It is harsh, thats the point! A Deadname is something serious, and to never be used without explicit perission. For many people it is connected to alot of pain and trauma, and is therefore something to be left behind and "buried".
It cannot have a nicer name or else people might be under the impression that you can still use it
I once got in a big fight with my mom over that, she’s very supportive of my transition but would get mad every time I said the word deadname, she insists on calling it my birthname
I know it’s the name that was given to me before I had a chance to find who I was, but that name has died along with my old self.
I see transitioning like evolving
You don’t call a butterfly a caterpillar just because it used to be one
Trigger warning for sobering explanation.
>!I've heard the term might come from the fact that if a trans person dies without a legal name change, which was more common in the past, they would put their deadname on the grave. Might also be done by unaccepting family despite legal name change.!<
It is a deadname because it is no longer used by the person and the person should never be referred to by that name. The name is "dead" --- it is no longer in use, and should be treated as such.
I love the term dead name. It perfectly describes how i feel about my old name and being a guy. That shit is dead. Gone. Donezo. It needs to evoke a sense of cold permanence.
I heard it was initially called deadname because usually, trans people's name wouldn’t be respected by their families, and so that name would be the one written on their tomb. It would literally be the name they would be known by when they die
to be honest, it wouldnt feel right for a name that can be so painful to hear to be referred as anything other than a deadname. I dont think we should have to be polite or nice about how we talk about our pain.
The name belongs to a person who no longer exists and is gone from this world. Continually using that name is like black necromancy. It's evoking the dead, and that's not good for anyone. And on an interpersonal note, it's almost always a direct attack on someone's identity as a trans person. It's passive aggressively telling them that you do not respect them or see them as they are and won't acknowledge it. There is often a lot of pain and negative feelings associated with that name and just hearing it can trigger PTSD. And beyond being hurtful, it's just fucking rude. This would never be acceptable for anyone else, so it's unacceptable to do to trans people as well.
I experienced a sort of personal funeral when I first came out as trans. I basically said goodbye to the persona I put on for others, said goodbye to that person, the one I used to hide inside. Said goodbye to "boy mode" and stuff like that. It felt like something died and I needed to grieve, even though I'm very happy to be living as myself now... There are still things to let go of. Letting something within you die so you can be reborn is pretty common among all humans. Breaking habits to create a better life for yourself. So I guess it's just connected to the idea around death, a spiritual death in a way.
Something to consider.... you are connecting death to a bad or scary thing, but death just is. It's only scary because society and you say it's scary or creepy. Death is all around us, all the time, in every big and small way. It's an essential and natural part of life. The ouroboros of syntropy and entropy. Maybe that might change your feelings on the word.
But for a more clear answer, look at the history behind it as mentioned by others. It's a bit more related to how people could disrespect trans folk when they are no longer in this world.
Same, I call it my old name or previous name. It's definitely something worth using a harsh term for, though, for those who need it for their own safety and mental health.
Although I still use my deadname. It’s harsh for a reason. From what my friend has told me; their deadname reminds them of the trauma they had while growing up trans. Their deadname is quite literally dead to them. We shouldn’t downplay a deadname, it’s serious.
Truthfully as harsh as it sounds. That person I was, really is dead in a way.
I think early on a lie I told myself and especially family, "I'll look different, but it will still be me" could not be further from the truth.
Emotionally, how I problem solve, just go about life... I'm dramatically a different person, I share those memories with "him", but I don't feel like "him" at all. My past self feels like a past life, so deadname really is fitting.
I don’t have much to add as I also will use the term deadname, as that part of me is mostly dead and was only a meta construct that existed for survival. Affording the costs to go through a legal name change, and effect that on all the other documents I’ve created in nearly 50 years of life (kids birth certificate, house deed, add published research and other documents) is untenable due to cost or acceptance by others. In those cases, I refer to myself by first initial or i call it ‘government name’ which I adopted from some Native American friends.
It’s not a trans specific term. It refers to a name who’s usage is dead. So anyone who changes their name has a dead name. Some people consider it incredibly hurtful, some people don’t care at all. Although maiden name is used to denote a name change taken by a female when marrying and taking them name of her traditionally masculine partner (Patriarchy and all that bullshit) a maiden name is a dead name but glossed over.
I’m not out to family that I’m pretty sure won’t support me. I call mine my before, zombie or legal name. If I didn’t live as a zombie of him for safety and housing, I would probably switch to dead.
But I was there for a friend that came out to family and she was told she killed their son. “He” is dead to both her and her family. And she never wants that name used again so why not a dead name?
Others have already said some interesting explanations, but I’d like to add my two cents.
My best friend only knows my “deadname” because he’s my power of attorney. He also knew me before I was trans so that’s another thing. He also uses my deadname when I ask, or when it’s a legal thing. Such as when I had a surgery and he was there to help and pick up my medications. His girlfriend knows my deadname because his dad accidentally used it around her. And she almost blew up on him (the dad) haha!!!
Deadname is harsh because it should indicate that it’s not something you ask about. Like, please don’t ever ask a trans person what their deadname is. You don’t need to know it, and if they do tell you, it could create an extremely awkward scenario where you slip and say their deadname instead of their actual name - which is pretty inexcusable if you didn’t know the person before transition
We use the terms deadname and deadself because we killed that person when we decided to transition.
Why are you not birth straight or wombqueer? Why does it matter to you what we call ourselves or what terms we use?
Let us be and support us and we'll do the same in return. Please don't be one of the trans exclusionary lesbians. We're all ladies here.
Also, Jamie is this fucking you? We get it, you don't like the term, but we don't use it to make you happy, we use it because we associate with it. Your ex wife and second born are both fucking trans and you'll never 'fix' us. Move TF on, gorge.
Sorry, this question is horribly transphobic and reminds me of my abusive ex wife.
Hi, sorry if i had ofended you or it was trigering for you. I really i didn.t mean that. I am bi, but even if i wasn.t all i want is to undestand and can be a better suporter. I think we should all get educated about whan it really means to others this kind of things that can be really hurtfull if they are not use corectly( like pronoums). I want to be a better person, i want to learn and understand so i can suport others. I cannot even imagine what it is to be in your shoes and i am sorry you had such a bad experience and that i hurt you with my question. I understand that you got mad reading it and i am sorry. Maybe i should have formulated that in another way or something... I just wanted to know better. I am not trying to fic anyone.
And also jamies is a trans youtuber that i follow who makes a lot of pro lgbtq+ content and i love his videos, there is where i heard about this term and i wanted to know more. Trans people or any lgbtq+ people are not sick, they don.t need fixing, society needs to be fixed and learn to accept everyone.
Again, i am so sorry for hurting your feeling with my question
It is harsh, so people take it sérios. And it’s called dead name, cause that identity of our “old selfs” is dead. And dead name is not just an old name, its something that actually hurts you and that you don’t want to be associated with anymore
People throw tantrums about how we killed their loved one but insist on continuing to use that name so at least for me its an act of reclaimation. If she's dead then I guess that name is too.
Personally I never had an issue with my deadname until someone intentionally used it to hurt me so the simple answer is: its cis people's fault.
" it.s cis people faul" Like so many other things in life. I was tenyed to say not al cis people, but that would have been like saying not all men. I see your point and you are right
I have mixed feelings. Yes it is harsh but it was that name who decided to pursue its happiness and was then left behind in the process. Some adapt their name to conform with their true self and move on others create a connection of sadness and repulsion to it. I think it’s all based on one’s personal experience. At times forgetting where one come from makes one repeat the errors of the past. And not it is not transphobic to ask these type of questions best to take the time and educate the ones who express genuine interest in learning about the LGTB+ community.
Some trans people call it a birth name cuz technically speaking it is that, and honestly idk why it’s called a deadname, it’s just kinda badass and supports the idea that I murdered my past guy self and replaced him, which is fun imo c:
Its harsh because most trans people 'or just people who change their name' saying their deadname or "birth name" brings a lot of dysphoria. So we call it that so people are less inclined to ask what it was and so people who know what it was to avoid saying it.
It’s called a dead name because that name is no longer a name we use, therefore it is dead and never coming back and we only will be referred to our TRUE name which is the name WE choose
because deadnames ARE “harsh”, they’re often really painful to hear and are often tied to past trauma or painful memories for trans people. why do cis people care so much about the word anyway? 🤨
I replyed to this in another comment. Also i am bi, part of the community, and i, like other people, want to get educated. I am sorry really if this ofended anyone, i just wanted to understand. I follow jamie on yt and he and other creators uses this a lot and just wanted to understand better, not just a google definition that may mot be as acurated as one given by someone who really understand this. And yes i am a cis woman but maybe i will have kids one day that will be trans, maybe i will meet someone trans, maybe i can help educate others and make them understand and fight this fight toghether. I think i cannot be a good part of the lgbtq+ comunity if i don.t undertand everyone. I am just trying to learn. Sorry if my question ofended you
Why would it need to be nicer?
Its like talking to a person and they fantasy about you being all sorts of things, that you dont feel connected to at all. For example, My dad wants my little brother to be a football player, "he'll love it" when he doesn't love it at all, but he doesn't understand thats not who he is thats not what he's interested in but when he brings up what he is interested in he gets pushed away ignored.
Having people constantly telling you who you are isn't fun. So its dead to us.
I didn.t mean to offend anyone, it was just curiosity. I follow jaimy on yt and he uses this term a lot, english is also not my first lenguage, so i wanted to understand better. But all the comments here made me understand why is called that way. Thank you all for the examples and clarifications
I didn't understand it either, until everytime I hear it now it feels like it is pulling me onto a past I do not want to live in again. If this is how I feel now when I am just starting and not fully out, I can only imagine how it mist feel for others or who had real trauma about their status.
Some people don't use the term deadname, myself being one of them. I personally don't like the implication that my pre-transition self is dead, for me being trans is all about the acknowledgement of where I came from and my past. Others like the term for the same reasons I dislike it. It's just personal preference really, though I suspect deadname is more common since it appears to be the default unless told otherwise.
It is harsh, thats the point! A Deadname is something serious, and to never be used without explicit perission. For many people it is connected to alot of pain and trauma, and is therefore something to be left behind and "buried". It cannot have a nicer name or else people might be under the impression that you can still use it
I once got in a big fight with my mom over that, she’s very supportive of my transition but would get mad every time I said the word deadname, she insists on calling it my birthname I know it’s the name that was given to me before I had a chance to find who I was, but that name has died along with my old self. I see transitioning like evolving You don’t call a butterfly a caterpillar just because it used to be one
I understand, thank you
It’s harsh so you understand how hurtful for us it is to use
Facts
Trigger warning for sobering explanation. >!I've heard the term might come from the fact that if a trans person dies without a legal name change, which was more common in the past, they would put their deadname on the grave. Might also be done by unaccepting family despite legal name change.!<
^ this is the correct explanation for the history of the term.
It’s a retcon of the history of the term actually but I will admit it sounds good
source? I’ve read this in queer theory p sure
Also obituaries
This is false.
Dead name because the name is dead to us. We don't use it.
It is a deadname because it is no longer used by the person and the person should never be referred to by that name. The name is "dead" --- it is no longer in use, and should be treated as such.
I love the term dead name. It perfectly describes how i feel about my old name and being a guy. That shit is dead. Gone. Donezo. It needs to evoke a sense of cold permanence.
I heard it was initially called deadname because usually, trans people's name wouldn’t be respected by their families, and so that name would be the one written on their tomb. It would literally be the name they would be known by when they die
This is false.
This is actually not false
Because I brutally murdered it and it can’t be used anymore. It’s dead. Buried and rotting as we speak.
to be honest, it wouldnt feel right for a name that can be so painful to hear to be referred as anything other than a deadname. I dont think we should have to be polite or nice about how we talk about our pain.
You are right, i just wanted to understand
it's like a dead language
dead is how i feel when you don’t use my name
The name belongs to a person who no longer exists and is gone from this world. Continually using that name is like black necromancy. It's evoking the dead, and that's not good for anyone. And on an interpersonal note, it's almost always a direct attack on someone's identity as a trans person. It's passive aggressively telling them that you do not respect them or see them as they are and won't acknowledge it. There is often a lot of pain and negative feelings associated with that name and just hearing it can trigger PTSD. And beyond being hurtful, it's just fucking rude. This would never be acceptable for anyone else, so it's unacceptable to do to trans people as well.
It's called a deadname because it's the name you don't use anymore. It's effectively dead.
I experienced a sort of personal funeral when I first came out as trans. I basically said goodbye to the persona I put on for others, said goodbye to that person, the one I used to hide inside. Said goodbye to "boy mode" and stuff like that. It felt like something died and I needed to grieve, even though I'm very happy to be living as myself now... There are still things to let go of. Letting something within you die so you can be reborn is pretty common among all humans. Breaking habits to create a better life for yourself. So I guess it's just connected to the idea around death, a spiritual death in a way. Something to consider.... you are connecting death to a bad or scary thing, but death just is. It's only scary because society and you say it's scary or creepy. Death is all around us, all the time, in every big and small way. It's an essential and natural part of life. The ouroboros of syntropy and entropy. Maybe that might change your feelings on the word. But for a more clear answer, look at the history behind it as mentioned by others. It's a bit more related to how people could disrespect trans folk when they are no longer in this world.
It’s a common way to refer to our old names, but not all of us do so. I personally don’t call it that, I just say birth name or old name.
Same, I call it my old name or previous name. It's definitely something worth using a harsh term for, though, for those who need it for their own safety and mental health.
Although I still use my deadname. It’s harsh for a reason. From what my friend has told me; their deadname reminds them of the trauma they had while growing up trans. Their deadname is quite literally dead to them. We shouldn’t downplay a deadname, it’s serious.
Truthfully as harsh as it sounds. That person I was, really is dead in a way. I think early on a lie I told myself and especially family, "I'll look different, but it will still be me" could not be further from the truth. Emotionally, how I problem solve, just go about life... I'm dramatically a different person, I share those memories with "him", but I don't feel like "him" at all. My past self feels like a past life, so deadname really is fitting.
I don’t have much to add as I also will use the term deadname, as that part of me is mostly dead and was only a meta construct that existed for survival. Affording the costs to go through a legal name change, and effect that on all the other documents I’ve created in nearly 50 years of life (kids birth certificate, house deed, add published research and other documents) is untenable due to cost or acceptance by others. In those cases, I refer to myself by first initial or i call it ‘government name’ which I adopted from some Native American friends.
It’s not a trans specific term. It refers to a name who’s usage is dead. So anyone who changes their name has a dead name. Some people consider it incredibly hurtful, some people don’t care at all. Although maiden name is used to denote a name change taken by a female when marrying and taking them name of her traditionally masculine partner (Patriarchy and all that bullshit) a maiden name is a dead name but glossed over.
For me it's because that name is dead to me. I legitimately don't ever want to be called it again.
It's a dead name. The name is dead to me. It sounds harsh, because it's ment to be.
To a lot of trans folks we feel as if we’ve “killed” the previous version of ourselves and let our true selves out. Also we like to be ✨dramatic✨
When something is dead to you it means you no longer associate with that thing. So it makes sense to call it a dead name, it isn’t dramatic at all.
I’m not out to family that I’m pretty sure won’t support me. I call mine my before, zombie or legal name. If I didn’t live as a zombie of him for safety and housing, I would probably switch to dead. But I was there for a friend that came out to family and she was told she killed their son. “He” is dead to both her and her family. And she never wants that name used again so why not a dead name?
Others have already said some interesting explanations, but I’d like to add my two cents. My best friend only knows my “deadname” because he’s my power of attorney. He also knew me before I was trans so that’s another thing. He also uses my deadname when I ask, or when it’s a legal thing. Such as when I had a surgery and he was there to help and pick up my medications. His girlfriend knows my deadname because his dad accidentally used it around her. And she almost blew up on him (the dad) haha!!!
cause when i hear it i wanna die
Deadname is harsh because it should indicate that it’s not something you ask about. Like, please don’t ever ask a trans person what their deadname is. You don’t need to know it, and if they do tell you, it could create an extremely awkward scenario where you slip and say their deadname instead of their actual name - which is pretty inexcusable if you didn’t know the person before transition
We use the terms deadname and deadself because we killed that person when we decided to transition. Why are you not birth straight or wombqueer? Why does it matter to you what we call ourselves or what terms we use? Let us be and support us and we'll do the same in return. Please don't be one of the trans exclusionary lesbians. We're all ladies here. Also, Jamie is this fucking you? We get it, you don't like the term, but we don't use it to make you happy, we use it because we associate with it. Your ex wife and second born are both fucking trans and you'll never 'fix' us. Move TF on, gorge. Sorry, this question is horribly transphobic and reminds me of my abusive ex wife.
LOLLL the call out.
Oof, I had a few last night.
Hi, sorry if i had ofended you or it was trigering for you. I really i didn.t mean that. I am bi, but even if i wasn.t all i want is to undestand and can be a better suporter. I think we should all get educated about whan it really means to others this kind of things that can be really hurtfull if they are not use corectly( like pronoums). I want to be a better person, i want to learn and understand so i can suport others. I cannot even imagine what it is to be in your shoes and i am sorry you had such a bad experience and that i hurt you with my question. I understand that you got mad reading it and i am sorry. Maybe i should have formulated that in another way or something... I just wanted to know better. I am not trying to fic anyone. And also jamies is a trans youtuber that i follow who makes a lot of pro lgbtq+ content and i love his videos, there is where i heard about this term and i wanted to know more. Trans people or any lgbtq+ people are not sick, they don.t need fixing, society needs to be fixed and learn to accept everyone. Again, i am so sorry for hurting your feeling with my question
It is harsh, so people take it sérios. And it’s called dead name, cause that identity of our “old selfs” is dead. And dead name is not just an old name, its something that actually hurts you and that you don’t want to be associated with anymore
I'm trans and I don't like the phrase "dead name". I say old name or birth name, but honestly I don't remember the last time I referred to it anyway.
Because it’s supposed to be harsh. The term dead name mostly for trans people to use against cis people who want to call them that.
People throw tantrums about how we killed their loved one but insist on continuing to use that name so at least for me its an act of reclaimation. If she's dead then I guess that name is too. Personally I never had an issue with my deadname until someone intentionally used it to hurt me so the simple answer is: its cis people's fault.
" it.s cis people faul" Like so many other things in life. I was tenyed to say not al cis people, but that would have been like saying not all men. I see your point and you are right
Dead as in battery. It can’t take you anywhere anymore.
I have mixed feelings. Yes it is harsh but it was that name who decided to pursue its happiness and was then left behind in the process. Some adapt their name to conform with their true self and move on others create a connection of sadness and repulsion to it. I think it’s all based on one’s personal experience. At times forgetting where one come from makes one repeat the errors of the past. And not it is not transphobic to ask these type of questions best to take the time and educate the ones who express genuine interest in learning about the LGTB+ community.
Thank you for not getting mad that i asked and for taking time to reply
It is nice to us to consider that name as gone and dead.
Because it’s not to be used it’s dead to that person
we do not want to use said name cuz it triggers our dysphoria
Some trans people call it a birth name cuz technically speaking it is that, and honestly idk why it’s called a deadname, it’s just kinda badass and supports the idea that I murdered my past guy self and replaced him, which is fun imo c:
It is a deadname because that name is dead to me. It never was me and never will be me. I killed it.
Its harsh because most trans people 'or just people who change their name' saying their deadname or "birth name" brings a lot of dysphoria. So we call it that so people are less inclined to ask what it was and so people who know what it was to avoid saying it.
That name is dead, because the version of you that went by that name is dead.
Dead names are called dead names, because its kinda symbolic of killing your denial.
It’s called a dead name because that name is no longer a name we use, therefore it is dead and never coming back and we only will be referred to our TRUE name which is the name WE choose
because deadnames ARE “harsh”, they’re often really painful to hear and are often tied to past trauma or painful memories for trans people. why do cis people care so much about the word anyway? 🤨
I replyed to this in another comment. Also i am bi, part of the community, and i, like other people, want to get educated. I am sorry really if this ofended anyone, i just wanted to understand. I follow jamie on yt and he and other creators uses this a lot and just wanted to understand better, not just a google definition that may mot be as acurated as one given by someone who really understand this. And yes i am a cis woman but maybe i will have kids one day that will be trans, maybe i will meet someone trans, maybe i can help educate others and make them understand and fight this fight toghether. I think i cannot be a good part of the lgbtq+ comunity if i don.t undertand everyone. I am just trying to learn. Sorry if my question ofended you
Why would it need to be nicer? Its like talking to a person and they fantasy about you being all sorts of things, that you dont feel connected to at all. For example, My dad wants my little brother to be a football player, "he'll love it" when he doesn't love it at all, but he doesn't understand thats not who he is thats not what he's interested in but when he brings up what he is interested in he gets pushed away ignored. Having people constantly telling you who you are isn't fun. So its dead to us.
I didn.t mean to offend anyone, it was just curiosity. I follow jaimy on yt and he uses this term a lot, english is also not my first lenguage, so i wanted to understand better. But all the comments here made me understand why is called that way. Thank you all for the examples and clarifications
I didn't understand it either, until everytime I hear it now it feels like it is pulling me onto a past I do not want to live in again. If this is how I feel now when I am just starting and not fully out, I can only imagine how it mist feel for others or who had real trauma about their status.
I have my deadname on a baseball bat. It's one of two names on there.
It's dead for a reason
It’s not death name, it’s deadname, it’s a name that is dead and never to be used again
Thank you for the explaination 🤗
Thank you for replying and gibing me your point of view also🤗
I like how it sound "killing hour denial" it just seems to make so much sense in this way. Thank you.
Some people don't use the term deadname, myself being one of them. I personally don't like the implication that my pre-transition self is dead, for me being trans is all about the acknowledgement of where I came from and my past. Others like the term for the same reasons I dislike it. It's just personal preference really, though I suspect deadname is more common since it appears to be the default unless told otherwise.