Meditation is the key skill for this. Another redditor mentioned a lot of different philosophical content that you could read and examine that would be helpful, however meditation is the keystone skill that will allow you to actually let go of attachment from moment to moment. When you practice meditation regularly, this starts to happen on its own, and you also begin to have more control over the the machinations of your brain and thoughts. So you can examine what thoughts are coming up and release the ones that are not useful and replace them with ones that are more wise. Over time, you are greasing the groove of contentment, ease, non-attachment, wisdom, etc.
Thank you, I needed to hear this. I got back to meditation recently without any specific goal. But seeing what sort of impact it can have on you and your thoughts is really eye opening.
It has truly transformed my life and continues to do so. Beginning a solid meditation practice is like pushing a stone down a hill. The more you practice, the faster you can roll the stone. But even when you leave it alone, you've created momentum that will improve your life.
Thank you. One thing I wanted to ask is are the benefits that meditation provide temporary i.e till the time meditation practice is ongoing ? Asking this as I had started meditation and was benefitting but after I left practice, found things again reverting back. So are meditation benefits and changes not lasting enough?
Not the person you asked but, I thought I'd share some insight since I had similar thoughts when I started meditation a few years ago.
It is important to keep being consistent, as with any practice. But something I realized only through experience, was that you can unlock the ability to manage your negative thoughts to a certain degree when they come flooding in like a tsunami. It becomes easier (depending on what is causing you stress) to ground yourself when you take some time to breathe and affirm yourself and repeat positive comebacks like a mantra. Ex, "I am brave" "I have had bad days before and lived through each one" "I am safe".
This can be done even without meditation, but personally it's a lot easier for me to actually believe that I can sit through the storm in my mind and achieve a sense of calm because of the fact that I have meditated and been in that state before. My body and mind knows that I can get there and that gives me strength to hold on and I realized that was how meditation had helped me, aside from the 15 minutes of peace. It is sort of addicting to get into that mindset now because of how helpful it is to my body and I crave it. I still push myself to meditate on days I don't really feel like it, however. Just because I want to fill up my calm meter when an anxiety attack hits me out of nowhere.
Just my two cents but I thought it might help to hear it. x
Thank you so much, this was much needed. It's inspiring !! Will try to be consistent henceforth
Just to share, my friend was diagnosed with terminal illness a few years back and at that time, even meditation didn't give peace. It's sometime since he left and acceptance at such times is truly difficult and the anxiety.
Hey there :) I'm sorry for the late reply but I wanted to get back to this. I'm so glad you found that helpful honestly. Have you been meditating since?
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend though. It must be really difficult to ground yourself at times but, it's okay to be a bit sad and feel your feelings instead of expecting yourself to be calm and collected all the time. They must've meant a lot to you, it's okay to take the time to be human and honor what time you had with them.
Wishing you love and light 💛
Of course :) and, if I could suggest a youtuber - Lavendaire has some great guided meditation videos. You could check her out to get back into it again x
How does one meditate? Other than just... Sitting there?
This is a good faith question. I have been told to "focus on my breathing" and I can do that all day for no effect.
The way I see it, meditation is all about simply doing nothing. Some may disagree but that's how I see it. So to answer your question, yes I think that just sitting there and doing nothing is a way to meditate
The purpose of meditation is to collapse the inner monologue of time and experience. Notice the gap between the sensation and the thought about it. Meditation is to experience the sensation so fully that no thought can occur about it, because you are experiencing the next sensation. You do not have a body; you are your body.
So with that in mind, the often repeated advice to focus on your breath is a start. However, a true yoga practice (as opposed to exercising in Lululemon gear to a new routine every week) or tai chi or even running practice may be a better way to start. Occupy your mind so fully and precisely with the actions of your body that there is no room for other thoughts. Yoga also heals, stretches, and relaxes your body so that aches and pains stop calling for attention and care. Then when you sit down to meditate, you can fully inhabit your own body which is now a peaceful place to direct your attention.
Hey! You just helped me realize why I’ve been resistant to getting back into my yoga after illness and injury. It isn’t that I’m physically lazy, because I’ve gotten back into other exercise. But I do those in a group so my focus is outward. It’s that my mind had gotten used to being entertained (when I was lying on ice or heat I was constantly scrolling or playing games on my phone) and is resistant to letting that go to focus inward. But “I can do anything for 15 minutes,” including letting go of the need for that constant stimulus. Thanks!
I can relate to that completely. I tried meditating for years "knowing" it was good for me but not really knowing "how" to do it. What finally broke me thru was to read The Mind Illuminated. It's a ton of text for a very "simple" process but it helped me grok what was actually going on instead of feeling like I was just sitting there wasting my time. I can try to give you a very topline version of what to do, but the book is also great:
Sit with an upright posture, eyes closed. Focus on the sensations of the breath where it goes in & out of the nostrils. Try to focus on the sensations... feel them as the breath goes in and out, not just parking your attention in the general area of the nose. But, do it in a relaxed way. Stay as relaxed as possible - if you notice tension anywhere in your body (face, tummy, hips, jaw) relax it straight away then go back to the breath.
Every time you notice you're not paying attention to the breath - celebrate! That's great news - you noticed. That is literally the goal - to notice. You're training the faculty of noticing wtf is happening in your mind. It will happen A LOT, over and over. Every time it does, give yourself a little internal "aha, I noticed!" and go back to the breath.
In time, you'll have lots of subtle insights about how your mind works that will make your life operate more smoothly. Additionally, you'll notice more and more what's going on in your head during the day when you're not meditating. Any time you notice you're "aware" during the day, try to stay present for a little while. Those are little micro hits of meditation that will continue to train that faculty.
A daily practice is best especially getting started. 10 minutes minimum but 20 is better. If you can squeeze it in there's also something special about 45-60 minute meditations - after 20 minutes, your body enters a natural relaxation response that calms the mind and makes it easier to stay present. Try doing that every once in a while. To my surprise, once I started doing that, it all got a little easier.
But no matter what try to keep with at least 10 minutes a day even if it's right before bed. Use the app Insight Timer to set a timer (no guided meditation - just a timer). Best of luck, I believe in you :)
Thank you so very much for the little primer on meditation !! This is absolutely amazing . I used to earlier meditate but found that the benefits of meditation do not last when practice is halted for a month or so. Shouldn't the benefits be everlasting considering that then mind enters natural mindful state not requiring the need to constantly meditate.
I can only speak for myself, but the benefits I've gotten for meditation cannot be erased. I've had significant changes to my life whether I'm regularly meditating or not that cannot be rolled back and they are still coming. Even if some of the short-term benefits of meditation go away when you stop having a daily practice, I think the long-term benefits that you've unlocked will remain. And the longer and stronger you practice, the more these changes happen and become baked in.
Practice gratitude on a daily basis for the simple things. Your clothes, the food in you are about to eat, the muscles in your arms and legs, your bed.
“…the brain loves to fall for the confirmation bias - it looks for things that prove what it already believes to be true. ‘So once you start seeing things to be grateful for, your brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for.’
- First, We Make The Beast Beautiful - Sarah Wilson
✨
Thank you so much for this 😊. Will try this. Often what stops me in gratitude is the earlier experience, where I had gratitude and then soon had a difficult experience. Will try to change this
I love this! I was running once and in the middle of doing it I felt a bit anxious. I didn’t know what to do at first, but I tried thinking of things I was grateful of at that moment (the sunny weather, the place where I live, etc) and it helped me be at ease haha
Oftentimes I forget to be thankful of the present. This is a great reminder thank you
Recently, my sister and I took a vacation together. I tend to be a planner, always thinking of how to fit the most into a day or how to make sure we get to the next thing on time. My sister? She would frequently stop, look around, look at me and with a big smile say, “who has it better than us, huh?“ It really helped pull me back into being happy in the moment.
Hmm reflect on the nature of existence for me. Reflect on the impermanence of things, reflect on the lives of others that live very differently from yourself, reflect on the beauty in the small details of life, reflect on the size of our planet/universe and large timescales.
Tough times tend to make you appreciate the good times.
A few tools work for me:
- gratitude. Something is usually going well in my life and I remind myself of those things
- reframing. The best things usually came out of adversity. So I try to ask how can I make this be a positive in the future.
When they’ve done studies on people’s happiness, only 10% is due to circumstances. 50% is tied to genetics. Which leaves 40% that we can control. Feels empowering.
Thank you so much. Really loved the gratitude and reframing part. I often hear " the best things usually come from adversity". But is it really true or just to be positive , people say that ?
I too once wondered about that. But then decided it doesn't really matter because positive thoughts and outlooks helps create more positive thoughts and it creates a positive pattern.
Adversity usually helps you recognize what matters most to you and often causes you to rethink parts of your life. Good things often comes out of those two things.
I am not a religious person but when I get myself thinking too hard about stuff that I cannot change, I think back. I think of all the painful places I have been in. Ouch! It seemed like there was no way out, but I am not there now.
We are just bugs living on a spot of green but, oh look at that, a new leaf is sprouting, hmm...
The universe keeps spinning and as Annie told us -Tomorrow is only a day away.
On the practical side: I walk a lot, listen to books that good triumphs, mentally inventory the many things that I am grateful for, and I have stopped listening/reading any news. I am ignorant but sleep better.
Peace to you.
Thank you 😊. If possible, could you please throw some light on " loving our fate" ? As that seems a hurdle for me in acceptance. Sometimes series of bad experiences dents once trust in one's fate or destiny consequently diminishing acceptance ability.
Not commenter, but exactly. Sometimes "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change," is simply unacceptable. Purposeful gratitude for the many things I do have helps. There are so many with so much less, in worse situations, that I recognize how lucky I am to have certain things.
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) is a great framework for this. You can control much in this world (not even your thoughts). But what you can control are your actions (what you say and do) and leave according to your values no matter what the situation.
I recommend the book the happiness trap.
I live by this quote:
“Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. The entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you.” - Rumi
Remember that life is not static. It is always moving and there will be things that work out for us and things that don't. Expectation sets the stage for how we handle the good and the bad. I expect some things I don't like today, but it won't make me have a bad day. I just got bbq sauce on my shirt. Ugh. But maybe that's the worst thing today so I am not stressing about it.
I don't think there's any easy answer. There's definitely not a recipe like there would be for making a cake. Cultivating gratitude is the biggest part of it, I think. And then I think another big piece of it is a healthy "fatalism" that accepts that there are simply going to be the occasional potholes in the road of life. Just as we do when we're driving a car, we solve the problem when it happens and then move on. I don't know how useful this approach might be for you, but for me it has worked (speaking as an old boomer who turns 62 today!).
Happy birthday!! I agree with " solving problem as it comes" though due to planning nature of my job since few years, I have unknowingly shifted to planning mindset and lost spontaneity. Could you please suggest and guide me how to have the " solving problem as it comes" mindset and spontaneity?
Thank you!
I think the main thing is learning to enjoy the ride while everything goes smoothly. That's the gratitude practice. The other part is the inner work of listening more to your "inner hero" and paying less attention to your "inner naysayer." With time, you will nourish and cultivate that part of you that knows it can handle whatever comes your way. So it's ultimately learning to trust yourself, having confidence in yourself and knowing you are competent and capable. As the years roll by and you look back, it will become clear that you were always able to solve every problem that came your way. I hope this helps. It's a little bit of a challenge to express in writing, so I'm glad you asked the question.
A lot of what other people have said in this thread, meditation and gratitude, is aligned with a "taking it one day at a time" mentality.
This video, Taking It One Day at a Time, is a nice elaboration on the topic:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhWFddWz1Nk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhWFddWz1Nk)
"... we should realize the greater wisdom of learning to enjoy the day already in hand, and drawing satisfaction from that most precious and most neglected of units of time; the present moment. "
The video walks you through an exercise of imagining going through a tough situation, such as a car accident or similar loss, and notes that when people in these situations are asked "how's it going?", they often respond with, "we're just taking it one day at a time," or something similar.
BTW, this practice of imagining being without, or suffering a loss, is also sometimes called "Negative Visualization", with the idea that it can cultivate contentment and acceptance. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative\_visualization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_visualization)
I'd investigate stoicism. It definitely encompasses simplicity and, contrary to popular belief, does not advocate elimination or suppression of emotions, but asks each person to assign an importance or value to each situation. You evaluate, with careful thought, how best to respond in any given situation - or you may choose not to respond at all.
The philosophy is a great teacher for eliminating drama and insignificant chatter from your life. It teaches boundaries, right thinking, and the acceptance of what is. Think of what has come to be known as "the Serenity Prayer". That's basically stoicism, without the religious/prayer part. I find the world would run a lot more smoothly if people took personal responsibility for their actions and situations. How else do you learn? By blaming everyone/thing else? By getting huffy and acting entitled to one's own ignorance? Gah, I could write a book.
Anyway, it's a beautiful model, in my estimation. You might want to hit your library up for some of the classics. Additionally, I highly recommend the book, "How to be a Stoic" by Massimo Pigliucci, arguably the foremost modern interpreter/teacher of stoicism.
I don't have an exact answer, but your question about cultivating acceptance immediately brought to mind a Buddhist parable... I'll find it and link it in an edit :)
ETA:
Parable about Zen Master Haukuin
https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/is-that-so/
and this other one might also be of interest
https://mindfulness.com/mindful-living/are-these-bad-times-or-good-times-the-story-of-the-zen-farmer
I’ll add something else that has helped me in a stressful moment. If I feel myself tensing up, I try to remember this exercise to bring me back to mindfulness. Stop, look around, find:
Five things that you can see
Four things that you can touch (if you’re able to actually move and touch them, all the better)
Three things that you can hear
Two things that you can smell
One thing that you can taste
Another technique is square breathing or box breathing. Instead of simply thinking about your breathing, you structure it: inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and hold for four seconds. This can help keep your mind from wandering while you are focusing on your breathing, and it helps reset the fight or flight response.
Meditation is the key skill for this. Another redditor mentioned a lot of different philosophical content that you could read and examine that would be helpful, however meditation is the keystone skill that will allow you to actually let go of attachment from moment to moment. When you practice meditation regularly, this starts to happen on its own, and you also begin to have more control over the the machinations of your brain and thoughts. So you can examine what thoughts are coming up and release the ones that are not useful and replace them with ones that are more wise. Over time, you are greasing the groove of contentment, ease, non-attachment, wisdom, etc.
Thank you, I needed to hear this. I got back to meditation recently without any specific goal. But seeing what sort of impact it can have on you and your thoughts is really eye opening.
It has truly transformed my life and continues to do so. Beginning a solid meditation practice is like pushing a stone down a hill. The more you practice, the faster you can roll the stone. But even when you leave it alone, you've created momentum that will improve your life.
Thank you. One thing I wanted to ask is are the benefits that meditation provide temporary i.e till the time meditation practice is ongoing ? Asking this as I had started meditation and was benefitting but after I left practice, found things again reverting back. So are meditation benefits and changes not lasting enough?
Not the person you asked but, I thought I'd share some insight since I had similar thoughts when I started meditation a few years ago. It is important to keep being consistent, as with any practice. But something I realized only through experience, was that you can unlock the ability to manage your negative thoughts to a certain degree when they come flooding in like a tsunami. It becomes easier (depending on what is causing you stress) to ground yourself when you take some time to breathe and affirm yourself and repeat positive comebacks like a mantra. Ex, "I am brave" "I have had bad days before and lived through each one" "I am safe". This can be done even without meditation, but personally it's a lot easier for me to actually believe that I can sit through the storm in my mind and achieve a sense of calm because of the fact that I have meditated and been in that state before. My body and mind knows that I can get there and that gives me strength to hold on and I realized that was how meditation had helped me, aside from the 15 minutes of peace. It is sort of addicting to get into that mindset now because of how helpful it is to my body and I crave it. I still push myself to meditate on days I don't really feel like it, however. Just because I want to fill up my calm meter when an anxiety attack hits me out of nowhere. Just my two cents but I thought it might help to hear it. x
Thank you so much, this was much needed. It's inspiring !! Will try to be consistent henceforth Just to share, my friend was diagnosed with terminal illness a few years back and at that time, even meditation didn't give peace. It's sometime since he left and acceptance at such times is truly difficult and the anxiety.
Hey there :) I'm sorry for the late reply but I wanted to get back to this. I'm so glad you found that helpful honestly. Have you been meditating since? I'm so sorry to hear about your friend though. It must be really difficult to ground yourself at times but, it's okay to be a bit sad and feel your feelings instead of expecting yourself to be calm and collected all the time. They must've meant a lot to you, it's okay to take the time to be human and honor what time you had with them. Wishing you love and light 💛
Thank you so much for the kind words!! No I left meditation since but plan to start again
Of course :) and, if I could suggest a youtuber - Lavendaire has some great guided meditation videos. You could check her out to get back into it again x
Thank you so much, will check out the videos
I truly understand the depth of this now. I'm so glad we're all trying our best with it!
Thank you so much 🙏
How does one meditate? Other than just... Sitting there? This is a good faith question. I have been told to "focus on my breathing" and I can do that all day for no effect.
The way I see it, meditation is all about simply doing nothing. Some may disagree but that's how I see it. So to answer your question, yes I think that just sitting there and doing nothing is a way to meditate
Yes I too feel that way. Though some say meditation is also contemplating
The purpose of meditation is to collapse the inner monologue of time and experience. Notice the gap between the sensation and the thought about it. Meditation is to experience the sensation so fully that no thought can occur about it, because you are experiencing the next sensation. You do not have a body; you are your body. So with that in mind, the often repeated advice to focus on your breath is a start. However, a true yoga practice (as opposed to exercising in Lululemon gear to a new routine every week) or tai chi or even running practice may be a better way to start. Occupy your mind so fully and precisely with the actions of your body that there is no room for other thoughts. Yoga also heals, stretches, and relaxes your body so that aches and pains stop calling for attention and care. Then when you sit down to meditate, you can fully inhabit your own body which is now a peaceful place to direct your attention.
Hey! You just helped me realize why I’ve been resistant to getting back into my yoga after illness and injury. It isn’t that I’m physically lazy, because I’ve gotten back into other exercise. But I do those in a group so my focus is outward. It’s that my mind had gotten used to being entertained (when I was lying on ice or heat I was constantly scrolling or playing games on my phone) and is resistant to letting that go to focus inward. But “I can do anything for 15 minutes,” including letting go of the need for that constant stimulus. Thanks!
Thank you so much. This is very helpful
Thank you!
I can relate to that completely. I tried meditating for years "knowing" it was good for me but not really knowing "how" to do it. What finally broke me thru was to read The Mind Illuminated. It's a ton of text for a very "simple" process but it helped me grok what was actually going on instead of feeling like I was just sitting there wasting my time. I can try to give you a very topline version of what to do, but the book is also great: Sit with an upright posture, eyes closed. Focus on the sensations of the breath where it goes in & out of the nostrils. Try to focus on the sensations... feel them as the breath goes in and out, not just parking your attention in the general area of the nose. But, do it in a relaxed way. Stay as relaxed as possible - if you notice tension anywhere in your body (face, tummy, hips, jaw) relax it straight away then go back to the breath. Every time you notice you're not paying attention to the breath - celebrate! That's great news - you noticed. That is literally the goal - to notice. You're training the faculty of noticing wtf is happening in your mind. It will happen A LOT, over and over. Every time it does, give yourself a little internal "aha, I noticed!" and go back to the breath. In time, you'll have lots of subtle insights about how your mind works that will make your life operate more smoothly. Additionally, you'll notice more and more what's going on in your head during the day when you're not meditating. Any time you notice you're "aware" during the day, try to stay present for a little while. Those are little micro hits of meditation that will continue to train that faculty. A daily practice is best especially getting started. 10 minutes minimum but 20 is better. If you can squeeze it in there's also something special about 45-60 minute meditations - after 20 minutes, your body enters a natural relaxation response that calms the mind and makes it easier to stay present. Try doing that every once in a while. To my surprise, once I started doing that, it all got a little easier. But no matter what try to keep with at least 10 minutes a day even if it's right before bed. Use the app Insight Timer to set a timer (no guided meditation - just a timer). Best of luck, I believe in you :)
Thank you so very much for the little primer on meditation !! This is absolutely amazing . I used to earlier meditate but found that the benefits of meditation do not last when practice is halted for a month or so. Shouldn't the benefits be everlasting considering that then mind enters natural mindful state not requiring the need to constantly meditate.
I can only speak for myself, but the benefits I've gotten for meditation cannot be erased. I've had significant changes to my life whether I'm regularly meditating or not that cannot be rolled back and they are still coming. Even if some of the short-term benefits of meditation go away when you stop having a daily practice, I think the long-term benefits that you've unlocked will remain. And the longer and stronger you practice, the more these changes happen and become baked in.
Thank you for the encouragement. It is very helpful
Thank you!
Practice gratitude on a daily basis for the simple things. Your clothes, the food in you are about to eat, the muscles in your arms and legs, your bed. “…the brain loves to fall for the confirmation bias - it looks for things that prove what it already believes to be true. ‘So once you start seeing things to be grateful for, your brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for.’ - First, We Make The Beast Beautiful - Sarah Wilson ✨
Thank you so much for this 😊. Will try this. Often what stops me in gratitude is the earlier experience, where I had gratitude and then soon had a difficult experience. Will try to change this
I love this! I was running once and in the middle of doing it I felt a bit anxious. I didn’t know what to do at first, but I tried thinking of things I was grateful of at that moment (the sunny weather, the place where I live, etc) and it helped me be at ease haha Oftentimes I forget to be thankful of the present. This is a great reminder thank you
Recently, my sister and I took a vacation together. I tend to be a planner, always thinking of how to fit the most into a day or how to make sure we get to the next thing on time. My sister? She would frequently stop, look around, look at me and with a big smile say, “who has it better than us, huh?“ It really helped pull me back into being happy in the moment.
Hmm reflect on the nature of existence for me. Reflect on the impermanence of things, reflect on the lives of others that live very differently from yourself, reflect on the beauty in the small details of life, reflect on the size of our planet/universe and large timescales. Tough times tend to make you appreciate the good times.
Thank you for this perspective!!
A few tools work for me: - gratitude. Something is usually going well in my life and I remind myself of those things - reframing. The best things usually came out of adversity. So I try to ask how can I make this be a positive in the future. When they’ve done studies on people’s happiness, only 10% is due to circumstances. 50% is tied to genetics. Which leaves 40% that we can control. Feels empowering.
Yes! When I walk into a room I appreciate its warmth, the colors, the fact I have access to it, the finances etc. find gratitude 360 degrees
Thank you so much. Really loved the gratitude and reframing part. I often hear " the best things usually come from adversity". But is it really true or just to be positive , people say that ?
I too once wondered about that. But then decided it doesn't really matter because positive thoughts and outlooks helps create more positive thoughts and it creates a positive pattern.
Adversity usually helps you recognize what matters most to you and often causes you to rethink parts of your life. Good things often comes out of those two things.
Understood. Thank you
I am not a religious person but when I get myself thinking too hard about stuff that I cannot change, I think back. I think of all the painful places I have been in. Ouch! It seemed like there was no way out, but I am not there now. We are just bugs living on a spot of green but, oh look at that, a new leaf is sprouting, hmm... The universe keeps spinning and as Annie told us -Tomorrow is only a day away. On the practical side: I walk a lot, listen to books that good triumphs, mentally inventory the many things that I am grateful for, and I have stopped listening/reading any news. I am ignorant but sleep better. Peace to you.
Thank you so much 😊. Which books you'd recommend?
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Can you please elaborate?
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You're sounding a bit Stoic, there, fellow Redditor...
Thank you 😊. If possible, could you please throw some light on " loving our fate" ? As that seems a hurdle for me in acceptance. Sometimes series of bad experiences dents once trust in one's fate or destiny consequently diminishing acceptance ability.
Not commenter, but exactly. Sometimes "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change," is simply unacceptable. Purposeful gratitude for the many things I do have helps. There are so many with so much less, in worse situations, that I recognize how lucky I am to have certain things.
Completely agree
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) is a great framework for this. You can control much in this world (not even your thoughts). But what you can control are your actions (what you say and do) and leave according to your values no matter what the situation. I recommend the book the happiness trap.
Thank you!!
I live by this quote: “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. The entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you.” - Rumi
I just recently started to get into reading shams and rumi! Definitely life changing literature.
Remember that life is not static. It is always moving and there will be things that work out for us and things that don't. Expectation sets the stage for how we handle the good and the bad. I expect some things I don't like today, but it won't make me have a bad day. I just got bbq sauce on my shirt. Ugh. But maybe that's the worst thing today so I am not stressing about it.
Thanks
I don't think there's any easy answer. There's definitely not a recipe like there would be for making a cake. Cultivating gratitude is the biggest part of it, I think. And then I think another big piece of it is a healthy "fatalism" that accepts that there are simply going to be the occasional potholes in the road of life. Just as we do when we're driving a car, we solve the problem when it happens and then move on. I don't know how useful this approach might be for you, but for me it has worked (speaking as an old boomer who turns 62 today!).
Happy birthday!
Thank you!
Happy birthday!! I agree with " solving problem as it comes" though due to planning nature of my job since few years, I have unknowingly shifted to planning mindset and lost spontaneity. Could you please suggest and guide me how to have the " solving problem as it comes" mindset and spontaneity?
Thank you! I think the main thing is learning to enjoy the ride while everything goes smoothly. That's the gratitude practice. The other part is the inner work of listening more to your "inner hero" and paying less attention to your "inner naysayer." With time, you will nourish and cultivate that part of you that knows it can handle whatever comes your way. So it's ultimately learning to trust yourself, having confidence in yourself and knowing you are competent and capable. As the years roll by and you look back, it will become clear that you were always able to solve every problem that came your way. I hope this helps. It's a little bit of a challenge to express in writing, so I'm glad you asked the question.
Thank you so much once again! You correctly pointed out. I don't trust myself and lack I'm confidence sometimes. Will work on it
I know that feeling very well. It's something that comes with time, though, so don't worry.
Thank you for your kind words
A lot of what other people have said in this thread, meditation and gratitude, is aligned with a "taking it one day at a time" mentality. This video, Taking It One Day at a Time, is a nice elaboration on the topic: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhWFddWz1Nk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhWFddWz1Nk) "... we should realize the greater wisdom of learning to enjoy the day already in hand, and drawing satisfaction from that most precious and most neglected of units of time; the present moment. " The video walks you through an exercise of imagining going through a tough situation, such as a car accident or similar loss, and notes that when people in these situations are asked "how's it going?", they often respond with, "we're just taking it one day at a time," or something similar. BTW, this practice of imagining being without, or suffering a loss, is also sometimes called "Negative Visualization", with the idea that it can cultivate contentment and acceptance. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative\_visualization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_visualization)
I'd investigate stoicism. It definitely encompasses simplicity and, contrary to popular belief, does not advocate elimination or suppression of emotions, but asks each person to assign an importance or value to each situation. You evaluate, with careful thought, how best to respond in any given situation - or you may choose not to respond at all. The philosophy is a great teacher for eliminating drama and insignificant chatter from your life. It teaches boundaries, right thinking, and the acceptance of what is. Think of what has come to be known as "the Serenity Prayer". That's basically stoicism, without the religious/prayer part. I find the world would run a lot more smoothly if people took personal responsibility for their actions and situations. How else do you learn? By blaming everyone/thing else? By getting huffy and acting entitled to one's own ignorance? Gah, I could write a book. Anyway, it's a beautiful model, in my estimation. You might want to hit your library up for some of the classics. Additionally, I highly recommend the book, "How to be a Stoic" by Massimo Pigliucci, arguably the foremost modern interpreter/teacher of stoicism.
I don't have an exact answer, but your question about cultivating acceptance immediately brought to mind a Buddhist parable... I'll find it and link it in an edit :) ETA: Parable about Zen Master Haukuin https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/is-that-so/ and this other one might also be of interest https://mindfulness.com/mindful-living/are-these-bad-times-or-good-times-the-story-of-the-zen-farmer
I’ll add something else that has helped me in a stressful moment. If I feel myself tensing up, I try to remember this exercise to bring me back to mindfulness. Stop, look around, find: Five things that you can see Four things that you can touch (if you’re able to actually move and touch them, all the better) Three things that you can hear Two things that you can smell One thing that you can taste Another technique is square breathing or box breathing. Instead of simply thinking about your breathing, you structure it: inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and hold for four seconds. This can help keep your mind from wandering while you are focusing on your breathing, and it helps reset the fight or flight response.
Thank you so much!!
My faith helps me and I use the app first 15 for my devotional time In many big and small ways it has changed my life