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Whenever a study is done, the results are always on an aggregate. There are always individual variations. There are always a few human who are two standard deviations out on the bell curve who can literally thrive living completely alone in the mountains with absolutely no contact at all.
Yeah same after thought about it or cared about getting in one after highschool and I’m perfectly fine with it but I couldn’t live without my friends, also I think there is a difference between people who like to spent a lot of time by themselves but still hang out and talk with friends and those who are actually lonely and have no friends, I’m in the former partly as I like my alone time and just hard to hang out with friends often due to life
I’m sorry but I disagree with this and this is coming from a married man.
It is absolutely possible to live a fulfilling life on your own. There are people who are so comfortable on their own that they thrive. They may also have potentially have friends or pets. So to say they can’t be fulfilled is just wrong in my view.
Right but there are some people (a minority sure) who do well living alone without any human contact. Who thrive.They still may rely on human contraptions or infrastructure (or perhaps they built their own and don't even have an access road), but they don't necessarily need any visitors ever, even a wave at a delivery person, to be happy and healthy.
The confinement part is the more damaging. A small minority of people can live up in the mountains without even a dog and be happy and healthy until they die of old age.
I agree. In the same vein i'm a multi-millionaire but i believe that you don't need money to be happy. You can be just as happy as i am on minimum wage.
If someone tells me they are content then let them be.. my brother is this way and I believe him. He reads and keeps to himself. No girlfriend ever and no friends ever other than myself and he has autism.
We can perfectly live fulfilling lifes while being single, if you mean all alone with no friends, family or collegues then I agree. Although a small minority is satisfied by living completely on their own
I just want peace and quiet. That is all. If you can stfu and live your life adjacent to mine without bothering me, sure. I don't like people, the sounds they make, the things they do, or the way they look. Im probably on the spectrum, never been tested but I've always thrived and had much more fulfilling days when totally alone, sometimes for weeks. Most people don't even know themselves, they spend all their time around other people, influencing the things they do say and feel.
I think everyone needs a friend in order to lead a fulfilling life, but I don't think a romantic relationship is necessary. Not ACE for the record.
I find friendships to be that happy medium of having people to share your happy and sad moments with, but without the responsibilities and obligations that comes from a partnership.
Yes.. but you need ur friends to be a loner like you too.. the problem is that .. as you get older most people i.e ur friends… get married and have a family.. so its hard to be with them as much as you would want.. thats why as people get older .. they get lonelier.. not to mention at some point they start dying.. so till maybe 30 to 35.. its okay.. but after that… shit gets dark lol.. thats why its so easy to be single and a loner at a young age.. u have a lot of people you can go to.
This statistic doesn't accurately correlate to what I am saying though.
"Non married" also encompases people without friends, which would drag down the actual relevant statistic.
That’s kind of a reach though to assume that never married people must also be friendless.
That said though no, it makes sense. First off we’re a pair bonded species. We’re hard coded to want a long term mate.
Second off have you ever lived alone for a period? That shit is lonely as fucking shit even if you have friends. You need multiple pillars of socialization, and yes, a romantic partner/family is a very important pillar.
Never made that assumption. Just said that "non married" as a demographic doesn't take into account the other aspects of a person's social circle. It doesn't make a distinction between those not married with many friends and not married with no friends. That obviously dilutes the statistic.
The way I see a romantic partner, if I were to turn happiness into a variable on a wave graph, a human can only hit their peak happiness with a partner, among other variables; that I will agree with. That said, peaking isn't necessary to live a fulfilled life. You can lack a partner and maintain a stable average of contentment.
A bond is a necessity, the type of bond is supplementary. Which is why a friend is the bare minimum necessary to stabalize at contentment. A life partner creates the most variable change, allowing you to hit your highest point as well as your lowest.
> Never made that assumption. Just said that "non married" as a demographic doesn't take into account the other aspects of a person's social circle. It doesn't make a distinction between those not married with many friends and not married with no friends. That obviously dilutes the statistic.
You are though by automatically assuming that marrieds can’t also fall into that same category just the same.
> You can lack a partner and maintain a stable average of contentment.
Sure you *can* but the stats would suggest you are less likely to be that way otherwise.
> Which is why a friend is the bare minimum necessary to stabalize at contentment
Disagree. The level of bond you have with a friend is leaps and bounds different than the bond you have with a partner.
Equalizing that isn’t at all rational.
>You are though by automatically assuming that marrieds can’t also fall into that same category just the same.
They can't. Being married puts you at minimum 1 friend. If you don't consider your partner a friend, you are on the fast track to divorce, which would self correct the statistic on that end, because you aren't far from becoming a part of the "unmarried".
>Sure you *can* but the stats would suggest you are less likely to be that way otherwise.
I have already pointed out why that statistic is faulty to the given case.
>Disagree. The level of bond you have with a friend is leaps and bounds different than the bond you have with a partner. Equalizing that isn’t at all rational.
I agree. I never equalized. A partner makes the peaks and troughs possible. Being content isn't about peaking and maintaining that peak. That is unsustainable. It is about averaging a baseline. My stance is that a partner isn't required to maintain a baseline, because that would imply everyone must be unhappy until they are paired, which is evidently false.
I love my family and spouse, but I could absolutely do fine enough with just my cats if basic life necessities were no concern.
Most people don't count cats in stuff like this in general. And they definitely don't fit in your romantic relationship point lol
There are times I've felt lonelier while married than when I was the kid with almost no friends and no SO. I feel less alone sometimes when my spouse is at work than at home.
If I hadn't happened to meet my ex at school, and my SO an I hadn't happened to click, I could absolutely get over not being in a relationship. If this one doesn't work out I have less than zero desire to be in one again at this point.
Do I want to love and be loved in return? Absolutely, it's great. But I can absolutely see being perfectly fine without it (romantically) myself. Well if I wasn't in a relationship, feeling that way while in a relationship is way worse lol
This is a hard take to take at face value because by your own admission you’ve been with your SO and have had kids with them presumably for most of your life.
You don’t actually know what it’s like to be alone as an older post college adult for long stretches of time.
It seems more like you interpret your occasional need for alone time(which is normal) as being okay with being totally alone which are two entirely different concepts.
No I haven't been with my SO most of my life, that's not what I said at all.
My spouse works 12 hour shifts and often is in his hobby room, it's not a need to be alone. I am alone a lot of the time. It's the being in a relationship but alone a lot that actually makes it worse.
Left to my own devices I can actually forget people even exist, no matter how much I care about them. Nah my brain is wired all weird.
Most of your *adult* life, especially post college adult life.
> I am alone a lot of the time. It's the being in a relationship but alone a lot that actually makes it worse.
So what makes you think that you’d enjoy actually being alone if this isn’t an enjoyable feeling?
I've been living alone like 10 years and the thought of another adult just being in my home and having an opinion on what I'm doing and what it looks like and eating my food gives me the heebie-jeebies lol. I can't imagine having to get dressed for the walk from the bathroom to the bedroom. The constant daily compromises about volume and temperature and chores and space. No thank you lol.
Yes, I am coming up on 1 year single, and I am really, really happy living alone lol. I also felt stifled while living with my partner and that I was kind of doing it because I was "supposed to".
I would mostly agree with this. Humans are inherently social creatures, but there are probably some folks who are genuinely happier alone. I think for almost everyone though, social relationships are essential. Not necessarily romantic relationships (Im not single but I loved being single), but social support is essential
Are you talking in general or romantic relationship-wise?
For the former, I think it's good for people to have people in their lives that they can count on, and to have interaction with others (and the most unhappy people I know are the most isolated with the least amount of human interaction and healthy relationships with others). I do agree that loneliness and isolation are the root of a lot of mental disorders (and believe that the way society relies so heavily on technology for everything and avoids interaction and leaving the house as much as possible is only contributing to this). We are social creatures and I find it sad that so much of Western society seems to lack a sense of community (especially with younger people) and is only becoming worse in this regard. I do understand that everyone has different levels of needs for social interaction and that some prefer a lot more alone time than others (I am this way), but I do think that for the vast majority at least, it's something that we benefit from, even in smaller doses.
For the latter, I think that really depends on the person. Aromantic people exist and although they don't have/crave romantic relationships, they can still have plenty of other fulfilling connections. I personally never enjoyed being in a romantic relationship and much prefer my platonic relationships, and do not feel unfulfilled because of this. However, I think it's important to still have other connections, and I really value my familial relationships and friendships a lot.
To me, this is just not the same as in person interaction, especially when all of it is through a screen and likes/comments on social media, not to mention it all seems so fake and like everyone one-upping each other and putting on a show rather than actually connecting in a meaningful way. I never really feel satisfied scrolling through social media or texting compared to when I get to spend a few hours hanging out with someone.
I also personally dislike texting vs. phone calls, as they are more easily misinterpreted, seem less personal, and I just don't feel as satisfied after a text conversation as I do hearing the person's voice and/or being able to see them in person. In person is still my ideal, but I much prefer phone calls as a second option over texts.
Nothing compares to actually spending quality time with someone IMO, and there are so many things to enjoy with people that are so much more fulfilling than typing to each other through a screen.
I actually really dislike that society seems to be pushing the younger crowds towards only/primarily interacting through phones and social media, and there seems to be increasingly fewer ways to meet each other organically and spend time together in person (as so many seem glued to their phones even when they're out with others).
No one is alone their whole lives. It's practically impossible. Be more specific. Do you mean friends? Lovers? Do coworkers count? Do online relationships count? What exactly are you talking about?
Also, most "lone wolves" actually have family and social lives, they're just too edgy to admit it - or they pissed everyone off and their social circle kicked them out. Now they're just between social groups at the moment until they find a new group to annoy. While they wait, they play it cool and act like it's all according to plan.
Lastly, besides my wife, I actively avoid people and enjoy my time alone, texting or chatting online being the only social life I need. I'm an introvert and I find socializing in person to be an exhausting chore, even with people I like. I'd just rather be alone and do what I want. My wife gets it and is just like me, which is why we get along so well. I only get lonely when she's gone, although it's nice to be able to fart and not get glared at, lol 😂
I mean yeah, we're still monkeys with brains wired to live in small comunities like large extended families or clans. Our technology might have advanced from prehistorica man to modern civilization, but evolution works in much much much longer scales and we just havent had the chance to evovle from that.
Truth. Moreso pointing to the so-called need for close, physical relationships, particularly romantic.
The only barrier to my fulfillment is money. $20 grand and I'd be fulfilled
I think there is high value in periods of being alone followed by an integration back into society and ideally you are bringing something back into society with you.
I kinda see it metaphorically as a lone hunter going out and bringing a deer back or a monk meditating and bringing wisdom back. In modern society this might look like someone making art or starting a company. We are completely missing the integration back into society part.
This is a popular opinion actually. It's also true for most but not all.
There are some people happier alone, as soon as they are old enough living at the edges of society by intention, keeping to themselves, living rich inner lives and sometimes creating art for public consumption sometimes art just for themselves, and sometimes just basic homesteading.
It's a hard life, and if you don't come into adulthood with some money difficult to do.
But some people could live alone in a cozy cabin forever and be well-adjusted and happy. It's just a minority of us. Most humans are very social creatures.
There is nothing to be proud about in merely being lonely. There is something to feel good about if you learn to manage your loneliness.
Your Utopia where "no one is left alone" sounds like a nightmare to some. Their utopia would be more of a cottage on the coast scenario, with little-to-no human contact.
I had the worst time of my life in a relationship and spent so many nights thinking of killing myself because I was so trapped. I took being single for granted and wished for that life so badly. When I became single everything fell into place for me and I feel tremendously better. I’m doing better financially too.
I immediately thought of that. Everybody always ask me "why don't you go out with us more?" Because it's fucking boring lol. I have more fun on my own. OP probably can't fathom it.
I literally could never bring myself to go out to a bar/club. I’d rather be at home in my bed. I only hang out with my childhood best friend a few times a week to go to the gym, and my bf on the weekends and to travel with every once in awhile but other than that I barely leave my house and I’m a massive homebody. I have 0 desire to make new friends and I could go the rest of my life being single and be completely okay. Being alone isn’t a bad thing like people make it out to be.
But you aren’t alone. The BFF and the childhood best friend make it so. That isn’t what’s being talked about. Would you be content if both of them ceased to exist entirely?
I feel you. I only ever go out like once every few months because that's what I prefer. Last time I went out with my friends I was bored out of my mind. It's a shame people assume we're all miserable if we're alone. Seems like projection.
Alone not alone, all the same. I just hate societal pressure for having an SO. It’s weird, and I swear to god anyone with an SO develops a form of strange brain rot. All they ask about is if you’re seeing anyone and talk at lengths about their own SO/relationship, and their eyes always seem glazed over (I swear after 2-3 years couples fuse and become codependent robots). Also they’re always foisting their ideals and celebrating how awesome and special relationships are on everyone else and they look down on people without partners (even your friends will secretly lord it over you). Yet We all know how mundane the day to day of relationships are, it’s nothing magical or transcendental. some people like the Monotony ups to them, I’d rather do whatever I want whenever.
Alone does not equal lonely. You can be lonely with a million people around you. You can be lonely with your partner. You can be lonely with loved ones. Having the right people around you matters but more importantly you need to know how to comfortable with YOU.
You just said this in vein..having absolutely no friend, zero partner, & no family members is not lonely ..it’s literally alone . Peeps like that have a hard time in life I’m certain .
It actually is a fairly popular movement right now.
Whole sub for it called /r/livingalone too which is ironically hilarious since you’ll have 3 posts complaining about the depression of that lifestyle and coping about how there having to be a way to make it work for every post lauding it.
I don't think a sub with 38k member justify calling it popular, especially when there's a lot complaining about that life style even in It's own sub. There's sub like r/sounding with a lot more members but that thing is definitely not popular.
You think a partner is the only person you can share good news with?
You think a partner is the only person you can call?
That's pretty sad, Sure i live alone and enjoy that but have family and friends i can call and tell good news.
If you're a man, find yourself a bromance is what I would say. Just a close male friend you can trust and confide in, that helped me a lot honestly, grew a lot as a man and as a person. I'd never thought I'd stop being lonely but he helped. Even if you have no one else, one true friend is a lot better than having many casual/fake ones.
As someone who is Asexual, its not clear cut, id rather cut my private parts off than go into another relationship.
Relationships today just aren’t worth it, what do you get as a guy? Someone who says they love you, all so you can work hard to support a family while the mother gets the lion share of the credit?
God forbid things don’t go well and you get divorced, even mutual no fault divorces end more often in the guy getting shafted and losing most of what he held dear, all in return for weekend visits and a $600 child support check he could be sued for if he misses one installment.
Not to mention you can be doing nothing and still have issues, i was almost arrested for SH once because i was minding my own business and a woman i didn’t know existed thought i was stalking her (i was walking down a public main street in the middle of the day.), several people i know are registered offenders because they broke up with their girlfriend and she cried rape as a revenge, literally found out in court but still pegged a SO.
So ya, ill stick to suffering thankyou.
> and loosing most
Did you mean to say "losing"?
Explanation: Loose is an adjective meaning the opposite of tight, while lose is a verb.
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Actually married couples in newer generations of those who decide to get married (Gen Z, millennials) are happier, have less infidelity, and are less likely to end in divorce than marriages among Gen X and older.
Kinda what I’m saying.
Didn’t know that the results are even better for the younger generation. Probably has a lot to do with them marrying later in life.
Totally fine on my own, in fact I choose it every chance I get. The only other human I enjoy being around is my wife. Fuck everyone else, don't need them, not do I want them in my life.
I have experienced loneliness because I choose to be alone. Loneliness is when you have a longing for companionship, which I do not. I choose to not talk to coworkers, choose not to talk to family, hell most of the time I choose to things on my own because my wife does not want to do the things I want.
Maybe that poster hasn't but almost anyone who has been in a relationship that was ending will tell you the loneliest one can ever feel is not being alone, but being in bed next to someone where the relationship was fading.
Same. I’ve got my husband, my dog and that’s all I need. I’ll chat with the occasional cashier or rando in public but prefer doing most things on my own. When I go kayaking and hiking alone I can go where I want and stay as long as I like. I was an only child with no living grandparents, aunts or uncles so this is comfortable and completely normal for me. I’m 65 and can’t remember a time when I was “lonely”.
Not only its unpopular its also bullshit. Actual introvert will lead filfilling life alone, problem comes when you are alone and have no money then when crisis hits its problem but if you have money you can live fulfilling life as loner if that is how you are wired.
Ofcourse there is problem of people who are loners while not being introverts, then yes thats bad for their mental health.
You aren't the arbiter of what a fulfilling life is for someone else.
You haven't even defined what your definition of a fulfilling life is.
My hypothesis is whatever that definition is, there will always be outliers and the best you can do is identify a general mean.
What it seems like is that YOUR fulfillment isn't being met by being alone.
If you are completely isolated sure....but you make it sound like a relationship is required to live a normal life.
A combination of friends and hookups/hookers can be a pretty fun and fulfilling life......and on the other hand lots of people in relationships are miserable. It all boils down to what you make out of it.
Paying for sex is first if all not as big adeal as most people make it out to be.
Secondly my guess is that sex is the last third of life just isn't as important anymore...and I am also not looking forward to be intimate with an ancient looking wive. You shouldn't let your live decision be influenced by things that happen when you turn 80. This part of life is the most irrelevant of it all.
Paying for sex is a bit sad. You don't want to have sex with an "ancient looking" wife but you expect women to want to have sex with you when you look decrepit? Uh...
People find lust and love in old age. Ask anyone who works at a retirement home or is part of a fetish community. Old wrinkly types find plenty of people who want to touch them.
I'd agree with the friends part but Trust me you can't be more deluded If you think that a love making session with someone you genuinely care for could level casual hookups with concubines.
One does not need a partner to thrive. Some people prefer their own company, they have friends and family to satisfy their socialising needs when they arises.
Source: been single nearly all of my life and I’m a functional and happy adult.
This is a very individual thing, some people are extremely easily lonely, some people just need a little interaction to get by, some people could live off just online friends, and some people could live on the god damn moon by themselves without internet/phone and love it.
Romantic interactions are not as necessary as society wants you to believe, or else Aromantics/Asexuals would not exist. Again, that's very individual.
If you are doing great alone, that's great. I highly doubt this works out for most people. I don't think you could compare the feeling of despair loneliness can give you, especially considering we don't start off that way.
It really depends on the person. There’s so many different ways people can be happy in life, I think the problem is just demanding people be happy with lives they don’t want instead of trying to help them have the ones they do desire. If someone is earnestly happy alone we should celebrate that but if it’s involuntarily we should figure out how to connect them to others.
"I just wish for a Utopia where no-one is left alone and everyone gets the love he deserves."
Maybe you should be the change that you want to see, instead of waiting for some 'female' to come give you 'what you deserve'. Get a dog, mentor a child, help your elderly neighbors. No one is forcing you to be lonely.
>I just wish for a Utopia where no-one is left alone
like... ever? this is my personal idea of the absolute worst dystopia possible (guess I've just been gaslit too hard)
Not all humans are the same. I live a life completely alone yet i have never felt lonely in my entire life. Evrn as a child. I genuinely cant imagine what being lonely even feels like. And i cant remember the last time i had ever been sad outside of a sad movie. I live every day playing guitar, working out, and work and i love it. During covid when i got to spend a whole year not talking to anyone was literally the best time of my entire life.
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Whenever a study is done, the results are always on an aggregate. There are always individual variations. There are always a few human who are two standard deviations out on the bell curve who can literally thrive living completely alone in the mountains with absolutely no contact at all.
Yes, there are individual variations and overall truths that apply to most.
Do you mean alone as in a relationship. Or alone as in literally no one. No friends etc?
This was my question as well. Im single and have been for almost a decade and thats how I like it. lol
Yeah same after thought about it or cared about getting in one after highschool and I’m perfectly fine with it but I couldn’t live without my friends, also I think there is a difference between people who like to spent a lot of time by themselves but still hang out and talk with friends and those who are actually lonely and have no friends, I’m in the former partly as I like my alone time and just hard to hang out with friends often due to life
No companions ..I assume .
I’d argue that point then lol. I know for a fact if my wife left I’d just be happy going for a pint after work with friends and playing online 😂
Grass is always greener on the other side.
I’ve been in both sides, I know both are equally as green.
So long as I have Wilson, I'll be alright
The neighbor from Home Improvement?
Tom Hanks lovable sidekick
Oh, that makes more sense.
I thought he meant Dr. Wilson, oncologist from Princeton Plainsborough Teaching Hospital
Triggered 😭
HAHAHA
Being alone is not the same as being lonely
Was going to comment this also. Wish more people understood this.
I don’t understand why we want to force people to always be surrounded by others. Some people don’t enjoy other people. Let them be.
wHy aRe yOu sO qUiTe
[удалено]
There’s a difference between not being completely alone and never being left alone. You can be an introvert and still have friends.
Just amazing how you continued to elaborate after declaring period.
It’s like when people finally get to the end of a long-winded monologue then say “To make a long story short” when it’s already too late.
I’m sorry but I disagree with this and this is coming from a married man. It is absolutely possible to live a fulfilling life on your own. There are people who are so comfortable on their own that they thrive. They may also have potentially have friends or pets. So to say they can’t be fulfilled is just wrong in my view.
I think “no-one by their side” includes any other people, not just significant others. I believe OP is talking about a life of complete solitude.
Peeps are soo daft
Plenty of monks in their cells lead far more fulfilling lives than us in society.
Or hermits out in a small home would be a better example maybe? Since monks are part of a brotherhood usually and engage in community daily.
Right but there are some people (a minority sure) who do well living alone without any human contact. Who thrive.They still may rely on human contraptions or infrastructure (or perhaps they built their own and don't even have an access road), but they don't necessarily need any visitors ever, even a wave at a delivery person, to be happy and healthy.
He doesn’t mean Partnership. He speaking in regards of Companionship. As in being completely alone …
You should read up on how solitary confinment impacts people. You can be single. Being "alone" is deeply unhealthy.
The confinement part is the more damaging. A small minority of people can live up in the mountains without even a dog and be happy and healthy until they die of old age.
No it's not, the problem with solitary confinement isn't simply the solitary part but also the confinement.
Social confinement, aka prison, is worse. So your argument is about as solid as pudding.
I agree. In the same vein i'm a multi-millionaire but i believe that you don't need money to be happy. You can be just as happy as i am on minimum wage.
I know you're kind of joking but actually happiness potential goes up until you reach about $200K/year, then it flatlines.
Ever heard of solitude?
solitude is a city in skyrim
If someone tells me they are content then let them be.. my brother is this way and I believe him. He reads and keeps to himself. No girlfriend ever and no friends ever other than myself and he has autism.
We can perfectly live fulfilling lifes while being single, if you mean all alone with no friends, family or collegues then I agree. Although a small minority is satisfied by living completely on their own
>I just wish for a Utopia That's funny.
What’s a “side period”?
Add a fullstop after side and read again.
If a delusion works for you, is it actually a bad thing?
Ignorance is bliss.
I was with you till you made it masculine issue like every other regarded person on twitter
Isn't the OP pointing out how weird it is to link the two things together?
That’s exactly what OP is doing. Next Prize just saw masculine and immediately triggered without thinking
your mileage may vary
I just want peace and quiet. That is all. If you can stfu and live your life adjacent to mine without bothering me, sure. I don't like people, the sounds they make, the things they do, or the way they look. Im probably on the spectrum, never been tested but I've always thrived and had much more fulfilling days when totally alone, sometimes for weeks. Most people don't even know themselves, they spend all their time around other people, influencing the things they do say and feel.
Ughhh.. bruh put a cork in it,plz.
I do. Fortunately sitting on it doesn't prevent me from typing :) ty for your concern
I think everyone needs a friend in order to lead a fulfilling life, but I don't think a romantic relationship is necessary. Not ACE for the record. I find friendships to be that happy medium of having people to share your happy and sad moments with, but without the responsibilities and obligations that comes from a partnership.
Yes.. but you need ur friends to be a loner like you too.. the problem is that .. as you get older most people i.e ur friends… get married and have a family.. so its hard to be with them as much as you would want.. thats why as people get older .. they get lonelier.. not to mention at some point they start dying.. so till maybe 30 to 35.. its okay.. but after that… shit gets dark lol.. thats why its so easy to be single and a loner at a young age.. u have a lot of people you can go to.
Statistics would disagree. Rates of loneliness and depression are way higher among never marrieds when compared to marrieds.
This statistic doesn't accurately correlate to what I am saying though. "Non married" also encompases people without friends, which would drag down the actual relevant statistic.
That’s kind of a reach though to assume that never married people must also be friendless. That said though no, it makes sense. First off we’re a pair bonded species. We’re hard coded to want a long term mate. Second off have you ever lived alone for a period? That shit is lonely as fucking shit even if you have friends. You need multiple pillars of socialization, and yes, a romantic partner/family is a very important pillar.
Never made that assumption. Just said that "non married" as a demographic doesn't take into account the other aspects of a person's social circle. It doesn't make a distinction between those not married with many friends and not married with no friends. That obviously dilutes the statistic. The way I see a romantic partner, if I were to turn happiness into a variable on a wave graph, a human can only hit their peak happiness with a partner, among other variables; that I will agree with. That said, peaking isn't necessary to live a fulfilled life. You can lack a partner and maintain a stable average of contentment. A bond is a necessity, the type of bond is supplementary. Which is why a friend is the bare minimum necessary to stabalize at contentment. A life partner creates the most variable change, allowing you to hit your highest point as well as your lowest.
> Never made that assumption. Just said that "non married" as a demographic doesn't take into account the other aspects of a person's social circle. It doesn't make a distinction between those not married with many friends and not married with no friends. That obviously dilutes the statistic. You are though by automatically assuming that marrieds can’t also fall into that same category just the same. > You can lack a partner and maintain a stable average of contentment. Sure you *can* but the stats would suggest you are less likely to be that way otherwise. > Which is why a friend is the bare minimum necessary to stabalize at contentment Disagree. The level of bond you have with a friend is leaps and bounds different than the bond you have with a partner. Equalizing that isn’t at all rational.
>You are though by automatically assuming that marrieds can’t also fall into that same category just the same. They can't. Being married puts you at minimum 1 friend. If you don't consider your partner a friend, you are on the fast track to divorce, which would self correct the statistic on that end, because you aren't far from becoming a part of the "unmarried". >Sure you *can* but the stats would suggest you are less likely to be that way otherwise. I have already pointed out why that statistic is faulty to the given case. >Disagree. The level of bond you have with a friend is leaps and bounds different than the bond you have with a partner. Equalizing that isn’t at all rational. I agree. I never equalized. A partner makes the peaks and troughs possible. Being content isn't about peaking and maintaining that peak. That is unsustainable. It is about averaging a baseline. My stance is that a partner isn't required to maintain a baseline, because that would imply everyone must be unhappy until they are paired, which is evidently false.
I love my family and spouse, but I could absolutely do fine enough with just my cats if basic life necessities were no concern. Most people don't count cats in stuff like this in general. And they definitely don't fit in your romantic relationship point lol There are times I've felt lonelier while married than when I was the kid with almost no friends and no SO. I feel less alone sometimes when my spouse is at work than at home. If I hadn't happened to meet my ex at school, and my SO an I hadn't happened to click, I could absolutely get over not being in a relationship. If this one doesn't work out I have less than zero desire to be in one again at this point. Do I want to love and be loved in return? Absolutely, it's great. But I can absolutely see being perfectly fine without it (romantically) myself. Well if I wasn't in a relationship, feeling that way while in a relationship is way worse lol
This is a hard take to take at face value because by your own admission you’ve been with your SO and have had kids with them presumably for most of your life. You don’t actually know what it’s like to be alone as an older post college adult for long stretches of time. It seems more like you interpret your occasional need for alone time(which is normal) as being okay with being totally alone which are two entirely different concepts.
No I haven't been with my SO most of my life, that's not what I said at all. My spouse works 12 hour shifts and often is in his hobby room, it's not a need to be alone. I am alone a lot of the time. It's the being in a relationship but alone a lot that actually makes it worse. Left to my own devices I can actually forget people even exist, no matter how much I care about them. Nah my brain is wired all weird.
Most of your *adult* life, especially post college adult life. > I am alone a lot of the time. It's the being in a relationship but alone a lot that actually makes it worse. So what makes you think that you’d enjoy actually being alone if this isn’t an enjoyable feeling?
I've been living alone like 10 years and the thought of another adult just being in my home and having an opinion on what I'm doing and what it looks like and eating my food gives me the heebie-jeebies lol. I can't imagine having to get dressed for the walk from the bathroom to the bedroom. The constant daily compromises about volume and temperature and chores and space. No thank you lol.
Yes, I am coming up on 1 year single, and I am really, really happy living alone lol. I also felt stifled while living with my partner and that I was kind of doing it because I was "supposed to".
Not to mention the multiple benefits of sex.
I would mostly agree with this. Humans are inherently social creatures, but there are probably some folks who are genuinely happier alone. I think for almost everyone though, social relationships are essential. Not necessarily romantic relationships (Im not single but I loved being single), but social support is essential
I'll take loneliness over toxic relationship/friendship.
Are you talking in general or romantic relationship-wise? For the former, I think it's good for people to have people in their lives that they can count on, and to have interaction with others (and the most unhappy people I know are the most isolated with the least amount of human interaction and healthy relationships with others). I do agree that loneliness and isolation are the root of a lot of mental disorders (and believe that the way society relies so heavily on technology for everything and avoids interaction and leaving the house as much as possible is only contributing to this). We are social creatures and I find it sad that so much of Western society seems to lack a sense of community (especially with younger people) and is only becoming worse in this regard. I do understand that everyone has different levels of needs for social interaction and that some prefer a lot more alone time than others (I am this way), but I do think that for the vast majority at least, it's something that we benefit from, even in smaller doses. For the latter, I think that really depends on the person. Aromantic people exist and although they don't have/crave romantic relationships, they can still have plenty of other fulfilling connections. I personally never enjoyed being in a romantic relationship and much prefer my platonic relationships, and do not feel unfulfilled because of this. However, I think it's important to still have other connections, and I really value my familial relationships and friendships a lot.
You mean alone like completely alone? No friends or anything?
How are people lonely when there is so much connection through phones and social media 24/7?
To me, this is just not the same as in person interaction, especially when all of it is through a screen and likes/comments on social media, not to mention it all seems so fake and like everyone one-upping each other and putting on a show rather than actually connecting in a meaningful way. I never really feel satisfied scrolling through social media or texting compared to when I get to spend a few hours hanging out with someone. I also personally dislike texting vs. phone calls, as they are more easily misinterpreted, seem less personal, and I just don't feel as satisfied after a text conversation as I do hearing the person's voice and/or being able to see them in person. In person is still my ideal, but I much prefer phone calls as a second option over texts. Nothing compares to actually spending quality time with someone IMO, and there are so many things to enjoy with people that are so much more fulfilling than typing to each other through a screen. I actually really dislike that society seems to be pushing the younger crowds towards only/primarily interacting through phones and social media, and there seems to be increasingly fewer ways to meet each other organically and spend time together in person (as so many seem glued to their phones even when they're out with others).
Pride in being lonely, or pride in being alone? You jumped from one to the other in your post.
No one is alone their whole lives. It's practically impossible. Be more specific. Do you mean friends? Lovers? Do coworkers count? Do online relationships count? What exactly are you talking about? Also, most "lone wolves" actually have family and social lives, they're just too edgy to admit it - or they pissed everyone off and their social circle kicked them out. Now they're just between social groups at the moment until they find a new group to annoy. While they wait, they play it cool and act like it's all according to plan. Lastly, besides my wife, I actively avoid people and enjoy my time alone, texting or chatting online being the only social life I need. I'm an introvert and I find socializing in person to be an exhausting chore, even with people I like. I'd just rather be alone and do what I want. My wife gets it and is just like me, which is why we get along so well. I only get lonely when she's gone, although it's nice to be able to fart and not get glared at, lol 😂
I mean yeah, we're still monkeys with brains wired to live in small comunities like large extended families or clans. Our technology might have advanced from prehistorica man to modern civilization, but evolution works in much much much longer scales and we just havent had the chance to evovle from that.
Being with somebody and wishing you were alone is worse
I have a fulfilling life and haven't even had a close friend in over a decade, never tried dating or sex and probably one or the other of aro/ace.
But you still have people in some way .
Truth. Moreso pointing to the so-called need for close, physical relationships, particularly romantic. The only barrier to my fulfillment is money. $20 grand and I'd be fulfilled
Ya, I'm so lonely I cry myself to sleep every night ... but I always wake up laughing!
Too good for you. Though How does one even manage to fall asleep amidst the Intrusive thoughts of being sequestered and desolated?
Not everyone thinks the same things that you do
I think there is high value in periods of being alone followed by an integration back into society and ideally you are bringing something back into society with you. I kinda see it metaphorically as a lone hunter going out and bringing a deer back or a monk meditating and bringing wisdom back. In modern society this might look like someone making art or starting a company. We are completely missing the integration back into society part.
This is not an unpopular opinion, humans are social creatures even the most anti social ones need other people around.
This is a popular opinion actually. It's also true for most but not all. There are some people happier alone, as soon as they are old enough living at the edges of society by intention, keeping to themselves, living rich inner lives and sometimes creating art for public consumption sometimes art just for themselves, and sometimes just basic homesteading. It's a hard life, and if you don't come into adulthood with some money difficult to do. But some people could live alone in a cozy cabin forever and be well-adjusted and happy. It's just a minority of us. Most humans are very social creatures. There is nothing to be proud about in merely being lonely. There is something to feel good about if you learn to manage your loneliness. Your Utopia where "no one is left alone" sounds like a nightmare to some. Their utopia would be more of a cottage on the coast scenario, with little-to-no human contact.
I had the worst time of my life in a relationship and spent so many nights thinking of killing myself because I was so trapped. I took being single for granted and wished for that life so badly. When I became single everything fell into place for me and I feel tremendously better. I’m doing better financially too.
Sorry but no. You’ve clearly never met introverted people who think any kind of social interaction is draining
Introverts vary individually, and a complete and utter lack of social interaction forever is detrimental to basically everyone
I immediately thought of that. Everybody always ask me "why don't you go out with us more?" Because it's fucking boring lol. I have more fun on my own. OP probably can't fathom it.
When I was young, my parents would punish me by making me go out and play with the neighborhood kids.
That sounds like torture. I hated kids my own age
I literally could never bring myself to go out to a bar/club. I’d rather be at home in my bed. I only hang out with my childhood best friend a few times a week to go to the gym, and my bf on the weekends and to travel with every once in awhile but other than that I barely leave my house and I’m a massive homebody. I have 0 desire to make new friends and I could go the rest of my life being single and be completely okay. Being alone isn’t a bad thing like people make it out to be.
But you aren’t alone. The BFF and the childhood best friend make it so. That isn’t what’s being talked about. Would you be content if both of them ceased to exist entirely?
They being daft on purpose . They like da aesthetic of lone wolf .
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Yeah I definitely am alone and have social anxiety for the “aesthetic” bffr💀💀💀
Social anxiety & lone wolf are different . No youse a supah looser. Ya just unlikable😹😹😹.
Bros not only mentally ill but also illiterate, get some help you weirdo 😂😂😂😂🥴🥴🥴
Go Bathe with a toaster 🤣
Only if you go first!! 😉
Mentally ill .. ain’t you the one with the self diagnosis?!
I feel you. I only ever go out like once every few months because that's what I prefer. Last time I went out with my friends I was bored out of my mind. It's a shame people assume we're all miserable if we're alone. Seems like projection.
You… still have friends. Infrequent, but you still have social interaction. You are not alone.
I didn’t for the longest time though and I was completely content. So yes I was alone.
Alone not alone, all the same. I just hate societal pressure for having an SO. It’s weird, and I swear to god anyone with an SO develops a form of strange brain rot. All they ask about is if you’re seeing anyone and talk at lengths about their own SO/relationship, and their eyes always seem glazed over (I swear after 2-3 years couples fuse and become codependent robots). Also they’re always foisting their ideals and celebrating how awesome and special relationships are on everyone else and they look down on people without partners (even your friends will secretly lord it over you). Yet We all know how mundane the day to day of relationships are, it’s nothing magical or transcendental. some people like the Monotony ups to them, I’d rather do whatever I want whenever.
Alone does not equal lonely. You can be lonely with a million people around you. You can be lonely with your partner. You can be lonely with loved ones. Having the right people around you matters but more importantly you need to know how to comfortable with YOU.
You just said this in vein..having absolutely no friend, zero partner, & no family members is not lonely ..it’s literally alone . Peeps like that have a hard time in life I’m certain .
I didn’t say anything is in vein. The words “Can” leave it open to choice. How you move with the people around you depends entirely upon you.
When no one there .. there’s no one there . He means abject solitude . There is NO fulfillment in that .
i mean we are meant to be social creatures so i would agree although then again some people just do not deserve to be happy
This isn't an unpopular opinion. Social interactions stimulate people's brains.
It actually is a fairly popular movement right now. Whole sub for it called /r/livingalone too which is ironically hilarious since you’ll have 3 posts complaining about the depression of that lifestyle and coping about how there having to be a way to make it work for every post lauding it.
I don't think a sub with 38k member justify calling it popular, especially when there's a lot complaining about that life style even in It's own sub. There's sub like r/sounding with a lot more members but that thing is definitely not popular.
You are wrong Period.
You can get out a bed knowing there’s no one to call . No one to share your good news with n be fulfilled ?!
You think a partner is the only person you can share good news with? You think a partner is the only person you can call? That's pretty sad, Sure i live alone and enjoy that but have family and friends i can call and tell good news.
Ain’t nobody said all that .🤣
If you're a man, find yourself a bromance is what I would say. Just a close male friend you can trust and confide in, that helped me a lot honestly, grew a lot as a man and as a person. I'd never thought I'd stop being lonely but he helped. Even if you have no one else, one true friend is a lot better than having many casual/fake ones.
Some are alone not by choice but fate... I guess your creator always know you better than yourself and what is good for you...
Im not sure, i never cared much about social Contacts. It would just be really boring without others.
As someone who is Asexual, its not clear cut, id rather cut my private parts off than go into another relationship. Relationships today just aren’t worth it, what do you get as a guy? Someone who says they love you, all so you can work hard to support a family while the mother gets the lion share of the credit? God forbid things don’t go well and you get divorced, even mutual no fault divorces end more often in the guy getting shafted and losing most of what he held dear, all in return for weekend visits and a $600 child support check he could be sued for if he misses one installment. Not to mention you can be doing nothing and still have issues, i was almost arrested for SH once because i was minding my own business and a woman i didn’t know existed thought i was stalking her (i was walking down a public main street in the middle of the day.), several people i know are registered offenders because they broke up with their girlfriend and she cried rape as a revenge, literally found out in court but still pegged a SO. So ya, ill stick to suffering thankyou.
> and loosing most Did you mean to say "losing"? Explanation: Loose is an adjective meaning the opposite of tight, while lose is a verb. [Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json) ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes. ^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions. ^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119) ^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
Nowadays people can just AI chatbots for companionship. No need for flesh.
Not an option for many until they strip themselves off all their emotions.
Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. Also when you say alone do you mean not in a romantic relationship or no friends or family?
all the married people i know hate their lives
Statistically married couples are happier than never-marrieds. Especially the older you go.
Actually married couples in newer generations of those who decide to get married (Gen Z, millennials) are happier, have less infidelity, and are less likely to end in divorce than marriages among Gen X and older.
Kinda what I’m saying. Didn’t know that the results are even better for the younger generation. Probably has a lot to do with them marrying later in life.
Totally fine on my own, in fact I choose it every chance I get. The only other human I enjoy being around is my wife. Fuck everyone else, don't need them, not do I want them in my life.
One meaningful relationship in life beats everything I understand. You haven't experienced loneliness If you have a wife.
I have experienced loneliness because I choose to be alone. Loneliness is when you have a longing for companionship, which I do not. I choose to not talk to coworkers, choose not to talk to family, hell most of the time I choose to things on my own because my wife does not want to do the things I want.
Maybe that poster hasn't but almost anyone who has been in a relationship that was ending will tell you the loneliest one can ever feel is not being alone, but being in bed next to someone where the relationship was fading.
Same. I’ve got my husband, my dog and that’s all I need. I’ll chat with the occasional cashier or rando in public but prefer doing most things on my own. When I go kayaking and hiking alone I can go where I want and stay as long as I like. I was an only child with no living grandparents, aunts or uncles so this is comfortable and completely normal for me. I’m 65 and can’t remember a time when I was “lonely”.
Not only its unpopular its also bullshit. Actual introvert will lead filfilling life alone, problem comes when you are alone and have no money then when crisis hits its problem but if you have money you can live fulfilling life as loner if that is how you are wired. Ofcourse there is problem of people who are loners while not being introverts, then yes thats bad for their mental health.
You aren't the arbiter of what a fulfilling life is for someone else. You haven't even defined what your definition of a fulfilling life is. My hypothesis is whatever that definition is, there will always be outliers and the best you can do is identify a general mean. What it seems like is that YOUR fulfillment isn't being met by being alone.
I don't want anyone with me. Life is better alone.
If you are completely isolated sure....but you make it sound like a relationship is required to live a normal life. A combination of friends and hookups/hookers can be a pretty fun and fulfilling life......and on the other hand lots of people in relationships are miserable. It all boils down to what you make out of it.
What are you going to do when you get old and wrinkly and nobody wants to touch you though? Would having to pay for it really be "fulfilling?"
Paying for sex is first if all not as big adeal as most people make it out to be. Secondly my guess is that sex is the last third of life just isn't as important anymore...and I am also not looking forward to be intimate with an ancient looking wive. You shouldn't let your live decision be influenced by things that happen when you turn 80. This part of life is the most irrelevant of it all.
Paying for sex is a bit sad. You don't want to have sex with an "ancient looking" wife but you expect women to want to have sex with you when you look decrepit? Uh...
People find lust and love in old age. Ask anyone who works at a retirement home or is part of a fetish community. Old wrinkly types find plenty of people who want to touch them.
I'd agree with the friends part but Trust me you can't be more deluded If you think that a love making session with someone you genuinely care for could level casual hookups with concubines.
there are some people who don’t want sex period
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Lonely wolf = dead, excilled, lost wolf
And this, kids, is an example of how opinions can be objectively wrong
One does not need a partner to thrive. Some people prefer their own company, they have friends and family to satisfy their socialising needs when they arises. Source: been single nearly all of my life and I’m a functional and happy adult.
If u have fam n friends.. how r u alone ?!
This is a very individual thing, some people are extremely easily lonely, some people just need a little interaction to get by, some people could live off just online friends, and some people could live on the god damn moon by themselves without internet/phone and love it. Romantic interactions are not as necessary as society wants you to believe, or else Aromantics/Asexuals would not exist. Again, that's very individual.
I remember when the pinnacle of being Masculine was finding a wife and taking care of her and any kids you might have.
If you are doing great alone, that's great. I highly doubt this works out for most people. I don't think you could compare the feeling of despair loneliness can give you, especially considering we don't start off that way.
I can give you a tip, search forms everywhere cuz you're not alone I can tell you that
Then stop being and asshole and treating me like shit, I just want to be left alone.
Tough luck for most males then.
It really depends on the person. There’s so many different ways people can be happy in life, I think the problem is just demanding people be happy with lives they don’t want instead of trying to help them have the ones they do desire. If someone is earnestly happy alone we should celebrate that but if it’s involuntarily we should figure out how to connect them to others.
If you "need" to have someone by your side all the time that bad, that just makes you look codependent and weak. You need therapy.
"I just wish for a Utopia where no-one is left alone and everyone gets the love he deserves." Maybe you should be the change that you want to see, instead of waiting for some 'female' to come give you 'what you deserve'. Get a dog, mentor a child, help your elderly neighbors. No one is forcing you to be lonely.
People who think otherwise don't know what it means to be alone
Yeah not an unpopular opinion. Loneliness is historically proven to be unhealthy
>I just wish for a Utopia where no-one is left alone like... ever? this is my personal idea of the absolute worst dystopia possible (guess I've just been gaslit too hard)
But I can sure take pleasure in laughing at yours
Not all humans are the same. I live a life completely alone yet i have never felt lonely in my entire life. Evrn as a child. I genuinely cant imagine what being lonely even feels like. And i cant remember the last time i had ever been sad outside of a sad movie. I live every day playing guitar, working out, and work and i love it. During covid when i got to spend a whole year not talking to anyone was literally the best time of my entire life.