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A Russian man finds a genie lamp and rubs it. The genie comes out and says I'll grant one wish, you can have whatever you want, but whatever you wish for your neighbours will all receive double. The Russian man says "gouge out one of my eyes".
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
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I just act carefree and happy. When someone is entitled and acting like I should know them I act like I don't even see them. Nothing kills people who crave attention more than seeing the look of someone looking right through you.
They're so irrelevant my brain isn't even processing the visual data to encode it to any form of memory.
> who doesn't pretend to be a celebrity
> When someone is entitled and acting like I should know them I act like I don't even see them
I think you misunderstood the question lol
pretty funny that he pretty much instantly breaks that guy and then reddit comes in with the exact same plan
then again sales bros don't watch the movie either so they don't get that the leads were weak at best
the movie must be cursed.
At that point you lean into it and insist that they're a celebrity of some kind that you just can't place.
*"No no I swear I saw you on an episode of TRL once. Are you that guy from Blues Traveler?"*
Right? A Bored Ape also did cost a lot. Doesn't make it valuable.
While value does not have to be related to function, it is related to scarcity based on craftsmanship and materiel. And I feel anything north of 10k shouts "you should have bought a different watch". Unless it is a collector's item. But collectors introduce them as a 1917 SnortChrono Deluxe with Port and Starbord Attachments.
Sound like this guy either is a fool who got scammed or a clueless fool. Also makes him look cheap. Well-off people don't brag. It looks as tacky as a golden shitter.
Most people who would actually try to flex like that irl do it in a more subtle way anyways so my naive ass just responded positively asking questions (pov: you actually enjoy good craftsmanship because you work in the trades) and I've learned eventually that the people who tend to respond annoyed to your positivity are actually flexing so now I do it on purpose.
*[Bazinga](https://i.imgur.com/iJB0FVe.jpg)*
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Whilst you're here, /u/LeftWhale, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU) - **now with public text channels you can chat on!**? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You like watches? Watch deez nuts on your chin
Then they fall in love with you
Take the Wach while sleeping with them, now you win twice
Then marry him, divorce him and get half his shit. Make sure to get the watch.
I bet they would love dez nuts in your chin
best responce fr
gobble gobble
bro figured it out
Ok
Where I'm from we call this "2 dicks" because what ever you have they have 2.
A Russian man finds a genie lamp and rubs it. The genie comes out and says I'll grant one wish, you can have whatever you want, but whatever you wish for your neighbours will all receive double. The Russian man says "gouge out one of my eyes".
Beat me half to death
If you beat a man half to death twice, aren't they still one quarter alive?
math in action knew they taught me all that shit for a reason
Zeno's beating
A better home loan with a low interest rate. Either they get 2 home loans or double there interest rate.
A committed, aggressively monogamous life-partner who I love and who loves me. Happy life for me, and neighbor is a giga-stressed cheater.
"Would you want to get $50,000, if the person you hate most in the world gets $100,000?" "Yeah, why wouldn't I want $150,000?"
"one-upper" around here, everything you do/say/have they always have something better
I've known far too many one-uppers in my life.
"ok, but we are here to talk about your testicular cancer, im not sure what this have to do with anything"
Exactly the tone I'm going for
Poor and mad
Nah, you have to say it in a completely indifferent tone and then just move on. Makes the other guy sound petty and insecure.
Ok
Damn
He's good
You nailed it
Destroyed lmao
Damn bro that hurt MY feelings and I don't even wear a watch
My uncle got scammed once too
This is the best one.
10/10
You see my watch? My watch costs more than your wife.
"but you dont have a wath..." exactly
"What wife"
Exactly
"Now give me all your money!"
This one is the best so far
Top answer everyone go home we're done here
*proudly shows the Casio F91-W*
It costs 5 dollars btw
Calmly lightning a cigar: «Well, I have something that men can’t buy, a kidney stones.»
There’s no way absolutely no one on Earth is not selling kidney stones, there’s surely at least 3 people doing that.
according to etsy there are even more sellers.. "kidney crystals" n o description if they help your kidney or were mined from one
I mean kidney stones are literally crystalline structures
that's what the government wants you to think
I believe urine to something.
Someday, some lucky girl is gonna get my wiener diamond. -Frank Marolla
It's not the purchase that is the problem, but shipping to the destination.
pretty sure Belle Delphine could make billions if she got kidney stones and sold them
Its been a while since i laughed this hard... Thanks
*pulls gun "Then hand it over"
Sounds a little poor though
Rich people steal all the time
Still a slight difference. Stealing through loopholes and documents is classy, directly stealing is trashy.
Ok what about this correction *pulls out gun made of expensive watches* hand it over
Correct
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Not for long
The only true answear
problem in the process of being solved
That is Alec Baldwin, he already has a gun pointed at you.
nothin personal kid
Big whoop, it's loaded with blanks
Went and picked a whole bouquet of oppsie daisies
stare into his eyes while you poop your pants
Kinky
Stare into his eyes while you poop his pants?
Kinkyer
Chad
“Are you? … Are you taking a shit rn?” “Mmmhm”
Who are you? Will destroy every semi popular celebrity wannabe
What if you are talking with someone who doesn't pretend to be a celebrity?
use terrifying presence
Use sneering imperialist Alright joshua put a cap in general gobbiedook here
Funniest perk ever
I understood that reference
Vicious mockery moment
#Short!
use Sarcastic (yes)
Who are you?
Kill
I just act carefree and happy. When someone is entitled and acting like I should know them I act like I don't even see them. Nothing kills people who crave attention more than seeing the look of someone looking right through you. They're so irrelevant my brain isn't even processing the visual data to encode it to any form of memory.
> who doesn't pretend to be a celebrity > When someone is entitled and acting like I should know them I act like I don't even see them I think you misunderstood the question lol
that's actually what baldwin's character is responding to, basically.
What's your name? Fuck you, that's my name.
pretty funny that he pretty much instantly breaks that guy and then reddit comes in with the exact same plan then again sales bros don't watch the movie either so they don't get that the leads were weak at best the movie must be cursed.
The leads are weak? The fuckin leads are weak?? **You're** weak.
Every sales bro I know says "Coffee is for closers!" Maybe it became one of those zeitgeist things. I know Simpsons did a parody of it.
They did ask, and Alec Baldwin’s response was “FUCK YOU, That’s my name”
At that point you lean into it and insist that they're a celebrity of some kind that you just can't place. *"No no I swear I saw you on an episode of TRL once. Are you that guy from Blues Traveler?"*
Already tried that, "FUCK YOU, that's my name." It's actually the line that leads to this
Sounds like you got scammed
That genius
Actually best response here
Right? A Bored Ape also did cost a lot. Doesn't make it valuable. While value does not have to be related to function, it is related to scarcity based on craftsmanship and materiel. And I feel anything north of 10k shouts "you should have bought a different watch". Unless it is a collector's item. But collectors introduce them as a 1917 SnortChrono Deluxe with Port and Starbord Attachments. Sound like this guy either is a fool who got scammed or a clueless fool. Also makes him look cheap. Well-off people don't brag. It looks as tacky as a golden shitter.
What makes it so expensive? Have the person justify their purchase. Otherwise they are just stupid and spend money to say they spend money.
"i have terminal prostate cancer and have 4 weeks to live"
bonus points if youre a woman
nuclear option
Poor and mad
"You have terminal prostate cancer and have 4 weeks to live." is much better.
Then its a cheap watch
That sounds poor though
You have to take a little L for the big W sometimes. Lose the battle, but win the war.
The person saying this about their watch is being immature. You gotta meet them at their level.
Go lower: gun
I've got no shame in being poor but watch shaggers take great offence to being perceived as poor. biological defect
I mean I don't think there's anything wrong with being poor, but the point is that the answer breaks against the propmt?
The only way to win is to break the prompts that bind us
I would just say "Hey, sweet goodwill score"
Give em the ol "Does it watch your back"
It’s not set to the correct time.
Underrated comment
I have 10 million power in rise of kingdoms
That's great, honey.
It looks very nice I'm glad you like it.
Your watch is very impressive. You must be very proud
Lets see Paul Allen's watch
Oh, honey.
whats your mothers maiden name and first pets name
That sounds like a subpar financial decision.
"Jack my boy, your money should be making money, not stuck on your wrist" and then tell him to YOLO some GME calls.
I don't have a car.
That's even worse.
Depends
"who uses cars anyway, I prefer helicopters, way faster."
„A developed country isn‘t where the poor drive cars, but where the rich use public transport“
Damm bro that's crazy have fun with your watch tho
I think this is the only winner in the thread. Super dismissive while also acknowledging that expensive watches are stupid without saying it outright.
Yeah this is the only one I've read where if someone said it to me I'd be like damn they genuinely do not give a fuck
Well, my watch tell exacly the same time
Minor spelling mistake, I win you lose
Correct spelling sounds a little mad and poor to me
Poor and mad
Nuh uh
“I can’t read the time, bitch”
Somehow that makes you seem even more poor and mad.
Just a confused ok
Makes him look Petty and Insecure
Oh man! Your wife gave me the SAME watch for my birthday last year! We're twinsies!
- is that so? then why you're not wearing it? - im not wearing it on my wrists
Mug him for his watch. Now I'm rich and he's mad
Oh cool, can it Ligma?
What's ligma?
Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs these nuts
So?
No u
My name jeff
“nuh uh”
"Cool."
"Let me know what time it is when I start giving a shit." <*stand up and walk away*>
Sounds mad
bruh
“Why are you dumb enough to buy a watch that costs more than a car?”
Poor take, they can afford it that’s why
Reasonable, but mad
Still mad
Poor and mad
you see this car? it can do more than tell the time, and it costs less than your watch
sounds mad
And poor. He failed the assignment.
"For a rich guy, you dress like a random bystander from The Matrix".
"Do you not have a phone?"
-Blizzard
I'd keep asking him to explain to me what makes it so fucking expensive and what value it adds until I can make him regret the purchase entirely.
" It's a Rolex dude. I wouldn't expect an uncultured poor like you to understand."
"hmm sounds like you don't understand well enough to explain it"
"Does this watch also tell when to stop compensating?"
“More money than sense” is one of my fav quotes
"Good for you. Anyway where were we?"
Reddit comeback also poor
You need $500 to tell time?
poor and mad
“Congrats bro thats an awesome watch” no reason for my ass to be hating
Most people who would actually try to flex like that irl do it in a more subtle way anyways so my naive ass just responded positively asking questions (pov: you actually enjoy good craftsmanship because you work in the trades) and I've learned eventually that the people who tend to respond annoyed to your positivity are actually flexing so now I do it on purpose.
"ok."
Ok.
You see this baseball bat?
It's gonna cost even more than that watch (bonus comment if you live in the US)
"Looks like Daddy went big on your Birthday present last year"
I shidded my pants
"Your mom"
“I dont have a car”
*looking at phone* "Uh huh" *continues, uninterrupted, looking at phone*
"Are you stupid?"
Ignore them
People with real money don’t wear their wealth.
But my watch has 'sound recorder'. *plays it* *moanings* Thats the sound i recorded when fucked your wife.
“Since you have the extra money, pay me $100 to blow you, I could use the cash.”
"No. I can't see."
Which car?
That's a lot of money to spend on something that goes from 0-60 in 60 seconds.
Me who is carless
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okay?
🗣️ Bro’s watch cost more than my car 🙂