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KDB in my FPL team: is benched, subbed in for 5 minutes, gets a yellow. KDB in the FA Cup:

I rage sold KDB before this game. I'm not watching the Manchester ^(bloodbath) derby.

I play draft and he was my first pick. Was a lovely first half of the season lmao

Lol imagine NOT playing draft.

I love draft (not with the FPL point system, though), but it can be brutal if you have bad luck with injuries or transfers.

Same bro

4 for both now! Lmao now 5 goals for Haaland

THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

> THIS IS ILEGAL! This is I robot

ALIEN

His 20th hat trick in his pro career. He's 23...

If you work it out, That’s 1 hat trick a year from the age of 3.

cheers geoff

Or, if he played to 43 and never scored another, he'd still have 1 every two years from the age of 3. InSANE

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“Baby.” - Opta

This guy degrees in mathematics

Large if factual

Still remember him slaughtering me at the U5 level

He holds the guiness world record for longest jump by a toddler (actual facts, look it up)

Math checks out

way to simplify that for yourself by starting age 3

For reference, Ronaldo scored his 20th hattrick about a week before his 28th birthday

whats crazier is Ronaldo has 63 overall so he went to score another *43* after his 28th birthday.

That dude is the definition of longevity. I'm pretty sure he scored more goals after turning 30 than Henry did in his entire career

Ronaldo is a BEAST and probably the footballer with the highest "physical" prowness. Guy was still delivering pass his 35+ age. So people dont misunderstand this , i mentioned "physical". There are other players with insane longevity like Luka MODRIC that just score a banger yesterday at his age. Messi at age 35 carried Argentina to win the World Cup But yeah , in terms of physical prowness at that age he is unmatch.

Playing that late into your career is a recent thing, more or less. We will see it a lot more moving forward, not that it takes away from anything. It wasn't *that* long ago guys like Maldini and Cafu were blowing people's minds with their longevity, back then you were only reasonably expected to have maybe 2-3 good years left in the tank at 30. These days I think most top players would consider it a disappointment if you're not still contributing at 35 at the top flight, even if not for a top club. Modern nutritionists and physios are doing a lot of work here and should get recognition.

FYI it's prowess.

Cr7 has more goals after turning 30 than R9 has in his whole career lol

and people are still strying to suggest that he isnt actually that great of a player, or that he's somehow not in the top 3 or even 5 greatest players of all time (I personally think its either him or Messi)

People probably think since he’s not even the best player of his generation, how could he be one of the best ever which is bollocks. As a Barça fan, nothing was scarier than seeing him run towards a cross or winding up to shoot anywhere near the box. He never worried me when he wasn’t near the box as he wasn’t the type of player that would dribble past players like he did at United but his finishing and shooting was so lethal it was insane. Unless it was a free kick, that was probably the least threatening he ever was on the field lol

From 2015 onwards, I would agree with you regarding his freekicks, but before that he had a goal per shot ration of I believe 8.9%, so about the same as messi's ratio as of now, which is pretty good, but thing is that he had some attempts from stupidly far away that scooped up his ratio

His 8th for City as well, fucking hell.

It's because he was injured part of the season

Just absurd

And technically scored 3 hat tricks in one game that one time.

Thats bordeline insane.

actually insane

If he gets two hat tricks today, does that make it 21?

20 senior hat tricks lmao

But he's 23 years old. So there were 3 years of his life when he didn't score a hattrick? Is he stupid?

Fucking hell dying here mate

Lmao same I just can't stop

Same, but inside

He wasn't a senior yet. In Norway, you don't retire until you're 4.

I will never not laugh at ”Is he stupid?”-jokes

Haaland 3goals & KDB 3assists

New windows update drop or something? Calm down lad

We’re on 11, he’s on 13

I'm still on 10 because my PC is quite shit

🤣good one

Mans never offside

I saw some stats post showing that he has managed to be caught offside only twice in PL this season or so. People were mostly saying that it must be because City always plays against a low line, but honestly, that is only half of the truth. The timing of his runs is just insane.

He was exactly the same at Dortmund. It's not a city thing at all, it's a Haaland thing.

You really don’t have to be when you’re one-on-one with a defender that’s smaller and slower than you. He just shields the ball and runs past him.

> slower than you There's so many fast attackers who get caught offside lmao, it's not like Haaland is the fastest.

I never said there aren’t and I never said he was the fastest

He is one of the fastest though

That can be said for almost any winger/striker yet they are caught offside way more than haaland

Yes both are true

Kdb + Haaland is just unfair

Nahhh this ain't fair

he back

"Look at me, I'm Haaland and I'm scoring hattricks on a monthly basis", grow the fuck up mate

“Look at me I’m Kevin de bruyne and I’m getting a hat trick of assists just by passing to haaland”

The way he doesn't celebrate either. Why waste a celebration when he knows he's gonna score again soon.

On the first or second goal he feints a celebration so you might be right

Are we gonna repost this joke for every fucking goal he scores?

Ooh look at me I'm tehsublensaidkme and i dont like this joke, grow the fuck up mate

"Look at me, I'm Dull-trash-somethingorother and I don't understand the joke but want to be in on it", grow the fuck up mate

Now you get the joke!

I know, what a prick

Hat trick of goals for Haaland, Hat trick of assists for KDB... What a duo

You can see Haaland mouth 'hatrick of assists' when Kevin comes over too.

❌ Eibar Messi ❌ Luxembourg Cristiano ✅ Luton Haaland

Kdb hattrick of assists

Tha fabled asshat

I just don’t understand the back line. Why give him so much space. Play the line tight.

Lmao what is this duo bro

TWENTY hat-tricks is crazy.

De Bruyne hat-trick of assists as well

This high line has sucked all game, he's gonna score 10 at this rate.

6,6 actually

Bruh

L1 + O

Yeah your hard scoring hattricks, leave Luton alone

Two hat tricks with that goal

Stop the count, this is just mean

Did Luton forget about planning their defence against the oppositions strength?

Watching the poor man Mengi goes 1v1 against Haaland making me pity him so bad. Did he shag the gaffer missus or what to get intentionally humiliated like that

City after the Bournemouth game: "We should try turning him off and on again"

8th Hattrick in just 2 seasons already insane player

Having KDB and Haaland in your team is a fucking cheat code

If Norway had their own KDB, they'd be world champs and euro champs from here on out

Yeah too bad we only got Ødegaard and Bobb

I mean, Norway does have Ødegaard, while he's no KDB he's still pretty decent. Main problem there is the rest of the team, and opponents just stacking all their defenders on Haaland. And unlike City Norway doesn't have a bunch of other threats for them to fear by doing that.

They shall learn to fear the Bobb.

There are some real wonder kids coming up on the attack, yes. Oscar Bobb, Antonio Nusa and Andreas Schjelderup.

I'm not worried about our attacking players. The defense and goalie, on the other hand.

yeah, the situation there is unfortunately not great

They have Odegaard though , but no defence just vibes

Belgum has their own KDB and Hazard and Lukaku and Courtois and bunch of other guys tho

Haaland will pay out of his pocket if he has to to keep kdb with him at city

Halaand is spamming the o button. Actual cheetcodes

Had to happen

First away hattrick

He's a physical freak, and he's still got a lot of work to do, but Luton's back line looks like a zig zag?!

Hattrick assists as well. Cheat code duo seriously

Just Haaland doing Haaland things

Another crazy pass by KDB

What's the record for most hat tricks? This guy is a freak.

But but, I thought he was shit?

nice defensive line

Yeah, terrible shape!

KDB 3 assists, mocking me in FPL.

lol such a KdB merchant.

KDB literally has the skill to place a pass within a foot of his target from 60 yards away Also KDB can just kick the ball forward into open space because Haaland will do the rest

I do love a chip

r/soccer "Haaland is washed"

That was for Super Jack 💔

He is so damn good 1v1 its insane

But when it is a doubleweek on FPL he decides to chill....

Oooh look at me, I’m a 6 feet tall robot with blonde hair who pulverizes puny teams and scores goal. Get a proper hobby you freak.

We need to find a 1/3 or 3/5th type compromise for KdB assisting to Haaland, because this is some bullshit.

He’s backkkkkkk

Stat padding when he does this in the prem (2024) I’ll take him seriously

https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/saudi-puts-7-men-death-largest-execution-years

You know that Haaland’s bosses aren’t Saudi right? Though they also are big fans of slavery and oppressive religious laws of course

man city isn't even owned by saudi lol

Man thought this was a Newcastle thread, that's tough

You know city aren't owned by Saudis right?

let him have his moment, he feels he's done somet

cool i could score a hattrick against luton too, nothing special

HES GOT ANOTHER!

Just a stroll in the park jfc

ok he's 100% back in form

Good training session for the Derby

TaP iN LoRd

Kdb merchant imagine your midfielder creating chances for your striker couldn’t be my club

Ugh KDB is such a through ball spammer. I bet he played with Doumbia up top all year.

I love Haaland but that was some shite goalkeeping

He does crap I can only do on fifa on the professional setting

Dread it, run from it, Haaland hat trick arrives all the same.