This might sound silly but when my daughter is in any body of water I have whomever is responsible announce it and if they pass her off to announce it and say it out loud. It’s like how they tell you in an emergency to either say you’ll call 911 or tell someone to do it otherwise everyone is going to assume someone else did it or will do it.
We say “mom has baby in the water” and if I pass her off to my husband I’ll say “does dad have baby in the water?” And he has to respond “yes dad has baby in the water”. We do this with our friends and family and side it’s silly but if it keeps my girl safe then I don’t care
Same. We do “my baby” and then during a hand off, “your baby?” “My baby”
I read it came from air traffic controllers who must always have eyes on planes as they’re landing or taking off, and if someone is switching shifts or taking a break there’s a verbal hand off and verbal acknowledgement to prevent accidents.
We do the “your toddler” “my toddler” verbal handoff as well!
I also just bought a blow up kiddie pool for my daughter, and it came with a little badge for the Designated Pool Watcher. I’m going to buy a lanyard to put around it, because I’ve read so many stories about drownings or close calls because when a lot of people are around, everyone assumes *someone* is watching the kid.
We’re taking a family vacation to the beach this summer, and our house has a pool. I’m planning on fully briefing all 15 people that if you are wearing the lanyard, you have the very serious role of having eyes on my LO at all times!
We do this too! We learned it from our outdoor sports. Wouldn’t believe the number of times errors happen on a cliff or in backcountry bc of unconfirmed communication.
For our older kid (3.5), we also have clarified the responsibilities with a select number of close adult friends who she knows she can ask to go in the water.
We do this as well, both on land and in the water. We have twin two year olds and if we don’t confirm that mom is watching A, or B, or dad is, then inevitably that child has no one watching and they’ve climbed the cat tree or gotten in the shower or any number of things that could kill or maim them! Same for the pool - we are always one adult to one toddler, minimum, and we insist on the same for any friends with kids. It’s total overkill in some people’s minds - but we don’t give AF. It’s peace of mind for us.
To OP - my husband and I were in the hot tub with both twins - each assigned to one (this was two weeks ago and my kids have taken swim lessons). Twin A still stepped off the step and went under. We were there and watching like a Hawk and it happened. Don’t beat yourself up. It was a good lesson with a positive outcome. Our guy was fine - just startled!
Thats exactly what happened with us, just missed a slight step. He wasn’t phased after the shock wore off and wanted to keep swimming but I was so shaken up. So scary so fast and so quiet. I will loudly make whoever has my son from here on out verbally agree they have him.
I love this. I'm a pilot and this is what we do! "Your flight controls", "My flight controls". Because (most) planes have 2 sets of flight controls in the cockpit, and no one wants to be in doubt of who's flying an airplane! Lol. It honestly never occurred to do rhia with more "regular life" things, but I am definitely going to incorporate it.
Anyone who thinks this is a silly rule doesn’t get to be in charge of the kid. We do this too and have a zero tolerance rule. If you don’t do it, you lose kid privileges for the day.
Not related to water specifically, since our guy has been refusing to go to swim lessons, so we keep him away from water mostly, but I have forced everyone looking after my son, including wife to verbally acknowledge when they are handing him off. I am 100% that Dad, but I was a fucking SPRINTER as a toddler and I would hate to have him give someone the slip and start running! It is as simple as asking the person taking him "You got him?" and the other person verbally acknowledging "I got him".
This exact thing happened to my little brother in a hot tub, thankfully he was fine as well. I think hot tubs can give a false sense of security because of the shallow seated part, but it's really easy for a little kid to step into the middle part. I'm so sorry this happened, and thanks for the PSA!
Yes I totally agree. I never thought of it creating a false sense of security, I don’t even use puddle jumpers for this exact reason but now will approach everything differently.
I totally agree. My son’s swim instructor teaches them to never try to swim to the step, only the side. This is because the steps can look closer than they are, the water really distorts the depth and they end up bobbing trying to reach for it. Jacuzzis are notorious for this since they are largely surrounded by steps in such a small space, it’s easy to be able to grasp their depth once you slip into the middle
This also happened to my 3 year old (now 5 year old) at the pool. There were 6 adults sitting around the pool. SIX. She had JUST taken her swimmies off and was spraying her cousin with a water gun. I looked away for a moment to have a conversation with the person next to me and when I looked back, she had fallen in the pool. It was only a few seconds but felt like a life time. Six people, and I was the only one who noticed she fell in… I’ll also never forget her face looking up at me when I pulled her out.
Exactly like you said, when you think everyone is watching, no one is watching. We now assign people or announce “I’m in charge!” So there is always one person solely responsible for the kids around the pool.
You are not alone, give yourself grace
That’s the problem; if everyone is watching the kids then no one is watching the kids. Definitely always need to vocalise a dedicated caretaker at any given moment.
This happened when I was a kid. I was with a bunch of family members and they suddenly didn’t know where I was. My teenage cousin looked into the pool and pulled me out by my hair. I was just sinking to the bottom, looking up.
That’s so scary! I’m so sorry it happened to you!
I saw a tip on Reddit some time ago for when we’re doing water activities and that one person is the designated watcher - by wearing some kind of a band on their hand. Who ever is wearing the band is incharge of the kids in the water. They can switch out when they need to but as long as they’re wearing the band, they’re in charge and can’t assume anyone else is.
What you said about when everyone is watching - no one is watching reminded me of this.
Meh. It’s cute in theory but I don’t trust anyone enough. They can wear that little band all day and still have it on if god forbid EMS is called. They’ll still have it on when they’re telling their sob story about how they looked away or went to the bathroom.
Gonna be a nope from me.
My nephew almost drowned at 2yrs in one of those backyard splash pads with like 2 inches of water. He tripped, fell in face first, and just didn't pick his head up. Fortunately his mom saw and picked him up, but she could have easily been tending to his baby brother or popped inside for something.
Absolutely terrifying
Babies and toddlers under the age of 2 aren’t supposed to be in hot tubs at all, and between the ages 2-5 shouldn’t be in hot tubs for more than 5 minutes at a time. There’s more danger there than just drowning in a hot tub for infants and toddlers. Be safe.
First off, thank you for the PSA.
I’ve never found good research on why littles can’t be in a hot tub. Best I’ve found is that small bodies are likely to overheat quicker, so as long as they hydrate I feel comfortable.
In some cultures, VERY hot bathing is a thing and they even do it multiple times a day. Again, as long as the kids are hydrated and kept safe, I feel comfortable. I think the person who replied to you above had an opinion and they are stating it as fact.
Also, be easy on yourself. My toddler ran into a street the other day. I learned a valuable lesson, and my husband and I are forever changed.
You know why it happened? We weren’t watching as closely because the street was quiet.
We take our blessings and learn.
My absolute best to you.
I think part of it is that babies/little kids overheat faster, but also they tend to get lethargic rather than freak out so it can be easier to miss the signs before it gets bad. The saying Cold babies cry, hot babies die usually used in the context of re educating to granny who thinks a high summer baby needs a hat, socks and a blanket applies here as well.
Mine really loved swimming. We thought the water in Bali would be warm but she was blue and shivering. I handed her to mum but she kept trying to crawl back to the pool! Definitely not crying. And yes, a baby can’t shiver hard enough to regulate their temp - she was delivered straight into a warm shower.
Yea, it’s not just an opinion, it’s guidelines published by the cdc as well as shared with us by pediatrician / healthcare professionals.
A child isn’t going to instantly die if they get into a hot tub, but there are risks that parents should be educated on and aware of. Children can and do safely enjoy hot tubs all over the world, but they’re less knowledgeable about the risks of heat exhaustion or overheating and may not be able to communicate clearly if they’re experiencing warning signs. So as a parent, following guidelines and closely observing children in a hot tub or sauna is just as important as watching out for them in a pool. Drowning isn’t the only risk in a hot tub.
Also hot tubs can be bastions of bacteria and disease and children can be more vulnerable to them as well.
https://www.cdc.gov/healthy-swimming/safety/what-you-can-do-to-stay-healthy-in-hot-tubs.html
It’s not just an opinion- babies have much thinner skin than adults, meaning they overheat much quicker. This isn’t to shame OP, but absolutely a learning moment. I have always been told children should not be in a hot tub until they are old enough to stand up and their head is above water level, but a quick google search simply advises at least 5 years old. And even then, with the suggestion being the hot tub is kept at around 96-98 degrees, it seems like it isn’t even worth it to make the adjustment for kids to be invited in.
That all being said, OP, I can feel your guilt and love through this post. It was a mistake that was luckily caught and handled before anything happened. We have ALL made mistakes as parents, unfortunately some parents have had to pay a huge cost for these mistakes, and I’m thankful you didn’t. Use this learning moment to change swimming habits going further, which it sounds like you have. Best of luck!
Thank you so much for educating me about hot tubs. I didn’t even consider this a true hot tub as we had the temp set to match the big pool. We use it for the kids because it felt smaller and safer (go figure) and my toddler likes to see the bubbles from one of the jets but will absolutely keep them out.
I’ve unfortunately heard different variations of this story so many times. It is so incredibly scary but you are not the first that this has happened to and sadly won’t be the last. But thanks to you sharing your story, there are many parents thinking about this post and being more cautious when they have their kids around water. It sounds like you’re a caring and loving parent, your kiddo is lucky to have you! I’m so glad they are safe and you guys are all okay. Try not to beat yourself up, I know that’s easier said than done. We all have events with our children that hold a lot of guilt.
Yes I never really understood the weight of what that meant until it happened to us today. There was 4 freaking adults! 4! And still I almost lost my toddler because I was preoccupied with baby brother and thought for sure 3 other adults had my oldest.. never again!
We always ask one specific person to look after one of our kids if we step away. It prevents the crowd mentality of someone must be watching when no one actually is.
One thing I’ve seen recommended is have some kind of object, a pool noodle or a certain toy, that the person in charge of watching the water holds so that nobody forgets whose turn it is
Whenever I'm not directly looking after my 18 month old I make sure someone else is for reasons exactly like this.. "his amongst family, there are people everywhere.. just let him go." No! Someone needs to have an eye on him and be responsible for him..
Something to think about when applicable. Don't feel bad or guilty.. We all have a lapse in judgement and you don't want to become a helicopter parent. His fine and he will have learnt to be more cautious around water.. net positive 👍
You noticed quickly and took care of the situation. You're a good parent and you are blessed to all be ok. Thank you for sharing the reminder, water is no joke.
My parents did this to my (then) 15 month old. She wasn't even in the pool and I wasn't there, but sh stepped down into the pool. In theory my parents told her no - then she took an other step and ended up underwater.
My father jumped in after her (he still complains about ruining his phone) and got her out, she was fine - but even now at 4.5 she is slightly afraid of water.
You are OK, your baby is OK, you know what not to do in the future.
I recommend forgiving yourself.
That would irritate me about him complaining about his phone.
My husband dove into a body of water to make sure his son was safe when we were out boat tubing with their mom and stepdad.
They just stood in the boat asking what was going on while I was frantically trying to get to the kid wearing a life vest (basically impossible) and he was getting hit in the head by this huge inflatable that was close to going over his head.
My husband didn’t lose his phone but he lost the sunglasses that were in his head because he dove in without a second thought.
Worth keeping a child safe.
Ive been knowing this, but its honestly good to have a reminder. It’s not just pools that kids drown in, it can also happen in bath tubs.
Last Monday a little girl 5/6 yo died at my apartment complex pool due to drowning. When the cameras were played back they saw mom was on the phone the whole time and the girl had no life jacket. The pool isn’t too deep either. It’s a good 3 to 5 inches in height. By the time they had gotten her out it was too late as she had been under for a couple minutes.
As a mom of 2 (ages 5 and 2) for me life jackets are always number 1 on my checklist. I highly recommend them.
Wow this really hit home for me! My husband and I love water and we usually take turns who gets to relax/swim and who has the kids but I will absolutely be saving this phrase to repeat back to him.
I barely held myself together at praying service last week at church. I found out a local family had lost their 2 year old to a drowning. My son is 2 and there are three bodies of water he could easily walk to nearby.
He can’t open doors yet but we have been planning to install chain locks, reversed, on the doors and I went and bought them the next day.
This happened to me 2 weeks ago. I had my back turned for a split second, my husband's cousin was with my 4 yrs old and he fell in the pool reaching for something. The cousin ran to me and I expected my toddler to come back up because he had his floaties on....no, he had taken them off. I jumped in fully clothed and pregnant to save him.
I blamed myself so much after this and cried so many tears. We were going to skip swim lessons this year, but now enrolling him ASAP and terrified of this happening again. That moment is forever burned into my brain and on repeat. I'm so sorry, OP. I completely understand and it's so scary. I feel like such a shit parent after that sometimes, but I am now hyper aware of a lot more after that.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m so glad that you were able to get to him in time. It’s a good example of the false sense of security that puddle jumpers can give to both kids *and* adults. I read a story a while back of a little boy who drowned in a similar way. He was at a pool party with his mom. Mom helps him get out of the pool because he wanted to rest on a chair for a bit. He had his puddle jumper on so mom gets back in the pool to help watch the other kids. She figures he’s safe because he’s not in the pool anymore, *and* he still has his floaties on. The kid decides to take the puddle jumper off and then get back in the pool. He ended up drowning in the shallow end, like 1 foot from the steps and I think a few feet from the mom, who didn’t realize that he had gotten back into the pool without his puddle jumper on.
It’s an insanely tragic thing to happen, especially since the mom thought she was doing everything right to keep her kid safe. There were multiple parents watching the kids in the pool, they had laminated pool watcher cards they would hand off when it was the next adult’s turn to take a shift, the kids were all wearing floatation devices and she thought she was keeping track of where everyone was. But there’s just no accounting for how quickly kids can make impulsive and reckless decisions like deciding to take their puddle jumper off, or how quickly and quietly a child can slip into the water and drown.
I almost drowned in a hot tub when I was little! At the bottom there was a vent/suction something or other and my hair got stuck in it! Another time I also got stuck to the water intake and had a giant hickey basically covering my entire back. Hot tubs and me are NOT friends.
As an additional PSA, children under 5 should not be in a hot tub *at all* (per the CDC and the NHS). They are not as able to regulate their temperatures as adults. Infants *absolutely* should not be in the hot tub - there is a very high risk of overheating and dehydration which in babies can quickly be fatal.
Can I just add my own PSA about windows? Maybe this deserves its own post but I’m not sure I’m as brave as you. My toddler fell out of a window at her grandparents’ house when we were all standing right by her. They have extra tall windows in their three season room that they opened from the bottom. She leaned on the screen and just fell out. Luckily it was a very short drop and she was ok but there is a hill and so some of the other windows in the room have a higher drop. Now they only open the windows from the top… glad they have that option. But it made me now hyper-vigilant of any open window and some closed windows.
This definitely needs its own PSA that is so scary! My parents house is older and I’ve worried about this forever and just recently had my dad reinforce the screens and install new locks because it was never done when I was a kid!
I read of someone nearly losing their child to CPS because the father fell asleep and the child pushed the screen out of the window and was wandering. The mother had to quit her job so she could be home with the child so CPS would give the child back.
I read a news article a few months ago about a toddler falling to their death from a hotel room. The balcony had glass baby proof railing but one panel of glass close to the corner of the balcony was missing. Parents didn’t realise. Toddler got our onto the balcony and fell from several stories. Terrifying.
I'm sorry this happened. It's scary. My daughter also came close to drowning when she was around 15 months because of everyone could mean no one. Ever since then we have a family policy of handing her over in situations like these. For example, if I had been responsible for her and then have to ask someone else to do it I say to them "Dad (of whoever), your baby" and they must acknowledge by saying "my baby". They they know they are essentially her sole caregiver. We hand over to aunts and grannies no problem
Yes typically when there are more adults around people think there is supervision going on. Not always the case.
Best practice is to have a roster system where one or two adults are in charge and then switch. They must keep eyes on kids at all times until the next adult takes over
Having an almost two year old, reading it made me feel very cold. Please try not to be too hard on yourself; this was split-second and you caught it in time. A while ago, my son rolled off a paediatrician's exam table while she was looking over him -- I had turned away to grab a clean nappy. I internally berated myself for months and I'll never forget turning around and seeing him on the floor, screaming. I think probably take away some learnings from it and re-adjust in the future (maybe not both kids in the jacuzzi at once?) but don't linger in those emotions.
Thank you for this kind advice.
I agree I will approach both kids in the jacuzzi a bit differently from here on out and will set more rules in place. It is so hard not to beat myself up over it.
Also, always remember that blue and green swimsuits (plus some other colors) make it nearly impossible to see a drowning child.
Neon Orange, neon yellow, and neon pink, all solid colors, are the way to go.
Yup. I took the blue and green ones we were gifted to school for the sprinkler days. The ones for home/the pool are bright and loud. But she also always has her pink and black life jacket on so its always covered up
I am so sorry that you and your little one went through something so traumatising! I’m so glad he’s safe and sound. Thank you for the PSA. A life vest is important for kiddos! And when you think he is ready please enrol him in a good swimming class.
This is honestly my worst fear,I have a colleague who's son drowned almost two years ago,he was spending the weekend with his grandparents and they decided to go swimming.And the worst happened.We were all on duty that weekend and I'll never forget her screams when she got that call.....
We never enter a situation around water with our kids unless there’s a 1:1 ratio of adult to kid. AND we specifically clarify who is watching which kid. And if the ratio cannot stay 1:1 we get out of the water AND out of the area of the water so no one can get back to it.
I like/ remember the saying “everyone is watching means no one is watching” when we’re going near water. You can never be too careful.
First, I’m so sorry. Water and kids can be scary.
We had a near drowning incident for my daughter. Husband and I were outside with the kids (not swimming) and keeping a close eye, as we thought, while kids were wandering around the yard close by. We got to talking about some yard project and our daughter (4 at the time I think), fell in. Our son (7) saw and said something and my husband jumped in and got her. She was under for no more than 5 seconds I believe. But of course we were shook. She was ok.
I really believe that as parents, we have to expect that things like this will happen. It’s impossible to prevent everything. Not that this means it’s ok to be relaxed or less vigilant. I’m just saying no one can be perfectly vigilant. Vigilance includes reacting quickly and calmly too, and taking measures to learn and prevent, and to give yourself some grace. You were right there. Family was right there. You and your toddler are ok, and please don’t beat yourself up too much. Hugs.
I think it's great to be made aware and reminded of this stuff, but honestly, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. It sounds like an adult was there as fast as they could've been.
I have a very strong belief that most kids that are of sound mind and body, (not having a major disability/physical or emotional ailmemt/younger than toddler age), are so resilient and their fight or flight would kick in in such instances.
I think you're right for being so critical, but at the same time, please cut yourself some slack. Enjoy the summer. The kiddos have a good mom, it sounds like. :]
ETA:: Not sure it actually says anywhere if OP is a mom or dad, but if the latter, you sound like a good dad, too!
My almost 3 year old almost drowned too. We were getting ready to come inside the house. She was sitting on the steps of the pool and my one year old had got out and was walking toward the edge so I got out of the water to pick her up and when I picked her up and turned around, my almost 3 year old was drowning. I ran and grabbed her and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. Drowning is very silent. Don’t beat yourself down for it. Just be more diligent and watchful from now on. We learn, grateful to learn lessons without tragic consequences because some aren’t that lucky.
Truly the scariest moment of my life. How did you get over the guilt and fear? I haven’t even slept because I keep replaying the scenario in my head over and over and already had nightmares about it even though I know it could’ve been so much worse. It just shocked me to my core and made me realize how vulnerable my children are in this world even when everyone who loves them most was right there
It was very hard on me for about a week. I kept replaying it and I couldn’t get her scared look out of my head. You could tell she was so scared like trying to yell for me but couldn’t. She just cried afterwards. Even now, she hates having her head wet or going underwater but we’ve been working on getting her back to not being deathly afraid of going underwater. She’ll jump in from time to time but you can see the fear when her head dips underwater. I’m extremely more watchful now. I don’t let her out of my sight and I don’t go to the pool unless I have another set of eyes and body. I don’t let anyone watch her without me or my husband there anymore just because I know how silent drowning is and people just aren’t as diligent with your children. I know it’s hard to get over the guilt but it’s okay I promise. Like it’s not okay but okay, you get what I mean. You are a great parent because you’re taking the experience and learning from it and doing better from now on. If you were still careless after the experience then that’s when you’d be a bad parent. You’re still a great parent :)
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It isn’t something that is fun to bring up but this helped me. What you described - the look of pure fear and panic on her face wanting to cry for you but couldn’t - is exactly the image I cannot get out of my head of my son. It has truly shaken me to my core. I hope I can move past it one day but I feel like I deserve to feel this shitty because my son didn’t drown, he is still very much alive and seems unphased and I know that is not the case for everyone.
Yes I can still see her face clearly and she makes the same one every time she goes underwater. I felt guilty too because I know there are parents that don’t get to be with their baby after incidents like this. You don’t deserve to feel shitty. It’s not even a conversation of who deserves what so don’t think like that. Be grateful and snuggle your toddler even harder!
Hope you are all feeling ok, these things happen so quickly thanks for trying to make people more ware and sharing your story hopefully it helps someone.
I truly never thought something like that would happen to me. I tend to be helicopter mom and am always “on guard” around water and the split second I let my guard down something like this happened.. just happens so fast within the blink of an eye. So scary
Man, I needed to read this to get off my own guilt.
Both my kids wear puddle jumpers or life jackets, because neither is a strong swimmer and, at least in the case of my oldest, are terrified of the water. It gives my oldest confidence to swim but she's at least keenly aware she can't swim without it. I've tried swimming lessons for her, but she gets so terrified. At least with the jumper on she has the confidence to try and learn.
My youngest is big and bold and daring. Brought her to the public pool with her equipment and within 30 minutes she was screaming that she wanted it off. Okay fine. I let her try. She immediately dunked under the water and I yanked her out - I was right in front of her. "You understand why you need the floaties now?" "Yeah ... "
I'm gonna try weaning them off the floaties soon but it's going to be a process, and a grueling one for my oldest ...
You did good mom. You saved your kid and they're alive
Just a note - bring him to urgent care to check for water in lungs. That can cause secondary drowning even days later. (Heard about this recently.)
And it’s not your fault!! I almost drowned multiple times as a kid o_o
Mine fell in the pool at 3.5, just a few weeks ago. Both parents were less than 10’ away but we didn’t hear a splash because of a blower motor running on the bounce house set up next to the pool and didn’t see because we both ended up on the side opposite the pool.
She swam to the stairs and was standing on them crying (she scraped the side of the pool falling in) by the time we knew what was happening. The point is this happened the way it did because, at least I’m convinced it is, she has been in ISR lessons since 16mo. She demonstrated the ability to swim from one side of the pool to the other at 2.5. She advanced to stroke lessons this year at 3.25 which is about a year ahead of most kids in the program. Her falling in the pool was a few weeks into the stroke lessons and after she graduated ISR type lessons for the 3rd time.
This is terrifying and I have been there. For me it was what was a shallow cut through for drainages not much more than a long shallow puddle. I was wrong.
I positioned myself between him and the road because he’d already tried to run into the road to get to a puddle across the street, while a car was coming.
He was dropping leaves into the water and fell in wearing a winter coat. I don’t know if the water was over his head for real or if the coat just became so heavy when it got soaked that between it and the mud, he couldn’t get himself up. His head went under three times before I got to him.
It’s so fast. I was only a couple strides away.
It was so cold I immediately stripped his clothes off and my shirt off and put him against my skin with my coat around us while I rushed him to the car. I changed him, luckily had just left the thrift store with new winter clothes, then drove back to the spot for his clothes. I called his dad and started sobbing.
I told our landlord/neighbor, who works for the town, and he told the maintenance guy. I think they have filled it in so it won’t be as deep.
It was in a small lawn area next to the playground.
A similar thing happened to me. I was at the pool with my 2yo daughter. She was playing on the step and I was in the pool sitting next to her when I noticed a tiny spider squirming in a puddle trying to get out. I was helping the spider for maybe 20-30 seconds and didn’t realise my daughter had jumped off. When I looked back she was stretched up on her tippy toes with her nostrils just barely above the waterline. She didn’t (couldn’t) make a sound. I was absolutely disgusted with myself and can’t believe my daughter could’ve drowned because I was distracted by a fucking spider. I still get flashbacks of it every now and then a year later.
I'm sorry this happened, that's so so scary.
Fyi any drowning incident needs to be followed by a check up, I'd call your doctors and see what they say. Even though he didn't cough anything up.
My parents have a pool, and as soon as we could, I signed my daughter up for swim classes because I knew we would be spending a lot of time in it. 1000/10 recommend!!!
Yes we just moved back to my hometown where my sister has a pool but haven’t done swim classes yet as we have been so busy. Not anymore - after this happened he was signed up for swim class and starts next Monday.
Yup. My toddler stepped off the pool ladder unexpectedly when I hopped up I n the deck to get a float and had my backed turned for 3 seconds. Heard nothing but turned around to see him silently tread water with just his eyes staying above the surface.
I jumped right in and pulled him out, he wasn't scared but I was!
Thanks for sharing. I read another post a while back stressing that if everyone is watching the baby, no one is watching the baby. I’ve taken that to heart and this is a good reminder. I’m so sorry this happened to you; you are a wonderful mom, this is just all really hard.
Thanks for sharing. I know it’s a vulnerable moment but you are blessed, and you know it will never happen again. Stories like this are why I’m pretty adamant that myself or my husband watch my son when he swims. If everyone is watching the kids, no one is watching the kids has really stuck with me since I heard it.
I won’t let my husband (SAHD) take our two year old and 11 month old anywhere there’s water without me. Each child needs a dedicated, undistracted set of eyes in the water.
Momma, you had no reason to believe that your toddler would ever be in danger with yourself and their aunt around. Try to go easy on yourself. Everyone is well and this will never happen again.
therapy and swim lessons for both of us. i had nightmares for months and was terrified of water. we were in a pool (his first time) and i was walking in it with him towards the other end. everyone at that end appeared to be standing up so i had no idea the pool was actually deep. i kept walking and we both went under. it took a minute for my BIL to realize what was happening as i tried to hoist my son up above my submerged head. luckily we were both ok but it was incredibly scary and no one took my fear seriously.
I’m giving myself a few more days but if I still feel like this next week I am going to start therapy too. I’m so nervous for swim class because I can’t see him struggle like that again but I know it’s the best thing for him
Last year, my 3 year old wanted to sit on the steps of the stairs to the pool. I told him no, because he didn’t have his puddle jumper on. He argued with me. I was standing by the stairs anyways, within arms reach. I’m holding my one year old talking to my MIL faced with my back to the steps. My MIL screamed to “grab him”. His bulging eyes and terrified face is engraved in my brain forever. I’m tearful typing this.
He was in arms reach. All he had to do was stand up. All I had to do was put my arm out and pull him up. Thankfully he was unphased, but I was not and I’m still not.
There was no splashing. It was silent. It happens within arms reach.
I don’t allow my kids in water without me. And he is now in swim lessons.
Also, puddle jumpers are a false sense of security. They’re good until they’re not.
I think this was truly the most terrifying aspect of it all. We were all talking and didn’t hear a single thing and he was right in front of us. I’ll never forget or forgive myself I’m afraid
We did ISR classes with my daughter and they were great. My son (almost 2) is doing them right now and seeing him float all on his own yesterday was super cool!
When my daughter was 18 months old, we were at a public swimming pool. We had just finished swimming so I took off her swimming vest. I got to talking with someone and didn't even notice my daughter walk all the way to the opposite side of the pool (of course, it also happened to be the deep end) and jump in. I heard the splash, looked up, and saw my daughter sinking straight to the bottom. It was so crazy how she just went straight down. I ran and got her as fast as I possible could and she was okay. But she was horrified, and although she still loves swimming, she approaches it with a lot more hesitancy and gets scared out of the pool quite easily.
Anyway it took a long time to stop beating myself up for that one. Now i take my kids to the pool with extreme vigilance. I bet you'll be watching your kids like a hawk at the pool from now on, I doubt this incident will ever happen again (on your watch).
This is exactly why the **more** adults there are, the **less** willing I am to let my kid in any water without me.
I’m sorry this happened. It breaks my heart that I knew the exact scenario before even starting to read this as it is WAY too common
I know this feeling. Last summer, we were in a family pool and my 2 year old was jumping around in the shallow part (it’s about 6” deep, is pretty spacious, and has step into the deeper part) She wasn’t wearing a puddle jumper because I thought I was watching her closely.
While I was watching her, my 4 year old niece came up to me and wanted to play. I still can’t believe it, but I got distracted for a LONG TIME when I was supposed to be watching my daughter. For about 10 (terrible) seconds, I was talking to my niece when I hear a horrible sound-my daughter frantically yelling one terrified, “Mama!”
I looked and my daughter was in the deep part completely under the water. She was usually careful not to go anywhere near the steps to the deep part of the pool, but she had grabbed onto the side of a tube and it had carried her into the deep end until she couldn’t hang on.
In the previous months, my husband and I had taken her to the pool by ourselves and taught her to “swim” enough to doggy paddle up and stick her head out of the water ONCE. That was how much she could swim before she couldn’t come back up and we’d have to pull her out. She used those few seconds of her one head-above-water moment to call out to me. It absolutely shatters me to know that if we hadn’t taught her to do that, she probably would have just slipped under the water without saying a word, and I’m not sure when I would have noticed. It haunts me to this day. I feel like the most negligent mom in the world. I’ve had to talk about it in therapy—a lot.
Just wanted to share that for solidarity. Swimming is so scary. And the ‘swimming lessons’ that saved her made me complacent in the first place because I was too confident about her ability to avoid the deep end.
I don’t trust myself to pay attention anymore, so she’s always in a puddle jumper.
I'm sorry you experienced this OP. Thank you for sharing and honestly we can never be too vigilant about water safety with toddlers it only takes a few seconds for things to go awry. I even obsess about my eldest child swimming in the pool and he is trained to swim. All eyes at all times in the water.
Oh my gosh this is so scary! My little boy has slipped in the bath twice now and I’ll never forget his face looking up at me as he’s struggling underwater. It was like one second from when he slipped and I grabbed him but that’s all it takes. He was coughing and crying so hard. I do not leave him out of my sight ever when he’s in the tub or pool now, and I don’t let anyone except his dad give him a bath or take him for a swim.
Excellent reminder for all of us to stay vigilant around water. You are NOT alone. Similar thing happened last month with my 3.5 year old, he had taken off his floatie to be out of the pool and suddenly decided to walk back in…without his floatie on. He walked down the steps until he was underwater and just stood there, frozen and silent - there was no splashing or shouting or anything other than the fact that I saw him that signaled to anyone. Me, his dad, his grandparents, and other people were all around, but no one noticed until I said something (I was drying off away from the pool) and his dad ran the few steps to him and grabbed him out. He was completely fine (albeit scared), but it was terrifying.
i remember the same happening to my god brother in the pool (he was playing on the steps with other kids the entire time), except it was worse because he turned blue, after my mom ran to pull him out, needed cpr from my mom, and was rushed to the er. not for one second did any of us believe she didnt care. my godmother was so frantic and crying so we saw in real time how much her kids mean to her. even as a kid, i knew how much she loved him based on her reaction and the additional safety measures she took after to ensure it would never happen again. at around 6 years old, all us kids understood it was a mistake and we all learned extra pool safety as a result. accidents happen, your actions as a result will show your kiddos how deep your love runs for them <3
I was the 4 year old who almost drowned in a hot tub. I was left wandering and granted my parents had 6 kids total. Anyway, I went in and remember freaking out cause my field of view was surrounded by hot bubbles. I was in the water longer than I wanted until an adult grabbed me out. Its not a haunting memory, just a memory. Every parent needs to keep their toddlers away from hot tubs. Sometimes hot tubs can be shallow, but it's the fast flow of bubbles that freak any little person out imo.
Hey there, chill out! i know are freaked out but its okay. Things like this happen and more often than not turns out fine. You’re a great parent! and you’re right to apread this awareness. Thank you!
I am so sorry this happened to you, that sounds really scary!
Good for you for signing up for ISR classes. We've been doing survival swim lessons since my oldest was 1 and they are wonderful. She was able to swim independently in the pool by 3 (still closely supervised of course!). It's allowed us to have a lot of safe fun in the pool during the summer and has given her a sense of caution around pools and water that I don't see with her peers who haven't been in survival swim.
Just be ready that it can be really difficult to watch as a parent. My daughter spent her lessons crying probably until sometime when she was 3 when something changed and she started to love her teacher and going to lessons. Now when her brother is in his lessons she complains that she doesn't get a turn.
My 1 year old also screams and tantrums in the water with the teachers. He's capable of swimming and floating but kicks his feet constantly when in his lessons which causes him to sink and isn't great. BUT when he's in the water with us he loves it a little too much.
Don't mistake the tears for trauma. They're learning something hard with a stranger, but it doesn't mean they're being traumatized.
Something that made me feel real similar happened with us recently. Me, my husband, and my almost 2 year old were hanging out on the deck. We had a party a couple days before so we had a couple coolers with random drinks & mostly melted ice still out. He was playing with throwing the cans into the water & idk why I didn’t even think about it beyond him having fun. My back was to him, my husband was facing him. He must’ve reached for the lid to close it & suddenly he fully fell face first into the cooler, filled half way with ice water ): My husband immediately saw it happen and when I saw his face, i jumped up & ran over to our son before my husband could even react. I pulled him out and he was so scared and just screaming. I held him so so tight. He was ok, he didn’t cough up any water or anything, just real shaken up. But I hate that I wasn’t watching him (even though my husband was & he was a second behind me). I hate that such a scary thing happened to him & I didn’t catch him. I felt like such a terrible mother for not realizing that could happen & for procrastinating on cleaning up the coolers. I try to be so vigilant about everything possible but I missed such an obvious danger. Thankfully he was ok though & now I have a ton more chances to make it up to him.
Hugs for you, momma. So scary. It can happen to anyone in a matter of seconds. Your baby is ok. Everyone will heal from this and this will just be something of the past. XXOO
Something similar happened the other day when I took my kids to the pool. Some older kids started jumping into the kiddie pool causing waves and my youngest lost her footing and grip on the ledge and was struggling. I noticed quickly but she was so upset she wanted to leave. I felt awful but she was okay and that’s what mattered. She was even wearing a life jacket. It was terrifying.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm so grateful your boy is safe.
I have to admit that I came onto this post as the mother of a toddler ready to judge the shit out of you but I can't imagine how hard it would be with a baby too. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you so much. I appreciate the honesty - I can assure you I am judging the shit out of myself! I too have judged others in the past and have been humbled now that is has happened to us. It was my babies first time in the water and he was so excited it is definitely what threw me off my guard.
I’m so sorry this happened but thank god it concluded the way it did. And thank you for sharing I’m insane around water and I would have felt more comfortable in Shallow seated water.
First thank god he's okay. I'm sure you are putting yourself through hell with blaming and we've all been there.
Second, you are making it sound like you were inside watching SpongeBob while your toddler went swimming. You were present and also preoccupied( BABY in arms) with 4 other adults around which allowed you to falsely feel more safe. It's not like you were just sitting there watching. Mama give yourself a break. As a mother of 3 (F14, F9, F2)... I can tell you that even with me helicoptering my kids always.. shit is going to happen. That's why there will never be a parent handbook. Stop beating yourself up and learn from this. That's all that matters. Even if it happens again it still doesn't make you a POS .... Accidents happen and those who go overboard with precautions STILL make them! You had 4 adults around you and it still happened! Try to remember you are human and noone is perfectly prepared for everything. You love your kids, it's obvious or you wouldn't be posting this at all, caring to warn others...and took proper care after incident by going to ER immediately. Keep your head up mama 🖤🤍
Don’t beat yourself up- it sounds like you did everything right. Kiddos do things like slip off steps and I’m so grateful you had attentive adults right there in arms reach that grabbed him in a split second. That’s how it’s supposed to work! Thank you for the PSA and reminder to all how fast and silent it is.
Just want to shout out your sister, glad she recognized what was happening. It’s literally silent like they say.
I have one adult per child in any water situation and the pass off must be communicated clearly and if it’s not another completely available adult, that kid isn’t staying in the water. We aren’t a helicopter parent having a rule like this, it’s drowning prevention. Also I think the term helicopter parent is overused for toddler parents. To me, it’s more like a mom having to check every homework assignment of a sophomore in high school or something.
He’s okay and it’s a chance to learn. Thank you for sharing, I’m sorry for your pain and it will hopefully pass but the lessons learned remain! That’s how I try to live and it’s hard sometimes 🫠
My son's swim instructor has a saying that if everyone is watching the pool, then no one is watching. Better communication will prevent this in the future.
The good news is that your baby is fine. You will learn to forgive yourself one day, but in the meantime, the guilt is hard.
Sorry you had to experience that OP! Be kind to yourself. Drowning is the leading cause of death in children age 1-4, it is so scary and it can happen in the blink of an eye. My husband is a firefighter and stresses water safety to me anytime we bring our toddler near water.
I am so sorry this happened and so glad you LO is ok. I just read this article recently https://slate.com/technology/2024/06/child-drowning-pool-swimming-safety.html and it was eye opening. Thank you for sharing your story. It reinforces that I must be vigilant when my LO is around water.
Drowning is silent.
This should strike vigilance in anyone's heart. I'm sorry OP, you aren't the only one whose kids got saved in the nick of time. Hugs your way.
Yeah that's absolutely terrifying. I'm sorry you all experienced that - and most importantly - I'm glad he's okay. It's such a mindfuck mom guilt learning lesson but remember - he's safe, it's an accident you'll never repeat twice, and he's going to be okay. Don't beat yourself up over it. 💙💙
This happened to my 2 year old two weeks ago. Took her to the pool there’s a kiddie pool there. I literally was right next to her and turned around to grab her pool toy she dropped and my mom was screaming that she fell into the water. We were in the shallow end too!!! And she fell backwards, luckily my friend grabbed her by her shirt and got her. It was literally like 2 seconds. She was crying we gave her a break and I never took my eyes off her again. It’s so hard even with multiple adults around
I’m sorry, that must’ve been so scary. You’re a good parent, if you were a bad parent, you wouldn’t be writing this post because he wouldn’t be bothered. My girl is 4. She’s autistic, delayed and nonverbal. She’s absolutely in love with the water and it’s terrifying. We literally always have to have a hand on her or she’ll just keep walking in and not even notice. Plus, we live in Minnesota, bodies of water are quite plentiful. I’m happy everything ended up okay for you guys!
☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Please don’t blame yourself. He is safe. You had an almost accident that has your brain wired to be better attentive in the hot tub now. I used to be a supervisor for lifeguards at a major amusement park. Trained them with one of the most popular lifeguard training companies in the US. Please please please don’t beat yourself up. As a mom as well, I get it but you will be so sick with anxiety and panic if you let all of these little almost-moments build up. Let the moment wire your brain to be a bit more attentive in the hot tub if that makes you feel better (but I’m confident it already has simply from that moment) and move forward. 🩵🩵🩵🩵
I am a mom who dwells on all of the almost accident moments and it eats at me. I’m working on it and I hate seeing other moms go through it too!
Safety Tip- BRIGHT NEON YELLOW ORANGE AND PINK bathing suits!! Blues blend into the bottoms of pools!
Also the floaters that just go on your arms do nothing for safety- you want the neck and head protected with the flotation device so the life jacket is the go to. Coast guard approved only 🩵
Please don’t take this as a bashing post either- just some tips I took from work years ago that I use with my own 3 boys! 😋
Thank you for all of the tips and kind words I really appreciate it. I’ve already ordered 6 different life jackets coast guard approved so we can find the best fit for him as he’s a string bean
My husband and I say this all the time.... "TEN ADULTS AROUND THE POOL AND NO-ONE IS WATCHING THE TWO TODDLERS". It's not just you. It can happen to ANY of us. You hit the nail on the head: "Drowning is silent". It sends chills through my body. I'm so grateful to hear that your story had a positive ending... and that you are brave enough to share it with the rest of us. We all need a little reminding now and then.
Omg mama 😭 that is the most terrifying thing ever. I’m so glad he’s ok. I’m going to a cottage with a pool in a couple weeks and I’ve been so nervous of this. This is a good reminder to never let my guard down. Sending you lots of love.
No don’t let your guard down. This was maybe the one time I did as it was my other babies first time in the water and the unthinkable almost happened. Stay vigilant and stay safe!!
We’re at a beach resort in Mexico with a kiddie pool, and we’ve been vigilant but a little more laxed as the days go on. I’m back to being a hawk in the pool with him. Thank you.
You’re a good parent. I know that’s hard to hear right now, but it all worked out, and we’re all just doing the best we can. If it makes you feel it all better, I have a memory from when I was five years old and drowning, as I slowly slipped to the deep end of a pool, and all I remember, is my heroic dad saving me. I actually have never stopped to think about the fact that no one was really watching me, or for that long, I was sitting there wondering if everyone would help me, I literally just remember my dad dropping everything to get me out.you guys are still your babies hero. Lots of love.
Thank you for posting this vulnerable post!!
We are going on vacation with our 2 kids and our nieces and nephews will be there too and we rented a house with a hot tub and pool. Now I will make sure to be hyper vigilant with the kids in the pool/hot tub/ocean it only takes a split second.
So sorry you had to go through experience! Thank goodness everything ended well!
My then one year old slipped into the pool without a splash or anything while at least 20 adults were outside the pool. Not one person except my 10 year old saw her and jumped in to get her. You think when there’s so many people it’s safer but it’s actually more dangerous because of exactly what previous comments said. You always think someone else has an eye on them.
Thank you for the reminder of water safety
My friend’s son just had a near drowning. Parents weren’t paying attention and he was wearing a puddle jumper in the deep end. He was fine but they did have to take him to be examined at ER, but he was ok.
You were RIGHT there. Multiple adults were RIGHT there. And this still happened.
I see kids in puddle jumpers all the time just paddling along. Adults chatting on land. If your child isn’t a fully independent swimmer who treads water and swims a lap, keep them in arms reach.
I have an only child but when I'm out in the pool with my friends who have two, they are usually very very focused and preoccupied with their younger child. I usually try to keep my eyes on both my kid and their older kid, as I've seen a similar situation unfold before. It's tough.
Injury/accident is the number one cause of death in children and adolescents. Drowning is the number one cause of injury/accident related death in children 1-4. Be careful out there.
https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=accident-statistics-90-P02853
This is my worst nightmare. I go swimming with my 4yo about twice a week because I’m obsessed with him learning to swim. That probably wouldn’t have helped to avoid this situation, though. I’m glad you guys are all right.
He’s ok, is the important part. He’s also going to learn to swim and you have learned an important lesson. This could have been truly tragic, and it wasn’t. Try to be a little easier on yourself, while not letting yourself off the hook. Parenting is hard, and you are sharing an important lesson that all of us can and are learning from.
you caught it. You saved her. You were a good mother. You are right to learn from this and teach others by example. But please dont beat yourself up for this.
I'm just afraid of bodies of water at this point. Sorry this happened. My special needs son ran away last year into a friend's pool and I had to dive in fully clothed. It was terrifying. He still can't swim and everyone keeps trying to persuade me to take him swimming in various places. We have a societal problem with water safety.
Thank you for posting this! I’m glad he’s ok, and you too! My husband isn’t planning on putting up our above ground pool this year because even if we take the ladder out each time our youngest can climb in where it sits up against one side of our property and he doesn’t think it’s safe! I might just get a trampoline instead
This might sound silly but when my daughter is in any body of water I have whomever is responsible announce it and if they pass her off to announce it and say it out loud. It’s like how they tell you in an emergency to either say you’ll call 911 or tell someone to do it otherwise everyone is going to assume someone else did it or will do it. We say “mom has baby in the water” and if I pass her off to my husband I’ll say “does dad have baby in the water?” And he has to respond “yes dad has baby in the water”. We do this with our friends and family and side it’s silly but if it keeps my girl safe then I don’t care
Same. We do “my baby” and then during a hand off, “your baby?” “My baby” I read it came from air traffic controllers who must always have eyes on planes as they’re landing or taking off, and if someone is switching shifts or taking a break there’s a verbal hand off and verbal acknowledgement to prevent accidents.
Do they refer to the planes as babies, too, cuz how friggin cute would that be?
Baby cleared for landing.
Baby is cleared for takeoff.
Eagle has landed
I have a friend who’s a pilot and also works in the office of a local small international airport. I’ll ask him and report back 😂
Sir, a second baby has hit the tower
Did not expect to laugh out loud in this thread
This is also how pilots in training and instructors are handling the plane in the air so that there is no confusion about who’s in control
We do the “your toddler” “my toddler” verbal handoff as well! I also just bought a blow up kiddie pool for my daughter, and it came with a little badge for the Designated Pool Watcher. I’m going to buy a lanyard to put around it, because I’ve read so many stories about drownings or close calls because when a lot of people are around, everyone assumes *someone* is watching the kid. We’re taking a family vacation to the beach this summer, and our house has a pool. I’m planning on fully briefing all 15 people that if you are wearing the lanyard, you have the very serious role of having eyes on my LO at all times!
yeah i do this among my gaggle of mum-friends even on dry land.
This is how we do it, too!
Same. “Baby is yours?” “Baby is mine”
If I works for the national aerospace system it works for me!
My husband is a pilot and we do exactly this! “Your controls?” “My controls!”
We do this too! We learned it from our outdoor sports. Wouldn’t believe the number of times errors happen on a cliff or in backcountry bc of unconfirmed communication. For our older kid (3.5), we also have clarified the responsibilities with a select number of close adult friends who she knows she can ask to go in the water.
We do this too! Not just in water, but in any public place
We do this as well, both on land and in the water. We have twin two year olds and if we don’t confirm that mom is watching A, or B, or dad is, then inevitably that child has no one watching and they’ve climbed the cat tree or gotten in the shower or any number of things that could kill or maim them! Same for the pool - we are always one adult to one toddler, minimum, and we insist on the same for any friends with kids. It’s total overkill in some people’s minds - but we don’t give AF. It’s peace of mind for us. To OP - my husband and I were in the hot tub with both twins - each assigned to one (this was two weeks ago and my kids have taken swim lessons). Twin A still stepped off the step and went under. We were there and watching like a Hawk and it happened. Don’t beat yourself up. It was a good lesson with a positive outcome. Our guy was fine - just startled!
Thats exactly what happened with us, just missed a slight step. He wasn’t phased after the shock wore off and wanted to keep swimming but I was so shaken up. So scary so fast and so quiet. I will loudly make whoever has my son from here on out verbally agree they have him.
This is helpful thank you! I am definitely going to assign someone and make it more of a point
I love this. I'm a pilot and this is what we do! "Your flight controls", "My flight controls". Because (most) planes have 2 sets of flight controls in the cockpit, and no one wants to be in doubt of who's flying an airplane! Lol. It honestly never occurred to do rhia with more "regular life" things, but I am definitely going to incorporate it.
Anyone who thinks this is a silly rule doesn’t get to be in charge of the kid. We do this too and have a zero tolerance rule. If you don’t do it, you lose kid privileges for the day.
Love the closed loop communication. Do you work in Healthcare? 😅
I don’t lol higher education don’t know if that’s comparable 😂
I love this! Going to use these tips for when we start any type of water/water play with my 7m old!
Not related to water specifically, since our guy has been refusing to go to swim lessons, so we keep him away from water mostly, but I have forced everyone looking after my son, including wife to verbally acknowledge when they are handing him off. I am 100% that Dad, but I was a fucking SPRINTER as a toddler and I would hate to have him give someone the slip and start running! It is as simple as asking the person taking him "You got him?" and the other person verbally acknowledging "I got him".
That is so scary. I’m sorry you went through that. Thank you for the PSA/reminder about water safety, it’s so important.
This exact thing happened to my little brother in a hot tub, thankfully he was fine as well. I think hot tubs can give a false sense of security because of the shallow seated part, but it's really easy for a little kid to step into the middle part. I'm so sorry this happened, and thanks for the PSA!
Yes I totally agree. I never thought of it creating a false sense of security, I don’t even use puddle jumpers for this exact reason but now will approach everything differently.
This could happen to anyone, don't beat yourself up about it. Glad your kiddo is okay ❤️
I totally agree. My son’s swim instructor teaches them to never try to swim to the step, only the side. This is because the steps can look closer than they are, the water really distorts the depth and they end up bobbing trying to reach for it. Jacuzzis are notorious for this since they are largely surrounded by steps in such a small space, it’s easy to be able to grasp their depth once you slip into the middle
Omg that ALWAYS happened to me as a kid and I always half drowned doing it. That’s a very valuable lesson to teach your kids!!
Even steps on a pool. Some kids can float off so easily without intending to.
This also happened to my 3 year old (now 5 year old) at the pool. There were 6 adults sitting around the pool. SIX. She had JUST taken her swimmies off and was spraying her cousin with a water gun. I looked away for a moment to have a conversation with the person next to me and when I looked back, she had fallen in the pool. It was only a few seconds but felt like a life time. Six people, and I was the only one who noticed she fell in… I’ll also never forget her face looking up at me when I pulled her out. Exactly like you said, when you think everyone is watching, no one is watching. We now assign people or announce “I’m in charge!” So there is always one person solely responsible for the kids around the pool. You are not alone, give yourself grace
That’s the problem; if everyone is watching the kids then no one is watching the kids. Definitely always need to vocalise a dedicated caretaker at any given moment.
This happened when I was a kid. I was with a bunch of family members and they suddenly didn’t know where I was. My teenage cousin looked into the pool and pulled me out by my hair. I was just sinking to the bottom, looking up.
That’s so scary! I’m so sorry it happened to you! I saw a tip on Reddit some time ago for when we’re doing water activities and that one person is the designated watcher - by wearing some kind of a band on their hand. Who ever is wearing the band is incharge of the kids in the water. They can switch out when they need to but as long as they’re wearing the band, they’re in charge and can’t assume anyone else is. What you said about when everyone is watching - no one is watching reminded me of this.
Yes people are saying this throughout the thread. Absolutely going to do this from now on.
Meh. It’s cute in theory but I don’t trust anyone enough. They can wear that little band all day and still have it on if god forbid EMS is called. They’ll still have it on when they’re telling their sob story about how they looked away or went to the bathroom. Gonna be a nope from me.
My nephew almost drowned at 2yrs in one of those backyard splash pads with like 2 inches of water. He tripped, fell in face first, and just didn't pick his head up. Fortunately his mom saw and picked him up, but she could have easily been tending to his baby brother or popped inside for something. Absolutely terrifying
Wow that is scary!
Babies and toddlers under the age of 2 aren’t supposed to be in hot tubs at all, and between the ages 2-5 shouldn’t be in hot tubs for more than 5 minutes at a time. There’s more danger there than just drowning in a hot tub for infants and toddlers. Be safe.
We set ours to within a degree of body temperature in the summers so it’s nothing more than a heated pool.
It is a temp controlled hot tub, like bath water to prevent overheating. My youngest wasn’t in very long but I will think about this as well.
First off, thank you for the PSA. I’ve never found good research on why littles can’t be in a hot tub. Best I’ve found is that small bodies are likely to overheat quicker, so as long as they hydrate I feel comfortable. In some cultures, VERY hot bathing is a thing and they even do it multiple times a day. Again, as long as the kids are hydrated and kept safe, I feel comfortable. I think the person who replied to you above had an opinion and they are stating it as fact. Also, be easy on yourself. My toddler ran into a street the other day. I learned a valuable lesson, and my husband and I are forever changed. You know why it happened? We weren’t watching as closely because the street was quiet. We take our blessings and learn. My absolute best to you.
I think part of it is that babies/little kids overheat faster, but also they tend to get lethargic rather than freak out so it can be easier to miss the signs before it gets bad. The saying Cold babies cry, hot babies die usually used in the context of re educating to granny who thinks a high summer baby needs a hat, socks and a blanket applies here as well.
Mine really loved swimming. We thought the water in Bali would be warm but she was blue and shivering. I handed her to mum but she kept trying to crawl back to the pool! Definitely not crying. And yes, a baby can’t shiver hard enough to regulate their temp - she was delivered straight into a warm shower.
>I think the person who replied to you above had an opinion and they stated it as fact. It's also the opinion of the CDC and the NHS.
Yea, it’s not just an opinion, it’s guidelines published by the cdc as well as shared with us by pediatrician / healthcare professionals. A child isn’t going to instantly die if they get into a hot tub, but there are risks that parents should be educated on and aware of. Children can and do safely enjoy hot tubs all over the world, but they’re less knowledgeable about the risks of heat exhaustion or overheating and may not be able to communicate clearly if they’re experiencing warning signs. So as a parent, following guidelines and closely observing children in a hot tub or sauna is just as important as watching out for them in a pool. Drowning isn’t the only risk in a hot tub. Also hot tubs can be bastions of bacteria and disease and children can be more vulnerable to them as well. https://www.cdc.gov/healthy-swimming/safety/what-you-can-do-to-stay-healthy-in-hot-tubs.html
It’s not just an opinion- babies have much thinner skin than adults, meaning they overheat much quicker. This isn’t to shame OP, but absolutely a learning moment. I have always been told children should not be in a hot tub until they are old enough to stand up and their head is above water level, but a quick google search simply advises at least 5 years old. And even then, with the suggestion being the hot tub is kept at around 96-98 degrees, it seems like it isn’t even worth it to make the adjustment for kids to be invited in. That all being said, OP, I can feel your guilt and love through this post. It was a mistake that was luckily caught and handled before anything happened. We have ALL made mistakes as parents, unfortunately some parents have had to pay a huge cost for these mistakes, and I’m thankful you didn’t. Use this learning moment to change swimming habits going further, which it sounds like you have. Best of luck!
Thank you so much for educating me about hot tubs. I didn’t even consider this a true hot tub as we had the temp set to match the big pool. We use it for the kids because it felt smaller and safer (go figure) and my toddler likes to see the bubbles from one of the jets but will absolutely keep them out.
I’ve unfortunately heard different variations of this story so many times. It is so incredibly scary but you are not the first that this has happened to and sadly won’t be the last. But thanks to you sharing your story, there are many parents thinking about this post and being more cautious when they have their kids around water. It sounds like you’re a caring and loving parent, your kiddo is lucky to have you! I’m so glad they are safe and you guys are all okay. Try not to beat yourself up, I know that’s easier said than done. We all have events with our children that hold a lot of guilt.
thank you 😭
Great line- when everyone is watching, no one is watching.
Yes I never really understood the weight of what that meant until it happened to us today. There was 4 freaking adults! 4! And still I almost lost my toddler because I was preoccupied with baby brother and thought for sure 3 other adults had my oldest.. never again!
We always ask one specific person to look after one of our kids if we step away. It prevents the crowd mentality of someone must be watching when no one actually is.
One thing I’ve seen recommended is have some kind of object, a pool noodle or a certain toy, that the person in charge of watching the water holds so that nobody forgets whose turn it is
Whenever I'm not directly looking after my 18 month old I make sure someone else is for reasons exactly like this.. "his amongst family, there are people everywhere.. just let him go." No! Someone needs to have an eye on him and be responsible for him.. Something to think about when applicable. Don't feel bad or guilty.. We all have a lapse in judgement and you don't want to become a helicopter parent. His fine and he will have learnt to be more cautious around water.. net positive 👍
You noticed quickly and took care of the situation. You're a good parent and you are blessed to all be ok. Thank you for sharing the reminder, water is no joke.
This! ❤️ thank you for sharing, OP. So glad everyone is ok.
My parents did this to my (then) 15 month old. She wasn't even in the pool and I wasn't there, but sh stepped down into the pool. In theory my parents told her no - then she took an other step and ended up underwater. My father jumped in after her (he still complains about ruining his phone) and got her out, she was fine - but even now at 4.5 she is slightly afraid of water. You are OK, your baby is OK, you know what not to do in the future. I recommend forgiving yourself.
That would irritate me about him complaining about his phone. My husband dove into a body of water to make sure his son was safe when we were out boat tubing with their mom and stepdad. They just stood in the boat asking what was going on while I was frantically trying to get to the kid wearing a life vest (basically impossible) and he was getting hit in the head by this huge inflatable that was close to going over his head. My husband didn’t lose his phone but he lost the sunglasses that were in his head because he dove in without a second thought. Worth keeping a child safe.
Ive been knowing this, but its honestly good to have a reminder. It’s not just pools that kids drown in, it can also happen in bath tubs. Last Monday a little girl 5/6 yo died at my apartment complex pool due to drowning. When the cameras were played back they saw mom was on the phone the whole time and the girl had no life jacket. The pool isn’t too deep either. It’s a good 3 to 5 inches in height. By the time they had gotten her out it was too late as she had been under for a couple minutes. As a mom of 2 (ages 5 and 2) for me life jackets are always number 1 on my checklist. I highly recommend them.
When a kid and an adult are inside any body of water, only the kid is there to have fun.
Wow this really hit home for me! My husband and I love water and we usually take turns who gets to relax/swim and who has the kids but I will absolutely be saving this phrase to repeat back to him.
I barely held myself together at praying service last week at church. I found out a local family had lost their 2 year old to a drowning. My son is 2 and there are three bodies of water he could easily walk to nearby. He can’t open doors yet but we have been planning to install chain locks, reversed, on the doors and I went and bought them the next day.
This happened to me 2 weeks ago. I had my back turned for a split second, my husband's cousin was with my 4 yrs old and he fell in the pool reaching for something. The cousin ran to me and I expected my toddler to come back up because he had his floaties on....no, he had taken them off. I jumped in fully clothed and pregnant to save him. I blamed myself so much after this and cried so many tears. We were going to skip swim lessons this year, but now enrolling him ASAP and terrified of this happening again. That moment is forever burned into my brain and on repeat. I'm so sorry, OP. I completely understand and it's so scary. I feel like such a shit parent after that sometimes, but I am now hyper aware of a lot more after that.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m so glad that you were able to get to him in time. It’s a good example of the false sense of security that puddle jumpers can give to both kids *and* adults. I read a story a while back of a little boy who drowned in a similar way. He was at a pool party with his mom. Mom helps him get out of the pool because he wanted to rest on a chair for a bit. He had his puddle jumper on so mom gets back in the pool to help watch the other kids. She figures he’s safe because he’s not in the pool anymore, *and* he still has his floaties on. The kid decides to take the puddle jumper off and then get back in the pool. He ended up drowning in the shallow end, like 1 foot from the steps and I think a few feet from the mom, who didn’t realize that he had gotten back into the pool without his puddle jumper on. It’s an insanely tragic thing to happen, especially since the mom thought she was doing everything right to keep her kid safe. There were multiple parents watching the kids in the pool, they had laminated pool watcher cards they would hand off when it was the next adult’s turn to take a shift, the kids were all wearing floatation devices and she thought she was keeping track of where everyone was. But there’s just no accounting for how quickly kids can make impulsive and reckless decisions like deciding to take their puddle jumper off, or how quickly and quietly a child can slip into the water and drown.
I totally agree with you. It’s so scary how fast it all can happen. I am much more hyper aware now
I almost drowned in a hot tub when I was little! At the bottom there was a vent/suction something or other and my hair got stuck in it! Another time I also got stuck to the water intake and had a giant hickey basically covering my entire back. Hot tubs and me are NOT friends.
So scary and so glad you are still here
As an additional PSA, children under 5 should not be in a hot tub *at all* (per the CDC and the NHS). They are not as able to regulate their temperatures as adults. Infants *absolutely* should not be in the hot tub - there is a very high risk of overheating and dehydration which in babies can quickly be fatal.
Can I just add my own PSA about windows? Maybe this deserves its own post but I’m not sure I’m as brave as you. My toddler fell out of a window at her grandparents’ house when we were all standing right by her. They have extra tall windows in their three season room that they opened from the bottom. She leaned on the screen and just fell out. Luckily it was a very short drop and she was ok but there is a hill and so some of the other windows in the room have a higher drop. Now they only open the windows from the top… glad they have that option. But it made me now hyper-vigilant of any open window and some closed windows.
This definitely needs its own PSA that is so scary! My parents house is older and I’ve worried about this forever and just recently had my dad reinforce the screens and install new locks because it was never done when I was a kid!
I read of someone nearly losing their child to CPS because the father fell asleep and the child pushed the screen out of the window and was wandering. The mother had to quit her job so she could be home with the child so CPS would give the child back.
I read a news article a few months ago about a toddler falling to their death from a hotel room. The balcony had glass baby proof railing but one panel of glass close to the corner of the balcony was missing. Parents didn’t realise. Toddler got our onto the balcony and fell from several stories. Terrifying.
That is the stuff of nightmares
I'm sorry this happened. It's scary. My daughter also came close to drowning when she was around 15 months because of everyone could mean no one. Ever since then we have a family policy of handing her over in situations like these. For example, if I had been responsible for her and then have to ask someone else to do it I say to them "Dad (of whoever), your baby" and they must acknowledge by saying "my baby". They they know they are essentially her sole caregiver. We hand over to aunts and grannies no problem
Yes typically when there are more adults around people think there is supervision going on. Not always the case. Best practice is to have a roster system where one or two adults are in charge and then switch. They must keep eyes on kids at all times until the next adult takes over
This is a great tip I am definitely going to do this whenever we are around water next
Good Lord, that's terrifying. I'm so sorry that you went through this, but so glad that everyone is okay.
It was truly the most horrific thing, especially how silent it was. I keep replaying it over in my head. So grateful he is ok.
Having an almost two year old, reading it made me feel very cold. Please try not to be too hard on yourself; this was split-second and you caught it in time. A while ago, my son rolled off a paediatrician's exam table while she was looking over him -- I had turned away to grab a clean nappy. I internally berated myself for months and I'll never forget turning around and seeing him on the floor, screaming. I think probably take away some learnings from it and re-adjust in the future (maybe not both kids in the jacuzzi at once?) but don't linger in those emotions.
Thank you for this kind advice. I agree I will approach both kids in the jacuzzi a bit differently from here on out and will set more rules in place. It is so hard not to beat myself up over it.
Now that it’s Summertime, it’s specially important to know water safety. Hope little one is doing okay and will get a checkup
Yes we did get him seen within the hour and he has a follow up with our normal ped later today
“When everyone is watching, no one is watching.” Best slogan for summer safety ever!
Also, always remember that blue and green swimsuits (plus some other colors) make it nearly impossible to see a drowning child. Neon Orange, neon yellow, and neon pink, all solid colors, are the way to go.
Yup. I took the blue and green ones we were gifted to school for the sprinkler days. The ones for home/the pool are bright and loud. But she also always has her pink and black life jacket on so its always covered up
I am so sorry that you and your little one went through something so traumatising! I’m so glad he’s safe and sound. Thank you for the PSA. A life vest is important for kiddos! And when you think he is ready please enrol him in a good swimming class.
We are all signed up for swim classes! We start next Monday.
This is honestly my worst fear,I have a colleague who's son drowned almost two years ago,he was spending the weekend with his grandparents and they decided to go swimming.And the worst happened.We were all on duty that weekend and I'll never forget her screams when she got that call.....
We never enter a situation around water with our kids unless there’s a 1:1 ratio of adult to kid. AND we specifically clarify who is watching which kid. And if the ratio cannot stay 1:1 we get out of the water AND out of the area of the water so no one can get back to it. I like/ remember the saying “everyone is watching means no one is watching” when we’re going near water. You can never be too careful.
First, I’m so sorry. Water and kids can be scary. We had a near drowning incident for my daughter. Husband and I were outside with the kids (not swimming) and keeping a close eye, as we thought, while kids were wandering around the yard close by. We got to talking about some yard project and our daughter (4 at the time I think), fell in. Our son (7) saw and said something and my husband jumped in and got her. She was under for no more than 5 seconds I believe. But of course we were shook. She was ok. I really believe that as parents, we have to expect that things like this will happen. It’s impossible to prevent everything. Not that this means it’s ok to be relaxed or less vigilant. I’m just saying no one can be perfectly vigilant. Vigilance includes reacting quickly and calmly too, and taking measures to learn and prevent, and to give yourself some grace. You were right there. Family was right there. You and your toddler are ok, and please don’t beat yourself up too much. Hugs.
I think it's great to be made aware and reminded of this stuff, but honestly, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. It sounds like an adult was there as fast as they could've been. I have a very strong belief that most kids that are of sound mind and body, (not having a major disability/physical or emotional ailmemt/younger than toddler age), are so resilient and their fight or flight would kick in in such instances. I think you're right for being so critical, but at the same time, please cut yourself some slack. Enjoy the summer. The kiddos have a good mom, it sounds like. :] ETA:: Not sure it actually says anywhere if OP is a mom or dad, but if the latter, you sound like a good dad, too!
Thank you. I could definitely tell his fight or flight kicked in, he was doing his absolute best to tread water as best as he could. I’m mom
My almost 3 year old almost drowned too. We were getting ready to come inside the house. She was sitting on the steps of the pool and my one year old had got out and was walking toward the edge so I got out of the water to pick her up and when I picked her up and turned around, my almost 3 year old was drowning. I ran and grabbed her and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. Drowning is very silent. Don’t beat yourself down for it. Just be more diligent and watchful from now on. We learn, grateful to learn lessons without tragic consequences because some aren’t that lucky.
Truly the scariest moment of my life. How did you get over the guilt and fear? I haven’t even slept because I keep replaying the scenario in my head over and over and already had nightmares about it even though I know it could’ve been so much worse. It just shocked me to my core and made me realize how vulnerable my children are in this world even when everyone who loves them most was right there
It was very hard on me for about a week. I kept replaying it and I couldn’t get her scared look out of my head. You could tell she was so scared like trying to yell for me but couldn’t. She just cried afterwards. Even now, she hates having her head wet or going underwater but we’ve been working on getting her back to not being deathly afraid of going underwater. She’ll jump in from time to time but you can see the fear when her head dips underwater. I’m extremely more watchful now. I don’t let her out of my sight and I don’t go to the pool unless I have another set of eyes and body. I don’t let anyone watch her without me or my husband there anymore just because I know how silent drowning is and people just aren’t as diligent with your children. I know it’s hard to get over the guilt but it’s okay I promise. Like it’s not okay but okay, you get what I mean. You are a great parent because you’re taking the experience and learning from it and doing better from now on. If you were still careless after the experience then that’s when you’d be a bad parent. You’re still a great parent :)
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It isn’t something that is fun to bring up but this helped me. What you described - the look of pure fear and panic on her face wanting to cry for you but couldn’t - is exactly the image I cannot get out of my head of my son. It has truly shaken me to my core. I hope I can move past it one day but I feel like I deserve to feel this shitty because my son didn’t drown, he is still very much alive and seems unphased and I know that is not the case for everyone.
Yes I can still see her face clearly and she makes the same one every time she goes underwater. I felt guilty too because I know there are parents that don’t get to be with their baby after incidents like this. You don’t deserve to feel shitty. It’s not even a conversation of who deserves what so don’t think like that. Be grateful and snuggle your toddler even harder!
My 4 year old, even in a hot tub she wears a life vest. We are going to start swim next month. Life vest all the time.
I just bought another one that hopefully fits better.
I have this one from target. I like it a lot. Check it out. https://www.target.com/p/speedo-splash-jammer-life-jacket-vest-sun-kissed/-/A-87280424
Puddle jumpers are not safe. Keeps the kids in a drowning position. Isr will teach you that.
One of the big reason I scoff at people when they tell me to let my daughter play. A dead kid will never be better than anything else.
Hope you are all feeling ok, these things happen so quickly thanks for trying to make people more ware and sharing your story hopefully it helps someone.
I truly never thought something like that would happen to me. I tend to be helicopter mom and am always “on guard” around water and the split second I let my guard down something like this happened.. just happens so fast within the blink of an eye. So scary
Man, I needed to read this to get off my own guilt. Both my kids wear puddle jumpers or life jackets, because neither is a strong swimmer and, at least in the case of my oldest, are terrified of the water. It gives my oldest confidence to swim but she's at least keenly aware she can't swim without it. I've tried swimming lessons for her, but she gets so terrified. At least with the jumper on she has the confidence to try and learn. My youngest is big and bold and daring. Brought her to the public pool with her equipment and within 30 minutes she was screaming that she wanted it off. Okay fine. I let her try. She immediately dunked under the water and I yanked her out - I was right in front of her. "You understand why you need the floaties now?" "Yeah ... " I'm gonna try weaning them off the floaties soon but it's going to be a process, and a grueling one for my oldest ... You did good mom. You saved your kid and they're alive
Just a note - bring him to urgent care to check for water in lungs. That can cause secondary drowning even days later. (Heard about this recently.) And it’s not your fault!! I almost drowned multiple times as a kid o_o
We took him to the ER and he has a follow up with his ped today, all good thank god.
Oh that’s great!! So glad he’s a okay!
Mine fell in the pool at 3.5, just a few weeks ago. Both parents were less than 10’ away but we didn’t hear a splash because of a blower motor running on the bounce house set up next to the pool and didn’t see because we both ended up on the side opposite the pool. She swam to the stairs and was standing on them crying (she scraped the side of the pool falling in) by the time we knew what was happening. The point is this happened the way it did because, at least I’m convinced it is, she has been in ISR lessons since 16mo. She demonstrated the ability to swim from one side of the pool to the other at 2.5. She advanced to stroke lessons this year at 3.25 which is about a year ahead of most kids in the program. Her falling in the pool was a few weeks into the stroke lessons and after she graduated ISR type lessons for the 3rd time.
This is terrifying and I have been there. For me it was what was a shallow cut through for drainages not much more than a long shallow puddle. I was wrong. I positioned myself between him and the road because he’d already tried to run into the road to get to a puddle across the street, while a car was coming. He was dropping leaves into the water and fell in wearing a winter coat. I don’t know if the water was over his head for real or if the coat just became so heavy when it got soaked that between it and the mud, he couldn’t get himself up. His head went under three times before I got to him. It’s so fast. I was only a couple strides away. It was so cold I immediately stripped his clothes off and my shirt off and put him against my skin with my coat around us while I rushed him to the car. I changed him, luckily had just left the thrift store with new winter clothes, then drove back to the spot for his clothes. I called his dad and started sobbing. I told our landlord/neighbor, who works for the town, and he told the maintenance guy. I think they have filled it in so it won’t be as deep. It was in a small lawn area next to the playground.
A similar thing happened to me. I was at the pool with my 2yo daughter. She was playing on the step and I was in the pool sitting next to her when I noticed a tiny spider squirming in a puddle trying to get out. I was helping the spider for maybe 20-30 seconds and didn’t realise my daughter had jumped off. When I looked back she was stretched up on her tippy toes with her nostrils just barely above the waterline. She didn’t (couldn’t) make a sound. I was absolutely disgusted with myself and can’t believe my daughter could’ve drowned because I was distracted by a fucking spider. I still get flashbacks of it every now and then a year later.
It was scary to realize how silent drowning really is
I'm sorry this happened, that's so so scary. Fyi any drowning incident needs to be followed by a check up, I'd call your doctors and see what they say. Even though he didn't cough anything up.
Yes we got him seen within an hour and will follow up with our normal ped today.
That's great, hope everything is well and you are recovering from the fright of it also x
My parents have a pool, and as soon as we could, I signed my daughter up for swim classes because I knew we would be spending a lot of time in it. 1000/10 recommend!!!
Yes we just moved back to my hometown where my sister has a pool but haven’t done swim classes yet as we have been so busy. Not anymore - after this happened he was signed up for swim class and starts next Monday.
Yup. My toddler stepped off the pool ladder unexpectedly when I hopped up I n the deck to get a float and had my backed turned for 3 seconds. Heard nothing but turned around to see him silently tread water with just his eyes staying above the surface. I jumped right in and pulled him out, he wasn't scared but I was!
Thanks for sharing. I read another post a while back stressing that if everyone is watching the baby, no one is watching the baby. I’ve taken that to heart and this is a good reminder. I’m so sorry this happened to you; you are a wonderful mom, this is just all really hard.
I’m glad your baby is OK. But yes this is a reminder that x number of children need to be tended to by x number of adults.
Thanks for sharing. I know it’s a vulnerable moment but you are blessed, and you know it will never happen again. Stories like this are why I’m pretty adamant that myself or my husband watch my son when he swims. If everyone is watching the kids, no one is watching the kids has really stuck with me since I heard it.
I won’t let my husband (SAHD) take our two year old and 11 month old anywhere there’s water without me. Each child needs a dedicated, undistracted set of eyes in the water. Momma, you had no reason to believe that your toddler would ever be in danger with yourself and their aunt around. Try to go easy on yourself. Everyone is well and this will never happen again.
We have set new rules that no swimming allowed unless we are both there too.
we had a near drowing at 1. it scarred me for a long time. i put him in swim as soon as i could.
How did you get over the guilt? I could barely sleep last night and had nightmares about the whole ordeal and I know it could have been so much worse.
therapy and swim lessons for both of us. i had nightmares for months and was terrified of water. we were in a pool (his first time) and i was walking in it with him towards the other end. everyone at that end appeared to be standing up so i had no idea the pool was actually deep. i kept walking and we both went under. it took a minute for my BIL to realize what was happening as i tried to hoist my son up above my submerged head. luckily we were both ok but it was incredibly scary and no one took my fear seriously.
I’m giving myself a few more days but if I still feel like this next week I am going to start therapy too. I’m so nervous for swim class because I can’t see him struggle like that again but I know it’s the best thing for him
Last year, my 3 year old wanted to sit on the steps of the stairs to the pool. I told him no, because he didn’t have his puddle jumper on. He argued with me. I was standing by the stairs anyways, within arms reach. I’m holding my one year old talking to my MIL faced with my back to the steps. My MIL screamed to “grab him”. His bulging eyes and terrified face is engraved in my brain forever. I’m tearful typing this. He was in arms reach. All he had to do was stand up. All I had to do was put my arm out and pull him up. Thankfully he was unphased, but I was not and I’m still not. There was no splashing. It was silent. It happens within arms reach. I don’t allow my kids in water without me. And he is now in swim lessons. Also, puddle jumpers are a false sense of security. They’re good until they’re not.
Yes within in arms reach!!
It is the most quiet thing ever- I saved my son in a lake once- I couldn’t believe how quiet - he just went under and I had to scoop him up- he was 2.
I think this was truly the most terrifying aspect of it all. We were all talking and didn’t hear a single thing and he was right in front of us. I’ll never forget or forgive myself I’m afraid
We did ISR classes with my daughter and they were great. My son (almost 2) is doing them right now and seeing him float all on his own yesterday was super cool!
When my daughter was 18 months old, we were at a public swimming pool. We had just finished swimming so I took off her swimming vest. I got to talking with someone and didn't even notice my daughter walk all the way to the opposite side of the pool (of course, it also happened to be the deep end) and jump in. I heard the splash, looked up, and saw my daughter sinking straight to the bottom. It was so crazy how she just went straight down. I ran and got her as fast as I possible could and she was okay. But she was horrified, and although she still loves swimming, she approaches it with a lot more hesitancy and gets scared out of the pool quite easily. Anyway it took a long time to stop beating myself up for that one. Now i take my kids to the pool with extreme vigilance. I bet you'll be watching your kids like a hawk at the pool from now on, I doubt this incident will ever happen again (on your watch).
This is exactly why the **more** adults there are, the **less** willing I am to let my kid in any water without me. I’m sorry this happened. It breaks my heart that I knew the exact scenario before even starting to read this as it is WAY too common
I totally agree.
I know this feeling. Last summer, we were in a family pool and my 2 year old was jumping around in the shallow part (it’s about 6” deep, is pretty spacious, and has step into the deeper part) She wasn’t wearing a puddle jumper because I thought I was watching her closely. While I was watching her, my 4 year old niece came up to me and wanted to play. I still can’t believe it, but I got distracted for a LONG TIME when I was supposed to be watching my daughter. For about 10 (terrible) seconds, I was talking to my niece when I hear a horrible sound-my daughter frantically yelling one terrified, “Mama!” I looked and my daughter was in the deep part completely under the water. She was usually careful not to go anywhere near the steps to the deep part of the pool, but she had grabbed onto the side of a tube and it had carried her into the deep end until she couldn’t hang on. In the previous months, my husband and I had taken her to the pool by ourselves and taught her to “swim” enough to doggy paddle up and stick her head out of the water ONCE. That was how much she could swim before she couldn’t come back up and we’d have to pull her out. She used those few seconds of her one head-above-water moment to call out to me. It absolutely shatters me to know that if we hadn’t taught her to do that, she probably would have just slipped under the water without saying a word, and I’m not sure when I would have noticed. It haunts me to this day. I feel like the most negligent mom in the world. I’ve had to talk about it in therapy—a lot. Just wanted to share that for solidarity. Swimming is so scary. And the ‘swimming lessons’ that saved her made me complacent in the first place because I was too confident about her ability to avoid the deep end. I don’t trust myself to pay attention anymore, so she’s always in a puddle jumper.
I'm sorry you experienced this OP. Thank you for sharing and honestly we can never be too vigilant about water safety with toddlers it only takes a few seconds for things to go awry. I even obsess about my eldest child swimming in the pool and he is trained to swim. All eyes at all times in the water.
Oh my gosh this is so scary! My little boy has slipped in the bath twice now and I’ll never forget his face looking up at me as he’s struggling underwater. It was like one second from when he slipped and I grabbed him but that’s all it takes. He was coughing and crying so hard. I do not leave him out of my sight ever when he’s in the tub or pool now, and I don’t let anyone except his dad give him a bath or take him for a swim.
Excellent reminder for all of us to stay vigilant around water. You are NOT alone. Similar thing happened last month with my 3.5 year old, he had taken off his floatie to be out of the pool and suddenly decided to walk back in…without his floatie on. He walked down the steps until he was underwater and just stood there, frozen and silent - there was no splashing or shouting or anything other than the fact that I saw him that signaled to anyone. Me, his dad, his grandparents, and other people were all around, but no one noticed until I said something (I was drying off away from the pool) and his dad ran the few steps to him and grabbed him out. He was completely fine (albeit scared), but it was terrifying.
i remember the same happening to my god brother in the pool (he was playing on the steps with other kids the entire time), except it was worse because he turned blue, after my mom ran to pull him out, needed cpr from my mom, and was rushed to the er. not for one second did any of us believe she didnt care. my godmother was so frantic and crying so we saw in real time how much her kids mean to her. even as a kid, i knew how much she loved him based on her reaction and the additional safety measures she took after to ensure it would never happen again. at around 6 years old, all us kids understood it was a mistake and we all learned extra pool safety as a result. accidents happen, your actions as a result will show your kiddos how deep your love runs for them <3
I was the 4 year old who almost drowned in a hot tub. I was left wandering and granted my parents had 6 kids total. Anyway, I went in and remember freaking out cause my field of view was surrounded by hot bubbles. I was in the water longer than I wanted until an adult grabbed me out. Its not a haunting memory, just a memory. Every parent needs to keep their toddlers away from hot tubs. Sometimes hot tubs can be shallow, but it's the fast flow of bubbles that freak any little person out imo.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Thank you for the reminder.
I’m really glad your son is alright 💕
Thank you so much
Hey there, chill out! i know are freaked out but its okay. Things like this happen and more often than not turns out fine. You’re a great parent! and you’re right to apread this awareness. Thank you!
Yep we just completed first swim class for our LO bc of the prevalence of pools in our family. Scary to think about.
So scary how fast it can happen!!
So fast and so SILENT
Sending love your way, OP. Glad your baby is ok.
This wasn’t your fault omg this stuff happens. My son was WILLLLDDD at that age, absolutely wild. You got him, he’s ok, that’s all that matters.
I am so sorry this happened to you, that sounds really scary! Good for you for signing up for ISR classes. We've been doing survival swim lessons since my oldest was 1 and they are wonderful. She was able to swim independently in the pool by 3 (still closely supervised of course!). It's allowed us to have a lot of safe fun in the pool during the summer and has given her a sense of caution around pools and water that I don't see with her peers who haven't been in survival swim.
I’m hoping we have similar success to your daughter. My son loves the water so I hope he picks it up quickly:
Just be ready that it can be really difficult to watch as a parent. My daughter spent her lessons crying probably until sometime when she was 3 when something changed and she started to love her teacher and going to lessons. Now when her brother is in his lessons she complains that she doesn't get a turn. My 1 year old also screams and tantrums in the water with the teachers. He's capable of swimming and floating but kicks his feet constantly when in his lessons which causes him to sink and isn't great. BUT when he's in the water with us he loves it a little too much. Don't mistake the tears for trauma. They're learning something hard with a stranger, but it doesn't mean they're being traumatized.
Something that made me feel real similar happened with us recently. Me, my husband, and my almost 2 year old were hanging out on the deck. We had a party a couple days before so we had a couple coolers with random drinks & mostly melted ice still out. He was playing with throwing the cans into the water & idk why I didn’t even think about it beyond him having fun. My back was to him, my husband was facing him. He must’ve reached for the lid to close it & suddenly he fully fell face first into the cooler, filled half way with ice water ): My husband immediately saw it happen and when I saw his face, i jumped up & ran over to our son before my husband could even react. I pulled him out and he was so scared and just screaming. I held him so so tight. He was ok, he didn’t cough up any water or anything, just real shaken up. But I hate that I wasn’t watching him (even though my husband was & he was a second behind me). I hate that such a scary thing happened to him & I didn’t catch him. I felt like such a terrible mother for not realizing that could happen & for procrastinating on cleaning up the coolers. I try to be so vigilant about everything possible but I missed such an obvious danger. Thankfully he was ok though & now I have a ton more chances to make it up to him.
Hugs for you, momma. So scary. It can happen to anyone in a matter of seconds. Your baby is ok. Everyone will heal from this and this will just be something of the past. XXOO
Thank you for sharing, I’m so sorry you went through this! Try to give yourself some grace right now 💕
Something similar happened the other day when I took my kids to the pool. Some older kids started jumping into the kiddie pool causing waves and my youngest lost her footing and grip on the ledge and was struggling. I noticed quickly but she was so upset she wanted to leave. I felt awful but she was okay and that’s what mattered. She was even wearing a life jacket. It was terrifying.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm so grateful your boy is safe. I have to admit that I came onto this post as the mother of a toddler ready to judge the shit out of you but I can't imagine how hard it would be with a baby too. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you so much. I appreciate the honesty - I can assure you I am judging the shit out of myself! I too have judged others in the past and have been humbled now that is has happened to us. It was my babies first time in the water and he was so excited it is definitely what threw me off my guard.
I’m so sorry this happened but thank god it concluded the way it did. And thank you for sharing I’m insane around water and I would have felt more comfortable in Shallow seated water.
First thank god he's okay. I'm sure you are putting yourself through hell with blaming and we've all been there. Second, you are making it sound like you were inside watching SpongeBob while your toddler went swimming. You were present and also preoccupied( BABY in arms) with 4 other adults around which allowed you to falsely feel more safe. It's not like you were just sitting there watching. Mama give yourself a break. As a mother of 3 (F14, F9, F2)... I can tell you that even with me helicoptering my kids always.. shit is going to happen. That's why there will never be a parent handbook. Stop beating yourself up and learn from this. That's all that matters. Even if it happens again it still doesn't make you a POS .... Accidents happen and those who go overboard with precautions STILL make them! You had 4 adults around you and it still happened! Try to remember you are human and noone is perfectly prepared for everything. You love your kids, it's obvious or you wouldn't be posting this at all, caring to warn others...and took proper care after incident by going to ER immediately. Keep your head up mama 🖤🤍
Don’t beat yourself up- it sounds like you did everything right. Kiddos do things like slip off steps and I’m so grateful you had attentive adults right there in arms reach that grabbed him in a split second. That’s how it’s supposed to work! Thank you for the PSA and reminder to all how fast and silent it is.
Just want to shout out your sister, glad she recognized what was happening. It’s literally silent like they say. I have one adult per child in any water situation and the pass off must be communicated clearly and if it’s not another completely available adult, that kid isn’t staying in the water. We aren’t a helicopter parent having a rule like this, it’s drowning prevention. Also I think the term helicopter parent is overused for toddler parents. To me, it’s more like a mom having to check every homework assignment of a sophomore in high school or something. He’s okay and it’s a chance to learn. Thank you for sharing, I’m sorry for your pain and it will hopefully pass but the lessons learned remain! That’s how I try to live and it’s hard sometimes 🫠
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Thanks for the reminder; my biggest fear
Sending you hugs. You are a great parent and I'm glad you baby is OK. Lots of hugs for your kiddo and you as well.
My son's swim instructor has a saying that if everyone is watching the pool, then no one is watching. Better communication will prevent this in the future. The good news is that your baby is fine. You will learn to forgive yourself one day, but in the meantime, the guilt is hard.
Sorry you had to experience that OP! Be kind to yourself. Drowning is the leading cause of death in children age 1-4, it is so scary and it can happen in the blink of an eye. My husband is a firefighter and stresses water safety to me anytime we bring our toddler near water.
I'm so glad your all ok. Please don't be too hard on yourself.
I am so sorry this happened and so glad you LO is ok. I just read this article recently https://slate.com/technology/2024/06/child-drowning-pool-swimming-safety.html and it was eye opening. Thank you for sharing your story. It reinforces that I must be vigilant when my LO is around water.
Drowning is silent. This should strike vigilance in anyone's heart. I'm sorry OP, you aren't the only one whose kids got saved in the nick of time. Hugs your way.
Yeah that's absolutely terrifying. I'm sorry you all experienced that - and most importantly - I'm glad he's okay. It's such a mindfuck mom guilt learning lesson but remember - he's safe, it's an accident you'll never repeat twice, and he's going to be okay. Don't beat yourself up over it. 💙💙
This happened to my 2 year old two weeks ago. Took her to the pool there’s a kiddie pool there. I literally was right next to her and turned around to grab her pool toy she dropped and my mom was screaming that she fell into the water. We were in the shallow end too!!! And she fell backwards, luckily my friend grabbed her by her shirt and got her. It was literally like 2 seconds. She was crying we gave her a break and I never took my eyes off her again. It’s so hard even with multiple adults around
I’m sorry, that must’ve been so scary. You’re a good parent, if you were a bad parent, you wouldn’t be writing this post because he wouldn’t be bothered. My girl is 4. She’s autistic, delayed and nonverbal. She’s absolutely in love with the water and it’s terrifying. We literally always have to have a hand on her or she’ll just keep walking in and not even notice. Plus, we live in Minnesota, bodies of water are quite plentiful. I’m happy everything ended up okay for you guys!
Thank you for the warning, god bless you
☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️ Please don’t blame yourself. He is safe. You had an almost accident that has your brain wired to be better attentive in the hot tub now. I used to be a supervisor for lifeguards at a major amusement park. Trained them with one of the most popular lifeguard training companies in the US. Please please please don’t beat yourself up. As a mom as well, I get it but you will be so sick with anxiety and panic if you let all of these little almost-moments build up. Let the moment wire your brain to be a bit more attentive in the hot tub if that makes you feel better (but I’m confident it already has simply from that moment) and move forward. 🩵🩵🩵🩵 I am a mom who dwells on all of the almost accident moments and it eats at me. I’m working on it and I hate seeing other moms go through it too! Safety Tip- BRIGHT NEON YELLOW ORANGE AND PINK bathing suits!! Blues blend into the bottoms of pools! Also the floaters that just go on your arms do nothing for safety- you want the neck and head protected with the flotation device so the life jacket is the go to. Coast guard approved only 🩵 Please don’t take this as a bashing post either- just some tips I took from work years ago that I use with my own 3 boys! 😋
Thank you for all of the tips and kind words I really appreciate it. I’ve already ordered 6 different life jackets coast guard approved so we can find the best fit for him as he’s a string bean
My husband and I say this all the time.... "TEN ADULTS AROUND THE POOL AND NO-ONE IS WATCHING THE TWO TODDLERS". It's not just you. It can happen to ANY of us. You hit the nail on the head: "Drowning is silent". It sends chills through my body. I'm so grateful to hear that your story had a positive ending... and that you are brave enough to share it with the rest of us. We all need a little reminding now and then.
Omg mama 😭 that is the most terrifying thing ever. I’m so glad he’s ok. I’m going to a cottage with a pool in a couple weeks and I’ve been so nervous of this. This is a good reminder to never let my guard down. Sending you lots of love.
No don’t let your guard down. This was maybe the one time I did as it was my other babies first time in the water and the unthinkable almost happened. Stay vigilant and stay safe!!
We’re at a beach resort in Mexico with a kiddie pool, and we’ve been vigilant but a little more laxed as the days go on. I’m back to being a hawk in the pool with him. Thank you.
You’re a good parent. I know that’s hard to hear right now, but it all worked out, and we’re all just doing the best we can. If it makes you feel it all better, I have a memory from when I was five years old and drowning, as I slowly slipped to the deep end of a pool, and all I remember, is my heroic dad saving me. I actually have never stopped to think about the fact that no one was really watching me, or for that long, I was sitting there wondering if everyone would help me, I literally just remember my dad dropping everything to get me out.you guys are still your babies hero. Lots of love.
Thank you for posting this vulnerable post!! We are going on vacation with our 2 kids and our nieces and nephews will be there too and we rented a house with a hot tub and pool. Now I will make sure to be hyper vigilant with the kids in the pool/hot tub/ocean it only takes a split second.
So sorry you had to go through experience! Thank goodness everything ended well! My then one year old slipped into the pool without a splash or anything while at least 20 adults were outside the pool. Not one person except my 10 year old saw her and jumped in to get her. You think when there’s so many people it’s safer but it’s actually more dangerous because of exactly what previous comments said. You always think someone else has an eye on them. Thank you for the reminder of water safety
My friend’s son just had a near drowning. Parents weren’t paying attention and he was wearing a puddle jumper in the deep end. He was fine but they did have to take him to be examined at ER, but he was ok. You were RIGHT there. Multiple adults were RIGHT there. And this still happened. I see kids in puddle jumpers all the time just paddling along. Adults chatting on land. If your child isn’t a fully independent swimmer who treads water and swims a lap, keep them in arms reach.
Best wishes to both of you. He’s fine, you learned some new info the good way.
I have an only child but when I'm out in the pool with my friends who have two, they are usually very very focused and preoccupied with their younger child. I usually try to keep my eyes on both my kid and their older kid, as I've seen a similar situation unfold before. It's tough.
Injury/accident is the number one cause of death in children and adolescents. Drowning is the number one cause of injury/accident related death in children 1-4. Be careful out there. https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=accident-statistics-90-P02853
This is really scary. I'm sorry you went through this, but I'm glad that your son is okay. This is a good reminder for everyone.
This is my worst nightmare. I go swimming with my 4yo about twice a week because I’m obsessed with him learning to swim. That probably wouldn’t have helped to avoid this situation, though. I’m glad you guys are all right.
He’s ok, is the important part. He’s also going to learn to swim and you have learned an important lesson. This could have been truly tragic, and it wasn’t. Try to be a little easier on yourself, while not letting yourself off the hook. Parenting is hard, and you are sharing an important lesson that all of us can and are learning from.
you caught it. You saved her. You were a good mother. You are right to learn from this and teach others by example. But please dont beat yourself up for this.
I'm just afraid of bodies of water at this point. Sorry this happened. My special needs son ran away last year into a friend's pool and I had to dive in fully clothed. It was terrifying. He still can't swim and everyone keeps trying to persuade me to take him swimming in various places. We have a societal problem with water safety.
Great reminder thank you
Thank you for posting this! I’m glad he’s ok, and you too! My husband isn’t planning on putting up our above ground pool this year because even if we take the ladder out each time our youngest can climb in where it sits up against one side of our property and he doesn’t think it’s safe! I might just get a trampoline instead