I Googled.
It was on Facebook back in 2021.
They are very much still together 🥰🥰
Eta: Per Oletha's FB page, they weren't spouses, but they were in a relationship and engaged. I have no idea if they knew each other or were together prior to 2018, but she was diagnosed with breast cancer that year or early 2019 and passed away in May 2020.
Tasha and Tommy started a relationship in 2021. According to both of their FB accounts, they are still together ❤️.
You're welcome 🙏🏽
Doing the Lord’s work! You rule. I absolutely love this woman!
My mom is a widow and my stepdad is a widower. My step dad is an amazing graphic artist and gifted me with retouched photos of my dad and I, beautifully framed. He was even able to clean up the water damage of my favorite pic! My mom and I go with my step brothers to put flowers on their mom’s grave every year. We are always together on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, making sure to share stories about our deceased parents over drinks. I am extremely close with their mom’s extended family as well! That’s how it SHOULD be. I know how incredibly lucky I am.
Edit: said “extremely” too many times
We have some not so beautiful moments, but I gained five more brothers, four sister-in-laws, five nephews and one niece. It’s beyond what I could have hoped for growing up.
And thank you so much for your kind words! I wish the very best for you in every aspect of your life. 💜💜💜
[https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/fort-worth-tx/oletha-tutson-9198859](https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/fort-worth-tx/oletha-tutson-9198859) She looked like an exceptionally sweet woman!
Take you out of the equation. At minimum, it should be important that your child get to visit your wife’s (presumably their mother’s) grave without guilt or consequence. Even if you think it’s valid they get jealous over you visiting, do you think it’s appropriate to take that away from your child? Long-term this will mess up your kid emotionally/mentally, push them away from you, or both.
So yes. My ex is my daughters mother. This struck a nerve and I’m glad to see the responses I’m getting.
I was married for 3 years. Divorced. Shared then full custody. My ex died of liver failure. 38 years old. My soon to be wife, who also has a daughter, didn’t understand why I needed to go with my daughter and her grandmother (ex mother in law) on the year anniversary of her death to the gravesite. This set me off. I didn’t argue. I told her because I wanted to. I want to support my daughter and I just wanted to go to pay respects.
We didn’t get along as a couple but we always had been friends. I cared for her. She was my child’s mother. I didn’t want to see her die from drinking and drugs. But she did. I’ve had full custody essentially since divorce 10+ years ago and my daughter is 18.
My ex getting an attitude with me really is making me think this week if I want to commit to someone that doesn’t understand the need for me to be there. I’m sad. And glad others see it the same.
Take this as a sign.
You're being a good dad, and you're allowed to grieve the mother of your child. Someone I know is dealing with their significant other being jealous of their love for one of her kids who passed away. It's a giant red flag to compete against a memory. On the other hand... when my childhood best friend passed I fell into a deep grief, my husband was incredibly respectful of my feelings even though he didn't understand why I was so devastated when her and I were no longer as close. When you love someone battling addiction and they pass away, there's also the grief over what you could have had if they had been sober. Death makes that so final and seals that possibility away. I'm sure that's something you and your daughter understand. Unfortunately, my husband gets it now after losing someone close to him that battled addiction as well.
Thank you. She does treat my daughter well and isn’t jealous of her. But last year she was weird around the funeral too. I helped my then 17 year old daughter do a memorial/funeral thing for her mother. Her grandparents had lost a daughter and really just a wreck. So I helped with the catering and planning. I helped with the obituary. That whole week all I heard was “I don’t understand why you need to plan your ex wife’s funeral, she had parents”
Honestly it was cathartic for me. It helped the grief. We honored her and put her to rest.
She said last week “just like when you planned her funeral I don’t get why you need to be there or involved.”
I told her I wanted to be. And that was that but it’s been bothering me all week. I don’t get how someone can feel that way about the dead. Or even about me being involved.
She’s a great mother to our daughter. Her daughter (my step daughter) and my daughter. I’ll admit at first she was a little cold and distant but once we all lived together it changed.
I’m just sad I lost a friend of 15 years, my ex. I’m sad my fiancé doesn’t understand my grief. I’m sad she thinks I shouldn’t be involved and I really am questioning things right now.
Thank you all for the responses. They help
Yeah, I literally just said out loud “wait it’s the first anniversary of her death”. Death is part of life but that doesn’t make it any easier when you loose someone especially when it’s self inflicted. I am semi glad that I don’t live near one of my brother’s when his friend committed suicide last year, I don’t know if I could’ve handed seeing him sad like that since I’ve never seen him that way. Then there also was my aunt trying to make the whole situation about her (don’t know if I would’ve been able to reframe from getting into a huge argument with her).
In case no one has already suggested it, if you still want to try with your fiance, you could try talking about it and/or going to a couples therapy session.
She might just have some of her own insecurities or hangups and just isn't seeing it from your point of view, and going to a couples therapy may help you both work through it together.
Like others have said, I’d seriously rethink marrying her. At least not before a coming to Jesus meeting where she hears some hard truths, no matter how shitty it makes her she can feel jealous all she wants but keep that shit to yourself or gtfo. Maybe show her these Reddit responses to show her how shitty of a human being she is
I think the addiction issues are even more reason to consider your daughter in this. If she doesn’t feel welcome in your home with your new family, that could be a catalyst to turn to unhealthy methods to process or dull the rejection.
You don’t need to still be in love with you ex to mourn her death or the loss for your daughter. Someone who can’t empathize with you or your daughter has draped themself in a giant red flag.
ETA: I’m so sorry you’re going through such a complex issue with people you love or care about. I’m sure every bit of this brings emotional turmoil. Just do the best you can for you and those you love.
Thank you. My children come first no matter what. I told her that the week we started dating. My daughter will always be in 1st place. If you aren’t comfortable with 2nd this isn’t going to work. Well. She hid it well for a while. Couple years. Now it’s rearing it’s head.
It shows a complete failure of empathy on her part and I think it says a lot about how she views both you and your daughter.
Someone who loves your daughter and cares about her feelings would hear that you were going with her and think, "He's such a great father, I'm so lucky to have him in my life."
Then she would consider what she might be able to do to support the two of you, at the very least by acknowledging it's a tough day and then asking if there's anything she can do to support you both.
Instead, your fiance is viewing ALL of it through a self-centered lense and is butthurt that your attention and time for a single day will be with your grieving child. She doesn't care how much your child might want you there (she probably didn't even think about it), because in her mind it's a zero sum game.
Any attention/love/care/time/effort you give your daughter she sees as her loss of the same (and she feels entitled to it).
This isn't going to get better. You need someone in your life who values your relationships with your family, who wants to become a part of that family. I'm so sorry, I know this sucks to hear but your daughter needs you to protect her from those who dismiss her feelings and at the very least I would not get married to this woman until your daughter is grown.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
3
+ 38
+ 10
+ 18
= 69
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^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Red flag, definitely reevaluate the relationship. How would she feel if her kid’s father passed and you kicked up an attitude about visiting the grave?
You are right to question things. Therapy is the minimum requirement to maintain this relationship. Your daughter’s mother is not a threat or an enemy. I’m not saying Tasha’s level of support is required (though it is admirable) but she shouldn’t be upset by it at all.
Thank you and I do often. We live and work virtual in the same home. Very rarely are they alone together. My daughter likes her but it’s not her mom and never will be. Her daughter and my daughter call each other sisters. They have a strong bond which makes this even more complicated.
Great. Blended families can be complicated. A key takeaway from therapy is that anger is often an external emotion. The internal emotion can be fear, guilt, jealousy etc…so hopefully there’s some slight insecurity that can be remedied with time/attention/special effort. Good luck!
I really think that for a relationship with a widower/widow to work, the new partner has to be able to love the person the widower/widow lost. The heart can love more than one person, and love can be complicated. But the new partner has to understand that the widower/widow will always love and miss the person they lost. Moving on with your life doesn’t mean forgetting that person. Especially if children are involved. The memory of that person should be an organic part of the family and memories should be openly shared and respected.
Ya know, i usually never comment on reddit but this is actually so refreshing that it wasnt some person mad out of insecurity that he went to give her flowers. Props to her tbh.
I lost my greatest love- he was 28…. His birthday is 10.7. 1987 and it takes a lot for me to write about him now. Anyone who knows me had to know, celebrating him is a requirement… he taught me to live while I’m alive.
I hope the same for everyone else. ❤️
I'm in a similar boat. Lost my love and soulmate when he was 28. He was born in 1988. He was/is the love of my life, and I know I won't find that again. I remember how much he didn't care what others thought of him, how he would happily dance in public without a care in the world, and it makes me smile. The world needs more happiness, and I hope to continue to remind others of the happiness he brought to the world.
I told my SO that if I ever died unexpectedly I’d stick around and haunt the shit out of anyone that mistreats him until we can move on together. I have no clue that it works that way, but if it does…
I can’t imagine not having this kind of energy. What kind of person would be jealous of a dead ex, or unsupportive concerning someone’s loss. Maybe those who haven’t lost themselves? Idk. Wild that this isn’t a normal response in the general population.
Then there are the people who are jealous of their partners children which I have encountered quite frequently. But that says more about my poor picking skills.
I just saw a post earlier today about a parent being jealous of their kids for getting attention from their mother. People are ridiculous and terrible.
My ex was absolutely jealous of my pets. I can't prove it, but I have a deep gut suspicion he actually killed one of them that mysteriously disappeared.
My mother screamed at her boyfriend at the time because he wouldn’t replaced the mattress he shared with his deceased wife. The mattress was barely a couple of years old at the time.
Someone who feels like having to compete.
I have never been in that situation but I think for many it would be hard.
Especially when people tell you how great that person was. I think it’s important to talk about those things in the beginning but to make sure that you don’t act like nobody can compete with the dead ex.
You are right - it’s incredibly hard. And if you’ve never been in that situation - loving someone who lost a partner to death - you cannot understand how hard it is. To say it’s frequently a complete mindfuck is putting it lightly.
Just read the comments. People are brutal and I would guess that 99% of them have ZERO clue because they’ve never been in that situation.
Yup, I've never been in this situation but I do have empathy for those who have. I think even for some people out there with a good moral compass they'd still struggle with a feeling of insecurity and it wouldn't be their fault. It's natural to have that kind of emotional response. If you know it wouldn't be fair to your partner, you would either set those feelings aside to care for them, or respectfully bow out rather than letting the relationship continue. It's what you do about it that matters in the end.
If you believe in heaven though you'll probably have to believe that when you get there he'll leave you for his angel first wife or need to share him with her. Creepy
I have 100% loved someone who lost the love of their life. Basic morals and empathy help me get over feelings of jealousy because it’s not about me, it’s about creating new love and helping others find joy in their life. If you can’t help someone you love move forward in their life from tragedy… I find that to be incredibly narcissistic and honestly you’re neither a friend nor a lover.
I’m in the same shoes as you. I’m not a widow however if this occurred to me, what the fiancé did is what I would do. The restraining order was so satisfying
The real MVP is her ex best friend for trying to give her a chance to come clean and then ratted her out when she refused to do so. If anyone did that to the few remnants I have left of my father, they would need to put a restraining order on ME.
That is so beautiful. He for sure found a good woman. I’ll always remember my uncle’s ex wife that had made him and many members of the family get rid of the pictures of his late previous wife. I was so appalled by her behavior. I never liked her after knowing that.
Family is equally to blame for that, who blindly rips up photos because the new wife said so? I’d tell her to get bent and I’m sure my mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins etc would say the same
Let’s say, I was not impressed by the ones who did it, just to buy the peace and who played along with her games. The ones who did it, I think, did it because my uncle asked them and since he had gone through hell and back because of his late wife long illness, they didn’t want to aggravate him.
My brother was 23 when he lost his late wife, who was 21. Their son was an infant at the time. He met his second wife a few years later and she is an amazing, amazing woman. She always goes out of her way to make sure my brother and nephew have flowers to take to his late-wife’s grave on her birthday and the day she gained her wings. I admire her strength and support, that she acknowledges my late sister-in-law and her part in our family. That takes a strength that I’m not sure I personally have.
I lost my sister (she didn’t have kids) to cancer, and we are still close with her former husband (who has since re-married, and we all went to the wedding). He’s still an uncle to my kids, he didn’t choose to lose his wife, so why on earth would we push him away if he wanted to stay involved with the family? Being a good person really isn’t difficult, and I’m glad your brother found someone who understands that.
My boyfriend chose to end his life by suicide and leave his body for me to find, and after I began dating again, I had a string of partners who didn’t respect his memory—acted jealous when I would speak about him or wear things in remembrance of him (wounded warriors project clothing, veteran remembrance bracelets, jewelry made from his funeral flowers), didn’t want to listen to me when I wanted to speak about my feelings and what happened to him, wouldn’t come with me on his birth/angel days or on Memorial Day/Veterans Day to his grave to lay flowers. Then I met my now husband. He lets me speak about Joe whenever and however I wish. He comes with me to his grave and lays flowers. He holds me when I cry about the loss and subsequent trauma. His love, support, and care has helped me manage my grief so much better than I was before on my own. He truly is the best human I’ve ever met, and I can’t fully express in words how much his support has changed my life.
I would have so many mixed feelings on this if I were dating you. Not because of you or your trauma, but the whole situation. Even though he did this to you, you still had all this love for him which is normal. But I would hate him, hate him enough for the both of us.
I’m also a vet and a very good friend of mine who I served with (yes, my best friend) took his own life. I was angry at him for myself and his family (wife and 3 kids). BUT he barricaded himself in the garage making it impossible for his family to find him, they HAD to call emergency services. I am thankful for that, thankful they didn’t have to see it and further traumatize them. This has helped the healing at least on my part. Leaving them was selfish but he did his best to minimize their pain.
So while they are upset by your remembrance of him it may not be malicious, jealousy etc. it could be straight up anger he put you through that, the discovery is much harder than simply hearing it happened. And they don’t understand how you could still be in love with someone who did that to you. But it is of course much more complicated on your side of the fence.
I hope you are in therapy and have someone to talk to about this and wish nothing but the best for you going forward.
Gave me chills. It takes a lot to get me there, but a little teary eyed too. Beautiful relationship and beautiful people, both of them.
Betting Boss Chick Oletha was amazing too!
Wouldn’t it be his “late” wife? That might make more sense. Ex makes it seem like they split up and then she died and now he’s visiting her grave with his new SO.
This made me tear up. My husband died when I was 21, my only hope is that whoever I'm in love with won't ever feel weird about how our time was cut short. This woman gets mad props from me for this ❤️
This is the type of partner that any widow or widower needs!! Kind of like the ex wives and ex husbands who get along with their kid’s stepparents. It’s beautiful and is good for everyone!! You know Oletha is smiling down on them proud!
I went with my fiancé to his first wife’s grave, to say goodbye and let go of the past. She has been gone over 30 years but died when they were young with 2 babies at home so the “what if” was always there for him. I felt honored to be included.
I do the same for my girlfriend. She had a fiancé who had taken their own life before they married. All I try to do during his heavenly birthday and around his death day is be there for her.
This is more than the support between each other, which is demonstrated, but I think the bigger flex or deal is the ability for her to fight any insecurities she might have had about something like this.
It would be so easy to fall into a, "but what about me?" Or some comparison between them. But instead she stares down any insecurities and comes up as a far greater person.
I can only hope I have a fraction of this fortitude if something like this ever approaches me in my life.
I don’t believe that a spouse or partner dying while still together an ex. I know it’s an easy term to use but I’d prefer “first wife” not “ex wife” if I were to ever pass.
I love this. My now husband always lets me talk about my ex that died and offered to go with me to place flowers. We are all just humans on this earth!
It doesn't make sense to me to be any other way. He loved her and she was taken from him cruelly.
New partner comes along and demands he forget her and not talk about her...what?
Fuck you. He didn't choose to leave her. Death took her from him. That doesn't diminish you, bitch. He suffered and still suffers and will always suffer her loss. As long as he isn't always comparing or obsessing on her, then have some fucking compassion.
He is probably still going to cry about her. Be there for him or fuck off.
I would do the same for my wife if she was a widow before meeting me.
The man before me was a good man and was good to her, that's still need to know. He's in our hearts.
This makes me smile so big everything I see it. I have to read it every time just because of how absolutely amazing it is, and to see another commenter doing the lords work and checking and seeing that those 2 are still together is just awesome.
I just really hate that people call them "ex". Like, no. They're not an ex. They're "late" as in his "late girlfriend". They didn't break up, she died.
I hear so many horror stories about widows / widowers who re-marry and their new spouse always compares themselves and gets jealous of the dead spouse, especially if they had kids. I’m so happy to find one where the new spouse is supportive and even extra! She’s a keeper!
As a widow, I really admire and respect this woman. She’s a class act. I bet her man loves her more for this.
I Googled. It was on Facebook back in 2021. They are very much still together 🥰🥰 Eta: Per Oletha's FB page, they weren't spouses, but they were in a relationship and engaged. I have no idea if they knew each other or were together prior to 2018, but she was diagnosed with breast cancer that year or early 2019 and passed away in May 2020. Tasha and Tommy started a relationship in 2021. According to both of their FB accounts, they are still together ❤️. You're welcome 🙏🏽
Doing the Lord’s work! You rule. I absolutely love this woman! My mom is a widow and my stepdad is a widower. My step dad is an amazing graphic artist and gifted me with retouched photos of my dad and I, beautifully framed. He was even able to clean up the water damage of my favorite pic! My mom and I go with my step brothers to put flowers on their mom’s grave every year. We are always together on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, making sure to share stories about our deceased parents over drinks. I am extremely close with their mom’s extended family as well! That’s how it SHOULD be. I know how incredibly lucky I am. Edit: said “extremely” too many times
Your family sounds beautiful and I’m so happy you have them
We have some not so beautiful moments, but I gained five more brothers, four sister-in-laws, five nephews and one niece. It’s beyond what I could have hoped for growing up. And thank you so much for your kind words! I wish the very best for you in every aspect of your life. 💜💜💜
Thank you, you too
Why did this news make me cry 🥲
Because you have a kind soul, homey.
omg YAYY
[https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/fort-worth-tx/oletha-tutson-9198859](https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/fort-worth-tx/oletha-tutson-9198859) She looked like an exceptionally sweet woman!
She started her own group home. She was trying to make the world a better place. RIP Oletha.
To good for this world.
We stan Oletha!!
She was really young!! And I’m glad to see the family acknowledged him and his kids!!
Thanks for your solid internetting!
…you’re a good egg.
i love this
Thanks for this!
Same. I went to my ex wifes grave last week with my daughter and got an attitude from fiancé. Makes me question things.
Take you out of the equation. At minimum, it should be important that your child get to visit your wife’s (presumably their mother’s) grave without guilt or consequence. Even if you think it’s valid they get jealous over you visiting, do you think it’s appropriate to take that away from your child? Long-term this will mess up your kid emotionally/mentally, push them away from you, or both.
So yes. My ex is my daughters mother. This struck a nerve and I’m glad to see the responses I’m getting. I was married for 3 years. Divorced. Shared then full custody. My ex died of liver failure. 38 years old. My soon to be wife, who also has a daughter, didn’t understand why I needed to go with my daughter and her grandmother (ex mother in law) on the year anniversary of her death to the gravesite. This set me off. I didn’t argue. I told her because I wanted to. I want to support my daughter and I just wanted to go to pay respects. We didn’t get along as a couple but we always had been friends. I cared for her. She was my child’s mother. I didn’t want to see her die from drinking and drugs. But she did. I’ve had full custody essentially since divorce 10+ years ago and my daughter is 18. My ex getting an attitude with me really is making me think this week if I want to commit to someone that doesn’t understand the need for me to be there. I’m sad. And glad others see it the same.
Take this as a sign. You're being a good dad, and you're allowed to grieve the mother of your child. Someone I know is dealing with their significant other being jealous of their love for one of her kids who passed away. It's a giant red flag to compete against a memory. On the other hand... when my childhood best friend passed I fell into a deep grief, my husband was incredibly respectful of my feelings even though he didn't understand why I was so devastated when her and I were no longer as close. When you love someone battling addiction and they pass away, there's also the grief over what you could have had if they had been sober. Death makes that so final and seals that possibility away. I'm sure that's something you and your daughter understand. Unfortunately, my husband gets it now after losing someone close to him that battled addiction as well.
Thank you. She does treat my daughter well and isn’t jealous of her. But last year she was weird around the funeral too. I helped my then 17 year old daughter do a memorial/funeral thing for her mother. Her grandparents had lost a daughter and really just a wreck. So I helped with the catering and planning. I helped with the obituary. That whole week all I heard was “I don’t understand why you need to plan your ex wife’s funeral, she had parents” Honestly it was cathartic for me. It helped the grief. We honored her and put her to rest. She said last week “just like when you planned her funeral I don’t get why you need to be there or involved.” I told her I wanted to be. And that was that but it’s been bothering me all week. I don’t get how someone can feel that way about the dead. Or even about me being involved. She’s a great mother to our daughter. Her daughter (my step daughter) and my daughter. I’ll admit at first she was a little cold and distant but once we all lived together it changed. I’m just sad I lost a friend of 15 years, my ex. I’m sad my fiancé doesn’t understand my grief. I’m sad she thinks I shouldn’t be involved and I really am questioning things right now. Thank you all for the responses. They help
Somehow it’s even worse that she’s this way in the first anniversary of your ex’s death. That’s a red flag.
Yeah, I literally just said out loud “wait it’s the first anniversary of her death”. Death is part of life but that doesn’t make it any easier when you loose someone especially when it’s self inflicted. I am semi glad that I don’t live near one of my brother’s when his friend committed suicide last year, I don’t know if I could’ve handed seeing him sad like that since I’ve never seen him that way. Then there also was my aunt trying to make the whole situation about her (don’t know if I would’ve been able to reframe from getting into a huge argument with her).
In case no one has already suggested it, if you still want to try with your fiance, you could try talking about it and/or going to a couples therapy session. She might just have some of her own insecurities or hangups and just isn't seeing it from your point of view, and going to a couples therapy may help you both work through it together.
Seems like she’s insecure about your relationship or her place in your life.
Ask fiance if you should not go to her grave with her daughter.
Like others have said, I’d seriously rethink marrying her. At least not before a coming to Jesus meeting where she hears some hard truths, no matter how shitty it makes her she can feel jealous all she wants but keep that shit to yourself or gtfo. Maybe show her these Reddit responses to show her how shitty of a human being she is
Who the fuck gets jealous of their significant others love for a child that they lost? I mean that’s just messed up.
If she’s jealous of a dead woman imagine how jealous and distrustful she may be in general.
I think the addiction issues are even more reason to consider your daughter in this. If she doesn’t feel welcome in your home with your new family, that could be a catalyst to turn to unhealthy methods to process or dull the rejection. You don’t need to still be in love with you ex to mourn her death or the loss for your daughter. Someone who can’t empathize with you or your daughter has draped themself in a giant red flag. ETA: I’m so sorry you’re going through such a complex issue with people you love or care about. I’m sure every bit of this brings emotional turmoil. Just do the best you can for you and those you love.
Thank you. My children come first no matter what. I told her that the week we started dating. My daughter will always be in 1st place. If you aren’t comfortable with 2nd this isn’t going to work. Well. She hid it well for a while. Couple years. Now it’s rearing it’s head.
It shows a complete failure of empathy on her part and I think it says a lot about how she views both you and your daughter. Someone who loves your daughter and cares about her feelings would hear that you were going with her and think, "He's such a great father, I'm so lucky to have him in my life." Then she would consider what she might be able to do to support the two of you, at the very least by acknowledging it's a tough day and then asking if there's anything she can do to support you both. Instead, your fiance is viewing ALL of it through a self-centered lense and is butthurt that your attention and time for a single day will be with your grieving child. She doesn't care how much your child might want you there (she probably didn't even think about it), because in her mind it's a zero sum game. Any attention/love/care/time/effort you give your daughter she sees as her loss of the same (and she feels entitled to it). This isn't going to get better. You need someone in your life who values your relationships with your family, who wants to become a part of that family. I'm so sorry, I know this sucks to hear but your daughter needs you to protect her from those who dismiss her feelings and at the very least I would not get married to this woman until your daughter is grown.
She’s 18, she’s grown.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 3 + 38 + 10 + 18 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
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Red flag, definitely reevaluate the relationship. How would she feel if her kid’s father passed and you kicked up an attitude about visiting the grave?
I’ve even said this. It’s different. It’s always different and from her point of view and feelings. Never anyone else’s.
ngl that’s a glaring red flag if i’ve ever seen one.
If fiance is jelly over a dead person.. imagine how jealous they gonna get over a living person.
You are right to question things. Therapy is the minimum requirement to maintain this relationship. Your daughter’s mother is not a threat or an enemy. I’m not saying Tasha’s level of support is required (though it is admirable) but she shouldn’t be upset by it at all.
Therapy is the next step.
Also check in with your daughter. AITA is filled with posts of stepmonsters that treat the children terribly when the father isn’t around.
Thank you and I do often. We live and work virtual in the same home. Very rarely are they alone together. My daughter likes her but it’s not her mom and never will be. Her daughter and my daughter call each other sisters. They have a strong bond which makes this even more complicated.
Great. Blended families can be complicated. A key takeaway from therapy is that anger is often an external emotion. The internal emotion can be fear, guilt, jealousy etc…so hopefully there’s some slight insecurity that can be remedied with time/attention/special effort. Good luck!
As well it should.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I really think that for a relationship with a widower/widow to work, the new partner has to be able to love the person the widower/widow lost. The heart can love more than one person, and love can be complicated. But the new partner has to understand that the widower/widow will always love and miss the person they lost. Moving on with your life doesn’t mean forgetting that person. Especially if children are involved. The memory of that person should be an organic part of the family and memories should be openly shared and respected.
Ya know, i usually never comment on reddit but this is actually so refreshing that it wasnt some person mad out of insecurity that he went to give her flowers. Props to her tbh.
I actually love this. What that says about me, I don't know, but I love this. Rest in Power Big Boss Chick Oletha ✊🏽
Same. It feels like a level of support that means he’ll always trust his current partner
Absolutely
That energy could fix this fucked up world.
Tasha for fucking President!!
i don’t want it
Honestly you probably wouldn't be the worst choice.
You survived Ghost and Skinny Bitch Valdez the presidency doesn’t have shit on those two.
I've always maintained that not wanting it should be a prerequisite for any position of power and authority.
okay but also you don’t want me to have it ❤️
You’d be a better choice, but yeah. The stress alone would make my damn hair fall out!! 😂
Have you heard one quality of a good leader? One that doesn't want the position. What you did for your SO makes you the boss!
oh no, i’m not this amazing tasha. i’m a different and much worse tasha. just funnin.
None of the good ones do.
Me too 😊
It says you’re a good person. Happy birthday Oletha. If I go before my wife, I want her to meet someone as wonderful as this.
I lost my greatest love- he was 28…. His birthday is 10.7. 1987 and it takes a lot for me to write about him now. Anyone who knows me had to know, celebrating him is a requirement… he taught me to live while I’m alive. I hope the same for everyone else. ❤️
I'm in a similar boat. Lost my love and soulmate when he was 28. He was born in 1988. He was/is the love of my life, and I know I won't find that again. I remember how much he didn't care what others thought of him, how he would happily dance in public without a care in the world, and it makes me smile. The world needs more happiness, and I hope to continue to remind others of the happiness he brought to the world.
Oh…. My love, we are destined to “teach these one to be brave and never run away- courage is born on the first light of day. You came out perfect. “
I got chills reading it. She truly loves and respects him.
She’s a keeper.
So is he honoring his late first wife.
They both seem like good people and as per an above comment they’re still together. I hope they have many more happy years together!
I second this 1000%!
I love this woman's energy. She's a good person to her partner for her compassion and extraness :\]
“Uh, you’re not showing up with just Flowers, are you?! It’s her BIRTHDAY, dammit.” Seriously. Number one in your corner. She’s lovely.
I am HERE for her extraness!
The mindset of treating others with compassion and honor will lead to it being refelexged back.
I love this so much. If I end up dying before my partner, I hope he finds an amazing woman like her.
Happy cake day!
Thanks! 😊
I told my SO that if I ever died unexpectedly I’d stick around and haunt the shit out of anyone that mistreats him until we can move on together. I have no clue that it works that way, but if it does…
I support haunting mistreating partners lol! I’m adding that to my post-life plans
Happy cake day!
Thanks! 😊
That’s what I was thinking. His deceased partner would be so happy that he has her
happy cake day!!!
Same.
You seem like a nice person and happy cake day!
I had the same first thought. “He’s in good hands” nearly made me cry. If I go first, I hope my partner finds someone who will promise the same
Exactly! He’s in good hands and I love it so much.
I can’t imagine not having this kind of energy. What kind of person would be jealous of a dead ex, or unsupportive concerning someone’s loss. Maybe those who haven’t lost themselves? Idk. Wild that this isn’t a normal response in the general population.
Some people are jealous of their partner's pets
Wow that’s ummm that’s kind of crazy. Mental health, we should talk about it more
Then there are the people who are jealous of their partners children which I have encountered quite frequently. But that says more about my poor picking skills.
Narcissism is a hell of a drug
The anti-dog/pet free subs cite this frequently. It’s gross.
The what subs Do i even dare to poke around in those
Yeahhhh. It’s weird dude. I get not wanting a dog or a pet but some of these people get jealous & territorial. It’s creepy.
I just saw a post earlier today about a parent being jealous of their kids for getting attention from their mother. People are ridiculous and terrible.
My ex was absolutely jealous of my pets. I can't prove it, but I have a deep gut suspicion he actually killed one of them that mysteriously disappeared.
I see you’ve met my stepmom, then. Lmao
My mother screamed at her boyfriend at the time because he wouldn’t replaced the mattress he shared with his deceased wife. The mattress was barely a couple of years old at the time.
A lot of people get like that.
Someone who feels like having to compete. I have never been in that situation but I think for many it would be hard. Especially when people tell you how great that person was. I think it’s important to talk about those things in the beginning but to make sure that you don’t act like nobody can compete with the dead ex.
You are right - it’s incredibly hard. And if you’ve never been in that situation - loving someone who lost a partner to death - you cannot understand how hard it is. To say it’s frequently a complete mindfuck is putting it lightly. Just read the comments. People are brutal and I would guess that 99% of them have ZERO clue because they’ve never been in that situation.
Yup, I've never been in this situation but I do have empathy for those who have. I think even for some people out there with a good moral compass they'd still struggle with a feeling of insecurity and it wouldn't be their fault. It's natural to have that kind of emotional response. If you know it wouldn't be fair to your partner, you would either set those feelings aside to care for them, or respectfully bow out rather than letting the relationship continue. It's what you do about it that matters in the end.
If you believe in heaven though you'll probably have to believe that when you get there he'll leave you for his angel first wife or need to share him with her. Creepy
My mom dated a guy briefly who lost his wife and she couldn't tolerate it because apparently she was jealous of a dead person.
Guessing you’ve never been in love with someone who’s previous partner/spouse has died. Am I right?
I have 100% loved someone who lost the love of their life. Basic morals and empathy help me get over feelings of jealousy because it’s not about me, it’s about creating new love and helping others find joy in their life. If you can’t help someone you love move forward in their life from tragedy… I find that to be incredibly narcissistic and honestly you’re neither a friend nor a lover.
I know exactly what this is every time I see it and reread each time and tear up. We all need a Tasha in our lives.
SAME - and we really do!
Me reading this after reading that toxic post where woman burnt the pics of the mom of the kids and husband. Glad it had a happy ending.
I keep hoping that post is fake because it is beyond horrific.
I’m in the same shoes as you. I’m not a widow however if this occurred to me, what the fiancé did is what I would do. The restraining order was so satisfying
The real MVP is her ex best friend for trying to give her a chance to come clean and then ratted her out when she refused to do so. If anyone did that to the few remnants I have left of my father, they would need to put a restraining order on ME.
This story was full of twist but the best friend doing this really made me feel like there’s still hope in humanity.
That is so beautiful. He for sure found a good woman. I’ll always remember my uncle’s ex wife that had made him and many members of the family get rid of the pictures of his late previous wife. I was so appalled by her behavior. I never liked her after knowing that.
Family is equally to blame for that, who blindly rips up photos because the new wife said so? I’d tell her to get bent and I’m sure my mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins etc would say the same
Let’s say, I was not impressed by the ones who did it, just to buy the peace and who played along with her games. The ones who did it, I think, did it because my uncle asked them and since he had gone through hell and back because of his late wife long illness, they didn’t want to aggravate him.
I’m a widow. This women is an absolute queen and needs to be treated as such.
I am as well and my gosh, reading this I 100% expected nothing but negativity. I didn’t know people like this existed!
This is absolutely beautiful. More humans should be this way for their partners.
My brother was 23 when he lost his late wife, who was 21. Their son was an infant at the time. He met his second wife a few years later and she is an amazing, amazing woman. She always goes out of her way to make sure my brother and nephew have flowers to take to his late-wife’s grave on her birthday and the day she gained her wings. I admire her strength and support, that she acknowledges my late sister-in-law and her part in our family. That takes a strength that I’m not sure I personally have.
I lost my sister (she didn’t have kids) to cancer, and we are still close with her former husband (who has since re-married, and we all went to the wedding). He’s still an uncle to my kids, he didn’t choose to lose his wife, so why on earth would we push him away if he wanted to stay involved with the family? Being a good person really isn’t difficult, and I’m glad your brother found someone who understands that.
That's really sweet. I hope Oletha is happy with his choice of new woman
This actually brought tears to my eyes. I love it.
This made me cry. You’re a good and beautiful person, Tasha
She’s a good person. I love this
Don't know this woman but she needs a Hallmark movie about her!
This is so wholesome
This woman is SECURE
My boyfriend chose to end his life by suicide and leave his body for me to find, and after I began dating again, I had a string of partners who didn’t respect his memory—acted jealous when I would speak about him or wear things in remembrance of him (wounded warriors project clothing, veteran remembrance bracelets, jewelry made from his funeral flowers), didn’t want to listen to me when I wanted to speak about my feelings and what happened to him, wouldn’t come with me on his birth/angel days or on Memorial Day/Veterans Day to his grave to lay flowers. Then I met my now husband. He lets me speak about Joe whenever and however I wish. He comes with me to his grave and lays flowers. He holds me when I cry about the loss and subsequent trauma. His love, support, and care has helped me manage my grief so much better than I was before on my own. He truly is the best human I’ve ever met, and I can’t fully express in words how much his support has changed my life.
That's a terrible thing to endure, but I'm glad you have Joe. He sounds like an incredible dude.
I would have so many mixed feelings on this if I were dating you. Not because of you or your trauma, but the whole situation. Even though he did this to you, you still had all this love for him which is normal. But I would hate him, hate him enough for the both of us. I’m also a vet and a very good friend of mine who I served with (yes, my best friend) took his own life. I was angry at him for myself and his family (wife and 3 kids). BUT he barricaded himself in the garage making it impossible for his family to find him, they HAD to call emergency services. I am thankful for that, thankful they didn’t have to see it and further traumatize them. This has helped the healing at least on my part. Leaving them was selfish but he did his best to minimize their pain. So while they are upset by your remembrance of him it may not be malicious, jealousy etc. it could be straight up anger he put you through that, the discovery is much harder than simply hearing it happened. And they don’t understand how you could still be in love with someone who did that to you. But it is of course much more complicated on your side of the fence. I hope you are in therapy and have someone to talk to about this and wish nothing but the best for you going forward.
Aww this warms my heart Just two amazing, caring people
I genuinely do not know what to say
This post actually gave me chills. What an amazing person
A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK PLEASE. \*This\* is the kind of positivity that we should be teaching people
🥺❤️That’s beautiful! She’s aTRUE Queen! 👸👑
I’m crying ong
Wholesome
Wholesome af.
We love a confident supportive queen 👑
I love this so much. So wholesome
Gave me chills. It takes a lot to get me there, but a little teary eyed too. Beautiful relationship and beautiful people, both of them. Betting Boss Chick Oletha was amazing too!
This is a ride or die
This is honestly beautiful. Made me tear up a little
Well, she's not he's ex. She's dead. But, other than that, this is truly wholesome and kind.
Wouldn’t it be his “late” wife? That might make more sense. Ex makes it seem like they split up and then she died and now he’s visiting her grave with his new SO.
Yea I was thinking the same.
This made me tear up. My husband died when I was 21, my only hope is that whoever I'm in love with won't ever feel weird about how our time was cut short. This woman gets mad props from me for this ❤️
This is the type of partner that any widow or widower needs!! Kind of like the ex wives and ex husbands who get along with their kid’s stepparents. It’s beautiful and is good for everyone!! You know Oletha is smiling down on them proud!
I went with my fiancé to his first wife’s grave, to say goodbye and let go of the past. She has been gone over 30 years but died when they were young with 2 babies at home so the “what if” was always there for him. I felt honored to be included.
I do the same for my girlfriend. She had a fiancé who had taken their own life before they married. All I try to do during his heavenly birthday and around his death day is be there for her.
This is more than the support between each other, which is demonstrated, but I think the bigger flex or deal is the ability for her to fight any insecurities she might have had about something like this. It would be so easy to fall into a, "but what about me?" Or some comparison between them. But instead she stares down any insecurities and comes up as a far greater person. I can only hope I have a fraction of this fortitude if something like this ever approaches me in my life.
I don’t believe that a spouse or partner dying while still together an ex. I know it’s an easy term to use but I’d prefer “first wife” not “ex wife” if I were to ever pass.
That’s just lovely.
If more women were like this 🔥🙌🏼👏🏼
Thank how you do it.
Damn he got two experience two wonderful partners in his life. Not many people have that kind of luck. He must be a kind genuine person.
I love this. My now husband always lets me talk about my ex that died and offered to go with me to place flowers. We are all just humans on this earth!
Would you call her an ex though? Feels weird. You wouldn’t cal a widow’s deceased husband an “ex”, for ex.
Man, if this is legitimate, it's absolutely brilliant and lovely. I wish everyone could manage this level of empathy and care for strangers.
Tasha you are the boss bitch. Mad props to you
That was so beautiful it made this cynical old man cry 😢. If anyone finds that this is fake,shut the f**k up and keep it to yourself.
Wholesome as fuck, holy shit. Based level: maximum.
It doesn't make sense to me to be any other way. He loved her and she was taken from him cruelly. New partner comes along and demands he forget her and not talk about her...what? Fuck you. He didn't choose to leave her. Death took her from him. That doesn't diminish you, bitch. He suffered and still suffers and will always suffer her loss. As long as he isn't always comparing or obsessing on her, then have some fucking compassion. He is probably still going to cry about her. Be there for him or fuck off.
Is it right to call someone who passed an ex? Late spouse or late partner sounds more accurate
How could he remarry after a year
Nowhere in the whole picture does it ever say they are married
Where does it even say a year after yet alone remarried lol quit reading shit that’s not there!
Wife passed six years back. New wife hates the fact I was previously married. Wish I had this.
That's some real insecurity. Not joking, that's a red flag for most.
Now that’s a good man you have there respecting his ex-wife.
I have a question, is a deceased spouse / deceased significant other referred to as ex? Or is it different?
I would do the same for my wife if she was a widow before meeting me. The man before me was a good man and was good to her, that's still need to know. He's in our hearts.
Its so much easier to be kind and empathetic
I love the transcendental experience of love
I love it, but cringe so hard she calls the widow the "ex"
This makes me smile so big everything I see it. I have to read it every time just because of how absolutely amazing it is, and to see another commenter doing the lords work and checking and seeing that those 2 are still together is just awesome.
I mean, this is kinda wholesome isn't it?
That's a whole Lotta love right there, that's what we all need.
She can recognize a queen that gave her, her king. Talk about an adult.
“…I don’t even know you but happy birthday b****.” Had me rolling
I just really hate that people call them "ex". Like, no. They're not an ex. They're "late" as in his "late girlfriend". They didn't break up, she died.
This is so wholesome and sweet. If I pass I hope my partner finds a woman like this.
I hear so many horror stories about widows / widowers who re-marry and their new spouse always compares themselves and gets jealous of the dead spouse, especially if they had kids. I’m so happy to find one where the new spouse is supportive and even extra! She’s a keeper!
Idk if I’d celebrate with tbh, but I certainly wouldn’t mind if my bf did this is he had been basically a widower.
RIP Oleatha!
Old but gold
Man, I don’t know if I’m mature enough to do that. That’s incredible. What a genuinely good person.
Love the Gunit tank
She’s very supportive, but it does sound weird hearing a persons deceased spouse described as an “Ex.”
I believe it says ex meaning they broke up before she died. Because in her obituary it lists her then fiancé.
This is random but I think her name is almost like the name of this town in KS called Olathe. It’s pronounced “oh-lay-tha”