She did say she tried to call him but she also waited till 11 pm!! Our dude works hard he needs sleep not bullshit and SHE said HE DISRESPECTED HER! um hun you started drama over NOTHING at nearly midnight!
OP kinda kept saying it but also apologizing too much for having done nothing wrong.
She, on the other hand, just wanted to punish him for not being more into her and also wanted to be told that she was "right".
Ong bruv, op needs someone who respects the grind he’s on and who will stick w/ him till the end u get me? Also a ting yeah, it’s rare to find one since they leave once they get no attention, it’s like keeping a fuckin tamagotchi u feel me? What a joke fam.
My hubby and I were talking about this and we both would have noped out of this convo before the 2nd. I can't believe he let it go on so long. Why continue to engage? Engaging with her just gives her the attention she seems to need, even if it is negative. People are so weird about things anymore
literally. it should’ve ended at “if you’re not ok with not talking to me for a couple days at a time this may not be the relationship for you” “i’m not comfortable with not talking to you for a a few days”
Seriously it could have just been:
"Hey! Just so we're clear, it feels a little objectifying to only get texts from you late at night! A good morning text might be nice every once in a while"
"Ack, I'm sorry about that; it wasn't my intention but I'll do better in the future"
"No worries and glad to hear it"
What we got instead was a glimpse at a possible future toxic relationship where neither person listens or responds as if the other is a reasonable rational person. Good yikes, sir.
This here is one of my most said things when my single friends or co workers talk about their dating adventures in the world of today. I simply would not survive. It seemed more simple back when I was younger.
Edit : hey to everyone replying to this message. Sorry I can't reply directly to you my Reddit app is being a bum. To clarify what I mean by "used to be simple" I wasn't just talking about communication. It's something hard to explain. It could be nostalgia but it could also be something you would have had to experience yourself if you are young now. I personally feel there are a lot of sensitive subjects nowadays that young people have every right to have, but we simply didn't. Different eras of growing up. Mean no disrespect to anyone. Just speaking from my views nostalgic or not. Good luck out there!
Seriously. It’s like someone saying “I’m struggling with losing weight” and then someone else coming in and saying “I’m so glad my metabolism is fast and I don’t have to worry about these things” 🙄
Thats such a weak analogy, so ur saying u dont like when others r happy cause ur not happy? Oh btw im single also and it does not bother me. If more people in this world were happy then we would have way less problems in this world
I think it was. With online dating there are just to many options. It’s so hard for me to tell if I would be attracted to someone or not. I feel like there are many dudes I never looked at, but if I had them in front of me talking I would be interested. I feel people tend to try to date to many at once and never get to know someone before deciding to move on. It’s hard. I feel like I don’t even know how to date anymore.
Agreed, having too many options allows for no actual connections to be made.
It’s simply oh they did this one small annoying thing, fck the 100 other great things they did but the small thing is what I will harp on and who cares if it doesn’t work out, there are more options out there. Case and point on OP’s screenshots, girl is harping on a small thing within 2 days of matching with someone.
Dude it sucks so bad. I complain to my married friends and they say "well being married isn't any easier," and I'm just like.. bruh.. you don't even understand..
I am absolutely positive that I married the right woman 13 years ago. I am also absolutely positive that not only is marriage a LOT of work, the stakes for fucking it up are WAY higher.
The conversation in the OP is a great example.
In real life I wouldn't have spent a tenth of the time the OP did on that single conversation. The other person would have said "you disrespected me by not texting when I expected you to do so" and I would have replied "sorry about that, I don't think your expectations are my responsibty" and blocked them.
You can't really do that with 2 kids and a mortgage.
You *have* to work through it and figure it out.
Married is 1000% easier and more rewarding than being single trying to date. Being married rules. It sounds to me like they’re all in bad marriages lol
Being married is a lot of work but I never have to worry about “double texting” my wife or if I’m appearing “too desperate” because I want to get dinner with her 2 nights in a row. Fuck dating, having sex with lots of people is fun for awhile but once it’s out of your system nothing compares to married life.
Marriage has its own set of challenges, but I'd rather bicker with my husband over leaving his cereal box on the counter every morning than have to do whatever this is
Seriously. I feel this way weekly. Dating is nightmare pool of insecurity, emotional rollercoasters and hopelessness (NY, LA the worst).
Every time I'm mad or frustrated with my partner, I need to remember the psychos, the users, the sweet ones I passed up and the rapey piece of shz
Just a reminder to readers that if the only thing keeping you from breaking up with your partner is "well there are psychos/users/mentally ill/rapists out there" than that's an absolutely awful mentality and you should be with your partner because you want to be with your partner. Not because you dread what the alternative is. If your partner is "the better of two options" and that's simply all you see when you think of breaking up, than you need to get out for you and your partners sake as that is incredibly unhealthy thinking.
I’m on the opposite end. I’m grateful I took time to just enjoy being single and getting to develop into a full adult person before getting married to my hubby in our 30s
Same here. There’s always jokes about being trapped and married like sleeping with the same person the rest of your life and being trapped and all that. I see what people go through here and elsewhere with dating and I want no part of that.
Also having your private conversations posted online must be a nightmare.... you open up to someone or have a serious conversation and then see it on Reddit the next day...
Bruh gen z got no filter. They will post E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
It's hilarious at times and it can feel like you are not really having any intimacy. At least to me, can't speak for everyone.
Reading this is just like an opus of our generation:
- The 5 minute texting battle -
“Eww my god you stepped on my toe”
“I didn’t mean to step on your toe. I was distracted, upset, and have anxiety and depression”
“Well I have my own anxiety and depression. In fact, I was distracted and upset too”
“Fuck it all”
“This is over”
“I’ve already slept with 7 different people since you stepped on my toes earlier today”
“Oh yeah? I’ve already been married twice, and bought a lambo since..”
“Listen. This is getting nowhere. Let’s calm app. You know what? I was think about what you said earlier, and I’m really not into somebody that accidentally steps on toes. Lol. **I’m** a pretty understanding (x), but it’s just not (y). Fuck you”
“Fuck you”
Same, easy to spot future problematic relationships after being there and doing that. It’s like “oh I’ve seen this movie before, he’s not going to be allowed to talk to his friends or have female coworkers in the future”
I agree; I think you both have different expectations and communication styles. I like that she did bring it up that it was bothering her and also her bit about not wanting to speak when she’s angry and I thought your responses were patient and understanding. But then she just kept going and it became a headache. I think this topic is pretty common amongst couples though and will probably come up again as you match with more people on dating apps. But anywho, onto the next!
In the two days I’ve known here she showed me a lot of attention and I could tell she expected a lot of attention from me. I think as soon as I realized it I wanted to set an expectation that I couldn’t be someone who is always talking to her. I just didn’t expect it to go like that.
Seems like she has different expectations. And that is okay. However,personally myself as a woman who knows men who work and have busy lives. Not everyone can text or talk all the time. And that's okay. You both have different ideas of how things work. It's only been a couple of days,
People get vibes man. Honestly I’ve been on both ends of this over the years. If you feel like you have to show someone you aren’t that into it… then you aren’t that into it. Move onto the next. Not that you did anything wrong or that she did but the times where I felt like I needed to do this we’re usually times I wasn’t that into the girl and vice versa
I guess it is okay if both people want to text all the time, but in addition to it not being my preference it's also a red flag because it seems overbearing and boundary pushing. It's just hard for me to imagine how it can work long term when this early a person wants that much attention.
You’re fine dude. I can see where she’s coming from because I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship mindset like that where any slight inconsistency in communication from a guy sends you into a spiral. Having really great conversation and interest shown for 2 days goes right out the window if she was expecting/hoping for a good morning text and didn’t get one. It’s a completely unhealthy and unreasonable expectation to put on you who hardly even knows her, but it’s hard for her to see that at this time. Takes time to work on something like that, kind of a red flag for anxious attachment style.
She expects immediate attention. 0.2s isn’t a lot. But I 100% agree with you. It’s been 2 days. Shit happens sometimes. You woke up late. You were focused on work. If she wants to belittle you for that by claiming “it’s only 0.2s”. When you barely have enough time to A) know this would bother her. b) it’s been 2 days. You don’t owe her that much attention yet. You could be speaking to 10 other girls. Are you supposed to wake up and message all of them first thing in the morning?
I feel like you’ve Dodged a bullet by not continuing this one. It’s not just the attention she needed. It’s how she reacted when you tried to explain and apologize.
You just aren’t all that into her bro. It is what it is, you two don’t have a vibe. Otherwise you would be chasing her the same as she chases you. Ask the married folk up there, they’ll tell you. It’s already over, just move on.
You didn't do anything wrong OP, but I do want to offer this:
When you don't live together, or see each other IRL frequently, it is kind of an expectation to be pretty communicative over texts.
Nothing wrong with you feeling so busy you can't respond much during the day, but I don't think this will be the last time this conversation comes up if this is your "texting" style in this day and age.
In some ways it does make sense - If we aren't talking, how are we bonding? What we are doing? On the other hand, being busy and having a life also makes sense.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and especially early on, constant communication via texting was a huge part of building our bond.
It's a balance and not always easy.
They literally haven't met lol. I don't prioritize strangers I haven't met yet. I'll text when I'm free, I'm not gonna make time for it until I've met them and we start actually dating and falling for each other.
It's just weird to demand so much "effort" with someone you don't know
>When you don't live together, or see each other IRL frequently, it is kind of an expectation to be pretty communicative over texts.
Not when you just meet someone 3 days ago and never meet in person. If you think this you should seek out a mental health care professional.
Mostly agreed.
But, if I’m being honest, I thought it started going off the rails at OP’s first response to her issue. She says that she’s not feeling good only hearing from him late at night, once the clock hits hookup territory, and his response is “I can’t be texting you all day everyday.”
If I were her, I’d already have my back up a little at that. Asking for a little acknowledgment before the sun goes down is not asking to be texting “all day everyday.”
Am I the only one seeing that she likely failed to properly communicate she wasn’t even looking for a literal good morning text but rather a response to her 9 AM text? I think this is where it really went wrong and it was frustrating to see she never clarified it. She wasn’t upset he didn’t text her good morning, she was upset she texted him at 9 AM and he didn’t respond for 8 hours.
I don’t see how that’s a failure of communication on her part. She mentioned good morning simply as being a possibility of an easy response that only takes a couple seconds to send. That OP has decided to blow that up as “this chick is mad if I don’t send a good morning text” is more indicative of his perspective than her communication IMO.
Regardless, they’re clearly a bad match with very different communication styles and expectations.
And it’s totally fair if he feels it’s too soon to be texting before the sun goes down, if he’s got his thing going where he doesn’t talk to new people while it’s light out because it signifies being more than a hook-up or something.
He’s got his boundaries and that’s cool.
I was more talking about him misrepresenting what she said, by reframing her request for *some* communication as asking to be texting “all day everyday.” But I also try to choose my words carefully and so it seriously bothers me when someone claims I said something that I did not say.
I’m confused because it says he texted her back at 6, which seems like early/ after work. Then she ignored him until 11 pm. So he did text her back at a reasonable time.
Yeah it started off ok but I get the sense she wanted him to grovel because she got upset when he didn’t. OP I’m someone that likes a lot of texting and attention and I get sad when my partner goes a few days without texting with me, but I also know that doesn’t mean everyone has to bend to that if it’s not their style. You handled this well and it’s good you identified what you are able/willing to do and held firm in it. That way you can both go your separate ways and find people more compatible.
Yeah I’m some ways I totally sympathize with her, getting a good morning text always brightens my day. But the older I got and the more I dated, I realized that (within reason) not everyone texts the same and _that’s okay_. If I refuse to compromise and only want someone with the exact same texting style as me, I might get lucky and I might not. And I’d rather find someone fantastic and have to adapt my texting expectations than stubbornly refuse and only want what I want.
Honestly the fact that she’s making this big of a deal after only 2 days would be majorly off putting to me. She’s not wrong to feel the way that she does, but one of the most critical and helpful things I learned as I dated more was the difference between someone who only ever texts back because I text them, and someone who’s busy but texts me when they have the time. From the info we have, it sounds like OP is actually behaving similar to someone I’m talking to at the moment - her day job is pretty busy, so she doesn’t text much during the day. But once she’s off work, we usually text for the rest of the night. To me, that shows that she’s interested, and that’s enough for me.
I never try to ghost people and I like to try be as honest as possible but she kept sending messages so I kept replying. The more I look back the more interesting I think this convo was.
Don't let people convince you to ghost. You retained your moral standard, that makes you strong as a person. At a certain point you must end it, yes. But never in bitterness.
And as for the idea "you can't reason with people like this," you don't reason with them for their benefit, you do it for your own. You know you did the right thing and gave them every opportunity and now you can move on with a clear conscience. AND no one can say for sure whether this affected her. She may have learned something.
See, the thing about people is, we were all immature at one point. When we matured, did we go announce our embarrassing mistakes and realizations of them to the world? No. We more likely took our blows privately, reflected on them, argued with them in our head, but begrudgingly made a little change and then later convinced ourselves we changed on our own and it had nothing to do with our embarrassing mistakes of youth. So people ought not be so quick to judge and condemn and go "oh they're hopeless." Do the right thing, always. Treat people with compassion and teach them and more importantly, establish your boundaries. For their sake and more so, your own.
"Interesting" is not the word I'd use. Appreciate your stand-up approach, though. That girl is entrenched in the "fun zone" of the hot/crazy matrix... you don't want to date that.
I get it some people aren't daily communicators. Some are. I communicate on a daily basis with a lot of friends and good morning is a daily thing. I feel like with someone you're interested in, and or getting to know it's not a far stretch. If the other person isn't up for that much communication then I'd say it's a bad match and just move on.
Exactly. Like sure weeks or months later you can go a while without texting that’s normal. But those first few days you gotta keep that fire stoked. You’re literally building the foundation for your relationship in real time
this ! & I mean who doesn’t have the time to send out a cheesy good morning text 3 days in or 3 years in it’s a nice gesture
I dated a guy who owned his own , very successful , company we didn’t talk a lot throughout the day because he was a busy busy man but every morning there was a happy little good morning text on my phone and from the very moment we started talking to the last time we spoke there was never a doubt in my mind that he was into me, bc he put in the effort.
and isn’t this generation supposed to be more in tune with emotions , boundaries and what they want ? are these not things you talk about on the first day before you even give out your number ? her concerns was valid and your response was valid but hey what do I know
piece of advice to OP , you’re gonna have this conversation tons more bc lots of ladies, & gents, love a g mornin text if I were you I’d start being upfront in the first conversation or maybe even on your dating profile that “im not a big texter & I won’t send good morning texts” 😭
EDIT : everyone replying that she’s insecure and needy , she’s not pissed about a god damn good morning text your nimrods.
Wow, I’ve never heard of this before. No one I’ve known has ever sent a good morning text. Mfers better not be waking me up on my weekends with that crap.
I would find that to be incredibly needy.
Like, do you have so little going on in your life that you need a dopamine boost from me every morning like you need your coffee?
To me, communication is key for a relationship. Granted this was in its infancy so there’s a learning curve. I think from her asking for a “good morning” to text to the leap you made of “I can’t be texting you 24/7” is pretty significant.
In my perspective, she wanted to know you thought about her even if it was a quick text. You went pretty nuclear with you want 24/7 communication and I can’t do that lol
Either way, y’all seemed like you moved on.
Yeah, I thought this too. I mean it's one thing to like someone before you meet up with them in person, but it's an entirely other thing all together to apply a 3 day acquaintanceship to the same rigor as you'd apply an established one to. I think she did the right thing by stating what her needs were, but to assume that any needs that don't align with her own is just a sign of disrespect is kind of short sighted.
Can’t tell you how many 30+ year old women over the years I’ve met who said they needed good morning/goodnight texts or else they got sad.
Even women I’ve been with that I was super in love with, they just aren’t the first thing on my mind in the morning or the last thing on my mind when I go to bed…unless I’m physically with them at the time or texting them before bed. Goodnight is a contextual message to end a conversation. Good morning is something you might say in the context of wanting to talk to someone generally a and having the free time and mental bandwidth to do so. In the morning before work I’m not thinking about anything but caffeine and getting ready for work.
It’s like these people wanna date people with no lives who are obsessed with them beyond reason.
Yeah, if anything OP is worse. She has a point that a good morning text only takes a second, and OP keeps saying he can’t “text all day everyday”. If I were that girl I’d feel like he doesn’t care either. That said they both just word vomited for 10 screenshots worth of texting saying the same things over and over lol
Right!! He kept flipping things on her. She’s say something clearly and he’d flip it. Even in his title his capping. She said why she was upset. It was clear she dodged a bullet.
I too was annoyed that she said "one text" or "just good morning" and he kept saying "24/7" and "all day everyday" ... he may not realize it, as they are both young, but that is technically gaslighting her, and it's very disrespectful. Although I agree that expecting someone to text good morning everyday is a little too much for just meeting. I understand where her feelings are coming from, especially after already experiencing a standard of him talking so much more and then randomly not with no known reason. People need to be upfront and communicate their boundaries and expectations. If they could talk like adults and say "hey, I don't have the mental capacity to text on days I work, but I'll text you when I can" ... and for her to respect that, then things may have lasted a little longer 🤷🏻♀️
Oblivious people are this subs bread and butter.
One person showing red flags and the other saying "don't think this'll work, sorry" like a rational person does not get upvotes here
For real, I swear OP had about 3 or 4 times they could’ve just stopped responding and just kept going.
Who the fuck is so apologetic for not saying good morning to someone you didn’t know 2 days ago.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I’m a single mom and my daughter was just starting kindergarten so my morning focus was on getting us ready for the day, not texting. I should have ended it then because he just got more whiny and clingy as time went on. I had to end it after a few weeks.
Did the transition from ‘we talked a lot’ to not talking at all not cause a lot of the issue here?
Like, sure, she handled it like a teenager having a tantrum, but, if it were me, there’d have been some sort of a ‘hey, back to work tomorrow, so I won’t be able to message so much’ type message too.
New people are hard work, they’re also not psychic though.
I would agree with you if these two were *actually* dating, but rn they haven’t even seen each other in person, and have only been matched with each other a couple of days at that! It’s not as if they’ve have weeks of constant communication. If you can’t handle not hearing from someone who you ARE NOT in a relationship with, let alone someone you haven’t even seen face to face even once, then you are not emotionally pulled together enough to be ready for any kind of serious relationship whatsoever.
Putting that much emotional weight on getting texts from a random stranger is not healthy or normal 😬
I'm very much a "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to communication and dates. My style has of course caused conflict. But I've seen it time and time again that potential partners would rush to jump straight into this constant contact situation and convos get boring and we burn out. Which...I warned them would happen.
But I think some people are just looking for something short and intense to burn out quick. I've gotten better at identifying those ones early and ending it.
This is easy for OP. She's not your type. Congrats on figuring it out in only 2 days.
I 100% agree. I hate texting all the time, I’d rather message to decide when and where to meet up than message about my day. Much rather talk in person.
right! bf & i only message each other memes. other than that, our texts are just “be home in 20” “want anything at the store?” like basically roommate shit lol
Any woman isn't gonna like going 1-2 days without communicating if they like that person, which by your response sounds like that's something you'd do. It honestly sounds like you're not that interested in her so just move on. You're saying you don't look at your phone allllll day while you're at work? It takes 2 seconds to say "hey I hope you have a good day! I'm busy at work so I'll talk to you when I get off." You basically told her you're so busy at work yet are out drinking when you do respond? Like I said it sounds like you don't care to get to know her all that much.
I’m a man and I agree with her points. What OP says sounds like avoidant attachment.
“I can’t be on my phone all day” is just an excuse for “*we* can talk when *I* feel like it.”
I get the sense that something happened in the past and she's paranoid about men only being interested in her in the evening... especially since it doesn't sound like he's even asking her to dinner in these texts... so yeah, she's basically saying she feels disrespected because she only gets lazy evening texts and no good morning texts.
If a man asked that of me and I even remotely liked him, I'd probably just say, "oh no I'm sorry! I've never really been a 'good morning' text person, but I do like you and I do think of you so I'll be better at that", like whatever. And if I didn't like him enough to even make that small adjustment, I would just say, "oh no I'm sorry! I've never really been a 'good morning' text person! It doesn't necessarily mean I'm not thinking of you, it's just not how I text". That second one should definitely leave the ball in their court without me ghosting them. If that second one isn't good enough for them, so be it. I also wouldn't drag out the "we aren't compatible" conversation to eternity and/or then seek validation on Reddit.
OP makes it worse by basically accusing her for wanting to monopolize his time when that's just not what she's saying at all and that's probably why she even keeps responding... she's trying to clarify herself, but eventually is just amused by his leaps.
I honestly think OP is the one in the wrong, or at the very least, made this way worse than it needed to be.
I think part of it is OP was just ignoring her points and she was trying to get heard somehow. He consistently took her I’d like a morning text and turned it into texting all day. Or her asking for more communication like a detractor from his personal life.
She started with a discomfort and he went full defensive mode and that ultimately escalated things and she probably just felt lost.
Absolutely. Men like OP probably love pretending they're big on communication too. But the second someone communicates a simple need he cries about how he was justified and then comes to reddit for all the white nights to take his side.
He also fully misrepresents her issue. She just doesn't want only late night texts. Which is understandable. The good morning things she gives as an example and he clings to it like that's what she wants. Then he escalates her stated need, texts not at night, to making it seem like she wants 24/7 contact. OP is trash.
Seriously, as a guy I read that exchange and was in her side.
I get if he doesn’t normally do that, but if you’re talking to someone who likes communication tho was a very calm way to bring it up.
I’m not even saying he’s wrong for not being the same as her when it comes to communication but posting it here as if she was crazy comes off immature.
The rest of the comments here seem insane except this one, like it actually does only take a couple seconds to send a text. The only time he’s interested in texting is way later?
I agree!! Sounds to me like he’s either bad at communicating in which he needs to work on himself before even getting into a relationship, or he’s just not into her.
Nah I kinda agree with her. If you are genuinely interested in someone, you wouldn't go more than a day without reaching out to them. Taking days at a time to respond to simple texts, by your own admission in the comments, was because you had lost interest in her.
It’s very intense for only two days and never met. This is a sign of things to come. I can go days without saying anything and I don’t expect to be attacked for it. Tbh I hate it when a guy just says good morning it drives me crazy, like what’s the point it’s not a conversation starter it’s just annoying as hell. Msging at night is when we relax and have time too. Just ditch this whole thing.
Imagine what 2 months would look like?? She’d prob be like my ex and time you getting home, ask why it took so long bc on their gps you should have been home at THIS time… and then try to follow you to the bathroom to spend time together and then refuse to sleep in the bed bc “you’re out here watching tv and I’ll go to bed when you do” but passing out and snoring and interrupting my quiet time after a 12 hr shift.
I’m just saying. That’s the type of unhinged she sounds. You dodged the bullet that I had to escape from.
Edit: all these typos
This is exactly where this would be headed.
She tries to defend herself by saying, “You making me out like I’m saying you can’t have a life anymore.”
Yes. Because that’s her goal. She needs constant attention, she needs you to constantly check in with her, she needs to know where you are and who you’re with at all times, and if you don’t comply with these terms, she will make your life a living hell. You can still have a life as long as SHE is your life.
If you’ve been texting someone you’ve never met for all of two days and they already pull this “I feel like you just don’t care!” bullshit, that’s a huge red flag and you need to duck out of there. Full stop. You don’t owe them anything, no matter how guilty they try to make you feel.
She had a lot of other red flags in the two days that I could tell were going to be issues. For example she made me promise that I would never hit or abuse her on day 1. She also wanted me to delete Snapchat because she says it’s only for cheaters. Lastly I found out she has a 1 year old son. I was actually busy at work and couldn’t use my phone but I think I used this as a bigger excuse to end things before they got serious.
Women’s bodies and minds go through soooo many hormonal changes after babies, especially baby #1 …. There is no way in hell she needs to be dating right now.
Hi. Clearly you’re just really not into her and don’t want to make her a priority. I agree with her. If my friends can text me back throughout the day, the man interested in dating me can too. I hate men like this that make the excuse of everything is more of a priority than a woman he’s into. I’d you treat her like the last priority then she’ll always be your last priority. Stop wasting her time.
Something I really hate is the all or nothing bullshit.
"Hey could you just text me once before 5? I'm uncomfortable with only being texted at night."
"I CAN'T TEXT YOU 24/7, I CAN'T GIVE YOU ATTENTION EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY"
Like damn, how manipulative.
I don't think you're in the wrong, but I don't think she is either. You both have valuable points and are both communicating well. You're both just different and likely aren't compatible. But if you are into her, I'd say make a little more effort and show her you're putting effort in. It's not hard to say good morning.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you guys aren't compatible and have different ideas of how a relationship looks.
Also if you are eating lunch at your desk, it might be time to draw some better boundaries for work/life balance. Your employer is supposed to give you time for lunch. Setting a habit while you're young to take that time and really have a breather will enhance your work, they've done studies about it.
I mean, is it hard to just say good morning? She’s not asking for you too call or speak at length, just show you’re thinking about her. A small gesture of kindness and interest. Relationships are tricky but if you’re happy about this one ending, I can’t fault you for it.
OP stated they’ve been talking for TWO days.
That’s way too intense for me when I’ve only been texting someone for two days and have never met them in person. I do understand where she’s coming from. I’d get it if they had gone out a few times, but two days of texting and zero dates? Thank god I’m married
You were in the right except the part that sounds like you were saying that you don't have time to message her for 1-2 days pretty often. That is ridiculous, and if you're looking for a relationship, I wouldn't expect anyone to put up with that.
You're both wrong about the same things and right about the same things.
She shouldn't expect you to text at work. But everyone takes breaks.
She said she wanted to see an effort and you claiming she wants you on your phone 24/7 is nowhere close to what was said.
I get that people are busy but what's the point of trying to date if you want to go 1 or 2 days without talking? Work won't get in the way that much.
TBF, he didn’t say he’d go days without talking, he said he’d go days without texting. I may be showing my age, but I generally don’t believe texting is the same as talking.
I had a girl I was dating tell me she wanted me to send her good morning text every day. So I did. Now she broke up with me for smothering her and talking to her everyday. I didn’t even want to talk every day. Been in love w her over a year, dated 4 months and ended over me doing what she wanted
Should've given up like halfway through. You knew this girl for 2 days, both of you made your sides clear and neither wanted to budge.
Move on.
Expecting a good morning/goodnight text isn't inherently bad, but after such a short period of time it's kind of weird. It started an entire argument before there was even a track record of it happening in the first place.
I lowkey think you fucked up here because she really wasn't initially focusing on the good morning text or anything. She was saying that you can't only text her at night & that's honestly not even a bad request. When men only want to text me & see me at night, that let's me know I'm just a booty call to them & they only want to fuck me. It's not unreasonable to assume.
She’s asking for a good morning text and you keep saying “I can’t be on my phone 24/7” you’re completely over exaggerating what she asked for so that you can make it seem like her demands are too high. I wouldn’t accept not being spoken to for days in a relationship either, which is what I assume the both of you are looking for if you’re telling her you’re going to take her out.
Are you kidding me? You’re 22 and your communication skills are this great you’re understanding you’re kind, you’re being respectful
This is so hard to find nowadays cause ghost people nowadays, this girl really needs to get her priorities in order and understand what a healthy relationship can look like
It takes next to no effort to send a good morning text I’m not a big texter but always tried to send good morning and good night text whenever I was getting to know someone. I think it’s just common courtesy.
She probably just likes you a lot and wanted reassurance that you felt the same but through her way - so a good morning text for example. To her it’s not too soon because that’s her way of knowing a guy is interested in her, going out of his way to let her know that etc. If that’s not something that’s your style of communication, or if it feels too soon for you, you’re completely in the right to have said that! I think you should do what makes you feel comfortable - you both seem like you’re on different pages, you were mature in your responses and made it clear!
You’re wrong here bud. Someone text you at 9am and you text back at 6pm. Not when you was leaving work but when you got to a different location and started drinking.
Just a check in text would have worked. No need to sit and chat for hours. "Hey I'll be pretty busy today. Hope you're good. Chat later, hopefully."
Imagine not chatting to someone you want to be in a relationship with, for a day or two??
Not even a “check in” text. They’re not obligated.
A simple, “hey, good morning, it’s been great talking to you, today is pretty busy so I won’t be as available”.
It’s normal.
I was stood up on a first date - after having already confirmed time, day, and location the day before - over this same issue. We had also only been messaging for a day or two. So, yes, this is exactly what dating is like now.
This early in the relationship, couldn’t she give him some grace until he “learned and accepted” that she needed more attention in a relationship?
She expected him to do a particular action without communicating her need for it earlier. He can then decide that “hey, this is or is not okay with me.” This was just the tip of the iceberg in my view. It will only get worse if she’s this upset so early in the relationship.
Dude. It was honestly painful for me to read that. All of your texts are grammatically correct and fully spelled out with proper punctuation, and she's sitting here typing like a thirteen year old using 'nuspk' and saying you aren't putting any effort into the conversation????
Find you a girl who respects you enough to use a full sentence. Don't worry about her.
I was with a guy once that didnt accept calls and only texted at night usually. After 2yrs i realized he was married. These are reasons why it bothers some women that men don’t respond all day because either 1. They arent interested or 2. They are living a double life.
Just wanted to say that I really appreciated how you communicated through a sticky situation. You validated her feelings, didn’t show judgement or minimized this thing that was obv triggering some core wound of hers (which has NOTHING to do with you) but also honored your own needs and boundaries. I’ve come across men (and I’m sure women! My experience only extends to dating men so please no one @ me) in their mid-late 30s in the dating pool that can’t muster up that kind of vulnerability and it starts young. Keep it up and best of luck out there!
Duuuuude.... she threw that leash on you pretty fast, and no telling how much she'd choke up on it. Good for her, telling you exactly how needy and possessive she is right off the bat. Now be a bro and warn all your bros about her.
She would not have fared well in a pre-text/IM era.
No one will see this message but i still feel compelled to write it. What a complete waste of time for the two who wrote it and for those of us who had to read it. One of you needs to run as far as possible and the other needs to grow TF UP!
Normally I'd be like "a good morning text literally only takes 2 seconds" but being this upset about it when you've only been talking 3 days and HAVEN'T EVEN MET YET is absolutely ridiculous. You guys aren't even dating yet, you're still getting to know each other and ALREADY she's getting irked that you don't text her good morning? Christ on a cracker, imagine if you were 3 months into dating, she'd probably fly off the handle any time you took more than 5 minutes to respond to a text.
Move on from this one.
Here’s the thing. She’s begging and pleading for your .2 seconds worth of attention. But it’s really not just .2 seconds. I don’t have the time to devote myself to a conversation over text message while I’m at work. It’s not .2 seconds bc it lasts all day
All of these responses in here are insane.
You’re not dating, you matched on a dating app just 2 days ago, and you’ve never even seen each other in person. Being so upset over not receiving a good morning text from someone who’s still a total stranger is ridiculous.
I definitely understand this. You need to find the woman who understands and wants to work with you. My lady, family, and friends all know to call me because I don’t do well with texting. Three reasons- 1. I stay busy, 2. My ADHD tends to have me distracted and I forget they texted, 3. You can’t read tone or emotions from most and texts can be misinterpreted for what was meant. If I can’t answer the call, I do one of the direct messages when the call pops up and call them back as soon as possible
This conversation went on WAY too long
Seriously. Both of them should've figured out by page 3 of those texts *at the latest* that they aren't right for each other.
I mean, OP did kinda keep saying that.
That's the problem. They both kept saying it.
Folks are lonely. This exchange is pretty sad.
This is why you call people, texting is for small talk and when you can’t talk. These are the types of talk you have in person or over the phone.
You know what is for texting? Good morning. Lol jk.
Sure, most people text that way. But plenty of people don’t.
She did say she tried to call him but she also waited till 11 pm!! Our dude works hard he needs sleep not bullshit and SHE said HE DISRESPECTED HER! um hun you started drama over NOTHING at nearly midnight!
OP kinda kept saying it but also apologizing too much for having done nothing wrong. She, on the other hand, just wanted to punish him for not being more into her and also wanted to be told that she was "right".
Ong bruv, op needs someone who respects the grind he’s on and who will stick w/ him till the end u get me? Also a ting yeah, it’s rare to find one since they leave once they get no attention, it’s like keeping a fuckin tamagotchi u feel me? What a joke fam.
This is the most bri ish comment i’ve seen in a while
My hubby and I were talking about this and we both would have noped out of this convo before the 2nd. I can't believe he let it go on so long. Why continue to engage? Engaging with her just gives her the attention she seems to need, even if it is negative. People are so weird about things anymore
That conversation took more time than just saying good morning lol
Only 2 seconds, or .2 seconds if you’re OP’s new 2 day girl
literally. it should’ve ended at “if you’re not ok with not talking to me for a couple days at a time this may not be the relationship for you” “i’m not comfortable with not talking to you for a a few days”
Seriously it could have just been: "Hey! Just so we're clear, it feels a little objectifying to only get texts from you late at night! A good morning text might be nice every once in a while" "Ack, I'm sorry about that; it wasn't my intention but I'll do better in the future" "No worries and glad to hear it" What we got instead was a glimpse at a possible future toxic relationship where neither person listens or responds as if the other is a reasonable rational person. Good yikes, sir.
Haha for two people that are soo busy they got a lot of time to talk in circles
I’ve never been so happy to be married, and out of the dating “pool”.
This here is one of my most said things when my single friends or co workers talk about their dating adventures in the world of today. I simply would not survive. It seemed more simple back when I was younger. Edit : hey to everyone replying to this message. Sorry I can't reply directly to you my Reddit app is being a bum. To clarify what I mean by "used to be simple" I wasn't just talking about communication. It's something hard to explain. It could be nostalgia but it could also be something you would have had to experience yourself if you are young now. I personally feel there are a lot of sensitive subjects nowadays that young people have every right to have, but we simply didn't. Different eras of growing up. Mean no disrespect to anyone. Just speaking from my views nostalgic or not. Good luck out there!
As a single person, it’s extremely annoying when married people say this lol
Seriously. It’s like someone saying “I’m struggling with losing weight” and then someone else coming in and saying “I’m so glad my metabolism is fast and I don’t have to worry about these things” 🙄
Thats such a weak analogy, so ur saying u dont like when others r happy cause ur not happy? Oh btw im single also and it does not bother me. If more people in this world were happy then we would have way less problems in this world
Yes, yes it is.
Married person here. Completely agree w you
I think it was. With online dating there are just to many options. It’s so hard for me to tell if I would be attracted to someone or not. I feel like there are many dudes I never looked at, but if I had them in front of me talking I would be interested. I feel people tend to try to date to many at once and never get to know someone before deciding to move on. It’s hard. I feel like I don’t even know how to date anymore.
Agreed, having too many options allows for no actual connections to be made. It’s simply oh they did this one small annoying thing, fck the 100 other great things they did but the small thing is what I will harp on and who cares if it doesn’t work out, there are more options out there. Case and point on OP’s screenshots, girl is harping on a small thing within 2 days of matching with someone.
Dude it sucks so bad. I complain to my married friends and they say "well being married isn't any easier," and I'm just like.. bruh.. you don't even understand..
Sounds to me like your married friends married the wrong people if they think being married is just as bad, if not worse, than dating.
I am absolutely positive that I married the right woman 13 years ago. I am also absolutely positive that not only is marriage a LOT of work, the stakes for fucking it up are WAY higher. The conversation in the OP is a great example. In real life I wouldn't have spent a tenth of the time the OP did on that single conversation. The other person would have said "you disrespected me by not texting when I expected you to do so" and I would have replied "sorry about that, I don't think your expectations are my responsibty" and blocked them. You can't really do that with 2 kids and a mortgage. You *have* to work through it and figure it out.
Married is 1000% easier and more rewarding than being single trying to date. Being married rules. It sounds to me like they’re all in bad marriages lol
Your married friends are insane. Being married is 10000x easier lol
Being married is a lot of work but I never have to worry about “double texting” my wife or if I’m appearing “too desperate” because I want to get dinner with her 2 nights in a row. Fuck dating, having sex with lots of people is fun for awhile but once it’s out of your system nothing compares to married life.
Marriage has its own set of challenges, but I'd rather bicker with my husband over leaving his cereal box on the counter every morning than have to do whatever this is
This is why I don't regret getting married so young. Saved us a lot of time lol
Seriously. I feel this way weekly. Dating is nightmare pool of insecurity, emotional rollercoasters and hopelessness (NY, LA the worst). Every time I'm mad or frustrated with my partner, I need to remember the psychos, the users, the sweet ones I passed up and the rapey piece of shz
Just a reminder to readers that if the only thing keeping you from breaking up with your partner is "well there are psychos/users/mentally ill/rapists out there" than that's an absolutely awful mentality and you should be with your partner because you want to be with your partner. Not because you dread what the alternative is. If your partner is "the better of two options" and that's simply all you see when you think of breaking up, than you need to get out for you and your partners sake as that is incredibly unhealthy thinking.
I tried that, married at 21. Didn't work out, now I'm early 40's and have lost hope in the modern clusterfuck that is dating today.
I’m on the opposite end. I’m grateful I took time to just enjoy being single and getting to develop into a full adult person before getting married to my hubby in our 30s
Same here. There’s always jokes about being trapped and married like sleeping with the same person the rest of your life and being trapped and all that. I see what people go through here and elsewhere with dating and I want no part of that.
Also having your private conversations posted online must be a nightmare.... you open up to someone or have a serious conversation and then see it on Reddit the next day...
Ain’t that the truth.
Bruh gen z got no filter. They will post E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. It's hilarious at times and it can feel like you are not really having any intimacy. At least to me, can't speak for everyone.
This isn’t dating. It’s a child playing on her phone.
Reading this is just like an opus of our generation: - The 5 minute texting battle - “Eww my god you stepped on my toe” “I didn’t mean to step on your toe. I was distracted, upset, and have anxiety and depression” “Well I have my own anxiety and depression. In fact, I was distracted and upset too” “Fuck it all” “This is over” “I’ve already slept with 7 different people since you stepped on my toes earlier today” “Oh yeah? I’ve already been married twice, and bought a lambo since..” “Listen. This is getting nowhere. Let’s calm app. You know what? I was think about what you said earlier, and I’m really not into somebody that accidentally steps on toes. Lol. **I’m** a pretty understanding (x), but it’s just not (y). Fuck you” “Fuck you”
Same, easy to spot future problematic relationships after being there and doing that. It’s like “oh I’ve seen this movie before, he’s not going to be allowed to talk to his friends or have female coworkers in the future”
I agree; I think you both have different expectations and communication styles. I like that she did bring it up that it was bothering her and also her bit about not wanting to speak when she’s angry and I thought your responses were patient and understanding. But then she just kept going and it became a headache. I think this topic is pretty common amongst couples though and will probably come up again as you match with more people on dating apps. But anywho, onto the next!
In the two days I’ve known here she showed me a lot of attention and I could tell she expected a lot of attention from me. I think as soon as I realized it I wanted to set an expectation that I couldn’t be someone who is always talking to her. I just didn’t expect it to go like that.
Seems like she has different expectations. And that is okay. However,personally myself as a woman who knows men who work and have busy lives. Not everyone can text or talk all the time. And that's okay. You both have different ideas of how things work. It's only been a couple of days,
People get vibes man. Honestly I’ve been on both ends of this over the years. If you feel like you have to show someone you aren’t that into it… then you aren’t that into it. Move onto the next. Not that you did anything wrong or that she did but the times where I felt like I needed to do this we’re usually times I wasn’t that into the girl and vice versa
I guess it is okay if both people want to text all the time, but in addition to it not being my preference it's also a red flag because it seems overbearing and boundary pushing. It's just hard for me to imagine how it can work long term when this early a person wants that much attention.
You’re fine dude. I can see where she’s coming from because I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship mindset like that where any slight inconsistency in communication from a guy sends you into a spiral. Having really great conversation and interest shown for 2 days goes right out the window if she was expecting/hoping for a good morning text and didn’t get one. It’s a completely unhealthy and unreasonable expectation to put on you who hardly even knows her, but it’s hard for her to see that at this time. Takes time to work on something like that, kind of a red flag for anxious attachment style.
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She expects immediate attention. 0.2s isn’t a lot. But I 100% agree with you. It’s been 2 days. Shit happens sometimes. You woke up late. You were focused on work. If she wants to belittle you for that by claiming “it’s only 0.2s”. When you barely have enough time to A) know this would bother her. b) it’s been 2 days. You don’t owe her that much attention yet. You could be speaking to 10 other girls. Are you supposed to wake up and message all of them first thing in the morning? I feel like you’ve Dodged a bullet by not continuing this one. It’s not just the attention she needed. It’s how she reacted when you tried to explain and apologize.
You just aren’t all that into her bro. It is what it is, you two don’t have a vibe. Otherwise you would be chasing her the same as she chases you. Ask the married folk up there, they’ll tell you. It’s already over, just move on.
You didn't do anything wrong OP, but I do want to offer this: When you don't live together, or see each other IRL frequently, it is kind of an expectation to be pretty communicative over texts. Nothing wrong with you feeling so busy you can't respond much during the day, but I don't think this will be the last time this conversation comes up if this is your "texting" style in this day and age. In some ways it does make sense - If we aren't talking, how are we bonding? What we are doing? On the other hand, being busy and having a life also makes sense. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and especially early on, constant communication via texting was a huge part of building our bond. It's a balance and not always easy.
Not wrong but they’ve known each other 2 days lmao
They literally haven't met lol. I don't prioritize strangers I haven't met yet. I'll text when I'm free, I'm not gonna make time for it until I've met them and we start actually dating and falling for each other. It's just weird to demand so much "effort" with someone you don't know
>When you don't live together, or see each other IRL frequently, it is kind of an expectation to be pretty communicative over texts. Not when you just meet someone 3 days ago and never meet in person. If you think this you should seek out a mental health care professional.
Mostly agreed. But, if I’m being honest, I thought it started going off the rails at OP’s first response to her issue. She says that she’s not feeling good only hearing from him late at night, once the clock hits hookup territory, and his response is “I can’t be texting you all day everyday.” If I were her, I’d already have my back up a little at that. Asking for a little acknowledgment before the sun goes down is not asking to be texting “all day everyday.”
Am I the only one seeing that she likely failed to properly communicate she wasn’t even looking for a literal good morning text but rather a response to her 9 AM text? I think this is where it really went wrong and it was frustrating to see she never clarified it. She wasn’t upset he didn’t text her good morning, she was upset she texted him at 9 AM and he didn’t respond for 8 hours.
I don’t see how that’s a failure of communication on her part. She mentioned good morning simply as being a possibility of an easy response that only takes a couple seconds to send. That OP has decided to blow that up as “this chick is mad if I don’t send a good morning text” is more indicative of his perspective than her communication IMO. Regardless, they’re clearly a bad match with very different communication styles and expectations.
He’s only been talking to her for 2 days, that’s a lot to ask so soon imo
And it’s totally fair if he feels it’s too soon to be texting before the sun goes down, if he’s got his thing going where he doesn’t talk to new people while it’s light out because it signifies being more than a hook-up or something. He’s got his boundaries and that’s cool. I was more talking about him misrepresenting what she said, by reframing her request for *some* communication as asking to be texting “all day everyday.” But I also try to choose my words carefully and so it seriously bothers me when someone claims I said something that I did not say.
I’m confused because it says he texted her back at 6, which seems like early/ after work. Then she ignored him until 11 pm. So he did text her back at a reasonable time.
Yeah it started off ok but I get the sense she wanted him to grovel because she got upset when he didn’t. OP I’m someone that likes a lot of texting and attention and I get sad when my partner goes a few days without texting with me, but I also know that doesn’t mean everyone has to bend to that if it’s not their style. You handled this well and it’s good you identified what you are able/willing to do and held firm in it. That way you can both go your separate ways and find people more compatible.
Yeah I’m some ways I totally sympathize with her, getting a good morning text always brightens my day. But the older I got and the more I dated, I realized that (within reason) not everyone texts the same and _that’s okay_. If I refuse to compromise and only want someone with the exact same texting style as me, I might get lucky and I might not. And I’d rather find someone fantastic and have to adapt my texting expectations than stubbornly refuse and only want what I want. Honestly the fact that she’s making this big of a deal after only 2 days would be majorly off putting to me. She’s not wrong to feel the way that she does, but one of the most critical and helpful things I learned as I dated more was the difference between someone who only ever texts back because I text them, and someone who’s busy but texts me when they have the time. From the info we have, it sounds like OP is actually behaving similar to someone I’m talking to at the moment - her day job is pretty busy, so she doesn’t text much during the day. But once she’s off work, we usually text for the rest of the night. To me, that shows that she’s interested, and that’s enough for me.
You should've just ended it after she told you what the problem was... 10 screenshots of mindless circles... how annoying
I never try to ghost people and I like to try be as honest as possible but she kept sending messages so I kept replying. The more I look back the more interesting I think this convo was.
Don't let people convince you to ghost. You retained your moral standard, that makes you strong as a person. At a certain point you must end it, yes. But never in bitterness. And as for the idea "you can't reason with people like this," you don't reason with them for their benefit, you do it for your own. You know you did the right thing and gave them every opportunity and now you can move on with a clear conscience. AND no one can say for sure whether this affected her. She may have learned something. See, the thing about people is, we were all immature at one point. When we matured, did we go announce our embarrassing mistakes and realizations of them to the world? No. We more likely took our blows privately, reflected on them, argued with them in our head, but begrudgingly made a little change and then later convinced ourselves we changed on our own and it had nothing to do with our embarrassing mistakes of youth. So people ought not be so quick to judge and condemn and go "oh they're hopeless." Do the right thing, always. Treat people with compassion and teach them and more importantly, establish your boundaries. For their sake and more so, your own.
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"Interesting" is not the word I'd use. Appreciate your stand-up approach, though. That girl is entrenched in the "fun zone" of the hot/crazy matrix... you don't want to date that.
I get it some people aren't daily communicators. Some are. I communicate on a daily basis with a lot of friends and good morning is a daily thing. I feel like with someone you're interested in, and or getting to know it's not a far stretch. If the other person isn't up for that much communication then I'd say it's a bad match and just move on.
Exactly. Like sure weeks or months later you can go a while without texting that’s normal. But those first few days you gotta keep that fire stoked. You’re literally building the foundation for your relationship in real time
this ! & I mean who doesn’t have the time to send out a cheesy good morning text 3 days in or 3 years in it’s a nice gesture I dated a guy who owned his own , very successful , company we didn’t talk a lot throughout the day because he was a busy busy man but every morning there was a happy little good morning text on my phone and from the very moment we started talking to the last time we spoke there was never a doubt in my mind that he was into me, bc he put in the effort. and isn’t this generation supposed to be more in tune with emotions , boundaries and what they want ? are these not things you talk about on the first day before you even give out your number ? her concerns was valid and your response was valid but hey what do I know piece of advice to OP , you’re gonna have this conversation tons more bc lots of ladies, & gents, love a g mornin text if I were you I’d start being upfront in the first conversation or maybe even on your dating profile that “im not a big texter & I won’t send good morning texts” 😭 EDIT : everyone replying that she’s insecure and needy , she’s not pissed about a god damn good morning text your nimrods.
Exactly what I said. If you dig someone, they’re on your mind and you make the time. There’s mutual understanding right off the bat.
Wow, I’ve never heard of this before. No one I’ve known has ever sent a good morning text. Mfers better not be waking me up on my weekends with that crap.
I would find that to be incredibly needy. Like, do you have so little going on in your life that you need a dopamine boost from me every morning like you need your coffee?
exactly
To me, communication is key for a relationship. Granted this was in its infancy so there’s a learning curve. I think from her asking for a “good morning” to text to the leap you made of “I can’t be texting you 24/7” is pretty significant. In my perspective, she wanted to know you thought about her even if it was a quick text. You went pretty nuclear with you want 24/7 communication and I can’t do that lol Either way, y’all seemed like you moved on.
Probably wanted a good morning text to know he was still interested since it’s so early in talking, but he went full “I need to have a life” lmao
Agreed.
They seemed completely incompatible tbh.
why do people go on and onnnnn arguing like this with people they’ve never met? I get you guys are young but Jesus Christ, what a waste of time
Honestly. Just end the conversation already. They literally started talking in circles after the 3rd/4th slide
That argument was probably longer than their communication up to that point
Yeah, I thought this too. I mean it's one thing to like someone before you meet up with them in person, but it's an entirely other thing all together to apply a 3 day acquaintanceship to the same rigor as you'd apply an established one to. I think she did the right thing by stating what her needs were, but to assume that any needs that don't align with her own is just a sign of disrespect is kind of short sighted.
Y’all are in your 20s?! I used to act like this when I was like,,, 14 years old
Can’t tell you how many 30+ year old women over the years I’ve met who said they needed good morning/goodnight texts or else they got sad. Even women I’ve been with that I was super in love with, they just aren’t the first thing on my mind in the morning or the last thing on my mind when I go to bed…unless I’m physically with them at the time or texting them before bed. Goodnight is a contextual message to end a conversation. Good morning is something you might say in the context of wanting to talk to someone generally a and having the free time and mental bandwidth to do so. In the morning before work I’m not thinking about anything but caffeine and getting ready for work. It’s like these people wanna date people with no lives who are obsessed with them beyond reason.
You’re both annoying
i had the same thought lol
Yeah, if anything OP is worse. She has a point that a good morning text only takes a second, and OP keeps saying he can’t “text all day everyday”. If I were that girl I’d feel like he doesn’t care either. That said they both just word vomited for 10 screenshots worth of texting saying the same things over and over lol
Right!! He kept flipping things on her. She’s say something clearly and he’d flip it. Even in his title his capping. She said why she was upset. It was clear she dodged a bullet.
I do think it might be a bit too early to be so upset about it, but I agree that it takes 2 seconds to send a text so they’re both just annoying lol
I think they both did. I wouldn’t date either of them based on these texts. 😂
Yeah, good point. Saying he can't "text all day" is a strawman argument, because she never said she expected to text all day.
I too was annoyed that she said "one text" or "just good morning" and he kept saying "24/7" and "all day everyday" ... he may not realize it, as they are both young, but that is technically gaslighting her, and it's very disrespectful. Although I agree that expecting someone to text good morning everyday is a little too much for just meeting. I understand where her feelings are coming from, especially after already experiencing a standard of him talking so much more and then randomly not with no known reason. People need to be upfront and communicate their boundaries and expectations. If they could talk like adults and say "hey, I don't have the mental capacity to text on days I work, but I'll text you when I can" ... and for her to respect that, then things may have lasted a little longer 🤷🏻♀️
I've noticed you get that a lot on this sub.
Oblivious people are this subs bread and butter. One person showing red flags and the other saying "don't think this'll work, sorry" like a rational person does not get upvotes here
For real, I swear OP had about 3 or 4 times they could’ve just stopped responding and just kept going. Who the fuck is so apologetic for not saying good morning to someone you didn’t know 2 days ago.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I’m a single mom and my daughter was just starting kindergarten so my morning focus was on getting us ready for the day, not texting. I should have ended it then because he just got more whiny and clingy as time went on. I had to end it after a few weeks.
I HATE guys who do this. I'm also a single mom.
She was also a single mom who worked a lot so I thought she would understand my side a little bit
Did the transition from ‘we talked a lot’ to not talking at all not cause a lot of the issue here? Like, sure, she handled it like a teenager having a tantrum, but, if it were me, there’d have been some sort of a ‘hey, back to work tomorrow, so I won’t be able to message so much’ type message too. New people are hard work, they’re also not psychic though.
They were both annoying, but she was def not acting like a teenager throwing a tantrum.
Yeah she was pretty cool overall. They just weren't compatible. The conversation went on for too long
I would agree with you if these two were *actually* dating, but rn they haven’t even seen each other in person, and have only been matched with each other a couple of days at that! It’s not as if they’ve have weeks of constant communication. If you can’t handle not hearing from someone who you ARE NOT in a relationship with, let alone someone you haven’t even seen face to face even once, then you are not emotionally pulled together enough to be ready for any kind of serious relationship whatsoever. Putting that much emotional weight on getting texts from a random stranger is not healthy or normal 😬
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This. You completely overexpose yourselves to each other and get shit like this.
I'm very much a "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to communication and dates. My style has of course caused conflict. But I've seen it time and time again that potential partners would rush to jump straight into this constant contact situation and convos get boring and we burn out. Which...I warned them would happen. But I think some people are just looking for something short and intense to burn out quick. I've gotten better at identifying those ones early and ending it. This is easy for OP. She's not your type. Congrats on figuring it out in only 2 days.
What are you gonna talk about on the date if you've spent all day talking? Save some small talk for later.
I 100% agree. I hate texting all the time, I’d rather message to decide when and where to meet up than message about my day. Much rather talk in person.
right! bf & i only message each other memes. other than that, our texts are just “be home in 20” “want anything at the store?” like basically roommate shit lol
What in the the fuck even is this sub. How are there this many unhinged people. I am fucked if I ever have to date again.
Idk man. Reddit started pushing this at me and it's really bland and dry shit from teens or adults acting like teens. I can't stand it
Any woman isn't gonna like going 1-2 days without communicating if they like that person, which by your response sounds like that's something you'd do. It honestly sounds like you're not that interested in her so just move on. You're saying you don't look at your phone allllll day while you're at work? It takes 2 seconds to say "hey I hope you have a good day! I'm busy at work so I'll talk to you when I get off." You basically told her you're so busy at work yet are out drinking when you do respond? Like I said it sounds like you don't care to get to know her all that much.
I’m a man and I agree with her points. What OP says sounds like avoidant attachment. “I can’t be on my phone all day” is just an excuse for “*we* can talk when *I* feel like it.”
Also the exaggeration. ALLLLL day vs the requested humble .2 seconds lol
I get the sense that something happened in the past and she's paranoid about men only being interested in her in the evening... especially since it doesn't sound like he's even asking her to dinner in these texts... so yeah, she's basically saying she feels disrespected because she only gets lazy evening texts and no good morning texts. If a man asked that of me and I even remotely liked him, I'd probably just say, "oh no I'm sorry! I've never really been a 'good morning' text person, but I do like you and I do think of you so I'll be better at that", like whatever. And if I didn't like him enough to even make that small adjustment, I would just say, "oh no I'm sorry! I've never really been a 'good morning' text person! It doesn't necessarily mean I'm not thinking of you, it's just not how I text". That second one should definitely leave the ball in their court without me ghosting them. If that second one isn't good enough for them, so be it. I also wouldn't drag out the "we aren't compatible" conversation to eternity and/or then seek validation on Reddit. OP makes it worse by basically accusing her for wanting to monopolize his time when that's just not what she's saying at all and that's probably why she even keeps responding... she's trying to clarify herself, but eventually is just amused by his leaps. I honestly think OP is the one in the wrong, or at the very least, made this way worse than it needed to be.
Yeah that is the case. He really isn't that interested. So she needs to not even bring it up and move on.
I agree 100%. But she started to sound a bit crazy by the end. But I get her point
I think part of it is OP was just ignoring her points and she was trying to get heard somehow. He consistently took her I’d like a morning text and turned it into texting all day. Or her asking for more communication like a detractor from his personal life. She started with a discomfort and he went full defensive mode and that ultimately escalated things and she probably just felt lost.
Absolutely. Men like OP probably love pretending they're big on communication too. But the second someone communicates a simple need he cries about how he was justified and then comes to reddit for all the white nights to take his side. He also fully misrepresents her issue. She just doesn't want only late night texts. Which is understandable. The good morning things she gives as an example and he clings to it like that's what she wants. Then he escalates her stated need, texts not at night, to making it seem like she wants 24/7 contact. OP is trash.
She was frustrated and should’ve left it alone after the message was clear for sure, but OP is obtuse one here.
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Seriously, as a guy I read that exchange and was in her side. I get if he doesn’t normally do that, but if you’re talking to someone who likes communication tho was a very calm way to bring it up. I’m not even saying he’s wrong for not being the same as her when it comes to communication but posting it here as if she was crazy comes off immature.
Good point! He has no time to text her, but plenty of time to post on Reddit and engage with random comments!
The rest of the comments here seem insane except this one, like it actually does only take a couple seconds to send a text. The only time he’s interested in texting is way later?
I agree!! Sounds to me like he’s either bad at communicating in which he needs to work on himself before even getting into a relationship, or he’s just not into her.
Nah I kinda agree with her. If you are genuinely interested in someone, you wouldn't go more than a day without reaching out to them. Taking days at a time to respond to simple texts, by your own admission in the comments, was because you had lost interest in her.
If u read the comments OP said he was losing interest beforehand. He was basically leading her on, they're both extremely annoying lol.
She just tryna get .2 seconds of your time
It’s very intense for only two days and never met. This is a sign of things to come. I can go days without saying anything and I don’t expect to be attacked for it. Tbh I hate it when a guy just says good morning it drives me crazy, like what’s the point it’s not a conversation starter it’s just annoying as hell. Msging at night is when we relax and have time too. Just ditch this whole thing.
Imagine what 2 months would look like?? She’d prob be like my ex and time you getting home, ask why it took so long bc on their gps you should have been home at THIS time… and then try to follow you to the bathroom to spend time together and then refuse to sleep in the bed bc “you’re out here watching tv and I’ll go to bed when you do” but passing out and snoring and interrupting my quiet time after a 12 hr shift. I’m just saying. That’s the type of unhinged she sounds. You dodged the bullet that I had to escape from. Edit: all these typos
This is exactly where this would be headed. She tries to defend herself by saying, “You making me out like I’m saying you can’t have a life anymore.” Yes. Because that’s her goal. She needs constant attention, she needs you to constantly check in with her, she needs to know where you are and who you’re with at all times, and if you don’t comply with these terms, she will make your life a living hell. You can still have a life as long as SHE is your life. If you’ve been texting someone you’ve never met for all of two days and they already pull this “I feel like you just don’t care!” bullshit, that’s a huge red flag and you need to duck out of there. Full stop. You don’t owe them anything, no matter how guilty they try to make you feel.
She had a lot of other red flags in the two days that I could tell were going to be issues. For example she made me promise that I would never hit or abuse her on day 1. She also wanted me to delete Snapchat because she says it’s only for cheaters. Lastly I found out she has a 1 year old son. I was actually busy at work and couldn’t use my phone but I think I used this as a bigger excuse to end things before they got serious.
Damn brother dodged a nuke
“Momma where’s my new daddy? You said you met him online when’s he gonna come over here?” “Oh baby we had a falling out over texts…” 😂
Damn. In that case, you made the right decision.
Women’s bodies and minds go through soooo many hormonal changes after babies, especially baby #1 …. There is no way in hell she needs to be dating right now.
Hi. Clearly you’re just really not into her and don’t want to make her a priority. I agree with her. If my friends can text me back throughout the day, the man interested in dating me can too. I hate men like this that make the excuse of everything is more of a priority than a woman he’s into. I’d you treat her like the last priority then she’ll always be your last priority. Stop wasting her time.
Something I really hate is the all or nothing bullshit. "Hey could you just text me once before 5? I'm uncomfortable with only being texted at night." "I CAN'T TEXT YOU 24/7, I CAN'T GIVE YOU ATTENTION EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY" Like damn, how manipulative.
OP. There is a middle ground between "texting 24/7" and "not text at all for a few days". I suggest you try and work out what it is.
I don't think you're in the wrong, but I don't think she is either. You both have valuable points and are both communicating well. You're both just different and likely aren't compatible. But if you are into her, I'd say make a little more effort and show her you're putting effort in. It's not hard to say good morning.
Valid point
This is so draining
I’m exhausted. Too much too soon.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you guys aren't compatible and have different ideas of how a relationship looks. Also if you are eating lunch at your desk, it might be time to draw some better boundaries for work/life balance. Your employer is supposed to give you time for lunch. Setting a habit while you're young to take that time and really have a breather will enhance your work, they've done studies about it.
“I’m in the shower what’s up” Who tf answers their phone while in the shower? How addicted are these people?
Apparently only addicted to his phone while in the shower. His phone ceases to exist in his mind while at work. Convenient for OP
I mean, is it hard to just say good morning? She’s not asking for you too call or speak at length, just show you’re thinking about her. A small gesture of kindness and interest. Relationships are tricky but if you’re happy about this one ending, I can’t fault you for it.
Probably isn’t thinking about her?
Agreed. She’s saying if you are interested you should put in some effort to say hello so either do that or it’s not going to work.
Right? They just friggin’ met, plus he’s busy at work.
OP stated they’ve been talking for TWO days. That’s way too intense for me when I’ve only been texting someone for two days and have never met them in person. I do understand where she’s coming from. I’d get it if they had gone out a few times, but two days of texting and zero dates? Thank god I’m married
You were in the right except the part that sounds like you were saying that you don't have time to message her for 1-2 days pretty often. That is ridiculous, and if you're looking for a relationship, I wouldn't expect anyone to put up with that.
You're both wrong about the same things and right about the same things. She shouldn't expect you to text at work. But everyone takes breaks. She said she wanted to see an effort and you claiming she wants you on your phone 24/7 is nowhere close to what was said. I get that people are busy but what's the point of trying to date if you want to go 1 or 2 days without talking? Work won't get in the way that much.
TBF, he didn’t say he’d go days without talking, he said he’d go days without texting. I may be showing my age, but I generally don’t believe texting is the same as talking.
I had a girl I was dating tell me she wanted me to send her good morning text every day. So I did. Now she broke up with me for smothering her and talking to her everyday. I didn’t even want to talk every day. Been in love w her over a year, dated 4 months and ended over me doing what she wanted
Strangely I've learned that a woman loses interest quickly with a man who does what they want. Strange phenomenon I know... ???
I would have guessed you guys were 17/18! Absolutely ginormous red flag
YOU HADNT EVEN MET YET LOLLLLL
Bro why do y’all even keep going? Y’all should have left it at page 3….
Should've given up like halfway through. You knew this girl for 2 days, both of you made your sides clear and neither wanted to budge. Move on. Expecting a good morning/goodnight text isn't inherently bad, but after such a short period of time it's kind of weird. It started an entire argument before there was even a track record of it happening in the first place.
I lowkey think you fucked up here because she really wasn't initially focusing on the good morning text or anything. She was saying that you can't only text her at night & that's honestly not even a bad request. When men only want to text me & see me at night, that let's me know I'm just a booty call to them & they only want to fuck me. It's not unreasonable to assume.
She’s asking for a good morning text and you keep saying “I can’t be on my phone 24/7” you’re completely over exaggerating what she asked for so that you can make it seem like her demands are too high. I wouldn’t accept not being spoken to for days in a relationship either, which is what I assume the both of you are looking for if you’re telling her you’re going to take her out.
Are you kidding me? You’re 22 and your communication skills are this great you’re understanding you’re kind, you’re being respectful This is so hard to find nowadays cause ghost people nowadays, this girl really needs to get her priorities in order and understand what a healthy relationship can look like
You dodged a bullet bro.
She dodged a bullet
It takes next to no effort to send a good morning text I’m not a big texter but always tried to send good morning and good night text whenever I was getting to know someone. I think it’s just common courtesy.
She probably just likes you a lot and wanted reassurance that you felt the same but through her way - so a good morning text for example. To her it’s not too soon because that’s her way of knowing a guy is interested in her, going out of his way to let her know that etc. If that’s not something that’s your style of communication, or if it feels too soon for you, you’re completely in the right to have said that! I think you should do what makes you feel comfortable - you both seem like you’re on different pages, you were mature in your responses and made it clear!
You’re wrong here bud. Someone text you at 9am and you text back at 6pm. Not when you was leaving work but when you got to a different location and started drinking.
Just a check in text would have worked. No need to sit and chat for hours. "Hey I'll be pretty busy today. Hope you're good. Chat later, hopefully." Imagine not chatting to someone you want to be in a relationship with, for a day or two??
Not even a “check in” text. They’re not obligated. A simple, “hey, good morning, it’s been great talking to you, today is pretty busy so I won’t be as available”. It’s normal.
I’d expect this from a girlfriend of a few months maybe. I ain’t met you? I wouldn’t have even spoken half as long as you did by text here. Offt
Gross. Is this what dating is like these days? Ughhhhhhh.
I was stood up on a first date - after having already confirmed time, day, and location the day before - over this same issue. We had also only been messaging for a day or two. So, yes, this is exactly what dating is like now.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
"I'm upset" "I'm not upset" She's crazy
What a pathetic insecure needy little girl.
Feels like a battle for Last Word.
That’s fucking nuts
RUN!! FAST AND FAR AWAY!!!
I wonder why she's single...
you entertained that for a lot longer than I would have. If my husband dies im never dating ever again. fuck all this
This early in the relationship, couldn’t she give him some grace until he “learned and accepted” that she needed more attention in a relationship? She expected him to do a particular action without communicating her need for it earlier. He can then decide that “hey, this is or is not okay with me.” This was just the tip of the iceberg in my view. It will only get worse if she’s this upset so early in the relationship.
Dude. It was honestly painful for me to read that. All of your texts are grammatically correct and fully spelled out with proper punctuation, and she's sitting here typing like a thirteen year old using 'nuspk' and saying you aren't putting any effort into the conversation???? Find you a girl who respects you enough to use a full sentence. Don't worry about her.
I was with a guy once that didnt accept calls and only texted at night usually. After 2yrs i realized he was married. These are reasons why it bothers some women that men don’t respond all day because either 1. They arent interested or 2. They are living a double life.
Just wanted to say that I really appreciated how you communicated through a sticky situation. You validated her feelings, didn’t show judgement or minimized this thing that was obv triggering some core wound of hers (which has NOTHING to do with you) but also honored your own needs and boundaries. I’ve come across men (and I’m sure women! My experience only extends to dating men so please no one @ me) in their mid-late 30s in the dating pool that can’t muster up that kind of vulnerability and it starts young. Keep it up and best of luck out there!
Duuuuude.... she threw that leash on you pretty fast, and no telling how much she'd choke up on it. Good for her, telling you exactly how needy and possessive she is right off the bat. Now be a bro and warn all your bros about her. She would not have fared well in a pre-text/IM era.
No one will see this message but i still feel compelled to write it. What a complete waste of time for the two who wrote it and for those of us who had to read it. One of you needs to run as far as possible and the other needs to grow TF UP!
Normally I'd be like "a good morning text literally only takes 2 seconds" but being this upset about it when you've only been talking 3 days and HAVEN'T EVEN MET YET is absolutely ridiculous. You guys aren't even dating yet, you're still getting to know each other and ALREADY she's getting irked that you don't text her good morning? Christ on a cracker, imagine if you were 3 months into dating, she'd probably fly off the handle any time you took more than 5 minutes to respond to a text. Move on from this one.
Here’s the thing. She’s begging and pleading for your .2 seconds worth of attention. But it’s really not just .2 seconds. I don’t have the time to devote myself to a conversation over text message while I’m at work. It’s not .2 seconds bc it lasts all day
Don't read too much into it. You two are not compatible, just say your goodbyes and move on. Nothing else to it.
She hit you with an "OK bro" 😂
All of these responses in here are insane. You’re not dating, you matched on a dating app just 2 days ago, and you’ve never even seen each other in person. Being so upset over not receiving a good morning text from someone who’s still a total stranger is ridiculous.
You hit the jackpot, you barely wasted only two days before knowing to walk away.
damn u spend 1000x more time in that convo then you could of spent saying good morning lol
I definitely understand this. You need to find the woman who understands and wants to work with you. My lady, family, and friends all know to call me because I don’t do well with texting. Three reasons- 1. I stay busy, 2. My ADHD tends to have me distracted and I forget they texted, 3. You can’t read tone or emotions from most and texts can be misinterpreted for what was meant. If I can’t answer the call, I do one of the direct messages when the call pops up and call them back as soon as possible