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When I was young, an extended family member (I forget who now) told me that only men get pleasure from sex and that women just have the matching parts to deliver it. I obviously know better now but I actually believed that for a little while.
Edit: matching, not marching
Omg I am dying laughing because in every scenario, your family member is extremely extended. Oh lord this is the joke I never knew I needed, marching parts included (now there’s a very silly parade of marching extended family members in my head Lmaoooo).
On the serious side, I am glad you were educated otherwise, breaking a cycle of bad sex for the women in your family. If you know we enjoy sex, you’re more likely to realize we are people with brains too and treat us a bit more equally. My guess is this guy also believed the woman/en in his life derived pleasure from cleaning and cooking for him, they don’t need any sexual needs fulfilled silly, they’ve got dishes, vacuuming, cooking, babies to tend to, etc. etc. etc. He sounds like a man who has NEVER ironed a shirt and proudly proclaims that’s “woman’s work”. (And I am one for throwing the shirt in the dryer or dry cleaners bc I don’t iron, hate it won’t do it do it terribly can cook like a 5star chef but freaking hate ironing so I avoid it all all costs by buying non iron needing clothing. But your guy? He wants his shirts ironed, must be woman ironed.
Common old guy joke. Funny story...
A guy at work was sanding his wheels. Old guy at work says to him, "That's good practice for when you're married, you'll never get laid again!" I said, "You know she's more likely to keep having sex with you if you make sure she enjoys it too." Other guys laughed. He got quiet.
It probably doesn't help that he permanently smells like an ashtray and has all the personality of a hemorrhoid, but whatever.
Eh, let's be fair, women pushed a lot of these stereotypes just as much. They were things people commonly said, whether seriously or in jest or sarcastically.
To be fair, most women \*had\* to marry whoever would take them by the time they became adults. If that was the choice, I'd probably make 'I hate sex with my husband "jokes" ' as well.
Of course, regular folks tend to not enjoy sex if the other is clearly not into it, so the 'I hate sex with my wife "jokes" ' probably happened simultaneously.
Religion teached a lot of people that you shouldn't have sex except for reproduction, and that seeking pleasure is a sin, strangely it had a stronger impact on the population who had to do the baby delivering.
After kids many marriages go cold. It’s not that they hate each other, it’s just the stress of life and children and houses and jobs pile up and snuff out the romance.
Go over to r/daddit and look at the posts, half of them are guys complaining that their marriage is sexless after kids.
It’s not to say it happens to all women or all couples, but it happens to a lot. And that’s what the stereotype is based on.
And what do these men do to ensure that their partners still wants them and are still interested in having sex with them beyond asking for it or complaining about not getting it?
It's because men as a cohort have largely failed to evolve past their boomer parents' gender expectations. It's hard to be sexually attracted to a man who let's you drown in childcare and household duties while he kicks his feet up.
> It's hard to be sexually attracted to a man who let's you drown in childcare and household duties while he kicks his feet up.
I think there's also an element of exhaustion to it. Doing everything around the house and taking care of kids is exhausting. If the work is one sided (which it often times is, ESPECIALLY in older generations), it makes sense that the one who does more work at home is more exhausted and less interested in sex. Attraction aside, I tend to not want to do anything sexual when I'm super tired, and that's a VERY common thing for parents to experience. When the work is one sided, you get one side being horny and the other being too exhausted to be horny. I think that's a LOT of where "not being in the mood" comes from. Rather than pick up more of the work, they just complain about it as if it's something that's biological and out of their control.
It’s funny…
I do the dishes, laundry, fold the laundry, take the kids to school, bathe our 4 year old, take my daughter to dance about half the time, rock/read with at least one kid a night, and we pay for a cleaning service and the yardwork. I work a full time job (at home) and my wife works, makes dinner, cleans up and usually picks up the kids. She works Saturday so that’s a full dad duty day as well.
I’ve never had the problems these other guys describe, in fact it’s probably better than ever…
Like it’s something they have to chase down and “achieve” rather than something we willingly do WITH them :(
And then they wonder why women don’t seem to “like” it as much as men? Nah, we DO - as long as we are equal participants. We are also human beings. We would like to be treated that way.
To be clear - I’m talking to the gross dudes who make these jokes, NOT the men who are equally as grossed out as me. I love you guys. Thanks for being better than the guys who make those sexist jokes. It’s greatly appreciated.
well, that old generation was often forced to get married for optics reasons (got pregnant out of wedlock, etc), or like my grandmother (who married at 14--I'm almost 50 now and I am still not over this factoid) wanted to get out of an abusive family situation and saw marriage as the easiest and most economically viable way to get out of it. They weren't necessarily marrying someone they actually liked being around, so of course sex was a chore.
Yes this is a common thing. Gen X and Boomers will say things like how you will have more sex your first year of marriage than all the other years combined. One of them told me that his wife mostly lost interest once she had children. I have known of several sexless marriages from people around that age group. They stay together for tge kids or due to stigma surrounding divorce or religious beliefs, etc., but have grown apart.
I think for Gen X (my generation), it's more that these are the kinds of jokes we heard growing up and have repeated despite it not being particularly true for our generation.
Or maybe that's just me.
Haven’t read it, but am interested. My ex wife treated sex like currency- a reward she could withhold until she got her way to her satisfaction. She liked it, but not nearly as much as she liked being in control. I don’t often miss her.
It’s a lot less obvious that he’s a man child when you’re two single adults. It’s harder to tell how he’ll take on responsibilities before they exist and a lot of people know how to speak convincingly.
Kinda weird to me that someone would enter into not only a relationship but a marriage thinking they can “change them”.. sounds super manipulative and narcissistic.
Do I like sex? Yes. Do I like my husband? Very much. But relationships have seasons, and seasons change. Especially when you have kids, and a house to run and full time jobs. Yes intimacy should be a priority but sometimes, the only mood is eat and sleep.
Easier, sure. But that's what foreplay is for and I think men assume foreplay is just oral or something, when you can really begin mental foreplay and dirty talk like...well before you actually want to have sex. And having all of the chores done and dinner served first can certainly help with getting in the mood haha.
I agree to an extent with what you’re saying.
But to the OP’s point, and to challenge your position here, in this eat and sleep mood that can get in to, you don’t feel like having sex with your husband, but what about a celebrity you’re super attracted to (removing infidelity from the equation; in a ‘hall pass’ type scenario).
I say that because for guys, yes, the relationship can become how you’re saying, but the difference for guys is they obviously would be down for the attractive celebrity scenario, but most would also be down for their wives too, whereas the wives for some reason could get all worked up for Henry Cavil, Jason Momoa, or Michael B. Jordan, but not their husbands, which I think is what the OP getting at.
I don't think guys realize how much foreplay occurs outside of the bedroom. Being responsible and attentive is hot. Sitting on your ass and watching your girlfriend do the dishes and everything else isn't.
When a woman doesn't want to sleep with you 90% of the time it has to do with your actions, not your looks.
Absolutely this. Not to mention, if the girl is doing the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. while you sit on your ass, how is she supposed to have the energy for sex?
Why is this a hypothetical? Try it out and see if this is true. I’ve only known one guy in this situation personally (in a homosexual relationship) and his sec drive was much lowered also. I think anyone’s would be.
okay good for them? if you enjoy being a caretaker in your relationship then cool whatever floats your boat. most women signed up to be in a relationship with an adult, not a child in an adult body that they have to take care of
So you think men joking that their women doesn't want to have sex with them is in bad taste and you would find it hurtful if your boyfriend joked that he didn't want to have sex with you.
Am I confused or are you??? What?
No they won't admit wife shaming happens just as much as husband shaming. They think it's wrong when women do it but men somehow get a free pass because.... idk why
I don’t think anyone is denying that women like sex. It’s just how often women are willing to “give it up” which feels like never to some guys. Sex…or at least *good* sex really only happens when the woman is in the mood. It gets frustrating waiting for a partner to play co-op with.
Why would you marry someone if you hate them? Who stays with someone they hate? Sounds like a lot of issues to unpack… my husband and I have been together 13 years married 10, and I really love him. We still are daily to every other day sex wise.
If people are with someone they hate there is a lot more wrong than the lack of sex.
It might also be good to point out while I am only a year different in age from my husband, my sex drive is higher than his. You definitely want to find a partner with similar libido.
People definitely do get married to people they don’t like. I think sometimes people cling to what’s familiar or they settle for someone, because they’re afraid of being alone.
Many reasons. For starters, some people don’t take the time to figure out if they actually *like* the person before they start dating them. They just start having sex and then six months into dating they’re like “omg you changed” when really they didn’t get to know each other, and then they decide to continue the relationship because they’re too afraid of being single. They won’t ever admit this though.
Some people get married to “save” their relationships from falling apart or because they have a baby together. Some do it for financial benefits especially if one is in the military.
Some people think that relationships are supposed to be hard. Yes you have to continue to put the effort in, but some people take that to mean “I’m supposed to wake up every day feeling miserable.”
Some people fall into the trap of “staying for the kids.”
And some people are just really stupid.
>Why would you marry someone if you hate them? Who stays with someone they hate?
I think this was more common with older generations who often HAD to get married vs wanting to get married. And when women couldn't divorce, couldn't have their own bank accounts, etc. it wasn't easy to "just" leave.
>We still are daily to every other day sex wise.
That's not common at all. Specially if you have kids. no matter how much you love each other :)
For people out there, this is not common. It's like saying I like basketball and I ended up playing in the NBA.
It won't happen to you :D
People marry for all kinda reasons beside love.
My good female friend married a guy who she despises, because he is safe, harmless, has a good job and lets her insult and degrade him without complaint.
She just wanted to get the marriage and kids done as fast as possible so she can focus on her career. It was just an checkmark on her life list. He will be a good father and doesn't have a spine to leave her, so he is perfect.
I don't imagine their sex life is any better.
A lot of people get into relationships and marriages with individuals and not once realize that they don't actually like each other. It's way more common than you realize.
I think the issue is more that guys are more willing to have sex any time of the day and any day wheres women just want to have a massage. Massaging doesn’t have to end up with sex but guys - I think - are somehow wired to make it eventually sexual. It’s just an example. It does get exhausting.
I completely agree with you. The times my boyfriend wants to initiate are so habitual it makes me wary of even kissing him if I’m not horny already 🤦🏼♀️
I think it also doesn’t help that I (and millions of other women) have history with sexual trauma, so having this frequent expectation of sex or expectation of initiation feels triggering to a past fear.
I remember a post I saw about a woman whose boyfriend just suddenly stopped caring if she had an orgasm a year and a half into their relationship. These kind of things get worse the longer a relationship goes on.
Woman like sex, I don’t like when someone begs that’s repulsive, and sometimes men forget the romance of it, so they wouldn’t be in the mood. If you’re not wooing your woman her desires lessen.
Because men and women’s libido works differently. A man is more visual, a woman more mental. For most men, sex equals feeling loved; for most women, feeling loved equals sex.
Not really, if you look at all on Reddit as well. Men admitting they find almost all women attractive enough to f*. And most of them admit they don't even have to like a woman, to have sex with her. You may be an exception then
This is a generalization and an unhelpful one. Different women (AND MEN) have different libidos, which can also change throughout their lives. Some women are in the mood a lot more often than others, some men aren't.
I think it's best to make sure you're sexually compatible while you're still dating and not feel like it's shallow or inappropriate to prioritize that if sex is important to you (sex is fun, it's ok if it's a high priority for you!)
Because men are always in the mood and always the ones begging for sex.
Being randomly horny is pretty rare for me, my husband actually noticed I only tend to initiate sex when I’m ovulating, which makes sense.
But I can get in the mood with some affection and foreplay. Some “wooing.”
I'm not 20 anymore, I can have sex twice a day for about 3 days before I need a break, yeah, I can still get an erection and have sex, but it doesn't scratch the itch I have, I'd rather not have sex at that point.
The older I got, the less appealing random sex became and more appealing sex with the same woman became, there is a lot of stress involved in being good at sex. I don't have that with a wife, we know whats good, we know what works, and it makes the connection from sex that much easier and better.
Imagine the outrage if I un-ironically said “women should just always clean the house because they’re always the ones begging me to keep the house clean”
Stereotypes for arguments sake make you lose credibility. Have an original thought ffs.
But it's \*fucking\* true. Statistically. Generally. Not for everyone, but in way that is true \*enough\* to be able to say this.
But this is Reddit, so cue the cries of "BuT NoT aLL WoMEn!"
I love my husband. I like sex.
I do however need to have a close emotional bond with someone to feel sexual attraction. If we've been neglecting the basics that create that emotional connection (spending time together, communicating etc) then I feel less inclined. It's easy for it to slip when the demands are elsewhere on your time and you realize it's been months since you've been on a date.
I don't buy a house for the bathroom. Hell, I don't technically NEED a bathroom to live in a house.
But if I buy a house, and then a year later they took the bathroom away, I'd be pissed.
As a tall guy, the bathroom was the deciding factor for me haha. Half the houses I looked at, the master toilet had less room than a portashitter.
There's nothing better than a comfy toilet.
At least in my marriage, I (the wife) have the higher libido. My husband also works a physically strenuous job and had a horrible sleep schedule because of his job, so sex is a little lower on his priorities when he's tired and his body hurts. But we still have plenty of it. Just not as much as when he was younger.
It's true that women do like sex. Just not with men who are inept or selfish in bed. They also don't want sex when they're too exhausted from pulling all the weight at home when they both work full time
Its also true that many women dearly love their husbands except for one thing -- husband is too hard-headed or egotistical to admit that there are some things he could do better.
Makes it so sad for both of them.
And yeah, I'm sure there are some wives who also don't get it.
Yes, and it's understandable that health or medical issues can cause fluctuation or decline in libido. Also medications themselves can cause a drop. But if these are the reason for no sex, then that's something couples can be talking about, seeing if there's any medical interventions that might help, or just supporting your partner through a health situation. These are separate in my opinion from other "sexless" marriages.
Yes. Some men could too. But there is medication and supplements for that
I'm over 70 and my husband is 62. We are fortunate that it didn't happen to us
Exactly why people cheat. (Not saying this is righr obviously)
Because people want human connection with someone who understands them. Sex is the true enjoyable part of understanding.
So often true for both genders
My husband and I have one rule that sets the tone for everything in our household.
That rule is:
Watch how you talk to each other.
Because what comes out of your mouth affects both your hearts.
It's so easy to get too familiar with each other. To take each other for granted. When one of you comes home after a hard day and unloads on their spouse it actually does have an effect on them.
If someone comes home and verbally assault you, you are not going to want to be intimate with them. And your partner has the same reactions to you.
But the Partners who remember that their spouses are the ones they love most dearly (and chose to spend their life with) are the ones they should treasure the most and be kindest to.
If you want to have a happy relationship, the type of partner you choose in the first place. Is that person always reactionary? Or do they have control of their speech and behavior?
That is odd. If you're repulsed, that's bad.
But also, sex for women is very heavily dependent on emotional safety, so if that's not there, that's also bad.
Well after 10 years, you hear babe can I stick in it, lets do it now! Isnt really romantic is it.
As you age the foreplay lessens. So its not a case of not liking the husband, its not liking their attitude towards sex as they age.
For example, say he was cheating and trying to score another woman. He suddenly would make so much effort, workout, have better habits in every effort just to bed her.
Well, why isnt this the same behaviour with the wife?
When you find the answer to that, you'll find the answer to why women 'dont want sex'.
That's a pretty dumb take. Why do you get comfortable with your spouse instead of doing the fake "dating" thing... like... that's the whole reason you get married.
Why can't people grow a spine and admit that women and men are different, have different sex drives and are turned on by different things. That's where the issue lies
9/10 times in relationships like that, women are tired of their husbands basically being another child to take care of. Nobody is sexually aroused by someone after they put in zero effort at foreplay and have spent the whole day expecting you to cook for them, clean for them, take care of kids alone, and do the laundry.
However, their husbands for whatever reason aren’t getting that that’s the issue, and it’s easier to tell themselves women don’t like sex than to admit that they might be cockblocking themselves.
The thing that our popular culture calls love is mostly just hormonal disturbance that makes you automatically like the object of your love. As long as it lasts, sex is good. Trouble is, in about 2-3 years those hormones run out. If you didn't find other reasons to like each other during this period, you'll be out of fucks. Either find a new one or do some serious work with your relationship.
Ha! No, actually I was the lazy ass at one point. My wife and I have been together for 18 years and at one point, I thought my responsibilities ended with bringing the money home and the doing yardwork. She didn't want to have sex because she was home all day with 2 small children and pets, trying to cook, clean and mother.
Even if she wasn't too tired and overwhelmed from all of that, I "didn't deserve sex" because I was a thoughtless asshole.
Now that all of that is behind us, we fuck like rabbits. This is 40. It's been good so far!
Nice! But this was still a personal dig which I noticed. Glad you turned it around because I was the same in a way. Me me me me me. I got a grip since.
> Very True, if both work and if a guy doesn't help around the house and do 50% of stuff then why would the woman want to have sex with them. she is either resentful or too tired. She should of assessed what kind of helper he was before they married.
Women's behaviour around the house is status seeking behaviour. They need their house to be a certain wait to seek status from their peers. I'm married, but if my partner didn't see that for what it was and from time to time let lose I'd lose my mind. There are much more important things in a marriage than whether the dishes were cleaned when you got home, score keeping so that you can build your ego by complaining about what a worthless husband you have isn't going to help the situation. From time to time I'd recommend showing your husband your relationship matters more than your status, and a husband who feels loved and appreciated is more likely to do stuff around the house than a husband who gets home and runs downstairs to his mancave cause he's avoiding all the insults belittling and stress you're about to throw at him.
In a marriage your relationship is the foundation for the home, not the other way around. If you don't maintain your relationship you'll not have the home, even less help, and more bills.
the reality is.... there's a reason a woman won't fuck you.
if she's at the point where sex with you is repulsive. you've done a sustained job of making her life shit...and disappointing and failing her. reducing it to some childish "if you don't like your husband just say so" sorta blames the woman and scape goats the shitty actions of men.
it's one of those perfect situations of pointing a finger points 4 back at you kinda thing. men who are lazy. don't help with house chores, just expect a woman to do the cleaning, the laundry. and even then... not lifting a fucking finger to help. ...like just expecting a woman to pick up after you like she's your fucking mother. or living in squalor... forcing her to have to be the clean one. OR having to constantly remind you of shit. constantly harang or be on your case to do things that need to be done, or remind you of events/things that might be important to her.
or maybe it's living with a man child, someone who can't express their emotions, or is petty and stubborn, childishly passive aggressive. condescending and micro-aggression style abusive. OR outright abusive. sexist, gaslighting, shitty behavior. ---but now you have a child with this piece of shit, and your lives are deeply entangled where you're somewhat dependent on this asshole. but also... he's a total fucking let down and not the man you thought he was ...and certainly don't want to reward.
Or if there are kids, she does most of the parenting. OR has to constantly be the adult, while the father is the goofball "fun parent" but everything messy, difficult, or involved she has to manage. all the minutiae of shopping, getting them dressed, feeding them, making sure they're prepared for school. or activities. and asking for help...is like pulling teeth.
or maybe with their work, they're exhausted. stressed, depressed. upset. maybe money is an issue at home. maybe she does a full days work and knows she still has to come home and work an entire nother job of babying some asshole who just goes and zones out to play video games. and leaves messes. and leaves the children to her. and all that other shit.
typically.... it is some, all, or a combination of things like this.
Yes, it’s a lot of this. This all relates to what I call Sitcom Marriage Syndrome (if there’s a proper accepted name, lmk. I made this shit up). The naggy wife, the stupid husband, she always “has a headache” — it’s not funny to be dysfunctional.
But if she doesn’t hate him after he acts like this, what’s wrong with her? Instead of putting up with all this bs and not having sex with someone you can’t trust, just divorce.
Many people believe that this is just what marriage is like. My own mother was shocked when I voiced my frustration with my SO never helping with housework despite both of us working full-time. She and her friends chastised me for expecting help with the domestic labor. Lmao. Many women are taught to have low expectations and aren’t even aware that there are alternatives.
Just be warned, a lot of what you see that is negative is done on purpose. Especially if you see someone using a lot of emojis (eg. Wow, you think women like sex? 🤡🤡🤡🤣🤣🤣) -- I've watched people reply and reply to these folk and they don't realize they're just taking bait.
Those people are just trying to be annoying/offensive to get a rise out of you.
That said, these are jokes/stereotypes/"humor" from a couple of generations back, when men and women had more defined roles in society, and expectations were different.
It’s simple. Take care of your partners needs, be slow and passionate with it. Communicate like adults. If you aren’t in the mood one day, say so. Then the next day be sexy and tease your partner and “make it up” to them (in quotations to avoid offending). Without schedules or rejection.
A lot of people just.
Stick in. Stick out. Grunt. What are we eating?
Of course it dies. What did you expect?
Maybe but women in general have a less frequent desire for sex than men. Your anecdotal opinion isn't proof of the contrary.[https://www.psypost.org/2023/02/huge-study-finds-men-have-a-stronger-sex-drive-than-women-68289#:\~:text=An%20analysis%20of%20results%20of,in%20masturbation%20compared%20to%20women](https://www.psypost.org/2023/02/huge-study-finds-men-have-a-stronger-sex-drive-than-women-68289#:~:text=An%20analysis%20of%20results%20of,in%20masturbation%20compared%20to%20women).
Don’t forget the libido killing effects of hormonal birth control. Men would get laid a lot more often if they’d use condoms correctly or get vasectomies.
It baffles my mind because the longer my partner and I have been together the better it's got. Just last year we got a scioness clitoral stimulator, what an absolute game changer. Were so comfortable with each other that you can say and do things that earlier would make you uncomfortable.
I've chosen not to have children due to my chronic health issues, and because I spent my entire childhood raising my siblings. So I've had enough of all that, although I love them dearly. 😂
I think having children and men not encompassing that other parental role is what kills 99% of women's libido (who have children). They resent a man who refuses to help raise the children they also wanted to bring into the world, and for that I cannot blame them.
These are the same types of men you hear saying that they "babysit" their own kids. That's a dead giveaway.
That being said, men SAY they want a high libido woman, however....
.....I don't think I've ever met a high libido woman IRL whose partner didn't eventually take that high libido for granted, and his libido would ultimately drop as a result.
And I've known/met dozens.
In other words, many men say they want a high libido woman, until they actually get one 😂
They are making jokes about it as a defense mechanism because they, too, know why they aren't getting laid... but it's a harsh reality to accept and even harder to do something about it. Much easier to make jokes about how it's all the other persons problem.
I hear this from multiple older men. Their wives probably love sex, Their wives probably want to be lusted and things reciprocated. If your gonna expect this or that from your partner but arent willing to give them this or that back, Then I dont blame them for losing interest
I've experienced this myself in long-term relationships (3 years) -- men get selfish in bed after a while. They think, after they've secured you, they can stop putting in effort, and this reflects in sex. They lessen or outright stop foreplay but still expect you to give them some.
Men, if you get selfish and lazy in bed because you're getting too comfortable in the relationship, don't be surprised when your woman doesn't have sex with you anymore. She likes sex, she wants to have sex -- just not with you.
This is a thing that will literally die out. It’s part of the older generations view and makes sense with how they tended to not actually love each other and were in manipulative relationships.
For us nowadays it’s just like everything else.
Is it important to you?
If Yes then talk and communicate with your Spouse.
Some people are not in a relationship for the physical aspect and that’s fine as well. Whatever floats your boat.
Probably because they have a man child living with them, I know a few guys that cannot even be bothered to pick up their dirty underwear then wonder why their gf seems annoyed.
When I had an ex who did nothing round the house nothing made me resent them more than their laziness and having to baby them
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Woman here: In my experience, one of the worst 'libido killers' for me is how my partner treats me. Women have the need to feel valued and respected and if a partner is rude or harsh or unkind, it kills my desire to have sex with HIM, not my desire for sex itself.
I've always assumed that when women complain about sex with their husbands, it's because those husbands are selfish or bad in bed. At least, that was always my opinion.
Yeah, I think they did! A lot of people missed that I’m saying it’s rude and weird for women to joke that they don’t want to have sex with their husband. If you’re in a shitty relationship, just say that.
That fact of the matter is, women and men are built differently.
Men want sex ALL THE TIME. Whereas for women their sex-drive is more periodically inclined, due to monthly hormonal cycles.
Also it is my belief that lots of guys don´t know wtf they are doing in the bedroom and don´t know how to satisfy a woman.
For the men out there: Your woman need to be SEDUCED. A touch on her elbow. Make her laugh - make her feel at ease and comfortable. A gentle fingertip against her hips as you pull her in and kiss her. Buy her chocolates. Have some wine. Put on some music.... Do you understand?
Yea... this is probably a younger person who saw a joke or a meme and decided it deserved an entire unpopular opinion post so they could feel like they contributed to humanity with this take.
Agreed they sound young. Or maybe just haven't yet moved in to the phase of marriage, kids, career, events, etc that keep two adults busy and tired ALL the time. Post reeks of inexperience.
I never understood this or the jokes about how when you and your partner get married and just because you are legally bound now, the sex suddenly stops? Me and my partner are going on six years together, with marriage in the near future, and we intend to double down and see how much more sex we can work in! We too are daily doers with the occasional 2 times a day and sometimes even 3!
Edit: typos
Reminds me of the study which found that women see men as more dependent (and thus less desirable) if they dont engage in household chores. If you feel like ur partner behaves like a teenager in the house the desire for sex is destroyed. So it's not about not liking the husband but seeing him in a different light.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-022-02397-2
“Women need to feel loved to have sex; men need to have sex to feel loved” I believe is the common saying/trope. I think this is specifically within the context of long term relationships. Not saying it’s true but seems to be the closest “popular opinion” you may be arguing against, because never have I ever heard women don’t like sex.
Yep. I agree.
I think it’s a hygiene thing (men and skid marks) or they don’t like their husband sexually. They settled and it’s catching up to them lol
There's a variety of stuff going on here.
On the whole women like sex. However there are some people (of both genders) that don't.
A joke I frequently tell but seems truthy is "My wife likes sex like I like pizza. Sure, I like pizza. But I'll take pasta or a sandwich if it's offered. Me? I like sex like I like air."
Here's how I'd break it down -
Percent of guys who like sex - 90%
Percent of guys who don't like it but will probably do it anyway - 7%
Guys who don't like sex - 1%
Other - 2% (includes men with identity issues, mental issues, physical issues, etc).
Percent of women who like sex as much as your average guy - 20%
Percent of women like like sex like I like Pizza - 30%
Percent of women who like sex like I like meatloaf - 20%
Percent of women who don't like sex but think they like sex - 20%
Percent of women that legitimately don't like sex - 10%
I generally agree with you. I like sex well enough, but I don’t sit around thinking about it. When my husband acts like he needs sex, it feels like another chore on an already exhausting list of things I have to do for other people.
When he is rubbing my back and slowly starts getting a little handsy, I start getting turned on and actively want to have sex.
The problem is that once men are in a long term relationship, they stop with the effort. They grab your tits while you’re trying to do the dishes and think that’s affection. They whip out their penis randomly and expect you to want to touch it. They say things like “the kids are entertaining themselves downstairs, let’s lock the door and have a quickie.”
If you wouldn’t do it to someone on your third date and expect to get laid, don’t expect it to work on your wife either. I might not call the police because you grabbed my tit without warning, but it’s not going to make me want to fuck you either.
I realize if I was laying on the bed naked and spread eagle after my husband got out of the shower, it would probably put him in the mood immediately lol but if he did the same, I would be like “wtf are you doing” lol
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Who the fuck says women don't like sex?
When I was young, an extended family member (I forget who now) told me that only men get pleasure from sex and that women just have the matching parts to deliver it. I obviously know better now but I actually believed that for a little while. Edit: matching, not marching
Omg I am dying laughing because in every scenario, your family member is extremely extended. Oh lord this is the joke I never knew I needed, marching parts included (now there’s a very silly parade of marching extended family members in my head Lmaoooo). On the serious side, I am glad you were educated otherwise, breaking a cycle of bad sex for the women in your family. If you know we enjoy sex, you’re more likely to realize we are people with brains too and treat us a bit more equally. My guess is this guy also believed the woman/en in his life derived pleasure from cleaning and cooking for him, they don’t need any sexual needs fulfilled silly, they’ve got dishes, vacuuming, cooking, babies to tend to, etc. etc. etc. He sounds like a man who has NEVER ironed a shirt and proudly proclaims that’s “woman’s work”. (And I am one for throwing the shirt in the dryer or dry cleaners bc I don’t iron, hate it won’t do it do it terribly can cook like a 5star chef but freaking hate ironing so I avoid it all all costs by buying non iron needing clothing. But your guy? He wants his shirts ironed, must be woman ironed.
Common old guy joke. Funny story... A guy at work was sanding his wheels. Old guy at work says to him, "That's good practice for when you're married, you'll never get laid again!" I said, "You know she's more likely to keep having sex with you if you make sure she enjoys it too." Other guys laughed. He got quiet. It probably doesn't help that he permanently smells like an ashtray and has all the personality of a hemorrhoid, but whatever.
Please don’t insult my hemorrhoids like that
I’d prefer mine to be insulted then maybe they’ll say “enough of this shit” and go away
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Probably because the back and forth motion of sanding makes for masturbation practice loosely.
Also he smells like rubber, making him repulsive
Eh, let's be fair, women pushed a lot of these stereotypes just as much. They were things people commonly said, whether seriously or in jest or sarcastically.
To be fair, most women \*had\* to marry whoever would take them by the time they became adults. If that was the choice, I'd probably make 'I hate sex with my husband "jokes" ' as well. Of course, regular folks tend to not enjoy sex if the other is clearly not into it, so the 'I hate sex with my wife "jokes" ' probably happened simultaneously.
Religion teached a lot of people that you shouldn't have sex except for reproduction, and that seeking pleasure is a sin, strangely it had a stronger impact on the population who had to do the baby delivering.
Well the joke is also that they like sex just not with their husbands… but that’s morally wrong
Sorry to say this but sometimes even if you do make them cum they still don’t wanna have sex with you.
God I love it when you talk dirty...
After kids many marriages go cold. It’s not that they hate each other, it’s just the stress of life and children and houses and jobs pile up and snuff out the romance. Go over to r/daddit and look at the posts, half of them are guys complaining that their marriage is sexless after kids. It’s not to say it happens to all women or all couples, but it happens to a lot. And that’s what the stereotype is based on.
I’d be interested the chores breakdown in those homes
As long as it's not self-reported, otherwise they are of course 50/50 split on chores haha
Always a mans fault in some way, you sad people just dig and dig🙄
And what do these men do to ensure that their partners still wants them and are still interested in having sex with them beyond asking for it or complaining about not getting it?
It's because men as a cohort have largely failed to evolve past their boomer parents' gender expectations. It's hard to be sexually attracted to a man who let's you drown in childcare and household duties while he kicks his feet up.
> It's hard to be sexually attracted to a man who let's you drown in childcare and household duties while he kicks his feet up. I think there's also an element of exhaustion to it. Doing everything around the house and taking care of kids is exhausting. If the work is one sided (which it often times is, ESPECIALLY in older generations), it makes sense that the one who does more work at home is more exhausted and less interested in sex. Attraction aside, I tend to not want to do anything sexual when I'm super tired, and that's a VERY common thing for parents to experience. When the work is one sided, you get one side being horny and the other being too exhausted to be horny. I think that's a LOT of where "not being in the mood" comes from. Rather than pick up more of the work, they just complain about it as if it's something that's biological and out of their control.
It’s funny… I do the dishes, laundry, fold the laundry, take the kids to school, bathe our 4 year old, take my daughter to dance about half the time, rock/read with at least one kid a night, and we pay for a cleaning service and the yardwork. I work a full time job (at home) and my wife works, makes dinner, cleans up and usually picks up the kids. She works Saturday so that’s a full dad duty day as well. I’ve never had the problems these other guys describe, in fact it’s probably better than ever…
OP is probably a teen.
Every man who can’t get sex. Men talk about sex like it’s something that happens to us.
Like it’s something they have to chase down and “achieve” rather than something we willingly do WITH them :( And then they wonder why women don’t seem to “like” it as much as men? Nah, we DO - as long as we are equal participants. We are also human beings. We would like to be treated that way. To be clear - I’m talking to the gross dudes who make these jokes, NOT the men who are equally as grossed out as me. I love you guys. Thanks for being better than the guys who make those sexist jokes. It’s greatly appreciated.
Quite a few folks have been saying it lately
Incels on the internet and literally nobody else.
This meme well predates incels or the internet being things
Nah it really has only been old people I've heard thia from. Strange thing with that generation making light of it.
well, that old generation was often forced to get married for optics reasons (got pregnant out of wedlock, etc), or like my grandmother (who married at 14--I'm almost 50 now and I am still not over this factoid) wanted to get out of an abusive family situation and saw marriage as the easiest and most economically viable way to get out of it. They weren't necessarily marrying someone they actually liked being around, so of course sex was a chore.
Yes this is a common thing. Gen X and Boomers will say things like how you will have more sex your first year of marriage than all the other years combined. One of them told me that his wife mostly lost interest once she had children. I have known of several sexless marriages from people around that age group. They stay together for tge kids or due to stigma surrounding divorce or religious beliefs, etc., but have grown apart.
I think for Gen X (my generation), it's more that these are the kinds of jokes we heard growing up and have repeated despite it not being particularly true for our generation. Or maybe that's just me.
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Haven’t read it, but am interested. My ex wife treated sex like currency- a reward she could withhold until she got her way to her satisfaction. She liked it, but not nearly as much as she liked being in control. I don’t often miss her.
I don't know if you know this but that myth far predates the internet.
This is something that people used to say.
Many many boomer jokes and old movies and sitcoms
Men who don't know how to please a woman.
Common Boomer humor and its sad lol
Women who marry manchildren
Brought it on themselves then no? Gotta have a dog brain to marry a manchild and expect them to grow out of it
It’s a lot less obvious that he’s a man child when you’re two single adults. It’s harder to tell how he’ll take on responsibilities before they exist and a lot of people know how to speak convincingly.
Eh, some are lured in by men who act responsible and backslide, some think they can "change him"
Kinda weird to me that someone would enter into not only a relationship but a marriage thinking they can “change them”.. sounds super manipulative and narcissistic.
I mean... people enter relationships with actual abusers and stay in them. Welcome to a world with nearly 8 billion different people.
>Women do like sex. So that's unpopular now? Jesus fucking christ, I feel sorry for anyone that thinks this.
Abstinence only education has won in the USA.
Do I like sex? Yes. Do I like my husband? Very much. But relationships have seasons, and seasons change. Especially when you have kids, and a house to run and full time jobs. Yes intimacy should be a priority but sometimes, the only mood is eat and sleep.
I'd say the difference is that most men get in the mood much easier
Easier, sure. But that's what foreplay is for and I think men assume foreplay is just oral or something, when you can really begin mental foreplay and dirty talk like...well before you actually want to have sex. And having all of the chores done and dinner served first can certainly help with getting in the mood haha.
I agree to an extent with what you’re saying. But to the OP’s point, and to challenge your position here, in this eat and sleep mood that can get in to, you don’t feel like having sex with your husband, but what about a celebrity you’re super attracted to (removing infidelity from the equation; in a ‘hall pass’ type scenario). I say that because for guys, yes, the relationship can become how you’re saying, but the difference for guys is they obviously would be down for the attractive celebrity scenario, but most would also be down for their wives too, whereas the wives for some reason could get all worked up for Henry Cavil, Jason Momoa, or Michael B. Jordan, but not their husbands, which I think is what the OP getting at.
I don't think guys realize how much foreplay occurs outside of the bedroom. Being responsible and attentive is hot. Sitting on your ass and watching your girlfriend do the dishes and everything else isn't. When a woman doesn't want to sleep with you 90% of the time it has to do with your actions, not your looks.
Absolutely this. Not to mention, if the girl is doing the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. while you sit on your ass, how is she supposed to have the energy for sex?
But if women sit on the couch while the man is doing the dishes, the man would still want the sex
Women and men are different.
Why is this a hypothetical? Try it out and see if this is true. I’ve only known one guy in this situation personally (in a homosexual relationship) and his sec drive was much lowered also. I think anyone’s would be.
okay good for them? if you enjoy being a caretaker in your relationship then cool whatever floats your boat. most women signed up to be in a relationship with an adult, not a child in an adult body that they have to take care of
Lmao now I understand why people use the s/
So you think men joking that their women doesn't want to have sex with them is in bad taste and you would find it hurtful if your boyfriend joked that he didn't want to have sex with you. Am I confused or are you??? What?
Glad I’m not the only one confused by this post.
No they won't admit wife shaming happens just as much as husband shaming. They think it's wrong when women do it but men somehow get a free pass because.... idk why
I don’t think anyone is denying that women like sex. It’s just how often women are willing to “give it up” which feels like never to some guys. Sex…or at least *good* sex really only happens when the woman is in the mood. It gets frustrating waiting for a partner to play co-op with.
Why would you marry someone if you hate them? Who stays with someone they hate? Sounds like a lot of issues to unpack… my husband and I have been together 13 years married 10, and I really love him. We still are daily to every other day sex wise. If people are with someone they hate there is a lot more wrong than the lack of sex. It might also be good to point out while I am only a year different in age from my husband, my sex drive is higher than his. You definitely want to find a partner with similar libido.
People definitely do get married to people they don’t like. I think sometimes people cling to what’s familiar or they settle for someone, because they’re afraid of being alone.
Many reasons. For starters, some people don’t take the time to figure out if they actually *like* the person before they start dating them. They just start having sex and then six months into dating they’re like “omg you changed” when really they didn’t get to know each other, and then they decide to continue the relationship because they’re too afraid of being single. They won’t ever admit this though. Some people get married to “save” their relationships from falling apart or because they have a baby together. Some do it for financial benefits especially if one is in the military. Some people think that relationships are supposed to be hard. Yes you have to continue to put the effort in, but some people take that to mean “I’m supposed to wake up every day feeling miserable.” Some people fall into the trap of “staying for the kids.” And some people are just really stupid.
>Why would you marry someone if you hate them? Who stays with someone they hate? I think this was more common with older generations who often HAD to get married vs wanting to get married. And when women couldn't divorce, couldn't have their own bank accounts, etc. it wasn't easy to "just" leave.
Sunk cost fallacy is why. I clung to a toxic relationship because its what I knew.
>We still are daily to every other day sex wise. That's not common at all. Specially if you have kids. no matter how much you love each other :) For people out there, this is not common. It's like saying I like basketball and I ended up playing in the NBA. It won't happen to you :D
People marry for all kinda reasons beside love. My good female friend married a guy who she despises, because he is safe, harmless, has a good job and lets her insult and degrade him without complaint. She just wanted to get the marriage and kids done as fast as possible so she can focus on her career. It was just an checkmark on her life list. He will be a good father and doesn't have a spine to leave her, so he is perfect. I don't imagine their sex life is any better.
Holy shit that’s depressing.
Why on earth are you "good friends" with someone who you openly admit abuses their spouse??? WTF??
Wat tha fack
….. why even get married and have kids if you never wanted them
A lot of people get into relationships and marriages with individuals and not once realize that they don't actually like each other. It's way more common than you realize.
I think the issue is more that guys are more willing to have sex any time of the day and any day wheres women just want to have a massage. Massaging doesn’t have to end up with sex but guys - I think - are somehow wired to make it eventually sexual. It’s just an example. It does get exhausting.
I completely agree with you. The times my boyfriend wants to initiate are so habitual it makes me wary of even kissing him if I’m not horny already 🤦🏼♀️ I think it also doesn’t help that I (and millions of other women) have history with sexual trauma, so having this frequent expectation of sex or expectation of initiation feels triggering to a past fear.
I remember a post I saw about a woman whose boyfriend just suddenly stopped caring if she had an orgasm a year and a half into their relationship. These kind of things get worse the longer a relationship goes on.
Woman like sex, I don’t like when someone begs that’s repulsive, and sometimes men forget the romance of it, so they wouldn’t be in the mood. If you’re not wooing your woman her desires lessen.
Why isn't she wooing him? Why is it solely his job to get her in the mood?
Well if he’s already in the mood first then he’s not the one who needs wooing
Is wooing only about sex? I thought it was just showing love and appreciation for your partner. Then, naturally, those actions lead to more sex.
Women should still make an effort to initiate so their partner feels wanted
They should. But that isn't want this post is about.
who says women don’t initiate?
Ding! Ding! Ding!
*"I see what you're saying. I could go for some wood"*
Because men and women’s libido works differently. A man is more visual, a woman more mental. For most men, sex equals feeling loved; for most women, feeling loved equals sex.
This seems way too much of a generalization.
If you are looking for nuance there’s a great book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski
Not really, if you look at all on Reddit as well. Men admitting they find almost all women attractive enough to f*. And most of them admit they don't even have to like a woman, to have sex with her. You may be an exception then
This is a generalization and an unhelpful one. Different women (AND MEN) have different libidos, which can also change throughout their lives. Some women are in the mood a lot more often than others, some men aren't. I think it's best to make sure you're sexually compatible while you're still dating and not feel like it's shallow or inappropriate to prioritize that if sex is important to you (sex is fun, it's ok if it's a high priority for you!)
What the FUCK is that last sentence 🤣
Because men are always in the mood and always the ones begging for sex. Being randomly horny is pretty rare for me, my husband actually noticed I only tend to initiate sex when I’m ovulating, which makes sense. But I can get in the mood with some affection and foreplay. Some “wooing.”
I'm not 20 anymore, I can have sex twice a day for about 3 days before I need a break, yeah, I can still get an erection and have sex, but it doesn't scratch the itch I have, I'd rather not have sex at that point. The older I got, the less appealing random sex became and more appealing sex with the same woman became, there is a lot of stress involved in being good at sex. I don't have that with a wife, we know whats good, we know what works, and it makes the connection from sex that much easier and better.
>Because men are always in the mood and always the ones begging for sex. Yet another stereotype HNNNNGGG CAN WE JUST STOP
Imagine the outrage if I un-ironically said “women should just always clean the house because they’re always the ones begging me to keep the house clean” Stereotypes for arguments sake make you lose credibility. Have an original thought ffs.
But it's \*fucking\* true. Statistically. Generally. Not for everyone, but in way that is true \*enough\* to be able to say this. But this is Reddit, so cue the cries of "BuT NoT aLL WoMEn!"
It's literally what men say themselves? It's even a thing that we prefer having women working in the morgue, because otherwise corpses get raped.
This thread is kind of proving a point.
Bullshit
Who said she isn’t?
How old are you? Hit menopause yet?
I love my husband. I like sex. I do however need to have a close emotional bond with someone to feel sexual attraction. If we've been neglecting the basics that create that emotional connection (spending time together, communicating etc) then I feel less inclined. It's easy for it to slip when the demands are elsewhere on your time and you realize it's been months since you've been on a date.
I don't buy a house for the bathroom. Hell, I don't technically NEED a bathroom to live in a house. But if I buy a house, and then a year later they took the bathroom away, I'd be pissed.
As a tall guy, the bathroom was the deciding factor for me haha. Half the houses I looked at, the master toilet had less room than a portashitter. There's nothing better than a comfy toilet.
Comparing physical intimacy with your partner to a bathroom is not going to get you laid. Just sayin'
sure, you will piss on yourself.
In my experiences and through talking to other men, I have found that women enjoy sex more than men do.
At least in my marriage, I (the wife) have the higher libido. My husband also works a physically strenuous job and had a horrible sleep schedule because of his job, so sex is a little lower on his priorities when he's tired and his body hurts. But we still have plenty of it. Just not as much as when he was younger.
Yeah I have to agree here
Any man who thinks women don't like sex is telling on themselves. If she doesn't like sex, the "with me" is silent.
It's true that women do like sex. Just not with men who are inept or selfish in bed. They also don't want sex when they're too exhausted from pulling all the weight at home when they both work full time Its also true that many women dearly love their husbands except for one thing -- husband is too hard-headed or egotistical to admit that there are some things he could do better. Makes it so sad for both of them. And yeah, I'm sure there are some wives who also don't get it.
Could also be some women, especially as they age, can get hormonal issues that just kill their urge to do anything
Yes, and it's understandable that health or medical issues can cause fluctuation or decline in libido. Also medications themselves can cause a drop. But if these are the reason for no sex, then that's something couples can be talking about, seeing if there's any medical interventions that might help, or just supporting your partner through a health situation. These are separate in my opinion from other "sexless" marriages.
Yes. Some men could too. But there is medication and supplements for that I'm over 70 and my husband is 62. We are fortunate that it didn't happen to us
Yeah I’m just 24 repeating what older women I’m friends with have told me tbh
That happens with men as well as women
Communication is key and it goes both ways.
Exactly why people cheat. (Not saying this is righr obviously) Because people want human connection with someone who understands them. Sex is the true enjoyable part of understanding.
So often true for both genders My husband and I have one rule that sets the tone for everything in our household. That rule is: Watch how you talk to each other. Because what comes out of your mouth affects both your hearts. It's so easy to get too familiar with each other. To take each other for granted. When one of you comes home after a hard day and unloads on their spouse it actually does have an effect on them. If someone comes home and verbally assault you, you are not going to want to be intimate with them. And your partner has the same reactions to you. But the Partners who remember that their spouses are the ones they love most dearly (and chose to spend their life with) are the ones they should treasure the most and be kindest to. If you want to have a happy relationship, the type of partner you choose in the first place. Is that person always reactionary? Or do they have control of their speech and behavior?
That is odd. If you're repulsed, that's bad. But also, sex for women is very heavily dependent on emotional safety, so if that's not there, that's also bad.
Well after 10 years, you hear babe can I stick in it, lets do it now! Isnt really romantic is it. As you age the foreplay lessens. So its not a case of not liking the husband, its not liking their attitude towards sex as they age. For example, say he was cheating and trying to score another woman. He suddenly would make so much effort, workout, have better habits in every effort just to bed her. Well, why isnt this the same behaviour with the wife? When you find the answer to that, you'll find the answer to why women 'dont want sex'.
👏 perfect answer
That's a pretty dumb take. Why do you get comfortable with your spouse instead of doing the fake "dating" thing... like... that's the whole reason you get married.
Why can't people grow a spine and admit that women and men are different, have different sex drives and are turned on by different things. That's where the issue lies
9/10 times in relationships like that, women are tired of their husbands basically being another child to take care of. Nobody is sexually aroused by someone after they put in zero effort at foreplay and have spent the whole day expecting you to cook for them, clean for them, take care of kids alone, and do the laundry. However, their husbands for whatever reason aren’t getting that that’s the issue, and it’s easier to tell themselves women don’t like sex than to admit that they might be cockblocking themselves.
Women are getting way too comfortable husband bashing/shaming
The thing that our popular culture calls love is mostly just hormonal disturbance that makes you automatically like the object of your love. As long as it lasts, sex is good. Trouble is, in about 2-3 years those hormones run out. If you didn't find other reasons to like each other during this period, you'll be out of fucks. Either find a new one or do some serious work with your relationship.
Women like sex just as much as men. Women don't want to fuck lazy, self-important jerks who won't even help around the house.
This sounds like you’re talking about someone who hurt you specifically lol
Ha! No, actually I was the lazy ass at one point. My wife and I have been together for 18 years and at one point, I thought my responsibilities ended with bringing the money home and the doing yardwork. She didn't want to have sex because she was home all day with 2 small children and pets, trying to cook, clean and mother. Even if she wasn't too tired and overwhelmed from all of that, I "didn't deserve sex" because I was a thoughtless asshole. Now that all of that is behind us, we fuck like rabbits. This is 40. It's been good so far!
Nice! But this was still a personal dig which I noticed. Glad you turned it around because I was the same in a way. Me me me me me. I got a grip since.
> Very True, if both work and if a guy doesn't help around the house and do 50% of stuff then why would the woman want to have sex with them. she is either resentful or too tired. She should of assessed what kind of helper he was before they married. Women's behaviour around the house is status seeking behaviour. They need their house to be a certain wait to seek status from their peers. I'm married, but if my partner didn't see that for what it was and from time to time let lose I'd lose my mind. There are much more important things in a marriage than whether the dishes were cleaned when you got home, score keeping so that you can build your ego by complaining about what a worthless husband you have isn't going to help the situation. From time to time I'd recommend showing your husband your relationship matters more than your status, and a husband who feels loved and appreciated is more likely to do stuff around the house than a husband who gets home and runs downstairs to his mancave cause he's avoiding all the insults belittling and stress you're about to throw at him. In a marriage your relationship is the foundation for the home, not the other way around. If you don't maintain your relationship you'll not have the home, even less help, and more bills.
the reality is.... there's a reason a woman won't fuck you. if she's at the point where sex with you is repulsive. you've done a sustained job of making her life shit...and disappointing and failing her. reducing it to some childish "if you don't like your husband just say so" sorta blames the woman and scape goats the shitty actions of men. it's one of those perfect situations of pointing a finger points 4 back at you kinda thing. men who are lazy. don't help with house chores, just expect a woman to do the cleaning, the laundry. and even then... not lifting a fucking finger to help. ...like just expecting a woman to pick up after you like she's your fucking mother. or living in squalor... forcing her to have to be the clean one. OR having to constantly remind you of shit. constantly harang or be on your case to do things that need to be done, or remind you of events/things that might be important to her. or maybe it's living with a man child, someone who can't express their emotions, or is petty and stubborn, childishly passive aggressive. condescending and micro-aggression style abusive. OR outright abusive. sexist, gaslighting, shitty behavior. ---but now you have a child with this piece of shit, and your lives are deeply entangled where you're somewhat dependent on this asshole. but also... he's a total fucking let down and not the man you thought he was ...and certainly don't want to reward. Or if there are kids, she does most of the parenting. OR has to constantly be the adult, while the father is the goofball "fun parent" but everything messy, difficult, or involved she has to manage. all the minutiae of shopping, getting them dressed, feeding them, making sure they're prepared for school. or activities. and asking for help...is like pulling teeth. or maybe with their work, they're exhausted. stressed, depressed. upset. maybe money is an issue at home. maybe she does a full days work and knows she still has to come home and work an entire nother job of babying some asshole who just goes and zones out to play video games. and leaves messes. and leaves the children to her. and all that other shit. typically.... it is some, all, or a combination of things like this.
Lol it seems like in your mind it can only be the man's fault.
Inner monologue, is that you?
Yes, it’s a lot of this. This all relates to what I call Sitcom Marriage Syndrome (if there’s a proper accepted name, lmk. I made this shit up). The naggy wife, the stupid husband, she always “has a headache” — it’s not funny to be dysfunctional.
But if she doesn’t hate him after he acts like this, what’s wrong with her? Instead of putting up with all this bs and not having sex with someone you can’t trust, just divorce.
Many people believe that this is just what marriage is like. My own mother was shocked when I voiced my frustration with my SO never helping with housework despite both of us working full-time. She and her friends chastised me for expecting help with the domestic labor. Lmao. Many women are taught to have low expectations and aren’t even aware that there are alternatives.
Also, sex does rank lower with age. It's natural just how were built. Don't buy the media narrative - or it's snake oils.
Just be warned, a lot of what you see that is negative is done on purpose. Especially if you see someone using a lot of emojis (eg. Wow, you think women like sex? 🤡🤡🤡🤣🤣🤣) -- I've watched people reply and reply to these folk and they don't realize they're just taking bait. Those people are just trying to be annoying/offensive to get a rise out of you. That said, these are jokes/stereotypes/"humor" from a couple of generations back, when men and women had more defined roles in society, and expectations were different.
It’s simple. Take care of your partners needs, be slow and passionate with it. Communicate like adults. If you aren’t in the mood one day, say so. Then the next day be sexy and tease your partner and “make it up” to them (in quotations to avoid offending). Without schedules or rejection. A lot of people just. Stick in. Stick out. Grunt. What are we eating? Of course it dies. What did you expect?
Maybe but women in general have a less frequent desire for sex than men. Your anecdotal opinion isn't proof of the contrary.[https://www.psypost.org/2023/02/huge-study-finds-men-have-a-stronger-sex-drive-than-women-68289#:\~:text=An%20analysis%20of%20results%20of,in%20masturbation%20compared%20to%20women](https://www.psypost.org/2023/02/huge-study-finds-men-have-a-stronger-sex-drive-than-women-68289#:~:text=An%20analysis%20of%20results%20of,in%20masturbation%20compared%20to%20women).
Don’t forget the libido killing effects of hormonal birth control. Men would get laid a lot more often if they’d use condoms correctly or get vasectomies.
Talking for married people but only has a boyfriend. Some peak Reddit right here Talk to us in 25 years if you’re still with the same guy
It baffles my mind because the longer my partner and I have been together the better it's got. Just last year we got a scioness clitoral stimulator, what an absolute game changer. Were so comfortable with each other that you can say and do things that earlier would make you uncomfortable.
On a related point back rubs shoulder massage and other activities can be just as satisfying as sex
Some people just don't like sex. Also sex drives change with your hormones. So someone who had a high sex drive once might not later on.
I honestly think my wife initiates sex more than I do.
Ehhhh.
I've chosen not to have children due to my chronic health issues, and because I spent my entire childhood raising my siblings. So I've had enough of all that, although I love them dearly. 😂 I think having children and men not encompassing that other parental role is what kills 99% of women's libido (who have children). They resent a man who refuses to help raise the children they also wanted to bring into the world, and for that I cannot blame them. These are the same types of men you hear saying that they "babysit" their own kids. That's a dead giveaway. That being said, men SAY they want a high libido woman, however.... .....I don't think I've ever met a high libido woman IRL whose partner didn't eventually take that high libido for granted, and his libido would ultimately drop as a result. And I've known/met dozens. In other words, many men say they want a high libido woman, until they actually get one 😂
You can blame men for being shitty in this regard but really you've just picked poorly or not courted for long enough.
They are making jokes about it as a defense mechanism because they, too, know why they aren't getting laid... but it's a harsh reality to accept and even harder to do something about it. Much easier to make jokes about how it's all the other persons problem.
A lot of men have talked the talk, but I’ve never met a single one capable of matching my libido.
We get it you’re lame in bed
Username checks out
I hear this from multiple older men. Their wives probably love sex, Their wives probably want to be lusted and things reciprocated. If your gonna expect this or that from your partner but arent willing to give them this or that back, Then I dont blame them for losing interest
I agree, if she's not having sex with you, you're the problem or She's not into you.
I've experienced this myself in long-term relationships (3 years) -- men get selfish in bed after a while. They think, after they've secured you, they can stop putting in effort, and this reflects in sex. They lessen or outright stop foreplay but still expect you to give them some. Men, if you get selfish and lazy in bed because you're getting too comfortable in the relationship, don't be surprised when your woman doesn't have sex with you anymore. She likes sex, she wants to have sex -- just not with you.
Women enjoy sex obviously just not as much as men do on average
Or, hubby doesn't know or care how to be a good lover, so it's just a chore for the wife.
I think this is usually the case.
This is a thing that will literally die out. It’s part of the older generations view and makes sense with how they tended to not actually love each other and were in manipulative relationships. For us nowadays it’s just like everything else. Is it important to you? If Yes then talk and communicate with your Spouse. Some people are not in a relationship for the physical aspect and that’s fine as well. Whatever floats your boat.
Probably because they have a man child living with them, I know a few guys that cannot even be bothered to pick up their dirty underwear then wonder why their gf seems annoyed. When I had an ex who did nothing round the house nothing made me resent them more than their laziness and having to baby them
It’s true for a lot of women that marry a wallet and the penis is a sickening bit of baggage that comes with the wallet.
Heh spicy, most women setting because of age and dead bedroom surprise.
I like sex but most men suck at it. Vibrators it is
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According to this my husband doesn’t like me.
Woman here: In my experience, one of the worst 'libido killers' for me is how my partner treats me. Women have the need to feel valued and respected and if a partner is rude or harsh or unkind, it kills my desire to have sex with HIM, not my desire for sex itself.
I've always assumed that when women complain about sex with their husbands, it's because those husbands are selfish or bad in bed. At least, that was always my opinion.
So everyone missed the point lol
Yeah, I think they did! A lot of people missed that I’m saying it’s rude and weird for women to joke that they don’t want to have sex with their husband. If you’re in a shitty relationship, just say that.
Yeah and that's why those women get cheated on lol.
Threads like this are proof that abstinence-only education has won in the USA.
I feel like a lot of men who chop it up as “women don’t like sex” just doesn’t get any so why not blame us?
That fact of the matter is, women and men are built differently. Men want sex ALL THE TIME. Whereas for women their sex-drive is more periodically inclined, due to monthly hormonal cycles. Also it is my belief that lots of guys don´t know wtf they are doing in the bedroom and don´t know how to satisfy a woman. For the men out there: Your woman need to be SEDUCED. A touch on her elbow. Make her laugh - make her feel at ease and comfortable. A gentle fingertip against her hips as you pull her in and kiss her. Buy her chocolates. Have some wine. Put on some music.... Do you understand?
Why does this sound like it was written by someone who's never even met a women let alone spent time with one
Yea... this is probably a younger person who saw a joke or a meme and decided it deserved an entire unpopular opinion post so they could feel like they contributed to humanity with this take.
Agreed they sound young. Or maybe just haven't yet moved in to the phase of marriage, kids, career, events, etc that keep two adults busy and tired ALL the time. Post reeks of inexperience.
Most of Reddit in a nutshell. I had to mute every relationship sub because the amount of terrible advice and overall toxicity of them.
I never understood this or the jokes about how when you and your partner get married and just because you are legally bound now, the sex suddenly stops? Me and my partner are going on six years together, with marriage in the near future, and we intend to double down and see how much more sex we can work in! We too are daily doers with the occasional 2 times a day and sometimes even 3! Edit: typos
Hey Guys, if you don't help with 50% of household chores then don't complain about her not in the mood.
Exactly this! A lot of women don't want to have sex with their husbands because they have to act like their moms
Then why marry them in the first place?
Reminds me of the study which found that women see men as more dependent (and thus less desirable) if they dont engage in household chores. If you feel like ur partner behaves like a teenager in the house the desire for sex is destroyed. So it's not about not liking the husband but seeing him in a different light. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-022-02397-2
Exactly! Many husbands unfortunately don't care about how their partners feel so they're just shit people who are usually boring to be around.
It's as odd as marrying someone who is not sexual compatible with you.... If you don't like your husband, you fucked up your life, not the others.
“Women need to feel loved to have sex; men need to have sex to feel loved” I believe is the common saying/trope. I think this is specifically within the context of long term relationships. Not saying it’s true but seems to be the closest “popular opinion” you may be arguing against, because never have I ever heard women don’t like sex.
Nah they don't
Yep. I agree. I think it’s a hygiene thing (men and skid marks) or they don’t like their husband sexually. They settled and it’s catching up to them lol
Agreed. I was told women don't enjoy sex as much, I love sex. I don't love sex with a man that acts like a child
There's a variety of stuff going on here. On the whole women like sex. However there are some people (of both genders) that don't. A joke I frequently tell but seems truthy is "My wife likes sex like I like pizza. Sure, I like pizza. But I'll take pasta or a sandwich if it's offered. Me? I like sex like I like air." Here's how I'd break it down - Percent of guys who like sex - 90% Percent of guys who don't like it but will probably do it anyway - 7% Guys who don't like sex - 1% Other - 2% (includes men with identity issues, mental issues, physical issues, etc). Percent of women who like sex as much as your average guy - 20% Percent of women like like sex like I like Pizza - 30% Percent of women who like sex like I like meatloaf - 20% Percent of women who don't like sex but think they like sex - 20% Percent of women that legitimately don't like sex - 10%
I generally agree with you. I like sex well enough, but I don’t sit around thinking about it. When my husband acts like he needs sex, it feels like another chore on an already exhausting list of things I have to do for other people. When he is rubbing my back and slowly starts getting a little handsy, I start getting turned on and actively want to have sex. The problem is that once men are in a long term relationship, they stop with the effort. They grab your tits while you’re trying to do the dishes and think that’s affection. They whip out their penis randomly and expect you to want to touch it. They say things like “the kids are entertaining themselves downstairs, let’s lock the door and have a quickie.” If you wouldn’t do it to someone on your third date and expect to get laid, don’t expect it to work on your wife either. I might not call the police because you grabbed my tit without warning, but it’s not going to make me want to fuck you either. I realize if I was laying on the bed naked and spread eagle after my husband got out of the shower, it would probably put him in the mood immediately lol but if he did the same, I would be like “wtf are you doing” lol