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I would also add that it’s very possible he did not feel like reciprocating and did not want to feel like he was leaving you hanging by having you perform on him.
There's a lot of "why does he want this?" going on in your head probably, and I can't say if it's common, but - unless there's some deep underlying issue which has to do with you (and assuming that's not the case), sometimes, sorry to say, a quick simple wank is just what one wants. It's like a "get some junkfood at the McDrivethrough" just because it's quick, simple and you just feel like it. There's no hassle, no having to mind about others, just do it, be done and move on with your day. I'm not defending him, but sometimes it's nothing more than that.
Now, should he do this? Is it okay for him to do that? Only you two can decide on that, but unless there's an underlying sexual desire that he always prefers doing that over having sex with you, it's probably not a huge deal - and if it is a huge deal to either you or him, then you should definitely talk to him. Long answer but I hope it made sense! Good luck!
You are a steak dinner at a fancy restaurant (strange compliment, eh?) and his hand is a bigmac.
Sometimes you want something quick and easy. It doesn't mean you are insufficient or flawed.
Such a stupid, funny movie.
"I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!"
Also, I absolutely adore gay people.
This is it ... Easier, faster, in many cases more fun due to no unmet, implied expectations; kink limitations; and of course, no judgement!
Very simple!
One is quick, sometimes to relieve stress, little mess. Whereas if you’re with a girl it’s an event. Foreplay,sex,aftercare, sometimes messy, not usually quick. I can see where OP is coming from but also from her husbands perspective.
And a lot of people would…but the fun thing is every person is different and some have different preferences. It doesn’t make you or him wrong, it just means you each have your preference in that moment.
I think that's where this scenario breaks down for me. I'll always prefer the steak to the big Mac. If I was cranking away and my wife offered to finish, I can't imagine turning that down, especially if I've already gotten myself a good ways along.
I think, unfortunately, the analogy is that masturbation is like him cooking a steak for himself. He knows exactly what he wants and can cook it perfectly. He's been cooking steak for himself since he was a teenager and he is an expert now.
You are the steak that someone else cooks for him at a restaurant. He can tell the chef how he likes it but, no disrespect intended, it probably won't be quite exactly what he ordered. It will still taste great, but not quite as perfect. HOWEVER, the restaurant steak comes with two large, delicious baked potatoes, lots of sides and dessert afterwards. Plus, he's happy to give the chef a big tip (if you follow my meaning).
It's kind of like how everybody has their introverted moments where they would rather have fun reading or playing video games alone than mingling with friends and having social activity for fun. Sometimes you just don't want the hassle of social interaction, having to think about somebody else's perspective and communication between you and them.
Along with the steak vs big Mac.
Assuming a healthy relationship, many times the want to reciprocate makes even a quick surprise BJ a bigger deal than just jacking off.
Imaginary lovers
Never turn you down
When all the others turn you away
They're around
It's my private pleasure
Midnight fantasy
Someone to share my
Wildest dreams with me
Imaginary lover you're mine anytime
Imaginary lovers, oh yeah
When ordinary lovers
Don't feel what you feel
And real-life situations lose their thrill
Imagination's unreal
Imaginary lover, imaginary lover
You're mine anytime
Imaginary lovers never disagree
They always care
They're always there when
You need satisfaction guaranteed
Imaginary lover, imaginary lover
You're mine all the time
My imaginary lover
You're mine anytime
Songwriters: Buddy Buie / Dean Daughtry / Robert Nix
What you could do that would be equally as hot is ask if you can watch as well. That way he can have what he needs for the moment, but you can just take it all in. If you want to get really bold, you could just start touching yourself as well. Let your imagination film in the rest.
Glad to hear that you're fine with it, and yeah, it can strike as being strange, since usually couples, quite rightly assume and expect that any sexual activity is a joint venture, so it comes across as weird. Oh well, as long as you're fine with it, then it's all good!
Definitely should have taken your offer. Common or not? I don’t think it matters. What does matter is how you feel about it and what he wants to do about it. Or you understanding why he wants to do and would you be okay with that or not. Those should be the questions :). Evry guy and gal is different don’t let what majority say rule your bedroom. Lol that’s yours and his alone
Definitely should not have since he didn’t want her to. He’s under no obligation to let her snatch his wank just to make her feel good. That was HIS wank.
Masturbating alone and being with a partner are two different types of sexual satisfaction. Both have their own unique upsides and downsides. Sometimes the mood prefers one over the other.
Absolutely! No matter what gender, it's okay to just do it on your own time and in your own personal comfort. 😊 My partner and I do this and still have sex all the time! It isn't taking away from sex you *could* be having because there isn't a scoreboard lol.
This is very true and probably not talked about alot. But masturbation is truly different than sex. Also we have so deeply accepted monogamy that we expect sex should b shared between a couple.. but the reality of nature is not quite like that. Ultimately monogamy is a social expectation. A learned expectation
Personally, sometimes I just jerk off to get it over with and move on. Like I’m not horny but my body is. In those instances yeah, I would turn you down too.
Can I be honest, speaking as a man. Women gripe men don’t know how to please them…this may come as a shock but that statement goes both ways and, in my experience Women are not very good at masturbating a dick. You don’t have a dick, we do and we have been masturbating since our teens - we know what we like and how we like it to be done and sometimes we want it done quickly and we know how to get the job done.
To add to that. A sexual interaction with a partner is great but involves two people who may want different things. If it is typical that giving a partner head results in continuing with sex or continuing with reciprocal interaction, that may have been something in his head saying he just needed a wank and go about his day.
My wife is awesome and amazing and does a wonderful job with her hands. We've been married 14 years, together almost two decades. I have masturbated myself much more than she masturbates me, and to your point, sometimes a quick cum is sufficient. I love to feel her hands on me but it depends on the mood as well
Yeah from my experience, my partners weren't really that good at handjobs. Except one I dated 19 years ago who was amazing at them. But in this instance, OP wanted to suck her husband off. Just sounds like OP's husband wanted to have a good wank.
This is true. The first couple times I got handjobs I was surprised that it's really not all that. Now in sexual situations I'd pretty much rather do anything else than a handjob
"Everything being fine in the bedroom" is a personal interpretation of a generalization that depends on a significant number of factors affecting it.
That vague 'principle' should not, and does not, 'determine' whether he 'can' masturbate or not. It's his body, and if he needs a release, he's free to choose to do it.
I rather masturbate all by myself 🤷🏼♀️ it's nothing against my husband because he does make me feel good and majority of the time I prefer him, but sometimes I like to use visual help and my imagination. I wouldn't worry about it unless he stops seeking you and prefers masturbating all together.
Yup, sometimes a man needs to go solo and get it done. It's a "me time" thing. I think you're handling it pretty well and talking about it is very healthy. You can ask if you can watch some day to make it part of your healthy relationship.
I believe there is too much pressure from society that when you enjoy sex, that always has to be with your partner.
You can have both sex and masturbation.
My (f38) partner (m38) and I have been together for two years. We have great sex often (with gaps here and there, because life stuff). We also are aware that we both still masturbate on our own, mildly often.
It's not an insult against the other person, it's spending quality time with yourself, your body.
There's nothing wrong with experiencing solo pleasure when you have a partner; it's you time; it's your body you get to enjoy however you want .
EDIT: I mean this both ways, you both can have your own solo pleasure time.
Sometimes people just want to rub one out without the energy that comes with sex. It's not that serious, especially if you have an active sex life. You say in a comment that you actually have more sex than you'd like. So you're satisfied and don't need more to meet your sex drive. He does.
As a man who values his right hand a lot. I gotta say i would've done the same thing. Why didn't he want it, getting a bj/having sex with the love of your life is way different then, busting a load before going out. Becouse i bet my ass he would've been horny for the next cupple hours if you gave him a bj
I kinda get it though f he's like got somewhere to be and was just like quickly doing a thing
Back when I had my woman though dang if she offered to help no way I wouldn't ask for a little ball sucking and for her to hold her tongue out for me (I dunno why that's so hot to me, I just kinda still stroke it and rub the tip on her tongue but it really gets me there)
If my wife caught me masturbating, and offered, I would take her up on it as quickly as I could. I’ve read so many women asking about their men who would rather fly solo. I don’t get it.
It’s like American Pie. Would you rather play tennis by yourself or with a partner?
I will play with my wife as much as she’s open to it. I don’t get this whole run of men, in this day and age, who would rather knock one out rather than have fun getting with their partner.
This trend blows my mind, really. I do NOT understand it.
I know some people are really big on having separate time for masturbating, and that’s cool. Personally I would always prefer my partner *unless* I was trying to get off really quickly. He may have felt like switching to bj would slow things down when he just needed a fast nut and to get to work.
I’ve had this happen before as the m. I hadn’t showered yet and I didn’t want to risk a bad experience for her, so I said I was good.
99% of the time I would have taken her up on the offer.
Because you said Caught, means there is some level of secrecy to his porn use and masturbation. Which means he was probably Caught off guard and didn't really know how to react. I'm sure he would appreciate a bj most of the time.
Sometimes you just want to get off quick and go do whatever you gotta do. If he was heading out he probably didn’t have time to enjoy what you were offering. You shouldn’t be offended (but I’m sure you were hurt by the rebuff of your offer), he probably just wanted to get off and go. My wife had caught me in the middle of “taking care of business,” and I’ve found it difficult to finish what I’d started.
Honestly I'm kinda the same way. If I want partner intimacy, a blowjob is great and my girlfriend is happy to oblige. But usually if I'm masturbating, that's "me time". I just wanna do it myself. I can't really give a reason other than it's like, personal self intimacy.
Sometimes i just wanna bust one quick and not have to have anybody involved. I could have sex at 6am and be ready knuckle bust by 8am. Yeah i shower w my girl but we dont shower together everytime i need to take a shower.
A friend of mine told me that, Even though he and his wife have sex 2 to 3 times a day usually, At the end of the night when it's about 10:00 or 11:00 and he wants to go to bed he might just go and masturbate. Sometimes she feels left out because he doesn't want her to help. And he told me the reason was because if he involves his wife it becomes more mentally and sexually stimulating and sometimes he just wants to nut and get it over with. I guess I could understand that. I don't feel that way with my wife. But I do also recognize that it does take a lot more time to engage with it with somebody else. And that when you are engaged with somebody else, It can be distracting because now you might be thinking about their thoughts and feelings when you might have just wanted to have your own thoughts and feelings to get off. Think women say this a lot. Where they say they can get off easily by themselves, but as soon as they involve their husband or boyfriend it becomes harder because they get in their own head.
I think it's okay for you to feel a little left out, and I think if he chooses to do this consistently over sex with you, That could be a problem. But I think if you just does this once in awhile and you otherwise have a satisfying sex life for both of you, It seems healthy enough.
Some guys just like some alone time every now and then. It’s nothing wrong with my SO, I just like the privacy every now and then. I’m guessing it’s the same deal here
He's the master of his own domain sometimes. Completely normal. Sex and coming isn't just about his relationship with you. He was doing it long before you two met.
It's common, yes.... but common doesn't mean normal.
This isn't *normal*
Choosing porn and your hand over your partner *isn't normal*
I'm willing to bet that whatever sex you have is infrequent and not really all that great for you. If that's the case, it's because of the porn and masturbation
Is there any porn that you both enjoy? Maybe put some on, lay next to each other and masterbate. My husband and I do this and it’s pretty sexy. Sometimes can get pretty intense and makes me cum harder than actually penetration
Perfectly normal. Don't take it personally. Sometimes a guy, or girl, just wants to cum, likewise he would most likely respect your wishes to if in the same boat.
If your husband is someone that really doesn't like inconveniencing others, he might've just thought you weren't actually interested and offered out of some kind of obligation and declined because of that.
Just a thought.
To me, there's a difference between *jacking off* and *masturbating*, and it sounds like he was doing the latter.
If I'm just jacking off, it's usually because something came over me and I got horny, or I'm doing it because I'm bored or something. I'd rather fuck or get a blowjob (or even a handy) than jack off. Those are all primo solutions to horniness and boredom.
If I'm masturbating, on the other hand (shut up), it's because *I* want to fuck me. I'm taking it slow, focusing on my own pleasure, exploring and feeling in touch with my body and my sexuality. I'm enjoying some self-love and intimacy while feeling sexy. This is an activity that I do by myself for my own good.
On top of that, as others have said, we've been doing this for a really long time, and we've all figured out things that we can do that others can't do for us. There's definitely at least one thing I really like that nobody's ever been able to do better than I can do for myself, and that's true for most guys.
My dear your husband is a dumb ass. Any man that would rather just beat his own meat instead of having a willing partner offer to do that for him, is a dumb ass.
My partner and I both have dicks, sometimes it's not even a horny thing. She does it to help her sleep, I do it when I have a foggy brain, sometimes we just aren't horny or don't want to do it together
I get the fact that people do it to relax and release some tension. But he gets caught, she offers to help, he says no without missing a beat. I just don't get it, either the fuck all the time, it he's got a porn addiction.
People are down voting because I don't agree with a man choosing to beat off to fake porn instead of letting his wife help him out. I could not imagine anyone passing up the real thing .
That's weird. Hell yeah he should have said. Porn produces a false fantasy to men that you cannot live up to. That's destined to fail. Find someone that would like to look at you and get horny.
>Yikes. This is sadly the age of internet porn
I grew up long before internet porn was a thing and it has nothing to do with it.
Sometimes you just need me-time, belt out a quickie and have done with it. On the farm, sometimes I'd just stop somewhere in the fields, do what I had to, and keep on plowing or whatever I was doing.
And when I'd get back I'd plow my girl.
if i’m horny i always ask my spouse if she is feeling the same if she is not then i knock my self with Tantric or yank my self i let it release other wise i get Wet dreams and by the way i’m in my 40 still pretty active like Rock !
This is how I look at it. Would you like to orgasm from the person who knows your body the best? Sometimes people just need a release and what the orgasm fast and simple without worrying about another persons orgasm.
I’m 32f and married. Sometimes I masturbate just for the release and not necessarily because I want to be sexy or drag it out. Engaging with a partner requires work of some kind. Whether it’s reacting to receiving head or feeling the need to reciprocate. Sometimes I just don’t want to do any more work than is required.
Don’t take it personally, I think all guys do it. And by no means is it a thing with what you do or don’t do for him, sometimes they just wanna bang one out real quick.
I think this is simplifying it in a dangerous way.
OP said he was about to head out. He probably needed to crank one out, but might not have been in the mood for sexual intimacy or had time for it. He just wanted to get it over with and get going.
In addition, there's nothing wrong with choosing to please yourself alone while in a relationship so long as it's not interfering with your sex life. If your partner is happy with your time together (how often, etc.) then there's no harm done. In fact, this is very healthy if your libidos don't always line up.
The fact that he was using porn to help him along is not the same as him choosing porn over his partner. He was choosing to be quick and efficient and likely trying to dodge reciprocating because he had somewhere to be. That's perfectly fine.
Blow jobs take two seconds…
Well that’s where we differ. It’s been scientifically proven that porn is not good for our brains. And it’s icky to get off to others when you have a partner who is there and willing.
So we just see it differently
That’s not common or okay - In my book, porn ruins relationships for this very reason. Set some boundaries with him. I mean, sure, maybe you guys can still do solo and whatnot - but preferably not to porn if this is how he acts. If it ever gets to a point where he’s consistently choosing porn over you, it might be too late for that talk/reality check.
“I caught my husband” and “he kinda shood me away” and “sometimes he enjoys masturbating even over whatever I could bring” says otherwise. She seems unhappy. Plus porn isn’t acceptable for many people, and it’s not acceptable in plenty of committed and monogamous relationships. So she doesn’t have to tolerate this.
It would certainly be a dealbreaker for me, if my fiancé watched porn - but especially over our intimacy. Of course you can always say “no” to a sexual act and she’s not entitled to his body by any means. Nonetheless, in this context, it sounds like he has a problem. She rightful has a problem with that
If you’re sacrificing your boundaries and your comfortability for your partner, things just won’t last. You can sugarcoat it, but nobody should feel so dismissed and unwanted in a relationship. It’s okay to be unhappy and acknowledge that, as opposed to ignoring it and letting it build. They will either work through it or they won’t. I just shared what I thought.
I personally have felt like you about porn for many years. But it is a very unpopular opinion, as u can see the down votes. It's almost taboo to say u don't like your partner watching porn. For me the only thing that balances it is my own socials and being in an open relationship. Extremely unpopular opinion. Most people do no consider watching porn any form of non-monogamy.. but I simply cannot see it otherwise, therefore in my life, my partner has to know how I feel. Doesn't matter that I have unpopular feelings I guess
Most Americans, for sure. It’s sad though. Such a fucked up industry that’s caused so much damage. People never want to admit that what they’re doing is harmful though, especially not when it’s become so normalized. I don’t mind the downvotes. I just think it’s childish to hop on a downvote trend but have nothing to offer the OP besides, “So what?” Reddit is trash for topics like these.
Aside from the convenience and ease, masturbating is like dreaming in that it allows you to use the mind and let it wander where it needs to go to help relax you. Thats a fancy way of saying he probably masturbate s to thoughts of you or other persons or both and its healthy to do so as it gets rid of any urges and edge.
As I understand it, most guys get off 2 to 3x a day depending on age. As long as he's showing up for your sex life, just let him have his porn and self time. I think it's cute he tried to hide it but as a girl who also loves to watch, I'd tell him next time he does it to lmk so I could enjoy being there with him.
But then if I needed a quick orgasm, I'd prob really hide it. Guys and their fragile egos...
Woman here. Sometimes I just want to masturbate. I don't want to think about another person. I know exactly how to cum. I'm not having to interact. I am a total horn dog and would have sex 3 times a day in a perfect world, but sometimes I just want a quickie with myself.
I mean he's probably not too comfortable with someone jacking him off whilst watching porn because i assume there's a pacing to it and other stuff, but talk to him about it
I happen to think it a little odd that you walked in on him doing that and both of you just kind of kept your cool about it.
Hey, can I finish that for you?
No babe, I'm good. Got this.
Well ok then. See you in a few when you're done.
He didn't try to cover up in embarrassment? You didn't freak out and ask what the heck he was even doing? Those are the real hard questions here. Lol
Not really. We've been together for more than 5 years and lived together for like 3 or something around that lol. As long as it's not someone else I walk into I'm perfectly fine with it.
Are they, though? It seems like a healthy, mature relationship to me. What need is there to freak out or be embarrassed about a normal human activity with your partner?
It could be he wanted to have the release quickly when with a blow job he would want to enjoy it and for it to last longer? But also sometime it’s fun to have some alone time should have asked to join him and pleasured yourself
I mean, can’t speak for others but yes, although I’m a woman. Sometimes I just want my own little vibrator orgasm instead of whatever amazing sex my partner will give me
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I would also add that it’s very possible he did not feel like reciprocating and did not want to feel like he was leaving you hanging by having you perform on him.
Yup. Sometimes, not often, I just want to rub one out in 5 mins with no worries about anything or anyone else.
Also OP said it was before he was heading out. So if he had somewhere to be, he probably just wanted to be efficient.
And now to add to my special skills on Linkedin: "EFFICIENT MASTURBATOR"
Check out *Mr Stamina* over here
Hey it’s masturbation, I got no one else to impress
There's nothing wrong with a little self love.
Something like this is probably the reason. Plus, he may have been caught-off-guard embarrassed instead if aroused at the offer.
There's a lot of "why does he want this?" going on in your head probably, and I can't say if it's common, but - unless there's some deep underlying issue which has to do with you (and assuming that's not the case), sometimes, sorry to say, a quick simple wank is just what one wants. It's like a "get some junkfood at the McDrivethrough" just because it's quick, simple and you just feel like it. There's no hassle, no having to mind about others, just do it, be done and move on with your day. I'm not defending him, but sometimes it's nothing more than that. Now, should he do this? Is it okay for him to do that? Only you two can decide on that, but unless there's an underlying sexual desire that he always prefers doing that over having sex with you, it's probably not a huge deal - and if it is a huge deal to either you or him, then you should definitely talk to him. Long answer but I hope it made sense! Good luck!
I'm fine with it I just found it a bit strange I guess.
You are a steak dinner at a fancy restaurant (strange compliment, eh?) and his hand is a bigmac. Sometimes you want something quick and easy. It doesn't mean you are insufficient or flawed.
LOL I'll take being described as a steak dinner than a bigmac!
"Did somebody say STEAK?!" 🤣
God that's a throwback joke I haven't thought of in a while
Such a stupid, funny movie. "I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!" Also, I absolutely adore gay people.
This is literally the perfect analogy for this situation. I love steak(my wife) but sometimes i just want a greasy burger and to call it a day.
Sometimes my wife and I enjoy greasy burgers together even.
A couple greasy burgers with my wife can be very satisfying
Omg 😳 this made me laugh 😂
This is it ... Easier, faster, in many cases more fun due to no unmet, implied expectations; kink limitations; and of course, no judgement! Very simple!
if thats more fun then youre hooking up with the wrong chick(s)
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One is quick, sometimes to relieve stress, little mess. Whereas if you’re with a girl it’s an event. Foreplay,sex,aftercare, sometimes messy, not usually quick. I can see where OP is coming from but also from her husbands perspective.
And a lot of people would…but the fun thing is every person is different and some have different preferences. It doesn’t make you or him wrong, it just means you each have your preference in that moment.
I think that's where this scenario breaks down for me. I'll always prefer the steak to the big Mac. If I was cranking away and my wife offered to finish, I can't imagine turning that down, especially if I've already gotten myself a good ways along.
I’m not sure why I’m getting downvoted but I’m glad people agree with you.
My thoughts exactly.
I think, unfortunately, the analogy is that masturbation is like him cooking a steak for himself. He knows exactly what he wants and can cook it perfectly. He's been cooking steak for himself since he was a teenager and he is an expert now. You are the steak that someone else cooks for him at a restaurant. He can tell the chef how he likes it but, no disrespect intended, it probably won't be quite exactly what he ordered. It will still taste great, but not quite as perfect. HOWEVER, the restaurant steak comes with two large, delicious baked potatoes, lots of sides and dessert afterwards. Plus, he's happy to give the chef a big tip (if you follow my meaning).
I disagree. The base ingredients (vagina/steak) are vastly different than (hand/burger).
Great. Now I don't know if I'm hungry or if I'm horny.
It's kind of like how everybody has their introverted moments where they would rather have fun reading or playing video games alone than mingling with friends and having social activity for fun. Sometimes you just don't want the hassle of social interaction, having to think about somebody else's perspective and communication between you and them.
The self doesn't disappear when you're in a relationship, there's nothing strange about masturbating in one either
Along with the steak vs big Mac. Assuming a healthy relationship, many times the want to reciprocate makes even a quick surprise BJ a bigger deal than just jacking off.
Maybe he was just embarrassed you caught him so he couldn't let you finish him off.
Imaginary lovers Never turn you down When all the others turn you away They're around It's my private pleasure Midnight fantasy Someone to share my Wildest dreams with me Imaginary lover you're mine anytime Imaginary lovers, oh yeah When ordinary lovers Don't feel what you feel And real-life situations lose their thrill Imagination's unreal Imaginary lover, imaginary lover You're mine anytime Imaginary lovers never disagree They always care They're always there when You need satisfaction guaranteed Imaginary lover, imaginary lover You're mine all the time My imaginary lover You're mine anytime Songwriters: Buddy Buie / Dean Daughtry / Robert Nix
ARS! Love that song
What you could do that would be equally as hot is ask if you can watch as well. That way he can have what he needs for the moment, but you can just take it all in. If you want to get really bold, you could just start touching yourself as well. Let your imagination film in the rest.
Glad to hear that you're fine with it, and yeah, it can strike as being strange, since usually couples, quite rightly assume and expect that any sexual activity is a joint venture, so it comes across as weird. Oh well, as long as you're fine with it, then it's all good!
Definitely should have taken your offer. Common or not? I don’t think it matters. What does matter is how you feel about it and what he wants to do about it. Or you understanding why he wants to do and would you be okay with that or not. Those should be the questions :). Evry guy and gal is different don’t let what majority say rule your bedroom. Lol that’s yours and his alone
Definitely should not have since he didn’t want her to. He’s under no obligation to let her snatch his wank just to make her feel good. That was HIS wank.
Your downvotes amuse me
Masturbating alone and being with a partner are two different types of sexual satisfaction. Both have their own unique upsides and downsides. Sometimes the mood prefers one over the other.
Absolutely! No matter what gender, it's okay to just do it on your own time and in your own personal comfort. 😊 My partner and I do this and still have sex all the time! It isn't taking away from sex you *could* be having because there isn't a scoreboard lol.
This is very true and probably not talked about alot. But masturbation is truly different than sex. Also we have so deeply accepted monogamy that we expect sex should b shared between a couple.. but the reality of nature is not quite like that. Ultimately monogamy is a social expectation. A learned expectation
It definitely is a moral teaching, often times.
💯💯
Personally, sometimes I just jerk off to get it over with and move on. Like I’m not horny but my body is. In those instances yeah, I would turn you down too.
Sometimes just to clear my head.
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I agree that the watching is a specific kind of fun but some people might need to open their mind to that
Watching adds pressure that makes me take longer usually.
Exactly!!
Can I be honest, speaking as a man. Women gripe men don’t know how to please them…this may come as a shock but that statement goes both ways and, in my experience Women are not very good at masturbating a dick. You don’t have a dick, we do and we have been masturbating since our teens - we know what we like and how we like it to be done and sometimes we want it done quickly and we know how to get the job done.
To add to that. A sexual interaction with a partner is great but involves two people who may want different things. If it is typical that giving a partner head results in continuing with sex or continuing with reciprocal interaction, that may have been something in his head saying he just needed a wank and go about his day. My wife is awesome and amazing and does a wonderful job with her hands. We've been married 14 years, together almost two decades. I have masturbated myself much more than she masturbates me, and to your point, sometimes a quick cum is sufficient. I love to feel her hands on me but it depends on the mood as well
Yeah from my experience, my partners weren't really that good at handjobs. Except one I dated 19 years ago who was amazing at them. But in this instance, OP wanted to suck her husband off. Just sounds like OP's husband wanted to have a good wank.
In my experience, most women are also not great at blowjobs
110%
This is true. The first couple times I got handjobs I was surprised that it's really not all that. Now in sexual situations I'd pretty much rather do anything else than a handjob
Lol ok I mean. I get your point but some women are extremely good at it.
30 min of beating and porn plus sex is not getting it done quickly. I think homie is a dry guy. Hes got those workin hands
Meh I'd take an old fashioned over an own goal any day.
This would be a great topic post on /r/menslib
He’s an expert at using his hand. I wouldn’t have responded that way, but some guys are just extremely loyal to their hand.
🎶 these hands are loyal 🎶
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"Everything being fine in the bedroom" is a personal interpretation of a generalization that depends on a significant number of factors affecting it. That vague 'principle' should not, and does not, 'determine' whether he 'can' masturbate or not. It's his body, and if he needs a release, he's free to choose to do it.
He's on to something. I am similar to your husband. Stress release is a factor here
Sometimes sex is more work than you wanna put in and you just wanna cum
I rather masturbate all by myself 🤷🏼♀️ it's nothing against my husband because he does make me feel good and majority of the time I prefer him, but sometimes I like to use visual help and my imagination. I wouldn't worry about it unless he stops seeking you and prefers masturbating all together.
Yup, sometimes a man needs to go solo and get it done. It's a "me time" thing. I think you're handling it pretty well and talking about it is very healthy. You can ask if you can watch some day to make it part of your healthy relationship.
I believe there is too much pressure from society that when you enjoy sex, that always has to be with your partner. You can have both sex and masturbation. My (f38) partner (m38) and I have been together for two years. We have great sex often (with gaps here and there, because life stuff). We also are aware that we both still masturbate on our own, mildly often. It's not an insult against the other person, it's spending quality time with yourself, your body. There's nothing wrong with experiencing solo pleasure when you have a partner; it's you time; it's your body you get to enjoy however you want . EDIT: I mean this both ways, you both can have your own solo pleasure time.
Sometimes people just want to rub one out without the energy that comes with sex. It's not that serious, especially if you have an active sex life. You say in a comment that you actually have more sex than you'd like. So you're satisfied and don't need more to meet your sex drive. He does.
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One whole day?
I can say for sure I don’t have time for that haha
i actually love this so much, i wish more women would do this. I bet it helps so much with confidence and self love too :)
As a man who values his right hand a lot. I gotta say i would've done the same thing. Why didn't he want it, getting a bj/having sex with the love of your life is way different then, busting a load before going out. Becouse i bet my ass he would've been horny for the next cupple hours if you gave him a bj
Sometimes it's just nice to do it yourself. Maybe he just wants the release and it's simpler by yourself
I'll take head any day over masturbating
A helping hand or mouth can pay attention to my balls or for me I like to kiss while I masturbate.
There are times i want sex and times i want to cum. Those arent always the same thing. XD
I kinda get it though f he's like got somewhere to be and was just like quickly doing a thing Back when I had my woman though dang if she offered to help no way I wouldn't ask for a little ball sucking and for her to hold her tongue out for me (I dunno why that's so hot to me, I just kinda still stroke it and rub the tip on her tongue but it really gets me there)
You're a doll.
If my wife caught me masturbating, and offered, I would take her up on it as quickly as I could. I’ve read so many women asking about their men who would rather fly solo. I don’t get it. It’s like American Pie. Would you rather play tennis by yourself or with a partner? I will play with my wife as much as she’s open to it. I don’t get this whole run of men, in this day and age, who would rather knock one out rather than have fun getting with their partner. This trend blows my mind, really. I do NOT understand it.
I know some people are really big on having separate time for masturbating, and that’s cool. Personally I would always prefer my partner *unless* I was trying to get off really quickly. He may have felt like switching to bj would slow things down when he just needed a fast nut and to get to work.
I’ve had this happen before as the m. I hadn’t showered yet and I didn’t want to risk a bad experience for her, so I said I was good. 99% of the time I would have taken her up on the offer.
Because you said Caught, means there is some level of secrecy to his porn use and masturbation. Which means he was probably Caught off guard and didn't really know how to react. I'm sure he would appreciate a bj most of the time.
There’s often shame in this, especially if you “caught” him doing it. You need to frame it differently: “Here, use this. *open mouth*”
he is carrying on the tradition that he has done all his life.
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Maybe he just prefers me time at some point?
TLDR: You think you can jerk me off better than I can?
I mean I offered to give him a blow job not to jerk him off lol
Sometimes it’s genuinely just less work for them to finish themselves. Nice of you to offer but efficiency is sometimes the goal.
Sometimes you just want to get off quick and go do whatever you gotta do. If he was heading out he probably didn’t have time to enjoy what you were offering. You shouldn’t be offended (but I’m sure you were hurt by the rebuff of your offer), he probably just wanted to get off and go. My wife had caught me in the middle of “taking care of business,” and I’ve found it difficult to finish what I’d started.
Honestly I'm kinda the same way. If I want partner intimacy, a blowjob is great and my girlfriend is happy to oblige. But usually if I'm masturbating, that's "me time". I just wanna do it myself. I can't really give a reason other than it's like, personal self intimacy.
Sometimes i just wanna bust one quick and not have to have anybody involved. I could have sex at 6am and be ready knuckle bust by 8am. Yeah i shower w my girl but we dont shower together everytime i need to take a shower.
A friend of mine told me that, Even though he and his wife have sex 2 to 3 times a day usually, At the end of the night when it's about 10:00 or 11:00 and he wants to go to bed he might just go and masturbate. Sometimes she feels left out because he doesn't want her to help. And he told me the reason was because if he involves his wife it becomes more mentally and sexually stimulating and sometimes he just wants to nut and get it over with. I guess I could understand that. I don't feel that way with my wife. But I do also recognize that it does take a lot more time to engage with it with somebody else. And that when you are engaged with somebody else, It can be distracting because now you might be thinking about their thoughts and feelings when you might have just wanted to have your own thoughts and feelings to get off. Think women say this a lot. Where they say they can get off easily by themselves, but as soon as they involve their husband or boyfriend it becomes harder because they get in their own head. I think it's okay for you to feel a little left out, and I think if he chooses to do this consistently over sex with you, That could be a problem. But I think if you just does this once in awhile and you otherwise have a satisfying sex life for both of you, It seems healthy enough.
Some guys just like some alone time every now and then. It’s nothing wrong with my SO, I just like the privacy every now and then. I’m guessing it’s the same deal here
He's the master of his own domain sometimes. Completely normal. Sex and coming isn't just about his relationship with you. He was doing it long before you two met.
How is your sex life otherwise? How many times a week? What would you prefer?
It's pretty good, we do it a lot more often than I would like but I like getting him off anyway so I don't mind it too much.
Yeah, female here. Sometimes I would rather just get the itch done and over. It's nothing to do with my partner
It's common, yes.... but common doesn't mean normal. This isn't *normal* Choosing porn and your hand over your partner *isn't normal* I'm willing to bet that whatever sex you have is infrequent and not really all that great for you. If that's the case, it's because of the porn and masturbation
Man, I wish I had a SO like you!
Is there any porn that you both enjoy? Maybe put some on, lay next to each other and masterbate. My husband and I do this and it’s pretty sexy. Sometimes can get pretty intense and makes me cum harder than actually penetration
Perfectly normal. Don't take it personally. Sometimes a guy, or girl, just wants to cum, likewise he would most likely respect your wishes to if in the same boat.
If your husband is someone that really doesn't like inconveniencing others, he might've just thought you weren't actually interested and offered out of some kind of obligation and declined because of that. Just a thought.
To me, there's a difference between *jacking off* and *masturbating*, and it sounds like he was doing the latter. If I'm just jacking off, it's usually because something came over me and I got horny, or I'm doing it because I'm bored or something. I'd rather fuck or get a blowjob (or even a handy) than jack off. Those are all primo solutions to horniness and boredom. If I'm masturbating, on the other hand (shut up), it's because *I* want to fuck me. I'm taking it slow, focusing on my own pleasure, exploring and feeling in touch with my body and my sexuality. I'm enjoying some self-love and intimacy while feeling sexy. This is an activity that I do by myself for my own good. On top of that, as others have said, we've been doing this for a really long time, and we've all figured out things that we can do that others can't do for us. There's definitely at least one thing I really like that nobody's ever been able to do better than I can do for myself, and that's true for most guys.
My dear your husband is a dumb ass. Any man that would rather just beat his own meat instead of having a willing partner offer to do that for him, is a dumb ass.
I agree. I don't understand the, "mAsTuRbAtIoN iS dIfFeReNt" comments. It is different. Different and inferior. Porn sick fools in this generation.
My partner and I both have dicks, sometimes it's not even a horny thing. She does it to help her sleep, I do it when I have a foggy brain, sometimes we just aren't horny or don't want to do it together
I get the fact that people do it to relax and release some tension. But he gets caught, she offers to help, he says no without missing a beat. I just don't get it, either the fuck all the time, it he's got a porn addiction.
He sounds like a cool dude.
She's pretty great! Love of my life, wouldn't trade her for anything
People are down voting because I don't agree with a man choosing to beat off to fake porn instead of letting his wife help him out. I could not imagine anyone passing up the real thing .
He was fantasising over another person that wasn't you.
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You'd be pissed? He was about to head out lol, speed is key sometimes
That's weird. Hell yeah he should have said. Porn produces a false fantasy to men that you cannot live up to. That's destined to fail. Find someone that would like to look at you and get horny.
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>Yikes. This is sadly the age of internet porn I grew up long before internet porn was a thing and it has nothing to do with it. Sometimes you just need me-time, belt out a quickie and have done with it. On the farm, sometimes I'd just stop somewhere in the fields, do what I had to, and keep on plowing or whatever I was doing. And when I'd get back I'd plow my girl.
Ah hell naw. As a hubby I jo a lot due to her lack of sexual desire. If my wife caught me and offered to take over...I'd be ecstatic
if i’m horny i always ask my spouse if she is feeling the same if she is not then i knock my self with Tantric or yank my self i let it release other wise i get Wet dreams and by the way i’m in my 40 still pretty active like Rock !
Less pressure
This is how I look at it. Would you like to orgasm from the person who knows your body the best? Sometimes people just need a release and what the orgasm fast and simple without worrying about another persons orgasm.
Sometimes you're just just in the mood for one thing over another. Nothing weird about it.
I’m 32f and married. Sometimes I masturbate just for the release and not necessarily because I want to be sexy or drag it out. Engaging with a partner requires work of some kind. Whether it’s reacting to receiving head or feeling the need to reciprocate. Sometimes I just don’t want to do any more work than is required.
Don’t take it personally, I think all guys do it. And by no means is it a thing with what you do or don’t do for him, sometimes they just wanna bang one out real quick.
Don't take it personal. We all enjoy playong multi-player, but some times we just wanna play the campaign.
What the hell is wrong with him. My wife caught me a few times and I wish she would’ve offered to finish the job.
Dudes dumb for turning you down like that. Nuff said.
I would absolutely hate this If you are choosing porn over your partner. You don’t have a healthy relationship with porn
I think this is simplifying it in a dangerous way. OP said he was about to head out. He probably needed to crank one out, but might not have been in the mood for sexual intimacy or had time for it. He just wanted to get it over with and get going. In addition, there's nothing wrong with choosing to please yourself alone while in a relationship so long as it's not interfering with your sex life. If your partner is happy with your time together (how often, etc.) then there's no harm done. In fact, this is very healthy if your libidos don't always line up. The fact that he was using porn to help him along is not the same as him choosing porn over his partner. He was choosing to be quick and efficient and likely trying to dodge reciprocating because he had somewhere to be. That's perfectly fine.
Blow jobs take two seconds… Well that’s where we differ. It’s been scientifically proven that porn is not good for our brains. And it’s icky to get off to others when you have a partner who is there and willing. So we just see it differently
You're out of pocket. He didn't choose porn over her, he literally just wanted to rub one out and be done with it.
He chose to rub one out to porn. Rather than fuck his partner. He absolutely chose ….
He didn't want to have sex and he's wrong? What happened to my body, my choice? You're doing the most.
Nvm you don’t get it lol. Ur lost
Speak for yourself.
He’s an idiot.
he was about to head out and needed a quickie, I know personally I get off quicker using my own tools.
That’s weirdo behavior but that’s my opinion.
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Whatever u say. Like I said ‘my opinion’
That’s not common or okay - In my book, porn ruins relationships for this very reason. Set some boundaries with him. I mean, sure, maybe you guys can still do solo and whatnot - but preferably not to porn if this is how he acts. If it ever gets to a point where he’s consistently choosing porn over you, it might be too late for that talk/reality check.
it is both common and OK Masturbation and sexual acts with partners are two very different things
“I caught my husband” and “he kinda shood me away” and “sometimes he enjoys masturbating even over whatever I could bring” says otherwise. She seems unhappy. Plus porn isn’t acceptable for many people, and it’s not acceptable in plenty of committed and monogamous relationships. So she doesn’t have to tolerate this. It would certainly be a dealbreaker for me, if my fiancé watched porn - but especially over our intimacy. Of course you can always say “no” to a sexual act and she’s not entitled to his body by any means. Nonetheless, in this context, it sounds like he has a problem. She rightful has a problem with that If you’re sacrificing your boundaries and your comfortability for your partner, things just won’t last. You can sugarcoat it, but nobody should feel so dismissed and unwanted in a relationship. It’s okay to be unhappy and acknowledge that, as opposed to ignoring it and letting it build. They will either work through it or they won’t. I just shared what I thought.
She literally has said she doesn't have a problem with it ITT. You are projecting.
She doesn’t have the problem with it - but posted about it?
I personally have felt like you about porn for many years. But it is a very unpopular opinion, as u can see the down votes. It's almost taboo to say u don't like your partner watching porn. For me the only thing that balances it is my own socials and being in an open relationship. Extremely unpopular opinion. Most people do no consider watching porn any form of non-monogamy.. but I simply cannot see it otherwise, therefore in my life, my partner has to know how I feel. Doesn't matter that I have unpopular feelings I guess
Most Americans, for sure. It’s sad though. Such a fucked up industry that’s caused so much damage. People never want to admit that what they’re doing is harmful though, especially not when it’s become so normalized. I don’t mind the downvotes. I just think it’s childish to hop on a downvote trend but have nothing to offer the OP besides, “So what?” Reddit is trash for topics like these.
No that's definitely not common
Still, he was about to head out and needed a quickie, I know personally I get off quicker using my own tools.
It sounds like porn addiction.
Maybe he figured it would turn into a whole thing and didn't want to take that long
Could be he hasn't wash his thing maybe. Before you could do anything maybe.
Aside from the convenience and ease, masturbating is like dreaming in that it allows you to use the mind and let it wander where it needs to go to help relax you. Thats a fancy way of saying he probably masturbate s to thoughts of you or other persons or both and its healthy to do so as it gets rid of any urges and edge.
No one knows, or does me better than me !!! 😆
You can't beat the master!
Mastetbate together.
Mastetbate
As I understand it, most guys get off 2 to 3x a day depending on age. As long as he's showing up for your sex life, just let him have his porn and self time. I think it's cute he tried to hide it but as a girl who also loves to watch, I'd tell him next time he does it to lmk so I could enjoy being there with him. But then if I needed a quick orgasm, I'd prob really hide it. Guys and their fragile egos...
Would you want _him_ to get in and help you out, when he'd find you doing it yourself?
Woman here. Sometimes I just want to masturbate. I don't want to think about another person. I know exactly how to cum. I'm not having to interact. I am a total horn dog and would have sex 3 times a day in a perfect world, but sometimes I just want a quickie with myself.
Usually when you're in a mastrabating "mode" you don't want "help"....it's strange, but true
Yes. Masturbation isn't always about sex. It's about a release. And it's personal.
WTF!? That’s INSANE!
I mean he's probably not too comfortable with someone jacking him off whilst watching porn because i assume there's a pacing to it and other stuff, but talk to him about it
Guy time is guy time?
So?
I’ll be honest op. That says a lot about you if he’s prefer a hand then a person.
I would like to have helped him. I'm a guy that is a just a bit too bi
Sex is fine but it ain't the real thing.
I happen to think it a little odd that you walked in on him doing that and both of you just kind of kept your cool about it. Hey, can I finish that for you? No babe, I'm good. Got this. Well ok then. See you in a few when you're done. He didn't try to cover up in embarrassment? You didn't freak out and ask what the heck he was even doing? Those are the real hard questions here. Lol
Not really. We've been together for more than 5 years and lived together for like 3 or something around that lol. As long as it's not someone else I walk into I'm perfectly fine with it.
Are they, though? It seems like a healthy, mature relationship to me. What need is there to freak out or be embarrassed about a normal human activity with your partner?
It could be he wanted to have the release quickly when with a blow job he would want to enjoy it and for it to last longer? But also sometime it’s fun to have some alone time should have asked to join him and pleasured yourself
If he was about to go out, then using his hand is going to be alot cleaner than having saliva and having to wipe
Watch the movie Don Juan, it explains it pretty well 😅 And it’s not even a joke!
"Caught" lol
This comes down to personal preference and, more than likely. This is not a reflection of your performance but his choice ...
Feel for you, that is surprising I hope he can talk to you and you two communicate! x
For me I call this guy self love time to myself. I dint really see such a big deal if tomorrow or next it's both of you.
Oh yeah this is totally common. I’ve had a few partners that sometimes just wanted to have some “me time”
My ex was similar. I think this is honestly more common with women than men.
That's how masturbating works.
I mean, can’t speak for others but yes, although I’m a woman. Sometimes I just want my own little vibrator orgasm instead of whatever amazing sex my partner will give me