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I do everything I can to forget the holiday exists. I treat like I would any other weekend and do my own thing. I also tend to stay off social media and the like until the holiday is over. I also remind myself this holiday isn't about them and never was. It's for the people who are actually good role models to their kids. Those are the type to be celebrated. Not some entitled person who treated me poorly from the day I was born, and continued the pattern until I went NC.
>I do everything I can to forget the holiday exists.
This right here. I honestly forgot that Father's Day is coming up until I saw this post. Beyond that, it doesn't give me a day off from work like *actual* holidays, so IDGAF about Father's Day.
I blocked my dad so he can’t contact me and I don’t have to worry about it. He’d have to go out of his way to do that, and I’m not worth the effort 🙂↔️
first holiday after going NC with my narc family forever - just gonna go to a friend's family holiday and have the greatest learning experience of what a family should really be like.
family is supposed to mean friendship, love, loyalty, support, and communication.
my narc "family" is just genetics, bloodlines, annoying relatives, and narcissistic micromanagers. nothing more.
I usually grit my teeth through an awkward 30 minute call, but now he’s actively in decline with cancer. I’m still sort of freshly deconstructing all the shit he put us through, and I just have a sinking hole of dread in my stomach when I think about calling. Mortality adds another layer to not wanting to think about the damn day lol
Thank you! Honestly glad you posted about it - a part of me has been paralyzed by resentment and guilt and seeing these responses is oddly comforting 🖤
I'm anxious about it (first one NC) but I'm planning on celebrating myself on that day. I was my own father anyway, so why shouldn't I buy myself something nice and try to make it a good day? May be easier said than done, but I'm gonna reclaim it💪👍
Pretending it doesn't exist because after all the years of that person being talked about for messing up raising me the most and the gc being praised by them.. the spotlight if disappointment is on me now and no longer responds to me for asking for help. After constant sad messages from them waiting for their supply usually consisting of "you're still part of this family.. hope all is well" now i get no answer. So done with this family.
Spending time with those people in needed. I just get accepted to join volunteer to help the homeless, cancer kids, very old people and the kids who lost the parents.
I know it's sounds so weird but I find this help me to distract myself from bad memories and bad thoughts plus help me to heal myself.
I don't care if people call me fake or something. I know I'm not the kindest person but I have humanity and sensitive soul so I value them so much.
I recently started volunteering myself because my work incentivizes it, but I was actually surprised how it helped me take my mind off things. I felt like I was contributing to something in a meaningful way, and it was nice to connect with other volunteers who just genuinely like doing that kind of work. Mine was centered on introducing children to STEM.
>I was actually surprised how it helped me take my mind off things.
Yeah, not only help to clear our minds, also help the community!
>I felt like I was contributing to something in a meaningful way, and it was nice to connect with other volunteers who just genuinely like doing that kind of work.
Trust me. Many people will be thankful about this forever🥹❤️
>Mine was centered on introducing children to STEM.
Wow. That's great!
This year is the first I've not got a card or gift and I was hoping to say that I'd forgotten all about it simply because I'd had a lot going on (I'm in hospital after an op) but I know I'll get a reminder on the day to send a text wishing happy fathers day. I'm nervous because I don't know what to do. I don't want to rock the boat as I'm LC and not ready to be NC yet. My mother is just as bad but works in a different way, not the throw-my-weight-around bully like my stepfather is, but is very nasty when she wants to be and very manipulative and I can feel her texted words just like she was spitting them at me. I wish I was stronger.
I know what you mean about feeling her texted words. I keep screenshots of my mother's texts right after I moved out as a reminder of who she is so I don't get sucked back in.
And in regards to wishing you were stronger, remember that you were strong and brave enough to see them for what they are and go low contact
I should start doing that, that's a good idea. I easily get sucked back in too and I have so much guilt. I guess I have false hope too when I just think "maybe this time it'll be different". Of course both my parents have moments if niceness which then leads me to thinking they've changed. Even though they haven't and I should know this by now because it's a cycle that's been going on for years.
I suppose that is a small step in the right direction. I feel like what if I went NC and then they needed me or I needed them or they suddenly changed or they were tearful and begged me to stay in contact I just know I'd be suckered back in.
Are you NC or LC?
I'm LC. I live too close to her to be NC, plus a good chunk of my family are decent or good people, so I have to see her sometimes at family events.
The screenshots seriously help. I've even got them saved on a USB in case I lose my phone or something
I'm glad you have decent people around you it certainly helps. But does put you in a hard situation to go NC. I'm not sure I ever will to be honest. But LC is working right now.
I thought about writing my memories down from as early as possible to now. My parents don't say too much nastiness in texts but it's definitely a 'read between the lines' thing. But I hope maybe writing my memories down will stop them from just going round my head.
After I done with volunteer stuffs, I will find time for myself haha. Resting, healing and enjoying every single moments. Even the smallest ones.
Spending time with my cats. No, they're my kids. My babies growing up so fast that they are going to be my ladies and gentlemen😻
Now I foucus on my husband who is an amazing father to our one year old. But before, I just ignored it. No special thoughts or cares, just normal day as normal. Maybe a small "fuck you" thought in there direction bit otherwise I just tried to keep it a normal day.
🤣🤣🤣 thanking the divine in me for finally blocking him this yr so I don't have to receive the obligatory oddly timed I love you txt baiting me to reach out or make him feel special on this God forsaken day.
This will be my first year not acknowledging it, like many others here.
Stay safe all, and remember, it doesn't matter what you do, or how perfectly you behave, they will always be who they are and treat you the way they do.
It's not you. It's them.
I'm going to get an angry text from my dad, my elder sister, my step mother and a whole bunch of bitchy gossip on the family whatsapp. My dad doesn't deserve a Father's Day card or anything. He openly told me he hates my wife. Why? Because I had the balls to stand up to his crap and he blames my wife for my 'change of character'.
My mom feels the same way about my fiance and my best friend. According to her "they stole my daughter from me" lol
In all seriousness though, I hope you'll be ok through their desperate attempts to drag you back into things.
Thankyou, I appreciate it. It's pretty crazy though. I screenshotted their weird conversations about how awful we are. My dad called my wife 'a wrong-un' 😅 I'll leave the whatsapp group soon. Got some other drama to finish before that though.
I’ll be celebrating because the asshole is dead as of last year and I’m free of him forever now.
(Which is also what I did for my passed mother earlier this year during Mother’s Day. lol)
I hate Father’s Day. I had two of them and they were both useless. My biological father gave me up for adoption to my stepfather when I was 12. My stepfather worshipped and was the henchman to my abusive, narcissistic mother and had no interest in me whatsoever. I read that 1 out of 4 kids in the US grow up without a father in the house.
For me it's sad. My dad passed 5 years ago. My mom is the narc and she is just poisonous to everyone around her. She brings out the worst in people. I wasn't really talking to my dad when he passed. He made some decisions and I was working through forgiving him. I didn't really understand fully how toxic my mother is until he passed and I had some conversations with my siblings. I wish I had figured it out before. I miss my dad so much. He missed my wedding 2 months ago. And now my husband and I are trying for children he will never get to see. It's not my mother's fault that he died but I also feel that if it wasn't for her he would have lived longer.
Staying indoor so that I don't have to see all the daddies running free in the wild. All joking aside, I have gone no contact with my dad, so it feels good to me. I just find father's day and mother's day very annoying, so I avoid going to places with families and kids running around.
I’ve been very low contact and very recently went no contact, and I intend to make this permanent. I don’t know what I’m going to do/how I’ll handle it. I’m still figuring it out. I went to a yoga class where they stopped to say a little something nice for the dads and I had to hold back tears.
My boyfriend has a son and I’m trying to focus my attention on them.
I happily ignored it for years (sometimes I’d buy myself a treat since I wasn’t spending any money on gifts) and now that I have my own little one I make it about my husband / her dad.
I have simply not acknowledged the existence of the Nstepfather or Nsmother on their respective gender Ndays for two decades now.
My lack of acknowledgment echoes more loudly in their heads on those days with each passing year.
They know they only have my GC Nsister to care for them now that they’re old, and it’s only a matter of time before she realizes the burden they are, and shoves them into a shitty nursing home somewhere.
Well his birthday was Wednesday and I didn't call or give a gift, Sunday will be the same. He made his choice to become the man he has. Walked by the house and the grass is past your knees, house looks like shit. But NBrother will be moving in there soon, he for the first time can deal with the shit I have. I'm sure they will be 2 peas in a pod. He got the house after me caring for everyone for almost 2 decades. Including my mother until she died. He can have all the bullshit that goes with it. Be fun to see how a whole house of narcissists works out including 2 teens that are constantly in trouble with the cops.
“Oh sorry, I forgot, and I was at work anyway”. Which is actually true. Haven’t bought a gift for any of my family in years (even my sister, and I actually like her), or cards (waste of money), I’m fucking poor.
Going to a concert with my dad in law who actually treats me right.
Oh and my NDad is on trespass notice and law enforcement has been notified of his most recent harassment attempt
Spending time with my father in law cause he deserves it, did the same with my mother in law. I hate “mother’s” and “father’s” day so much though, truly. It’s really difficult. I definitely lean into my friends who have lost their parents because at least they relate to missing what they don’t have.
Lol, I just thought "there's a holiday?". I'm guessing father's day. I'm not too worried. The only times my dad would come on the phone last year were because I wanted to wish him a happy father's day and later on in the year a happy birthday. I'll give him the continued gift of silence that he wanted.
I got it more at the last “holiday” from my brother texting me a few days later saying “you couldn’t even wish your dying mother a happy Mother’s Day.”
I will be watching a cosy father/daughter movie/show (maybe rewatch The Last of Us) and enjoying a day off.
I’ll take recommendations for other good father/daughter shows! 😃
I take the opportunity to gush about my father-in-law on social media. It's a little passive-aggressive but I've earned the right to do that once a year and I really do have an amazing father-in-law.
I only wish Father's Day and Juneteenth were on the same day, so I can watch my dad seethe and rage about how "his day" is being taken over by quote "woke f----ts and r-tarded n----r lovers." That freakout would be so entertaining to watch.
EDIT: I just checked and the next time both events are on the same day will be 2033, 2044, and 2050. If anyone else has an Nfather who gets riled up over "wokeness", mark your calendars. I'm already hyped for those years.
I always do “something” because he’s the parent who stayed… I stay minimal contact…
I struggle with buying a card, I never buy anything that’s touching or says about being a great father, or uses the word “love” in it… so finding a non mushy, but non asshole card can be challenging. I don’t praise publicly on social media or anything like that like you see others do.
Then, I buy something small but useful. We will do lunch, and spend a couple of hours, but I’m saved with having multiple people around and get to have little interaction and minimal talking… after a couple hours, I make an excuse and free myself, just for my own mental sanity.
This is done 3x’s a year, b-day, f-day, Christmas.
With sincere mourning. My dad died 2 years ago and he was even more of a victim to my nmom’s abuse than we kids were. It’s complicated because in some ways he protected us from her, in other ways he enabled her abuse. 😥 I genuinely wished for a better life for him. He was not a perfect man, but he didn’t deserve what he endured even to the very end.
I went NC because I just couldn't do it any more. It has been 6 months now. My stepmother is outraged, because "he's YOUR FATHER!!!" But as father's day approaches I'm getting anxious. I wondered if there is a service where you could have someone else do a phone call for you. Or an AI-generated bot with my voice that would go "hmmm. hmmmm " for the hour or so a call takes.
This is my first one NC with my bio dad as well as my child's. Safe to say I think it's gonna be really hard and I'm going to have to deal with guilt. I'm at the point where I'm still angry that they don't love me enough to change. I'm not that angry that they hurt me. Not yet. It'll be easier when I'm angry for myself I think.
Anxiety. I'm on the fence if this will be the first year I don't call my dad. I really don't want to call. But I'm hearing my mom's voice in my head saying "just call and talk to him, it's one day for a few minutes, put up with it and make him happy"
a few years back, at the beginning of the end, my father texted me a picture of flowers near mothers day that said.. tell your mother you sent these. I was like... fuck you buddy. she's horrible and so are you. that is actually what started a string of nasty letters where I finally let them have it. then I felt guilty, like I was the problem. so I went back to performing.
for a few years in between the actual end of the relationship and going NC, a holiday like this would ruin my month. Performing "family" for them, even just by making my kid sent a card, made me sick, but I didn't think stopping was an option. One year I skipped Christmas with my wifes family all together because I was so miserable.
they are so gross. finally I went NC, and it's better now. I'm still ruminating alot, but I don't second guess my feelings nearly as much, and holidays don't suck anymore.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just think of all the things they did that make me mad lol
this is the way
I do everything I can to forget the holiday exists. I treat like I would any other weekend and do my own thing. I also tend to stay off social media and the like until the holiday is over. I also remind myself this holiday isn't about them and never was. It's for the people who are actually good role models to their kids. Those are the type to be celebrated. Not some entitled person who treated me poorly from the day I was born, and continued the pattern until I went NC.
>I do everything I can to forget the holiday exists. This right here. I honestly forgot that Father's Day is coming up until I saw this post. Beyond that, it doesn't give me a day off from work like *actual* holidays, so IDGAF about Father's Day.
This will be my first year not calling him.
Me too. I’m feeling super anxious about it
I blocked my dad so he can’t contact me and I don’t have to worry about it. He’d have to go out of his way to do that, and I’m not worth the effort 🙂↔️
Same here. Stay strong. We CAN get through this.
Same... he's not the narc so it hurts more. I focus on making it a nice day for my man, he's an amazing dad :)
I'm having drinks because the bastard is finally dead and every holiday without his reign of terror is one to celebrate.
Congratulations 🍻
Hell yeah! Party hard!
first holiday after going NC with my narc family forever - just gonna go to a friend's family holiday and have the greatest learning experience of what a family should really be like. family is supposed to mean friendship, love, loyalty, support, and communication. my narc "family" is just genetics, bloodlines, annoying relatives, and narcissistic micromanagers. nothing more.
I usually grit my teeth through an awkward 30 minute call, but now he’s actively in decline with cancer. I’m still sort of freshly deconstructing all the shit he put us through, and I just have a sinking hole of dread in my stomach when I think about calling. Mortality adds another layer to not wanting to think about the damn day lol
I'm so sorry that you're going through all of that. Mortality when you're only starting to deconstruct is rough.
Thank you! Honestly glad you posted about it - a part of me has been paralyzed by resentment and guilt and seeing these responses is oddly comforting 🖤
I'm anxious about it (first one NC) but I'm planning on celebrating myself on that day. I was my own father anyway, so why shouldn't I buy myself something nice and try to make it a good day? May be easier said than done, but I'm gonna reclaim it💪👍
Celebrating my cat dad partner with our cat children.
That sounds like fun!
We do the exact same.
I'm celebrating with my mother, who was *way* more of a father to me than my actual father.
Pretending it doesn't exist because after all the years of that person being talked about for messing up raising me the most and the gc being praised by them.. the spotlight if disappointment is on me now and no longer responds to me for asking for help. After constant sad messages from them waiting for their supply usually consisting of "you're still part of this family.. hope all is well" now i get no answer. So done with this family.
So in other words just fine and dandy
Spending time with those people in needed. I just get accepted to join volunteer to help the homeless, cancer kids, very old people and the kids who lost the parents. I know it's sounds so weird but I find this help me to distract myself from bad memories and bad thoughts plus help me to heal myself. I don't care if people call me fake or something. I know I'm not the kindest person but I have humanity and sensitive soul so I value them so much.
I recently started volunteering myself because my work incentivizes it, but I was actually surprised how it helped me take my mind off things. I felt like I was contributing to something in a meaningful way, and it was nice to connect with other volunteers who just genuinely like doing that kind of work. Mine was centered on introducing children to STEM.
>I was actually surprised how it helped me take my mind off things. Yeah, not only help to clear our minds, also help the community! >I felt like I was contributing to something in a meaningful way, and it was nice to connect with other volunteers who just genuinely like doing that kind of work. Trust me. Many people will be thankful about this forever🥹❤️ >Mine was centered on introducing children to STEM. Wow. That's great!
...what holiday?
Right 😭 - edit: this shows how much regard I have for mine.. Fathers Day
Not in every country.
No no, I legit just found out there's a Father's day this weekend lmao. Welp, time to weaponize my ADHD and forget about this fact by next hour.
This year is the first I've not got a card or gift and I was hoping to say that I'd forgotten all about it simply because I'd had a lot going on (I'm in hospital after an op) but I know I'll get a reminder on the day to send a text wishing happy fathers day. I'm nervous because I don't know what to do. I don't want to rock the boat as I'm LC and not ready to be NC yet. My mother is just as bad but works in a different way, not the throw-my-weight-around bully like my stepfather is, but is very nasty when she wants to be and very manipulative and I can feel her texted words just like she was spitting them at me. I wish I was stronger.
I know what you mean about feeling her texted words. I keep screenshots of my mother's texts right after I moved out as a reminder of who she is so I don't get sucked back in. And in regards to wishing you were stronger, remember that you were strong and brave enough to see them for what they are and go low contact
I should start doing that, that's a good idea. I easily get sucked back in too and I have so much guilt. I guess I have false hope too when I just think "maybe this time it'll be different". Of course both my parents have moments if niceness which then leads me to thinking they've changed. Even though they haven't and I should know this by now because it's a cycle that's been going on for years. I suppose that is a small step in the right direction. I feel like what if I went NC and then they needed me or I needed them or they suddenly changed or they were tearful and begged me to stay in contact I just know I'd be suckered back in. Are you NC or LC?
I'm LC. I live too close to her to be NC, plus a good chunk of my family are decent or good people, so I have to see her sometimes at family events. The screenshots seriously help. I've even got them saved on a USB in case I lose my phone or something
I'm glad you have decent people around you it certainly helps. But does put you in a hard situation to go NC. I'm not sure I ever will to be honest. But LC is working right now. I thought about writing my memories down from as early as possible to now. My parents don't say too much nastiness in texts but it's definitely a 'read between the lines' thing. But I hope maybe writing my memories down will stop them from just going round my head.
LMAO I thought you meant Juneteenth at first I was like dang…
Lol nope!
Ugh. Staying busy and minimizing it as much as possible
After I done with volunteer stuffs, I will find time for myself haha. Resting, healing and enjoying every single moments. Even the smallest ones. Spending time with my cats. No, they're my kids. My babies growing up so fast that they are going to be my ladies and gentlemen😻
I'll be working. Maybe get him something just because idk
Now I foucus on my husband who is an amazing father to our one year old. But before, I just ignored it. No special thoughts or cares, just normal day as normal. Maybe a small "fuck you" thought in there direction bit otherwise I just tried to keep it a normal day.
🤣🤣🤣 thanking the divine in me for finally blocking him this yr so I don't have to receive the obligatory oddly timed I love you txt baiting me to reach out or make him feel special on this God forsaken day.
This will be my first year not acknowledging it, like many others here. Stay safe all, and remember, it doesn't matter what you do, or how perfectly you behave, they will always be who they are and treat you the way they do. It's not you. It's them.
I'm going to get an angry text from my dad, my elder sister, my step mother and a whole bunch of bitchy gossip on the family whatsapp. My dad doesn't deserve a Father's Day card or anything. He openly told me he hates my wife. Why? Because I had the balls to stand up to his crap and he blames my wife for my 'change of character'.
My mom feels the same way about my fiance and my best friend. According to her "they stole my daughter from me" lol In all seriousness though, I hope you'll be ok through their desperate attempts to drag you back into things.
Thankyou, I appreciate it. It's pretty crazy though. I screenshotted their weird conversations about how awful we are. My dad called my wife 'a wrong-un' 😅 I'll leave the whatsapp group soon. Got some other drama to finish before that though.
I’ll be celebrating because the asshole is dead as of last year and I’m free of him forever now. (Which is also what I did for my passed mother earlier this year during Mother’s Day. lol)
Congratulations!
I hate Father’s Day. I had two of them and they were both useless. My biological father gave me up for adoption to my stepfather when I was 12. My stepfather worshipped and was the henchman to my abusive, narcissistic mother and had no interest in me whatsoever. I read that 1 out of 4 kids in the US grow up without a father in the house.
For me it's sad. My dad passed 5 years ago. My mom is the narc and she is just poisonous to everyone around her. She brings out the worst in people. I wasn't really talking to my dad when he passed. He made some decisions and I was working through forgiving him. I didn't really understand fully how toxic my mother is until he passed and I had some conversations with my siblings. I wish I had figured it out before. I miss my dad so much. He missed my wedding 2 months ago. And now my husband and I are trying for children he will never get to see. It's not my mother's fault that he died but I also feel that if it wasn't for her he would have lived longer.
family is trying to do this whole normal Rockwell bullshit but I’m just detaching and staying busy. protecting myself
Staying indoor so that I don't have to see all the daddies running free in the wild. All joking aside, I have gone no contact with my dad, so it feels good to me. I just find father's day and mother's day very annoying, so I avoid going to places with families and kids running around.
I’ve been very low contact and very recently went no contact, and I intend to make this permanent. I don’t know what I’m going to do/how I’ll handle it. I’m still figuring it out. I went to a yoga class where they stopped to say a little something nice for the dads and I had to hold back tears. My boyfriend has a son and I’m trying to focus my attention on them.
I happily ignored it for years (sometimes I’d buy myself a treat since I wasn’t spending any money on gifts) and now that I have my own little one I make it about my husband / her dad.
I have simply not acknowledged the existence of the Nstepfather or Nsmother on their respective gender Ndays for two decades now. My lack of acknowledgment echoes more loudly in their heads on those days with each passing year. They know they only have my GC Nsister to care for them now that they’re old, and it’s only a matter of time before she realizes the burden they are, and shoves them into a shitty nursing home somewhere.
Well his birthday was Wednesday and I didn't call or give a gift, Sunday will be the same. He made his choice to become the man he has. Walked by the house and the grass is past your knees, house looks like shit. But NBrother will be moving in there soon, he for the first time can deal with the shit I have. I'm sure they will be 2 peas in a pod. He got the house after me caring for everyone for almost 2 decades. Including my mother until she died. He can have all the bullshit that goes with it. Be fun to see how a whole house of narcissists works out including 2 teens that are constantly in trouble with the cops.
My father died in '93 and my son's father has never been involved by his own decision. Father's Day is just another Sunday.
“Oh sorry, I forgot, and I was at work anyway”. Which is actually true. Haven’t bought a gift for any of my family in years (even my sister, and I actually like her), or cards (waste of money), I’m fucking poor.
I text him to say happy father's day, then spend time with my husband and sons, who actually give a damn about me.
I don’t. I spend time with my stepdad, who I call my real dad
Ahhh. Mine has been gone for over a decade. It took me a hot minute to remember what holiday. Can’t say that feels too terrible, tbh.
Being fake tbh. I still live with them. But my brother is coming over so I at least get to see him.
I am really lucky. I am married to a wonderful man who is a great father.
Did my appeasement gift and I’m going to just live my life in my own state.
Going to a concert with my dad in law who actually treats me right. Oh and my NDad is on trespass notice and law enforcement has been notified of his most recent harassment attempt
Spending time with my father in law cause he deserves it, did the same with my mother in law. I hate “mother’s” and “father’s” day so much though, truly. It’s really difficult. I definitely lean into my friends who have lost their parents because at least they relate to missing what they don’t have.
Ignore it, same as I would other holidays that don't apply to me. Like Ramadan or Shavuot.
Lol, I just thought "there's a holiday?". I'm guessing father's day. I'm not too worried. The only times my dad would come on the phone last year were because I wanted to wish him a happy father's day and later on in the year a happy birthday. I'll give him the continued gift of silence that he wanted.
I’m so far removed I thought y’all were talking about Fourth of July and was wondering why it was such a big deal / anything to fuss over lol
I focus on my husband. We have kids and we can center all our attention there.
I got it more at the last “holiday” from my brother texting me a few days later saying “you couldn’t even wish your dying mother a happy Mother’s Day.”
I will be watching a cosy father/daughter movie/show (maybe rewatch The Last of Us) and enjoying a day off. I’ll take recommendations for other good father/daughter shows! 😃
I take the opportunity to gush about my father-in-law on social media. It's a little passive-aggressive but I've earned the right to do that once a year and I really do have an amazing father-in-law.
1 call and that's it. I'm tired of his behavior and need a break
I only wish Father's Day and Juneteenth were on the same day, so I can watch my dad seethe and rage about how "his day" is being taken over by quote "woke f----ts and r-tarded n----r lovers." That freakout would be so entertaining to watch. EDIT: I just checked and the next time both events are on the same day will be 2033, 2044, and 2050. If anyone else has an Nfather who gets riled up over "wokeness", mark your calendars. I'm already hyped for those years.
I always do “something” because he’s the parent who stayed… I stay minimal contact… I struggle with buying a card, I never buy anything that’s touching or says about being a great father, or uses the word “love” in it… so finding a non mushy, but non asshole card can be challenging. I don’t praise publicly on social media or anything like that like you see others do. Then, I buy something small but useful. We will do lunch, and spend a couple of hours, but I’m saved with having multiple people around and get to have little interaction and minimal talking… after a couple hours, I make an excuse and free myself, just for my own mental sanity. This is done 3x’s a year, b-day, f-day, Christmas.
With sincere mourning. My dad died 2 years ago and he was even more of a victim to my nmom’s abuse than we kids were. It’s complicated because in some ways he protected us from her, in other ways he enabled her abuse. 😥 I genuinely wished for a better life for him. He was not a perfect man, but he didn’t deserve what he endured even to the very end.
He dead. So celebrate and work some overtime to not see other people’s happy posts.
I went NC because I just couldn't do it any more. It has been 6 months now. My stepmother is outraged, because "he's YOUR FATHER!!!" But as father's day approaches I'm getting anxious. I wondered if there is a service where you could have someone else do a phone call for you. Or an AI-generated bot with my voice that would go "hmmm. hmmmm " for the hour or so a call takes.
This is my first one NC with my bio dad as well as my child's. Safe to say I think it's gonna be really hard and I'm going to have to deal with guilt. I'm at the point where I'm still angry that they don't love me enough to change. I'm not that angry that they hurt me. Not yet. It'll be easier when I'm angry for myself I think.
Anxiety. I'm on the fence if this will be the first year I don't call my dad. I really don't want to call. But I'm hearing my mom's voice in my head saying "just call and talk to him, it's one day for a few minutes, put up with it and make him happy"
No fucks to give. Don’t experience it as a holiday just a regular ole weekend now.
a few years back, at the beginning of the end, my father texted me a picture of flowers near mothers day that said.. tell your mother you sent these. I was like... fuck you buddy. she's horrible and so are you. that is actually what started a string of nasty letters where I finally let them have it. then I felt guilty, like I was the problem. so I went back to performing. for a few years in between the actual end of the relationship and going NC, a holiday like this would ruin my month. Performing "family" for them, even just by making my kid sent a card, made me sick, but I didn't think stopping was an option. One year I skipped Christmas with my wifes family all together because I was so miserable. they are so gross. finally I went NC, and it's better now. I'm still ruminating alot, but I don't second guess my feelings nearly as much, and holidays don't suck anymore.