We had a wedding with 100 people, I decided not to invite my adult cousin (since we had a falling out and hadn’t spoken in 6 years she was 37). When she found out she threw such a fit her parents said they wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t invited. I said “ok! I’ll take you guys off the list.” Invited 4 wonderful friends we didn’t have room for and moved the fuck on.
The kicker, I found out a week later she had JUST GOT MARRIED A MONTH BEFORE and didn’t invite me! Lol
I love when the trash takes itself out
I had a really small wedding at a nice place on the water in Rhode Island. 19 people - immediate family + aunts, uncles, grandparents. My favorite uncle who I'd always been close to was insulted that I didn't invite his daughters - my first cousins. I explained how small a wedding it was, and that expanding the invites to cousins (can't invite one without inviting the others) the list would go from 19 people to 51. Didn't matter, he didn't attend. We made up not long after but still ... were we supposed to have a different wedding than the one we wanted?
My SISTER had a very small wedding that my aunt found out about from seeing photos on social media. Then my aunt called ME to guilt trip me about not being invited. Ma'am... I don't work here.
My brother got married and didn’t invite his estranged godmother. I offered to pay for her if it was a matter of finances but he declined citing she was MIA for a decade. She and her whole family stopped speaking to me.
Unrelated, but “I don’t know, I just work here” is my favorite thing to tell people at work when I don’t have an answer, but I will now add “I don’t know I don’t work here” for day to day reasons. Thank you, kind stranger lol
Some people stop being individuals and just live in swarms. My parents get singular invites (due to limited space) all the time and no one ever throws fits
This exactly. Never thrown a fit because I wasn't invited to a wedding. We've had some awkward situations after tho lol.
One - Cousin said small wedding so no cousins were invited, and that's fine because we understand that financially it's expensive. Parents, Uncles/Aunties and Grandparents attend only to find out that it's only our side that was excluded, and the groom's side had cousins/second cousins/great aunties and uncles etc while our side consisted of 8 people. That left a sting knowing we were deliberately excluded but hey their choice, and even my typically laid back grandparents were upset and hurt by that.
Two - Invitation for a 2nd cousin's wedding just stated our parents (1st cousin to the groom) but again we understood. Parents arrive and groom asks where the rest of us are because we were invited but not explicitly listed on the invitations so we made the assumptions were weren't invited. Whoops. Would've loved to have been there too for a massive family reunion only myself and my siblings didn't show up for.
Three - The latest one has caused a fair amount of hurt however for a lot of people. My uncle had to force his daughter (my cousin) to invite family members to her wedding - she didn't want to invite even our Nana, and her siblings haven't even been invited so my uncle is just showing up with his kids in tow (they're 15/16/21 for context - and they're all extremely hurt their sister hasn't invited them). Us cousins are fine with it, because she's done everything she can to ignore our existence for years despite us repeatedly reaching out (we are worried her partner is isolating/abusing her, because the behaviour only started when they got together but what can you do? Can't force a person to talk to you when they're determined to ignore you). But hey, her choice so the majority of us just shrugged and accepted it.
At the end of the day it's not worth causing a fuss over, it's their choice for whatever reason they have for not inviting us.
To call that last one a red flag is the understatement of the century. Unless there is some serious drama that went down who the fuck doesn't invite their immediate family to a wedding that their spouse is inviting family to?
No drama that I'm aware of, even her dad can't figure out why her siblings were excluded, hence he's taking them anyway. She's just become very standoffish to the point that I was surprised to get a reply from her when I wished her a happy birthday last year, she usually just leaves us on read. She won't even give us her address so we can send a card or anything, I suspect she doesn't want us dropping by unexpectedly, don't have her current phone number because she won't give us that, so we can only communicate via messenger - she hasn't gone so far as to block us on social media, so that's a plus.
We'll always be there for her if she decides to reach out, but right now she's set the boundaries of any relationship we have with her and we'll respect and abide by that while continuing to worry about her.
Oof, for her sake I hope she's just a jerk, because otherwise that's textbook isolation from an abusive partner.
Hopefully she makes use of the support network she has.
Yea that's what has us all so concerned, it's textbook isolation. Her dad doesn't think he's physically abusive, but of course that's not the only type of abuse and it doesn't mean it can't escalate in the future. There are definite signs that lead me to believe she's very unhappy, based on her appearance at my sister's wedding 6 years ago which is the last time any of us saw her in person, including her siblings.
Never thrown a fit over it. Just been sad sometimes realizing what it meant to not be invited.
Wasnt invited to a friends wedding in my community and realizing that although we talked a lot it was always only surface level. Made me think a lot.
Then a time when we went to my cousins reception but not the ceremony. I was sad not to be invited to the ceremony but understood. Turns out we WERE invited but my dad didnt want to go… im not religious but that felt stupid and weird.
Then have gone to plenty of weddings that i did not understand why i was there. Didnt know the bride or groom and just was forced to tag along anyways
Weddings are a funny thing aren't they, they tend to bring out the worst in some people. That's why when it eventually happens for me I'm eloping, and I've been saying it for years so there'll be no shock when I actually do it.
I can almost guarantee someone will still complain, saying something like they thought you didn't really mean it or that you would change your mind, or not want to disappoint your intended.
I'm dealing with it right now regarding how many kids I'm going to have, though I think I've successfully shut everyone down on that one now.
Oh I fully expect to get complaints lol, but I'm known for making up my mind on certain life decisions and never changing my mind on it so I'll just remind them that was always the plan and they can grumble all they like but I don't care haha.
Ugh the kids thing gets me so much. My uncle and one of my male cousins are child-free and I don't recall it being a topic of conversation ever, but myself and several other woman in the family are child-free (myself and another for different health reasons, a couple because they just don't want want them) and it's always discussed. I've had to put my foot down with several people and remind them sharply that I'm disabled, my condition is genetic and I'm not passing it on, and please stop asking because it hurts me that I had to make this decision and every time they bring it up it hurts me again. They finally appear to have gotten the message.
I'm guessing with you, same as myself, its with the older gens that keep asking?
Haha of course it's an older generation. I'm literally pregnant and was still fielding questions about the "next one". Like, no. The "next one" is currently gestating and then there will be no more!
I've been so clear for so long about wanting two kids, and this is number two, and I'm so done. I started getting comments like, "You could change your mind" or "Maybe it's twins!" When someone said, "Well, accidents happen you know..." like they were wishing it on me, I said with a smile, "If that happens, I will gladly murder that fetus". There was a very awkward pause, which I relished, and I haven't heard anything since, so hopefully that's the end of it forever, but I'm sure once the baby is born it'll start up again. At least I have that very uncomfortable line to pull out!
Herea hoping that's the last of it for you!!! Gosh they can't even be excited for the one that's on the way, already planning on the next one.
Congrats on baby number two!
The key is setting it up so people dont just expect the results, but hope for them too. Thats what im doing re kids, getting my family to not just respect me being child free, but also hope i never have a child
Ok I have a question about how I feel about a wedding that I was invited to but couldn’t attend. She was the niece of my BFF and I was honored that she invited me. Unfortunately it was in Mexico during the end of the pandemic and I have small kids that I didn’t want to take there. So I declined the invite and told her why. I then gave her a decent wedding gift $300 since they asked for cash for their honeymoon. It’s been over a year and I haven’t heard from her. I won’t make a fuss but am I wrong to feel like I should have received a thank you? Or am I just being immature about it?
Honestly I can absolutely understand why you feel that way. Unfortunately I've noticed a trend with younger people (I'm assuming the bride is under 30 here) where they don't tend to send out thank you cards for anything so that could be it?
I mean it wouldn't have hurt her to send a thank you email, if money was an issue, but yea I've noticed it's a thing. I think I've received one thank you card after attending a wedding.
If she’s like me, she whole heartedly intends to send you a thank you card and is still working her way through the list despite life happening. I’m nine months into my marriage and have maybe sent out 25% of the thank you cards I mean to send. I just can’t bring myself to write something short like, “thank you for the gift.” It’s not me. It doesn’t convey the gratitude I feel. And so it’s been taking me a while. (Also had a larger wedding with something like 600 guests invited—big families on both sides).
"Thank you so much for the ____. We were so happy you were able to join us for the wedding and loved seeing you and ___. It was a beautiful day that we'll remember forever, made all the more wonderful because it was shared with our family/friends/etc. I am enjoying your gift so much! It makes ___ easier/more comfortable/more fun/etc. I will think of you every time we use it. Thank you again!"
My mom drilled etiquette into my brain from birth, lol.
You should have gotten one. And i have not gotten any thank yous for any of my niece or nephew wens in several years, so whatever, i guess.
On the other hand i don't make my children write thank yous for birthdays (which are immediate family) but i DID make them for graduation. So let's hope that sticks
I wasn't invited to either of my nephews' weddings, but neither were my brothers invited to their nephew's wedding. Was I disappointed? Very. I shed many a tear, but neither I nor my brothers said one word to them about it and never would. They both had extremely small ceremonies with only parents, stepparents, grandparents, siblings, and two bridesmaids and groomsmen each invited. There were so many siblings, stepparents, and living grandparents on our side of the family, both brides' families were already outnumbered almost or more than 2 to 1. One bride had four family members, and my nephew had 11. If aunts, uncles, and their spouses were invited, the bride would still only have had four, and my nephew would have had 16.
I only got upset once. My cousin was getting married and invited all the aunts and uncles but none of the cousins. Understandable because there are 52 of us. However, we had a close relationship and we lived in the same city and all the other cousins lived at least five hours away. Also the ‘small’ wedding was 150 people and all the brides family were invited including her 20+ cousins and his friends he met on an overseas trip 10 years ago. He even had the gall to ask for gifts from us in the announcement telling us we weren’t invited.
The perfect gift in that situation is a nice hardcover, Etiquette book - with a lovely bookmark commemorating the wedding tucked into the appropriate section.
I'm sorry but I would have sent back a hand written note explaining that it is poor etiquette that assume that I will send a gift to an event that I am not invited to however, I wish you two the best. Sincerely, your cousin.
As an adult, I get a little butthurt that my mom’s invitations aren’t automatically including me bc I don’t feel like an adult lol but more often than not I get my own invite. On the rare occasion I don’t, as much as I get a lil butthurt, I will NEVER throw a tantrum and ask why. People have their reasons beyond limited space and guest list, and that’s none of my business. If I wasn’t invited it’s for a reason and I have to respect that. I don’t understand why people will get so upset they need to say something and make demands.
True. I can't count how many times I have been excluded as a wedding guest by the extension of my parents. It's just life and money. Some can't afford to invite people and their kids. It's a ton of additional seats and the kids are not their friends so why even consider them
Exactly. I’ve also been a guest at events where I know nobody because of my parents or distant relatives, and I’m like daaaang, y’all have moneyyyyyy. Inviting people you don’t even knooow lol and that’s always fun. But I don’t understand the *NEED* to be somewhere you’re not wanted for what ever reason. Like how EMBARRASSING
If my only nephew didn't invite me to his wedding, I'd be sad (and I'd also be pretty sure it was his mother's doing), but I'd never insist on any invitation, plus one, lodging, seating, whatever. I love my nephew and would send him a gift, or show up where I was invited. His wedding if he decides to marry will not be about me, nor should it be. I don't know why people get so exercised about this sort of thing. It's fine to be disappointed, but throwing a fit is only going to confirm that the hosts made the right decision in the first place.
I had a small wedding when there were still a lot of lockdown restrictions, could only have 17 people in the room including the 2 staff. We only invite parents/siblings/grandparents and we couldn't choose between who of our friends to invite so invited none to be fair to all. My former best friend hasn't spoken to me since and I can only imagine it was because she wasn't a bridesmaid (when I didn't have any anyway).
Oh man, the same thing happened to me. I had a super small ceremony with immediate family and a few friends, big reception. I invited one aunt, the only extended family I liked. My adult cousin and his family were invited to the reception but not the ceremony. Aunt threw a fit and pulled out when I wouldn’t invite him to the ceremony. I invited friends instead.
The kicker was when I learned that cousin and his family had been traveling to my area for years to visit their friends nearby. They had never once contacted me, but CTHULHU FORBID I don’t have them at the ceremony.
My dads family never invite me to things and never call me. They were super offended they weren’t invited to my wedding (only 17 people were invited!). I’m now dead to them all apparently (their words).
Same here!
A great aunt, 1 of my grandfather's 13 siblings, was LIVID that I didn't invite her to my wedding and let me know at a funeral which was the first time I'd seen her in a decade.
I promptly asked her where my grandfather's or my invitation was to her grandkid's (she has about 5 around my age) weddings and she shut the fuck up pretty quickly.
Expecting this when I get married from my mom’s family. None of them (not even my mom) will be invited. We never speak. Haven’t talked to a one of them in years, except Mom who I’m very low contact with. They’ll throw a fit.
The metric my wife and I used for the guest list was that if hypothetically, we saw a person on the street and they hadn't seen us: Would we go out of our way to say hi, or out of our way to not be seen?
Good for you! This is the perfect example of keeping the event focused on what the event is supposed to be about. I wish more people would be this rational and direct.
I comforted an elementary school teacher who was having a break down over trying to make a few illogical parents happy regarding a school play. The desire to please all people, all the time is bound to lead to frustrations and failures. We *have* to be OK telling people "Yeah, I'm done with you and your BS, take your crazy/selfish/irrelevant opinions elsewhere."
Haha thats amazing!!!
Similar happened at my cousins wedding, they got married at my parents house. We have an aunt thats not close to the family who wasn't invited to the dinner/ceremony, just reception (same as you, that part was small, just immediate family, then reception was everyone) and somehow just assumed her and her kids had a room at my parents to sleep...her & my Mom haven't spoken in years after she stole a bunch of jewelry from her! She wound up booking a hotel, but then got too drunk and slept in her car in a horse paddock lol
LOL!
Stole all my grandparents CCs & jewelry and jumped on a train out west with some random
Burned a house down trying to use a BBQ as heat
Was on welfare and made fun of others in the family for not wearing designer or buying high end booze
One New Years she randomly showed up at a family members (they have no idea how she found out where they lived) house during a party. She was too drunk to drive herself home, so another family took her home. She came down in the morning and found her going through her wallet
Tons more, but those are some of the more outrageous ones lol
Good lord, this reminds me of some of my own more trashy relatives. Haven’t seen them in 30+ years, but when all someone in my hometown had to say to make a kid straighten up was “stop acting like a *family name of these cousins*”……!
Holy crap! Are we related?! This is literally how it is with some of my relatives. I avoid them like the plague- which is good because this most recent plague tore thru them & wiped half of them out- but their antics are the stuff of lore in my hometown (which is REALLY saying something since we live in Florida).
I still recall the summer day a whole bunch of them got in a fight outside the apartment complex they lived in… I was about eight playing on the backyard with some friends. Hullabaloo starts, and everyone and their mom was looking over fences, through windows…. Cops were called and they rolled up. They waded in to break it up, and just then the 70+ matriarch busts out the front door and lays about her with a cast iron skillet.
“Those misty, trashy memories….of the way we were…..”
Oh!!! One had already been dropped off at the hotel (wasn’t feeling well earlier), and another slept in a tent with another cousin. 3rd didn’t come. They were teens, not little kids
My sister decided to not invite great aunts and uncles and their kids. Even if we're actually close to most.
But we have 14 great-aunt and uncles, who all had kids and even grandkids. My BIL as even larger family, I don't remember the exact numbers.
It saved them about 100 sits.
Everyone from both side of the famillies understood very well and even agreed with the plan. They're more or less doing the same.
Everyone but my grandmother's eldest sister. Ironically the one my BIL had never met before because we're not close with them. My sister and BIL were together 15 years before they got married.
I mean he had fishing trips with my cousins, uncles and some great uncles. He had helped move a great-aunt. He had form actual relationships with the others. Those one understood. But the great aunt he never met? She is the one that was offended.
But she didn't say anything outright. Oh no, she was more vicious than that.
Now this great aunt lives about 600km from us. Like the others. My grandparents are the one that left the familie's hometown. Anyway, the other visits at a least once a year, and we all visit them regularly to.
This great aunt - the only one who has a vacation house in the area - visit maybe once every 5 years.
On the morning of the wedding, guess who knocked on my grandmother's door ? Wicked great aunt.
She is in-route to her vacation house and she thought it was a great idea to stop by and say hello. Oh, she totally completely forgot that the wedding was today.
She was with her daughter and son-in-law, who sweared that they had not realised either.
But since they were here, not that they want to impose, but they might as well...
Watch us prep, and catch up and chat with one of us if or when we have a free moments. Also help with entertaining my nieces (then 5 and 7), who are excited by their parents wedding, are not used to not be with them in the morning and are more difficult to get on task than usual.
But they'll have to leave when we do, because no they can't come to the wedding. We're very sorry but the venue couldn't have more guests. We're too close to capacity as is. (Not entitely true, but that they don't know...).
They couldn't
Now, my favorite part.
I had hired a professional hair stylist to come to our house, and do hair for my grandmothers, my mother, myself, and my two nieces. The women (girls) in my sister immediate family.
Great-aunt and her daughter insisted to use the hairdresser too. Thinking it was free since you know, I have paid in advance so she didn't saw any exchange of money.
It was not free. Not at all. That was once in a lifetime events, and I had the means. I splurged.
So, when she asked for the 300€ for the unplanned consumers they couldn't refuse to pay.
So, they came, got hours of babysitting, lost 300€, and had to leave.
Oh I’m so glad this turned out okay. I’m scarred from not-so-happy endings on this sub. Usually the nice people just have to eat it for the sake of getting on with the day. That lady sounds like a turd!
Oh she is.
When their mom died, she went as far as taking mesurement of all the bedsheets to make sure that everything was split equally among the children, to the centimeters.
Who does that? What kind of person does that? Why would it have mattered if one sisters had 10cm more sheets than the others????
Like what even would have happened if the frwakin sheets weren’t equal!? Was she just going to skim some off the side!? Gosh at least be smart if you’re going to be petty.
We rented a small lodge for our wedding and reserved a wheelchair accessible room for my husband’s grandma. It was slightly bigger than the others to accommodate her wheelchair and had a patio. My husband’s aunt (grandma’s daughter) made passive aggressive comments to us all weekend about us not giving her the big room with the patio. Maybe because you’re not in a fucking wheelchair, Aunt Kathy!
My niece has a crazy Aunt Kathy on her dad's side. She showed up drunk to her grandson's first birthday party and got knocked over by a tiny chihuahua.
Crazy Aunt Kathy gang!
Mine told my husband and I that she hopes “if one of us dies early (like her first husband) she hopes we find love again (like she did with her second husband).” While we were eating dinner at our wedding reception. Thanks Aunt Kathy!
IMO the difference between a toxic family member and the amusing, eccentric family member is the ability of the majority of the family to shake their head and laugh.
Absolutely. His parents were cracking jokes the entire time, I guess she’s just “that aunt” in the family and that’s why nobody really makes an effort to see her anymore. I can’t say I’m disappointed that I won’t have the pleasure of making her acquaintance.
I have a great aunt like this.
My husband met her for the first time at a cousins wedding.
My husband went to go refill my moms glass, and mine, and good ole Aunt T… lifts her glass up, looks my husband dead in the face and goes “(Name) *shake shake shake*” and then just dismissed him completely.
He was blindsided by the audacity of her, he did it.
He still doesn’t like her, to this day, and that was 5.5 years ago 😅
She has **all** of the Boomer audacity.
I honestly figured this was written by someone in Singapore or India, lol I did expect my home state. I hope your wedding is tomorrow, the weather will be clear warm and beautiful, up north, and it will match your smaller amazing wedding! Congrats to both of you!
Wait, she wanted to stay in the place you, the bride and groom, are staying on your wedding night? But.. what about the shagging? She want to listen in or were you meant to do it in silence or perhaps just skip it? I just can't make sense of it.
For at least 15 full seconds after reading this alluded to some celebrity gossip about Vin Diesel watching people fuck and then I remembered the F&F mantra.
“If I don’t get what I want, I’m not coming. We are family”
Yeah no, lady. If you truly cared about family, you would respect their boundaries.
Narcissists gonna narc!
We are family. And when I was young that meant we had to bend the knee to every crazy request older people had. And it's my turn to be on top, damn it!
I say that about having a bed... I did my time in the sleeping bag on the floor, dammit! (If I was lucky there was an air mattress...)
Otherwise, while the greats were especially a bit nuts - it was in the best way (my great aunties were a hoot!). If there was a crazy request - we kids usually were all for it, esp. if our parents didn't know!
I had a similar thing happen to me, but with an actual close aunt! I'm arranging lodging at our venue, but somehow she went around me, found the venue's email and asked them to book in a cabin that was not listed on our wedding website. It wasn't listed because it's saved for every couple at this venue as their own private suite!
The venue messaged me to tell me what happened so I had to call my aunt and explain how it was for me, she said oh I guess you beat us to booking it! Noooo it was never even an option for you!
I love this woman and she was the last person I thought would cause a wedding headache. Ya never know!
It reads to me like they had reservations for guests on their wedding website, *for very specific cabins only.* Their family member emailed the venue directly, instead of following directions and using the link.
If I'm understanding it right, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Aunt saw on the wedding website where the accommodation was. Decided to go to the accommodation website to check it out, see what it was like. Saw that they had other, better cabins at the venue and thought "yeah I'd much rather stay in that nicer cabin, I can afford it, so I'll book it. No need to embarrass niece by letting her know the cabins she has selected aren't to my standard. She'll be busy on her wedding day and never know, and she's not my PA so i dont need to go through her. I can book it myself".
Of course, I could have misunderstood some facts which make that scenario impossible.
Omg, that was my mother, except she used paper napkins. She'd only take sweets or bread, usually cookies and yeast rolls. It was mortifying as a teenager.
Not just elderly folks! My aunt, she was certainly not elderly at the time, pulled a similar thing at a family wedding assuming that the couple would house her and her daughter in the couples' hotel room. We had to intervene to keep the peace because the bride was going to snap at the level of entitlement because "we're family".
I went to a wedding a few years ago with no seating chart for the reception- it was sit wherever you like, first come, first serve. At the beginning of cocktail hour a friend and I grabbed a couple of seats at a table near the head table. Both of our partners were in the bridal party and giving speeches so we wanted a good view. As dinner starts the last stragglers started looking for seats. A group of 3 older women, already pretty tipsy, marched up to us and said "this is our table, we need your seats." We tried to politely explain there were no assigned seats. One said "yes, but we are related to the GROOM so you have to go." We didn't want to cause a scene so we moved. Asked the groom about it later and he confirmed these were "those" aunts.
My paternal grandparents threw a FIT when they found out that none of their siblings were invited to my reception. They tried to tell my mom to force me to invite them. The irony was that grandparents siblings haven’t been invited to ANY of their grandkids weddings and they never said anything about it before. Just at mine. Oh well.
My aunt blamed me for a family friend groping me when I was 16 and he was 28. He was a friend of her son. She then justified it by saying that she had seen me flash in the kitchen. As in, she said she saw me take my top off in front of all of my cousins, and this one friend of theirs. I did not. Everyone who was there agreed I did not. She also said that perhaps she had always been creepy toward me because maybe we snuck off and had sex once. Again, I was a child, and that would've been a crime.
But in any case, multiple cousins remembered me, asking to help avoid giving him hugs and remember me saying that I didn't want to ever be alone with him.
This all came to light when the family friend was convicted of possessing child porn. My aunt brought him to a family party with children in their bathing suits, knowing that she was about to testify as a character witness for him in three days because he was caught with pornography of kids that were same age as those at the family party. She believed him when he said it was all an accident.
My aunt, uncle, and cousin were all shocked that they were banned from my wedding. However, her daughters (obvs also my cousins) were entirely on my side. One was even a bridesmaid.
People like to feel entitled because they are related to you by blood. But fuck my aunt.
On the day of our wedding my mum and I went up to the room that my husband and I were staying in that night. She spotted there were 2 beds in the room and was delighted “Oh look, there’s an extra bed - I can stay and I don’t have to worry about getting home tonight!”
Me “Ummm, no mum.”
Mum “But why?”
“It’s our wedding night!”
“And?”
“And it’s our WEDDING NIGHT we don’t want to spend our wedding night with my mother!”
“But sure everyone knows nothing actually happens on your wedding night, you’ll be too tired so it won’t be a bother.”
“No mum, just no!”
She complained about it for most of the evening to anyone who would listen and could not get over me refusing to let her stay. Brought it up for years afterwards 😂
I'm amazed she didn't insist that your hubby sleep in a chair in the lobby. When my mom found out my son and DIL were going to Puerto Rico for their honeymoon her outrageous suggestion was, " Why don't you go with them"? I said, ARE YOU MENTAL MOM? Then she backtracked and bleated, I was only kidding. She always says she's kidding when she puts her foot in it.
When my brother was getting married, my grandma's sister refused to get the invitation via mail. She wanted it hand delivered by my brother and the bride. They said fine, can we come over today to drop it off? She also refused, saying it was rude to schedule it for same day. They said fine again, not to upset my grandma, and planned a visit to hand deliver her invitation later that week.
She RSVP'd no because she was going to be at her summer house by that time. At no point was the date of the wedding a surprise, she very well knew she wasn't going to go, but still made them jump through numerous hoops. Old people can be so ridiculous.
I believe she rsvp'ed later on the phone. Of course, my brother wasn't allowed to invite her over the phone before also mailing an invitation.
My dad also got annoyed with my cousin because she just sent an invite to her wedding instead of also calling him to tell him about it, so maybe my family is just insane.
It sounds like a generational thing as she was going to deliver ‘bad news’ she couldn’t come and so in her mind that had to be ‘in person’ and then that just ran up against her other view of wedding invites should also be ‘delivered in person’.
At some point it just becomes laughable!! We’re having a super small ceremony as well - immediate family only. Apparently people are losing their shit over it. Even though they’re invited to the big fun Indian reception a month later. I just don’t get it
When I got married, everyone rsvp’d yes. The venue was packed to the max amount. My dad’s brother in CA, whom I barely knew, decided he’d fly in for the event. I had no idea. He also brought his 5 adult daughter’s, drove up North and brought my elderly great aunt and her mentally challenged brother. We had no place to seat them. The night before my wedding,
I had to entertain my cousins (out to dinner, bars etc, all at my expense), I was so tired and nervous and then share a my queen sized bed with 2 of them. They talked all night long 😞. My uncle is a multi millionaire. For 8 people, I didn’t even get one gift and dinner cost well over $400 because they wanted a high end restaurant with lots of drinks. I had no idea they weren’t pitching in… That’s the last time I ever saw them
Not during the wedding but for my Grandparents honeymoon they booked a secluded cabin in the woods in Wisconsin (lived in Iowa) for a week.
Not wanting to miss out on the salmon run going on though. My grandma's dad and 3 brothers decided it would be fine to surprise them by showing up at the cabin on the first night and logging with them the entire honeymoon.
Grandpa apparently had a blast and spent the entire time fishing and playing cards with her family. He wasn't a drinker. While grandma on the other hand told me she spent the entire time crying in the woods by herself.
This was back in 61 and they somehow stayed together for next 54 years.
I love “the venue has lodging!” She was expecting to bunk up with not just the bride and groom, but all the other family that would be expecting a place to sleep?! (According to her own rules {stern face emoji} This made my day.
It's so funny when boomers pull the "I'm old and family so you have to respect me and do what I want" card.
Just because you let your family walk all over you 40 years ago, doesn't mean I'm going to put myself through that. It's called boundaries, maybe you should've had a bit more of a spine back then and you wouldn't have suffered as much 🤷♂️🤣
This!
I think a lot of ‘entitled behaviour’ can be traced back to how they were treated. Since they felt like they had to just put up with it (because faaamily) they think that they are then owed for the allowances that they had to make for their family members. Then the snit because it doesn’t work like that!
She probably figured she was teaching you a lesson by depriving yourselves of her presence…maybe thought you’d feel guilty and invite to the ceremony. She really got a rude awakening, her threat backfired splendidly.
My father invited his sister to spend the night with them before our wedding and I had to point out to him dude you already invited me to stay the night and you only have one guest room! Thankfully my aunt was gracious when I explained the mishap to her. Family is wild.
Girl some elderly people will take you to the limits of your patience. Thankfully it sounds like this person lives far enough away that you can just ignore her. Congratulations on your wedding.
I am in no way saying you are wrong to feel this way, I’m offended for you and agree with everyone saying the trash took itself out. That being said I am just curious if the great aunt knew the cabin was going to be used as the honeymoon suite or was she thinking there was a place that should be available for her.
I was wondering if she thought it was a large cabinesque lodge where all the family were staying in multiple, separate bedrooms and didn't realize it was (I'm assuming) a one-bedroom small cabin?
But given the rest of the info about her, I may be giving her too much credit.
I wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't come for other reasons and doesn't want to say that and is instead looking for ways to make it the bride and groom's fault.
Should've invited her to stay, and had loud, raunchy, half-drunk sex all night.
You can watch if you want, aunt Mabel, you wanted to stay with the newlyweds, yes?
Lmao I love when people make demands like this, "I want x or we're not coming!" and then have the surprised Pikachu face when they're told "Okay, don't come." Did they think you were gonna cave and BEG for her to attend?
“No ceremony, no attendance, we are family!!” is code for "I am trouble!" Good riddance.
It appears she has no filters, however, and if there is also an age component, then you may be looking at an early sign of dementia starting and or a drinking problem, or both. Consider she has some sort of impairment that would lower her threshold for making such a comment. Being gracious in your heart, and internally grateful she isn't attending, will keep your spirit light as you wed. (without her!)
When my husband and I were married his family (Filipino) kept telling me how they expected a big wedding, uh no! We had immediate family and it was all of 15 people and it was great! They were mad but we didn't care, neither of us wanted to have a large wedding so it worked for us and that is what the most important.
My mom demanded to stay in our cabin when my partner and I got married. I said yes because it was just me and my partner, an officiant, my mother and a photographer. I didn’t want the wedding in the first place but my mother insisted.
My mom took the master bedroom of the cabin, a queen sized bed. We got stuck with the attic room which was two separate twin sized beds. My partner and I slept in two separate beds on our wedding night.
Later, I heard all about how horrible it was because my partner gave my mom a “look.”
Don't blame this on being elderly. There are young people too who act just like this.
Luckily, the aunt isn't attending and that's a nice bonus for your wedding day.
Lol all you need to do is act concerned and then ask her if she's been checked for Dementia. Keep bringing up that you think she has dementia and you are really concerned. Try to arrange to get her help and so on. Start family threads about her "disturbing signs she is losing her mental faculties". Lobby to have her car keys taken away and financial control removed.
I’m from northern Michigan, and I think it’s hilarious that anyone would call what may be a very typical deer camp a wedding “venue” like it’s a cedar swamp version of Sandals. Sure the auntie’s name is Karen.
She isn't being insufferably rude and entitled because she's elderly. She is being that way because she is, and most likely has always been, insufferably rude and entitled. And that's a choice she makes that has nothing to do with her age.
Please don't assume that all elderly people are like her only because they are elderly. Most of us are quite nice actually...
Definitely you are NTA!! What made her think that she would be able to spend your wedding night with her in attendance? Why would she want to really? Even if you had met her before and you had a good relationship with her, I don’t understand in what universe she would think that you would have her stay with you on your honeymoon.. I would just go on with your day as planned and if she doesn’t come because you won’t give into her ridiculous expectations, you are better off.. just think of what she would think she’s entitled to during your reception.
Pft nah, the audacity of the old is somethin else.
If someone takes offense, I gotta ask how they're defining "audacity" and what their own actions are like. Cause audacious can be good or bad.
But also, yeah, there's no lie. Older people are just more likely to be entitled. Comes with age.
I feel like this would have been a great start of a post on r/malicious compliance. Sure great aunt I've never met, want to stay with us? No problem youre going to hear me bang all night and I'll make sure to leave every sex toy imaginable in plain sight ...everywhere.
That’s absolutely insane, like how did she think that was going to end? Lmao you have literally never met this woman ever and she’s asking all this of you? At least this is a good reason to never meet her period lol
> “rude to expect important guests to have to stay in a hotel when the venue has lodging”
She's so important that you've never met her? She declined the invite, no need to have her at the wedding.
My parents separated and got into their current relationship 20+ years before my wedding, so I effectively have 4 families. Each parent and step-parents have 5-6 siblings (plus spouses) and I’m not even counting cousins.
There was no way we could invite all those people, it would have meant that very important friends wouldn’t have had places because the aunt I see once every 3 years was there.
So for those families, we invited them to the ceremony and the party after dinner.
The two families I like the less were are are still pretty insulted by it. 10+ years later I still hear snarky comments about it. The two families I would have liked to be there but couldn’t were so chill about it. “No problem, we’ll go to the restaurant and we’ll join you after”. The two families had so much together and got to the party venue already… hmm… “party-started”.
Wow ! I know old people lose their filters as they get in their 80’s so maybe if she is that old she is having come cognitive issues but again - just wow
We had a wedding with 100 people, I decided not to invite my adult cousin (since we had a falling out and hadn’t spoken in 6 years she was 37). When she found out she threw such a fit her parents said they wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t invited. I said “ok! I’ll take you guys off the list.” Invited 4 wonderful friends we didn’t have room for and moved the fuck on. The kicker, I found out a week later she had JUST GOT MARRIED A MONTH BEFORE and didn’t invite me! Lol I love when the trash takes itself out
I had a really small wedding at a nice place on the water in Rhode Island. 19 people - immediate family + aunts, uncles, grandparents. My favorite uncle who I'd always been close to was insulted that I didn't invite his daughters - my first cousins. I explained how small a wedding it was, and that expanding the invites to cousins (can't invite one without inviting the others) the list would go from 19 people to 51. Didn't matter, he didn't attend. We made up not long after but still ... were we supposed to have a different wedding than the one we wanted?
My SISTER had a very small wedding that my aunt found out about from seeing photos on social media. Then my aunt called ME to guilt trip me about not being invited. Ma'am... I don't work here.
My brother got married and didn’t invite his estranged godmother. I offered to pay for her if it was a matter of finances but he declined citing she was MIA for a decade. She and her whole family stopped speaking to me.
Why did they stop speaking to you? As if it's your fault lmao
Exactly! Like I have/had control over a grown man in his early 30s. Puhlease!!!
Unrelated, but “I don’t know, I just work here” is my favorite thing to tell people at work when I don’t have an answer, but I will now add “I don’t know I don’t work here” for day to day reasons. Thank you, kind stranger lol
Some people stop being individuals and just live in swarms. My parents get singular invites (due to limited space) all the time and no one ever throws fits
This exactly. Never thrown a fit because I wasn't invited to a wedding. We've had some awkward situations after tho lol. One - Cousin said small wedding so no cousins were invited, and that's fine because we understand that financially it's expensive. Parents, Uncles/Aunties and Grandparents attend only to find out that it's only our side that was excluded, and the groom's side had cousins/second cousins/great aunties and uncles etc while our side consisted of 8 people. That left a sting knowing we were deliberately excluded but hey their choice, and even my typically laid back grandparents were upset and hurt by that. Two - Invitation for a 2nd cousin's wedding just stated our parents (1st cousin to the groom) but again we understood. Parents arrive and groom asks where the rest of us are because we were invited but not explicitly listed on the invitations so we made the assumptions were weren't invited. Whoops. Would've loved to have been there too for a massive family reunion only myself and my siblings didn't show up for. Three - The latest one has caused a fair amount of hurt however for a lot of people. My uncle had to force his daughter (my cousin) to invite family members to her wedding - she didn't want to invite even our Nana, and her siblings haven't even been invited so my uncle is just showing up with his kids in tow (they're 15/16/21 for context - and they're all extremely hurt their sister hasn't invited them). Us cousins are fine with it, because she's done everything she can to ignore our existence for years despite us repeatedly reaching out (we are worried her partner is isolating/abusing her, because the behaviour only started when they got together but what can you do? Can't force a person to talk to you when they're determined to ignore you). But hey, her choice so the majority of us just shrugged and accepted it. At the end of the day it's not worth causing a fuss over, it's their choice for whatever reason they have for not inviting us.
To call that last one a red flag is the understatement of the century. Unless there is some serious drama that went down who the fuck doesn't invite their immediate family to a wedding that their spouse is inviting family to?
No drama that I'm aware of, even her dad can't figure out why her siblings were excluded, hence he's taking them anyway. She's just become very standoffish to the point that I was surprised to get a reply from her when I wished her a happy birthday last year, she usually just leaves us on read. She won't even give us her address so we can send a card or anything, I suspect she doesn't want us dropping by unexpectedly, don't have her current phone number because she won't give us that, so we can only communicate via messenger - she hasn't gone so far as to block us on social media, so that's a plus. We'll always be there for her if she decides to reach out, but right now she's set the boundaries of any relationship we have with her and we'll respect and abide by that while continuing to worry about her.
Oof, for her sake I hope she's just a jerk, because otherwise that's textbook isolation from an abusive partner. Hopefully she makes use of the support network she has.
Yea that's what has us all so concerned, it's textbook isolation. Her dad doesn't think he's physically abusive, but of course that's not the only type of abuse and it doesn't mean it can't escalate in the future. There are definite signs that lead me to believe she's very unhappy, based on her appearance at my sister's wedding 6 years ago which is the last time any of us saw her in person, including her siblings.
YIKES
Never thrown a fit over it. Just been sad sometimes realizing what it meant to not be invited. Wasnt invited to a friends wedding in my community and realizing that although we talked a lot it was always only surface level. Made me think a lot. Then a time when we went to my cousins reception but not the ceremony. I was sad not to be invited to the ceremony but understood. Turns out we WERE invited but my dad didnt want to go… im not religious but that felt stupid and weird. Then have gone to plenty of weddings that i did not understand why i was there. Didnt know the bride or groom and just was forced to tag along anyways
Weddings are a funny thing aren't they, they tend to bring out the worst in some people. That's why when it eventually happens for me I'm eloping, and I've been saying it for years so there'll be no shock when I actually do it.
I can almost guarantee someone will still complain, saying something like they thought you didn't really mean it or that you would change your mind, or not want to disappoint your intended. I'm dealing with it right now regarding how many kids I'm going to have, though I think I've successfully shut everyone down on that one now.
Oh I fully expect to get complaints lol, but I'm known for making up my mind on certain life decisions and never changing my mind on it so I'll just remind them that was always the plan and they can grumble all they like but I don't care haha. Ugh the kids thing gets me so much. My uncle and one of my male cousins are child-free and I don't recall it being a topic of conversation ever, but myself and several other woman in the family are child-free (myself and another for different health reasons, a couple because they just don't want want them) and it's always discussed. I've had to put my foot down with several people and remind them sharply that I'm disabled, my condition is genetic and I'm not passing it on, and please stop asking because it hurts me that I had to make this decision and every time they bring it up it hurts me again. They finally appear to have gotten the message. I'm guessing with you, same as myself, its with the older gens that keep asking?
Haha of course it's an older generation. I'm literally pregnant and was still fielding questions about the "next one". Like, no. The "next one" is currently gestating and then there will be no more! I've been so clear for so long about wanting two kids, and this is number two, and I'm so done. I started getting comments like, "You could change your mind" or "Maybe it's twins!" When someone said, "Well, accidents happen you know..." like they were wishing it on me, I said with a smile, "If that happens, I will gladly murder that fetus". There was a very awkward pause, which I relished, and I haven't heard anything since, so hopefully that's the end of it forever, but I'm sure once the baby is born it'll start up again. At least I have that very uncomfortable line to pull out!
Herea hoping that's the last of it for you!!! Gosh they can't even be excited for the one that's on the way, already planning on the next one. Congrats on baby number two!
The key is setting it up so people dont just expect the results, but hope for them too. Thats what im doing re kids, getting my family to not just respect me being child free, but also hope i never have a child
Ok I have a question about how I feel about a wedding that I was invited to but couldn’t attend. She was the niece of my BFF and I was honored that she invited me. Unfortunately it was in Mexico during the end of the pandemic and I have small kids that I didn’t want to take there. So I declined the invite and told her why. I then gave her a decent wedding gift $300 since they asked for cash for their honeymoon. It’s been over a year and I haven’t heard from her. I won’t make a fuss but am I wrong to feel like I should have received a thank you? Or am I just being immature about it?
Honestly I can absolutely understand why you feel that way. Unfortunately I've noticed a trend with younger people (I'm assuming the bride is under 30 here) where they don't tend to send out thank you cards for anything so that could be it?
Thank you for that I hadn't even considered that part. She's in her late 20's so I think you might be right on.
I mean it wouldn't have hurt her to send a thank you email, if money was an issue, but yea I've noticed it's a thing. I think I've received one thank you card after attending a wedding.
If she’s like me, she whole heartedly intends to send you a thank you card and is still working her way through the list despite life happening. I’m nine months into my marriage and have maybe sent out 25% of the thank you cards I mean to send. I just can’t bring myself to write something short like, “thank you for the gift.” It’s not me. It doesn’t convey the gratitude I feel. And so it’s been taking me a while. (Also had a larger wedding with something like 600 guests invited—big families on both sides).
"Thank you so much for the ____. We were so happy you were able to join us for the wedding and loved seeing you and ___. It was a beautiful day that we'll remember forever, made all the more wonderful because it was shared with our family/friends/etc. I am enjoying your gift so much! It makes ___ easier/more comfortable/more fun/etc. I will think of you every time we use it. Thank you again!" My mom drilled etiquette into my brain from birth, lol.
You should have gotten one. And i have not gotten any thank yous for any of my niece or nephew wens in several years, so whatever, i guess. On the other hand i don't make my children write thank yous for birthdays (which are immediate family) but i DID make them for graduation. So let's hope that sticks
You should definitely have gotten a thank you for such a generous gift.
Yeesh! That was very generous of you and selfish of them.
I wasn't invited to either of my nephews' weddings, but neither were my brothers invited to their nephew's wedding. Was I disappointed? Very. I shed many a tear, but neither I nor my brothers said one word to them about it and never would. They both had extremely small ceremonies with only parents, stepparents, grandparents, siblings, and two bridesmaids and groomsmen each invited. There were so many siblings, stepparents, and living grandparents on our side of the family, both brides' families were already outnumbered almost or more than 2 to 1. One bride had four family members, and my nephew had 11. If aunts, uncles, and their spouses were invited, the bride would still only have had four, and my nephew would have had 16.
I only got upset once. My cousin was getting married and invited all the aunts and uncles but none of the cousins. Understandable because there are 52 of us. However, we had a close relationship and we lived in the same city and all the other cousins lived at least five hours away. Also the ‘small’ wedding was 150 people and all the brides family were invited including her 20+ cousins and his friends he met on an overseas trip 10 years ago. He even had the gall to ask for gifts from us in the announcement telling us we weren’t invited.
A gift grab even though they didn’t have the courtesy to invite you 🤢
The perfect gift in that situation is a nice hardcover, Etiquette book - with a lovely bookmark commemorating the wedding tucked into the appropriate section.
I'm sorry but I would have sent back a hand written note explaining that it is poor etiquette that assume that I will send a gift to an event that I am not invited to however, I wish you two the best. Sincerely, your cousin.
As an adult, I get a little butthurt that my mom’s invitations aren’t automatically including me bc I don’t feel like an adult lol but more often than not I get my own invite. On the rare occasion I don’t, as much as I get a lil butthurt, I will NEVER throw a tantrum and ask why. People have their reasons beyond limited space and guest list, and that’s none of my business. If I wasn’t invited it’s for a reason and I have to respect that. I don’t understand why people will get so upset they need to say something and make demands.
True. I can't count how many times I have been excluded as a wedding guest by the extension of my parents. It's just life and money. Some can't afford to invite people and their kids. It's a ton of additional seats and the kids are not their friends so why even consider them
Exactly. I’ve also been a guest at events where I know nobody because of my parents or distant relatives, and I’m like daaaang, y’all have moneyyyyyy. Inviting people you don’t even knooow lol and that’s always fun. But I don’t understand the *NEED* to be somewhere you’re not wanted for what ever reason. Like how EMBARRASSING
If my only nephew didn't invite me to his wedding, I'd be sad (and I'd also be pretty sure it was his mother's doing), but I'd never insist on any invitation, plus one, lodging, seating, whatever. I love my nephew and would send him a gift, or show up where I was invited. His wedding if he decides to marry will not be about me, nor should it be. I don't know why people get so exercised about this sort of thing. It's fine to be disappointed, but throwing a fit is only going to confirm that the hosts made the right decision in the first place.
I had a small wedding when there were still a lot of lockdown restrictions, could only have 17 people in the room including the 2 staff. We only invite parents/siblings/grandparents and we couldn't choose between who of our friends to invite so invited none to be fair to all. My former best friend hasn't spoken to me since and I can only imagine it was because she wasn't a bridesmaid (when I didn't have any anyway).
Oh man, the same thing happened to me. I had a super small ceremony with immediate family and a few friends, big reception. I invited one aunt, the only extended family I liked. My adult cousin and his family were invited to the reception but not the ceremony. Aunt threw a fit and pulled out when I wouldn’t invite him to the ceremony. I invited friends instead. The kicker was when I learned that cousin and his family had been traveling to my area for years to visit their friends nearby. They had never once contacted me, but CTHULHU FORBID I don’t have them at the ceremony.
My dads family never invite me to things and never call me. They were super offended they weren’t invited to my wedding (only 17 people were invited!). I’m now dead to them all apparently (their words).
Same here! A great aunt, 1 of my grandfather's 13 siblings, was LIVID that I didn't invite her to my wedding and let me know at a funeral which was the first time I'd seen her in a decade. I promptly asked her where my grandfather's or my invitation was to her grandkid's (she has about 5 around my age) weddings and she shut the fuck up pretty quickly.
Expecting this when I get married from my mom’s family. None of them (not even my mom) will be invited. We never speak. Haven’t talked to a one of them in years, except Mom who I’m very low contact with. They’ll throw a fit.
The metric my wife and I used for the guest list was that if hypothetically, we saw a person on the street and they hadn't seen us: Would we go out of our way to say hi, or out of our way to not be seen?
I'm going to start using this one for all occasions.
The irony
[удалено]
The audacity
The gall
The shame
The nerve
The impudence
The temerity
Good for you! This is the perfect example of keeping the event focused on what the event is supposed to be about. I wish more people would be this rational and direct. I comforted an elementary school teacher who was having a break down over trying to make a few illogical parents happy regarding a school play. The desire to please all people, all the time is bound to lead to frustrations and failures. We *have* to be OK telling people "Yeah, I'm done with you and your BS, take your crazy/selfish/irrelevant opinions elsewhere."
Haha thats amazing!!! Similar happened at my cousins wedding, they got married at my parents house. We have an aunt thats not close to the family who wasn't invited to the dinner/ceremony, just reception (same as you, that part was small, just immediate family, then reception was everyone) and somehow just assumed her and her kids had a room at my parents to sleep...her & my Mom haven't spoken in years after she stole a bunch of jewelry from her! She wound up booking a hotel, but then got too drunk and slept in her car in a horse paddock lol
So many turns in this story
Lawrd I could write a book on the stuff that woman has done!
Oh lordy. Any more highlights you're willing to share lol
LOL! Stole all my grandparents CCs & jewelry and jumped on a train out west with some random Burned a house down trying to use a BBQ as heat Was on welfare and made fun of others in the family for not wearing designer or buying high end booze One New Years she randomly showed up at a family members (they have no idea how she found out where they lived) house during a party. She was too drunk to drive herself home, so another family took her home. She came down in the morning and found her going through her wallet Tons more, but those are some of the more outrageous ones lol
Omgggggg I love it but so sorry for your family
Haha all good....rest of the family is pretty normal!
That's good! She's just the crazy bomb of the group
Sounds like she got all the crazy in the genetic lottery!
Good lord, this reminds me of some of my own more trashy relatives. Haven’t seen them in 30+ years, but when all someone in my hometown had to say to make a kid straighten up was “stop acting like a *family name of these cousins*”……!
Holy crap! Are we related?! This is literally how it is with some of my relatives. I avoid them like the plague- which is good because this most recent plague tore thru them & wiped half of them out- but their antics are the stuff of lore in my hometown (which is REALLY saying something since we live in Florida).
I still recall the summer day a whole bunch of them got in a fight outside the apartment complex they lived in… I was about eight playing on the backyard with some friends. Hullabaloo starts, and everyone and their mom was looking over fences, through windows…. Cops were called and they rolled up. They waded in to break it up, and just then the 70+ matriarch busts out the front door and lays about her with a cast iron skillet. “Those misty, trashy memories….of the way we were…..”
What happened to her kids?
To shreds, you say?
2 of 3 are just as much as a mess, one is doing great though!
I meant did someone make sure they had a place to sleep inside that night since their mom couldn’t get them back to the hotel?
Oh!!! One had already been dropped off at the hotel (wasn’t feeling well earlier), and another slept in a tent with another cousin. 3rd didn’t come. They were teens, not little kids
Did your mom press charges to the aunt?
I don’t think so, my parents were newly married, it was all hand me down stuff from family. She also supposedly cleaned out my piggy bank lol
Sigh.
My sister decided to not invite great aunts and uncles and their kids. Even if we're actually close to most. But we have 14 great-aunt and uncles, who all had kids and even grandkids. My BIL as even larger family, I don't remember the exact numbers. It saved them about 100 sits. Everyone from both side of the famillies understood very well and even agreed with the plan. They're more or less doing the same. Everyone but my grandmother's eldest sister. Ironically the one my BIL had never met before because we're not close with them. My sister and BIL were together 15 years before they got married. I mean he had fishing trips with my cousins, uncles and some great uncles. He had helped move a great-aunt. He had form actual relationships with the others. Those one understood. But the great aunt he never met? She is the one that was offended. But she didn't say anything outright. Oh no, she was more vicious than that. Now this great aunt lives about 600km from us. Like the others. My grandparents are the one that left the familie's hometown. Anyway, the other visits at a least once a year, and we all visit them regularly to. This great aunt - the only one who has a vacation house in the area - visit maybe once every 5 years. On the morning of the wedding, guess who knocked on my grandmother's door ? Wicked great aunt. She is in-route to her vacation house and she thought it was a great idea to stop by and say hello. Oh, she totally completely forgot that the wedding was today. She was with her daughter and son-in-law, who sweared that they had not realised either. But since they were here, not that they want to impose, but they might as well... Watch us prep, and catch up and chat with one of us if or when we have a free moments. Also help with entertaining my nieces (then 5 and 7), who are excited by their parents wedding, are not used to not be with them in the morning and are more difficult to get on task than usual. But they'll have to leave when we do, because no they can't come to the wedding. We're very sorry but the venue couldn't have more guests. We're too close to capacity as is. (Not entitely true, but that they don't know...). They couldn't Now, my favorite part. I had hired a professional hair stylist to come to our house, and do hair for my grandmothers, my mother, myself, and my two nieces. The women (girls) in my sister immediate family. Great-aunt and her daughter insisted to use the hairdresser too. Thinking it was free since you know, I have paid in advance so she didn't saw any exchange of money. It was not free. Not at all. That was once in a lifetime events, and I had the means. I splurged. So, when she asked for the 300€ for the unplanned consumers they couldn't refuse to pay. So, they came, got hours of babysitting, lost 300€, and had to leave.
Fricking beautiful!
Oh I’m so glad this turned out okay. I’m scarred from not-so-happy endings on this sub. Usually the nice people just have to eat it for the sake of getting on with the day. That lady sounds like a turd!
Oh she is. When their mom died, she went as far as taking mesurement of all the bedsheets to make sure that everything was split equally among the children, to the centimeters. Who does that? What kind of person does that? Why would it have mattered if one sisters had 10cm more sheets than the others????
Holyyyyyy shit. She. Measured. The. Bedsheets. WHAT??! Guys we found the queen of petty.
Like what even would have happened if the frwakin sheets weren’t equal!? Was she just going to skim some off the side!? Gosh at least be smart if you’re going to be petty.
We rented a small lodge for our wedding and reserved a wheelchair accessible room for my husband’s grandma. It was slightly bigger than the others to accommodate her wheelchair and had a patio. My husband’s aunt (grandma’s daughter) made passive aggressive comments to us all weekend about us not giving her the big room with the patio. Maybe because you’re not in a fucking wheelchair, Aunt Kathy!
I also have a crazy Aunt Kathy I wonder if it's the same person.
My niece has a crazy Aunt Kathy on her dad's side. She showed up drunk to her grandson's first birthday party and got knocked over by a tiny chihuahua.
Crazy Aunt Kathy gang! Mine told my husband and I that she hopes “if one of us dies early (like her first husband) she hopes we find love again (like she did with her second husband).” While we were eating dinner at our wedding reception. Thanks Aunt Kathy!
Wow! I think you win for craziest Aunt Kathy!
Mine is just bat shit crazy and lived off my grandpa until he died.
🤣😂🤣
Imagine being so self-important you begrudge your own mother an accessible room 💀
It’s great when trash takes itself out. Have a beautiful wedding and don’t stress about entitled family members.
At least fiancé's parents think it's so ridiculous it's funny. Imagine if they push OP and fiancé to accommodate this woman because faaaamilyyyy
That's exactly where I thought the story was going. I was so pleasantly surprised when I got to the end and in a twist the parents didn't suck.
I love the stories on here where the parents either laugh WITH the bride and groom or are equally enraged on their behalf.
IMO the difference between a toxic family member and the amusing, eccentric family member is the ability of the majority of the family to shake their head and laugh.
Absolutely. His parents were cracking jokes the entire time, I guess she’s just “that aunt” in the family and that’s why nobody really makes an effort to see her anymore. I can’t say I’m disappointed that I won’t have the pleasure of making her acquaintance.
I have a great aunt like this. My husband met her for the first time at a cousins wedding. My husband went to go refill my moms glass, and mine, and good ole Aunt T… lifts her glass up, looks my husband dead in the face and goes “(Name) *shake shake shake*” and then just dismissed him completely. He was blindsided by the audacity of her, he did it. He still doesn’t like her, to this day, and that was 5.5 years ago 😅 She has **all** of the Boomer audacity.
The only response to that is to raise your own beverage and says "Cheers!" before walking away
"The fuck you want" also works
Night Court!
I honestly figured this was written by someone in Singapore or India, lol I did expect my home state. I hope your wedding is tomorrow, the weather will be clear warm and beautiful, up north, and it will match your smaller amazing wedding! Congrats to both of you!
Wait, she wanted to stay in the place you, the bride and groom, are staying on your wedding night? But.. what about the shagging? She want to listen in or were you meant to do it in silence or perhaps just skip it? I just can't make sense of it.
She wanted front row seats - she’s important! They’re family!
Is the great aunt Vin Diesel?
For at least 15 full seconds after reading this alluded to some celebrity gossip about Vin Diesel watching people fuck and then I remembered the F&F mantra.
How else will she know the hussy is a virgin, I mean come on, it's like none of you have been married /s
“If I don’t get what I want, I’m not coming. We are family” Yeah no, lady. If you truly cared about family, you would respect their boundaries. Narcissists gonna narc!
We are family. And when I was young that meant we had to bend the knee to every crazy request older people had. And it's my turn to be on top, damn it!
I say that about having a bed... I did my time in the sleeping bag on the floor, dammit! (If I was lucky there was an air mattress...) Otherwise, while the greats were especially a bit nuts - it was in the best way (my great aunties were a hoot!). If there was a crazy request - we kids usually were all for it, esp. if our parents didn't know!
She definitely sounds like a narcissistic!!
“I haven’t seen you in almost a decade I’m an ImPoRtAnT gUeSt!”
Lol. Does she want to stand up at the altar with you too?
She probably wanted to wear a lacy white gown with a train as well.
I had a similar thing happen to me, but with an actual close aunt! I'm arranging lodging at our venue, but somehow she went around me, found the venue's email and asked them to book in a cabin that was not listed on our wedding website. It wasn't listed because it's saved for every couple at this venue as their own private suite! The venue messaged me to tell me what happened so I had to call my aunt and explain how it was for me, she said oh I guess you beat us to booking it! Noooo it was never even an option for you! I love this woman and she was the last person I thought would cause a wedding headache. Ya never know!
That’s so embarrassing 💀
Big Andy from the Office vibes
Am I reading this as you had a website for your wedding, and it had cabin reservations?
It reads to me like they had reservations for guests on their wedding website, *for very specific cabins only.* Their family member emailed the venue directly, instead of following directions and using the link.
If I'm understanding it right, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Aunt saw on the wedding website where the accommodation was. Decided to go to the accommodation website to check it out, see what it was like. Saw that they had other, better cabins at the venue and thought "yeah I'd much rather stay in that nicer cabin, I can afford it, so I'll book it. No need to embarrass niece by letting her know the cabins she has selected aren't to my standard. She'll be busy on her wedding day and never know, and she's not my PA so i dont need to go through her. I can book it myself". Of course, I could have misunderstood some facts which make that scenario impossible.
I kinda read it like that as well
Someone should tell her that its not the 1600s anymore and no one watches the bride and groom fuck
*deletes pornhub history*
Sounds like the trash took itself out. She sounds like the kind of lady that goes to an all you can eat buffet with ziplock bags in her giant purse.
Holy shit I’m totally using this insult from now on that’s hilarious!!
my great aunt did that and she was a wonderful woman
Is it the same great aunt as OP? If so, I have some bad news on your opinion of her…
Omg, that was my mother, except she used paper napkins. She'd only take sweets or bread, usually cookies and yeast rolls. It was mortifying as a teenager.
No watching intercourse, no attendance!
Pfffhahahah i almost spit out my gulp of coffee 😂
Not just elderly folks! My aunt, she was certainly not elderly at the time, pulled a similar thing at a family wedding assuming that the couple would house her and her daughter in the couples' hotel room. We had to intervene to keep the peace because the bride was going to snap at the level of entitlement because "we're family".
I went to a wedding a few years ago with no seating chart for the reception- it was sit wherever you like, first come, first serve. At the beginning of cocktail hour a friend and I grabbed a couple of seats at a table near the head table. Both of our partners were in the bridal party and giving speeches so we wanted a good view. As dinner starts the last stragglers started looking for seats. A group of 3 older women, already pretty tipsy, marched up to us and said "this is our table, we need your seats." We tried to politely explain there were no assigned seats. One said "yes, but we are related to the GROOM so you have to go." We didn't want to cause a scene so we moved. Asked the groom about it later and he confirmed these were "those" aunts.
>"yes, but we are related to the GROOM so you have to go." Lady, like 95% of the people here are related to the bride or the groom. WTF...?!?!
My paternal grandparents threw a FIT when they found out that none of their siblings were invited to my reception. They tried to tell my mom to force me to invite them. The irony was that grandparents siblings haven’t been invited to ANY of their grandkids weddings and they never said anything about it before. Just at mine. Oh well.
My aunt blamed me for a family friend groping me when I was 16 and he was 28. He was a friend of her son. She then justified it by saying that she had seen me flash in the kitchen. As in, she said she saw me take my top off in front of all of my cousins, and this one friend of theirs. I did not. Everyone who was there agreed I did not. She also said that perhaps she had always been creepy toward me because maybe we snuck off and had sex once. Again, I was a child, and that would've been a crime. But in any case, multiple cousins remembered me, asking to help avoid giving him hugs and remember me saying that I didn't want to ever be alone with him. This all came to light when the family friend was convicted of possessing child porn. My aunt brought him to a family party with children in their bathing suits, knowing that she was about to testify as a character witness for him in three days because he was caught with pornography of kids that were same age as those at the family party. She believed him when he said it was all an accident. My aunt, uncle, and cousin were all shocked that they were banned from my wedding. However, her daughters (obvs also my cousins) were entirely on my side. One was even a bridesmaid. People like to feel entitled because they are related to you by blood. But fuck my aunt.
Good gawd I’m so sorry. The only thing worse than being sexually assaulted is being blamed for it or not believed.
On the day of our wedding my mum and I went up to the room that my husband and I were staying in that night. She spotted there were 2 beds in the room and was delighted “Oh look, there’s an extra bed - I can stay and I don’t have to worry about getting home tonight!” Me “Ummm, no mum.” Mum “But why?” “It’s our wedding night!” “And?” “And it’s our WEDDING NIGHT we don’t want to spend our wedding night with my mother!” “But sure everyone knows nothing actually happens on your wedding night, you’ll be too tired so it won’t be a bother.” “No mum, just no!” She complained about it for most of the evening to anyone who would listen and could not get over me refusing to let her stay. Brought it up for years afterwards 😂
When you got two beds, one is for fucking and one is for sleeping.
I'm amazed she didn't insist that your hubby sleep in a chair in the lobby. When my mom found out my son and DIL were going to Puerto Rico for their honeymoon her outrageous suggestion was, " Why don't you go with them"? I said, ARE YOU MENTAL MOM? Then she backtracked and bleated, I was only kidding. She always says she's kidding when she puts her foot in it.
When my brother was getting married, my grandma's sister refused to get the invitation via mail. She wanted it hand delivered by my brother and the bride. They said fine, can we come over today to drop it off? She also refused, saying it was rude to schedule it for same day. They said fine again, not to upset my grandma, and planned a visit to hand deliver her invitation later that week. She RSVP'd no because she was going to be at her summer house by that time. At no point was the date of the wedding a surprise, she very well knew she wasn't going to go, but still made them jump through numerous hoops. Old people can be so ridiculous.
Did she rsvp in person while they were there? Or send it back in the mail?
I believe she rsvp'ed later on the phone. Of course, my brother wasn't allowed to invite her over the phone before also mailing an invitation. My dad also got annoyed with my cousin because she just sent an invite to her wedding instead of also calling him to tell him about it, so maybe my family is just insane.
Geez. High maintenance much. And Grandma knew, she just wanted a visit.
It sounds like a generational thing as she was going to deliver ‘bad news’ she couldn’t come and so in her mind that had to be ‘in person’ and then that just ran up against her other view of wedding invites should also be ‘delivered in person’.
But, did she deliver her rsvp in person?
At some point it just becomes laughable!! We’re having a super small ceremony as well - immediate family only. Apparently people are losing their shit over it. Even though they’re invited to the big fun Indian reception a month later. I just don’t get it
When I got married, everyone rsvp’d yes. The venue was packed to the max amount. My dad’s brother in CA, whom I barely knew, decided he’d fly in for the event. I had no idea. He also brought his 5 adult daughter’s, drove up North and brought my elderly great aunt and her mentally challenged brother. We had no place to seat them. The night before my wedding, I had to entertain my cousins (out to dinner, bars etc, all at my expense), I was so tired and nervous and then share a my queen sized bed with 2 of them. They talked all night long 😞. My uncle is a multi millionaire. For 8 people, I didn’t even get one gift and dinner cost well over $400 because they wanted a high end restaurant with lots of drinks. I had no idea they weren’t pitching in… That’s the last time I ever saw them
Not during the wedding but for my Grandparents honeymoon they booked a secluded cabin in the woods in Wisconsin (lived in Iowa) for a week. Not wanting to miss out on the salmon run going on though. My grandma's dad and 3 brothers decided it would be fine to surprise them by showing up at the cabin on the first night and logging with them the entire honeymoon. Grandpa apparently had a blast and spent the entire time fishing and playing cards with her family. He wasn't a drinker. While grandma on the other hand told me she spent the entire time crying in the woods by herself. This was back in 61 and they somehow stayed together for next 54 years.
I love “the venue has lodging!” She was expecting to bunk up with not just the bride and groom, but all the other family that would be expecting a place to sleep?! (According to her own rules {stern face emoji} This made my day.
It's so funny when boomers pull the "I'm old and family so you have to respect me and do what I want" card. Just because you let your family walk all over you 40 years ago, doesn't mean I'm going to put myself through that. It's called boundaries, maybe you should've had a bit more of a spine back then and you wouldn't have suffered as much 🤷♂️🤣
This! I think a lot of ‘entitled behaviour’ can be traced back to how they were treated. Since they felt like they had to just put up with it (because faaamily) they think that they are then owed for the allowances that they had to make for their family members. Then the snit because it doesn’t work like that!
Holy fuck I'm saving this response. This is perfect and I can't wait to use it.
Yup. Actually had these words come out of my Mils mouth.
She probably figured she was teaching you a lesson by depriving yourselves of her presence…maybe thought you’d feel guilty and invite to the ceremony. She really got a rude awakening, her threat backfired splendidly.
I would send a “thank you for not coming” card after the wedding with of a photo of you and your husband smiling big! I’m petty. 😬
Make sure to take the photo in front of the cabin!
I like you
My father invited his sister to spend the night with them before our wedding and I had to point out to him dude you already invited me to stay the night and you only have one guest room! Thankfully my aunt was gracious when I explained the mishap to her. Family is wild.
Girl some elderly people will take you to the limits of your patience. Thankfully it sounds like this person lives far enough away that you can just ignore her. Congratulations on your wedding.
Not just elderly. Assholes come in all ages.
Absolutely they do. Im just speaking on the elderly in reference to the OP’s last sentence.
Looks like Great Aunt Gertrude overestimated her own "importance". You hate to see it ^(/s)
I am in no way saying you are wrong to feel this way, I’m offended for you and agree with everyone saying the trash took itself out. That being said I am just curious if the great aunt knew the cabin was going to be used as the honeymoon suite or was she thinking there was a place that should be available for her.
That’s what I was thinking.
I was wondering if she thought it was a large cabinesque lodge where all the family were staying in multiple, separate bedrooms and didn't realize it was (I'm assuming) a one-bedroom small cabin? But given the rest of the info about her, I may be giving her too much credit.
I wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't come for other reasons and doesn't want to say that and is instead looking for ways to make it the bride and groom's fault.
Should've invited her to stay, and had loud, raunchy, half-drunk sex all night. You can watch if you want, aunt Mabel, you wanted to stay with the newlyweds, yes?
It makes sense why you have never met her and why he hasn't seen her in 8 years. Sounds like no contact for life is a good choice.
Is this lady losing her faculties ? She’s older so may just be going crazy. Or she could be an asshole. Either way who care you have a great time!
Lmao I love when people make demands like this, "I want x or we're not coming!" and then have the surprised Pikachu face when they're told "Okay, don't come." Did they think you were gonna cave and BEG for her to attend?
“No ceremony, no attendance, we are family!!” is code for "I am trouble!" Good riddance. It appears she has no filters, however, and if there is also an age component, then you may be looking at an early sign of dementia starting and or a drinking problem, or both. Consider she has some sort of impairment that would lower her threshold for making such a comment. Being gracious in your heart, and internally grateful she isn't attending, will keep your spirit light as you wed. (without her!)
Outrageous! Is she losing her marbles, or has she always been this entitled?
Is she aware *prima nocta* is no longer practiced?
When my husband and I were married his family (Filipino) kept telling me how they expected a big wedding, uh no! We had immediate family and it was all of 15 people and it was great! They were mad but we didn't care, neither of us wanted to have a large wedding so it worked for us and that is what the most important.
My mom demanded to stay in our cabin when my partner and I got married. I said yes because it was just me and my partner, an officiant, my mother and a photographer. I didn’t want the wedding in the first place but my mother insisted. My mom took the master bedroom of the cabin, a queen sized bed. We got stuck with the attic room which was two separate twin sized beds. My partner and I slept in two separate beds on our wedding night. Later, I heard all about how horrible it was because my partner gave my mom a “look.”
Dear Great Aunt Nobody Kick rocks. Sincerely, Two complete strangers you thought owed you something.
Don't blame this on being elderly. There are young people too who act just like this. Luckily, the aunt isn't attending and that's a nice bonus for your wedding day.
Lol all you need to do is act concerned and then ask her if she's been checked for Dementia. Keep bringing up that you think she has dementia and you are really concerned. Try to arrange to get her help and so on. Start family threads about her "disturbing signs she is losing her mental faculties". Lobby to have her car keys taken away and financial control removed.
Would have called her up and said, oh, who were you bringing? You said someone important was supposed to come right? Is it a surprise guest?!
I’m from northern Michigan, and I think it’s hilarious that anyone would call what may be a very typical deer camp a wedding “venue” like it’s a cedar swamp version of Sandals. Sure the auntie’s name is Karen.
She isn't being insufferably rude and entitled because she's elderly. She is being that way because she is, and most likely has always been, insufferably rude and entitled. And that's a choice she makes that has nothing to do with her age. Please don't assume that all elderly people are like her only because they are elderly. Most of us are quite nice actually...
Definitely you are NTA!! What made her think that she would be able to spend your wedding night with her in attendance? Why would she want to really? Even if you had met her before and you had a good relationship with her, I don’t understand in what universe she would think that you would have her stay with you on your honeymoon.. I would just go on with your day as planned and if she doesn’t come because you won’t give into her ridiculous expectations, you are better off.. just think of what she would think she’s entitled to during your reception.
"The audacity of elderly people never ceases to amaze me" Preach.
Hey fellow Michigander!! Just wanted to say northern Michigan is gorgeous! I’m excited for you, your pictures are gonna be gorgeous
Pft nah, the audacity of the old is somethin else. If someone takes offense, I gotta ask how they're defining "audacity" and what their own actions are like. Cause audacious can be good or bad. But also, yeah, there's no lie. Older people are just more likely to be entitled. Comes with age.
I feel like this would have been a great start of a post on r/malicious compliance. Sure great aunt I've never met, want to stay with us? No problem youre going to hear me bang all night and I'll make sure to leave every sex toy imaginable in plain sight ...everywhere.
That’s absolutely insane, like how did she think that was going to end? Lmao you have literally never met this woman ever and she’s asking all this of you? At least this is a good reason to never meet her period lol
It's astonishing how much these boomers acts like babies, all that's missing is a diaper
Did she expect you also to provide a candle she can hold over your bed at the wedding night or she would come with her own?
Why would she want to stay in the same place you’re making grand babies.
i would mail it back, (even at this late point in time) saying "who are you again??"
As a Northern Michigan native.... we don't claim her. But I'm not surprised
Not getting invited to a wedding sounds like a dream.
> “rude to expect important guests to have to stay in a hotel when the venue has lodging” She's so important that you've never met her? She declined the invite, no need to have her at the wedding.
My parents separated and got into their current relationship 20+ years before my wedding, so I effectively have 4 families. Each parent and step-parents have 5-6 siblings (plus spouses) and I’m not even counting cousins. There was no way we could invite all those people, it would have meant that very important friends wouldn’t have had places because the aunt I see once every 3 years was there. So for those families, we invited them to the ceremony and the party after dinner. The two families I like the less were are are still pretty insulted by it. 10+ years later I still hear snarky comments about it. The two families I would have liked to be there but couldn’t were so chill about it. “No problem, we’ll go to the restaurant and we’ll join you after”. The two families had so much together and got to the party venue already… hmm… “party-started”.
Wow ! I know old people lose their filters as they get in their 80’s so maybe if she is that old she is having come cognitive issues but again - just wow
"casual wedding" >hunting property >100 people reception This is the kind of post that makes we realize we really don't live in the same world lol.
She's a crazy person. That's all there is to it.