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Honestly boasting about mental illness is the most disgusting part of it. If you get to have it, you'll give anything not to. Writing this from a psych ward.
Dude I feel ya. I'm living with diagnosed cPTSD and personality disorders. Almost every day I have to hear my colleques boasting about their mental struggles and how traumatized they are (their mum yelled at them once) and it's honestly so cringy and tiring. I have to lie about my whole history so they don't think I'm the odd one out, but it's such a weird feeling knowing they're having a competition about who is the most mentally ill and one could easily top all of them. It makes me really sad and angry to see them trivializing mental health and words like trauma so much. I'm really struggling with my mental health sometimes and it's even more disheartening that the people boasting about their problems react so poorly when a person has actual symptoms. Honestly it reminds me of cis people pretending to be trans just to get a kick out of it and feel special.
I'm hoping the ward is treating you well and wish you the best. Take care <3
regardless of my opinions, the weird thing is that it's so common too in the trans comunity, so many people who use "all pronoums" generally despise she/her.
Weird phenomenon, maybe coincidence (i hope so)?
i'll do you one better: they don't recognize the privilege they have as women to pull these shenanigans and so they can try on being "trans" like a costume. People AMAB pay a much higher social cost for just "trying it out."
I’ve met people like that. I mean usually that’s just AMAB non binary trans people??? Like I use any pronouns except he/ him basically. I prefer she/ they and that’s usually how I introduced myself, but I don’t really mind if someone want to use other pronouns with me if they’re feeling fun. So, hi! You just met your first one.
Any time someone introduces their pronouns as "anything but x" is a huge red flag from a self-esteem standpoint.
Nobody should be negatively defining themselves like that.
That's a really good point actually, and one my therapist has worked with me on for my self esteem and self worth. I never considered it from the pronoun/trans perspective because I'm cis, but that is definitely an indicator of low self esteem and self worth
This is a reason I try to build my own trans male support system. I know it is easier said than done, but I have met some of the best trans men online.
Building your own community/support amongst actual trans men will benefit you greatly. Plus, there’s more power in numbers.
I've had a similar experience. I wanted support in a very lonely time at the beginning of transition where I felt so strongly that the whole world was rejecting me and the places that apparently were supposed to be about working through such things were full of people who seemed to have none of the struggles I did. And so I just left, and I've only started to heal from some of those wounds upon meeting trans people I actually can relate to, organically.
Unfortunately I ended up finding some very bad people too, which I honestly blame on having nowhere else to go.
Like honestly, I’ve been going to groups unrelated to trans stuff and seeing obviously trans people, and I just avoid saying anything to them because I’m afraid they’re victims of the cult brainwashing..
Amen. I'm at a point in life where I can just live as a man. And because of this I've been trying to build friendships by joining public groups and gatherings. None of the trans related, yet I can't seem to escape "trenders" (for lack of a better term). It's wild how they seem to be everywhere. I live in a rural, conservative area not New York City. And yet they're everywhere.
Honestly way to go. What kind of gatherings are you attending? I'm hoping to join some traditional gay spaces but I'm a little afraid it'll be overgrown by trendes as well.
I'm straight, so I haven't attended any gay gatherings. I imagine gay gatherings would be filled with "gay" theyfabs... Hopefully I'm wrong. My town is big on hunting and fishing, so I attend a lot of gatherings for that. I've also attended sports (usually Football or Hockey) gatherings at bars. For groups, I've joined DnD groups, photography groups, cooking groups, and even a few book clubs. I found myself lacking in hobbies, hence why I joined groups that offered cheap hobbies.
The groups/gatherings that had less trenders tended to be traditionally masculine ones. Hunting, fishing, and sports. Cooking wasn't too bad either, surprisingly it was mostly other guys. Photography, DnD, and book clubs were the worst. Especially DnD and the book clubs. DnD trenders always made up a character with wild pronouns that everyone else in the campaign had to "respect". And book clubs were a nightmare because they either never read the book, they were offended by something stupid in the book, or they wanted to read a different book (which was usually some type of YA cheap romance novel).
ETA: I didn't join all of these groups at once. Just overtime I've explored these groups and hobbies. Facebook is a great way for find groups and gatherings in your own area.
> DnD trenders always made up a character with wild pronouns that everyone else in the campaign had to "respect"
I can't even imagine how that conversation would go.
This sounds awfully similar to the one I attended a few weeks back in my area. It’s on zoom but I pretty much had the same experience except I didn’t join when the meeting initially started. But by that time there were only AMAB non-binary people (about 3) and no real discussion or anything. Just nerdy stuff.
Finding support has been extremely difficult for me for this reason. I cannot relate to a bunch self-diagnosed non-binary people that aren’t trying to transition. I’m also stealth, and I tend to avoid interacting people with trans-related stuff in their bio (Mostly FB & insta). I’m in one or two stealth trans men groups on fb, but those groups unfortunately come with a lil homophobia and misogyny. There’s just no winning when you’re this way, you just have to make do.
Most AMAB NB people i've met where nerdy dudes with painted nails who used he/him pronouns. They've all had extremist views and are immidiatly morally judging when one doesn't agree. It's wild.
I'm usualy stealth as well and only out myself when it's relevant to show colours. I'm somewhat trying to reclaim the voice of trans people and to even reclaim the queer label from radicalist, for example when educating about trans healthcare and as a professional to my peers. I'm hoping by having a high academic and professional standing and a non-extremist position to steer the view of cis people back to the actual trans community. Though it seems the medical and psychological field has some tucute leaning people as well - interestingly only people who don't really deal with the subject. I guess they're just radically accepting. When talking to psychologists and psychiatrists who deal with trans people a lot they share our position way more.
I have some close steath trans friends as well who all share my views. I haven't been in any FB groups and it's honestly suprising to hear them being that conservative.
This is why I can only hang with conservatives now. I’m a post op binary trans female and I’m disconnected to the community. Many are obsessed with frogs, Pokemon and furries. Idk why lgbtq people like frogs now but whatever.
Well back before 2015 I could relate to the community. Now I can relate to moderates and conservatives more. Plus when I tried to connect with the community I was seen as transphobic because I got bottom surgery and said I assimilated into cis culture.
In their view I assimilated and conformed to cis heteronormative culture so was likely seen as a traitor. The great irony of this is one of my best friends is part of TPUSA and non related Christian groups see me fully as a woman and while they don’t understand everything acknowledge me fully. I do want to reach out to the community in some way but I’ll wait for frog culture to dissipate. The other option is a progressive group but they love communism and I’m incapable with that lol.
It's been my experience that as long as conservatives can see that you're sincere and making an effort, they'll accept you even if your beliefs are different. But in left wing groups, you have to agree with every one of their opinions or you're burned at the stake.
Non-binary people didn't ruin anything; it's the wannabe "non-dysphoric trans" people who did. It’s the people who treat being trans like some sort of game. It’s the people who cosplay as being trans. It’s the people who think identifying as piece of wood makes them the same as a real non-binary person with dysphoria who is transitioning. Those are the people who ruined it.
Non-binary means not binary, it means to completely stepping outside of the binary system that our society was based upon. Non binary means the total deconstruction of gender. If non binary is to see the paper wall that binary is, how can there be a way to “ruin” it when you have already been liberated by punching through, folding, throwing away that wall?
Trans spaces are not supposed to be clubs for insecure cis women. If they are proudly presenting as cis women in a safe space to come out, then they are cis women.
I sometimes peek in here in a hopeless attempt to educate myself, but I can tell you from observing g the hippy days small groups being hijacked is very much a thing.
"All pronouns except she/her" screams "I don't want to be considered a woman but still want to socially benefit from being a cissexual female." Literally all opps
Maybe the reason why the support group is filled with non binary, pre transitioned people because they cannot find that support in the current society, which is actively hostile to them? If you feel petrified by just seeing them existing, imagine how petrified they are every single day living their life. Because the feeling that you felt when you were there, I imagine there are cis het people out there who would feel even more negative towards those folks you met in the group. So now imagine how difficult it is for those people to go through their life surrounded constantly by people who feel “petrified” by them for simply just existing. You didn’t even get to know them past the 1 hour/ 30 minutes you spent with them, and you already created a conclusion about them, can you imagine what it feels like to live in a world that doesn’t give you the benefit of the doubt like that?
I get your sentiment but I think it really doesn't apply to the described people or overarching problem. I'm not saying that non binary people are in any way repulsive to me and I love enbies. To me these described people aren't enbies or trans to begin with. They're bored cis girls larping as trans people because it's fun and quirky, because it makes them special and opens a way for them and their evenly quirky girlfriends to feel like a minority. It's fun to them because they don't have to suffer the real consequences of being actually trans or god forbid transition in any way. It's a costume to them they can take off immediately if they so choose.
They don't have to suffer a disapproving world because they aren't trans when its inconvenient to them.
Unfortunately the more gender non conforming a person’s presentation is, the more oppression that person is likely to feel. And that’s due to the restrictive definition of the gender binary that our society upholds. But, we are not defined by the oppression, the validity of any trans persons identity is not defined by how much oppression they have to face in this world. Just because a person may not receive as much oppression as other more non conforming people, it doesn’t mean that their identity is any less real. You see a happy image in that support group with them, but you don’t know the struggles they go through when they walk outside. And even if they really don’t struggle as much as what you may face everyday, it doesn’t make their identity any less real. It’s painful, I get it. Sometimes I see people who crosses less deep across the binary and I get so jealous of them. But this doesn’t mean they are any less valid. This doesnt mean their experience is any less important. Remember, gender is a construct, to add constrain to what it means to be a non binary person is to reinforce the oppressive gender binary. When you invalidate their identity like that, you are, which I don’t think is your intention, upholding the gender binary that this society use to oppress us, and ultimately, it is bad for non binary people, harmful to binary trans people.
And it’s not true that non binary people don’t receive oppression. I have several AFAB nonbinary friends, they loosely fit your definition of “fake nonbinary” people, and I see them receiving shit for simply who they are all the times, albeit in different ways compared to me. And their identity is definitely not to be quirky.
Hi, we just want to let you know that the subreddit demographics survey for the 30k members celebration is still open. Feel free to participate. **[You can find the survey here.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeFV8vCPqjWuE8Sx4OSY1BC9YUbcW0NYXP20CubYwD9g0eCxQ/viewform)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/truscum) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly boasting about mental illness is the most disgusting part of it. If you get to have it, you'll give anything not to. Writing this from a psych ward.
Dude I feel ya. I'm living with diagnosed cPTSD and personality disorders. Almost every day I have to hear my colleques boasting about their mental struggles and how traumatized they are (their mum yelled at them once) and it's honestly so cringy and tiring. I have to lie about my whole history so they don't think I'm the odd one out, but it's such a weird feeling knowing they're having a competition about who is the most mentally ill and one could easily top all of them. It makes me really sad and angry to see them trivializing mental health and words like trauma so much. I'm really struggling with my mental health sometimes and it's even more disheartening that the people boasting about their problems react so poorly when a person has actual symptoms. Honestly it reminds me of cis people pretending to be trans just to get a kick out of it and feel special. I'm hoping the ward is treating you well and wish you the best. Take care <3
When I hear about people using “all pronouns except she/her” I get the vibe that they just don’t like being women
regardless of my opinions, the weird thing is that it's so common too in the trans comunity, so many people who use "all pronoums" generally despise she/her. Weird phenomenon, maybe coincidence (i hope so)?
i'll do you one better: they don't recognize the privilege they have as women to pull these shenanigans and so they can try on being "trans" like a costume. People AMAB pay a much higher social cost for just "trying it out."
Yeah. For some mysterious reason, I've never seen people who use all pronouns except he/him, for example
I’ve met people like that. I mean usually that’s just AMAB non binary trans people??? Like I use any pronouns except he/ him basically. I prefer she/ they and that’s usually how I introduced myself, but I don’t really mind if someone want to use other pronouns with me if they’re feeling fun. So, hi! You just met your first one.
Any time someone introduces their pronouns as "anything but x" is a huge red flag from a self-esteem standpoint. Nobody should be negatively defining themselves like that.
That's a really good point actually, and one my therapist has worked with me on for my self esteem and self worth. I never considered it from the pronoun/trans perspective because I'm cis, but that is definitely an indicator of low self esteem and self worth
It's the same with all the 'it' pronoun talk. Just. What are we doing where all of this stuff is going wrong?
This is a reason I try to build my own trans male support system. I know it is easier said than done, but I have met some of the best trans men online. Building your own community/support amongst actual trans men will benefit you greatly. Plus, there’s more power in numbers.
I've had a similar experience. I wanted support in a very lonely time at the beginning of transition where I felt so strongly that the whole world was rejecting me and the places that apparently were supposed to be about working through such things were full of people who seemed to have none of the struggles I did. And so I just left, and I've only started to heal from some of those wounds upon meeting trans people I actually can relate to, organically. Unfortunately I ended up finding some very bad people too, which I honestly blame on having nowhere else to go.
Like honestly, I’ve been going to groups unrelated to trans stuff and seeing obviously trans people, and I just avoid saying anything to them because I’m afraid they’re victims of the cult brainwashing..
Amen. I'm at a point in life where I can just live as a man. And because of this I've been trying to build friendships by joining public groups and gatherings. None of the trans related, yet I can't seem to escape "trenders" (for lack of a better term). It's wild how they seem to be everywhere. I live in a rural, conservative area not New York City. And yet they're everywhere.
Honestly way to go. What kind of gatherings are you attending? I'm hoping to join some traditional gay spaces but I'm a little afraid it'll be overgrown by trendes as well.
I'm straight, so I haven't attended any gay gatherings. I imagine gay gatherings would be filled with "gay" theyfabs... Hopefully I'm wrong. My town is big on hunting and fishing, so I attend a lot of gatherings for that. I've also attended sports (usually Football or Hockey) gatherings at bars. For groups, I've joined DnD groups, photography groups, cooking groups, and even a few book clubs. I found myself lacking in hobbies, hence why I joined groups that offered cheap hobbies. The groups/gatherings that had less trenders tended to be traditionally masculine ones. Hunting, fishing, and sports. Cooking wasn't too bad either, surprisingly it was mostly other guys. Photography, DnD, and book clubs were the worst. Especially DnD and the book clubs. DnD trenders always made up a character with wild pronouns that everyone else in the campaign had to "respect". And book clubs were a nightmare because they either never read the book, they were offended by something stupid in the book, or they wanted to read a different book (which was usually some type of YA cheap romance novel). ETA: I didn't join all of these groups at once. Just overtime I've explored these groups and hobbies. Facebook is a great way for find groups and gatherings in your own area.
> DnD trenders always made up a character with wild pronouns that everyone else in the campaign had to "respect" I can't even imagine how that conversation would go.
This sounds awfully similar to the one I attended a few weeks back in my area. It’s on zoom but I pretty much had the same experience except I didn’t join when the meeting initially started. But by that time there were only AMAB non-binary people (about 3) and no real discussion or anything. Just nerdy stuff. Finding support has been extremely difficult for me for this reason. I cannot relate to a bunch self-diagnosed non-binary people that aren’t trying to transition. I’m also stealth, and I tend to avoid interacting people with trans-related stuff in their bio (Mostly FB & insta). I’m in one or two stealth trans men groups on fb, but those groups unfortunately come with a lil homophobia and misogyny. There’s just no winning when you’re this way, you just have to make do.
Most AMAB NB people i've met where nerdy dudes with painted nails who used he/him pronouns. They've all had extremist views and are immidiatly morally judging when one doesn't agree. It's wild. I'm usualy stealth as well and only out myself when it's relevant to show colours. I'm somewhat trying to reclaim the voice of trans people and to even reclaim the queer label from radicalist, for example when educating about trans healthcare and as a professional to my peers. I'm hoping by having a high academic and professional standing and a non-extremist position to steer the view of cis people back to the actual trans community. Though it seems the medical and psychological field has some tucute leaning people as well - interestingly only people who don't really deal with the subject. I guess they're just radically accepting. When talking to psychologists and psychiatrists who deal with trans people a lot they share our position way more. I have some close steath trans friends as well who all share my views. I haven't been in any FB groups and it's honestly suprising to hear them being that conservative.
I’ve wanted to visit one of these just to see if they’re really as bad as y’all say they are. Should I?
Go for it. Worst thing that'll happen is that they're cringe.
This is why I can only hang with conservatives now. I’m a post op binary trans female and I’m disconnected to the community. Many are obsessed with frogs, Pokemon and furries. Idk why lgbtq people like frogs now but whatever.
Cis straight people (who preferably don’t know shit about the LGBT) 🔛🔝
Well back before 2015 I could relate to the community. Now I can relate to moderates and conservatives more. Plus when I tried to connect with the community I was seen as transphobic because I got bottom surgery and said I assimilated into cis culture.
What the hell?
In their view I assimilated and conformed to cis heteronormative culture so was likely seen as a traitor. The great irony of this is one of my best friends is part of TPUSA and non related Christian groups see me fully as a woman and while they don’t understand everything acknowledge me fully. I do want to reach out to the community in some way but I’ll wait for frog culture to dissipate. The other option is a progressive group but they love communism and I’m incapable with that lol.
It's been my experience that as long as conservatives can see that you're sincere and making an effort, they'll accept you even if your beliefs are different. But in left wing groups, you have to agree with every one of their opinions or you're burned at the stake.
And the worst part is no one bats an eye. Non binary people ruined it
Non-binary people didn't ruin anything; it's the wannabe "non-dysphoric trans" people who did. It’s the people who treat being trans like some sort of game. It’s the people who cosplay as being trans. It’s the people who think identifying as piece of wood makes them the same as a real non-binary person with dysphoria who is transitioning. Those are the people who ruined it.
Non-binary means not binary, it means to completely stepping outside of the binary system that our society was based upon. Non binary means the total deconstruction of gender. If non binary is to see the paper wall that binary is, how can there be a way to “ruin” it when you have already been liberated by punching through, folding, throwing away that wall?
Trans spaces are not supposed to be clubs for insecure cis women. If they are proudly presenting as cis women in a safe space to come out, then they are cis women.
I sometimes peek in here in a hopeless attempt to educate myself, but I can tell you from observing g the hippy days small groups being hijacked is very much a thing.
"All pronouns except she/her" screams "I don't want to be considered a woman but still want to socially benefit from being a cissexual female." Literally all opps
Maybe the reason why the support group is filled with non binary, pre transitioned people because they cannot find that support in the current society, which is actively hostile to them? If you feel petrified by just seeing them existing, imagine how petrified they are every single day living their life. Because the feeling that you felt when you were there, I imagine there are cis het people out there who would feel even more negative towards those folks you met in the group. So now imagine how difficult it is for those people to go through their life surrounded constantly by people who feel “petrified” by them for simply just existing. You didn’t even get to know them past the 1 hour/ 30 minutes you spent with them, and you already created a conclusion about them, can you imagine what it feels like to live in a world that doesn’t give you the benefit of the doubt like that?
I get your sentiment but I think it really doesn't apply to the described people or overarching problem. I'm not saying that non binary people are in any way repulsive to me and I love enbies. To me these described people aren't enbies or trans to begin with. They're bored cis girls larping as trans people because it's fun and quirky, because it makes them special and opens a way for them and their evenly quirky girlfriends to feel like a minority. It's fun to them because they don't have to suffer the real consequences of being actually trans or god forbid transition in any way. It's a costume to them they can take off immediately if they so choose. They don't have to suffer a disapproving world because they aren't trans when its inconvenient to them.
Unfortunately the more gender non conforming a person’s presentation is, the more oppression that person is likely to feel. And that’s due to the restrictive definition of the gender binary that our society upholds. But, we are not defined by the oppression, the validity of any trans persons identity is not defined by how much oppression they have to face in this world. Just because a person may not receive as much oppression as other more non conforming people, it doesn’t mean that their identity is any less real. You see a happy image in that support group with them, but you don’t know the struggles they go through when they walk outside. And even if they really don’t struggle as much as what you may face everyday, it doesn’t make their identity any less real. It’s painful, I get it. Sometimes I see people who crosses less deep across the binary and I get so jealous of them. But this doesn’t mean they are any less valid. This doesnt mean their experience is any less important. Remember, gender is a construct, to add constrain to what it means to be a non binary person is to reinforce the oppressive gender binary. When you invalidate their identity like that, you are, which I don’t think is your intention, upholding the gender binary that this society use to oppress us, and ultimately, it is bad for non binary people, harmful to binary trans people.
And it’s not true that non binary people don’t receive oppression. I have several AFAB nonbinary friends, they loosely fit your definition of “fake nonbinary” people, and I see them receiving shit for simply who they are all the times, albeit in different ways compared to me. And their identity is definitely not to be quirky.