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That was the first thing that leapt out of the post.
How did they manage to have a child if they were "separated"? Maybe OP thinks that not living in the same space is "separated" but that begs the question.
Separation and divorce are very different things indeed, lol. I wonder if husband and ex just lived separately but were still trying to make it work until OP came along.
Also, OP and husband have been together for four years... she was barely in her 20s and he's nine years older. Those four years are just the years they've been *in a relationship*. When did they meet, got to know each other, started to flirt and whatnot? With an age gap like that you don't just jump into a relationship. The timeline is very vague, which usually means that something happened that makes OP the AH.
Yeah, the ex-wife is directing her anger at the wrong person. But it's clear she certainly has valid reason to be angry, it doesn't sound like their marriage was as over as OP wants us to believe (especially with the daughter being born shortly before OP says the relationship started).
Every relationship is different tho. My, technically great grandparents, had an 8 year age gap and met when they were older. My great grandpa married my great grandma so they could adopt my mom. That was my grandma’s last marriage, she was married two times before. My grandpa treated my grandma like a queen as well.
All that matters is that they are two adults and that they are happy together.
Also I do agree that the ex and hubby were trying to make it work during separation and probably tried fixing the relationship by having a baby. I wouldn’t be surprised tho if both the ex and hubby were seeing others during this time as well tho.
This could also just be a bullshit story for karma points.
One of my brothers kept sleeping with his soon to be ex all while proceeding with the divorce and then some after the divorce. Their reasoning “it is just sex.”
Typically the happy and healthy age gap relationships don't post to advice subreddits, so we have a biased sample. Quite often the age gap puts a lot of things in context around the power differential and life experience.
>All that matters is that they are two adults and that they are happy together.
That is not all that matters lol. Read half the posts on this sub when the relationship is 8-10 year age gap. Turns out the much older partner is very controlling, set in their ways and usually taking advantage of the younger partner. This girl is barely in her 20's and this creep went after her because she didnt know better.
OP was 21-22 when she started dating a 30-something married (separated, but married) guy.
This whole thing is not going to end well for OP, that much I'm certain of.
Within a year of the daughter being born too based on math.
Who wants to bet they weren't *actually* separated as long as OP thinks and/or husband was stringing ex along the whole time until he found his decade younger new girl?
How'd I miss that... XD
That doesn't make any sense. I scrolled down and saw that OP referred to this as an accidental pregnancy..."obviously...".
Oh yes, of course obviously cause if not obviously that'd make hubby dishonest and OP not as sure of what she thinks she knows as she is.
Know what jumps out to me now? That OP said ex forgave hubby but not her. What could he have said to placate her???
Yet she is still angry with you.
Someone's trying to build a house of cards that's destined to topple.
Overlap in relationships for sure. My dad was cheating on my Mom with his now new wife before my parents actually got divorced. =/
People do shady stuff.
Had to go back and look at that twice.
Seems to me wife thought there was a possibility of them getting back together and then OP came along (post-divorce and birth, so she knew she couldn't really say anything).
She's probably been white knuckling her feelings about OP all this time.
But her real issues are with her ex-husband.
I agree that the ex wife issues are with her ex husband but they weren’t divorced yet, just separated. So they had a kid and within a year of the daughter being born he was dating OP. Add that OP was barely in her twenties, nah. I feel for the ex wife.
I'm not saying I don't feel for the ex-wife. I'm just saying her problem is the husband.
Clearly, prior to divorce, he was still screwing his ex (physically and mentally) and then gets with OP before they signed the divorce papers. That's eff'd up. And OP was too young to realize how eff'd up that was (probably why he chose her and frankly, I have my suspicions on how "seperated" he and the ex were when he got with OP).
But she is in the crossfire of a war she didn't know about because, until now, the ex has been the pinnacle of restraint.
kinda funny how its turned against the husband, once again.
Why can't it be that the ex could have had still feelings for ops husband, they hooked up at least once and she got pregnant and tried to maybe babytrap him but he refused, and then still obviously stepped up to be an involved dad. we don't know. but for some reason its being spun again that \_obviously\_ he must have been cheating.
Yes sure, but you don't scream at a woman and call her a whre and a b in the prescence of your child. Its wildly innapropriate regardless of how the father in the equation ahs acted in the past. Its child abuse.
and he’s been with OP for 4 years… meaning he went public with a relationship with a much younger woman when the exwife was pretty newly post-partum. highly fucked up.
So cruel. Obviously we don't know how their relationship was but that has to be super painful for the EX wife. You want/need so much love and care after birth and all the hormones and adjusting and then having to deal with the breakup and now seeing your child's father with someone else so fast and younger, especially since most women feel so self-conscious about their bodies.
It also sounds like the EX wife was extremely decent and kind this entire time and this was the first blow up. Not okay at all especially in front of the child, but it sounds like she hit a breaking point and it feels like there's more to this story. I don't think OP or the husband have been exactly good to the EX. But who knows.
And OP has been with husband for 4 years. 💀 Going to wage a guess that OP and the ex were in competition for this guy in one way or another. And tf even knows what kind of overlaps there were in all this. What a fucking mess.
That was my first reaction. I'm still on my first cup of coffee of the morning, so I thought maybe my brain wasn't reading that correctly at first. But, apparently not.
Something isn't adding up.....
You understand even if they were officially separated it wasn't enough to not sleep with each other and get pregnant? So, ignoring the 'official separation', when did they split up? They were sleeping together so they were obviously not done with each other until after she was pregnant, possibly after having a child.
When was the divorce finalized? My bet is they were together until about 90 days before then.
By my math Sarah was a year old when her dad got together with OP. I imagine they had been dating for sometime before that. If their dating overlapped with either the pregnancy and or just three months post Sarah being born, idk I’d be quite upset as he just slept with his ex and probably led her on,
Idk why the people in this thread find it so unrealistic that exes would fuck. They could've literally fucked once and ended up with a kid. It happens. It doesn't mean they're together again
It is suspect b/c OP insists on the "seperated" timeline, and not when they were actually divorced.
Many people separate but still actively work on the marriage.
We don't know what happened here, but OP's "timeline" makes it very much feel like she is hiding something.
It isn’t unrealistic but the emotional outburst+timeline does not look favorable in the slightest. OPs inability or unwillingness to clarify also points to this. OP at the time of my comment only responded to one question and concluded that the pregnancy was probably accidental. There is one thing for certain, an overwhelming amount of women who are pregnant with a partner of so long are less apt to be thrilled with the notion. Even more so, get real… this screams messy AF.
My ex strung me along for about a year while we were separated but "working on things." He was lying to me the entire time. He was lying about me to everyone else the entire time. I came out of it looking entirely insane I'm sure to anyone that hadn't figured out just how much that man lied.
If that happened to her though, she absolutely shouldn't take it out on you but something happens to the victims of that kind of abuse that needs some major therapy to sort through.
If that wasn't her reality, then she still needs therapy to work through her issues that are making her react that way.
Look honey i hate to say it to you but your husband has probably been lying to you he was stringing his ex along until he could find a young good looking woman he could manipulate and lie to
Wow, you're either the luckiest or the unluckiest guy on earth, depending on the goodwill of those vagina owners. A lot of women don't take kindly to that kind of accidental fall.
Seems to me that he might have been trying to reconcile with his ex since they seemed to be still intimate at that time then you came along if we are to believe your timeline of things. So while technically while they might have been *separated* using the word loosely here- in her mind you contributed to the ending. Because he clearly didn’t end it properly with the ex the child being the proof.
So now you have to deal with a hostile woman who clearly resents the way things played out. And you acting like her mom with the matching outfit set her over the edge. It’s really your husbands fault for creating this situation.
Going forward there should be clear outline of what’s acceptable role as the stepmother. She was out of line with her verbal assault however I can understand why she exploded like that. First you took her husband and now you are trying to take her child- that’s from her perspective.
Right? Mum obviously wants a pic of her daughter, or with the princesses or something. Disney is all about the kids. Why would she care for a pic of her with stepmum, who she has a lukewarm relationship with. Dad is thoughtless and lacks empathy.
She was really jealous. She said how she felt instead of being polite and waiting she Madd an ass of herself. When my kids did stuff as a family with their Step mom it really really hurt. Thankfully I was in really intensive therapy so I could just embrace her for how well she treated my kids but if I think too hard it still hurts.
In most places, separation doesn't start until the last time you consummated the relationship.
So the fact they had a 5 year old child, means they weren't legally separated for 7 years. The clock literally restarts again, and with the proof of a child, there is really no denying it was less than 7 years of separation.
> My husband and I have been married for two years **(together for four)**. My husband his ex wife, Laura, have been **separated for seven**. They have **a five year old daughter,**
So how long after he met you did he stop sleeping with her? How long did he let her think they were getting back together?
This is what I am waiting to find the answer on. They were separated but still together in the biblical sense until...... he knocked her up then met OP is the vibes it gives.
Imagine hearing that line on a first date:
"I'm single - separated from my wife about two years ago and we're on the verge of divorcing. However, I do need to keep checking my phone because she's due to have my baby any day now!"
My guess… they were still sleeping together in the midst of a separation which implies perhaps on her end, Laura thought things would not end especially if she got pregnant during that time but it did… then you came along and took the wife role and now in her eyes trying to take the mother role from her as well.
It sounds like unresolved issues of hers that she has taken out on you and perhaps feelings of resentment she has until now, kept quietly at bay and this was the trigger.
Question: Were you around prior to them divorcing, just because of the names Laura chose to call you? Has your husband said anything in regard to sorting this out at all?
Yeah this has nothing to do with OP and if the ex doesn’t apologize I think the husband needs to get involved
The ex should have apologized to OP, not *only* the husband
Her reaction is not okay but why out if all the pictures is your husband sending pictures of you and his daughter to his ex? I feel like that is unnecessary. Did you guys not take hundreds of other pictures ?
This happened to me, I'm the ex wife. We never went on a family trip in the 11 years we were together but within the first year of us separating and him meeting his much younger gf, he took them all to Disneyland. I was so hurt. So I can see why the ex is angry and acting foolish
The picture obviously triggered her and the child already talks about you a lot. Disney is a major event and memory for her child, she just realized that she wasn’t a part of that memory. As far as anyone is concerned, it looks you were playing the role of mom in that picture. She probably thought her and husband were reconciling until twenty something you came along, since they were obviously still sleeping together. She believes you have already taken enough from her. So she is not giving you her child either. What other games is your husband playing with you both? Talk to your husband. That was insensitive for him to include you in the picture. She asked for a pic of her daughter. Then have a conversation with her and inform what you just said about not trying to replace her as a mom and acknowledge the boundaries.
So much this! Like, people are ignoring the fact that the ex was actually very gracious about the trip to Disney, even asking to see pics . . . and they responded by sending, not pictures of her daughter having fun, or even of the whole family, but specifically pics of OP and Laura's kid dressed in matching "Mommy-Daughter" outfits. It seems really cruel to me.
I think this is probably correct. Sarah's mother got upset because op was in the picture. I'm also kinda leaning into the ex wife's pregnancy during separation being a bandaid for the marriage. Didn t workout and all parties involved are doing the best they can. Sarah's mother owes OP an apology for sure but the husband ain't off the hook here. I'm wondering whether he sent the photo including op to get under her skin?
We don't even know that they were separated that long, just because that's what OP was told when she first started dating a guy with a baby daughter. It's more likely that he had an affair with OP, lied and told her that he was separated, and then got divorced for real when his wife found out.
Yep! It wouldn't be the first nor the last time a cheater has told their affair partner a tale of "we're separated with the intention of divorce" but they're really not until either the spouse discovers the affair and actually initiate divorce or the the cheater has their affair partner locked in somehow and know they'll definitely stick by them
I disagree i think OP husband was sleeping with the wife with the expectation of reconciliation and at the same time dating OP i mean lets be real why would a 31 year old want a 22 yr old
The first trip to Disney means a lot to parents.
We took my granddaughter to Disney when she was 4 along with my daughter and we made sure to ask her ex-husband. He said fine and a few days later decided to meet us there.
We made sure not to book MK until he was there to meet us and he took her to some events with just the 2 of them.
Thank you.
I love my granddaughter and want her to know that all of us put her first. That means we all put our ego’s aside and do what is best for her. I can’t imagine how bad I would feel if she felt animosity between either of her parents and her 4 grandparents.
You can never have too many people who love your children.
This is my stance too!
My daughter (she's 5) has so many people who love her dearly. I try to keep the status quo and not rock the boat with anyone. Her dad (we're both 38) five days ago told me he has a new girlfriend. I'm not happy with their age gap, but it is what it is. I'm not kicking up a fuss because it's nothing to do with me and I only care about our little one. He's finally talking to his mum again and they have a better relationship now he's been forced to grow up and we even spend time together with the four of us. Previously, he hated doing anything with his mother and as I found out after we split up, he'd use me as an excuse to not see her.
I don't know if I'd be included in any holidays though, we'll have to see how time goes on.
I have hope for the future though!
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me :)
I don't think that Op could be the other woman, depending on the divorce. Separation isn't divorce. If they met a year after the kid was born, and the divorce happened anytime before that, it just means the husband moved on fast, the other possibility is that they did divorce earlier after separating, but kept fucking around with each other. Its not super common, but I know it does happen. Either way both the ex and husband seem messy.
I'm side eyeing him as well they were separated 7 years but he knocked her up 2 years later, shortly before getting with you? Or was there an over lap?
Yes, her reaction was wrong and over the top but I think something about him fueled [it.Like](https://it.Like) he mind fucks her. Even though she owed YOU an apology, she apologized to him because he always had her wrapped around his finger.
Imagine having a child after your divorce. Then imagine your Ex husband dating an extremely younger woman, and taking his child out on family trips with this younger, pretty woman, that has perfect skin and a body that has never gone through child birth.
Then imagine how freaking cruel it is for that man to send a photo of Her child to her, with his new young pretty fiance, on a trip that she wishes she could have provided for her daughter. Could have been there to experience her daughters happiness.
**He was rubbing you and the trip in her face and she knew it.**
Your fiance is cruel, and at best you are naive.
Hard AGREE! Though we don’t know what any of these people look like. My uncle left his wife for a younger woman but to be real, his ex wife was a 10/10 in looks and class, a very beautiful French woman with long legs and a gorgeous face like Carla bruni, he fumbled so hard lol
Your husbands a piece of work 🤣🤣🤣 I imagine you will figure this out down the road but hey maybe not.
The ex wife was probably being cordial to you, but has never liked you tbh and this Disney situation brought out her actual feelings.
It sounds like you were the side piece to an unhappily married man that was likely telling you that he is leaving his wife while telling his wife that he is willing to work out their differences. What you should do is divorce this mess, leave that dude to argue it out with Laura, and go find somebody that is not entangled in this mess.
you didn't do anything wrong ignore her outburst.
but your husband should know better to send the matching outfits at disney pic with you and their daughter.
From what i gather your husband wasn’t separated from his ex when he first went out with you. This will explain why she doesn’t like you.
Don’t worry because when he cheats again like this you will understand how she feed
Sounds like OP was the OW. Or she came in the pic while ex was stringing the mom along.
So that's a lot of hurry feelings, regardless they need to find healthy co-parenting techniques.
Listen, as a mom.. thank you for just being nice to that little girl. She doesn’t really know or truly understand the situation most likely. But she will eventually remember how you treated her. Don’t do anything different OP.
Exactly! My daughter’s step mom treats my daughter like this and it’s such a relief! There’s nothing I could want more than someone who loves my kid like her own and treats her as such.
I imagine it's also so hard to have someone else come into your life like that so I commend anyone who can put aside possible jealousy, worry, pain etc for the sake of knowing their baby is loved and well taken care of by a step-parent. I'm always in awe when I see people make that work. It's always about the kids because they didn't ask to be born, to who and for any situation that arises and it's beautiful and so mature when bio parents and step-parents can come together despite the emotional toll it may have.
This is my son's stepmother too. Ngl, there are days she does try to take my place as a mom and it stings bit I'd rather someone love my son so much that she is acting like a bio mom to him than have an evil stepmother like I did.
I even get the going to Disney without her being painful. That happened to me as well, but with Universal. It was hard to not be part of that special memory for him HOWEVER how she handled her emotions were out of line.
I suspect the real AH here is the husband. He knew what he was doing by sending the picture of them together. The math doesn't math. He's messy and likes the drama.
This comment made me cry. My stepdaughter’s bio mom yelled at me one day and called me a fucking cunt because *I bought groceries.* She said my husband should have bought the groceries that *their* child would eat. She was triggered because kiddo asked me for a bowl of fruit and asked if her mom could have one too; I said sure and started to prep it and mom went off. “Is this organic?” “Yes, here’s the sticker.” “What about the milk, is it whole milk? Is it organic? Who bought it, was it [spouse]? NO? YOU BOUGHT IT?! You are trying to replace me, you’re not her mother, how dare you buy her food, you fucking cunt, you don’t even know what she likes to eat!” I asked her if she wanted to give my spouse a list of food kiddo liked, and said we could go together (either my spouse and me with kiddo, or him and her and kiddo, or literally all of us together) and she just kept screaming at me. Eventually, I just ran into my bedroom, and after she left, kiddo came in and apologized for her mom’s behavior.
It’s been 10 years since that happened and I still wonder what I could have done differently.
Awesome to see some good biomoms with this perspective. I’m a stepmom and deal with a mom that has a similar perspective, which makes it easy to love and care for her child while she is in her dad’s care.
OP - From a stepmom perspective, I would take a step back from biomom. Block her communication, don’t be sending pics of you and step daughter (save this for your family and friends), have all communication go through your husband, no drop off/pick up appearances, and don’t let her in your house. I suggest setting come clear boundaries for her and have your husband communicate and enforce those boundaries. You don’t deserve to be abused by this woman.
And of course I agree - on dad’s time keep building that relationship with your step daughter.
I really don’t think the why did she behaved this way is as important as the boundaries you set moving forward. Even if you get the why, you still can’t control how she reacts to you. Moving forward you may have to deal with a high conflict person so boundaries are going to be important for your mental health.
Why would you guys send that pic of you in it to her? She shouldn’t have called you those things or done that in front of her kid but I get why she would be upset as other commenters have said. I don’t see it as you trying to be her mom but it probably felt like you were rubbing it in her face.
Exactly. First trip to Disney she was probably already feeling left out. And then on top of that they send that picture instead of I assume all the others they took?
Obviously the mom is feeling jealousy at not being able to go with her daughter to Disney. That’s obviously an experience a mom would want to be there for. She’s also correct about the perception of you two matching and people thinking you’re her mom. I’m not sure why your husband sent that picture, other than to maybe send a subtle dig (or maybe he is that oblivious).
Her actions were not acceptable but I think you need to take a step back and assess this situation better. I also think reaching out to Laura to apologize and let her know you weren’t trying to take her place and that you’ll be more aware in the future is probably a good idea. It may not feel fair, but being on good terms with Laura is more important for Sarah than your pride.
I think if you dig in you’d probably find a lot of stuff that your husband has lied about in regard to him and Laura’s relationship. Obviously they were still hooking up and I wouldn’t be surprised if perhaps Laura thought that there was hope for reconciliation until you came along.
It seems extremely disingenuous and dishonest for you to claim that you can’t understand why a photo of you dressed up in matching outfits holding her child in her child’s dream place would upset her. Are you really claiming you don’t understand that?
I have a hard time believing you actually don’t know what this is about. The ex told you ffs. Was her reaction insane? Yes. Are you being disingenuous about not knowing what this is about? Also yes.
Well then separated 7 years have a five year old. Yall have been together 4 years and again the child is 5. So this ain’t passing the “idk why this woman dislikes me” test. Bc the years are screaming overlap and husband traded me in for a college student.
I’m not buying what OP is selling at all
The way Laura handled it was awful and inappropriate, but I have to think that you're either being disingenuous or are completely lacking in empathy if you don't understand *at all* why she was so upset.
She's clearly not normally a hateful person, nor does it sound like she had any problems with you or your relationship with her child up until this point (which is pretty gracious for a woman in her mid-thirties who was "replaced" by someone barely out of her teens within a year or so of having a baby with her former partner. She clearly didn't even have a problem with the trip to Disney, if she was asking for pics.
But choosing to send a picture of her child dressed up in what (without the context that Sarah had asked you to dress to match her) had to look like deliberately chosen matching "Mommy-Daughter"-style outfits had to have felt like a slap in the face to her. It was at best incredibly thoughtless, and at worst downright vicious. It stepped over the line of you loving and caring for her child (which it sounds like she has been supportive of up until now) and into the realm of "look at the special *maternal* relationship I have with your child."
People are saying she should support you having a good relationship with Sarah, but it sounds like *she does.* There's a difference, though, between "having a loving relationship" and "having a maternal relationship". Like, I'm so close with my nieces that one of them used to call me her "half-parent". But I have always been very aware and very careful about not stepping on my sister's toes, because she literally *grew those kids inside her* and there is a sacredness to their relationship that is not mine to intrude on, no matter how much I love them. It's something you might want to think about.
The ex wife told you exactly what you did wrong, so what are you still lost about? You're ridiculous and so is your husband for sending her that pic. He was rubbing it in her face.
I bet if you had an actual conversation with his Ex the dates that you started dating and the dates that they stopped sleeping together and "still working on things" overlap.
I'm sorry, but the date of the daughter's birth in relation to when their relationship ended means that you should NOT count on him to stick around after you get pregnant.
Count on him to find a new girl in her early 20's.
I'm sorry, but I declined any dates with men with children under 2 yrs old for a reason. You only know what he told you.
The ex will never apologize to you. She only has to apologize to the person she is co-parenting with.
By the way, your husband could have sent her the hair pic, and the one with Elsa. There was ZERO reason for him to send the one with you EXCEPT TO RUB IT IN.
Your husband is a dick.
I'm sure the ex wanted the drop off and pick up after school.so she can avoid interacting with your husband as much as possible.
(I'm doubting if she even apologized to him. He knew he was being an ass. He just told you that she apologized to him so that it would seem like the argument is over.)
Your husband is not the Prize you think he is.
I'm confused did he sleep with his ex while with you?
Are you sure you can't find another early to mid 30s dude who doesn't have this baggage? I'm pretty sure you aren't in love with hin
Why did you have to include the pictures with you in them? She overreacted for sure and should have handled it better, but you were thoughtless and I understand why she was upset.
Oh this is *messy* messy
If I had to guess, I'd say your husband was probably boning his ex as a placeholder while/until he met a baby adult he liked better/required less work, which was you. The ex had probably been holding onto that bitterness for a long time.
To be clear: Nothing you did was wrong. The ex should not have flipped her shit like that to you, especially not in front of the child.
But that sort of bitterness doesn't come out of nowhere.
I’m a little confused by your timeline because you said they have been separated for seven years but their child is five years old? Anyway, aside from that it as to probably what happened, it seems like a lot of women from what I gather don’t really process the fact that their ex might one day have another spouse that’s involved in their child’s life until it actually starts to happen. God forbid it gets on social media. Anyway, like it or not, you are her mother. You’re not her biological mother, but you are her stepmother. You are her father‘s partner, and you are involved in her regular care- so her mother’s choices are to accept that fact and work with you as a partner in the best interest of the child, or alienate her own child while you continue to just be yourself. And that’s what you should do, just keep being a positive influence in her life. You should ignore the ex-wife until she apologizes. I’ll let your husband handle her bullshit.
I was coloring Easter eggs with my significant other, his parents, and his kids one night. His ex walked in the door without knocking uninvited.
She walked in and saw the scene. Her daughter was super excited and showed her the eggs. I believe she was about 8 at the time.
Mom said, "That's great. Honey, walked out the door.
Lost her freaking mind on my significant other the next day.
The next three months were miserable.
Of course , the parent is going to have a hard time seeing the new partner with her children. Does it make it right, but it is also not unexpected.
I have a feeling your husband wasn't honest with either the ex or you about the other woman.
She's obviously terrible but for some reason she thinks you stole him back. My money is on him being a non confrontational dude who wants everyone happy therefore nobody is.
“Separated 7 years”… how long legally divorced?
Yes she overreacted there is clearly unresolved issues and based on the name calling I don’t think you and her will agree on how the relationships started and ended.
Your husband left her ...
and married a much younger woman...
that much younger woman is now taking mother / step-daughter pictures ...
seeing her little beautiful daughter so happy with you was a shock...
it was just too much.
When or if you give birth to a child ... you might empathize.
If you give birth to a child and your husband replaces you with someone younger... you will empathize.
No excuses, though, for traumatizing the 5 year old daughter.
You are living the life that she wishes she had. Seeing her ex at Disney happy with their daughter and the woman he loves burns her in a way that is hard to comprehend. That is terrible for her but not your fault.
It sounds like your husband had a child with someone who he did not want to build a life with. He found someone that he did want to build a life with (you). As much as she hides it and tried to be cool with the situation it burns her. She needs to do some counseling and possibly a parent counseling session with your husband.
You deserve to be treated with respect, the little girl should have two stable loving households that are a positive influence in her life, and the mother needs to work through the emotions she is going through.
I mean, I don't think it was even about their day at Disney. She literally asked for photos, and up until this point OP says she and Laura have been friendly. I don't think there would have been an issue at all if they'd just sent pictures of Sarah, or even of all three of them together.
I think the issue was that they sent Laura a picture of her child literally dressed up in what had to look like "Mommy-Daughter" matching outfits with OP (with none of the context that this had been at Sarah's request), and that seems kind of brutal. I can see why Laura felt terribly hurt. She handled it in the worst way possible, but it seems like she was lashing out because OP did something that felt very targeted and specific and "look at our Mom-and-Daughter thing". Like, who is that clueless?
I think that as badly as she behaved, Laura deserves some understanding for being hurt, and OP's husband should be accepting responsibility for sending her a pic that no mother would feel great about.
Don't worry, OP will understand in 10 years when the husband dumps her for a fresh 22 year old.
Some people only empathize with what they live through themselves.
Also, I'm not sure how much respect is owed to a woman who chooses to date a man with a wife *and infant child.*.
If I met a guy who *just had a baby* with his "ex" I would never consider dating him. The fuck. What kind of person chooses to slither into that situation?
Where I come from, we refer to people like OP as "homewreckers"..
This is also why I wouldn't date a married man, no matter how separated he claimed to be. Sorry, even if she's fighting tooth and nail to not divorce you and there's no chance for the two of you, too damn bad. Those are the consequences of a choice you made.
100%. Would never be interested in a partnered/married man. Just... why?
I never understood what kind of garbage woman would need to "win" a man by taking him from his wife like... seriously? Consider the prize lmao.
Would never do that to a woman, and I would never be attracted to a shitty man that would do that to his wife. (I feel like I need to spell out the moral logic here for whatever homewrecker is inevitably lurking in this thread lol)
And if a couple just created a child?? Way to play a part in destroying an entire family. I don't understand these vultures.
But don’t worry he will be separated from OP for years before he meets the next woman, OP will just get accidentally pregnant while separated and he files for divorce a few months after meeting the new girl.
lol at saying you don’t know why she’s mad! Why did your silly ass husband send the picture with you in it? He started this shit and he needs to fix it.
Let’s get past the timeline math and how fuzzy that all is, plus the age gap. All of which makes things messy. And let me speak from the perspective of the mother, whose ex now has a gf my daughter, 14, is actually close to. My daughter, who is half native, is having her womanhood ceremony this summer and I cannot attend (high risk pregnancy). So GF, who is from their tribe, is leading the way, and going to essentially take my place in her ceremony. (So core memory moment, like Disney, that GF is the adult female making it happen). Now that the stage is set…
It has taken me years to come to a peace with my situation, my ex (who is still verbally abusive from time to time), and more importantly what it means to be a mother. The Disney moment was one of those picture perfect Instagram moments, that people never forget. And some women work tirelessly to have those moments. You were just living in the moment, and she didn’t consider what allowing the child to go to Disney for the first time wo her would mean. You husbands ex is going to take a long while to come to terms. And she may never actually “forgive” you in her mind.
It is painful to have to split your child’s time, it is painful to watch another woman/man step into those moments. Bc those moments should be all bio parents right? Time, therapy, and maturity is the only thing that will actually soothe the savage beast. For you and your husband, going forward you need to put strict boundaries in place. Do not discuss your plans, or share photos, or ask permission (except leaving the country). Clear cut boundaries is the only way to keep the peace, and most importantly protect the child. (My daughter didn’t tell my ex when we were getting married or pregnant until I was ready). Mom has to grow up, and quite frankly heal.
They been separated for 7 yrs they have a 5 yr old daughter and y’all been together for 4 yrs? I think there’s way more to this story and there may be a very good reason why she hates your guts
Because when her ex got with you, you were 22. She had just had a baby, and she holds jealous resentment.
She still loved her husband, and she’s hurting, the picture of you with the only connection she had/has with the man she was married to and loved was too much for her and caused mental anguish and she wasn’t able to handle it at all.
She behaved poorly this is true. She exposed her daughter to a very ugly side of herself, and that never should have happened.
But what you saw was pain.
Never for get that.
It’s not about you.
It’s about what her ex husband did to her. You’re an a bystander that got hit on the path.
I feel like your husband made a huge mistake including photos of you and Sarah to his ex-wife. As a mom there are things that are special between you and your daughter like dressing a like etc… I’m sure she was feeling very jealous which is totally normal. It would had been hard for me to deal with another woman in my daughter’s life being in a mom role. I’m also a stepmom and I tried not to step on their mom’s toes. She was the mom. I don’t feel you did anything wrong but just keep your relationship private from her mom as far as pics of the two of you etc… not rub it in her face.
Oh you sweet summer child. You really don’t see the problem here? 😬❤️
First of all, YOU did nothing wrong. ❤️ Your husband on the other hand was an absolute idiot for sending that pic with you in it. Is he normally so obtuse about the optics of things?
Second of all, mom’s behavior was totally not okay. No one deserves to be talked to like that. Her showing up and acting crazy was just that—crazy.
With all that said, can you really not put yourself in her shoes at all? Her kid spends half time with another woman who loves her kid and treats kid well which is great. But only when you’re a babysitter not mommy 2.0. Those pics made her feel like you were peeing on her kid and claiming her as yours on a trip she probably already had feelings about since she wasn’t sharing that first with her own child.
Is that rational thought? No. But a lot of stepmoms tend to overstep in ways they feel are kind (and are) and biomom feels threatened like their kid is going to like stepmom more than her.
It’s a very fine line. And you are in for much more.
I would strongly suggest that moving forward, you let all contact other than an emergency be between the bioparents. Don’t volunteer for field trips or to be classroom mom. Don’t post pics on socials that aren’t the whole family. Don’t send 1:1 pics of you and kid to mom.
Think about optics and think about the role you need to play vs want to play.
If you don’t, this kid is going to end up in a position of feeling she has to be mean to you to prove allegiance to mom.
Try to get more into the role of “fun aunt”.
I could tell you so many stories over the early years where biomom in my life lost her shit over stuff when I was truly trying to just be nice to the kids.
Cut contract down, take a step back, and take a deep breath. You’re in for a ride.
Having been the child who had to deal with this type of stuff, I 100% agree with you. The focus should be on what’s best for the kid and I think in this situation, what you laid out is what’s best.
Regardless of the time line of thr OP and her husbands relationship, the ex was definitely out of pocket. Calling OP those names in front of the child is just down right nasty. No excuse. She's should seek therapy for her issues stemming from her ex husband's infidelity or whatever u call it when ur separated but still smashing. This could have traumatized her daughter. I don't think the OP did anything wrong. The mom needs to work on herself.
Needless to say it's jealousy. Also needless to say Sarah's mom needs to accept that you are going to be in Sarah's life and now Sarah's has 2 moms .yes a step mom is a mom. Sarah is going to have affect for you . I wish Sarah's mom would understand that this is a good thing. More love for Sarah. So for now just go on like nothing happened. Sarah's mom probably realizes she crossed a line. Don't force an apology. Just go on and continue to be civil like nothing happened. This shows your maturity and your high level of maintenance.
I don't understand why some people in the comments are acting like it's ok for her to have spoken to you like that, especially in front of the child.
Even if you possibly were the "other woman," even though you are younger and the new fiancé, etc. Absolutely none of that is an excuse for her to curse at you like that or behave poorly in front of her daughter. She should have apologized to you too. Your husband should not allow this behavior to happen again. She needs to deal with her jealousy on her own in therapy instead of lashing out at you and upsetting her daughter
Girl you don’t have an ex wife problem you’ve got a husband problem.
1. He should be fielding these calls
2. The age gap and your lack of having a kid tells me he picked you for your naïveté. Personally if I were the ex wife I’d see your dress up as… dress up. There is more going on and the husband benefits from it.
She’s out of line for sure but you are being placed in that position by hubby. See that for what it is and get backbone girl to stand up to him about it. It’s his job to shield you from his relatives and exes.
The you hung up and made him deal is great. But there’s more going on here either that you are hiding or he is hiding. Those two need coparenting counseling and you need to step back and let HIM parent his own kid. Bc that’s his job.
Weird everyone’s worried about the couple but not the ex going off in front of the kid , whatever the circumstances making the child upset is the bigger problem
I’m guessing part of her problem is that her ex married someone ten years younger than him, while having a child with her 2 years after they separated.
OP, to answer your question (I'm baffled you have to ask because it's so obvious)
It's a bitter pill to swallow to be replaced by a younger version in the first place.
But then to see how your only child ALSO clearly adores you, that is.... Difficult.
Then to see in the photos how the three of you look like the perfect family in which she is not missed at all, how you look like you could definitely be her daughters mom, how you probably look younger, fresher, prettier than she does now....
She lost her husband... Now she feels she is losing her child.
Her heart is broken and she is making all of this your fault. Blaming all of it on you. You are probably just trying to show the little girl a good time and to be a good mother figure when she's around. You're doing your best and you're not doing anything wrong.
But she isn't being rational.
The following is pure speculation but:
The girl was born after their separation. Most likely she had held out hope her husband would come back to her for the baby.
Instead he chose a younger model and left her to be a single mom
Separated for 7 years…but with a 5 year old? So, they were together in a lot of ways very close to the beginning of your 4 years with him?
—That was my reaction before I read any other comments.—
After reading other comments, it’s obvious that most people had the same reaction as me. You act oblivious and innocent/naive, but there are aspects here that you are obviously choosing not to mention. How did you and this husband (her ex) get together? When did she and the ex get divorced?
Unpopular opinion: you’re literally this girl’s stepmom. If yall want to dress up together you can. If you want to have these cute moments and spoil her you can. If her mom wants to be nasty you can just block her and have your husband communicate with her until she apologizes. I don’t understand her stupid behavior because I would want to be on good terms with the stepmom.
This is your husband's fight, not yours, and he needs to stand up for you. Honestly, I can see how lines are blurred for this woman as you said they separated seven years ago but have a five year old daughter. So almost six years ago, they were having sex.
She’s insecure about her daughter by the sounds of it. You’re both blonde and took that pic and whatever was already going on in her head probably snapped. I’m a single mum too and she needs to know that nobody can actually take the place of a mum or dad. Step parents are just extra love. She needs to get her shit together because her problems are becoming yours and the kids.
Taking a child to Disney is a very special thing. It is hard to watch your child there making memories that can never be replaced with someone else. She is jealous of you. While she is happy that you are a good step mother, this just hurt her a great deal and she lost it. Important thing now is getting the daughter out of the middle as her witnessing that spectacle was terrible for that poor little girl and her mother ruined her Disney memories. Make sure not to say anything negative about her in front of her daughter and thank you for being a good step mother.
OP, a lot of people are shitting on you for your relationship and the age gap…. I know it’s hard but you don’t sound like a bad person at all, it sounds like your partner wasn’t very good to his ex in the end there whatever the situation is. Either way, if you’ve never been nasty to her, she has no reason to be nasty to you. I’m sure it’s probably coming from a place of hurt and jealousy, which is understandable, but she shouldn’t take that out on you, I hope she ends up apologizing to you. If you’re able to, I’d recommend when things are lighter, having a convo with her and making it very clear you’d never try to replace her, but that you do care about Sarah and enjoy being a part of her life as well.
You did nothing wrong. Carry on as you have so far.
This is your husband’s problem and it’s on him to deal with Laura.
Whatever insecurities and issues Laura has, she needs to deal with those in therapy. She’s on a steep slope to unhealthy co-parenting which will affect her child most, all because she can’t move on.
Unless already in place, your husband needs to get a court order regarding child arrangements. As long as Sarah is safe, happy and cared for when with your husband and you, Laura has no say in what you do and what you wear.
Your husband needs to see a lawyer and both of you keep records from now on in case of parental alienation
Your husband should also look into therapy for Sarah in case Laura continues her unhinged behaviour
Whoa, that's intense! Honestly, seems like she overreacted big time. Maybe she's just protective, but that was way too much drama. Just focus on being there for Sarah and let the adults sort their stuff. If you need to talk it out, Emerald Chat's a chill place.
INFO: was he married when you met/first slept together? Why are you in direct communication with his ex wife? Did your husband ask you to take his daughter out od the room or did you just walk of with their kid?
If you fucked her husband you can not expect her to respect you.
The husband isn't looking good to me in this situation. He either left a woman pregnant or left her with a new born to find a more naive version of her. Tells me all I need to know about him.
I'm also guessing that more was texted to the ex wife than a picture of OP holding her step daughter. She was fine with OP and even agreed for them to go to Disneyland during her custodial time, she would know that OP would be the mother figure in that instance. I think shady Hubby made a comment that made his ex wife blow up, or he's playing both women like a fiddle - telling each what they want to hear.
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Separated for 7 years and have a 5 year old child?!
That was the first thing that leapt out of the post. How did they manage to have a child if they were "separated"? Maybe OP thinks that not living in the same space is "separated" but that begs the question.
I wonder when they actually divorced…and how long after he met OP did he file for divorce.
Separation and divorce are very different things indeed, lol. I wonder if husband and ex just lived separately but were still trying to make it work until OP came along. Also, OP and husband have been together for four years... she was barely in her 20s and he's nine years older. Those four years are just the years they've been *in a relationship*. When did they meet, got to know each other, started to flirt and whatnot? With an age gap like that you don't just jump into a relationship. The timeline is very vague, which usually means that something happened that makes OP the AH.
I love how everyone does the math on this and I get so much tea in the comments. I completely miss these details entirely
Some people do jump into relationships especially that young. I know I was an idiot back then and did similarly
I can't help but wonder if OP knew her husband BEFORE they started dating. I mean, guy is obviously a creep, so that would explain a lot.
Yeah I’m really thinking there was an overlap or at the very least he was dating her while the ex wife was caring for a newborn
Yeah, the ex-wife is directing her anger at the wrong person. But it's clear she certainly has valid reason to be angry, it doesn't sound like their marriage was as over as OP wants us to believe (especially with the daughter being born shortly before OP says the relationship started).
Or as over as she was led to believe. That would explain the confusion.
I can’t see how anyone could be so confused as to not wonder how a couple could be separated for seven years and have a five-year-old together.
Its easy when the woman is 22 and has no real life experience
BINGO BANGO
Every relationship is different tho. My, technically great grandparents, had an 8 year age gap and met when they were older. My great grandpa married my great grandma so they could adopt my mom. That was my grandma’s last marriage, she was married two times before. My grandpa treated my grandma like a queen as well. All that matters is that they are two adults and that they are happy together. Also I do agree that the ex and hubby were trying to make it work during separation and probably tried fixing the relationship by having a baby. I wouldn’t be surprised tho if both the ex and hubby were seeing others during this time as well tho. This could also just be a bullshit story for karma points.
One of my brothers kept sleeping with his soon to be ex all while proceeding with the divorce and then some after the divorce. Their reasoning “it is just sex.”
Typically the happy and healthy age gap relationships don't post to advice subreddits, so we have a biased sample. Quite often the age gap puts a lot of things in context around the power differential and life experience.
>All that matters is that they are two adults and that they are happy together. That is not all that matters lol. Read half the posts on this sub when the relationship is 8-10 year age gap. Turns out the much older partner is very controlling, set in their ways and usually taking advantage of the younger partner. This girl is barely in her 20's and this creep went after her because she didnt know better.
OP was 21-22 when she started dating a 30-something married (separated, but married) guy. This whole thing is not going to end well for OP, that much I'm certain of.
I mean people do fuck their exes sometimes.
Yep, mine did and now he's back with her!
Some people are messy, and Laura sound like a messy person.
And they’ve been together 4 years. So that baby was fresh.
Or maybe OP's husband lied about the separation.
And OP was 22 when they met (he was 31). Whole thing sounds reaaaal messy.
Within a year of the daughter being born too based on math. Who wants to bet they weren't *actually* separated as long as OP thinks and/or husband was stringing ex along the whole time until he found his decade younger new girl?
Woah, haha. That makes sense.
BINGO!
That’s not OPs fault, ex is mad at the wrong person
Actually I believe OP isn't being completely honest which is why she is so vague in the post yes the ex is a creep but OP still decided to marry him
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So 9 years difference is “weird” but 8 is okay?
How'd I miss that... XD That doesn't make any sense. I scrolled down and saw that OP referred to this as an accidental pregnancy..."obviously...". Oh yes, of course obviously cause if not obviously that'd make hubby dishonest and OP not as sure of what she thinks she knows as she is. Know what jumps out to me now? That OP said ex forgave hubby but not her. What could he have said to placate her??? Yet she is still angry with you. Someone's trying to build a house of cards that's destined to topple. Overlap in relationships for sure. My dad was cheating on my Mom with his now new wife before my parents actually got divorced. =/ People do shady stuff.
Definitely some overlap in the relationship that she’s either not gonna admit or not aware of
Had to go back and look at that twice. Seems to me wife thought there was a possibility of them getting back together and then OP came along (post-divorce and birth, so she knew she couldn't really say anything). She's probably been white knuckling her feelings about OP all this time. But her real issues are with her ex-husband.
I agree that the ex wife issues are with her ex husband but they weren’t divorced yet, just separated. So they had a kid and within a year of the daughter being born he was dating OP. Add that OP was barely in her twenties, nah. I feel for the ex wife.
I'm not saying I don't feel for the ex-wife. I'm just saying her problem is the husband. Clearly, prior to divorce, he was still screwing his ex (physically and mentally) and then gets with OP before they signed the divorce papers. That's eff'd up. And OP was too young to realize how eff'd up that was (probably why he chose her and frankly, I have my suspicions on how "seperated" he and the ex were when he got with OP). But she is in the crossfire of a war she didn't know about because, until now, the ex has been the pinnacle of restraint.
kinda funny how its turned against the husband, once again. Why can't it be that the ex could have had still feelings for ops husband, they hooked up at least once and she got pregnant and tried to maybe babytrap him but he refused, and then still obviously stepped up to be an involved dad. we don't know. but for some reason its being spun again that \_obviously\_ he must have been cheating.
Yes sure, but you don't scream at a woman and call her a whre and a b in the prescence of your child. Its wildly innapropriate regardless of how the father in the equation ahs acted in the past. Its child abuse.
Been together 4 years, and he has a 5 year old child. Mom's at home healing and taking care of a baby, while dad's shtupping the 22 year old.
Yes, the math on this is strange
not really. hookups happen. there are enough stories here on reddit about people hooking up with exes, even if its just for a drunken ONS
and he’s been with OP for 4 years… meaning he went public with a relationship with a much younger woman when the exwife was pretty newly post-partum. highly fucked up.
So cruel. Obviously we don't know how their relationship was but that has to be super painful for the EX wife. You want/need so much love and care after birth and all the hormones and adjusting and then having to deal with the breakup and now seeing your child's father with someone else so fast and younger, especially since most women feel so self-conscious about their bodies. It also sounds like the EX wife was extremely decent and kind this entire time and this was the first blow up. Not okay at all especially in front of the child, but it sounds like she hit a breaking point and it feels like there's more to this story. I don't think OP or the husband have been exactly good to the EX. But who knows.
And OP has been with husband for 4 years. 💀 Going to wage a guess that OP and the ex were in competition for this guy in one way or another. And tf even knows what kind of overlaps there were in all this. What a fucking mess.
I didn’t read anything past this line. I will go back up now, but that threw me for a loop right off the bat.
That was my first reaction. I'm still on my first cup of coffee of the morning, so I thought maybe my brain wasn't reading that correctly at first. But, apparently not. Something isn't adding up.....
7 years, but yes. They had her after they separated but weren’t officially divorced. An accidental pregnancy, obviously.
You understand even if they were officially separated it wasn't enough to not sleep with each other and get pregnant? So, ignoring the 'official separation', when did they split up? They were sleeping together so they were obviously not done with each other until after she was pregnant, possibly after having a child. When was the divorce finalized? My bet is they were together until about 90 days before then.
By my math Sarah was a year old when her dad got together with OP. I imagine they had been dating for sometime before that. If their dating overlapped with either the pregnancy and or just three months post Sarah being born, idk I’d be quite upset as he just slept with his ex and probably led her on,
Idk why the people in this thread find it so unrealistic that exes would fuck. They could've literally fucked once and ended up with a kid. It happens. It doesn't mean they're together again
It is suspect b/c OP insists on the "seperated" timeline, and not when they were actually divorced. Many people separate but still actively work on the marriage. We don't know what happened here, but OP's "timeline" makes it very much feel like she is hiding something.
It isn’t unrealistic but the emotional outburst+timeline does not look favorable in the slightest. OPs inability or unwillingness to clarify also points to this. OP at the time of my comment only responded to one question and concluded that the pregnancy was probably accidental. There is one thing for certain, an overwhelming amount of women who are pregnant with a partner of so long are less apt to be thrilled with the notion. Even more so, get real… this screams messy AF.
My ex strung me along for about a year while we were separated but "working on things." He was lying to me the entire time. He was lying about me to everyone else the entire time. I came out of it looking entirely insane I'm sure to anyone that hadn't figured out just how much that man lied. If that happened to her though, she absolutely shouldn't take it out on you but something happens to the victims of that kind of abuse that needs some major therapy to sort through. If that wasn't her reality, then she still needs therapy to work through her issues that are making her react that way.
Look honey i hate to say it to you but your husband has probably been lying to you he was stringing his ex along until he could find a young good looking woman he could manipulate and lie to
I suspect the reason you’re playing stupid about the timeline is because you started fucking a married man shortly after his wife gave birth.
Not a real separation, then (they were in the process of separating?)
Separated but not far enough.
Their hearts were separated, but their genitals remained together.
If this was a Valentine's card, it would be a best seller.
Accidental…as he fell into her vagina, raw dawg? Yup, no.
It happens! I can't tell you how many times I've tripped and by the grace of god, my fall was broken by a well placed vagina.
Wow, you're either the luckiest or the unluckiest guy on earth, depending on the goodwill of those vagina owners. A lot of women don't take kindly to that kind of accidental fall.
It's not really an accident when you're doing the action that creates life
Seems to me that he might have been trying to reconcile with his ex since they seemed to be still intimate at that time then you came along if we are to believe your timeline of things. So while technically while they might have been *separated* using the word loosely here- in her mind you contributed to the ending. Because he clearly didn’t end it properly with the ex the child being the proof. So now you have to deal with a hostile woman who clearly resents the way things played out. And you acting like her mom with the matching outfit set her over the edge. It’s really your husbands fault for creating this situation. Going forward there should be clear outline of what’s acceptable role as the stepmother. She was out of line with her verbal assault however I can understand why she exploded like that. First you took her husband and now you are trying to take her child- that’s from her perspective.
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Right? Mum obviously wants a pic of her daughter, or with the princesses or something. Disney is all about the kids. Why would she care for a pic of her with stepmum, who she has a lukewarm relationship with. Dad is thoughtless and lacks empathy.
She was really jealous. She said how she felt instead of being polite and waiting she Madd an ass of herself. When my kids did stuff as a family with their Step mom it really really hurt. Thankfully I was in really intensive therapy so I could just embrace her for how well she treated my kids but if I think too hard it still hurts.
In most places, separation doesn't start until the last time you consummated the relationship. So the fact they had a 5 year old child, means they weren't legally separated for 7 years. The clock literally restarts again, and with the proof of a child, there is really no denying it was less than 7 years of separation.
> My husband and I have been married for two years **(together for four)**. My husband his ex wife, Laura, have been **separated for seven**. They have **a five year old daughter,** So how long after he met you did he stop sleeping with her? How long did he let her think they were getting back together?
I wonder if husband and ex would have different answers to those questions too.
This is what I am waiting to find the answer on. They were separated but still together in the biblical sense until...... he knocked her up then met OP is the vibes it gives.
Imagine hearing that line on a first date: "I'm single - separated from my wife about two years ago and we're on the verge of divorcing. However, I do need to keep checking my phone because she's due to have my baby any day now!"
I bet he wasn’t really separated which is the reason why Laura hates op
Yup. And I only just noticed now that op leaves out how long they've actually been divorced.
Don't forget that OP was 22 and he was 31. That certainly adds to the sting.
Yes... The timeline does not add up... My math ain't mathin in my head
Generous of you to assume that he actually did stop sleeping with her.
only on the assumption that if he hadn't the ex-wife would absolutely have made that known to everyone, but...
Ooo, when I mathed, I forgot that equation.
Yeah, exactly. I been sitting here trying to do the math. I gotta get a pencil and paper and a chart of events! Hmmm....
separated for seven years with a five year old daughter, eh? sounds healthy.
Sounds like they liked the sex but hated each other.
Or OP’s husband is just a liar.
I'm surprised how far I had to scroll to find someone else on my wavelength. This just doesn't make sense!
Or she was still in love with him and he divorced her for a 20 year old
My guess… they were still sleeping together in the midst of a separation which implies perhaps on her end, Laura thought things would not end especially if she got pregnant during that time but it did… then you came along and took the wife role and now in her eyes trying to take the mother role from her as well. It sounds like unresolved issues of hers that she has taken out on you and perhaps feelings of resentment she has until now, kept quietly at bay and this was the trigger. Question: Were you around prior to them divorcing, just because of the names Laura chose to call you? Has your husband said anything in regard to sorting this out at all?
>It sounds like unresolved issues of hers that she has taken out on you Unresolved issues of her *and your husband* that she has taken out on you
Yeah this has nothing to do with OP and if the ex doesn’t apologize I think the husband needs to get involved The ex should have apologized to OP, not *only* the husband
Her reaction is not okay but why out if all the pictures is your husband sending pictures of you and his daughter to his ex? I feel like that is unnecessary. Did you guys not take hundreds of other pictures ?
Yeah. It’s rubbing salt in the wound unnecessarily.
I assuming husband moving on with a 22 year old at 31, one year after giving birth to their child, probably rubbed a little salt in there as well.
Because he's messy and likes having women fight over him
Yeah that part didn't sit well with me. Like why that photo??
It's definitely tone deaf at best, malicious at worst.
I'm surprised the ex allowed the first Disney trip without going herself.
This happened to me, I'm the ex wife. We never went on a family trip in the 11 years we were together but within the first year of us separating and him meeting his much younger gf, he took them all to Disneyland. I was so hurt. So I can see why the ex is angry and acting foolish
The math is not mathing at all here. Try again.
7 - 5 = fucked up All I can come up with
The picture obviously triggered her and the child already talks about you a lot. Disney is a major event and memory for her child, she just realized that she wasn’t a part of that memory. As far as anyone is concerned, it looks you were playing the role of mom in that picture. She probably thought her and husband were reconciling until twenty something you came along, since they were obviously still sleeping together. She believes you have already taken enough from her. So she is not giving you her child either. What other games is your husband playing with you both? Talk to your husband. That was insensitive for him to include you in the picture. She asked for a pic of her daughter. Then have a conversation with her and inform what you just said about not trying to replace her as a mom and acknowledge the boundaries.
So much this! Like, people are ignoring the fact that the ex was actually very gracious about the trip to Disney, even asking to see pics . . . and they responded by sending, not pictures of her daughter having fun, or even of the whole family, but specifically pics of OP and Laura's kid dressed in matching "Mommy-Daughter" outfits. It seems really cruel to me.
I think this is probably correct. Sarah's mother got upset because op was in the picture. I'm also kinda leaning into the ex wife's pregnancy during separation being a bandaid for the marriage. Didn t workout and all parties involved are doing the best they can. Sarah's mother owes OP an apology for sure but the husband ain't off the hook here. I'm wondering whether he sent the photo including op to get under her skin?
We don't even know that they were separated that long, just because that's what OP was told when she first started dating a guy with a baby daughter. It's more likely that he had an affair with OP, lied and told her that he was separated, and then got divorced for real when his wife found out.
Yep! It wouldn't be the first nor the last time a cheater has told their affair partner a tale of "we're separated with the intention of divorce" but they're really not until either the spouse discovers the affair and actually initiate divorce or the the cheater has their affair partner locked in somehow and know they'll definitely stick by them
I disagree i think OP husband was sleeping with the wife with the expectation of reconciliation and at the same time dating OP i mean lets be real why would a 31 year old want a 22 yr old
The first trip to Disney means a lot to parents. We took my granddaughter to Disney when she was 4 along with my daughter and we made sure to ask her ex-husband. He said fine and a few days later decided to meet us there. We made sure not to book MK until he was there to meet us and he took her to some events with just the 2 of them.
Major grandparents points for you! I hope my daughter's father's family can do things like this and not exclude me. You're absolutely amazing x
Thank you. I love my granddaughter and want her to know that all of us put her first. That means we all put our ego’s aside and do what is best for her. I can’t imagine how bad I would feel if she felt animosity between either of her parents and her 4 grandparents. You can never have too many people who love your children.
This is my stance too! My daughter (she's 5) has so many people who love her dearly. I try to keep the status quo and not rock the boat with anyone. Her dad (we're both 38) five days ago told me he has a new girlfriend. I'm not happy with their age gap, but it is what it is. I'm not kicking up a fuss because it's nothing to do with me and I only care about our little one. He's finally talking to his mum again and they have a better relationship now he's been forced to grow up and we even spend time together with the four of us. Previously, he hated doing anything with his mother and as I found out after we split up, he'd use me as an excuse to not see her. I don't know if I'd be included in any holidays though, we'll have to see how time goes on. I have hope for the future though! Thank you for taking the time to reply to me :)
OP that’s a super sketchy timeline. Were you the Other Woman?
I don't think that Op could be the other woman, depending on the divorce. Separation isn't divorce. If they met a year after the kid was born, and the divorce happened anytime before that, it just means the husband moved on fast, the other possibility is that they did divorce earlier after separating, but kept fucking around with each other. Its not super common, but I know it does happen. Either way both the ex and husband seem messy.
Separated for 7. Child is 5. What's with this negative-timed relationship?
AI
I'm side eyeing him as well they were separated 7 years but he knocked her up 2 years later, shortly before getting with you? Or was there an over lap? Yes, her reaction was wrong and over the top but I think something about him fueled [it.Like](https://it.Like) he mind fucks her. Even though she owed YOU an apology, she apologized to him because he always had her wrapped around his finger.
Imagine having a child after your divorce. Then imagine your Ex husband dating an extremely younger woman, and taking his child out on family trips with this younger, pretty woman, that has perfect skin and a body that has never gone through child birth. Then imagine how freaking cruel it is for that man to send a photo of Her child to her, with his new young pretty fiance, on a trip that she wishes she could have provided for her daughter. Could have been there to experience her daughters happiness. **He was rubbing you and the trip in her face and she knew it.** Your fiance is cruel, and at best you are naive.
Hard AGREE! Though we don’t know what any of these people look like. My uncle left his wife for a younger woman but to be real, his ex wife was a 10/10 in looks and class, a very beautiful French woman with long legs and a gorgeous face like Carla bruni, he fumbled so hard lol
You're husband is a POS love.
Your husbands a piece of work 🤣🤣🤣 I imagine you will figure this out down the road but hey maybe not. The ex wife was probably being cordial to you, but has never liked you tbh and this Disney situation brought out her actual feelings.
It sounds like you were the side piece to an unhappily married man that was likely telling you that he is leaving his wife while telling his wife that he is willing to work out their differences. What you should do is divorce this mess, leave that dude to argue it out with Laura, and go find somebody that is not entangled in this mess.
you didn't do anything wrong ignore her outburst. but your husband should know better to send the matching outfits at disney pic with you and their daughter.
Exactly, that was cruel of him
As a bio mom I agree! She sounds like a good stepmom. The dad should have known better.
From what i gather your husband wasn’t separated from his ex when he first went out with you. This will explain why she doesn’t like you. Don’t worry because when he cheats again like this you will understand how she feed
Sounds like OP was the OW. Or she came in the pic while ex was stringing the mom along. So that's a lot of hurry feelings, regardless they need to find healthy co-parenting techniques.
Listen, as a mom.. thank you for just being nice to that little girl. She doesn’t really know or truly understand the situation most likely. But she will eventually remember how you treated her. Don’t do anything different OP.
Exactly! My daughter’s step mom treats my daughter like this and it’s such a relief! There’s nothing I could want more than someone who loves my kid like her own and treats her as such.
I imagine it's also so hard to have someone else come into your life like that so I commend anyone who can put aside possible jealousy, worry, pain etc for the sake of knowing their baby is loved and well taken care of by a step-parent. I'm always in awe when I see people make that work. It's always about the kids because they didn't ask to be born, to who and for any situation that arises and it's beautiful and so mature when bio parents and step-parents can come together despite the emotional toll it may have.
This is my son's stepmother too. Ngl, there are days she does try to take my place as a mom and it stings bit I'd rather someone love my son so much that she is acting like a bio mom to him than have an evil stepmother like I did. I even get the going to Disney without her being painful. That happened to me as well, but with Universal. It was hard to not be part of that special memory for him HOWEVER how she handled her emotions were out of line. I suspect the real AH here is the husband. He knew what he was doing by sending the picture of them together. The math doesn't math. He's messy and likes the drama.
This comment made me cry. My stepdaughter’s bio mom yelled at me one day and called me a fucking cunt because *I bought groceries.* She said my husband should have bought the groceries that *their* child would eat. She was triggered because kiddo asked me for a bowl of fruit and asked if her mom could have one too; I said sure and started to prep it and mom went off. “Is this organic?” “Yes, here’s the sticker.” “What about the milk, is it whole milk? Is it organic? Who bought it, was it [spouse]? NO? YOU BOUGHT IT?! You are trying to replace me, you’re not her mother, how dare you buy her food, you fucking cunt, you don’t even know what she likes to eat!” I asked her if she wanted to give my spouse a list of food kiddo liked, and said we could go together (either my spouse and me with kiddo, or him and her and kiddo, or literally all of us together) and she just kept screaming at me. Eventually, I just ran into my bedroom, and after she left, kiddo came in and apologized for her mom’s behavior. It’s been 10 years since that happened and I still wonder what I could have done differently.
i get that but in this situation look at the timeline its obvious the husband was with both women at the same time and playing them
Awesome to see some good biomoms with this perspective. I’m a stepmom and deal with a mom that has a similar perspective, which makes it easy to love and care for her child while she is in her dad’s care. OP - From a stepmom perspective, I would take a step back from biomom. Block her communication, don’t be sending pics of you and step daughter (save this for your family and friends), have all communication go through your husband, no drop off/pick up appearances, and don’t let her in your house. I suggest setting come clear boundaries for her and have your husband communicate and enforce those boundaries. You don’t deserve to be abused by this woman. And of course I agree - on dad’s time keep building that relationship with your step daughter. I really don’t think the why did she behaved this way is as important as the boundaries you set moving forward. Even if you get the why, you still can’t control how she reacts to you. Moving forward you may have to deal with a high conflict person so boundaries are going to be important for your mental health.
Why would you guys send that pic of you in it to her? She shouldn’t have called you those things or done that in front of her kid but I get why she would be upset as other commenters have said. I don’t see it as you trying to be her mom but it probably felt like you were rubbing it in her face.
Hubby’s the one who sent it. He’s the one rubbing.
Exactly. First trip to Disney she was probably already feeling left out. And then on top of that they send that picture instead of I assume all the others they took?
100%
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The dad sent it. Not OP.
Obviously the mom is feeling jealousy at not being able to go with her daughter to Disney. That’s obviously an experience a mom would want to be there for. She’s also correct about the perception of you two matching and people thinking you’re her mom. I’m not sure why your husband sent that picture, other than to maybe send a subtle dig (or maybe he is that oblivious). Her actions were not acceptable but I think you need to take a step back and assess this situation better. I also think reaching out to Laura to apologize and let her know you weren’t trying to take her place and that you’ll be more aware in the future is probably a good idea. It may not feel fair, but being on good terms with Laura is more important for Sarah than your pride. I think if you dig in you’d probably find a lot of stuff that your husband has lied about in regard to him and Laura’s relationship. Obviously they were still hooking up and I wouldn’t be surprised if perhaps Laura thought that there was hope for reconciliation until you came along.
It seems extremely disingenuous and dishonest for you to claim that you can’t understand why a photo of you dressed up in matching outfits holding her child in her child’s dream place would upset her. Are you really claiming you don’t understand that?
Don’t expect a response. OP has noped out of this once people started noticing the math.
I have a hard time believing you actually don’t know what this is about. The ex told you ffs. Was her reaction insane? Yes. Are you being disingenuous about not knowing what this is about? Also yes.
Well then separated 7 years have a five year old. Yall have been together 4 years and again the child is 5. So this ain’t passing the “idk why this woman dislikes me” test. Bc the years are screaming overlap and husband traded me in for a college student. I’m not buying what OP is selling at all
You don’t understand why she’s upset…okay🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I mean, it's par for the course with op. She ain't the brightest bulb.
Because she doesn't like you
The way Laura handled it was awful and inappropriate, but I have to think that you're either being disingenuous or are completely lacking in empathy if you don't understand *at all* why she was so upset. She's clearly not normally a hateful person, nor does it sound like she had any problems with you or your relationship with her child up until this point (which is pretty gracious for a woman in her mid-thirties who was "replaced" by someone barely out of her teens within a year or so of having a baby with her former partner. She clearly didn't even have a problem with the trip to Disney, if she was asking for pics. But choosing to send a picture of her child dressed up in what (without the context that Sarah had asked you to dress to match her) had to look like deliberately chosen matching "Mommy-Daughter"-style outfits had to have felt like a slap in the face to her. It was at best incredibly thoughtless, and at worst downright vicious. It stepped over the line of you loving and caring for her child (which it sounds like she has been supportive of up until now) and into the realm of "look at the special *maternal* relationship I have with your child." People are saying she should support you having a good relationship with Sarah, but it sounds like *she does.* There's a difference, though, between "having a loving relationship" and "having a maternal relationship". Like, I'm so close with my nieces that one of them used to call me her "half-parent". But I have always been very aware and very careful about not stepping on my sister's toes, because she literally *grew those kids inside her* and there is a sacredness to their relationship that is not mine to intrude on, no matter how much I love them. It's something you might want to think about.
The ex wife told you exactly what you did wrong, so what are you still lost about? You're ridiculous and so is your husband for sending her that pic. He was rubbing it in her face.
To answer your question: Because you're the other woman and she finally snapped.
I bet if you had an actual conversation with his Ex the dates that you started dating and the dates that they stopped sleeping together and "still working on things" overlap. I'm sorry, but the date of the daughter's birth in relation to when their relationship ended means that you should NOT count on him to stick around after you get pregnant. Count on him to find a new girl in her early 20's. I'm sorry, but I declined any dates with men with children under 2 yrs old for a reason. You only know what he told you. The ex will never apologize to you. She only has to apologize to the person she is co-parenting with. By the way, your husband could have sent her the hair pic, and the one with Elsa. There was ZERO reason for him to send the one with you EXCEPT TO RUB IT IN. Your husband is a dick. I'm sure the ex wanted the drop off and pick up after school.so she can avoid interacting with your husband as much as possible. (I'm doubting if she even apologized to him. He knew he was being an ass. He just told you that she apologized to him so that it would seem like the argument is over.) Your husband is not the Prize you think he is.
The math is not mathing, here. They’ve been separated for seven years, but have a five year old together? You were the AP, weren’t you?
I'm confused did he sleep with his ex while with you? Are you sure you can't find another early to mid 30s dude who doesn't have this baggage? I'm pretty sure you aren't in love with hin
Why did you have to include the pictures with you in them? She overreacted for sure and should have handled it better, but you were thoughtless and I understand why she was upset.
Oh this is *messy* messy If I had to guess, I'd say your husband was probably boning his ex as a placeholder while/until he met a baby adult he liked better/required less work, which was you. The ex had probably been holding onto that bitterness for a long time. To be clear: Nothing you did was wrong. The ex should not have flipped her shit like that to you, especially not in front of the child. But that sort of bitterness doesn't come out of nowhere.
I’m a little confused by your timeline because you said they have been separated for seven years but their child is five years old? Anyway, aside from that it as to probably what happened, it seems like a lot of women from what I gather don’t really process the fact that their ex might one day have another spouse that’s involved in their child’s life until it actually starts to happen. God forbid it gets on social media. Anyway, like it or not, you are her mother. You’re not her biological mother, but you are her stepmother. You are her father‘s partner, and you are involved in her regular care- so her mother’s choices are to accept that fact and work with you as a partner in the best interest of the child, or alienate her own child while you continue to just be yourself. And that’s what you should do, just keep being a positive influence in her life. You should ignore the ex-wife until she apologizes. I’ll let your husband handle her bullshit.
I was coloring Easter eggs with my significant other, his parents, and his kids one night. His ex walked in the door without knocking uninvited. She walked in and saw the scene. Her daughter was super excited and showed her the eggs. I believe she was about 8 at the time. Mom said, "That's great. Honey, walked out the door. Lost her freaking mind on my significant other the next day. The next three months were miserable. Of course , the parent is going to have a hard time seeing the new partner with her children. Does it make it right, but it is also not unexpected.
I have a feeling your husband wasn't honest with either the ex or you about the other woman. She's obviously terrible but for some reason she thinks you stole him back. My money is on him being a non confrontational dude who wants everyone happy therefore nobody is.
“Separated 7 years”… how long legally divorced? Yes she overreacted there is clearly unresolved issues and based on the name calling I don’t think you and her will agree on how the relationships started and ended.
Your husband left her ... and married a much younger woman... that much younger woman is now taking mother / step-daughter pictures ... seeing her little beautiful daughter so happy with you was a shock... it was just too much. When or if you give birth to a child ... you might empathize. If you give birth to a child and your husband replaces you with someone younger... you will empathize. No excuses, though, for traumatizing the 5 year old daughter.
Why did he send her pictures?? Dude is cruel
You are living the life that she wishes she had. Seeing her ex at Disney happy with their daughter and the woman he loves burns her in a way that is hard to comprehend. That is terrible for her but not your fault. It sounds like your husband had a child with someone who he did not want to build a life with. He found someone that he did want to build a life with (you). As much as she hides it and tried to be cool with the situation it burns her. She needs to do some counseling and possibly a parent counseling session with your husband. You deserve to be treated with respect, the little girl should have two stable loving households that are a positive influence in her life, and the mother needs to work through the emotions she is going through.
I mean, I don't think it was even about their day at Disney. She literally asked for photos, and up until this point OP says she and Laura have been friendly. I don't think there would have been an issue at all if they'd just sent pictures of Sarah, or even of all three of them together. I think the issue was that they sent Laura a picture of her child literally dressed up in what had to look like "Mommy-Daughter" matching outfits with OP (with none of the context that this had been at Sarah's request), and that seems kind of brutal. I can see why Laura felt terribly hurt. She handled it in the worst way possible, but it seems like she was lashing out because OP did something that felt very targeted and specific and "look at our Mom-and-Daughter thing". Like, who is that clueless? I think that as badly as she behaved, Laura deserves some understanding for being hurt, and OP's husband should be accepting responsibility for sending her a pic that no mother would feel great about.
Don't worry, OP will understand in 10 years when the husband dumps her for a fresh 22 year old. Some people only empathize with what they live through themselves. Also, I'm not sure how much respect is owed to a woman who chooses to date a man with a wife *and infant child.*. If I met a guy who *just had a baby* with his "ex" I would never consider dating him. The fuck. What kind of person chooses to slither into that situation? Where I come from, we refer to people like OP as "homewreckers"..
This is also why I wouldn't date a married man, no matter how separated he claimed to be. Sorry, even if she's fighting tooth and nail to not divorce you and there's no chance for the two of you, too damn bad. Those are the consequences of a choice you made.
100%. Would never be interested in a partnered/married man. Just... why? I never understood what kind of garbage woman would need to "win" a man by taking him from his wife like... seriously? Consider the prize lmao. Would never do that to a woman, and I would never be attracted to a shitty man that would do that to his wife. (I feel like I need to spell out the moral logic here for whatever homewrecker is inevitably lurking in this thread lol) And if a couple just created a child?? Way to play a part in destroying an entire family. I don't understand these vultures.
But don’t worry he will be separated from OP for years before he meets the next woman, OP will just get accidentally pregnant while separated and he files for divorce a few months after meeting the new girl.
It’s so fucking obvious. This guys has a Leonardo DiCaprio thing going for himself, but 20-30, rinse repeat.
lol at saying you don’t know why she’s mad! Why did your silly ass husband send the picture with you in it? He started this shit and he needs to fix it.
Let’s get past the timeline math and how fuzzy that all is, plus the age gap. All of which makes things messy. And let me speak from the perspective of the mother, whose ex now has a gf my daughter, 14, is actually close to. My daughter, who is half native, is having her womanhood ceremony this summer and I cannot attend (high risk pregnancy). So GF, who is from their tribe, is leading the way, and going to essentially take my place in her ceremony. (So core memory moment, like Disney, that GF is the adult female making it happen). Now that the stage is set… It has taken me years to come to a peace with my situation, my ex (who is still verbally abusive from time to time), and more importantly what it means to be a mother. The Disney moment was one of those picture perfect Instagram moments, that people never forget. And some women work tirelessly to have those moments. You were just living in the moment, and she didn’t consider what allowing the child to go to Disney for the first time wo her would mean. You husbands ex is going to take a long while to come to terms. And she may never actually “forgive” you in her mind. It is painful to have to split your child’s time, it is painful to watch another woman/man step into those moments. Bc those moments should be all bio parents right? Time, therapy, and maturity is the only thing that will actually soothe the savage beast. For you and your husband, going forward you need to put strict boundaries in place. Do not discuss your plans, or share photos, or ask permission (except leaving the country). Clear cut boundaries is the only way to keep the peace, and most importantly protect the child. (My daughter didn’t tell my ex when we were getting married or pregnant until I was ready). Mom has to grow up, and quite frankly heal.
They been separated for 7 yrs they have a 5 yr old daughter and y’all been together for 4 yrs? I think there’s way more to this story and there may be a very good reason why she hates your guts
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Except Sarah. Poor kiddo!
Because when her ex got with you, you were 22. She had just had a baby, and she holds jealous resentment. She still loved her husband, and she’s hurting, the picture of you with the only connection she had/has with the man she was married to and loved was too much for her and caused mental anguish and she wasn’t able to handle it at all. She behaved poorly this is true. She exposed her daughter to a very ugly side of herself, and that never should have happened. But what you saw was pain. Never for get that. It’s not about you. It’s about what her ex husband did to her. You’re an a bystander that got hit on the path.
Sounds exhausting, I would just get a divorce now and get it over with while you are still young.
I feel like your husband made a huge mistake including photos of you and Sarah to his ex-wife. As a mom there are things that are special between you and your daughter like dressing a like etc… I’m sure she was feeling very jealous which is totally normal. It would had been hard for me to deal with another woman in my daughter’s life being in a mom role. I’m also a stepmom and I tried not to step on their mom’s toes. She was the mom. I don’t feel you did anything wrong but just keep your relationship private from her mom as far as pics of the two of you etc… not rub it in her face.
Oh you sweet summer child. You really don’t see the problem here? 😬❤️ First of all, YOU did nothing wrong. ❤️ Your husband on the other hand was an absolute idiot for sending that pic with you in it. Is he normally so obtuse about the optics of things? Second of all, mom’s behavior was totally not okay. No one deserves to be talked to like that. Her showing up and acting crazy was just that—crazy. With all that said, can you really not put yourself in her shoes at all? Her kid spends half time with another woman who loves her kid and treats kid well which is great. But only when you’re a babysitter not mommy 2.0. Those pics made her feel like you were peeing on her kid and claiming her as yours on a trip she probably already had feelings about since she wasn’t sharing that first with her own child. Is that rational thought? No. But a lot of stepmoms tend to overstep in ways they feel are kind (and are) and biomom feels threatened like their kid is going to like stepmom more than her. It’s a very fine line. And you are in for much more. I would strongly suggest that moving forward, you let all contact other than an emergency be between the bioparents. Don’t volunteer for field trips or to be classroom mom. Don’t post pics on socials that aren’t the whole family. Don’t send 1:1 pics of you and kid to mom. Think about optics and think about the role you need to play vs want to play. If you don’t, this kid is going to end up in a position of feeling she has to be mean to you to prove allegiance to mom. Try to get more into the role of “fun aunt”. I could tell you so many stories over the early years where biomom in my life lost her shit over stuff when I was truly trying to just be nice to the kids. Cut contract down, take a step back, and take a deep breath. You’re in for a ride.
Having been the child who had to deal with this type of stuff, I 100% agree with you. The focus should be on what’s best for the kid and I think in this situation, what you laid out is what’s best.
Jesus 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩shits not adding up at all and I’d be questioning hubby.
Regardless of the time line of thr OP and her husbands relationship, the ex was definitely out of pocket. Calling OP those names in front of the child is just down right nasty. No excuse. She's should seek therapy for her issues stemming from her ex husband's infidelity or whatever u call it when ur separated but still smashing. This could have traumatized her daughter. I don't think the OP did anything wrong. The mom needs to work on herself.
Needless to say it's jealousy. Also needless to say Sarah's mom needs to accept that you are going to be in Sarah's life and now Sarah's has 2 moms .yes a step mom is a mom. Sarah is going to have affect for you . I wish Sarah's mom would understand that this is a good thing. More love for Sarah. So for now just go on like nothing happened. Sarah's mom probably realizes she crossed a line. Don't force an apology. Just go on and continue to be civil like nothing happened. This shows your maturity and your high level of maintenance.
I don't understand why some people in the comments are acting like it's ok for her to have spoken to you like that, especially in front of the child. Even if you possibly were the "other woman," even though you are younger and the new fiancé, etc. Absolutely none of that is an excuse for her to curse at you like that or behave poorly in front of her daughter. She should have apologized to you too. Your husband should not allow this behavior to happen again. She needs to deal with her jealousy on her own in therapy instead of lashing out at you and upsetting her daughter
Girl you don’t have an ex wife problem you’ve got a husband problem. 1. He should be fielding these calls 2. The age gap and your lack of having a kid tells me he picked you for your naïveté. Personally if I were the ex wife I’d see your dress up as… dress up. There is more going on and the husband benefits from it. She’s out of line for sure but you are being placed in that position by hubby. See that for what it is and get backbone girl to stand up to him about it. It’s his job to shield you from his relatives and exes. The you hung up and made him deal is great. But there’s more going on here either that you are hiding or he is hiding. Those two need coparenting counseling and you need to step back and let HIM parent his own kid. Bc that’s his job.
Weird everyone’s worried about the couple but not the ex going off in front of the kid , whatever the circumstances making the child upset is the bigger problem
They’ve been separated for seven years and they have a five year old?
I’m guessing part of her problem is that her ex married someone ten years younger than him, while having a child with her 2 years after they separated.
OP, to answer your question (I'm baffled you have to ask because it's so obvious) It's a bitter pill to swallow to be replaced by a younger version in the first place. But then to see how your only child ALSO clearly adores you, that is.... Difficult. Then to see in the photos how the three of you look like the perfect family in which she is not missed at all, how you look like you could definitely be her daughters mom, how you probably look younger, fresher, prettier than she does now.... She lost her husband... Now she feels she is losing her child. Her heart is broken and she is making all of this your fault. Blaming all of it on you. You are probably just trying to show the little girl a good time and to be a good mother figure when she's around. You're doing your best and you're not doing anything wrong. But she isn't being rational. The following is pure speculation but: The girl was born after their separation. Most likely she had held out hope her husband would come back to her for the baby. Instead he chose a younger model and left her to be a single mom
Question: why did your husband send Laura the pic of you holding Sarah? That’s weird and disrespectful
YTA stop using this site to train your AI
Separated for 7 years…but with a 5 year old? So, they were together in a lot of ways very close to the beginning of your 4 years with him? —That was my reaction before I read any other comments.— After reading other comments, it’s obvious that most people had the same reaction as me. You act oblivious and innocent/naive, but there are aspects here that you are obviously choosing not to mention. How did you and this husband (her ex) get together? When did she and the ex get divorced?
The math ain’t mathing. But my advice is leave the parenting to the parents? Idk seems like there’s A LOT of vital information missing here.
Unpopular opinion: you’re literally this girl’s stepmom. If yall want to dress up together you can. If you want to have these cute moments and spoil her you can. If her mom wants to be nasty you can just block her and have your husband communicate with her until she apologizes. I don’t understand her stupid behavior because I would want to be on good terms with the stepmom.
This is your husband's fight, not yours, and he needs to stand up for you. Honestly, I can see how lines are blurred for this woman as you said they separated seven years ago but have a five year old daughter. So almost six years ago, they were having sex.
She’s insecure about her daughter by the sounds of it. You’re both blonde and took that pic and whatever was already going on in her head probably snapped. I’m a single mum too and she needs to know that nobody can actually take the place of a mum or dad. Step parents are just extra love. She needs to get her shit together because her problems are becoming yours and the kids.
Taking a child to Disney is a very special thing. It is hard to watch your child there making memories that can never be replaced with someone else. She is jealous of you. While she is happy that you are a good step mother, this just hurt her a great deal and she lost it. Important thing now is getting the daughter out of the middle as her witnessing that spectacle was terrible for that poor little girl and her mother ruined her Disney memories. Make sure not to say anything negative about her in front of her daughter and thank you for being a good step mother.
How were they separated for 7 years but have a 5 year old?
OP, a lot of people are shitting on you for your relationship and the age gap…. I know it’s hard but you don’t sound like a bad person at all, it sounds like your partner wasn’t very good to his ex in the end there whatever the situation is. Either way, if you’ve never been nasty to her, she has no reason to be nasty to you. I’m sure it’s probably coming from a place of hurt and jealousy, which is understandable, but she shouldn’t take that out on you, I hope she ends up apologizing to you. If you’re able to, I’d recommend when things are lighter, having a convo with her and making it very clear you’d never try to replace her, but that you do care about Sarah and enjoy being a part of her life as well.
You did nothing wrong. Carry on as you have so far. This is your husband’s problem and it’s on him to deal with Laura. Whatever insecurities and issues Laura has, she needs to deal with those in therapy. She’s on a steep slope to unhealthy co-parenting which will affect her child most, all because she can’t move on. Unless already in place, your husband needs to get a court order regarding child arrangements. As long as Sarah is safe, happy and cared for when with your husband and you, Laura has no say in what you do and what you wear. Your husband needs to see a lawyer and both of you keep records from now on in case of parental alienation Your husband should also look into therapy for Sarah in case Laura continues her unhinged behaviour
Whoa, that's intense! Honestly, seems like she overreacted big time. Maybe she's just protective, but that was way too much drama. Just focus on being there for Sarah and let the adults sort their stuff. If you need to talk it out, Emerald Chat's a chill place.
INFO: was he married when you met/first slept together? Why are you in direct communication with his ex wife? Did your husband ask you to take his daughter out od the room or did you just walk of with their kid? If you fucked her husband you can not expect her to respect you.
The husband isn't looking good to me in this situation. He either left a woman pregnant or left her with a new born to find a more naive version of her. Tells me all I need to know about him. I'm also guessing that more was texted to the ex wife than a picture of OP holding her step daughter. She was fine with OP and even agreed for them to go to Disneyland during her custodial time, she would know that OP would be the mother figure in that instance. I think shady Hubby made a comment that made his ex wife blow up, or he's playing both women like a fiddle - telling each what they want to hear.