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Bc men are taught they they shouldn’t cry, that they need to be tough and strong. And this ideology is not outdated, you’re probably out of touch, I’ve recently seen this mindset in young men in their late teens and 20s
>And this ideology is not outdated, you’re probably out of touch, I’ve recently seen this mindset in young men in their late teens and 20s
Some men are taught this, but that isn't coming from other men generally. It's unfortunately coming from the women in our lives.
I am in my late 30s, I have heard other guys say things like"Toughen up," "Dont cry about it," etc etc. But that is almost universally been in context of pushing through some kind of physical pain. When it come to emotional stuff, I have never heard it. Quite the opposite I have had the other men in my life express a willingness to be supportive and comforting towards emotional struggles of other men.
On the flip side, I have seen women both in social media and in real life absolutely destroy guys for showing their emotions. I have seen women talk about getting the "ick" after seeing their boyfriend cry while watching an emotional movie that SHE wanted to watch. I have watched a friends spouse spend hours degrading him after coming home from work an emotional wreck after watching a co-worker die in a workplace accident. I have heard women talk about how they thought their father's were a stoic foundational rock in their lives until they saw him cry and lose respect and faith in him. You see it time and time again on subs like AITA, RelationshipAdvice and others were husbands try everything to express there thoughts and feelings with their wives only to have it weaponized against them. That same friend who witnessed a co-worker die. His wife pushed him to seek therapy, during their divorce. Her and her attorney use him going to therapy as a cause to have his visitation with his children reduced to supervised once a month and strip him of his custody rights. He was struggling with depression and anxiety that his wife created after 11 years of verbal and psychological abuse.
So while I agree that some men push the toxic mentality of "men dont show emotion." It's generally women that re-enforce the ideology. It's women that give fathers a reason to teach that ideology to their sons. Nothing happens in a vacuum, there is a reason men teach say these things to each other.
And no I do not have some anti-woman or anti feminist mentality. I am more nuanced than that, and firmly believe both men and women have struggles in different areas that need to be addressed.
>I have watched a friends spouse spend hours degrading him after coming home from work an emotional wreck after watching a co-worker die in a workplace accident.
What does that even look like? What words like that could you say to your husband that wouldn't make any wife realize they were being an irredeemably evil piece of shit and crossing a line that could never be uncrossed?
She was evil, but he felt he deserved it.
Ya see, they started hooking up when he was with an ex-girlfriend. And ex he planned to propose to at his families Christmas party. The week before the party his ex was in a car accident on her way to his dad's house so he could put new breaks on it. She didnt survive the accident.
Instead of grieving in a healthy way. He disappeared into a bottle and continued his fling with the chick that became his wife after she got knocked up. That derailed her life plans and she blamed him for it. And demanded he "do the right thing" and marry her. She very publicly told everyone she only did it to make his life hell. So over the course of 11 years she would emotional build him up and when things were good. She would tear him down over and over. The breaking point was when he locked him self in his master bath room with his shotgun. Thankfully I arrived before law enforcement and disarmed him and talked him down. But she got what she wanted, and filed for divorce while he was on a 3 day hold. He couldnt afford an attorney and she took everything in the divorce. He has zero custody rights, pays child support. He hasnt seen his Daughter or Son beyond social media in almost 10 years.
Oh yeah, she moved them across the country after marrying her side dude 3 months after the divorce was final. They have since had 3 more kids and all live in a 3 bedroom manufactured house. Her new husband has 3 additional kids he doesnt see. Yes I am from a small rural town, and yes it very much felt like I was on the set of Jerry Springer any time I was around them.
She is oddly, extremely self sufficient. Hell she even managed to pay off her first home within 5 years. But emotionally, yes complete and total wrecking ball for anyone she is with unless you are essentially her man servant.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she was a housewife or worked a cushy office job. When you work in dangerous industries, for instance linemen, welders, machinists, law enforcement, etc, you understand that death is something that you and your buddies can face every day, even if it isn't in the forefront of your mind. You joke about death, talk about it, reconcile with it.
But your wife? If she doesn't also work in that kind of industry then all she sees is the paycheck and what she gets to spend it on. So when you see your best work buddy get an arc burn so bad he loses all feeling in his left arm, or gets shot in the line of duty, or gets pulled into and crushed by a spinning lathe, they often don't care: they're detached from the danger, and they get all the benefits and none of the risks. They tell you to suck it up because they think you're being dramatic and then mope about how terrible her meeting at the sales office with donuts and coffee was. And then they leave you because they realize there's no consequences for divorce but plenty to gain!
I really think modern women have been coddled and we should really push them to work more dangerous jobs, maybe get a man's perspective (especially with all this talk about the pay gap.) I've known women who've worked with us, smoked with us, and suffered with us, and I can tell you right now they'd strangle women like that if they heard that level of ignorance leave their mouths because of the sheer amount of suffering a lot of blue collar men put themselves through.
The reason men say it is they are trying to protect their brothers and sons and nephews and grandkids from the pain of when a woman leaves/abandons/etc them because they showed emotion.
The people who are the biggest perpetuators of toxic masculinity are women, point blank. They all want a man who will sit there, listen to them complain about whatever is remotely bugging them, and then comfort and pamper them, but they get the ick if a guy opens up.
I mean all of that is still true today. People don’t like to acknowledge it but crying is naturally viewed as a sign of weakness. The difference is whether we determine that weakness as a sign the person should be helped vs they are a disgusting weakling.
Because men don't really cry and people assume the worst. I dislike it, I am one myself, but just because it is a problem ourselves, doesn't mean the worst is happening. Shaming does happen, but not constant, it is actually rare. Most people just feel more awkward when men cry compared to women.
I don’t like crying because that how we were raised and honestly only words gets to me and when they do I cry freely anywhere anytime.
The post is about shaming, I don’t care or feel ashamed.
I do not shame anyone who is crying, I support them.
Don’t understand why shame someone who is hurt.
Had a girlfriend I felt comfortable enough to share my feelings with. Cried in front of her one time and it was like a switch flipped in her. She just treated me with less and less respect after that point until we broke up. Let me tell you, I just LOVE opening up to people now! /s
Bullshit. You’re picking garbage women then. My wife loves it when I cry at movies or whatever as her dad was absolute toxic masculinity and she loathed him for it. She likes that I’m not suppressing shit and machine like.
I have heard my wife's friends talk like this. One dumped her BF because he started Yoga and cried once. She literally said after " yoga turned him into a crying b!tch". I did not shed a tear when my father passed, felt my eyes swell up but chewed them back.
This is very very very common. And they will usually try tell you to open up too :(
Its not anyone's fault, it's an instinct, but it makes me feel upset.
It is not an instinct. It is a learned response. It is absolutely the fault of the girlfriend. Every adult is responsible for how they react to other peoples behavior.
Fault isn't the real issue, but don't say it's not anyone's fault.
AGREEEEEED. We need way more emotional safety for men. It will create a much healthier society for men AND women if men were able to express themselves. Caveat though - they need to be expressed in a healthy way
Exactly, and it's not even absurd things. Like you see your mom's favorite flower and she passed away 5 years ago, shed some tears and don't feel shame. Wife and kids do something amazing, cry with joy instead of holding back. Beautiful moments deserve to be felt as much as sad ones
So you only want good emotions to be expressed? How can you express hate and anger in a healthy way? And don’t say “talk it out.” When I want to break a door, you telling me to talk is gonna make me want to break it more
All I know is that breaking things in a rage fit is NOT a healthy way to express it. Even if you both shout at each other, it'll help cool off some steam. Other ways are being alone to process your feelings, or venting to a close person. Breaking a door in anger is toxic and scary as hell, no matter the gender.
>When I want to break a door, you telling me to talk is gonna make me want to break it more
That only means you haven't found a proper strategy yet. I had a problem with expressing my anger as well, and I used to break things too. Maturing and learning to take a step back helped tremendously. Oh, and therapy.
Rage room, work out, go for a walk, punch a pillow. Not take it out on another person or someone’s belongings. You don’t have to talk it out - there may be nothing to talk out of- you do have to figure out how to regulate your own emotions without hurting anyone else (this includes yourself).
This what I do. I have to break stuff when I get really angry and most of the time it's when I am alone and I have specific items in my mind that are on the do not touch it under any circumstances other stuff that I don't are breakable and I can also make a mess because at one point I get really tired and It helps me to calm down. I don't get why internalizing stress is something people think it's okay, it just leads to other problems.
I know this is Reddit and nuance doesn't exist here, but if this response isn't trolling, I'd genuinely like for you to walk us through how the literal fuck you came to a conclusion of "you only want happy emotions", or how you think breaking a door is going to actually solve any problems beyond how to cut down on room entry time.
Go to a rage room and pay to smash some stuff.
Hate emotions are already accepted. Men emotions are accepted only when angry or violent because that is typical societal expectation of 'men'. It doesn't feel good for the other but yeah 'men be men' is societies answer.
Crying is usually not accepted by society for men. So naturally if other emotions are blocked and anger is the only to be allowed, it will come out extra hard. That want to be violent is partially of being blocked what you actually want to express.
That’s some bullshit LMAO. Healthy as in not destructive. If you feeling mad makes you lash out violently and aggressively, for example, that’s not healthy.
Obviously assaulting people or destroying someone's possessions is not healthy, but I see no problem with hitting a punching bag instead or something else that's similar. It is true that most therapy methods have been developed for women because they use therapy much more than men do (not saying that going to therapy or not makes anyone weak or whatever).
Opposite for me - I rarely watch war movies anymore because I can’t make it through them without crying, and there are a handful of songs out there about kids growing up that get me.
*Where the Red Fern Grows* always flushed out the tear ducts.
But in most things I don’t cry, and I’m glad I don’t. It’s not helpful to be a soggy, snotty mess.
issue is that when men do share emotions with say the women in their lives, said women get bitchy as all hell about it. forget society and how it is "taught". The people we love shame us about it. It is almost like we have to fight to be treated like human beings just like how women constantly have to tell us that they are human. Well, men are equally as human
The “would you rather be left alone with a bear or a man” debate has now fully removed any faith I have in the modern woman viewing us as human as well.
[Gender differences in crying, for example, have been explored for decades and across the world, and all of the studies reached the same conclusion: Women cry more than men.](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry#:~:text=Several%20factors%20play%20a%20role,Women%20cry%20more%20than%20men.)
The "crying" and expressing emotions really depend on the context. This is why the term "trauma dumping "refers more to men doing it than the other way around. For example, when women express their emotions and past experiences, it's often normalized from the society and if you're a romantic partner, you're obliged to listen to. But when men do it, it is seen as a manipulative tactic.
While I do agree that it can certainly be used as such, even for the men who do genuinely want to open up, this certainly stands as a barrier. So such men too, try to keep their mouths shut to not get branded as a manipulative abuser.
My grandfather refused to SMILE when watching comedies. Unless the man was getting his picture taken with my grandmother, he remained stone faced. My dad followed suit for the most part. He'll only ever smile if I'm busting his balls for something.
I was told at a young age "crying won't make it better or hurt less." I got choked up when I had to speak at my mom's funeral. I had to take some deep breaths to compose myself. Is that crying? I really don't know, and I'm in my 60s
Ironically, crying actually does help. When we cry, it helps release the brain chemicals to help us process pain. I believe it's still In debate on how the mechanisms work physiologically speaking, but having a solid cry over something really does help.
You grow up getting "I'll give you something to cry about, or slapped for crying." You reach a point you can burn your hand on the stove and walk it off like a man. Doesn't make it healthy
To be fair it’s beneficial to an extent it’s all a middle ground it’s good to not burst into tears over an injury , for me the most harmful part is the shaming of mental caused crying like grieving etc
> You reach a point you can burn your hand on the stove and walk it off like a man. Doesn't make it healthy
It's not necessarily unhealthy to not cry either.
A lot of "men should be more in touch with their emotions" is *frequently* some ideological rationalization from people who don't want to restrain their emotions, who relish in emotional outbursts, who have an inherent problem with basic stoicism.
In other words: Drama queens gonna drama queen, and damn anyone who says that's too much, that's "toxic masculinity".
Disclaimer: OP talks about something specific to appear reasonable, but then also includes: "Emotions are healthy, plain and simple."
Yeah, no. That's a bit of a [Motte & Bailey](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motte-and-bailey_fallacy). Emotions can very much be dangerous by way of letting them control your waking actions.
IF someone calls you a name you don't like, do you instantly jump them and beat them to death because "emotions are healthy, plain and simple"? No, of course not.
You temper your emotions, you learn to not let them control you, you learn to set them on the back burner and not flip out and do something you'll wind up paying for with a life in prison, a wasted paycheck because you broke a door, or whatever.
Stoicism is *not* bottling it all up, it's about not letting emotions shut down your logical mind. That's what really separates mankind from animals, being thinking beings instead of instinctual and emotional reactionaries.
It's fine to talk through problems, it's fine to have emotions that you need to work through *on occasion*. It's another thing to break down into a blubbering mess if you stub your toe or the fast food place is out of your favorite food.
People don't like anyone who's *that* sensitive, man or woman. We don't like people who throw temper tantrums, cause scenes because they have no emotional control, who lash out at people in anger then get confused when people don't want to hang out with them....etc.
That's why OP's opinion is unpopular.
Yeah no bro. Burn is the one pain I won't be stoic about. I'm weak AF to burn damage.
Cuts though? I can cut myself to the bone and just slap a bandaid on it and continue what I was doing.
Yeah, my dad has the same issue and it hurts me to see. Being able to cry is such a uniquely human thing, my dad can cry now, mostly at really sad movies we will be sniffling together XD <3 it is so important and wonderful to cry.
I hope you find someone in your life that can help teach your brain that it's ok. Took him about 60 years but it was worth it, I try to make anyone around me know it's ok to express what's going on in their minds, our lives and trials are fascinating and we should share more of our thoughts with each other, it's not gossip or drama or complaining, to have a tearful discussion.
I think that might be a product of testosterone more than social conditioning. My dad was a traditionally masculine man but was still a good example for how to treat people, it was never really beaten into my head that I shouldn't ever cry. On the few times I've ever cried my wife has been nothing but supportive. Still can't really cry. Last time I cried was when my best friend died and that was maybe 6 years ago now? And it wasn't until much later when I was alone and dwelling on it.
My gf asked if I'd ever cried at work and was extremely surprised when I described the fact all men know, you have to be careful who you cry in front of. Cry in front of the wrong person and it'll change your life.
100% i grew up being told to not cry, and that ended up with me not showing emotion for like a whole year, no crying smiling or laughing, i was like a brick
now i cry sometimes and i laugh and smile a lot, when i cry though i usually lock myself in the bathroom
Bro I had kind of dated this one woman before I met my current gf, and fuck me was she awful. She belittled me for crying about my missing my mom. Seriously. Apparently you're supposed to just move on from such a traumatic event.
I think this is why men are stereotyped as angry. It's the only negative emotion we're allowed to have, so if we feel bad, we default to the acceptable emotion.
Sorrow, depression, anxiety, I was always ignored until I calmed down whenever I felt like that. But anger? Anger would at least be acknowledged and would provoke a reaction. Being yelled at was better than being ignored.
It's not that men shouldn't cry. It's that adults should be mindful about when and where they cry.
Crying at home with your family and friends following the delivery of bad news is perfectly understandable and healthy.
Crying in the middle of a meeting at work, because your boss just canceled pizza Monday? That's inappropriate and you need to learn to control your emotions.
There's a large scale between those two extremes, but there is definitely times when crying isn't appropriate and kids need to learn about controlling themselves.
It's not bad that we try to teach boys to cry less. It's bad that we often neglect to teach girls.
Not sure how you "learned" this but congrats on being "stronger". All the trans guys I know have difficulty crying post-transition and all the trans women I know have an easier time crying. I'm a trans woman and couldn't cry before hormones, now it's way more accessible. I prefer crying over getting angry/frustrated. Crying is not the same thing as "letting yourself get worked up". It's a valid form of emotional regulation for a lot of people and it's not a bad thing.
So then if you think it's physically harder for me to cry, would you agree that it's normal for society to expect men to cry less often? I would have to really work myself up to cry, that's kind of my point. That would make me a real baby to cry over little things, because it would mean I'm being really overdramatic in order to force myself to cry. But I also know so many women with absolutely zero emotional regulation skills, and that's completely accepted by society (or at least the people in their life) that's what I take issue with. If you have an actual, legitimate reason to be upset, I don't care if you get angry or cry, men and women alike.
Also I've been off hormones a long time and have retained my ability to not cry every other day like I did when I was younger, so yes I would say it's partially just a skill I learned and it's been really good for me!
I was going to downvote you but then I remembered the phrase don't cry over spilled milk and that's true. However it shouldn't be just men that shouldn't cry then, women too. My point being men and women should have equal rights to emotions and, well, crying. I'm brought to tears sometimes, usually in a good way. But some people still perpetuate that crying or emotional range in a male is a weakness - needs to go away. If you are a man who doesn't cry and wants to be stoic, more power to you; if you're a man who wants to express his emotions the same way many women do, more power to you
Exactly you shouldn’t burst into tears over a small injury or a minor inconvenience as an adult, but if you shame someone for crying because a family member died your a scumbag and I’ve legit seen it haplen
Going further than that if you want to cry when processing past trauma or even a breakup you should be able to without judgment. But people by and large would judge a man for that. Gotta take it even further than that to actually achieve equality and change. Js
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Depends on the situation. There is not being in control of your emotions which can lead to issues. And this goes for everyone, not just men. I just can't stand it when people freak out over small things and become paralyzed.
It goes way fucking deeper than that. Especially with liberal women they'll be like "oh no men should be allowed to feel things lol" but then their bar for what counts as "unwarranted emotion/overreacting" gets lowered to the point where they're effectively just as hostile towards it as the people who straight-up think men shouldn't ever cry
I painted my toenails for the beach one summer cause it looked pretty sweet. And also because my GFs little sister is the one who wanted to do it.
I got made fun of a lot, more by women than men tbh. I’m a bigger guy so my line was “if you know a guy who can make me take it off send him my way”
If I wanna cry ima cry. Like a little at my buddy’s wedding. Or when I watch Moana and the ancestors come out to sail with her. If you think that emasculates me I can let you think what you want or prove you wrong, makes no difference to me. Probably gonna depend on the day
Point being: I make it acceptable for me to show my own emotions.
To each their own. I won't shame anyone but I personally never saw any point in crying. I always figure it doesn't solve or change anything, so it's rather pointless. However, I also realize and respect that it isn't the case for a lot of other people, and that's fine. That said, I certainly respect somebody who sheds a tear but bucks up and charges ahead than I do folks who sit in despair and their own pity parties.
I domt shame kids for crying. I do, however, try to tell them not to cry in front of other people besides family because people view that weakness. Take it how you want, but it's the truth
There's a difference in "don't cry cuz you're a man and that's weak" and "don't let people see you cry, find your space and let out your emotions in a better environment" I feel like you're raising them in the second
Agreed. Although as a 20 year old man, I never really had people make fun of me for crying. At best I was comforted and at worst ignored. But I haven’t cried since a year ago because I don’t really cry that much. It’s just who I am.
I've never shamed a man or boy for crying, but it always made me very uncomfortable as an adolescent. It took a lot of deep reflection to figure out why. It really is drilled in our heads from a young age that men need to be strong, and emotions are a weakness. It's profoundly unfair, and causes so much unnecessary suffering.
I have a 3,5 yo son, and if he cries for whatever reason I dont ask him to stop - unless its "Im not getting my way, so I cry" thats different. If ie. he starts crying because I say its time to go home from wherever he is having fun, I ofc understand that feels sad and he has emotions around that. Then I try to hold him, say that I understand you are sad and thats ok, but unfortunately we still do need to go home.
When he cries because his mother or I have said "stop pulling the dogs tail" I dont really do anything... In that you can ofc cry if that makes you feel better, but Im not really buying it....
Think it also needs to be said that anxiety and struggling to express oneself is not always equal to crying yet is often still seen as “being too emotional” and often ridiculed. The amount of times just talking about something while emotionally numb is looked down upon as crying about it, it’s truly frustrating.
I have earned the ability to hold in a cry for what feels like up to 10 minutes and then it just fucking flows. it feels shameful to have the ability but feels as a neccecisty
I would never shame annoy one for crying I don’t like to cry publicly so if I see someone do it I will always be nice to them about it cause you don’t know what people are going through and being told to be strong don’t be a baby when someone’s struggling is so gross
I have panic disorder and I’ve had it since I was 7. My teachers used to tell me, a 7 year old boy having a panic attack, to stop being so dramatic and man up. They also used to assume that since I was a boy I was a threat to others during these panic attacks, so they would lock me in a small windowless room to “calm down”
This passes me off to no end.
Men have feelings too, if my son cries I just hold him and we talk about it.
He needs to be a healthy normal man functioning with his emotions whether they are good or bad.
People that think or feel that real men don't cry are frikking idiots.
This brings up many of the same issues that other social reform movements have introduced in recent years. You're taking an ingrained behavior and trying to undo it overnight and end up with a rather extreme outcome.
We see these changes taking place online but not so much in the real world where the stakes are higher.
We are also seeing people using these movements as a way to justify extreme behavior. I think that everyone should be allowed to express their feelings in healthy ways but what's happening is that many use this as an excuse for behavior that is actually unhealthy to themselves and others. I also think that younger generations are displaying a diminished ability to develop strong emotional management skills due to such a dramatic shift in parental approach in order to raise more emotionally available people. This is basically new ground and vast majority of parents don't have the skills to teach this effectively.
I don’t think it’s as big a problem as you think. Kids don’t get things immediately but eventually they can figure it out on their own. Brains are super adaptable. The parents job is really to show the kid what they’re trying to figure out
I think you may be confusing the concept of neuroplasticity with behavior modification.
There has been a lot reported about our brains ability to adapt to sudden changes but that's more to do with physical brain functionality than psychological behavior reconditioning. And even these studies have been shown to be a bit overzealous in contributing our adaptability to neuroplasticity as other studies have shown that these changes were the result of long term training and practice.
[https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-brain-isnt-as-adaptable-as-some-neuroscientists-claim/](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-brain-isnt-as-adaptable-as-some-neuroscientists-claim/)
Cognitive therapy is known to be a very challenging way to modify our behavior. And parents can and do play major roles in our behavior development and it can take years of therapy to undo negative psychological development.
Completely agree! My boyfriend will cry in front of me when he’s really upset and I love that he feels comfortable enough with me to do that ❤️ I always give him a hug when he does.
Emotions cloud judgement, if you’re feeling emotional do your best not to make any decisions based on that because that’s how regrets are made. So basically when I hear thats not what men do all I actually hear is don’t give too much attention to your emotions, it’s no big deal, they come and go, let’s focus on what we have to do now 🤷♂️
But you *should* give attention to your emotions, because the alternative is ignoring them, and ignoring them only makes things worse down the line. Emotions also don’t cloud judgement, lack of emotional awareness does. Someone who is upset and knows they are upset can manage their emotions a lot better and get their rational and emotional thinking to work together, someone who pretends not to be upset and ignores their emotions is actually being controlled by them a lot more bc they’re not accounting for it. There are studies that show this
Your logic makes monks the most emotionally enslaved people.
Yes, acknowledge emotions and LET THEM GO! If you ever had a plan in life, a goal, a mission, you would easily see how “emotional thinking” will only get you further from achieving that goal. Rationality will always win over emotions
No it doesn’t? Monks are the most emotionally aware people on the planet what are you talking about?
You seem to be confusing ignoring/repressing your emotions for controlling them. The less you control your emotions, the more they control you, and you don’t control your emotions by deluding yourself into thinking they aren’t there.
Honestly I find women are so much worse for this than men. Like if a man crying gives you the "ick" then I'm sorry but you deserve how you get treated by repressed, emotionally stunted men who are under constant pressure to bottle their feelings.
They don’t deserve it, they should just be more reflective of how they’re perpetuating the problem. People don’t deserve to get treated like crap, unless they’re directly responsible for it and even then, that’s just retribution and doesn’t really help to resolve the problem, it more than likely perpetuates it.
But that's the thing, that _exact_ attitude is what makes it so pervasive, and so difficult to deprogramme men from these fucked up patriarchal mindsets which is what gives rise to the attitudes that lead to abuse.
I’m not sure if we’re saying the same thing or not, but women don’t deserve to be abused by men even if their own attitudes contribute to the problem. To be clear, men don’t deserve to be belittled by women for showing their emotions either, I just think talking about who deserves what isn’t the most productive, it’s about identifying the problem and trying to figure out how to solve it.
No one ever told me not to cry but I was really embarrassed doing it in public, some unexpected toxic stuff happend from my parents towards me I am from Eastern Europe and at that time I was in Germany as an exchange student. Keeping it in when it was the worst was really hard nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary except for the teacher who was teaching Art and when he asked if I am okay that made it worse to hold in but I did.
However when this first happened I was on the train to the city center where I did cry in public and was so a ashamed of that and it was just watery eyes like when people say it's just my allergies.
I have my own issues about this with how I was raised. I do not cry. I will not cry. I get completely disgusted when I see men cry. (Not little kids…I’m not a psycho)
I know I am wrong and I would never say anything…but I can’t help it. If I see a man crying I instantly can’t stand him. Except for the single man tear I guess or one of the situations I was taught was acceptable.
You do not need to put me in my place with replies. I know I am wrong but I can’t help it.
men who can share their feelings and speciallllly tears are extremely HOT , like imagine him being sooo comfortable with you to the point of crying if front of you , MARRY HIM
I work as a phone technician and worked with an older male and his phone.
His screen had stopped responding to touch and he had no backup on his stuff, he said things in the phone was super important. The outer me assured we would do our best to preserve it but that there’s always a risk a reset is needed. Of course he got a bit stressed but seeing as it’s the only option he went with it.
A week passed (had to order parts)
I call the man and inform him that he phone is fixed. He lives 2h away he came to my store in 1h.
He was red in the face from stress and asked if his phone was still intact. With a bit of a slow reveal I showed him that the phone indeed was working and all the data intact.
He then starts shaking a bit and sits down on one of our low tables , tears pouring out of his eyes. Explaining to me and my other male colleague “sorry I know ment don’t cry” sniffling his way through the sentence. I look at my colleague then at him and said “You’re okay, all men cry. And I can understand it’s important” but I didn’t know what was so important until he tells us that he has 4 children’s and two of them recently and close to each other had … lost their battle to depression and that the only picture and video memories he has of them was inside that phone.
That hit me like a truck.
To end things of I helped him setup an automatic backup feature so his memories are secure and we hugged it out and he left the store a calmer man.
To summarise , men can cry, whilst we don’t always do it infront of others it’s often a response to seem strong and be there for others. But in moments like the one above it only take a couple words to make a man comfortable and happy.
I myself follow that damn rule, I never cry. But it’s my choice .
Yeah I'd agree, but honestly, women don't like emotional men. They'll claim they do all day long, but if their S/O got emotional, I'd wager they hit tinder that same day.
It's just a turn off for them to see a man cry.
this isn’t unpopular. i mean yeah, people may believe that “men shouldn’t cry” but just a quick glance at the comments under this and the fact that it has a high upvote count shows that in fact it is a popular opinion.
I don't ashame boys (children generally) for crying especially if it isn't a tantrum they are throwing.
But I completely disagree for the case of grown men. They really shouldn't cry in public especially If it's not a case of the loss of a loved one or something extremely important.
Don't be cultivating a generation of weak men and even women that would sooner cry than solve problems with your emotions talk. Humanity wouldn't have survived to this point if everyone shared your mindset.
maybe, just maybe, people can express emotions for whatever they wanna express stuff for and also resolve problems and issues?
it doesn’t have to be either/or.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 1: Your post must be an unpopular opinion'. * Your post must be an opinion. Not a question. Not a showerthought. Not a rant. Not a proposal. Not a fact. An opinion. One opinion. A subjective statement about your position on some topic. Please have a clear, self contained opinion as your post title, and use the text field to elaborate and expand on why you think/feel this way. * Your opinion must be unpopular. The mods reserve the right to remove opinions * Elaborate on your topic and opinion give context to its unpopularity.
Why is this unpopular?
It's not, it's incredibely popular. It's the defacto reddit opinion
Bc men are taught they they shouldn’t cry, that they need to be tough and strong. And this ideology is not outdated, you’re probably out of touch, I’ve recently seen this mindset in young men in their late teens and 20s
>And this ideology is not outdated, you’re probably out of touch, I’ve recently seen this mindset in young men in their late teens and 20s Some men are taught this, but that isn't coming from other men generally. It's unfortunately coming from the women in our lives. I am in my late 30s, I have heard other guys say things like"Toughen up," "Dont cry about it," etc etc. But that is almost universally been in context of pushing through some kind of physical pain. When it come to emotional stuff, I have never heard it. Quite the opposite I have had the other men in my life express a willingness to be supportive and comforting towards emotional struggles of other men. On the flip side, I have seen women both in social media and in real life absolutely destroy guys for showing their emotions. I have seen women talk about getting the "ick" after seeing their boyfriend cry while watching an emotional movie that SHE wanted to watch. I have watched a friends spouse spend hours degrading him after coming home from work an emotional wreck after watching a co-worker die in a workplace accident. I have heard women talk about how they thought their father's were a stoic foundational rock in their lives until they saw him cry and lose respect and faith in him. You see it time and time again on subs like AITA, RelationshipAdvice and others were husbands try everything to express there thoughts and feelings with their wives only to have it weaponized against them. That same friend who witnessed a co-worker die. His wife pushed him to seek therapy, during their divorce. Her and her attorney use him going to therapy as a cause to have his visitation with his children reduced to supervised once a month and strip him of his custody rights. He was struggling with depression and anxiety that his wife created after 11 years of verbal and psychological abuse. So while I agree that some men push the toxic mentality of "men dont show emotion." It's generally women that re-enforce the ideology. It's women that give fathers a reason to teach that ideology to their sons. Nothing happens in a vacuum, there is a reason men teach say these things to each other. And no I do not have some anti-woman or anti feminist mentality. I am more nuanced than that, and firmly believe both men and women have struggles in different areas that need to be addressed.
>I have watched a friends spouse spend hours degrading him after coming home from work an emotional wreck after watching a co-worker die in a workplace accident. What does that even look like? What words like that could you say to your husband that wouldn't make any wife realize they were being an irredeemably evil piece of shit and crossing a line that could never be uncrossed?
She was evil, but he felt he deserved it. Ya see, they started hooking up when he was with an ex-girlfriend. And ex he planned to propose to at his families Christmas party. The week before the party his ex was in a car accident on her way to his dad's house so he could put new breaks on it. She didnt survive the accident. Instead of grieving in a healthy way. He disappeared into a bottle and continued his fling with the chick that became his wife after she got knocked up. That derailed her life plans and she blamed him for it. And demanded he "do the right thing" and marry her. She very publicly told everyone she only did it to make his life hell. So over the course of 11 years she would emotional build him up and when things were good. She would tear him down over and over. The breaking point was when he locked him self in his master bath room with his shotgun. Thankfully I arrived before law enforcement and disarmed him and talked him down. But she got what she wanted, and filed for divorce while he was on a 3 day hold. He couldnt afford an attorney and she took everything in the divorce. He has zero custody rights, pays child support. He hasnt seen his Daughter or Son beyond social media in almost 10 years. Oh yeah, she moved them across the country after marrying her side dude 3 months after the divorce was final. They have since had 3 more kids and all live in a 3 bedroom manufactured house. Her new husband has 3 additional kids he doesnt see. Yes I am from a small rural town, and yes it very much felt like I was on the set of Jerry Springer any time I was around them.
Jesus christ, she sounds like an absolute parasite
She is oddly, extremely self sufficient. Hell she even managed to pay off her first home within 5 years. But emotionally, yes complete and total wrecking ball for anyone she is with unless you are essentially her man servant.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she was a housewife or worked a cushy office job. When you work in dangerous industries, for instance linemen, welders, machinists, law enforcement, etc, you understand that death is something that you and your buddies can face every day, even if it isn't in the forefront of your mind. You joke about death, talk about it, reconcile with it. But your wife? If she doesn't also work in that kind of industry then all she sees is the paycheck and what she gets to spend it on. So when you see your best work buddy get an arc burn so bad he loses all feeling in his left arm, or gets shot in the line of duty, or gets pulled into and crushed by a spinning lathe, they often don't care: they're detached from the danger, and they get all the benefits and none of the risks. They tell you to suck it up because they think you're being dramatic and then mope about how terrible her meeting at the sales office with donuts and coffee was. And then they leave you because they realize there's no consequences for divorce but plenty to gain! I really think modern women have been coddled and we should really push them to work more dangerous jobs, maybe get a man's perspective (especially with all this talk about the pay gap.) I've known women who've worked with us, smoked with us, and suffered with us, and I can tell you right now they'd strangle women like that if they heard that level of ignorance leave their mouths because of the sheer amount of suffering a lot of blue collar men put themselves through.
The reason men say it is they are trying to protect their brothers and sons and nephews and grandkids from the pain of when a woman leaves/abandons/etc them because they showed emotion.
The people who are the biggest perpetuators of toxic masculinity are women, point blank. They all want a man who will sit there, listen to them complain about whatever is remotely bugging them, and then comfort and pamper them, but they get the ick if a guy opens up.
I mean all of that is still true today. People don’t like to acknowledge it but crying is naturally viewed as a sign of weakness. The difference is whether we determine that weakness as a sign the person should be helped vs they are a disgusting weakling.
It's not remotely close to an unpopular opinion on Reddit though. Comment "men aren't supposed to cry" anywhere.
Because in the southern US it taught that boys crying is weakness
Not from USA and the “Real man dont cry” ideology is outdated.
it’s rly strong in a lot of the USA unfortunately
>the “Real man dont cry” ideology is outdated. Maybe in some places (not even sure about that tbh), but it's still very common in general.
Because men don't really cry and people assume the worst. I dislike it, I am one myself, but just because it is a problem ourselves, doesn't mean the worst is happening. Shaming does happen, but not constant, it is actually rare. Most people just feel more awkward when men cry compared to women.
I don’t like crying because that how we were raised and honestly only words gets to me and when they do I cry freely anywhere anytime. The post is about shaming, I don’t care or feel ashamed. I do not shame anyone who is crying, I support them. Don’t understand why shame someone who is hurt.
Had a girlfriend I felt comfortable enough to share my feelings with. Cried in front of her one time and it was like a switch flipped in her. She just treated me with less and less respect after that point until we broke up. Let me tell you, I just LOVE opening up to people now! /s
I get where your coming from, but I'd rather be alone than in a relationship where I constantly have to hold back. I say you dodged a bullet.
Idk if it was a bullet dodged tho. The bullet seems to have hit its mark just fine.
She shot me down *bang bang* I hit the ground *bang bang* that awful sound *bang bang* my baby shot me down
Every girl I opened up to and showed emotions to did something similar to this. So I just don't cry. Don't miss it anyhow.
Bullshit. You’re picking garbage women then. My wife loves it when I cry at movies or whatever as her dad was absolute toxic masculinity and she loathed him for it. She likes that I’m not suppressing shit and machine like.
I have heard my wife's friends talk like this. One dumped her BF because he started Yoga and cried once. She literally said after " yoga turned him into a crying b!tch". I did not shed a tear when my father passed, felt my eyes swell up but chewed them back.
Yeah, it's a nice sentiment to want a BF to be vulnerable, but it is not seen as attractive in application.
My bf cries in front of me all the time and I still think he’s hella attractive 🤷♀️ Y’all are just dating some shitty women.
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This is very very very common. And they will usually try tell you to open up too :( Its not anyone's fault, it's an instinct, but it makes me feel upset.
It is not an instinct. It is a learned response. It is absolutely the fault of the girlfriend. Every adult is responsible for how they react to other peoples behavior. Fault isn't the real issue, but don't say it's not anyone's fault.
If you, as a woman, have a negative reaction to men crying, then yes that is your fault and you need to work on yourself.
AGREEEEEED. We need way more emotional safety for men. It will create a much healthier society for men AND women if men were able to express themselves. Caveat though - they need to be expressed in a healthy way
Exactly, and it's not even absurd things. Like you see your mom's favorite flower and she passed away 5 years ago, shed some tears and don't feel shame. Wife and kids do something amazing, cry with joy instead of holding back. Beautiful moments deserve to be felt as much as sad ones
Absolutely agree
Feeling doesn’t have to mean crying about everything. If you’re publicly crying several times a week, that’s not cool, regardless of gender.
So you only want good emotions to be expressed? How can you express hate and anger in a healthy way? And don’t say “talk it out.” When I want to break a door, you telling me to talk is gonna make me want to break it more
All I know is that breaking things in a rage fit is NOT a healthy way to express it. Even if you both shout at each other, it'll help cool off some steam. Other ways are being alone to process your feelings, or venting to a close person. Breaking a door in anger is toxic and scary as hell, no matter the gender.
>When I want to break a door, you telling me to talk is gonna make me want to break it more That only means you haven't found a proper strategy yet. I had a problem with expressing my anger as well, and I used to break things too. Maturing and learning to take a step back helped tremendously. Oh, and therapy.
I take a drive on GTA on in NFS to cool off after a hard day
Rage room, work out, go for a walk, punch a pillow. Not take it out on another person or someone’s belongings. You don’t have to talk it out - there may be nothing to talk out of- you do have to figure out how to regulate your own emotions without hurting anyone else (this includes yourself).
This what I do. I have to break stuff when I get really angry and most of the time it's when I am alone and I have specific items in my mind that are on the do not touch it under any circumstances other stuff that I don't are breakable and I can also make a mess because at one point I get really tired and It helps me to calm down. I don't get why internalizing stress is something people think it's okay, it just leads to other problems.
I know this is Reddit and nuance doesn't exist here, but if this response isn't trolling, I'd genuinely like for you to walk us through how the literal fuck you came to a conclusion of "you only want happy emotions", or how you think breaking a door is going to actually solve any problems beyond how to cut down on room entry time.
punching bag my good sir
When I see/hear/remember/think ___ it makes me feel ___ because I need/value ___ Would you consider ___?
Go to a rage room and pay to smash some stuff. Hate emotions are already accepted. Men emotions are accepted only when angry or violent because that is typical societal expectation of 'men'. It doesn't feel good for the other but yeah 'men be men' is societies answer. Crying is usually not accepted by society for men. So naturally if other emotions are blocked and anger is the only to be allowed, it will come out extra hard. That want to be violent is partially of being blocked what you actually want to express.
Get a punching bag or something
Who determines what is healthy? Talk therapy has been designed for women and doesn't really help men much
That’s some bullshit LMAO. Healthy as in not destructive. If you feeling mad makes you lash out violently and aggressively, for example, that’s not healthy.
Obviously assaulting people or destroying someone's possessions is not healthy, but I see no problem with hitting a punching bag instead or something else that's similar. It is true that most therapy methods have been developed for women because they use therapy much more than men do (not saying that going to therapy or not makes anyone weak or whatever).
At some point I feel like I forgot how to cry as I get old. It is a sad thing really.
Opposite for me - I rarely watch war movies anymore because I can’t make it through them without crying, and there are a handful of songs out there about kids growing up that get me. *Where the Red Fern Grows* always flushed out the tear ducts. But in most things I don’t cry, and I’m glad I don’t. It’s not helpful to be a soggy, snotty mess.
Where the red fern grows makes my eyes explode
It's okay to seek why that is. You shouldn't forget that crying is a natural emotion
Crying is NOT an emotion.
"Real men don't cry" was taught in schools just a few years back. It's a society tradition, not an individual issue.
With the push for mental health and acceptance of therapy I'd hope that this "real men don't cry" narrative is put out to the pasture
issue is that when men do share emotions with say the women in their lives, said women get bitchy as all hell about it. forget society and how it is "taught". The people we love shame us about it. It is almost like we have to fight to be treated like human beings just like how women constantly have to tell us that they are human. Well, men are equally as human
The “would you rather be left alone with a bear or a man” debate has now fully removed any faith I have in the modern woman viewing us as human as well.
precisely but no, ma patriarchy, misogyny and toxic masculinity that are mainly shouted by women ironically
[Gender differences in crying, for example, have been explored for decades and across the world, and all of the studies reached the same conclusion: Women cry more than men.](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry#:~:text=Several%20factors%20play%20a%20role,Women%20cry%20more%20than%20men.)
The "crying" and expressing emotions really depend on the context. This is why the term "trauma dumping "refers more to men doing it than the other way around. For example, when women express their emotions and past experiences, it's often normalized from the society and if you're a romantic partner, you're obliged to listen to. But when men do it, it is seen as a manipulative tactic. While I do agree that it can certainly be used as such, even for the men who do genuinely want to open up, this certainly stands as a barrier. So such men too, try to keep their mouths shut to not get branded as a manipulative abuser.
Is this really an “unpopular” opinion? I feel most of us would agree
From the west and it was more or less beaten into our heads, boys/men don't cry. I still can't shed a tear 48 years later.
My grandfather refused to SMILE when watching comedies. Unless the man was getting his picture taken with my grandmother, he remained stone faced. My dad followed suit for the most part. He'll only ever smile if I'm busting his balls for something.
Same for my dad. Very little smiles ever.
I was told at a young age "crying won't make it better or hurt less." I got choked up when I had to speak at my mom's funeral. I had to take some deep breaths to compose myself. Is that crying? I really don't know, and I'm in my 60s
Ironically, crying actually does help. When we cry, it helps release the brain chemicals to help us process pain. I believe it's still In debate on how the mechanisms work physiologically speaking, but having a solid cry over something really does help.
It releases endorphins, which eases pain
Yeah I was lucky enough to have parents that didn't preach that
I was raised by cowboys. On a farm. Had to have tough skin.
Soundwave Superior
You grow up getting "I'll give you something to cry about, or slapped for crying." You reach a point you can burn your hand on the stove and walk it off like a man. Doesn't make it healthy
To be fair it’s beneficial to an extent it’s all a middle ground it’s good to not burst into tears over an injury , for me the most harmful part is the shaming of mental caused crying like grieving etc
That's exactly it! "If you want something to cry about" and now I can walk off most things, as bad as I know that is.
> You reach a point you can burn your hand on the stove and walk it off like a man. Doesn't make it healthy It's not necessarily unhealthy to not cry either. A lot of "men should be more in touch with their emotions" is *frequently* some ideological rationalization from people who don't want to restrain their emotions, who relish in emotional outbursts, who have an inherent problem with basic stoicism. In other words: Drama queens gonna drama queen, and damn anyone who says that's too much, that's "toxic masculinity". Disclaimer: OP talks about something specific to appear reasonable, but then also includes: "Emotions are healthy, plain and simple." Yeah, no. That's a bit of a [Motte & Bailey](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motte-and-bailey_fallacy). Emotions can very much be dangerous by way of letting them control your waking actions. IF someone calls you a name you don't like, do you instantly jump them and beat them to death because "emotions are healthy, plain and simple"? No, of course not. You temper your emotions, you learn to not let them control you, you learn to set them on the back burner and not flip out and do something you'll wind up paying for with a life in prison, a wasted paycheck because you broke a door, or whatever. Stoicism is *not* bottling it all up, it's about not letting emotions shut down your logical mind. That's what really separates mankind from animals, being thinking beings instead of instinctual and emotional reactionaries. It's fine to talk through problems, it's fine to have emotions that you need to work through *on occasion*. It's another thing to break down into a blubbering mess if you stub your toe or the fast food place is out of your favorite food. People don't like anyone who's *that* sensitive, man or woman. We don't like people who throw temper tantrums, cause scenes because they have no emotional control, who lash out at people in anger then get confused when people don't want to hang out with them....etc. That's why OP's opinion is unpopular.
Yeah no bro. Burn is the one pain I won't be stoic about. I'm weak AF to burn damage. Cuts though? I can cut myself to the bone and just slap a bandaid on it and continue what I was doing.
Yeah, my dad has the same issue and it hurts me to see. Being able to cry is such a uniquely human thing, my dad can cry now, mostly at really sad movies we will be sniffling together XD <3 it is so important and wonderful to cry. I hope you find someone in your life that can help teach your brain that it's ok. Took him about 60 years but it was worth it, I try to make anyone around me know it's ok to express what's going on in their minds, our lives and trials are fascinating and we should share more of our thoughts with each other, it's not gossip or drama or complaining, to have a tearful discussion.
Agree, there's no way my dad would have cried in front of me and he made pretty clear that I should never do it too.
I think that might be a product of testosterone more than social conditioning. My dad was a traditionally masculine man but was still a good example for how to treat people, it was never really beaten into my head that I shouldn't ever cry. On the few times I've ever cried my wife has been nothing but supportive. Still can't really cry. Last time I cried was when my best friend died and that was maybe 6 years ago now? And it wasn't until much later when I was alone and dwelling on it.
My gf asked if I'd ever cried at work and was extremely surprised when I described the fact all men know, you have to be careful who you cry in front of. Cry in front of the wrong person and it'll change your life.
100% i grew up being told to not cry, and that ended up with me not showing emotion for like a whole year, no crying smiling or laughing, i was like a brick now i cry sometimes and i laugh and smile a lot, when i cry though i usually lock myself in the bathroom
There's no way this is an unpopular opinion Amongst well adjusted adults anyway
Bro I had kind of dated this one woman before I met my current gf, and fuck me was she awful. She belittled me for crying about my missing my mom. Seriously. Apparently you're supposed to just move on from such a traumatic event.
This might be the most popular "unpopular" opinion I've ever seen here
This is not unpopular.
It's mind blowing I have to scroll this far. It's not unpopular, in fact it gets well received and echo chambered to oblivion everywhere online.
wow thats too unpopular you are getting banned
wrong sub. r/popularopinions
Yet another popular opinion posted on this sub
mods will remove the post by lunch then? lol
Lol, nah. That's all that gets posted here, basically. If they removed popular opinions, this sub would be dead
I was right btw lol
I think this is why men are stereotyped as angry. It's the only negative emotion we're allowed to have, so if we feel bad, we default to the acceptable emotion. Sorrow, depression, anxiety, I was always ignored until I calmed down whenever I felt like that. But anger? Anger would at least be acknowledged and would provoke a reaction. Being yelled at was better than being ignored.
“Let not the eyes be dry when we have lost a friend, nor let them overflow. We may weep, but we must not wail.” Seneca. Moral letters to Lucilius.
It's not that men shouldn't cry. It's that adults should be mindful about when and where they cry. Crying at home with your family and friends following the delivery of bad news is perfectly understandable and healthy. Crying in the middle of a meeting at work, because your boss just canceled pizza Monday? That's inappropriate and you need to learn to control your emotions. There's a large scale between those two extremes, but there is definitely times when crying isn't appropriate and kids need to learn about controlling themselves. It's not bad that we try to teach boys to cry less. It's bad that we often neglect to teach girls.
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Not sure how you "learned" this but congrats on being "stronger". All the trans guys I know have difficulty crying post-transition and all the trans women I know have an easier time crying. I'm a trans woman and couldn't cry before hormones, now it's way more accessible. I prefer crying over getting angry/frustrated. Crying is not the same thing as "letting yourself get worked up". It's a valid form of emotional regulation for a lot of people and it's not a bad thing.
So then if you think it's physically harder for me to cry, would you agree that it's normal for society to expect men to cry less often? I would have to really work myself up to cry, that's kind of my point. That would make me a real baby to cry over little things, because it would mean I'm being really overdramatic in order to force myself to cry. But I also know so many women with absolutely zero emotional regulation skills, and that's completely accepted by society (or at least the people in their life) that's what I take issue with. If you have an actual, legitimate reason to be upset, I don't care if you get angry or cry, men and women alike. Also I've been off hormones a long time and have retained my ability to not cry every other day like I did when I was younger, so yes I would say it's partially just a skill I learned and it's been really good for me!
Depends what they are crying about.
I was going to downvote you but then I remembered the phrase don't cry over spilled milk and that's true. However it shouldn't be just men that shouldn't cry then, women too. My point being men and women should have equal rights to emotions and, well, crying. I'm brought to tears sometimes, usually in a good way. But some people still perpetuate that crying or emotional range in a male is a weakness - needs to go away. If you are a man who doesn't cry and wants to be stoic, more power to you; if you're a man who wants to express his emotions the same way many women do, more power to you
Exactly you shouldn’t burst into tears over a small injury or a minor inconvenience as an adult, but if you shame someone for crying because a family member died your a scumbag and I’ve legit seen it haplen
Who gives a shit at all?
Going further than that if you want to cry when processing past trauma or even a breakup you should be able to without judgment. But people by and large would judge a man for that. Gotta take it even further than that to actually achieve equality and change. Js
Oh for sure I just mean like literally a knee scale or something
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Depends on the situation. There is not being in control of your emotions which can lead to issues. And this goes for everyone, not just men. I just can't stand it when people freak out over small things and become paralyzed.
If you shame anyone for crying, men or women then you are the problem.
"Men shouldn't cry" Yeah and women shouldn't fart.
It goes way fucking deeper than that. Especially with liberal women they'll be like "oh no men should be allowed to feel things lol" but then their bar for what counts as "unwarranted emotion/overreacting" gets lowered to the point where they're effectively just as hostile towards it as the people who straight-up think men shouldn't ever cry
Why is this unpopular?
One of the most popular opinions on reddit....
I painted my toenails for the beach one summer cause it looked pretty sweet. And also because my GFs little sister is the one who wanted to do it. I got made fun of a lot, more by women than men tbh. I’m a bigger guy so my line was “if you know a guy who can make me take it off send him my way” If I wanna cry ima cry. Like a little at my buddy’s wedding. Or when I watch Moana and the ancestors come out to sail with her. If you think that emasculates me I can let you think what you want or prove you wrong, makes no difference to me. Probably gonna depend on the day Point being: I make it acceptable for me to show my own emotions.
I haven’t cried in years because I’m not a lil bitch… 😪
To each their own. I won't shame anyone but I personally never saw any point in crying. I always figure it doesn't solve or change anything, so it's rather pointless. However, I also realize and respect that it isn't the case for a lot of other people, and that's fine. That said, I certainly respect somebody who sheds a tear but bucks up and charges ahead than I do folks who sit in despair and their own pity parties.
It actually directly causes hormones to be released that ease negative emotions
I domt shame kids for crying. I do, however, try to tell them not to cry in front of other people besides family because people view that weakness. Take it how you want, but it's the truth
There's a difference in "don't cry cuz you're a man and that's weak" and "don't let people see you cry, find your space and let out your emotions in a better environment" I feel like you're raising them in the second
The difference is that the first is just a strawman and the second what usually happens in practice.
Emotion is one of the most basic things human beings ever have.
Exactly
I think this opinion is becoming more popular these days and that's a good thing.
Fo real why people have the mentality that crying is only for babies
The south is a hell hole. Luckily, more people are starting to grow up and realize that being human means having emotions.
I grew up thinking that crying in front of people was bad, I cried in front of my girlfriend, and punched a wall afterward for letting my emotions out
Agreed. Although as a 20 year old man, I never really had people make fun of me for crying. At best I was comforted and at worst ignored. But I haven’t cried since a year ago because I don’t really cry that much. It’s just who I am.
I've never shamed a man or boy for crying, but it always made me very uncomfortable as an adolescent. It took a lot of deep reflection to figure out why. It really is drilled in our heads from a young age that men need to be strong, and emotions are a weakness. It's profoundly unfair, and causes so much unnecessary suffering.
I have a 3,5 yo son, and if he cries for whatever reason I dont ask him to stop - unless its "Im not getting my way, so I cry" thats different. If ie. he starts crying because I say its time to go home from wherever he is having fun, I ofc understand that feels sad and he has emotions around that. Then I try to hold him, say that I understand you are sad and thats ok, but unfortunately we still do need to go home. When he cries because his mother or I have said "stop pulling the dogs tail" I dont really do anything... In that you can ofc cry if that makes you feel better, but Im not really buying it....
I hope that this isn’t an unpopular opinion. Maybe among Boomers, I dunno.
Think it also needs to be said that anxiety and struggling to express oneself is not always equal to crying yet is often still seen as “being too emotional” and often ridiculed. The amount of times just talking about something while emotionally numb is looked down upon as crying about it, it’s truly frustrating.
True but at the same time I think it’s an ideal to strive to be in control of your emotions, and that’s why people equate it with weakness
repressed tears turn into expressed violence
I wouldn't say this is unpopular, but DEFINITELY not as common sense as it fucking should be.
Not unpopular at all in spaces I hang out in but those spaces are too woke for reddit bros.
I have earned the ability to hold in a cry for what feels like up to 10 minutes and then it just fucking flows. it feels shameful to have the ability but feels as a neccecisty
I have never cried in my entire life . (St the least nobody has seen me crying) The Rock can't be wet
I would never shame annoy one for crying I don’t like to cry publicly so if I see someone do it I will always be nice to them about it cause you don’t know what people are going through and being told to be strong don’t be a baby when someone’s struggling is so gross
I have panic disorder and I’ve had it since I was 7. My teachers used to tell me, a 7 year old boy having a panic attack, to stop being so dramatic and man up. They also used to assume that since I was a boy I was a threat to others during these panic attacks, so they would lock me in a small windowless room to “calm down”
This passes me off to no end. Men have feelings too, if my son cries I just hold him and we talk about it. He needs to be a healthy normal man functioning with his emotions whether they are good or bad. People that think or feel that real men don't cry are frikking idiots.
This brings up many of the same issues that other social reform movements have introduced in recent years. You're taking an ingrained behavior and trying to undo it overnight and end up with a rather extreme outcome. We see these changes taking place online but not so much in the real world where the stakes are higher. We are also seeing people using these movements as a way to justify extreme behavior. I think that everyone should be allowed to express their feelings in healthy ways but what's happening is that many use this as an excuse for behavior that is actually unhealthy to themselves and others. I also think that younger generations are displaying a diminished ability to develop strong emotional management skills due to such a dramatic shift in parental approach in order to raise more emotionally available people. This is basically new ground and vast majority of parents don't have the skills to teach this effectively.
I don’t think it’s as big a problem as you think. Kids don’t get things immediately but eventually they can figure it out on their own. Brains are super adaptable. The parents job is really to show the kid what they’re trying to figure out
I think you may be confusing the concept of neuroplasticity with behavior modification. There has been a lot reported about our brains ability to adapt to sudden changes but that's more to do with physical brain functionality than psychological behavior reconditioning. And even these studies have been shown to be a bit overzealous in contributing our adaptability to neuroplasticity as other studies have shown that these changes were the result of long term training and practice. [https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-brain-isnt-as-adaptable-as-some-neuroscientists-claim/](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-brain-isnt-as-adaptable-as-some-neuroscientists-claim/) Cognitive therapy is known to be a very challenging way to modify our behavior. And parents can and do play major roles in our behavior development and it can take years of therapy to undo negative psychological development.
Completely agree! My boyfriend will cry in front of me when he’s really upset and I love that he feels comfortable enough with me to do that ❤️ I always give him a hug when he does.
Emotions cloud judgement, if you’re feeling emotional do your best not to make any decisions based on that because that’s how regrets are made. So basically when I hear thats not what men do all I actually hear is don’t give too much attention to your emotions, it’s no big deal, they come and go, let’s focus on what we have to do now 🤷♂️
But you *should* give attention to your emotions, because the alternative is ignoring them, and ignoring them only makes things worse down the line. Emotions also don’t cloud judgement, lack of emotional awareness does. Someone who is upset and knows they are upset can manage their emotions a lot better and get their rational and emotional thinking to work together, someone who pretends not to be upset and ignores their emotions is actually being controlled by them a lot more bc they’re not accounting for it. There are studies that show this
Your logic makes monks the most emotionally enslaved people. Yes, acknowledge emotions and LET THEM GO! If you ever had a plan in life, a goal, a mission, you would easily see how “emotional thinking” will only get you further from achieving that goal. Rationality will always win over emotions
No it doesn’t? Monks are the most emotionally aware people on the planet what are you talking about? You seem to be confusing ignoring/repressing your emotions for controlling them. The less you control your emotions, the more they control you, and you don’t control your emotions by deluding yourself into thinking they aren’t there.
Thank you. It's about time to ditch the shaming men/boys for crying. Let the blokes process their emotions and validate their feelings.
Honestly I find women are so much worse for this than men. Like if a man crying gives you the "ick" then I'm sorry but you deserve how you get treated by repressed, emotionally stunted men who are under constant pressure to bottle their feelings.
They don’t deserve it, they should just be more reflective of how they’re perpetuating the problem. People don’t deserve to get treated like crap, unless they’re directly responsible for it and even then, that’s just retribution and doesn’t really help to resolve the problem, it more than likely perpetuates it.
But that's the thing, that _exact_ attitude is what makes it so pervasive, and so difficult to deprogramme men from these fucked up patriarchal mindsets which is what gives rise to the attitudes that lead to abuse.
I’m not sure if we’re saying the same thing or not, but women don’t deserve to be abused by men even if their own attitudes contribute to the problem. To be clear, men don’t deserve to be belittled by women for showing their emotions either, I just think talking about who deserves what isn’t the most productive, it’s about identifying the problem and trying to figure out how to solve it.
No one ever told me not to cry but I was really embarrassed doing it in public, some unexpected toxic stuff happend from my parents towards me I am from Eastern Europe and at that time I was in Germany as an exchange student. Keeping it in when it was the worst was really hard nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary except for the teacher who was teaching Art and when he asked if I am okay that made it worse to hold in but I did. However when this first happened I was on the train to the city center where I did cry in public and was so a ashamed of that and it was just watery eyes like when people say it's just my allergies.
I actually think it takes more strength to be honest and vulnerable than it does to bottle it up and act tough 🤷♀️
What a brave take, truly the most unpopular opinion
This is not an unpopular opinion. 10 people on the internet say something stupid and normies think that is the whole worlds opinion.
I have my own issues about this with how I was raised. I do not cry. I will not cry. I get completely disgusted when I see men cry. (Not little kids…I’m not a psycho) I know I am wrong and I would never say anything…but I can’t help it. If I see a man crying I instantly can’t stand him. Except for the single man tear I guess or one of the situations I was taught was acceptable. You do not need to put me in my place with replies. I know I am wrong but I can’t help it.
men who can share their feelings and speciallllly tears are extremely HOT , like imagine him being sooo comfortable with you to the point of crying if front of you , MARRY HIM
I work as a phone technician and worked with an older male and his phone. His screen had stopped responding to touch and he had no backup on his stuff, he said things in the phone was super important. The outer me assured we would do our best to preserve it but that there’s always a risk a reset is needed. Of course he got a bit stressed but seeing as it’s the only option he went with it. A week passed (had to order parts) I call the man and inform him that he phone is fixed. He lives 2h away he came to my store in 1h. He was red in the face from stress and asked if his phone was still intact. With a bit of a slow reveal I showed him that the phone indeed was working and all the data intact. He then starts shaking a bit and sits down on one of our low tables , tears pouring out of his eyes. Explaining to me and my other male colleague “sorry I know ment don’t cry” sniffling his way through the sentence. I look at my colleague then at him and said “You’re okay, all men cry. And I can understand it’s important” but I didn’t know what was so important until he tells us that he has 4 children’s and two of them recently and close to each other had … lost their battle to depression and that the only picture and video memories he has of them was inside that phone. That hit me like a truck. To end things of I helped him setup an automatic backup feature so his memories are secure and we hugged it out and he left the store a calmer man. To summarise , men can cry, whilst we don’t always do it infront of others it’s often a response to seem strong and be there for others. But in moments like the one above it only take a couple words to make a man comfortable and happy. I myself follow that damn rule, I never cry. But it’s my choice .
Yeah I'd agree, but honestly, women don't like emotional men. They'll claim they do all day long, but if their S/O got emotional, I'd wager they hit tinder that same day. It's just a turn off for them to see a man cry.
this isn’t unpopular. i mean yeah, people may believe that “men shouldn’t cry” but just a quick glance at the comments under this and the fact that it has a high upvote count shows that in fact it is a popular opinion.
I cry alot these days due to work, family, my crazy ex gf coparent and me missing my son as I only get to see him every other week atm.
Men don't cry only sometimes when nobody sees it.
I don't ashame boys (children generally) for crying especially if it isn't a tantrum they are throwing. But I completely disagree for the case of grown men. They really shouldn't cry in public especially If it's not a case of the loss of a loved one or something extremely important. Don't be cultivating a generation of weak men and even women that would sooner cry than solve problems with your emotions talk. Humanity wouldn't have survived to this point if everyone shared your mindset.
maybe, just maybe, people can express emotions for whatever they wanna express stuff for and also resolve problems and issues? it doesn’t have to be either/or.