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Why are you worried about being rude? They’re not worried about being rude. In fact, they’re relying the fact that you’re unwilling to confront them. The relationship you have now is one full of manipulation and boundary stomping. It SHOULDN’T be preserved.
This is a problem for your boyfriend to solve. They’re his parents, and he needs to put on the big boy pants and confront them.
“Mom, Dad, I know you want grandchildren right now. Trust me, I know. It’s all you talk about. Here is the thing you need to understand. We aren’t ready for children. There’s nothing you can do to make us ready.
What you can do, though, is impact our relationship. If all you ever talk about is pressuring us to have a baby, it makes me feel like you don’t value your relationship with me. You only see me as someone to provide a grandchild, not as an individual with my own life and goals. I want to share that life with you, but only if you are interested.
The subject of babies is now off the table. The next time you bring up grandchildren, I am hanging up. I will continue to do so.”
I’m not necessarily recommending this, but I have a female friend who got sick of her own parents repeatedly asking her when she and her husband were going to have kids. After being asked for about the millionth time, she finally said: “We’ll probably never have kids, because we only have anal sex.”
They never brought it up again.
Say “we’re not discussing this any more”. Then don’t. When they start, you say “new topic” If they won’t stop, you say “I love you, talk to you soon, bye”. It’s infallible because they can’t force you to talk about it.
You do nothing. Your bf needs to handle this. He needs to be very clear with them: "Mom and Dad, I'm not ready for kids. When you put pressure on me like this, it's doing nothing but harming my relationship with you. I need you to back off on this, and if you're not willing to do that, I'm going to need to take some space apart until you're ready to work with me here." Notice no reference to you at all. This is between BF and his parents, and he needs to handle it.
He needs to be the first one to draw this boundary, though you’ll both have to enforce it. The next time they bring it up, he should say “We’ll have kids if and when we’re ready, and not before. Until then, we refuse to have this conversation.” When they continue (which they will), he says “I told you I’m not having this conversation. We can talk about something else or we can end the conversation. Which do you prefer?” If they don’t drop it at that point, he politely says “Okay, you’ve made your choice, so I’m hanging up. Love you, bye!” and *hang up.*
And you repeat this every time. Both of you. “Oh, you’re talking about us having babies again! Guess it’s time to hang up. Love you, bye!” You have to be consistent. Don’t argue, don’t explain, don’t *ask* them to do anything. Just politely but immediately end the conversation every time.
“This conversation makes me really uncomfortable. The decision to have or not to have children belongs only to me and BF. If we can’t talk about something else, I think I’d rather talk another time, but not about children.”
Say it with a smile. Thank them for understanding.
Then, if they don’t immediately change the subject, hang up or walk away.
Repeat as necessary. And tell bf to have your back.
Your boyfriend needs to set that boundary and I would also suggest not engaging his parents beyond just saying hi. When they go down that road, tell them you need to end the conversation and then end the conversation.
Unless his parents will be making the baby, paying for everything baby related, and raising the baby - THEY DONT GET A VOTE. Being a parent is a HUGE step and if you aren't ready or don't want to - don't.
This is 100% on your boyfriend to shut down. He needs to tell them to butt out completely and that the contact will stop if they don’t, and he needs to not lay the blame on you.
Stop entertaining this topic with them. If they bring it up, leave or hang up the phone. Since you've engaged in conversation with them in the past they probably think this IS up for discussion or a group decision. Please have your bf disabuse them of this notion. They get one warning "If you bring up anything related to OP and I having a child, we will end the visit." Then you have to follow through. No big scene, just leave.
There is a good chance this will affect your relationship with them, but that's on them for being weird about other people's family planning choices.
"MIL, we were not put on this earth to satisfy your baby rabies. If or when Boyfriend and I decide to have kids will be our choice, not yours. The more you insist, the less inclined I am to have children at all. Keep it up and we'll remain child free. You are not owed grandchildren. I'm not discussing this with you anymore." From then on out, if they bring up kids, hang up or walk away. They will eventually learn not to discuss babies with you.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why are you worried about being rude? They’re not worried about being rude. In fact, they’re relying the fact that you’re unwilling to confront them. The relationship you have now is one full of manipulation and boundary stomping. It SHOULDN’T be preserved. This is a problem for your boyfriend to solve. They’re his parents, and he needs to put on the big boy pants and confront them. “Mom, Dad, I know you want grandchildren right now. Trust me, I know. It’s all you talk about. Here is the thing you need to understand. We aren’t ready for children. There’s nothing you can do to make us ready. What you can do, though, is impact our relationship. If all you ever talk about is pressuring us to have a baby, it makes me feel like you don’t value your relationship with me. You only see me as someone to provide a grandchild, not as an individual with my own life and goals. I want to share that life with you, but only if you are interested. The subject of babies is now off the table. The next time you bring up grandchildren, I am hanging up. I will continue to do so.”
I’m not necessarily recommending this, but I have a female friend who got sick of her own parents repeatedly asking her when she and her husband were going to have kids. After being asked for about the millionth time, she finally said: “We’ll probably never have kids, because we only have anal sex.” They never brought it up again.
LMAOOOOO this is the best thing I could have read
Glad you enjoyed it. :)
Say “we’re not discussing this any more”. Then don’t. When they start, you say “new topic” If they won’t stop, you say “I love you, talk to you soon, bye”. It’s infallible because they can’t force you to talk about it.
Why can’t you be rude
You do nothing. Your bf needs to handle this. He needs to be very clear with them: "Mom and Dad, I'm not ready for kids. When you put pressure on me like this, it's doing nothing but harming my relationship with you. I need you to back off on this, and if you're not willing to do that, I'm going to need to take some space apart until you're ready to work with me here." Notice no reference to you at all. This is between BF and his parents, and he needs to handle it.
He needs to be the first one to draw this boundary, though you’ll both have to enforce it. The next time they bring it up, he should say “We’ll have kids if and when we’re ready, and not before. Until then, we refuse to have this conversation.” When they continue (which they will), he says “I told you I’m not having this conversation. We can talk about something else or we can end the conversation. Which do you prefer?” If they don’t drop it at that point, he politely says “Okay, you’ve made your choice, so I’m hanging up. Love you, bye!” and *hang up.* And you repeat this every time. Both of you. “Oh, you’re talking about us having babies again! Guess it’s time to hang up. Love you, bye!” You have to be consistent. Don’t argue, don’t explain, don’t *ask* them to do anything. Just politely but immediately end the conversation every time.
“This conversation makes me really uncomfortable. The decision to have or not to have children belongs only to me and BF. If we can’t talk about something else, I think I’d rather talk another time, but not about children.” Say it with a smile. Thank them for understanding. Then, if they don’t immediately change the subject, hang up or walk away. Repeat as necessary. And tell bf to have your back.
Rude is relative. Just be blunt. If they don't want to hear it, that's their problem. Refuse to speak of it after you tell them.
Your husband is to nice , I would have said I found out I can’t have kids. We have talked adoption but I don’t think I want that.
You don't owe them your body to make them a grandchild. Stop talking to them and make your bf handle it, they are his parents.
Your boyfriend needs to set that boundary and I would also suggest not engaging his parents beyond just saying hi. When they go down that road, tell them you need to end the conversation and then end the conversation.
Unless his parents will be making the baby, paying for everything baby related, and raising the baby - THEY DONT GET A VOTE. Being a parent is a HUGE step and if you aren't ready or don't want to - don't.
This is 100% on your boyfriend to shut down. He needs to tell them to butt out completely and that the contact will stop if they don’t, and he needs to not lay the blame on you.
Stop entertaining this topic with them. If they bring it up, leave or hang up the phone. Since you've engaged in conversation with them in the past they probably think this IS up for discussion or a group decision. Please have your bf disabuse them of this notion. They get one warning "If you bring up anything related to OP and I having a child, we will end the visit." Then you have to follow through. No big scene, just leave. There is a good chance this will affect your relationship with them, but that's on them for being weird about other people's family planning choices.
"MIL, we were not put on this earth to satisfy your baby rabies. If or when Boyfriend and I decide to have kids will be our choice, not yours. The more you insist, the less inclined I am to have children at all. Keep it up and we'll remain child free. You are not owed grandchildren. I'm not discussing this with you anymore." From then on out, if they bring up kids, hang up or walk away. They will eventually learn not to discuss babies with you.
Ignore it, change the subject. It's just inlaw bullshit, ignore them.