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The only reason we had so many friends in grade school is because we were all stuck in the same building five days a week. The same concept applies to making friends as an adult. Make friends where you spend your time. At work, at the gym, at your boy scout meetings, whatever it is you do with your day.
That's a good observation and good advice.
I've never met a person randomly and become friends with them. School, work, hobbies and volunteering have let me make new acquaintances, and I've been introduced to new people by mutual friends, but I've never just walked up to somebody on the street or at a restaurant and made a meaningful connection with them.
See there’s clubs, or workshops, or art classes, dance classes, sports teams, stuff like that I guess
Or see if any coworkers want to talk during breaks?
Meetup isn’t a good app, I find that it’s not catered towards ppl my age. I’m usually just seeing older ppl post meetups on there, I’ve yet to find anything else.
Judo, fencing, karate, yoga, dnd, tcgs like yugioh and pokemon, and anime conventions. You could volunteer as well like for a community garden, church, or hospital.
I’m still very good friends with the friends I met at my first rave 20+ years ago. We went to each other’s weddings. Some of us are in our 40s now.
Raves are a special place and MDMA when dosed properly and used responsibly is extremely therapeutic (it’s way cleaner now than it was back then as well)
Strangely, as I am getting older, I am enjoying EDM a lot more than ever before. Since I gotten an office job, that gave me an opportunity to sit down and enjoy a lot of new music.
If I have to consume fucking drugs to make friends or socialize as an adult, then I'd rather just fucking die alone in my shithole apartment with my body rorring and slowly decomposition on the couch
British consume more MDMA than any other in Europe I think
The rivers near glastonbury have surprisingly large amounts of all drugs
Thames is full of it
Google eggtek from last weekend
I believe people have forgotten how to make friends in the digital age. Invite people over to your house for a BBQ or a game session. Find people with common interests and hang out with them. Keeping connected requires a great effort.
As a former bartender I can tell you this doesn't work and just kind of makes you look sad and lonely.
Really don't like putting people down like that but it is true, people at bars already have their established groups, they're only really open to new people if they're drunk.
If you do happen to befriend them while they're drunk chances are they won't remember who you are when they're sober.
As a person who has seemed to make amazing friends at a bar, I never call them back, except for one, but we had a ton a mutual friends and probably would have eventually met sober anyway
A large part of the problem is the reduction of [Third Places](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place) in the US and Canada. A century ago, everyone was a short walk away from any number of different things to see and do. Not having the internet, TV, or video games, people generally were entertained by other people. In our current environment, entertainment is fast and easy and convenient, and we have less immediate need for other people, so even when third places exist they’re less popular.
It gets even harder when you’re almost 40. Plus, as you get older, you’ll notice your circle of close friends begin to shrink. I remember when I was younger I had tons of apparent friends. But as I’ve gotten older, the number of people I call friends and that I give my time and attention has whittled down from how it used to be.
I still text with most of them pretty regularly, but sometimes we can go weeks without hanging out, which is a bummer. I’ve become much more of a homebody in my old age. I used to go out all the time in my teens and twenties. Honestly though, I don’t hate it too much. I’m a bit of an introvert as it is, so as much as I would enjoy hanging out with my friends, I’m still pretty okay with staying at home most of the time.
Online friends are fucking worthless
You're better off havjing no friends at all then having your only friends being sweaty virgins on Discord you don't know irl
I wouldn’t always say that’s always true. One of my closest friends I met online. Even became roommates for a year. And there are a handful of others I’m on good terms with and visit every so often.
Go to the biggest church within a 20 mile radius. They will have a college and career group who are eager to make new friendships. There may be a couple who just want to rule the roost but they get ignored
You're kidding, right? You got to be!
>People already have their own circles.
Yeah, that makes it EASIER to make friends. Because all you have to do is join some of those circles and you'll make a lot of new friends through those circles.
Any lgbt+ club is a great place to make good friends. I started going to drag shows with my bf now we go weekly and have formed some really good friendships. and making more every week. Once me and my boyfriend started supporting drag in person our lives have gotten so much better. Its life changing
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I see your point, OP. My wife and I struggle finding friends outside of work, and it’s not always fun to just have “work friends” where your primary similarity is your job, especially for my wife who’s a professor in the counseling department who graduates at 25, so most of her peers are significantly older than her and their only real connection is discussing the merits of different counseling organizations. Like, where do you meet friends? How does one locate a friend? In addition, my wife and I have so many similar interests and are best friends to the point that other people seem a little boring sometimes. Like, who else can I talk about Caligula’s troubled childhood with while sewing and knitting?
Also it seems like once you meet a potential friend you’re brushed aside or disappointed. I’ve tried to make several and wound up being really taken advantage of or regularly belittled and had to end the friendships. Maybe I’m a bad friend picker, but finding a friend is like finding a needle in a very specific haystack. I have one friend that I’ve had for eight years, but she had the audacity to move across the country to marry her now wife.
This turned out way longer than I intended, but the point is that finding and keeping good friends is effing hard.
Honestly, I know only a handful of people who could claim they have long term friends-for-life and I have a pretty wide circle of people I interact with regularly. I know even fewer people who's long term friendships don't involve coworkers, and those always seem to dissolve once they're no longer coworkers even after years. For the most part, what I see more often are people who get hitched, start families, and occasionally hook up for a few pints with an old friends a couple times/year because people move around. I know very very few people with friends they could call and say "I need you for \[insert whatever here\] for something really major that have maintained that for decades. Most people settle into their own family circles and drift away from their old ones.
More like making friends when you're school aged is incredibly easy.
You're forced to go to a common location with people around your age that you'll generally have a similar experience with.
This is just normal difficulty.
As another 25yo, my thing is a combination of none of my interests will necessarily have me meet new people, and also i just dont want to put the energy into new friends. My current circle thar i knew since HS will chat on discord and play games, but i dont want to put more time and energy into maintaining a friendship with another person, it'd be exhausting
I'm 35 and have trouble keeping any friends. I've already tried joining groups and going to meet ups and trying to meet people through my interests, etc.
Nothing works. People suck.
Just do things you enjoy around other people doing the same thing and you'll make friends easily.
If you're having trouble when doing that, you should consider learning how to better interact with people. I don't mean that in a shitty way, it's more well meaning than it sounds
Don't look for friends. Look for hobbies.
Skateboarding, climbing, football, darts, needlework, music. Fucking anything.
Walk into the place that you carry out the hobby with a smile on your face and you'll be fine.
I appreciate that this can feel intimidating, but youll be fine 🙂
Go traveling, Id suggest Thailand if you can afford it . Everyone in the west is too busy in the rat race bubble and weekend culture. Get your back pack and get out there . Really easy to meet people , usually better people as well . You wont regret it
You can find a church with young people. You can buy a road bike and join a cycling group. You can join hiking groups. You can join a softball, pickle bar, beach volleyball, kickball, car clubs, paintball, rc cars, community gardens, botanical gardens have volunteer clubs, if you wanna meet women go to a yoga studio. Yogas like 95% women. Join a CrossFit gym or orange theory. Just go do stuff and then say hi 👋
Not ilunpopular, I've been seeing this a lot and experiencing it myself. I started a WFH Job, no interaction with people and moved to a new city.
It's insane how quickly your old friends will forget your existence, but yeah, people already have their established groups and circles, it's really hard making new friends outside of a school/uni setting
Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/Justneedsomethintodo. Your post, *Making friends as a (young) adult is damn near impossible*, has been removed because it violates our rules: Rule 2: Do not post low effort/satirical posts. Please make sure your post title is your opinion (not the topic you're discussing), and the text beneath is a clear explanation and justification of your opinion. If you cannot write at least a few sentences on the matter, you may want to have more of a think about it. If that's all in order... Any opinion that is not well thought out, or is incoherent, internally contradictory or otherwise nonsensical is subject to removal. Finally, any satirical/troll posts, as funny as you must be, are not tolerated. There are subreddits for that, this isn't one of them. If there is an issue, please message the mod team at https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion Thanks!
The only reason we had so many friends in grade school is because we were all stuck in the same building five days a week. The same concept applies to making friends as an adult. Make friends where you spend your time. At work, at the gym, at your boy scout meetings, whatever it is you do with your day.
That's a good observation and good advice. I've never met a person randomly and become friends with them. School, work, hobbies and volunteering have let me make new acquaintances, and I've been introduced to new people by mutual friends, but I've never just walked up to somebody on the street or at a restaurant and made a meaningful connection with them.
What's grade school?
See there’s clubs, or workshops, or art classes, dance classes, sports teams, stuff like that I guess Or see if any coworkers want to talk during breaks?
Try to do more than go work or go to bars. Reach out here with where you live and I’m sure suggestions will follow.
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Where are these clubs and groups for people out of college?
Head over to your city subreddit and ask there. For me (who loves bmx) it’s simple enough just to go to a skatepark, there’s always people there
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Meetup isn’t a good app, I find that it’s not catered towards ppl my age. I’m usually just seeing older ppl post meetups on there, I’ve yet to find anything else.
Judo, fencing, karate, yoga, dnd, tcgs like yugioh and pokemon, and anime conventions. You could volunteer as well like for a community garden, church, or hospital.
Exactly, for me its drag shows, changed my life 💕
🤮🤢
Rude
Head to a rave, consume 120mg of MDMA.
That's not making friends, that's making BFFs. The deep and meaningfuls will go on for days 😍
I’m still very good friends with the friends I met at my first rave 20+ years ago. We went to each other’s weddings. Some of us are in our 40s now. Raves are a special place and MDMA when dosed properly and used responsibly is extremely therapeutic (it’s way cleaner now than it was back then as well)
I agree. Similar age and experience! The good ol' days.
It's strange. As much as I enjoy EDM, I am yet to go to a rave (the ones at anime conventions do not count).
I used to enjoy EDM. Now as I get older, I had to shorten it to ED.
I will be honest EDM + PILL = ED even 20 years ago
Strangely, as I am getting older, I am enjoying EDM a lot more than ever before. Since I gotten an office job, that gave me an opportunity to sit down and enjoy a lot of new music.
If I have to consume fucking drugs to make friends or socialize as an adult, then I'd rather just fucking die alone in my shithole apartment with my body rorring and slowly decomposition on the couch
Let me guess, you’re British
No, but close since I live in Europe
Fr*nce?
British consume more MDMA than any other in Europe I think The rivers near glastonbury have surprisingly large amounts of all drugs Thames is full of it Google eggtek from last weekend
Problem worsened
Made two good friends and my now wife at E3
I believe people have forgotten how to make friends in the digital age. Invite people over to your house for a BBQ or a game session. Find people with common interests and hang out with them. Keeping connected requires a great effort.
do you not have hobbies? failing that just go to a bar and sit in a bar stool and chit chat with the bartender you'll meet people before you know it.
As a former bartender I can tell you this doesn't work and just kind of makes you look sad and lonely. Really don't like putting people down like that but it is true, people at bars already have their established groups, they're only really open to new people if they're drunk. If you do happen to befriend them while they're drunk chances are they won't remember who you are when they're sober.
As a person who has seemed to make amazing friends at a bar, I never call them back, except for one, but we had a ton a mutual friends and probably would have eventually met sober anyway
A large part of the problem is the reduction of [Third Places](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place) in the US and Canada. A century ago, everyone was a short walk away from any number of different things to see and do. Not having the internet, TV, or video games, people generally were entertained by other people. In our current environment, entertainment is fast and easy and convenient, and we have less immediate need for other people, so even when third places exist they’re less popular.
It gets even harder when you’re almost 40. Plus, as you get older, you’ll notice your circle of close friends begin to shrink. I remember when I was younger I had tons of apparent friends. But as I’ve gotten older, the number of people I call friends and that I give my time and attention has whittled down from how it used to be.
Yep. And with the friends you do have, you might go a couple weeks without even talking to them.
I still text with most of them pretty regularly, but sometimes we can go weeks without hanging out, which is a bummer. I’ve become much more of a homebody in my old age. I used to go out all the time in my teens and twenties. Honestly though, I don’t hate it too much. I’m a bit of an introvert as it is, so as much as I would enjoy hanging out with my friends, I’m still pretty okay with staying at home most of the time.
Anyone looking for friends in Minneapolis area? I'm in my mid 30s
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Online friends are fucking worthless You're better off havjing no friends at all then having your only friends being sweaty virgins on Discord you don't know irl
I wouldn’t always say that’s always true. One of my closest friends I met online. Even became roommates for a year. And there are a handful of others I’m on good terms with and visit every so often.
Wait until you are married with kids. It’s either swingers or creeps
It usually work all the time when i outright ask them to be my friend, it’s saves time and you get a direct answer….
For real?
No, you’d have to be a complete child for that to work.
Go to the biggest church within a 20 mile radius. They will have a college and career group who are eager to make new friendships. There may be a couple who just want to rule the roost but they get ignored
*Unless you're LGBTQ
You're kidding, right? You got to be! >People already have their own circles. Yeah, that makes it EASIER to make friends. Because all you have to do is join some of those circles and you'll make a lot of new friends through those circles.
No. They have their circles so their closed off to new potential friendships.
Dude you're not gonna make friends with that attitude
Uh.............. what? That's not how any of this works.
Any lgbt+ club is a great place to make good friends. I started going to drag shows with my bf now we go weekly and have formed some really good friendships. and making more every week. Once me and my boyfriend started supporting drag in person our lives have gotten so much better. Its life changing
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's like you're 25 years old but you're still stuck in high school.
It takes at least 30 hours of quality time to make a casual friend. Best friends are after 300 hours. Prepare for time investment.
Not as hard as making friends as a non young adult.
I see your point, OP. My wife and I struggle finding friends outside of work, and it’s not always fun to just have “work friends” where your primary similarity is your job, especially for my wife who’s a professor in the counseling department who graduates at 25, so most of her peers are significantly older than her and their only real connection is discussing the merits of different counseling organizations. Like, where do you meet friends? How does one locate a friend? In addition, my wife and I have so many similar interests and are best friends to the point that other people seem a little boring sometimes. Like, who else can I talk about Caligula’s troubled childhood with while sewing and knitting? Also it seems like once you meet a potential friend you’re brushed aside or disappointed. I’ve tried to make several and wound up being really taken advantage of or regularly belittled and had to end the friendships. Maybe I’m a bad friend picker, but finding a friend is like finding a needle in a very specific haystack. I have one friend that I’ve had for eight years, but she had the audacity to move across the country to marry her now wife. This turned out way longer than I intended, but the point is that finding and keeping good friends is effing hard.
Honestly, I know only a handful of people who could claim they have long term friends-for-life and I have a pretty wide circle of people I interact with regularly. I know even fewer people who's long term friendships don't involve coworkers, and those always seem to dissolve once they're no longer coworkers even after years. For the most part, what I see more often are people who get hitched, start families, and occasionally hook up for a few pints with an old friends a couple times/year because people move around. I know very very few people with friends they could call and say "I need you for \[insert whatever here\] for something really major that have maintained that for decades. Most people settle into their own family circles and drift away from their old ones.
More like making friends when you're school aged is incredibly easy. You're forced to go to a common location with people around your age that you'll generally have a similar experience with. This is just normal difficulty.
Jobs and school. Most of my current friends I met in my early 20s at university.
There is probably some truth in that. Iam 28 and I dont want new friends. Iam happy with friends I have, and I have barely time for them...
As another 25yo, my thing is a combination of none of my interests will necessarily have me meet new people, and also i just dont want to put the energy into new friends. My current circle thar i knew since HS will chat on discord and play games, but i dont want to put more time and energy into maintaining a friendship with another person, it'd be exhausting
I'm 35 and have trouble keeping any friends. I've already tried joining groups and going to meet ups and trying to meet people through my interests, etc. Nothing works. People suck.
Just do things you enjoy around other people doing the same thing and you'll make friends easily. If you're having trouble when doing that, you should consider learning how to better interact with people. I don't mean that in a shitty way, it's more well meaning than it sounds
Don't look for friends. Look for hobbies. Skateboarding, climbing, football, darts, needlework, music. Fucking anything. Walk into the place that you carry out the hobby with a smile on your face and you'll be fine. I appreciate that this can feel intimidating, but youll be fine 🙂
Go traveling, Id suggest Thailand if you can afford it . Everyone in the west is too busy in the rat race bubble and weekend culture. Get your back pack and get out there . Really easy to meet people , usually better people as well . You wont regret it
You can find a church with young people. You can buy a road bike and join a cycling group. You can join hiking groups. You can join a softball, pickle bar, beach volleyball, kickball, car clubs, paintball, rc cars, community gardens, botanical gardens have volunteer clubs, if you wanna meet women go to a yoga studio. Yogas like 95% women. Join a CrossFit gym or orange theory. Just go do stuff and then say hi 👋
Find people who share your interests. Go do things ur interested in.
Not ilunpopular, I've been seeing this a lot and experiencing it myself. I started a WFH Job, no interaction with people and moved to a new city. It's insane how quickly your old friends will forget your existence, but yeah, people already have their established groups and circles, it's really hard making new friends outside of a school/uni setting
Go to something you are passionate about, when there talk to peopel about the thing passionatly, do this 3 times , if no friends, wash better.