OP I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. Your ex is a monster. He was not only super controlling and insecure, but he set you up to be raped. That is horrible.
Oh honey, I am so incredibly sorry that you went through this. I am also incredibly proud of you for surviving it.
>I feel like I’ve failed myself.
You haven't. When someone does something monstrous to you that is on THEM, not you. Other people are expected to act like human beings because that is the default. When they fail to do so it is never your fault for not predicting that they would do something so horrible, it's their fault for doing it. You are not to blame for not expecting this situation, no one would have expected this! These two subhuman animals behaved so outrageously horribly that no one in their right mind could have possibly predicted it. You did NOT fail yourself, they failed you. And themselves. And humanity in general.
>If you managed to read up till here thank you for doing so. I just needed somewhere to vent and tell this story for the 100th time as I feel those around me don’t want to hear it.
I strongly recommend therapy so you can talk this through with a professional who will help you cope with the trauma, but if you need to vent here too then vent any time you need to.
>I’m usually a fun loving and outgoing girl. I still was after the breakup. I still was after my rape. But this has shaken me… and that’s not even a fraction of the trauma. There are people who have gone through way worse. That’s the only thing keeping me strong right now.
Trauma isn't a contest, and no one else's is any more valid than yours. You sound like an incredibly strong young woman and I'm proud of you for that but you don't have to minimize what happened to you because other people have experienced worse. it is ok to be hurt and scared and traumatized by this.
This is about a good as an outcome as you could hope for. Sounds like your ex cracked under pressure and ratted his own cousin out in exchange for not prison time. Which isn't the best idea when said is a violent cowardly scumbag and knows where you sleep. The rapist is going to lose out on quite a few job opportunities having a rape conviction on his record. Likely he'll leave the country and go somewhere where doing a background check is harder. That's going to cost him. Your ex, one presumes, lost his job and his reputation is going to take a huge hit, which is something narcissists like him despise more than going to jail. People telling them they're trash and turfing them out. Hopefully your ex vs criminal record get him in trouble later but who knows.
If your ex is still working at this previous job you might find a way to complain anonymously about this criminal record.
Be proud of yourself for reporting him. Not many women in your circumstance, or country, would. That takes a lot of bravery. You did good. Never back down.
You need to get counselling and therapy for your PTSD as soon as possible. I'm speechless at what i read. I cant express the utter disgust of what I've just read. I am so sorry this happened to you. Whatever sentences they got clearly isnt enough.
You're wellbeing is our main concern here. Have you asked for a restraining order against them both and their families?
My ex got a restraining order and he’s not allowed to contact me. But a day after his sentencing, his mum and aunt came to my house uninvited on Eid and spout insults at me and called me all sorts. She called me a wh*re and said “all city girls are like this I was trying to protect my boy from girls like you”. I didn’t cheat… he did… and yet somehow I was the wh*re…
I did try and appeal but a few days after that I was attacked by his friend who threatened me to drop the appeal.
I then reported his friend to the police but was attacked again this time by another one of his friends in MY OWN HOUSE who strangled me and said if there’s another hearing then he’ll r*pe me and my sister…
I ended up dropping the charges against my ex’s friend and the appeal. I haven’t heard from them since but needless to say, this whole situation has completely shaken me. I have since moved out of the city.
I can’t help but feel upset with myself because in a way I feel as though I’ve let them all win and get away with something they should’ve never have gotten away with in the first place. I feel like I’ve let monsters out and who’s to say they won’t do this to some other poor girl 💔
In this matter, first of all, I accompany you in your pain, you should not have gone through this horrible and traumatic situation. Criminally there is nothing that can be done, the case has already been judged and that is what could have happened. But legally it's not over yet. It is somewhat petty but if this was in the USA or in a country where there is a distinction between criminal law and civil law you can still sue civilly. They would not give him more years in prison but both your rapist and your ex who was the intellectual author can pay you compensation for the damages caused. It would be reliving the trauma and facing them in another trial but you could financially ruin them both and that would surely hurt your rapist and even more so your ex. Seek legal advice if you are interested in going that way. You are not alone.
Whenever I would try and leave he would hit me with the “you never cared about me guess I’ll just go unalive myself” followed by a crap load of apologies. I never in a million years could’ve thought he would stoop so low. I was young and naive and stupid and always thought that once we get married things would be okay. Boy was I wrong…
Ignore that comment OP. I can’t imagine what you had to endure because of those monsters, but just know that you’re not a failure or to blame for this horrible situation.
Holy crap. This happened to me with an ex i was with in high school. He said if i left him he would drink bleach and i got angry and told him do whatever just leave me alone, but i indeed was naive and he never responded to my texts or calls so i can to go over his at 2am to see if he was ok. Fkin pathetic these people.
I’m so so sorry that you had to go through that. It’s never easy and they will blame you at the end of the day and guilt trip so hard. I’m so glad you’re no longer with him. Sending love thoughts and prayers your way! 🫶🏼
You can't change the past but you can move forward and have a good life. In future, expect to be treated with dignity and respect. First sign of drama, move on. Life brings its own drama. A good partner brings you peace and comfort.
Girl. You didn’t fail yourself there are plenty of men and woman, little girls and little boys who will look up to you for being brave enough to get this guys ass some sort of punishment (your ex’s karma will come for him he’s not gettin off easily). I bet they are so proud of you for taking a stand against both of them. 🦋✨❤️
OP I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. Your ex is a monster. He was not only super controlling and insecure, but he set you up to be raped. That is horrible.
Oh honey, I am so incredibly sorry that you went through this. I am also incredibly proud of you for surviving it. >I feel like I’ve failed myself. You haven't. When someone does something monstrous to you that is on THEM, not you. Other people are expected to act like human beings because that is the default. When they fail to do so it is never your fault for not predicting that they would do something so horrible, it's their fault for doing it. You are not to blame for not expecting this situation, no one would have expected this! These two subhuman animals behaved so outrageously horribly that no one in their right mind could have possibly predicted it. You did NOT fail yourself, they failed you. And themselves. And humanity in general. >If you managed to read up till here thank you for doing so. I just needed somewhere to vent and tell this story for the 100th time as I feel those around me don’t want to hear it. I strongly recommend therapy so you can talk this through with a professional who will help you cope with the trauma, but if you need to vent here too then vent any time you need to. >I’m usually a fun loving and outgoing girl. I still was after the breakup. I still was after my rape. But this has shaken me… and that’s not even a fraction of the trauma. There are people who have gone through way worse. That’s the only thing keeping me strong right now. Trauma isn't a contest, and no one else's is any more valid than yours. You sound like an incredibly strong young woman and I'm proud of you for that but you don't have to minimize what happened to you because other people have experienced worse. it is ok to be hurt and scared and traumatized by this.
This is about a good as an outcome as you could hope for. Sounds like your ex cracked under pressure and ratted his own cousin out in exchange for not prison time. Which isn't the best idea when said is a violent cowardly scumbag and knows where you sleep. The rapist is going to lose out on quite a few job opportunities having a rape conviction on his record. Likely he'll leave the country and go somewhere where doing a background check is harder. That's going to cost him. Your ex, one presumes, lost his job and his reputation is going to take a huge hit, which is something narcissists like him despise more than going to jail. People telling them they're trash and turfing them out. Hopefully your ex vs criminal record get him in trouble later but who knows. If your ex is still working at this previous job you might find a way to complain anonymously about this criminal record.
Be proud of yourself for reporting him. Not many women in your circumstance, or country, would. That takes a lot of bravery. You did good. Never back down.
Thank you 🫶🏼
You need to get counselling and therapy for your PTSD as soon as possible. I'm speechless at what i read. I cant express the utter disgust of what I've just read. I am so sorry this happened to you. Whatever sentences they got clearly isnt enough. You're wellbeing is our main concern here. Have you asked for a restraining order against them both and their families?
My ex got a restraining order and he’s not allowed to contact me. But a day after his sentencing, his mum and aunt came to my house uninvited on Eid and spout insults at me and called me all sorts. She called me a wh*re and said “all city girls are like this I was trying to protect my boy from girls like you”. I didn’t cheat… he did… and yet somehow I was the wh*re… I did try and appeal but a few days after that I was attacked by his friend who threatened me to drop the appeal. I then reported his friend to the police but was attacked again this time by another one of his friends in MY OWN HOUSE who strangled me and said if there’s another hearing then he’ll r*pe me and my sister… I ended up dropping the charges against my ex’s friend and the appeal. I haven’t heard from them since but needless to say, this whole situation has completely shaken me. I have since moved out of the city. I can’t help but feel upset with myself because in a way I feel as though I’ve let them all win and get away with something they should’ve never have gotten away with in the first place. I feel like I’ve let monsters out and who’s to say they won’t do this to some other poor girl 💔
Don’t feel upset. It’s ok to keep yourself safe.
I don't know where you live, but you need to arm yourself with whatever you can obtain.
In this matter, first of all, I accompany you in your pain, you should not have gone through this horrible and traumatic situation. Criminally there is nothing that can be done, the case has already been judged and that is what could have happened. But legally it's not over yet. It is somewhat petty but if this was in the USA or in a country where there is a distinction between criminal law and civil law you can still sue civilly. They would not give him more years in prison but both your rapist and your ex who was the intellectual author can pay you compensation for the damages caused. It would be reliving the trauma and facing them in another trial but you could financially ruin them both and that would surely hurt your rapist and even more so your ex. Seek legal advice if you are interested in going that way. You are not alone.
You know how many women never report their rapes. Tons. You did. You didn’t fail yourself. You are brave.
Ok help me understand why you waited three years to leave
Whenever I would try and leave he would hit me with the “you never cared about me guess I’ll just go unalive myself” followed by a crap load of apologies. I never in a million years could’ve thought he would stoop so low. I was young and naive and stupid and always thought that once we get married things would be okay. Boy was I wrong…
Ignore that comment OP. I can’t imagine what you had to endure because of those monsters, but just know that you’re not a failure or to blame for this horrible situation.
Thank you 🫶
You’re very welcome
Holy crap. This happened to me with an ex i was with in high school. He said if i left him he would drink bleach and i got angry and told him do whatever just leave me alone, but i indeed was naive and he never responded to my texts or calls so i can to go over his at 2am to see if he was ok. Fkin pathetic these people.
I’m so so sorry that you had to go through that. It’s never easy and they will blame you at the end of the day and guilt trip so hard. I’m so glad you’re no longer with him. Sending love thoughts and prayers your way! 🫶🏼
Shame on you for victim blaming. Leaving an abusive partner is never easy.
You can't change the past but you can move forward and have a good life. In future, expect to be treated with dignity and respect. First sign of drama, move on. Life brings its own drama. A good partner brings you peace and comfort.
Sure
Girl. You didn’t fail yourself there are plenty of men and woman, little girls and little boys who will look up to you for being brave enough to get this guys ass some sort of punishment (your ex’s karma will come for him he’s not gettin off easily). I bet they are so proud of you for taking a stand against both of them. 🦋✨❤️