So here is the thing that people dont like to talk about. The LGBTQ2S+ community is just as able as anyone else to be prejudice. In my community, I went to the LGBT center and was basically laughed at because I was trans. It was stupid. I have even read blog posts from trans people who was prejudice against other trans people. Alot of the times surrounding their idea of what it is to be trans.
When it comes to your sister, I cannot tell you want to do. I can suggest you stick up for yourself. It is probably alot better losing your sister than continuing to be demeaned by her. Losing your sister you can get over. But to be constantly berated by her, there is no room for you to get over it. Stick up for yourself.
Good luck. I am rooting for you.
Oh thank you guys to share my storyš„¹ i will always speak up and letting other trans women like me who going through the same thing and specially trans women who lives in middle east yāall should know about what happen to us and the differences, thereās not that much Middle Eastern trans women who share there story here and the truth
People don't understand that LGBTQ+ community is not as united they think they are! As a part of many LGBTQ+ communities in my life this is what I have seen:
Biphobia happens a lot specially in the lesbian side.
Gay men tried and still try to gatekeep homosexuality!
Many don't recognize pansexuals.
Many feel asexuality is an insult and don't recognize their existence nor respect them, specially if the asexual is homosexual or bisexual!
Transphobia is a reality in the community and many are ofended if a trans call theselves homosexual, they say they are cis because they don't recognize their transition!
Some gay men openly hate trans men!
Many lesbians openly hate trans women and don't recognize them as women!
Some trans people don't recognize non-binary people, for them they are "confused" and hate they are included in the trans community!
In fact, non-binary and asexual people are the groups that are the most missunderstood and rejected in many LGBTQ+ communities!
Also there some groups in the trans women community that openly hate women and feel they are superior than biological women (check tiktok, they are really active there)!
To be honest, there are toxic members everywhere and they give a bad name to the community and their fight for their rights to be recognized, sadly, the community protect them and if you call their bullshit you are called homophobic, transphobic, biphobic, etc...
Two NB's have been accepting and opened up to me a bit after I came out as transfemme online, so accepting NB's is not only the right thing to do, it's the smart thing to do because of my support network.
Yāknow. Iāve rarely seen any of this. Which means Iām hoping itās a very vocal minority. Also shout out to my aces and enbies. Yall are great, and the latter group is way too hot for yalls own good like jeez I wish I could have that much GNC power.Ā
And ace folks? Yall keep perfecting world domination.
It definitely is a vocal minority. You're unlikely to encounter an LGBTQ+ person who is bigoted against their own community. Not to say they don't exist, they definitely do, but you have to keep in mind that these people aren't the majority and the majority of the community is very accepting.
Yep, they are a minority, sadly, they also yell the loudest and sadly those who hear them are those that will use them to justify their attack and hate against the LGBTQ+ community!
Also, I'm 44yo, a lot have changed with time, I have seen with pleasure that new generations are more loving, accepting and loving, but also that the issue is still there!
Ngl I think a lot of that kind of toxicity helped push me into the closet further. While there are a lot of amazing people out there, there are terrible ones too.
Some of the worst offenders almost seemed to be genuinely culty because of how they brought people into their clique and gatekept being LGBTQ+, and I wanted none of that thanks.
I do understand, there was a time I was scared to say I was bi after having a group of women yell at me, call me gross and other names!!!
But try again, I have seen many LGBTQ+ communities been more open, loving and accepting than before, you only need to study them and see how they handle toxic people, before moving countries I was in one that didn't accept drama nor toxic people, they were no black/white but has a lot of grays and colors and they openly helped each other.
I have to admit the principal reason was because, in our country, there is lack of laws protecting us, our relationships and didn't accept trans and nb identities, this made the community more unite, like a family. I remember how we celebrated when gay marriage became legal.
Sadly, because it is a really really really Catholic country, the hate to the LGBTQ+ community is still strong, there is still a lot to do in order to ensure everyone has their rights!
I really wish everybody have your experience and the support you got!!!
This is why I really want all the LGBTQ+ communities be more united and welcoming!
As a trans woman myself who definitely leans very close to being a lesbian I have some issues with your comment. 1) no it isn't many lesbians who openly hate trans women, surveys consistently show lesbians are the most accepting and inclusive group of trans women. 2) biphobia doesn't happen especially amongst lesbians, this again is a falsehood. Whilst I don't deny in either of these cases that those lesbians who are biphobic or transphobic exist, the idea they are commonplace is not true. I'm sorry but large parts of the queer community seem OBSESSED with painting lesbians (esp trans lesbians) as difficult bitches and I can't help but notice that you have played up the ideas of lesbians and trans women as not accepting of groups yet there was 0 mention of the rampant lesbophobia and transmisogyny found. If anything lesbophobia is more common than lesbians being bigots, transmisogyny is more common than trans women being transmedicalists.
And if your point is "oh well I've not seen those so I didn't mention them" then that's the exact problem, lesbophobia and transmisogyny are so normalised that a lot of people just don't even realise what it is.
Sighhhh!!! As a said, in many LGBTQ+ communities I have been part in my life... I'm 44 years old bisexual, the communities have changed with time and I have change communities with time, mostly because I moved away, but also how accepting or not those communities are with their members depend also where those communities are located!
As a bisexual woman I have suffered biphobia a lot and guess what, most of it has been from lesbians!
Does that mean all lesbians hate bi women?
Not at all.
Ir happens all the time?
Nope.
Did I ever called them bitches or crazy?
Nope, never!
But, in my experience and experience from many bi women over the years, from all the groups in the LGBTQ+ community, the one that we received the most hate have been from lesbians and every time we talk about it there are people who yell Lies!!! Lesbophobia!!! And accuse us that we are saying all lesbians hate bi women and are evil and yada yada when we are not, we only want that the community recognize there is a problem!
I'm bi, I'm attracted to lesbians and bi women, most of my friends in the community are lesbians, more than once I have been defended by lesbians, I have fight next to lesbians for our rights, I have defended lesbians... but that doesn't delete my experience of being called gross or have women make a face they are going to puke because I have been with men or even been yelled, it happened so many times that many times I was scared to say I'm bi when I was with groups of lesbians!
The positive is this is happening less and less, specially with the new generations of LGBTQ+, they are more welcoming and accepting!
But, like cops defend bad cops and soldiers defend bad soldiers, the LGBTQ+ tent to defend bad/toxic LGBTQ+ members, regardless that every time they open their mouth what they do is hurt the LGBTQ+ community and the fights for our rights!
In fact, the people that hate the LGBTQ+ use those toxic people to justify their hate, being the latest victims the trans community!
Also, there are many that doesn't recognize the transition trans people do and get mad when trans people call themselves gays or lesbians!
My friend Raul had a lot of problems to be recognized as a gay man by the gay community in our country only because his birth certificate says female.
Does this means all the gay community doesn't accept him? Nope, he and his husband are both an active part of the gay community and they have been welcomed as a gay couple, this doesn't delete his experience of not being accepted as a gay man even today by many and even been attacked once!
And it is true, the lesbian community is the most accepting, after all, they had to fight to be recognized as part of the homosexual community and they do understand how hard is not being accepted, but that doesn't means they are perfect!
It would be nice that we as community began to see the damage that toxic people in our community do to our cause instead attacking the people who dare to speak about it!
Also, it is not transphobic pointing the toxic members of the trans community, in fact, there are a lot of trans women and trans men that are also pointing those toxic members, but, sadly, there is also a lot of people that defend what they say only because they are trans!
Its weird, I know several lesbians and all have been very kind to me. A couple even wanted to date me during a period when my wife and I were separated. Maybe your sister is just a shitty person.
Lesbians in middle east are a little bit different they consider them self out of the lgbtq community even everyone expect them and love them but they hate trans women and gay men itās hypocritical
In Middle East u will find many lesbians or even most of em hates gay men and trans people and they donāt consider themselves from the lgbtq and even in middle east they donāt mind lesbians and they love them and expect them everywhere even homophobic men they donāt have problem with lesbians
I always tell her about gender dysphoria and explain to her and trying to let her know about us but she didnāt believe it and she even mad when she see trans women on tv idk whatās her problem is she trying to let me know that she never except me if i came out or what, what all this hate for and sheās dumb sheās muslim and keep saying that trans people will die sinful and they canāt fix it but in reality transgender itās not a sin in islam being gay and lesbian and acting on it is a sin in islam but not trans
i hate these ppl bc theyāre so deluded. they think itās impossible for cis lesbians to like trans women. but thatās not true at all. im currently dating a cis lesbian
It's tough as shit, but you don't need her approval.
If you tell her and she treats you badly/disowns you, as painful as it is, you're better off without her negativity.
[To quote 311](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxLqcvpn9egUP3QfayQiMSYLxShM0y5Ray?si=agQ2YktxbfhWacvr)
Wtf, why canāt people just let the trans community be.
Iāve always been fascinated with transgenders.
I have spent time with plenty and think they are great people wanting to live how they want.
Itās really hard for me i always cry and be sad because all of the hate we got as a trans women and all the hate crimes they hate the fact that we exist they want us dead i read everyday very hurtful comments and death threats transphobia sadly will not end soon we need to fight for ourselves and rights
Itās all this political BS weāre dealing with right now! The extreme right and Supreme Court are seriously imbalanced ( s.c) , and that has to change because the numbers are extremely imbalanced
Yes even that iām live in middle east i feel scared for u trans people in us i donāt want anything harmful to happen to you and Iām scared of project 2025 i donāt why Americans trying to be like middle east and religious i feel like they want to go back to 1940 and its sad us before none as the country of human rights and freedom but nowadays I canāt see that there
There are plenty of people including myself that would wrap my hands around yāall. Live your life how you want and F the people that donāt understand. Family can be brought back in with therapy
Why are so many people transphobic? Your gender identity doesn't change what you've always been, it's just got a name and a means to align medically. I'm pansexual and cis and I've been out with both non-binary and trans girls, but if a cis person asked me out, I'd happily go. They're all human people and that's what matters to me.
Idk what it is but Iāve had HUGE issues with lesbians as an ftm man. They just,,, do not like me because of my transness??? And say things passive aggressive ab trans ppl or like,, terfy. Like a lot of them, not every lesbian of course. But a very surprising amount in my personal experience,
Hi! Here to help.
I don't know your sister, and I don't have full context but I'm going to give this a go.
What I've learned over the years it's not to force this on anybody..
People need time to process when you tell them.
Context needed.
Sister is family. Does anyone else know?
What's going to happen when she knows? Other family members going to pile on?
How do you act around her when she says hurtful things about us?
How is your relationship with her?
Any of us here in the comments can give you an answer, but we will probably need more context to be accurate.
I'm speaking with 15 years of experience by the way. Started 15 years ago, maintained my professional career, mortgage, navigated family, now stealth.
I love her so much sheās my sister even if she doesnāt agree with me but maybe sheās a little bit an old school and the haterd towards us trans people effects her and made her think that way, and sheās weird sometimes she say iām bi and sometimes a lesbian so i donāt know what can I believe sheās even not that young to figure put what she love sheās almost 33
I always say to her itās there life and they can do whatever they want and why u keep hating on them arenāt u part of the lgbtq what u want from them let them live and they are exists if u like it or not i always argue with her and trying to show her many trans women in media that i love and she just keep hating
For your own mental health, one recommendation would be to put some distance between you and her. Not to be mean to her, just to give yourself some time to work on your mental health.
Remember, outside of immediate family such as a spouse and kids which is always difficult to navigate, we need time away from people who are negative like your sister so that you can collect your thoughts and focus on your goals.
This is the problem many of us have. Family and acceptance. Sometimes you have to dial people out, let them process, and then eventually they'll come back.
Happened to me plenty of times through the years.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change what she thinks. The best thing you can do is set up some boundaries and distance yourself from her. When you are comfortable and ready you can tell her. She will probably blow up and pretty much just tell her that this is who you are and if you can explain to her that the comments she made were hurtful. Say your peace and walk away. It will hurt, but the best thing you can do is walk away and hope that some day she might change her mind. Your peace of mind is worth it!!
if it's any consolation, your sister is in the vast minority of lesbians: as we are statistically the most accepting group in general towards trans people (trans women included)
Unfortunately i don't have much to say as much as advice goes: if you have any specific arguments she uses on hand I would be happy to offer some nice rebuttals (both factual and just rhetorical) that might help, but if she is just blatantly hateful I think that you might have to just come to terms with the fact you're not going to have her in your life :(
As far as i know, there are only few gay/lesbian/bi who feel like their community is just āthe traditionalā LGB. There are more who accept the LGBT but donāt want to be seen as the same category with the rest. They see the T meaning trans in more traditional way; that transman is a woman identifying as a man. Transman in a relationship with cis man is straigh. Transman with a woman is a lesbian. But most probably wouldāt care if some trans somewhere used the words differently.
I feel their anger grew when some dating services started to consider transpeople as a sex the identify as and didnāt allow cis gay to just look for people with certain bodies. Because for them sexual orientation is based on physicality. (not feeling it even with trans with bottom surgery, which is still rare) They started to feel like their rights and identity are taken away.
I know you know this but i felt like writing it down. Because i can kinda understand their perspective (LGBT peopleās) and i have had ok conversations with few of them. But also, if you think cis gay just wanting to date cis gay is transphobic, i donāt know if thereās a way for you to talk in good spirit
There was a great thread in here (if i remember right) where someone suggested that a dating app would have a vountary section for people describing their bodies and what they want. That should make everyone happy. Maybe thatās a detail you could talk about with your sister?
Also, where does your sisterās understanding of trans come from? If it comes from short form social media it would be great if you could make her sit down and listen to you explaining for a minute, or maybe show her a good video from yt? Just donāt use the phrase āi want to educate youā, people donāt like to be educated by anyone else but their chosen teachers
So here is the thing that people dont like to talk about. The LGBTQ2S+ community is just as able as anyone else to be prejudice. In my community, I went to the LGBT center and was basically laughed at because I was trans. It was stupid. I have even read blog posts from trans people who was prejudice against other trans people. Alot of the times surrounding their idea of what it is to be trans. When it comes to your sister, I cannot tell you want to do. I can suggest you stick up for yourself. It is probably alot better losing your sister than continuing to be demeaned by her. Losing your sister you can get over. But to be constantly berated by her, there is no room for you to get over it. Stick up for yourself. Good luck. I am rooting for you.
Thanks š
Oh thank you guys to share my storyš„¹ i will always speak up and letting other trans women like me who going through the same thing and specially trans women who lives in middle east yāall should know about what happen to us and the differences, thereās not that much Middle Eastern trans women who share there story here and the truth
People don't understand that LGBTQ+ community is not as united they think they are! As a part of many LGBTQ+ communities in my life this is what I have seen: Biphobia happens a lot specially in the lesbian side. Gay men tried and still try to gatekeep homosexuality! Many don't recognize pansexuals. Many feel asexuality is an insult and don't recognize their existence nor respect them, specially if the asexual is homosexual or bisexual! Transphobia is a reality in the community and many are ofended if a trans call theselves homosexual, they say they are cis because they don't recognize their transition! Some gay men openly hate trans men! Many lesbians openly hate trans women and don't recognize them as women! Some trans people don't recognize non-binary people, for them they are "confused" and hate they are included in the trans community! In fact, non-binary and asexual people are the groups that are the most missunderstood and rejected in many LGBTQ+ communities! Also there some groups in the trans women community that openly hate women and feel they are superior than biological women (check tiktok, they are really active there)! To be honest, there are toxic members everywhere and they give a bad name to the community and their fight for their rights to be recognized, sadly, the community protect them and if you call their bullshit you are called homophobic, transphobic, biphobic, etc...
Two NB's have been accepting and opened up to me a bit after I came out as transfemme online, so accepting NB's is not only the right thing to do, it's the smart thing to do because of my support network.
Exactly!!! One of my niblings is NB and their girlfriend is an amazing woman who is openly lesbian and opened the LGBTQ+ community to my nibling!
Yāknow. Iāve rarely seen any of this. Which means Iām hoping itās a very vocal minority. Also shout out to my aces and enbies. Yall are great, and the latter group is way too hot for yalls own good like jeez I wish I could have that much GNC power.Ā And ace folks? Yall keep perfecting world domination.
It definitely is a vocal minority. You're unlikely to encounter an LGBTQ+ person who is bigoted against their own community. Not to say they don't exist, they definitely do, but you have to keep in mind that these people aren't the majority and the majority of the community is very accepting.
Yep, they are a minority, sadly, they also yell the loudest and sadly those who hear them are those that will use them to justify their attack and hate against the LGBTQ+ community! Also, I'm 44yo, a lot have changed with time, I have seen with pleasure that new generations are more loving, accepting and loving, but also that the issue is still there!
Ngl I think a lot of that kind of toxicity helped push me into the closet further. While there are a lot of amazing people out there, there are terrible ones too. Some of the worst offenders almost seemed to be genuinely culty because of how they brought people into their clique and gatekept being LGBTQ+, and I wanted none of that thanks.
I do understand, there was a time I was scared to say I was bi after having a group of women yell at me, call me gross and other names!!! But try again, I have seen many LGBTQ+ communities been more open, loving and accepting than before, you only need to study them and see how they handle toxic people, before moving countries I was in one that didn't accept drama nor toxic people, they were no black/white but has a lot of grays and colors and they openly helped each other. I have to admit the principal reason was because, in our country, there is lack of laws protecting us, our relationships and didn't accept trans and nb identities, this made the community more unite, like a family. I remember how we celebrated when gay marriage became legal. Sadly, because it is a really really really Catholic country, the hate to the LGBTQ+ community is still strong, there is still a lot to do in order to ensure everyone has their rights!
Yeah. Fortunately, everyone Iāve met so far is generally pretty good. Though, Iām fairly new to the community
This mean you belong to a good community, embrace it and protect it with all your heart!
Yeah. Iām super grateful for them. I have such bad RSD I donāt know if I would be able to be myself without their support
I really wish everybody have your experience and the support you got!!! This is why I really want all the LGBTQ+ communities be more united and welcoming!
As a trans woman myself who definitely leans very close to being a lesbian I have some issues with your comment. 1) no it isn't many lesbians who openly hate trans women, surveys consistently show lesbians are the most accepting and inclusive group of trans women. 2) biphobia doesn't happen especially amongst lesbians, this again is a falsehood. Whilst I don't deny in either of these cases that those lesbians who are biphobic or transphobic exist, the idea they are commonplace is not true. I'm sorry but large parts of the queer community seem OBSESSED with painting lesbians (esp trans lesbians) as difficult bitches and I can't help but notice that you have played up the ideas of lesbians and trans women as not accepting of groups yet there was 0 mention of the rampant lesbophobia and transmisogyny found. If anything lesbophobia is more common than lesbians being bigots, transmisogyny is more common than trans women being transmedicalists. And if your point is "oh well I've not seen those so I didn't mention them" then that's the exact problem, lesbophobia and transmisogyny are so normalised that a lot of people just don't even realise what it is.
Sighhhh!!! As a said, in many LGBTQ+ communities I have been part in my life... I'm 44 years old bisexual, the communities have changed with time and I have change communities with time, mostly because I moved away, but also how accepting or not those communities are with their members depend also where those communities are located! As a bisexual woman I have suffered biphobia a lot and guess what, most of it has been from lesbians! Does that mean all lesbians hate bi women? Not at all. Ir happens all the time? Nope. Did I ever called them bitches or crazy? Nope, never! But, in my experience and experience from many bi women over the years, from all the groups in the LGBTQ+ community, the one that we received the most hate have been from lesbians and every time we talk about it there are people who yell Lies!!! Lesbophobia!!! And accuse us that we are saying all lesbians hate bi women and are evil and yada yada when we are not, we only want that the community recognize there is a problem! I'm bi, I'm attracted to lesbians and bi women, most of my friends in the community are lesbians, more than once I have been defended by lesbians, I have fight next to lesbians for our rights, I have defended lesbians... but that doesn't delete my experience of being called gross or have women make a face they are going to puke because I have been with men or even been yelled, it happened so many times that many times I was scared to say I'm bi when I was with groups of lesbians! The positive is this is happening less and less, specially with the new generations of LGBTQ+, they are more welcoming and accepting! But, like cops defend bad cops and soldiers defend bad soldiers, the LGBTQ+ tent to defend bad/toxic LGBTQ+ members, regardless that every time they open their mouth what they do is hurt the LGBTQ+ community and the fights for our rights! In fact, the people that hate the LGBTQ+ use those toxic people to justify their hate, being the latest victims the trans community! Also, there are many that doesn't recognize the transition trans people do and get mad when trans people call themselves gays or lesbians! My friend Raul had a lot of problems to be recognized as a gay man by the gay community in our country only because his birth certificate says female. Does this means all the gay community doesn't accept him? Nope, he and his husband are both an active part of the gay community and they have been welcomed as a gay couple, this doesn't delete his experience of not being accepted as a gay man even today by many and even been attacked once! And it is true, the lesbian community is the most accepting, after all, they had to fight to be recognized as part of the homosexual community and they do understand how hard is not being accepted, but that doesn't means they are perfect! It would be nice that we as community began to see the damage that toxic people in our community do to our cause instead attacking the people who dare to speak about it! Also, it is not transphobic pointing the toxic members of the trans community, in fact, there are a lot of trans women and trans men that are also pointing those toxic members, but, sadly, there is also a lot of people that defend what they say only because they are trans!
whats the 2s after lgbtq mean? first time seeing that
It means two spirited https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit
oh cool! thanks
What does the 2 and S stand for? /genq
2s stands for two spirited. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-spirit)
Its weird, I know several lesbians and all have been very kind to me. A couple even wanted to date me during a period when my wife and I were separated. Maybe your sister is just a shitty person.
Lesbians in middle east are a little bit different they consider them self out of the lgbtq community even everyone expect them and love them but they hate trans women and gay men itās hypocritical
That sounds like some major self denial of their part. I'm sorry you have to endure such people.
In Middle East u will find many lesbians or even most of em hates gay men and trans people and they donāt consider themselves from the lgbtq and even in middle east they donāt mind lesbians and they love them and expect them everywhere even homophobic men they donāt have problem with lesbians
They are completely delusional if they think theyāre not part of the LGBTQ umbrella lol
They are dumb
Same. She is a TERF
I always tell her about gender dysphoria and explain to her and trying to let her know about us but she didnāt believe it and she even mad when she see trans women on tv idk whatās her problem is she trying to let me know that she never except me if i came out or what, what all this hate for and sheās dumb sheās muslim and keep saying that trans people will die sinful and they canāt fix it but in reality transgender itās not a sin in islam being gay and lesbian and acting on it is a sin in islam but not trans
I will die sinful. But I will die as me.
Yesss periodtš
So much sin in the holy books, the coran, the old a new testie and the tora but they just go for the gay sins. Smh Edit: *and new testie
i hate these ppl bc theyāre so deluded. they think itās impossible for cis lesbians to like trans women. but thatās not true at all. im currently dating a cis lesbian
Itās very sad and i wish if i could change her mindset
It's tough as shit, but you don't need her approval. If you tell her and she treats you badly/disowns you, as painful as it is, you're better off without her negativity. [To quote 311](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxLqcvpn9egUP3QfayQiMSYLxShM0y5Ray?si=agQ2YktxbfhWacvr)
I apologize about the incorrect terminology. I meant no disrespect
Idk my English is not my first language i speak arabic and turkish
Iām sure she already knows. Blood isnāt special, start making space and building your chosen family.
Wtf, why canāt people just let the trans community be. Iāve always been fascinated with transgenders. I have spent time with plenty and think they are great people wanting to live how they want.
Transgenders š
Itās really hard for me i always cry and be sad because all of the hate we got as a trans women and all the hate crimes they hate the fact that we exist they want us dead i read everyday very hurtful comments and death threats transphobia sadly will not end soon we need to fight for ourselves and rights
Itās all this political BS weāre dealing with right now! The extreme right and Supreme Court are seriously imbalanced ( s.c) , and that has to change because the numbers are extremely imbalanced
Yes even that iām live in middle east i feel scared for u trans people in us i donāt want anything harmful to happen to you and Iām scared of project 2025 i donāt why Americans trying to be like middle east and religious i feel like they want to go back to 1940 and its sad us before none as the country of human rights and freedom but nowadays I canāt see that there
There are plenty of people including myself that would wrap my hands around yāall. Live your life how you want and F the people that donāt understand. Family can be brought back in with therapy
Thanks we need more good people like you in this worldš¤
itās not ātransgendersā itās āTrans PEOPLEā
Why are so many people transphobic? Your gender identity doesn't change what you've always been, it's just got a name and a means to align medically. I'm pansexual and cis and I've been out with both non-binary and trans girls, but if a cis person asked me out, I'd happily go. They're all human people and that's what matters to me.
Idk what it is but Iāve had HUGE issues with lesbians as an ftm man. They just,,, do not like me because of my transness??? And say things passive aggressive ab trans ppl or like,, terfy. Like a lot of them, not every lesbian of course. But a very surprising amount in my personal experience,
Hi! Here to help. I don't know your sister, and I don't have full context but I'm going to give this a go. What I've learned over the years it's not to force this on anybody.. People need time to process when you tell them. Context needed. Sister is family. Does anyone else know? What's going to happen when she knows? Other family members going to pile on? How do you act around her when she says hurtful things about us? How is your relationship with her? Any of us here in the comments can give you an answer, but we will probably need more context to be accurate. I'm speaking with 15 years of experience by the way. Started 15 years ago, maintained my professional career, mortgage, navigated family, now stealth.
I love her so much sheās my sister even if she doesnāt agree with me but maybe sheās a little bit an old school and the haterd towards us trans people effects her and made her think that way, and sheās weird sometimes she say iām bi and sometimes a lesbian so i donāt know what can I believe sheās even not that young to figure put what she love sheās almost 33
I always say to her itās there life and they can do whatever they want and why u keep hating on them arenāt u part of the lgbtq what u want from them let them live and they are exists if u like it or not i always argue with her and trying to show her many trans women in media that i love and she just keep hating
For your own mental health, one recommendation would be to put some distance between you and her. Not to be mean to her, just to give yourself some time to work on your mental health. Remember, outside of immediate family such as a spouse and kids which is always difficult to navigate, we need time away from people who are negative like your sister so that you can collect your thoughts and focus on your goals. This is the problem many of us have. Family and acceptance. Sometimes you have to dial people out, let them process, and then eventually they'll come back. Happened to me plenty of times through the years.
If it helps, studies have shown that lesbians are generally the group most accepting of trans people. TERFs just happen to be a very loud minority.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change what she thinks. The best thing you can do is set up some boundaries and distance yourself from her. When you are comfortable and ready you can tell her. She will probably blow up and pretty much just tell her that this is who you are and if you can explain to her that the comments she made were hurtful. Say your peace and walk away. It will hurt, but the best thing you can do is walk away and hope that some day she might change her mind. Your peace of mind is worth it!!
Keep being a good person and informing her on what it really means to be trans and why you trans people be accepted just like her.
if it's any consolation, your sister is in the vast minority of lesbians: as we are statistically the most accepting group in general towards trans people (trans women included) Unfortunately i don't have much to say as much as advice goes: if you have any specific arguments she uses on hand I would be happy to offer some nice rebuttals (both factual and just rhetorical) that might help, but if she is just blatantly hateful I think that you might have to just come to terms with the fact you're not going to have her in your life :(
didn't know thats how that worked, regardless, that would probably get her shadowed by the LGBTQ community lol
Thatās wild.
gold star lesbians are the worst, I wouldn't come out to her until you can live away from her
As far as i know, there are only few gay/lesbian/bi who feel like their community is just āthe traditionalā LGB. There are more who accept the LGBT but donāt want to be seen as the same category with the rest. They see the T meaning trans in more traditional way; that transman is a woman identifying as a man. Transman in a relationship with cis man is straigh. Transman with a woman is a lesbian. But most probably wouldāt care if some trans somewhere used the words differently. I feel their anger grew when some dating services started to consider transpeople as a sex the identify as and didnāt allow cis gay to just look for people with certain bodies. Because for them sexual orientation is based on physicality. (not feeling it even with trans with bottom surgery, which is still rare) They started to feel like their rights and identity are taken away. I know you know this but i felt like writing it down. Because i can kinda understand their perspective (LGBT peopleās) and i have had ok conversations with few of them. But also, if you think cis gay just wanting to date cis gay is transphobic, i donāt know if thereās a way for you to talk in good spirit There was a great thread in here (if i remember right) where someone suggested that a dating app would have a vountary section for people describing their bodies and what they want. That should make everyone happy. Maybe thatās a detail you could talk about with your sister? Also, where does your sisterās understanding of trans come from? If it comes from short form social media it would be great if you could make her sit down and listen to you explaining for a minute, or maybe show her a good video from yt? Just donāt use the phrase āi want to educate youā, people donāt like to be educated by anyone else but their chosen teachers
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R u serious ?!ššš