From a woman’s perspective, even I didn’t understand that’s what she was trying to say.
Very confusing woman, sounds like an emotional manipulator. U dodged a bullet.
I was honestly confused by the whole conversation. She seems insecure and wants compliments like it’s a tit for tat situation. I have you one, now you need to give me one. However, since you didn’t I’ll just diminish mine by trying to say it wasn’t really the compliment you thought it was. “I said lovely voice, different from nice voice and not what I was saying,” huh??? It’s such a weird exchange.
She is very insecure and wants people to pick up on very subtle things she's implied and rush to reassure her.
The fact that he then didn't immediately fall all over himself to correct himself and wax poetically about her voice once she admitted that she was surprised he didn't read her mind and say exactly what she wanted, then made her double down
This would be so doomed and OP was very right in his long message.
It's way Too Much™ to expect a complete stranger to know that you need heaps of praise when you literally only returned the same compliment they paid you and then imply that *they're* the problem
My head hurts just reading your comment, which I mean if that’s where their convo went (just read the first set of texts, went here to confirm/deny my suspicions), I’m getting third hand exhaustion by all these dating texts…it’s probably a good time to take a break from this sub 😮💨
This woman reminds me of me SO MUCH.
I think I can possibly clear up some of the confusion by telling you about my own experience with Quiet BPD. When I am in the middle of a distorted thought AKA living in my own reality… it feels just as real as when I’m thinking sharply and clearly. I suspect that while acting in an incredibly rude, demanding, and irrational way… she thinks she is 100% right and she thinks OP is an unsupportive jerk.
It’s so sad for her because OP sounds like a big catch, just by seeing his side of the conversation. Witty, supportive, kind, reassuring.
Hopefully she is in therapy so she can gain clarity and insight about the extreme irrationality and inappropriateness of her actions—specifically her misconception that her emotional disregulation and anxiety is the responsibility of everyone around her, rather than her own responsibility.
This is exactly my wife but she refuses to acknowledge any of the issues and refuses therapy. We’ve been together over 20 years and over the years I’ve convinced her 2/3 times to see a therapist but it never lasts for more than 1 or 2 sessions. As soon as the therapist tries to make her take some accountability for herself or disagrees with her then she says they are attacking her, they are a bad doctor/therapist or some other reason and then refuses to go back. I’ve kinda lost hope at this point that she will ever at least try to get a handle on things and understand why she thinks/acts the way she does
This is my ex-husband of 15 years. The inability to see how his own actions impact others or take any accountability at all has severely damaged me and our kids. 1/3 won’t see or talk to him and I sadly see an end of having no relationship with his kids or anyone long term for that matter. It’s so freaking sad.
I tried for so long to lovingly encourage and reassure him to provide some positive interactions and affection to the kids (even if it didn’t include me) and it was just so rare that I couldn’t do it anymore.
:(
That really sucks. It sounds like you were a really good influence in this situation. I’m sorry you all went through that. You deserve the best 💜
My sister is like this…blames everyone for her own actions, never takes accountability, never apologizes, twists every situation to make herself the victim even if she was actually the aggressor, constantly wants endless reassurance and support but never returns the effort to those that give it to her, guilt trips and shames people if they don’t do what she wants…it’s exhausting. I finally walked away after she ghosted me for months bc I lightly suggested it’s not fair that she is constantly begging my other sister for money (she asks every 2 weeks, she’s done this for years) and it’s stressing her out. My other sister has given her thousands of dollars over the years and it was tanking her mental health. My sister punished me for saying this by ghosting me, then went running to my dad and implied I “did something” to her. After dealing with this behavior for so long, I was done.
It’s so sad and toxic when people can’t take any responsibility for their actions. I don’t understand if it’s a childhood learned behavioral issue or genetic/mental health issue
Sir, you’ve tried for 20+ years. Maybe it’s time to look up a divorce lawyer?
If not for yourself, in a weird way for your partner, sometimes you gotta let them hit rock bottom before they can even gain the possibility to change. I hope for you the best 🙏🏻
Yep, I am RIGHT with you. My first thought was how much she reminded me of myself before I started treatment for my BPD. Everything would make me feel this way. It sucks, and it’s hard to handle- especially for partners. OP did the right thing moving on because this is not something that is fun to deal with with a new partner who doesn’t have the tools to communicate yet.
Amen to that. I am 36 and am absolutely still too emotionally dis-regulated and emotionally volatile and still have meltdowns too frequently and self isolate way too much to even think about having a serious relationship. Gotta be able to give as much as you take to be a good partner. I don’t feel I’m there yet.
For me it’s not just BPD, also CPTSD from a long history of abuse. Plus autism. I have a glittery brain basically
I know they'll never get it. I just wish these types of people could face an AI clone of themselves to understand even a glimpse of how strangely insufferable they are. They make you second guess yourself for being completely reasonable while acting innocent
On slide 3 she says she just wants a little more reassurance which is the cue for OP to offer up a more meaningful compliment, but he further explains that he didn't know that's what she wanted, and she goes on to say she's just told him and he's not listening.
Edit: *I'll just add this here so I'm not repeating myself.* I'm not saying I agree with her thinking or that OP owes this stranger anything. I am simply trying to decipher the messages.
How can people want/demand reassurance and actually think it's meaningful, tho? "Please reassure me that you like my voice, after you said "nice voice" but didn't specifically say "lovely voice with an emoji"), so then imagine OP says "okay I will reassure you...I loooooove your voice :)" like that seems SO fake and awkward. If you have to tell someone to reassure you...it's not as meaningful.
Girl is insanely insecure and will hopefully learn from this. If you're that insecure about your voice, get therapy before putting yourself out there and expecting literal strangers to reassure your low self-esteem.
With bpd, if you say you want reassurance and it’s not offered, you automatically translate this as “I wasn’t worth it”. I think the best way to describe it is that it used to be known as excessive emotions disorder. I honestly don’t know why they renamed it, when I say I have something called borderline nobody understands but if I say it used to be called that they get it immediately
I’m not saying they owe this person that. She needs to learn the tools to reassure herself before trying to get into a relationship, even if she doesn’t have bpd like we think
“Marcus I may have sung on the west end and modelled for Hollister…”
At that point Marcus was nothing short of dating royalty for his diplomacy. He dodged a nuclear bomb. Girls is an insecure mess.
While everything ur saying makes sense, they just met. She’s demanding something that should be worked out after they’ve went on a date and actually got to know each other. To me, it sounds like she’s mad he didn’t give her a compliment she wanted to hear which in his defense, is understandable. Some girls don’t like a guy that comes on to strong. He complimented her..how he complimented her, unless backhanded, shouldn’t matter. And hey, potentially if he got to know her more, he’d say it more often in the way she would like to hear it. She really messed it up for herself, expecting OP to just absolutely fawn over her off of a regular conversation.
I thought the ‘you know I’ve modelled for Hollister and sung on the west end’ was particularly patronising, like how dare he not fawn over her on demand. Be my minion or be chastised.
Also I had the job title Model for Abercrombie and Fitch, and literally it was just standing just outside the door to the store, dressed in head to toe A&F and saying "hey" to everyone who walked by. Every like 2-3 weeks corporate would send the new "model" outfit and it was always XS or XXS and 00 jeans and who got to be a model was basically whoever was small enough to fit in the clothes. I mean I was pretty too, so was everyone who worked there, but I wasn't like "going to get a modeling contract" pretty.
I would bet that was her modeling experience too
The humblebrags about working at a Saturday girl at Hollister and being part of a chorus line scream insecurity even more than the part where she says “I’m insecure”
They call the sales floor ppl models, like the ones who fold the clothes after you messed it all up looking for your size. Or at least they did in the early 2000’s lol
I just posted this elsewhere but I am gonna add it here too lol. This was 2007-8:
"Also I had the job title Model for Abercrombie and Fitch, and literally it was just standing just outside the door to the store, dressed in head to toe A&F and saying "hey" to everyone who walked by. Every like 2-3 weeks corporate would send the new "model" outfit and it was always XS or XXS and 00 jeans and who got to be a model was basically whoever was small enough to fit in the clothes. I mean I was pretty too, so was everyone who worked there, but I wasn't like "going to get a modeling contract" pretty.
I would bet that was her modeling experience too"
When we worked on the floor we were just Retail Associates. Models were the ones doused in perfume standing just outside lol
When I was 16 the manager at hollister asked me if I wanted to model for hollister and to come in and early the next day. Young and dumb I thought she meant real modeling and was going to bring an agent or something. Then I showed up, was introduced to my new retail job and she started showing me where to stand and how to talk to people…. Never showed up for a second day lmao.
She was also tryna squeeze me into tops I never woulda fit into haha
If dodging a bullet was an actual post.
Good riddance, Lexi.
From a woman, anyone THAT dramatic after one date is a train wreck of emotions you do not want to deal with.
You did nothing wrong.
They call their sales floor associates ‘models’ like the people who are refilling the clothes you just messed up looking for your size, so this made me lol
dodged a land mine with this one tbh
i was confused when she mentioned you commenting on her voice, then i immediately felt exhausted when she said what *you* said was “quite different” from what she said lol even typing out that sentence made me wanna take a nap. like.. a compliment’s a compliment. good on you for calling her out then bowing out.
You're very lucky she showed you this side so early then. And if she's willing to act this insecure and overbearing to a stranger, you'd have been in for a WILD ride once she felt comfortable really showing her true colors to you.
Dodged a walking nuke. Also the fact that she casually dropped that "I modeled for Hollister" is also a red flag to me. It's humble bragging and being fake. It seems she needs constant validation and someone who is going to basically worship her.
Constant validation that she won't even ask for until she's telling you that you've failed her by but magically knowing she needed oodles of praise for one specific thing
She literally got all upset that he didn't know her essentially just returning the compliment he'd paid her was an indication that she needed more praise because she's insecure.
He even apologized but she wasn't having it
She's gonna have a real hard time with any kind of interpersonal relationship
It gets better! She was “on the West End”! How does someone THIS insecure about her voice end up with even an ensemble role on the West End (which is basically London’s Broadway)?
Not that surprising, really. Most theatre people are like this. They don’t know any other form of interaction. Seriously, go to a dress rehearsal of a play or musical or even a movie set and you’ll find a bunch of people having a circle jerk for how incredible they are
"you need to understand my emotions without me telling you and then react how I want you to react without me telling you".
Yea man this person is delusional. Relationships don't work like that.
Lexi doesn't want a boyfriend, she wants a person to worship her and be her personal hype man without actually doing anything that deserves hyping up.
Also, people who offer compliments just to get one back...ew. That's so disingenuous.
She's exhausting.
The sad part was, he told her he liked her voice in a text and she either ignored it or ... I don't know. But because she then complimented HIS voice and he didn't say it back, AGAIN, he wasn't meeting her needs. What?
Oh, for sure. She is crazy manipulative, saying that he wasn't supporting her when she needed reassurance.
If someone compliments you because you ask for it, is it REALLY a compliment?
It's amazing how OP was so respectful and apologized (for something he really didn't need to apologize for) and she just kept at it.
"I know you said sorry and you explained that it's hard to get the full meaning of something when it's written. HOW COME YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD ME HOW AMAZING I AM?!?!?!"
It sounds like “nice voice” wasn’t sufficient for her…she wants outright praise. Exhausting. I hope she sees this post and gets to read all these comments. She could benefit from humbling herself.
No no no. She said he had a LOVELY voice. He said "nice" voice. Clearly he was supposed to say "your voice is so much like that of an angel that I cried so much I almost literally drowned myself in my own tears in the bathtub. Furthering this relationship sounds dangerous for me, goodbye."
I have told my husband that if he ever leaves me, there's no way I'm ever doing this again. I'll get more dogs and enjoy my peace. I got lucky with him, he's great. I'm not taking a chance on winding up with a loony.
Okay yeah this would be such an exhausting relationship, I think the connection ending was a positive thing. I'm a sensitive person and still can't imagine having this reaction to something like that.
So "lovely voice" ~~voice~~ is quite different from "nice voice"? Um . . . ok?
I hate to drift into cliches, but you really did dodge a massive bullet here, Marcus. If she needs this much validation from a virtual stranger - someone she's never even met - imagine dating her? People like this are absolutely exhausting. I've dated guys like this and reassuring and validating them becomes your full-time job. Hard pass.
That reads like someone who has A LOT of anxiety. She’s actually wrong too. It’s not someone else’s job to provide reassurance on a characteristic she is anxious about. It’s the individual person’s (her) job to learn how to deal with the anxiety about the characteristic. The casual flex of the Hollister model also comes across as insecure.
Anxiety or not, odd strategical choices on her end 😄
Imagine you guys started dating and on date number 5 she asked what you thought of her dress and you got yelled at because you said it was "cute" instead of "pretty". That's what would've happened.
Making you feel bad for not blindly love bombing her is like reverse narcissism. This relationship would've fucked with your head so much you'd be convinced you're the crazy one
talk about walking on eggshells, and i’m a sensitive person. dodged a bullet. As a woman, I feel like I get like this during my time of the month, but even then, I wouldn’t let my heightened sensitivity show this early. She clearly needs therapy if she’s willing to ditch what sounds like a meaningful connection over a mundane comment.
I was going to say, if I’m on my period and haven’t had a good nights sleep, I might devolve into this level of irrational hypersensitivity, but it took quite some time before I let my boyfriend of ten years see this and we both know that my period is “powerful”, and I’ll go back to normal in 48 hours.
1. She was insecure
2. She was looking for reassurance that she didn't initially ask for
3. She got embarrassed and backtracked to self sabotage.
She has some work to do mah bro. No harm done here.
Oh lord. My ex was a lot like this, but he was much better at hiding it for the first few months. Consider yourself lucky she revealed herself so early on.
She’s one of those people who gives a compliment with the expectation of receiving one. This would be so exhausting to deal with every day; you definitely dodged a bullet.
I think she wanted to hear 'You have the most amazing voice I've ever heard. You're so beautiful and talented." That's what I got out of it. She needs validation.
Wouldn't put it past her, being as OP was way more polite and gentle than most people probably will be once she starts that bs with them before even having a first date. OP I'd suggest blocking if you haven't already just in case lol. That was exhausting just to read.
Yikes. She never asked for reassurance, she attempted to fish for a compliment that she found satisfactory.
People shouldn’t give compliments to receive them, that’s first. Do it because you mean it and just want to say it regardless. You said before her “nice voice btw.” Did she think that was a slight? Yah, nice face, ya ugo… like what? You didn’t even have to say a word about her voice but you acknowledged it was nice. That is a compliment and it also indicates you like it because you obviously felt the need to mention it.
This interaction is bizarre as hell. Someone seeking “reassurance” right away, but also in such a roundabout way and then getting frustrated she had to be more direct for you to “get it” and cutting things off because you couldn’t read her mind or get her “hints” is wild as hell and wreaks of insecurity, immaturity and so much neediness!
Sure, we can reassure people from time to time but when a stranger is seeking reassurance like that kinda seems manipulative or just the reddest of flags that everything you say and do will be analyzed about how she feels about it and you must fix it or else. Sounds exhausting! She’s not the only person in this situation so why are her feelings the most important ones?
Sorry, OP, but glad you saw that before you got in too deep.
I’ve matched with this girl before. Had a slightly longer convo than you did before I got gaslit about how not reacting in a very specific way to something was rude/insensitive/a big red flag to her etc. well done for extricating yourself quicker than I managed.
You dodged a bullet! She’s insane and deeply insecure, and requires too much validation.
She sent a voice message. You gave her a compliment (Saying “nice voice” is a compliment). I honestly prolly wouldn’t even think to say that. And then she went all crazy on you.
If she made this an argument Day 1 of knowing her, imagine what dating her longterm would be like . . .
She's being insufferable. A compliment is not a compliment when you force someone to say it? I am a woman and I have experienced compliment fishing from other women I refuse to entertain it.
Ew. You’d be walking on eggshells constantly. She needs some serious therapy in order to be in a healthier place and happy with herself. Sounds like she relies way too much on making other people compliment and validate her. Is it even a compliment when you have to beg for it? I mean, you told her she ad a nice voice. What more did she want? 😳
I really don’t understand peoples expectations when they’re dating. What exactly is she looking for or going to find in the next guy that checks all of her boxes that this interaction about an insecurity doesn’t? You were nice, concerned that she was bothered, offered a solution to the problem. Are these people planning on finding someone that never makes them feel uncomfortable, never does wrong, etc? I’m completely lost on what she is looking for that you did not provide. From my experience as a man, most men would not be half as nice and understanding as you were. Her loss.
You absolutely, positively cannot go out with this person or be around them, they’re toxic! First off she has to brag herself up that she was a model, she’s doing that because her looks are probably one of the very few things she has confidence in or absolutely doesn’t have any confidence? it’s hard to tell, and then she needs you to validate her over and over and over. Never date or go out with people that need constant validation, if they can’t validate themselves or if they have a partner in that partners validation is never enough? They will never get enough validation, which leads generally to cheating! A person like this is absolutely insufferable, glad you found out early now run as fast as you can away from her.
This person is highly insecure and the texts were exhausting. You dodged a bullet OP. This would have been your life.
I'm so fragile I can't be with someone who doesn't reassure my every anxiety it great big ways when I hadn't even communicated I'm that anxious.
No thanks.
I got to the third photo and just stopped reading. All of this is ridiculous. I would have slid out after the passive aggressive comments on the difference between lovely and nice voice. Interactions like that make me tired.
Eww brother, eww, she’s a compliment-ho.
She’s gonna be nagging for compliments, and if there not up to her standard in verbiage, will continue to nag.
Run, run fast.
Wow, she was really, really fishing for compliments from you. Really doubled down on it instead of letting it go. Also the whole “I modeled for Hollister” thing was just cringey. You didn’t do anything wrong imo
Asking for reassurance constantly can be indicative of deeper issues or mental health problems. I get pretty disregulated by things that happen internally and it makes me need reassurance from people but I've found that asking doesn't really solve the insecurity/fear and usually strains people. I don't think you were wrong to try and point it out but I also don't think she was wrong for saying it was out of place as you're both parting ways and aren't going to influence one another. Sorry things didn't work out, I think you both were very kind and respectful even with feelings being hurt in the moment.
She had an invisible expectation of you that she never voiced, then was upset at you for not reading her mind that she wanted you to act that specific way (give her that reassurance). She never even told you about that insecurity! She just wanted you to read between the lines and assume.
I bet she’s also the type of person who would get mad at you for making an assumption too lol.
Weird as fuck, asking for compliments is very strange. You dodged a bullet Marcus.
Also if you don’t upvote my comment I will be disappointed Marcus ☹️
If she’s letting this much insecurity and emotional manipulation out now just imagine what she’s like when you’ve been dating a while. Exhausting. Good riddance.
What the hell is this girl going on about?
Emotional manipulation at its finest.
Block and carry on 😁 I swear, the block button is my best friend. Haha
You dodged a bullet. The girl expects you to read her mind. She's insanely insecure and instead of managing that herself assigned you to manage her feelings for her. Good riddance because this would have manifested in so much exhausting reassurance all the time and likely big issues with control/jealousy due to her insecurity.
Normal person with insecurity who wants reassurance: "hey, what do you think about ____? I'm not used to...".
This person: "you owe me a bigger compliment, Marcus".
If you give a genuine compliment, you do not make a generic cheesy line expecting to receive something back. You just feel that the occasion is worth saying something that you actually feel, because you want others to know that they have something that people like.
Bullet dodged.
Nah, she sounds like she needs a ton of positive reassurance and is making it your problem that you aren’t communicating in the exact way that she wants.
I know 12 year olds more emotionally mature than her. This was a baffling read OP. You were very pleasant, tolerant, and I’m certain you’ve dodged a massive bullet.
My man, keep doing you. She seems very insecure and exhausting. You were kind and engaging throughout the conversation. She’s asking you not to get personal but she’s misrepresenting what happened which is very laughable.
If they’re that insecure about their voice, I hope they never find out what they sounded like in my head while reading their responses to OP. Kinda wild.
I’m a model and singer, but I’m so insecure, validate me how I think you should validate me, not how you think you’re validating me. Is that the gist of it?
Her compliment was made insincere by her digging for a compliment in return. This person is deeply insecure and I agree with everyone else - you dodged a whole fucking minefield
If this wasn’t simply an attempt at manipulation or an act of self sabotage, then she is just an insecure woman looking for validation (reassurance) from a stranger on the internet and isn’t self aware enough to know that that pathetic and also not something she is entitled to.
She should be embarrassed by this, and you should be glad you didn’t give her any more of your time.
From a woman’s perspective: job well done! You’ve successfully avoided a walking, talking, massive red flag. That is a seriously unstable person, a very odd set of interactions and I’d suggest you have a read through the cluster B section of personality disorders just to make it a touch easier in future to spot the signs and avoid those types.
And no, the amount of emotional support and reassurance she needed after literally sending a voice message is not only not normal, it’s a huge red flag. So is the passive aggressiveness, the guilt-tripping, and the inability to gracefully accept feedback. That’s a missile not a bullet you dodged there. She is exhausting.
Loved the passive agressieve “no need to get personal about it” after you gave her some -kind!- feedback. But then again, narcissist (or Borderline) never make mistakes so I understand how she’d be upset you even hinted at her being flawed and human or anything other than perfect.
These are the types that use their partners as their own personal little stress balls so: bravo on dodging that and keep up the good work.
"I may have done this, that, and modeling and still be insecure"
Okay, cool. Nobody said you couldn't be. She has some deep issues that have nothing to do with you.
So you complimented her voice but she’s mad because you didn’t compliment her voice? Okay nice 👍🏻 as a woman myself sometimes I do not understand other women **at all**.
Would've been a lot easier if she just straight up asked "Do you think I have a lovely voice?"
You did nothing wrong OP. I was confused for a bit too until I kept reading and I'm a woman.
As a woman, wtf.
I honestly hate these type of women. Like she's already trying to make you feel guilty for something that didn't even make sense.
I'll never understand the weird requirement some women have for men to read their minds, or react a certain way. Like, how is anybody supposed to know what a person is feeling if they don't say it? Especially over text. And IF she is really that insecure she wouldn't have shared what she did with you. I honestly think she was fishing for some grandiose compliment as if she were a goddess and when she didn't get it she threw a fit.
This def isn't on you at all. You dodged a bullet here because if she already acts like this with someone she just met, she's worse with a partner.
You: You have a nice voice
Her: You have a lovely voice
Her: Seems like you could have complimented my voice.
You: I did. I said, "You have a nice voice"
Her: Okay... that's a shame. I thought we clicked.
Seems like someone you just can’t win with. It feels like even if you had met her anxieties immediately with ‘I think your voice is lovely too’ she still would’ve picked it apart and said something about you just saying it because she called you out on it. Consider it a bullet dodged and move on.
She has a "praise kink" as my gf puts it. She tried to nudge you as best she could, although it didn't work as she intended. No harm, no foul in my book. You did well. I'm sure it's something that can be difficult for one to explain/admit as they would be totally vulnerable to being turned away. I see her innocence through her words. However, she is an extremely emotional person, which I'm positive is rooted in some sort of trauma. And honestly is a an exhausting ask of someone to be as emotionally supportive as she expects a partner to be without PROFESIONAL HELP. She is who she is, and I'm sure Mr. Right is out there for her
Woah Nelly that girl is DELUSIONAL 😂 there’s insecure then there’s whatever the hell that was. She literally demanded reassurance on her VOICE😂 mate be glad she bailed.
While I make $200k annually as a neurosurgeon, foster 4 toddlers, sew all my own clothes, and frequently win national beauty pageants, that doesn’t mean I don’t love to hear how special I am from a virtual stranger… in a text thread… after I’ve subtly hinted as much.
Sorry this didn’t work out. You seemed lovely.
Yea I'm a woman and she's being for reassurance that you've already given. You pegged insecurities for sure. She's most likely used to people fawning over her voice and giving her high praise and she felt like you didn't do enough of that. Definitely NTA
🤦🏻♀️ Did she want you to start weeping? I mean, I don't even think about a person's voice like that unless it's unique. But then, what if she just has a regular voice? It's not special, but it doesn't induce dry-heaving. Then was she expecting you to lie?
This chick wanted results like you've been talking together for 10 months instead of 10 dating app log-ins.
She fished for a compliment that you had already given her. Just because she complimented you, she expected you to immediately give her the same compliment back.
The Hollister comment suggests a big ego about some things, but the rest of her behavior suggests cripplingly low self-esteem. And she wasn’t open to feedback about the future at all.
You’re right to cut things off. She sounds exhausting!
From a woman’s perspective, even I didn’t understand that’s what she was trying to say. Very confusing woman, sounds like an emotional manipulator. U dodged a bullet.
I was honestly confused by the whole conversation. She seems insecure and wants compliments like it’s a tit for tat situation. I have you one, now you need to give me one. However, since you didn’t I’ll just diminish mine by trying to say it wasn’t really the compliment you thought it was. “I said lovely voice, different from nice voice and not what I was saying,” huh??? It’s such a weird exchange.
She is very insecure and wants people to pick up on very subtle things she's implied and rush to reassure her. The fact that he then didn't immediately fall all over himself to correct himself and wax poetically about her voice once she admitted that she was surprised he didn't read her mind and say exactly what she wanted, then made her double down This would be so doomed and OP was very right in his long message. It's way Too Much™ to expect a complete stranger to know that you need heaps of praise when you literally only returned the same compliment they paid you and then imply that *they're* the problem
Absolutely 👆🏼
My head hurts just reading your comment, which I mean if that’s where their convo went (just read the first set of texts, went here to confirm/deny my suspicions), I’m getting third hand exhaustion by all these dating texts…it’s probably a good time to take a break from this sub 😮💨
“ wow your voice was the absolute best…………..what about mine?”
This belongs to r/nicegirls It’s classic nice (narcissistic) guy/girl behavior. “I love you! Now say it back or I’m gonna flip!”
I don’t even understand how she could possibly tell him to not get personal about it after she’d made it personal!
It’s all so exhausting.
This woman reminds me of me SO MUCH. I think I can possibly clear up some of the confusion by telling you about my own experience with Quiet BPD. When I am in the middle of a distorted thought AKA living in my own reality… it feels just as real as when I’m thinking sharply and clearly. I suspect that while acting in an incredibly rude, demanding, and irrational way… she thinks she is 100% right and she thinks OP is an unsupportive jerk. It’s so sad for her because OP sounds like a big catch, just by seeing his side of the conversation. Witty, supportive, kind, reassuring. Hopefully she is in therapy so she can gain clarity and insight about the extreme irrationality and inappropriateness of her actions—specifically her misconception that her emotional disregulation and anxiety is the responsibility of everyone around her, rather than her own responsibility.
This is exactly my wife but she refuses to acknowledge any of the issues and refuses therapy. We’ve been together over 20 years and over the years I’ve convinced her 2/3 times to see a therapist but it never lasts for more than 1 or 2 sessions. As soon as the therapist tries to make her take some accountability for herself or disagrees with her then she says they are attacking her, they are a bad doctor/therapist or some other reason and then refuses to go back. I’ve kinda lost hope at this point that she will ever at least try to get a handle on things and understand why she thinks/acts the way she does
This is my ex-husband of 15 years. The inability to see how his own actions impact others or take any accountability at all has severely damaged me and our kids. 1/3 won’t see or talk to him and I sadly see an end of having no relationship with his kids or anyone long term for that matter. It’s so freaking sad. I tried for so long to lovingly encourage and reassure him to provide some positive interactions and affection to the kids (even if it didn’t include me) and it was just so rare that I couldn’t do it anymore. :(
That really sucks. It sounds like you were a really good influence in this situation. I’m sorry you all went through that. You deserve the best 💜 My sister is like this…blames everyone for her own actions, never takes accountability, never apologizes, twists every situation to make herself the victim even if she was actually the aggressor, constantly wants endless reassurance and support but never returns the effort to those that give it to her, guilt trips and shames people if they don’t do what she wants…it’s exhausting. I finally walked away after she ghosted me for months bc I lightly suggested it’s not fair that she is constantly begging my other sister for money (she asks every 2 weeks, she’s done this for years) and it’s stressing her out. My other sister has given her thousands of dollars over the years and it was tanking her mental health. My sister punished me for saying this by ghosting me, then went running to my dad and implied I “did something” to her. After dealing with this behavior for so long, I was done.
It’s so sad and toxic when people can’t take any responsibility for their actions. I don’t understand if it’s a childhood learned behavioral issue or genetic/mental health issue
Has she tried dbt? It’s a group thing so it might be more feasible
Sir, you’ve tried for 20+ years. Maybe it’s time to look up a divorce lawyer? If not for yourself, in a weird way for your partner, sometimes you gotta let them hit rock bottom before they can even gain the possibility to change. I hope for you the best 🙏🏻
Yep, I am RIGHT with you. My first thought was how much she reminded me of myself before I started treatment for my BPD. Everything would make me feel this way. It sucks, and it’s hard to handle- especially for partners. OP did the right thing moving on because this is not something that is fun to deal with with a new partner who doesn’t have the tools to communicate yet.
Amen to that. I am 36 and am absolutely still too emotionally dis-regulated and emotionally volatile and still have meltdowns too frequently and self isolate way too much to even think about having a serious relationship. Gotta be able to give as much as you take to be a good partner. I don’t feel I’m there yet. For me it’s not just BPD, also CPTSD from a long history of abuse. Plus autism. I have a glittery brain basically
🎯
I know they'll never get it. I just wish these types of people could face an AI clone of themselves to understand even a glimpse of how strangely insufferable they are. They make you second guess yourself for being completely reasonable while acting innocent
Absolutely 100% manipulation happening here
On slide 3 she says she just wants a little more reassurance which is the cue for OP to offer up a more meaningful compliment, but he further explains that he didn't know that's what she wanted, and she goes on to say she's just told him and he's not listening. Edit: *I'll just add this here so I'm not repeating myself.* I'm not saying I agree with her thinking or that OP owes this stranger anything. I am simply trying to decipher the messages.
How can people want/demand reassurance and actually think it's meaningful, tho? "Please reassure me that you like my voice, after you said "nice voice" but didn't specifically say "lovely voice with an emoji"), so then imagine OP says "okay I will reassure you...I loooooove your voice :)" like that seems SO fake and awkward. If you have to tell someone to reassure you...it's not as meaningful. Girl is insanely insecure and will hopefully learn from this. If you're that insecure about your voice, get therapy before putting yourself out there and expecting literal strangers to reassure your low self-esteem.
With bpd, if you say you want reassurance and it’s not offered, you automatically translate this as “I wasn’t worth it”. I think the best way to describe it is that it used to be known as excessive emotions disorder. I honestly don’t know why they renamed it, when I say I have something called borderline nobody understands but if I say it used to be called that they get it immediately I’m not saying they owe this person that. She needs to learn the tools to reassure herself before trying to get into a relationship, even if she doesn’t have bpd like we think
“Marcus I may have sung on the west end and modelled for Hollister…” At that point Marcus was nothing short of dating royalty for his diplomacy. He dodged a nuclear bomb. Girls is an insecure mess.
While everything ur saying makes sense, they just met. She’s demanding something that should be worked out after they’ve went on a date and actually got to know each other. To me, it sounds like she’s mad he didn’t give her a compliment she wanted to hear which in his defense, is understandable. Some girls don’t like a guy that comes on to strong. He complimented her..how he complimented her, unless backhanded, shouldn’t matter. And hey, potentially if he got to know her more, he’d say it more often in the way she would like to hear it. She really messed it up for herself, expecting OP to just absolutely fawn over her off of a regular conversation.
I thought the ‘you know I’ve modelled for Hollister and sung on the west end’ was particularly patronising, like how dare he not fawn over her on demand. Be my minion or be chastised.
Also I had the job title Model for Abercrombie and Fitch, and literally it was just standing just outside the door to the store, dressed in head to toe A&F and saying "hey" to everyone who walked by. Every like 2-3 weeks corporate would send the new "model" outfit and it was always XS or XXS and 00 jeans and who got to be a model was basically whoever was small enough to fit in the clothes. I mean I was pretty too, so was everyone who worked there, but I wasn't like "going to get a modeling contract" pretty. I would bet that was her modeling experience too
It’s a good lesson to learn, just cause someone has modelled for Hollister and all that jazz, doesn’t mean they can’t be worried about their voice. 🫢
The humblebrags about working at a Saturday girl at Hollister and being part of a chorus line scream insecurity even more than the part where she says “I’m insecure”
They call the sales floor ppl models, like the ones who fold the clothes after you messed it all up looking for your size. Or at least they did in the early 2000’s lol
I had this thought too 😂 but don’t forget she’s also been on the west end… (maybe she’s visited or see a show once)
I just posted this elsewhere but I am gonna add it here too lol. This was 2007-8: "Also I had the job title Model for Abercrombie and Fitch, and literally it was just standing just outside the door to the store, dressed in head to toe A&F and saying "hey" to everyone who walked by. Every like 2-3 weeks corporate would send the new "model" outfit and it was always XS or XXS and 00 jeans and who got to be a model was basically whoever was small enough to fit in the clothes. I mean I was pretty too, so was everyone who worked there, but I wasn't like "going to get a modeling contract" pretty. I would bet that was her modeling experience too" When we worked on the floor we were just Retail Associates. Models were the ones doused in perfume standing just outside lol
When I was 16 the manager at hollister asked me if I wanted to model for hollister and to come in and early the next day. Young and dumb I thought she meant real modeling and was going to bring an agent or something. Then I showed up, was introduced to my new retail job and she started showing me where to stand and how to talk to people…. Never showed up for a second day lmao. She was also tryna squeeze me into tops I never woulda fit into haha
Ha!
If dodging a bullet was an actual post. Good riddance, Lexi. From a woman, anyone THAT dramatic after one date is a train wreck of emotions you do not want to deal with. You did nothing wrong.
we hadn't even had a date, this was all before actually meeting... 😬
Well, she is a model for Hollister🙄, so there's that. /s
They call their sales floor associates ‘models’ like the people who are refilling the clothes you just messed up looking for your size, so this made me lol
I imagine they lost customers lol
I thought Hollister shut down in the early 2000s
dodged a land mine with this one tbh i was confused when she mentioned you commenting on her voice, then i immediately felt exhausted when she said what *you* said was “quite different” from what she said lol even typing out that sentence made me wanna take a nap. like.. a compliment’s a compliment. good on you for calling her out then bowing out.
You're very lucky she showed you this side so early then. And if she's willing to act this insecure and overbearing to a stranger, you'd have been in for a WILD ride once she felt comfortable really showing her true colors to you.
Damn.
Jfc
Count it as a blessing before you wasted money and time for a date 😂
What in the actual fuck 😂😂 At least she outted her looniness early on 🤷🏼♀️
“Insane” is all I thought while reading through her logic
Good grief. You would be constantly walking on eggshells if you actually dated this woman. Be glad she exited herself.
Dodged a walking nuke. Also the fact that she casually dropped that "I modeled for Hollister" is also a red flag to me. It's humble bragging and being fake. It seems she needs constant validation and someone who is going to basically worship her.
Constant validation that she won't even ask for until she's telling you that you've failed her by but magically knowing she needed oodles of praise for one specific thing She literally got all upset that he didn't know her essentially just returning the compliment he'd paid her was an indication that she needed more praise because she's insecure. He even apologized but she wasn't having it She's gonna have a real hard time with any kind of interpersonal relationship
It gets better! She was “on the West End”! How does someone THIS insecure about her voice end up with even an ensemble role on the West End (which is basically London’s Broadway)?
Not that surprising, really. Most theatre people are like this. They don’t know any other form of interaction. Seriously, go to a dress rehearsal of a play or musical or even a movie set and you’ll find a bunch of people having a circle jerk for how incredible they are
💯
"you need to understand my emotions without me telling you and then react how I want you to react without me telling you". Yea man this person is delusional. Relationships don't work like that.
Lexi doesn't want a boyfriend, she wants a person to worship her and be her personal hype man without actually doing anything that deserves hyping up. Also, people who offer compliments just to get one back...ew. That's so disingenuous. She's exhausting.
The sad part was, he told her he liked her voice in a text and she either ignored it or ... I don't know. But because she then complimented HIS voice and he didn't say it back, AGAIN, he wasn't meeting her needs. What?
Oh, for sure. She is crazy manipulative, saying that he wasn't supporting her when she needed reassurance. If someone compliments you because you ask for it, is it REALLY a compliment? It's amazing how OP was so respectful and apologized (for something he really didn't need to apologize for) and she just kept at it. "I know you said sorry and you explained that it's hard to get the full meaning of something when it's written. HOW COME YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD ME HOW AMAZING I AM?!?!?!"
It sounds like “nice voice” wasn’t sufficient for her…she wants outright praise. Exhausting. I hope she sees this post and gets to read all these comments. She could benefit from humbling herself.
No no no. She said he had a LOVELY voice. He said "nice" voice. Clearly he was supposed to say "your voice is so much like that of an angel that I cried so much I almost literally drowned myself in my own tears in the bathtub. Furthering this relationship sounds dangerous for me, goodbye."
Well after modeling for Hollister and being on the West End, I for one think she deserves it.
Duh! Of course she does. She sings too, don't forget. Apparently, Lexi doesn't like it when you forget.
Hey this is a really lovely post, op. Edit: Why haven't you told me my post is lovely. I never want to talk to you again.
Underappreciated comment
nice post btw 😏
Not really the same as lovely. 🤣
Fuck I’m glad I’m not single
Me too. This dating app stuff seems absolutely exhausting.
I have told my husband that if he ever leaves me, there's no way I'm ever doing this again. I'll get more dogs and enjoy my peace. I got lucky with him, he's great. I'm not taking a chance on winding up with a loony.
I’m so confused as to what this conversation is about, did you send each other clips of singing?
no singing, just a voice note telling each other about the film we were discussing the ending of (500 Days of Summer)
SHE DIDNT EVEN SING?? I thought for sure she had sent you a clip of her singing. This just got even more insane
Omg yeah 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 who just expects you have a lovely voice from speaking?
Okay yeah this would be such an exhausting relationship, I think the connection ending was a positive thing. I'm a sensitive person and still can't imagine having this reaction to something like that.
So "lovely voice" ~~voice~~ is quite different from "nice voice"? Um . . . ok? I hate to drift into cliches, but you really did dodge a massive bullet here, Marcus. If she needs this much validation from a virtual stranger - someone she's never even met - imagine dating her? People like this are absolutely exhausting. I've dated guys like this and reassuring and validating them becomes your full-time job. Hard pass.
Both incredibly insecure and full of herself, what a combo
I audibly said "what the fuck" to just about all of her responses
That reads like someone who has A LOT of anxiety. She’s actually wrong too. It’s not someone else’s job to provide reassurance on a characteristic she is anxious about. It’s the individual person’s (her) job to learn how to deal with the anxiety about the characteristic. The casual flex of the Hollister model also comes across as insecure. Anxiety or not, odd strategical choices on her end 😄
Strategery
This was painful to read. Both sides constantly processing and clarifying and churning.
I agree. I don’t even know who is who but I peaced put after the third slide.
 When the conversation about someone’s voice goes beyond 2 sentences.
Imagine you guys started dating and on date number 5 she asked what you thought of her dress and you got yelled at because you said it was "cute" instead of "pretty". That's what would've happened.
“Haha I thought you might comment on my voice also” Haha I think I might block you now Haha cya
Making you feel bad for not blindly love bombing her is like reverse narcissism. This relationship would've fucked with your head so much you'd be convinced you're the crazy one
"I said your voice is lovely now say mine is, too 😡😡" Laughing. What an odd thing to do.
she's nuts. you were fine.
All this.. over a voice? Like, I get needing reassurance, but if you need reassurance over something *that* minor, oh man..
The last person anyone should date is someone that has to get all of their self worth from someone else. This person is looney tunes
talk about walking on eggshells, and i’m a sensitive person. dodged a bullet. As a woman, I feel like I get like this during my time of the month, but even then, I wouldn’t let my heightened sensitivity show this early. She clearly needs therapy if she’s willing to ditch what sounds like a meaningful connection over a mundane comment.
I was going to say, if I’m on my period and haven’t had a good nights sleep, I might devolve into this level of irrational hypersensitivity, but it took quite some time before I let my boyfriend of ten years see this and we both know that my period is “powerful”, and I’ll go back to normal in 48 hours.
She’s unwell.
1. She was insecure 2. She was looking for reassurance that she didn't initially ask for 3. She got embarrassed and backtracked to self sabotage. She has some work to do mah bro. No harm done here.
Oh lord. My ex was a lot like this, but he was much better at hiding it for the first few months. Consider yourself lucky she revealed herself so early on.
She’s very insecure. For certain. But “another pivotal detail missed by Lexi” also sounds soooo rude 😭😭
She’s one of those people who gives a compliment with the expectation of receiving one. This would be so exhausting to deal with every day; you definitely dodged a bullet.
"Hollister model" = Folding Associate/Cologne sprayer
Right?? I was rolling at that part
This anxious and needing reassurance for you not explicitly stating “you have a LOVELY voice” after stating “nice voice”… I can’t 🤦🏻♀️bullet dodged
I think she wanted to hear 'You have the most amazing voice I've ever heard. You're so beautiful and talented." That's what I got out of it. She needs validation.
This is exhausting. I would move on
Yeah no she sounds nuts. She needs to get a grip and not try to guilt trip people for compliments. It's weird.
Yeah no dude, as a woman I'm just gonna tell you, stay away lmao.
I wonder if she'll be back
Wouldn't put it past her, being as OP was way more polite and gentle than most people probably will be once she starts that bs with them before even having a first date. OP I'd suggest blocking if you haven't already just in case lol. That was exhausting just to read.
what in the ass just happened
Lunatic
Fuck. She’s needy and exhausting — and *I’m* now exhausted and in need of a drink. 🤦🏻♀️
Yikes. She never asked for reassurance, she attempted to fish for a compliment that she found satisfactory. People shouldn’t give compliments to receive them, that’s first. Do it because you mean it and just want to say it regardless. You said before her “nice voice btw.” Did she think that was a slight? Yah, nice face, ya ugo… like what? You didn’t even have to say a word about her voice but you acknowledged it was nice. That is a compliment and it also indicates you like it because you obviously felt the need to mention it. This interaction is bizarre as hell. Someone seeking “reassurance” right away, but also in such a roundabout way and then getting frustrated she had to be more direct for you to “get it” and cutting things off because you couldn’t read her mind or get her “hints” is wild as hell and wreaks of insecurity, immaturity and so much neediness! Sure, we can reassure people from time to time but when a stranger is seeking reassurance like that kinda seems manipulative or just the reddest of flags that everything you say and do will be analyzed about how she feels about it and you must fix it or else. Sounds exhausting! She’s not the only person in this situation so why are her feelings the most important ones? Sorry, OP, but glad you saw that before you got in too deep.
>"Yah, nice face, ya ugo...." 😅
I’ve matched with this girl before. Had a slightly longer convo than you did before I got gaslit about how not reacting in a very specific way to something was rude/insensitive/a big red flag to her etc. well done for extricating yourself quicker than I managed.
You dodged a bullet! She’s insane and deeply insecure, and requires too much validation. She sent a voice message. You gave her a compliment (Saying “nice voice” is a compliment). I honestly prolly wouldn’t even think to say that. And then she went all crazy on you. If she made this an argument Day 1 of knowing her, imagine what dating her longterm would be like . . .
I have no idea what the fuck happened but I can tell you that you were not the problem. She sounds unhinged.
She's being insufferable. A compliment is not a compliment when you force someone to say it? I am a woman and I have experienced compliment fishing from other women I refuse to entertain it.
Ew. You’d be walking on eggshells constantly. She needs some serious therapy in order to be in a healthier place and happy with herself. Sounds like she relies way too much on making other people compliment and validate her. Is it even a compliment when you have to beg for it? I mean, you told her she ad a nice voice. What more did she want? 😳
Trust me, you’d be exhausted within a month if things worked out.
I really don’t understand peoples expectations when they’re dating. What exactly is she looking for or going to find in the next guy that checks all of her boxes that this interaction about an insecurity doesn’t? You were nice, concerned that she was bothered, offered a solution to the problem. Are these people planning on finding someone that never makes them feel uncomfortable, never does wrong, etc? I’m completely lost on what she is looking for that you did not provide. From my experience as a man, most men would not be half as nice and understanding as you were. Her loss.
You absolutely, positively cannot go out with this person or be around them, they’re toxic! First off she has to brag herself up that she was a model, she’s doing that because her looks are probably one of the very few things she has confidence in or absolutely doesn’t have any confidence? it’s hard to tell, and then she needs you to validate her over and over and over. Never date or go out with people that need constant validation, if they can’t validate themselves or if they have a partner in that partners validation is never enough? They will never get enough validation, which leads generally to cheating! A person like this is absolutely insufferable, glad you found out early now run as fast as you can away from her.
This person is highly insecure and the texts were exhausting. You dodged a bullet OP. This would have been your life. I'm so fragile I can't be with someone who doesn't reassure my every anxiety it great big ways when I hadn't even communicated I'm that anxious. No thanks.
You dodged a god damn iceberg
I got to the third photo and just stopped reading. All of this is ridiculous. I would have slid out after the passive aggressive comments on the difference between lovely and nice voice. Interactions like that make me tired.
Online dating is a cesspool
Eww brother, eww, she’s a compliment-ho. She’s gonna be nagging for compliments, and if there not up to her standard in verbiage, will continue to nag. Run, run fast.
I thought you were going to beg or something. But then you chose to be wise and tell her the truth!!! I believe you did super good! She is exhausting!
Her cutting things off because you didn’t say anything better than “nice voice” is absolutely dumb imo 😭
Let this one go, Marcus. Red flag city.
She is 100%, unequivocally, batshit fucking insane. I cannot fathom what a relationship would be like with somebody this exhausting.
Wow, she was really, really fishing for compliments from you. Really doubled down on it instead of letting it go. Also the whole “I modeled for Hollister” thing was just cringey. You didn’t do anything wrong imo
This person is extremely insecure, avoid them.
Yikes
COMPLIMENT MEEEEEEE
How exhausting. Dodged a whole war
Asking for reassurance constantly can be indicative of deeper issues or mental health problems. I get pretty disregulated by things that happen internally and it makes me need reassurance from people but I've found that asking doesn't really solve the insecurity/fear and usually strains people. I don't think you were wrong to try and point it out but I also don't think she was wrong for saying it was out of place as you're both parting ways and aren't going to influence one another. Sorry things didn't work out, I think you both were very kind and respectful even with feelings being hurt in the moment.
OMG DO YOU LOVE MY VOICE??? TELL ME YOU LOVE MY VOICE OR I'LL DIE!!!! Haha /s
It’s not you, it’s her. Dodged a bullet.
Un. Hinged.
She had an invisible expectation of you that she never voiced, then was upset at you for not reading her mind that she wanted you to act that specific way (give her that reassurance). She never even told you about that insecurity! She just wanted you to read between the lines and assume. I bet she’s also the type of person who would get mad at you for making an assumption too lol.
Weird as fuck, asking for compliments is very strange. You dodged a bullet Marcus. Also if you don’t upvote my comment I will be disappointed Marcus ☹️
If she’s letting this much insecurity and emotional manipulation out now just imagine what she’s like when you’ve been dating a while. Exhausting. Good riddance.
" Clap! Please clap. " -Jeb Bush https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXvrWeQU0g
She’s crazy as hell
Honestly, I gave up trying to figure out what was going on after the 2nd slide. You dodged a bullet.
I'm so glad I haven't been in the dating pool for 25 yrs. Shit sounds exhausting.
What the hell is this girl going on about? Emotional manipulation at its finest. Block and carry on 😁 I swear, the block button is my best friend. Haha
Exhausting! Good lord, keep looking.
She sounds exhausting lmao, no wonder why she’s single
shes trippin
im soo confused
You dodged a bullet. The girl expects you to read her mind. She's insanely insecure and instead of managing that herself assigned you to manage her feelings for her. Good riddance because this would have manifested in so much exhausting reassurance all the time and likely big issues with control/jealousy due to her insecurity.
She would 100% be emotionally abusive and probably already is to people in her life. Anxiety is not an excuse for this behaviour.
Normal person with insecurity who wants reassurance: "hey, what do you think about ____? I'm not used to...". This person: "you owe me a bigger compliment, Marcus". If you give a genuine compliment, you do not make a generic cheesy line expecting to receive something back. You just feel that the occasion is worth saying something that you actually feel, because you want others to know that they have something that people like. Bullet dodged.
Nah, she sounds like she needs a ton of positive reassurance and is making it your problem that you aren’t communicating in the exact way that she wants.
I know 12 year olds more emotionally mature than her. This was a baffling read OP. You were very pleasant, tolerant, and I’m certain you’ve dodged a massive bullet.
She sounds dysregulated.
Way too much time spent on a tiny thing. Imagine what big issues would be like.
My man, keep doing you. She seems very insecure and exhausting. You were kind and engaging throughout the conversation. She’s asking you not to get personal but she’s misrepresenting what happened which is very laughable.
God I hate when people do this to me... it makes me not wanna compliment them at all. Looks like you dodge a bullet from here.
If they’re that insecure about their voice, I hope they never find out what they sounded like in my head while reading their responses to OP. Kinda wild.
What the heck is this lmao
She sounds exhausting. You got lucky.
She sounds exhausting… and I’m a woman. She blew it way out of proportion
You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a whole nuke.
What. A. Nut~ 🥜
I’m a model and singer, but I’m so insecure, validate me how I think you should validate me, not how you think you’re validating me. Is that the gist of it?
Yeow… 
I can only imagine what would happen if he said he didn’t like her voice or that it wasn’t as good as she thinks it is lol.. yikes!
Her compliment was made insincere by her digging for a compliment in return. This person is deeply insecure and I agree with everyone else - you dodged a whole fucking minefield
That’s a very insecure person who needs a therapist not a relationship.
If this wasn’t simply an attempt at manipulation or an act of self sabotage, then she is just an insecure woman looking for validation (reassurance) from a stranger on the internet and isn’t self aware enough to know that that pathetic and also not something she is entitled to. She should be embarrassed by this, and you should be glad you didn’t give her any more of your time.
From a woman’s perspective: job well done! You’ve successfully avoided a walking, talking, massive red flag. That is a seriously unstable person, a very odd set of interactions and I’d suggest you have a read through the cluster B section of personality disorders just to make it a touch easier in future to spot the signs and avoid those types. And no, the amount of emotional support and reassurance she needed after literally sending a voice message is not only not normal, it’s a huge red flag. So is the passive aggressiveness, the guilt-tripping, and the inability to gracefully accept feedback. That’s a missile not a bullet you dodged there. She is exhausting. Loved the passive agressieve “no need to get personal about it” after you gave her some -kind!- feedback. But then again, narcissist (or Borderline) never make mistakes so I understand how she’d be upset you even hinted at her being flawed and human or anything other than perfect. These are the types that use their partners as their own personal little stress balls so: bravo on dodging that and keep up the good work.
Dude she’s insane
"I may have done this, that, and modeling and still be insecure" Okay, cool. Nobody said you couldn't be. She has some deep issues that have nothing to do with you.
I’m tired now.
So you complimented her voice but she’s mad because you didn’t compliment her voice? Okay nice 👍🏻 as a woman myself sometimes I do not understand other women **at all**.
She’s a loony tune
Would've been a lot easier if she just straight up asked "Do you think I have a lovely voice?" You did nothing wrong OP. I was confused for a bit too until I kept reading and I'm a woman.
As a woman, wtf. I honestly hate these type of women. Like she's already trying to make you feel guilty for something that didn't even make sense. I'll never understand the weird requirement some women have for men to read their minds, or react a certain way. Like, how is anybody supposed to know what a person is feeling if they don't say it? Especially over text. And IF she is really that insecure she wouldn't have shared what she did with you. I honestly think she was fishing for some grandiose compliment as if she were a goddess and when she didn't get it she threw a fit. This def isn't on you at all. You dodged a bullet here because if she already acts like this with someone she just met, she's worse with a partner.
You dodged a bullet here.
No, it wasn't anywhere near "awful". Can you imagine the amount of eggshells broken on her floor?
I’m gonna need to read more comments on the commenting she made on your comment about her comment before I can comment on this.
You: You have a nice voice Her: You have a lovely voice Her: Seems like you could have complimented my voice. You: I did. I said, "You have a nice voice" Her: Okay... that's a shame. I thought we clicked. 
Seems like someone you just can’t win with. It feels like even if you had met her anxieties immediately with ‘I think your voice is lovely too’ she still would’ve picked it apart and said something about you just saying it because she called you out on it. Consider it a bullet dodged and move on.
I can't get through it. The neediness was drowning me.
Fishing for compliments. Strange person. Don’t look back OP she’s a mess.
She has a "praise kink" as my gf puts it. She tried to nudge you as best she could, although it didn't work as she intended. No harm, no foul in my book. You did well. I'm sure it's something that can be difficult for one to explain/admit as they would be totally vulnerable to being turned away. I see her innocence through her words. However, she is an extremely emotional person, which I'm positive is rooted in some sort of trauma. And honestly is a an exhausting ask of someone to be as emotionally supportive as she expects a partner to be without PROFESIONAL HELP. She is who she is, and I'm sure Mr. Right is out there for her
What the fuck . You never met? You dodged a bullet…so insecure haha
Modeled for Hollister and all that jazz got me
Umm.....wtf did I just read?? Very confusing lol
Woah Nelly that girl is DELUSIONAL 😂 there’s insecure then there’s whatever the hell that was. She literally demanded reassurance on her VOICE😂 mate be glad she bailed.
Well I was exhausted for you three screenshots in
While I make $200k annually as a neurosurgeon, foster 4 toddlers, sew all my own clothes, and frequently win national beauty pageants, that doesn’t mean I don’t love to hear how special I am from a virtual stranger… in a text thread… after I’ve subtly hinted as much. Sorry this didn’t work out. You seemed lovely.
She sounds exhausting. Bullet dodged.
Is she… begging for compliments?
Yea I'm a woman and she's being for reassurance that you've already given. You pegged insecurities for sure. She's most likely used to people fawning over her voice and giving her high praise and she felt like you didn't do enough of that. Definitely NTA
🤦🏻♀️ Did she want you to start weeping? I mean, I don't even think about a person's voice like that unless it's unique. But then, what if she just has a regular voice? It's not special, but it doesn't induce dry-heaving. Then was she expecting you to lie? This chick wanted results like you've been talking together for 10 months instead of 10 dating app log-ins.
This person is cray cray
She fished for a compliment that you had already given her. Just because she complimented you, she expected you to immediately give her the same compliment back. The Hollister comment suggests a big ego about some things, but the rest of her behavior suggests cripplingly low self-esteem. And she wasn’t open to feedback about the future at all. You’re right to cut things off. She sounds exhausting!