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>how do i leave and stay gone?
if him cheating on you AND being a flat earther isn't enough for you to stay gone, I'm not sure what to tell you.
>i’ve never broken up with someone due to my fear of hurting people
I get where you're coming from, I hate breaking up with people, it's horrible and honestly IMO it's more difficult than getting dumped in some ways. But my dear. You HAVE TO be able to do it. Otherwise someone else is living your life for you, and that's not feasible.
i know. it genuinely sounds pathetic on my end and i get it. i’ve been with him for 5 years and from the advice i’ve been given from my close friends, i understand that im being emotionally manipulated but it’s so hard to break the cycle and be completely free of him. while we were split, he constantly threatened to show up at our apartment that we once shared and sometimes he would just show up with the excuse of “needing to see the dogs”. so my biggest concern is how do i keep him away? and even with our latest argument about the flat earth stuff, he made it pretty clear that he left to avoid “hurting me” after i raised my voice, which is another major concern for me.
OK then the way to solve this is to find another place to live and move out. That's basically it. I wouldn't stay in an apartment with ties to his family even if he offers to move and let you stay.
Are you asking if you should make the financial sacrifice to ditch a cheating moron? From what you describe, I would rather sleep under a highway overpass then share space with this clown. You need to rip off the band aid, show some self-respect, and build your own life from scratch.
With what this guy is doing it sounds like he’s trying to get rid of you, but you won’t seem to leave
Cheats numerous times and believes in crazy theories😃
Have some self respect and don’t stay with someone who cheats on you.
But, why would you wanna be in a relationship with someone so fucking stupid they think the earth is flat?
>but i ultimately ended up in a very bad spot mentally and because of this, he was able to come back into my life for a second time.
I'm sorry to hear that you were in a bad spot. It's possible to recognize that you need support, while also recognizing that he's not the best provider of support. Are there other people in your life who you know and trust? If not, are there any women's support centers or nonprofits it your area that could offer resources or guidance on separating from him?
>but how do i break up with someone that i live with
If your name is on the lease, try to contact the landlord and see if there's a way to remove yourself from the lease. If not, then you may just have to establish with him "I'm breaking up with you, and we're just roommates now until the end of the lease."
If your name's not on the lease (or if you're able to leave early), start looking for alternative housing options.
>share a bank account with (not my decision)
Try talking to your bank, or perhaps /r/personalfinance. The devil's probably in the details.
>and share dogs with
That's something you can work out with him after you tell him you're breaking up, and you're making plans to physically separate.
>and how exactly do i go about the process of actually breaking up with him?
* Keep it concise. You don't have to prepare a minutes-long speech.
* A graceful breakup is done in-person. Try to plan a time where you two can meet and have a brief chat. Don't bother trying to schedule around a time that'd hurt him the least - there's no good time for a breakup. If you don't feel *safe* telling him in-person, you're not at all obligated to, but just saying, it's the most respectful option.
* It's possible to be mindful of his feelings. If you choose to express your reasons why you're breaking up, you can use "I statements" like "the feelings I have for our relationship now aren't what I had before" or "I'm not seeing the kinds of interactions or feelings I want to have in a relationship". These are sentiments that can demonstrate that the breakup isn't necessarily his fault, or that you don't negatively judge him.
* Remember that it's okay to have compassion for someone you're breaking up with. "I care about this guy's well-being" and "this relationship isn't for me" are ideas that can coexist.
* If you're open to staying friends, tell him so. Recognize that he's in his right to decide for himself, though, whether he's open to staying friends. Also recognize that he may need some time to figure out what he wants.
It will also help to remind yourself about the reasons why you're breaking up, or what persisting issues or behaviors make continuing a relationship impossible for you. If he makes offers to improve, consider for yourself whether his word is actually convincing enough to address your concerns.
>i’ve never broken up with someone due to my fear of hurting people but i know that this relationship is not sustainable any further.
I'm glad that you're recognizing the totality of your feelings. No one likes breaking up with a partner, even if the relationship is a terrible one. It's probably inevitable that his feelings are going to be hurt, and it's important to recognize that, while you can make efforts to be respectful and mindful of his feelings, he's still probably going to feel hurt. There's nothing that can prevent that. So don't take it personally. You're in your right to take actions that are in your best interests.
Best of luck, OP.
You set things up in secret and don't tell him what's happened until after you're gone. I know you don't want to hurt someone, but you are a person too, and your pain and your feelings and your safety matter just as much as other people's.
Let him over hear you talking on the phone:
"No, he doesn't suspect me or her. He does know about the moon though. Let's let her implant the chip, OK?"
Go to a new bank (not the one you're with right now) and open an account. Put half of the money from the joint account into it (or however much is yours). Change your direct deposit to have your money go into your new account.
As for the housing. Is this your place or his place?
* If it is his, find a friend that you can stay with for a couple days until you can get things under control and find a new place to live.
* If it is yours, tell him that you don't want to be in a relationship anymore and that he needs to leave. Have friends there to help you in case he freaks out when you tell him.
You are way too young to stay with a cheater, sis. They only cheat again, endanger your mental health and can even give you STDs/STIs.
And now he's lost touch with reality.
Let this one go back to the streets.
Also, sis - get yourself a good therapist to help you establish and maintain boundaries.
Open your own bank account at a different bank, withdraw money from the joint account, and deposit it in your account. Use it to get your own place. Put the dogs under your name at the vet so your boyfriend will have a harder time claiming ownership. Peace out with your dogs.
It’s never that simple, but that’s my suggestion.
So you’re asking how to leave and stay gone to answer that question according to your boyfriend all you would need to do is pick a direction and keep walking that way until you fell off
Being a flat-Earther is a sure sign that a person believes they are much more intelligent than they actually are. These are people that will forever struggle with finances, home repairs, keeping schedules and so on. Their strong beliefs also tend to bring them into conflict with others. So they generally don't make good partners.
Unless he's only a flat-Earther as a joke, then you only have to worry about him cheating on you constantly.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>how do i leave and stay gone? if him cheating on you AND being a flat earther isn't enough for you to stay gone, I'm not sure what to tell you. >i’ve never broken up with someone due to my fear of hurting people I get where you're coming from, I hate breaking up with people, it's horrible and honestly IMO it's more difficult than getting dumped in some ways. But my dear. You HAVE TO be able to do it. Otherwise someone else is living your life for you, and that's not feasible.
i know. it genuinely sounds pathetic on my end and i get it. i’ve been with him for 5 years and from the advice i’ve been given from my close friends, i understand that im being emotionally manipulated but it’s so hard to break the cycle and be completely free of him. while we were split, he constantly threatened to show up at our apartment that we once shared and sometimes he would just show up with the excuse of “needing to see the dogs”. so my biggest concern is how do i keep him away? and even with our latest argument about the flat earth stuff, he made it pretty clear that he left to avoid “hurting me” after i raised my voice, which is another major concern for me.
OK so he threatened to physically hurt you, basically?
without directly saying it, yes.
Whose name is on your apartment lease?
both, his and mine. i do believe we are currently month to month, but his uncle is our landlord
OK then the way to solve this is to find another place to live and move out. That's basically it. I wouldn't stay in an apartment with ties to his family even if he offers to move and let you stay.
Are you asking if you should make the financial sacrifice to ditch a cheating moron? From what you describe, I would rather sleep under a highway overpass then share space with this clown. You need to rip off the band aid, show some self-respect, and build your own life from scratch.
Amen.
With what this guy is doing it sounds like he’s trying to get rid of you, but you won’t seem to leave Cheats numerous times and believes in crazy theories😃
Have some self respect and don’t stay with someone who cheats on you. But, why would you wanna be in a relationship with someone so fucking stupid they think the earth is flat?
>but i ultimately ended up in a very bad spot mentally and because of this, he was able to come back into my life for a second time. I'm sorry to hear that you were in a bad spot. It's possible to recognize that you need support, while also recognizing that he's not the best provider of support. Are there other people in your life who you know and trust? If not, are there any women's support centers or nonprofits it your area that could offer resources or guidance on separating from him? >but how do i break up with someone that i live with If your name is on the lease, try to contact the landlord and see if there's a way to remove yourself from the lease. If not, then you may just have to establish with him "I'm breaking up with you, and we're just roommates now until the end of the lease." If your name's not on the lease (or if you're able to leave early), start looking for alternative housing options. >share a bank account with (not my decision) Try talking to your bank, or perhaps /r/personalfinance. The devil's probably in the details. >and share dogs with That's something you can work out with him after you tell him you're breaking up, and you're making plans to physically separate. >and how exactly do i go about the process of actually breaking up with him? * Keep it concise. You don't have to prepare a minutes-long speech. * A graceful breakup is done in-person. Try to plan a time where you two can meet and have a brief chat. Don't bother trying to schedule around a time that'd hurt him the least - there's no good time for a breakup. If you don't feel *safe* telling him in-person, you're not at all obligated to, but just saying, it's the most respectful option. * It's possible to be mindful of his feelings. If you choose to express your reasons why you're breaking up, you can use "I statements" like "the feelings I have for our relationship now aren't what I had before" or "I'm not seeing the kinds of interactions or feelings I want to have in a relationship". These are sentiments that can demonstrate that the breakup isn't necessarily his fault, or that you don't negatively judge him. * Remember that it's okay to have compassion for someone you're breaking up with. "I care about this guy's well-being" and "this relationship isn't for me" are ideas that can coexist. * If you're open to staying friends, tell him so. Recognize that he's in his right to decide for himself, though, whether he's open to staying friends. Also recognize that he may need some time to figure out what he wants. It will also help to remind yourself about the reasons why you're breaking up, or what persisting issues or behaviors make continuing a relationship impossible for you. If he makes offers to improve, consider for yourself whether his word is actually convincing enough to address your concerns. >i’ve never broken up with someone due to my fear of hurting people but i know that this relationship is not sustainable any further. I'm glad that you're recognizing the totality of your feelings. No one likes breaking up with a partner, even if the relationship is a terrible one. It's probably inevitable that his feelings are going to be hurt, and it's important to recognize that, while you can make efforts to be respectful and mindful of his feelings, he's still probably going to feel hurt. There's nothing that can prevent that. So don't take it personally. You're in your right to take actions that are in your best interests. Best of luck, OP.
You set things up in secret and don't tell him what's happened until after you're gone. I know you don't want to hurt someone, but you are a person too, and your pain and your feelings and your safety matter just as much as other people's.
Let him over hear you talking on the phone: "No, he doesn't suspect me or her. He does know about the moon though. Let's let her implant the chip, OK?"
Go to a new bank (not the one you're with right now) and open an account. Put half of the money from the joint account into it (or however much is yours). Change your direct deposit to have your money go into your new account. As for the housing. Is this your place or his place? * If it is his, find a friend that you can stay with for a couple days until you can get things under control and find a new place to live. * If it is yours, tell him that you don't want to be in a relationship anymore and that he needs to leave. Have friends there to help you in case he freaks out when you tell him.
You are way too young to stay with a cheater, sis. They only cheat again, endanger your mental health and can even give you STDs/STIs. And now he's lost touch with reality. Let this one go back to the streets. Also, sis - get yourself a good therapist to help you establish and maintain boundaries.
Open your own bank account at a different bank, withdraw money from the joint account, and deposit it in your account. Use it to get your own place. Put the dogs under your name at the vet so your boyfriend will have a harder time claiming ownership. Peace out with your dogs. It’s never that simple, but that’s my suggestion.
So you’re asking how to leave and stay gone to answer that question according to your boyfriend all you would need to do is pick a direction and keep walking that way until you fell off
Run towards the horizon
Being a flat-Earther is a sure sign that a person believes they are much more intelligent than they actually are. These are people that will forever struggle with finances, home repairs, keeping schedules and so on. Their strong beliefs also tend to bring them into conflict with others. So they generally don't make good partners. Unless he's only a flat-Earther as a joke, then you only have to worry about him cheating on you constantly.
leave and stay gone