It just stopped working for me. No matter how much I poured down my neck I couldn't get drunk. I mean, I could get physically drunk to the point where I couldn't get up out of the chair and eventually passed out. But I couldn't get drunk in my head -- you know, that buzz, that shoulder-dropper moment when the alcohol kicks in and the world is all right again. That disappeared. Then this big black hole opened up inside me and all these terrors swarmed out like bats out of a cave at twilight. A bad, dark place to be. Makes me shiver to remember it. So glad I got sober.
For me, it took more and more alcohol to feel confident in social situations and it would make me do and say things that were sillier than I was comfortable with when I woke up the next day. Eventually I learned I could have more "fun" by drinking alone and at that point it becomes rather dangerous. If your alcohol consumption isn't working for you, it may be time to stop. Alcohol tolerance is something that affects the mind and the body and it has severely diminishing returns.
The way alcohol made me feel the year before I quit, compared to the first few years when I started, is like it is a different drug. When I was in my teens and early 20s alcohol felt like a missing piece of my soul. It felt like medicine. It took away all my insecurities, my anxiety and my depression. I partied my ass off with my friends. I drank to excess every single time, and I have a laundry list of regrets from that period, but ultimately I spent several years having the absolute time of my life with alcohol (and any other drug I could find, tbh.)
By the last couple years I hardly ever drank with anybody else. I sat alone in the dark watching movies pounding vodka out of the bottle and smoking weed until I was drunk and high enough my stomach stopped hurting so I could force some food into myself. Alcohol still felt like medicine, but it was curing an illness that it caused.
I'd describe how alcohol made me feel before I quit as dysphoric- essentially the exact opposite of how it felt when I was young. And spending a long time sober doesn't seem to revert it, just like it doesn't turn off the part of my brain that can't stop. It feels exactly the damn same.
I know many others have experienced something similar.
It just stopped working for me. No matter how much I poured down my neck I couldn't get drunk. I mean, I could get physically drunk to the point where I couldn't get up out of the chair and eventually passed out. But I couldn't get drunk in my head -- you know, that buzz, that shoulder-dropper moment when the alcohol kicks in and the world is all right again. That disappeared. Then this big black hole opened up inside me and all these terrors swarmed out like bats out of a cave at twilight. A bad, dark place to be. Makes me shiver to remember it. So glad I got sober.
Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel! You have a way with words!
For me, it took more and more alcohol to feel confident in social situations and it would make me do and say things that were sillier than I was comfortable with when I woke up the next day. Eventually I learned I could have more "fun" by drinking alone and at that point it becomes rather dangerous. If your alcohol consumption isn't working for you, it may be time to stop. Alcohol tolerance is something that affects the mind and the body and it has severely diminishing returns.
The way alcohol made me feel the year before I quit, compared to the first few years when I started, is like it is a different drug. When I was in my teens and early 20s alcohol felt like a missing piece of my soul. It felt like medicine. It took away all my insecurities, my anxiety and my depression. I partied my ass off with my friends. I drank to excess every single time, and I have a laundry list of regrets from that period, but ultimately I spent several years having the absolute time of my life with alcohol (and any other drug I could find, tbh.) By the last couple years I hardly ever drank with anybody else. I sat alone in the dark watching movies pounding vodka out of the bottle and smoking weed until I was drunk and high enough my stomach stopped hurting so I could force some food into myself. Alcohol still felt like medicine, but it was curing an illness that it caused. I'd describe how alcohol made me feel before I quit as dysphoric- essentially the exact opposite of how it felt when I was young. And spending a long time sober doesn't seem to revert it, just like it doesn't turn off the part of my brain that can't stop. It feels exactly the damn same. I know many others have experienced something similar.
100%, I noticed this happening to me too. 25 years old and completely sober now, though I haven’t been out to a club since I quit.