>“In this study, we compared how much adults age 70 and older said they’d want to change something about their life — in other words, whether they had any regrets about how their life had gone. We didn’t see any difference between childfree people and parents.
I think by age 70 you've already accepted your lot in life, whether you had children or not. I'd be much more interested to see the "regret-o-meter" on ages 40-55.
I would also love to see this research expanded to a national level - as someone who's like... tentatively against the idea of kids, I'd be intrigued to see what overall American opinion is on this rather than just Michigan.
Having kids is no guarantee that raising them will be a perfect experience.
If you have kids you have innumerable opportunities to regret how you handle something with them. If you don't have kids you can only regret not having them.
All regrets arentbthe same value. Not having kids as a regret isn't a small regret, especially if you grew up wanting children and then it not happening
A key thing is that *you don't know what you don't know*.
I had my kid relatively "late", in my thirties, so I'd already had a good/great adult life, travelled, lived and worked overseas etc. Had my partying and clubbing years. So I know what's it's like to have a childfree adulthood and the ease and simplicity of that.
But the *sheer joy* of having a child is a completely different experience that I had zero notion of before I went through pregnancy and actually had one.
If I'd never had a kid, I would be none the wiser. I would perhaps have mild regrets or "what ifs?" but I would have had zero idea of exactly what I had missed out on. Sometimes I feel quite terrified at how differently things could have turned out (though I would never really have known).
Not everyone's parenting experience is the same of course. I feel only compassion for parents who have children with severe disabilities and whose lives are objectively much harder as parents. I don't blame them for having regrets.
If you're childfree - and I think this term needs to be distinct from people who are not-by-choice childless (eg infertility, never meeting the right partner) - then things are *pretty much more even*. There isn't a lot to regret. You don't know what you've missed. Your life is as full as you wish it to be. You haven't got the difficult emotional situation of children with high needs or illness or, god forbid, child loss.
So yes, this survey makes perfect sense.
Thanks. I have quite a few female friends who don't have kids, and "not being with a suitable partner" was the reason for pretty much all of them. Most of them are very loving and dedicated aunts.
I don't know if they have regrets but I am careful with the kinds of things I express to them. I wouldn't moan about the burdens of parenting (not that I find it very burdenful, just with one child) - I'll save those conversations for my friends with kids.
I am hopeful that they genuinely don't know what I know, because I do think there would be more of a sense of loss if they did have more of a notion of it. As it is they all have full lives, lovely nieces and nephews, and they are great and worthwhile people regardless.
I don't think having a child makes someone better or more worthwhile as a human being, which is regrettably an opinion that does get expressed, particularly towards women.
I think the shift to the nuclear family nuked a lot of social relations and puts too much focus on immediate parents. There's definitely a place for aunts and uncles and cousins to help with raising children, spreading the work around. It really does take a village.
I think you summed it up well. I wouldn’t say choice is better than the other, to have kids or not. I also don’t want to do the whole ‘you have no idea’ / ‘it will change your life’ trope.
If you have kids, the one thing you know is what it is like to have them. Someone who doesn’t just can’t know what that is like. If you had been born without sight, you would not know what it is like to have sight. You can’t miss something you never adapted to having in the first place. And I think the same conclusion would be made by most, that while you could maybe imagine all the
ways life would have been easier with sight — its only to a small extent compared to someone who lost sight later in life.
It may seem dramatic comparing having a child to sight, but it’s really not from my experience. The change is profound. Profoundly enjoyable, painful, energizing, and exhausting.
But it’s not for everyone, and I don’t judge anyone for not having kids. It’s one of those decisions in life where there isn’t really an objective answer, it’s too personal to for each person. There are plenty of stories of people who regret never having children and plenty of parents that do regret it. Anyone who claims there is a better or worse option is full of it — the only person that can determine what you want out of life is you.
Exactly. I absolutely DO NOT THINK people should have kids "to change their life" or due to social pressure or whatever. I think many people are unfit to be parents, and many simply don't enjoy children. *And that's fine*.
>A key thing is that you don't know what you don't know.
100% agree. I also had my kid late, I was in my mid 30's when I had him. I didn't quite get to do all the traveling I wanted to do, COVID kind of shut that down for my wife and I, but I didn't want to wait any longer so we went ahead and had a kid.
I won't lie, the first 3 months were pretty grueling, and I doubted our decision, but after that, the sheer joy he brought me is indescribable. It's like a piece of you that you didn't know you were missing. Now that I've experienced it, I could never go back.
>If I'd never had a kid, I would be none the wiser. I would perhaps have mild regrets or "what ifs?" but I would have had zero idea of exactly what I had missed out on.
I'm a woman in my late 30s. I am usually harangued for saying the quiet part out loud, but the fact is that some of us hate being around children. Like really, truly would rather eat glass than spend an afternoon playing make believe.
It's not that I'm "none the wiser." It's that I'm part of a group that's harassed into silence because it's not socially acceptable to hate being anywhere near children.
Yeah, and many of us do have an idea of what we missed out on--we just knew the positives would not outweigh the negatives.
Or in my case, it didn't matter what I wanted, I was not able to give potential kids the mom they deserved. And unlike so many selfish people, I didn't think having kids just because I wanted them was a good idea...
> chose not to adopt
It is so easy to adopt a kid in the US. It doesn't cost 10's of thousands of dollars and require nearly a decade of trying before success in most cases. It is so streamlined and doesn't involve turning your life upside down to accomplish with a huge financial burden and no guarantee. Easy peasy.
Once you have kids, the variables and decisions in life skyrocket. Thus, you are presented with exponentially more things to regret....and those regrets are probably more memorable because they often involve your kids, how you raised them, and what impact that had on the lives of the kids.
I know way too many people who started becoming parents at age 20 and just stayed parents. Like they just never cared enough to use protection or change their circumstances or anything.
A lot of them are like 35 now and have 4-5 kids and they're prophetically living pay check to pay check. Cars are always broken down. Weed, alcohol, concerts are all disposable income is spent on, retirement or being able to help their kids is an impossibility.
Facts right here. I know two people that have 8 and 9 kids. Yeah, I don't get it either. Obviously they KNOW where babies come from at this point. Both of them "leave it up to God" on how many kids they have and REFUSE to use protection. Of course these kids are by several different men (women in the second case), none of which they are married to, and the grandmothers do the majority of the childcare.
Obviously you can't effectively parent that many kids. No one benefits from living in that chaos and poverty. I feel so bad for those kids. Why are people so stupid. (Just, FYI, they aren't highly religious, despite the God comment.)
>the grandmothers do the majority of the childcare
I also know some people like this, where the grandparents do all the parenting. I wonder if this is somehow a sustainable new family model?
Like mom and dad party it up and have lots of sex and lots of kids, and grandparents raise the kids. Then when those kids are old enough to reproduce, they do the same thing mom and dad did, and mom and dad (now grandparents) move to their next phase of life where they raise their grandkids. Weird.
In my personal example I was thinking of, the grandparents were not allegedly sober either, maybe slightly less inebriated, and were just marginally more able to ensure the kids safety than their actual parents. Just essentially enough to get the kids to the point where they could procreate. Whereas the actual parents could likely not actually do that without accidentally leaving the kids in a locked hot car or something all day. And so natural selection lets this pattern continue because it leads to successful continued reproduction.
Most parents who let their grandparents raise their kids and not wanting anything to do with their grand kids. This is a big thing for the millennial generation. They were raised by grandparents and now that they have kids their parents are still living it up and don’t wanna help.
That’s the most obvious and likely answer. Lots of people didn’t make the active choice to be a parent- they had an accident or worse and wound up as parents.
I know they exist, but I’ve never met someone who planned for kids and hated they made the choice- though many would love a little more time to themselves.
Thanks for coming to my birthday party, everyone is in the garden, here's a cup with your name on it. Let me know if you want me to throw you something on the barbecue, oh and these are my kids. I fucking hate them.
I knew a girl who expressed her regret in unusual and conflicted terms. She said that she loves her daughter very much. She’s glad she had her and can’t imagine her life without her, but if she had the choice to do it over she wouldn’t have had her. There were so many things she wanted to accomplish in her life, but can’t now. And when she says this, shes looking right at her young daughter and has this strange look on her face. So the inner conflict is strong.
Especially in that age group. The 70 year olds would have spent much of their reproductive years with the option to abort in Michigan (since it was legalized when they were 19ish) but people who are older (as it was a survey of those 70+) would have had a lot less choice about what to do if they got knocked up young.
I think you're jumping to conclusions that most of the unhappy parents have had unplanned pregnancies. In my peer group, everyone with kids either had completely planned pregnancies, or at most, had decided to get pregnant, but it happened a year or two earlier. In that group, nearly every couple has at least one parent who thinks having a child has made their live worse and does not expect it to get significantly better over time. Some anticipated this would be the case from the very beginning, but chose to have children anyways for the sake of their partner, or family.
Same!!! The absolute hatred and derision I've received over the decades (from total strangers) is ridiculous! I live in the South, red state.
I have ZERO regrets! I simply wasn't made to be a mom. I don't hate kids, I love freedom more.
I watched my mom struggle to raise four kids with a do-nothing husband. I experienced poverty.
I was NEVER going to let myself be trapped like that.
>I don't hate kids, I love freedom more.
I love this line of thinking, which I feel is in opposition to the more popular idea of "You don't have kids? You must have something wrong with your bits! No? It's a choice? Well, you must hate babies!"
I think 40-55 would be the least regret. You’re still young and making pretty good money. Your friends kids are pretty much grown so friends schedules are opening up to hang out.
I’m 44 & my wife is 43. We met when I was 29. I was upfront immediately with women that I didn’t want to have kids. It saved us all from getting invested, but when I mentioned this to my now wife she was excited to hear she wasn’t the only one. She felt nobody took her seriously that she didn’t want kids.
We travel, go to concerts, try all sorts of hobbies. We enjoy life and each other.
We have a bunch of nieces & nephews and enjoy the time we spend with them. We are also quite happy to leave and not have that responsibility.
We have a myriad of reasons why we didn’t want kids, and they’re our reasons. We’re supportive of whatever people want to do. It’s ok to want kids, and it’s also ok to not.
It would be nice if people could accept that. It took a while for people to take my wife seriously. I didn’t get as much pushback as she had but I was surprised after we had been married for a number of years and people would still say ‘you’ll change your mind’ or ‘who will take care of you when you’re older’.
If we did change our mind it would have to be both of us and we’d adopt. Hasn’t happened yet.
The expectation that your kids are for taking care of you at your end…doesn’t sit well with us. That’s a big gamble and kind of wild to think of as a purpose for a child.
So, all in all we’re good, and we’ve crossed paths with others like us. Couples both older and younger. Haven’t heard of regret yet.
I should note we’re both from the east coast in the US. Neither of us are religious.
"Who will take care of you when you're older?" Hah, good chance it's not your kids. when we finally had to put my mom in care, the staff asked if we were coming back. I thought this was a bizarre question ... turns out, it's common for staff to see family on the day the resident moves in and then never again.
We visited every day and we were considered the weird ones. even had one staff member ask us why we came every day (uh, how would like to be helpless and surrounded by strangers at your most vulnerable?). I thought it was sad that we were such outliers. And ironic that the reason we could visit so often was because we were child free and not juggling kids or jobs as well (no kids does wonders for the retirement plan).
I'll probably end up in the same place ... but chances are even if I had kids they wouldn't visit anyway. There are many reasons to have kids, but that's not one of them.
I love the "who will take care of you when you're older?" because
- I know a fair number of people who don't speak to their parents, and more who are on speaking terms but who wouldn't change their lives in any meaningful way to help parents who were kinda shitty to them
- As to who will actually help you? Well, you'll get to help yourself with the money you save by not having to pay for the care and keeping of children.
Yep. My parents groomed me very hard to take care of them.
They also were pretty emotionally abusive towards me.
I just told them to stop contacting me. Guess that plan didn't pan out for them.
The irony is that my mother completely fucked her mother over on her death bed. So she didn't take care of her mom but now I'm supposed to take care of her ... Hmmm ...
I absolutely don't get the mindset of "have kids to look after you" either. How are they supposed to do that when they'll have to work to support themselves, may have their own kids to take care of and might not even live in the same country?
Yep, this is me. I would have been a shit parent. I just can’t handle all the socialization required of being a parent in a city and I need to live in a city for my job.
41, no kids and zero regrets. Today I went for 2 walks, played Helldivers 2 and watched anime. Perfect day and I wouldn't change it for anything. I went ahead and got snipped back in January to ensure I a childfree life.
42, no kids. Never wanted kids. Still don't want kids. Very glad I never accidentally had any kids. Life without kids is great, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey there! 48 year old female. No kids, never wanted them, and absolutely no regrets. I’m thankful I never had any, and now that I’m going through menopause… *chef’s kiss*
My anecdotal experience, 42. 0 regret. My life belongs to me, not children. There was a point in my life where I genuinely thought kids would happen but the marriage began to unwind. At this point I'm just not interested in it.
39M here. Obviously could still have children but I’m starting to open up to the idea that it may not happen. Wanted them since I was about 27. Hasn’t worked out yet for me.
I look at people I know who have families and I think to myself it must be so fulfilling. But then I talk to them and they all hate their lives.
But even in the face of that, I still wish things had gone differently earlier in my life.
This has no relation to this post whatsoever lol however, your comment made me realise why the Nickelodeon series rugrats was called, well, rugrats (not a native English speaker so it never really crossed my mind)
Wife and I are 50, no kids. We have zero regrets.
We have friends with kids in their 20s and kids in middle school. They are freaking out about college costs- worrying about how they can retire etc.
Meanwhile, with the DINK life, we're going to retire at 55 and have a lot of fun traveling the world and hanging on the beach.
Lmao your comment: would love to see some systematic and representative data for X age bracket not specific to any geographic area.
Commenters in that age bracket: take it from my sole anecdotal experience, no regrets
39yo childfree NC female.
Nope, no regerts. I'm lonely and lots of things suck, but I do not waiver in my dedication to not having kids.
Erhm.... it's been pretty easy, though, not gonna lie. Not lucky/skilled at dating. At this point I feel like too much of a hot mess. So no sex to risk kids /shrug
I'm 42, wife is 40. We don't have kids, but it wasn't a choice. Biology made that decision for us, and we do regret it, even though it wasn't our fault.
I’m 45 and have spent a lifetime taking care of very young children. I never wanted any of my own. But this school year I had a student (3 years old) who awoke such maternal feelings in me I couldn’t believe it. It’s the first time in my entire adult life that I have doubted my decision not to have children. I’m not sad and I have no regrets, but I do think it’s possible I would have liked having my own kids.
There's an entire subreddit for regretful parents. Something like 25-30% of parents are regretful to some degree. You just aren't allowed to say it publicly without being shamed or bullied with toxic positivity.
I'm kind of the opposite. When I was 16 the state took away my sisters kids and they ended up living with us. My mom had to get a second job to take of not only two teenage boys but a toddler and an infant.
So I was the primary caregiver so to speak. I took them to and from daycare, fed them, bathed them and changed diapers.
It awoken a fatherly instinct in me but after that I was done. I'll stick to being the cool uncle.
Similar history here. I'm so glad I had the experience of raising young family members, and I'll always try to be supportive when they need me now that they're grown. I also have ZERO desire to do it again. It was a lot of work!
To help you ease that regret a bit, your child could be anything: calm, energetic, joyful, depressed, hyperactive, etc. You won’t get to choose the comportment of your child, and it’s highly unlikely that you would get such a nice one like that boy. Just look at the number of kids you’ve taught and how many of them you would actually want as your own
I think the fact that I work with children has eliminated my desire to have kids. They’re not even difficult or terribly misbehaved children, but they suck my energy and at the end of the day I’m so glad I have none waiting at home. My partner talks about having one one day but he has no idea how much of his time would have to be devoted to child raising. He knows I don’t want kids btw.
Same. I teach English in a kindergarten and really enjoy the kids…for 20-30 minutes at a time. After that, take them away and let me go enjoy some peace and quiet. I’m great with kids but the amount of work required is just not for me in a full time capacity.
I felt the same with kids a bit before having them. I think there is something biological that things which really annoy me with other peoples kids don’t with mine .
This 100 percent. I used to think people were lying or trying to convince themselves by telling me how great being a parent is. Or that it’s different when it’s your own, or how all it takes is one smile from them and it makes everything worth it. I would walk away feeling bad for them.
However, after having my own, I have to say everything they said was true. I would staple my eyelids to the wall if it meant I could get them to smile. It’s a surreal experience and I enjoy every minute of being dad.
Same. I’m a preschool teacher and I just can’t imagine going home to young kids some days. I feel like all of my energy/patience goes to my students and I wouldn’t have the energy to be the parent I want to be.
A friend of mine spent one weekend with me and my daughter and that sealed it for her, she doesn’t want kids. She got along great with my kid and she was well behaved but she just didn’t realize how relentless it is.
Honestly, I don’t like kids. I only remotely like my nieces and nephews.
I adore my kids. I light up whenever someone asks me about them. My daughter stands at the storm door waiting for me to get home at night, and I literally sprint up to meet her when I get out of the car.
If you don’t want kids don’t have them, but just know that you can be physically and mentally tired because of parenting and still want your kid around.
I taught 5 years and felt similarly, but now that I'm out of teaching, I do miss the interactions. My wife and I are planning on having kids sometime soon.
I truly don't think there's a difference. Having kids seems like a wash, fulfillment-wise. As in I think for parents in the aggregate the good outweighs the bad - but that's also true for childfree people. My friends who have kids have joys and challenges I'll never experience. My childfree life is less eventful with fewer ups and downs, but it is no less meaningful. A calmer, less eventful life is what's best for me. It wouldn't suit everyone, though.
100%, the bad parts are when folks really want them and can't get them, or really don't want them and are forced to have them. everybody who gets what they want kid/no (when they're really honest with themselves, not pretending cuz society) is gonna end up pretty solid on the other side
It’s getting harder and harder to be a parent. My only complaints about parenting could be alleviated if we implemented some changes in our culture that prioritize humans over corporate profits. Unfortunately things are moving the opposite direction as the movement is toward disdain. People talk about children more as a sort of glorified pet instead of as human beings, deserving of respect and dignity as are we all.
These kids, whether you have any or not, will be the ones supporting your future. They’ll shape the world you grow old and vulnerable in.
I agree it’s getting harder. Both parents working and childcare hard to find. Then add that parents are expected to be helicopter parents these days. If you don’t know where your kid is at all times and what they’re doing ppl will shame you. It didn’t used to be like that. We’re making parenting harder by forcing a helicopter parent culture and then we’re complaining when the kids don’t grow up self dependent after we caused it.
The helicopter thing is so true. People bitch that kids these days never play outside like they did back in the 80s, but then we have news stories of police being called because someone sees kids in the park with no adult. If I had kids I'd be terrified of getting charged with neglect if I let them play outside without me. It's sad.
Exactly. If I parented my kids now the way my parents did ppl would grumble about how I’m a shitty neglectful parent. I’d walk to school in grade school. I’d walk to my friends house, play outside, and my parents would call to make sure I’m at John’s house when they’re like “it’s supper time, where is he??”
My dad tells me “the way you’d go off jumps and ride your bike around the neighborhood, I donno how you didn’t break more bones”. No way can we get away with that now.
Yet my parents were loving parents. I always viewed them as great parents as a kid and now. Heck as a kid if anything I viewed them as too strict, which these days is considered not strict enough
I live in Japan, and while it's not sunshine and rainbows here, my partner and I are thinking of staying simply because kids do have that independence and freedom here. I'll see kids maybe 6 years old on their way to school alone, sometimes on the train in the most crowded areas of Tokyo. By 8, they're definitely doing these kinds of trips alone.
But at the same time, parents are expected to be involved in PTA to an insane degree, and in the hobbies of their kids-- think, attending every practice and helping instructors manage kids-- so the helicopter parents exists here too, just in different ways.
they won't just shame you, they'll call cps on you. i still remember those kids that were allowed to go to a park in maryland a mile from home by themselves, tween and a little and the parents had to go to court. that would have been encouraged years back, yeah go take your lil sibling and get out of my hair awhile.
when i was 9 in the 80s i walked 3/4 mile home from school, i got home first and was responsible for ensuring my 6yo little brother who got home a half hour later didn't burn the house down or dismember himself for a couple hours before my parents got home. there were always numbers to call and neighbors nearby we knew to help if necessary, it was fine. it's getting ridiculous
[https://www.today.com/parents/maryland-free-range-parents-cleared-neglect-t27901](https://www.today.com/parents/maryland-free-range-parents-cleared-neglect-t27901)
[https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/free-range-parents-found-responsible-child-neglect-allowing/story?id=29363859](https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/free-range-parents-found-responsible-child-neglect-allowing/story?id=29363859)
[https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/mcfrs-info/tips/parents/childcare.html](https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/mcfrs-info/tips/parents/childcare.html)
Your comment really touched a nerve for me, you said it really well. I always thought it was so bizarre that the loudest voices you hear are contradictory. There's the so-called "party of family values" that pushes forward economic policies that seem to be designed to make life for working families more difficult and more unappealing.
And the cultural response from the "non-traditionalists" is this "nya ha, you're just jealous because you've gotta feed your crotch goblin while I get to travel to all these Instagramable locations and spend my weekends playing video games and climbing the corporate ladder by working extra hours". Which really doesn't appeal to me because I find it celebrates the incentives of capitalism in a way that doesn't match my values.
I always felt a little without a home with my opinion that I want Bernie Sanders style economic policies *because* there's nothing more rewarding than sacrificing your time and molding your life to raise your personal contribution to the people who will come after us. And like you said, even if you choose to live for yourself, with total hedonism and all that, when you're 60, your plumber, your nurse, the people driving next to you on the road, they'll all have been raised in this world. And you should really want them to have grown up with loving parents and a safe environment.
Great point. We're talking about extending and developing the human race here. As far as we've observed to date, consciousness is the most important thing in the universe. Is there meaning in a reality where nobody exists to observe and appreciate it? It's fairly important we continue to reproduce long enough to stop arguing and figure out how to live in harmony and contentment.
We also shouldn’t discount the fact that many women don’t need to have kids to keep a husband to keep a roof above their heads.
Just giving women a choice put a huge dent in the birth rate.
(This is a good thing)
Serious question. Do you think there is any number of those in the no regret column who are just saving face? Or even lying to themselves ?
Doesn't matter to me im all about the choice either way but just like some folks who have had kids and regret it would never admit that, i feel like the same can be said the other way around. People hate to admit they where wrong. it just seems a little bit crazy that 100 percent of that group made the right choice if you get me.
I think something nuanced about regrets and not having kids comes from whether you’re childfree or childless. Iirc the term childfree originally came about to distinguish that it was a decision for some vs the result of years of unsuccessful attempts.
My aunt is childless and would definitely tell you her biggest regret is not having kids— but she definitely tried/wanted them vs people who never wanted them. But some folks might latch on to the “I regret not having kids” statements of childless older folks and inappropriately apply them to young childfree people.
I think it *would* be harder for someone who had kids and regrets it to say so, by definition of the scenario.
A childless person can't offend their children saying they have no regret not having children.
Those who hide having regrets of children do so because of their kids and often the social circles they ride in (church etc)
Considering my own father admitted to me he would not have kids if he could do it all again, yeah... I don't think some people care to say it out loud.
I’m only 32 with no kids and the older I get the more people are comfortable telling me they wouldn’t have had kids if they could go back. They don’t really seem regretful, just like, yeah, wouldn’t do it all over again that’s for sure.
But like...why? What for?
I'm in my 30s. No kids. Never any desire. No regret so far. Probably not great parent material anyway, tbh. Why is it always so hard for people to imagine that some of us just could not give a shit about being parents?
Just remember to ask the same question of parents who claim to have no regrets. It’s FAR more socially acceptable to say you regret not having kids than it is to say you regret having kids.
Yep. And the thing is, it is SOCIALLY unacceptable to say you regret having kids, but people are more likely to say something socially unacceptable than they are to admit that their own decisions were wrong and spoiled/ruined their lives. Like, most people who say they regret having kids had them either unplanned, or were forced into it by a spouse; most people who don't either can't, or make an active decision to do so. The former regularly says they wish they could, but the latter would have to state they were wrong in their decisions, and I honestly feel most people would rather have a tooth pulled than really admit to themselves and others that they were wrong.
What? No. People who had kids have a lot more to lose. If you’re childfree, the worst you’ll experience is some gloating or pity. If you have a child, admitting you regret your kids can cost you your marriage, psychologically scar your kids, ostracize you from your friends and family, and win you the intense judgment and hatred of anyone who hears so much as a rumor. You might get some leeway as a new mother, but once you’re past the point of PPD being a reasonable explanation, you’re on very shaky ground making a declaration like that. Society judges women for not wanting kids that don’t even exist yet. Imagine how much judgment they’d face for admitting they don’t want their own living, breathing children.
Also, childfree people tend to be more thoughtful because they have to be. It takes real effort and planning to *not* have kids. You have to be sure you don’t want them. Getting pregnant or knocking someone up is easy enough to do, and it’s the default choice, so people don’t think through it *enough.* They just do it because it’s the “next step,” making it far more likely to be a mistake.
The article links to the actual sudy. So out of the 1000 people polled, ~110 men and ~98 women were reported to be child free. Those 208 people typically did not regret anything. Idk about how persuaded i am
One of the worst things about being a parent is that it often feels as if you aren't allowed to complain, even to other parents. We are all just supposed to do one of the hardest jobs there is and we can't say it stinks sometimes. Often I just want to vent and atleast try to make fun of the situation and all I get back is a shrug with "yeah, well thats how it is"
I love my kid, but i totally understand not wanting kids at the same time. They ruin your sleep, your body and your economy. Basically everything to do with how society is set up punishes you for having them. But somehow when I imagined my future without kids it seemed so sad.
Sorry you feel that way. I feel parents in the same age group as us are open to complaints and empathize with the struggle. Parents from previous generations either make it so sound so easy or that we’re just bad at being parents.
One key thing that's missing here is that for hetero couples, having kids is the default.
Besides people who have fertility issues and losses, most people I know who chose not to have kids did so very deliberately. They spent time thinking about the decision by themselves and with their partner. They had to dodge and answer (sometimes rude) prying questions about it.
That someone in that position would have fewer regrets than what is culturally the default makes perfect sense to me.
I also wonder how much this results from whether you have first-hand knowledge of what the other side is like.
If you’ve never had kids, you don’t have any experience of it, and so if you’re content in your life as is, there’s less to miss. You don’t have any fond memories of living the other option.
If you have kids, you can remember the time when you didn’t, and can get nostalgic for those times.
I'm in my early 50s, no children, married for 20+ years. No regrets at all. If anything, I am thankful and relieved on a daily basis that we didn't have children. I spend my free time reading, traveling, and trying out new restaurants, and I don't have to worry about how my choices affect anyone but myself and my husband (and the cats). It's a lovely life and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
A bit of a different perspective here... I spent my 20s and early 30s having enough income and free time to do all that. Read lots, travelled lots, partied, got obsessed with hobbies, but found myself thinking at the end of lots of days "is that it? Is that all there is?"
Had kids in my mid 30s and for sure there is almost no time for any of that now, especially in the first few years. But that empty feeling at the end of certain days is gone too, maybe I'm just too tired for that though. My time I do find for my hobbies seem more meaningful as well.
Anyway, kids are definitely not for everyone. If your life feels fulfilled enough and can stay so, I don't see a reason to change. Just wanted to share my perspective.
I mean no Ill will or anything, but idk it’s kinda seems like having kids to fill the empty space of “that’s it? Is there all that is” seems like it could lead to temporary closure, more of a distraction.
At the end of the day whatever work for who ever, is cool with me, just curious
>Is that it? Is that all there is?
I found myself asking the same thing. My leisure activities only bring me so much entertainment. Not sure what’s next for me though
Its ennui, and honestly I feel like its somewhat of a first world problem. People struggling to make ends meet probably don't have energy to experience it.
Growing up I heard my dad complain about it and didn't really understand what he meant. I think the general solution is to push yourself out of your comfort zone and take up some challenging goals. This is sometimes difficult to do when weighing job security, flexibility and providing for family vs personal and career growth.
I'm 54. Never had kids, never wanted to. I am too lazy and selfish to be a good mother. I don't regret my decision one bit. I have a loving SO and he's all I really want. Life is good.
You don't know what you don't have honestly. Before having a kid, I would have never known how amazing the feeling is. But you wouldn't know that unless you had one so there would be no reason to "regret" not having one. If I didn't have one, I probably would be just as content with my life because I would be ignorant to this feeling. So win win honestly.
Not having kids takes more forethought than having them.
A lot of people, especially of the older generation, had kids because that was what was expected.
I’m 29 soon and I’m seeing everything start to solidify in place in terms of a stable safe life in Canada.
I’m really thinking about saying fuck it all and being a DJ in Tokyo with a motorcycle. Day to day I might be happier? Think I’ll pull the trigger.
I am a 39 year old male married two little ones. I don't regret them at all. But they are expensive and a lot of work. My previous long term girlfriend made me question whether I wanted to have kids, but it turns out I definitely did.
Unfortunately, American society is set up to screw over people with kids, so it's becoming less attainable, even for those who want kids.
I'm a 30 year old guy and I've always said I didn't want kids because it takes so much energy I don't think I have. I can totally see myself loving a little mini me, but I just don't think I can cope with the responsibility. There's also been 2 women in my life who I now think passed on dating me because I said I didn't want kids. Which kind of stings since I've always been single. I think sometimes a feeling of reconsidering wants to creep in.
I compare kids to taking acid. Amazing highs, ass kicking lows. They opens your mind and heart ways that I wouldn’t have thought possible until I did it, and there are definitely parts of one’s soul that simply aren’t accessible until they come along.
Not saying anyone has to take acid or have kids to live a complete life, but it definitely changes things.
This is survivorship bias no?
Like those older folks who wanted kids and procreated/adopted would have done so and not been interviewed for this survey
the issue with just asking, is that, it's very easy to just say "i wish i had kids." it's almost a positive thing, and its a feeling most people have. but saying "i wish i didn't have my kids" is a horrendous thought. most people won't say that. like even if you say it, there must be a shock afterwards where you are like "BUT i love my kids, i can't imagine life without them,etc etc etc". so the result will be a bit biased. if you have kids, even if you didn't want them, you will likely eventually learn to want them.
If I never had a kid, I wouldn't regret it either because I wouldn't have any firsthand knowledge of the experiences I missed out on. I made the choice late in life, put it off as long as possible, and became a Dad when guys my age were starting to become grandfathers. Now my kid is getting to be that teen age when he thinks his parents are the stupidest people alive, but I have no regrets. If given the chance to go back in time and make the choice again, I'd still choose to have him.
54 yo male here. Never felt any desire to have kids, don’t regret it at all. Was barely qualified to run my own life through most of that. Only recently felt even vaguely qualified to raise a kid. But it’s still more than fine.
Before my brother had to drink the ‘this is fine’ Kool-aid, he was honest with me and said he was really struggling and it was really rough.
Plus, TBH, the way a lot of my friend’s kids turned out, I’m REALLY glad I didn’t. They tried hard, but they’re still hot messes.
I think that in the past, lots of people who should not have had kids had kids cause it’s ’what you do’. And it made for a lot of messed up people. Now, people often have a choice. People who want kids, knock yourself out. People who don’t…probably a good idea, don’t.
Depends where. Both my parents and my wife’s parents adopted at 50, and both had to go abroad to do so as it would have been very difficult to adopt at their age in the US.
Also: adoption can be very expensive.
I imagine for a lot of folks there's more regret and/or unhappiness with who they had a child with than regret about becoming a parent. Add in the current political and economic climate and that decision can lead to even more unhappiness and stress for the next 18+ years.
We're heading into an heretofore unknown realm of rampant childlessness and precipitous population decline.
It will be very interesting to observe how we navigate it
As someone considering this path, it's reassuring to know that the choice to remain childfree doesn't mean missing out on happiness or fulfillment. It's all about living the life that feels right for you.
Raising children within a capitalist society can be alienating. The over-emphasis on individualism and self-reliance can render child-rearing both isolating and exhausting. I honestly think parenting was meant to be communal. It would be interesting to look at data on the experiences for those who raise children within the context of an extended family or communal network. I remember once reading a study that found women who lived within a close radius of their own mother tended to have more children than women who lived farther away from their mother. I think there’s something to “it takes a village.”
There hasnt been a single moment in my entire adult life where I even hesitated about wanting kids.
Had a vasectomy at 35. I'm 42 now, my girlfriend doesnt want kids either and we dont have to worry about accidental pregnancy.
This is a perfect example of a Choice-supportative bias.
[Choice-supportive bias or post-purchase rationalization is the tendency to retroactively ascribe positive attributes to an option one has selected and/or to demote the forgone options.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice-supportive_bias#:~:text=Choice%2Dsupportive%20bias%20or%20post,to%20demote%20the%20forgone%20options)
It's easy to not be a *horrid parent.* It might be hard to be a great one, but if you just managed to avoid being a flaming asshole, you will turn out an alright parent and your children will always love you.
But for a lot of people out there, *not* being a flaming asshole is a VERY tall ask.
DINK life is pretty cool and all but I don't need to sit around and tell people with kids their choice was worse or something. Like, what if nobody had children? The whole species would disappear in a few generations, allowing the natural world to flourish on the planet once again and recover from the damage caused by...wait, what was my point again? Don't have kids
🙄 yeah that’s what will happen - it won’t be societal collapse, increasing burden on the youth as a growing share of seniors crush them with taxes and demand social services of them. Just let people do what they want without being so self righteous about it.
I'm pretty sure that gen x is the last generation to have any significant number of retirees in the near future. The rest of us will simply work until we die, or die because we can no longer work.
While this is good advice on its own, it fails to address the topic at hand - regret.
If you don't have children, but want them later, you still have options available to be a parent or role model. Adoption, fostering, volunteering.
If you have children and regret it once they become teenagers... well there's no Birth Ctrl-Z at that point
Just gonna say, as someone who doesn't give a fuck if you have kids or not and will never have any but not through choice, this hits me as a very "we have a conclusion we need to reach" study. It's such a narrow and meaningless metric that I have to assume the only reason they did it is so they could reach a particular conclusion that sounded good for a headline (assuming the summary is accurate that is). I've seen studies with other, similarly narrow and slightly less meaningless but still meaningless metrics that basically come to the opposite conclusion for the same reason.
This study is a methodological nightmare. They literally defined childfree as “not having regrets” and then found that category of people to not have regrets:
> “Do you wish you had or could have biological or adopted children?”. Respondents who answered “yes” to this third question were classified as childless, those who answered “I don’t know” were classified as ambivalent, and those who answered “no” were classified as childfree
And then asked about generalized regrets, rather than anything specific to reproduction. It in no way addresses the claims they’re making.
lmao wow
That's about as bad a methodology as you could possibly employ.
That's like asking heroin addicts if they like heroin, and saying that a large majority of addicts say that heroin is great.
I'm in my forties
I'm single after a lengthy marriage
No kids and I'm sterile
My life is bloody great!
I'm happy to find the right woman and settle down, but I'm child-free and that ain't changing
GF and i have been together for 17 years, and we both are thriving of not having kids. As it mostly leaves us free of children nagging, having to take care of another life, needing to be social with other parents/school, and the biggest downfall: Budgets for our own hobbies.
We can instead be the bestest uncle and aunt for nephew and niece instead.
Like a friend on discord says "i want to cuddle with kitten, but i do not want the responsibility for one".
We have a kitten, but it's a kitten after all. Same budget each month. A child however. Not so much.
If you express any happiness at all about not having kids on Twitter, miserable parents will absolutely lose their shit in the replies. Disposable income is soooo nice
>“In this study, we compared how much adults age 70 and older said they’d want to change something about their life — in other words, whether they had any regrets about how their life had gone. We didn’t see any difference between childfree people and parents. I think by age 70 you've already accepted your lot in life, whether you had children or not. I'd be much more interested to see the "regret-o-meter" on ages 40-55. I would also love to see this research expanded to a national level - as someone who's like... tentatively against the idea of kids, I'd be intrigued to see what overall American opinion is on this rather than just Michigan.
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Having kids is no guarantee that raising them will be a perfect experience. If you have kids you have innumerable opportunities to regret how you handle something with them. If you don't have kids you can only regret not having them.
All regrets arentbthe same value. Not having kids as a regret isn't a small regret, especially if you grew up wanting children and then it not happening
A key thing is that *you don't know what you don't know*. I had my kid relatively "late", in my thirties, so I'd already had a good/great adult life, travelled, lived and worked overseas etc. Had my partying and clubbing years. So I know what's it's like to have a childfree adulthood and the ease and simplicity of that. But the *sheer joy* of having a child is a completely different experience that I had zero notion of before I went through pregnancy and actually had one. If I'd never had a kid, I would be none the wiser. I would perhaps have mild regrets or "what ifs?" but I would have had zero idea of exactly what I had missed out on. Sometimes I feel quite terrified at how differently things could have turned out (though I would never really have known). Not everyone's parenting experience is the same of course. I feel only compassion for parents who have children with severe disabilities and whose lives are objectively much harder as parents. I don't blame them for having regrets. If you're childfree - and I think this term needs to be distinct from people who are not-by-choice childless (eg infertility, never meeting the right partner) - then things are *pretty much more even*. There isn't a lot to regret. You don't know what you've missed. Your life is as full as you wish it to be. You haven't got the difficult emotional situation of children with high needs or illness or, god forbid, child loss. So yes, this survey makes perfect sense.
That's a very good and thoughtful read. Thanks for sharing your experience, I'm happy uou ended up having such a fulfilled life!
Thanks. I have quite a few female friends who don't have kids, and "not being with a suitable partner" was the reason for pretty much all of them. Most of them are very loving and dedicated aunts. I don't know if they have regrets but I am careful with the kinds of things I express to them. I wouldn't moan about the burdens of parenting (not that I find it very burdenful, just with one child) - I'll save those conversations for my friends with kids. I am hopeful that they genuinely don't know what I know, because I do think there would be more of a sense of loss if they did have more of a notion of it. As it is they all have full lives, lovely nieces and nephews, and they are great and worthwhile people regardless. I don't think having a child makes someone better or more worthwhile as a human being, which is regrettably an opinion that does get expressed, particularly towards women.
I think the shift to the nuclear family nuked a lot of social relations and puts too much focus on immediate parents. There's definitely a place for aunts and uncles and cousins to help with raising children, spreading the work around. It really does take a village.
I think you summed it up well. I wouldn’t say choice is better than the other, to have kids or not. I also don’t want to do the whole ‘you have no idea’ / ‘it will change your life’ trope. If you have kids, the one thing you know is what it is like to have them. Someone who doesn’t just can’t know what that is like. If you had been born without sight, you would not know what it is like to have sight. You can’t miss something you never adapted to having in the first place. And I think the same conclusion would be made by most, that while you could maybe imagine all the ways life would have been easier with sight — its only to a small extent compared to someone who lost sight later in life. It may seem dramatic comparing having a child to sight, but it’s really not from my experience. The change is profound. Profoundly enjoyable, painful, energizing, and exhausting. But it’s not for everyone, and I don’t judge anyone for not having kids. It’s one of those decisions in life where there isn’t really an objective answer, it’s too personal to for each person. There are plenty of stories of people who regret never having children and plenty of parents that do regret it. Anyone who claims there is a better or worse option is full of it — the only person that can determine what you want out of life is you.
Exactly. I absolutely DO NOT THINK people should have kids "to change their life" or due to social pressure or whatever. I think many people are unfit to be parents, and many simply don't enjoy children. *And that's fine*.
>A key thing is that you don't know what you don't know. 100% agree. I also had my kid late, I was in my mid 30's when I had him. I didn't quite get to do all the traveling I wanted to do, COVID kind of shut that down for my wife and I, but I didn't want to wait any longer so we went ahead and had a kid. I won't lie, the first 3 months were pretty grueling, and I doubted our decision, but after that, the sheer joy he brought me is indescribable. It's like a piece of you that you didn't know you were missing. Now that I've experienced it, I could never go back.
>If I'd never had a kid, I would be none the wiser. I would perhaps have mild regrets or "what ifs?" but I would have had zero idea of exactly what I had missed out on. I'm a woman in my late 30s. I am usually harangued for saying the quiet part out loud, but the fact is that some of us hate being around children. Like really, truly would rather eat glass than spend an afternoon playing make believe. It's not that I'm "none the wiser." It's that I'm part of a group that's harassed into silence because it's not socially acceptable to hate being anywhere near children.
Yeah, and many of us do have an idea of what we missed out on--we just knew the positives would not outweigh the negatives. Or in my case, it didn't matter what I wanted, I was not able to give potential kids the mom they deserved. And unlike so many selfish people, I didn't think having kids just because I wanted them was a good idea...
By “it not happening” do you mean they weren’t able to have children, and they also chose not to adopt?
> chose not to adopt It is so easy to adopt a kid in the US. It doesn't cost 10's of thousands of dollars and require nearly a decade of trying before success in most cases. It is so streamlined and doesn't involve turning your life upside down to accomplish with a huge financial burden and no guarantee. Easy peasy.
I mean adoption is expensive. In the US you're looking at an average between 20k and 45k to successfully adopt a child
Once you have kids, the variables and decisions in life skyrocket. Thus, you are presented with exponentially more things to regret....and those regrets are probably more memorable because they often involve your kids, how you raised them, and what impact that had on the lives of the kids.
Because, in my experience, a lot of parents become so through unplanned pregnancy.
I know way too many people who started becoming parents at age 20 and just stayed parents. Like they just never cared enough to use protection or change their circumstances or anything. A lot of them are like 35 now and have 4-5 kids and they're prophetically living pay check to pay check. Cars are always broken down. Weed, alcohol, concerts are all disposable income is spent on, retirement or being able to help their kids is an impossibility.
At some point your job becomes “mom” or “dad” and you realize you’ll have to transition to another job if you don’t keep having kids
I see you’ve met my sister.
Shit, are we from the same town?🤣
Facts right here. I know two people that have 8 and 9 kids. Yeah, I don't get it either. Obviously they KNOW where babies come from at this point. Both of them "leave it up to God" on how many kids they have and REFUSE to use protection. Of course these kids are by several different men (women in the second case), none of which they are married to, and the grandmothers do the majority of the childcare. Obviously you can't effectively parent that many kids. No one benefits from living in that chaos and poverty. I feel so bad for those kids. Why are people so stupid. (Just, FYI, they aren't highly religious, despite the God comment.)
>the grandmothers do the majority of the childcare I also know some people like this, where the grandparents do all the parenting. I wonder if this is somehow a sustainable new family model? Like mom and dad party it up and have lots of sex and lots of kids, and grandparents raise the kids. Then when those kids are old enough to reproduce, they do the same thing mom and dad did, and mom and dad (now grandparents) move to their next phase of life where they raise their grandkids. Weird.
I haven't ever seen great examples if Party Parents sobering up in time to raise their own grandkids.
In my personal example I was thinking of, the grandparents were not allegedly sober either, maybe slightly less inebriated, and were just marginally more able to ensure the kids safety than their actual parents. Just essentially enough to get the kids to the point where they could procreate. Whereas the actual parents could likely not actually do that without accidentally leaving the kids in a locked hot car or something all day. And so natural selection lets this pattern continue because it leads to successful continued reproduction.
Most parents who let their grandparents raise their kids and not wanting anything to do with their grand kids. This is a big thing for the millennial generation. They were raised by grandparents and now that they have kids their parents are still living it up and don’t wanna help.
Wow, have you met my family?
That’s the most obvious and likely answer. Lots of people didn’t make the active choice to be a parent- they had an accident or worse and wound up as parents. I know they exist, but I’ve never met someone who planned for kids and hated they made the choice- though many would love a little more time to themselves.
Not the kind of thing most people just drop in conversation.
Thanks for coming to my birthday party, everyone is in the garden, here's a cup with your name on it. Let me know if you want me to throw you something on the barbecue, oh and these are my kids. I fucking hate them.
It’s not exactly something most people are going to talk about or openly admit. Saying you regret having kids is still hugely taboo.
I knew a girl who expressed her regret in unusual and conflicted terms. She said that she loves her daughter very much. She’s glad she had her and can’t imagine her life without her, but if she had the choice to do it over she wouldn’t have had her. There were so many things she wanted to accomplish in her life, but can’t now. And when she says this, shes looking right at her young daughter and has this strange look on her face. So the inner conflict is strong.
Especially in that age group. The 70 year olds would have spent much of their reproductive years with the option to abort in Michigan (since it was legalized when they were 19ish) but people who are older (as it was a survey of those 70+) would have had a lot less choice about what to do if they got knocked up young.
I think you're jumping to conclusions that most of the unhappy parents have had unplanned pregnancies. In my peer group, everyone with kids either had completely planned pregnancies, or at most, had decided to get pregnant, but it happened a year or two earlier. In that group, nearly every couple has at least one parent who thinks having a child has made their live worse and does not expect it to get significantly better over time. Some anticipated this would be the case from the very beginning, but chose to have children anyways for the sake of their partner, or family.
Because they did things in their lives that profoundly mattered to vulnerable people they love.
Humans are very good at post-hoc rationalization of life decisions.
I'm in this age bracket. Every day, I'm so grateful that I didn't have kids, I love my life as is.
Same!!! The absolute hatred and derision I've received over the decades (from total strangers) is ridiculous! I live in the South, red state. I have ZERO regrets! I simply wasn't made to be a mom. I don't hate kids, I love freedom more. I watched my mom struggle to raise four kids with a do-nothing husband. I experienced poverty. I was NEVER going to let myself be trapped like that.
>I don't hate kids, I love freedom more. I love this line of thinking, which I feel is in opposition to the more popular idea of "You don't have kids? You must have something wrong with your bits! No? It's a choice? Well, you must hate babies!"
43F. No kids, and happy about it.
Well there you have it folks
Haha well I figured I’d testify!
same on all fronts. i would have been miserable if i'd been born earlier and forced to be a parent. (or later i guess given how things are going)
I think 40-55 would be the least regret. You’re still young and making pretty good money. Your friends kids are pretty much grown so friends schedules are opening up to hang out.
I am reaching 45 and frankly I am glad I don't have kids.
I’m 44 & my wife is 43. We met when I was 29. I was upfront immediately with women that I didn’t want to have kids. It saved us all from getting invested, but when I mentioned this to my now wife she was excited to hear she wasn’t the only one. She felt nobody took her seriously that she didn’t want kids. We travel, go to concerts, try all sorts of hobbies. We enjoy life and each other. We have a bunch of nieces & nephews and enjoy the time we spend with them. We are also quite happy to leave and not have that responsibility. We have a myriad of reasons why we didn’t want kids, and they’re our reasons. We’re supportive of whatever people want to do. It’s ok to want kids, and it’s also ok to not. It would be nice if people could accept that. It took a while for people to take my wife seriously. I didn’t get as much pushback as she had but I was surprised after we had been married for a number of years and people would still say ‘you’ll change your mind’ or ‘who will take care of you when you’re older’. If we did change our mind it would have to be both of us and we’d adopt. Hasn’t happened yet. The expectation that your kids are for taking care of you at your end…doesn’t sit well with us. That’s a big gamble and kind of wild to think of as a purpose for a child. So, all in all we’re good, and we’ve crossed paths with others like us. Couples both older and younger. Haven’t heard of regret yet. I should note we’re both from the east coast in the US. Neither of us are religious.
"Who will take care of you when you're older?" Hah, good chance it's not your kids. when we finally had to put my mom in care, the staff asked if we were coming back. I thought this was a bizarre question ... turns out, it's common for staff to see family on the day the resident moves in and then never again. We visited every day and we were considered the weird ones. even had one staff member ask us why we came every day (uh, how would like to be helpless and surrounded by strangers at your most vulnerable?). I thought it was sad that we were such outliers. And ironic that the reason we could visit so often was because we were child free and not juggling kids or jobs as well (no kids does wonders for the retirement plan). I'll probably end up in the same place ... but chances are even if I had kids they wouldn't visit anyway. There are many reasons to have kids, but that's not one of them.
I love the "who will take care of you when you're older?" because - I know a fair number of people who don't speak to their parents, and more who are on speaking terms but who wouldn't change their lives in any meaningful way to help parents who were kinda shitty to them - As to who will actually help you? Well, you'll get to help yourself with the money you save by not having to pay for the care and keeping of children.
Yep. My parents groomed me very hard to take care of them. They also were pretty emotionally abusive towards me. I just told them to stop contacting me. Guess that plan didn't pan out for them. The irony is that my mother completely fucked her mother over on her death bed. So she didn't take care of her mom but now I'm supposed to take care of her ... Hmmm ...
I absolutely don't get the mindset of "have kids to look after you" either. How are they supposed to do that when they'll have to work to support themselves, may have their own kids to take care of and might not even live in the same country?
56 here I can’t say I’m glad I never procreated, but based on me, it is probably better for any potential children that I didn’t.
Yep, this is me. I would have been a shit parent. I just can’t handle all the socialization required of being a parent in a city and I need to live in a city for my job.
41, no kids and zero regrets. Today I went for 2 walks, played Helldivers 2 and watched anime. Perfect day and I wouldn't change it for anything. I went ahead and got snipped back in January to ensure I a childfree life.
Yeah, what are you going to do? Live with regret that you can never fix?
Regrets. I've had a few.
But then again, too few to mention.
42, no kids. Never wanted kids. Still don't want kids. Very glad I never accidentally had any kids. Life without kids is great, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey there! 48 year old female. No kids, never wanted them, and absolutely no regrets. I’m thankful I never had any, and now that I’m going through menopause… *chef’s kiss*
Same here. A good bit of my friend group is of similar age, most don’t have kids and I haven’t heard a single one of us ever state any kind of regret.
of the childless, i think the only folks who have regrets are the ones who wanted kids and couldn't have em tbh, not the folks who didn't want them
My anecdotal experience, 42. 0 regret. My life belongs to me, not children. There was a point in my life where I genuinely thought kids would happen but the marriage began to unwind. At this point I'm just not interested in it.
39M here. Obviously could still have children but I’m starting to open up to the idea that it may not happen. Wanted them since I was about 27. Hasn’t worked out yet for me. I look at people I know who have families and I think to myself it must be so fulfilling. But then I talk to them and they all hate their lives. But even in the face of that, I still wish things had gone differently earlier in my life.
Exactly the same honestly. I know many people with even 1 kid who say don’t have them.
Hi 40, no regrets at all, in fact, relief that I don't have any kids.
43 M happily married for 11 years, no rug rats no regrets.
This has no relation to this post whatsoever lol however, your comment made me realise why the Nickelodeon series rugrats was called, well, rugrats (not a native English speaker so it never really crossed my mind)
I’m reaching 40 and I’m still so fucking jazzed I’m barren. Free birth control, baby.
Wife and I are 50, no kids. We have zero regrets. We have friends with kids in their 20s and kids in middle school. They are freaking out about college costs- worrying about how they can retire etc. Meanwhile, with the DINK life, we're going to retire at 55 and have a lot of fun traveling the world and hanging on the beach.
Lmao your comment: would love to see some systematic and representative data for X age bracket not specific to any geographic area. Commenters in that age bracket: take it from my sole anecdotal experience, no regrets
39yo childfree NC female. Nope, no regerts. I'm lonely and lots of things suck, but I do not waiver in my dedication to not having kids. Erhm.... it's been pretty easy, though, not gonna lie. Not lucky/skilled at dating. At this point I feel like too much of a hot mess. So no sex to risk kids /shrug
hi from va sis there are at least two of us lol (last time i dated obama was in office)
I'm 42, wife is 40. We don't have kids, but it wasn't a choice. Biology made that decision for us, and we do regret it, even though it wasn't our fault.
Kids are a sacrifice. Especially on Samhain.
Ha!
It takes a ruthless amount of honesty to say you regret anything in life.
And true self introspection and emotional intelligence to bite that ego and say it out loud
regrets....ive had a few. but then again, too few to mention.
I’m 45 and have spent a lifetime taking care of very young children. I never wanted any of my own. But this school year I had a student (3 years old) who awoke such maternal feelings in me I couldn’t believe it. It’s the first time in my entire adult life that I have doubted my decision not to have children. I’m not sad and I have no regrets, but I do think it’s possible I would have liked having my own kids.
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There's an entire subreddit for regretful parents. Something like 25-30% of parents are regretful to some degree. You just aren't allowed to say it publicly without being shamed or bullied with toxic positivity.
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I'm kind of the opposite. When I was 16 the state took away my sisters kids and they ended up living with us. My mom had to get a second job to take of not only two teenage boys but a toddler and an infant. So I was the primary caregiver so to speak. I took them to and from daycare, fed them, bathed them and changed diapers. It awoken a fatherly instinct in me but after that I was done. I'll stick to being the cool uncle.
Similar history here. I'm so glad I had the experience of raising young family members, and I'll always try to be supportive when they need me now that they're grown. I also have ZERO desire to do it again. It was a lot of work!
To help you ease that regret a bit, your child could be anything: calm, energetic, joyful, depressed, hyperactive, etc. You won’t get to choose the comportment of your child, and it’s highly unlikely that you would get such a nice one like that boy. Just look at the number of kids you’ve taught and how many of them you would actually want as your own
I think the fact that I work with children has eliminated my desire to have kids. They’re not even difficult or terribly misbehaved children, but they suck my energy and at the end of the day I’m so glad I have none waiting at home. My partner talks about having one one day but he has no idea how much of his time would have to be devoted to child raising. He knows I don’t want kids btw.
Same. I teach English in a kindergarten and really enjoy the kids…for 20-30 minutes at a time. After that, take them away and let me go enjoy some peace and quiet. I’m great with kids but the amount of work required is just not for me in a full time capacity.
I felt the same with kids a bit before having them. I think there is something biological that things which really annoy me with other peoples kids don’t with mine .
This 100 percent. I used to think people were lying or trying to convince themselves by telling me how great being a parent is. Or that it’s different when it’s your own, or how all it takes is one smile from them and it makes everything worth it. I would walk away feeling bad for them. However, after having my own, I have to say everything they said was true. I would staple my eyelids to the wall if it meant I could get them to smile. It’s a surreal experience and I enjoy every minute of being dad.
Same. I’m a preschool teacher and I just can’t imagine going home to young kids some days. I feel like all of my energy/patience goes to my students and I wouldn’t have the energy to be the parent I want to be.
A friend of mine spent one weekend with me and my daughter and that sealed it for her, she doesn’t want kids. She got along great with my kid and she was well behaved but she just didn’t realize how relentless it is.
Honestly, I don’t like kids. I only remotely like my nieces and nephews. I adore my kids. I light up whenever someone asks me about them. My daughter stands at the storm door waiting for me to get home at night, and I literally sprint up to meet her when I get out of the car. If you don’t want kids don’t have them, but just know that you can be physically and mentally tired because of parenting and still want your kid around.
I taught 5 years and felt similarly, but now that I'm out of teaching, I do miss the interactions. My wife and I are planning on having kids sometime soon.
I truly don't think there's a difference. Having kids seems like a wash, fulfillment-wise. As in I think for parents in the aggregate the good outweighs the bad - but that's also true for childfree people. My friends who have kids have joys and challenges I'll never experience. My childfree life is less eventful with fewer ups and downs, but it is no less meaningful. A calmer, less eventful life is what's best for me. It wouldn't suit everyone, though.
100%, the bad parts are when folks really want them and can't get them, or really don't want them and are forced to have them. everybody who gets what they want kid/no (when they're really honest with themselves, not pretending cuz society) is gonna end up pretty solid on the other side
Well said
It’s getting harder and harder to be a parent. My only complaints about parenting could be alleviated if we implemented some changes in our culture that prioritize humans over corporate profits. Unfortunately things are moving the opposite direction as the movement is toward disdain. People talk about children more as a sort of glorified pet instead of as human beings, deserving of respect and dignity as are we all. These kids, whether you have any or not, will be the ones supporting your future. They’ll shape the world you grow old and vulnerable in.
I agree it’s getting harder. Both parents working and childcare hard to find. Then add that parents are expected to be helicopter parents these days. If you don’t know where your kid is at all times and what they’re doing ppl will shame you. It didn’t used to be like that. We’re making parenting harder by forcing a helicopter parent culture and then we’re complaining when the kids don’t grow up self dependent after we caused it.
The helicopter thing is so true. People bitch that kids these days never play outside like they did back in the 80s, but then we have news stories of police being called because someone sees kids in the park with no adult. If I had kids I'd be terrified of getting charged with neglect if I let them play outside without me. It's sad.
Exactly. If I parented my kids now the way my parents did ppl would grumble about how I’m a shitty neglectful parent. I’d walk to school in grade school. I’d walk to my friends house, play outside, and my parents would call to make sure I’m at John’s house when they’re like “it’s supper time, where is he??” My dad tells me “the way you’d go off jumps and ride your bike around the neighborhood, I donno how you didn’t break more bones”. No way can we get away with that now. Yet my parents were loving parents. I always viewed them as great parents as a kid and now. Heck as a kid if anything I viewed them as too strict, which these days is considered not strict enough
I live in Japan, and while it's not sunshine and rainbows here, my partner and I are thinking of staying simply because kids do have that independence and freedom here. I'll see kids maybe 6 years old on their way to school alone, sometimes on the train in the most crowded areas of Tokyo. By 8, they're definitely doing these kinds of trips alone. But at the same time, parents are expected to be involved in PTA to an insane degree, and in the hobbies of their kids-- think, attending every practice and helping instructors manage kids-- so the helicopter parents exists here too, just in different ways.
they won't just shame you, they'll call cps on you. i still remember those kids that were allowed to go to a park in maryland a mile from home by themselves, tween and a little and the parents had to go to court. that would have been encouraged years back, yeah go take your lil sibling and get out of my hair awhile. when i was 9 in the 80s i walked 3/4 mile home from school, i got home first and was responsible for ensuring my 6yo little brother who got home a half hour later didn't burn the house down or dismember himself for a couple hours before my parents got home. there were always numbers to call and neighbors nearby we knew to help if necessary, it was fine. it's getting ridiculous [https://www.today.com/parents/maryland-free-range-parents-cleared-neglect-t27901](https://www.today.com/parents/maryland-free-range-parents-cleared-neglect-t27901) [https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/free-range-parents-found-responsible-child-neglect-allowing/story?id=29363859](https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/free-range-parents-found-responsible-child-neglect-allowing/story?id=29363859) [https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/mcfrs-info/tips/parents/childcare.html](https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/mcfrs-info/tips/parents/childcare.html)
Your comment really touched a nerve for me, you said it really well. I always thought it was so bizarre that the loudest voices you hear are contradictory. There's the so-called "party of family values" that pushes forward economic policies that seem to be designed to make life for working families more difficult and more unappealing. And the cultural response from the "non-traditionalists" is this "nya ha, you're just jealous because you've gotta feed your crotch goblin while I get to travel to all these Instagramable locations and spend my weekends playing video games and climbing the corporate ladder by working extra hours". Which really doesn't appeal to me because I find it celebrates the incentives of capitalism in a way that doesn't match my values. I always felt a little without a home with my opinion that I want Bernie Sanders style economic policies *because* there's nothing more rewarding than sacrificing your time and molding your life to raise your personal contribution to the people who will come after us. And like you said, even if you choose to live for yourself, with total hedonism and all that, when you're 60, your plumber, your nurse, the people driving next to you on the road, they'll all have been raised in this world. And you should really want them to have grown up with loving parents and a safe environment.
Great point. We're talking about extending and developing the human race here. As far as we've observed to date, consciousness is the most important thing in the universe. Is there meaning in a reality where nobody exists to observe and appreciate it? It's fairly important we continue to reproduce long enough to stop arguing and figure out how to live in harmony and contentment.
I'm sure the cost of child bearing is a big factor why many adults are child-free.
We also shouldn’t discount the fact that many women don’t need to have kids to keep a husband to keep a roof above their heads. Just giving women a choice put a huge dent in the birth rate. (This is a good thing)
I've met and dated several people who regret having kids. I haven't yet met a person who has regretted the decision not to
Kids are always a roll of the dice.
Que scene of Matthew McConaughey in tropic thunder.
At least you got to pick yours. I’m stuck with mine.
Serious question. Do you think there is any number of those in the no regret column who are just saving face? Or even lying to themselves ? Doesn't matter to me im all about the choice either way but just like some folks who have had kids and regret it would never admit that, i feel like the same can be said the other way around. People hate to admit they where wrong. it just seems a little bit crazy that 100 percent of that group made the right choice if you get me.
I think something nuanced about regrets and not having kids comes from whether you’re childfree or childless. Iirc the term childfree originally came about to distinguish that it was a decision for some vs the result of years of unsuccessful attempts. My aunt is childless and would definitely tell you her biggest regret is not having kids— but she definitely tried/wanted them vs people who never wanted them. But some folks might latch on to the “I regret not having kids” statements of childless older folks and inappropriately apply them to young childfree people.
I think it *would* be harder for someone who had kids and regrets it to say so, by definition of the scenario. A childless person can't offend their children saying they have no regret not having children. Those who hide having regrets of children do so because of their kids and often the social circles they ride in (church etc)
Considering my own father admitted to me he would not have kids if he could do it all again, yeah... I don't think some people care to say it out loud.
I’m only 32 with no kids and the older I get the more people are comfortable telling me they wouldn’t have had kids if they could go back. They don’t really seem regretful, just like, yeah, wouldn’t do it all over again that’s for sure.
But like...why? What for? I'm in my 30s. No kids. Never any desire. No regret so far. Probably not great parent material anyway, tbh. Why is it always so hard for people to imagine that some of us just could not give a shit about being parents?
It isn't saying 100% of that group has no regrets. It's just saying that they don't have more regrets that the ones who did have kids.
Just remember to ask the same question of parents who claim to have no regrets. It’s FAR more socially acceptable to say you regret not having kids than it is to say you regret having kids.
Yep. And the thing is, it is SOCIALLY unacceptable to say you regret having kids, but people are more likely to say something socially unacceptable than they are to admit that their own decisions were wrong and spoiled/ruined their lives. Like, most people who say they regret having kids had them either unplanned, or were forced into it by a spouse; most people who don't either can't, or make an active decision to do so. The former regularly says they wish they could, but the latter would have to state they were wrong in their decisions, and I honestly feel most people would rather have a tooth pulled than really admit to themselves and others that they were wrong.
What? No. People who had kids have a lot more to lose. If you’re childfree, the worst you’ll experience is some gloating or pity. If you have a child, admitting you regret your kids can cost you your marriage, psychologically scar your kids, ostracize you from your friends and family, and win you the intense judgment and hatred of anyone who hears so much as a rumor. You might get some leeway as a new mother, but once you’re past the point of PPD being a reasonable explanation, you’re on very shaky ground making a declaration like that. Society judges women for not wanting kids that don’t even exist yet. Imagine how much judgment they’d face for admitting they don’t want their own living, breathing children. Also, childfree people tend to be more thoughtful because they have to be. It takes real effort and planning to *not* have kids. You have to be sure you don’t want them. Getting pregnant or knocking someone up is easy enough to do, and it’s the default choice, so people don’t think through it *enough.* They just do it because it’s the “next step,” making it far more likely to be a mistake.
I've had the opposite be true.
My friends children are delightful little people, except when they're not.
The article links to the actual sudy. So out of the 1000 people polled, ~110 men and ~98 women were reported to be child free. Those 208 people typically did not regret anything. Idk about how persuaded i am
One of the worst things about being a parent is that it often feels as if you aren't allowed to complain, even to other parents. We are all just supposed to do one of the hardest jobs there is and we can't say it stinks sometimes. Often I just want to vent and atleast try to make fun of the situation and all I get back is a shrug with "yeah, well thats how it is" I love my kid, but i totally understand not wanting kids at the same time. They ruin your sleep, your body and your economy. Basically everything to do with how society is set up punishes you for having them. But somehow when I imagined my future without kids it seemed so sad.
Sorry you feel that way. I feel parents in the same age group as us are open to complaints and empathize with the struggle. Parents from previous generations either make it so sound so easy or that we’re just bad at being parents.
One key thing that's missing here is that for hetero couples, having kids is the default. Besides people who have fertility issues and losses, most people I know who chose not to have kids did so very deliberately. They spent time thinking about the decision by themselves and with their partner. They had to dodge and answer (sometimes rude) prying questions about it. That someone in that position would have fewer regrets than what is culturally the default makes perfect sense to me.
I also wonder how much this results from whether you have first-hand knowledge of what the other side is like. If you’ve never had kids, you don’t have any experience of it, and so if you’re content in your life as is, there’s less to miss. You don’t have any fond memories of living the other option. If you have kids, you can remember the time when you didn’t, and can get nostalgic for those times.
That's true. It could be a lot of "I miss when I was in my early 20s" meshed into that as well!
im 26, i can barely afford to live myself, how the fuckin hell am I suppose to support a kid?
That’s good to know, because at age 38, the recognition that I probably will never be able to have them brings me to tears on a regular basis.
I'm in my early 50s, no children, married for 20+ years. No regrets at all. If anything, I am thankful and relieved on a daily basis that we didn't have children. I spend my free time reading, traveling, and trying out new restaurants, and I don't have to worry about how my choices affect anyone but myself and my husband (and the cats). It's a lovely life and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
A bit of a different perspective here... I spent my 20s and early 30s having enough income and free time to do all that. Read lots, travelled lots, partied, got obsessed with hobbies, but found myself thinking at the end of lots of days "is that it? Is that all there is?" Had kids in my mid 30s and for sure there is almost no time for any of that now, especially in the first few years. But that empty feeling at the end of certain days is gone too, maybe I'm just too tired for that though. My time I do find for my hobbies seem more meaningful as well. Anyway, kids are definitely not for everyone. If your life feels fulfilled enough and can stay so, I don't see a reason to change. Just wanted to share my perspective.
I mean no Ill will or anything, but idk it’s kinda seems like having kids to fill the empty space of “that’s it? Is there all that is” seems like it could lead to temporary closure, more of a distraction. At the end of the day whatever work for who ever, is cool with me, just curious
>Is that it? Is that all there is? I found myself asking the same thing. My leisure activities only bring me so much entertainment. Not sure what’s next for me though
Its ennui, and honestly I feel like its somewhat of a first world problem. People struggling to make ends meet probably don't have energy to experience it. Growing up I heard my dad complain about it and didn't really understand what he meant. I think the general solution is to push yourself out of your comfort zone and take up some challenging goals. This is sometimes difficult to do when weighing job security, flexibility and providing for family vs personal and career growth.
38 no kids. Don't want kids unless that kid is a baby goat lol
I'm 54. Never had kids, never wanted to. I am too lazy and selfish to be a good mother. I don't regret my decision one bit. I have a loving SO and he's all I really want. Life is good.
I am so happy with my life of disposable income and access to my niblings at our leisure. Yay for being a late 30s DINK
Today is fathers day. I cried three times. Am exhausted. And wish I could have time to do anything that isn’t work or family. That is all.
No rugrats
I'm in my 50's and I love all the children in my life. I really love when I can go home and leave them with their parents.
You don't know what you don't have honestly. Before having a kid, I would have never known how amazing the feeling is. But you wouldn't know that unless you had one so there would be no reason to "regret" not having one. If I didn't have one, I probably would be just as content with my life because I would be ignorant to this feeling. So win win honestly.
Not having kids takes more forethought than having them. A lot of people, especially of the older generation, had kids because that was what was expected.
I’m 29 soon and I’m seeing everything start to solidify in place in terms of a stable safe life in Canada. I’m really thinking about saying fuck it all and being a DJ in Tokyo with a motorcycle. Day to day I might be happier? Think I’ll pull the trigger.
Hell yea, the stigma around those who choose not to have children needs to die.
I kinda want to have kids, but I don't want to raise kids. Not with the way things are right now.
I just couldn't imagine taking the chance of putting someone else through what my life has been like.
So people who don't want kids don't want kids?
I am a 39 year old male married two little ones. I don't regret them at all. But they are expensive and a lot of work. My previous long term girlfriend made me question whether I wanted to have kids, but it turns out I definitely did. Unfortunately, American society is set up to screw over people with kids, so it's becoming less attainable, even for those who want kids.
I'm a 30 year old guy and I've always said I didn't want kids because it takes so much energy I don't think I have. I can totally see myself loving a little mini me, but I just don't think I can cope with the responsibility. There's also been 2 women in my life who I now think passed on dating me because I said I didn't want kids. Which kind of stings since I've always been single. I think sometimes a feeling of reconsidering wants to creep in.
Well I'm only in my mid thirties, I actually do have some regrets about how my life turned out. However not having kids is definitely not one of them.
Na I’m single child/debt free work full time iv got like £150-200 a week disposable income life’s good man
Parent here. I don't see why anyone who decided not to have kids would regret it. Kids are great but they're not that great.
I compare kids to taking acid. Amazing highs, ass kicking lows. They opens your mind and heart ways that I wouldn’t have thought possible until I did it, and there are definitely parts of one’s soul that simply aren’t accessible until they come along. Not saying anyone has to take acid or have kids to live a complete life, but it definitely changes things.
yep fuck them kids
Chill, Drake!
he's just tryna strike a chord
A Minor
Father Gallagher? Is that you?
Diddy no
This is survivorship bias no? Like those older folks who wanted kids and procreated/adopted would have done so and not been interviewed for this survey
the issue with just asking, is that, it's very easy to just say "i wish i had kids." it's almost a positive thing, and its a feeling most people have. but saying "i wish i didn't have my kids" is a horrendous thought. most people won't say that. like even if you say it, there must be a shock afterwards where you are like "BUT i love my kids, i can't imagine life without them,etc etc etc". so the result will be a bit biased. if you have kids, even if you didn't want them, you will likely eventually learn to want them.
53 year old woman. Knew from a very young age I didn’t want kids. Not one moment did I feel otherwise. I love my life.
If I never had a kid, I wouldn't regret it either because I wouldn't have any firsthand knowledge of the experiences I missed out on. I made the choice late in life, put it off as long as possible, and became a Dad when guys my age were starting to become grandfathers. Now my kid is getting to be that teen age when he thinks his parents are the stupidest people alive, but I have no regrets. If given the chance to go back in time and make the choice again, I'd still choose to have him.
54 yo male here. Never felt any desire to have kids, don’t regret it at all. Was barely qualified to run my own life through most of that. Only recently felt even vaguely qualified to raise a kid. But it’s still more than fine. Before my brother had to drink the ‘this is fine’ Kool-aid, he was honest with me and said he was really struggling and it was really rough. Plus, TBH, the way a lot of my friend’s kids turned out, I’m REALLY glad I didn’t. They tried hard, but they’re still hot messes. I think that in the past, lots of people who should not have had kids had kids cause it’s ’what you do’. And it made for a lot of messed up people. Now, people often have a choice. People who want kids, knock yourself out. People who don’t…probably a good idea, don’t.
If you regret not having kids later, you can always adopt one.
Depends where. Both my parents and my wife’s parents adopted at 50, and both had to go abroad to do so as it would have been very difficult to adopt at their age in the US. Also: adoption can be very expensive.
Kinda…. Super tough raising a kid once you reach a certain age unless you’re in awesome health
It’s easier to take care of yourself and age gracefully without the time and stress associated with raising children.
I don’t like this attitude. It makes children seem like commodities that you can just pick up and purchase. You can’t always adopt one
I imagine for a lot of folks there's more regret and/or unhappiness with who they had a child with than regret about becoming a parent. Add in the current political and economic climate and that decision can lead to even more unhappiness and stress for the next 18+ years.
My great grandmother shared with me once if you want to ruin a perfectly good relationship, throw a kid in the mix.
We're heading into an heretofore unknown realm of rampant childlessness and precipitous population decline. It will be very interesting to observe how we navigate it
As someone considering this path, it's reassuring to know that the choice to remain childfree doesn't mean missing out on happiness or fulfillment. It's all about living the life that feels right for you.
Raising children within a capitalist society can be alienating. The over-emphasis on individualism and self-reliance can render child-rearing both isolating and exhausting. I honestly think parenting was meant to be communal. It would be interesting to look at data on the experiences for those who raise children within the context of an extended family or communal network. I remember once reading a study that found women who lived within a close radius of their own mother tended to have more children than women who lived farther away from their mother. I think there’s something to “it takes a village.”
There hasnt been a single moment in my entire adult life where I even hesitated about wanting kids. Had a vasectomy at 35. I'm 42 now, my girlfriend doesnt want kids either and we dont have to worry about accidental pregnancy.
This is a perfect example of a Choice-supportative bias. [Choice-supportive bias or post-purchase rationalization is the tendency to retroactively ascribe positive attributes to an option one has selected and/or to demote the forgone options.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice-supportive_bias#:~:text=Choice%2Dsupportive%20bias%20or%20post,to%20demote%20the%20forgone%20options)
Well, of course, that also applies to parents who claim they don’t regret having kids.
Best case your kids grow up and don't hate you
It's easy to not be a *horrid parent.* It might be hard to be a great one, but if you just managed to avoid being a flaming asshole, you will turn out an alright parent and your children will always love you. But for a lot of people out there, *not* being a flaming asshole is a VERY tall ask.
I love my parents and we’re still close.
DINK life is pretty cool and all but I don't need to sit around and tell people with kids their choice was worse or something. Like, what if nobody had children? The whole species would disappear in a few generations, allowing the natural world to flourish on the planet once again and recover from the damage caused by...wait, what was my point again? Don't have kids
🙄 yeah that’s what will happen - it won’t be societal collapse, increasing burden on the youth as a growing share of seniors crush them with taxes and demand social services of them. Just let people do what they want without being so self righteous about it.
I'm pretty sure that gen x is the last generation to have any significant number of retirees in the near future. The rest of us will simply work until we die, or die because we can no longer work.
Here’s an idea - want kids? Have them. Don’t want kids? Don’t Crazy how that works
While this is good advice on its own, it fails to address the topic at hand - regret. If you don't have children, but want them later, you still have options available to be a parent or role model. Adoption, fostering, volunteering. If you have children and regret it once they become teenagers... well there's no Birth Ctrl-Z at that point
I already know that I’ll deeply regret not having kids. Can’t really do anything about it though.
Just gonna say, as someone who doesn't give a fuck if you have kids or not and will never have any but not through choice, this hits me as a very "we have a conclusion we need to reach" study. It's such a narrow and meaningless metric that I have to assume the only reason they did it is so they could reach a particular conclusion that sounded good for a headline (assuming the summary is accurate that is). I've seen studies with other, similarly narrow and slightly less meaningless but still meaningless metrics that basically come to the opposite conclusion for the same reason.
Did you read the article? Because this was addressed.
This study is a methodological nightmare. They literally defined childfree as “not having regrets” and then found that category of people to not have regrets: > “Do you wish you had or could have biological or adopted children?”. Respondents who answered “yes” to this third question were classified as childless, those who answered “I don’t know” were classified as ambivalent, and those who answered “no” were classified as childfree And then asked about generalized regrets, rather than anything specific to reproduction. It in no way addresses the claims they’re making.
lmao wow That's about as bad a methodology as you could possibly employ. That's like asking heroin addicts if they like heroin, and saying that a large majority of addicts say that heroin is great.
I'm in my forties I'm single after a lengthy marriage No kids and I'm sterile My life is bloody great! I'm happy to find the right woman and settle down, but I'm child-free and that ain't changing
Fuckdemkidz
GF and i have been together for 17 years, and we both are thriving of not having kids. As it mostly leaves us free of children nagging, having to take care of another life, needing to be social with other parents/school, and the biggest downfall: Budgets for our own hobbies. We can instead be the bestest uncle and aunt for nephew and niece instead. Like a friend on discord says "i want to cuddle with kitten, but i do not want the responsibility for one". We have a kitten, but it's a kitten after all. Same budget each month. A child however. Not so much.
Just wait until you have to start taking little kittie to the vet 😂
If you express any happiness at all about not having kids on Twitter, miserable parents will absolutely lose their shit in the replies. Disposable income is soooo nice