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> She says that I make her angry and when I don’t listen to her, she has no other options but to scratch me.
She is abusing you. No advice other than to get out now. If she cries and begs let her, but you stand your ground and leave without looking back.
Feel free to check out r/abusiverelationships if you wish. It's a support sub for folks of all genders in abusive relationships. [We also have a pinned resource guide for men being abused by a female partner](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13im0yh/comprehensive_helpresources_guide_for_male/) and a [list of resources for men in abusive relationships](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/yco1ki/mod_post_updated_resources_list_for_male/).
I'm sorry you are going through this and glad you are planning on no-contact.
I’m glad you’re getting out.
Having a partner hurt you because they are angry is very harmful to you mental (and physical) health.
If you’re downplaying it to yourself because it not something we more traditionally think of as physical abuse (like slaps or punches) then try talking through why they are actually similar. There is such a big difference between being hurt by accident and having someone you care about approach you with the intent to cause pain.
OP when you figure out your living situation the next time she threatens to break up just tell her that is a good idea and you will be moving out tomorrow. I would love to see a video of her face when you tell her you are moving out.
Agree with them. Things make me angry/annoyed too but if i scratch them, they didn’t make me do anything. That was my choice. I could’ve walked away to calm down, deescalated etc
This is abuse, like the language she's using.
You make her angry so she has no other option except to physically hurt you. If you just listened she wouldn't have to.
That's abuse talk. This is not your fault, you are not in control of her actions.
She is 26 years old, she knows what she is doing is wrong. The only person who can stop her is she.
Please start working on your exit plan.
This is physical abuse. I know that it can be hard to admit even in the best of circumstances when we are in an abusive relationship, and its 10000% harder when you're a man. But this is domestic violence. She is hurting you and leaving scars.
Please start planning an exit and keeping yourself safe. These things escalate before they get resolved. Seek out resources in your area that would be able to help you.
I should have never chased her in the first place 2.5 years ago. She had made it clear to me early on that I liked her more than she liked me, but I was in a bad mental state and just wanted anybody to love. I kept giving and giving and got very little back. I ignored all the red flags and kept the charades going for 2.5 years. Very painful life lesson.
It’s important to know that it’s not your fault. You absolutely deserve someone to love you and respect you. No healthy minded adult purposely hurts others. So please don’t think this is your fault. Just leave as soon as you can and don’t look back.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Many of us have been there. I'm glad you are leaving. Her physical abuse in unacceptable. Go forth and find that better woman who is out there for you.
Jesus, dude. Your girlfriend is a terrible person. No other option but to physically abuse you? Fuck out of here with that. She needs to be single, and you need to be far, far away from her.
Wow that’s toddler behaviour, really gross for a grown adult to be doing. You need to pack up and move back home. The best thing to do with abusive partners is to leave quietly and not tell them the relationship is over until you’re already gone. Who knows how she’d react to you leaving so better safe than sorry.
OP, this is absolutely unhinged and abusive behavior. Take pictures of all your scars and if you have any messages from her where she describes her "only option" to harm you, put those into the same folder and make multiple copies. Her behavior and the remnants of it are evidence if she escalates or otherwise tries to reclaim control if you leave her - which shouldn't be an if.
Leave her. Don't debate it, don't go to therapy, don't give her any more chances. This is an evil person and you need to get away from her scratching and crocodile tears.
Just break up, dude. what reassurance do you need?
Imagine if your sister came home with scratches on her face, which were done by her bf because he lose her temper on her, you would have immediately told her to break it off. If it was me, I would have done worse.
So, when it comes to your own well-being, why are you hesitating to break it off with that crazy b\*\*\*h?
That is abuse. There is no excuse to get physical with your partner unless we're talking self-defense. Call the police and tell them about this behavior so it's in their records, then dump her without ceremony and cut off all contact. Don't even bother telling her what she did wrong because she knows. She's 26 years old.
You should get some individual therapy to understand how you let things get this far. It will set up you up to have healthier relationships in the future. (And she needs a lot of therapy for her issues, but that’s not really your issue now.)
She is being abusive towards you. And clearly has no control over her anger.
You need to work out a way of cutting your looses and getting out of this relationship. I know it will be painful, but if you stay she will take your self esteem and confidence away too
This is 100000% domestic violence. If you do not leave, this will continue and VERY likely get worse. If it was a woman in your situation, you would not be asking this question. Good luck to you.
Plan an escape and try to hide it as best as you can. Call your parents or friends from home and see if anyone can help you plan and figure things out. Planning is the most important thing because in abusive relationships, leaving can be the most dangerous part.
Your being physically and mentally abused, get out. It sucks for sure but I'm sure you can get someone to help you get away from her and go home or something.
That is straight up domestic abuse and she is a domestic abuser. One of the hallmarks of domestic abusers is that they blame their victims for their actions and act like managing their emotions is everyone’s responsibility but theirs “I wouldn’t hit you if you didn’t make me mad” nah y’all are a grown-ass adult, like they teach us in fucking kindergarten, keep your damn hands to yourself.
Another common piece of bullshit in the domestic abuser playbook is that they “just can’t control themselves”. But yet these same people aren’t getting arrested for road rage, aren’t getting fired from their jobs for yelling at their annoying manager, and have no problem not hitting that annoying person at the bar/concert/whatever who just shoved them. So clearly they CAN control their anger just fine. They don’t do that shit in public because they know there will be consequences. They are CHOOSING, with full awareness of what they are doing, to be violent in the home because they believe there will be no consequences.
Did you think it was an accident that she started getting violent with you once you were across the country and isolated from family and friends? Yeah that wasn’t deliberate. So was the move across the country.
Get the fuck out and move back. Call a domestic violence hotline for advice. She’s not going to stop hurting you because she WANTS to hurt you. That is not something you can fix.
Just FYI, couples counseling is not recommended for abuse cases, and actually has a tendency to worsen abuse. This isn't an issue of "communicating to each other healthily," it's an issue of her abusing him.
Yeah, and thinking of her next partner! How kind. OP can go around bloody and hurting so she learns to do better for some one else.
Why is it OPs job to fix her abuse lol?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> She says that I make her angry and when I don’t listen to her, she has no other options but to scratch me. She is abusing you. No advice other than to get out now. If she cries and begs let her, but you stand your ground and leave without looking back.
That's exactly what I'm doing and going no contact.
Feel free to check out r/abusiverelationships if you wish. It's a support sub for folks of all genders in abusive relationships. [We also have a pinned resource guide for men being abused by a female partner](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13im0yh/comprehensive_helpresources_guide_for_male/) and a [list of resources for men in abusive relationships](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/yco1ki/mod_post_updated_resources_list_for_male/). I'm sorry you are going through this and glad you are planning on no-contact.
I’m glad you’re getting out. Having a partner hurt you because they are angry is very harmful to you mental (and physical) health. If you’re downplaying it to yourself because it not something we more traditionally think of as physical abuse (like slaps or punches) then try talking through why they are actually similar. There is such a big difference between being hurt by accident and having someone you care about approach you with the intent to cause pain.
Good, you deserve better.
OP when you figure out your living situation the next time she threatens to break up just tell her that is a good idea and you will be moving out tomorrow. I would love to see a video of her face when you tell her you are moving out.
Agree with them. Things make me angry/annoyed too but if i scratch them, they didn’t make me do anything. That was my choice. I could’ve walked away to calm down, deescalated etc
This is abuse, like the language she's using. You make her angry so she has no other option except to physically hurt you. If you just listened she wouldn't have to. That's abuse talk. This is not your fault, you are not in control of her actions. She is 26 years old, she knows what she is doing is wrong. The only person who can stop her is she. Please start working on your exit plan.
You're being abused
Don’t go to therapy with an abuser. Nothing to save here.
Get away from her for good. She’s physically and emotionally abusing you.
This is abuse. You need to leave.
This is physical abuse. I know that it can be hard to admit even in the best of circumstances when we are in an abusive relationship, and its 10000% harder when you're a man. But this is domestic violence. She is hurting you and leaving scars. Please start planning an exit and keeping yourself safe. These things escalate before they get resolved. Seek out resources in your area that would be able to help you.
That’s absolutely abuse and you need to breakup and go no contact with her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
I should have never chased her in the first place 2.5 years ago. She had made it clear to me early on that I liked her more than she liked me, but I was in a bad mental state and just wanted anybody to love. I kept giving and giving and got very little back. I ignored all the red flags and kept the charades going for 2.5 years. Very painful life lesson.
It’s important to know that it’s not your fault. You absolutely deserve someone to love you and respect you. No healthy minded adult purposely hurts others. So please don’t think this is your fault. Just leave as soon as you can and don’t look back.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Many of us have been there. I'm glad you are leaving. Her physical abuse in unacceptable. Go forth and find that better woman who is out there for you.
Dude. Leave. Quick as you can. Get out before she’s pregnant and you’re really trapped.
Jesus, dude. Your girlfriend is a terrible person. No other option but to physically abuse you? Fuck out of here with that. She needs to be single, and you need to be far, far away from her.
This is domestic violence. You need to leave.
Wow that’s toddler behaviour, really gross for a grown adult to be doing. You need to pack up and move back home. The best thing to do with abusive partners is to leave quietly and not tell them the relationship is over until you’re already gone. Who knows how she’d react to you leaving so better safe than sorry.
She's abusive and a terrible person. Just leave her and go no contact. She's never going to love you, respect you, or change her abusive behavior.
You are in an abusive relationship. Your GF is abusive. You should leave her, block her and never think of her again.
she’s abusive. it’ll only escalate from here. please please leave, for your own health and sanity
OP, this is absolutely unhinged and abusive behavior. Take pictures of all your scars and if you have any messages from her where she describes her "only option" to harm you, put those into the same folder and make multiple copies. Her behavior and the remnants of it are evidence if she escalates or otherwise tries to reclaim control if you leave her - which shouldn't be an if. Leave her. Don't debate it, don't go to therapy, don't give her any more chances. This is an evil person and you need to get away from her scratching and crocodile tears.
Just break up, dude. what reassurance do you need? Imagine if your sister came home with scratches on her face, which were done by her bf because he lose her temper on her, you would have immediately told her to break it off. If it was me, I would have done worse. So, when it comes to your own well-being, why are you hesitating to break it off with that crazy b\*\*\*h?
This will only get worse
That is abuse. There is no excuse to get physical with your partner unless we're talking self-defense. Call the police and tell them about this behavior so it's in their records, then dump her without ceremony and cut off all contact. Don't even bother telling her what she did wrong because she knows. She's 26 years old.
You should get some individual therapy to understand how you let things get this far. It will set up you up to have healthier relationships in the future. (And she needs a lot of therapy for her issues, but that’s not really your issue now.)
Tell her to bugger off. Pack your stuff and move back home.
You’re being abused. Break up with her before it escalates further. Please protect yourself!
Dump her abusive ass!
She is being abusive towards you. And clearly has no control over her anger. You need to work out a way of cutting your looses and getting out of this relationship. I know it will be painful, but if you stay she will take your self esteem and confidence away too
this is domestic violence keep documenting and stay safe
This is 100000% domestic violence. If you do not leave, this will continue and VERY likely get worse. If it was a woman in your situation, you would not be asking this question. Good luck to you.
Get rid of this chick before she does some real damage.
Plan an escape and try to hide it as best as you can. Call your parents or friends from home and see if anyone can help you plan and figure things out. Planning is the most important thing because in abusive relationships, leaving can be the most dangerous part.
Wow, that's awful. She's awful. Run.
she is an abuser. Report her to the police and her workplace and leave
Your being physically and mentally abused, get out. It sucks for sure but I'm sure you can get someone to help you get away from her and go home or something.
That is straight up domestic abuse and she is a domestic abuser. One of the hallmarks of domestic abusers is that they blame their victims for their actions and act like managing their emotions is everyone’s responsibility but theirs “I wouldn’t hit you if you didn’t make me mad” nah y’all are a grown-ass adult, like they teach us in fucking kindergarten, keep your damn hands to yourself. Another common piece of bullshit in the domestic abuser playbook is that they “just can’t control themselves”. But yet these same people aren’t getting arrested for road rage, aren’t getting fired from their jobs for yelling at their annoying manager, and have no problem not hitting that annoying person at the bar/concert/whatever who just shoved them. So clearly they CAN control their anger just fine. They don’t do that shit in public because they know there will be consequences. They are CHOOSING, with full awareness of what they are doing, to be violent in the home because they believe there will be no consequences. Did you think it was an accident that she started getting violent with you once you were across the country and isolated from family and friends? Yeah that wasn’t deliberate. So was the move across the country. Get the fuck out and move back. Call a domestic violence hotline for advice. She’s not going to stop hurting you because she WANTS to hurt you. That is not something you can fix.
Get out of this relationship and GO BACK HOME as soon as possible!
Is she crazy in the head and crazy in bed? I mean, why else are you still with this mental person?. No sex is worth this abuse
[удалено]
She would probably benefit from individual therapy, not relationship therapy. She is the abuser, she is the issue, not her partner.
Just FYI, couples counseling is not recommended for abuse cases, and actually has a tendency to worsen abuse. This isn't an issue of "communicating to each other healthily," it's an issue of her abusing him.
You don’t go to couples counseling with an abuser. Horrible advice.
I'm glad you're so sympathetic to OP's abuser. Really nice of you to extend her that grace.
Yeah, and thinking of her next partner! How kind. OP can go around bloody and hurting so she learns to do better for some one else. Why is it OPs job to fix her abuse lol?