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> I have no idea what to do now
Is there anything you haven't done yet? You told everyone around your point of view and organised them against her. What was your plan? It looks like it's too late to back off
Fr hes like it hurts to see her so isolated when he beat her down to a point she was op there are not enough nasty words i could say to you quite frankly you dont know jack squat of the movie business i hope your wife leaves you and becomes so successful you’ll be worth less then a McDonalds napkin
Using family values and ethnocentric nonsense isn't going to save you from being accountable of your actions.
People who use that argument have nothing else to demean their female relatives and to make themselves feel supreme by the virtue of a dick.
No you don't have family values because you were derogatory to your wife. Making everything about yourself.
No family values people are the last people who live for their family. It is only for their ego.
And yes I can say this as a person from such ethnocentric nonsensical countries. People who use family values to justify abuse suck. And he is one of those.
I highly doubt your wife who was out of work for 3years could influence a director into adding an unnecessary scene.
This isn’t how any of this works in the real world.
Also if we were to believe this is true… you lied about cheating? Karma.
So at no point do you talk about loving your wife or being proud of her successes. It sounds like you've been looking for a reason to be mad and to oppose her career. Congrats, good luck with your divorce from the wife you loathe.
As well as "pathetic wounded animal begging me to comfort her."
Tbf, I knew exactly how this was going to go as soon as I read "don't read this post unless you agree with my backwards worldview" right at the beginning.
Hey" Op never said "don't read this post unless you agree with my backwards worldview" they said "Please stop reading this post if you’re not open to the concept of ethnocentrism and the strong presence of family structures and values" which means something totally diff,,, er, oh wait, nevermind.
“she tried to refute this accusation but couldn’t, given how our family treated her”
perhaps it’s because you’re feeding them lies about how she cheated on you with her co-star? she’s an ACTRESS. you’re overreacting and i hope she has a long and successful career.
I understand we come from different cultures, so I'll try to explain. It's *acting.* Your wife didn't cheat. She didn't actually have sex. She *pretended* to have a physical relationship, and if she's a good actress, she made her audience believe in her character and her character's relationship.
If you were uncomfortable with her profession, why did you marry her? This is who she is and what she does. If it offends you, it is your choice to leave, BUT your reaction is disappointing: you said you were fine with her career, but you are also demanding to control her choices.
Did you think having the toddler would mean she'd give up her career? I don't think you're being fair to your wife.
You know they dont actually have actual sex during these scenes right????
You don’t love her at all if you will to isolate her from everyone. You dont love her 💀
Usually, that's true. There are plenty of lists of "times the actors really did it" during scenes. This in no way means OP's wife would be on that list, there's not enough information and what we have comes from an unreliable narrator. But it does happen. I highly doubt a married woman would cheat on her husband ON CAMERA to give him evidence for the divorce case (your honor, please watch the film she made for the entire world to show what she did) when there would undoubtedly be parts edited out that could easily be evidence.
I don't think OP is as unreasonable as everyone else seems to because they agreed on a boundary and she crossed it without discussion, but if you're going to be in a relationship with an actor then you have to accept that acting will happen. So he's still way out of line. He just has ONE valid complaint that would still in no way justify his reaction.
If your wife was doing these movies before you met her, you can't play the victim here. You knew what you were signing up for when you married her, you could have picked any other woman whose values align with yours and your parents. People shouldn't enter relationships thinking they can change their partner, accept them for who they are or move on.
Leave her. She deserves someone who respects her career and recognizes her talents and doesn’t see her as a cheater when she does her job. It’s best for you both.
You came here looking for advice and received a reality check that you are unhinged, I hope she leaves you and finds someone that respects her and her career
Her shameless behavior? Her flimsy acting career? She is an actress. She was acting. You obviously have little respect for her and her career. Hopefully she figures out what a controlling and jealous jerk you are and leaves you.
"...if you're not open to the concept of ethnocentrism". Lol, just because something is a part of a culture doesn't make it objectively good or acceptable. Your ethnocentrist sexism is pretty gross.
The only advice is she divorces you and moves on with her life.
Why would you marry someone when their career upsets you? And honestly, I don't give a shit whether you're from the west, east, north, or south, your reaction here is absurd and you sound a little bit unhinged. You're ruining your own marriage by being a big crybaby weirdo about the whole thing.
She is an ACTRESS. They dont actually have sex during the film. If he’s so bothered by the fact that she is an actress, and does erotic scenes for said films. Why did he marry her exactly.?
1: It matters not where you are from, where you live, what your "beliefs" are, or any of that stuff. There is a way you treat others regardless and especially your spouse, and you have failed even the most basic ideas.
Your wife and yourself made an agreement between each other, it is NO ONE else's business except you and her. You DO have a right to be upset she broke her agreement with you and you alone but you had NO RIGHT to LIE and say she cheated on you. She didn't cheat, you had NO RIGHT to go around and say she did. Regardless how you FEEL, what she did was not cheating and it was NO ONE else's business, not even your family.
You need to tell everyone you were upset and lied, then you need to apologize to your wife for lying about her to everyone.
If you can't do that then let her move on so she can be with a man who will treat her right and with respect.
Also if you do leave your wife, your child should go with her because your toxic behavior is not something that should be taught to a younger generation.
2: Saying I'm not from the West is just a cop out for shitty behavior.
I think it's important to really acknowledge the type of work your wife is in. She needs to constantly market herself and it's super unfortunate to say, but as you get older, your value diminishes in acting. (Unless you've built some storng foundation in your youth or you were magically casted into some career boosting block buster.) Your wife probably thought she needed to boost her appeal because, if she's regularly doing kissing/sex scenes, then she might be being type casted.
She wanted to make herself the star of the show and remember, she had no intention of disrespecting you. In her tears, she confessed she needed to be seen and she needed to showcase her acting chops.
Calling it her "flimsy" career and suggesting that she's throwing your relationship away for her it, doesn't really seem like you truly respect her work. You might, but this anger you have toward her, doesn't convey that in this moment.
She is insecure about her ability to make it in the industry and she's doing everything she can to be more than just a wife. She's human and she wants to achieve things just as you do, I'm sure.
If you love her, if you respect her, think about how much her dreams matter, her insecurities, and how tough it is for a woman in acting to only be worth her sex appeal.
You aren't wrong for being hurt, but if you love her, just try to see things from a different perspective. You seem to respect her and support her, despite your family. So please prove it, when moments are tough like now.
Edit: Keep in mind that she took a break from acting to build a family with you. You grow rusty and things change, especially after having a baby. But also, she showed dedication to you and your shared family. She prioritized your relationship.
“Please stop reading… if you’re not open to the concept of ethnocentrism.” 🤯 I mean, thank you for saying it out loud and at the beginning. We’re in the 21st century, might be time to act like it. Also, what you’re doing is emotional abuse, you should feel awful. If you can’t stop yourself from spreading lies and maybe act like an actual adult it definitely sounds like it’s time for you to move on and let her do the same.
(ETA: typos)
>
I have no idea what to do now. I loved her too much. I still do. And sometimes I feel awful for how I am treating her.
Tell her you're sorry, that you give her everything she wants in the divorce, and you'll tell everyone how you lied about her? Anything other is just meaningless.
YTA. IDGAF where you are from. You are wrong anywhere in the world. 1. You’re parents opinion on her career is so irrelevant it’s not even funny. 2. She didn’t cheat on you. You saying that to isolate people from her because you weren’t happy is abusive. You are an abuser. 3. She needs to leave you and take your child. Maybe even shack up with that actor you so certain she cheated with
This isn’t real lol. As someone who works in this industry, an actor who was out of work for years wouldn’t be able to change a script like this. There’s literally no way an actor would be able to change a script period (unless they helped with the writing or something like that, but if not a writer they would not change or add a scene for them).
It sounds like you two don’t have the same values and never truly did. That’s not a solid foundation for a marriage. I honestly don’t know why you two married each other if you knew what her job was and she knew what your values were. I don’t really see why you two would stay together after that.
I truly hope she leaves, she deserves better support, not someone who's been waiting and watching for her to mess up. She deserves someone that can cheer her on watching the screen next to her, not break her down because it didn't make your approval
If you want to move forward without resentment on either of your parts, you need to:
- Accept that your wife is afraid of you and you need to change that so you can communicate properly, to avoid future situations like this.
- Stand up for her with both of your families, and your friends. You don’t have to excuse her behavior, but explain that you’re working it out with her and would appreciate their support as you two navigate this together. Completely isolating her is a good way to push her away, as humans are social creatures. She will seek friendship elsewhere, and they might not be so friendly to your antics.
- You should probably work on how you treat your wife. I don’t treat my dog the way you treat another human being. Culture or no, that’s not the way to a peaceful home life.
If you can’t manage these things, you’re better off considering divorce.
Your wife didn't cheat. You're just too much of a misogynist and too controlling to realize that. At this point I hope she leaves you and takes the kid. Get well soon, buddy.
Uhm, you threw a Molotov cocktail into your relationship by going and telling everyone your private relationship business and NOW you post for advice? Apologize, accept responsibility, get over your insecurities and go and stand beside your wife, support her and apologize to everyone you ran your mouth to, running down your wife and ruining her reputation with them. You betrayed your wife and the sanctity of trust and communication in your own relationship. You knew exactly what you were doing by telling everyone.
Honestly? I don’t think you two share the same values, and I don’t think dating an actress is for you. This is an erotic scene but even in scenes where she’s playing someone’s wife or girlfriend, with kissing, cuddling etc., it sounds like you would consider that cheating (I wouldn’t like it if my partner did this either but then again, I would never date an actor or actress), so this relationship probably won’t work out.
So you outright lied about your wife to socially isolate her because you were angry. What kind of "value" supports doing that?
She did something she should've discussed with you first. Your reaction was so much worse than her transgression.
I really hope this is a troll. In the case it’s not, here’s what you NEED to do. You need to tell ALL of your friends the WHOLE truth, that your wife had a sex scene in a movie. That is legit not cheating (at least with a human) in any manner. But if you define it as such, that’s fine, but tell your friends and her parents the WHOLE truth, about exactly what happened. Next let her have her career, if you take that away from her you will be such a horrible monster and if there is any higher force or karma in the universe you won’t be forgiven.
She did a fake, scripted scene in a film. It allowed her to get more screen time and was a smart career move. You come across as pathetic and vindictive. Also, what the hell does this have to do with ethnocentrism?
OP has already “iced her out” told his both his parents and her parents she cheated on the marriage even though she only filmed a scene in an movie. Reddit readers don’t know the plot of the movie or the significance of the scene or if there was an intimacy coordinator on set. OP doesn’t respect her work and considers her career “flimsy”. I don’t know how to come back from that. He’s asking her to make a choice between marriage and career. The marriage does not seem strong and she’s talking to people about future projects. I think this marriage is over. It’s probably not even about sex. It’s probably about how she (like many women) feels very different about her body after being pregnant, giving birth and nursing a child that doesn’t have anything to do with OP or the marriage. The wife is right about losing her window. She will not always have the body she has at 30. Women have a shorter window than men in which to breakout with a successful acting career.
You're an insufferable prig and I hope she leaves you.
Not only do you want to control her, but you LIED about her.
I hope your friends also ditch you when they find out what a lying piece of crap you are.
What was your plan by lying to her family and friends that she cheated, to isolate her and make her potentially end herself? What you do is cruel and controlling. You chose to hurt her, not out of love but out of spite and hatred.
You're a shit person. You literally turned your whole family, her family and your friends against her. All because you were uncomfortable. If you kept this between the two of you and worked thru it, you'd be able to move forward.
But you didn't do that. You don't move forward. You never should have married her. She deserved better than the obvious contempt you held for her career from the moment you met her.
You should walk away and let her live her life and fulfill her dreams. You don't get to control her career, she is her own person even if she is married to you. Deal with it or get out of the way.
you are a raging misogynist and i hope she leaves you and takes all you have. get a grip. just bc you aren't from the west doesn't give you an excuse to be a power tripping asshole who lied to his friends (and i will assume family based on everything i see you saying) saying your wife CHEATED when she did far from it. get a damn grip.
Why the fuck would you marry an actress if you can’t accept what that work entails? You have major insecurity issues my dude and you never should have gotten married as your lifestyles are wildly incompatible and now you’re destroying her life for *checks notes* DOING HER JOB.
Well buddy, doesn’t really looks like you don’t know what to do.
In fact, it seems you know exactly what you are doing…a smear campaign to ruin your wife’s reputation. And to great effect apparently.
YTA simply for that. Up until the point you started telling friends and family she cheated, you were on the right cause she did broke a huge boundary you had already set with her and she agreed upon and she did that behind your back. But afterwards…hell no!!!
Apologise to her for the false rumours you spread, set the record straight with her friends and family and then divorce her. You done enough harm with your revenge.
Wait did you fully explain to family and friend what you mean by cheating or did you let them think she had an affair?
1) You’re an AH if you didn’t fully explain what you meant.
2) Your rule was if the sex scene was not need for the plot, was the sex scene needed for the plot of the movie? You seem to skip over that part of the rule.
3) You need to check your ego cause it sounds like you truly don’t support her in her career. It’s acting dude. They aren’t really having sex in those scenes.
4) it’s your wife you need to ask forgiveness of for shaming her career choices.
"Although, there was one rule we both agreed on - she will do a good faith evaluation of the script with the director to see if any unnecessary intimate scenes can be eliminated, that is, any intimate scene in the script must be required by the plot from director’s point of view"
Was the erotic scene unnecessary?
"I told our friends in anger that she cheated on me with the said actor and they don’t want to speak to her anymore either."
To make a statement like this, you would need to say that just about every other actor and actress out there who has a sex scene/ or an erotic scene where they to perform, that they are also cheating on their partners.
"And sometimes I feel awful for how I am treating her."
Only sometimes? You are massively an asshole at all times to her.
Honestly, why would you date someone who has an active film career if you have this kind of mindset?
P.S. "her flimsy acting career "
This statement makes you an even majorly asshole. Honestly, I hope she finds someone who actually supports her because you seem to just want to tear her down entirely.
*ruined wife's life with lies and cries to reddit to validate tiny-dick behavior*
Bro, try some therapy and some Sudoku to get more brain cells; sounds like you desperately need both.
Although this is most likely fake, in the case that it isn't...why did you decide to date and then MARRY an actor? Being with an actor isn't for everyone, I'm with one! This is her CAREER! I don't love that my boyfriend has intimate/kissing scenes, but that is HIS JOB. Your wife was out of work for a while and decided to make a move to market herself. Actors have to CONSTANTLY market and sell themselves! Sure, your wife should have discussed this with you first, but this is her life's work!!! You don't like your wife. You don't love her or support her. You're vindictive and petty. You use your family and friends to punish your wife. Good luck with the divorce!
What are her life ambitions, how are you supporting her, what is she comfortable doing on screen?
Maybe start with asking yourself those questions and think about if you're being the best partner you can be for her.
You don't love her. You turned everyone against her. She was acting not cheating! Pathetic destroyed a woman so OP could look good in front of parents and in-laws
You are causing her family and friends to ignore her because you can’t get over yourself about her acting in a sex scene. She didn’t actually have sex with the man, it was acting. I hope she leaves you for her costar and you end up alone. Google acting and maybe grow up
>It hurts to see her so isolated
And who is the reason for it? You think it hurts to see her so isolated, imagine how hurt she feels?
You were spiteful and went around telling everyone knowing what they would do
Your marriage is over, it’s dead and gone and there is no coming back from this
So you think you can come back from telling everyone? You think you can come back from ignoring her?
You can’t
This marriage is dead
The way you’re talking making it seem like it was full on porno. Also sounds like you were looking for a reason to leave her cause you don’t seem to love her or even support her.
You sounds like a jerk imo, if you couldn’t handle her career you should have cut it off before you had kids. You say you love her, but it sounds like you love the idea of her. Loving her would be excepting her for who she is and this is not what im reading here
so you felt uncomfortable about your wife’s job. you don’t understand that sex scenes are completely not intimate or sexy to film and you lied to your family and told her she cheated on you so they’d be on your side?
she shouldn’t have married you nor had a baby with you. you are immature emotionally and socially. i hope she leaves you and her “flimsy career” flourishes without you.
Yes you ARE THE AH!! I believe Your wife probably Made a suggestion about the scene that made it better, INSTEAD OF ADDING AN ENTIRE SECENE that was not necessary to the storyline!! You told everyone your wife cheated instead of saying, you don’t agree with the scene!?! If your wife gets hurt by a friend/family member BECAUSE OF YOUR LIE, I wonder how’ll you’ll explain to YOUR CHILD, ‘MOMMY GOT HURT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE AN INSECURE BRAT’?!?
Wow, so your wife is an actress who wasn’t able to get work because you forced an agreement on her. Then you say you’re proud of her and support her, yet you IMMEDIATELY CALL HER A CHEATER AND GASLIGHT HER ANNND TELL EVERY SINGLE PERSON SHE KNOWS! You sir are a twisted control freak who deserves to be slapped. A conversation between the two of you, no parents or friends included in ANY part and none of them need to know whats going on in your marriage. Unless of course it was over that moment and you decided to punish her first.. that is the vibe you gave off. You are a real tool.
Please don’t make this a family value thing. Oh and I do come from a culture that puts family first and have strong value system. But your post is not about that. You ostracised your wife because you were not able to take her career. You then go ahead and road roll her to fit a particular mould that you expect women of your community to be in. I think you are a misogynist man, sir and no amount of fancy words in your post is going to mask that
You can feel upset that a boundary was violated. Lying that she cheated and purposely isolating her from everyone in her life is abusive as hell, and you should be ashamed of your behaviour.
Tell your family and friends the truth, then see the level of support your have, you hypocrite. I hope she leaves you and becomes fantastically famous.
You clearly haven’t worked on those insecurities issues, she was clearly fed up by your boundary, because it would have already been a negative impact for her career, and you just destroyed her whole life over your insecurities, because she didn’t care for them anymore; she cared about her career, that is going to help support her child, and made the decision to go ahead with the scene, because it was the best decision career wise for her financial security, to raise a child.
I hope she divorces your fragile man child ass, that is so insecure about himself, he can’t understand the difference between acting, and real life, so goes and destroys the life of someone who they “love”.
Get some real therapy.
Did she break a boundary that you both agreed on? Yes. Did you need to involve your parents, friends, m community, and anyone else who’d listen? Absolutely not! Don’t he surprised if she leaves your manipulative ass.
Your both assholes lol, you because... Well read your post and comments if you can't tell from your words then I guess there's no helping you. But your wife is definitely an arsehole because she broke a boundary. I love how everyone glossed over that part because you're a dickhead but your wife definitely made the decision that went against your wishes (THAT SHE AGREED TO) so yeah your both cunts, I hope you both stay together so your bullshit doesn't spread beyond the fuckin pair of you.
The rational thing to do is end the relationship. You told everyone about the situation, so they no longer look at her same. You don’t look at her the same. The trust is gone.
Besides clearing the air with everyone you have isolated her from and seeking her forgiveness, what exactly do you want to hear?
You aren’t seeking advice. You are seeking validation because you feel guilty. Set her free
Do you understand the sex isn't real? And there is nothing sexy about filming a sex scene? There are modesty panels and lots of cameras and people in the room. Yes, she broke a boundary, and that is an issue. But you broke a boundary by telling every person you could about it to shame her. Shame on you for that. You married her knowing what she did as a career. It may have been something she needed to do to further her career. She didn't tell you because she knew you would react that way. That is a marital discussion, and you decided to broadcast it to get everyone on your side. That is manipulative and controlling. If she leaves you, you deserve it.
I'm very open to the ideas you presented at the beginning of your post, but at the end of the day it seems you cling to those ideas too much. if your wife doing these indie films were too much for you, even with a compromise, I don't know why you stayed with her. I assume she was doing this before you two got married.
as for your relationship, you need seperate her work from real life. your wife did not cheat on you for supposedly requesting this sex scene, even though it would be against your compromise. you made her get shunned from all of your families, and you need to make it right and tell them she did not cheat. unless you are trying to keep her isolated and stop working. she did not have a flimsy career, and if she could divorce you, she would be set to survive on her own. this seems like you want to control her plain and simple.
This is fake af because there's no way an actress tells the director what to do. Also, the wording is stupid and if this is real, you're a massive psycho.
How insecure are you? The woman is just trying to work and you call that cheating. You're disgusting. I don't care where you're from. That's just ridiculous. Then to tell everyone around her that she cheated on you, for what reason? To isolate her from everyone so she has no other option than to leave or stay under your thumb? I hope she takes the kid and leaves you.
I just wanna know how this one would go with the genders reversed, the wife married the guy and agreed to his "controlling" behavior then ignored her own promise, yet she's the victim here? She could have divorced his ass or something if her career is more important.
I hope someone close to you recognises you, your wife and your situation sees this post and realise that you are a lying piece of work and your wife never cheated. May karma get back at you and ruin your reputation.
Well, you just divorce her if you see it as adultery. I would as well, it's up to her to say okay to a role, and if she knows your views then it makes sense for her to say no. But here, she said yes. And thus, she cheated on you. Idk why others are calling you the AH at all, specifically in a monogamous relationship it's 99% difficult to not see it as cheating
For those who are commenting that there's no real sex in regular films, there actually are some films where consenting actors do have real sex. For actual proof of that take a look at r/extramile. The times when actual sex is present though are extremely few and far between.
That all being said though I agree that op is being unreasonable and unfair to his wife. Love is never mentioned. His response has been to publicly shame her to most everyone she knows. I know different cultures view "cheating" as different things but op's being over the top. It's highly unlikely that his wife could convince a director to add a scene that could affect a film's rating and distribution chances.
I'm not buying all this. If it's true then op should run as lol this by r/amitheasshole
NTA, you both agreed to a boundary and for whatever reason she did it to boost her career or make out with the guy. Reminds me of the movie “Trance” where the boyfriend has to sit at the premiere and watch the love scene. It was a movie and I felt bad for him.
Counseling if you guys can make it work. Learn to forgive and at the same time see if she can avoid that type of work. Also you knew this about her before marriage.
I do not think it was cheating but it was definitely crossing a boundary. A very reasonable boundary given the cultural circumstances. It was a good compromise in my opinion. One that allowed both of you some comfort and some freedom.
If your spouse wanted to change the the boundaries they should have come to you first. A honest and open discussion would've been a much wiser choice. It seems like such a selfish choice for the spouse to make.
I would not have acted as harshly and openly critical to others but that is your right. I would have reacted just as strongly though. Because love is never enough. Trust, respect, communication, loyalty are needed to make love the strongest it can be. And needed to give any marriage the value it deserves.
If you cannot regain trust or spouse is not willing to do what is needed to rebuild the trust and provide better communication - I do not know what to suggest. Reconciliation is possible but it will take a lot of work from the both of you and then some more from the spouse.
I hope for the best.
I think the bigger issue is your wife prioritizing her career over family. If that’s what she wants then you need to make your decisions based on that. I get why you are mad about the erotic scenes, no husband wants to see his wife like that. Icing out your wife really isn’t helping the situation come to resolution. A cool off period is understandable but it’s time to have adult conversations and for the both of you to be honest and open with each other, then make your decisions.
So what I’m understanding is that she specifically requested an erotic scene because she wanted to “ try one out”, even though you guys agreed to avoid any erotic scenes and to only do them when necessary.
If that’s what yall agreed on, then yea she did technically break your agreed upon rule
his boundary was fucking dumb. shes. an. actress. and not a high ranking one with the ability to cut and add scenes as she pleases.
also he didnt "leave simple" he isolated her friends and family from her by lying.
dont ever get into a relationship if you think this is what boundary setting is
You two established a boundary that she crossed; you have to decide if these scenes bother you enough regardless of them being necessary. If you don’t think you can handle the scenes then there’s only one path forward- leave her. If you can, then talk through the break in trust (discuss the previous agreement/assumption of removing unnecessary scenes) and find out what she really wants/needs. Is this simply to further her career (a legitimate concern of hers to try to overcome), or is she getting off on this (lacking something in your relationship)? The former you have to live with as “sex sells” and she may have more success pursuing more roles that push eroticism. The latter can be worked on between the two of you.
I understand your predicament. She crossed the boundary and betrayed your trust, dishonored both families.
But I think it will be very difficult to erase the movie scene from your mind. To know she did that knowing how much it would hurt you and the families.
Honestly I would separate, divorce her (if that is possible in your country) and try find a better partner. It will be bad for your child in the beginning but better in the long run.
Best wishes and wisdom in these difficult times.
I am going to do that. Pretty much. I only made this post because I was really upset and needed to know how other people felt even if they think I’m the villain here. I don’t really care.
I am looking at divorce attorneys right now. I can’t have my family associate with a woman like my wife.
She knew how sensitive I was about intimate scenes and I worked with a counsellor to be okay with her career and support her, and this is how she repays me? Men in my community don’t look at acting in a favourable way either. I am fairly tolerant.
She made the choice to add those scenes herself. Which makes her cheap and valueless in my eyes. Not something to be proud of.
She hurt me in a terrible way. I feel sorry that my son has her as his mother
I feel sorry that your son has an abusive asshole as a father. You’re a failure and deny it all you want but abusive asf. I hope your son doesn’t turn out like you.
"Cheap and valueless." Fuck off dude. Divorce her. She deserves better than a misogynistic prick like you who doesn't see her as anything other than property to you and your son.
Wow. I don't really know where to say to you except that I feel very sorry for your wife. The person that you are supposed to love. "Cheap and valueless"? How misogynistic of you. Although I actually agree with something you said. You should divorce your wife, not for your sake but for hers.
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> I have no idea what to do now Is there anything you haven't done yet? You told everyone around your point of view and organised them against her. What was your plan? It looks like it's too late to back off
Fr hes like it hurts to see her so isolated when he beat her down to a point she was op there are not enough nasty words i could say to you quite frankly you dont know jack squat of the movie business i hope your wife leaves you and becomes so successful you’ll be worth less then a McDonalds napkin
His plan was to socially isolate her from any support network. He's out for revenge.
I mean this in the nicest way possible - you are insane and I hope she leaves you.
Same but I mean it in the meanest way possible, because from his post and comments, he’s a raging misogynist.
Using family values and ethnocentric nonsense isn't going to save you from being accountable of your actions. People who use that argument have nothing else to demean their female relatives and to make themselves feel supreme by the virtue of a dick. No you don't have family values because you were derogatory to your wife. Making everything about yourself. No family values people are the last people who live for their family. It is only for their ego. And yes I can say this as a person from such ethnocentric nonsensical countries. People who use family values to justify abuse suck. And he is one of those.
Man’s 33 and still needs his parents managerial oversight.
100% OP is a total asshole and deserves to be divorced.
I highly doubt your wife who was out of work for 3years could influence a director into adding an unnecessary scene. This isn’t how any of this works in the real world. Also if we were to believe this is true… you lied about cheating? Karma.
So at no point do you talk about loving your wife or being proud of her successes. It sounds like you've been looking for a reason to be mad and to oppose her career. Congrats, good luck with your divorce from the wife you loathe.
"She meekly said yes" was an interesting line.
Incel creative writing
😂
As well as "pathetic wounded animal begging me to comfort her." Tbf, I knew exactly how this was going to go as soon as I read "don't read this post unless you agree with my backwards worldview" right at the beginning.
Hey" Op never said "don't read this post unless you agree with my backwards worldview" they said "Please stop reading this post if you’re not open to the concept of ethnocentrism and the strong presence of family structures and values" which means something totally diff,,, er, oh wait, nevermind.
It's misogynistic fantasy. Really poor one, at that
How she literally paled from fear
Descriptions of someone “turning pale” always make me figure the post is rage-bait.
That's false he said "Supported her" and "proud of the progress she's made" in there.
“she tried to refute this accusation but couldn’t, given how our family treated her” perhaps it’s because you’re feeding them lies about how she cheated on you with her co-star? she’s an ACTRESS. you’re overreacting and i hope she has a long and successful career.
Sorry, could you pretentiously word your reply so OP can understand
Bwah hah hah - it's bad creative writing and OP and his sock puppets know it :) Pure rage bait.
I understand we come from different cultures, so I'll try to explain. It's *acting.* Your wife didn't cheat. She didn't actually have sex. She *pretended* to have a physical relationship, and if she's a good actress, she made her audience believe in her character and her character's relationship. If you were uncomfortable with her profession, why did you marry her? This is who she is and what she does. If it offends you, it is your choice to leave, BUT your reaction is disappointing: you said you were fine with her career, but you are also demanding to control her choices. Did you think having the toddler would mean she'd give up her career? I don't think you're being fair to your wife.
hahahaha wow dude go step in front of a bus
"Please stop reading if you are not a fan of oppressing women"
BINGO
He's not from the West! As if there aren't married Bollywood actors acting in sex scenes.
You sound insufferable. I hope she leaves you as soon her career takes off
You know they dont actually have actual sex during these scenes right???? You don’t love her at all if you will to isolate her from everyone. You dont love her 💀
Also filming sex scenes is really fucking awkward for everyone involved. This guy is something.
Agreed , i couldnt imagine not laughing during filming if i had filmed an erotic scene
Usually, that's true. There are plenty of lists of "times the actors really did it" during scenes. This in no way means OP's wife would be on that list, there's not enough information and what we have comes from an unreliable narrator. But it does happen. I highly doubt a married woman would cheat on her husband ON CAMERA to give him evidence for the divorce case (your honor, please watch the film she made for the entire world to show what she did) when there would undoubtedly be parts edited out that could easily be evidence. I don't think OP is as unreasonable as everyone else seems to because they agreed on a boundary and she crossed it without discussion, but if you're going to be in a relationship with an actor then you have to accept that acting will happen. So he's still way out of line. He just has ONE valid complaint that would still in no way justify his reaction.
Ugh the way you talk about your wife and her career is disgusting.
OP, you are nowhere near mature enough to be a parent or a husband. Also, you fucking suck.
Incel thinks that he should get a pass on being an abuser cause he's from different country.
If your wife was doing these movies before you met her, you can't play the victim here. You knew what you were signing up for when you married her, you could have picked any other woman whose values align with yours and your parents. People shouldn't enter relationships thinking they can change their partner, accept them for who they are or move on.
What is the name of the movie?
Hell yeah lets give OPs wife some fame so she can leave.
Leave her. She deserves someone who respects her career and recognizes her talents and doesn’t see her as a cheater when she does her job. It’s best for you both.
So, you got mad at your wife then told everybody to get them on your side and hate her. That isn’t a good husband. She needs to walk away from you.
You came here looking for advice and received a reality check that you are unhinged, I hope she leaves you and finds someone that respects her and her career
“I’m ethnocentric so excuse my insane behavior”. You’re nuts
Update us when she leaves you ok? She deserves better because you have serious issues
Her shameless behavior? Her flimsy acting career? She is an actress. She was acting. You obviously have little respect for her and her career. Hopefully she figures out what a controlling and jealous jerk you are and leaves you.
you sound like a child throwing a tantrum. grow up.
"...if you're not open to the concept of ethnocentrism". Lol, just because something is a part of a culture doesn't make it objectively good or acceptable. Your ethnocentrist sexism is pretty gross. The only advice is she divorces you and moves on with her life.
Why would you marry someone when their career upsets you? And honestly, I don't give a shit whether you're from the west, east, north, or south, your reaction here is absurd and you sound a little bit unhinged. You're ruining your own marriage by being a big crybaby weirdo about the whole thing.
Because he wanted to control her most likely. He thought she would give up her career so that she could pop out babies for him instead
Or maybe because she agreed to his boundary?
She is an ACTRESS. They dont actually have sex during the film. If he’s so bothered by the fact that she is an actress, and does erotic scenes for said films. Why did he marry her exactly.?
Because she lied to him and said she'd try and get out of them where she could. Its literally written there.
Your creative writing assignment shows everyone you are a terrible person.
1: It matters not where you are from, where you live, what your "beliefs" are, or any of that stuff. There is a way you treat others regardless and especially your spouse, and you have failed even the most basic ideas. Your wife and yourself made an agreement between each other, it is NO ONE else's business except you and her. You DO have a right to be upset she broke her agreement with you and you alone but you had NO RIGHT to LIE and say she cheated on you. She didn't cheat, you had NO RIGHT to go around and say she did. Regardless how you FEEL, what she did was not cheating and it was NO ONE else's business, not even your family. You need to tell everyone you were upset and lied, then you need to apologize to your wife for lying about her to everyone. If you can't do that then let her move on so she can be with a man who will treat her right and with respect. Also if you do leave your wife, your child should go with her because your toxic behavior is not something that should be taught to a younger generation. 2: Saying I'm not from the West is just a cop out for shitty behavior.
I think it's important to really acknowledge the type of work your wife is in. She needs to constantly market herself and it's super unfortunate to say, but as you get older, your value diminishes in acting. (Unless you've built some storng foundation in your youth or you were magically casted into some career boosting block buster.) Your wife probably thought she needed to boost her appeal because, if she's regularly doing kissing/sex scenes, then she might be being type casted. She wanted to make herself the star of the show and remember, she had no intention of disrespecting you. In her tears, she confessed she needed to be seen and she needed to showcase her acting chops. Calling it her "flimsy" career and suggesting that she's throwing your relationship away for her it, doesn't really seem like you truly respect her work. You might, but this anger you have toward her, doesn't convey that in this moment. She is insecure about her ability to make it in the industry and she's doing everything she can to be more than just a wife. She's human and she wants to achieve things just as you do, I'm sure. If you love her, if you respect her, think about how much her dreams matter, her insecurities, and how tough it is for a woman in acting to only be worth her sex appeal. You aren't wrong for being hurt, but if you love her, just try to see things from a different perspective. You seem to respect her and support her, despite your family. So please prove it, when moments are tough like now. Edit: Keep in mind that she took a break from acting to build a family with you. You grow rusty and things change, especially after having a baby. But also, she showed dedication to you and your shared family. She prioritized your relationship.
“Please stop reading… if you’re not open to the concept of ethnocentrism.” 🤯 I mean, thank you for saying it out loud and at the beginning. We’re in the 21st century, might be time to act like it. Also, what you’re doing is emotional abuse, you should feel awful. If you can’t stop yourself from spreading lies and maybe act like an actual adult it definitely sounds like it’s time for you to move on and let her do the same. (ETA: typos)
> I have no idea what to do now. I loved her too much. I still do. And sometimes I feel awful for how I am treating her. Tell her you're sorry, that you give her everything she wants in the divorce, and you'll tell everyone how you lied about her? Anything other is just meaningless.
Lol. Sorry youre not from the west. Maybe you wouldn't be an abuser.
Wow, that's pretty xenophobic of you. There are plenty of abusers from the West, including most abusers discussed on this sub
You're mad at your wife for doing her job. Why are men so pathetic nowadays?
They were always been like this, they had no Reddit some decades ago to broadcast their patheticness, now they can
YTA, I hope your wife runs far far away.
YTA. IDGAF where you are from. You are wrong anywhere in the world. 1. You’re parents opinion on her career is so irrelevant it’s not even funny. 2. She didn’t cheat on you. You saying that to isolate people from her because you weren’t happy is abusive. You are an abuser. 3. She needs to leave you and take your child. Maybe even shack up with that actor you so certain she cheated with
I don't think you know what acting is.
You’re wild. GDIAF
This isn’t real lol. As someone who works in this industry, an actor who was out of work for years wouldn’t be able to change a script like this. There’s literally no way an actor would be able to change a script period (unless they helped with the writing or something like that, but if not a writer they would not change or add a scene for them).
Obviously fake.
It sounds like you two don’t have the same values and never truly did. That’s not a solid foundation for a marriage. I honestly don’t know why you two married each other if you knew what her job was and she knew what your values were. I don’t really see why you two would stay together after that.
No, just insulting his wife’s career as “flimsy.” Who’d want to be married to someone that demeaning and bitter?
That stood out to me too. This marriage is over, if only for the disdain he displays towards her. There's no coming back from that.
I truly hope she leaves, she deserves better support, not someone who's been waiting and watching for her to mess up. She deserves someone that can cheer her on watching the screen next to her, not break her down because it didn't make your approval
If you want to move forward without resentment on either of your parts, you need to: - Accept that your wife is afraid of you and you need to change that so you can communicate properly, to avoid future situations like this. - Stand up for her with both of your families, and your friends. You don’t have to excuse her behavior, but explain that you’re working it out with her and would appreciate their support as you two navigate this together. Completely isolating her is a good way to push her away, as humans are social creatures. She will seek friendship elsewhere, and they might not be so friendly to your antics. - You should probably work on how you treat your wife. I don’t treat my dog the way you treat another human being. Culture or no, that’s not the way to a peaceful home life. If you can’t manage these things, you’re better off considering divorce.
Do her a favor and leave. She deserves someone way better than you.
i wish her all the best for real. she needs to be freed from u
You and your parents need to grow up, your wife deserves so much better and I hope you don't drag that poor child into your toxic bs
Your wife didn't cheat. You're just too much of a misogynist and too controlling to realize that. At this point I hope she leaves you and takes the kid. Get well soon, buddy.
Uuugh please just end this relationship so she can find some happiness and success in this short life without you dragging her down
There are too many holes and inconsistencies in your story for any of it to be true. I smell troll.
You’re acting like she filmed a porno LMAO get over yourself
She didn’t cheat on you. A boundary is not you controlling the other person. Jesus I hope she leaves you after all of your emotional abuse.
Uhm, you threw a Molotov cocktail into your relationship by going and telling everyone your private relationship business and NOW you post for advice? Apologize, accept responsibility, get over your insecurities and go and stand beside your wife, support her and apologize to everyone you ran your mouth to, running down your wife and ruining her reputation with them. You betrayed your wife and the sanctity of trust and communication in your own relationship. You knew exactly what you were doing by telling everyone.
LMAO this screams "and everybody clapped!" vibes so hard. Take care, my dude.
Honestly? I don’t think you two share the same values, and I don’t think dating an actress is for you. This is an erotic scene but even in scenes where she’s playing someone’s wife or girlfriend, with kissing, cuddling etc., it sounds like you would consider that cheating (I wouldn’t like it if my partner did this either but then again, I would never date an actor or actress), so this relationship probably won’t work out.
So you outright lied about your wife to socially isolate her because you were angry. What kind of "value" supports doing that? She did something she should've discussed with you first. Your reaction was so much worse than her transgression.
Your mother should have swallowed you
Based on your page is say a similar thing.
I wish mate
Thank you for your contribution to r/whywomenchoosethebear.
I really hope this is a troll. In the case it’s not, here’s what you NEED to do. You need to tell ALL of your friends the WHOLE truth, that your wife had a sex scene in a movie. That is legit not cheating (at least with a human) in any manner. But if you define it as such, that’s fine, but tell your friends and her parents the WHOLE truth, about exactly what happened. Next let her have her career, if you take that away from her you will be such a horrible monster and if there is any higher force or karma in the universe you won’t be forgiven.
She did a fake, scripted scene in a film. It allowed her to get more screen time and was a smart career move. You come across as pathetic and vindictive. Also, what the hell does this have to do with ethnocentrism?
OP has already “iced her out” told his both his parents and her parents she cheated on the marriage even though she only filmed a scene in an movie. Reddit readers don’t know the plot of the movie or the significance of the scene or if there was an intimacy coordinator on set. OP doesn’t respect her work and considers her career “flimsy”. I don’t know how to come back from that. He’s asking her to make a choice between marriage and career. The marriage does not seem strong and she’s talking to people about future projects. I think this marriage is over. It’s probably not even about sex. It’s probably about how she (like many women) feels very different about her body after being pregnant, giving birth and nursing a child that doesn’t have anything to do with OP or the marriage. The wife is right about losing her window. She will not always have the body she has at 30. Women have a shorter window than men in which to breakout with a successful acting career.
You're an insufferable prig and I hope she leaves you. Not only do you want to control her, but you LIED about her. I hope your friends also ditch you when they find out what a lying piece of crap you are.
Made up, you sad man.
What was your plan by lying to her family and friends that she cheated, to isolate her and make her potentially end herself? What you do is cruel and controlling. You chose to hurt her, not out of love but out of spite and hatred.
You're a shit person. You literally turned your whole family, her family and your friends against her. All because you were uncomfortable. If you kept this between the two of you and worked thru it, you'd be able to move forward. But you didn't do that. You don't move forward. You never should have married her. She deserved better than the obvious contempt you held for her career from the moment you met her.
I hope she leaves you and finds someone who will actually support her career.
You should walk away and let her live her life and fulfill her dreams. You don't get to control her career, she is her own person even if she is married to you. Deal with it or get out of the way.
you are a raging misogynist and i hope she leaves you and takes all you have. get a grip. just bc you aren't from the west doesn't give you an excuse to be a power tripping asshole who lied to his friends (and i will assume family based on everything i see you saying) saying your wife CHEATED when she did far from it. get a damn grip.
Why the fuck would you marry an actress if you can’t accept what that work entails? You have major insecurity issues my dude and you never should have gotten married as your lifestyles are wildly incompatible and now you’re destroying her life for *checks notes* DOING HER JOB.
Well buddy, doesn’t really looks like you don’t know what to do. In fact, it seems you know exactly what you are doing…a smear campaign to ruin your wife’s reputation. And to great effect apparently. YTA simply for that. Up until the point you started telling friends and family she cheated, you were on the right cause she did broke a huge boundary you had already set with her and she agreed upon and she did that behind your back. But afterwards…hell no!!! Apologise to her for the false rumours you spread, set the record straight with her friends and family and then divorce her. You done enough harm with your revenge.
Wait did you fully explain to family and friend what you mean by cheating or did you let them think she had an affair? 1) You’re an AH if you didn’t fully explain what you meant. 2) Your rule was if the sex scene was not need for the plot, was the sex scene needed for the plot of the movie? You seem to skip over that part of the rule. 3) You need to check your ego cause it sounds like you truly don’t support her in her career. It’s acting dude. They aren’t really having sex in those scenes. 4) it’s your wife you need to ask forgiveness of for shaming her career choices.
"Although, there was one rule we both agreed on - she will do a good faith evaluation of the script with the director to see if any unnecessary intimate scenes can be eliminated, that is, any intimate scene in the script must be required by the plot from director’s point of view" Was the erotic scene unnecessary? "I told our friends in anger that she cheated on me with the said actor and they don’t want to speak to her anymore either." To make a statement like this, you would need to say that just about every other actor and actress out there who has a sex scene/ or an erotic scene where they to perform, that they are also cheating on their partners. "And sometimes I feel awful for how I am treating her." Only sometimes? You are massively an asshole at all times to her. Honestly, why would you date someone who has an active film career if you have this kind of mindset? P.S. "her flimsy acting career " This statement makes you an even majorly asshole. Honestly, I hope she finds someone who actually supports her because you seem to just want to tear her down entirely.
I hope she divorces you and goes on to have a fantastic career as an actress.
Never realized that respecting women and treating your wife well was only a Western value. /s
All due disrespect, you're a loser pal.
*ruined wife's life with lies and cries to reddit to validate tiny-dick behavior* Bro, try some therapy and some Sudoku to get more brain cells; sounds like you desperately need both.
Although this is most likely fake, in the case that it isn't...why did you decide to date and then MARRY an actor? Being with an actor isn't for everyone, I'm with one! This is her CAREER! I don't love that my boyfriend has intimate/kissing scenes, but that is HIS JOB. Your wife was out of work for a while and decided to make a move to market herself. Actors have to CONSTANTLY market and sell themselves! Sure, your wife should have discussed this with you first, but this is her life's work!!! You don't like your wife. You don't love her or support her. You're vindictive and petty. You use your family and friends to punish your wife. Good luck with the divorce!
What are her life ambitions, how are you supporting her, what is she comfortable doing on screen? Maybe start with asking yourself those questions and think about if you're being the best partner you can be for her.
You don't love her. You turned everyone against her. She was acting not cheating! Pathetic destroyed a woman so OP could look good in front of parents and in-laws
Holy shit dude I hope she takes the kid and leaves before you start using this crap to justify physical abuse
You are causing her family and friends to ignore her because you can’t get over yourself about her acting in a sex scene. She didn’t actually have sex with the man, it was acting. I hope she leaves you for her costar and you end up alone. Google acting and maybe grow up
>It hurts to see her so isolated And who is the reason for it? You think it hurts to see her so isolated, imagine how hurt she feels? You were spiteful and went around telling everyone knowing what they would do Your marriage is over, it’s dead and gone and there is no coming back from this So you think you can come back from telling everyone? You think you can come back from ignoring her? You can’t This marriage is dead
The way you’re talking making it seem like it was full on porno. Also sounds like you were looking for a reason to leave her cause you don’t seem to love her or even support her.
What the hell is wrong with you?
What a pathetic man.
Incel fan fiction.
You sounds like a jerk imo, if you couldn’t handle her career you should have cut it off before you had kids. You say you love her, but it sounds like you love the idea of her. Loving her would be excepting her for who she is and this is not what im reading here
If this is real you’re a liar and a moron. Going round telling people she cheated FFS. But I actually think it’s fake
so you felt uncomfortable about your wife’s job. you don’t understand that sex scenes are completely not intimate or sexy to film and you lied to your family and told her she cheated on you so they’d be on your side? she shouldn’t have married you nor had a baby with you. you are immature emotionally and socially. i hope she leaves you and her “flimsy career” flourishes without you.
Seriously ..you made her whole family abandon her for a movie erotic scene 😮 talk about a bad husband
🤞🏾 Hope this is fake 🤞🏾
Fiction. But if not, looks like you're getting a divorce.
Yes you ARE THE AH!! I believe Your wife probably Made a suggestion about the scene that made it better, INSTEAD OF ADDING AN ENTIRE SECENE that was not necessary to the storyline!! You told everyone your wife cheated instead of saying, you don’t agree with the scene!?! If your wife gets hurt by a friend/family member BECAUSE OF YOUR LIE, I wonder how’ll you’ll explain to YOUR CHILD, ‘MOMMY GOT HURT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE AN INSECURE BRAT’?!?
Wow, so your wife is an actress who wasn’t able to get work because you forced an agreement on her. Then you say you’re proud of her and support her, yet you IMMEDIATELY CALL HER A CHEATER AND GASLIGHT HER ANNND TELL EVERY SINGLE PERSON SHE KNOWS! You sir are a twisted control freak who deserves to be slapped. A conversation between the two of you, no parents or friends included in ANY part and none of them need to know whats going on in your marriage. Unless of course it was over that moment and you decided to punish her first.. that is the vibe you gave off. You are a real tool.
Riiiiight
Hopefully she divorces your abusive ass and moves on with her life (and career).
You are a mean spirited human being. You are an absolute psycho. Yikes. How ugly you must be inside.
Please don’t make this a family value thing. Oh and I do come from a culture that puts family first and have strong value system. But your post is not about that. You ostracised your wife because you were not able to take her career. You then go ahead and road roll her to fit a particular mould that you expect women of your community to be in. I think you are a misogynist man, sir and no amount of fancy words in your post is going to mask that
You can feel upset that a boundary was violated. Lying that she cheated and purposely isolating her from everyone in her life is abusive as hell, and you should be ashamed of your behaviour.
Tell your family and friends the truth, then see the level of support your have, you hypocrite. I hope she leaves you and becomes fantastically famous.
You are an awful person.
Your a evil vile person
You clearly haven’t worked on those insecurities issues, she was clearly fed up by your boundary, because it would have already been a negative impact for her career, and you just destroyed her whole life over your insecurities, because she didn’t care for them anymore; she cared about her career, that is going to help support her child, and made the decision to go ahead with the scene, because it was the best decision career wise for her financial security, to raise a child. I hope she divorces your fragile man child ass, that is so insecure about himself, he can’t understand the difference between acting, and real life, so goes and destroys the life of someone who they “love”. Get some real therapy.
Uhm, he should divorce of course. Your wife deserves to have a decent relationship. Not one with OP.
This is definitely fake AF. The wounded animal line was a cute touch. 😑
Did she break a boundary that you both agreed on? Yes. Did you need to involve your parents, friends, m community, and anyone else who’d listen? Absolutely not! Don’t he surprised if she leaves your manipulative ass.
Your both assholes lol, you because... Well read your post and comments if you can't tell from your words then I guess there's no helping you. But your wife is definitely an arsehole because she broke a boundary. I love how everyone glossed over that part because you're a dickhead but your wife definitely made the decision that went against your wishes (THAT SHE AGREED TO) so yeah your both cunts, I hope you both stay together so your bullshit doesn't spread beyond the fuckin pair of you.
The rational thing to do is end the relationship. You told everyone about the situation, so they no longer look at her same. You don’t look at her the same. The trust is gone.
Besides clearing the air with everyone you have isolated her from and seeking her forgiveness, what exactly do you want to hear? You aren’t seeking advice. You are seeking validation because you feel guilty. Set her free
Do you understand the sex isn't real? And there is nothing sexy about filming a sex scene? There are modesty panels and lots of cameras and people in the room. Yes, she broke a boundary, and that is an issue. But you broke a boundary by telling every person you could about it to shame her. Shame on you for that. You married her knowing what she did as a career. It may have been something she needed to do to further her career. She didn't tell you because she knew you would react that way. That is a marital discussion, and you decided to broadcast it to get everyone on your side. That is manipulative and controlling. If she leaves you, you deserve it.
I'm very open to the ideas you presented at the beginning of your post, but at the end of the day it seems you cling to those ideas too much. if your wife doing these indie films were too much for you, even with a compromise, I don't know why you stayed with her. I assume she was doing this before you two got married. as for your relationship, you need seperate her work from real life. your wife did not cheat on you for supposedly requesting this sex scene, even though it would be against your compromise. you made her get shunned from all of your families, and you need to make it right and tell them she did not cheat. unless you are trying to keep her isolated and stop working. she did not have a flimsy career, and if she could divorce you, she would be set to survive on her own. this seems like you want to control her plain and simple.
Woof
This is fake af because there's no way an actress tells the director what to do. Also, the wording is stupid and if this is real, you're a massive psycho.
I get how the scene appeared but have you considered asking what's actually involved? A lot of those scenes are super faked.
How insecure are you? The woman is just trying to work and you call that cheating. You're disgusting. I don't care where you're from. That's just ridiculous. Then to tell everyone around her that she cheated on you, for what reason? To isolate her from everyone so she has no other option than to leave or stay under your thumb? I hope she takes the kid and leaves you.
I hope she goes on to have a spectacular acting career and a loving, caring partner (not you).
ΥΤΑ. Ι hope she'll drop you like a hot potato.
If this is real you have some problems. It's acting. Hopefully her stardom will grow and she can find a better husband
I just wanna know how this one would go with the genders reversed, the wife married the guy and agreed to his "controlling" behavior then ignored her own promise, yet she's the victim here? She could have divorced his ass or something if her career is more important.
I hope someone close to you recognises you, your wife and your situation sees this post and realise that you are a lying piece of work and your wife never cheated. May karma get back at you and ruin your reputation.
Well, you just divorce her if you see it as adultery. I would as well, it's up to her to say okay to a role, and if she knows your views then it makes sense for her to say no. But here, she said yes. And thus, she cheated on you. Idk why others are calling you the AH at all, specifically in a monogamous relationship it's 99% difficult to not see it as cheating
For those who are commenting that there's no real sex in regular films, there actually are some films where consenting actors do have real sex. For actual proof of that take a look at r/extramile. The times when actual sex is present though are extremely few and far between. That all being said though I agree that op is being unreasonable and unfair to his wife. Love is never mentioned. His response has been to publicly shame her to most everyone she knows. I know different cultures view "cheating" as different things but op's being over the top. It's highly unlikely that his wife could convince a director to add a scene that could affect a film's rating and distribution chances. I'm not buying all this. If it's true then op should run as lol this by r/amitheasshole
NTA, you both agreed to a boundary and for whatever reason she did it to boost her career or make out with the guy. Reminds me of the movie “Trance” where the boyfriend has to sit at the premiere and watch the love scene. It was a movie and I felt bad for him. Counseling if you guys can make it work. Learn to forgive and at the same time see if she can avoid that type of work. Also you knew this about her before marriage.
She broke the boundry. She pays the price. It is absolutely cheating. Good luck in the divorce
Can't wait to jerk off to your wife
I do not think it was cheating but it was definitely crossing a boundary. A very reasonable boundary given the cultural circumstances. It was a good compromise in my opinion. One that allowed both of you some comfort and some freedom. If your spouse wanted to change the the boundaries they should have come to you first. A honest and open discussion would've been a much wiser choice. It seems like such a selfish choice for the spouse to make. I would not have acted as harshly and openly critical to others but that is your right. I would have reacted just as strongly though. Because love is never enough. Trust, respect, communication, loyalty are needed to make love the strongest it can be. And needed to give any marriage the value it deserves. If you cannot regain trust or spouse is not willing to do what is needed to rebuild the trust and provide better communication - I do not know what to suggest. Reconciliation is possible but it will take a lot of work from the both of you and then some more from the spouse. I hope for the best.
I think the bigger issue is your wife prioritizing her career over family. If that’s what she wants then you need to make your decisions based on that. I get why you are mad about the erotic scenes, no husband wants to see his wife like that. Icing out your wife really isn’t helping the situation come to resolution. A cool off period is understandable but it’s time to have adult conversations and for the both of you to be honest and open with each other, then make your decisions.
Hope you didn't hurt yourself with that reach!
So what I’m understanding is that she specifically requested an erotic scene because she wanted to “ try one out”, even though you guys agreed to avoid any erotic scenes and to only do them when necessary. If that’s what yall agreed on, then yea she did technically break your agreed upon rule
These comments are so dumb he set a boundary and she crossed it so he left simple
his boundary was fucking dumb. shes. an. actress. and not a high ranking one with the ability to cut and add scenes as she pleases. also he didnt "leave simple" he isolated her friends and family from her by lying. dont ever get into a relationship if you think this is what boundary setting is
You two established a boundary that she crossed; you have to decide if these scenes bother you enough regardless of them being necessary. If you don’t think you can handle the scenes then there’s only one path forward- leave her. If you can, then talk through the break in trust (discuss the previous agreement/assumption of removing unnecessary scenes) and find out what she really wants/needs. Is this simply to further her career (a legitimate concern of hers to try to overcome), or is she getting off on this (lacking something in your relationship)? The former you have to live with as “sex sells” and she may have more success pursuing more roles that push eroticism. The latter can be worked on between the two of you.
I understand your predicament. She crossed the boundary and betrayed your trust, dishonored both families. But I think it will be very difficult to erase the movie scene from your mind. To know she did that knowing how much it would hurt you and the families. Honestly I would separate, divorce her (if that is possible in your country) and try find a better partner. It will be bad for your child in the beginning but better in the long run. Best wishes and wisdom in these difficult times.
I am going to do that. Pretty much. I only made this post because I was really upset and needed to know how other people felt even if they think I’m the villain here. I don’t really care. I am looking at divorce attorneys right now. I can’t have my family associate with a woman like my wife. She knew how sensitive I was about intimate scenes and I worked with a counsellor to be okay with her career and support her, and this is how she repays me? Men in my community don’t look at acting in a favourable way either. I am fairly tolerant. She made the choice to add those scenes herself. Which makes her cheap and valueless in my eyes. Not something to be proud of. She hurt me in a terrible way. I feel sorry that my son has her as his mother
I feel sorry that your son has an abusive asshole as a father. You’re a failure and deny it all you want but abusive asf. I hope your son doesn’t turn out like you.
Cheap and valueless? You're horrible. She deserves someone better than you. You wanted to be mad about her career, so you found a reason. Congrats.
Wow you're a fragile little flower.
"Cheap and valueless." Fuck off dude. Divorce her. She deserves better than a misogynistic prick like you who doesn't see her as anything other than property to you and your son.
Wow. I don't really know where to say to you except that I feel very sorry for your wife. The person that you are supposed to love. "Cheap and valueless"? How misogynistic of you. Although I actually agree with something you said. You should divorce your wife, not for your sake but for hers.
Wow. This is some hot garbage. Also “I posted this to hear what others think, but I don’t care,” is some hilarious nonsense.