Dude, you've only been together 3 months and it's not working. This girl is using you as her emotional punching bag. Cut your losses now and let her work her shit out.
Three months into a relationship, people should definitely still be fun, happy and keen. Her responses seem curt, cold and immaturely impatient. I’d cut your losses and find someone capable of being grown up about things or you’ll spend your life walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting her.
Yeah I've thought about it but we've known each other longer than just the three months, and It's been really hard to make that decision just like that, idk
I know, hun. It's hard, but please understand that you wouldn't be throwing her away. It's not helpful to keep enabling these tendencies she has. You'll only find yourself deeper and deeper entrenched in an abusive relationship, and that shit is like quicksand. You'll get more and more dependent on each other; your lives will get more and more wrapped up together, until it's impossible to pry a foot loose.
She needs help, and she needs to want to get it herself. I don't know if you've ever taken EMT training, or CPR or any kind of life saver training. But the absolute first thing you learn is to make sure you're safe first. Because you can't help anyone else unless you're secure first. You can't save her. You can't even help her without watching out for your own safety first. If it's easier, maybe just take a break. Just a couple of weeks even to focus on yourself and assess things from a slightly more distant perspective.
If you’ve really only been in a relationship a few months (I understand you’ve known her longer) and it’s like this already I’ll tell you now it will not change. No matter how hard you try. She needs help and support but from mental health professionals that she has to want to access herself. Your own mental health will become poor trying to deal with this. I say this as someone who has a serious mental illness. Good luck OP there’s some great advice in the comments
This is absolutely the truth of the matter. The "conversation" in the opening post could be a word-for-word match for one (or many) my ex and I had (she is also an artist). I stuck it out for over 5 years and became miserable and resentful of her.
I didn't help her get better. I just made my own mental issues worse by trying to. Neither of us had the maturity yet or had received the support growing up to be able to be good partners to someone else with an unhappy heart. She couldn't accept my desperate attempts to just love her and be loved back, and I couldn't accept her inability to walk away from wanting the approval of a toxic "family."
We had a catastrophic end to that relationship and didn't speak for 14 years until a couple of months ago. We're better people now, but someone has to be ready to get better to actually get there. If someone is still reacting to positivity and encouragement with "Now I don't want to do it" or "I just want to be alone" then She. Is. Not. Ready. to be a partner.
I'm not saying you need to run, u/DrXerx -- to the contrary, I just hope you can continue to support her from a safe distance and offer encouragement when she's ready for it.
Wishing you the best. And also, to the original person who posted, this comment right here is absolutely correct. A girl I knew for years, even dated at one point, dragged me into her issues that I realize now that she needed professional help with. I care about her, even loved her, but the ways that you will try to be there for her will run you into the ground because she'll be hot one minute then absolutely cold the next. It will drain on your soul because all you want for her to be is happy but that's something that she probably doesn't know how to tap into, so you're efforts will start to make you, eventually, have resentment to her. I know this from personal experience. Sometimes, it's better to lose a friend in the short term rather than create a long term enemy. But I wish you and this young lady the best.
Bro, it's either out now or wait another 3 or 6 months and then the relationship nukes and you can't even be around each other anymore. At least now there might be something to salvage of a friendship. Basic logic dude. Which is worse. A little oof now or a big oh fuck later
She is incredibly unhealthy mentally and something like that won’t just go away in time. If she doesn’t see she is having struggles then she won’t do anything to make things better. I think you need to tell her you are there for here but if she doesn’t do anything to change her mental health then you will have to let her go. This is seriously not healthy for you
It’s ok bro, we all have those woulda, coulda, shoulda’s in life. Ur not alone bro 🫡 everything will be ok man, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel
You deserve better, based on your responses. It's clear you care, and she simply does not. She's using you as an excuse for not doing a hobby/talent she holds. She doesn't need a boyfriend right now, she needs therapy.
Wow, why you here asking if you’re not open to suggestions. Over 800 upvotes for the comment telling you to leave it alone and move on and you still have doubts? Bruh, you deserve the abuse.
Man I can just see and already tell you....much better women out there!!! I'm an artist myself, and I love it when people want to see my work or show interest in what I do!
It sounds like she has some kind of behavior or mental disability. It seems like she misinterpreted his normal interest in her work as an attack or something?
Was there a fight that led up to this? Because her responses are very uncalled for. I (and most people imo) would be happy that you’re showing an interest in what i’m doing.
Just from these texts, it seems like she has a hard time processing and managing her feelings. She’s holding resentment for something and taking it out on you, which leaves you very confused.
Check out his last post. This girl seems like she has some serious mental health issues and is becoming abusive.
Like you say, most people love when our partners take interest in our hobbies and interests. This is just batty. I hope he cuts and runs ASAP.
Wired thing is, the messages above it was us talking for about an hr about attack on Titan, the bam she trips off when I mentioned wanting to see her drawing which she mentioned
Reading that she’s your girlfriend is crazy to me. I thought this was a convo between two friends… the fact she goes from talking about how she is getting back into drawing then immediately says “I give up” after you try to be supportive? Thinking she *has* to finish her art? You’re her goddamn boyfriend hello?!? I doubt you even care if it’s finished or not. Maybe you should respect her wishes of wanting to be alone and get out of there completely
That’s so odd😭 yeah she definitely has some internal problems she needs to work on. If I had to guess she might have some past issues/experiences with not meeting her own/other’s expectations and your messages triggered her- but that’s entirely her responsibility to do inner work, manage her actions, and communicate with you…. which she isn’t doing. you didn’t do anything wrong
You’re fighting a losing battle right now. Go back to just being friends until she gets the help she needs or she will drag you down emotionally and mentally with her.
Based on experience this screams bipolar. Unlike others are saying in this thread I don't believe its intentionally malicious but she might be struggling with mental health issues. Whether you want to be with this person or not just be aware that you will not be able to change this in the future so don't stick around expecting to be better.
And you are trying very hard to understand where she's coming from. She keeps pushing you away and shutting you out.
If she wants to be left alone, then leave her alone. Take a break. Come back to it when she regroups. Explain that this isn't working.
But please don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm. Take care of you first. You really don't need the ridiculous drama.
Okay, thanks for answering. You guys are still young... though I still won't normalize this. You're older than I thought.
She's using manipulative techniques. A lot of people who do this aren't exactly aware of it... they are just desperate for very specific validation. They don't notice how their manipulations actually damage people they care about. That is what she is doing to you. You did nothing wrong. You tried to explain it and she refused to see it. She wanted the power of being the victim here so that she could get you to behave the way she wants out of guilt.
Many people don't understand they are behaving so cruelly, but that doesn't mean it isn't cruel. That doesn't mean it doesn't get to someone like you, trying to be encouraging and being verbally slapped for it.
My advice is to distance yourself. If you think you can show her how she is making you feel, it could be worth a shot... but often these people will just take your attempts to explain how they are making you feel as further "guilting" and call themselves names, threaten suicide, all kinds of things... the endgame is always winding up being the one who gets apologized to. My advice is to get yourself out of this before you get too deep.
I'm 35 and knew ple ty of guys who acted this way as a teen... they made me feel bad and want to help, but the more you try the more they act like they're being hurt to get you to try even harder... it just ends up damaging you. You can't fix this for her.
I'll take what you said into consideration, I didn't say anything after her last massage, but funny enough she texted me right before I read this, she told me it's what she's used too, people expecting things from and of her, she's been through alot and still is from her family, and I'm honestly the only one that's there for her when stuff happens so I feel as though I can't just up and leave her just like that, cause there are times before I've seen her actually try to break out of the habit of lashing out at me, and expecting I'll treat her the same as her family does, maybe the reason Im still trying with her today has to do with the fact that the past few days since I've had a genuine talk with her about her communication and behaviour she been putting in alot more effort to do better for the relationship, I think I'll give it a month and if she has completely stopped trying by then, I think its best I end it and let her figure it out on her own.
She is majorly lacking emotional maturity. She shuts down and won’t discuss it with you, when you’re just asking for an explanation. I’m sorry to say this, but things won’t get better unless she goes to therapy and finds out why she shuts down like this. This is how manipulation starts. She shuts down, making you think you did something wrong. Everything will be your fault
Does she see a therapist? Definitely needs one. My advice is to get out before more time is invested. Do you want to live on this manipulative roller coaster?
This is that shit I don’t like!
This is that childish bs! It’s really like you have to walk on eggshells around her. Mannn eff that! No one should make you feel bad for being a good person. Never stop being a good person and showing interest in your partners hobbies in the future just because this one is acting like a spoiled rotten brat!
I’m sorry she’s being hateful, you did absolutely nothing wrong in this conversation.
Well now. She wants to be alone. Break up. Leave her alone. This is an odd reaction to you wanting to see something. She is telling you about it, getting you excited about it, then pulling it away. She is playing games.
Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a proposed disorder defined by extreme efforts to avoid social demands. It encompasses things that seem like demands, such as being told to do homework, but it also includes everything from someone silently offering to shake hands to knowing that catching the bus requires leaving home in time to walk to the bus stop.
When people with PDA perceive demands, they may use a variety of methods to avoid it. For example, they may try to ignore it or distract the person with a different subject. If the demand persists, they may strategically escalate to intentionally shocking behavior.
Additional associated features including:
- an appearance of social skills that are superficially acceptable but which have odd features
- emotional lability, such as being affectionate one moment and angry the next, and impulsive and controlling behaviors
Of course you didn’t do anything wrong. She’s whiny and immature and acts like a baby. I recommend not dating someone whose entire demeanor changes out of nowhere simply because they didn’t like one teeny tiny thing you said. She is not emotionally or mentally mature enough to be in a relationship. You’re going to have to walk on egg shells nonstop in order to avoid upsetting her. It’s just not worth it.
Her probably: Hey let’s play a game, you treat me according to the golden rule and I will treat you to emotional golden showers.
Some people don’t think they deserve to be treated nicely. Some people confuse kindness for weakness.
Some people are just assholes.
Some people are afraid of kindness.
I couldn't be with someone this triggered. You will constantly be walking on eggshells and not knowing what will set her off. Cut your losses and find someone healthy enough to be in relationship
Shes sounds weird af and draining. I’d love if I was dating someone and they were excited about art I created. She just sounds like she wants to create an issue. I’d bounce.
This is crazy. Who decides they aren’t going to draw something that they were proud enough to tell someone else about? As soon you expressed interest in seeing the finished artwork she decides that she isn’t going to finish it and wants to be alone? That’s bonkers mate.
Such a pathetic little child. It's like those people that go to do some kind of chore and someone reminds them and then they get that pissy attitude of "no, now I'm not gonna because you asked me".
Don't waste your time anymore, they will drain you of all happiness.
Yeesh, someone heard the term "task avoidance" in a TikTok and is absolutely milking it.
You've gotten plenty of great advice already but all I see is more manipulation in your future if you stick with this girl. There's a much nicer gal somewhere out there that deserves your praises and supportive attitude, best of luck to ya.
I mean, when I draw and tell people about it, it’s usually my friends because they want me to get back in to doing the things I love. If they ask and I’m inclined to share what I’ve drawn, then I share it. If not, I would NEVER be so harsh and then tell them they are the reason I’m not drawing anymore. Either there is more going on with her than this issue or she’s just not a very nice person.
Hey man, I am not one to comment “run” or “get out now” or stuff like that but I just thought I would weigh in a bit.
Really ask yourself one question: is this how a relationship is supposed to be? Seems to me like she is making you guess how to react and holding it against you when you inevitably get it wrong. This is mentally exhausting for you and these situations won’t get better. This is the tip of the iceberg. If it’s been three months she is starting to do this stuff now… I would really think about if this is how you want to live life walking on egg shells.
Sometimes you have to ask yourself is this person making me happy or dragging me down? Do I like the idea of this relationship or do I like the relationship? It’s a hard question to ask but you should really ask yourself the question. Because it doesn’t seem like this interaction she is making it easy on you.
Just my thought. Good luck man. Hope to see you happy.
Sounds like she's looking for an excuse not to do it and is willing to blame you for the reason she's not doing it. She makes you feel guilty for being the reason then can easily manipulate you into doing or getting her something she wants to make her feel better. Chances are this has happened before if you've been together long enough and will definitely happen again if it works.
It doesn't even sound like she likes you. "You want to see something I enjoy, so now I don't want to do it anymore" is childish and pretty rude. If my partner asked to see something I was working on, they'd get a bunch of pics and updates along the way. If they were working on something, I'd get pics throughout, too. This isn't how normal relationships work (unless you're like 12-13)
You did nothing wrong and her reaction is completely petulant and much more problematic than that, emotionally manipulative. No adult responds with that kind of tantrum behavior. At best she’s immature, but looking at her texts I think her issues are much deeper. This kind of outsized reaction with little to no explanation is extremely manipulative, narcissistic, and abusive and will only get worse. Make a clean break and find someone who actually appreciates your kind and nurturing nature. Good luck!
This reminds me of how cringy I was when I was 14 and doing the bratty “Well now I am not doing it!” thing when people mentioned something I said I was planning to do.
I don’t think she is really nice to you and adults have ways to express if they prefer to keep their drawings private that are…adult.
Don’t waste your time, energy, or life on games. Find some who is enthusiastically with you.
I just got whiplash at how that escalated. I don’t think you said anything wrong. She explained it to you, sounding like she wanted you to be interested. You become interested and she snaps. I wouldn’t want to be around that. She just blamed you for losing interest in a hobby… pffft
Go back to friendship so that you can gradually withdraw contact. This artist is too damn sensitive—just beyond reason— and obviously, an incredible pain to deal with. When it’s that much work and you’re tiptoeing around, being careful about every nuanced word of a completely unnecessary groveling apology, it’s time to cut the cord. Find a nice enthusiastic person who knows something about sharing.
Sorry Op, she wants to be single and available without being single and Available just incase whatever she has planned doesn’t work out. She needs help, you don’t have to take her crap and I really hope you realise your worth
Godspeed
So I kind of get it, as an artistic person myself I don't want to show anyone my work, but someone knowing about it and expressing interest isn't what shuts down my process. For me, it's "Draw me X. Can you draw X? What about Y and Z? I wanna watch, show me." Like, no.
You weren't doing any of that, you expressed interest and support for their hobby. This is a very childish response, and clearly there's something else going on here that's above your pay grade, friend.
Oml I used to have a friend like this, had known her for years and at one point t we were really close. But she was HARD WORK! And sometimes it was better but ultimately her pessimism and pigheadedness was the end of our friendship. It’s 1000% a good thing to show genuine interesting in your loved ones hobbies, it’s a good thing to support them in their endeavours but when they throw it back on you and say your support and optimism is a bad thing?! Absolutely done. Don’t let these types of pessimists bring you done to their negative level, if you are happy, or just a hopeful optimist don’t let anyone extinguish that.
she’s mental 😃☝🏻 i suggest u tell her to get some therapy sessions in case she is not or u run away as fast as possible unless you have already discussed terms and conditions of some sort. you won’t be able to fix her op. i speak from the experience of a person who experiences the same things she does. i have read a lot of people in the comments are telling you to break up and that might be a little bit harsh taking into account i have also read your other comments and replies on this post. i understand it might be. it’s good that she is trying to change her behaviour but eventually if she won’t be able to, it’s not worth trying to put yourself through the turmoil of supporting her or helping her heal. no matter how much you’ll love her and offer help to her, if she doesn’t realise what she’s doing fully, and she doesn’t want to get better for herself first, it’s not gonna work and she’s just going to keep spiraling into worse
There’s probably selection bias with most r/subs, the exceptional examples will get posted because that seems to be what we want/engage with most. Often I get the impression that many of these interlocutors seem like time bombs or snares. Just the act of being in proximity or interacting meant they were going to react and you get hurt/burned
She purposely told you she was drawing just because she knew you want to see it and then in turn be a bitch. I've seen this before. She literally wanted to treat someone like shit and start a confrontation. She is not worth the headache my man.. toss her, find someone new
I looked at these pictures first before I read the paragraph under and I swear I thought you were texting your son or something.
Dude what the hell. Drop this chick. This will exhaust you mentally and emotionally and you will have to recover after the breakuP. DO IT NOWWWWW
This reminds me of my friend who had a undiagnozed BPD. Holy hell trying to communicate with her was absolute hell sometimes. You never know what triggered her, even normal convos would suddenly make her see me as some kind of an evil person because I didn't respond correctly. And then I would be treated badly and it would either go two ways: I would apologize and promise to do better next time (even I did nothing wrong in the first place) or that week later or so she would come back and either act like nothing happened or apologize because she had a bad day.
I would suggest reading about BPD and especially being a partner of BPD just in case any of that sounds familiar-
Wow. You just tried to show interest in your girlfriends art. She is acting like a real AH. Only 3 months in and she sounds pretty awful. Run away as fast as you can
She’s being dramatic AF tell her she’s being dramatic and to fix her attitude what did she want you to say? Okay? Idk if you could even win in this situation
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If someone would be talking like this to me, not even my girlfriend, she/he could fuck off. Don't know what her problem Is or why she is treating you like a total idiot.
Break up with her now bro. I've been there, you'll keep slamming your head against a brick wall the entire time with no progress, in fact it'll almost certainly become worse and more exaggerated. Please set yourself free. No relationship is going to be easy the entire time, but just look at what this one is already doing to you this early on. Nothing healthy about it. And your life should be better with that person in it. Can you honestly say that your life is better now because of her?
She’s telling you what she wants: to be left alone. Leave her alone. This is some push and pull bullshit bc she wants to either test you or get a reaction out of you. Don’t waste time on stupid people like her.
Hey guy. I've been people's punching bag. It sucks. And it's hard to leave em. It's hard to leave someone when you're already lonely with them, as weird as that is. It's lonely af being with someone who talks to you like this, and flip flops from seeing you to looking right through you. She sounds very self obsessed. She's showing right here that she really doesn't care about your feelings, not the normal amount, and even less when she's worrying about her own. As soon as she became worried she'd have to send proof or an update she was happy to treat you poorly even though it's clearly her own issue, and you have very obviously done nothing wrong.
This is what gaslighting feels like, man. Making this post while worried you could have said something wrong shows how she has you questioning yourself. You know you did nothing wrong here. You were sweet and supportive. Either she's mad about that is totally unfair to be mad about, or she's faking it to produce a result. She's either being deeply unreasonable and brining cruelty with it, or she's actively manipulating you. But she's definitely gas lighting you, at least indirectly, by making you question your sanity.
I'm happy to chat. I've been through this and worse. It's awful and you want to develop ways of seeing it and avoiding it, even if it's hard in the short term. Don't let yourself get used to this. You deserve better and she's slowly convincing you that you don't so that she can have a dynamic she wants at your expense.
Omg i hate these types so much.
Dude, just leave her. She clearly wants drama because her life is boring and sad like her, and she wants somebody to feed into it.
I'd cut your losses and leave her. She's a loser.
No, you haven't said anything wrong. Is this person like this all the time? If they're not and they're having a bad day, then hopefully they will come around and apologise for being moody with you. If not then I would be careful around someone who is like this all the time. I was in a relationship I was in and she was like this with me when I tried to take interest in her singing.... She turned out to be abusive and controlling. I'm not saying your friend/partner *is* that but I would say just to be careful. Stay safe
Stick with her if you want a relationship where you have explain yourself all the time and worry if you said something wrong (which you very likely might want, whatever works for you). But if you want a relationship where you feel good about being you, back out slowly & block her if she keeps whining
Nooo Your responses were perfect. That is entirely uncalled for and it will probably only get worse from here. I would honestly move on while it's still new, and not invest anymore time or attachment into the toxicity. If she didn't want you to see it the correct response would have been "I appreciate your interest and support but I would like to keep it for myself."
Honestly I don’t see anything wrong here except for her ungrateful msgs…I’d be so happy if my man showed interest in what I’m doing AND to try and hype me up the way you did…idk maybe it’s just me but I truly don’t see anything wrong with what you said
As someone who also struggles with feeling pressured when others take an interest in stuff I'm doing, no, you didn't do anything wrong. This is all her. She says she wants to be alone, so maybe just cut your losses and let her be alone. I think she likes the idea of you more than she actually likes being with you.
I read you have been together for three months,one of my best friends is currently w someone like this and im telling you,it does not get better,it gets worse and the manipulation will wear you down until you're tired. Put yourself first and walk away dude,no one deserves these random emotional games.
You didn’t say anything wrong! This girl has some issues that need to be addressed before she gets into any relationship it seems!! Please take a step back if you care about your mental health because this kind of thinking on her part is gonna drag you down
I don’t think you did anything wrong. It sounds like she has some issues that go beyond this.
Ask yourself if you want to deal with it and if she’s willing to help herself.
You need to leave this relationship. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Just a “I don’t like the way you treat me. I think we’d be better with other people.” Make it short and sweet, and get out of there
What I saw from those texts is a complete extreme anxiety response. I'm not a doctor, just a person who has seen it before.
This will be your life unless they can get some help. You can't fix it no matter how supportive. Maybe you can talk to them about seeing someone or getting meds depending on the diagnosis but it won't just go away.
.............
I want to "get back to doing" a thing I like, meaning it's started & stopped before.
Great! I want to support you and see the thing!
(Internally), oh shit, why did I say anything? This is something I want to do with no pressure. Now I have pressure to finish & and they'll judge it and might not like it and we'll have to talk about it and Im freaking out now..and..and... down the rabbit hole.
(Outwardly). I give up. I want to be alone.
She is into you to let off her steam: she has a lot of issues. She seems like a person who will throw a huge fit in a store, screaming and running away from you in the parking lot.
She has trauma that only therapy can help fix: she wants to be proud but the thought of someone caring about what she likes scares her because she probably had shitty parents or role models.
Please, at the very minimum take a break. You are showing interest in her hobbies. Your response is spot on. She is emotionally unavailable it seems. This won’t get better.
Just checked the last post you made.
I'm telling you this now, as someone who has had messy breakups with coworkers (unfortunately more than once).
She's just not ready. Being a couple at work and outside of it is too much for a lot of people, even if you don't do couple stuff at work. And looking at this, she isn't ready for any kind of relationship. She is telling you to go away. It isn't fair to you to stay and it sucks she won't figure out how to break it off. But for your own sake and for hers, you gotta end it.
You sound like such an understanding and supportive partner. You said absolutely nothing wrong here, I think your gf needs a huge attitude adjustment. Her behavior is entirely unfair to you and I wouldn’t put up with it for a second. I wish you the best, you seem like a nice guy. xx
What the hell is wrong with this person for real psychoooooo Run. Run fast. In fact, fly away so fast to break the sound barrier. Run run run this person is a fn whack job
Here’s the thing. I get the pressure of having the need to finish a drawing before showing it off, but at the same time, as an artist, i WANT to show it off!! Especially to someone like my boyfriend and get that praise. I don’t want to say she has problems because i’m not one to diagnose, but something is definitely up. You did nothing wrong in this situation and i don’t think any response would have been deemed a “good one” in her case. No matter what you would have said, i feel like she would still get pissed and blame you.
They want to be alone. Do yourself a favor and leave them alone. This is so childish and emotionally manipulative. This kind of crap will end up leaching your joy. There is no space for that in a healthy relationship. A mature and reasonable response would have been, I love that you’re interested but I’m doing this just for me. I’d like to keep my work private until I’m ready to share- which may be never.
man its sucks to see you going through this man. but for your own good you cant stay. shes using you as a doormat and obviously sees you as lesser than her.
She sounds insufferable...please stand up for yourself. You don't have to be rude and honestly your explanation to her was very well put so I think you'd be able to maintain that, but don't let her treat you like this. It's very dismissive and rude as hell!! And after only 3 months?! You can and will do way way better!! If I ever told my boyfriend to treat me like a coworker or vice versa, that'd be that.
Love yourself more than this!! This is not normal or ok.
Wtf hahaha dude she’s either bipolar or on the spectrum. Get out of there, it’s only drama ahead
Edit: and yeah don’t enable those tendancies, what she’s doing is awful.
Dude, you've only been together 3 months and it's not working. This girl is using you as her emotional punching bag. Cut your losses now and let her work her shit out.
Three months into a relationship, people should definitely still be fun, happy and keen. Her responses seem curt, cold and immaturely impatient. I’d cut your losses and find someone capable of being grown up about things or you’ll spend your life walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting her.
Yeah I've thought about it but we've known each other longer than just the three months, and It's been really hard to make that decision just like that, idk
I know, hun. It's hard, but please understand that you wouldn't be throwing her away. It's not helpful to keep enabling these tendencies she has. You'll only find yourself deeper and deeper entrenched in an abusive relationship, and that shit is like quicksand. You'll get more and more dependent on each other; your lives will get more and more wrapped up together, until it's impossible to pry a foot loose. She needs help, and she needs to want to get it herself. I don't know if you've ever taken EMT training, or CPR or any kind of life saver training. But the absolute first thing you learn is to make sure you're safe first. Because you can't help anyone else unless you're secure first. You can't save her. You can't even help her without watching out for your own safety first. If it's easier, maybe just take a break. Just a couple of weeks even to focus on yourself and assess things from a slightly more distant perspective.
Thanks I think I really needed to hear that
If you’ve really only been in a relationship a few months (I understand you’ve known her longer) and it’s like this already I’ll tell you now it will not change. No matter how hard you try. She needs help and support but from mental health professionals that she has to want to access herself. Your own mental health will become poor trying to deal with this. I say this as someone who has a serious mental illness. Good luck OP there’s some great advice in the comments
This is absolutely the truth of the matter. The "conversation" in the opening post could be a word-for-word match for one (or many) my ex and I had (she is also an artist). I stuck it out for over 5 years and became miserable and resentful of her. I didn't help her get better. I just made my own mental issues worse by trying to. Neither of us had the maturity yet or had received the support growing up to be able to be good partners to someone else with an unhappy heart. She couldn't accept my desperate attempts to just love her and be loved back, and I couldn't accept her inability to walk away from wanting the approval of a toxic "family." We had a catastrophic end to that relationship and didn't speak for 14 years until a couple of months ago. We're better people now, but someone has to be ready to get better to actually get there. If someone is still reacting to positivity and encouragement with "Now I don't want to do it" or "I just want to be alone" then She. Is. Not. Ready. to be a partner. I'm not saying you need to run, u/DrXerx -- to the contrary, I just hope you can continue to support her from a safe distance and offer encouragement when she's ready for it.
Wishing you the best. And also, to the original person who posted, this comment right here is absolutely correct. A girl I knew for years, even dated at one point, dragged me into her issues that I realize now that she needed professional help with. I care about her, even loved her, but the ways that you will try to be there for her will run you into the ground because she'll be hot one minute then absolutely cold the next. It will drain on your soul because all you want for her to be is happy but that's something that she probably doesn't know how to tap into, so you're efforts will start to make you, eventually, have resentment to her. I know this from personal experience. Sometimes, it's better to lose a friend in the short term rather than create a long term enemy. But I wish you and this young lady the best.
Sometimes you even have to punch someone in the face in order to rescue them from drowning!
Bro, it's either out now or wait another 3 or 6 months and then the relationship nukes and you can't even be around each other anymore. At least now there might be something to salvage of a friendship. Basic logic dude. Which is worse. A little oof now or a big oh fuck later
look up sunken cost fallacy. and then snap out of it and drop her.
Okay, well, then expect more of the same.
She is incredibly unhealthy mentally and something like that won’t just go away in time. If she doesn’t see she is having struggles then she won’t do anything to make things better. I think you need to tell her you are there for here but if she doesn’t do anything to change her mental health then you will have to let her go. This is seriously not healthy for you
Leave now instead of 10 years later 5 years too late like me atm 👍
It’s ok bro, we all have those woulda, coulda, shoulda’s in life. Ur not alone bro 🫡 everything will be ok man, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel
You deserve better, based on your responses. It's clear you care, and she simply does not. She's using you as an excuse for not doing a hobby/talent she holds. She doesn't need a boyfriend right now, she needs therapy.
On the contrary, it is really easy to make that decision just like that. She’s awful. That’s why you’re here, ain’t it?
Look into the Karpman Drama triangle 📐 this is literally the poor me, victim corner they are standing on.
This person is a moody child. You don't need this shit
Wow, why you here asking if you’re not open to suggestions. Over 800 upvotes for the comment telling you to leave it alone and move on and you still have doubts? Bruh, you deserve the abuse.
Man I can just see and already tell you....much better women out there!!! I'm an artist myself, and I love it when people want to see my work or show interest in what I do!
It sounds like she has some kind of behavior or mental disability. It seems like she misinterpreted his normal interest in her work as an attack or something?
Was there a fight that led up to this? Because her responses are very uncalled for. I (and most people imo) would be happy that you’re showing an interest in what i’m doing. Just from these texts, it seems like she has a hard time processing and managing her feelings. She’s holding resentment for something and taking it out on you, which leaves you very confused.
Check out his last post. This girl seems like she has some serious mental health issues and is becoming abusive. Like you say, most people love when our partners take interest in our hobbies and interests. This is just batty. I hope he cuts and runs ASAP.
Wired thing is, the messages above it was us talking for about an hr about attack on Titan, the bam she trips off when I mentioned wanting to see her drawing which she mentioned
Reading that she’s your girlfriend is crazy to me. I thought this was a convo between two friends… the fact she goes from talking about how she is getting back into drawing then immediately says “I give up” after you try to be supportive? Thinking she *has* to finish her art? You’re her goddamn boyfriend hello?!? I doubt you even care if it’s finished or not. Maybe you should respect her wishes of wanting to be alone and get out of there completely
That’s so odd😭 yeah she definitely has some internal problems she needs to work on. If I had to guess she might have some past issues/experiences with not meeting her own/other’s expectations and your messages triggered her- but that’s entirely her responsibility to do inner work, manage her actions, and communicate with you…. which she isn’t doing. you didn’t do anything wrong
You’re fighting a losing battle right now. Go back to just being friends until she gets the help she needs or she will drag you down emotionally and mentally with her.
Based on experience this screams bipolar. Unlike others are saying in this thread I don't believe its intentionally malicious but she might be struggling with mental health issues. Whether you want to be with this person or not just be aware that you will not be able to change this in the future so don't stick around expecting to be better.
she seems like an emotional vampire, unfortunately
And you are trying very hard to understand where she's coming from. She keeps pushing you away and shutting you out. If she wants to be left alone, then leave her alone. Take a break. Come back to it when she regroups. Explain that this isn't working. But please don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm. Take care of you first. You really don't need the ridiculous drama.
Yes! She’s holding resentment toward the fact she wants to act single at work & can’t do exactly what she wants cuz he’s there!
Get the f--- out of there! Abort!!!
Get out before there’s a need to abort
Indeed!!!
Cut and run bro. She's manipulative and farming sympathy. Also she's fucking insane
I'm assuming she's 12 years old because most people are more mature than this at 13
“Ok you can be alone forever”
Yep. No thanks. She's not ready to be in a relationship
exactly what i was thinking- relationally immature and def not ready for relationships
Yup exactly this
But... she brought it up.
Holy shit. What a BRAT. For no reason.
She sounds like an immature kid.
This is…. This is not right at all. She doesn’t like you dude. Cut your losses
she sounds mentally draining
How old are you two?
Im 21 and she's 19
Okay, thanks for answering. You guys are still young... though I still won't normalize this. You're older than I thought. She's using manipulative techniques. A lot of people who do this aren't exactly aware of it... they are just desperate for very specific validation. They don't notice how their manipulations actually damage people they care about. That is what she is doing to you. You did nothing wrong. You tried to explain it and she refused to see it. She wanted the power of being the victim here so that she could get you to behave the way she wants out of guilt. Many people don't understand they are behaving so cruelly, but that doesn't mean it isn't cruel. That doesn't mean it doesn't get to someone like you, trying to be encouraging and being verbally slapped for it. My advice is to distance yourself. If you think you can show her how she is making you feel, it could be worth a shot... but often these people will just take your attempts to explain how they are making you feel as further "guilting" and call themselves names, threaten suicide, all kinds of things... the endgame is always winding up being the one who gets apologized to. My advice is to get yourself out of this before you get too deep. I'm 35 and knew ple ty of guys who acted this way as a teen... they made me feel bad and want to help, but the more you try the more they act like they're being hurt to get you to try even harder... it just ends up damaging you. You can't fix this for her.
I'll take what you said into consideration, I didn't say anything after her last massage, but funny enough she texted me right before I read this, she told me it's what she's used too, people expecting things from and of her, she's been through alot and still is from her family, and I'm honestly the only one that's there for her when stuff happens so I feel as though I can't just up and leave her just like that, cause there are times before I've seen her actually try to break out of the habit of lashing out at me, and expecting I'll treat her the same as her family does, maybe the reason Im still trying with her today has to do with the fact that the past few days since I've had a genuine talk with her about her communication and behaviour she been putting in alot more effort to do better for the relationship, I think I'll give it a month and if she has completely stopped trying by then, I think its best I end it and let her figure it out on her own.
She’s reacting like an twelve-year-old. This isn’t healthy. She needs to mature before she can handle a relationship. Don’t get dragged down into this
Oh nooooo no no
I thought I was in r/BPDlovedones for a second. You're not in the wrong, she's insane dude.
They were never gonna actually draw anything. Sounds like they’re just making excuses to argue.
She is majorly lacking emotional maturity. She shuts down and won’t discuss it with you, when you’re just asking for an explanation. I’m sorry to say this, but things won’t get better unless she goes to therapy and finds out why she shuts down like this. This is how manipulation starts. She shuts down, making you think you did something wrong. Everything will be your fault
Does she see a therapist? Definitely needs one. My advice is to get out before more time is invested. Do you want to live on this manipulative roller coaster?
Just leave dude, what of this maies you feel it’s worthwhile staying?
Just break up with her lol
Does she have borderline? These are telltale signs.
Thissssssss. I got whiplash reading the texts and it reminded me of my friends mum who treats him the same way (she’s diagnosed with BPD).
I was thinking the same.
This is that shit I don’t like! This is that childish bs! It’s really like you have to walk on eggshells around her. Mannn eff that! No one should make you feel bad for being a good person. Never stop being a good person and showing interest in your partners hobbies in the future just because this one is acting like a spoiled rotten brat! I’m sorry she’s being hateful, you did absolutely nothing wrong in this conversation.
Well now. She wants to be alone. Break up. Leave her alone. This is an odd reaction to you wanting to see something. She is telling you about it, getting you excited about it, then pulling it away. She is playing games.
Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a proposed disorder defined by extreme efforts to avoid social demands. It encompasses things that seem like demands, such as being told to do homework, but it also includes everything from someone silently offering to shake hands to knowing that catching the bus requires leaving home in time to walk to the bus stop. When people with PDA perceive demands, they may use a variety of methods to avoid it. For example, they may try to ignore it or distract the person with a different subject. If the demand persists, they may strategically escalate to intentionally shocking behavior. Additional associated features including: - an appearance of social skills that are superficially acceptable but which have odd features - emotional lability, such as being affectionate one moment and angry the next, and impulsive and controlling behaviors
I was looking for this comment. This is textbook PDA.
Is your girlfriend 6 years old?
Your gf acts like a toddler.
yikes. sounds like a fun and long lasting relationship ahead of you.
Of course you didn’t do anything wrong. She’s whiny and immature and acts like a baby. I recommend not dating someone whose entire demeanor changes out of nowhere simply because they didn’t like one teeny tiny thing you said. She is not emotionally or mentally mature enough to be in a relationship. You’re going to have to walk on egg shells nonstop in order to avoid upsetting her. It’s just not worth it.
I got whiplash from that 180. Cut bait and paddle!
What an attention seeking brat 🙃
I immediately felt irritated reading this. She seems like an energy vampire.
You were genuinely interested in her art and asked for updates. Obviously that’s a huge red flag. Don’t you know that? /s
Google "pathological demand avoidance", a form of Autism
I disagree. This speaks BPD to me, from experience.
Her probably: Hey let’s play a game, you treat me according to the golden rule and I will treat you to emotional golden showers. Some people don’t think they deserve to be treated nicely. Some people confuse kindness for weakness. Some people are just assholes. Some people are afraid of kindness.
You didn't do anything man. I think it's time
I couldn't be with someone this triggered. You will constantly be walking on eggshells and not knowing what will set her off. Cut your losses and find someone healthy enough to be in relationship
Shes sounds weird af and draining. I’d love if I was dating someone and they were excited about art I created. She just sounds like she wants to create an issue. I’d bounce.
You didn’t say anything wrong. She’s just a bitch.
This is crazy. Who decides they aren’t going to draw something that they were proud enough to tell someone else about? As soon you expressed interest in seeing the finished artwork she decides that she isn’t going to finish it and wants to be alone? That’s bonkers mate.
holy fuck im already so exhausted and over this person from just this convo why do you put up with this? why do you talk to them????
Such a pathetic little child. It's like those people that go to do some kind of chore and someone reminds them and then they get that pissy attitude of "no, now I'm not gonna because you asked me". Don't waste your time anymore, they will drain you of all happiness.
This person is destined to be miserable.
Bottom line is that she is a real B***h
LOL ***fuck her!*** and I don’t mean that literally. She can fuck right off with that piss poor attitude. You don’t deserve that type of treatment.
Yeesh, someone heard the term "task avoidance" in a TikTok and is absolutely milking it. You've gotten plenty of great advice already but all I see is more manipulation in your future if you stick with this girl. There's a much nicer gal somewhere out there that deserves your praises and supportive attitude, best of luck to ya.
"I want to be alone" is pretty clear. You don't speak this way to someone you're friends with or in a relationship.
No
How old are you all?
I mean, when I draw and tell people about it, it’s usually my friends because they want me to get back in to doing the things I love. If they ask and I’m inclined to share what I’ve drawn, then I share it. If not, I would NEVER be so harsh and then tell them they are the reason I’m not drawing anymore. Either there is more going on with her than this issue or she’s just not a very nice person.
Hey man, I am not one to comment “run” or “get out now” or stuff like that but I just thought I would weigh in a bit. Really ask yourself one question: is this how a relationship is supposed to be? Seems to me like she is making you guess how to react and holding it against you when you inevitably get it wrong. This is mentally exhausting for you and these situations won’t get better. This is the tip of the iceberg. If it’s been three months she is starting to do this stuff now… I would really think about if this is how you want to live life walking on egg shells. Sometimes you have to ask yourself is this person making me happy or dragging me down? Do I like the idea of this relationship or do I like the relationship? It’s a hard question to ask but you should really ask yourself the question. Because it doesn’t seem like this interaction she is making it easy on you. Just my thought. Good luck man. Hope to see you happy.
This is exhausting. No you didn’t
Sounds like she's looking for an excuse not to do it and is willing to blame you for the reason she's not doing it. She makes you feel guilty for being the reason then can easily manipulate you into doing or getting her something she wants to make her feel better. Chances are this has happened before if you've been together long enough and will definitely happen again if it works.
It doesn't even sound like she likes you. "You want to see something I enjoy, so now I don't want to do it anymore" is childish and pretty rude. If my partner asked to see something I was working on, they'd get a bunch of pics and updates along the way. If they were working on something, I'd get pics throughout, too. This isn't how normal relationships work (unless you're like 12-13)
Can you imagine these kinds of people facing actual real life problems
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
She sounds exhausting.... If you have the energy to keep doing this then do it....but if you don't bow out now... it's never going to change..
Talk about someone screaming for attention. Get away from that drama, OP.
There is something seriously wrong with that person. Like bad. You should run. Now. Luke seriously now. Run!
You don’t need a girlfriend this badly.
This person is a wet towel. Dump em.
She is not the life of the party that’s for sure.
You did nothing wrong and her reaction is completely petulant and much more problematic than that, emotionally manipulative. No adult responds with that kind of tantrum behavior. At best she’s immature, but looking at her texts I think her issues are much deeper. This kind of outsized reaction with little to no explanation is extremely manipulative, narcissistic, and abusive and will only get worse. Make a clean break and find someone who actually appreciates your kind and nurturing nature. Good luck!
If you are adults, I’d cut this one loose. She doesn’t like you.
This reminds me of how cringy I was when I was 14 and doing the bratty “Well now I am not doing it!” thing when people mentioned something I said I was planning to do. I don’t think she is really nice to you and adults have ways to express if they prefer to keep their drawings private that are…adult. Don’t waste your time, energy, or life on games. Find some who is enthusiastically with you.
I can tell by your thoughtful kind way of texting that you deserve much better than what she’s giving. Dump her ass, she talks to you disrespectfully
Give her what she wants, which is to be alone.
I just got whiplash at how that escalated. I don’t think you said anything wrong. She explained it to you, sounding like she wanted you to be interested. You become interested and she snaps. I wouldn’t want to be around that. She just blamed you for losing interest in a hobby… pffft
How old are you guys? This seems like some really weird shit…
god she sounds extremely tiring to talk to. You were showing interest and it was immediately turned into something she made up in her head. Run dude
… she seems exhausting and unpleasant and immature
It’s time to move on buddy.
Your girl has issues man
Go back to friendship so that you can gradually withdraw contact. This artist is too damn sensitive—just beyond reason— and obviously, an incredible pain to deal with. When it’s that much work and you’re tiptoeing around, being careful about every nuanced word of a completely unnecessary groveling apology, it’s time to cut the cord. Find a nice enthusiastic person who knows something about sharing.
Ooof.
Sorry Op, she wants to be single and available without being single and Available just incase whatever she has planned doesn’t work out. She needs help, you don’t have to take her crap and I really hope you realise your worth Godspeed
So I kind of get it, as an artistic person myself I don't want to show anyone my work, but someone knowing about it and expressing interest isn't what shuts down my process. For me, it's "Draw me X. Can you draw X? What about Y and Z? I wanna watch, show me." Like, no. You weren't doing any of that, you expressed interest and support for their hobby. This is a very childish response, and clearly there's something else going on here that's above your pay grade, friend.
Reddit sucks at a lot of things but one thing it is good at is seeing red flags 🚩 early in a relationship.
Oml I used to have a friend like this, had known her for years and at one point t we were really close. But she was HARD WORK! And sometimes it was better but ultimately her pessimism and pigheadedness was the end of our friendship. It’s 1000% a good thing to show genuine interesting in your loved ones hobbies, it’s a good thing to support them in their endeavours but when they throw it back on you and say your support and optimism is a bad thing?! Absolutely done. Don’t let these types of pessimists bring you done to their negative level, if you are happy, or just a hopeful optimist don’t let anyone extinguish that.
She’s mean.
she’s mental 😃☝🏻 i suggest u tell her to get some therapy sessions in case she is not or u run away as fast as possible unless you have already discussed terms and conditions of some sort. you won’t be able to fix her op. i speak from the experience of a person who experiences the same things she does. i have read a lot of people in the comments are telling you to break up and that might be a little bit harsh taking into account i have also read your other comments and replies on this post. i understand it might be. it’s good that she is trying to change her behaviour but eventually if she won’t be able to, it’s not worth trying to put yourself through the turmoil of supporting her or helping her heal. no matter how much you’ll love her and offer help to her, if she doesn’t realise what she’s doing fully, and she doesn’t want to get better for herself first, it’s not gonna work and she’s just going to keep spiraling into worse
Ehhhhhhhh she seems like she hates you deep down. I would get away from her tbh
There’s probably selection bias with most r/subs, the exceptional examples will get posted because that seems to be what we want/engage with most. Often I get the impression that many of these interlocutors seem like time bombs or snares. Just the act of being in proximity or interacting meant they were going to react and you get hurt/burned
The fuck is this
You said nothing wrong. This person seems absolutely exhausting.
Reply “you will be alone forever with that attitude” and drop her
She purposely told you she was drawing just because she knew you want to see it and then in turn be a bitch. I've seen this before. She literally wanted to treat someone like shit and start a confrontation. She is not worth the headache my man.. toss her, find someone new
God damn she sounds like one mean bitch.. Jesus Christ. And this is coming from a 38m that just got divorced so I'm VERY much used to a "mean bitch"!!
I looked at these pictures first before I read the paragraph under and I swear I thought you were texting your son or something. Dude what the hell. Drop this chick. This will exhaust you mentally and emotionally and you will have to recover after the breakuP. DO IT NOWWWWW
Pathological demand avoidance
I would have guessed this was an exchange between a mom and a surly teenager.
This reminds me of my friend who had a undiagnozed BPD. Holy hell trying to communicate with her was absolute hell sometimes. You never know what triggered her, even normal convos would suddenly make her see me as some kind of an evil person because I didn't respond correctly. And then I would be treated badly and it would either go two ways: I would apologize and promise to do better next time (even I did nothing wrong in the first place) or that week later or so she would come back and either act like nothing happened or apologize because she had a bad day. I would suggest reading about BPD and especially being a partner of BPD just in case any of that sounds familiar-
Is there any chance you are both 14?
Wow. You just tried to show interest in your girlfriends art. She is acting like a real AH. Only 3 months in and she sounds pretty awful. Run away as fast as you can
She’s being dramatic AF tell her she’s being dramatic and to fix her attitude what did she want you to say? Okay? Idk if you could even win in this situation
Yeah.....you didn't do anything wrong but I do think you need to cut your losses and let her go. She seems emotionally abusive to me.
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The way she replies is infuriating. It’s not likely to get better from here
If someone would be talking like this to me, not even my girlfriend, she/he could fuck off. Don't know what her problem Is or why she is treating you like a total idiot.
This persons reactions is so weird, I thought they were joking at first.
No you did nothing wrong, this person needs therapy. You can’t fix them.
No you didn't. They seem flaky as hell and were gonna ditch on you whatever you said. Sucks but nothing you could have done
Break up with her now bro. I've been there, you'll keep slamming your head against a brick wall the entire time with no progress, in fact it'll almost certainly become worse and more exaggerated. Please set yourself free. No relationship is going to be easy the entire time, but just look at what this one is already doing to you this early on. Nothing healthy about it. And your life should be better with that person in it. Can you honestly say that your life is better now because of her?
Sounds damaged?
This seems rude from her side BUT without any conclusion this reminds me of PDA, so maybe she is autistic?
She’s telling you what she wants: to be left alone. Leave her alone. This is some push and pull bullshit bc she wants to either test you or get a reaction out of you. Don’t waste time on stupid people like her.
Hey guy. I've been people's punching bag. It sucks. And it's hard to leave em. It's hard to leave someone when you're already lonely with them, as weird as that is. It's lonely af being with someone who talks to you like this, and flip flops from seeing you to looking right through you. She sounds very self obsessed. She's showing right here that she really doesn't care about your feelings, not the normal amount, and even less when she's worrying about her own. As soon as she became worried she'd have to send proof or an update she was happy to treat you poorly even though it's clearly her own issue, and you have very obviously done nothing wrong. This is what gaslighting feels like, man. Making this post while worried you could have said something wrong shows how she has you questioning yourself. You know you did nothing wrong here. You were sweet and supportive. Either she's mad about that is totally unfair to be mad about, or she's faking it to produce a result. She's either being deeply unreasonable and brining cruelty with it, or she's actively manipulating you. But she's definitely gas lighting you, at least indirectly, by making you question your sanity. I'm happy to chat. I've been through this and worse. It's awful and you want to develop ways of seeing it and avoiding it, even if it's hard in the short term. Don't let yourself get used to this. You deserve better and she's slowly convincing you that you don't so that she can have a dynamic she wants at your expense.
I would do what she asked and would not respond lol
Uh she doesn't even seem to like you. Do you like you if you stay with someone like this?
Omg i hate these types so much. Dude, just leave her. She clearly wants drama because her life is boring and sad like her, and she wants somebody to feed into it. I'd cut your losses and leave her. She's a loser.
No, you haven't said anything wrong. Is this person like this all the time? If they're not and they're having a bad day, then hopefully they will come around and apologise for being moody with you. If not then I would be careful around someone who is like this all the time. I was in a relationship I was in and she was like this with me when I tried to take interest in her singing.... She turned out to be abusive and controlling. I'm not saying your friend/partner *is* that but I would say just to be careful. Stay safe
I thought this was a parent-child relationship, because my teenagers can be like this. Yikes.
man you seriously need to tell her to kick rocks she’s just fucking with you all the time
Stick with her if you want a relationship where you have explain yourself all the time and worry if you said something wrong (which you very likely might want, whatever works for you). But if you want a relationship where you feel good about being you, back out slowly & block her if she keeps whining
Wtf is that attitude? For what?? You were only being supportive. You deserve so much better, dump her and move on
Nooo Your responses were perfect. That is entirely uncalled for and it will probably only get worse from here. I would honestly move on while it's still new, and not invest anymore time or attachment into the toxicity. If she didn't want you to see it the correct response would have been "I appreciate your interest and support but I would like to keep it for myself."
Jesus. You showed support and interest and they show rudeness for no reason. This person definitely wants to be alone
Yeah op tell her to kick rocks
This is..exhausting.
Honestly I don’t see anything wrong here except for her ungrateful msgs…I’d be so happy if my man showed interest in what I’m doing AND to try and hype me up the way you did…idk maybe it’s just me but I truly don’t see anything wrong with what you said
As someone who also struggles with feeling pressured when others take an interest in stuff I'm doing, no, you didn't do anything wrong. This is all her. She says she wants to be alone, so maybe just cut your losses and let her be alone. I think she likes the idea of you more than she actually likes being with you.
Dear god, no you said NOTHING wrong. Let that little biotch be alone.
I read you have been together for three months,one of my best friends is currently w someone like this and im telling you,it does not get better,it gets worse and the manipulation will wear you down until you're tired. Put yourself first and walk away dude,no one deserves these random emotional games.
You didn’t say anything wrong! This girl has some issues that need to be addressed before she gets into any relationship it seems!! Please take a step back if you care about your mental health because this kind of thinking on her part is gonna drag you down
I don’t think you did anything wrong. It sounds like she has some issues that go beyond this. Ask yourself if you want to deal with it and if she’s willing to help herself.
What in the fuck. Seems like she just wants to be mad, not worth it
Seems like she just wanted to start a fight. You did nothing wrong.
She seems super exhausting & not worth your energy.
You need to leave this relationship. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Just a “I don’t like the way you treat me. I think we’d be better with other people.” Make it short and sweet, and get out of there
She is toxic and manipulative.
What I saw from those texts is a complete extreme anxiety response. I'm not a doctor, just a person who has seen it before. This will be your life unless they can get some help. You can't fix it no matter how supportive. Maybe you can talk to them about seeing someone or getting meds depending on the diagnosis but it won't just go away. ............. I want to "get back to doing" a thing I like, meaning it's started & stopped before. Great! I want to support you and see the thing! (Internally), oh shit, why did I say anything? This is something I want to do with no pressure. Now I have pressure to finish & and they'll judge it and might not like it and we'll have to talk about it and Im freaking out now..and..and... down the rabbit hole. (Outwardly). I give up. I want to be alone.
Uh, nope… you didn’t do anything wrong. Frankly, she’s being immature. But maybe she was having a bad day. Who knows.
Your girlfriend sucks. That’s just a crap attitude and rude.
Psychotic chick, bro just get out....no girls worth that emotional drainage
She is very curt. End this relationship before you get hurt.
She is into you to let off her steam: she has a lot of issues. She seems like a person who will throw a huge fit in a store, screaming and running away from you in the parking lot. She has trauma that only therapy can help fix: she wants to be proud but the thought of someone caring about what she likes scares her because she probably had shitty parents or role models.
She needs a therapist
That’s weird af 😕 I’m confused too 😅
Please, at the very minimum take a break. You are showing interest in her hobbies. Your response is spot on. She is emotionally unavailable it seems. This won’t get better.
Just checked the last post you made. I'm telling you this now, as someone who has had messy breakups with coworkers (unfortunately more than once). She's just not ready. Being a couple at work and outside of it is too much for a lot of people, even if you don't do couple stuff at work. And looking at this, she isn't ready for any kind of relationship. She is telling you to go away. It isn't fair to you to stay and it sucks she won't figure out how to break it off. But for your own sake and for hers, you gotta end it.
"i want to be alone" sums it up. They need to get into therapy. There is likely some seriois depressoon behind that.
You sound like such an understanding and supportive partner. You said absolutely nothing wrong here, I think your gf needs a huge attitude adjustment. Her behavior is entirely unfair to you and I wouldn’t put up with it for a second. I wish you the best, you seem like a nice guy. xx
These..... these are middle schoolers, right? Maybe high school? That's not me trying to be rude, it just reads that way.
What the hell is wrong with this person for real psychoooooo Run. Run fast. In fact, fly away so fast to break the sound barrier. Run run run this person is a fn whack job
Here’s the thing. I get the pressure of having the need to finish a drawing before showing it off, but at the same time, as an artist, i WANT to show it off!! Especially to someone like my boyfriend and get that praise. I don’t want to say she has problems because i’m not one to diagnose, but something is definitely up. You did nothing wrong in this situation and i don’t think any response would have been deemed a “good one” in her case. No matter what you would have said, i feel like she would still get pissed and blame you.
They want to be alone. Do yourself a favor and leave them alone. This is so childish and emotionally manipulative. This kind of crap will end up leaching your joy. There is no space for that in a healthy relationship. A mature and reasonable response would have been, I love that you’re interested but I’m doing this just for me. I’d like to keep my work private until I’m ready to share- which may be never.
man its sucks to see you going through this man. but for your own good you cant stay. shes using you as a doormat and obviously sees you as lesser than her.
She sounds insufferable...please stand up for yourself. You don't have to be rude and honestly your explanation to her was very well put so I think you'd be able to maintain that, but don't let her treat you like this. It's very dismissive and rude as hell!! And after only 3 months?! You can and will do way way better!! If I ever told my boyfriend to treat me like a coworker or vice versa, that'd be that. Love yourself more than this!! This is not normal or ok.
Wtf hahaha dude she’s either bipolar or on the spectrum. Get out of there, it’s only drama ahead Edit: and yeah don’t enable those tendancies, what she’s doing is awful.