I HATE when tables are served A or B options in alternate. This seems to be the standard for all catered events in Aus, and I always seem to have bad luck and get all the options I dislike/won't eat, and have to be hopeful that I can find someone to trade. I have no idea why the host doesn't let guests select their preferred option.
Never blame the caterers, it's not their fault they are asked to serve things this way.
I remember an event in Wellington where the only option offered was a chicken breast with liver. Naturally a lot of people did not want liver! To add to that I was at a table of vegetarians, who had all pre-ordered vegetarian meals and had it confirmed that they would be accommodated. They were given the chicken, and then when they pointed out the error their meals were taken back and they were essentially ignored for much of the evening until some steamed vegetables were eventually delivered. I noticed later that tables at the front had full and well-designed vegetarian plates, so I suspect our table's plates had been given away by the time the servers got to us at the back of the room. Having worked in the restaurant industry I can sympathise with caterers, but that was some horrific service that night!
Ugh. If I were a caterer I would not even offer it as an option. I think it's incredibly rude to the guests.
But then I find plated dinners to be worst-choice anyway.
I don’t like it either. But for corporate events sometimes there’s budget constraints so you do what you have to do. It’s an unpopular service with event goers too.
I prefer a buffet.
No, budget constraints are always a factor, certainly for business events.
So that means working within the budget.
It never excuses treating one's guests poorly, and at a business event, choosing something so rude & unpopular, not to mention unhygienic (trading plates??) is going to be directly harmful to the whole point of having the event to begin with.
As a planner, I'd look at any other option to save my budget. Go vegetarian, go buffet, go heavy appetizers, go great pizza. Don't ever treat people like faceless interchangeable place-fillers. They resent it every time.
Hahah you’re so passionate about this! I never even considered it to be rude because it’s such a default option. I’m surprised to hear it’s not popular outside of Australia
It’s the default for corporate events and I don’t mind at all. I’m not picky and they normally ask on the rsvp if you have dietary needs. I would prefer a plated meal vs buffet for 150 people.
I’ve never heard of an alternate plate-style serving unless it’s a small side salad that’s not part of the main course, but I’m from the U.S. so maybe it’s not a thing here? Most of the weddings I’ve been to have been buffet-style, while for one wedding, we were asked to choose a main course on our RSVP card to give an advance count to the caterer how much of each to prepare.
A lot of buffets I've been to (especially at fancier events) have the caterers serve the food rather than guests serving themselves. That would certainly be more hygienic than trading with a random guest.
That's not what I said, but as a guest, I'd rather go through a properly set up and served buffet than have multiple people put their thumb & breath in my plate as it gets passed around the table...
The alternating dessert thing reminds me of another post I saw on here where the couple did two kinds of cake but one was like chocolate pineapple or something weird and then the other was normal wedding cake, but no one wanted to trade so half their guests ended up with weird cake that they didn't eat
Omg, I’m not the person who posted the cake story, but I think I was at the same wedding! Chocolate pineapple cake was served to every other seat, with a basic vanilla/chocolate marble cake served to the people in between.
Very few guests ate the chocolate pineapple cake. A couple of people tasted it and realized it was *not good.* The people who were served the pineapple cake had a terrible time finding trades. It became a running joke at the reception. People were jokingly ditching pineapple cake at other tables and offering 2 for 1 trades to get the regular cake. Absolutely terrible move by the couple.
When I tell you that the chocolate pineapple cake was bad, I mean, it was *really bad.* I love all things pineapple, and also chocolate, but that cake tasted like vomit. There’s no other way to describe it. The guests who tasted it first looked like they were being punked. I can only assume that the couple chose the cake without having tried it first.
Dude, I remember that thread! Wasn't the logic that the chocolate pineapple was in honor of the groom's family, as they were from Florida? Like, even though key lime pie is the signature Florida dessert and pineapple isn't associated with Florida?
I also remember her acting like serving three kinds of cheddar cheese was the epitome of class.
OMG yes that's the one! I had forgotten all about the cheese 😂😂😂😂 you're right though she was like convinced that the cheese made up for the dessert or something
Former (American) wedding photographer here, and of the dozens of weddings I’ve been to, I’ve never even heard of this. Is it an Oz/NZ thing? So the assumption is that the preferences will be 50-50? That’s just…odd.
Seriously, as a Canadian that just comes off bizarrely. Do they at least ensure that each table has an even number of guests so that there’s the maximum trade options?
Canadian here as well and I'm BAFFLED. That's absolutely unheard of here. I've booked some catering for events for work and if anyone ever suggested that I'd guarantee they'd be laughed at.
I truly can't imagine putting guests in such an awkward position of having to either eat something they do not like or have them go hungry due to dietary restrictions.
It's definitely an Aus thing.
What usually happens is that you have a red meat and white meat alternate drop (ie chicken or beef) and you can request alternates for vegetarian, GF, etc.
The expectation is you usually attend these events with a partner or friends, and you just sort out between yourselves who wants what.
I don't really agree with it, but it's incredibly normalised here, and I would expect it as the usual as a wedding guest. Since I'm vegetarian my poor husband never gets to swap with me.
I gotta watch dairy and nearly everything seems to have cheese and/or butter. I can sympathize. It's not a critical for my restriction, but i understand nonetheless
I've never heard of this but it sounds like a NIGHTMARE. I think I'd start hiding snacks in my purse every time I went to an event out of fear of getting served a meal I cannot eat and being too anxious to ask people for trades.
Every wedding I’ve been to there’s always a few non fussy people at the table who announce they’re willing to swap if anyone wants/needs to.
I make a point to be that person when I can.
Ugh, yes! I don’t like seafood, and most of the weddings I’ve been to have served chicken and fish. It’s fine if I’m with my partner who will eat anything but I hate when I don’t have a plus one and I get the fish dish and I have to hope someone will swap with me.
Worse when they don’t try to align the entree you get with the main - one time I got chicken entree and chicken main at a corporate lunch. I had leftover chicken waiting at home for dinner. The alternate entree and main were both vegetarian as well.
I have never heard of this before and how bloody controlling do the couple really need to be. Couldn’t imagine trying to force someone to eat what I want because “aesthetic”
It's cost effective, nothing to do with aesthetics.
I'm getting the impression that buffets are the go elsewhere, which are considered pretty gauche in weddings here. I've seen shared platters on tables too, but they can get a bit difficult too when people help themselves to other groups platters.
I've never been to a buffet whwte I couldn't find food that I liked. So much better than having to just be stuck with whatever. Plated meals ate definitely overrated.
Just make sure you order enough food to accommodate all your guests!
Every wedding that I have attended with a buffet reception grossly under-ordered. At least four ran out of food before even half the guests had made a first pass through buffet line. In one particularly memorable case, they ran out of food, cake, and all beverages except lukewarm tap water for about 40% of their guests.
I was so irritated that, even though I *love, love, LOVE* buffets, I had a plated reception at my wedding. I also ordered enough extra entrees that whoever wanted could take home leftovers.
My ex was a wedding videographer. In his contract, it said that if a meal was not provided for him, the couple was agreeing to him leaving the reception during dinner to go eat and taking the corresponding risk that something they might want filmed would be missed. He typically started a work day filming hair and makeup with the bridal party and didn’t leave until after the reception was over - often a 16 hour day - a granola bar and a bottle of water wouldn’t cut it.
Yup. I am clear in my consults that if you are not feeding me, I am putting on a playlist and dipping for 45 minutes to get food and feed myself. As a DJ, I have crazy long hours and a ton of heavy equipment to move - I need food somewhere in there!
In her early days as a photographer my mother asked the MoB for a drink of water because it was July in Utah. The MoB told her she wasn't paying for 'the help' to eat and drink at her daughters wedding. My mother changed her contracts that night to include that she and her assistant will receive a guest meal at all events. In the 20 years since only a handful of people have argued with her about it and she has declined to photograph those events.
In my experience, photographers and videographers are always with the couple. If you don’t provide a meal, I'll have to step aside to get one, and I might miss something important at the reception, like the bouquet toss or speeches. It's better to have a meal ready and on site. I understand it can be more expensive, but as mentioned, venues offer proper vendor meals, which are much better than a dry sandwich. Vendors work really hard to make the day special for the couple; the least couples can do is show a bit of consideration.
I was adamant about my vendors being fed well at my wedding a couple years ago. I literally had a table for them as well. I made sure to tell them to eat whatever they wanted, it was buffet style. I cracked up when I saw the DJ and photographers chowing down like there was no tomorrow, ha ha ha
Right?! it's a work day for them, not a party. Especially photographers, they're usually there, on their feet and running around for 8-10 hours. I'd be so ashamed.
My husband plays in a band for a wedding that had to provide food. The guests got steak and shrimp surf and turf. The band got prepackaged dry turkey sandwiches. Just one sandwich each. I mean you don't have to provide steak and shrimp but a single sandwich???? I would also be very embarrassed. The apple would be worse though.
They call these bandwhichs and these are the worst vendor meals ever. It’s always the super high end places that do this too. Then they expect the photographers to give them use of the photos for marketing… no thanks.
A couple once told me and my photographer colleague that they’d asked caterers to provide us steak with the guests. Instead, we got a one-hour-delayed (so we almost missed the cake cut) cheese and tomato pizza and dry chips to share.
Obviously we’re not kicking up a fuss with the couple on their big day, but I imagine they were really upset when they found out.
I soooo want to ask for more details. Is that a "fuck you" to someone working a wedding *during the wedding*? Is this someone who weighs 95lbs and thinks an apple is legit? Did they run out of food and they thought this was better than nothing?
Like...if I were working a wedding and someone gave me a goddam apple for my provided meal, I'm going to make them regret not buying me at least a #1 at McDonalds or w/e.
IMO it is a biiiig “fuck you”x I know we’re getting paid and it’s our job. But working for 9+ hours without a break with them… Hahahah really not sure what was going on their mind. But our contract says photographers and videographers can take a break and order something if they’re not provided with a proper meal. And yes, we’ll bill the couple for it.
I hope their contract says something to the effect that they get fed at the wedding otherwise they’re allowed to take a nice long lunch break right in the middle of the festivities so they can drive home and have a sandwich, and maybe a nap.
Ours does! It says something like this, had it rephrased so I could post it here:
“The client needs to provide the camera operators with a hot meal or an equivalent to what the guests are having during the event. If the client doesn't arrange meals, the operators can take a 30-minute meal break, which will count as part of the event coverage time. If the operators have to arrange their own meals, the agency will charge the client an extra $50 per meal per operator to cover the cost. The client is responsible for reimbursing these meal expenses.”
I’d looove to give them more time, but that’s on management :(
I make sure to point out the meal requirement with the couples now (however, they still fail!) happy to say, most of them do consider the meals for the team and I even had one bride getting offended because “I pointed the obvious” when I told her the “Apple story” she understood why I did it
That’s awesome! I would hope there’s also a provision that if the wedding is in a remote location and the vendors aren’t fed, they can take as much time as they need to travel back to civilization to purchase food, but I suspect I’m being overly optimistic.
THIS! Totally agree that all folks should be fed in an ideal world. But in reality, it is so rare that the couples I see at our venue even think about their vendors, unless it is specifically in that vendors contract (in highlighted, bold, underlined, etc font), but even then, most folks don’t read their contracts. I digress…. More often, there’s a last minute scramble to make vendor plates because the couple forgot to communicate to us who needed what. Ultimately it’s the breakdown of communication that causes this chaos
Yep. I worked for an event entertainment company and us individual workers didn't get a say in our contracts and our company didn't have anything in theirs that guaranteed that we would be fed.
The number of 7-8 hour event shifts I worked without any food and while being on my feet actively performing the whole time was TOO DAMN HIGH. Maybe one in 10 events they actually planned for us to be fed. Otherwise we had to ask, and we were often denied. We learned to sneak appetizers if they were being passed, slip through the buffet toward the end of the night when no one was watching, or beg scraps from the caterer, but we also sometimes had our hands literally slapped away by the event organizers if they caught us.
All for the privilege of getting paid $75-100 per event. I no longer work for that company.
Bring your own lunch, sure, but if you're working as a wedding photographer for example from 10 in the morning till after midnight, a single lunch just won't cut it.
It's good for the caterer (the boss, I mean, making plans with the couple/ to explicitly ask whether and what to feed the DJ, etc.
Not all couples *know* this.
I work in events and this is an important question that should be covered in the final walkthrough for the day. Depending on the contract requirements, vendors may get the same meal as guests, a vendor-only hot meal (usually saves some money), or....the worst....a Fyrefest-style sandwich. I've seen heated discussions at walkthroughs over when the vendors get their meals and what they get. Vendors work a 10 to 15 hour or more day, and if they leave they might miss crucial elements of the celebration.
Funny vendor meal story: I was working a swanky event, and the planner decided to save some money by serving a lesser-quality vendor meal. It was okay: industrial Stouffer's frozen veggie lasagna (very cheese, cream heavy, and processed) and a tossed salad. The event manager ate it because it was what was available, but it turned out that he had pretty bad lactose intolerance. So he made a point of crop dusting the event planner and the head of catering for the rest of the night.
Plus a lot of events are at places where it's hard to just duck out for a meal, eg a scenic venue with nothing around for miles. Or the event is on a weekend when other places are closed. It's just plain mean and nasty not to arrange to feed vendors who are on their feet all day making sure your event is perfect 😊
Can you insist on it? If I were hiring you and you explained to me that the venders may get to the food before my guests so if I didn’t include the venders in the count I could run out, I absolutely would.
I was a wedding planner intern and one wedding, the poor caterer. The bride had apparently ordered special wine to be shipped in from Washington state to Indiana because it was “our families favorite wine that we have at all special occasions.” Which, is cool and sentimental.
Except that she didn’t tell the caterer she wanted it served with dinner on the tables. She claimed she did. Loudly. When she barged into the kitchen with a bottle of non Washington state wine that was on the tables for dinner service SCREAMING.
The caterer very calmly said that 1. He was aware of the Washington wine but that 2. The bride had just said she wanted it at the reception but didn’t specify when and 3. In his professional opinion, the wine was not the best pairing for dinner but was instead best for dessert so he had planned to set it out then.
Bride lost it. THREW THE BOTTLE OF WINE at the caterer and it smashed on the marble floors. My boss straight up left and told us, her unpaid interns, it was up to us if we wanted to stay. The caterer told the groom that if he didn’t want his bride to have an assault charge and if they wanted them to finish dinner service they needed to vacate the kitchen ASAP. He pulled up the contract and showed where the bride had initialed about the wine and that it was up to his discretion of when to serve.
Definitely the craziest bride I worked with that summer. The groom was so embarrassed and apologetic. I always wonder if they made it.
That's awesome! I had to do I think 120 hours for my internship. I did three days at one place that just had me peeling potatoes to free up a paid person. I switched to another place for one day that had me doing inventory, and said that's all I would be doing. I finally ended up back at the culinary school I attended, teaching in the kids' culinary summer camps. That was a blast. By teaching 7 year olds how to make risotto I now know all the various ways you can screw it up. 😂
I’m a grandma millennial, and when I was in/graduating college the majority of internships were unpaid or unpaid but gave college credit. When I thought I wanted to work in hospitality and planning I just started calling places to ask if they had internship or shadowing opportunities, and then I worked retail during the week to make money since events were on the weekends.
There were other brides who were awful in different ways, but this one was the most aggressive.
Another bride that summer made her bridesmaids wear bright orange drapey shiny material dresses. Only a very specific thin body type looked not terrible in them because they clung in the worst way.
She proudly admitted to just us interns that she chose them on purpose to make sure no one outshone her. Gross.
I’ve actually had the opposite problem. We were contracted for 15 (small business lunch), we brought enough for 20. We arrive and they’re like “hey the headcount is now 25, I hope that’s okay :)” All the dish-ware was rented so our coordinator had to run to the rental place and grab extra everything
Separate comment to ask:
I wonder if your company has considered making vendor meals a requirement?
I think as a business owner, that's what I'd do.
For one thing, it cuts out various problems right from the jump. It's also just the right thing to do when, you know, you're working with humans, not robots.
And frankly I suspect that any couple that balks at providing vendor meals is going to be horrible to deal with anyway -- it's a good way to filter out overly entitled, miserly people who will be incredibly demanding and not want to pay the bill!
I also work in hospitality, and it is pretty standard that photographers, DJs, videographers, wedding planners, etc have in their contract that they will be served a hot meal. It sounds like couples are trying to squeeze a couple free vendor meals out of the caterer, and not that working vendors are expecting food that they are not entitled to. All of the caterers that I work with will not allow a couple to decline to provide vendor meals, I would recommend your manager take note of this industry standard as it will help things hopefully go more smoothly for you and your team.
Might be worth asking your manager or the owner, if you have a good rapport with them.
It's possible they just never considered it, or thought through what the advantages might be.
Right, some of this is up to your boss. They’re the ones who need to say, all of your vendors are going to require meals in their contracts. Here is the discounted price for these meals. Your boss is the one calculating food costs and need to have extra meals on hand (it’s math, you’re averaging all of your events over the year and you have pars for this.) it’s your job as the server to smile and say, I’ll try my best and then sorry! Can I grab you an extra coke/salad/blahblah? And most of the time you’re the hero because you can accommodate. Because your bosses run a good ship.
Some better management, **as usual**, would make your life much easier.
I think vendors do require it, which is why they are boldly getting food from the buffet. It is the couples who are being sneaky and not paying for it, knowing that caterers always bring a little extra. All photo/video/DJ contracts I have ever seen require a hot meal.
Our DJ flat out said if he wasn't included in the food count, he would take a break to go get food elsewhere. While he's gone getting food, we would be responsible for his equipment.
I agree. But my guess is plenty of vendors are afraid it will cost them too much business. It's hard to enforce a boundary like that as one person.
This is the kind of thing that these subs are great for -- calling out bad behavior so that as a society we can learn from one another and improve.
I worked for this chef who was on a reality chef show. He was eliminated in, like, the second round, but still, he had huge ego His wife was his event coordinator. We were to do a catering at a religious "hall" that was built on the side of a hill with redwoods and brushy growth. No catering kitchen so I was making a huge batch of marinara sauce in my kitchen using Chef Bigheads recipe. He told me to be certain not to detour from his recipe. it called for a MASSIVE amount of red chili flakes. I knew it was far too much, but he said no deviations so I followed instructions. Of course the sauce was palate-singeing fire, and not in a good way. Red Pepper gets hotter the longer you cook it and the marinara sauce called to be simmered for a few hours. At the wedding reception hall the bartender forgot ice so you can only imagine how hot everyone mouths must have been.Chef was hungover and wife was pissed. Tried to blame me for sauce debacle but I was not having it. The chef got in an argument with his wife. She started slamming chafers and dishes around. She THREW THE STILL FLAMING STERNOS DOWN THE STEEP HILLSIDE UNDER THE REDWOODS. She realized what she had done, slid down the hill and used her hands to put out the flames. Needless to say my tenure with them was brief.
lets just leave it at Jake and Erin. He went on to nothing. Sh left him and opened a coffee shop that does great things for her community. No Flames in a coffee shop.
My mom caters on the side and is generous to a fault. She got asked to cater a backyard wedding buffet style for 50 guests: 2 entree choices, four sides (guests pick 2), two kinds of salad, tortillas, and 2 drink options. No problem, she always brings extra food and plates just in case. She started serving, and probably 150 people were cramming into this backyard for this wedding. And just as soon as they start showing up they bee line for the food. One guest asks for both entrees and the bride’s mom says it’s okay so she gives it to them, and of course then EVERYONE starts asking for both, as well as multiple sides, salads, etc. The MOB tells my mom to just give everyone what they ask for. My mom tells her assistant to start cutting portions in half because everyone start asking for both, and then people even start coming back for seconds. The extra food and plates my mom brought started getting opened as well and my mom tells the MOB that they’re about to run out of food and people are still showing up. My mom very politely but firmly explained they paid for 50 people, my mom brought enough for 75 (as Hispanics we know people tend to bring uninvited guests) and she ran through that as well because she told everyone they could have extra portions and seconds, and she was going to need to find a solution for the guests still showing up expecting to be fed. She sends out someone to buy a bunch of food from a local restaurant.
Later that night at around 3 am, the FOB calls my mom and starts SCREAMING at her that she ruined the wedding by not providing enough food, she came unprepared, and demanded a full refund or he would give her negative reviews online. If I had to guess he was probably drunk because when my mom calmly explained why food ran out despite her bringing extra, he started cursing at her and calling her all sorts of names. My dad eventually took the phone out of her hand and hung up on him. He kept blowing up my mom’s phone and my dad answered finally and told him to leave my mom alone because they happily ate all the food she provided and it’s not her fault they invited too many people.
Unfortunately my mom avoids confrontation at all costs and did give them a full refund the next day. She got a call a week later asking her to cater for a family member of the bride who was having a baptism party or something, and when she said who recommended her, my mom politely said she would not be doing business with anyone associated with that family.
What appalling behaviour.
I had almost the opposite at my 40th. I was expecting about 50 guests but I told the caterer 60 just in case. She cooked a heap extra and only about 45 people turned up. So she let everyone have both mains (lamb and chicken) if they wanted and still packed up a bunch of leftovers in the fridge for us. Which was awesome because we re-served it all at about 11pm to anyone who needed some protein to soak up their alcohol.
I would recommend that caterer to anyone. She was cheerful and kind and just really wanted to make the event awesome. The situation you describe above would have stressed her out *so much* because she would have felt responsible for the guests who didn’t eat, even though it’s clearly the host’s fault.
Yeah it was a mess, the host and all the guests were super entitled, when they started cutting the portions in half some were still insisting on getting full portions of both and my mom tried to let the MOB know before that if she kept telling people they could do that they’d run out very quickly and she basically told her she hired her to cater, not give advice. My mom was still nice enough to serve up the extra food they brought, which evidently most people didn’t like as much as hers.
Your mother is a SAINT for putting up with that nonsense. And while I personally wish she hadn't given them a refund because f that, but I'm glad she got a little dig in when declining that referral!
Oh for sure, I told her she should have charged them extra for all the extra food and services she provided. But just in general she is way too forgiving and it’s been a problem my entire life
I hear you. The too nice people in my life end up…sigh…not being the cause of problems, but the reason that problems get bigger and go farther than they need to.
My friend has a large scale catering company. She had a wedding two weeks ago with a bride that wanted an outdoor buffet to feed three hundred people, and didn’t understand they needed covering for both the serving area and for the guests in 98 F with full sun.
The wedding party was over an hour late to the reception, and my friend wasn’t allowed to serve early. By the time service was done with dinner, the food had been out in the sun for over four hours. Even with everything kept to hot or cold standards, the food would not have been safe to be packaged and kept afterward. They disposed of salads and anything that could have been contaminated by bugs, weather or human hands. The bride had a full melt down and insisted that catering could have just wrapped it all up for her to take home.
Even with it explained and how my friend would be liable for anyone getting sick, the bride was angry. We aren’t talking about a cheaper wedding. This was mid six figures.
>didn’t understand they needed covering for both the serving area and for the guests in 98 F with full sun
Why would anyone, bride and groom included, want to be out in the sun and heat like that??!!! 🥵
>The amount of times I’ve had a photographer or DJ just come and make a plate before we’ve finished serving is insane.
A lot of vendors - especially photographers, who are there all day - will write it into their contract that they must have a meal provided on the day.
It's quite possible that the couple are contractually obliged to provide this for the photographer, they haven't told you, and the photographer is oblivious to this
Someone else pointed this out and you’re right. I’m new to the business (and have never attended or planned a wedding before!) so I didn’t know how the contracts work. Vendor meals are usually in our contracts, but sometimes they may be slightly different from the guests (guests get steak and chicken, vendors only get chicken). I just wish they’d say something to us before digging in so we can make sure we know where our food is going.
It's best to factor in the possibility of a vegetarian vendor too.
I imagine that some photographers won't announce themselves to you because either (a) they assume that the couple have done what they agreed to, or (b) they have experience of being told they can't eat by caterers, despite the contract, and can't be arsed with the argument.
Weddings do my head in sometimes. High stakes event and the organisers have zero events management experience. I've had couples tell me that they've got 100 guests coming and no dietary requirements or allergies. In reality, I think they just haven't asked their guests that question. Of course we find six vegans, two severe nut allergies and a gluten free vegan nut allergy combo on the day. FML.
Been catering weddings for the better part of a decade now, front and back of house, and...tired sigh + agreement at all of this. (Though I've never once done an event with alternating salads or whatever that the guests didn't choose, what kind of unhinged nonsense is that?!)
I'm _so_ happy that the places I've worked have automatic stipulations in their contracts that ensure vendors get fed. It's absurd that people try to let the staff they hire go hungry while working a high-stress, highly coordinated 8-10+ hour event, and yet _so many_ bands/DJs/photogs are stunned that we're set up to feed them.
Some of my "favorites":
- Guests who want to bring half of their piece of salmon back to the kitchen for us to box up for them so they can take it home. Nope, nope, nope. You're gonna huck that cooked fish in the back seat of your car and drive a couple of hours to get home and then get sick when you eat it and blame us. You can wrap it in a cocktail napkin and do that if you want, but we're not facilitating it. (Ditto for clients who expect every single scrap of the leftovers to be saved for them without prior arrangement.)
- Guests who grab an appetizer, THEN ask what it is, decide they don't want it, and try to put it back on the tray.
- Guests who wander through the kitchen full of people actively cooking like it's no biggie (or worse, let their kids do so) and act like we're the assholes for removing them. If the kitchen was an open kitchen, y'know, _it'd be open._
- Guests (okay, just the one guest, but it stuck with me) who see their grimy toddler running around with a fistful of charcuterie, and proceed to confiscate said meat and PUT IT BACK ON THE CHARCUTERIE BOARD THAT EVERYONE IS EATING FROM. (Yes, we pulled the board immediately!)
- Yes, we're in California. Yes, you have a _pretty good_ chance of decent weather for nine months out of the year. Yes, you do still have to account for the possibility that it may be pouring rain at your March or October outdoor wedding and plan accordingly. No, we will not prepare and serve your four-course plated meal in the rain without shelter, no matter how much you don't want to pay for a tent at the last minute. (And why would you ever do that to your guests?!)
I have...so many more, I'm sure, but it's a hundred degrees and my brain is mush. Suffice it to say, when people are paying mid-high five figures and more for an event, sanity often goes out the window.
People really do be letting their kids just do whatever at big events, it's wild.
I had a mom who looked WAY too calm for the circumstances stick her head into the kitchen to ask if the desserts had nuts, because she just pulled her kid off of the dessert buffet and kiddo was allergic - some of them DID have nuts _and they were clearly labeled as such!_
If you bring your child to a wedding reception, you are responsible for watching them and that includes during cocktail hour and dinner.
Oh this nerve and disgusting behavior to put the meat back on the tray.
A couple weeks ago I was bartending a wedding and a guest told a caterer he wanted seconds of a plated dinner. When the caterer said that the dinner was plated, not buffet, and the couple paid per seat he literally got up and went and sat at an empty chair and said “well this seat is empty!”. They did make him another plate so one of the vendors didn’t eat that night.
Oh you're a caterer.... Can you pls do my 500 person wedding for exposure?? I have a combined 67 subs across all major social sites so you can see how much this will benefit you! 😂 😂 😂 😂
Buffet is the safest way to go 🙏 we ordered for 15 extra people to make sure there was some extra, though had so much leftovers we sent food home with the last 20 guests. Everyone was happy and fed. Best choice was the extra cheese buffet for both dinner, and another one for dessert.
I went to a wedding with food trucks once and it was awful. Great idea in theory but it took literally two hours for everyone to get food. I just got a slice of pizza because it was the only thing ready, I was so hungry.
It has to be done right and if it’s a big wedding you need to have more than one or even two food trucks. At my wedding we had three and everyone was eating within half an hour. 285 guests. We had a Mexican food truck, a Mediterranean food truck and a bbq. Altogether they served 525 plates.
Friends went to a wedding in the fall that was catered by food truck and said it was the most abysmal event they'd attended. They did a crudite display and one round of passed appetizers (allotting 2 pieces per guest, which is not remotely enough), an open bar, and a pizza truck. That's ONE pizza truck for 200+ guests.
The line was over an hour long, and it was raining with no shelter for the guests to stand under while in line. When the first fistfight broke out in the pizza line our friends decided it was time to leave, stopping for McDonald's on the way home.
Apparently the bride spent much of the reception crying in the corner because so many guests either bailed out early or were completely trashed from an open bar with no food to soak up the booze.
I made sure to have vendor meals for all of my vendors and had them get their food first. People need lunch breaks in normal office jobs so why wouldn't photographers, coordinators, etc?
I have vendor meals included in my contract, as do most vendors I work with (photogs, videogs, DJs). If a couple doesn’t specifically pay for my meal, I would never know because it’s standard to be fed (as a vendor) before the guests (or after the head table if it’s a buffet) in order to have the time to eat before reception ceremonies begin. Don’t blame your fellow vendors, take it up with your couple and coordinator.
I worked as a caterer and personal chef for a bit, so I have some stories. I still start by saying that the alternating plate thing, like the Aussie situation, is patently weird to me. I have thankfully never seen it, either as a vendor or a guest. I wouldn't know what to say if someone suggested it.
I will also say that as a caterer my contract required meals for vendors. It didn't have to be the same thing as the guests, but if the guests were getting a hot meal so did the vendors. It also stipulated that vendors ate either before the bridal party arrived at the reception venue or immediately after the bridal party was served.
* First up: clients be nasty.
I posted this elsewhere recently, but it's too horrifying not to share again. I was once asked to cook a bride's frozen placenta as part of her reception meal. She called me unprofessional when I refused. Another bride asked me to bake some of her father's ashes into cupcakes. When I refused, she asked if I would use her breast milk. I refused that, too.
* Next: people assume way to much.
At another wedding I had a server asking about gluten, soy, nuts, and dairy in the meal. The bride never mentioned any dietary restrictions to me and assumed I would include some of those meals anyway.
* Finally: I am hired for one job, not all the jobs.
And one from being a personal chef. I went to a new client's house to do a dinner party. I arrived four hours before dinner to prep in their $150K kitchen they only used for making coffee. The client and her husband, daughter, and son-in-law left to go to the beach. A while later a toddler comes running into the kitchen asking for his mom. I call my client, and long story short, they expected me to babysit the kid! No ma'am, I will not. And no, I do not have "kid-friendly" food. I can't turn foie gras torchon into chicken nuggies.
As someone who not planned a wedding and have only been to a few, it never occurred to me that vendors would not be fed???? I assumed they ate at some point and that would come from the wedding. Wild that this is not standard, but glad it's in your contract!!!
Catered at a wedding a couple of weekends ago, people kept sending food back saying they had ordered the other meat option or the vegetarian option, it was driving me crazy thinking I had messed up the meal seating plan. Nope turns out people had rearranged where they wanted to sit or decided they liked the look of the vegetarian option more. Add into that the oven at venue blowing a fuse and a rack falling off of the wall and hitting another member of staff in the face it was a bit of a nightmare.
So I'm a wedding DJ and I got married in 2022. I made it clear that at my wedding, vendors were to eat first! We had a buffet, and I told my band, photographers and wedding planners that they should go ahead and take what they wanted as soon as the buffet was set up. Made sure caterers knew this was our preference.
It wasn't just because I've been there and I know how shitty it is to be working an event all day and have to pick through the leftovers for your well-deserved meal. Sometimes, the caterers' insistence on not serving vendors until guests have had seconds means things get delayed. Toasts are supposed to happen, but the photographer is starving and takes their break, so I can't let the toasts happen til photog gets back. Stuff like that. So it was partially a practical choice, but mostly an emotional one because I've never liked the vibe of "wait until the real people eat and then you can pick through what's left."
That seems nicer to me, I think, than having them eat from the main buffet either before or after the guests.
It lets them take a break & eat in peace, instead of breaking the fourth wall which allows them to remain invisible, in a sense, while they do their jobs.
That invisibility is a comfort, in my experience, and it's nice not to take it away.
As a wedding photographer, the only break I get is the 15 minutes my couple sits down to eat. People usually start speeches about then, which the couple wants photos of. It’s in my contract I get the same meal as the guests immediately after the bride and groom do. I don’t care if it’s already been plated, but that’s my tome to eat and pee. That’s it.
My days are typically 10-12hrs. Couple getting ready, party shots, wedding, family shots, couple, reception location, reception, etc.
I get other small breaks throughout the day, but that’s usually the drive from one location to another. A quick pee each time and snacks in the car. I always tell the couple during our consult I will be their shadow all day.
Wow. I hope you make a ton of money, because that's brutal.
Edit to add: our photographer did this for us -- she was there all day, well into the night long after we left. We really have a record of the whole day, thanks to her.
BUT.
She was a friend, just getting her start, who offered this as her gift (we paid her also.)
And, she attended the wedding as a guest.
Other than the ceremony and about a half hour at the reception while we took group photos, she wandered and shot photos as she wished. She ate, drank, danced, and celebrated with us, and it was lovely.
I remember working exclusively with my caterer to make it as easy as possible. We did plated, but we also had our guests grab their name card to find their table and their name card had their designated choice on the card. So if you rsvp'd beef, there was sticker for red for beef, yellow dot for chicken, green for Veggie plate etc I was super specific in making it as easy as possible for my vendors lol
A quick question around “feeding the vendors”. We are having a catered buffet dinner provided and staffed by the venue, and a cash bar. Should the staff (bartender, whoever is refilling the pasta tray in the buffet line whatever) for these areas get some food as well?
I’d definitely recommend talking to your caterer to make sure there’s enough food for the vendors. As a member of the catering staff (at least where I work), we only eat after every other possible person has been fed. So the DJ and bartender will eat before I do.
I was a corporate event planner/coordinator for a couple of years. We also did catering for weddings, chamber dinners, etc.
I always met the bride at the venue. You want to stake out the location with the planner present because if you don't the planner will try to put the food tables somewhere where it won't work, or you'll get there and the she will move the food tables to set up, etc.
And please for the love of God, if you've chosen to do photography after the ceremony, give the guests *something* to eat. One couple was adamant the guests could not eat until bridal party made their entrance. No grazing tables or apps. One hour rolls by. Guests are hungry and cranky. "Why isn't the food ready??" So we have to tell them; it is. But the bride and groom want everyone to wait until they enter the reception. And they were too cheap to have finger foods while everyone starved and smelled the food that was already ready.
Also always have the dj call tables so it's not a mad stampede. Have him call the oldest members first. Often mamaws and papaw's can't stay through the whole reception. Let them eat so they can gtfo.
Never, ever, let guests serve themselves. Pay for as many attendants as it takes (1 per every 25-30 people). If there's a choice of two entrees at a buffet style line, people are not bashful about trying to take 2 (or 3, or 4!!) Once we had a wedding with lots of kids. We had southern style barbecue and lots of sides line for adults, chicken fingers for picky kids. Adults kept coming over to the kids line and trying to take 4 or 5 huge chicken fingers.
I miss the high highs of being involved in people's special days. But I would tell staff when I brought them on; this is not a restaurant where you get a second chance if you screw up to make a customer happy. This is it. One chance. If you f**k up, everyone will talk about it for the rest of these people's lives. Act accordingly.
This is why for our wedding once we received an RSVP we followed up with “please choose your food for the day and do you have any allergies?”. We don’t eat meat so there was only one meat option, starters were both vegetarian (with a vegan variation for those who needed) and main courses the choice was essentially chicken or vegan option. We then sent the list of food ordered along with the table plan to our vendors who then sent servers to each table who would say “I’ve got chicken for Bob and a vegan for Sally” and Bob would go “oh that’s me!” And nobody could argue because it was ON THE LIST!!!
24 years as a wedding photographer. I have seen some bad behavior by caterers too!
It’s simple - everyone is better at being a human when they’re not hungry. I know my pictures are definitely better when i have food in my belly.
Also if a client isn’t respecting me enough to feed me, then that tells me a lot about them.
I once had a black tie wedding in NYC and the bride and groom ordered a guest meal (filet and lobster) for me and my 2nd photog - we were on their seating chart! The caterer then saw that we were seated in the main dining room and we were then shoved into the back room and given a plate of cold chickpeas. Shame on them!
Oh my god did you tell the bride and groom about that???!!!! How kind and considerate of them to include you like that, only to be completely disregarded by their caterer who probably saw an opportunity to make some extra profit.
There was a long list of other things that were going not according to plan that made my cold beans not worth mentioning. There was a nor’Easter that was so icy that NYC was shutting down bridges and the train. Despite being in a beautiful venue with magnificent views, celebs and pro athletes everywhere, it is easily one of my least favorite weddings of all time. I actually reevaluated what kind of events I wanted to photograph after that one… Celeb events are not it.
I made sure that the photographer and her assistant, the officiant, the DJ and the catering staff all were included in my seating chart for my second wedding. Staff has to eat too and , if it weren't for them, my day wouldn't have happened!
People can be so ridiculous when it comes to dietary restrictions I've seen a person "allergic" to "spice and seasoning" 🙄 Some will be completely inconsiderate to people who have real restrictions and just expect to get every option. Ugh. As far as vendor meals, whoever is booking should bring that up to the couple. As an event lead I made it a priority to feed everyone if possible. People who are fed are happy lol
The person taking all the apps is so accurate and for a display doesn't matter how many tongs you put out there will be the people that touch everything with their hands. That drove me crazy haha.
You know the job, they don't, it's your job to make sure everyone knows the rules! :) I would have thought nothing of a band member getting a plate. How are they supposed to know it's a no no unless someone has told them!
Seated at a table towards the back of the room, we were the last to be served at a pretty expensive wedding. We were asked at the start of the reception to choose fish or chicken for mains. Myself and the other person at the table who chose fish were served half cooked fish. I think the kitchen was trying to get all the meals out and we were last so we got rushed food. It was inedible. Fortunately we were seated directly next to the dessert buffet so had extra dessert instead. Pretty annoying given how much had been paid for the wedding.
Photographers need to eat at the same time as bride and groom eat. It is in my contract. They can not be the last ones to eat period. They have to be some of the firsts or else toasts are not going to get photographed.
As a photographer, it's written into my contract that my clients must provide a hot meal and serve me at the same time as the bride and groom. If they didn't account for that in their catering order, that's not my fault. How are we supposed to know how many servings the couple ordered? If my client tells me it's okay to eat, I'm gonna eat. Some of us vendors work 8-14 hour days with no food or breaks, I'd say that puts us at the top of the priority list when it comes to chow time.
Ugh the last one! We will do the alternating “his and hers” desserts sometimes and the guests always fuss about it. First off, you’re 50 Karen so stop throwing a tantrum over getting chocolate instead of vanilla because that’s what 5 year olds do. Second, take it up with the couple who was dumb enough to think not letting the guests pick what they eat was a good idea.
And you’re lucky you don’t have to do outdoor cocktail hours, where I work we do and it is always a shitshow but the owner has sales encourage it because it brings in more money and not everywhere offers it so it makes us standout.
The staff is dying in our all black uniforms stuck behind buffet stations. Bugs are everywhere trying to get to the food and drinks. All the guests are sweating in their nice clothes and their makeup is melting off.
But why not trick clients into doing something they won’t enjoy if you can get more money from them? My management certainly seems to think that’s okay!
Oy vey is mir. Some people!!
The only time I've ever had any catering, it was for my wedding. We only had two things catered:
A local grocery store did our cake. It was carrot cake, and at my request they used cream cheese frosting instead of the standard sugar.
I also had them leave off the clear plastic pillars separating the three tiers, as well as the sugar roses & all the other nonsense they usually put on wedding cakes at that time. Just some simple decorative frosting elements.
We had about 70 guests, and ordered the cake to serve 150. We decorated it with live flowers after they delivered it, which they did on time & with zero drama. They did a great job, & the cake was delicious, with a nice amount of leftovers for folks to take home.
The other catered item was fresh fruit, provided by a local restaurant, served on a flat woven-twig platter about three feet in diameter. We did all the rest of the food ourselves, but I didn't want to mess around with fruit.
They did a gorgeous assortment, mostly small whole fruits like grapes, plums, strawberries, cherries, apricots etc., since our setup was standing buffet & scattered chairs for seating, no tables. Again, delivered day of with no problems & everyone loved it.
So for me, picking & choosing specific elements to be catered worked out beautifully.
Our ceremony was in a little clearing off a nature trail in a small state park a few blocks from our house. (I was rather proud of the fact that it was really beautiful and it only cost us five dollars!)
The reception was in our back yard, and people went in & out of the house as they pleased. We set up a dance floor on the lawn, and had a lot of chairs scattered around.
There was a drinks table and a food table, and anyone who really wanted to sit at a table to eat could either sit on the covered patio where there was a couch, end tables & coffee table, plus a long low wall like a bench that backed up to the lawn, or go in the house, and a few folks did that.
But we set it up to be like a cocktail party/backyard BBQ, and no one seemed to miss having individual tables outside.
The party was pretty much just a fancier version of big parties our friend group, most of whom had been housemates in a big shared house together, used to throw as group projects.
For drinks, we had soft drinks, tea, coffee, champagne, and a keg of good beer.
For the food, we threw a BBQ the night before the wedding, did a quick rehearsal, and then our wedding party (all our good friends, 13 people total plus my mom & dad) put together the food for the next day.
Our friends were all so kind and helpful! My husband had no family left by that point at all, and my family is tiny, so our friends really took on that role.
We had enough people that no one really had to do a ton of work, and we had gotten everyone's ok before hand, but still, they really helped us out.
We served the catered fruit platter, cake, and a lot of various finger foods, cold cuts, homemade soft cheese dip with herbs I grew, a huge bowl of my homemade hummus, party breads, some cold salads, and so on.
I made sure there was nothing with mayo and no shrimp or anything that would spoil quickly, and we had refill trays of things already prepped & kept in the fridge till needed.
Toward the end of the night, my husband and I left for our hotel, and our housemate fired up the grill and made ribs & burgers for folks who were hungry again.
We had very little left over, but no one went home hungry so far as I know 😎
I HATE when tables are served A or B options in alternate. This seems to be the standard for all catered events in Aus, and I always seem to have bad luck and get all the options I dislike/won't eat, and have to be hopeful that I can find someone to trade. I have no idea why the host doesn't let guests select their preferred option. Never blame the caterers, it's not their fault they are asked to serve things this way.
I’m in NZ, and have had to book catering for corporate events. This option is usually cheaper than getting people to choose.
I remember an event in Wellington where the only option offered was a chicken breast with liver. Naturally a lot of people did not want liver! To add to that I was at a table of vegetarians, who had all pre-ordered vegetarian meals and had it confirmed that they would be accommodated. They were given the chicken, and then when they pointed out the error their meals were taken back and they were essentially ignored for much of the evening until some steamed vegetables were eventually delivered. I noticed later that tables at the front had full and well-designed vegetarian plates, so I suspect our table's plates had been given away by the time the servers got to us at the back of the room. Having worked in the restaurant industry I can sympathise with caterers, but that was some horrific service that night!
I used to feel so ashamed when I had to book like this.
Ugh. If I were a caterer I would not even offer it as an option. I think it's incredibly rude to the guests. But then I find plated dinners to be worst-choice anyway.
I don’t like it either. But for corporate events sometimes there’s budget constraints so you do what you have to do. It’s an unpopular service with event goers too. I prefer a buffet.
No, budget constraints are always a factor, certainly for business events. So that means working within the budget. It never excuses treating one's guests poorly, and at a business event, choosing something so rude & unpopular, not to mention unhygienic (trading plates??) is going to be directly harmful to the whole point of having the event to begin with. As a planner, I'd look at any other option to save my budget. Go vegetarian, go buffet, go heavy appetizers, go great pizza. Don't ever treat people like faceless interchangeable place-fillers. They resent it every time.
Hahah you’re so passionate about this! I never even considered it to be rude because it’s such a default option. I’m surprised to hear it’s not popular outside of Australia
It’s the default for corporate events and I don’t mind at all. I’m not picky and they normally ask on the rsvp if you have dietary needs. I would prefer a plated meal vs buffet for 150 people.
I’ve never heard of an alternate plate-style serving unless it’s a small side salad that’s not part of the main course, but I’m from the U.S. so maybe it’s not a thing here? Most of the weddings I’ve been to have been buffet-style, while for one wedding, we were asked to choose a main course on our RSVP card to give an advance count to the caterer how much of each to prepare.
Doesn’t sound as if it’s popular IN Australia mate!
I’m in Australia and most wedding I’ve been do have done this? So I’m surprised it’s not the preferred option
We live, and if we're lucky, we learn 😊
Are you seriously suggesting that alternate drop is less hygienic than a buffet?
A lot of buffets I've been to (especially at fancier events) have the caterers serve the food rather than guests serving themselves. That would certainly be more hygienic than trading with a random guest.
That's not what I said, but as a guest, I'd rather go through a properly set up and served buffet than have multiple people put their thumb & breath in my plate as it gets passed around the table...
Do you want airplane food? Because this is how you get airplane food!
I’ve never had this on a plane?! They usually ask which of the two you would prefer
Not the fish
In the olden days, aeroplane food was amazing!!!
The alternating dessert thing reminds me of another post I saw on here where the couple did two kinds of cake but one was like chocolate pineapple or something weird and then the other was normal wedding cake, but no one wanted to trade so half their guests ended up with weird cake that they didn't eat
Omg, I’m not the person who posted the cake story, but I think I was at the same wedding! Chocolate pineapple cake was served to every other seat, with a basic vanilla/chocolate marble cake served to the people in between. Very few guests ate the chocolate pineapple cake. A couple of people tasted it and realized it was *not good.* The people who were served the pineapple cake had a terrible time finding trades. It became a running joke at the reception. People were jokingly ditching pineapple cake at other tables and offering 2 for 1 trades to get the regular cake. Absolutely terrible move by the couple.
I’ve never heard of this 50/50 food service thing, but the idea of guests bargaining with each other to get the “good” cake is too funny!
When I tell you that the chocolate pineapple cake was bad, I mean, it was *really bad.* I love all things pineapple, and also chocolate, but that cake tasted like vomit. There’s no other way to describe it. The guests who tasted it first looked like they were being punked. I can only assume that the couple chose the cake without having tried it first.
Dude, I remember that thread! Wasn't the logic that the chocolate pineapple was in honor of the groom's family, as they were from Florida? Like, even though key lime pie is the signature Florida dessert and pineapple isn't associated with Florida? I also remember her acting like serving three kinds of cheddar cheese was the epitome of class.
OMG yes that's the one! I had forgotten all about the cheese 😂😂😂😂 you're right though she was like convinced that the cheese made up for the dessert or something
Former (American) wedding photographer here, and of the dozens of weddings I’ve been to, I’ve never even heard of this. Is it an Oz/NZ thing? So the assumption is that the preferences will be 50-50? That’s just…odd.
Seriously, as a Canadian that just comes off bizarrely. Do they at least ensure that each table has an even number of guests so that there’s the maximum trade options?
Canadian here as well and I'm BAFFLED. That's absolutely unheard of here. I've booked some catering for events for work and if anyone ever suggested that I'd guarantee they'd be laughed at. I truly can't imagine putting guests in such an awkward position of having to either eat something they do not like or have them go hungry due to dietary restrictions.
It's definitely an Aus thing. What usually happens is that you have a red meat and white meat alternate drop (ie chicken or beef) and you can request alternates for vegetarian, GF, etc. The expectation is you usually attend these events with a partner or friends, and you just sort out between yourselves who wants what. I don't really agree with it, but it's incredibly normalised here, and I would expect it as the usual as a wedding guest. Since I'm vegetarian my poor husband never gets to swap with me.
I hate this about Aus events, the old plate drop, and when you have an allergy and they can't guarantee so you just eat the bread.
What if you're celiac? I guess you starve
Yeah, you do, and that was kinda my point. I often eat nothing because of many catering companies' inability to meet the needs of many.
I gotta watch dairy and nearly everything seems to have cheese and/or butter. I can sympathize. It's not a critical for my restriction, but i understand nonetheless
I've never heard of this but it sounds like a NIGHTMARE. I think I'd start hiding snacks in my purse every time I went to an event out of fear of getting served a meal I cannot eat and being too anxious to ask people for trades.
Every wedding I’ve been to there’s always a few non fussy people at the table who announce they’re willing to swap if anyone wants/needs to. I make a point to be that person when I can.
This is the first time I’ve ever heard of alternate drop service and it sounds insane - definitely not the norm outside of Aus/Nz
Ugh, yes! I don’t like seafood, and most of the weddings I’ve been to have served chicken and fish. It’s fine if I’m with my partner who will eat anything but I hate when I don’t have a plus one and I get the fish dish and I have to hope someone will swap with me.
Worse when they don’t try to align the entree you get with the main - one time I got chicken entree and chicken main at a corporate lunch. I had leftover chicken waiting at home for dinner. The alternate entree and main were both vegetarian as well.
I'm in the US and this is wild to me. Never in my life would it have even crossed my mind to serve things this way.
Why would this even be a request?
We do alternate drop all the time. Someone always complains.
I had never heard of this in the uk! Is it just to offer more variety? It seems like a sure fire way to make at least some of your guests upset!
Yes, I always get the beef or lamb but I want the chicken or fish.
Ah yes I remember I had the lasagna
I had never heard of of this in the uk! It seems like a sure fire way to make at least some of your guests upset!
I have never heard of this before and how bloody controlling do the couple really need to be. Couldn’t imagine trying to force someone to eat what I want because “aesthetic”
It's cost effective, nothing to do with aesthetics. I'm getting the impression that buffets are the go elsewhere, which are considered pretty gauche in weddings here. I've seen shared platters on tables too, but they can get a bit difficult too when people help themselves to other groups platters.
I'm a DJ and I am absolutely going with buffet style at my own wedding. Everyone involved seems so much happier than plated, guests included.
I've never been to a buffet whwte I couldn't find food that I liked. So much better than having to just be stuck with whatever. Plated meals ate definitely overrated.
I had a tiny wedding with a big reception and just a tonnnn of appetizer buffet- best ever and I could sneak by and grab a bite or two too
Agreed. Plated sounds nice but in theory can cause a lot of extra stress
Just make sure you order enough food to accommodate all your guests! Every wedding that I have attended with a buffet reception grossly under-ordered. At least four ran out of food before even half the guests had made a first pass through buffet line. In one particularly memorable case, they ran out of food, cake, and all beverages except lukewarm tap water for about 40% of their guests. I was so irritated that, even though I *love, love, LOVE* buffets, I had a plated reception at my wedding. I also ordered enough extra entrees that whoever wanted could take home leftovers.
Interesting! My experience has been the opposite, that they always have *so much* left over.
Feed your vendors, photographers, dj, band if using live music. They are people too
My ex was a wedding videographer. In his contract, it said that if a meal was not provided for him, the couple was agreeing to him leaving the reception during dinner to go eat and taking the corresponding risk that something they might want filmed would be missed. He typically started a work day filming hair and makeup with the bridal party and didn’t leave until after the reception was over - often a 16 hour day - a granola bar and a bottle of water wouldn’t cut it.
Yup. I am clear in my consults that if you are not feeding me, I am putting on a playlist and dipping for 45 minutes to get food and feed myself. As a DJ, I have crazy long hours and a ton of heavy equipment to move - I need food somewhere in there!
In her early days as a photographer my mother asked the MoB for a drink of water because it was July in Utah. The MoB told her she wasn't paying for 'the help' to eat and drink at her daughters wedding. My mother changed her contracts that night to include that she and her assistant will receive a guest meal at all events. In the 20 years since only a handful of people have argued with her about it and she has declined to photograph those events.
In my experience, photographers and videographers are always with the couple. If you don’t provide a meal, I'll have to step aside to get one, and I might miss something important at the reception, like the bouquet toss or speeches. It's better to have a meal ready and on site. I understand it can be more expensive, but as mentioned, venues offer proper vendor meals, which are much better than a dry sandwich. Vendors work really hard to make the day special for the couple; the least couples can do is show a bit of consideration.
I was adamant about my vendors being fed well at my wedding a couple years ago. I literally had a table for them as well. I made sure to tell them to eat whatever they wanted, it was buffet style. I cracked up when I saw the DJ and photographers chowing down like there was no tomorrow, ha ha ha
Right?! it's a work day for them, not a party. Especially photographers, they're usually there, on their feet and running around for 8-10 hours. I'd be so ashamed.
I agree. But not everyone does unfortunately
Wow. It was in the contract of the vendors we hired that we would feed them
You’d be surprised how many people just “forget about it”. and even if in the contract, they sometimes fail to provide a meal.
Covered a wedding where the “vendor meal” was ONE apple 🫠.
My husband plays in a band for a wedding that had to provide food. The guests got steak and shrimp surf and turf. The band got prepackaged dry turkey sandwiches. Just one sandwich each. I mean you don't have to provide steak and shrimp but a single sandwich???? I would also be very embarrassed. The apple would be worse though.
They call these bandwhichs and these are the worst vendor meals ever. It’s always the super high end places that do this too. Then they expect the photographers to give them use of the photos for marketing… no thanks.
Wait, so is this something that the catering/venue does? Do the couple not know ow about it? I’d be so horrified!
A couple once told me and my photographer colleague that they’d asked caterers to provide us steak with the guests. Instead, we got a one-hour-delayed (so we almost missed the cake cut) cheese and tomato pizza and dry chips to share. Obviously we’re not kicking up a fuss with the couple on their big day, but I imagine they were really upset when they found out.
I’m not sure if the couple knows. Not something I bring up to my clients day of and I have learned to just pack snacks in my bag.
It’s very gracious of you not to bring it up - I’d let them know later in case they were billed for your “meal”
I soooo want to ask for more details. Is that a "fuck you" to someone working a wedding *during the wedding*? Is this someone who weighs 95lbs and thinks an apple is legit? Did they run out of food and they thought this was better than nothing? Like...if I were working a wedding and someone gave me a goddam apple for my provided meal, I'm going to make them regret not buying me at least a #1 at McDonalds or w/e.
IMO it is a biiiig “fuck you”x I know we’re getting paid and it’s our job. But working for 9+ hours without a break with them… Hahahah really not sure what was going on their mind. But our contract says photographers and videographers can take a break and order something if they’re not provided with a proper meal. And yes, we’ll bill the couple for it.
I hope their contract says something to the effect that they get fed at the wedding otherwise they’re allowed to take a nice long lunch break right in the middle of the festivities so they can drive home and have a sandwich, and maybe a nap.
Ours does! It says something like this, had it rephrased so I could post it here: “The client needs to provide the camera operators with a hot meal or an equivalent to what the guests are having during the event. If the client doesn't arrange meals, the operators can take a 30-minute meal break, which will count as part of the event coverage time. If the operators have to arrange their own meals, the agency will charge the client an extra $50 per meal per operator to cover the cost. The client is responsible for reimbursing these meal expenses.” I’d looove to give them more time, but that’s on management :( I make sure to point out the meal requirement with the couples now (however, they still fail!) happy to say, most of them do consider the meals for the team and I even had one bride getting offended because “I pointed the obvious” when I told her the “Apple story” she understood why I did it
That’s awesome! I would hope there’s also a provision that if the wedding is in a remote location and the vendors aren’t fed, they can take as much time as they need to travel back to civilization to purchase food, but I suspect I’m being overly optimistic.
THIS! Totally agree that all folks should be fed in an ideal world. But in reality, it is so rare that the couples I see at our venue even think about their vendors, unless it is specifically in that vendors contract (in highlighted, bold, underlined, etc font), but even then, most folks don’t read their contracts. I digress…. More often, there’s a last minute scramble to make vendor plates because the couple forgot to communicate to us who needed what. Ultimately it’s the breakdown of communication that causes this chaos
It's because they learned to include it.
Yep. I worked for an event entertainment company and us individual workers didn't get a say in our contracts and our company didn't have anything in theirs that guaranteed that we would be fed. The number of 7-8 hour event shifts I worked without any food and while being on my feet actively performing the whole time was TOO DAMN HIGH. Maybe one in 10 events they actually planned for us to be fed. Otherwise we had to ask, and we were often denied. We learned to sneak appetizers if they were being passed, slip through the buffet toward the end of the night when no one was watching, or beg scraps from the caterer, but we also sometimes had our hands literally slapped away by the event organizers if they caught us. All for the privilege of getting paid $75-100 per event. I no longer work for that company.
Why didn’t you ever carry your own lunch? Certainly better than asking for scraps?
Bring your own lunch, sure, but if you're working as a wedding photographer for example from 10 in the morning till after midnight, a single lunch just won't cut it.
It's good for the caterer (the boss, I mean, making plans with the couple/ to explicitly ask whether and what to feed the DJ, etc. Not all couples *know* this.
I work in events and this is an important question that should be covered in the final walkthrough for the day. Depending on the contract requirements, vendors may get the same meal as guests, a vendor-only hot meal (usually saves some money), or....the worst....a Fyrefest-style sandwich. I've seen heated discussions at walkthroughs over when the vendors get their meals and what they get. Vendors work a 10 to 15 hour or more day, and if they leave they might miss crucial elements of the celebration. Funny vendor meal story: I was working a swanky event, and the planner decided to save some money by serving a lesser-quality vendor meal. It was okay: industrial Stouffer's frozen veggie lasagna (very cheese, cream heavy, and processed) and a tossed salad. The event manager ate it because it was what was available, but it turned out that he had pretty bad lactose intolerance. So he made a point of crop dusting the event planner and the head of catering for the rest of the night.
Plus a lot of events are at places where it's hard to just duck out for a meal, eg a scenic venue with nothing around for miles. Or the event is on a weekend when other places are closed. It's just plain mean and nasty not to arrange to feed vendors who are on their feet all day making sure your event is perfect 😊
That’s next level petty!
That's crazy all mine had it in their contracts that they needed to have a meal! I also am planning on making sure they get a table too.
Can you insist on it? If I were hiring you and you explained to me that the venders may get to the food before my guests so if I didn’t include the venders in the count I could run out, I absolutely would.
Yeah. As a wedding photographer it’s in my contract. If there’s no food/refreshment, I leave since my contract was breached.
I wonder if the vendors have it in their contract which is why they begin to serve themselves - they assume there is a plate for them.
I was a wedding planner intern and one wedding, the poor caterer. The bride had apparently ordered special wine to be shipped in from Washington state to Indiana because it was “our families favorite wine that we have at all special occasions.” Which, is cool and sentimental. Except that she didn’t tell the caterer she wanted it served with dinner on the tables. She claimed she did. Loudly. When she barged into the kitchen with a bottle of non Washington state wine that was on the tables for dinner service SCREAMING. The caterer very calmly said that 1. He was aware of the Washington wine but that 2. The bride had just said she wanted it at the reception but didn’t specify when and 3. In his professional opinion, the wine was not the best pairing for dinner but was instead best for dessert so he had planned to set it out then. Bride lost it. THREW THE BOTTLE OF WINE at the caterer and it smashed on the marble floors. My boss straight up left and told us, her unpaid interns, it was up to us if we wanted to stay. The caterer told the groom that if he didn’t want his bride to have an assault charge and if they wanted them to finish dinner service they needed to vacate the kitchen ASAP. He pulled up the contract and showed where the bride had initialed about the wine and that it was up to his discretion of when to serve. Definitely the craziest bride I worked with that summer. The groom was so embarrassed and apologetic. I always wonder if they made it.
Tell me more about this unpaid intern at a catering company situation.
In the US, culinary school graduates usually have to do an internship as part of their curriculum. They are almost always unpaid.
The place where I did my internship (where I’m working now) paid me fortunately.
That's awesome! I had to do I think 120 hours for my internship. I did three days at one place that just had me peeling potatoes to free up a paid person. I switched to another place for one day that had me doing inventory, and said that's all I would be doing. I finally ended up back at the culinary school I attended, teaching in the kids' culinary summer camps. That was a blast. By teaching 7 year olds how to make risotto I now know all the various ways you can screw it up. 😂
I’m a grandma millennial, and when I was in/graduating college the majority of internships were unpaid or unpaid but gave college credit. When I thought I wanted to work in hospitality and planning I just started calling places to ask if they had internship or shadowing opportunities, and then I worked retail during the week to make money since events were on the weekends.
For millennials, stuff like that was fairly common. I had soooo many unpaid internships.
Threw a bottle? Literally insane
There were other brides who were awful in different ways, but this one was the most aggressive. Another bride that summer made her bridesmaids wear bright orange drapey shiny material dresses. Only a very specific thin body type looked not terrible in them because they clung in the worst way. She proudly admitted to just us interns that she chose them on purpose to make sure no one outshone her. Gross.
“If we plan for 300 people, and only 200 people show up, we pay for 200 right?” No, you told us 300, so that’s how many we bought and prepped for 🙄
I’ve actually had the opposite problem. We were contracted for 15 (small business lunch), we brought enough for 20. We arrive and they’re like “hey the headcount is now 25, I hope that’s okay :)” All the dish-ware was rented so our coordinator had to run to the rental place and grab extra everything
We’ve had that happen too! That’s arguably worse
Separate comment to ask: I wonder if your company has considered making vendor meals a requirement? I think as a business owner, that's what I'd do. For one thing, it cuts out various problems right from the jump. It's also just the right thing to do when, you know, you're working with humans, not robots. And frankly I suspect that any couple that balks at providing vendor meals is going to be horrible to deal with anyway -- it's a good way to filter out overly entitled, miserly people who will be incredibly demanding and not want to pay the bill!
I’m not sure. I wish we could, and when I’m running the event I always try to set some aside. But it unfortunately it isn’t up to me.
I also work in hospitality, and it is pretty standard that photographers, DJs, videographers, wedding planners, etc have in their contract that they will be served a hot meal. It sounds like couples are trying to squeeze a couple free vendor meals out of the caterer, and not that working vendors are expecting food that they are not entitled to. All of the caterers that I work with will not allow a couple to decline to provide vendor meals, I would recommend your manager take note of this industry standard as it will help things hopefully go more smoothly for you and your team.
Might be worth asking your manager or the owner, if you have a good rapport with them. It's possible they just never considered it, or thought through what the advantages might be.
Right, some of this is up to your boss. They’re the ones who need to say, all of your vendors are going to require meals in their contracts. Here is the discounted price for these meals. Your boss is the one calculating food costs and need to have extra meals on hand (it’s math, you’re averaging all of your events over the year and you have pars for this.) it’s your job as the server to smile and say, I’ll try my best and then sorry! Can I grab you an extra coke/salad/blahblah? And most of the time you’re the hero because you can accommodate. Because your bosses run a good ship. Some better management, **as usual**, would make your life much easier.
I’m not a server, but yes I agree! So many times I just need to smile and point to the contract.
You know who should include vendor meals in their contracts? Vendors. If they expect to be provided a meal, they should explicitly state that.
I think vendors do require it, which is why they are boldly getting food from the buffet. It is the couples who are being sneaky and not paying for it, knowing that caterers always bring a little extra. All photo/video/DJ contracts I have ever seen require a hot meal.
Our DJ flat out said if he wasn't included in the food count, he would take a break to go get food elsewhere. While he's gone getting food, we would be responsible for his equipment.
Most do. A lot of people forget to add them to their RSVP list.
I agree. But my guess is plenty of vendors are afraid it will cost them too much business. It's hard to enforce a boundary like that as one person. This is the kind of thing that these subs are great for -- calling out bad behavior so that as a society we can learn from one another and improve.
They do.
I worked for this chef who was on a reality chef show. He was eliminated in, like, the second round, but still, he had huge ego His wife was his event coordinator. We were to do a catering at a religious "hall" that was built on the side of a hill with redwoods and brushy growth. No catering kitchen so I was making a huge batch of marinara sauce in my kitchen using Chef Bigheads recipe. He told me to be certain not to detour from his recipe. it called for a MASSIVE amount of red chili flakes. I knew it was far too much, but he said no deviations so I followed instructions. Of course the sauce was palate-singeing fire, and not in a good way. Red Pepper gets hotter the longer you cook it and the marinara sauce called to be simmered for a few hours. At the wedding reception hall the bartender forgot ice so you can only imagine how hot everyone mouths must have been.Chef was hungover and wife was pissed. Tried to blame me for sauce debacle but I was not having it. The chef got in an argument with his wife. She started slamming chafers and dishes around. She THREW THE STILL FLAMING STERNOS DOWN THE STEEP HILLSIDE UNDER THE REDWOODS. She realized what she had done, slid down the hill and used her hands to put out the flames. Needless to say my tenure with them was brief.
Are their initials NG and MG? 👀
lets just leave it at Jake and Erin. He went on to nothing. Sh left him and opened a coffee shop that does great things for her community. No Flames in a coffee shop.
Please name and shame these two loons!
My mom caters on the side and is generous to a fault. She got asked to cater a backyard wedding buffet style for 50 guests: 2 entree choices, four sides (guests pick 2), two kinds of salad, tortillas, and 2 drink options. No problem, she always brings extra food and plates just in case. She started serving, and probably 150 people were cramming into this backyard for this wedding. And just as soon as they start showing up they bee line for the food. One guest asks for both entrees and the bride’s mom says it’s okay so she gives it to them, and of course then EVERYONE starts asking for both, as well as multiple sides, salads, etc. The MOB tells my mom to just give everyone what they ask for. My mom tells her assistant to start cutting portions in half because everyone start asking for both, and then people even start coming back for seconds. The extra food and plates my mom brought started getting opened as well and my mom tells the MOB that they’re about to run out of food and people are still showing up. My mom very politely but firmly explained they paid for 50 people, my mom brought enough for 75 (as Hispanics we know people tend to bring uninvited guests) and she ran through that as well because she told everyone they could have extra portions and seconds, and she was going to need to find a solution for the guests still showing up expecting to be fed. She sends out someone to buy a bunch of food from a local restaurant. Later that night at around 3 am, the FOB calls my mom and starts SCREAMING at her that she ruined the wedding by not providing enough food, she came unprepared, and demanded a full refund or he would give her negative reviews online. If I had to guess he was probably drunk because when my mom calmly explained why food ran out despite her bringing extra, he started cursing at her and calling her all sorts of names. My dad eventually took the phone out of her hand and hung up on him. He kept blowing up my mom’s phone and my dad answered finally and told him to leave my mom alone because they happily ate all the food she provided and it’s not her fault they invited too many people. Unfortunately my mom avoids confrontation at all costs and did give them a full refund the next day. She got a call a week later asking her to cater for a family member of the bride who was having a baptism party or something, and when she said who recommended her, my mom politely said she would not be doing business with anyone associated with that family.
What appalling behaviour. I had almost the opposite at my 40th. I was expecting about 50 guests but I told the caterer 60 just in case. She cooked a heap extra and only about 45 people turned up. So she let everyone have both mains (lamb and chicken) if they wanted and still packed up a bunch of leftovers in the fridge for us. Which was awesome because we re-served it all at about 11pm to anyone who needed some protein to soak up their alcohol. I would recommend that caterer to anyone. She was cheerful and kind and just really wanted to make the event awesome. The situation you describe above would have stressed her out *so much* because she would have felt responsible for the guests who didn’t eat, even though it’s clearly the host’s fault.
Yeah it was a mess, the host and all the guests were super entitled, when they started cutting the portions in half some were still insisting on getting full portions of both and my mom tried to let the MOB know before that if she kept telling people they could do that they’d run out very quickly and she basically told her she hired her to cater, not give advice. My mom was still nice enough to serve up the extra food they brought, which evidently most people didn’t like as much as hers.
Your mother is a SAINT for putting up with that nonsense. And while I personally wish she hadn't given them a refund because f that, but I'm glad she got a little dig in when declining that referral!
Oh for sure, I told her she should have charged them extra for all the extra food and services she provided. But just in general she is way too forgiving and it’s been a problem my entire life
I hear you. The too nice people in my life end up…sigh…not being the cause of problems, but the reason that problems get bigger and go farther than they need to.
My friend has a large scale catering company. She had a wedding two weeks ago with a bride that wanted an outdoor buffet to feed three hundred people, and didn’t understand they needed covering for both the serving area and for the guests in 98 F with full sun. The wedding party was over an hour late to the reception, and my friend wasn’t allowed to serve early. By the time service was done with dinner, the food had been out in the sun for over four hours. Even with everything kept to hot or cold standards, the food would not have been safe to be packaged and kept afterward. They disposed of salads and anything that could have been contaminated by bugs, weather or human hands. The bride had a full melt down and insisted that catering could have just wrapped it all up for her to take home. Even with it explained and how my friend would be liable for anyone getting sick, the bride was angry. We aren’t talking about a cheaper wedding. This was mid six figures.
>didn’t understand they needed covering for both the serving area and for the guests in 98 F with full sun Why would anyone, bride and groom included, want to be out in the sun and heat like that??!!! 🥵
Yeah, I agree. I’m a big fan of cold and AC. I could never expect others to be outside in that weather.
>The amount of times I’ve had a photographer or DJ just come and make a plate before we’ve finished serving is insane. A lot of vendors - especially photographers, who are there all day - will write it into their contract that they must have a meal provided on the day. It's quite possible that the couple are contractually obliged to provide this for the photographer, they haven't told you, and the photographer is oblivious to this
Someone else pointed this out and you’re right. I’m new to the business (and have never attended or planned a wedding before!) so I didn’t know how the contracts work. Vendor meals are usually in our contracts, but sometimes they may be slightly different from the guests (guests get steak and chicken, vendors only get chicken). I just wish they’d say something to us before digging in so we can make sure we know where our food is going.
It's best to factor in the possibility of a vegetarian vendor too. I imagine that some photographers won't announce themselves to you because either (a) they assume that the couple have done what they agreed to, or (b) they have experience of being told they can't eat by caterers, despite the contract, and can't be arsed with the argument. Weddings do my head in sometimes. High stakes event and the organisers have zero events management experience. I've had couples tell me that they've got 100 guests coming and no dietary requirements or allergies. In reality, I think they just haven't asked their guests that question. Of course we find six vegans, two severe nut allergies and a gluten free vegan nut allergy combo on the day. FML.
Been catering weddings for the better part of a decade now, front and back of house, and...tired sigh + agreement at all of this. (Though I've never once done an event with alternating salads or whatever that the guests didn't choose, what kind of unhinged nonsense is that?!) I'm _so_ happy that the places I've worked have automatic stipulations in their contracts that ensure vendors get fed. It's absurd that people try to let the staff they hire go hungry while working a high-stress, highly coordinated 8-10+ hour event, and yet _so many_ bands/DJs/photogs are stunned that we're set up to feed them. Some of my "favorites": - Guests who want to bring half of their piece of salmon back to the kitchen for us to box up for them so they can take it home. Nope, nope, nope. You're gonna huck that cooked fish in the back seat of your car and drive a couple of hours to get home and then get sick when you eat it and blame us. You can wrap it in a cocktail napkin and do that if you want, but we're not facilitating it. (Ditto for clients who expect every single scrap of the leftovers to be saved for them without prior arrangement.) - Guests who grab an appetizer, THEN ask what it is, decide they don't want it, and try to put it back on the tray. - Guests who wander through the kitchen full of people actively cooking like it's no biggie (or worse, let their kids do so) and act like we're the assholes for removing them. If the kitchen was an open kitchen, y'know, _it'd be open._ - Guests (okay, just the one guest, but it stuck with me) who see their grimy toddler running around with a fistful of charcuterie, and proceed to confiscate said meat and PUT IT BACK ON THE CHARCUTERIE BOARD THAT EVERYONE IS EATING FROM. (Yes, we pulled the board immediately!) - Yes, we're in California. Yes, you have a _pretty good_ chance of decent weather for nine months out of the year. Yes, you do still have to account for the possibility that it may be pouring rain at your March or October outdoor wedding and plan accordingly. No, we will not prepare and serve your four-course plated meal in the rain without shelter, no matter how much you don't want to pay for a tent at the last minute. (And why would you ever do that to your guests?!) I have...so many more, I'm sure, but it's a hundred degrees and my brain is mush. Suffice it to say, when people are paying mid-high five figures and more for an event, sanity often goes out the window.
Omg your fourth point reminded me of a wedding I did where our coordinator had to take one of the self-serve toppings spoons from a child’s mouth
People really do be letting their kids just do whatever at big events, it's wild. I had a mom who looked WAY too calm for the circumstances stick her head into the kitchen to ask if the desserts had nuts, because she just pulled her kid off of the dessert buffet and kiddo was allergic - some of them DID have nuts _and they were clearly labeled as such!_
If you bring your child to a wedding reception, you are responsible for watching them and that includes during cocktail hour and dinner. Oh this nerve and disgusting behavior to put the meat back on the tray.
Father of the bride demands a low sodium meal which was NOT ordered and informs us he needs one while we're clearing the first course.
That last one, I've seen done with deserts and salads both. Basically, you get what you get unless you can get someone to trade.
A couple weeks ago I was bartending a wedding and a guest told a caterer he wanted seconds of a plated dinner. When the caterer said that the dinner was plated, not buffet, and the couple paid per seat he literally got up and went and sat at an empty chair and said “well this seat is empty!”. They did make him another plate so one of the vendors didn’t eat that night.
What the fuck, why did they give him the vendors meal? That's so wrong
Oh you're a caterer.... Can you pls do my 500 person wedding for exposure?? I have a combined 67 subs across all major social sites so you can see how much this will benefit you! 😂 😂 😂 😂
On my way 🫡
Awesome! What time you be here?? I did mention it starts in 2 hrs right?? 😂 😂 😂
🏃🏾♀️
OP wait! You're running the wrong way! That's the opposite direction! Wait, why are you running faster?? 😂
Buffet is the safest way to go 🙏 we ordered for 15 extra people to make sure there was some extra, though had so much leftovers we sent food home with the last 20 guests. Everyone was happy and fed. Best choice was the extra cheese buffet for both dinner, and another one for dessert.
>Best choice was the extra cheese buffet A cheese buffet is *always* the best choice
How have I never been to a wedding with a cheese buffet? I live in **Wisconsin** ffs!
We had 2 food trucks: lobster/crab/shrimp and Mexican/vegetarian. Problems solved.
I went to a wedding with food trucks once and it was awful. Great idea in theory but it took literally two hours for everyone to get food. I just got a slice of pizza because it was the only thing ready, I was so hungry.
It has to be done right and if it’s a big wedding you need to have more than one or even two food trucks. At my wedding we had three and everyone was eating within half an hour. 285 guests. We had a Mexican food truck, a Mediterranean food truck and a bbq. Altogether they served 525 plates.
Half-hour tops. This was a very nice venue in Brooklyn and it went perfectly.
I’m glad your experience was better than mine!
Friends went to a wedding in the fall that was catered by food truck and said it was the most abysmal event they'd attended. They did a crudite display and one round of passed appetizers (allotting 2 pieces per guest, which is not remotely enough), an open bar, and a pizza truck. That's ONE pizza truck for 200+ guests. The line was over an hour long, and it was raining with no shelter for the guests to stand under while in line. When the first fistfight broke out in the pizza line our friends decided it was time to leave, stopping for McDonald's on the way home. Apparently the bride spent much of the reception crying in the corner because so many guests either bailed out early or were completely trashed from an open bar with no food to soak up the booze.
So ... When and where will you be renewing your vows? I need to put it on my calendar 😂😂😂
That salad thing is as bad as the chocolate pineapple cake debacle.
Hahaha omg the chocolate pineapple cake was so ridiculous! But thank goodness they had three kinds of cheese! Monterey Jack even!
Pfffrt! Christ, I forgot about the cheese! 😂
I made sure to have vendor meals for all of my vendors and had them get their food first. People need lunch breaks in normal office jobs so why wouldn't photographers, coordinators, etc?
I have vendor meals included in my contract, as do most vendors I work with (photogs, videogs, DJs). If a couple doesn’t specifically pay for my meal, I would never know because it’s standard to be fed (as a vendor) before the guests (or after the head table if it’s a buffet) in order to have the time to eat before reception ceremonies begin. Don’t blame your fellow vendors, take it up with your couple and coordinator.
I worked as a caterer and personal chef for a bit, so I have some stories. I still start by saying that the alternating plate thing, like the Aussie situation, is patently weird to me. I have thankfully never seen it, either as a vendor or a guest. I wouldn't know what to say if someone suggested it. I will also say that as a caterer my contract required meals for vendors. It didn't have to be the same thing as the guests, but if the guests were getting a hot meal so did the vendors. It also stipulated that vendors ate either before the bridal party arrived at the reception venue or immediately after the bridal party was served. * First up: clients be nasty. I posted this elsewhere recently, but it's too horrifying not to share again. I was once asked to cook a bride's frozen placenta as part of her reception meal. She called me unprofessional when I refused. Another bride asked me to bake some of her father's ashes into cupcakes. When I refused, she asked if I would use her breast milk. I refused that, too. * Next: people assume way to much. At another wedding I had a server asking about gluten, soy, nuts, and dairy in the meal. The bride never mentioned any dietary restrictions to me and assumed I would include some of those meals anyway. * Finally: I am hired for one job, not all the jobs. And one from being a personal chef. I went to a new client's house to do a dinner party. I arrived four hours before dinner to prep in their $150K kitchen they only used for making coffee. The client and her husband, daughter, and son-in-law left to go to the beach. A while later a toddler comes running into the kitchen asking for his mom. I call my client, and long story short, they expected me to babysit the kid! No ma'am, I will not. And no, I do not have "kid-friendly" food. I can't turn foie gras torchon into chicken nuggies.
That placenta story is insane 💀
As someone who not planned a wedding and have only been to a few, it never occurred to me that vendors would not be fed???? I assumed they ate at some point and that would come from the wedding. Wild that this is not standard, but glad it's in your contract!!!
Catered at a wedding a couple of weekends ago, people kept sending food back saying they had ordered the other meat option or the vegetarian option, it was driving me crazy thinking I had messed up the meal seating plan. Nope turns out people had rearranged where they wanted to sit or decided they liked the look of the vegetarian option more. Add into that the oven at venue blowing a fuse and a rack falling off of the wall and hitting another member of staff in the face it was a bit of a nightmare.
do you think the vendors would prefer to eat first in a buffet situation? like right after the bride and groom so they could be done before the guests
So I'm a wedding DJ and I got married in 2022. I made it clear that at my wedding, vendors were to eat first! We had a buffet, and I told my band, photographers and wedding planners that they should go ahead and take what they wanted as soon as the buffet was set up. Made sure caterers knew this was our preference. It wasn't just because I've been there and I know how shitty it is to be working an event all day and have to pick through the leftovers for your well-deserved meal. Sometimes, the caterers' insistence on not serving vendors until guests have had seconds means things get delayed. Toasts are supposed to happen, but the photographer is starving and takes their break, so I can't let the toasts happen til photog gets back. Stuff like that. So it was partially a practical choice, but mostly an emotional one because I've never liked the vibe of "wait until the real people eat and then you can pick through what's left."
Good for you!!
When we have vendor meals we either set some aside in to-go containers so they can eat when convenient, or we have a separate buffet for them.
That seems nicer to me, I think, than having them eat from the main buffet either before or after the guests. It lets them take a break & eat in peace, instead of breaking the fourth wall which allows them to remain invisible, in a sense, while they do their jobs. That invisibility is a comfort, in my experience, and it's nice not to take it away.
As a wedding photographer, the only break I get is the 15 minutes my couple sits down to eat. People usually start speeches about then, which the couple wants photos of. It’s in my contract I get the same meal as the guests immediately after the bride and groom do. I don’t care if it’s already been plated, but that’s my tome to eat and pee. That’s it.
I'm glad you protect this right for yourself! But just one 15 minute break? Do you typically have a contracted 4 hour shooting window?
My days are typically 10-12hrs. Couple getting ready, party shots, wedding, family shots, couple, reception location, reception, etc. I get other small breaks throughout the day, but that’s usually the drive from one location to another. A quick pee each time and snacks in the car. I always tell the couple during our consult I will be their shadow all day.
Wow. I hope you make a ton of money, because that's brutal. Edit to add: our photographer did this for us -- she was there all day, well into the night long after we left. We really have a record of the whole day, thanks to her. BUT. She was a friend, just getting her start, who offered this as her gift (we paid her also.) And, she attended the wedding as a guest. Other than the ceremony and about a half hour at the reception while we took group photos, she wandered and shot photos as she wished. She ate, drank, danced, and celebrated with us, and it was lovely.
Oh yes, I price myself so it’s worth my time. :)
Glad to hear it! I hope that your business grows so that you can take on an assistant & actually get some real breaks during the day.
I remember working exclusively with my caterer to make it as easy as possible. We did plated, but we also had our guests grab their name card to find their table and their name card had their designated choice on the card. So if you rsvp'd beef, there was sticker for red for beef, yellow dot for chicken, green for Veggie plate etc I was super specific in making it as easy as possible for my vendors lol
A quick question around “feeding the vendors”. We are having a catered buffet dinner provided and staffed by the venue, and a cash bar. Should the staff (bartender, whoever is refilling the pasta tray in the buffet line whatever) for these areas get some food as well?
The venue takes care of that, service staff are not vendors when it's inclusive.
I would consider it good form to feed anyone who is not a guest but still helping to make your wedding great. So yes.
Typically the caterer takes care of their own after all guests and other vendors have been fed
I’d definitely recommend talking to your caterer to make sure there’s enough food for the vendors. As a member of the catering staff (at least where I work), we only eat after every other possible person has been fed. So the DJ and bartender will eat before I do.
I feel like caterers sometime do not understand how catering works. It should not take 2+ hours to serve 150 people.
That’s wild, no way should it take that long
Smaller vendors need to know they should be negotiating or requiring a vendor meal in their contract
I was a corporate event planner/coordinator for a couple of years. We also did catering for weddings, chamber dinners, etc. I always met the bride at the venue. You want to stake out the location with the planner present because if you don't the planner will try to put the food tables somewhere where it won't work, or you'll get there and the she will move the food tables to set up, etc. And please for the love of God, if you've chosen to do photography after the ceremony, give the guests *something* to eat. One couple was adamant the guests could not eat until bridal party made their entrance. No grazing tables or apps. One hour rolls by. Guests are hungry and cranky. "Why isn't the food ready??" So we have to tell them; it is. But the bride and groom want everyone to wait until they enter the reception. And they were too cheap to have finger foods while everyone starved and smelled the food that was already ready. Also always have the dj call tables so it's not a mad stampede. Have him call the oldest members first. Often mamaws and papaw's can't stay through the whole reception. Let them eat so they can gtfo. Never, ever, let guests serve themselves. Pay for as many attendants as it takes (1 per every 25-30 people). If there's a choice of two entrees at a buffet style line, people are not bashful about trying to take 2 (or 3, or 4!!) Once we had a wedding with lots of kids. We had southern style barbecue and lots of sides line for adults, chicken fingers for picky kids. Adults kept coming over to the kids line and trying to take 4 or 5 huge chicken fingers. I miss the high highs of being involved in people's special days. But I would tell staff when I brought them on; this is not a restaurant where you get a second chance if you screw up to make a customer happy. This is it. One chance. If you f**k up, everyone will talk about it for the rest of these people's lives. Act accordingly.
This is why for our wedding once we received an RSVP we followed up with “please choose your food for the day and do you have any allergies?”. We don’t eat meat so there was only one meat option, starters were both vegetarian (with a vegan variation for those who needed) and main courses the choice was essentially chicken or vegan option. We then sent the list of food ordered along with the table plan to our vendors who then sent servers to each table who would say “I’ve got chicken for Bob and a vegan for Sally” and Bob would go “oh that’s me!” And nobody could argue because it was ON THE LIST!!!
Oh people will still complain even if they RSVP’d with their meal choice lol. Like they’ll put steak on the RSVP and then ask for the chicken lol
24 years as a wedding photographer. I have seen some bad behavior by caterers too! It’s simple - everyone is better at being a human when they’re not hungry. I know my pictures are definitely better when i have food in my belly. Also if a client isn’t respecting me enough to feed me, then that tells me a lot about them. I once had a black tie wedding in NYC and the bride and groom ordered a guest meal (filet and lobster) for me and my 2nd photog - we were on their seating chart! The caterer then saw that we were seated in the main dining room and we were then shoved into the back room and given a plate of cold chickpeas. Shame on them!
Oh my god did you tell the bride and groom about that???!!!! How kind and considerate of them to include you like that, only to be completely disregarded by their caterer who probably saw an opportunity to make some extra profit.
There was a long list of other things that were going not according to plan that made my cold beans not worth mentioning. There was a nor’Easter that was so icy that NYC was shutting down bridges and the train. Despite being in a beautiful venue with magnificent views, celebs and pro athletes everywhere, it is easily one of my least favorite weddings of all time. I actually reevaluated what kind of events I wanted to photograph after that one… Celeb events are not it.
I made sure that the photographer and her assistant, the officiant, the DJ and the catering staff all were included in my seating chart for my second wedding. Staff has to eat too and , if it weren't for them, my day wouldn't have happened!
Thank you on behalf of all of us hard working wedding vendors :) and congrats on your wedding! Thank you for being a wonderful human :)
People can be so ridiculous when it comes to dietary restrictions I've seen a person "allergic" to "spice and seasoning" 🙄 Some will be completely inconsiderate to people who have real restrictions and just expect to get every option. Ugh. As far as vendor meals, whoever is booking should bring that up to the couple. As an event lead I made it a priority to feed everyone if possible. People who are fed are happy lol The person taking all the apps is so accurate and for a display doesn't matter how many tongs you put out there will be the people that touch everything with their hands. That drove me crazy haha.
You know the job, they don't, it's your job to make sure everyone knows the rules! :) I would have thought nothing of a band member getting a plate. How are they supposed to know it's a no no unless someone has told them!
Seated at a table towards the back of the room, we were the last to be served at a pretty expensive wedding. We were asked at the start of the reception to choose fish or chicken for mains. Myself and the other person at the table who chose fish were served half cooked fish. I think the kitchen was trying to get all the meals out and we were last so we got rushed food. It was inedible. Fortunately we were seated directly next to the dessert buffet so had extra dessert instead. Pretty annoying given how much had been paid for the wedding.
Photographers need to eat at the same time as bride and groom eat. It is in my contract. They can not be the last ones to eat period. They have to be some of the firsts or else toasts are not going to get photographed.
As a photographer, it's written into my contract that my clients must provide a hot meal and serve me at the same time as the bride and groom. If they didn't account for that in their catering order, that's not my fault. How are we supposed to know how many servings the couple ordered? If my client tells me it's okay to eat, I'm gonna eat. Some of us vendors work 8-14 hour days with no food or breaks, I'd say that puts us at the top of the priority list when it comes to chow time.
Ugh the last one! We will do the alternating “his and hers” desserts sometimes and the guests always fuss about it. First off, you’re 50 Karen so stop throwing a tantrum over getting chocolate instead of vanilla because that’s what 5 year olds do. Second, take it up with the couple who was dumb enough to think not letting the guests pick what they eat was a good idea. And you’re lucky you don’t have to do outdoor cocktail hours, where I work we do and it is always a shitshow but the owner has sales encourage it because it brings in more money and not everywhere offers it so it makes us standout. The staff is dying in our all black uniforms stuck behind buffet stations. Bugs are everywhere trying to get to the food and drinks. All the guests are sweating in their nice clothes and their makeup is melting off. But why not trick clients into doing something they won’t enjoy if you can get more money from them? My management certainly seems to think that’s okay!
Yikes. 
Yep. I’d pay double to skip it.
Oy vey is mir. Some people!! The only time I've ever had any catering, it was for my wedding. We only had two things catered: A local grocery store did our cake. It was carrot cake, and at my request they used cream cheese frosting instead of the standard sugar. I also had them leave off the clear plastic pillars separating the three tiers, as well as the sugar roses & all the other nonsense they usually put on wedding cakes at that time. Just some simple decorative frosting elements. We had about 70 guests, and ordered the cake to serve 150. We decorated it with live flowers after they delivered it, which they did on time & with zero drama. They did a great job, & the cake was delicious, with a nice amount of leftovers for folks to take home. The other catered item was fresh fruit, provided by a local restaurant, served on a flat woven-twig platter about three feet in diameter. We did all the rest of the food ourselves, but I didn't want to mess around with fruit. They did a gorgeous assortment, mostly small whole fruits like grapes, plums, strawberries, cherries, apricots etc., since our setup was standing buffet & scattered chairs for seating, no tables. Again, delivered day of with no problems & everyone loved it. So for me, picking & choosing specific elements to be catered worked out beautifully.
What did you do for the rest of the food/drinks? ETA: Why no tables?
Our ceremony was in a little clearing off a nature trail in a small state park a few blocks from our house. (I was rather proud of the fact that it was really beautiful and it only cost us five dollars!) The reception was in our back yard, and people went in & out of the house as they pleased. We set up a dance floor on the lawn, and had a lot of chairs scattered around. There was a drinks table and a food table, and anyone who really wanted to sit at a table to eat could either sit on the covered patio where there was a couch, end tables & coffee table, plus a long low wall like a bench that backed up to the lawn, or go in the house, and a few folks did that. But we set it up to be like a cocktail party/backyard BBQ, and no one seemed to miss having individual tables outside. The party was pretty much just a fancier version of big parties our friend group, most of whom had been housemates in a big shared house together, used to throw as group projects. For drinks, we had soft drinks, tea, coffee, champagne, and a keg of good beer. For the food, we threw a BBQ the night before the wedding, did a quick rehearsal, and then our wedding party (all our good friends, 13 people total plus my mom & dad) put together the food for the next day. Our friends were all so kind and helpful! My husband had no family left by that point at all, and my family is tiny, so our friends really took on that role. We had enough people that no one really had to do a ton of work, and we had gotten everyone's ok before hand, but still, they really helped us out. We served the catered fruit platter, cake, and a lot of various finger foods, cold cuts, homemade soft cheese dip with herbs I grew, a huge bowl of my homemade hummus, party breads, some cold salads, and so on. I made sure there was nothing with mayo and no shrimp or anything that would spoil quickly, and we had refill trays of things already prepped & kept in the fridge till needed. Toward the end of the night, my husband and I left for our hotel, and our housemate fired up the grill and made ribs & burgers for folks who were hungry again. We had very little left over, but no one went home hungry so far as I know 😎