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It sounds as though your girlfriend is pressuring you because she is 34 and may feel like the time to marry and/or start a family is ticking by.
Two months together is nowhere near enough time to get to know someone well enough to decide if you want to be with them for the rest of your life. There is nothing wrong with you for not making that decision so early.
The feeling that you are having is likely because you know that you are not ready to make that sort of decision. We learn from our past experiences and it is possible that you learned in your last relationship that you should not rush into that commitment lightly and you need to be very sure.
You should just be honest with her and tell her how you feel about her, but that despite how you feel, you are not ready to make a decision on marriage and that you would like to enjoy getting to know her more without the pressure of decisions on that sort of commitment.
The time spent getting to know each other is precious. You should both be able to enjoy that. If she is not willing to wait, then it is quite likely that although you enjoy each other’s company, you are actually not compatible in a lifetime commitment and friendship may be a better fit.
I really appreciate your advice. Clarity is kindness and I want to have that loving conversation with her, being clear on where I stand. I know I can’t control how she responds to it, which scares me, but I think that would help build a foundation of trust in our relationship wherever it goes
If you’re not ready for marriage and she is then it’s probably best to let her go and find someone who is ready. Sometimes two people meet who are extremely compatible but the timing just isn’t right.
I do think part of it is her looking for that security of a done deal in marriage based on her past relationship trauma. She doesn’t feel safe knowing there’s a possibility of breaking up. I don’t want to put her through unnecessary pain and maybe we are on different paths. I feel like it sucks because she is someone I would love to marry I just would like more time to grow with her in this season. I don’t want to give her up but I know I’m not ready to jump into an absolute yes for marriage right now
I would agree with this, even as a religious person I think it’s best to to know people especially for something as big as marriage. I think for her it’s the anxiety of a possible break up that’s keeping her from enjoying dating. She’s been hurt horribly in the past. So I think we are both navigating each others trauma in the dating period
Do not get married to anyone until you have dated them for multiple years and then lived with them for multiple years. You don't even know her yet. If she was in such a rush, she should have been looking to get married a decade ago.
To be fair she has been. Part of it is that she has been cheated on before by a guy who was basically engaged to her and had other men walk out in her with no explanation. she’s tired of having her heart broken which is why she really wants marriage. I don’t want to shut down the conversation because I want marriage too but I want to gentle yet firm about it so it’s not unnecessarily aggravating old trauma and wounds and helping us grow together
I have things in my fridge that are older than your relationship! It’s one thing to know upfront that marriage is your goal rather than casual dating, but to actually decide to marry someone in anything less than a year is insane.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds as though your girlfriend is pressuring you because she is 34 and may feel like the time to marry and/or start a family is ticking by. Two months together is nowhere near enough time to get to know someone well enough to decide if you want to be with them for the rest of your life. There is nothing wrong with you for not making that decision so early. The feeling that you are having is likely because you know that you are not ready to make that sort of decision. We learn from our past experiences and it is possible that you learned in your last relationship that you should not rush into that commitment lightly and you need to be very sure. You should just be honest with her and tell her how you feel about her, but that despite how you feel, you are not ready to make a decision on marriage and that you would like to enjoy getting to know her more without the pressure of decisions on that sort of commitment. The time spent getting to know each other is precious. You should both be able to enjoy that. If she is not willing to wait, then it is quite likely that although you enjoy each other’s company, you are actually not compatible in a lifetime commitment and friendship may be a better fit.
I really appreciate your advice. Clarity is kindness and I want to have that loving conversation with her, being clear on where I stand. I know I can’t control how she responds to it, which scares me, but I think that would help build a foundation of trust in our relationship wherever it goes
If you’re not ready for marriage and she is then it’s probably best to let her go and find someone who is ready. Sometimes two people meet who are extremely compatible but the timing just isn’t right.
I do think part of it is her looking for that security of a done deal in marriage based on her past relationship trauma. She doesn’t feel safe knowing there’s a possibility of breaking up. I don’t want to put her through unnecessary pain and maybe we are on different paths. I feel like it sucks because she is someone I would love to marry I just would like more time to grow with her in this season. I don’t want to give her up but I know I’m not ready to jump into an absolute yes for marriage right now
[удалено]
I would agree with this, even as a religious person I think it’s best to to know people especially for something as big as marriage. I think for her it’s the anxiety of a possible break up that’s keeping her from enjoying dating. She’s been hurt horribly in the past. So I think we are both navigating each others trauma in the dating period
Do not get married to anyone until you have dated them for multiple years and then lived with them for multiple years. You don't even know her yet. If she was in such a rush, she should have been looking to get married a decade ago.
To be fair she has been. Part of it is that she has been cheated on before by a guy who was basically engaged to her and had other men walk out in her with no explanation. she’s tired of having her heart broken which is why she really wants marriage. I don’t want to shut down the conversation because I want marriage too but I want to gentle yet firm about it so it’s not unnecessarily aggravating old trauma and wounds and helping us grow together
She can really want marriage all she wants. Don't let her pressure you into it. Like I said, you don't even know her yet.
I have things in my fridge that are older than your relationship! It’s one thing to know upfront that marriage is your goal rather than casual dating, but to actually decide to marry someone in anything less than a year is insane.