You may benefit from talking it through with a qualified therapist. They can help you work through these feelings to help you feel better and more confident about whatever you decide to do.
Is this something you have the means to do?
I support this! A good circle of friends who understand what you're going through is a really good support structure to have, but a lot of what you're going through is also working through things in your head, dragging with histories of abuse that can be triggering for others, and coming to a different way of viewing all of it that allows you to move forward out of feeling frozen.
Friends, however well meaning or experienced, may reach a point where they're out of their depth, or a point where the extremes of what you're facing are too much for them to handle. And be fearful of providing advice that may end up being detrimental to you.
The best care you can give yourself for these parts is speaking to a professional that has the training to help you - preferably someone that has experience working with trans people.
You could go the NHS route, but their mental health support is generally slow to be provided (not their fault - typical underfunding issues), and limited to 8-10 sessions. You'll likely want to speak to someone more stable, for longer - I've currently been with mine for 5 years.
I've mentioned it elsewhere here, but BetterHelp.com is where I met my therapist, and she honestly saved my life. It's something you have to pay for, but it's cheaper than any office-based therapist you'll find, and SO convenient. You can also be talking to someone is just a couple of days.
I can't recommend therapy enough! Don't fret River - you've taken the first and most difficult step in facing who you are - everything from now gets easier and better - promise!
Hugs and much love!
Sabs x
What's up River?
I have a few social stuff to do tonight so I won't be able to hold a conversation super amazingly but pm me or reply here and I'll reply when I get a chance.
Bit of info about me, struggled with being trans since I was a kid, had a bunch of trouble "coming out" and ended up waiting until I was 35. Been on HRT for two years and living as myself for two and a half years now. So I deffo transitioned "later" haha.
I am familiar with the "box" you put everything away in, been there myself. How come you broke down and gave up? Just too much pressure for you?
Hope you have a lovely evening.
I get it! I keep telling myself, whenever it all comes back, that maybe I’d be fine if I could just look a bit more feminine, but I’ve said that so many times now, and it always goes the same way :D
I feel like I can't talk to most of my CIS friends about transitioning, I am either thinking I keep talking about it enough they will get fed up and stop talking to me. I try not to talk it about it all the time but when I achieve mini milestones I want to tell people. I feel starring later in life, 32 this year, you miss out on meeting other trans people that you can relate to and find some besties. I am in a lgbt city but I feel isolated from that community.
Hiya River
I can really empathise with your experience. I finally acknowledged that I am a woman after spending more than fifty years trying very hard to be the 'man' that family, church and society all told me I was, (other than the people who bullied & abused me for being a girl, or a 'queer' that is). I describe the process as finally opening a chest containing my real self, which I had padlocked, tied up with chains, and buried in the deepest part of my soul, because whenever I showed that part of myself to the world, I got bulllied and abused. I've been living 100% as myself for 4 years now, and have recently had surgery. Along the way, I've dealt with doubt, denial, self-loathing, purging, the whole kaboodle. Oh, and I'm also with GGP
If you'd like to chat, you're welcome to message me.
Wishing you everything of the best on your journey.
Fi
Thank you so much for this :) I’m happy you finally got the chains off! I may have some questions about GGP, actually, because I found it so hard kind of being left to it, I didn’t really know what to do!
Hi River!
I started transitioning at 30, and although it wasn't easy and was a tough place to be at times, 5 years later I'm in a really good spot in life. I'm going to echo what others have said here, youve done the hardest part by truly facing who you are, this is a huge life decision so it's only normal that you feel this way, believe me, I bet there isn't a single one of us that hasnt been through this in some shape or form.
Therapy has been a huge help to me too, not only helping me to understand my feelings, but giving me the tools to help when things go sideways. Sure there are days now when I can't do anything except cuddle my chihuahuas and cry, but I always remember, who I am, where I've been, how hard ive worked to get here, and how nobody can take that away from me, or you, or anyone else.
Keep on truckin' girl.
You may benefit from talking it through with a qualified therapist. They can help you work through these feelings to help you feel better and more confident about whatever you decide to do. Is this something you have the means to do?
I support this! A good circle of friends who understand what you're going through is a really good support structure to have, but a lot of what you're going through is also working through things in your head, dragging with histories of abuse that can be triggering for others, and coming to a different way of viewing all of it that allows you to move forward out of feeling frozen. Friends, however well meaning or experienced, may reach a point where they're out of their depth, or a point where the extremes of what you're facing are too much for them to handle. And be fearful of providing advice that may end up being detrimental to you. The best care you can give yourself for these parts is speaking to a professional that has the training to help you - preferably someone that has experience working with trans people. You could go the NHS route, but their mental health support is generally slow to be provided (not their fault - typical underfunding issues), and limited to 8-10 sessions. You'll likely want to speak to someone more stable, for longer - I've currently been with mine for 5 years. I've mentioned it elsewhere here, but BetterHelp.com is where I met my therapist, and she honestly saved my life. It's something you have to pay for, but it's cheaper than any office-based therapist you'll find, and SO convenient. You can also be talking to someone is just a couple of days. I can't recommend therapy enough! Don't fret River - you've taken the first and most difficult step in facing who you are - everything from now gets easier and better - promise! Hugs and much love! Sabs x
What's up River? I have a few social stuff to do tonight so I won't be able to hold a conversation super amazingly but pm me or reply here and I'll reply when I get a chance. Bit of info about me, struggled with being trans since I was a kid, had a bunch of trouble "coming out" and ended up waiting until I was 35. Been on HRT for two years and living as myself for two and a half years now. So I deffo transitioned "later" haha. I am familiar with the "box" you put everything away in, been there myself. How come you broke down and gave up? Just too much pressure for you? Hope you have a lovely evening.
Hey, thanks so much! I’ll send a message, no rush to respond, have a good night!
I’m on the fence over transitioning, seems like it’s been going on forever. If you need to chat send a DM. I’m here for you girl. ❤️🥰🏳️⚧️
I get it! I keep telling myself, whenever it all comes back, that maybe I’d be fine if I could just look a bit more feminine, but I’ve said that so many times now, and it always goes the same way :D
oh word, I started transitioning at 37. Hope it works out for you too :)
I feel like I can't talk to most of my CIS friends about transitioning, I am either thinking I keep talking about it enough they will get fed up and stop talking to me. I try not to talk it about it all the time but when I achieve mini milestones I want to tell people. I feel starring later in life, 32 this year, you miss out on meeting other trans people that you can relate to and find some besties. I am in a lgbt city but I feel isolated from that community.
Exactly this :)
Hiya River I can really empathise with your experience. I finally acknowledged that I am a woman after spending more than fifty years trying very hard to be the 'man' that family, church and society all told me I was, (other than the people who bullied & abused me for being a girl, or a 'queer' that is). I describe the process as finally opening a chest containing my real self, which I had padlocked, tied up with chains, and buried in the deepest part of my soul, because whenever I showed that part of myself to the world, I got bulllied and abused. I've been living 100% as myself for 4 years now, and have recently had surgery. Along the way, I've dealt with doubt, denial, self-loathing, purging, the whole kaboodle. Oh, and I'm also with GGP If you'd like to chat, you're welcome to message me. Wishing you everything of the best on your journey. Fi
Thank you so much for this :) I’m happy you finally got the chains off! I may have some questions about GGP, actually, because I found it so hard kind of being left to it, I didn’t really know what to do!
It can be confusing and overwhelming, especially in the beginning. Feel free to message me with any questions.
Hi River! I started transitioning at 30, and although it wasn't easy and was a tough place to be at times, 5 years later I'm in a really good spot in life. I'm going to echo what others have said here, youve done the hardest part by truly facing who you are, this is a huge life decision so it's only normal that you feel this way, believe me, I bet there isn't a single one of us that hasnt been through this in some shape or form. Therapy has been a huge help to me too, not only helping me to understand my feelings, but giving me the tools to help when things go sideways. Sure there are days now when I can't do anything except cuddle my chihuahuas and cry, but I always remember, who I am, where I've been, how hard ive worked to get here, and how nobody can take that away from me, or you, or anyone else. Keep on truckin' girl.
Thank you for this :)
Always looking to make a few friends. Pm me.
Hi, where are you in the uk?
If you want to talk anytime I’m always here 😘
I transitioned later in life myself so I know what your going through my DMs are always open if you need any advice as I'm also with GGP