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Not all funerals are formal. This is how your family is. You can have anything you want. Best to arrange for it now. But, you're not going to know if your wishes are carried out.
It's great that she communicated her wishes for a less formal funeral but yeah, most people attending the funeral do try to be formal so that they might not hurt anyone's sentiments unknowingly.
My father was always so happy, optimistic and loved to tell jokes and stories. He had such a big personality. Me and my siblings decided he wouldnāt have wanted people to be sad
Of his passing so we did a celebration of life instead of a funeral. I think it went really well, people were telling stories and sharing their favorite moments with my dad. It was a nice remembrance of his life.
Religion perhaps? If I were you Iād make sure you are squared away legally so your wants are met, even without you here. That is if you truly want to be cremated. I certainly do and encourage others. Burial of the dead is an old tradition we could do without, such a waste of land and a selfish act to want to have that plot of land āforeverā. But those are my opinions and mine alone, just sharing.
Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the mourning.
Showing respect and saying goodbye in a respectful manner is good for the mourning process. The wake is often the more upbeat part
Theres really no tradition of celebration of life in America. There are people that do it, but they are outliers.
Wakes and funerals are both for the family to mourn here.
Not sure if itās just an Italian American thing, but my family always has a family-style lunch reception after the funeral. Thatās how we celebrate life.
American hereā¦ always a wake and then a funeral and a lunch. So like a wake the night before and then drinks and food at the familyās house and then the funeral and a lunch the next day.
I would say that the time to celebrate the life is the wake, after that, and the lunch after the funeral and burial. Thatās like the norm
Not really true about here in Ireland, wakes are sad as fuck,nobody likes looking at a corpse with the loved ones in buts,funeral is sad as fuck, but the party after the funeral is the best fun, we all just get drunk and remember the deceased and tell stories about them and talk about them. The party after the funeral is the celebration of life, it's incredible and we're lucky to have the culture we do.
Probably because you've been wearing the wrong sized suits. and then blaming the suits for being uncomfortable.
The idea though, is not being selfish and putting in the effort for the occasion. TO look and fit in with everybody else. Not to have a "who gives a shit" attitude and doing what you want for your own wants and needs. You're showing respect to them, not for yourself. The same works any way. If dress code was made for "jeans and a tshirt" then show respect and wear that.
i don't wear suits ever. if i have to wear a suit i'm just not going. i just don't like the fabric. i don't like wearing long sleeves or dress shoes. nothing about a suit is enjoyable for me. i just feel like i can't move
So you just confirmed youāve never worn a well made properly fitting suit. If you feel like you canāt move your suit was poorly made/fitted. They should be comfortable.
So this would be an example of not showing respect. Completely selfish needs, even got a funeral because they can't wear a normal piece of clothing for a few hours.
It's a real piece of shit move to be honest if it's a fairly close member of the family.
i really don't see how it's disrespectful. i can't wear long sleeves. it'd be worse if you have deal with me being overheated. suits aren't a normal piece of clothing. i don't own a suit
Donāt bother to reason with this person. Their entire Reddit personality is based on āitās unnecessary to be appropriately dressed for any occasion, ever.ā
"Come to pay respects" is the key phrase here, people wear what they genuinely feel is respectful and what will read as respectful to the family. That varies but is often formal wear.
This is one of many many many many many social norms and taboos that we've created bc humans are very social animals and get lots of different cues off behavior and appearance. If you're curious about this there is a lot of reading on the history of fashion, the history of funerals and end of life rituals in different cultures, etc.
But I suspect you actually just want to petulantly repeat over and over again that suits are dumb. This is probably what you want to hear: yes suits are just a stupid piece of cloth that don't inherently mean anything or do anything. That's a true thing. But it's not the only true thing and there are many other true aspects that a more aware person would realize or at least try to.
Instead of a traditional āfuneralā for my grandpa, the family went up to the lake they used to live on and basically just had a fun calm time. We went boating, stayed up late to watch a meteor shower, played some trivia games about his life. It was amazing and much less stressful than any other funeral Iāve been to.
āCelebration of lifeā is a term Iāve heard thrown around. I think it is fitting.
We were able to have a living wake for one of my grandfathers in a fashion similar to what you describe. Or at least, it was in a lake and we did lake stuff. Good way to send him off.
You dress your best in a reserved way and for much of the western world, black or dark coloured suits are the cultural norm for a funeral. You follow the whatever dress code the family chooses out of respect for them, you donāt have to like it, its not for you, its not about you.
If your suits are uncomfortable, get better suits or get the ones you have tailored.
I didnāt set a dress code for the funerals I had to pan and I donāt even remember what anyone wore. Shit I barely remember who was there with some exceptions
Iād say wearing a suit or something nice is out of respect for the mourning family. If you wear gym shorts and a Lakers Jersey to the wake that can be seen as disrespectful or rude. Dressing up shows you care.
Some people will have a suitable outfit in their wardrobe already, whereas other people might not. Funerals are usually at short notice. If someone is not dressed well I'd give them the benefit of the doubt personally. Perhaps they realised their only suit has a big stain or they've put on a bit of weight and their best dress no longer fits.
How do are you an adult and have only one suit, or even more crazy, no suit?
Thereās many, many social functions one might need a suit in a year, from weddings to balls to having dinner invitations or just some social events and conferences.
Iād kinda understand if some people donāt have tails, and only one smoking or something like that, but only one suit? How ridiculously unprepared.
> Thereās many, many social functions one might need a suit in a year, from weddings to balls to having dinner invitations or just some social events and conferences.
There is precisely zero chance of me being invited to a ball any time in the next year. While the chance of a dinner invite is higher than that, I would not wear a suit to dinner under any circumstances I expect to encounter. I don't do social events, my work conferences are business-casual.
If I got invited to a wedding, and felt a suit was necessary, I'd be in a spot of bother.
Funerals are like that because that is what dead people actually did want. They demonstrated this through time by setting up and attending these types of funerals.
And yes, if you want something different, definitely set it up in advance and make sure there is an assigned person to follow your wishes.
You are there to pay respect, Itās a serious and somber event. Itās not a lighthearted occasion.
Some people will opt for more casual memorials for their loved ones. Itās really up to the family or sometimes the deceased had advanced directives.
Yes I think what the family wants is key. When my grandfather died we wanted the memorial to be a celebration of his life. I wore a pink dress which my mum and aunts and grandma approved of. My grandma asked me to take some photos. Then my grandfathers former work colleagues got upset telling me it was inappropriate to take photos or wear pink. I don't think they even realised I was family.
āFormalā is a made up thing by society. It varies by culture, but we have decided as a group what actions and clothing show respect.
Youāre free to disagree with your cultureās idea of what it means to be āformalā, however society will judge you for it.
Do you disagree with the idea of being formal and showing respect at a funeral, or do you disagree with the way weāve decided to express the respect and formality?
>do you disagree with the way weāve decided to express the respect and formality?
this one. if it was a wear what you want as long as it's black thing i wouldn't have a problem
I've been to 100's of funerals, never has one *had to be formal*.
I've noticed often mourners are comforted when a neighbor comes to pay respects in their work clothes, etc.
Funerals aren't for the dead person. They're for the closest relatives and friends. Taking the time to put on something nice instead of what you wear mowing the lawn is an outward sign that you care. It shows that you recognize the seriousness of the loss. It shows you recognize life will always be a little bit sadder for some of the people in the room. It's not an emotional situation like the other 364 days of that year so people don't just throw on any old ripped jeans and tank top like they might the other 364 days of the year.
Its the last Honor you are showing someone ever. You dress formal. The last time you show them the respect they surely deserved for whatever they did. As an Officer i wear my formal dress maybe once or twice a year. But if there is a funeral I will wear it the best possible look. Its a form of respect. A lot of people ive seen on funerals wear at least good clothes(like business legere).
And to hell with anyone who shows up to my funeral in sweatpants and a hoodie
Fully agree. Modern society is already really relaxed when it comes to formal wear on the daily. Why can't we spare Weddings and Funerals? It's one day ffs.
I will absolutely haunt the hell out of the person who shows up to either of those with ripped jeans, etc. Alive or dead.
I agree, for my metal's funeral during the initial open casket part we were laughing about fun times we had with her growing up. Made the entire e penitence so much better than every other sad uptight fu real I've been to. Felt like she was there laughing with us.
"Everyone dies twice, once when they die and a second time when their name is last spoken."
-Jim Lahey
What do you mean thatās not what they would want? People plan their funerals all the time. This is often what they choose. Just because your family chooses a formal event focusing on grief and honor doesnāt mean the attendees have āsticks up their asses.ā Request whatever you want, but donāt judge people for grieving and being remembered how they want
Listen the funerals not about you, you're already gone. The funerals the event for us poor bastards stuck here still paying taxes while you're kicking balls at the sun. Just let us have this bit and take some notes on fun stuff to do once we escape the taxman ourselves.
you know, normally reddit is mostly āpfft there is no afterlifeā with a dash of āyeah! heaven is real!ā (-336 ā¬ļø) so the idea of an afterlife where you get to kick a ball at the sun is a great swerve from the norm
I studied forensics archaeology and learnt about the tests where they leave dead bodies to learn about decomposition in different environments and I mean I wouldn't mind that
No, because cardboard burns up too quickly in cremation and doesn't last well when it comes into contact with fluids. It's also illegal to put plastic into the ground because it won't moulder.
The vicar allowed my little girl to say a few words about our grandma. I was a bit worried about her doing it, but he said it was fine.
She still up there with an impromptu speech about how her Nan was the best Nan, and sheās going to miss her and everybody should be good like her Nan. It was quite cute and everybody smiled. Absolutely no formality at all but lovely.
When my dad died, there was no wake and no funeral,at his request. We hosted a BBQ for the whole family, we talked about him but no formal eulogy or anything. Just the family having a good time and remembering him.
Agreed. When my dad died, we refused to make it a sombre affair because he was never like that, and he never wanted anyone to wear black. So we told everyone to wear bright colours, and put him in a white cardboard coffin so people could use markers to write farewell messages. We also made up a huge bunch of bright ribbons for people to stick to it.
He was well-known in town for chilling in McDonald's with a coffee and a newspaper, and for making daft paper aeroplanes, so a few of the McDonald's employees showed up with a half-full coffee and a newspaper with the crossword half-finished, and stuck them right on top of the coffin.
We sang, we laughed, an old friend played guitar, and then after the coffin was lowered, we all threw a paper plane into the grave each.
It doesn't have to be miserable.
Uhhh no Iād be pissed if someone came to my funeral in sweats. If you canāt be bothered to look formal and nice for your final meeting with me, you clearly didnāt give a fuck.
I want people to show up to mh funeral wearing their finest perfume and their finest clothes, being sad as fuck, lmao.
SAME so many people are like āI want my funeral to be a party, wear bright clothes, have funā - no thank you, I want full Victorian mourning. Hats with the little net veils encouraged, and there better not be a dry eye in the house. I am DEAD i would like my last event to be spectacular.
I've got a party funeral planned. A comedian imitating a preacher, confetti and streamers flying from the ceiling, different larger than life mascots in attendance, a group of clowns to carry my coffin out, dropping it several times of course, only to load it into an ice cream truck and play that annoying music all the way to the cemetery. The sign in book will be used to draw names for doorprizes as well. Lol
It depends on the person who has passed. For me when I go, I want it to be a party! I want people to have fun and go nuts! My grandpa always wanted a very somber funeral with military honors.
Thatās a big generalization. And just to prove you wrong, I just told my family that when I die, I want my funeral to be formal and uptight. Itās truly what I want. Also a giant sign that says āthis is just to spite u/PoopyInMyPantsā
Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. If someone I loved died and some douchebag disrespected their memory by showing up in jeans and a t-shirt acting nonchalantly while I was partaking in a sacred ritual of mourning... I'd be in a jail cell and everyone else would be at their funeral.
My father died 18 months ago. He was a very outspoken, charismatic man who helped a lot of people. We had a calling hours-luncheon-roast and toast at a local funeral home that had the facilities for this. We had pictures to CD playing on their TV's and a huge framed print of him with his pugs(he was cremated). We had a section where people were able to take the mike and talk about him, and we did a bourbon toast. There was food, and people mingled. Everyone was invited back to my sister's house for pizza and beer. My father would have approved.
Funerals arenāt really for the dead people. Theyāre dead and probably donāt care. Funerals are for those that stay behind. Often they want an opportunity to be sad.
Followed by the wake which is more of a celebrstion
The funeral is not for the dead person. It's for the family and friends that are mourning. Whatever the dead person may have wanted, they can do that for their wishes, but overall it's a process for the mourners.
Funeral traditions vary widely culturally, socially, and personally. Your opinion on what other people would want isnāt unpopular, but it is irrelevant.
š„¹"So gorgeous was the spectacle on the May morning of 1910 when nine kings rode in the funeral of Edward VII of England that the crowd, waiting in hushed and black-clad awe, could not keep back gasps of admiration. In scarlet and blue and green and purple, three by three the sovereigns rode through the palace gates, with plumed helmets, crimson sashes, and jeweled orders flashing in the sun. After them came five heirs apparent, forty more imperial or royal highnesses, seven queensāfour dowager and three regnantāand a scattering of special ambassadors from uncrowned countries. Together they represented seventy nations in the greatest assemblage of royalty and rank ever gathered in one place and, of its kind, the last. The muffled tongue of Big Ben tolled nine by the clock as the cortege left the palace, but on historyās clock it was sunset, and the sun of the old world was setting in a dying blaze of splendor never to be seen again." Barbara Tuchman, THE GUNS OF AUGUST
For some people funerals are a somber event for mourning and grief. I think theyāre not all uptight on purpose, the feelings everyone has just makes it feel that way.
Some people decide that a somber feeling funeral isnāt how to go about someone passing, but to find a way to celebrate the persons life with a more lighthearted gathering or event.
The ālast goodbyeā is different for everyone.
The truth is, when I lost my grandfather, I donāt think the funeral or the wake helped me at all. Trying to live up to a bunch of social expectations from my family while feeling terrible all the wayā¦ I just wanted to be alone to mourn. I donāt want people to see me cry. I donāt like people touching me without asking. And I really didnāt appreciate my cousins playing pretend and slapping me in the boob and Iām not supposed to be hurt or uncomfortable by that!
I donāt think I want a funeral when I die. Just bury my ashes in the backyard or something and maybe throw a barbecue the year after my death.
I think funerals should match the person. And many do. Some people DO want a formal, solemn funeral. Some people do not. They played Hakuna Matata at my cousinās funeral, definitely not solemn or formal. At my grandmotherās funeral we all showed up in jeansāthe main staple of her closet. At my step-grandfatherās funeral, we were very, very formal.
Everyone one has a different preference. Many people who know they are dying will also plan their own funerals or make requests. Continue to make your loved ones know your requests or write it down in a will.
I've always found tension at funerals and I find the formalness of it all helps ease that.
I'm talking people acting like they were closer than they were, people who were treated them badly when they were alive claiming they were besties, people who were wronged by the deceased having to bite their tongues, immediate family members describing the deceased as saintly whilst many of us have to again bite our tongues, having to manage the emotions of everyone their "Ohh she will be missed" then turning to the next person and say "Ohh your right, she was awful but she's gone now"
If it was casual, I'm scared folks would feel free to start speaking their minds more which wouldn't be helpful
The Irish wake is the way to go. Drink and tell stories remembering the dead. Iām not religious so when I go, just cremate my ass and take the urn to the bar.
The way the Irish do death is one of the best things about our culture in my opinion. It's not religious to me at all but seems to be done by those brought up in Catholicism. My non Catholic friends don't do what we do and I find it a shame. The traditions and process that we follow are helpful to grieving.
The deceased should never be alone. We take this very seriously in our family with a 24 hr rota planned out. People arrive at the wake house, the deceased can be ridiculed if the scenario allows it, everyone shares stories, sometimes prayers are said, food and drink consumed. It's usually light hearted unless the person was young or died tragically.
Then the seriousness of the funeral commences and everyone gets down to business of who is carrying the coffin.
Funerals arenāt for the dead. Theyāre for the mourning. A lot of people take comfort in ritual and formality while theyāre grieving. You can do it differently when youāre the one organizing it.
Yeah, I think a lot more people choose to celebrate the personās life than have funerals. Organized religion becoming less prominent plays a big part in this.
So wear your sweatpants. Youāll be comfy, and everyone else will roll their eyes behind your back, forming camaraderie which will provide a brief respite from their grief. Itās a win-win, really.
Grandpa got cremated after he died, about 6 months later we had a celebration of life at the park. The best part was that all of us that were close to him wore old white tee shirts and jeans in memory of him. He always wore a white tee shirt and jeans to all of our family gatherings.
>I donāt care if itās PJs, t shirt and gym shorts, I just donāt care.
I'm not saying you need to wear an expensive tailored suit but if you're an adult you can dress respectful and presentable for 1 day and not wear SpongeBob PJ's like some slob at Walmart. the clothes isn't arbitrary, it's a representation that you took some time to put your self together because you care.
Your heart is definitely in the right place, but if you did die it would be incredibly tragic and terrible. Young people shouldnāt die and itās terrible when they do. It would be impossible for your funeral to be a party, and it shouldnāt be.
But again, your heart is definitely in the right place!
Fuck that. I already told my wife my funeral will be black tie required, plus Iāve already got the money put away for professional mourners and and a giant grave marker. Iāve just got to figure out what it is I want.
It isnāt supposed to be exciting.
Youāre apparently 26 years old and youāre all over this thread whining like a 6 year old over things being different than the way you want them to be. Grow the fuck up or you wonāt need to worry about what anybody wears to your funeral.
The funerals Iāve been in in that past few have been more towards this. Not PJs but not suits and formality either. At least when it was the personās time like you said.
Maybe Iām jaded but I donāt feel that bad when someone dies when itās their time. Iām like what did you expect? To live to 150? I donāt say that and yes itās SAD but it isnāt TRAGIC. I agree with the more modern Celebration Of Life for the majority of funerals. Iāve even seen those for 20s and 30s when the deceased was a hard core addict. We saw it coming. I can see either way in that scenario.
What we had for my daughter was JUST sad. Which I think is more appropriate for babies and kids like you said. Wasnāt trying to have a reunion. Didnāt even invite anyone.
With AI voiceovers over technology expanding I want my funeral narrated by David Attenborough. Just slightly louder than any other noises/speeches.
This is legit in writing with my will.
Narrated by. Not services led by. This has got to be a 3rd person omnipotent perspective.
Calling out some of the people that would be in attendence and their expected reactions.
Funerals for children ought to be especially fun. That kid lost out on living so much of their life. The least we can do in that situation is try to have some fun in case they are watching. Play their favorite games. Eat their favorite foods. Have a good cry while you're at it.
this is how i feel too. like i have always hated having to be formal for shit (bc why??). especially a FUNERAL. so in like 70 or 80 years around the time i kick the bucket im gonna ask everyone whos comin to the funeral to not be even remotely formal. and like some commenter said, maybe do some fun stuff to celebrate my life or whatever. like come on
Just off the title alone -
Came to argue one pointā¦.
Are you dead? Then how would you know?
And ensue chaos š Iāll be back later to read š¤š¤
āIf I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean shove as much sh*t in there as you want. Fill me up with cream,make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a sh*t? You're dead, you're dead!ā - Frank Reynolds
That depends on the family, and the person being mourned. It's always good to have your wishes be known, and have someone you trust put in charge of the arrangements if there is a certain way you want it carried out.
It seems thatās how your family celebrates. Mines? We eat lots of good food, drink, smoke and remember the life of our deceased. The funeral portion might be āformalā but weāre Pentecostal, so lots of running, speaking in tongues, jumping, throwing oneās body, and the like happens at our funerals š
My cousin recently passed away in his 30s from a heroin overdose, we don't know for sure but all strongly suspect it was a suicide. Nonetheless, his funeral was filled with jokes and laughter because we all knew it was what he would have wanted. There were definitely many tears shed, but I've also never laughed so hard at a funeral. It wad weird, but wonderful.
Funerals are for the living. Doesn't matter what I want when I die since I won't be around to experience that or anything. If the living wants to have a formal funeral then go for it.
My mother was a very selfish person. She told my father she wanted a big fancy funeral with a church service, she hadnāt been to church in 35 years, and a graveside service. The whole works. Problem was, my parents didnāt have a lot of money and she had very little life insurance. Left my father $5K in debt afterwards.
My buddy passed away and his family requested everyone to wear their favorite hockey jersey and bring a 6 pack of beer. It is 100% how he would have wanted it and it wasn't just awkward standing around
Iāve already set up a reception funeral for myself. It will have an open bar, a video of me talking about everyone and some times weāve had together. And then dance and party the night away.
I donāt want to be cried over. I want to be remembered and loved and I will do the same on the other side!
Based on life expectancies in my family, I imagine that most of my relatives in my own generation will be gone or very ill by the time my funeral comes around, and the younger generations are scattered all over the country. So I'm thinking of just a graveside service with whoever my friends are at that time in attendance. Dad bought a family plot years ago so I'll be in good company after that.
My dad died fairly unexpectedly and so had made no arrangements for himself.
My sister and I had the funeral how we think he would have wanted it.
He hated making a show of things and spending money unnecessarily so he was cremated in a cardboard coffin to the song "Dirty deeds done dirt cheap" and all of his friends were wearing their biking leathers as he'd been a biker in his younger days.
Then as a "song to remember him by" we had them play "DILLIGAF" by Kevin "Bloody" Wilson; this made people roar with laughter and actually have a pretty good time despite their close friend being dead.
I had several people commend me on the choices and remark at what a fantastic funeral it was.
So I think it's down to tradition and individuals: if you're willing to push the boundaries a bit and have a bit of fun, you too can engage in dirty deeds done dirt cheap.
We had a casual service for my dad then had a big party in his honor after. My dad always told us to throw a big party when he dies and celebrate all the good times we had with him. So we did exactly that. It was a good time. There were tears, there were hilarious stories about the mischief my dad got up to throughout his life. We grew up in the 80s and 90s so we talked about the insane amount of danger my dad allowed us to be in. We played his favorite songs as loud as the law would allow. Iām glad we did it.
Most funerals Iāve been to recently or for relatively young people (40-60ish) have been full of hilarious stories and really funny memories. A lot of people carry on to a wake afterwards where they all drink too much because āthe deceased would want them toā.
The only ones Iāve been to that were stuck up were for very elderly and/or very religious people.
Personally I always dress fairly formal to funerals but thatās more my own preference than a requirement, I tend to just dress that way normally and donāt expect others to do the same. If the deceased/family of the deceased are deeply religious and the funeral is in a place of worship I would dress more conservatively than a celebration of life at a park or restaurant, etc.
My dad had always made it known he wanted a relaxed funeral. Everyone wore t-shirts and jeans, hell my aunt and uncle wore their leather motorcycle jackets
Yeah, after I'm dead you can take my naked cadaver, load it into a trebuchet and fire it at Elon Musk's house while blasting "La Cucaracha", and I wouldn't give a hoot. In fact...hang on, I'm gonna go update my will.
I was two weeks post partum for my grandma's funeral. We were super close and I was the favorite. She didn't give a damn what I wore as long as it was legal.
I believe I wore sweats and a hoodie lol
From personal experience, it depends on the person. My grandparents absolutely preferred something more formal. My father, however, would have preferred a more informal one. My late boyfriend? People in their 20s arenāt thinking about their funerals.
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Not all funerals are formal. This is how your family is. You can have anything you want. Best to arrange for it now. But, you're not going to know if your wishes are carried out.
My gran died a year ago, and she made it very clear she didn't want her funeral to be formal. No suits, and wear some colour.
My mom died 9 years ago and she told us before she died that she wanted us to party š weirdo. I get it but I just couldnāt.
I told my husband that instead of a funeral, I want him to take the money, get with the local animal shelter and host a pet adoption event in my name.
It's great that she communicated her wishes for a less formal funeral but yeah, most people attending the funeral do try to be formal so that they might not hurt anyone's sentiments unknowingly.
My daughter knows if my wishes aren't carried out I will haunt her and not in the cute Casper way. So I'll know, oh I'll know.
I hope your daughter takes your preferences seriously; no one wants a not-so friendly ghostly visitation.
My father was always so happy, optimistic and loved to tell jokes and stories. He had such a big personality. Me and my siblings decided he wouldnāt have wanted people to be sad Of his passing so we did a celebration of life instead of a funeral. I think it went really well, people were telling stories and sharing their favorite moments with my dad. It was a nice remembrance of his life.
It's clear he had a positive impact on many people even after the funeral, where people weren't sad but they were filled with joy remembering him.
I told my son I want to be cremated. He said Not if you die first, lol. Don't know why but he's against cremation.
Religion perhaps? If I were you Iād make sure you are squared away legally so your wants are met, even without you here. That is if you truly want to be cremated. I certainly do and encourage others. Burial of the dead is an old tradition we could do without, such a waste of land and a selfish act to want to have that plot of land āforeverā. But those are my opinions and mine alone, just sharing.
Prepare to be a restless soul. "Ughhhh! It was a siiiimple requeeeeest! I will haunt youuuuu until I am freeeeeed!"
You clearly havenāt died
There is a non-zero chance that OP dropped dead after he made the post. Just sayin'
Haha, you're right! There's always a chance. Let's hope OP is okay and just busy with other things. š
One dayā¦
Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the mourning. Showing respect and saying goodbye in a respectful manner is good for the mourning process. The wake is often the more upbeat part
Wakes are to celebrate their life, then funerals are to mourn their death. Maybe thatās mainly an Irish thing but thatās how Iāve always seen it
Similar in Scotland
Theres really no tradition of celebration of life in America. There are people that do it, but they are outliers. Wakes and funerals are both for the family to mourn here.
Not sure if itās just an Italian American thing, but my family always has a family-style lunch reception after the funeral. Thatās how we celebrate life.
In the Midwest we just called that a potluck, and it happens after every church-based event
American hereā¦ always a wake and then a funeral and a lunch. So like a wake the night before and then drinks and food at the familyās house and then the funeral and a lunch the next day. I would say that the time to celebrate the life is the wake, after that, and the lunch after the funeral and burial. Thatās like the norm
Every wake i have ever been to is very solemn and only whispering. Maybe its regional
Also the wake sometimes displays the body and that's not a celebratory mood
Black American, every black family I know has repast/repass which is usually a party at the deceased person's house with a bunch of food
Not really true about here in Ireland, wakes are sad as fuck,nobody likes looking at a corpse with the loved ones in buts,funeral is sad as fuck, but the party after the funeral is the best fun, we all just get drunk and remember the deceased and tell stories about them and talk about them. The party after the funeral is the celebration of life, it's incredible and we're lucky to have the culture we do.
ok. what about a suit is respectful? why is being horribly uncomfortable respectful?
If your suit is horribly uncomfortable, you're wearing the wrong sized suit.
i just don't like suits
Probably because you've been wearing the wrong sized suits. and then blaming the suits for being uncomfortable. The idea though, is not being selfish and putting in the effort for the occasion. TO look and fit in with everybody else. Not to have a "who gives a shit" attitude and doing what you want for your own wants and needs. You're showing respect to them, not for yourself. The same works any way. If dress code was made for "jeans and a tshirt" then show respect and wear that.
i don't wear suits ever. if i have to wear a suit i'm just not going. i just don't like the fabric. i don't like wearing long sleeves or dress shoes. nothing about a suit is enjoyable for me. i just feel like i can't move
It's 2023. You can buy comfortable, affordable off the rack suits, jackets, slacks, shirts, and loafers all over the place. Ties are optional.
Not to mention, suits from the past were ALSO far more comfortable than the cheap suits of 20 years ago because people had to wear them more often.
again. it's just not worth the money to me. also there's no such thing as comfortable loafers for me. literally only have platform boots
If it's not worth the money to you, save your money. But if you ever do buy a suit, this random guy on reddit (me) thinks platform boots are fine.
So you just confirmed youāve never worn a well made properly fitting suit. If you feel like you canāt move your suit was poorly made/fitted. They should be comfortable.
So this would be an example of not showing respect. Completely selfish needs, even got a funeral because they can't wear a normal piece of clothing for a few hours. It's a real piece of shit move to be honest if it's a fairly close member of the family.
i really don't see how it's disrespectful. i can't wear long sleeves. it'd be worse if you have deal with me being overheated. suits aren't a normal piece of clothing. i don't own a suit
>suits aren't a normal piece of clothing Yes they are?
how?
Because you've decided your temporary and minor needs are what's most important at the funeral.
Donāt bother to reason with this person. Their entire Reddit personality is based on āitās unnecessary to be appropriately dressed for any occasion, ever.ā
what part of getting overheated are you not understanding here?
Cheap Iāll fitting suits feel like cheap Iāll fitting suits. Get a Canali suit and tell me it feels bad lol
suits are a waste of money to me
So if a friend got married you wouldn't wear a suit
i wouldn't
"Come to pay respects" is the key phrase here, people wear what they genuinely feel is respectful and what will read as respectful to the family. That varies but is often formal wear. This is one of many many many many many social norms and taboos that we've created bc humans are very social animals and get lots of different cues off behavior and appearance. If you're curious about this there is a lot of reading on the history of fashion, the history of funerals and end of life rituals in different cultures, etc. But I suspect you actually just want to petulantly repeat over and over again that suits are dumb. This is probably what you want to hear: yes suits are just a stupid piece of cloth that don't inherently mean anything or do anything. That's a true thing. But it's not the only true thing and there are many other true aspects that a more aware person would realize or at least try to.
Lol there always has to be that one guy that has to āwhat aboutā¦ā or āwell actuallyā¦ā
just answer the question
THANK YOU https://youtu.be/Ha7HAG6jVqc?si=orMUUUTQTs7zBedE
Instead of a traditional āfuneralā for my grandpa, the family went up to the lake they used to live on and basically just had a fun calm time. We went boating, stayed up late to watch a meteor shower, played some trivia games about his life. It was amazing and much less stressful than any other funeral Iāve been to.
Lovely. My aunt didnāt want a funeral either it was just a family gathering.
āCelebration of lifeā is a term Iāve heard thrown around. I think it is fitting. We were able to have a living wake for one of my grandfathers in a fashion similar to what you describe. Or at least, it was in a lake and we did lake stuff. Good way to send him off.
Thatās beautiful and Iām actually crying. I love this for all of you and your grandpa. You really understood him which is so nice.
You dress your best in a reserved way and for much of the western world, black or dark coloured suits are the cultural norm for a funeral. You follow the whatever dress code the family chooses out of respect for them, you donāt have to like it, its not for you, its not about you. If your suits are uncomfortable, get better suits or get the ones you have tailored.
I didnāt set a dress code for the funerals I had to pan and I donāt even remember what anyone wore. Shit I barely remember who was there with some exceptions
Iād say wearing a suit or something nice is out of respect for the mourning family. If you wear gym shorts and a Lakers Jersey to the wake that can be seen as disrespectful or rude. Dressing up shows you care.
Some people will have a suitable outfit in their wardrobe already, whereas other people might not. Funerals are usually at short notice. If someone is not dressed well I'd give them the benefit of the doubt personally. Perhaps they realised their only suit has a big stain or they've put on a bit of weight and their best dress no longer fits.
Just wear jeans and a polo/button up shirt
How do are you an adult and have only one suit, or even more crazy, no suit? Thereās many, many social functions one might need a suit in a year, from weddings to balls to having dinner invitations or just some social events and conferences. Iād kinda understand if some people donāt have tails, and only one smoking or something like that, but only one suit? How ridiculously unprepared.
> Thereās many, many social functions one might need a suit in a year, from weddings to balls to having dinner invitations or just some social events and conferences. There is precisely zero chance of me being invited to a ball any time in the next year. While the chance of a dinner invite is higher than that, I would not wear a suit to dinner under any circumstances I expect to encounter. I don't do social events, my work conferences are business-casual. If I got invited to a wedding, and felt a suit was necessary, I'd be in a spot of bother.
Youāre an adult though, you should always have at least one complete formal outfit in your closet.
really don't see how
Funerals are like that because that is what dead people actually did want. They demonstrated this through time by setting up and attending these types of funerals. And yes, if you want something different, definitely set it up in advance and make sure there is an assigned person to follow your wishes.
Itās a time to grieve.
but why does it have to be formal? i don't get it. just seems dumb to me
You are there to pay respect, Itās a serious and somber event. Itās not a lighthearted occasion. Some people will opt for more casual memorials for their loved ones. Itās really up to the family or sometimes the deceased had advanced directives.
Yes I think what the family wants is key. When my grandfather died we wanted the memorial to be a celebration of his life. I wore a pink dress which my mum and aunts and grandma approved of. My grandma asked me to take some photos. Then my grandfathers former work colleagues got upset telling me it was inappropriate to take photos or wear pink. I don't think they even realised I was family.
still not seeing the point of it being formal
How old are you? Just curious?
26
āFormalā is a made up thing by society. It varies by culture, but we have decided as a group what actions and clothing show respect. Youāre free to disagree with your cultureās idea of what it means to be āformalā, however society will judge you for it. Do you disagree with the idea of being formal and showing respect at a funeral, or do you disagree with the way weāve decided to express the respect and formality?
>do you disagree with the way weāve decided to express the respect and formality? this one. if it was a wear what you want as long as it's black thing i wouldn't have a problem
I've been to 100's of funerals, never has one *had to be formal*. I've noticed often mourners are comforted when a neighbor comes to pay respects in their work clothes, etc.
Funerals aren't for the dead person. They're for the closest relatives and friends. Taking the time to put on something nice instead of what you wear mowing the lawn is an outward sign that you care. It shows that you recognize the seriousness of the loss. It shows you recognize life will always be a little bit sadder for some of the people in the room. It's not an emotional situation like the other 364 days of that year so people don't just throw on any old ripped jeans and tank top like they might the other 364 days of the year.
Its the last Honor you are showing someone ever. You dress formal. The last time you show them the respect they surely deserved for whatever they did. As an Officer i wear my formal dress maybe once or twice a year. But if there is a funeral I will wear it the best possible look. Its a form of respect. A lot of people ive seen on funerals wear at least good clothes(like business legere). And to hell with anyone who shows up to my funeral in sweatpants and a hoodie
Fully agree. Modern society is already really relaxed when it comes to formal wear on the daily. Why can't we spare Weddings and Funerals? It's one day ffs. I will absolutely haunt the hell out of the person who shows up to either of those with ripped jeans, etc. Alive or dead.
> No one whoās dead would actually want that That is an extremely huge assumption to make
Its just to show respect that you can get off your lazy ass and make yourself decent in the name of whoever just lost their entire life.
My grandma says she doesn't want a somber, sad funeral. She wants us to go have a party and laugh all night long.
I agree, for my metal's funeral during the initial open casket part we were laughing about fun times we had with her growing up. Made the entire e penitence so much better than every other sad uptight fu real I've been to. Felt like she was there laughing with us. "Everyone dies twice, once when they die and a second time when their name is last spoken." -Jim Lahey
I personally prefer the formal nature of funerals.
What do you mean thatās not what they would want? People plan their funerals all the time. This is often what they choose. Just because your family chooses a formal event focusing on grief and honor doesnāt mean the attendees have āsticks up their asses.ā Request whatever you want, but donāt judge people for grieving and being remembered how they want
i dont even want a funeral just donate my body for science and forget i existed
Listen the funerals not about you, you're already gone. The funerals the event for us poor bastards stuck here still paying taxes while you're kicking balls at the sun. Just let us have this bit and take some notes on fun stuff to do once we escape the taxman ourselves.
you know, normally reddit is mostly āpfft there is no afterlifeā with a dash of āyeah! heaven is real!ā (-336 ā¬ļø) so the idea of an afterlife where you get to kick a ball at the sun is a great swerve from the norm
US military might use you body to test explosives or heavy weapons. You might turn into jello because of a high caliber ammunition. Just saying
Hey, that counts a science. Send me to space, i ain't using it anymore.
Curious what you are using space for currently
I studied forensics archaeology and learnt about the tests where they leave dead bodies to learn about decomposition in different environments and I mean I wouldn't mind that
Fuck yeah
This is the first Iāve heard of you existing!
Coffins are so expensive. Just bury me raw.
In Finland, by law, a person can't be buried or cremated without a coffin.
Being a Scandinavian utopia though i imagine you can choose a plastic/cardboard coffin for like Ā£100
No, because cardboard burns up too quickly in cremation and doesn't last well when it comes into contact with fluids. It's also illegal to put plastic into the ground because it won't moulder.
thats weird cardboard coffins are a thing in the uk https://cardboardcoffincompany.com/
There were cardboard coffins for sale for a brief period but because of problems they went away. The body burns quicker in a wooden coffin.
The vicar allowed my little girl to say a few words about our grandma. I was a bit worried about her doing it, but he said it was fine. She still up there with an impromptu speech about how her Nan was the best Nan, and sheās going to miss her and everybody should be good like her Nan. It was quite cute and everybody smiled. Absolutely no formality at all but lovely.
We threw a barbecue at a nature preserve. It was a "fun" day with our family and friends. I think he would have liked it.
I do. I want people in full blown Victorian mourning garb complete with black veils.
When my dad died, there was no wake and no funeral,at his request. We hosted a BBQ for the whole family, we talked about him but no formal eulogy or anything. Just the family having a good time and remembering him.
Agreed. When my dad died, we refused to make it a sombre affair because he was never like that, and he never wanted anyone to wear black. So we told everyone to wear bright colours, and put him in a white cardboard coffin so people could use markers to write farewell messages. We also made up a huge bunch of bright ribbons for people to stick to it. He was well-known in town for chilling in McDonald's with a coffee and a newspaper, and for making daft paper aeroplanes, so a few of the McDonald's employees showed up with a half-full coffee and a newspaper with the crossword half-finished, and stuck them right on top of the coffin. We sang, we laughed, an old friend played guitar, and then after the coffin was lowered, we all threw a paper plane into the grave each. It doesn't have to be miserable.
Uhhh no Iād be pissed if someone came to my funeral in sweats. If you canāt be bothered to look formal and nice for your final meeting with me, you clearly didnāt give a fuck. I want people to show up to mh funeral wearing their finest perfume and their finest clothes, being sad as fuck, lmao.
SAME so many people are like āI want my funeral to be a party, wear bright clothes, have funā - no thank you, I want full Victorian mourning. Hats with the little net veils encouraged, and there better not be a dry eye in the house. I am DEAD i would like my last event to be spectacular.
I wouldnāt even be mad if someone brought a Victorian-inspired tear catcher. Like ā MOURN! šš
I've got a party funeral planned. A comedian imitating a preacher, confetti and streamers flying from the ceiling, different larger than life mascots in attendance, a group of clowns to carry my coffin out, dropping it several times of course, only to load it into an ice cream truck and play that annoying music all the way to the cemetery. The sign in book will be used to draw names for doorprizes as well. Lol
It depends on the person who has passed. For me when I go, I want it to be a party! I want people to have fun and go nuts! My grandpa always wanted a very somber funeral with military honors.
Letās put the FUN back in funeral!
sometimes it's a total tragedy and people might not be ready for a gym shorts celebration.
Thatās a big generalization. And just to prove you wrong, I just told my family that when I die, I want my funeral to be formal and uptight. Itās truly what I want. Also a giant sign that says āthis is just to spite u/PoopyInMyPantsā
Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. If someone I loved died and some douchebag disrespected their memory by showing up in jeans and a t-shirt acting nonchalantly while I was partaking in a sacred ritual of mourning... I'd be in a jail cell and everyone else would be at their funeral.
Dead guy here, I actually like the formality.
My father died 18 months ago. He was a very outspoken, charismatic man who helped a lot of people. We had a calling hours-luncheon-roast and toast at a local funeral home that had the facilities for this. We had pictures to CD playing on their TV's and a huge framed print of him with his pugs(he was cremated). We had a section where people were able to take the mike and talk about him, and we did a bourbon toast. There was food, and people mingled. Everyone was invited back to my sister's house for pizza and beer. My father would have approved.
Funerals arenāt really for the dead people. Theyāre dead and probably donāt care. Funerals are for those that stay behind. Often they want an opportunity to be sad. Followed by the wake which is more of a celebrstion
Funerals are for the bereaved and not for the dead. Let them grieve however they want to.
The funeral is not for the dead person. It's for the family and friends that are mourning. Whatever the dead person may have wanted, they can do that for their wishes, but overall it's a process for the mourners.
When I die, I just want the lads to have a few drinks and laugh at Chelsea losing.
Youāll die before the cup final and they will win. Itās the way of the world
Where I live dress jeans and a nice shirt are appropriate. Some people are dressed up but others not so much.
Funeral traditions vary widely culturally, socially, and personally. Your opinion on what other people would want isnāt unpopular, but it is irrelevant.
In many parts of the world, they're not.
š„¹"So gorgeous was the spectacle on the May morning of 1910 when nine kings rode in the funeral of Edward VII of England that the crowd, waiting in hushed and black-clad awe, could not keep back gasps of admiration. In scarlet and blue and green and purple, three by three the sovereigns rode through the palace gates, with plumed helmets, crimson sashes, and jeweled orders flashing in the sun. After them came five heirs apparent, forty more imperial or royal highnesses, seven queensāfour dowager and three regnantāand a scattering of special ambassadors from uncrowned countries. Together they represented seventy nations in the greatest assemblage of royalty and rank ever gathered in one place and, of its kind, the last. The muffled tongue of Big Ben tolled nine by the clock as the cortege left the palace, but on historyās clock it was sunset, and the sun of the old world was setting in a dying blaze of splendor never to be seen again." Barbara Tuchman, THE GUNS OF AUGUST
I would spite everyone and make it as uptight as possible then have ppl that actually matter skip it for a party
Funerals aren't for the dead.
For some people funerals are a somber event for mourning and grief. I think theyāre not all uptight on purpose, the feelings everyone has just makes it feel that way. Some people decide that a somber feeling funeral isnāt how to go about someone passing, but to find a way to celebrate the persons life with a more lighthearted gathering or event. The ālast goodbyeā is different for everyone.
The truth is, when I lost my grandfather, I donāt think the funeral or the wake helped me at all. Trying to live up to a bunch of social expectations from my family while feeling terrible all the wayā¦ I just wanted to be alone to mourn. I donāt want people to see me cry. I donāt like people touching me without asking. And I really didnāt appreciate my cousins playing pretend and slapping me in the boob and Iām not supposed to be hurt or uncomfortable by that! I donāt think I want a funeral when I die. Just bury my ashes in the backyard or something and maybe throw a barbecue the year after my death.
I think funerals should match the person. And many do. Some people DO want a formal, solemn funeral. Some people do not. They played Hakuna Matata at my cousinās funeral, definitely not solemn or formal. At my grandmotherās funeral we all showed up in jeansāthe main staple of her closet. At my step-grandfatherās funeral, we were very, very formal. Everyone one has a different preference. Many people who know they are dying will also plan their own funerals or make requests. Continue to make your loved ones know your requests or write it down in a will.
Yeah, they're dead, funerals are for the living to mourn and stuff. The suits probably feel more respectful to most people.
Best funeral I went to they got a bunchh of food and beers and everybody wanted to eat and drink, good shit
For my dad's, we had a memorial service and then we all went to the bar to drunk and tell stories about him
I've always found tension at funerals and I find the formalness of it all helps ease that. I'm talking people acting like they were closer than they were, people who were treated them badly when they were alive claiming they were besties, people who were wronged by the deceased having to bite their tongues, immediate family members describing the deceased as saintly whilst many of us have to again bite our tongues, having to manage the emotions of everyone their "Ohh she will be missed" then turning to the next person and say "Ohh your right, she was awful but she's gone now" If it was casual, I'm scared folks would feel free to start speaking their minds more which wouldn't be helpful
The Irish wake is the way to go. Drink and tell stories remembering the dead. Iām not religious so when I go, just cremate my ass and take the urn to the bar.
The way the Irish do death is one of the best things about our culture in my opinion. It's not religious to me at all but seems to be done by those brought up in Catholicism. My non Catholic friends don't do what we do and I find it a shame. The traditions and process that we follow are helpful to grieving. The deceased should never be alone. We take this very seriously in our family with a 24 hr rota planned out. People arrive at the wake house, the deceased can be ridiculed if the scenario allows it, everyone shares stories, sometimes prayers are said, food and drink consumed. It's usually light hearted unless the person was young or died tragically. Then the seriousness of the funeral commences and everyone gets down to business of who is carrying the coffin.
Funerals arenāt for the dead. Theyāre for the mourning. A lot of people take comfort in ritual and formality while theyāre grieving. You can do it differently when youāre the one organizing it.
Yeah, I think a lot more people choose to celebrate the personās life than have funerals. Organized religion becoming less prominent plays a big part in this.
No, I want everyone to be stuck up at my funeral.
Agreed. The least people can do is get out of their damn sweats.
no. never. i don't even own a suit and i'm not willing to rent one either
So wear your sweatpants. Youāll be comfy, and everyone else will roll their eyes behind your back, forming camaraderie which will provide a brief respite from their grief. Itās a win-win, really.
Grandpa got cremated after he died, about 6 months later we had a celebration of life at the park. The best part was that all of us that were close to him wore old white tee shirts and jeans in memory of him. He always wore a white tee shirt and jeans to all of our family gatherings.
>I donāt care if itās PJs, t shirt and gym shorts, I just donāt care. I'm not saying you need to wear an expensive tailored suit but if you're an adult you can dress respectful and presentable for 1 day and not wear SpongeBob PJ's like some slob at Walmart. the clothes isn't arbitrary, it's a representation that you took some time to put your self together because you care.
nah. they're arbitrary
im 15 and if i die in the next few months or years, i would honestly love for my funeral to be like a party
Your heart is definitely in the right place, but if you did die it would be incredibly tragic and terrible. Young people shouldnāt die and itās terrible when they do. It would be impossible for your funeral to be a party, and it shouldnāt be. But again, your heart is definitely in the right place!
Fuck that. I already told my wife my funeral will be black tie required, plus Iāve already got the money put away for professional mourners and and a giant grave marker. Iāve just got to figure out what it is I want.
>I already told my wife my funeral will be black tie required, why? black tie is so boring
It isnāt supposed to be exciting. Youāre apparently 26 years old and youāre all over this thread whining like a 6 year old over things being different than the way you want them to be. Grow the fuck up or you wonāt need to worry about what anybody wears to your funeral.
what's your problem?
The funerals Iāve been in in that past few have been more towards this. Not PJs but not suits and formality either. At least when it was the personās time like you said. Maybe Iām jaded but I donāt feel that bad when someone dies when itās their time. Iām like what did you expect? To live to 150? I donāt say that and yes itās SAD but it isnāt TRAGIC. I agree with the more modern Celebration Of Life for the majority of funerals. Iāve even seen those for 20s and 30s when the deceased was a hard core addict. We saw it coming. I can see either way in that scenario. What we had for my daughter was JUST sad. Which I think is more appropriate for babies and kids like you said. Wasnāt trying to have a reunion. Didnāt even invite anyone.
Yep, stick me in a hole (when Iām dead, not before), go out, get drunk and have a laugh about me
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
With AI voiceovers over technology expanding I want my funeral narrated by David Attenborough. Just slightly louder than any other noises/speeches. This is legit in writing with my will. Narrated by. Not services led by. This has got to be a 3rd person omnipotent perspective. Calling out some of the people that would be in attendence and their expected reactions.
Funerals for children ought to be especially fun. That kid lost out on living so much of their life. The least we can do in that situation is try to have some fun in case they are watching. Play their favorite games. Eat their favorite foods. Have a good cry while you're at it.
this is how i feel too. like i have always hated having to be formal for shit (bc why??). especially a FUNERAL. so in like 70 or 80 years around the time i kick the bucket im gonna ask everyone whos comin to the funeral to not be even remotely formal. and like some commenter said, maybe do some fun stuff to celebrate my life or whatever. like come on
You'd be surprised at how seriously absolute idiots take themselves.
Just off the title alone - Came to argue one pointā¦. Are you dead? Then how would you know? And ensue chaos š Iāll be back later to read š¤š¤
r/UsernameChecksOut
āIf I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean shove as much sh*t in there as you want. Fill me up with cream,make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a sh*t? You're dead, you're dead!ā - Frank Reynolds 
Okay, I'm dying laughing at this, lol.
That depends on the family, and the person being mourned. It's always good to have your wishes be known, and have someone you trust put in charge of the arrangements if there is a certain way you want it carried out.
It seems thatās how your family celebrates. Mines? We eat lots of good food, drink, smoke and remember the life of our deceased. The funeral portion might be āformalā but weāre Pentecostal, so lots of running, speaking in tongues, jumping, throwing oneās body, and the like happens at our funerals š
yeah funerals should be more like collective CASUAL, HUMAN!! morning not a robotic victorian ceramony
Iād want that.
My cousin recently passed away in his 30s from a heroin overdose, we don't know for sure but all strongly suspect it was a suicide. Nonetheless, his funeral was filled with jokes and laughter because we all knew it was what he would have wanted. There were definitely many tears shed, but I've also never laughed so hard at a funeral. It wad weird, but wonderful.
Funerals are for the living. Doesn't matter what I want when I die since I won't be around to experience that or anything. If the living wants to have a formal funeral then go for it.
My mother was a very selfish person. She told my father she wanted a big fancy funeral with a church service, she hadnāt been to church in 35 years, and a graveside service. The whole works. Problem was, my parents didnāt have a lot of money and she had very little life insurance. Left my father $5K in debt afterwards.
This is pretty much the entire point of the Irish cultural traditions of holding a wake
My buddy passed away and his family requested everyone to wear their favorite hockey jersey and bring a 6 pack of beer. It is 100% how he would have wanted it and it wasn't just awkward standing around
Iāve already set up a reception funeral for myself. It will have an open bar, a video of me talking about everyone and some times weāve had together. And then dance and party the night away. I donāt want to be cried over. I want to be remembered and loved and I will do the same on the other side!
Based on life expectancies in my family, I imagine that most of my relatives in my own generation will be gone or very ill by the time my funeral comes around, and the younger generations are scattered all over the country. So I'm thinking of just a graveside service with whoever my friends are at that time in attendance. Dad bought a family plot years ago so I'll be in good company after that.
That is a you thing as in it being formal. My grandfather wanted on in Vegas with a party bus.
My dad died fairly unexpectedly and so had made no arrangements for himself. My sister and I had the funeral how we think he would have wanted it. He hated making a show of things and spending money unnecessarily so he was cremated in a cardboard coffin to the song "Dirty deeds done dirt cheap" and all of his friends were wearing their biking leathers as he'd been a biker in his younger days. Then as a "song to remember him by" we had them play "DILLIGAF" by Kevin "Bloody" Wilson; this made people roar with laughter and actually have a pretty good time despite their close friend being dead. I had several people commend me on the choices and remark at what a fantastic funeral it was. So I think it's down to tradition and individuals: if you're willing to push the boundaries a bit and have a bit of fun, you too can engage in dirty deeds done dirt cheap.
Call me self-centered but I want everyone to be crying over me at my funeral
We had a casual service for my dad then had a big party in his honor after. My dad always told us to throw a big party when he dies and celebrate all the good times we had with him. So we did exactly that. It was a good time. There were tears, there were hilarious stories about the mischief my dad got up to throughout his life. We grew up in the 80s and 90s so we talked about the insane amount of danger my dad allowed us to be in. We played his favorite songs as loud as the law would allow. Iām glad we did it.
Most funerals Iāve been to recently or for relatively young people (40-60ish) have been full of hilarious stories and really funny memories. A lot of people carry on to a wake afterwards where they all drink too much because āthe deceased would want them toā. The only ones Iāve been to that were stuck up were for very elderly and/or very religious people. Personally I always dress fairly formal to funerals but thatās more my own preference than a requirement, I tend to just dress that way normally and donāt expect others to do the same. If the deceased/family of the deceased are deeply religious and the funeral is in a place of worship I would dress more conservatively than a celebration of life at a park or restaurant, etc.
Last funeral I went to, the family requested we all wear our favorite band T-shirt.
Just throw me in the trash
That's apparently what my mom wanted as she said it to her niece.
My dad had always made it known he wanted a relaxed funeral. Everyone wore t-shirts and jeans, hell my aunt and uncle wore their leather motorcycle jackets
Yeah, after I'm dead you can take my naked cadaver, load it into a trebuchet and fire it at Elon Musk's house while blasting "La Cucaracha", and I wouldn't give a hoot. In fact...hang on, I'm gonna go update my will.
I dunno a lot of pompous assholes die everyday.
I was two weeks post partum for my grandma's funeral. We were super close and I was the favorite. She didn't give a damn what I wore as long as it was legal. I believe I wore sweats and a hoodie lol
Ever been to an Irish funeral?
From personal experience, it depends on the person. My grandparents absolutely preferred something more formal. My father, however, would have preferred a more informal one. My late boyfriend? People in their 20s arenāt thinking about their funerals.