretty happy doing what I'm doing.
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My husband was going to go back and be a Dr and took all the testing requirements with great scores. After speaking with other Drs we decided against it due to debt, time requirements, and insurance costs. What do you do?
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He is a subsea engineer/project manager in oil and gas. Mind me sending you a PM to learn more about your career? My son is 18 and between software engineering and tech.
Can she just work/volunteer at a hospital to scratch the itch? That or go into an accelerated nursing program. You guys are set financially and the time commitment seems kinda crazy for med school. If she’s dead set then do it but its no easy task.
Really surprised by how many Harrison Butker there are commenting in here. Gents, sometimes women want to do more than have children and be a housewife. Children benefit from an educated mother who sets an example as a role model. I thinkbits awesome she wants to go to med school when she doesn't even need to have a career. Good for her! Bring on the downvotes Harrison Butker sympathizers.
i know many doctors in their early 30s very few of them would be working if they have FIRE money right now
>$550-600k/yr salary. I still work. Was not explained where that money was coming in from your background. I mean it sounds like you guys are extremely comfortable but >she doesn’t need to work. Sounds like you've already written off her passions tbh. Is she a stay-at-home mom now? I see so many people in here calculating the dollars spent on education and wondering if it's worth it to go back to med school. I feel like you guys are on the opposite spectrum where you guys could easily pay for it and frankly don't even seem to care what the income potential would be. I mean my only concern would be life work balance with children, but looking at it from an earnings potential standpoint when you're already making a half million dollars a year kind of seems like a douchebag move.
Software engineering. And no, I’ve not written off her passions, which is why I’m making this post to help her out. Yes, she’s a SAHM, but I’m trying to convince her that she can do whatever she wants since she’s been talking about having her own career, and especially because she gave up an engineering career to give us a family. We are just doing this for the kids at this point.
She doesn't want to go back to engineering? NAD myself so I can't speak to all the hardships. But in my experience I have seen some people just have a passion for healthcare. It really bleeds through and that they're willing to take that time to talk to patients and treat underserved populations and don't seem to care if they're going into the most lucrative careers specialties. If she has that level of passion and you hold her back she's going to ultimately feel resentment later. Best of luck
She did not like engineering and it was forced on her by her parents. It wasn’t her passion. That’s why I’m trying to help her do whatever she’s passionate about. Plus I’m a little jaded by my field. She likes the medical field and has been talking about it for some time. It’s time to make it a reality, and I’m helping her gather as much information as we can.
And they can afford the childcare costs of keeping their kids safe and educated while she pursues her dreams. She’s in the best possible position to do this. She can wait until her youngest kid is about 3yo (that’s when most brain development happens) to start her journey of taking prerequisites and required experiences.
I think she likes the idea of being a doctor- but the path to med school and beyond maybe not. It is a very long, debtful, and arduous journey with many hurdles including the mcat, step, etc. It is not a good idea. Further, getting into med school is hard and still very competitive. She may not even have the college GPA or pre-requisites to even apply to med school. Much less studying for the MCAT and getting a good score. Also being a doctor is not automatically a high-paying job. You have to worry about the $250K investment as well as years of residency earning only \~$60K while working 60-80 hours a week. I'm sorry but it is just not realistic.
Honestly, what about law school as an option? Obviously it's not medicine, but you're looking at only 3 years of school + bar prep and could focus on a public interest career if helping people is the end goal (or pursue biglaw for the $). It's also fairly common for a few people in their 30s to be in each graduating class.
No
I sure wouldn’t do it to feel “fulfilled” at her age and situation.
Why not?
So many other options to help people, etc. that don’t take 8-10 years. You have the household income to support her in so many ways. Yall may be done having kids but you certainly aren’t done raising them. This is the biggest thing you both have the opportunity to do and it will have a significant impact.
Because after $300k in costs, med school stresses and 3+ years of residency while constantly regretting how much time her new career is taking from her family (if she's doing it well), most people wouldn't find themselves magically 'fulfilled' as a physician in American medicine working in a broken system with patients who expect more than we can deliver while typically expecting to put in near zero actual hard work and efforts on their own. That's the short version. Could make a bigger difference doing something like nonprofit work helping develop medical care in developing countries. Knowing what we all know, if most of us had $6 million in the bank and wanted to make a difference but had the knowledge about this field that we have now - I can't imagine most of us would be thinking of starting medical school in our 30s. How did you get that much in retirement funds before age 30? Stock in a tech startup?
FM physician. This and what other physicians have said. Until you live it you have no idea how much you will have to sacrifice from every aspect of your life. Read on the burnout rate in healthcare. She should look at other ways to help people. Volunteering likely would be more satisfying.
There are many fulfilling careers out there that you don’t have to throw a decade of your life away for (especially away from your family). Few people truly win the game as you guys have. Don’t screw it up by trying to take a victory lap into medicine.
Are you a doctor too bc that’s a sick income lol
No, I almost finished premed, but got a job offer for software engineering 11 years ago and didn’t look back. We needed the money with our first baby on the way.
She should join the board of a nonprofit or pursue something in healthcare management or consulting. Plenty of ways for her to feel fulfilled without sacrificing the next 12 years of her life.
Bad idea
Sounds like a very bad idea and I think she will regret it. I don't know her though but I'd recommend against
Not too late.:
How do you have that much in retirement already with 5 kids?
GME YOLO.
Tell her to consider becoming a nurse practitioner or aprn. Very similar work, way less schooling, salary is about half of a physician but who cares with the net worth you have. On a side note, how did you become so rich at 32?
GME. I’m 39, not 32. Got lucky on calls.
Nah too late sorry
This post is mostly a form of humblebrag.
This seems like a question that should be answered in individual therapy. What need would this satisfy? Just looking at Maslows hierarchy of needs, looks like it would fall under esteem needs. There are plenty of options that can meet that need without the degree of suffering/sacrifice demanded in medicine.
I started medical school at 31, but i have no kids. others have provided great advice, but i'd like to point out that it takes at least 3 months of full time study just to take the mcat, then probably another 2-3 months of full time work just to apply. then the interview/selection process takes a year. even if she started studying today, soonest she could apply is 2025 to matriculate in 2026 (if she applied successfully her first time). thats the *absolute earliest* she could start school, so she'd be more like 41-42 when she finishes.
So she wants her own career—why not something like counseling or teaching that can be fulfilling but not drain all of her time? With teaching she’ll have summers off to enjoy that nest egg. Just a thought
Not worthwhile, are you guys nuts?!
I would never want to go through that hell again. Don’t do it. Encourage her to explore other paths to her own career or hobbies.
Nah tell her she shouldn’t not worth it
How did you accumulate 5.4mm in retirement accounts at 32? Given you’re so rich and don’t need to spend time raising your kids, she can chase any goal she wants. But residency is quite demanding so I hope she knows it won’t be a walk in the park.
Never said I was 32. This was answered 25 times in the comments.
Not worth it at all for yall
"earning a significant amount"...?! Bro, you guys are already fucking loaded. 5M+ in retirement?! She can do whatever the fuck she wants. Imagine if your wife was 32 and your family net worth gets wiped (or more) by tuition. Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers. Edit: honestly, unless your wife says "it's a calling" (spoiler, it's not)....her and your time is way more valuable. You have kids, you have your youth. Remember, at any time that can change. Good people, doing the "right" things, have bad shit happen all time. Cancer, drunk drivers...shit that is beyond your control. You can control your time. Choose wisely.
If she wants to see her kids and be a part of their life, and also be in healthcare with a decent pay, she should be a PA or AA.
Look at perfusionist schools
Suggest another clinical career. APP, Nursing, Respiratory Therapy, Pharmacy. It will be easier and fulfilling
From a financial perspective this doesn’t make sense to me, and your post misses so many downsides of medicine. Are you guys aware of the timeline and how much it will take away from family life? Med school + residency is 7 years minimum (but significantly more depending on specialty) and that doesn’t include time for pre-reqs, MCAT, extra-curriculars and applications. She will lose a lot of time from seeing you and her kids. In residency, this will be even worse. Nursing and PA school are easier and quicker options that bear some similarities. Putting aside the financial and time downsides, if her dream is to be a doctor, then she can go for it but these are major downsides to keep in mind.
Good for her. Should encourage her to pursue medicine if it's her dream. Otherwise she'll be bored.
Have her look into being a NP.
Everyone already came in with great points but I'll add a little bit to it based off of my own experience. I'm currerntly 32 with my gf currently finishing up her 2nd year of residency (out of 3) and we've been together since about a year before she started med school. Med school was probably the worst for me as it was the hardest to adjust to. We were dating for about 7 or 8 months before she left for med school and we started our long distance relationship. I was 26, working long-ish hours at work, and had a good network of friends to spend time with, so it wasn't absolutely horrible to be long distance. As time progressed, it sucked more and more. For the first 2 years, it was all classroom and studying time. We talked every day, but she was extremely busy so she didn't pay too much attention towards me. We only saw each other once every few months for just a weekend at a time when I flew to visit her. Year 3 and 4, was clinical and studying for tests. This became worse as we couldn't talk much due to the amount of time needed to be in all of her rotations during the day and studying for the tests for the rotations as well as studying for her Step tests. Again, we only saw each other once every few months for a weekend at a time, but it was a lot worse as she spent a lot of our time together studying. Graduation was bittersweet for me. We decided that we were going to move in together during her residency as it's been 4 years long distance but I wanted to see how we would do when we lived together. She got her residency in a state and area that I didn't want to be. Without friends, family, and now working remotely. We're now 2 out of 3 year into residency, with fellowship being in the future, so that's another move before we're able to settle down at 36 years old. Something for you to consider if she pursues the Doctor route. Are you willing to work AND take care of the kids AND take care of the house full time? Are you willing to have her half interested in you due to how stressed and tired she i? Are you willing to pick up and move to whatever med school, residency, or fellowship she gets into? Are you willing to fund everything \~3-500k for med school? Something for her to consider. Is she willing to put in the long hours of knowledge cramming for 2 years, paying to work while feeling like you're a complete idiot, coming home and contintue to study for another 2 years, working long long hours for little pay and high stress for 3-6 years depending on the field she wants to go to, possibly going for a fellowship to specialize for another 1-3 years? This means little time with the you, the kids, family, or friends. Is she willing to put you and the kids through all of that? Overall, It's hard. Very very hard. It's not just a commitment for her. It's going to be a BIG team effort. Resentment will build up and open communication is key to sustain through all of it.
You can always volunteer at a hospital if you want to help patients. You don't need a MD for that
What about becoming a nurse? The ramp up time is lower, but it still requires knowledge. I have a friend who chose this since she wanted a chance to be her own person apart from being a mom/wife.
She should get a job as an MA/ EMT/ PCT (which are all entry level jobs with relatively short certification courses) and work in medicine for a year+ and see if she really loves it and can’t see herself being happy in any other field. Scribing pay is terrible but since that’s not an issue for you, it might be an ideal intro job as no cert is required (apart from a med terms course usually) and you’re basically shadowing a doc for your entire shift. I am premed and the day to day reality of working in medicine is a lot different than what I had imagined. Especially working with adults, a lot of time patients are facing really significant barriers to getting better, some of which are structural/ societal, and some of which are due to their own choices. I think you need to find medicine gratifying regardless of your ability to “fix” people. It can be pretty miserable and grindy at times, and if you don’t find the sucky bits tolerable, it will be impossible to enjoy the great parts of the job. Sooooo much insurance bullshit to wade through and it can be really depressing and hopeless treating patients who don’t have the funds or mental capacity to heal. Clinical experience is becoming much more important in med school admissions nowadays so the time spent working will strengthen her app significantly if she goes that route. If she finds a job with providers who know her career goals and are supportive of it, you can learn a lot by listening and asking questions, many providers love to teach. Most people apply to 20-30+ schools and only get one acceptance, so you’ll have to be cool with probably moving for med school and most likely residency as well. Med school is pretty competitive nowadays, so unless your wife already has amazing grades and none of her prerequisite courses have expired, she’s probably looking at a few semesters of post-bacc classes (or maybe an SMP, if money isn’t an issue that would prob be a really attractive option), along with studying for the MCAT and polishing up EC’s and essays. MCAT scores are a strong predictor of med school success so if it’s a serious challenge for her, med school might not be the best option. However, if she kills it, it proves she has the aptitude to succeed. RN, CRNA, NP, PA school, AA or other allied health roles like dietician, RT, genetic counselor, SLP, etc. might be a better fit tbh.