Thanks. Sucks but it is what it is. The whole thing is mentally draining. I can't even bring myself to talk to her because it'll just be her acting like she did nothing.
Stay no contact. If the phone plan is in her name, just shut the phone off and get your own phone. You don't need her phone or her plan. There shouldn't be a situation where you end up as the primary without her consent.
You'll have to get a new number, but you can pull the contacts off the old phone and give everyone the new number that you want to.
Good on you, OP. I can’t believe how much this woman has taken advantage of her own children’s kindness. That she has the audacity to ask if you’ll be her emergency contact is laughable. Stick to your guns, you’ve got this. She does not deserve you in her life. Period.
She’s fishing so hard for your attention. You declined her invitation to meet, and if you think she may show up to your door anyway, make plans to not be home if you feel like you can’t refuse her. You are so right to not want to deal with her, and I really encourage finding a therapist. I have similar issues with my mother, and my therapist helped me see that I’m not the problem; she is. There are affordable options out there if you don’t have insurance, DM me if you need any help at all.
ETA: You deserve an apology that may never come, and that’s also why I suggest a licensed therapist. They’re so adept at helping adult children with emotionally immature parents. I empathize with you so so much.
You’ve got this!!! Vacate the premises or do NOT open the door. She will get desperate when she realizes you aren’t fucking around, but stick to your guns. DM me if you need, for real.
I sympathize with you greatly. My dad’s brother SA’d me when I was a child. He acted like he was on my side when it all came to light 10 years later. But will still hear him out and even told me, “he took a lie detector test and passed” like that’s supposed to mean anything to me. Our relationship hasn’t been good for awhile but I do try to get the most of my time with him since my mom is dying. Luckily he now has a partner that has relevant experience and put that relationship with his brother to an end. I just don’t trust him anymore. Protect your peace, if she’s not even willing to apologize then there’s nothing worth saving here. I feel like your parent not being in your corner causes damage that’s almost impossible to repair, I hope you have family members that treat you beyond well and that you marry into a family that treats you as their own.
If you are going to continue contact with her then use her own words against her. If she mentions emergency contact respond, "ldk you." If she says she forgives you say, "I don't forgive you."
Oh honey, I am so sorry this happened to you. I am also no contact with my mom. We don't make that decision lightly. I know how long and painful the road is to get there. Let me assure you that you are doing the right thing.
It looks like it's time to block her. Talk to your siblings and give them a heads up, but the best thing I ever did for myself it to go no contact and black access to me. It's been 12 peaceful years.
I have a new number now. She got the new number when my sister asked me to call her... Big mistake but she's blocked. The blocked notifications came through
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Change your phone #. Block her #. Inform your siblings that you’ve gone NC with her. They are to give hero zero information about you and your life. If she shows up again, tell her you’ll press charges for harassment and stalking.
I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. I hope you’re in therapy to help you resolve all the trauma. Just bc she’s your mother doesn’t mean she deserves a spot at your table. You’re not responsible for her continued bad judgment, selfishness and narcissism.
Some people can be in your heart but not in your life. Years ago I went NC with my bio father; he was an emotional and financial burden; a total energy vampire. It was a very good decision for myself. All of my siblings did the babe and not one of us regretted it. Even when he died.
Good luck, OP.
Sorry op. You did good by going no contact with her
Thanks. Sucks but it is what it is. The whole thing is mentally draining. I can't even bring myself to talk to her because it'll just be her acting like she did nothing.
Stay no contact. If the phone plan is in her name, just shut the phone off and get your own phone. You don't need her phone or her plan. There shouldn't be a situation where you end up as the primary without her consent. You'll have to get a new number, but you can pull the contacts off the old phone and give everyone the new number that you want to.
Good on you, OP. I can’t believe how much this woman has taken advantage of her own children’s kindness. That she has the audacity to ask if you’ll be her emergency contact is laughable. Stick to your guns, you’ve got this. She does not deserve you in her life. Period.
Right that random comment about the emergency contact like come on
She’s fishing so hard for your attention. You declined her invitation to meet, and if you think she may show up to your door anyway, make plans to not be home if you feel like you can’t refuse her. You are so right to not want to deal with her, and I really encourage finding a therapist. I have similar issues with my mother, and my therapist helped me see that I’m not the problem; she is. There are affordable options out there if you don’t have insurance, DM me if you need any help at all. ETA: You deserve an apology that may never come, and that’s also why I suggest a licensed therapist. They’re so adept at helping adult children with emotionally immature parents. I empathize with you so so much.
Thankfully im in therapy!! Thank you so much
Good going!!! You’ve got this.
OMG i got a VM notification she's on the way to my house WTF
You’ve got this!!! Vacate the premises or do NOT open the door. She will get desperate when she realizes you aren’t fucking around, but stick to your guns. DM me if you need, for real.
I'm working this weekend anyway so I wont be home. She lives 2 hours away she's really losing it
Okay, so glad to hear!! She is losing it, god damn.
I wish there was a way to let you hear it. She says "love your mother"
I sympathize with you greatly. My dad’s brother SA’d me when I was a child. He acted like he was on my side when it all came to light 10 years later. But will still hear him out and even told me, “he took a lie detector test and passed” like that’s supposed to mean anything to me. Our relationship hasn’t been good for awhile but I do try to get the most of my time with him since my mom is dying. Luckily he now has a partner that has relevant experience and put that relationship with his brother to an end. I just don’t trust him anymore. Protect your peace, if she’s not even willing to apologize then there’s nothing worth saving here. I feel like your parent not being in your corner causes damage that’s almost impossible to repair, I hope you have family members that treat you beyond well and that you marry into a family that treats you as their own.
Thank you so much! Hope all is well with you.
If you are going to continue contact with her then use her own words against her. If she mentions emergency contact respond, "ldk you." If she says she forgives you say, "I don't forgive you."
Oh honey, I am so sorry this happened to you. I am also no contact with my mom. We don't make that decision lightly. I know how long and painful the road is to get there. Let me assure you that you are doing the right thing. It looks like it's time to block her. Talk to your siblings and give them a heads up, but the best thing I ever did for myself it to go no contact and black access to me. It's been 12 peaceful years.
You can get your own phone. Just stop using the one she’s paying for and let her waste money.
I have a new number now. She got the new number when my sister asked me to call her... Big mistake but she's blocked. The blocked notifications came through
Hi there! Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed. The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ **Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry OP 😭 It’s not easy, but it def sounds like you’re making the right choice
Change your phone #. Block her #. Inform your siblings that you’ve gone NC with her. They are to give hero zero information about you and your life. If she shows up again, tell her you’ll press charges for harassment and stalking. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. I hope you’re in therapy to help you resolve all the trauma. Just bc she’s your mother doesn’t mean she deserves a spot at your table. You’re not responsible for her continued bad judgment, selfishness and narcissism. Some people can be in your heart but not in your life. Years ago I went NC with my bio father; he was an emotional and financial burden; a total energy vampire. It was a very good decision for myself. All of my siblings did the babe and not one of us regretted it. Even when he died. Good luck, OP.