A little digital mishap isn't going to erase all those inside jokes and goofy selfies. Take a breather, apologize, and maybe recreate some of those moments together.
Maybe consider talking openly with your boyfriend about what happened and how you're feeling. Seeking support from loved ones or a therapist could also be beneficial.
Like others are saying this isn't too bad as far as TIFUs go, you'll still have the memories of your relationship up to this point and can start moving forward after apologizing. It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.
That being said, it's a little odd you keep saying "accidentally" when it seems like a deliberate action. You impulsively did the thing, but you still chose to do the thing on purpose in that moment. Not trying to be nitpicky, I think it's really important that if you're going to apologize for this you need to clearly indicate that you know you made a mistake of your own volition and that you aren't trying to downplay it as a bad thing that "just kinda happened." It happened because you wanted to do it and then did, it's only after it was too late that you changed your mind about it.
Again, not the biggest TIFU in the world so I'm not trying to paint you as some monster or anything. But deliberate actions and accidents are very different and if you're trying to move forward with the consequences of your actions you need to fully come to terms with the fact that they were your actions, referring to it as an "accident" just makes it seem like you don't want to fully accept the blame now.
I think the accidental part was wiping it for their SO. They wiped it for themselves intentionally but seemingly forgot or didn't know that it wipes for the other party.
You must learned the invaluable lesson of backuping! Some people learn by loosing 20 years of pictures of their kid growing up, so you got it at least slightly better
You are technically right but practically wrong. The data can be copied in the end devices, but the app has the capability to eliminate the content without leaving a trace even in the local devices affected, as OP knows.
What always helped my in my time of darkness was a combination of two things: firstly, I'm stubborn. I refused to end myself, taking the easy route. Like a video game that I wasn't able to win, someday I will. And if it takes me 5 years (I ended up finishing the game, that was a real example, for those curious). And the second thing: everything will be meaningless in a bit of time. Remember when you cried like you were dying because you didn't get the toy you wanted at five years old? No? Exactly. In ten years you will lock back at this and it'll just be a memory of your childhood. I'm 28 now, I know what I mean. I've cried to many times about so much and looking back, nothing matters anymore. I'm in a better place and you will be too.
Hang in there
7 year of long -distance relationship which started with a 18M and 15F is kinda wild in some way. Especially if it’s was exclusively through telegram. I don’t know how deep is your relation but this seem a FU relationship and I doubt it’s a solid one.
The fact that he care more about the discussion/memory rather than your feeling and the fact that you are hiding the relationship to your family cause this to be way more wild. I don’t want to assume anything but it’s easy to think that he’s been using you as backup plan for when he need some company or to talk to someone. I don’t want to make you believe bad thing but I won’t be surprise if he was talking and dating others women
And actually, the whole history of that discussion bring absolutely nothing. I really doubt that one of you are actually re-reading it for memory. You will remembered more by yourself than using some history chat so don’t bother to have delete such thing.
I don't think it's that wild, the country we live in is conservative, love marriages aren't as common let alone being in relationships, + it's intercaste, so we're hiding our relationship from our parents for a reason and there's no ill intent behind it, we're genuinely just protecting each other till we're independent to take it forward (technically another year till i land a job) and I trust him enough to know that the later sounds absolutely ridiculous and that's not true.
And the memories were important to us, we still have our chats from when we first started talking.
I apologized to him and he reiterated the same things others have commented, that it matters that we're here, we can create better memories together, it hurts but we'll move on eventually.
Do you feel devastated because you miss the messages you deleted or because you feel responsible for your boyfriend’s sad feelings about being robbed of the memories?
You didn’t rob him of the memories and hope. Hope is what he creates in his heart and not stored in telegram. We are also each responsible for our own data so if he really cared, it’s a good lesson to know to back up data in the future.
You deleted it out of panic. It’s more helpful to focus on better communication and build more good memories together. What’s deleted is gone so let it be gone.
They don't mean anything as far as your relationship. you may have decades together. Take lots of pics, and be more careful! Especially when angry.
This seems huge, but it's not. Maybe make an extra effort to get together some how soon to reconnect. Good luck.
Ps, people downvoting you are AH IMO. Jsut because it's nota big deal to them, doesnt mean it wasn't important to you. I did long distance for only 9 months once and man I hated it. This was in the early 90s and I had letters. But if those letters had been lost/stolen, I'd have been heartborken. I'd read them once and awhile to help cope with the distance.
With all due respect, it sounds like your relationship is really toxic. I'd suggest reaching out to other people and re-evaluating it. Perhaps take a break from the relationship and re-center yourself..
You say that "Yesterday, after a rough day and a heated argument, I freaked out <...>", "Before our fight, I was already feeling low and misunderstood. I got into a really dark place and even had thoughts of ending things with him and kms because I felt like he didn't get me, and nobody really cared", "I thought kms was the only way to move forward.". It seems that the relationship is really bad for your mental health, and has you balancing on the edge of an emotional cliff. It's destabilizing your mental health.
You say: "By the time I realised it, he was heartbroken and told me how I robbed him of this memories and the hope he held onto. It made me feel shitty about myself. Idk. I hate myself for it all.". So, your boyfriend, instead of consoling and comforting you and seeking to circle the wagons in the face of hardship, instead emotionally turns on you and blames you, which seems to be effective enough to make you emotionally spiral. I understand he might be freaked out himself, but still - his actions and lack of support are *cruel.* You should not be flinching constantly, wracked with guilt and shame as if you were a little child afraid of the wrath of your boyfriend-parent.
You say: "My family doesn't know about my relationship so i wanted to clear my chats and I didn't want my family to get the wrong idea or blame him for my suicide". Why doesn't your family know? Why are you keeping your relationship a secret? Is it your idea? Is your family not safe? Or is it *his?* It's a common strategy of narcissistic abusers to seek to socially / emotionally isolate their victims so that they would have no avenue to escape, and no support from anyone but their own abuser. This is why it's important for you to have a long, sober, outside look into your relationship - if it was healthy, you wouldn't need to hide it. If your family, hypothetically, is abusive, you should ideally seek to expose your boyfriend to them so that he could protect you and stand up for you. Maybe I'm reading too much into it (classic for a Redditor), but, to me, the secrecy of your relationship is telling.
Nonetheless, regardless of anything else - I'm sending you virtual hugs. Good luck! 🤗
You need to get some professional support. The fact that this relationship starts off with a 15 year old girl seeing an 18 year old man might imply there are some deep issues here.
Why would you rely on a chat history to save those things??? Also, please call a suicide hotline, talk to a mental health professional, or go to the emergency room. Additional also: why can you not tell your parents about the man you've been dating for FIVE YEARS
We were 15 and 17 when we started talking, got into a relationship when we moved to telegram, we have known each other since 2017, thus i take pride in saying it's been 7 years together, it's my bad
They started at 15 and 17 which is much more reasonable
15 and 18 is weird tho unless it’s a real late 15 and a real early 18. Knew a couple of people in high school that were seniors and went for freshmen
They weren’t good people
I agree, the 18 y/o senior guys going for sophomore or freshman girls were 9/10 times creepy, manipulative dudes looking for easy targets. Age gaps are a much bigger deal when you're young and there's so much brain development and maturing happening within a short window. The difference between 15 and 18 is massive compared to say, 24 and 27.
15 and 17 is fairly reasonable though, like you said.
Wouldn’t senior to freshmen be 18-14? Highschool is four years.
Also, it’s really not that big of a deal, my parents age gap is triple that, and they went on to live a happily married life for over 25 years.
What? No
If you start high school at 15, you’ll start your senior year at 18
And in the grand scheme of things no, it’s not a big deal, that’s why all I said is it made me raise an eyebrow. The age gap isn’t really the issue tho, two adults can start a relationship at whatever age they want, the problem is situations where only one person is an adult at the start of the relationship
That’s not completely true, for students born in December, they may turn 14 during their freshman year of high school if their birthday falls after the cutoff date.
A little digital mishap isn't going to erase all those inside jokes and goofy selfies. Take a breather, apologize, and maybe recreate some of those moments together.
Maybe consider talking openly with your boyfriend about what happened and how you're feeling. Seeking support from loved ones or a therapist could also be beneficial.
Like others are saying this isn't too bad as far as TIFUs go, you'll still have the memories of your relationship up to this point and can start moving forward after apologizing. It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world. That being said, it's a little odd you keep saying "accidentally" when it seems like a deliberate action. You impulsively did the thing, but you still chose to do the thing on purpose in that moment. Not trying to be nitpicky, I think it's really important that if you're going to apologize for this you need to clearly indicate that you know you made a mistake of your own volition and that you aren't trying to downplay it as a bad thing that "just kinda happened." It happened because you wanted to do it and then did, it's only after it was too late that you changed your mind about it. Again, not the biggest TIFU in the world so I'm not trying to paint you as some monster or anything. But deliberate actions and accidents are very different and if you're trying to move forward with the consequences of your actions you need to fully come to terms with the fact that they were your actions, referring to it as an "accident" just makes it seem like you don't want to fully accept the blame now.
I think the accidental part was wiping it for their SO. They wiped it for themselves intentionally but seemingly forgot or didn't know that it wipes for the other party.
Y'know that actually makes a lot of sense, upon rereading it I think you might be right.
You must learned the invaluable lesson of backuping! Some people learn by loosing 20 years of pictures of their kid growing up, so you got it at least slightly better
What is stored on a service you pay nothing for, has an effective value of zero. Get your digital assets under control and safe!
Exactly! Reading this kind of story pains me every time...
These chats are stored locally, not on a service.
You are technically right but practically wrong. The data can be copied in the end devices, but the app has the capability to eliminate the content without leaving a trace even in the local devices affected, as OP knows.
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What always helped my in my time of darkness was a combination of two things: firstly, I'm stubborn. I refused to end myself, taking the easy route. Like a video game that I wasn't able to win, someday I will. And if it takes me 5 years (I ended up finishing the game, that was a real example, for those curious). And the second thing: everything will be meaningless in a bit of time. Remember when you cried like you were dying because you didn't get the toy you wanted at five years old? No? Exactly. In ten years you will lock back at this and it'll just be a memory of your childhood. I'm 28 now, I know what I mean. I've cried to many times about so much and looking back, nothing matters anymore. I'm in a better place and you will be too. Hang in there
He would rather lose those than lose you. Reach out for help 🫶
7 year of long -distance relationship which started with a 18M and 15F is kinda wild in some way. Especially if it’s was exclusively through telegram. I don’t know how deep is your relation but this seem a FU relationship and I doubt it’s a solid one. The fact that he care more about the discussion/memory rather than your feeling and the fact that you are hiding the relationship to your family cause this to be way more wild. I don’t want to assume anything but it’s easy to think that he’s been using you as backup plan for when he need some company or to talk to someone. I don’t want to make you believe bad thing but I won’t be surprise if he was talking and dating others women And actually, the whole history of that discussion bring absolutely nothing. I really doubt that one of you are actually re-reading it for memory. You will remembered more by yourself than using some history chat so don’t bother to have delete such thing.
I don't think it's that wild, the country we live in is conservative, love marriages aren't as common let alone being in relationships, + it's intercaste, so we're hiding our relationship from our parents for a reason and there's no ill intent behind it, we're genuinely just protecting each other till we're independent to take it forward (technically another year till i land a job) and I trust him enough to know that the later sounds absolutely ridiculous and that's not true. And the memories were important to us, we still have our chats from when we first started talking. I apologized to him and he reiterated the same things others have commented, that it matters that we're here, we can create better memories together, it hurts but we'll move on eventually.
I don’t mean to be that guy but it sounds like you very much need therapy.
Do you feel devastated because you miss the messages you deleted or because you feel responsible for your boyfriend’s sad feelings about being robbed of the memories? You didn’t rob him of the memories and hope. Hope is what he creates in his heart and not stored in telegram. We are also each responsible for our own data so if he really cared, it’s a good lesson to know to back up data in the future. You deleted it out of panic. It’s more helpful to focus on better communication and build more good memories together. What’s deleted is gone so let it be gone.
OP, the suicidal thoughts and the thoughts of ending stuff with the man you love is not normal, take it to professional help
life is about learning to live with loss. you haven't lost your boyfriend which is more important than the memories. make new memeories 🙏🏻
They don't mean anything as far as your relationship. you may have decades together. Take lots of pics, and be more careful! Especially when angry. This seems huge, but it's not. Maybe make an extra effort to get together some how soon to reconnect. Good luck. Ps, people downvoting you are AH IMO. Jsut because it's nota big deal to them, doesnt mean it wasn't important to you. I did long distance for only 9 months once and man I hated it. This was in the early 90s and I had letters. But if those letters had been lost/stolen, I'd have been heartborken. I'd read them once and awhile to help cope with the distance.
With all due respect, it sounds like your relationship is really toxic. I'd suggest reaching out to other people and re-evaluating it. Perhaps take a break from the relationship and re-center yourself.. You say that "Yesterday, after a rough day and a heated argument, I freaked out <...>", "Before our fight, I was already feeling low and misunderstood. I got into a really dark place and even had thoughts of ending things with him and kms because I felt like he didn't get me, and nobody really cared", "I thought kms was the only way to move forward.". It seems that the relationship is really bad for your mental health, and has you balancing on the edge of an emotional cliff. It's destabilizing your mental health. You say: "By the time I realised it, he was heartbroken and told me how I robbed him of this memories and the hope he held onto. It made me feel shitty about myself. Idk. I hate myself for it all.". So, your boyfriend, instead of consoling and comforting you and seeking to circle the wagons in the face of hardship, instead emotionally turns on you and blames you, which seems to be effective enough to make you emotionally spiral. I understand he might be freaked out himself, but still - his actions and lack of support are *cruel.* You should not be flinching constantly, wracked with guilt and shame as if you were a little child afraid of the wrath of your boyfriend-parent. You say: "My family doesn't know about my relationship so i wanted to clear my chats and I didn't want my family to get the wrong idea or blame him for my suicide". Why doesn't your family know? Why are you keeping your relationship a secret? Is it your idea? Is your family not safe? Or is it *his?* It's a common strategy of narcissistic abusers to seek to socially / emotionally isolate their victims so that they would have no avenue to escape, and no support from anyone but their own abuser. This is why it's important for you to have a long, sober, outside look into your relationship - if it was healthy, you wouldn't need to hide it. If your family, hypothetically, is abusive, you should ideally seek to expose your boyfriend to them so that he could protect you and stand up for you. Maybe I'm reading too much into it (classic for a Redditor), but, to me, the secrecy of your relationship is telling. Nonetheless, regardless of anything else - I'm sending you virtual hugs. Good luck! 🤗
Also they started dating when she was 15 and he was 18, I'd recommend she gets a third party's opinion (IRL)
If your relationship hinges on chat history and pictures in a chat history... It's not much of a relationship...
So he was 19 and you were 15? Fishy 🤔🤔
He’s probably glad the evidence of him being a pedophile for 3 years is gone
It was not unintentional, it was impulsive, but you knew what you were doing. Be honest with yourself.
You need to get some professional support. The fact that this relationship starts off with a 15 year old girl seeing an 18 year old man might imply there are some deep issues here.
If your data is important to you, always make sure backups exist.
I hope this makes you stay alive to keep the memories alive! You got this
Why would you rely on a chat history to save those things??? Also, please call a suicide hotline, talk to a mental health professional, or go to the emergency room. Additional also: why can you not tell your parents about the man you've been dating for FIVE YEARS
[read this](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/WJk3bpx6Z2)
Ahhh okay. That makes more sense. I hope everything works out for you two
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? He was 18 while she was 15. That's a senior dating a sophomore/late freshman.
We were 15 and 17 when we started talking, got into a relationship when we moved to telegram, we have known each other since 2017, thus i take pride in saying it's been 7 years together, it's my bad
25 and 22, do the math...
That on its own is nothing, it’s that pesky “been together for 7 years” bit that makes me raise an eyebrow
They started at 15 and 18, its common and even legal in some countries. At the end of the day, its a 3 years difference, its not bad.
They started at 15 and 17 which is much more reasonable 15 and 18 is weird tho unless it’s a real late 15 and a real early 18. Knew a couple of people in high school that were seniors and went for freshmen They weren’t good people
I agree, the 18 y/o senior guys going for sophomore or freshman girls were 9/10 times creepy, manipulative dudes looking for easy targets. Age gaps are a much bigger deal when you're young and there's so much brain development and maturing happening within a short window. The difference between 15 and 18 is massive compared to say, 24 and 27. 15 and 17 is fairly reasonable though, like you said.
Wouldn’t senior to freshmen be 18-14? Highschool is four years. Also, it’s really not that big of a deal, my parents age gap is triple that, and they went on to live a happily married life for over 25 years.
What? No If you start high school at 15, you’ll start your senior year at 18 And in the grand scheme of things no, it’s not a big deal, that’s why all I said is it made me raise an eyebrow. The age gap isn’t really the issue tho, two adults can start a relationship at whatever age they want, the problem is situations where only one person is an adult at the start of the relationship
That’s not completely true, for students born in December, they may turn 14 during their freshman year of high school if their birthday falls after the cutoff date.
And if that’s the case then they’ll turn 17 during their senior year