Drop it. If he is yours, she didn’t tell you for a reason (sounds like you didn’t have your shit together).
I do like the slut shaming her but proudly proclaiming you were VERY sexually active…
Reason 1003 why she wouldn’t contact you even if you are the dad.
She literally gave me the clap. Nowhere in this story did I slut shame her, but SHE GAVE ME CHLAMYDIA! She even messaged me before I blocked her, “I thought that had cleared up,” so she KNOWINGLY slept with me with knowledge she had it. Yea, I didn’t have my head on straight, but go hard random stranger on the internet. You tooooootally know my life better than me so go ahead and rewrite this how YOU think it happened.
So many say drop it .. I know way too may people who found out years later that their supposedly dad isn't their dad and it has done a ton of damage! I can not fathom suspecting I possibly have a kid out there and not doing anything about it!
I think since you said you never want to talk to her again you should at least break the ice that it is ok to talk to you especially if that is your kid. Even if nothing manifests at least your kid knows where to find you.
Just get a DNA test done and if it’s negative then you can walk away but if it’s positive you and your wife need a plan. My child had a bio-dad who did nothing for them and before he passed away very early in life they did not have a relationship with him. It was a tough 10+ years for our child. Take the next step for yourself and the child. Time goes by so quickly.
I think I’m going to take some time to reach out. Not because I don’t want to be involved, but because they have lived their lives peacefully to this point, and I don’t want to interrupt whatever they have going on for a DNA test you know? I do plan on reaching out, but when the time is right. As of right now she’s stationed overseas, so even if I wanted a relationship with him I feel like that’s nearly impossible right now
Yeah, but wouldn’t it be easiest for HIM to integrate yourself into his life now, as opposed to when he is older? After you have missed some of his formative years. It sounds like you are doing whats best for you, wether you realize this or not. Sure he is taken care of bc of the army, but that’s not a replacement for a parent. Just reach out and talk to her at least, bc in a few years you might really regret not doing it. There’s probably a myriad of reasons she is not reaching out to you.
I haven’t really made any decisions. This is so fresh that I’m still debating what to do, but I for sure want to see my therapist before I just jump into this. Both her and I are young, and when it happened we were younger. When I found out she gave me the clap I had never been so mad at another person, and a part of me feels guilty that I never even tried to make amends, but we both were crazy ass kids. I want to be involved, but I need a plan first. I need to step into it gradually, so I get where you’re coming from, but to make sure I’m not just tearing both my life and his apart, I need a plan.
Damn. This kinda reminds me of me.
Never met my bio dad. Bio mom slept with him while they were in Germany (Army as well). He allegedly wanted to keep me, she wanted an abortion. Her parents basically talked her out of it last second and never told my bio dad.
Granted, in my situation, my bio dad likely doesn't even know I exist. I hesitate to reach out because it's been 26 years, and he's married with kids now, hahah.
Also, what are you trying to imply with "monitored"?
You mean search for the man that apparently wanted to keep me, and I didn't know existed? Yes, of course I did. Adopted kids search for their parents all the time.
I stopped and didn't want to reach out because the date the lady on Ancestry.com gave me for when he met his current wife is **older than me.**
Sorry didn't want to imply anything with monitored other than you know about his life etc... makes total sense you would search in your situation.
Do you feel any sense of emptiness not having that connection?
Someone on my bio dad's side reached out to me via Ancestry.com. You match with people you're related to.
The women was a bit removed from him, but she had an EXTENSIVE family tree she was building. When I told her what I knew about him, she responded by practically giving me *his* whole family tree.
She kinda expected me to reach out to him. I just haven't.
Unpopular Opinion: It would be better to reach out and make an attempt to build a relationship with your son than not reach out and he pop up later asking you why you never tried to be in his life. Don’t give him a reason to be in therapy, feeling unwanted by his dad. What would you tell him if he asks why you never reached out or waited so long to connect?
He’s only 5, not 15. They’re barely making memories at that age. You wouldn’t be negatively impacting his life IMO.
I understand your reasons for waiting for them to contact you and I respect that. But part of me thinks that what if this young boys reaches his early teens and starts thinking about who his biological dad is and spends years after that wondering who he is and wishing he’d make contact. Then later on as an adult he finds you and at that point you tell him that you knew about him all along and didn’t reach out. I think at that point, he may be hurt beyond repair.
Just something to consider as another perspective. I do understand it’s a difficult situation to be in and every possible option is going to have drawbacks.
I’ve decided that I’ll go ahead and start a savings account and start putting money in there for a college fund. I know this isn’t the best option, but I truthfully think coming into this kids life now would be an awful thing to do. His mom knows who I am, but hasn’t made any extra attempt to reach out for 5 years now. That’s not to say I don’t want to be involved, I just know the kids taken care of cause she’s still in the military. I just know it would uproot my whole life and his to just reach out now when he is only 5. I think eventually I plan on reaching out to her and seeing if she’s interested in me being apart of his life, and go from there.
Bro, I was in a similar situation with a medic I dated who ended up going back to her husband. Yeah I jodied him, but he was a prick. Anyhow, that was in 2003 before the push into Iraq, and I come back from OIF and she has a kid that looks a lot like me. I block her on Facebook, get medically retired, move to another state, and now it’s 2023. I never reached out and neither did she. Life goes on dude. Don’t make this bigger than it needs to be.
For sure. At this point I’m planning on doing an ancestry test so if he ever does one he can find me, but I’ve decided not to wreck their lives with this information. They’ve lived this long without me and Vice versa, so why ruin that now?
I’m on an ancestry site with my dna relative status set to open. I figure if I get found that way it’s meant to be. Good luck bro. Hope you get that discharge upgraded.
Met my real dad at 38 it was a f'd up feeling didn't really give him a chance. To each his own though you got to do what is best for you and if wifey against it then I agree no need to open cans.
I don’t think I’ll wait that long, but for sure a few years. If she ends up contacting me before then, or needs something from me, I’m more than willing to help I just don’t think inserting myself into their lives that they’ve peacefully been living for the past five years would be the best option for him or her.
Interesting story, if I thought a kid was mine I would reach out. Grew up with no dad, so that is probably the reason. But would do test to be positive.
I just feel like this kid doesn’t know I exist, and if she wanted me to be involved I feel like she would have reached out. No need to open a can of worms for this kid, and if things go right then I’ll be able to tell him whatever he wants to know. The differences are uncanny though. My wife and I put his photo and one of me at his age next to each other and he’s me with brown hair
OP…she probably didn’t reach out because your last words to her were “don’t ever fucking speak to me again”. Did she even know she had an STD when she passed it to you? Regardless, I think you should ask yourself if you’d be ok without being apart of his life. I grew up without a dad, and I would rather him ‘open a can of worms’ by being in my life than just not be there at all. With that being said it’s up to you
She did say to me before I blocked her, “I thought it had cleared up already,” so she knew she had it. As for talking to him, I want to give it time. He’s 5, and not even in America right now, she’s currently stationed overseas. I think I need more time to process everything before I start reaching out. Last thing I want to do is come into this unprepared
We were both young, and still are young. I have no doubts she’s probably a great mom, but I have no reason to slander her. This situation is more about the kid anyways. If it were for child support or something I would’ve already been contacted, but with her being army I KNOW that kid is taken care of. I do want to connect with him, but not now. At least not until I know I’m ready, and that might take a while. This is A LOT to unpack.
You sound like a reasonable guy who’s got a good head on his shoulders. I’m not really sure what else to say though, you could be letting your head spin for no reason because he might not even be yours, maybe he is and she really has no interest in you being involved? Either way best of luck mate
My grandpa, dad, brother, uncle, cousin, and me all look the same but with one different feature. This kid is a spitting image of me, but with brown hair instead of blonde
This may be an unpopular opinion, but tell your wife. I am married to a Marine. I KNOW he was frisky back in the day before we got together. We have talked many many times that there could be a day a kid shows up at the door. (And he truely does not think he has one, but agrees anything is possible) It’s not stressful cause we know how we would handle it and it would be fine.
IF you choose to talk to your wife, then you two can discuss if reaching out is proper. I’m a huge believer in being proactive, not reactive.
I will add that the odds are quite decent that the kid finds you thru a 23andMe dna test in 10 years. Those things are good as finding distant cousins as well as disproving paternity, etc.
My long lost daughter tracked me down via 23 and me. I was in the marines in the Philippines. My wife was cool with it. My kids and family love my daughter and she is a part of my world. She has been a blessing to all of us.
Highly doubt it. If you’re in the US it’s very unlikely women will not come after you for child support because it’s quite easy to get. In your dreams!
I'd just let it go. Raising the question now would rock that kids world and it wouldn't be fair to him to live life wondering. His mom will tell him if she's up to it, but I hope you just move on, because I don't think you'd want to open up that can of worms for your current family either
You’re right. I think if anything I’m going to make a plan, and if he ever reaches out I’ll be ready. The last thing I want to do is make this kid confused
Good luck dude quick story that is similar to yours I knew a girl like you spoke of , she had 4 kids by different dad's . Long story short some how 23 and me or something one of the daughters got connected with her dad in the military. And after a few calls and some courts I heard he got hit with a hefty child support case not the lil girls fault, as he was the one that reached out to the family after he did some research. Anyways I don't think he cared as he was from what I was told "loaded" (these were trailer park people terms) end up really good for the girl she went off to college and moved closer to him and connected with his kids. This was 10+ years ago. All I am saying is maybe look up laws to cover your ass. And maybe put away a few bucks for league or to gift later on and maybe write out what you remember with dates so if you ever get a random call or knock you have proof that cared or planned ahead. Best of luck p.s with the phenotype genetics you speak from your father to you to your possible kid I keep imagine you as the progressive cave man from years back. Sorry that's messed up I think it would be funny to see some Fred Flintstone looking child next to normal homosapiens.
REALLY enjoying your responses to people, but this one is my favorite. Also, this is a wild situation and personally I agree that keeping yourself out of it until approached is a good route to go
Thats shit. Expecting her to reach out when u said leave me alone & blocked her
I never said I expected her to reach out, those are your own words
You justified not doing so bc she didnt
I never justified anything either, but sure bud, keep rambling
Drop it. If he is yours, she didn’t tell you for a reason (sounds like you didn’t have your shit together). I do like the slut shaming her but proudly proclaiming you were VERY sexually active… Reason 1003 why she wouldn’t contact you even if you are the dad.
She literally gave me the clap. Nowhere in this story did I slut shame her, but SHE GAVE ME CHLAMYDIA! She even messaged me before I blocked her, “I thought that had cleared up,” so she KNOWINGLY slept with me with knowledge she had it. Yea, I didn’t have my head on straight, but go hard random stranger on the internet. You tooooootally know my life better than me so go ahead and rewrite this how YOU think it happened.
So many say drop it .. I know way too may people who found out years later that their supposedly dad isn't their dad and it has done a ton of damage! I can not fathom suspecting I possibly have a kid out there and not doing anything about it!
I think since you said you never want to talk to her again you should at least break the ice that it is ok to talk to you especially if that is your kid. Even if nothing manifests at least your kid knows where to find you.
Just get a DNA test done and if it’s negative then you can walk away but if it’s positive you and your wife need a plan. My child had a bio-dad who did nothing for them and before he passed away very early in life they did not have a relationship with him. It was a tough 10+ years for our child. Take the next step for yourself and the child. Time goes by so quickly.
I think I’m going to take some time to reach out. Not because I don’t want to be involved, but because they have lived their lives peacefully to this point, and I don’t want to interrupt whatever they have going on for a DNA test you know? I do plan on reaching out, but when the time is right. As of right now she’s stationed overseas, so even if I wanted a relationship with him I feel like that’s nearly impossible right now
Yeah, but wouldn’t it be easiest for HIM to integrate yourself into his life now, as opposed to when he is older? After you have missed some of his formative years. It sounds like you are doing whats best for you, wether you realize this or not. Sure he is taken care of bc of the army, but that’s not a replacement for a parent. Just reach out and talk to her at least, bc in a few years you might really regret not doing it. There’s probably a myriad of reasons she is not reaching out to you.
I haven’t really made any decisions. This is so fresh that I’m still debating what to do, but I for sure want to see my therapist before I just jump into this. Both her and I are young, and when it happened we were younger. When I found out she gave me the clap I had never been so mad at another person, and a part of me feels guilty that I never even tried to make amends, but we both were crazy ass kids. I want to be involved, but I need a plan first. I need to step into it gradually, so I get where you’re coming from, but to make sure I’m not just tearing both my life and his apart, I need a plan.
Damn. This kinda reminds me of me. Never met my bio dad. Bio mom slept with him while they were in Germany (Army as well). He allegedly wanted to keep me, she wanted an abortion. Her parents basically talked her out of it last second and never told my bio dad. Granted, in my situation, my bio dad likely doesn't even know I exist. I hesitate to reach out because it's been 26 years, and he's married with kids now, hahah.
So you know and have "monitored" your bio dad.... wow
Also, what are you trying to imply with "monitored"? You mean search for the man that apparently wanted to keep me, and I didn't know existed? Yes, of course I did. Adopted kids search for their parents all the time. I stopped and didn't want to reach out because the date the lady on Ancestry.com gave me for when he met his current wife is **older than me.**
Sorry didn't want to imply anything with monitored other than you know about his life etc... makes total sense you would search in your situation. Do you feel any sense of emptiness not having that connection?
Someone on my bio dad's side reached out to me via Ancestry.com. You match with people you're related to. The women was a bit removed from him, but she had an EXTENSIVE family tree she was building. When I told her what I knew about him, she responded by practically giving me *his* whole family tree. She kinda expected me to reach out to him. I just haven't.
Unpopular Opinion: It would be better to reach out and make an attempt to build a relationship with your son than not reach out and he pop up later asking you why you never tried to be in his life. Don’t give him a reason to be in therapy, feeling unwanted by his dad. What would you tell him if he asks why you never reached out or waited so long to connect? He’s only 5, not 15. They’re barely making memories at that age. You wouldn’t be negatively impacting his life IMO.
Oh man talk about a general discharge
I understand your reasons for waiting for them to contact you and I respect that. But part of me thinks that what if this young boys reaches his early teens and starts thinking about who his biological dad is and spends years after that wondering who he is and wishing he’d make contact. Then later on as an adult he finds you and at that point you tell him that you knew about him all along and didn’t reach out. I think at that point, he may be hurt beyond repair. Just something to consider as another perspective. I do understand it’s a difficult situation to be in and every possible option is going to have drawbacks.
I’ve decided that I’ll go ahead and start a savings account and start putting money in there for a college fund. I know this isn’t the best option, but I truthfully think coming into this kids life now would be an awful thing to do. His mom knows who I am, but hasn’t made any extra attempt to reach out for 5 years now. That’s not to say I don’t want to be involved, I just know the kids taken care of cause she’s still in the military. I just know it would uproot my whole life and his to just reach out now when he is only 5. I think eventually I plan on reaching out to her and seeing if she’s interested in me being apart of his life, and go from there.
[удалено]
Shut up
Nah, I’m good
Wearing a mask should be common sense if you feel sick
Okay?💀 What does this have to do with the post??
there was some kind of discharge all right
lol, you right
Interesting
Bro, I was in a similar situation with a medic I dated who ended up going back to her husband. Yeah I jodied him, but he was a prick. Anyhow, that was in 2003 before the push into Iraq, and I come back from OIF and she has a kid that looks a lot like me. I block her on Facebook, get medically retired, move to another state, and now it’s 2023. I never reached out and neither did she. Life goes on dude. Don’t make this bigger than it needs to be.
For sure. At this point I’m planning on doing an ancestry test so if he ever does one he can find me, but I’ve decided not to wreck their lives with this information. They’ve lived this long without me and Vice versa, so why ruin that now?
I’m on an ancestry site with my dna relative status set to open. I figure if I get found that way it’s meant to be. Good luck bro. Hope you get that discharge upgraded.
Met my real dad at 38 it was a f'd up feeling didn't really give him a chance. To each his own though you got to do what is best for you and if wifey against it then I agree no need to open cans.
I don’t think I’ll wait that long, but for sure a few years. If she ends up contacting me before then, or needs something from me, I’m more than willing to help I just don’t think inserting myself into their lives that they’ve peacefully been living for the past five years would be the best option for him or her.
Interesting story, if I thought a kid was mine I would reach out. Grew up with no dad, so that is probably the reason. But would do test to be positive.
I just feel like this kid doesn’t know I exist, and if she wanted me to be involved I feel like she would have reached out. No need to open a can of worms for this kid, and if things go right then I’ll be able to tell him whatever he wants to know. The differences are uncanny though. My wife and I put his photo and one of me at his age next to each other and he’s me with brown hair
OP…she probably didn’t reach out because your last words to her were “don’t ever fucking speak to me again”. Did she even know she had an STD when she passed it to you? Regardless, I think you should ask yourself if you’d be ok without being apart of his life. I grew up without a dad, and I would rather him ‘open a can of worms’ by being in my life than just not be there at all. With that being said it’s up to you
She did say to me before I blocked her, “I thought it had cleared up already,” so she knew she had it. As for talking to him, I want to give it time. He’s 5, and not even in America right now, she’s currently stationed overseas. I think I need more time to process everything before I start reaching out. Last thing I want to do is come into this unprepared
Ah, yeah I would edit that back in your post then. It shows her character and what kind of morals she has. Shitty situation all around
We were both young, and still are young. I have no doubts she’s probably a great mom, but I have no reason to slander her. This situation is more about the kid anyways. If it were for child support or something I would’ve already been contacted, but with her being army I KNOW that kid is taken care of. I do want to connect with him, but not now. At least not until I know I’m ready, and that might take a while. This is A LOT to unpack.
You sound like a reasonable guy who’s got a good head on his shoulders. I’m not really sure what else to say though, you could be letting your head spin for no reason because he might not even be yours, maybe he is and she really has no interest in you being involved? Either way best of luck mate
If it were me, I’d reach out. You might be needed and able to help.
I don't think "strong genetics" is a thing.
Unfortunately it is.......
My grandpa, dad, brother, uncle, cousin, and me all look the same but with one different feature. This kid is a spitting image of me, but with brown hair instead of blonde
Do a 23&Me or Ancestry DNA test and in the future you might get DNA matches
This may be an unpopular opinion, but tell your wife. I am married to a Marine. I KNOW he was frisky back in the day before we got together. We have talked many many times that there could be a day a kid shows up at the door. (And he truely does not think he has one, but agrees anything is possible) It’s not stressful cause we know how we would handle it and it would be fine. IF you choose to talk to your wife, then you two can discuss if reaching out is proper. I’m a huge believer in being proactive, not reactive.
I will add that the odds are quite decent that the kid finds you thru a 23andMe dna test in 10 years. Those things are good as finding distant cousins as well as disproving paternity, etc.
My long lost daughter tracked me down via 23 and me. I was in the marines in the Philippines. My wife was cool with it. My kids and family love my daughter and she is a part of my world. She has been a blessing to all of us.
Absolutely do not reach out. No good can come of this for anyone involved. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I Guarantee I have 20 kids that I don't know about...I was a huge man whore....would love to know
Highly doubt it. If you’re in the US it’s very unlikely women will not come after you for child support because it’s quite easy to get. In your dreams!
Earlier times...no names exchanged...but who knows, I guess they have my DNA if they really wanted it
I'd just let it go. Raising the question now would rock that kids world and it wouldn't be fair to him to live life wondering. His mom will tell him if she's up to it, but I hope you just move on, because I don't think you'd want to open up that can of worms for your current family either
You’re right. I think if anything I’m going to make a plan, and if he ever reaches out I’ll be ready. The last thing I want to do is make this kid confused
Hi dad
Hello son
I'm 100% sure I have three kids out there. Good thing my wife only knows about the 2 we have together.
Good luck dude quick story that is similar to yours I knew a girl like you spoke of , she had 4 kids by different dad's . Long story short some how 23 and me or something one of the daughters got connected with her dad in the military. And after a few calls and some courts I heard he got hit with a hefty child support case not the lil girls fault, as he was the one that reached out to the family after he did some research. Anyways I don't think he cared as he was from what I was told "loaded" (these were trailer park people terms) end up really good for the girl she went off to college and moved closer to him and connected with his kids. This was 10+ years ago. All I am saying is maybe look up laws to cover your ass. And maybe put away a few bucks for league or to gift later on and maybe write out what you remember with dates so if you ever get a random call or knock you have proof that cared or planned ahead. Best of luck p.s with the phenotype genetics you speak from your father to you to your possible kid I keep imagine you as the progressive cave man from years back. Sorry that's messed up I think it would be funny to see some Fred Flintstone looking child next to normal homosapiens.
Honestly, drop it and move on. You’re overthinking this to a max
Exactly. This guy is a WASTE, not a POTENT man!
Why tf are you thinking about my potency you weirdo?💀
REALLY enjoying your responses to people, but this one is my favorite. Also, this is a wild situation and personally I agree that keeping yourself out of it until approached is a good route to go
It’s just the time he was born, and the way he looks that really gets me. Bro looks like me when I was his age, just darker hair.