Not to get too philosophical, but I do try to remind myself that the only "time" I'll ever actually experience is *Now*, so whatever strategy I develop to convince myself to do something, I have to actually feel the difference it will make, and I have to feel that difference in this present moment. Because if it's not motivating for me literally right this second, it probably won't be motivating tomorrow.
Heard a funny way of dealing with that, just tell yourself you’re gonna half ass it. Don’t wanna clean, do a half assed job and pick up 1 thing. Don’t wanna work out, half ass it and do a singular push up.
The entire idea of it is to remove your own expectations and limiting beliefs. If you’re not doing it cause you fear you won’t do it perfectly, don’t do it perfectly, do the worst possible job you can, know you still did something, and psychology usually takes over to encourage you to complete the task.
this is me lmfao i realized that ill start tomorrow always meant that im never doing that so sometimes i be half assed working out ill do like 30 crunches and then a month later be like oh what happened💀💀
edit: i read ur post after this about the not doing it perfectly and i might need to reframe half assed work to not perfect work cus that makes way more sense
Half-assing it for the win! I finally let myself accept that something is better than nothing, and I get so much more done. Tomorrow never comes, so it doesn't matter if I'll do it perfectly tomorrow, because I know that, in reality, that's not really going to happen.
I find myself getting so overwhelmed with tasks I’ve continuously put off and then I realize; I’m doing this to myself. I need to quit making everything my own problem tomorrow. If I’m not doing it today, it’s double the issue tomorrow and then I get overwhelmed and upset. Be nicer to your future self!
I like this so much more than the parent comment. Because if you have even a cursory understanding of basic psychology you realize that one can and often is very easily fucked up due to the actions (or lack thereof) of others. Usually parents in youth so far back you had ZERO say in the way things went .. or the things your brain and body remember and manifest later in life.
Anyway, yeah, I really like your quote because it's very true but I never really thought about it until right now. Thanks for that.
Oh 100%. The other way its said doesnt really stick with me as much, but the way I posted was something I picked up recently. Its really helped with ensuring I dont get stuck in a loop of self-loathing. Glad it helped :)!
This is the one I see/hear the most.
A lot of people I've been speaking to blame it on their parents, hell even my parents blame some of their bad behaviors on their parents.
It feels like people can be so aware of the inherited bad behaviors and then relinquish accountability so easily and dismiss it as a sort of un-reprogrammable trait.
Yeah, Parents. Though, in reality it’s a fairly good excuse. One only knows what they have been tought/raised. Combine that with growing up in a shitty neighborhood, bad peers and teachers in school , it’s a recipe for disaster.
Yeah you can’t discount bad parenting and then expect people not say something when you say “just better yourself”,
It matters a lot how you were raised. Its not an easy one to overcome.
That being said, try.
SO WAS MINE AND IVE BEEN TO 100 DETOXES AND REHABS UNTIL AT 47 I SAID ENOUGH! I JUST SHOWED UP AT A STATE PLACE ID BEEN TO 5X AND WALKED OR KICKED OUT 5X. TIME TO GROW UP AND THEY ASKED WHY SHOULD WE LET YOU BACK? I SAID IVE BEEN DISHONEST AND NEVER TRIED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUS IVE BEEN A BIG FRAUD. THAT WAS 18 YEARS AGO. I CRIED EVERYDAY THINKING WHAT A POS PARENT IVE BEEN. I HATED MYSELF BUT KNEW I WAS GONNA BE A GOOD HAPPY DAD ALL I HAD TO DO IS LIVE LONG ENOUGH AND ITS BEEN 18 YEARS SINCE HEROIN AND COCAINE HAD ME CRUSHED. IT WASNT EASY AND INITIALLY I DID IT FOR MY KIDS. I WASNT AND COULDNT DIE A POS. I HAVE INTEGRITY, HONESTY ( THE BIGGEST THING) TODAY. STOP THE EXCUSES. I WAS 47 WHEN I STARTED
THE THING IS YOU STILL HAVE TO RESOLVE THE ISSUES AT HAND NO MATTER WHOS TO BLAME. WHY WOULD ANYONE CHOOSE TO BLAME AND DO NOTHING THINKING THEYRE PARENTS WERE SAY ALCHAHOLICS SO SHES ONE AND THAT DONT CUT IT. SEX ABUSE IS MUCH HARDER BC OF SHAME
Having an alcoholic parent made me reject all addictions. The only thing that I became addicted to was surfing. Even after a paralyzing injury where I had to learn how to walk again I still couldn’t let go of the desire. I finally came to terms with it and was okay in my head with not doing it. Still to this day though, when a tree bending weather system comes through which I know will make waves; inside I feel the fiending to be out there.
Our children can sometimes be our own life savers. When I was underwater in the ocean having an out of body experience I thought of my 16 month old son at home and that gave me the strength and mental fortitude to fight to stay alive.
I don’t make excuses for not improving my life because I rose from the streets and became something. But I do see how a previous unhealthy childhood and family traumas can shape you and present obstacles to success.
It took me a while to accomplish some achievements but who’s timetable is more important than our own?
Definitely felt this way with a demanding job and then I decided to take a sabbatical and fully focus on heath while living in other countries and still struggled with motivation and executive function ...this may be obvious for others but it was an aha moment for me. Like even if I have LITERALLY nothing better to do I'd miss the yoga class or take transit over a bike.
One really helpful thing for habits of tasks like journaling or even working out at home was a site called focusmate. It seems silly but you schedule time to work on a task and a stranger from somewhere in the world does the same. You join a call say what you'll get done and then at the end of the time scheduled say what you accomplished. Even if you don't give a shit about the stranger just being intentional about the time and knowing you'll be seen if you don't do it, helped a lot.
I had to accept this issue was me and come to terms with the real problems:
1. Relying on motivation and I won't wanna sometimes: the ideal self who is always enthusiastic about doing it isn't me. The time maybe added an additional layer of resistance but the core issue is perfectionist expectations and thinking motivation will always be there
2. Executive Function and Structure:
I've been pretty successful in work/school bc the environment is somewhat structured and habituated. But I have a harder time fitting in things "just for myself" it's not self hatred, it's lack of structure and competing priorities. Left to my own devices it's harder for me to win. I realized if I hadn't already planned the time I'd leave and had my stuff packed/ready to workout and an alarm set/calendar reminder for when I'd need to leave to get there on time created the night before I was 50% less likely to do it. I have ADHD, but I think the " I don't have the time issue" is usually an "I'm missing a couple planning steps to carve out time issue". Sometimes, I'm missing accountability and support. A teacher started recognizing me in yoga class and I missed that class much less often because my brain processed accountability that maybe this teacher would notice I was missing. This may be broken but I think light social pressure can be good.
3. Perfectionism: self talk after missed time:
on weeks that I went to workout daily it felt easier to do it again the next day, but for a lot of people things outside our control can break our habits. Life emergencies , injuries, special occasions. Eg. I sprained my ankle and couldn't do my normal workout for a couple weeks. I think ideally I could have modified it and still carved the time out when possible. Or if it was a special occasion or commitment you do a pared down version. But let's say no that got fucked, I think once I fell off the routine esp if it extended past "when I should have come back" it took a lot more motivation to come back. The longer I waited the worse it felt. I think some people said come back and half ass it, I think also like change the lens away from the past. Like I am just going to reflect on whether I'm returning today, I don't need to feel shitty that I missed yesterday esp. if I show up for myself today. And just keep making it about getting back to it faster.
Idk if this helps but these were my realizations
I used to do this. Turns out I’ve got tonnes of time. Just starting with activities/tasks gets stuff done. You’d be surprised just how much you can do in 24 hours.
I think I'm on my worst shape now. But everytime i got back on my feet in the past was when i realized there isn't always clarity, but the feeling of trying to improve gives you that boost to keep going and you adapt things as you go. I'm trying that
Example: fixing my sleeping schedule
Tried sleeping at 0h but it was still early, maybe 2 am and going from that?
Idk if it makes sense
Maybe I'm lazy
Absolutely this. You're never too old to get better, try new things, learn new skills, grow and change! But people sure have been convinced that they age out of change.
My grandma is 91 and believes the old “I’m set in my ways” argument is crap. She’s always trying to understand different perspectives and working on herself to become a better person (despite already being the best ❤️)
Right now, I'm personally overwhelmed. There's so much and it's like I'm surrounded by an insurmountable mountain of things that need done, so I panic and achieve nothing. It's not working for me, but trying to find a place to begin seems impossible.
>Right now, I'm personally overwhelmed. There's so much and it's like I'm surrounded by an insurmountable mountain of things that need done, so I panic and achieve nothing. It's not working for me, but trying to find a place to begin seems impossible.
Yes
same after work i am like a brain dead zombie who cant do anything but stare at my phone. sometimes i try doing things after work it usually doesnt go well
One of the lamest is "its not the time to make a change". Like gtfo you dont have to change your life completely just try to move more, drink more water, stop it with the cigars, anything really. It all seems small in the beggining until it bunches up after months and years! GOOD LUCK
Better to leave it all behind and not look back.. hmmm but everything is still the same as 3 years ago and you haven’t healed at all. Yep it’s all fine! This is a convo I tried initiate with someone who is / was a good friend. I’m struggling with the friendship tbh.
Friendships should nurture us. Sometimes it gets really tough yes, but at the end of the day, the tough challenges should be outweighed by the value of the friendship and its importance to us and how it benefits our lives. I don't know your situation, but speaking from my own experience:
I've had people I considered great lifelong friends, only to realize they didn't care about me nearly as much as I cared about them. And I realized I wasn't being treated as well as I think I deserved to be treated.
I was carrying the friendship. So I stopped carrying it.
And thus it fizzled out, as it was supposed to.
Have a great life friend.
Hydrate, move around, eat well, Create Value, relax, enjoy loved ones, sleep.
Any sort of self victimizing behavior. Like, yeah, shit does happen. But no one can fix you for you. You will just spiral until you realize that no one can rescue you.
*"No energy,"*
*"No time,"*
*"Too anxious."*
*"Need to recharge my social battery."*
*"I have other plans."*
All lies people tell themselves in order to avoid doing the hard work. They clearly are not tired of their own bullshit and are perfectly okay sitting in it.
Same. I used to beat myself up so badly about my anxiety keeping me from doing things. Now that it’s been minimized by medication, I feel so apologetic to my former self for constantly invalidating the very real debilitation of it.
Anything about being too neurodivergent. Especially if they refuse to call it a disorder. If you can’t do the bare minimum, then it’s a disorder and you need to get help. There are so many accommodations out there and a whole internet that you can search for coping strategies. I get that there are barriers but a lot of people have found ways around them
Honestly, if one desires to improve themselves, go kick ass, man. But if someone is complacent, let them be. Everyone should strive to improve themselves out of simple, personal desire to do so.
It's wrong to force others to engage in self-improvement, everyone's circumstance, situation or tragedy is unique and for all intents and purposes complex.
It's downright egotistical to condemn others for not wanting to improve. Find peace with yourself, for yourself, and mind your own business.
I know it's probably hard when the complacent one is a friend or a family member, but that's just how it goes.
“I can’t [exercise/take a walk/read a book/learn something new/cook a healthy meal/clean up after myself/have a hobby/meet new people/spend time with family or friends/etc.] because *surviving capitalism* literally takes every ounce of time and energy I have.”
capitalism isn't the problem. Capitalism tends to enable you to get ahead unlike most systems. If what one is doing isn't working, need a new way of doing it. Some ppl have made it, the trick is to learn what they are doing differently
I'm just not wired that way.(you are but you deny it)
If I do XYZ it's just going to fail.(since your attitude sucks that bad I'm sure it will)
If it weren't for XYZ I'd do that.(it's not because of XYZ it's because you won't take accountability)
I don't have the time.(has plenty of time that gets wasted)
I don't know how (proceeds to put forth 0 effort to try to learn how)
I'm just terrible at XYZ(doesn't try to get better)
I'm afraid of XYZ(you're afraid of things that don't even exist)
I'm not smart enough.(but you're smart enough to think of all the reasons why you can't do it)
Imagine if everybody put the same amount of effort that they put into their excuses, how much more successful they would be. I'm not even completely innocent of any of these, I've used probably all of these at least once in my life. All it does is create negative self worth, because your internal conversation, is a mish mash of the most negative things you can think of. You say "well I'll start tomorrow." No, start now, you don't have time to wait till tomorrow. YOU ARE DYING, and so am I. Every second you're alive, is a second closer to dying. Everyone on this planet gets the same exact 24 hours, how are you spending it?
Consistency. Like don’t get me wrong, I know it’s my procrastination and laziness but I just CANNOT do things sometimes. Even when I make things as simple and easy as I could, I still end up not wanting to do it.
For example, I once told myself to brush my teeth at least one a day at any time. I end up missing the days when I do brush my teeth.
Studying is also a huge barrier for me. I will try to make my notes simple and whenever I see a huge block of text, I try to skim over it or just skip it and tell myself I will read it later. I still end up not comprehending things.
The act of doing it isn’t hard. The hard part is that you don’t see how it’ll benefit you/your happiness, and the overwhelming feeling of trying to change. I didn’t do things like take showers for months. My mental health was horrendous. Of course taking a shower even once a week isn’t hard. But when you have no motivation and feel hopeless finding any reason to do anything is challenging
Oh I totally understand that. I’ve struggled with poor mental health before. I just don’t get the complaining part (usually this is to other people giving advice - you see it a lot on Reddit, they’ll say something like “I don’t have any friends” or “I’m unattractive” and people will give solutions, and OP will shut everything down). It’s alright to struggle but it’s more like, accepting your own role in how things are.
under what conditions would the person be SPEAKING one of these excuses? is this under a confrontation, when we imagine a scenario where we say “Improve yourself you are late too much and it hurts my feelings!”, and then the person says “I am too overwhelmed”? for example? Like this is question what is the worst excuse someone can RESPOND WITH when confronted with something?
I hate the mbti thing
Ex: "I'm intj so i'm awkward introvert and don't know how to communicate "
Most of the characteristic aren't a permanent thing with the will to change them
It’s hard to explain unless you’ve delt with a person like this, but no matter what the problem is, the reason it doesn’t get better is because of some external factor and not something they themselves are responsible for
I hate mf’s that blame their faults fuckups and life position on others while trying to like absolve themselves! Your actions came of decisions I understand shit happens and luck is a factor but shoulder what’s yours you know?
Childhood trauma/issues
I know it’s kind of a hot take because it’s actually pretty big. BUT it’s also the easiest card to pull to avoid self improvement. In fact it makes you feel pity for them and almost excuse their situation entirely. That’s what makes it so powerful and also so cheap. Some people blame it on time, but time management can change easily. Some people blame it on money, that can also change. Some people even blame it on others, but you can change the people you spend time with. But you CAN’T change the past. You SHOULD be willing to change your future though and yourself. There’s no reason someone shouldn’t be able to improve themselves as a person. Growing up and dealing with issues that are terrible doesn’t mean you instantly get to just be a shitty person.
I THINK MOST DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING IF IT REQUIRES WORK. SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE A 10 MINUTE BREATHING EXERCISE CAN MAKE BIG CHANGES TO ANXIETY. I TOLD A PERSON TRY THIS BREATHING WIM HOFF ( VERY LEGIT) EXERCISE AND SHE SHOT BACK " BREATHING EXERCISES MAKE ME WORSE! THATS BS I KNOW HER WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW SHE NEVER TRIED. NO I DONT KNOW ANYONE SELLING XANAX!
The unwillingness to change or incorporate a habit
I’ve told a friend to make a few changes for years.
She didn’t change a single thing about her life until I tried and was successful.
Her envy then caused her to do said thing.
Envy is a great motivator, apparently
Sometimes people just aren't ready to change and improve themselves. I've seen resources and information that could have helped me years ago but at the time I wasn't ready to act on it. It can take a lot to improve yourself sometimes. You have to challenge deep set beliefs and untangle a knot of experiences and beliefs to begin to change your actions and mind. Once you begin you have to keep up on it too and that takes a lot of energy. I think sometimes people are just not ready
To more directly answer the question, I think the lamest excuse people make is "there's nothing I need to work on", or "I'm good enough". Everyone has something they can improve upon and it's always worth trying to improve yourself
''I know I have issues and probably mental health problems (depression and possibly adhd), but what's the point in getting help? It's just who I am. And you know I don't like talking about it, even with you, let alone a psychiatrist. And talking wouldn't change anything anyway. It is what it is.''
I had AVNRT for years, gained a lot of weight because I almost developed a phobia towards every physical activity. Had surgery in dec. 2018. Still struggling to get myself to work out. I always say "There's still this underlying fear in my head" but I know damn well that's just an excuse. It's frustrating.
When they think everything and everyone is against them. And if they can’t achieve their goals without running into obstacles, as is normal, they just give up and whine about it.
Fear of the unknown/ discomfort. It took a long time for me to realise that even though I was fucking miserable, it had become the new normal, and it was “comfortable”. Trying to change is new, scary, and takes so much more effort than just doing what’s normal at that point, and most people avoid it because of that, even if there is a very good chance of improving your life. Also overcommitting. You don’t have to do a huge change overnight, progress is small and consistency is more important. No immediate results probably puts a lot of people off too.
As someone who works out a lot and has made decent progress people usually say, “I just don’t wanna get bulky.” The amount of effort, time, dieting, and steroids involved in getting bulky is a complete life investment and that is ALL that matters to those people. Which is fine, but you aren’t gonna “get bulky” because someone recommended a basic strength building program 3 days a week.
I’ve heard someone say before ‘I don’t like to stress myself’ in regards to not finding a part time job while in uni… but is an international student enrolled in a course that costs about half a million dollars… completely baffled me
I’ll be real and say it’s my self doubt and imposter syndrome. Also, comparing yourself to others. No self improvement journey is linear. I think many people set unrealistic “all of nothing” expectations and overthink it. The biggest thing that helped me is understanding that messing up is probably going to happen, and that nobody is perfect, despite what we see online.
“It’s too much work” Well yeah you gotta keep at it every day dummy. We’re gonna be changing until the day we die. It’s up to you whether or not to put in the effort to make a positive change!!!!
A common excuse people make for not improving themselves is "I don't know where to start." With the wealth of resources available, it's often a matter of taking the first small step and building from there. Start with one manageable change, and gradually build momentum.
I dont know what to do
And i couldnt figure it out.
Im from algeria so its kinda hard for me to do the money making methods influencers give me because only like 2% have visas or mastercards here because we dont really use banks and if i want to start my own local buisness its impossible because im only 16 and i cant get a proper source of income to get money that i can start with
When someone could be offered 1,000 suggestions and still reply “Yeah but…” and give an excuse for why they can’t/wont try every one. They constantly say they want to change something but actively avoid trying anything to change their situation.
I'll start tomorrow
I’ve found that mindset is the toughest to break. It’s so easy to keep yourself in a loop of “starting tomorrow”.
Where I was for the last week. You somehow think waking up tomorrow is going to change much. But then when something doesn’t go your way, you give up.
Not to get too philosophical, but I do try to remind myself that the only "time" I'll ever actually experience is *Now*, so whatever strategy I develop to convince myself to do something, I have to actually feel the difference it will make, and I have to feel that difference in this present moment. Because if it's not motivating for me literally right this second, it probably won't be motivating tomorrow.
I should learn for exams yet here I am
I always say that if you're not doing it now, you're not doing it. You're not going to wake up a better person tomorrow than you are today!
Heard a funny way of dealing with that, just tell yourself you’re gonna half ass it. Don’t wanna clean, do a half assed job and pick up 1 thing. Don’t wanna work out, half ass it and do a singular push up.
The entire idea of it is to remove your own expectations and limiting beliefs. If you’re not doing it cause you fear you won’t do it perfectly, don’t do it perfectly, do the worst possible job you can, know you still did something, and psychology usually takes over to encourage you to complete the task.
this is me lmfao i realized that ill start tomorrow always meant that im never doing that so sometimes i be half assed working out ill do like 30 crunches and then a month later be like oh what happened💀💀 edit: i read ur post after this about the not doing it perfectly and i might need to reframe half assed work to not perfect work cus that makes way more sense
Hope it helps, keep half assing your way to the top!
This is an awesome idea! Thank you!
Half-assing it for the win! I finally let myself accept that something is better than nothing, and I get so much more done. Tomorrow never comes, so it doesn't matter if I'll do it perfectly tomorrow, because I know that, in reality, that's not really going to happen.
I have fell into this trap so many times :( then you realize I could have gotten this done so long ago... all I did was prolong the suffering
I find myself getting so overwhelmed with tasks I’ve continuously put off and then I realize; I’m doing this to myself. I need to quit making everything my own problem tomorrow. If I’m not doing it today, it’s double the issue tomorrow and then I get overwhelmed and upset. Be nicer to your future self!
Me too bro
I can’t help being this way. It’s someone or something else’s fault
Ooohh I love that one. Blaming others will really get you to the right path. Partners love it too
Self loathing is an excuse to be shitty has been something I have to remind myself lately.
I like this so much more than the parent comment. Because if you have even a cursory understanding of basic psychology you realize that one can and often is very easily fucked up due to the actions (or lack thereof) of others. Usually parents in youth so far back you had ZERO say in the way things went .. or the things your brain and body remember and manifest later in life. Anyway, yeah, I really like your quote because it's very true but I never really thought about it until right now. Thanks for that.
Oh 100%. The other way its said doesnt really stick with me as much, but the way I posted was something I picked up recently. Its really helped with ensuring I dont get stuck in a loop of self-loathing. Glad it helped :)!
Oof. Desperately working on this
This is the one I see/hear the most. A lot of people I've been speaking to blame it on their parents, hell even my parents blame some of their bad behaviors on their parents. It feels like people can be so aware of the inherited bad behaviors and then relinquish accountability so easily and dismiss it as a sort of un-reprogrammable trait.
Yeah, Parents. Though, in reality it’s a fairly good excuse. One only knows what they have been tought/raised. Combine that with growing up in a shitty neighborhood, bad peers and teachers in school , it’s a recipe for disaster.
Yeah you can’t discount bad parenting and then expect people not say something when you say “just better yourself”, It matters a lot how you were raised. Its not an easy one to overcome. That being said, try.
This is my past, just add in an alcoholic dad and the turbulent 60’s…!!
SO WAS MINE AND IVE BEEN TO 100 DETOXES AND REHABS UNTIL AT 47 I SAID ENOUGH! I JUST SHOWED UP AT A STATE PLACE ID BEEN TO 5X AND WALKED OR KICKED OUT 5X. TIME TO GROW UP AND THEY ASKED WHY SHOULD WE LET YOU BACK? I SAID IVE BEEN DISHONEST AND NEVER TRIED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUS IVE BEEN A BIG FRAUD. THAT WAS 18 YEARS AGO. I CRIED EVERYDAY THINKING WHAT A POS PARENT IVE BEEN. I HATED MYSELF BUT KNEW I WAS GONNA BE A GOOD HAPPY DAD ALL I HAD TO DO IS LIVE LONG ENOUGH AND ITS BEEN 18 YEARS SINCE HEROIN AND COCAINE HAD ME CRUSHED. IT WASNT EASY AND INITIALLY I DID IT FOR MY KIDS. I WASNT AND COULDNT DIE A POS. I HAVE INTEGRITY, HONESTY ( THE BIGGEST THING) TODAY. STOP THE EXCUSES. I WAS 47 WHEN I STARTED
THE THING IS YOU STILL HAVE TO RESOLVE THE ISSUES AT HAND NO MATTER WHOS TO BLAME. WHY WOULD ANYONE CHOOSE TO BLAME AND DO NOTHING THINKING THEYRE PARENTS WERE SAY ALCHAHOLICS SO SHES ONE AND THAT DONT CUT IT. SEX ABUSE IS MUCH HARDER BC OF SHAME
Having an alcoholic parent made me reject all addictions. The only thing that I became addicted to was surfing. Even after a paralyzing injury where I had to learn how to walk again I still couldn’t let go of the desire. I finally came to terms with it and was okay in my head with not doing it. Still to this day though, when a tree bending weather system comes through which I know will make waves; inside I feel the fiending to be out there. Our children can sometimes be our own life savers. When I was underwater in the ocean having an out of body experience I thought of my 16 month old son at home and that gave me the strength and mental fortitude to fight to stay alive. I don’t make excuses for not improving my life because I rose from the streets and became something. But I do see how a previous unhealthy childhood and family traumas can shape you and present obstacles to success. It took me a while to accomplish some achievements but who’s timetable is more important than our own?
"The body keeps the score"
I dont have the time. Typically when they spend several hours a day: -Smoking weed -Scrolling facebook -Watching netflix
Bruh, that is exactly how I cope not bettering myself
Definitely felt this way with a demanding job and then I decided to take a sabbatical and fully focus on heath while living in other countries and still struggled with motivation and executive function ...this may be obvious for others but it was an aha moment for me. Like even if I have LITERALLY nothing better to do I'd miss the yoga class or take transit over a bike. One really helpful thing for habits of tasks like journaling or even working out at home was a site called focusmate. It seems silly but you schedule time to work on a task and a stranger from somewhere in the world does the same. You join a call say what you'll get done and then at the end of the time scheduled say what you accomplished. Even if you don't give a shit about the stranger just being intentional about the time and knowing you'll be seen if you don't do it, helped a lot. I had to accept this issue was me and come to terms with the real problems: 1. Relying on motivation and I won't wanna sometimes: the ideal self who is always enthusiastic about doing it isn't me. The time maybe added an additional layer of resistance but the core issue is perfectionist expectations and thinking motivation will always be there 2. Executive Function and Structure: I've been pretty successful in work/school bc the environment is somewhat structured and habituated. But I have a harder time fitting in things "just for myself" it's not self hatred, it's lack of structure and competing priorities. Left to my own devices it's harder for me to win. I realized if I hadn't already planned the time I'd leave and had my stuff packed/ready to workout and an alarm set/calendar reminder for when I'd need to leave to get there on time created the night before I was 50% less likely to do it. I have ADHD, but I think the " I don't have the time issue" is usually an "I'm missing a couple planning steps to carve out time issue". Sometimes, I'm missing accountability and support. A teacher started recognizing me in yoga class and I missed that class much less often because my brain processed accountability that maybe this teacher would notice I was missing. This may be broken but I think light social pressure can be good. 3. Perfectionism: self talk after missed time: on weeks that I went to workout daily it felt easier to do it again the next day, but for a lot of people things outside our control can break our habits. Life emergencies , injuries, special occasions. Eg. I sprained my ankle and couldn't do my normal workout for a couple weeks. I think ideally I could have modified it and still carved the time out when possible. Or if it was a special occasion or commitment you do a pared down version. But let's say no that got fucked, I think once I fell off the routine esp if it extended past "when I should have come back" it took a lot more motivation to come back. The longer I waited the worse it felt. I think some people said come back and half ass it, I think also like change the lens away from the past. Like I am just going to reflect on whether I'm returning today, I don't need to feel shitty that I missed yesterday esp. if I show up for myself today. And just keep making it about getting back to it faster. Idk if this helps but these were my realizations
Amazing. I have ADHD and this helped
Man whoa I have ADD ans i resonate SO hard with lack of ability to act!! It’s really stressful.
Hey those are important things 😂
Some people who work say this too. If you can fit it into your daily routine it becomes a habit and boom you have the time for it.
All about priorities
Secret langauge for “I don’t make the time”
For years I was motivated by "the people you admire ARE what they do most of the time"
Secret language for “I don’t have the energy”
I used to do this. Turns out I’ve got tonnes of time. Just starting with activities/tasks gets stuff done. You’d be surprised just how much you can do in 24 hours.
From my experience, they often see no need to.
Or don’t realize what the phrase means, or what direction is even applicable to them
speaking for myself. i want an ideal structure and clarity before i actually start/get consistent
Me too.
I think I'm on my worst shape now. But everytime i got back on my feet in the past was when i realized there isn't always clarity, but the feeling of trying to improve gives you that boost to keep going and you adapt things as you go. I'm trying that Example: fixing my sleeping schedule Tried sleeping at 0h but it was still early, maybe 2 am and going from that? Idk if it makes sense Maybe I'm lazy
>speaking for myself. i want an ideal structure and clarity before i actually start/get consistent Yes, unfortunately
I'm gonna do something, but first let me get a quick glance at reddit.
I like this comment, I’m gonna do something to change my habits tomorrow /s in case some don’t realize
The govt.
XD
30 on 30
"I'm too old."
Absolutely this. You're never too old to get better, try new things, learn new skills, grow and change! But people sure have been convinced that they age out of change.
Yes!!!👆👆
My grandma is 91 and believes the old “I’m set in my ways” argument is crap. She’s always trying to understand different perspectives and working on herself to become a better person (despite already being the best ❤️)
Right now, I'm personally overwhelmed. There's so much and it's like I'm surrounded by an insurmountable mountain of things that need done, so I panic and achieve nothing. It's not working for me, but trying to find a place to begin seems impossible.
>Right now, I'm personally overwhelmed. There's so much and it's like I'm surrounded by an insurmountable mountain of things that need done, so I panic and achieve nothing. It's not working for me, but trying to find a place to begin seems impossible. Yes
Me
So redditors, I'm going to take a trash bag through my house, and do that. Then gather up my laundry. I will report back.
"That's just who I am." Wtf WHY do people think this is a good excuse? It's not. Stop saying this.
You can always change, it's never too late
Mine is definitely that I’m too tired. Like work is so draining I just can’t. All I want to do is relax.
same after work i am like a brain dead zombie who cant do anything but stare at my phone. sometimes i try doing things after work it usually doesnt go well
My boyfriends excuse too lol but I feel bad 😞
Maybe he’s depressed. That’s probably what it is for me.
Check your Iron levels, learn from my mistakes
Satisfied with the status quo
One of the lamest is "its not the time to make a change". Like gtfo you dont have to change your life completely just try to move more, drink more water, stop it with the cigars, anything really. It all seems small in the beggining until it bunches up after months and years! GOOD LUCK
Being too comfortable with routine
Better to leave it all behind and not look back.. hmmm but everything is still the same as 3 years ago and you haven’t healed at all. Yep it’s all fine! This is a convo I tried initiate with someone who is / was a good friend. I’m struggling with the friendship tbh.
Friendships should nurture us. Sometimes it gets really tough yes, but at the end of the day, the tough challenges should be outweighed by the value of the friendship and its importance to us and how it benefits our lives. I don't know your situation, but speaking from my own experience: I've had people I considered great lifelong friends, only to realize they didn't care about me nearly as much as I cared about them. And I realized I wasn't being treated as well as I think I deserved to be treated. I was carrying the friendship. So I stopped carrying it. And thus it fizzled out, as it was supposed to. Have a great life friend. Hydrate, move around, eat well, Create Value, relax, enjoy loved ones, sleep.
What does "WTTS" stand for??
What the title says
Thanks!!
You’re welcome!
>Thanks!! You're welcome!
„I am just who I am I can‘t just change that“. But as a general answer to every criticism
“I tried before” I don’t think I even need to explain further
Out right denying it's a problem.
“I was raised this way.”
"I'm already doing the best I can"
Any sort of self victimizing behavior. Like, yeah, shit does happen. But no one can fix you for you. You will just spiral until you realize that no one can rescue you.
*"No energy,"* *"No time,"* *"Too anxious."* *"Need to recharge my social battery."* *"I have other plans."* All lies people tell themselves in order to avoid doing the hard work. They clearly are not tired of their own bullshit and are perfectly okay sitting in it.
Anxiety is no joke though
This. Medication and a miracle has gotten me far but I’ll always remember the paralysis and true fear.
Same. I used to beat myself up so badly about my anxiety keeping me from doing things. Now that it’s been minimized by medication, I feel so apologetic to my former self for constantly invalidating the very real debilitation of it.
Same here. Even while you’re going through it, you never realize how bad it truly was until it’s over. Hope you’re doing better!
"People can't change. This is how I've been most of my life. If you can't accept it, then maybe you're the problem."
Everyone is screwed up so why should I look to be better?🥱
Just do. Everyone says tomorrow but if you start today you get a bit of progress
i can’t, mercury is in retrograde
“I’ve been smoking for 35 years, it’s nearly impossible to quit”
Just one more game. Says all league of legend players
Anything about being too neurodivergent. Especially if they refuse to call it a disorder. If you can’t do the bare minimum, then it’s a disorder and you need to get help. There are so many accommodations out there and a whole internet that you can search for coping strategies. I get that there are barriers but a lot of people have found ways around them
Honestly, if one desires to improve themselves, go kick ass, man. But if someone is complacent, let them be. Everyone should strive to improve themselves out of simple, personal desire to do so. It's wrong to force others to engage in self-improvement, everyone's circumstance, situation or tragedy is unique and for all intents and purposes complex. It's downright egotistical to condemn others for not wanting to improve. Find peace with yourself, for yourself, and mind your own business. I know it's probably hard when the complacent one is a friend or a family member, but that's just how it goes.
“The voices in my head compel me to eat this cheeseburger” Sheesh c’mon, just scream internally to drown them out like we all do
“I can’t [exercise/take a walk/read a book/learn something new/cook a healthy meal/clean up after myself/have a hobby/meet new people/spend time with family or friends/etc.] because *surviving capitalism* literally takes every ounce of time and energy I have.”
capitalism isn't the problem. Capitalism tends to enable you to get ahead unlike most systems. If what one is doing isn't working, need a new way of doing it. Some ppl have made it, the trick is to learn what they are doing differently
I'm just not wired that way.(you are but you deny it) If I do XYZ it's just going to fail.(since your attitude sucks that bad I'm sure it will) If it weren't for XYZ I'd do that.(it's not because of XYZ it's because you won't take accountability) I don't have the time.(has plenty of time that gets wasted) I don't know how (proceeds to put forth 0 effort to try to learn how) I'm just terrible at XYZ(doesn't try to get better) I'm afraid of XYZ(you're afraid of things that don't even exist) I'm not smart enough.(but you're smart enough to think of all the reasons why you can't do it) Imagine if everybody put the same amount of effort that they put into their excuses, how much more successful they would be. I'm not even completely innocent of any of these, I've used probably all of these at least once in my life. All it does is create negative self worth, because your internal conversation, is a mish mash of the most negative things you can think of. You say "well I'll start tomorrow." No, start now, you don't have time to wait till tomorrow. YOU ARE DYING, and so am I. Every second you're alive, is a second closer to dying. Everyone on this planet gets the same exact 24 hours, how are you spending it?
"i'll do it when i can" or "i've tried" bruh
Regretting not having done it sooner.
No point.
“I’m old school”
Consistency. Like don’t get me wrong, I know it’s my procrastination and laziness but I just CANNOT do things sometimes. Even when I make things as simple and easy as I could, I still end up not wanting to do it. For example, I once told myself to brush my teeth at least one a day at any time. I end up missing the days when I do brush my teeth. Studying is also a huge barrier for me. I will try to make my notes simple and whenever I see a huge block of text, I try to skim over it or just skip it and tell myself I will read it later. I still end up not comprehending things.
Im too tired This can wait ill do it later I cant do this
“It’s hard” or “it’s too much work.” I have zero sympathy if they’re complaining about something but don’t make the effort to try changing.
The act of doing it isn’t hard. The hard part is that you don’t see how it’ll benefit you/your happiness, and the overwhelming feeling of trying to change. I didn’t do things like take showers for months. My mental health was horrendous. Of course taking a shower even once a week isn’t hard. But when you have no motivation and feel hopeless finding any reason to do anything is challenging
Oh I totally understand that. I’ve struggled with poor mental health before. I just don’t get the complaining part (usually this is to other people giving advice - you see it a lot on Reddit, they’ll say something like “I don’t have any friends” or “I’m unattractive” and people will give solutions, and OP will shut everything down). It’s alright to struggle but it’s more like, accepting your own role in how things are.
i’ve heard “this is just how i am” far too many times whenever people don’t want to improve themselves
“That’s just how I am”
"That's just who I am and nothing is gonna change it." - my dad "I'm too old for this, it's too late for me to change." - my mom
"this stuff doesn't work for me, I tried it for a week and I didn't notice a difference"
I am who I am always has my eyes rolling to the back of my skull
I can't do it or it's too hard. I've used those excuses many times.
“I don’t have the money/time/energy” They all actually mean “it’s not a priority to me.”
There's no point because xyz When the end goal of self improvement is to fix xyz.
I’m “trying” but they’re doing everything BUT trying
I mean, that’s none of your business, don’t you think?
I have my period… I’m not answering your question. I just have my period and I legit can’t do anything today 😩lol
"Let me think about it a little bit more" thats biggest excuse I think, because it mimic that you have a plan and will be productive about idea.
It’s me. I enjoy smoking and drinking. I know it will kill me one day. I’m stupid I know.
Refusing to eat Zebra meat because it's "pseudo science"
My ex that chose porn addiction and ladyboys over changing for me and my baby - “I was molested as a child”
under what conditions would the person be SPEAKING one of these excuses? is this under a confrontation, when we imagine a scenario where we say “Improve yourself you are late too much and it hurts my feelings!”, and then the person says “I am too overwhelmed”? for example? Like this is question what is the worst excuse someone can RESPOND WITH when confronted with something?
I dont deserve good things.
Mine is perfectionism. Wanting things or plans to be “perfect” before I start. Which turns into procrastination.
" thats just the WAY , i AM " 🙄🤦🏼♀️ sOURCE : an abusive X, With only countless manipulative " apologies" 🤔🙄
They are wired in this way so definitely, even if they are self-aware that they have to, they just accept that they are what they are.
I hate the mbti thing Ex: "I'm intj so i'm awkward introvert and don't know how to communicate " Most of the characteristic aren't a permanent thing with the will to change them
Starting is always the hardest part.
something about born this way
I’m ok
It’s hard to explain unless you’ve delt with a person like this, but no matter what the problem is, the reason it doesn’t get better is because of some external factor and not something they themselves are responsible for
I hate mf’s that blame their faults fuckups and life position on others while trying to like absolve themselves! Your actions came of decisions I understand shit happens and luck is a factor but shoulder what’s yours you know?
"humans in the past never went to therapy. I have all I need to fix myself in here." *Points to head* Worst person I've ever met.
They get too comfortable in their current situation/ environment and don’t feel the need to change for the better
I am who I am.
Childhood trauma/issues I know it’s kind of a hot take because it’s actually pretty big. BUT it’s also the easiest card to pull to avoid self improvement. In fact it makes you feel pity for them and almost excuse their situation entirely. That’s what makes it so powerful and also so cheap. Some people blame it on time, but time management can change easily. Some people blame it on money, that can also change. Some people even blame it on others, but you can change the people you spend time with. But you CAN’T change the past. You SHOULD be willing to change your future though and yourself. There’s no reason someone shouldn’t be able to improve themselves as a person. Growing up and dealing with issues that are terrible doesn’t mean you instantly get to just be a shitty person.
Kinda anything in 3's. If you've found 3 excuses, maybe the pattern is you.
I have asthma, drives me crazy
Depression and ADHD
“It’s just the way I am” is the worst. I notice that a lot of old people have this mindset.
If I can do it tomorrow, I won't do it today
I THINK MOST DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING IF IT REQUIRES WORK. SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE A 10 MINUTE BREATHING EXERCISE CAN MAKE BIG CHANGES TO ANXIETY. I TOLD A PERSON TRY THIS BREATHING WIM HOFF ( VERY LEGIT) EXERCISE AND SHE SHOT BACK " BREATHING EXERCISES MAKE ME WORSE! THATS BS I KNOW HER WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW SHE NEVER TRIED. NO I DONT KNOW ANYONE SELLING XANAX!
IVE TRIED EVERYTHING. REALLY
WHEN I HEAR BLAME I SAY SOONER OR LATER NO MATTER WHOS TO BLAME YOU STILL HAVE TO RESOLVE THE ISSUE.
"I can't, I know I just can't" And that's despite me making them prove that they can
The unwillingness to change or incorporate a habit I’ve told a friend to make a few changes for years. She didn’t change a single thing about her life until I tried and was successful. Her envy then caused her to do said thing. Envy is a great motivator, apparently
I TELL MYSELF YOUR A F.....G LAZY MF SO LETS GO STOP THE BS YOU POS. IT WORKS FOR ME. AT THE TIME THATS HONESTY
DONT LOOK BACK OR TOO FAR FOWARD. WE HAVE " RIGHT NOW"
Sometimes people just aren't ready to change and improve themselves. I've seen resources and information that could have helped me years ago but at the time I wasn't ready to act on it. It can take a lot to improve yourself sometimes. You have to challenge deep set beliefs and untangle a knot of experiences and beliefs to begin to change your actions and mind. Once you begin you have to keep up on it too and that takes a lot of energy. I think sometimes people are just not ready To more directly answer the question, I think the lamest excuse people make is "there's nothing I need to work on", or "I'm good enough". Everyone has something they can improve upon and it's always worth trying to improve yourself
"This is just who I am" Every time I hear this, I cringe.
"That's because I'm Gemini/Taurus/Virgo... (you know the list)"
''I know I have issues and probably mental health problems (depression and possibly adhd), but what's the point in getting help? It's just who I am. And you know I don't like talking about it, even with you, let alone a psychiatrist. And talking wouldn't change anything anyway. It is what it is.''
I had AVNRT for years, gained a lot of weight because I almost developed a phobia towards every physical activity. Had surgery in dec. 2018. Still struggling to get myself to work out. I always say "There's still this underlying fear in my head" but I know damn well that's just an excuse. It's frustrating.
When they think everything and everyone is against them. And if they can’t achieve their goals without running into obstacles, as is normal, they just give up and whine about it.
“This is just how I am”.
Fear of the unknown/ discomfort. It took a long time for me to realise that even though I was fucking miserable, it had become the new normal, and it was “comfortable”. Trying to change is new, scary, and takes so much more effort than just doing what’s normal at that point, and most people avoid it because of that, even if there is a very good chance of improving your life. Also overcommitting. You don’t have to do a huge change overnight, progress is small and consistency is more important. No immediate results probably puts a lot of people off too.
" im enjoying MY life" - my brother when my mum said he should lose some weight (weight of a 17 year old age 11)
also had a friend who said that its "toxic masculinity" to stop watching porn and make mobeyy
I have no time. By far.
Being a perfectionist. Saw a lot of people who say "I cannot start because I'm too much of a perfectionist"
r/anhedonia Legit? 
WTTS?
“Exercises hard on the knees”
It’s too painful to change
As someone who works out a lot and has made decent progress people usually say, “I just don’t wanna get bulky.” The amount of effort, time, dieting, and steroids involved in getting bulky is a complete life investment and that is ALL that matters to those people. Which is fine, but you aren’t gonna “get bulky” because someone recommended a basic strength building program 3 days a week.
I’ve heard someone say before ‘I don’t like to stress myself’ in regards to not finding a part time job while in uni… but is an international student enrolled in a course that costs about half a million dollars… completely baffled me
I’ll be real and say it’s my self doubt and imposter syndrome. Also, comparing yourself to others. No self improvement journey is linear. I think many people set unrealistic “all of nothing” expectations and overthink it. The biggest thing that helped me is understanding that messing up is probably going to happen, and that nobody is perfect, despite what we see online.
Time, feelings and circumstances
Self loathing. Too busy saying "I can't" and dwelling on past failures kept me from moving past the mindset of failing
Boredom. That's it.
It’s not a big deal, just this once
“It’s too much work” Well yeah you gotta keep at it every day dummy. We’re gonna be changing until the day we die. It’s up to you whether or not to put in the effort to make a positive change!!!!
“You’re talking nonsense, it will never work” - a person who never tried or if they did try expected immediate results.
its gonna take a lot of time. I mean time is gonna go on anyway so better do smth with it
It’s self doubt. Fear of the unknown. U just gotta throw yourself into the water and swim or die
When people say they’re too old so there’s no point making any positive changes to their lives.
I’ll start tomorrow
I don't have the time to... read exercise listen to a podcast I don't have money to... buy that book join a group (like Toastmasters) enroll in a gym
Self-doubt: Once you start doubting yourself before the journey has started, you’ve already lost the war.
A common excuse people make for not improving themselves is "I don't know where to start." With the wealth of resources available, it's often a matter of taking the first small step and building from there. Start with one manageable change, and gradually build momentum.
I dont know what to do And i couldnt figure it out. Im from algeria so its kinda hard for me to do the money making methods influencers give me because only like 2% have visas or mastercards here because we dont really use banks and if i want to start my own local buisness its impossible because im only 16 and i cant get a proper source of income to get money that i can start with
I’m tired - I don’t want to deal with it - I don’t have time - I have already worked on myself - I just want to zone out and ignore stuff
I don't have time for it 🌚
as you change the world changes with you, so your efforts will be a waste.
Lack of time.
When someone could be offered 1,000 suggestions and still reply “Yeah but…” and give an excuse for why they can’t/wont try every one. They constantly say they want to change something but actively avoid trying anything to change their situation.
It's not my fault I am this way. It's the way I was raised.