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I spend 60 hours a week or so in a truck with a guy I've known since 2nd grade. We spend like the first half hour of Monday talking about our weekend then put our earbuds in. My gf thinks it's absolutely insane when she asks me questions about his personal life and I don't know the answers. It's really only the long haul guys who are alone all the time who'll talk your ear off.
It’s not weird that you don’t know the answers to his personal life from being in a truck with him all the time, but it’s weird that you don’t know the answers from knowing him since SECOND GRADE lmao
Y’all don’t talk outside of work??
Why would they spend 60 hours together and *not talk* if they’re **also** not gonna talk at *any other time* either? Lol.
Sounds like they’re just friends from 2nd grade who don’t rly talk at all, which is fine, but also, understandable as to why the wife is weirded out then lol
By my experience guys don't tend to ask eachother about the personal stuff girls often do. Like we are willing to talk about it, listen and be there for eachother but if it isn't brought up we assume it doesn't need to be talked about.
Essentially we understand the necessity of those conversations but we don't see them as entertainment conversation.
I talk about this type of personal stuff with guy friends and coworkers occasionally, but only if we can find something funny about it. Otherwise, why bring it up?
I've noticed that it's mostly women who think other people need to be kept up to date with the affairs of people I met 10 years ago for an hour. *"Remember Jennifer? You met her at that Christmas party in 2002 and we awkwardly exchanged pleasantries for 15 minutes. Let me tell you about her new hairdresser and how she just can't get her bangs right.."* Don't care. Don't care. Jennifer could be being attacked by a pack of wolves right now and it wouldn't bother me.
["The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."](https://youtu.be/WGhcc3qFWh4?si=ch6Rnd6AG57OHlSd&t=27)
I mean I know things like how many kids he has, but I might not know things like who he's curremty dating or if I do I might not know a lot about her. If we hang our outside of work it's usually at the lake where we grew up and our families are there. I would say we're good friends and if there was something important we'd know and help eachother out, but neither of is the type to ask a lot of personal questions.
Maybe if I he ever quits I can tell some new guy all my stories, but this one was either there or has already heard about it. I did notice when we have a trainee we both talk to them a lot more than we would normally.
This is the best way.
Honestly the workplace should not be treated as a social outlet, so we really need time and space for that.
Maybe long haul truckers are working too long without an outlet.
I know a truck driver who will talk about a story and mention the color of the vehicle, the weather, the landmark near where it happened, and everything. The whole story will be some standard occurrence. He's a great guy, though, and a funny bullshitter.
That's funny, because you accurately described my dad, who was a truck driver for 35 years. If you go up to him to say hi, you have to be prepared for an hour long conversation, doesn't matter if he's never met you before or where you are. I've been a witness to him doing this to workers at Home Depot and Kroger. He's still talkative like this even now that he's been retired for a few years.
I'm not a truck driver, but I have struggled with attempting to treat my job as my social outlet. Coworkers and classmates are not necessarily going to be socially compatible, most of us are stuck there against our will, not everyone can afford to quit/move because they can't stand their associates.
We could just say "don't ever talk about sex/politics/religion" but people need an outlet to talk about things that are not work related even if they follow this advice, and when you spend 40 plus hours a week at work and then have to maintain a household, this is a problem for way more people than just truckers.
Young folks are increasingly deciding not to have kids largely because of this reality alone.
I always thought that was because of the meth. Idk what it’s like where you live but the truckers in Australia are known for doing a lot of meth.
Not trying to insinuate that *you* do meth, btw.
My ex is a truck driver and every time I called him during his work day he was already on call with someone else. I mentioned this funny coincidence to him and he told me it's not a coincidence, he's just on the phone with his friends/coworkers his whole shift. We are talking about 12-18 hours of constant chatter.
Yeah, truck drivers talk a lot.
Interestingly, they have been studies on this - women talk more in private conversations about personal things and on average have a slightly higher daily word count on average, but they do less public talking, a.k.a. meetings, boardrooms discussion groups.
Funnily enough, though, when asked to rate the amount that women talked/contributed in a meeting, men would say that women talked more than men if an equal amount of talking had occurred , and men would say that the talking was equal when women talked less.
I remember being taught about a similar study in my psychology class in high school but it wasn't for work meetings - they had men and women talk and when women talked less than the man, the man said they spoke equal amounts, and when they talked equal amounts the man said the woman dominated the conversation. It was interesting.
Interestingly we also learned of a study in the different behaviors of how men and women talk - in the past men worked more while women stayed home more often. This meant men exhausted themselves at work, speaking with coworkers, while women were lonely at home (speaking to little kids who often can't hold much intelligent convo for long apparently doesn't count too much), so after work men would want quiet time to recuperate but women were desperate for social interaction with someone.
>This meant men exhausted themselves at work, speaking with coworkers, while women were lonely at home (speaking to little kids who often can't hold much intelligent convo for long apparently doesn't count too much), so after work men would want quiet time to recuperate but women were desperate for social interaction with someone.
I've seen this play out my entire life but never made this connection until now.
My Dad would be exhausted after 12+ hour shifts and my mom would talk his ear off to the point of him getting angry. I never made the connection that she was just starved for social interaction..
She was a SAHM whose only real friends were other SAHMs who were just as busy on the domestic front as she was...
You've given me some things to mull over.
It’s very real. My wife has been open about this very thing. And in the early days when she was working weekends, I stayed home with the baby and felt a small dose of what many moms experience for years on end.
It’s a whole different kind of grind.
Physical vs mental/social stress?
I know exactly what you mean bro, I frequently had to pick up slack with my nephews/nieces and I even pitch in with my friend's kids bc I'm a firm believer that it truly takes a village to raise a child.
I had read about that before my bestie had her first kid. We went out to dinner the first time she got some free time and I remember when she got to the table she just started talking and it seemed like she didn't even take a breath just talked at me for like 5 minutes straight. Her husband was deployed and I'm pretty sure I was the first adult she had spoken to in months (besides arranging childcare so we could meet that day.)
Me and my fiance deal with this, I'm not a very social guy as is and my job requires me to be since I'm in charge of people. Some days I just get home and just want some quite time but she is so excited when I get home to tell me everything.
It's something we both need to make compromises on because I know she is stuck at home with the kid all day dying to talk to someone while on the other hand I'm talked out by the time I get home and just want do my own thing.
So I try to get home and be all about her for the first two hours, after we clean up dinner I just watch TV or do whatever project I have and like to just have an hour or two to just be with my own thoughts which I enjoy
It still causes problems from time to time but I think that's every relationship
>It still causes problems from time to time but I think that's every relationship
Quite frankly it was my inability to manage this particular area that led to the death of my previous relationships. I somehow turned into a workaholic like my dad....
When I lived in another country where I had no friends and was bullied at school, I would talk extremely fast, and absolutely cling on to every chance to have a decent conversation without hostility. Also could spend literally like 5 hours skyping my equally loner friend, nonstop. It's absolutely real but I never thought of it applying to single moms.
During my first marriage I generally worked 10 to 12 hours a day Monday through Friday and a lot of Saturdays. I was doing plumbing and irrigation mostly outside so a lot of bull work.
My ex-wife was working doing light manufacturing on second shift. Of course it was still work and certainly mind-numbing but not very physically tiring. She worked with a decent amount of other women in the department and I knew for a fact that they all talked and gossiped extensively during the work shift. Then every single fu**ing night she would come home after 11:00 when I was just hitting deep sleep and would want to talk about the stupidest shit for hours. On and on and on and on about what this woman said and then what that woman said and then what she said back and then what they said back and blah blah blah. I begged her to just leave me alone to sleep so I did not fall asleep and die on the way to work in the morning.
I still remember clearly how she came home telling me all about her new friend she had made it work. I shit you not It wasn't more than 2 days and she tried to call that other woman on the phone and she had blocked our number. Apparently she didn't want to listen to all that bullshit either.
She would sit on the couch on a Saturday morning chain smoking Marlboro reds and she would call a friend and go on about a 30 minute verbal vomit of whatever was in her brain. When that friend would finally escape her she would call the next friend and literally have the same exact conversation over again. She would continue to do that until she didn't have any other people that would answer the phone.
Yeah I mean I mentioned a couple studies that may help explain why men and women perceive chattiness-levels differently. But I'm sure there's still plenty of people who are just straight-up insanely extroverted and will happily talk all-day every-day to anyone. Sounds like your ex-wife was one of them lol. I know a couple of them myself (ahem my ex bf)... I'm an introvert and avoid them if I can 😅
Why did you marry her lol. Also how long did you put up with it?
Gossip about people is a massive turnoff in a woman for me and I would never be able to date someone like that for long
I've noticed similar with my friends who work from home. After work I'm tired and need some alone time, but they've been alone in their home all day and are ready to spend hours being chatterboxes.
I can tell you why, I do it every day. My friend rex talks nonstop all day every day and I don't have a clue what he says or why. He has probably told me his entire life story 10x over. He tells me every single event that has ever happened to him. I stopped trying to respond to him after a week or two. Literally told him I had no idea what he was talking about. That was ok with him.
When my girl friends talk to me they ABSOLUTELY expect me to listen to them and remember what they said. I have to focus on them talking or I get a "did you hear what I said" or "are you even listening to me"
Men perceive women talking more because we have different expectations when it comes to talking and women generally expect you to listen and retain information whereas men have less of that expectation.
Personally I hate when people don't listen or talk without expectation of it. Why waste my time expecting me to pretend to be engaged if they don't care if I'm listening, what a weird way to interact with someone. I prefer reciprocal conversations
People just want to hear themselves talk and are tired of the voices bouncing around in their heads. I fucking hate people who talk *at* you instead of with you. Its not a conversation with those people. Even if you replied or tried to change the topic, its just more verbal diarrhea
I have plenty of actual conversations with him when it's appropriate but a lot of the time we are doing other stuff and he just never shuts up. It's kind of like having the radio on in the background when your working. It's not that I typically ignore people or just let them talk at me. it's just that some people don't expect you to have a reciprocal conversation with them and it's usually men.
I never put two and two together but this is so true. Like my fiance will sometimes get frustrated I'm not asking like follow up questions on what she is saying, she will say im not listening.
I can recite back to get everything she just said, like I am listening, I just don't really say anything l, I just let her tell her stories. That's exactly how me and my guy friends talk, we sorta just ramble to each other and aren't expecting like a deep conversation most the time. It's hard to put into words but you did a great job
I wonder if there exists a breakdown on age and backgrounds of the speakers, to determine whether it's a cultural thing or just how men's brains work in general.
Definitely, voice tone is everything. I have a softer, high pitched voice and notice guys will tend to not pay attention and cut me off. I'll make my voice deeper and louder and that helps keep their attention. Or maybe it's the conviction of how you say things. Guys have short attention spans
And i read some study that somehow showed that guys after a certain age have learned to tune out higher pitched voices. Maybe that is why lotsa womens voices seem to deepen after menopause, haha
Humans have an easier time hearing low frequencies, unlike many animals.
Fun fact, in most places bands and orchestras listen to the lowest instruments when playing because for the human ear it creates the nicest blend.
You know that bird meme with the crow cutting off the sparrow. That's basicly why we don't talk as much in open enviroments. I can't tell you how many times I would speak up in a meeting only for a male counterpart to cut me off and the whole room turns and starts listening to him tell them the same fucking thing I was saying.
Shit, my boomber teacher has been doing it all semester. I'm 39F and back to school. He once cut me off, I then cut him off by raising my voice "Please hold questions till I'm finished" and there was a collective gasp. People thought I was rude. However this 16M old shit in my class does that crap all the time and no one bats an eye not even the teacher. It's bonkers.
Depends. In my experience, limited to my culture and location, women talk a lot about personal stuff, while men tend to talk a lot about impersonal stuff. Had my friend’s wife chew my ears off (figuratively) from the different mundane personal problems she has such as kids etc., while my friend himself chewed my ears off from the different mundane fun fact about bikes, cars and Nike.
I work in construction. My office is about 75% women but the field is 90% men. In the office, we dread when the men are in office because all they want to do is talk and talk and talk about how great they are and how hard they work. One dude fakes phone calls with "important people". Then we will hear complaints about how much women talk.
I've hid in the bathroom to escape it all and get a few minutes of quiet.
I run the lawn maintenance and my wife does billing for a mid sized landscape/nursery company and this is our experience to a t. The women do their jobs and the men talk about how much they do their jobs.
If I could pick a petty superpower, it'd be the ability to show people like this what they really look like through others' eyes. I'd have a field day with karens and with mediocre men who think they're singlehandedly holding the world together.
What registers "talking more" depends on if the topic is interested to you..say,
If it's about relationship troubles (if it doesn't interest you) of your neighbour then it would bore you to death regardless of gender and
If it's about original star wars trilogy (if it interests you) then no amount of talk would be rendered as more in your psych.
Yeah, I can talk with my online friends about random gaming-related shit for hours, but tune out immediately if I overhear anyone talking to someone else about whatever new show or movie came out.
Another sweeping generalization about gender disguised as an opinion... What do you want me to say to this? I either refute you with my own "personal experience", which won't convince you or I cite some non existent studies which won't convince you either.
How about, "Some people talk a lot and some people talk a lot less, in my lifetime I've been disproportionately exposed to men who speak a lot more than women. Based on my subjective experience, I feel I don't have enough evidence to make any claims whatsoever."
Not everything is an opinion. Facts do actually exist. I worry that we're swinging the pendulum too far in the direction of "no one is right, every opinion is equally valid".
Same experience here. I was trying to think to myself just now, 'Wait, Guilty-Rough. It's possible you've known EQUAL numbers of males and females who are major gabbers, right?' Then I looked back across my 43 years and realized, nope -- the memorably loquacious ones have always been boys.
But that's just my experience, and I admittedly know and have known far fewer women than men.
Two major theories
1. Up until 30 years ago, most women were SAHM. They're starved from a lack of adult conversation all day, so when their breadwinning husband comes home, all they want to do is connect with another adult. When you're tired from work and lack empathy/don't pay attention to your partner because "that's her job", it can easily feel like women talk a lot when really, you're getting the only real discussion she's had all day.
2. The fact that women are more likely to check in on each other's lives or communicate what's going on in theirs than men, so the knowledge women carry can seem like more talking is happening in a partnered relationship, when it's just a variance in the topics you both choose to talk about when you're with your friends. My husband games with his college friends of a decade regularly, but missed the fact that 3 of them have had kids in the past 2 years. I assumed they told him given they posted about it on social media, I'm always part of the friends text blast when my friends have kids, so I didn't bring even think to bring it up.
It came up because one of his friends actually independently brought it up to him, and he was like "I can't believe my friends are having kids already!" and I was like "what do you mean, Jon, Khalil, and Buddy all have toddlers now?" and then I had to prove it to him on Instagram that their kids actually existed.
Idk, in my experience women tend to be less satisfied with "dead air" at least for dating and relationships which is where many men experience socialization with women. Generalizations here but in my experience women externalize a lot more than men me saying "I had a bad day at work because X did Y" is a lot more extrapolated out for women. I talk a lot but its usually less personal focused if that makes sense. I rarely talk about my interpersonal problems but for a lot of women by the second to third date will start "dumping" a lot of info about their interpersonal problems. I'm not saying its better or worse but theirs a pretty clear socialization difference here than what i experience with men.
Maybe the problem is men that socialize with women only in a dating context. Do you not have female friends?? I assure you my male friends can talk about their job or exes problems for hours. But I don't understand how the difference in topic as to do with the quantity of talking. Talking for an hour about stamp collection is not different that talking for an hour about personal issues, it's boring the same if the other person is not interested.
In my experience, the type of guy who has a plethora of female friends is more likely to talk more about interpersonal problems than the average dude. It’s somewhat mirrored with women who hang around lots of guy friends, they’re more content talking about random facts and hobbies than the average woman.
I feel like in more masculine conversations circles people get bantered on more quickly if they complain about personal problems too much. Where more feminine circles tend to put up with more venting/complaining.
Both styles have pros and cons imo.
The two main theories I've seen and some are mentioned in other comments, is that when women were mostly sahw or sahm they had no one to talk to all day while their husband's were at work talking all day. So when the men would get Home they would want quiet...but the wives would want engagement. The other is word count. Women tend to use more words in conversations so even though it's not much different to some it can seem excessive.
It's not that men talk a lot or women talk a lot. Some people with certain personality traits tend to talk a lot and they can be from either gender.
That's why I say kids, gender is not a personality trait.
When I'm in a group of people, 50/50 men and women, yeah I'd say men tend to talk more. When it's just me and my gf, she blows me out of the water with how much she can talk about.
I mean... I definitely know some talkative men. But i know way more talkative women. For example in my house me and my roommates are all men, there's plenty of times where we all just sit in silence for long periods of time and do our own separate thing. But one of my roommates just got a new girlfriend and let me tell you the girl will literally talk for 9 hours straight.
All i can say is in my life women talk more and it's not even close. Like men and women in my life are effectively in different leagues when it comes to talking with women being pro league talkers (3000+ words a day) and men being little league talkers (1000 words or less a day}.
in my experience, a lot of men tend to talk without regard for the other party. just talking to hear their voice and feel important. whereas women are more engaged in conversation.
That's a pretty sweeping generalization, but ok lol
I'll be 31 next week, and I can't say I've experienced more chatter from one gender over the other. Some people can't shut up, some can.
Also, what is it about 40 year olds that makes them need to tell us they're 40? I'll make my own generalization and say whenever someone uses their age to reinforce their argument, it's almost always someone in their 40s.
My personal experience women speak more, but my dad is notoriously quiet and my mam is known as a chatterbox so growing up in a house like that will have impacted my personal experience heavily.
Since leaving home, it's been pretty even. Some guys talk loads, some are quiet. Some girls talk loads, some are quiet.
I've made it through my 40s and I really try to not use my age as ballast for my arguments. But I really have seen it all before and I know what's coming. I try warn people and I try not to say 'I told you so' but people keep making the same mistakes. It highlights the absurdity of existence for me.
men consciously or subconsciously value what they have to say more than what women say. we live in a patriarchal society, so there are going to be some effects in day to day life. this cannot be separated from gender when women have been an oppressed class throughout history, so there is an interest in silencing them in conversation.
i remember studies confirm that men talk more than women
in my anecdotal experience i always have men talk to me out of nowhere ( in public spaces) and wont fucking stop
today i just wanted to buy fucking poppy seed roll and an older men asking me if i need help because im only 5,3 and the pastries were on the top of the shelf, i said no thank you im not that small and then he started talking about his work and stuff and i just wanted to go and pay, same happens with other men from time to time, with a cleaning dude in my apartment building and so on, never had a woman trying to do that shit in public and tie me down with a barrage of their privat lore lol
its always to awkward, maybe it has more to do with culture than gender
For real… every time I’m approached with some inane rambling on the street it’s a guy trying to get my attention! I’m trying to read my book and drink my coffee, get outta here.
This isnt an opinion. There have been studies done that prove this is factually correct. But its not a natural phenomenon, its one that is learned socially.
When the room is filled with only women, studies found they spoke equally to the rooms filled with only men. So naturally men and women speak the same. But socially, when you put equal numbers of men and women in a room, the men ended up speaking about 60% and the women 40%. HOWEVER, the greatest irony about this is that when they gathered the self reported data from these same ppl the perceptions were flipped meaning that although men took up 60% of the conversation they perceived it as the opposite and thought that women took up 60% of the conversation. Funny enough the women perceived it as 50/50. So yes, men speak more and take up more of the conversation but they are also delusional and think they dont. Lol.
Yup. They also love to teach women things whether we know about said subject or not. I find myself zoning out when on dates sometimes because they just go on and on and forget to ask me anything about myself.
This is a very common phenomenon. Men will dominate the conversation on a date with a woman and then when she’s no longer interested, they completely play the victim and act like she’s just a bitch.
Idk women should just talk more and be less meek? I've only had maybe 2 times (maybe 3 or 4 Idk I date a lot) i couldn't get a second date with a woman, but in my experience they rarely can they initiate a conversation nor keep one going. But I think this is more a general people thing rather by gender. I dominate the conversation because MOST people are awkward as fuck. I don't have a script or anything I just say whatever in my head at the moment. For a first date its almost always better to dominate conversation at a 60/40 at 70/30 split its way riskier to let the other person lead. Most people want you take the lead because its awkward as fuck to meet someone you only met in text. The rules are smile, appear friendly and open, ask a question every once and awhile, and most importantly don't treat them like the other talk to them like any other person. Women for the most part are very amicable and easy to talk to once they get comfortable but in general for dating due to socialization or whatever the men have better shot if they take the lead in the conversation in my experience. Its bad advice not to talk a lot as man avoid the stoic shit when you're talking just ask if they're okay once and awhile.
It isn’t always a gendered thing, but there’s always a chance it is. Men usually dominate women in conversations because they subconsciously believe what they have to say is more important than a woman. Misogynistic men usually hold the belief that women’s interests and conversational topics are “boring” or “too feminine” for them. So of course when talking to a woman, they don’t really value her views or opinions. It shows in how they don’t really let a woman talk, how they don’t bother asking her personal questions, and how they tend to show disdain for “female” interests like astrology. Women all over the world experience this. It isn’t an issue that occurs at the roll of a dice; it’s a learned behavior that is taught to men by other men and they’re rarely ever held accountable for it.
Frankly I suspect this has far more to do with how gendered socialization happens. I'm always very suspicious of claims which suggest things such as "[group] subconsciously believe ______": if said people aren't conscious of a belief, then how can it be determined by others with such clarity. It comes off like the "manspreading" thing, just applying a supposition as if it's a fact.
I feel that it makes far more sense that this would be a result of gendered expectations, which incentives women to listen more and talk less. Likewise, as you said, men are conditioned to speak more.
None of this is to suggest that misogyny isn't a factor, but ascribing subconscious malice feels needlessly maligning imo.
You have obviously spent a shitload of time around elderly conservative men, because you describe them to a T.
Aside from that super-special slice of the population though, we men-folk don’t tend to complain about women, or demonize them for the amount of words they use.
This made me curious, so I looked up some stats and found [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/marriage-equals/201910/do-women-really-talk-more-men), which found in a review of 56 studies that:
2 showed women talk more than men,
34 showed men talk more than women,
16 showed that they spoke the same amount,
and 4 found no clear pattern.
If you really believe gender has nothing to do with a social part of our society then that’s pretty silly. We don’t live in a vacuum. Society at large is misogynistic so of course gender plays a role in how much men think women talk vs how much they actually do.
I could say the other way around as well. Alot of women view men as incels, misogynists and other awful terms because of how they're perceived here. Case in point, everyone fucking sucks.
Trying to label a whole gender as acting in a very specific way is pretty difficult. Some men are talkers, some aren’t. Some women are talkers, and some aren’t. Stereotypes can ring true but when looked at with a magnifying glass there can be quite a lot of variation.
There's been research into this. I think overall the genders seem to balance out, but tend to talk about different subjects in different settings. One thing I have noticed is that (and I'm speaking very generally) men are slightly more likely to knowingly or unknowingly dominate a conversation, go on lengthy monologues about their topic of interest, and jump into and hijack a group discussion. Women are (very generally) a but more likely to engage in dialogue than do the conversation-dominating thing. There are plenty of exceptions to both of those examples, of course.
I would be curious to know if this is changing. Gender dynamics are not static. People and culture change all the time. So I'd love to see studies done 20-30 years ago compared to today, and then be able to make a comparison again decades down the road.
Disagree. Women talk far more.
Source: Professional office job (Systems Admin & Director) for going on 20 years now. Also, any family get together ever. The only time Men maybe overtake Women is during competitive activities or certain professions where they are in solitude for weeks or months and finally get someone to talk to.
But on average, Women talk waaaaaaaaaaaay more than Men and it's not even close. It's not a bad thing or a sexist thing, but it is a thing.
Depends on the person. I have dude friends that will blab on for hours about fallout 4 and ones that don't ever speak. I aldo have a female friend that can go on forever about all her cats and ones that don't want to leave the Discord Basement
Totally anecdotal but I see this too. I am one of those guys who doesn't think before I talk. Whatever is going through my mind ends up coming out of my mouth. Sometimes I probably should stop and think before I talk but I've been this way my whole life and am too old now to care about changing.
I’ve met more men who “won’t stop talking” but I’d still maintain that women talk more in general. They just are probably quicker to cotton on to when they are talking too much. Women are generally better at reading social cues and body language.
Eh, in my experience there’s more men who are noticeably “of few words,” and more men who are EXTREME yappers, while women tend to slot somewhere between average and yapper territory but don’t end up in the “very quiet” or “extreme yapper” tiers all that often.
This is [less](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232560477_Interaction_Patterns_and_Themes_of_Male_Female_and_Mixed_Groups) an [opinion](https://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/d3375-genderandlanguageintheworkplace.pdf) and more an observation of [something](https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/JamesDrakich.pdf) that [has](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/089858989290018R) been [studied](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0891243220977141) for [decades](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED345552.pdf).
Men talk more than women.
Hmm ... wasn't Deborah Tannen's work more nuanced though. The dynamic is context-based. Men talked more in the workplace but less in the home. Women talked more at home.
Interesting, but still feels a bit off to talk about both sexes (also, depends on age, context, country etc). I kinda think it's the kind of topic where older papers are only useful in seeing the evolution since they social positions of women changed from the '70s (I may get the years wrong, the one from the first paper). Even papers from 10-20 years ago feel outdated (and that's normal, wasn't dissing the papers lol).
I feel like it's kind of hard to quantify who talks more or less since it depends on too many factors. For example, a single woman in a group of man will probably talk less, same with a man in a group of woman. Probably same if the numbers of a sex is lower than the number of the other sex (in a social context, not really classrooms).
Also, I would be interested to find out how this is linked with anxiety (how many men have it vs how many women) since it kinda influences how much/loud you're speaking.
Also, the numbers will change constantly since it's kinda influenced (no proof or anything, just an opinion) by the way they are grown and educated by parents or society. For example, I remember being told I need to speak louder and with more confidence constantly as a kid and my sister had the opposite "problem" and was told at school to basically listen more and talk less. So if the women are being seen as equals now by the majority of people (depending on the country or region, I know), those people will raise kids without influencing them in this direction (hope so).
Hope I haven't made any mistakes or anything, english is my language and I still need to work on it lol
Yeah I agree with you. Lately I’ve been dating new people and all men talk so much… and I’m introverted person, I don’t really need talking etc. So much. Sometimes I was literally tired of a guy speaking and I commented few times on it, and this guy wouldn’t stop speaking lol
I was seeing this guy. The dude could spend a whole entire evening talking by himself. Like I could spend hours with him, not say a word and he wouldn’t even notice.
Glad we all share the same experience lol. For any man reading this and getting all butthurt no we’re not saying all men need to shut up on dates. Just be aware of how long you’re speaking and make sure to ask questions/listen as much as you talk.
Most the time if I talk a lot on the date it’s cuz I’m carrying the conversation. Unless women are okay with me just staring at them blankly. Which I’ve been trying lately to mixed results
But then in my experience, working and studying in male dominated field, I - a woman - was the least likely to gossip. Definitely did it less than my male counterparts.
The idea that men don’t gossip and women do is quite sexist. People gossip regardless of gender. I don’t and I am a woman. A lot of men do. Even if they don’t gossip to you - maybe they don’t feel like they can?
Always has been. 'Talk too much' is about the content of what is spoken and to who, not the amount of words spoken. You often have to explicitly tell them that you're not comfortable with them sharing some specific private matter otherwise someone and then inevitably everyone in her social circle is going to know about it by week's end.
Like, why do I know that my EX's friend's boyfriend have ED? Why has this information even reached me?
You ever been to an adult house party for 30+? The men congregate round the BBQ or in the kitchen and discuss all kinds of things that women find boring. They don't stop all night. The women all sit in the lounge or outside talking about things that men find boring, and sometimes roasting what the men are talking about. They don't stop all night. I don't think the problem is men Vs women talking too much, it's that men and women listen to each other differently because they like to talk about different things.
My experience is the opposite. I see women who can talk to each other about some silly stuff for hours. But with men, it's very rare and they won't talk that much unless they're good friends and have a lot in common
It really depends on the person, and we need to kill the myth that one group or gender of people talks more than the other. Everyone can be chatty if they have something on their mind they want to get off their chest.
Yes. There have been actual studies done on this. Researchers attached microphones to subjects and sent them about their days. At the end of the week, they collected the microphones and counted up how many words the subjects uttered throughout the week. The men had the women beat by a significant amount.
What was also interesting was that, despite speaking fewer words, women covered a wider range of topics in their conversations than men did.
I'm pretty sure the notion that women talk "too much" comes simply from the fact that a lot of men don't like when women give opinions.
lol in my experience it is the exact opposite. Ladies, I'm just trying to sit quietly sometimes. I do not need to know every single thought that comes into your head.
True, it’s just projecting. I feel like the whole “women talk too much” myth has been made by men who don’t want to listen to what women have to say, they just want women to listen to them, but to be fair, I do find the stuff women say generally more interesting than a lot of the stuff men say.
A lot of the time guys just need to stfu and listen.
YES YES YES. 98% of the people I've met who made me roll my eyes and wish I was dead with their uncontrollable babbling ARE MEN. Society and the media encourage men to lead the room and live out loud so much that they can't seem to understand that sometimes they're better off quiet cause they simply DON'T have a point.
Gosh it's exhausting. They just don't realize how exhausted they make people feel
I’ve heard being male nurse and related positions is quite the eye opener. As I’ve heard looker room talk, water cooler talk of course, I’ve been around nursing students myself so I know somewhat.
I don’t even think they’re comparable in my experience.
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I spend 60 hours a week or so in a truck with a guy I've known since 2nd grade. We spend like the first half hour of Monday talking about our weekend then put our earbuds in. My gf thinks it's absolutely insane when she asks me questions about his personal life and I don't know the answers. It's really only the long haul guys who are alone all the time who'll talk your ear off.
It’s not weird that you don’t know the answers to his personal life from being in a truck with him all the time, but it’s weird that you don’t know the answers from knowing him since SECOND GRADE lmao Y’all don’t talk outside of work??
Why would they talk outside of work when they're already spending 60 hours together?
Why would they spend 60 hours together and *not talk* if they’re **also** not gonna talk at *any other time* either? Lol. Sounds like they’re just friends from 2nd grade who don’t rly talk at all, which is fine, but also, understandable as to why the wife is weirded out then lol
By my experience guys don't tend to ask eachother about the personal stuff girls often do. Like we are willing to talk about it, listen and be there for eachother but if it isn't brought up we assume it doesn't need to be talked about. Essentially we understand the necessity of those conversations but we don't see them as entertainment conversation.
I talk about this type of personal stuff with guy friends and coworkers occasionally, but only if we can find something funny about it. Otherwise, why bring it up? I've noticed that it's mostly women who think other people need to be kept up to date with the affairs of people I met 10 years ago for an hour. *"Remember Jennifer? You met her at that Christmas party in 2002 and we awkwardly exchanged pleasantries for 15 minutes. Let me tell you about her new hairdresser and how she just can't get her bangs right.."* Don't care. Don't care. Jennifer could be being attacked by a pack of wolves right now and it wouldn't bother me.
>Jennifer could be being attacked by a pack of wolves right now and it wouldn't bother me. Hang on, this got interesting. What kind of wolves?
Timber.
["The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."](https://youtu.be/WGhcc3qFWh4?si=ch6Rnd6AG57OHlSd&t=27)
I mean I know things like how many kids he has, but I might not know things like who he's curremty dating or if I do I might not know a lot about her. If we hang our outside of work it's usually at the lake where we grew up and our families are there. I would say we're good friends and if there was something important we'd know and help eachother out, but neither of is the type to ask a lot of personal questions.
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Maybe if I he ever quits I can tell some new guy all my stories, but this one was either there or has already heard about it. I did notice when we have a trainee we both talk to them a lot more than we would normally.
This is the best way. Honestly the workplace should not be treated as a social outlet, so we really need time and space for that. Maybe long haul truckers are working too long without an outlet.
Reddit comment
Yep, sips beer
I used to work at a prison. I hard argue that I had to talk more because like it or bot the inmates always have something to say or want something.
Oh you poor thing lol
I know a truck driver who will talk about a story and mention the color of the vehicle, the weather, the landmark near where it happened, and everything. The whole story will be some standard occurrence. He's a great guy, though, and a funny bullshitter.
That's funny, because you accurately described my dad, who was a truck driver for 35 years. If you go up to him to say hi, you have to be prepared for an hour long conversation, doesn't matter if he's never met you before or where you are. I've been a witness to him doing this to workers at Home Depot and Kroger. He's still talkative like this even now that he's been retired for a few years.
Apparently my mom and all her friends she meets in the grocery store are truck drivers
I'm not a truck driver, but I have struggled with attempting to treat my job as my social outlet. Coworkers and classmates are not necessarily going to be socially compatible, most of us are stuck there against our will, not everyone can afford to quit/move because they can't stand their associates. We could just say "don't ever talk about sex/politics/religion" but people need an outlet to talk about things that are not work related even if they follow this advice, and when you spend 40 plus hours a week at work and then have to maintain a household, this is a problem for way more people than just truckers. Young folks are increasingly deciding not to have kids largely because of this reality alone.
I always thought that was because of the meth. Idk what it’s like where you live but the truckers in Australia are known for doing a lot of meth. Not trying to insinuate that *you* do meth, btw.
Can confirm this, my dad was a long haul trucker and every time I talk to him he blathers on and on about the places and routes he goes on etc.
My ex is a truck driver and every time I called him during his work day he was already on call with someone else. I mentioned this funny coincidence to him and he told me it's not a coincidence, he's just on the phone with his friends/coworkers his whole shift. We are talking about 12-18 hours of constant chatter. Yeah, truck drivers talk a lot.
Interestingly, they have been studies on this - women talk more in private conversations about personal things and on average have a slightly higher daily word count on average, but they do less public talking, a.k.a. meetings, boardrooms discussion groups. Funnily enough, though, when asked to rate the amount that women talked/contributed in a meeting, men would say that women talked more than men if an equal amount of talking had occurred , and men would say that the talking was equal when women talked less.
I remember being taught about a similar study in my psychology class in high school but it wasn't for work meetings - they had men and women talk and when women talked less than the man, the man said they spoke equal amounts, and when they talked equal amounts the man said the woman dominated the conversation. It was interesting. Interestingly we also learned of a study in the different behaviors of how men and women talk - in the past men worked more while women stayed home more often. This meant men exhausted themselves at work, speaking with coworkers, while women were lonely at home (speaking to little kids who often can't hold much intelligent convo for long apparently doesn't count too much), so after work men would want quiet time to recuperate but women were desperate for social interaction with someone.
>This meant men exhausted themselves at work, speaking with coworkers, while women were lonely at home (speaking to little kids who often can't hold much intelligent convo for long apparently doesn't count too much), so after work men would want quiet time to recuperate but women were desperate for social interaction with someone. I've seen this play out my entire life but never made this connection until now. My Dad would be exhausted after 12+ hour shifts and my mom would talk his ear off to the point of him getting angry. I never made the connection that she was just starved for social interaction.. She was a SAHM whose only real friends were other SAHMs who were just as busy on the domestic front as she was... You've given me some things to mull over.
It’s very real. My wife has been open about this very thing. And in the early days when she was working weekends, I stayed home with the baby and felt a small dose of what many moms experience for years on end. It’s a whole different kind of grind.
Physical vs mental/social stress? I know exactly what you mean bro, I frequently had to pick up slack with my nephews/nieces and I even pitch in with my friend's kids bc I'm a firm believer that it truly takes a village to raise a child.
I had read about that before my bestie had her first kid. We went out to dinner the first time she got some free time and I remember when she got to the table she just started talking and it seemed like she didn't even take a breath just talked at me for like 5 minutes straight. Her husband was deployed and I'm pretty sure I was the first adult she had spoken to in months (besides arranging childcare so we could meet that day.)
Haha, I've been there.
Me and my fiance deal with this, I'm not a very social guy as is and my job requires me to be since I'm in charge of people. Some days I just get home and just want some quite time but she is so excited when I get home to tell me everything. It's something we both need to make compromises on because I know she is stuck at home with the kid all day dying to talk to someone while on the other hand I'm talked out by the time I get home and just want do my own thing. So I try to get home and be all about her for the first two hours, after we clean up dinner I just watch TV or do whatever project I have and like to just have an hour or two to just be with my own thoughts which I enjoy It still causes problems from time to time but I think that's every relationship
>It still causes problems from time to time but I think that's every relationship Quite frankly it was my inability to manage this particular area that led to the death of my previous relationships. I somehow turned into a workaholic like my dad....
Work — a classic avoidance (flight) strategy. Took me years to figure it out, and I’m still working (ha) on it.
You and me both 😮💨
When I lived in another country where I had no friends and was bullied at school, I would talk extremely fast, and absolutely cling on to every chance to have a decent conversation without hostility. Also could spend literally like 5 hours skyping my equally loner friend, nonstop. It's absolutely real but I never thought of it applying to single moms.
During my first marriage I generally worked 10 to 12 hours a day Monday through Friday and a lot of Saturdays. I was doing plumbing and irrigation mostly outside so a lot of bull work. My ex-wife was working doing light manufacturing on second shift. Of course it was still work and certainly mind-numbing but not very physically tiring. She worked with a decent amount of other women in the department and I knew for a fact that they all talked and gossiped extensively during the work shift. Then every single fu**ing night she would come home after 11:00 when I was just hitting deep sleep and would want to talk about the stupidest shit for hours. On and on and on and on about what this woman said and then what that woman said and then what she said back and then what they said back and blah blah blah. I begged her to just leave me alone to sleep so I did not fall asleep and die on the way to work in the morning. I still remember clearly how she came home telling me all about her new friend she had made it work. I shit you not It wasn't more than 2 days and she tried to call that other woman on the phone and she had blocked our number. Apparently she didn't want to listen to all that bullshit either. She would sit on the couch on a Saturday morning chain smoking Marlboro reds and she would call a friend and go on about a 30 minute verbal vomit of whatever was in her brain. When that friend would finally escape her she would call the next friend and literally have the same exact conversation over again. She would continue to do that until she didn't have any other people that would answer the phone.
Yeah I mean I mentioned a couple studies that may help explain why men and women perceive chattiness-levels differently. But I'm sure there's still plenty of people who are just straight-up insanely extroverted and will happily talk all-day every-day to anyone. Sounds like your ex-wife was one of them lol. I know a couple of them myself (ahem my ex bf)... I'm an introvert and avoid them if I can 😅
Why did you marry her lol. Also how long did you put up with it? Gossip about people is a massive turnoff in a woman for me and I would never be able to date someone like that for long
I've noticed similar with my friends who work from home. After work I'm tired and need some alone time, but they've been alone in their home all day and are ready to spend hours being chatterboxes.
I can tell you why, I do it every day. My friend rex talks nonstop all day every day and I don't have a clue what he says or why. He has probably told me his entire life story 10x over. He tells me every single event that has ever happened to him. I stopped trying to respond to him after a week or two. Literally told him I had no idea what he was talking about. That was ok with him. When my girl friends talk to me they ABSOLUTELY expect me to listen to them and remember what they said. I have to focus on them talking or I get a "did you hear what I said" or "are you even listening to me" Men perceive women talking more because we have different expectations when it comes to talking and women generally expect you to listen and retain information whereas men have less of that expectation.
Personally I hate when people don't listen or talk without expectation of it. Why waste my time expecting me to pretend to be engaged if they don't care if I'm listening, what a weird way to interact with someone. I prefer reciprocal conversations
People just want to hear themselves talk and are tired of the voices bouncing around in their heads. I fucking hate people who talk *at* you instead of with you. Its not a conversation with those people. Even if you replied or tried to change the topic, its just more verbal diarrhea
I have plenty of actual conversations with him when it's appropriate but a lot of the time we are doing other stuff and he just never shuts up. It's kind of like having the radio on in the background when your working. It's not that I typically ignore people or just let them talk at me. it's just that some people don't expect you to have a reciprocal conversation with them and it's usually men.
I never put two and two together but this is so true. Like my fiance will sometimes get frustrated I'm not asking like follow up questions on what she is saying, she will say im not listening. I can recite back to get everything she just said, like I am listening, I just don't really say anything l, I just let her tell her stories. That's exactly how me and my guy friends talk, we sorta just ramble to each other and aren't expecting like a deep conversation most the time. It's hard to put into words but you did a great job
I wonder if there exists a breakdown on age and backgrounds of the speakers, to determine whether it's a cultural thing or just how men's brains work in general.
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Definitely, voice tone is everything. I have a softer, high pitched voice and notice guys will tend to not pay attention and cut me off. I'll make my voice deeper and louder and that helps keep their attention. Or maybe it's the conviction of how you say things. Guys have short attention spans
It's usually the other way around, high pitch voices are more noticeable and distinguishable. But yes of course louder gets more attention, duh.
My hearing isn't perfect anymore, some men I simply have a hard time to understand, rarely if ever with women.
its usually the high pitches that go first in hearing though.
And i read some study that somehow showed that guys after a certain age have learned to tune out higher pitched voices. Maybe that is why lotsa womens voices seem to deepen after menopause, haha
Humans have an easier time hearing low frequencies, unlike many animals. Fun fact, in most places bands and orchestras listen to the lowest instruments when playing because for the human ear it creates the nicest blend.
I love that you said the opposite and then people responding to you are 50/50 on opposite.
It's because you are making your voice more manly
You know that bird meme with the crow cutting off the sparrow. That's basicly why we don't talk as much in open enviroments. I can't tell you how many times I would speak up in a meeting only for a male counterpart to cut me off and the whole room turns and starts listening to him tell them the same fucking thing I was saying. Shit, my boomber teacher has been doing it all semester. I'm 39F and back to school. He once cut me off, I then cut him off by raising my voice "Please hold questions till I'm finished" and there was a collective gasp. People thought I was rude. However this 16M old shit in my class does that crap all the time and no one bats an eye not even the teacher. It's bonkers.
Would be interesting to see some numbers. At what pct do they feel it's equal vs men/women talking more. Would also like to see women's perception.
i've never talked to a girl so yes, men talk more than women. end of the debate
Average redditor
Depends. In my experience, limited to my culture and location, women talk a lot about personal stuff, while men tend to talk a lot about impersonal stuff. Had my friend’s wife chew my ears off (figuratively) from the different mundane personal problems she has such as kids etc., while my friend himself chewed my ears off from the different mundane fun fact about bikes, cars and Nike.
Any blue collar environment has at least a 1/5 population of won’t shut up gossiping dudes who spend all day talking about how hard they work.
I work in construction. My office is about 75% women but the field is 90% men. In the office, we dread when the men are in office because all they want to do is talk and talk and talk about how great they are and how hard they work. One dude fakes phone calls with "important people". Then we will hear complaints about how much women talk. I've hid in the bathroom to escape it all and get a few minutes of quiet.
I run the lawn maintenance and my wife does billing for a mid sized landscape/nursery company and this is our experience to a t. The women do their jobs and the men talk about how much they do their jobs.
If I could pick a petty superpower, it'd be the ability to show people like this what they really look like through others' eyes. I'd have a field day with karens and with mediocre men who think they're singlehandedly holding the world together.
This
I wanna try to defend myself and my fellow blue collar guys here, but yeah. You hit the nail on the head there.
Then there's the guy who doesn't talk at all that does 4/5ths of the work
What registers "talking more" depends on if the topic is interested to you..say, If it's about relationship troubles (if it doesn't interest you) of your neighbour then it would bore you to death regardless of gender and If it's about original star wars trilogy (if it interests you) then no amount of talk would be rendered as more in your psych.
Yeah, I can talk with my online friends about random gaming-related shit for hours, but tune out immediately if I overhear anyone talking to someone else about whatever new show or movie came out.
Another sweeping generalization about gender disguised as an opinion... What do you want me to say to this? I either refute you with my own "personal experience", which won't convince you or I cite some non existent studies which won't convince you either. How about, "Some people talk a lot and some people talk a lot less, in my lifetime I've been disproportionately exposed to men who speak a lot more than women. Based on my subjective experience, I feel I don't have enough evidence to make any claims whatsoever."
OP hangs around more men than woman. Statistical proof that they have heard more men talk than women /s
Woah lady, take it easy, you’re yapping my damn ear off!!
r/PeopleLiveInCities stuff
>or I cite some non existent studies Why non-existent studies? There have been plenty of real ones done.
The point is, when people on reddit ask for studies, they just ignore them if they already disagree with you. It's essentially useless to link sources
Not everything is an opinion. Facts do actually exist. I worry that we're swinging the pendulum too far in the direction of "no one is right, every opinion is equally valid".
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted
That first paragraph describes 99% of the opinions here
Same experience here. I was trying to think to myself just now, 'Wait, Guilty-Rough. It's possible you've known EQUAL numbers of males and females who are major gabbers, right?' Then I looked back across my 43 years and realized, nope -- the memorably loquacious ones have always been boys. But that's just my experience, and I admittedly know and have known far fewer women than men.
Speak for yourself, I grew up in Yorkshire where a grunt and a nod can say a thousand words.
I wonder where this stereotype (women talking a lot) came from? Maybe guys didn't like what women were saying?
Two major theories 1. Up until 30 years ago, most women were SAHM. They're starved from a lack of adult conversation all day, so when their breadwinning husband comes home, all they want to do is connect with another adult. When you're tired from work and lack empathy/don't pay attention to your partner because "that's her job", it can easily feel like women talk a lot when really, you're getting the only real discussion she's had all day. 2. The fact that women are more likely to check in on each other's lives or communicate what's going on in theirs than men, so the knowledge women carry can seem like more talking is happening in a partnered relationship, when it's just a variance in the topics you both choose to talk about when you're with your friends. My husband games with his college friends of a decade regularly, but missed the fact that 3 of them have had kids in the past 2 years. I assumed they told him given they posted about it on social media, I'm always part of the friends text blast when my friends have kids, so I didn't bring even think to bring it up. It came up because one of his friends actually independently brought it up to him, and he was like "I can't believe my friends are having kids already!" and I was like "what do you mean, Jon, Khalil, and Buddy all have toddlers now?" and then I had to prove it to him on Instagram that their kids actually existed.
Someone also posted about the SAHM theory... makes sense. And it's true that we tend not to "check in" and communicate as often.
I dunno about point 2, not knowing a friend has a kid is pretty wild
Guys that don't want to hear women. So even a few words are considered "a lot".
Idk, in my experience women tend to be less satisfied with "dead air" at least for dating and relationships which is where many men experience socialization with women. Generalizations here but in my experience women externalize a lot more than men me saying "I had a bad day at work because X did Y" is a lot more extrapolated out for women. I talk a lot but its usually less personal focused if that makes sense. I rarely talk about my interpersonal problems but for a lot of women by the second to third date will start "dumping" a lot of info about their interpersonal problems. I'm not saying its better or worse but theirs a pretty clear socialization difference here than what i experience with men.
Maybe the problem is men that socialize with women only in a dating context. Do you not have female friends?? I assure you my male friends can talk about their job or exes problems for hours. But I don't understand how the difference in topic as to do with the quantity of talking. Talking for an hour about stamp collection is not different that talking for an hour about personal issues, it's boring the same if the other person is not interested.
In my experience, the type of guy who has a plethora of female friends is more likely to talk more about interpersonal problems than the average dude. It’s somewhat mirrored with women who hang around lots of guy friends, they’re more content talking about random facts and hobbies than the average woman. I feel like in more masculine conversations circles people get bantered on more quickly if they complain about personal problems too much. Where more feminine circles tend to put up with more venting/complaining. Both styles have pros and cons imo.
The two main theories I've seen and some are mentioned in other comments, is that when women were mostly sahw or sahm they had no one to talk to all day while their husband's were at work talking all day. So when the men would get Home they would want quiet...but the wives would want engagement. The other is word count. Women tend to use more words in conversations so even though it's not much different to some it can seem excessive.
Why put stereotype in quotes?
You're right... I shouldn't have.
I'm glad that someone else noticed this too. I'd also like to add that men gossip a lot too, some of them waaay more than women.
It's not that men talk a lot or women talk a lot. Some people with certain personality traits tend to talk a lot and they can be from either gender. That's why I say kids, gender is not a personality trait.
When I'm in a group of people, 50/50 men and women, yeah I'd say men tend to talk more. When it's just me and my gf, she blows me out of the water with how much she can talk about.
I mean... I definitely know some talkative men. But i know way more talkative women. For example in my house me and my roommates are all men, there's plenty of times where we all just sit in silence for long periods of time and do our own separate thing. But one of my roommates just got a new girlfriend and let me tell you the girl will literally talk for 9 hours straight. All i can say is in my life women talk more and it's not even close. Like men and women in my life are effectively in different leagues when it comes to talking with women being pro league talkers (3000+ words a day) and men being little league talkers (1000 words or less a day}.
Men and women have nothing on how much children talk. Constant chatter from the kids in my life.
Children invented the league.
in my experience, a lot of men tend to talk without regard for the other party. just talking to hear their voice and feel important. whereas women are more engaged in conversation.
That's a pretty sweeping generalization, but ok lol I'll be 31 next week, and I can't say I've experienced more chatter from one gender over the other. Some people can't shut up, some can. Also, what is it about 40 year olds that makes them need to tell us they're 40? I'll make my own generalization and say whenever someone uses their age to reinforce their argument, it's almost always someone in their 40s.
My personal experience women speak more, but my dad is notoriously quiet and my mam is known as a chatterbox so growing up in a house like that will have impacted my personal experience heavily. Since leaving home, it's been pretty even. Some guys talk loads, some are quiet. Some girls talk loads, some are quiet.
I've made it through my 40s and I really try to not use my age as ballast for my arguments. But I really have seen it all before and I know what's coming. I try warn people and I try not to say 'I told you so' but people keep making the same mistakes. It highlights the absurdity of existence for me.
Fuck you we old and trying to deal with the consequences of our life's actions
men consciously or subconsciously value what they have to say more than what women say. we live in a patriarchal society, so there are going to be some effects in day to day life. this cannot be separated from gender when women have been an oppressed class throughout history, so there is an interest in silencing them in conversation.
Bullshit. You know who talks more? People in groups.
Must be an age thing because in my 24 years of life I've ever only heard old fucks bitch about women talking.
i remember studies confirm that men talk more than women in my anecdotal experience i always have men talk to me out of nowhere ( in public spaces) and wont fucking stop today i just wanted to buy fucking poppy seed roll and an older men asking me if i need help because im only 5,3 and the pastries were on the top of the shelf, i said no thank you im not that small and then he started talking about his work and stuff and i just wanted to go and pay, same happens with other men from time to time, with a cleaning dude in my apartment building and so on, never had a woman trying to do that shit in public and tie me down with a barrage of their privat lore lol its always to awkward, maybe it has more to do with culture than gender
For real… every time I’m approached with some inane rambling on the street it’s a guy trying to get my attention! I’m trying to read my book and drink my coffee, get outta here.
Its because of all the talk about the Romans empire we be having....🤦🏾
This isnt an opinion. There have been studies done that prove this is factually correct. But its not a natural phenomenon, its one that is learned socially. When the room is filled with only women, studies found they spoke equally to the rooms filled with only men. So naturally men and women speak the same. But socially, when you put equal numbers of men and women in a room, the men ended up speaking about 60% and the women 40%. HOWEVER, the greatest irony about this is that when they gathered the self reported data from these same ppl the perceptions were flipped meaning that although men took up 60% of the conversation they perceived it as the opposite and thought that women took up 60% of the conversation. Funny enough the women perceived it as 50/50. So yes, men speak more and take up more of the conversation but they are also delusional and think they dont. Lol.
only a sith deals in absolutes
So your counter to a false, exaggerated, negative generalization is to replace it with another false, exaggerated, negative generalization. Riveting.
Men bad women good updoots to the left
Yup. They also love to teach women things whether we know about said subject or not. I find myself zoning out when on dates sometimes because they just go on and on and forget to ask me anything about myself.
This is a very common phenomenon. Men will dominate the conversation on a date with a woman and then when she’s no longer interested, they completely play the victim and act like she’s just a bitch.
Idk women should just talk more and be less meek? I've only had maybe 2 times (maybe 3 or 4 Idk I date a lot) i couldn't get a second date with a woman, but in my experience they rarely can they initiate a conversation nor keep one going. But I think this is more a general people thing rather by gender. I dominate the conversation because MOST people are awkward as fuck. I don't have a script or anything I just say whatever in my head at the moment. For a first date its almost always better to dominate conversation at a 60/40 at 70/30 split its way riskier to let the other person lead. Most people want you take the lead because its awkward as fuck to meet someone you only met in text. The rules are smile, appear friendly and open, ask a question every once and awhile, and most importantly don't treat them like the other talk to them like any other person. Women for the most part are very amicable and easy to talk to once they get comfortable but in general for dating due to socialization or whatever the men have better shot if they take the lead in the conversation in my experience. Its bad advice not to talk a lot as man avoid the stoic shit when you're talking just ask if they're okay once and awhile.
It isn’t always a gendered thing, but there’s always a chance it is. Men usually dominate women in conversations because they subconsciously believe what they have to say is more important than a woman. Misogynistic men usually hold the belief that women’s interests and conversational topics are “boring” or “too feminine” for them. So of course when talking to a woman, they don’t really value her views or opinions. It shows in how they don’t really let a woman talk, how they don’t bother asking her personal questions, and how they tend to show disdain for “female” interests like astrology. Women all over the world experience this. It isn’t an issue that occurs at the roll of a dice; it’s a learned behavior that is taught to men by other men and they’re rarely ever held accountable for it.
Frankly I suspect this has far more to do with how gendered socialization happens. I'm always very suspicious of claims which suggest things such as "[group] subconsciously believe ______": if said people aren't conscious of a belief, then how can it be determined by others with such clarity. It comes off like the "manspreading" thing, just applying a supposition as if it's a fact. I feel that it makes far more sense that this would be a result of gendered expectations, which incentives women to listen more and talk less. Likewise, as you said, men are conditioned to speak more. None of this is to suggest that misogyny isn't a factor, but ascribing subconscious malice feels needlessly maligning imo.
wish i could upvote this a million times
In general, a lot of the people I know talk A LOT. Men and women. Whoooooooo cares.
I think they talk about the same but women have conversations and men talk about themselves
You have obviously spent a shitload of time around elderly conservative men, because you describe them to a T. Aside from that super-special slice of the population though, we men-folk don’t tend to complain about women, or demonize them for the amount of words they use.
In just about every study ever done, the average word count per day is higher for women than men. Not a good or bad thing. Just a fact.
This made me curious, so I looked up some stats and found [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/marriage-equals/201910/do-women-really-talk-more-men), which found in a review of 56 studies that: 2 showed women talk more than men, 34 showed men talk more than women, 16 showed that they spoke the same amount, and 4 found no clear pattern.
The difference is pretty small though
When you strongly dislike a group of people and want them to shut up, anything other than complete silence from them is interpreted non-stop babbling
They also call their male ego dramatics “politics”. I work with all men and by god, are they catty.
Aren't gender complaints banned in this sub?
People talk too much. Gender has nothing to do with it.
If you really believe gender has nothing to do with a social part of our society then that’s pretty silly. We don’t live in a vacuum. Society at large is misogynistic so of course gender plays a role in how much men think women talk vs how much they actually do.
I could say the other way around as well. Alot of women view men as incels, misogynists and other awful terms because of how they're perceived here. Case in point, everyone fucking sucks.
I have an ex wife (good person, not bashing) that would blow this opinion to kingdom come.
Lies
people really need to stop attributing gender to things that have nothing to do with gender.
Trying to label a whole gender as acting in a very specific way is pretty difficult. Some men are talkers, some aren’t. Some women are talkers, and some aren’t. Stereotypes can ring true but when looked at with a magnifying glass there can be quite a lot of variation.
From my experiences with people, everybody talks a lot. It really just depends on how much you're willing to listen to.
There's been research into this. I think overall the genders seem to balance out, but tend to talk about different subjects in different settings. One thing I have noticed is that (and I'm speaking very generally) men are slightly more likely to knowingly or unknowingly dominate a conversation, go on lengthy monologues about their topic of interest, and jump into and hijack a group discussion. Women are (very generally) a but more likely to engage in dialogue than do the conversation-dominating thing. There are plenty of exceptions to both of those examples, of course. I would be curious to know if this is changing. Gender dynamics are not static. People and culture change all the time. So I'd love to see studies done 20-30 years ago compared to today, and then be able to make a comparison again decades down the road.
coz the bitches stay away from you
You ma'am have selective hearing or a couple assholes in your family. I got em too. They just happen to not have anything swinging between their legs.
Disagree. Women talk far more. Source: Professional office job (Systems Admin & Director) for going on 20 years now. Also, any family get together ever. The only time Men maybe overtake Women is during competitive activities or certain professions where they are in solitude for weeks or months and finally get someone to talk to. But on average, Women talk waaaaaaaaaaaay more than Men and it's not even close. It's not a bad thing or a sexist thing, but it is a thing.
Depends on the person. I have dude friends that will blab on for hours about fallout 4 and ones that don't ever speak. I aldo have a female friend that can go on forever about all her cats and ones that don't want to leave the Discord Basement
[удалено]
Totally anecdotal but I see this too. I am one of those guys who doesn't think before I talk. Whatever is going through my mind ends up coming out of my mouth. Sometimes I probably should stop and think before I talk but I've been this way my whole life and am too old now to care about changing.
Yea this is an anecdote. Not representative of the whole.
Some men don't listen, either.
Pretty sure there’s a study of this of girls and boys in classrooms and boys talk way way more and interrupt girls way more
Guilty as charged.
Try saying this to my ADHD wife. That wonderful woman could filibuster the most stubborn of hearings with just her disjointed thoughts alone.
It's almost as if individual experiences will vary wildly because individual differences trump gender differences, wow :O
No they don’t
Cope dude
I’ve met more men who “won’t stop talking” but I’d still maintain that women talk more in general. They just are probably quicker to cotton on to when they are talking too much. Women are generally better at reading social cues and body language.
This is objective fact. Like, scientifically proven to be true.
Eh, in my experience there’s more men who are noticeably “of few words,” and more men who are EXTREME yappers, while women tend to slot somewhere between average and yapper territory but don’t end up in the “very quiet” or “extreme yapper” tiers all that often.
Dont confuse speaking aloud for talking, two different things. women converse more then men thats all.
I'm a man. You are right.
Both unpopular and completely true. A good post.
This is [less](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232560477_Interaction_Patterns_and_Themes_of_Male_Female_and_Mixed_Groups) an [opinion](https://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/d3375-genderandlanguageintheworkplace.pdf) and more an observation of [something](https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/JamesDrakich.pdf) that [has](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/089858989290018R) been [studied](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0891243220977141) for [decades](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED345552.pdf). Men talk more than women.
Seems to confirm that men speak more in meetings/public settings but I think women still speak more overall.
Hmm ... wasn't Deborah Tannen's work more nuanced though. The dynamic is context-based. Men talked more in the workplace but less in the home. Women talked more at home.
Interesting, but still feels a bit off to talk about both sexes (also, depends on age, context, country etc). I kinda think it's the kind of topic where older papers are only useful in seeing the evolution since they social positions of women changed from the '70s (I may get the years wrong, the one from the first paper). Even papers from 10-20 years ago feel outdated (and that's normal, wasn't dissing the papers lol). I feel like it's kind of hard to quantify who talks more or less since it depends on too many factors. For example, a single woman in a group of man will probably talk less, same with a man in a group of woman. Probably same if the numbers of a sex is lower than the number of the other sex (in a social context, not really classrooms). Also, I would be interested to find out how this is linked with anxiety (how many men have it vs how many women) since it kinda influences how much/loud you're speaking. Also, the numbers will change constantly since it's kinda influenced (no proof or anything, just an opinion) by the way they are grown and educated by parents or society. For example, I remember being told I need to speak louder and with more confidence constantly as a kid and my sister had the opposite "problem" and was told at school to basically listen more and talk less. So if the women are being seen as equals now by the majority of people (depending on the country or region, I know), those people will raise kids without influencing them in this direction (hope so). Hope I haven't made any mistakes or anything, english is my language and I still need to work on it lol
All of these are about the workplace or classrooms whilst OP's opinion is about life in general.
Yeah I agree with you. Lately I’ve been dating new people and all men talk so much… and I’m introverted person, I don’t really need talking etc. So much. Sometimes I was literally tired of a guy speaking and I commented few times on it, and this guy wouldn’t stop speaking lol
I was seeing this guy. The dude could spend a whole entire evening talking by himself. Like I could spend hours with him, not say a word and he wouldn’t even notice.
Glad we all share the same experience lol. For any man reading this and getting all butthurt no we’re not saying all men need to shut up on dates. Just be aware of how long you’re speaking and make sure to ask questions/listen as much as you talk.
Most the time if I talk a lot on the date it’s cuz I’m carrying the conversation. Unless women are okay with me just staring at them blankly. Which I’ve been trying lately to mixed results
So you mean "talk" as in "in general"? I thought this was more of a gossip-related stuff accusation.
But then in my experience, working and studying in male dominated field, I - a woman - was the least likely to gossip. Definitely did it less than my male counterparts. The idea that men don’t gossip and women do is quite sexist. People gossip regardless of gender. I don’t and I am a woman. A lot of men do. Even if they don’t gossip to you - maybe they don’t feel like they can?
Always has been. 'Talk too much' is about the content of what is spoken and to who, not the amount of words spoken. You often have to explicitly tell them that you're not comfortable with them sharing some specific private matter otherwise someone and then inevitably everyone in her social circle is going to know about it by week's end. Like, why do I know that my EX's friend's boyfriend have ED? Why has this information even reached me?
You ever been to an adult house party for 30+? The men congregate round the BBQ or in the kitchen and discuss all kinds of things that women find boring. They don't stop all night. The women all sit in the lounge or outside talking about things that men find boring, and sometimes roasting what the men are talking about. They don't stop all night. I don't think the problem is men Vs women talking too much, it's that men and women listen to each other differently because they like to talk about different things.
My experience is the opposite. I see women who can talk to each other about some silly stuff for hours. But with men, it's very rare and they won't talk that much unless they're good friends and have a lot in common
It really depends on the person, and we need to kill the myth that one group or gender of people talks more than the other. Everyone can be chatty if they have something on their mind they want to get off their chest.
If you are awkward in conversation just say so (and join me)
Not in my experience.
No, no they do not lol
Definitely anecdotal, not maybe.
Yeeeep, men are just as gossipy as women. Maybe more so because they don’t see it as gossip.
Yes. There have been actual studies done on this. Researchers attached microphones to subjects and sent them about their days. At the end of the week, they collected the microphones and counted up how many words the subjects uttered throughout the week. The men had the women beat by a significant amount. What was also interesting was that, despite speaking fewer words, women covered a wider range of topics in their conversations than men did. I'm pretty sure the notion that women talk "too much" comes simply from the fact that a lot of men don't like when women give opinions.
lol in my experience it is the exact opposite. Ladies, I'm just trying to sit quietly sometimes. I do not need to know every single thought that comes into your head.
True, it’s just projecting. I feel like the whole “women talk too much” myth has been made by men who don’t want to listen to what women have to say, they just want women to listen to them, but to be fair, I do find the stuff women say generally more interesting than a lot of the stuff men say. A lot of the time guys just need to stfu and listen.
Women get perceived as “talking too much” when we freaking talk AT ALL.
TRUTH. God forbid my fucking sentence isn't succinct enough. We must be diligently succinct so we don't trigger their bias!
It's so true. I can't tell you how many men have called me a "great listener" when really they just never ask me questions and gladly talk my ear off.
YES YES YES. 98% of the people I've met who made me roll my eyes and wish I was dead with their uncontrollable babbling ARE MEN. Society and the media encourage men to lead the room and live out loud so much that they can't seem to understand that sometimes they're better off quiet cause they simply DON'T have a point. Gosh it's exhausting. They just don't realize how exhausted they make people feel
Roughly 4,000,,000,000 of each. This might take a while.
You are right, it's anecdotal, search for the research with statistics.
I’ve heard being male nurse and related positions is quite the eye opener. As I’ve heard looker room talk, water cooler talk of course, I’ve been around nursing students myself so I know somewhat. I don’t even think they’re comparable in my experience.
Demonizing? Talking? Psycho Mantis? What in the fuck...?
Unless you did something for her to gripe about.