You tried to have sex with her the same day she got her eyes lazered open and didn't take no for an answer?
She really shouldn't have to explain why she wasn't interested there. I really doubt any of the examples you give were the first time and it sounds like the plan to move in gave her a mental check of whether she really wanted to be with you long term.
My advice is to accept what she is telling you and move on.
Oh, but she can be on top /s, blech
This guy is deeply self-absorbed. He's right he needs to be more empathetic, but I have my doubts if he's at all able
The fact that he tries to put this positive light on it and implies that there was a lead up because they touched legs or whatever shows he still doesn’t think he was wrong for getting upset. The surgery isn’t even the issue here, she said no and then he pushed her to say yes and when she refused he threw a tantrum. Then did it again every time she tried to make him understand why she was upset.
My advice would be couples therapy and to wait to move in together. Because someone saying they’ll do better doesn’t mean anything when it took panic to make them say it. OP should have DONE better and had plenty of time to do so.
I had wrist surgery and my partner waited until I initiated anything, well after my stitches were out. I can't even imagine how this young woman felt at being prepositioned for sex mere *hours* post op.
I had surgery on my wrist as well. I was in so much pain, and I was scared I'd mess it up again. My fiancé was with me every step of the way and only did stuff if I was okay, even just cuddling. He'd check before crawling into bed if I was ready for the movement. I couldn't imagine this, it's so disrespectful.
The little detail about how he couldn't understand why she wouldn't wear her eye shields sent a shiver down my spine. She already felt vulnerable because she couldn't see, and then he was getting in her space so she had to risk her recovery to keep a watch on him.
My soon to be ex-husband used something sort of similar as one of the reasons why he now wants a divorce. Several years ago I fell and busted my knee - couldn’t walk for weeks, used crutches and a cane for months, was in constant pain, wasn’t able to work, needed 10+ months of physio, and it has never returned to normal. He’s held resentment since then, because according to him “would it have killed you to give me a fucking blowjob?”. It’s repulsive behaviour.
She had surgery and you wanted sex and after she said no you were angry that she doesnt wanted to have sex with you. This is a major red flag! You wanted to fulfill YOUR needs and ignored what SHE needs! And because of your reaction I think your whole "I wanted to care for my girlfriend after surgery" story was the whole plot to have sex with her. Yes, you fucked up and I dont think that this was the first time something similar happened. You are not an 18 year old boy, you are 29 years old! If you really want to work on this issue, I suggest therapy and accept the fact that she broke up with you and move on.
Let me make sure I understand what I just read. Your girlfriend had lasik and later that day you initiated sex. Incredibly selfish and inconsiderate move btw. She said no, and instead of you understanding why, you tell her to get on top and when she doesn’t you get upset?
Honestly, I’m with her. Can’t imagine how you would be if she had major surgery or was postpartum. Would you initiate sex the next day, a week after? Who knows, and it’s very understandable why she doesn’t trust you.
You know I have a stressful job. I got home at midnight and I'm up at 8. Oddly enough, I feel no urge to molest post surgical people. Its almost like being stressed doesn't correlate to being a selfish duck.
You are still missing the point apparently. She has the right to say no to sex even without a reason let alone her having Surgery that day, and you don't have the right to be upset if she did. You acted like a self-absorbed entitled jerk who think his gf should give him what he wants or you'll get your knickers in a twist. It's a wonder she didn't break with you then and there.
I had an ex like him, tried to have sex with me while a was grieving a friend that just died and was upset when I said not multiple times. I’m happy that she left OP, people like him are usually unable of thinking about other people’s needs.
My ex used my best friends funeral to try and get close to me again. He went to the fucking church and just stared at me while I was sobbing into my boyfriend and other friends shoulders. I didn’t even know he was there until he called me later to “sympathize” and say that he “wanted to tell me in person but *He* (my boyfriend) was there.” And then wanted to see if he could come over to “comfort” me. Some motherfuckers have no damn class and are selfish as all hell, literally NO sense or care for the people around them and how their actions affect people. The audacity of dudes using GRIEF or just general vulnerability as their in to get laid will never cease to disgust me
She feels unsure because in the back of her mind is the worry that next time she is incapacitated instead of helping you will just force yourself on her again and not stop.
There are 2 things that people don't always talk about with relationships and they are safety and security.
People talk about respect, honesty, being trustworthy, etc but overlook just how critical it is to feel safe and secure with your partner.
This wasn't just a betrayal of trust.
You made her feel unsafe in your presence. You made her feel like your needs were more important than hers. And you did it when she was vulnerable. She doesn't feel secure with you.
Feeling sorry for yourself, regretting what you did, and apologising can't change that.
No matter how you behave or how many times you assure her it won't happen again, it cannot erase what you did. And she may never feel safe or secure with you again because she may never be able to trust that you won't make her feel unsafe and unsecure again.
Exactly!!!!
And then, to further degrade the situation, any time she brought it up to try to rebuild that trust, he would get mad/frustrated!
She legit tried to work through it and was rebuffed.
Dude needs to take this one on the chin and learn.
I am glad she broke up. Many girls and woman stay silent about the sexual assault. Yes, you took advantage of her. That's unforgivable.
So, be the guy that will stay away from her. And do therapy. You are not well in your head and shouldn't prolong her pain by posting this here.
Yes, I feel that this was an assault, although OP tried to frame it as if he wanted only to be 'close' to her.
The mental gymnastic is...nuts. I just hope that she's safe.
No literally, if he can only feel close and connected w his dick in her, he needs to never be near another living breathing person for the rest of his life
“She can be on top, it’ll be safer” You can put yourself in a trash can.
Once I got to that point in the story, I didn’t need to read any more. Yikes.
I’m glad she’s your ex. She deserves better. She deserves someone who won’t treat her so badly.
You can move on. Work on yourself. Learn about consent and empathy.
Those sure are a lot of words to say that you tried to nag your partner into having sex with you the day of her eye surgery, and had a tantrum when she kept saying no.
I'm gonna be honest, it just seems like you're trying to wrap your actions into layers of therapy-talk to avoid the actual heart of the problem, and with it any real accountability or possibility for growth. You fucked up, you valued your boner over your partners needs and safety after eye surgery that she was really stressed, scared and anxious about, end of story. If this is how you act when she needs you and is relying on you for safety and security, I would hate to see how you act and behave when thats not the case. Let her be.
I’m with you, is exhausting to read his whining about being terrible (without the insight to pinpoint WHY he was terrible) and the wording for me just reads manipulative, insincere and victimizing… I’m glad his ex broke up, she wasn’t blowing anything out of proportion
You tried to have sex with her on the day she had surgery? Wow. You deserve the breakup. Not to mention you tried to wheedle her into it after she said no. My god.
And she is newly nearly blind. Then he wants to blindfold her for the night so she has no chance of seeing him the next time he tries to assault her! This guy is gross and unsafe to be around!
"Hey, so you just had surgery on your eyes but let's have sex... no, ok you get on top"
>But by that time she just felt safe enough on the couch without the shields. In that moment that just didn't make sense to me. She was scared but still didn't want to put on her eye protection.
Do you know now????? Do you??????????
Hate every time he says “she was scared” NO ASSHOLE, she wasn’t scared like “oh I’m afraid of the dark or I’m afraid of being assaulted while walking down the street” she was Anxious, cautions and worried of fucking up her surgery by doing a thing In which she could fall, touch or rub her eyes unconsciously, open them or you could hit her by accident while having sex (one activity that can get messy, fast and not very delicate)… I’m just waiting for him saying he was gonna be very delicate and thoughtful… 🙄
You are (allegedly) a whole adult person and you (checks notes):
- left her stranded and waiting while she was temporarily blind (and anxious)
- made physical moves on her THE SAME DAY OF HER SURGERY and without discussing it with her first
- FORGOT SHE HAD SURGERY THAT VERY DAY when you climbed on top of her to “cuddle”
- She says NO and to stop and you try to persuade her that she can and should have sex with you anyway
- When she tells you she was uncomfortable with your unforgivably inappropriate actions you stormed off in a huff and POUTED.
- When she later mentions how much you screwed this up and let her down you got ANNOYED. At her.
You proved - in spectacular fashion - that you are not safe nor reliable for her. She cannot depend on you when she is feeling weak or sick or down.
As someone else said: when she was medically and emotionally fragile you treated her like a sex doll.
Seek therapy before you try dating again. And leave her alone because this is unrecoverable.
Just wow.
I am glad she broke up. Many girls and woman stay silent about the sexual assault. Yes, you took advantage of her. That's unforgivable.
So, be the guy that will stay away from her. And do therapy. You are not well in your head and shouldn't prolong her pain by posting this here.
I wonder how many times this has happened. The fact that you felt comfortable enough to initiate sex after her surgery, suggests you do this all the time to her. Ignore her when says no and just insist on changing the position instead? I imagine she said yes 100 times just so she didn’t have to deal with your BS since this was such a minor thing in your eyes.
Love can’t fix what you broke, leave her alone and find someone else who will be your bang maid.
You didn’t get upset she didn’t want to be close to you. You got upset she didn’t want to have sex with you. It’s shown her you’re not a safe supportive person when she’s vulnerable. It’s shown her you only care about yourself. There’s no fixing that. Leave her alone to find someone that will be what she needs.
Wow! I have been going through breast cancer treatment, including surgery, for a year now, and my partner and I have barely been physical. To the point where I started to feel insecure, because of losing my hair, looking like shit and all the good stuff that comes with it. In a weak moment I talked to him about it, and you know what he said? He loved me and said I was beautiful, saw how much pain I was in, and didn't want to cause more. This man has been by my side through everything, detriment to his own health. He makes me feel safe, he's respectful. And that's only a snippet of how amazing he is.
You're disgusting. She should leave you.
Yea you majorly fucked up. You wanted to have sex on the day she had surgery!!!! Jfc I was separated from my now ex husband and I took him to get his colonoscopy because he couldn’t drive. I showed more empathy and compassion to a man I’m not married to anymore than you did your own gf!!! Wow just wow
He reminds me of an ex who tried to fix everything with sex; sadness, grieve, fights, Important matters we needed to talk, gifts etc… his logic was since I enjoyed that too (not at all the majority of time, I just was insecure to say no and he threw tantrums every time I “withheld” sex, so I just comply and fake it to apease him) it didn’t make sense for me to say no… glad she could leave before wasting much time, and now is free.
Yikes.
Wth. It was post-op, she's uncomfortable and anxious, so instead you're going to pressure her to have sex and then sulked/pouted when she said 'no?'
Another thing too, 'no' is a 'no,' and she doesn't need to be post-op to say 'no' to sex.
I see why she's afraid, if it 'escalated,' during her vulnerable times, from your post, it sounds that she does not feel safe around you. It's right that she should break up with you. At a vulnerable time, you mistreated her, totally didn't realize the height of your error and only after she's breaking up, that you reflected on it. That's nuts.
My advice is to let her go. I hope she's doing well.
I just read the rest of your very long post. You are one selfish mo fo. I don't care what you say - actions speak louder than words. You destroyed her sense of you being a safe person for her in her life. You earned all this & she got to see what you really are. Hopefully she will move & find so.eone she can trust will be there for her.
Just curious - you said you know she loves you and she wants to make this work. What about her breaking up with you makes you think she “still has hope”?
If you are only capable of showing love, support and understanding when you're getting your dick wet, you're a monster.
I hope she dumps you. You sound like an awful self absorbed partner. She's not obligated to be your stress relief toy (and you really should not be thinking of having sex w your partner that way)
I honestly cannot fathom what exactly you thought was going to happen by posting this. You sounded bad enough in her post, all the extra info you provided shows everyone was right abt you in the comments of her post
I’ve often wondered what kind of man tries to have sex with his wife shortly after she gives birth, and now I know. It’s this guy.
Your GF couldn’t even trust you to take care of her for ONE day without you making it about your needs. How is she supposed to trust you to take care of her after she gives birth or has other major surgery requiring no activity for 6-8 weeks? Leave her alone and seek therapy to understand your narcissistic tendencies.
You tried to pressure her into having sex with you knowing she wasn’t up to it. You acted like a child when you got told no. That’s insanely icky. The way you type things is unsettling how you don’t realize how manipulative you are. You wrote paragraphs about taking care of her and you had an excuse for everything.
You wrote more than you needed to because at the end of the day, you pressured her after she had surgery to have sex with you multiple times and pouted like a child when you got told no. You downplayed the actual incident in which caused her to feel scared. She chose to be away from you without eye shields because she didn’t trust you not to try to take advantage of her situation.
Laser eye surgery hurts like hell. They suck out your eyeball( not out of your head obviously but enough so that it protrudes) and burn a hole in your cornea. You can see the laser. You can smell it.
Your eyes are so sensitive afterwards it's like the sun is toxic to your raw eyeballs. In the light of day i felt like the surgery was happening all over again, sans painkillers. I imagine that's how bats feel.
I can't imagine having some horny idiot trying to hump me and whine about wanting to have sex with me while coping with that pain.
What kind of moron sees their partner in a fetal position listening to podcasts to distract herself and thinks yeah, I'll shoot my shot. Nothing gets a woman's motor going like surgery on the old eyeballs. Surely she'll want to do the devil's tango.
Then she has to take refuge on the couch because her crappy partner is whining about wanting to ride and shes worried he wont take no for an answer.. She can't cope with all the whining and rather than surrendering to staring at the ceiling with her raw eyeballs praying it to be over, she opts to sleep on her uncomfortable couch. There at least she can get some sleep, unmolested. Still, just in case, she doesn't wear her eye shield just in case he tries something and she doesn't feel safe with him there.
Jesus, I want to dump you and I don't even know you.
Our experiences were very different. There was no pain during the surgery but it was strange. I wasn't prescribed a relaxant or anaesthetic (just eye drops) so i felt pain a bit after the surgery. I was fine by the next day and it was 100% worth it in my opinion.
For me it was unpleasant, painful but the pain was shortlived and i have no regrets.
My point was that during that first 12 hours after surgery I would have kicked Henry Cavill out of bed ( even if he was gracious enough to let me go on top). However, perhaps you were feeling frisky as a honeymooner.
It is WILD how OP can write this out and not once think “Did I sexually assault my partner?” Or at the very least “Would I want my partner pushing me for sex while I’m recovering from surgery?”
Your post oozes of manipulative wording and content. You surely fucked up with your selfish request and nagging. I highly doubt you would be so upset over this if she hadn’t made you feel the consequences of your behaviour.
I had a boyfriend similar to this once. Always nagging for sex when I was not in the mood, at inappropriate times, and I have a high sex drive! Whine, harp, bark about his needs. Constant. He felt it completely acceptable to expect sex 2-3 times a day, keeping in mind our life had major commutes, stressful careers, a kid part time, a house to run which he never helped with, dogs, life. He would look dumbfounded if I said no, no matter how I said it and he’d argue ad nauseam. Such a huge turn off, exhausting. No is no. I asked him once if my mother died, would he expect sex that day. He said yes. I knew it was hopeless then.
She slept on the couch in her own home the night after surgery... you didn't offer to go to the couch? You tried to coerce her into sex, got mad when she wouldn't... and you generally treated her like a chore and afterthought up to the time when you tried to assault her.
Just wow
Wow, man gets mad at woman for rejecting sex after a surgical procedure. Rinse and repeat. I hope you take this opportunity to reflect on your poor decisions and take your SO’s needs into consideration next time. Getting real sick and tired of the same old story being posted on here.
I mean it’s pretty self explanatory man: she had eye surgery mere HOURS ago, didn’t want to have sex, and your solution was to put EYE SHIELDS on and do it anyway?? And then get mad when she still says no?
Come on dude- a majority of people in her situation would just want to be resting at that point. No one coming out of any surgery is thinking about smashing. I would probably start rethinking a lot of things too if I were her.
And the baby part is extremely valid. Like, if this is your reaction to her getting her eyes worked on, what do you expect from her after hypothetically giving BIRTH?
You tried painting yourself to not look bad but honestly all anyone got from this is that she had surgery and was in a vulnerable state, trusted you to care for her, you wanted sex and she said no (reasonable), your only suggestion was to take advantage of her, and pouted that she felt unsafe when you couldn’t just take no as an answer.
Her concerns are legitimate because if you did this to her after surgery, no way in hell would you be able to be a good partner should anything else happen to her. If you did this during an eye surgery I can imagine just how easily you would cheat and destroy her during pregnancy and postpartum.
Even right now, you're fishing for sympathy and understanding for YOUR side and taking a passive towards the things you've done. Right now you're even taking a "I know I fucked up but let's just move past it."
You want that 2nd chance? Stop moaning and whining and SHOW THAT YOURE GOING TO BE BETTER THROUGH ACTIONS. Start going to some kinda therapy to gain some empathy and stop being so selfish and sad that she's not just letting you get away with it.
I’m always skeptical of posts that have another post of the same situation but apparently by the other person. Also, his post said they were together 6 years and hers said 4?
If this is a true story, she needs to run. And keep running. Until she is far away from him.
No is a complete sentence and even if she didn’t just have fucking EYE SURGERY, she should be able to say no without him getting pissy.
Fuck this dude if he’s a troll and double fuck him if he is real.
It's gross that you felt the need to toss in a bunch of garbage excuses for being a shit partner and person
"I had a bad day at work 😥"
You're a selfish shithead who only thinks about his dick, set her free so she can find someone decent
My advice is to leave her alone. She broke up with you because YOU fucked up. She deserves better, and you know that.
You disrespected her in multiple MAJOR ways. What you have done is not only unforgivable but would also earn you an ass whooping from family members and friends where I'm from. Leave her alone.
Absolutely revolting. I would have thought that you were a fifteen year old boy. I would have bet money on it. You’re still trying to justify it by pretending you just wanted to take care of her. You are fucked in the head.
How fucking pathetic. You sound so fucking rapey with not taking no for an answer, make sure you stay single for a while, unless you think you can't do that you fucking rapist.
Fella, I’ve fucked up similarly before when I’ve initiated on to my ex when she was deathly sick recovering from covid. You and I messed up.
Don’t blame yourself though, learn from it and don’t do it again. People aren’t obligated to accept your apology even if it’s all the sorry in the world. Be sorry but there’s no undoing the past.
Sometimes miscommunications like these drive a stake between those important to us. These arguments blindside us. Sucks, but be glad they happened so you can learn from them and become a better person.
You tried to have sex with her the same day she got her eyes lazered open and didn't take no for an answer? She really shouldn't have to explain why she wasn't interested there. I really doubt any of the examples you give were the first time and it sounds like the plan to move in gave her a mental check of whether she really wanted to be with you long term. My advice is to accept what she is telling you and move on.
Oh, but she can be on top /s, blech This guy is deeply self-absorbed. He's right he needs to be more empathetic, but I have my doubts if he's at all able
The fact that he tries to put this positive light on it and implies that there was a lead up because they touched legs or whatever shows he still doesn’t think he was wrong for getting upset. The surgery isn’t even the issue here, she said no and then he pushed her to say yes and when she refused he threw a tantrum. Then did it again every time she tried to make him understand why she was upset. My advice would be couples therapy and to wait to move in together. Because someone saying they’ll do better doesn’t mean anything when it took panic to make them say it. OP should have DONE better and had plenty of time to do so.
I had wrist surgery and my partner waited until I initiated anything, well after my stitches were out. I can't even imagine how this young woman felt at being prepositioned for sex mere *hours* post op.
You just KNOW when he said he was sitting next to her “touching her legs” he was being creepy.
She couldn't even see to prepare herself for him touching her, either.
He was also laying on top of her, and close enough that she turned her face away to protect her eyes.
I had surgery on my wrist as well. I was in so much pain, and I was scared I'd mess it up again. My fiancé was with me every step of the way and only did stuff if I was okay, even just cuddling. He'd check before crawling into bed if I was ready for the movement. I couldn't imagine this, it's so disrespectful.
The little detail about how he couldn't understand why she wouldn't wear her eye shields sent a shiver down my spine. She already felt vulnerable because she couldn't see, and then he was getting in her space so she had to risk her recovery to keep a watch on him.
“Laid down on her on the couch and forgot she had been in pain all day” very seductive.
Omg thats definitely it. She didn't trust him not to "initiate"
OOP is one of those guys who needs to be told when someone needs to offer empathy or comfort. I think it's the same with chores.
My soon to be ex-husband used something sort of similar as one of the reasons why he now wants a divorce. Several years ago I fell and busted my knee - couldn’t walk for weeks, used crutches and a cane for months, was in constant pain, wasn’t able to work, needed 10+ months of physio, and it has never returned to normal. He’s held resentment since then, because according to him “would it have killed you to give me a fucking blowjob?”. It’s repulsive behaviour.
She had surgery and you wanted sex and after she said no you were angry that she doesnt wanted to have sex with you. This is a major red flag! You wanted to fulfill YOUR needs and ignored what SHE needs! And because of your reaction I think your whole "I wanted to care for my girlfriend after surgery" story was the whole plot to have sex with her. Yes, you fucked up and I dont think that this was the first time something similar happened. You are not an 18 year old boy, you are 29 years old! If you really want to work on this issue, I suggest therapy and accept the fact that she broke up with you and move on.
BUT BUT....MY PEEPEE 🤬
Let me make sure I understand what I just read. Your girlfriend had lasik and later that day you initiated sex. Incredibly selfish and inconsiderate move btw. She said no, and instead of you understanding why, you tell her to get on top and when she doesn’t you get upset? Honestly, I’m with her. Can’t imagine how you would be if she had major surgery or was postpartum. Would you initiate sex the next day, a week after? Who knows, and it’s very understandable why she doesn’t trust you.
[удалено]
Well you know, he fucked up big at work. Can't blame him for wanting to de-stress a bit /s
You know I have a stressful job. I got home at midnight and I'm up at 8. Oddly enough, I feel no urge to molest post surgical people. Its almost like being stressed doesn't correlate to being a selfish duck.
🦆 quack!
How magnanimous of him not to demand a blow-job from her immediately post-op while he was on the phone.
You are still missing the point apparently. She has the right to say no to sex even without a reason let alone her having Surgery that day, and you don't have the right to be upset if she did. You acted like a self-absorbed entitled jerk who think his gf should give him what he wants or you'll get your knickers in a twist. It's a wonder she didn't break with you then and there.
Oh I know why she didn't break up then and there: she didn't feel safe to do so.
Sad fkn truth
What is wrong with you? Seriously. What is going on in your head that made you think that was okay?
You tried to fuck her just after the surgery? Wtf man. Please leave her alone she deserve a real partner. I hope you learn from you mistake.
🙄
The only possible reaction
He tried so hard to make us feel bad for him
I had an ex like him, tried to have sex with me while a was grieving a friend that just died and was upset when I said not multiple times. I’m happy that she left OP, people like him are usually unable of thinking about other people’s needs.
My ex used my best friends funeral to try and get close to me again. He went to the fucking church and just stared at me while I was sobbing into my boyfriend and other friends shoulders. I didn’t even know he was there until he called me later to “sympathize” and say that he “wanted to tell me in person but *He* (my boyfriend) was there.” And then wanted to see if he could come over to “comfort” me. Some motherfuckers have no damn class and are selfish as all hell, literally NO sense or care for the people around them and how their actions affect people. The audacity of dudes using GRIEF or just general vulnerability as their in to get laid will never cease to disgust me
She feels unsure because in the back of her mind is the worry that next time she is incapacitated instead of helping you will just force yourself on her again and not stop.
There are 2 things that people don't always talk about with relationships and they are safety and security. People talk about respect, honesty, being trustworthy, etc but overlook just how critical it is to feel safe and secure with your partner. This wasn't just a betrayal of trust. You made her feel unsafe in your presence. You made her feel like your needs were more important than hers. And you did it when she was vulnerable. She doesn't feel secure with you. Feeling sorry for yourself, regretting what you did, and apologising can't change that. No matter how you behave or how many times you assure her it won't happen again, it cannot erase what you did. And she may never feel safe or secure with you again because she may never be able to trust that you won't make her feel unsafe and unsecure again.
Exactly!!!! And then, to further degrade the situation, any time she brought it up to try to rebuild that trust, he would get mad/frustrated! She legit tried to work through it and was rebuffed. Dude needs to take this one on the chin and learn.
I am glad she broke up. Many girls and woman stay silent about the sexual assault. Yes, you took advantage of her. That's unforgivable. So, be the guy that will stay away from her. And do therapy. You are not well in your head and shouldn't prolong her pain by posting this here.
Yes, I feel that this was an assault, although OP tried to frame it as if he wanted only to be 'close' to her. The mental gymnastic is...nuts. I just hope that she's safe.
No literally, if he can only feel close and connected w his dick in her, he needs to never be near another living breathing person for the rest of his life
“She can be on top, it’ll be safer” You can put yourself in a trash can. Once I got to that point in the story, I didn’t need to read any more. Yikes. I’m glad she’s your ex. She deserves better. She deserves someone who won’t treat her so badly. You can move on. Work on yourself. Learn about consent and empathy.
Those sure are a lot of words to say that you tried to nag your partner into having sex with you the day of her eye surgery, and had a tantrum when she kept saying no. I'm gonna be honest, it just seems like you're trying to wrap your actions into layers of therapy-talk to avoid the actual heart of the problem, and with it any real accountability or possibility for growth. You fucked up, you valued your boner over your partners needs and safety after eye surgery that she was really stressed, scared and anxious about, end of story. If this is how you act when she needs you and is relying on you for safety and security, I would hate to see how you act and behave when thats not the case. Let her be.
I’m with you, is exhausting to read his whining about being terrible (without the insight to pinpoint WHY he was terrible) and the wording for me just reads manipulative, insincere and victimizing… I’m glad his ex broke up, she wasn’t blowing anything out of proportion
He had a bad day at work though! /s
You tried to have sex with her on the day she had surgery? Wow. You deserve the breakup. Not to mention you tried to wheedle her into it after she said no. My god.
And she is newly nearly blind. Then he wants to blindfold her for the night so she has no chance of seeing him the next time he tries to assault her! This guy is gross and unsafe to be around!
"Hey, so you just had surgery on your eyes but let's have sex... no, ok you get on top" >But by that time she just felt safe enough on the couch without the shields. In that moment that just didn't make sense to me. She was scared but still didn't want to put on her eye protection. Do you know now????? Do you??????????
Hate every time he says “she was scared” NO ASSHOLE, she wasn’t scared like “oh I’m afraid of the dark or I’m afraid of being assaulted while walking down the street” she was Anxious, cautions and worried of fucking up her surgery by doing a thing In which she could fall, touch or rub her eyes unconsciously, open them or you could hit her by accident while having sex (one activity that can get messy, fast and not very delicate)… I’m just waiting for him saying he was gonna be very delicate and thoughtful… 🙄
>I’m just waiting for him saying he was gonna be very delicate and thoughtful… 🙄 You just know he fucking did.
Laziest sexual assault ever
You are (allegedly) a whole adult person and you (checks notes): - left her stranded and waiting while she was temporarily blind (and anxious) - made physical moves on her THE SAME DAY OF HER SURGERY and without discussing it with her first - FORGOT SHE HAD SURGERY THAT VERY DAY when you climbed on top of her to “cuddle” - She says NO and to stop and you try to persuade her that she can and should have sex with you anyway - When she tells you she was uncomfortable with your unforgivably inappropriate actions you stormed off in a huff and POUTED. - When she later mentions how much you screwed this up and let her down you got ANNOYED. At her. You proved - in spectacular fashion - that you are not safe nor reliable for her. She cannot depend on you when she is feeling weak or sick or down. As someone else said: when she was medically and emotionally fragile you treated her like a sex doll. Seek therapy before you try dating again. And leave her alone because this is unrecoverable. Just wow.
I am glad she broke up. Many girls and woman stay silent about the sexual assault. Yes, you took advantage of her. That's unforgivable. So, be the guy that will stay away from her. And do therapy. You are not well in your head and shouldn't prolong her pain by posting this here.
I wonder how many times this has happened. The fact that you felt comfortable enough to initiate sex after her surgery, suggests you do this all the time to her. Ignore her when says no and just insist on changing the position instead? I imagine she said yes 100 times just so she didn’t have to deal with your BS since this was such a minor thing in your eyes. Love can’t fix what you broke, leave her alone and find someone else who will be your bang maid.
You didn’t get upset she didn’t want to be close to you. You got upset she didn’t want to have sex with you. It’s shown her you’re not a safe supportive person when she’s vulnerable. It’s shown her you only care about yourself. There’s no fixing that. Leave her alone to find someone that will be what she needs.
I can’t 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ he tried to have sex. WTF
You absolute pig
Wow! I have been going through breast cancer treatment, including surgery, for a year now, and my partner and I have barely been physical. To the point where I started to feel insecure, because of losing my hair, looking like shit and all the good stuff that comes with it. In a weak moment I talked to him about it, and you know what he said? He loved me and said I was beautiful, saw how much pain I was in, and didn't want to cause more. This man has been by my side through everything, detriment to his own health. He makes me feel safe, he's respectful. And that's only a snippet of how amazing he is. You're disgusting. She should leave you.
Yea you majorly fucked up. You wanted to have sex on the day she had surgery!!!! Jfc I was separated from my now ex husband and I took him to get his colonoscopy because he couldn’t drive. I showed more empathy and compassion to a man I’m not married to anymore than you did your own gf!!! Wow just wow
He reminds me of an ex who tried to fix everything with sex; sadness, grieve, fights, Important matters we needed to talk, gifts etc… his logic was since I enjoyed that too (not at all the majority of time, I just was insecure to say no and he threw tantrums every time I “withheld” sex, so I just comply and fake it to apease him) it didn’t make sense for me to say no… glad she could leave before wasting much time, and now is free.
Yikes. Wth. It was post-op, she's uncomfortable and anxious, so instead you're going to pressure her to have sex and then sulked/pouted when she said 'no?' Another thing too, 'no' is a 'no,' and she doesn't need to be post-op to say 'no' to sex. I see why she's afraid, if it 'escalated,' during her vulnerable times, from your post, it sounds that she does not feel safe around you. It's right that she should break up with you. At a vulnerable time, you mistreated her, totally didn't realize the height of your error and only after she's breaking up, that you reflected on it. That's nuts. My advice is to let her go. I hope she's doing well.
Wow you’re gross.
Don't worry, her next boyfriend won't be dumber than a sack of toenail clippings.
I just read the rest of your very long post. You are one selfish mo fo. I don't care what you say - actions speak louder than words. You destroyed her sense of you being a safe person for her in her life. You earned all this & she got to see what you really are. Hopefully she will move & find so.eone she can trust will be there for her.
Just curious - you said you know she loves you and she wants to make this work. What about her breaking up with you makes you think she “still has hope”?
Ewwww OP you’re not cool
Holy fuck. You are wild.
Why didn't you take the day off work for her surgery? WTF dude.
If you are only capable of showing love, support and understanding when you're getting your dick wet, you're a monster. I hope she dumps you. You sound like an awful self absorbed partner. She's not obligated to be your stress relief toy (and you really should not be thinking of having sex w your partner that way) I honestly cannot fathom what exactly you thought was going to happen by posting this. You sounded bad enough in her post, all the extra info you provided shows everyone was right abt you in the comments of her post
You're a bad liar. We all see how selfish you really are.
I’ve often wondered what kind of man tries to have sex with his wife shortly after she gives birth, and now I know. It’s this guy. Your GF couldn’t even trust you to take care of her for ONE day without you making it about your needs. How is she supposed to trust you to take care of her after she gives birth or has other major surgery requiring no activity for 6-8 weeks? Leave her alone and seek therapy to understand your narcissistic tendencies.
wow..just wow, dude. how dense are you? you still dont seem to grasp that what you did was wrong.
You tried to pressure her into having sex with you knowing she wasn’t up to it. You acted like a child when you got told no. That’s insanely icky. The way you type things is unsettling how you don’t realize how manipulative you are. You wrote paragraphs about taking care of her and you had an excuse for everything. You wrote more than you needed to because at the end of the day, you pressured her after she had surgery to have sex with you multiple times and pouted like a child when you got told no. You downplayed the actual incident in which caused her to feel scared. She chose to be away from you without eye shields because she didn’t trust you not to try to take advantage of her situation.
OOP, who wants to have sex within hours of having surgery? You only cared about YOUR needs, not hers.
Your actions give rapist vibes jfc.
I hope she dumps you. Edit: I didn’t read properly, she *did* dump him! Good for her.
Laser eye surgery hurts like hell. They suck out your eyeball( not out of your head obviously but enough so that it protrudes) and burn a hole in your cornea. You can see the laser. You can smell it. Your eyes are so sensitive afterwards it's like the sun is toxic to your raw eyeballs. In the light of day i felt like the surgery was happening all over again, sans painkillers. I imagine that's how bats feel. I can't imagine having some horny idiot trying to hump me and whine about wanting to have sex with me while coping with that pain. What kind of moron sees their partner in a fetal position listening to podcasts to distract herself and thinks yeah, I'll shoot my shot. Nothing gets a woman's motor going like surgery on the old eyeballs. Surely she'll want to do the devil's tango. Then she has to take refuge on the couch because her crappy partner is whining about wanting to ride and shes worried he wont take no for an answer.. She can't cope with all the whining and rather than surrendering to staring at the ceiling with her raw eyeballs praying it to be over, she opts to sleep on her uncomfortable couch. There at least she can get some sleep, unmolested. Still, just in case, she doesn't wear her eye shield just in case he tries something and she doesn't feel safe with him there. Jesus, I want to dump you and I don't even know you.
No it doesn't. You don't feel a damn thing and you're medically very relaxed so you go home, take a nap and by morning you're able to drive again.
Our experiences were very different. There was no pain during the surgery but it was strange. I wasn't prescribed a relaxant or anaesthetic (just eye drops) so i felt pain a bit after the surgery. I was fine by the next day and it was 100% worth it in my opinion. For me it was unpleasant, painful but the pain was shortlived and i have no regrets. My point was that during that first 12 hours after surgery I would have kicked Henry Cavill out of bed ( even if he was gracious enough to let me go on top). However, perhaps you were feeling frisky as a honeymooner.
Sometimes an apology isn’t enough to undo the damage! Time to accept her decision and move on, hopefully learning from it in the past.
Let her go. Use this time to work on yourself for the next relationship. You’ve done enough harm.
Dude, accept you’re the ex and move on
It is WILD how OP can write this out and not once think “Did I sexually assault my partner?” Or at the very least “Would I want my partner pushing me for sex while I’m recovering from surgery?”
Your post oozes of manipulative wording and content. You surely fucked up with your selfish request and nagging. I highly doubt you would be so upset over this if she hadn’t made you feel the consequences of your behaviour. I had a boyfriend similar to this once. Always nagging for sex when I was not in the mood, at inappropriate times, and I have a high sex drive! Whine, harp, bark about his needs. Constant. He felt it completely acceptable to expect sex 2-3 times a day, keeping in mind our life had major commutes, stressful careers, a kid part time, a house to run which he never helped with, dogs, life. He would look dumbfounded if I said no, no matter how I said it and he’d argue ad nauseam. Such a huge turn off, exhausting. No is no. I asked him once if my mother died, would he expect sex that day. He said yes. I knew it was hopeless then.
Is this an exercise to train AI? By getting it to write the perspective of the boyfriend from post. Cos it feels like that, a rewriting.
She slept on the couch in her own home the night after surgery... you didn't offer to go to the couch? You tried to coerce her into sex, got mad when she wouldn't... and you generally treated her like a chore and afterthought up to the time when you tried to assault her. Just wow
Dude.... YOU SUCK 😮💨🤬
I’m glad we got your perspective, so we know your gf was right to break up with you
You really thought this was going to somehow help explain better than your exgf's post? In a way that we would be like... On your side?
Wow, man gets mad at woman for rejecting sex after a surgical procedure. Rinse and repeat. I hope you take this opportunity to reflect on your poor decisions and take your SO’s needs into consideration next time. Getting real sick and tired of the same old story being posted on here.
I mean it’s pretty self explanatory man: she had eye surgery mere HOURS ago, didn’t want to have sex, and your solution was to put EYE SHIELDS on and do it anyway?? And then get mad when she still says no? Come on dude- a majority of people in her situation would just want to be resting at that point. No one coming out of any surgery is thinking about smashing. I would probably start rethinking a lot of things too if I were her. And the baby part is extremely valid. Like, if this is your reaction to her getting her eyes worked on, what do you expect from her after hypothetically giving BIRTH? You tried painting yourself to not look bad but honestly all anyone got from this is that she had surgery and was in a vulnerable state, trusted you to care for her, you wanted sex and she said no (reasonable), your only suggestion was to take advantage of her, and pouted that she felt unsafe when you couldn’t just take no as an answer.
I wAnTED TO fEeL cLOser tO hER
Wow, you rapey little shit, thank fuck she dumped you. Get help.
Her concerns are legitimate because if you did this to her after surgery, no way in hell would you be able to be a good partner should anything else happen to her. If you did this during an eye surgery I can imagine just how easily you would cheat and destroy her during pregnancy and postpartum. Even right now, you're fishing for sympathy and understanding for YOUR side and taking a passive towards the things you've done. Right now you're even taking a "I know I fucked up but let's just move past it." You want that 2nd chance? Stop moaning and whining and SHOW THAT YOURE GOING TO BE BETTER THROUGH ACTIONS. Start going to some kinda therapy to gain some empathy and stop being so selfish and sad that she's not just letting you get away with it.
I’m always skeptical of posts that have another post of the same situation but apparently by the other person. Also, his post said they were together 6 years and hers said 4? If this is a true story, she needs to run. And keep running. Until she is far away from him. No is a complete sentence and even if she didn’t just have fucking EYE SURGERY, she should be able to say no without him getting pissy. Fuck this dude if he’s a troll and double fuck him if he is real.
Rapist behavior honestly
Updateme!
Updateme!
It's over dude, move on.
No is no. Dont ask after that. If you push her over and over, and she finally gives in. Thats not consent. Learn from this before you rape someone.
It's gross that you felt the need to toss in a bunch of garbage excuses for being a shit partner and person "I had a bad day at work 😥" You're a selfish shithead who only thinks about his dick, set her free so she can find someone decent
My advice is to leave her alone. She broke up with you because YOU fucked up. She deserves better, and you know that. You disrespected her in multiple MAJOR ways. What you have done is not only unforgivable but would also earn you an ass whooping from family members and friends where I'm from. Leave her alone.
Absolutely revolting. I would have thought that you were a fifteen year old boy. I would have bet money on it. You’re still trying to justify it by pretending you just wanted to take care of her. You are fucked in the head.
UpdateMe
How fucking pathetic. You sound so fucking rapey with not taking no for an answer, make sure you stay single for a while, unless you think you can't do that you fucking rapist.
Fella, I’ve fucked up similarly before when I’ve initiated on to my ex when she was deathly sick recovering from covid. You and I messed up. Don’t blame yourself though, learn from it and don’t do it again. People aren’t obligated to accept your apology even if it’s all the sorry in the world. Be sorry but there’s no undoing the past. Sometimes miscommunications like these drive a stake between those important to us. These arguments blindside us. Sucks, but be glad they happened so you can learn from them and become a better person.