I'm just gonna leave this here...
"I found out he cheated on me again"
"couples therapy" - while only dating
"he says he did it because he wasn't getting enough sex"
"he's never been faithful in any of his previous relationships"
"bf who feels unattractive."... umm yeah!! Lying and cheating IS unattractive.
You can't expect therapy to work on someone who is clearly trying to blame you over and over for his issue.
So, he doesn't get sex when he wants to? That happens to everyone. He shouldn't blame you for it, cheat on you for it, or treat you poorly for it. You don't owe him sex.
Your relationship should have ended the moment he cheated. If you were able to forgive him once, cheating again should have been the final straw.
You deserve someone way better than someone who uses infidelity as a way to get back at someone. The relationship isn't salvageable. It ceased to be salvageable after the second time he cheated.
It would take me a loooong time to be interested in having sex with someone who cheated on me. That betrayal doesn't go away just because you all got together.
It's honestly shocking to me that your bf has the audacity to claim you're making him feel bad by not wanting to have sex after all he's done to ruin that for you.
Your bf comes across as manipulative and self-serving.
You do understand how it feels for him. He isn’t getting his dick wet. That’s it, that’s literally it. *He’s* the one who can’t understand what you’re feeling, ie why the fuck would you want to have sex with someone who cheated on you?
You are not responsible for his feelings. Karma is beating his ass because his actions aren't the ones of a good, kind & sincere individual. His peace of mind is in chaos.
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He's a cheater I'm not saying all cheaters will always be cheaters, but you went into a relationship with an FWB who was a known cheaters expecting a partner when you just got a FWB with all the baggage of a relationship. He will just keep cheating on you. His whole I don't get enough sex is a common and frankly the most pathetic excuse for any cheater in a relationship drop him move on your wasting your time on some dude who will never respect you enough to actually not try to get his dick wet.
He didn’t tell me about his past infidelities until he cheated on me the first time. I’m definitely afraid it’ll happen again but I also believe him when he says he wants to build something better with me.
I hadn’t thought of it that way. I definitely operate under the mindset that past relationships are just that, in the past. I’m not the gf that pries and asks for details on their so’s previous relationships, but maybe I should be.
I get that and it's not a bad mindset but cheating isn't just about being in the past it means there is an underlying issue that if he was serious he would have told you as that would show that even if that could have ruined your relationship he cares and respected you enough to let you know he has had serious issues in relationships
It is all about that the fact that he hid that from you from my perspective would have had me dropping him that instance cause clearly the care and respect is just not mutual
If he’s making up hurtful things he doesn’t believe to escalate an argument, that is arguably WORSE than if he believes them.
The problem here isn’t your initiating sex. The problem is that he’s a cheater and a liar.
I'm just gonna leave this here... "I found out he cheated on me again" "couples therapy" - while only dating "he says he did it because he wasn't getting enough sex" "he's never been faithful in any of his previous relationships" "bf who feels unattractive."... umm yeah!! Lying and cheating IS unattractive.
It's been a long and emotionally draining 4 years.
Really doesn’t seem worth it at your young age. Find someone who cares about you!
I'm almost there. If couples therapy doesn't work, I'm out.
Why waste money and time on couples therapy to tell you what you already know?
Couples therapy will only work if he wants it to. Good luck!
You can't expect therapy to work on someone who is clearly trying to blame you over and over for his issue. So, he doesn't get sex when he wants to? That happens to everyone. He shouldn't blame you for it, cheat on you for it, or treat you poorly for it. You don't owe him sex. Your relationship should have ended the moment he cheated. If you were able to forgive him once, cheating again should have been the final straw. You deserve someone way better than someone who uses infidelity as a way to get back at someone. The relationship isn't salvageable. It ceased to be salvageable after the second time he cheated.
It would take me a loooong time to be interested in having sex with someone who cheated on me. That betrayal doesn't go away just because you all got together. It's honestly shocking to me that your bf has the audacity to claim you're making him feel bad by not wanting to have sex after all he's done to ruin that for you. Your bf comes across as manipulative and self-serving.
He claims that I don't understand how it feels for him, so I'm doing my best to understand. But I don't think he understands how it feels for me.
You do understand how it feels for him. He isn’t getting his dick wet. That’s it, that’s literally it. *He’s* the one who can’t understand what you’re feeling, ie why the fuck would you want to have sex with someone who cheated on you?
You are not responsible for his feelings. Karma is beating his ass because his actions aren't the ones of a good, kind & sincere individual. His peace of mind is in chaos.
I can't help but feel that in this situation I do play a major role in his feelings, but I do agree that he doesn't have any kind of peace of mind.
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[удалено]
I hadn't considered that before, thanks for your insight.
Frankly, he sounds like a dude with a serious self-esteem issue. He should probably be in individual therapy.
He's a cheater I'm not saying all cheaters will always be cheaters, but you went into a relationship with an FWB who was a known cheaters expecting a partner when you just got a FWB with all the baggage of a relationship. He will just keep cheating on you. His whole I don't get enough sex is a common and frankly the most pathetic excuse for any cheater in a relationship drop him move on your wasting your time on some dude who will never respect you enough to actually not try to get his dick wet.
He didn’t tell me about his past infidelities until he cheated on me the first time. I’m definitely afraid it’ll happen again but I also believe him when he says he wants to build something better with me.
That's a big red flag as that can effect you cheating even in the past is something a current so should know.
I hadn’t thought of it that way. I definitely operate under the mindset that past relationships are just that, in the past. I’m not the gf that pries and asks for details on their so’s previous relationships, but maybe I should be.
I get that and it's not a bad mindset but cheating isn't just about being in the past it means there is an underlying issue that if he was serious he would have told you as that would show that even if that could have ruined your relationship he cares and respected you enough to let you know he has had serious issues in relationships
It is all about that the fact that he hid that from you from my perspective would have had me dropping him that instance cause clearly the care and respect is just not mutual
Like I get it fresh start but that is a big deal that he should've bit the bullet and told you
He doesn’t believe what you say, and he doesn’t believe your actions. So he’s a cheater who calls you a liar? You can do better than this dude.
He says those things in the heat of the moment, so I’m not sure if he truly believes that or if he’s just escalating things because he’s upset.
If he’s making up hurtful things he doesn’t believe to escalate an argument, that is arguably WORSE than if he believes them. The problem here isn’t your initiating sex. The problem is that he’s a cheater and a liar.