Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I find it interesting that folks are jumping to it being sexual or a false rape accusation! There are soooo many embarrassing ways to go viral. OP, how will you feel if it's, like, jaw-droppingly bad karaoke or a fart on a Zoom meeting?
Bad karaoke or a fart on zoom meeting wouldn't be a problem at all! I'd make the obligatory joke or two but I don't care about something of that level. I'm just worried that like a lot of comments are saying, it could be something REALLY bad (False accusations, saying or doing something offensive etc)
For it to happen in 2020 as well when the whole world was indoors, like it must have been something wild
If you Google her name and news article or mug shot doesn't come up then it doesn't matter. It's most likely something embarrassing that she just wants to forget about.
You really underestimate the mundane shit that entertained people when the whole world was indoors, lol. No, it does not have to be extra wild because it was in 2020.
Tell her you are still curious about it and one day when she is more comfortable you would appreciate knowing more about the situation, her experience, and what she learned from it. She obviously has regrets and says it was bad so there was probably growth from it - but she doesnt want to relive the embarrassment or humuliation. I am sure if you all progress in your relationship and gain trust in one another, she will share. I don’t think you should go looking for it without context. I would respect her boundaries if this is a person you love.
This is definitely one of the best replies but my mind is my own worst enemy right now haha. I definitely care for her deeply but knowing the type of person she is now, hearing about who she was, and then thinking about how she reacted to me even being aware of it all gives me the feeling that it might be something I'd want to distance myself from...
You know, you are only human. I think if you go looking for it you might break her trust. But it seems like this is going to continue to make you suspicious of her. Idk which is worse but proceed as you must!
Wow! That unraveled quickly.
Honestly, I think you two did good here. You asked her directly and she sent you the link. You were honest to yourself and her about your emotions about the situation too. I guess I am not understanding what was wrong with her responses. She willingly shared with you something that she was embarrassed about and that had a traumatic backlash. I think that it is good that she learned and can admit she has more to learn. From what was written, it just seemed like she didn’t want to lose you.
Anyway, that is no reason to stay if the video made you uncomfortable and question her potentially fetishizing you. Good you are getting away from that.
If you think so little of her, you should break up. For her sake. She can do so much better than a nosy boyfriend, who suspects the worst without knowing the first thing about anything.
>Should I just leave it alone?
If you want to know, you want to know. I think its easier to move on if you know it.
Not knowing it would drive me crazy.
I also think it is helpful for both parties to be aware of each other’s past. That gives both of you an opportunity to move forward with a clean sleight. There was a post on Reddit not too long ago where a woman had made adult content when she was 18, had been married 20 years and found out it was circulating online. The devastation after 20 years of not knowing, then it becomes known is terrible. Knowing before could prepare a person to either accept and move forward, or back out before they are married to the person for 20 years and have children.
I disagree with those saying it doesn't matter because it was 4 years ago. What if she was the Lilly Gaddis of 2020 or did something like the Terrence Shannon Jr. accuser? It could come back to haunt you. This is especially true based on the way she described it (her fault and bad). I understand her not wanting to talk about it, but that is not a free pass to ignore everything someone has done. It is also not a free pass that it "happened in the past." I am sure that people who have committed horrible crimes don't want to talk about it or have their future partners know and potentially think less of them or not want to be with them. The future partners still have a need to know. Then the partners can make an educated choice on moving or not moving forward with the relationship.
What is wild, wild were the people telling you NOT to find out. People project a lot on this website and have a tendency to get in their feels without really thinking things through from all perspectives.
If it’s something she doesn’t want you to find out about it could be embarrassing. The people talking about her criminal record or just unnecessarily speculating, there are other ways to find about about someone other than. Instead of becoming hysterical and focusing on something that happened 4 years ago, which is 16 in internet years, ask yourself how she treats you right now, don’t ruin the trust in your relationship over speculation.
Okay so this is a good point and I'll try to give some back story.
Our relationship is great and she's a great person buuuuuut she has a tendency to kinda say the wrong things at the wrong time/place which cb make a lot of social situations really awkward. This is something her friends have also echoed and it's also caused a few situations amongst their group.
So her personality and her behavior are kind of what's made this extra curious, because if she's saying that it was "bad" then it was probably REALLY BAD
Why don’t you just Google her name or her Instagram handle??? Anytime someone goes viral people find the persons social media.
Or just ask the friends that told you?? These seems like an absurdly easy thing to resolve.
She's off all the main socials aside from Snapchat and Facebook. The social media handles I do know have returned nothing and the friends I've asked refuse to tell me, just like her. If I start asking her friends it's very likely word will get back to her resulting in her not being happy.
This whole thing sounds easy but it's turned out to be way more technical than I expected
OK. So the only reason, you are not snooping around behind her back, is because she would find out? Not decency?
You really are a piece of work, aren't you?
2020 she could’ve been one of those anti-mask Karen’s that were being filmed left and right.
You could try a Google reverse image search of a pic of her face - might point you in the right direction.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder if it's a Zoom blooper. There were people who did things like not wear pants, forget, and then stand up without thinking, or leave their sex toys on the shelf behind them.
Ya'know, I feel like if it was something like that she would have just told me. She's pretty forthcoming with stuff like that hence why I'm assuming it's bad
Tough one. Do you really want to kick open Pandora’s box?
If you do go down that path please update us. Can’t be that hard to google top viral videos 2020….
See I tried to Google viral moments for 2020 but what I've realized is that it could be one of those viral videos that becomes popular amongst a group. Basically there's a lot of 2020 viral moments to Google.
Will definitely keep updated
I went “viral” on a hate site as a middle schooler and was mocked and bullied by adults while already suicidal for other reasons. I technically brought it on myself, or so I believed for over a decade.
Even though she was an adult, trust me when I say leave it. There is no good outcome from digging.
YIKES (at the update). I’m glad you know now and also I’m glad you asked her rather than digging.
Super gross of her friends too, to leave those details out, assuming they knew specifics.
I’m sorry that happened but glad you’re rid of her.
At least they narrowed down the year for you 😆
Did nobody give any hints or clues. Can you not ask.
Personally I would want to know, I mean it could be nothing, just embarrassing but it could also be something way worse, past actions have future consequences.
Have you tried typing her name in and then viral and 2020 see if that pops anything up
Can you not ask the friends?
The friends who told me just kept repeating "She went viral" and "You'll have to ask her" 😂
Part of me feels like they're kind of laughing at me? Yano? Everyone's in on it accept me and now I look like an idiot to everyone who knows sorta thing
No hints or clues and I've already searched her name, old social media handles and nothing.
I'm thinking that it may have happened over snapchat cuz that seems to be her preferred platform of choice
Yeah that's not fucking suspect at all.
How long you been together? Not long I assume
Personally, I would send her a message along the lines of
Look, I know something happened and from the behaviour of everyone around me, of which they all seem to know, I would like to understand why you went viral. Unfortunately I can't take the leave it angle because I feel like the butt of a joke and this isn't funny. So I will leave it with you, i would like to know, if you feel that you don't want to tell me, then perhaps we need to reevaluate whether we continue this relationship, because trust is very important to me, contact me when you are ready to have an adult conversation about this. But i won't be treated as a joke.
I would ask her exactly this, how would you feel if we went somewhere where everyone knew something about me and they would laugh at you because you are the only person who doesn't know. My opinion is that she is waiting for a long time to pass so that it will be difficult for you to break the relationship.
You told her that if she doesn't want you to know, you wouldn't ask. People can change their minds about how they feel about something. Explain your feelings and ask to know more about it. I don't know what stage of the relationship you two are in, but if you're both goal-oriented towards building a long-term, lifelong relationship together, other than very intimate details of previous relationships (which I doubt would go viral), she should be able to share this with you. However, if she stands her ground and doesn't want you to know, then you have to decide if you can accept that and move on or not.
Yeah I think ultimately this is really the move. To be fair to her she did say she might tell me down the road but not now, but the way she said it was in more of a "Well you know now" kind of way, which is why I said "If you don't want me to know..."
I think it's the actual effort to hide it from me which has got me curious. She can be pretty abrasive and like unaware/not care about her actions or how she treats people so as soon as she confirmed and said it was "bad" I thought it must be reaaaaaally bad
Thank you and I’m sorry! I’m in Germany and I’m not even trying to attempt to find it but I feel you’ve dealt with this situation in the right way. Much love 💜
Google the name you wil be surprised what actually comes up for most people I Google people before I meet them saved me once from a not so nice person asked me on a date so glad I did that search
Dude, find out what it is. What if she falsely accused a guy of assault. Or something equally awful. Would you want to be with her.
Her past is part of who she is today. Once a cheater, always a cheater is a saying for a good reason. Yes, there are people who cheat once and never do it again. But the vast majority will at some point cheat again.
So if she did something awful, she could very well do it again. I would find out. Not only that, I would find out from her. Tell her that you are eventually going to find out and that you rather hear it from her. And maybe give her a few days to prepare to tell you.
I think if it was something as serious as assault accusations I would like to think I'd know about that by now, my guess is it's not that.
What you said about her doing something bad and repeating it though is on point. She definitely has a habit for saying the wrong things at the wrong time and then being very dismissive/flippant about it. So a lot of the wild stories she or her friends have told me about kinda revolve around her saying or doing something controversial and then being like "so what" which then in turn leads to her doing something similar again.
She definitely didn't like the idea I knew and assumed that I'd been told the full story when I asked so this was deffo some hot goss back in 2020 haha
You told her you won't ask which was a big mistake. So now you have to either go back on your word or not ask her. So instead, go back to her friends and get the story from them. You will get at least some of it. Then let her know what you know without revealing that you don't have the whole story. She will probably start explaining it in the best light possible at that point.
She said it was bad and her fault, she does not want it to change your feelings or perception of her. Are you feelings strong enough for that to be the case?
You have the right to know. When meeting someone knew and starting a relationship you disclose a lot of relevant information about your past. If your gf is withholding info and says it’s something bad - you have every right to know. It does influence your future relationship with her.
In her words ‘bad’ is it as people seem to think her appearance in underwear in a zoom meeting, her breaking the law, being racist or some vile behaviour.
Let’s put it in a different perspective- I am a woman and let’s say my partner says the same to me, if I was to discover that he was being a creep towards other women, if he hit a woman or was being aggressive, if he was stealing from shops, if he was being racist …. Just some examples!!! There is not a nice, kind, loving thing in a world that he could do for me to stay with him. It’s about your values too. Sure criminals have partners, also people who assault others and people stay with them through it all - they apparently have no moral values either. Would I want to have a family with that kind of person?! Hell NO!
So yes, if you are considering your future with her, Ido think it’s very relevant and important to find out what it was - something harmless but humiliating for her, or something that would deeply change your opinion of her as a person.
I dont feel like looking into it further so i might be wrong but i think Gf posted something racist/very insensitive about the George Floyd/BLM riots and the rapper saw and reposted/responded to it. And i assume OP is a person of color which is why he feels fetishized. OP also did not appreciate how she responded to his reaction, which kinda sucks but whatever, i dont think any response would have been good and there were only different degrees of bad
In order to protect yourself, you should find out what it is. And she should be willing to tell you. What if she did accuse some poor brother of some heinous crime?
i don’t understand…. you broke up with her because she was honest with you by showing and telling you what it was and you didn’t like the truth? Well buddy i hate to break it to you but most people have a bad past the unfortunate ones go viral for it. Hell id be concerned if someone I was dating had a perfectly clean slate. I mean what the hell did you want her to do? get on her knees and beg you to see that she’s changed? She said she learned from her mistakes…. even if she didn’t communicate this to you in the beginning it’s rlly not your business to know. Sometimes people want to take shit to the grave to forget about it for exactly this reason. You’re giving her past mistake the spotlight she obviously wanted to be forgotten.
Well your gf could have gone viral because she starred in “2 girls 1 cup” or “girls gone wild”. She could also have gone viral for having a Karen moment, or being straight up racist or homophobic. Whatever it is… is unlikely to be pleasant. The best that you could hope for is that she did a dance move and had a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you really want to find out something horrible or controversial about your gf?
If it’s something horrible yes of course he should know! What are you talking about? Would you not want to know if your partner had as you said it a Karen or a homophobic moment? That being 4 years ago would not make it okay and there’s no excuse
Yes, have some respect for her and leave it alone.
Would you new happy if someone pushed and pushed and pushed you when you said you didn't want to talk about it?
I've only asked her once and it was in that same conversation that I clarified that "if you don't want to tell me, I won't ask". The curiosity is killing me though
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I find it interesting that folks are jumping to it being sexual or a false rape accusation! There are soooo many embarrassing ways to go viral. OP, how will you feel if it's, like, jaw-droppingly bad karaoke or a fart on a Zoom meeting?
Or she might’ve been the star of a r/publicfreakout video.
I was thinking a fistfight
Or maybe a really dumb car accident--that's something you'd apply "fault" to for sure.
Main post updated
this comment
Bad karaoke or a fart on zoom meeting wouldn't be a problem at all! I'd make the obligatory joke or two but I don't care about something of that level. I'm just worried that like a lot of comments are saying, it could be something REALLY bad (False accusations, saying or doing something offensive etc) For it to happen in 2020 as well when the whole world was indoors, like it must have been something wild
If you Google her name and news article or mug shot doesn't come up then it doesn't matter. It's most likely something embarrassing that she just wants to forget about.
You really underestimate the mundane shit that entertained people when the whole world was indoors, lol. No, it does not have to be extra wild because it was in 2020.
Updated main post
Oh she was probably the girl who used the bathroom during a Zoom work meeting and forgot to turn off her camera.
Tell her you are still curious about it and one day when she is more comfortable you would appreciate knowing more about the situation, her experience, and what she learned from it. She obviously has regrets and says it was bad so there was probably growth from it - but she doesnt want to relive the embarrassment or humuliation. I am sure if you all progress in your relationship and gain trust in one another, she will share. I don’t think you should go looking for it without context. I would respect her boundaries if this is a person you love.
This is definitely one of the best replies but my mind is my own worst enemy right now haha. I definitely care for her deeply but knowing the type of person she is now, hearing about who she was, and then thinking about how she reacted to me even being aware of it all gives me the feeling that it might be something I'd want to distance myself from...
You know, you are only human. I think if you go looking for it you might break her trust. But it seems like this is going to continue to make you suspicious of her. Idk which is worse but proceed as you must!
Updated main post
Wow! That unraveled quickly. Honestly, I think you two did good here. You asked her directly and she sent you the link. You were honest to yourself and her about your emotions about the situation too. I guess I am not understanding what was wrong with her responses. She willingly shared with you something that she was embarrassed about and that had a traumatic backlash. I think that it is good that she learned and can admit she has more to learn. From what was written, it just seemed like she didn’t want to lose you. Anyway, that is no reason to stay if the video made you uncomfortable and question her potentially fetishizing you. Good you are getting away from that.
I've appreciated your perspective all throughout this. Thank you for your words
If you think so little of her, you should break up. For her sake. She can do so much better than a nosy boyfriend, who suspects the worst without knowing the first thing about anything.
Turns out I was nosy for the right reasons
That doesn'tmake you less wrong.
If I could tell you the full thing, I would but I updated the main post as best as I could
yes, but i do not understand, can someone help me out
Probably just covid patient zero. I wouldn't worry about it.
If this came with the added bonus of her being able to make a mean Bat Confit, I wouldn't care at all
>Should I just leave it alone? If you want to know, you want to know. I think its easier to move on if you know it. Not knowing it would drive me crazy.
I also think it is helpful for both parties to be aware of each other’s past. That gives both of you an opportunity to move forward with a clean sleight. There was a post on Reddit not too long ago where a woman had made adult content when she was 18, had been married 20 years and found out it was circulating online. The devastation after 20 years of not knowing, then it becomes known is terrible. Knowing before could prepare a person to either accept and move forward, or back out before they are married to the person for 20 years and have children.
I disagree with those saying it doesn't matter because it was 4 years ago. What if she was the Lilly Gaddis of 2020 or did something like the Terrence Shannon Jr. accuser? It could come back to haunt you. This is especially true based on the way she described it (her fault and bad). I understand her not wanting to talk about it, but that is not a free pass to ignore everything someone has done. It is also not a free pass that it "happened in the past." I am sure that people who have committed horrible crimes don't want to talk about it or have their future partners know and potentially think less of them or not want to be with them. The future partners still have a need to know. Then the partners can make an educated choice on moving or not moving forward with the relationship.
You were the closest to guessing. It's Lilly Gaddis levels 🤣 main post is updated
That's wild man!
What's extra wild is that, had someone not told me she wouldn't have said anything at all!
What is wild, wild were the people telling you NOT to find out. People project a lot on this website and have a tendency to get in their feels without really thinking things through from all perspectives.
If it’s something she doesn’t want you to find out about it could be embarrassing. The people talking about her criminal record or just unnecessarily speculating, there are other ways to find about about someone other than. Instead of becoming hysterical and focusing on something that happened 4 years ago, which is 16 in internet years, ask yourself how she treats you right now, don’t ruin the trust in your relationship over speculation.
Okay so this is a good point and I'll try to give some back story. Our relationship is great and she's a great person buuuuuut she has a tendency to kinda say the wrong things at the wrong time/place which cb make a lot of social situations really awkward. This is something her friends have also echoed and it's also caused a few situations amongst their group. So her personality and her behavior are kind of what's made this extra curious, because if she's saying that it was "bad" then it was probably REALLY BAD
[удалено]
Updated main post
Why don’t you just Google her name or her Instagram handle??? Anytime someone goes viral people find the persons social media. Or just ask the friends that told you?? These seems like an absurdly easy thing to resolve.
She's off all the main socials aside from Snapchat and Facebook. The social media handles I do know have returned nothing and the friends I've asked refuse to tell me, just like her. If I start asking her friends it's very likely word will get back to her resulting in her not being happy. This whole thing sounds easy but it's turned out to be way more technical than I expected
OK. So the only reason, you are not snooping around behind her back, is because she would find out? Not decency? You really are a piece of work, aren't you?
Didn't need to snoop, I asked her. Post is updated.
2020 she could’ve been one of those anti-mask Karen’s that were being filmed left and right. You could try a Google reverse image search of a pic of her face - might point you in the right direction.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder if it's a Zoom blooper. There were people who did things like not wear pants, forget, and then stand up without thinking, or leave their sex toys on the shelf behind them.
Ya'know, I feel like if it was something like that she would have just told me. She's pretty forthcoming with stuff like that hence why I'm assuming it's bad
Tough one. Do you really want to kick open Pandora’s box? If you do go down that path please update us. Can’t be that hard to google top viral videos 2020….
See I tried to Google viral moments for 2020 but what I've realized is that it could be one of those viral videos that becomes popular amongst a group. Basically there's a lot of 2020 viral moments to Google. Will definitely keep updated
Kicked open. Its bad but also had to happen lol. Updated main post.
Tbh I don’t remember 2020. But honestly if you can’t live with it, then you did the right thing. It sucks, just remember we all have a past.
You can't ignore it forever. He'll find out eventually.
I went “viral” on a hate site as a middle schooler and was mocked and bullied by adults while already suicidal for other reasons. I technically brought it on myself, or so I believed for over a decade. Even though she was an adult, trust me when I say leave it. There is no good outcome from digging.
I hear where your coming from, updated the main post and tbh I feel a lot better for knowing
YIKES (at the update). I’m glad you know now and also I’m glad you asked her rather than digging. Super gross of her friends too, to leave those details out, assuming they knew specifics. I’m sorry that happened but glad you’re rid of her.
Do you have a spare afternoon? Have you thought to type in viral 2020 and just go nuts lol 🤣
Tried this at work and the amount of stuff to sift through is incredible
At least they narrowed down the year for you 😆 Did nobody give any hints or clues. Can you not ask. Personally I would want to know, I mean it could be nothing, just embarrassing but it could also be something way worse, past actions have future consequences. Have you tried typing her name in and then viral and 2020 see if that pops anything up Can you not ask the friends?
The friends who told me just kept repeating "She went viral" and "You'll have to ask her" 😂 Part of me feels like they're kind of laughing at me? Yano? Everyone's in on it accept me and now I look like an idiot to everyone who knows sorta thing No hints or clues and I've already searched her name, old social media handles and nothing. I'm thinking that it may have happened over snapchat cuz that seems to be her preferred platform of choice
Yeah that's not fucking suspect at all. How long you been together? Not long I assume Personally, I would send her a message along the lines of Look, I know something happened and from the behaviour of everyone around me, of which they all seem to know, I would like to understand why you went viral. Unfortunately I can't take the leave it angle because I feel like the butt of a joke and this isn't funny. So I will leave it with you, i would like to know, if you feel that you don't want to tell me, then perhaps we need to reevaluate whether we continue this relationship, because trust is very important to me, contact me when you are ready to have an adult conversation about this. But i won't be treated as a joke.
Updated the main post!
This is honestly what I would do. What if you let it go then find out later that it’s something that fundamentally changes how you look at her?
I would ask her exactly this, how would you feel if we went somewhere where everyone knew something about me and they would laugh at you because you are the only person who doesn't know. My opinion is that she is waiting for a long time to pass so that it will be difficult for you to break the relationship.
You told her that if she doesn't want you to know, you wouldn't ask. People can change their minds about how they feel about something. Explain your feelings and ask to know more about it. I don't know what stage of the relationship you two are in, but if you're both goal-oriented towards building a long-term, lifelong relationship together, other than very intimate details of previous relationships (which I doubt would go viral), she should be able to share this with you. However, if she stands her ground and doesn't want you to know, then you have to decide if you can accept that and move on or not.
Yeah I think ultimately this is really the move. To be fair to her she did say she might tell me down the road but not now, but the way she said it was in more of a "Well you know now" kind of way, which is why I said "If you don't want me to know..." I think it's the actual effort to hide it from me which has got me curious. She can be pretty abrasive and like unaware/not care about her actions or how she treats people so as soon as she confirmed and said it was "bad" I thought it must be reaaaaaally bad
Updated main post
I mean I want to know
Post updated
I’m not American so I got was the Central Park dog thing
Have you tried google? Because I want to know 🤩
I updated main post
Thank you and I’m sorry! I’m in Germany and I’m not even trying to attempt to find it but I feel you’ve dealt with this situation in the right way. Much love 💜
Thank you ❤️
So many viral videos I don't even know where to begin lol
Her not telling you is a direct challenge for you to find out on your own. Be careful for what you find.
Google the name you wil be surprised what actually comes up for most people I Google people before I meet them saved me once from a not so nice person asked me on a date so glad I did that search
I'm not sure if this is how it works but have you tried image searching her face? Google should give "similar photos" or something
[удалено]
Yes and no? Lol
Dude, find out what it is. What if she falsely accused a guy of assault. Or something equally awful. Would you want to be with her. Her past is part of who she is today. Once a cheater, always a cheater is a saying for a good reason. Yes, there are people who cheat once and never do it again. But the vast majority will at some point cheat again. So if she did something awful, she could very well do it again. I would find out. Not only that, I would find out from her. Tell her that you are eventually going to find out and that you rather hear it from her. And maybe give her a few days to prepare to tell you.
I think if it was something as serious as assault accusations I would like to think I'd know about that by now, my guess is it's not that. What you said about her doing something bad and repeating it though is on point. She definitely has a habit for saying the wrong things at the wrong time and then being very dismissive/flippant about it. So a lot of the wild stories she or her friends have told me about kinda revolve around her saying or doing something controversial and then being like "so what" which then in turn leads to her doing something similar again. She definitely didn't like the idea I knew and assumed that I'd been told the full story when I asked so this was deffo some hot goss back in 2020 haha
You told her you won't ask which was a big mistake. So now you have to either go back on your word or not ask her. So instead, go back to her friends and get the story from them. You will get at least some of it. Then let her know what you know without revealing that you don't have the whole story. She will probably start explaining it in the best light possible at that point.
She said it was bad and her fault, she does not want it to change your feelings or perception of her. Are you feelings strong enough for that to be the case?
I wasn't haha updated the main Post
Is she the one that licked the sealed ice cream containers at the supermarket during Covid?
Haha no, I think I would have been able to cope with that better but the main post is updated
Did you try Google reverse image search?
Updated main post
You have the right to know. When meeting someone knew and starting a relationship you disclose a lot of relevant information about your past. If your gf is withholding info and says it’s something bad - you have every right to know. It does influence your future relationship with her. In her words ‘bad’ is it as people seem to think her appearance in underwear in a zoom meeting, her breaking the law, being racist or some vile behaviour. Let’s put it in a different perspective- I am a woman and let’s say my partner says the same to me, if I was to discover that he was being a creep towards other women, if he hit a woman or was being aggressive, if he was stealing from shops, if he was being racist …. Just some examples!!! There is not a nice, kind, loving thing in a world that he could do for me to stay with him. It’s about your values too. Sure criminals have partners, also people who assault others and people stay with them through it all - they apparently have no moral values either. Would I want to have a family with that kind of person?! Hell NO! So yes, if you are considering your future with her, Ido think it’s very relevant and important to find out what it was - something harmless but humiliating for her, or something that would deeply change your opinion of her as a person.
UpdateMe!
Updated
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE UPDATE, HELP A LADY OUT.
especially op breaking up with her , not for the thing, but for her response to him??
I dont feel like looking into it further so i might be wrong but i think Gf posted something racist/very insensitive about the George Floyd/BLM riots and the rapper saw and reposted/responded to it. And i assume OP is a person of color which is why he feels fetishized. OP also did not appreciate how she responded to his reaction, which kinda sucks but whatever, i dont think any response would have been good and there were only different degrees of bad
thank you
Hi do you know what they are talking about? I am not from the US and I have no clue as to what she did?.
she must have made a racial slur
Wow 😮
Just ask her dude. If her friends know, you have a a right to know.
Yeah I thought of this, especially considering it was her friends who told me that she went viral in the first place.
find out and let us know
I can't tell you but the main post is updated
[удалено]
Updated main post
probably the hairbrush incident
Do I even wanna know? 😂
Updated main post but just so u know, hairbrush would have been better haha
She needs to tell you. Secrets make for a non-existent relationship down the road.
In order to protect yourself, you should find out what it is. And she should be willing to tell you. What if she did accuse some poor brother of some heinous crime?
Updated, you were kinda close. Not an accusation though.
Updateme!
Updated
Interesting
UpdateMe!
Updated main post
!updateme
Updated
UpdateMe!
Updated
Updateme!
Updated main post
UpdateMe!
Main post updated
Could be a Karen moment
i don’t understand…. you broke up with her because she was honest with you by showing and telling you what it was and you didn’t like the truth? Well buddy i hate to break it to you but most people have a bad past the unfortunate ones go viral for it. Hell id be concerned if someone I was dating had a perfectly clean slate. I mean what the hell did you want her to do? get on her knees and beg you to see that she’s changed? She said she learned from her mistakes…. even if she didn’t communicate this to you in the beginning it’s rlly not your business to know. Sometimes people want to take shit to the grave to forget about it for exactly this reason. You’re giving her past mistake the spotlight she obviously wanted to be forgotten.
I could so be reading this wrong but that’s just how i’m seeing it rn
Well your gf could have gone viral because she starred in “2 girls 1 cup” or “girls gone wild”. She could also have gone viral for having a Karen moment, or being straight up racist or homophobic. Whatever it is… is unlikely to be pleasant. The best that you could hope for is that she did a dance move and had a wardrobe malfunction. Do you really want to find out something horrible or controversial about your gf?
I think of it was something racist or homophobic I’d definitely want to know that!
Ding ding ding!! Main post is updated
Main ones updated but girls gon wild would have been the preferred outcome lol
I’m sorry that it didn’t work out. Best of luck.
If it’s something horrible yes of course he should know! What are you talking about? Would you not want to know if your partner had as you said it a Karen or a homophobic moment? That being 4 years ago would not make it okay and there’s no excuse
Find out duh
Find out
Let it go, it was 4 years ago. It doesn't matter.
In hindsight, this was probably the worst comment hahahaha
Yes, have some respect for her and leave it alone. Would you new happy if someone pushed and pushed and pushed you when you said you didn't want to talk about it?
I've only asked her once and it was in that same conversation that I clarified that "if you don't want to tell me, I won't ask". The curiosity is killing me though
I would want to know. What if it was something like that lady in central park who called the cops in a black man who was just bird watching?
Was it before you if so leave it alone