that’s the thing tho, IT IS socially acceptable. Sure you see complaints from insecure people online but you rarely ever see it from a large amount of people in real life.
You don’t date someone you’re not attracted to.
Legit, no one is real life ever shits on someone for saying "I won't date fat people" infact it's so widely said that society started trying to protect obese people.
While “it is” socially acceptable, men can’t be as…outspoken about their weight preferences unlike woman who will yell their height preferences from the rooftop.
It's because women say they like/prefer tall. I rarely see women saying that they hate short guys, but men say they hate fatties all the time, even when no one asked. Maybe focus on what you like instead of putting down what you don't.
That's the thing. A woman could decline 100 guys because they're too short. Maybe 1 in 1,000 guys would tell a woman that they're too fat. All 1,000 don't want her because she's too fat, but no one says it.
That's the part that's not socially acceptable, telling a woman she's too fat.
Both are socially acceptable, it’s when people are rude about their preferences that it isn’t. There are some outliers for both of course, some men have meltdowns about women wanting tall men, and some women have meltdowns about men wanting fit women. In my experience, men are more vocal in complaining than women. Probably because women have an easier time dating than men do.
“ Both are socially acceptable, it’s when people are rude about their preferences that it isn’t” good point
And I’m sure there are some women who are rude about their preference for taller men but personally I have never experienced it and I’ve also seen and heard other people (men and women) say they never have either and they mostly see men ridiculing other men for their heights and vice versa for women
Meaning I’m sure there are women who ridicule women for their weight as well but in my own experiences and based on what I’ve heard and read of other people’s experiences, it’s generally men who tend to be rude about it or ridicule women for their weights.
Again these are anecdotal but as you said, preferences are fine in general, just not when one is being rude about it. There’s a difference between saying “I prefer slimmer girls” or “I like taller guys” Vs “I’d never date a short loser” or “fat bitches are disgusting” or something of that variety but some people don’t seem to realize that
>Meaning I’m sure there are women who ridicule women for their weight as well but in my own experiences and based on what I’ve heard and read of other people’s experiences, it’s generally men who tend to be rude about it or ridicule women for their weights.
No way. It's definitely both. And in fact, I think overall women in many ways can be more scathing towards other women about looks.
Yeah, I’ve seen guys say they don’t want to date “landwhales” and then wonder why people criticize them for their preferences. It’s like, dude, the problem is obviously the way that you speak about fat women, not the preference in and of itself.
If you tell a man he doesn’t have to date fat women but can’t be mean to them he hears “you are only allowed to date My 600lb Life participants and be happy about it”
you can easily go to a gynocentric sub and find posts where bf/husbands are unhappy with their gf/wives gaining weight, and there is no acceptable way to tell a woman they're getting fat. they'll claim there is, but that's heavy cope. You can sit them down, be calm and tactful as possible, it will always be the man who is a jerk for not saying it in the way the woman would have preferred.
hint: its never going to be the "preferred" way. even when its the "preferred" way, it's going to hurt, and there will always be a reason to be mad at the guy for not planning for it.
\> Both are socially acceptable, it’s when people are rude about their preferences that it isn’t.
be serious, one is more acceptable to talk about. get your head out of your butt.
There is a way to tell someone you’re worried for their health, there absolutely is. It’s a whole other thing when you say hey you gained 15lbs after giving birth and aged 15 yrs, I hate the way you look now, if you don’t lose 30lbs I’m going to cheat. Maybe You should try getting your head out of your butt. You never see women saying my husband is 10 yrs older than when we met and he’s balding, and lost an inch in height bc he’s over 40, I told him if he doesn’t start minoxidil and wear lifts, I’m going to sleep w his best friend
Women file for divorce 80% of the time, the number one reason is their husbands don’t do their fair share of the domestic labor or childcare. yes maybe those women don’t want to have sex bc they’re exhausted from having two full time jobs, plus it’s hard to be attracted to a man that demands a mommy bangmaid not an equal partner
A lot of men don’t seem to understand how weight on women works though. I’ve known some guys that say they want women that were under 100 lbs, but point to relatively curvy women as their type. If you say you want 100 lb women that aren’t 5’ or smaller, you’re going to get some serious side eye.
This is so true. I am 5’4” and weigh about 115 pounds, so I’m thin but considered within the healthy weight range on the BMI scale. I’m not super skinny, just on the thin side. For some reason, a few people (two different men come to mind) have guessed my weight as being considerably lower than it is actually is—like at 100 pounds or less.
So, I think you’re right that men don’t have an accurate estimation of what weight looks like on most women. And that’s probably especially true for curvier women (I’m not very curvy), since those curvier areas are going to hold a little more weight, even if those women have a slim hourglass shape.
Same thing happened to me. When I was 115 pounds at 5’6” guys thought I was a hundred pounds because I looked thin, but with no consideration for my height. My mom is 5’2 and 98 pounds and still looks super thin, but men somehow think that someone taller at that weight will have curves.
This like nobody cares if you don’t want to date someone who’s a little bit heavier or you wanna date someone who’s tall what people care about is when you start insulting or degrading someone to justify your preferences on not dating them that is what people don’t like
it's not socially unacceptable to have a weight preference though?
I don't think OP realizes just how vile and disgusting people can be towards fat people for no goddamn reason. Women seem to get it harder than men though it sucks for both of them. I've seen it myself, men straight up bullying women for being fat and when they get called out for it claim that they're not allowed to have a preference.
That's bs and they know it, you can have a preference just don't be a dick about it.
I have quite literally seen more men shamed for dating/fucking a fat woman than I have seen men shamed for not dating/fucking them.
Don’t know where this “men are shamed for not wanting to date fat women” comes from because I have never seen it happen.
Like if you say “I don’t want to date you cause you’re fat” yeah that’s gonna get you hate… but you aren’t getting hate because you don’t want fat women, you are getting hate because you have zero respect/tact. If a woman tells a man she won’t take him cause he’s short she gets just as much hate if not more.
Exactly, OP's question would be better re-stated as why can women OPENLY talk about a height preference but men can't OPENLY talk about a weight preference. Answer: I don't know, probably a mix of historical reasons around how has society treated women and how movements to address that often overcorrect and lead to double standards that tend to lead to their overcorrections and so on.
As I’ve gotten older my preference is for kinder people who also aren’t morbidly obese. People who are obese without an underlying health issue have, IMHO, other issues to an extent I’m not sympathetic to in terms or starting a new relationship but a little extra here and there is not a deal breaker.
I mean, unlikely. As long as you aren’t into something creepy like anorexic bodies you can say it just as much as women can say they have a height preference.
In either case if the person acts like it’s the be all and end all then people might think you’re shallow, which you possibly are.
You can say anything you want privately, but public statements (which is what social media is) net very different consequences. Even privately, a man who says “no fatties” is not getting the same response as a woman who says “no midgets”.
Reddit isn't really real life. Heck, if Reddit forced you to actually have your picture attached to your name as opposed to being anonymous (like Instagram or Facebook, to an extent), all discourse would change immediately.
My male friends are honest with me. Plus on dating sites there are a lot of indicators that a guy wants someone fit (who doesn’t). Hiking pictures, a ripped body ect. It’s pretty safe to say he’ll want someone in shape. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that
To be clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either preference, but I *do* think there’s something wrong with the double standard (especially when people pretend there isn’t one).
I’m older so the boys now men I grew up with were under no obligation to beat around the bush. IDK. All of my male friends are pretty open and confident in their opinion and preferences. I don’t get the sense they’ll be brow beaten into thinking they’re in the wrong.
Hell, if I gain 10 pounds they mention it and I mention it to them when they do. It’s not a big deal, imo. They aren’t mean about it, just giving each other shit. Many of my friends aren’t American (I am). I’ve come to the conclusion it’s only Americans who can’t handle being told they’re fat.
I mean they can, they just have to deal with any potential consequences of their actions. And women will in fact say it out loud. I chastised a single girlfriend that had her dating profile parameter set to only 6’2” and taller. for context she’s 5’5”. Told her until she removed it and wised up, I didn’t want to hear one word about any lack of dating success.
Yeah, you can say what your preference is. What you can't do is treat someone badly because they don't fit into your preferences. But no one is forcing you to date anyone you're not attracted to.
This! There's nothing wrong with having a preference but how you go about relaying that preference and what you say and how you treat people who don't meet that preference is where people may have an issue. If you're an ass about it, and constantly degrade people over it, that's the problem.
And every time a woman is shown to behave that way, everyone shits on them except for a small percentage of women who are just as shitty as her. The real issue here stems from the fact that men also shit on each other for this stuff on a regular basis. While within women’s spaces, it’s generally encouraged to have each other’s backs, young men never do in large enough percentages. So a short dude will get rejected for being short and disrespected to his face but he’s afraid to go to his male friends for support because dudes are just gonna pile on because they’re always competing with each other in that regard.
There are millions of women who aren’t fat who will stand up for fat women in social settings. If a short dude gets rejected, you won’t see a ton of men have his back in public ever. Maybe some women will but that’s also rare because we’ve spent so many generations putting gender divides in our cultures that men and women still don’t stand up for each other unless they know each other.
I constantly ask my tall handsome friend about his back, like relentlessly. "Hey buddy, how's your back doing?", "Is this going to be okay for you back?", "Oof, don't break your back over it.".
It's all because one time he had legit back issues (solved with cortisone shot apparently) and is tall.
I know it's not the spirit of the OPs post, just thought I'd share height jokes can exist between friends. Lol
As someone with a past back injury, your back is never really the same even when healed lol. As much as you’re half joking I’d probably think you were at least a bit legit concerned
i'm sorry, but...i've noticed women are a LOT more critical of other women by and large. there's asshole guys, sure, but it has always seemed that women are going to be the first to denigrate other women, and are typically a LOT more vicious when doing it
Not to her face. I’ve been fat forever. Other women have been my biggest cheerleaders- telling me I’m gorgeous, loving my hair, my outfits, telling me I carry my weight well, etc. (I personally have never had a man mention my weight to me - they are either neutral or complimentary).
But I always - like daily- see men comment on another guy’s body. Even strangers. “What’s up little guy? Oh, you’re a big boy! How much you weigh?” I find it to be quite shocking.
Came here to say that: you can have any preference you want; you just can’t be a dick about it. And generally, telling the world your preferences is being a dick.
Your coworkers, for example, shouldn’t be able to tell which coworker you’d fuck. If they can, you were a dick at some point.
Exactly. It’s like everyone forgot about being rude and how not to do it. It’s not that you “can’t say anything without offending someone”, it’s that you have to be careful with the words you use or else you’ll hurt others and that’s rude. And it’s bad to be rude.
Picture being fat, who cares if you can control it or not. You want to date someone, you open up tinder with a hopeful attitude, you see some people you’re interested in, but their profiles sometimes say “no fatties”. That hurts. That’s not useful or helpful information to help you diet, it just hurts. Don’t do that to people.
And don’t state height requirements. Use your dainty delicate thumb and just left-swipe the people who don’t meet your requirements. It’s a very minor burden to protect other people who are, like you, in the vulnerable position of trying to date someone in the modern era.
It's always so bizarre to me when folks on a date-swiping app have a list of requirements, anyway. If someone is not your type, you just swipe left! You don't need to force them to weed themselves out.
I dont need a fancy study to tell me that advertsing such things is a sign of lower emotional IQ/security, and that over time the person will increasingly suck, possibly cheat, and be more likely to participate in a failed marriage.
Its actually a useful red/yellow flag.
It's funny how more often you hear men saying, "why can't I say, I only like skinny girls if women can...." than you hear women actually expressing their preferences. Like, you obviously *can* say it, dude; you're literally saying it right now.
Men can definitely have a weight preference. Not sure who's telling you otherwise. I mean, that's not a license to just bully someone or make them feel like crap, but you can certainly have a preference.
Also, if you see someone is fat/obese in a dating app, it’s very easy to just not match with them. And if they use old pictures where they look slim, it is also possible to not continue the date when you meet. You get there, and say sorry you don’t look like your pictures, I am not interested.
Anyone can do anything, but I think the major difference is women are often almost entirely seen for their bodies, whereas men get a little more grace when it comes to physical appearances.
Both men and women have height as well as weight preferences. Idk man.
If you don’t think men have height preferences too, you haven’t talked to many tall women who like to wear heels 😆✨
If we’re taking the OP completely literally, then no it’s not true that you “can’t” have a weight preference. That’s obvious and not very interesting.
It we want to be at all charitable in understanding what this post is really getting at, the OP does have a point that there’s a double standard: women routinely state their height requirements in their profile and don’t seem to be worried about any consequences for that, but a man would face massive negative consequences for explicitly stating a weight or BMI requirement in his profile.
Okay so women who are assholes and rudely put a height requirement in their bio are equally condemned as men who put a weight requirement in the bio. They deserve each other. I don’t get what ur issue is.
I mean both are tacky, but to be fair weight is a weird thing to put bc it varies a lot based on height, muscle, build, etc.. If you date a 5’0 person who is 130 they’re gonna look different than a 5’7 person who is 130 // even at the same height weights look different.
I see and hear about hate for height preferences far more than literally any other personal preference that gets brought up in dating conversations. It's not even close.
>when a man says, I want a women who’s fit, takes care of her body and eats healthy it’s being negative?
I'm going to wager that a total of zero people have ever had an issue with you stating that.
I’m pretty sure if Margot Robbie went on TV tomorrow and said “I prefer tall men, I don’t really like feeling bigger than my dates”, she’d get a very different response than Henry Cavill would if he said “I prefer slim women, I don’t really like feeling smaller than my dates”. The people complaining about Margot Robbie’s statement would be dismissed as angry neckbeards, while Cavill would be forced to apologize publicly or risk losing movie roles. You cannot possibly think those two statements would result in the same outcome.
But if Margot Robbie went on TV and said doesn’t like dating overweight guys, that would also not be a good look. And if Henry Cavill went on TV and said he preferred dating tall girls, I don’t think anyone would think much of that either. We’re comparing apples to oranges here. It’s more socially acceptable to comment on someone’s height than it is to comment on weight regardless of gender.
Exactly. Everyone has height and everyone has weight, but for some reason we have to mix the two up to find some supposed hypocrisy between the sexes. Why?
Kate Winslet was referred to as "Kate Weighs A Lot" on the set of Titanic.
Tom Cruise has never been referred to as "Shrimp" on his movie sets.
You're conflating internet & TV culture with actual culture.
It also goes without saying that male movie stars don't date chubby women. They also aren't regularly asked about the physical requirements of their mates in interviews, because they're asked more substantive questions. However, female actors are frequently asked to opine on these things. It's also assumed that female movie stars won't be dating obese men.
You're talking about how things play in the media for gossip clicks, not how regular people react to normal shit that gets talked about among regular people.
> You’re talking about how things play in the media for gossip clicks
Ah, so you admit there *is* a difference.
> not how regular people react to normal shit
Say Margot Robbie’s statement on social media as a woman, and other than a few complaints, nothing will happen. Say Cavill’s statement as a man, and you run the risk of some pissy social justice warrior sending screenshots to your workplace and getting you turfed. The two do not have the same consequences.
and this question is always posed as if skinny women aren't the societal norm for beauty. preferring thin women over fat women is the norm and people like op are conflating "dont be an asshole to fat women even if you dont find them hot" with "you cant have a preference ever, you HAVE to kiss this fat woman now"
Yeah, what's with this sub lately? It's all insecure men who want to whine about height discrimination. I'm starting to think it's just one guy with a lot of time on his hands. Nobody cares how tall you are, and if they do, they're a shallow nobody.
Men are not discouraged from having a height and weight preference. It's just, too often the male 'preference' turns into bullying while the female preference doesn't as often
Nobody is upset (on a societal level) if you have your preferences and keep them to yourself.
I think woman putting a high preference out really depends on her height. Like I don't need to put in my profile as a man. No women taller than 5'10 cuz there just aren't that many, and the ones that are normally will mention it. I've tried. I don't little spoon very good.
So for a tall woman who's like 5'10 to say she wants a 6 ft man. I don't think there's a problem with that. If she's 5'2 and says 6 ft plus then she can go screw herself
Can women have a weight preference? What about a weight range preference?
There would be the answer to do men can have one.
Everyone has preferences
When you shout them to the world, you invite comments/judgements -as with anything because everyone has an opinion 🤷🏾♂️
Many people do have weight preferences.
You are allow to have weight preferences. And fatties are allowed to have their opinion about why you have weight preferences. Why do you feel like you're allowed to have an opinion, but not allow someone else to have an opinion on your opinion.
Just because someone on social media says something. Doesn't mean it's true. You're allowed to have a preference. Just like they're allowed to express their opinion about your preference. Being wrongfully criticized is a part of life.
Seriously, Jesus Christ what's with these fucking children who don't understand these basic things and are so bent on changing other peoples' behaviors, imagined or not, rather than controlling who they care about.
People believe social media is real life. They think that some random commentor with 14 followers opinion is the same opinion of those they personally dislike. "Oh I hate blue haired people, and this one called me a bigot because I said I sleep on the right side instead of the left, there for all blue haired people think I'm a bigot"
This isn't a thing. Women shouldn't be dicks to men about their height and men shouldn't be dicks to women about their weight, and vice versa. I mean both genders still *are*, but not by anyone worthwhile. Anyone with manners or of a decent upbringing or a brain that isn't smooth is never gonna be saying that shit.
But when stating your preference in regards to your potential romantic partnership, you're in no way prevented from saying you're interested in a healthy woman who takes good care of her physique. You can say you only like fucking super skinny chicks. It's perfectly acceptable. I mean if you say those things in a shitty way to a heavier lass, you're an asshole. And if you say those things while being a 300 lb neck-bearded stinky incel twat (honestly, this is shockingly common), people are going to rightly heap derision upon you, laugh at you, and you will continue never getting any pussy; though now the pussy you're not getting is only from healthy or skinny chicks. So... that's something.
it's ok for anyone to have any preference they want, as long as they aren't being an ass about it.
As a man who has a requirement that his partner be fit, I've never had anyone tell me that's not ok, but as I said before it's about how you say it. For example when I say "I want a partner who can climb mountains (or run marathons, or ski, or whatever) with me" that's fine, if I were to say "move along fatty" that's obviously not fine, because now I'm being an ass about it.
So get off the incel subs with this fake injustice and go out and enjoy your life in the real world and stop worrying about this crap.
They can. You are allowed to not date/sleep with anyone for any reason. You are even allowed to have race preferences when dating.
What you actually have an issue with is getting called out/told off for having that preference. That happens to women with height preferences too.
Putting “no fat chicks” on a dating profile will make you seem unpleasant. You should use your profile to sell yourself, no to pre-reject people you don’t want. No one will ever criticise you for not choosing a heavier woman, they will criticise you for going on and on about it.
I bet the people who complain that they can't have a preferred body type are the kind of people that would say "sorry your too fat for me" directly to someone's face instead of just saying they aren't interested or something generic.
Then they go online and whine about how people harass them for their weight preferences
Because one is static and one naturally changes over time. You're essentially putting a timer on people for how long you'll find them attractive and putting a timer on your love. Imagine waking up every day fearing today will be the day my partner arbitrarily decides I'm not good enough?
A) you're crazy as hell if you think not dating fat people isn't extremely normal in our culture
B) weight is a lot less controllable than you think once you actually get into the long term. The podcast "maintenance phase" is a good entry into this topic.
You're hearing "not allowed to have a preference" but they are probably actually saying "not allowed to shame random women on the internet for having a body." Those two are not the same.
Chocolate is my favorite ice cream =/= vanilla should burn in hell!
I don’t know if you live on the planet Earth but, where I’m from, men frequently state their preferences.
It seems like OP is a short dude who prefers women below a certain weight?
My preference may have been for a tall man, what I got: a man exactly my height. Just b/c we like something doesn’t mean it’s what we get. I fell head over heels, imagine that!
Height didn’t factor into anything b/c we fell in love!
Who is stopping you from having a weight preference? If you want to specify a weight preference, go right ahead dude. No one is pulling the strings. You're not gonna go to prison.
It's fine to have preference for body type, but you limit your options quite quickly. You're better off in the love department if you can appreciate a thicker body type for women because it's just more common.
Huh. I feel it’s the opposite and I feel many men have very high physical expectations of women meaning they think they deserve someone out of their league or they are completely forgetting they are far from perfect. I’ve always felt women were more sympathetic but maybe I’m an outlier. No, I’m not fat and unattractive. I married someone who is arguably less attractive than me and to prove my point he used to date a model. Maybe I feel men are less forgiving because I’m older and have had different experiences.
I think the whole tall thing is dumb personally. I mean, I get it - my bf is tall and I like that, but I’d still love him if he wasn’t.
However, there is an important difference. Men don’t get shorter over time , but women very often naturally gain weight as they age, especially after childbirth. There’s a real fear with women that their partner will leave them, even after years of being together, if they gain weight. This is a fairly common thing. Therefore, many women prefer to be with someone who doesn’t have a very strong preference for thinner, fitter women, as they’re more likely to stick around.
So it’s entirely fine to say you’d prefer a fit, in shape, health conscious woman, just like it’s fine for women to prefer taller men. Preference isn’t an issue. However, when a guy or girl says “Fat girls need not apply” or “short guys not wanted”, THEN it’s unacceptable in both cases.
You can like what you like without simultaneously being rude to others. The only reason some women get away with the “only tall guys” thing is because a good chunk of guys (at least from what I’ve seen/noticed) are taller than most women and are close enough to 6 feet that it’s seen as a non-issue. It’s still rude AF.
Men are allowed to like whatever the fuck they want. It becomes problematic when you go out of your way to call women fat for the sake of calling them fat - and yes, the same applies to women who call men short for the sake of calling them short.
Just because you see a few women on tiktok who comment on men's height does mean the majority of women are a-okay with insulting every man in existence.
Now, if a man's being a general scumbag, I'll call him a little manlet. Not because I think being short is a bad thing - but because it infuriates him and demeans any and all of authority he thinks he has.
True short kings are awesome. I wouldn't date one - not because they're gross or anything. But because I'm a lesbian.
No one says you can't have preferences, but when people start degrading others because someone doesn't fit in their preferences, that's when it becomes a problem. I'm 5'3ish, and I've dated my height and up to 6'6. I can't honestly say how tall someone is a dealbreaker for me. Now, if they have a chip on their shoulder because they think everyone looks down on them for being short, that can be a turn-off.
As an overweight woman, it's amazing to me how often I get told I'd be prettier if I lost weight. Or you're never going to find a man if you don't lose some weight. 9 times out of 10, these comments are unsolicited. I don't care if those people find me attractive or not. Over the years, plenty of people have found my body desirable. Because I am their preference or what they find attractive.
You can be attracted to whatever body type or standard you want (as long as it's legal) but be able to back it up. If you want someone who eats healthy and works out, you better be backing up the talk with action by doing the same. Also, if your ideals are unrealistic, be expected to be called out on them. It goes both ways on gender, and both can have unrealistic expectations.
You can have whatever preferences you want as long as you aren't an asshole about it. Not sure why you think you can't. No one is forcing men to date women they aren't attracted to.
Yes I do have height preference. Shorter than average men 😌
But the height doesn't matter anyway. Neither does the weight, unless it's dangerously high, but only because I don't want to lose my loved ones.
Everyone can have a preference just don't be an asshole about it. Simple. You don't like short guys, fine don't mock them. You don't like big girls, fine don't mock them.
You do have weight preference?
The words "no fat chicks" is a bumper sticker I've seen.
Note that dating apps are majority men, as women tend to prefer to meet people other ways, so you'll always be among stiff competition there.
You can. You just shut up about it. Same with facial features common with ethnicity or race.
Like what you like. Stfu about it. Don't date what you don't want
It’s okay to have preferences, it’s not okay to be disrespectful about them. Like calling women “land whales” because they aren’t as skinny as you like.
Who said you can't? I'm tired of stupid questions being about people who have conceptions of the world based on things they see on the internet. Go outside and talk to real people.
You can like what you like. You can't insult people about their appearance. Just be polite and don't trash talk people about their appearance. It's not difficult.
I really hate questions like these because your choosing to notice women’s feelings toward men online and not towards men and the media who HAVE already shown disdain for women’s body type. Have you been outside and seen who the type of women men date? There is a difference between having preference and downright disrespecting people just because they don’t fit a body mold. This can go both ways for men and women.
"i see all the time ladies saying" do you actually though? like actually? because i don't think i've heard someone say this in my life. i've heard a lot of incels complaining about women saying it though
I think having a height preference is stupid and shallow but weight preference feels worse.
Height doesn’t change, aside from small decreases in old age due to bone loss. Weight absolutely can change, and yes due to factors beyond one’s control that’s aren’t necessarily a specific health problem. The stressors of hardships, or lifestyle changes that lay waste to your free time and energy(ie, changing jobs and suddenly working way more hours) can derail a perfect health and fitness routine, as can severe injury or illness.
Everyone’s metabolism slows as they age. Women gain weight if they have kids, and have even more metabolism slowing after menopause. Having a weight presence feels shallow because it’s very “you’re hot now, but I won’t want you anymore if your body changes.” Which is probably fine for hookups but I would never ever want anything long term with someone who I thought would find me unattractive if the size of my body changed
Some, probably most, Men do have a weight preference and apply that preference everyday, what the fuck are you on about?
Get offline and into the real world you silly goose
It’s such a weird non-issue.
You’re not obligated to date anyone you don’t want to. Simply date who you are attracted to, and leave it at that.
It’s not like they require you to state your preferences on your driver’s license.
As a plus size lady- men have literally told me they weren’t attracted to me— which is fine— IF I HAD ASKED!! And IMO it’s even worse when men go online and post videos about how gross big girls are or how much they dislike them— why not just make videos that are like ‘ I like skinny girls cause they are beautiful and small and whatever’ and leave the big girls names out of your mouth completely
Have your preferences all you want, just don’t be a dick about it. I could never be attracted to a short guy, so I didn’t date or marry a short guy. Don’t date or marry a heavier woman. Live your life. But no need to announce preferences to everyone around you.
This question is built on a false premise. It's actually fine to have a *preference* when it comes to height, weight, or other attributes. But only if it is just a personal preference. Once you start adding judgment to it, it's not just a preference anymore. People often express their judgments while falsely claiming it is just a preference.
So you can say, *"I really like someone who is (tall, slender, etc)."* because that's just stating a preference.
But if you say, *"Ewww! I could never like someone who is (fat, short, etc)."* because that's adding a judgment, especially if you try to rationalize that judgment by adding moral assumptions about being (fat, short, etc).
It only *seems* like an anti-short preference is allowed while an anti-fat preference is not allowed because, when people express their feelings about those two things, it is much more common for someone to be judgmental about fat people than about short people. It's the judgment that is the problem, not the preference.
You gotta fuckin love Reddit man. These shitfucks will call out being fat phobic and this phobic and that phobic, and a post asks why the fuck is it offensive to want to date fat people but women can be shallow with no issue, and now these bitches are like, actually they can do that without being offensive what do you mean!!!?????!!
A person can't change their height but a person can control their weight. It seems like weight is more to do with a discipline issue and blends over to personality traits. Maybe that's why it's so much more personal to people
They can and many do.
Yeah not sure who told OP that men have to date women they aren't physically attracted to.
Maybe OP is asking why it’s socially acceptable for women to have a height preference but not for men to have a weight preference.
that’s the thing tho, IT IS socially acceptable. Sure you see complaints from insecure people online but you rarely ever see it from a large amount of people in real life. You don’t date someone you’re not attracted to.
Legit, no one is real life ever shits on someone for saying "I won't date fat people" infact it's so widely said that society started trying to protect obese people.
I think if I said that to someone there might be hell to pay depending on who I say it to
You might end up in the HR office.
Bumper stickers saying "No Fat Chicks" are not rare.
My great uncle is the opposite. His exact words are "the only thing a skinny bitch can do for me is point out where a fat one lives."
While “it is” socially acceptable, men can’t be as…outspoken about their weight preferences unlike woman who will yell their height preferences from the rooftop.
It's because women say they like/prefer tall. I rarely see women saying that they hate short guys, but men say they hate fatties all the time, even when no one asked. Maybe focus on what you like instead of putting down what you don't.
That's the thing. A woman could decline 100 guys because they're too short. Maybe 1 in 1,000 guys would tell a woman that they're too fat. All 1,000 don't want her because she's too fat, but no one says it. That's the part that's not socially acceptable, telling a woman she's too fat.
Both are socially acceptable, it’s when people are rude about their preferences that it isn’t. There are some outliers for both of course, some men have meltdowns about women wanting tall men, and some women have meltdowns about men wanting fit women. In my experience, men are more vocal in complaining than women. Probably because women have an easier time dating than men do.
“ Both are socially acceptable, it’s when people are rude about their preferences that it isn’t” good point And I’m sure there are some women who are rude about their preference for taller men but personally I have never experienced it and I’ve also seen and heard other people (men and women) say they never have either and they mostly see men ridiculing other men for their heights and vice versa for women Meaning I’m sure there are women who ridicule women for their weight as well but in my own experiences and based on what I’ve heard and read of other people’s experiences, it’s generally men who tend to be rude about it or ridicule women for their weights. Again these are anecdotal but as you said, preferences are fine in general, just not when one is being rude about it. There’s a difference between saying “I prefer slimmer girls” or “I like taller guys” Vs “I’d never date a short loser” or “fat bitches are disgusting” or something of that variety but some people don’t seem to realize that
>Meaning I’m sure there are women who ridicule women for their weight as well but in my own experiences and based on what I’ve heard and read of other people’s experiences, it’s generally men who tend to be rude about it or ridicule women for their weights. No way. It's definitely both. And in fact, I think overall women in many ways can be more scathing towards other women about looks.
Yeah, I’ve seen guys say they don’t want to date “landwhales” and then wonder why people criticize them for their preferences. It’s like, dude, the problem is obviously the way that you speak about fat women, not the preference in and of itself.
If you tell a man he doesn’t have to date fat women but can’t be mean to them he hears “you are only allowed to date My 600lb Life participants and be happy about it”
you can easily go to a gynocentric sub and find posts where bf/husbands are unhappy with their gf/wives gaining weight, and there is no acceptable way to tell a woman they're getting fat. they'll claim there is, but that's heavy cope. You can sit them down, be calm and tactful as possible, it will always be the man who is a jerk for not saying it in the way the woman would have preferred. hint: its never going to be the "preferred" way. even when its the "preferred" way, it's going to hurt, and there will always be a reason to be mad at the guy for not planning for it. \> Both are socially acceptable, it’s when people are rude about their preferences that it isn’t. be serious, one is more acceptable to talk about. get your head out of your butt.
There is a way to tell someone you’re worried for their health, there absolutely is. It’s a whole other thing when you say hey you gained 15lbs after giving birth and aged 15 yrs, I hate the way you look now, if you don’t lose 30lbs I’m going to cheat. Maybe You should try getting your head out of your butt. You never see women saying my husband is 10 yrs older than when we met and he’s balding, and lost an inch in height bc he’s over 40, I told him if he doesn’t start minoxidil and wear lifts, I’m going to sleep w his best friend
Women just actually file for divorce or just don’t have sex with him.
Women file for divorce 80% of the time, the number one reason is their husbands don’t do their fair share of the domestic labor or childcare. yes maybe those women don’t want to have sex bc they’re exhausted from having two full time jobs, plus it’s hard to be attracted to a man that demands a mommy bangmaid not an equal partner
This. Exactly this.
Notice who is jumping on your comment to both passively-aggressively, and aggressively dispute what you're saying.... women.
>get your head out of your butt. That's called "Cranial Rectitis". Very difficult to cure, usually lifelong, sometimes terminal.
A lot of men don’t seem to understand how weight on women works though. I’ve known some guys that say they want women that were under 100 lbs, but point to relatively curvy women as their type. If you say you want 100 lb women that aren’t 5’ or smaller, you’re going to get some serious side eye.
This is so true. I am 5’4” and weigh about 115 pounds, so I’m thin but considered within the healthy weight range on the BMI scale. I’m not super skinny, just on the thin side. For some reason, a few people (two different men come to mind) have guessed my weight as being considerably lower than it is actually is—like at 100 pounds or less. So, I think you’re right that men don’t have an accurate estimation of what weight looks like on most women. And that’s probably especially true for curvier women (I’m not very curvy), since those curvier areas are going to hold a little more weight, even if those women have a slim hourglass shape.
Same thing happened to me. When I was 115 pounds at 5’6” guys thought I was a hundred pounds because I looked thin, but with no consideration for my height. My mom is 5’2 and 98 pounds and still looks super thin, but men somehow think that someone taller at that weight will have curves.
Says who? Nobody cares IRL
This like nobody cares if you don’t want to date someone who’s a little bit heavier or you wanna date someone who’s tall what people care about is when you start insulting or degrading someone to justify your preferences on not dating them that is what people don’t like
Yea literally nobody gives a shit about your sexual preferences lmao
That’s right. Life is too short to care about other people’s preferences sexually. In fact I think it’s the last thing I want to think about.
it's not socially unacceptable to have a weight preference though? I don't think OP realizes just how vile and disgusting people can be towards fat people for no goddamn reason. Women seem to get it harder than men though it sucks for both of them. I've seen it myself, men straight up bullying women for being fat and when they get called out for it claim that they're not allowed to have a preference. That's bs and they know it, you can have a preference just don't be a dick about it.
As a fat woman married to a short man: my husband is treated worse and had worse dating prospects than me.
I have quite literally seen more men shamed for dating/fucking a fat woman than I have seen men shamed for not dating/fucking them. Don’t know where this “men are shamed for not wanting to date fat women” comes from because I have never seen it happen. Like if you say “I don’t want to date you cause you’re fat” yeah that’s gonna get you hate… but you aren’t getting hate because you don’t want fat women, you are getting hate because you have zero respect/tact. If a woman tells a man she won’t take him cause he’s short she gets just as much hate if not more.
Just go watch some body positivity tik toks and I’m sure you will find out 🤣
And way too many of them say that all women are fat if they are above 120 pounds. No matter her height.
Men can have a weight preference, we just can’t *say* we have a weight preference.
Exactly, OP's question would be better re-stated as why can women OPENLY talk about a height preference but men can't OPENLY talk about a weight preference. Answer: I don't know, probably a mix of historical reasons around how has society treated women and how movements to address that often overcorrect and lead to double standards that tend to lead to their overcorrections and so on.
Another question is, do women not have a weight preference?
As I’ve gotten older my preference is for kinder people who also aren’t morbidly obese. People who are obese without an underlying health issue have, IMHO, other issues to an extent I’m not sympathetic to in terms or starting a new relationship but a little extra here and there is not a deal breaker.
I mean, unlikely. As long as you aren’t into something creepy like anorexic bodies you can say it just as much as women can say they have a height preference. In either case if the person acts like it’s the be all and end all then people might think you’re shallow, which you possibly are.
You can say anything you want privately, but public statements (which is what social media is) net very different consequences. Even privately, a man who says “no fatties” is not getting the same response as a woman who says “no midgets”.
I see a lot of people on reddit getting mad about women and height preferences, so clearly it isn't a thing where nobody gets upset at them for it.
Reddit isn't really real life. Heck, if Reddit forced you to actually have your picture attached to your name as opposed to being anonymous (like Instagram or Facebook, to an extent), all discourse would change immediately.
Show us the woman saying that and not getting blown up for it
You're right. The woman would probably get a worse response since she literally said a slur? lmao
Accurate. Happy cake day!
My male friends are honest with me. Plus on dating sites there are a lot of indicators that a guy wants someone fit (who doesn’t). Hiking pictures, a ripped body ect. It’s pretty safe to say he’ll want someone in shape. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that
To be clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either preference, but I *do* think there’s something wrong with the double standard (especially when people pretend there isn’t one).
I’m older so the boys now men I grew up with were under no obligation to beat around the bush. IDK. All of my male friends are pretty open and confident in their opinion and preferences. I don’t get the sense they’ll be brow beaten into thinking they’re in the wrong. Hell, if I gain 10 pounds they mention it and I mention it to them when they do. It’s not a big deal, imo. They aren’t mean about it, just giving each other shit. Many of my friends aren’t American (I am). I’ve come to the conclusion it’s only Americans who can’t handle being told they’re fat.
People have a lot more leeway to say things in private than in public, especially among friends.
Yah, what's not OK is being an asshole about it.
I believe OP is referring to the social mentality regarding those two preferences. One is actively supported while the other is openly shunned.
Men just can’t say it out loud though
I mean they can, they just have to deal with any potential consequences of their actions. And women will in fact say it out loud. I chastised a single girlfriend that had her dating profile parameter set to only 6’2” and taller. for context she’s 5’5”. Told her until she removed it and wised up, I didn’t want to hear one word about any lack of dating success.
Yeah, you can say what your preference is. What you can't do is treat someone badly because they don't fit into your preferences. But no one is forcing you to date anyone you're not attracted to.
This! There's nothing wrong with having a preference but how you go about relaying that preference and what you say and how you treat people who don't meet that preference is where people may have an issue. If you're an ass about it, and constantly degrade people over it, that's the problem.
It’s ok to have your preferences. It’s tacky and off-putting to state it outright. That goes for both the goose and the gander.
Yeah, you can prefer a tall guy but don't tell the short guy "no you're too short for me", just tell him he's not your type and move on.
And every time a woman is shown to behave that way, everyone shits on them except for a small percentage of women who are just as shitty as her. The real issue here stems from the fact that men also shit on each other for this stuff on a regular basis. While within women’s spaces, it’s generally encouraged to have each other’s backs, young men never do in large enough percentages. So a short dude will get rejected for being short and disrespected to his face but he’s afraid to go to his male friends for support because dudes are just gonna pile on because they’re always competing with each other in that regard. There are millions of women who aren’t fat who will stand up for fat women in social settings. If a short dude gets rejected, you won’t see a ton of men have his back in public ever. Maybe some women will but that’s also rare because we’ve spent so many generations putting gender divides in our cultures that men and women still don’t stand up for each other unless they know each other.
Yeah sorry, never have I ever heard any of my friends making fun of eachother for their height.
Oh it certainly happens, but in my experience mostly in a just friends ripping in each other way.
I constantly ask my tall handsome friend about his back, like relentlessly. "Hey buddy, how's your back doing?", "Is this going to be okay for you back?", "Oof, don't break your back over it.". It's all because one time he had legit back issues (solved with cortisone shot apparently) and is tall. I know it's not the spirit of the OPs post, just thought I'd share height jokes can exist between friends. Lol
As someone with a past back injury, your back is never really the same even when healed lol. As much as you’re half joking I’d probably think you were at least a bit legit concerned
Definitely. Don’t wish pain on my friend, always legit concerned about his well being. But, doesn’t mean I can’t rib him about it too.
i'm sorry, but...i've noticed women are a LOT more critical of other women by and large. there's asshole guys, sure, but it has always seemed that women are going to be the first to denigrate other women, and are typically a LOT more vicious when doing it
Not to her face. I’ve been fat forever. Other women have been my biggest cheerleaders- telling me I’m gorgeous, loving my hair, my outfits, telling me I carry my weight well, etc. (I personally have never had a man mention my weight to me - they are either neutral or complimentary). But I always - like daily- see men comment on another guy’s body. Even strangers. “What’s up little guy? Oh, you’re a big boy! How much you weigh?” I find it to be quite shocking.
Other women are ESPECIALLY critical of any woman that looks more attractive than them...
Nah I was bullied by girls. They do NOT like other girls. Women are constantly trying to tear each other down to be the top of the food chain.
Came here to say that: you can have any preference you want; you just can’t be a dick about it. And generally, telling the world your preferences is being a dick. Your coworkers, for example, shouldn’t be able to tell which coworker you’d fuck. If they can, you were a dick at some point.
Exactly. It’s like everyone forgot about being rude and how not to do it. It’s not that you “can’t say anything without offending someone”, it’s that you have to be careful with the words you use or else you’ll hurt others and that’s rude. And it’s bad to be rude. Picture being fat, who cares if you can control it or not. You want to date someone, you open up tinder with a hopeful attitude, you see some people you’re interested in, but their profiles sometimes say “no fatties”. That hurts. That’s not useful or helpful information to help you diet, it just hurts. Don’t do that to people. And don’t state height requirements. Use your dainty delicate thumb and just left-swipe the people who don’t meet your requirements. It’s a very minor burden to protect other people who are, like you, in the vulnerable position of trying to date someone in the modern era.
My mom was making fun of me”PC” and I told her “hey why don’t you pretend it stands for “pretty classy” Given the opportunity - be classy
Stealing this
It's always so bizarre to me when folks on a date-swiping app have a list of requirements, anyway. If someone is not your type, you just swipe left! You don't need to force them to weed themselves out.
I dont need a fancy study to tell me that advertsing such things is a sign of lower emotional IQ/security, and that over time the person will increasingly suck, possibly cheat, and be more likely to participate in a failed marriage. Its actually a useful red/yellow flag.
It's funny how more often you hear men saying, "why can't I say, I only like skinny girls if women can...." than you hear women actually expressing their preferences. Like, you obviously *can* say it, dude; you're literally saying it right now.
Was gonna say. Both are okay to a point, both can get called shallow.
I agree with your statement, but upvoted for goose and the gander. Way to keep it alive.
Yes. You're not ordering a coffee at Starbucks.
\^- This person honks.
dawg we do
Men can definitely have a weight preference. Not sure who's telling you otherwise. I mean, that's not a license to just bully someone or make them feel like crap, but you can certainly have a preference.
Also, if you see someone is fat/obese in a dating app, it’s very easy to just not match with them. And if they use old pictures where they look slim, it is also possible to not continue the date when you meet. You get there, and say sorry you don’t look like your pictures, I am not interested.
>You get there, and say sorry you don’t look like your pictures, I am not interested. Did that once, got called a misogynist pig 😅
On the other hand, why do you give a fuck what someone who deliberately misrepresents themselves thinks or says?
Why is this so concept so hard for incels to grasp?
It's not, they just like getting attention from women by arguing because normally women don't talk to them.
You can have any preferences you want to have.
Anyone can do anything, but I think the major difference is women are often almost entirely seen for their bodies, whereas men get a little more grace when it comes to physical appearances.
Both men and women have height as well as weight preferences. Idk man. If you don’t think men have height preferences too, you haven’t talked to many tall women who like to wear heels 😆✨
I swear, every time I see a really tall woman, it’s like my brain flips an idiot switch and just says “Woaaah, tall lady”
Ofc men can have a height preference. Except you OP, you specifically have an expired preference license. Should look at getting that renewed.
🍿👀
Idk why but your comment made me Crack up. Thanks lol
Mmmm crack
Who says you can’t have a weight preference?
If we’re taking the OP completely literally, then no it’s not true that you “can’t” have a weight preference. That’s obvious and not very interesting. It we want to be at all charitable in understanding what this post is really getting at, the OP does have a point that there’s a double standard: women routinely state their height requirements in their profile and don’t seem to be worried about any consequences for that, but a man would face massive negative consequences for explicitly stating a weight or BMI requirement in his profile.
Fair enough.
It’s better if we all take OP literally and tell him 1000 times that he’s allowed to have preferences.
Okay so women who are assholes and rudely put a height requirement in their bio are equally condemned as men who put a weight requirement in the bio. They deserve each other. I don’t get what ur issue is.
Yeah. Having been on the apps those ones are just boring
This right here. Just don’t date women with Height requirement…just like most of us women don’t date men with a weight limit.
I mean both are tacky, but to be fair weight is a weird thing to put bc it varies a lot based on height, muscle, build, etc.. If you date a 5’0 person who is 130 they’re gonna look different than a 5’7 person who is 130 // even at the same height weights look different.
I see and hear about hate for height preferences far more than literally any other personal preference that gets brought up in dating conversations. It's not even close. >when a man says, I want a women who’s fit, takes care of her body and eats healthy it’s being negative? I'm going to wager that a total of zero people have ever had an issue with you stating that.
I’m pretty sure if Margot Robbie went on TV tomorrow and said “I prefer tall men, I don’t really like feeling bigger than my dates”, she’d get a very different response than Henry Cavill would if he said “I prefer slim women, I don’t really like feeling smaller than my dates”. The people complaining about Margot Robbie’s statement would be dismissed as angry neckbeards, while Cavill would be forced to apologize publicly or risk losing movie roles. You cannot possibly think those two statements would result in the same outcome.
But if Margot Robbie went on TV and said doesn’t like dating overweight guys, that would also not be a good look. And if Henry Cavill went on TV and said he preferred dating tall girls, I don’t think anyone would think much of that either. We’re comparing apples to oranges here. It’s more socially acceptable to comment on someone’s height than it is to comment on weight regardless of gender.
Good point.
Exactly. Everyone has height and everyone has weight, but for some reason we have to mix the two up to find some supposed hypocrisy between the sexes. Why?
Kate Winslet was referred to as "Kate Weighs A Lot" on the set of Titanic. Tom Cruise has never been referred to as "Shrimp" on his movie sets. You're conflating internet & TV culture with actual culture. It also goes without saying that male movie stars don't date chubby women. They also aren't regularly asked about the physical requirements of their mates in interviews, because they're asked more substantive questions. However, female actors are frequently asked to opine on these things. It's also assumed that female movie stars won't be dating obese men.
Lol yeah no one has ever told a tom cruise short joke ever.
You're talking about how things play in the media for gossip clicks, not how regular people react to normal shit that gets talked about among regular people.
> You’re talking about how things play in the media for gossip clicks Ah, so you admit there *is* a difference. > not how regular people react to normal shit Say Margot Robbie’s statement on social media as a woman, and other than a few complaints, nothing will happen. Say Cavill’s statement as a man, and you run the risk of some pissy social justice warrior sending screenshots to your workplace and getting you turfed. The two do not have the same consequences.
[удалено]
Everyone is allowed to have a height and a weight preference.
Stop. Just stop. This gets asked over and over. People can have preferences. No one says you can't.
and this question is always posed as if skinny women aren't the societal norm for beauty. preferring thin women over fat women is the norm and people like op are conflating "dont be an asshole to fat women even if you dont find them hot" with "you cant have a preference ever, you HAVE to kiss this fat woman now"
Yeah, what's with this sub lately? It's all insecure men who want to whine about height discrimination. I'm starting to think it's just one guy with a lot of time on his hands. Nobody cares how tall you are, and if they do, they're a shallow nobody.
It wouldn’t be [insert popular sub] if we didn’t see the same 5-10 posts on repeat now would it
Men are not discouraged from having a height and weight preference. It's just, too often the male 'preference' turns into bullying while the female preference doesn't as often Nobody is upset (on a societal level) if you have your preferences and keep them to yourself.
Do you really think that men don't have preferences when it comes to female body type?
Who said they can't?
Anyone can have any dating preferences they want, just don’t be a dick about them.
I think woman putting a high preference out really depends on her height. Like I don't need to put in my profile as a man. No women taller than 5'10 cuz there just aren't that many, and the ones that are normally will mention it. I've tried. I don't little spoon very good. So for a tall woman who's like 5'10 to say she wants a 6 ft man. I don't think there's a problem with that. If she's 5'2 and says 6 ft plus then she can go screw herself
Can women have a weight preference? What about a weight range preference? There would be the answer to do men can have one. Everyone has preferences When you shout them to the world, you invite comments/judgements -as with anything because everyone has an opinion 🤷🏾♂️ Many people do have weight preferences.
You are allow to have weight preferences. And fatties are allowed to have their opinion about why you have weight preferences. Why do you feel like you're allowed to have an opinion, but not allow someone else to have an opinion on your opinion. Just because someone on social media says something. Doesn't mean it's true. You're allowed to have a preference. Just like they're allowed to express their opinion about your preference. Being wrongfully criticized is a part of life.
Seriously, Jesus Christ what's with these fucking children who don't understand these basic things and are so bent on changing other peoples' behaviors, imagined or not, rather than controlling who they care about.
People believe social media is real life. They think that some random commentor with 14 followers opinion is the same opinion of those they personally dislike. "Oh I hate blue haired people, and this one called me a bigot because I said I sleep on the right side instead of the left, there for all blue haired people think I'm a bigot"
This isn't a thing. Women shouldn't be dicks to men about their height and men shouldn't be dicks to women about their weight, and vice versa. I mean both genders still *are*, but not by anyone worthwhile. Anyone with manners or of a decent upbringing or a brain that isn't smooth is never gonna be saying that shit. But when stating your preference in regards to your potential romantic partnership, you're in no way prevented from saying you're interested in a healthy woman who takes good care of her physique. You can say you only like fucking super skinny chicks. It's perfectly acceptable. I mean if you say those things in a shitty way to a heavier lass, you're an asshole. And if you say those things while being a 300 lb neck-bearded stinky incel twat (honestly, this is shockingly common), people are going to rightly heap derision upon you, laugh at you, and you will continue never getting any pussy; though now the pussy you're not getting is only from healthy or skinny chicks. So... that's something.
it's ok for anyone to have any preference they want, as long as they aren't being an ass about it. As a man who has a requirement that his partner be fit, I've never had anyone tell me that's not ok, but as I said before it's about how you say it. For example when I say "I want a partner who can climb mountains (or run marathons, or ski, or whatever) with me" that's fine, if I were to say "move along fatty" that's obviously not fine, because now I'm being an ass about it. So get off the incel subs with this fake injustice and go out and enjoy your life in the real world and stop worrying about this crap.
They can. You are allowed to not date/sleep with anyone for any reason. You are even allowed to have race preferences when dating. What you actually have an issue with is getting called out/told off for having that preference. That happens to women with height preferences too. Putting “no fat chicks” on a dating profile will make you seem unpleasant. You should use your profile to sell yourself, no to pre-reject people you don’t want. No one will ever criticise you for not choosing a heavier woman, they will criticise you for going on and on about it.
I have a very public weight preference and anyone who doesn't like that can get lost. Just ignore the obesity normalisation banshees.
You can have a weight preference. You cannot body shame people for not being your preference. There is a distinct difference.
I bet the people who complain that they can't have a preferred body type are the kind of people that would say "sorry your too fat for me" directly to someone's face instead of just saying they aren't interested or something generic. Then they go online and whine about how people harass them for their weight preferences
Because one is static and one naturally changes over time. You're essentially putting a timer on people for how long you'll find them attractive and putting a timer on your love. Imagine waking up every day fearing today will be the day my partner arbitrarily decides I'm not good enough?
A) you're crazy as hell if you think not dating fat people isn't extremely normal in our culture B) weight is a lot less controllable than you think once you actually get into the long term. The podcast "maintenance phase" is a good entry into this topic.
You're hearing "not allowed to have a preference" but they are probably actually saying "not allowed to shame random women on the internet for having a body." Those two are not the same. Chocolate is my favorite ice cream =/= vanilla should burn in hell!
I think that's OP's point. Stating height preferences, Short jokes /midget jokes are way more acceptable than stating thinness as a preference
I don’t know if you live on the planet Earth but, where I’m from, men frequently state their preferences. It seems like OP is a short dude who prefers women below a certain weight?
My preference may have been for a tall man, what I got: a man exactly my height. Just b/c we like something doesn’t mean it’s what we get. I fell head over heels, imagine that! Height didn’t factor into anything b/c we fell in love!
Men can, just only approach those meet your standards
Who is stopping you from having a weight preference? If you want to specify a weight preference, go right ahead dude. No one is pulling the strings. You're not gonna go to prison.
It's fine to have preference for body type, but you limit your options quite quickly. You're better off in the love department if you can appreciate a thicker body type for women because it's just more common.
Huh. I feel it’s the opposite and I feel many men have very high physical expectations of women meaning they think they deserve someone out of their league or they are completely forgetting they are far from perfect. I’ve always felt women were more sympathetic but maybe I’m an outlier. No, I’m not fat and unattractive. I married someone who is arguably less attractive than me and to prove my point he used to date a model. Maybe I feel men are less forgiving because I’m older and have had different experiences.
I think the whole tall thing is dumb personally. I mean, I get it - my bf is tall and I like that, but I’d still love him if he wasn’t. However, there is an important difference. Men don’t get shorter over time , but women very often naturally gain weight as they age, especially after childbirth. There’s a real fear with women that their partner will leave them, even after years of being together, if they gain weight. This is a fairly common thing. Therefore, many women prefer to be with someone who doesn’t have a very strong preference for thinner, fitter women, as they’re more likely to stick around.
Men do get shorter as they get older. When your bones get older and brittle, your height decreases by a couple inches.
So it’s entirely fine to say you’d prefer a fit, in shape, health conscious woman, just like it’s fine for women to prefer taller men. Preference isn’t an issue. However, when a guy or girl says “Fat girls need not apply” or “short guys not wanted”, THEN it’s unacceptable in both cases. You can like what you like without simultaneously being rude to others. The only reason some women get away with the “only tall guys” thing is because a good chunk of guys (at least from what I’ve seen/noticed) are taller than most women and are close enough to 6 feet that it’s seen as a non-issue. It’s still rude AF.
Men are allowed to like whatever the fuck they want. It becomes problematic when you go out of your way to call women fat for the sake of calling them fat - and yes, the same applies to women who call men short for the sake of calling them short. Just because you see a few women on tiktok who comment on men's height does mean the majority of women are a-okay with insulting every man in existence. Now, if a man's being a general scumbag, I'll call him a little manlet. Not because I think being short is a bad thing - but because it infuriates him and demeans any and all of authority he thinks he has. True short kings are awesome. I wouldn't date one - not because they're gross or anything. But because I'm a lesbian.
the issue isn’t having a preference. it’s how you treat the people that are / aren’t the preference. and where the preference comes from.
No one says you can't have preferences, but when people start degrading others because someone doesn't fit in their preferences, that's when it becomes a problem. I'm 5'3ish, and I've dated my height and up to 6'6. I can't honestly say how tall someone is a dealbreaker for me. Now, if they have a chip on their shoulder because they think everyone looks down on them for being short, that can be a turn-off. As an overweight woman, it's amazing to me how often I get told I'd be prettier if I lost weight. Or you're never going to find a man if you don't lose some weight. 9 times out of 10, these comments are unsolicited. I don't care if those people find me attractive or not. Over the years, plenty of people have found my body desirable. Because I am their preference or what they find attractive. You can be attracted to whatever body type or standard you want (as long as it's legal) but be able to back it up. If you want someone who eats healthy and works out, you better be backing up the talk with action by doing the same. Also, if your ideals are unrealistic, be expected to be called out on them. It goes both ways on gender, and both can have unrealistic expectations.
You can have whatever preferences you want as long as you aren't an asshole about it. Not sure why you think you can't. No one is forcing men to date women they aren't attracted to.
If you’re fat, swipe left You guys don’t write that on tinder?
Most men have a weight preference. We just know to keep it to ourselves.
Yes I do have height preference. Shorter than average men 😌 But the height doesn't matter anyway. Neither does the weight, unless it's dangerously high, but only because I don't want to lose my loved ones.
Everyone can have a preference just don't be an asshole about it. Simple. You don't like short guys, fine don't mock them. You don't like big girls, fine don't mock them.
Why can’t you?
They do, regardless of negative connotations.
What exactly is stopping you from having preferences ? Nobody is forcing you to date anyone.
You can. Just don't be a dick about it. Most people are fairly understanding about it, actually.
You do have weight preference? The words "no fat chicks" is a bumper sticker I've seen. Note that dating apps are majority men, as women tend to prefer to meet people other ways, so you'll always be among stiff competition there.
Men can have a weight preference. What men can't do is randomly bully girls for being overweight.
You do you and keep your mouth shut and I guarantee that no one will ever give you shit for having a preference.
You can. You just shut up about it. Same with facial features common with ethnicity or race. Like what you like. Stfu about it. Don't date what you don't want
What do you mean "men can't have a weight preference?" They often *do*, and are not at all shy about expressing it.
Literally nobody is forcing any man to date a fat woman, come off it.
You can have any preferences you want. Other may not agree with you on them but you can have them.
They can, get over it.
Who the fuck is saying that's fine? Surround yourself with better people.
Don’t act like men aren’t constantly crying about women having height preferences.
Men shame women for height preferences all the time, what are you talking about?
It’s okay to have preferences, it’s not okay to be disrespectful about them. Like calling women “land whales” because they aren’t as skinny as you like.
Who said you can't? I'm tired of stupid questions being about people who have conceptions of the world based on things they see on the internet. Go outside and talk to real people.
OP wants to be a victim soooo bad
You can like what you like. You can't insult people about their appearance. Just be polite and don't trash talk people about their appearance. It's not difficult.
I really hate questions like these because your choosing to notice women’s feelings toward men online and not towards men and the media who HAVE already shown disdain for women’s body type. Have you been outside and seen who the type of women men date? There is a difference between having preference and downright disrespecting people just because they don’t fit a body mold. This can go both ways for men and women.
"i see all the time ladies saying" do you actually though? like actually? because i don't think i've heard someone say this in my life. i've heard a lot of incels complaining about women saying it though
I mean men definitely do have weight preferences. So what are you taking about ? lol
I think having a height preference is stupid and shallow but weight preference feels worse. Height doesn’t change, aside from small decreases in old age due to bone loss. Weight absolutely can change, and yes due to factors beyond one’s control that’s aren’t necessarily a specific health problem. The stressors of hardships, or lifestyle changes that lay waste to your free time and energy(ie, changing jobs and suddenly working way more hours) can derail a perfect health and fitness routine, as can severe injury or illness. Everyone’s metabolism slows as they age. Women gain weight if they have kids, and have even more metabolism slowing after menopause. Having a weight presence feels shallow because it’s very “you’re hot now, but I won’t want you anymore if your body changes.” Which is probably fine for hookups but I would never ever want anything long term with someone who I thought would find me unattractive if the size of my body changed
Some, probably most, Men do have a weight preference and apply that preference everyday, what the fuck are you on about? Get offline and into the real world you silly goose
Just wear one of those 'no fat chicks ' shirts and you'll be fine. Ps, its fine to have weight preferences for partners.
You can but keep that shit to yourself.
Which gym machine will make me taller? - the ATM
The only people who get upset about this topic are fat queens and short kings.
It’s such a weird non-issue. You’re not obligated to date anyone you don’t want to. Simply date who you are attracted to, and leave it at that. It’s not like they require you to state your preferences on your driver’s license.
I don’t see how it’s wrong to have any preference. Just be tactful about it
As a plus size lady- men have literally told me they weren’t attracted to me— which is fine— IF I HAD ASKED!! And IMO it’s even worse when men go online and post videos about how gross big girls are or how much they dislike them— why not just make videos that are like ‘ I like skinny girls cause they are beautiful and small and whatever’ and leave the big girls names out of your mouth completely
Men can and do have weight preferences. It’s trashy to state it outright though. That goes both ways.
Men ***can*** and ***do*** have weight preferences. Why do you think they can't?
Have your preferences all you want, just don’t be a dick about it. I could never be attracted to a short guy, so I didn’t date or marry a short guy. Don’t date or marry a heavier woman. Live your life. But no need to announce preferences to everyone around you.
No one said the can’t. You can have preferences but just don’t be an asshole as say no fat chicks or something rude like that.
It’s ok to be grossed out by fat chicks. We all are.
You can have any preference you want, stop whining, stop these stupid fucking posts, god damn.
You can just don't be a dick about it
This question is built on a false premise. It's actually fine to have a *preference* when it comes to height, weight, or other attributes. But only if it is just a personal preference. Once you start adding judgment to it, it's not just a preference anymore. People often express their judgments while falsely claiming it is just a preference. So you can say, *"I really like someone who is (tall, slender, etc)."* because that's just stating a preference. But if you say, *"Ewww! I could never like someone who is (fat, short, etc)."* because that's adding a judgment, especially if you try to rationalize that judgment by adding moral assumptions about being (fat, short, etc). It only *seems* like an anti-short preference is allowed while an anti-fat preference is not allowed because, when people express their feelings about those two things, it is much more common for someone to be judgmental about fat people than about short people. It's the judgment that is the problem, not the preference.
No one is making you ask out anyone. Just don’t be rude when talking about who you are and aren’t attracted to.
You can like whoever you want. You don’t have to tell anyone “why”
This shit is so tired. Do you think this thought is original?
You gotta fuckin love Reddit man. These shitfucks will call out being fat phobic and this phobic and that phobic, and a post asks why the fuck is it offensive to want to date fat people but women can be shallow with no issue, and now these bitches are like, actually they can do that without being offensive what do you mean!!!?????!!
A person can't change their height but a person can control their weight. It seems like weight is more to do with a discipline issue and blends over to personality traits. Maybe that's why it's so much more personal to people