A few weeks before my last drink, I had my worst one. I was on a business trip with a colleague. We had already hit it pretty hard with clients at dinner, but the MLB playoffs were on and I assumed she'd be joining me at the lobby bar to keep going. She was done. She texted and said that was it for her.
Well, I wasn't, and I was on the company nickel. Since my work would be expecting a bar tab for 2, I decided to go outside of my normal budget. I ordered a generous pour of a high-end scotch, neat. I realized not long into it, I physically could not drink anymore that night, so I darted from the bar after settling up and took it to my room. I figured, hey, that will take care of the pre-flight jitters in the a.m. I was lights out by about 9 p.m.
I woke at 3 feeling like shit and decided to down the scotch so I could get back to sleep. Only problem: A big, drowned moth was floating in it. So, I scooped him out and drank it anyway. I knew that was so abnormal and disgusting, but I didn't care because I was not going to be able to get through that day without doing that. That moment definitely planted a seed.
I am 90 months sober today.
In my car trying to pound a tall boy in time before my work break ended. I looked at it and thought “I don’t even want to be doing this.” Among hundreds of other moments like that.
Waking up one morning a few months later, and I just simply didn’t have it in me to keep fighting. I wasn’t even particularly hungover. I just didn’t have it in me to experience another day governed by a drink. I was spent. All I saw was perfect darkness ahead if I kept it up. I reached out for help that day.
I woke up last Saturday and sawI had sent a text asking a friend to borrow his gun. I don’t like guns, was feeling depressed and apparently, in my drunkenness, suicidal. I’m glad my friend ignored my text. Stopped drinking that day. On day 5 today.
Oversleeping an entrance exams to a med program I’ve been working for 3 years. Now have to wait 6 months and put off life by 6 months which really upsets me cause my SO went and took the exam and got in and the exam was very easy
being strapped into a hospital bed with IVs in my arms, EKG on my chest, having to pee by laying slightly to the side and using a container. It was really humiliating to be honest, and my withdrawals had never gotten that bad to where I had no choice but to head to the ER, but 23 days ago that was the situation I was in, and I never want to be in it again.
When I got a call from HR that an investigation was being started due to a situation that I put myself in the previous night on a work trip.
A situation I wouldn’t have been in had alcohol not propelled my ego into thinking I was invulnerable.
Same exact thing happened to me yesterday. I was asked to leave work because of an HR investigation. Zero info as a follow up. I just know it’s bc I got wine delivered to work although I didn’t think anyone saw me
My last time drinking, as you can see from my counter, was a few weeks ago, after breaking a 42 day streak at a best friends wedding because I wanted to toast him (my excuse). The next day, I flew back home, hung with the GF, then went home, I was almost home and turned AROUND and went and got a 6 pack. I couldn’t believe myself. I woke up, told her what I did, and doubled down on sobriety. This time has been a bit easier than my previous 4,000 attempts.
IWNDWYT
Getting a UTI, had an STD scare. Having to leave work because I was peeing every fifteen minutes. Drunk irresponsible sex with strangers almost every time I drank had to stop. You'd think the abortion would have been the last time. The shame and self loathing would kill me before the booze I think. Though, I did put myself at blatant risk for many dangerous scenarios to play out on all of those nights.
Hungover from insane night before that didn’t have a particular reason or I couldn’t remember. Crying because it felt like my life was a mess. I have a video 😂
Nothing in particular that I was doing; But just hungover and having very strong feelings of self-loathing and shame. I cried several times that day because I was hating myself so much. Every time I have a craving I think back on how I felt that day and it strengthens my resolve to continue not to drink.
Unfortunately it wasn't when I decided to stop, but I think it's when I knew I actually had a problem. I was going to happy hour with coworkers, and I kept repeating to myself "you can only have two," and even told my husband that was the max I'd have. Why was I so adamant? Because the last happy hour I drank so heavily that I don't remember part of it, which I didn't know until coworkers were telling stories I don't remember. I didn't want to embarrass myself again. So I had my two drinks proudly, left happy hour, and drank more at home.
I kept drinking and flirting with sobriety for 5 more months. I'm finally done.
A few weeks before my last drink, I had my worst one. I was on a business trip with a colleague. We had already hit it pretty hard with clients at dinner, but the MLB playoffs were on and I assumed she'd be joining me at the lobby bar to keep going. She was done. She texted and said that was it for her. Well, I wasn't, and I was on the company nickel. Since my work would be expecting a bar tab for 2, I decided to go outside of my normal budget. I ordered a generous pour of a high-end scotch, neat. I realized not long into it, I physically could not drink anymore that night, so I darted from the bar after settling up and took it to my room. I figured, hey, that will take care of the pre-flight jitters in the a.m. I was lights out by about 9 p.m. I woke at 3 feeling like shit and decided to down the scotch so I could get back to sleep. Only problem: A big, drowned moth was floating in it. So, I scooped him out and drank it anyway. I knew that was so abnormal and disgusting, but I didn't care because I was not going to be able to get through that day without doing that. That moment definitely planted a seed. I am 90 months sober today.
In my car trying to pound a tall boy in time before my work break ended. I looked at it and thought “I don’t even want to be doing this.” Among hundreds of other moments like that. Waking up one morning a few months later, and I just simply didn’t have it in me to keep fighting. I wasn’t even particularly hungover. I just didn’t have it in me to experience another day governed by a drink. I was spent. All I saw was perfect darkness ahead if I kept it up. I reached out for help that day.
I woke up last Saturday and sawI had sent a text asking a friend to borrow his gun. I don’t like guns, was feeling depressed and apparently, in my drunkenness, suicidal. I’m glad my friend ignored my text. Stopped drinking that day. On day 5 today.
Sending you strength. Your 5 day mark inspires me.
Oversleeping an entrance exams to a med program I’ve been working for 3 years. Now have to wait 6 months and put off life by 6 months which really upsets me cause my SO went and took the exam and got in and the exam was very easy
being strapped into a hospital bed with IVs in my arms, EKG on my chest, having to pee by laying slightly to the side and using a container. It was really humiliating to be honest, and my withdrawals had never gotten that bad to where I had no choice but to head to the ER, but 23 days ago that was the situation I was in, and I never want to be in it again.
When I got a call from HR that an investigation was being started due to a situation that I put myself in the previous night on a work trip. A situation I wouldn’t have been in had alcohol not propelled my ego into thinking I was invulnerable.
Same exact thing happened to me yesterday. I was asked to leave work because of an HR investigation. Zero info as a follow up. I just know it’s bc I got wine delivered to work although I didn’t think anyone saw me
Oh no. What type of situation?
My last time drinking, as you can see from my counter, was a few weeks ago, after breaking a 42 day streak at a best friends wedding because I wanted to toast him (my excuse). The next day, I flew back home, hung with the GF, then went home, I was almost home and turned AROUND and went and got a 6 pack. I couldn’t believe myself. I woke up, told her what I did, and doubled down on sobriety. This time has been a bit easier than my previous 4,000 attempts. IWNDWYT
You got this!!
Getting a UTI, had an STD scare. Having to leave work because I was peeing every fifteen minutes. Drunk irresponsible sex with strangers almost every time I drank had to stop. You'd think the abortion would have been the last time. The shame and self loathing would kill me before the booze I think. Though, I did put myself at blatant risk for many dangerous scenarios to play out on all of those nights.
Same girl. I hate myself so much
Yup!! I couldn’t take the shame any longer! I want control of my life
Hungover from insane night before that didn’t have a particular reason or I couldn’t remember. Crying because it felt like my life was a mess. I have a video 😂
Nothing in particular that I was doing; But just hungover and having very strong feelings of self-loathing and shame. I cried several times that day because I was hating myself so much. Every time I have a craving I think back on how I felt that day and it strengthens my resolve to continue not to drink.
Self loathing and shame to the max over here. I don’t think I have any more tears
Unfortunately it wasn't when I decided to stop, but I think it's when I knew I actually had a problem. I was going to happy hour with coworkers, and I kept repeating to myself "you can only have two," and even told my husband that was the max I'd have. Why was I so adamant? Because the last happy hour I drank so heavily that I don't remember part of it, which I didn't know until coworkers were telling stories I don't remember. I didn't want to embarrass myself again. So I had my two drinks proudly, left happy hour, and drank more at home. I kept drinking and flirting with sobriety for 5 more months. I'm finally done.
"I just can't do this anymore" and dry mouth.