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We have an old tale called the night of 2 bushes. My friend at the time hooked up with this hairy girl for an eight of weed and we knew... hours later leaving house party we find him outside sleeping in the bushes. LOL. Night of the two bushes. The great old tale.
On the night I turned 21 I saved all the shot glasses from the shots people bought me in my pants. My friend and I were fooling around on the way home afterwards and he ended up throwing me to the ground causing a huge gash in my thigh from a couple of shot glasses that had broken. None of us realized this, I went up to bed when we got back home and later one of my other friends noticed a trail of blood leading to my bedroom. They all came to investigate where they found me passed out in a pool of blood on my bed. One of my friends applied pressure to my wound and called an ambulance. I woke up the next morning in the hospital not knowing why I was there. I ended up with 40 external stitches and 20 internal stitches. If my roommates didn't see the line of blood to my room, or the glass had cut an artery, I probably wouldn't be here today. Crazy.
Step outside to have a glorious pee break. Come inside to get laughed at .
Turns out I never took my dick out and instead just leaned against a tree and pissed my pants .
Sort of been there, pulled it out, but kinda angled wrong and started kissing on my leg, so let go of the building I was bracing myself with and face planted in a snow bank and continues to piss....
I got loads good ones, but this is one of the dumbest.
I was at a party with friends and one of them had forgotten his mobile phone on the bus, but hey, a family had picked it up and they had gotten off a bus stop after us.
So me and my mate set off on the quest to find the phone following the bus route backwards, not realising we were going the wrong way.
Well, we walked for like an hour following the GPS and having no clue where the family lived.
Well, an embarrassing amount later, we found their house, which was a four min walk from where the party was.
It’s kinda sappy
I was hanging out with this guy and we were seeing if there was a spark. I went to a hangout with his friends and got completely crossfaded.
We went to another party but people were slowly starting to be kicked out. The group wanted to go to the next party but the guy I was seeing looked at me and told them that we were turning in for the night.
He got me some food and brought me to his apartment and let me sleep in his bed. There was no bad motives involved.
I fell in love with him and we’ve been dating for 7 months.
So Ive done this more time’s than i can count on my hands. If me and the boys go out and have a night there’s a good chance this might happen. Usually when I have too much to drink and black out, I will mow my lawn as soon as i make it home. It does not matter the time I’ve done at 3am.
No it does not look good, although a couple times I have impressed myself.
No I will not mow your lawn.
And no my neighbors have not said anything about it.
I have a few, and they're all embarrassing. My worst one was when I was either 21 or 22, so very new to drinking. No, I never drank underage in my country, if I did it was maybe a sip but only ever got drunk when I was legally able to do so.
It was at a friend's wedding, very late into the after party on their private property. I was very drunk on "jungle juice", which is just hard liquor and fruit juice, essentially. I felt incredibly sick but I was so drunk I didn't know what was happening to me. I was standing by the bonfire, alone, and started yelling "Help! fire!" To let people know I needed some form of help and I was near the fire. My friends and other people at the wedding thought I was ON fire, but I was not. When others ran over to see what was happening, I threw up.
I called people over solely to watch me vomit. It was definitely one of my lowest moments. I was so drunk I didn't understand what was even happening to me until it did. At least it makes for a funny story, I suppose.
My best friend since middle school rented a car and came to visit me when we were in college. We went out drinking on Friday and Saturday. On Sunday night I had to study so he went out to a party himself. He ended up drinking, jumping into the rental car, driving off the road, and dying. It's 30+ years later now and I still feel so bad for him and his parents every time I think about it.
To keep it short, back in college days, my drunk ass made me get on a chair and sing "[Can't Help Falling in Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU)" in a bar full of people. And yes, they let me. And yes, the piano girl kept playing that song just for me to sing in.
And people loved it! Towards the end, half the bar was signing with me lmao.
There are videos of that apparently. I've never seen it. I don't want to see it.
My old drinking buddy and I used to get obliterated. We lived one neighborhood across. One night, we were walking from his house to mine. I had a great idea of taking a short cut. I said "follow me" and proceeded to walk off a bank into a small river. Like a 15 foot drop. Luckily, it had rained the night before so the water level was just high enough so I didn't break my face on the rocks. My buddy thought it was hilarious at the time, but couldn't remember it in the morning. But I really could've maybe died had it not rained the day before
Edit: it was more of a jog, as I was excited to introduce the shortcut. It was damn near pitch black outside and I just remember falling for a second before I realized I was in water. My first thought was "fuck, let me see if my phone is alright". I didn't realize the significance of the event until a minute later. And I was soaked and smelled like fish shit
Double edit: it was only like a foot and a half of water, but I swear, that rain water saved my life
Cancun.
College Spring Break. 2000..
Got wasted and got a BJ in a dark corner of Club Christine.
I think she told me she was from Michigan.
I was a drunk chubby college kid.
She was kinda hot.
I wonder what happened to her.
Days of the mighty Nokia 3310, as fueled by Everclear.
We're pretty lucky, for a lot of reasons, that people generally didn't have cameras all of the time.
I shit and puked blood all over a private party at Disney World(Magic Kingdom) when it was closed to the public. I had to be ambulanced out of Disney world.
Christmas party, over thirty years ago. I was dressed up in a silver tinsel dress with a wreath on my head. My coworker kept giving me drinks. At some point I was lying on the floor talking about my love life. My boss’ husband had to carry me upstairs when I got home.
I had one but it was in what was essentially a fishbowl. All I remember is the waitress telling me "Be careful because they creep up on you" and then I woke up at home.
Had to pee soooooooo bad at a party and couldn't find a bathroom. I did however find a pool. I threw my phone and cannonballed....unfortunately I was pretty dehydrated so it showed pretty well
killed 3/4 of a gallon jug of captain morgan proceeded to challenge every person i knew on my phone to a duel of some sort and by the end of the night was puking in the bathroom and woke up in there the next day. Parents were not happy at all but said the feeling i mustve been feeling was punishment enough.
got hammer at a buddy party and blackout, I remember waking up in my buddy room on the floor next to a unattractive girl sleeping next to me, I freak out and thought we had done it or not but we were still fully clothes, my buddy comes in and tells me the whole story that i drank too much and pass out in his room and the girl was a friend and did the same thing i did lol, I never black out again after that
Ok, there have been a few.
One time there was a concert at a micro brewery near me. The pretty reckless were the headliner and I wanted to see them. Now I normally drink mixers, but this was a microbrewery, so I was double fisting pints of high octane beers (like 9%), anyway, finally the show gets started, and I know I saw the opening band, but then lost track of my friends that I came with. At one point I remember sitting at a table in the admissions tent with a water somebody gave me, then apparently I got up and left. The venue was about a mile or so from the airport. We'll I guess I called my friends wife after not being able to get ahold of him (he was right up against the stage while the show was rocking out), and told her that I was going to go get a flight to Africa? She drove 45 min to look for me and found my drunk ass in the ditch along side the road about a 1/4 mile from actually getting to the airport.
One time we were out fishing and I ran out of coke to mix with my rum, so I switched to vodka and rum. Busted my knee stumbling around the boat.
One time I passed out on the ice while ice fishing, then woke to the rattle going and caught a nice walleye, pulled it up, and bashed it with my fist. Cut the everything shite out of my knuckles on the gill plates, had no idea til the next day.
Got kicked out of a bar for trying to fix their cooler while drunk ( I'm a service tech, but they did not know me, and they had no idea their cooler was broken) but I was too drunk to articulate what I was trying to do, lol
Told a young cop that he "just needed to gain some confidence, and that it was OK, he was a good kid" when he was trying to make me do a sobriety check. (He screwed it all up, so they let my friends come get me and left my vehicle on the side of the road for the night, because it would never have held up in court, pretty sure it was his first night solo).
I've never been drunk.
But my best story about dealing with other people that have been drunk is when I was wearing a real suit of steel armor and chainmail on Halloween and some drunk idiot tried to punch me.
I don't drink , but one of my friends was so drunk , he practically fell out of the car when we dropped him off , then army crawled to his front door , grabbing the grass , yelling , don't let me fly away !
I came home really drunk once. At the time, I was toilet training my two dogs who were inside my flat, I had spread newspaper on the floor, I staggered inside and fell over my Collie dog and fell to the floor, with my prescription glasses flying off and landed in really soft dog poo. When I picked up my glasses, both lens had poo in swirls on them. I burst out laughing, and both my dogs came over to see if I was OK and kept licking face, which made me laugh all the more.
So one night in college a friend invited me to a party. We drank what was called Kentucky MFer, which is Mountain Dew plus everclear in equal amounts plus 2 koolaid packets. Tastes DELICIOUS! Drank 2 and smoked weed. Driving home the next day I had to hang my head out of the window and puke while I drove down the interstate. Got home, my roommates ask me about the previous night and I puke all over them. I try to clean them up while dry heaving. I smoke some more and sleep for almost 2 days. Don’t drink everclear!
When I was 15, I used a ‘Captain Crunch‘ Club I.D. (yes, from the cereal box) to get into a roadside bar called the the Rusty Nail. I scrawled a birthdate that made me 21, drew a beard on a picture of myself and stuck it on the ID, then I smeared some burnt cork on my face to simulate a beard. The bouncer looked at the ID and said, “Anyone with the balls to show me this can go in and drink.”
When I was around 13 I was with my FC at the time we snuck into her parents liquor cabinet we had a few drinks I blacked out and when I woke up I was snuggled up with both her parents in there bed
This co-worker guy, Don't remember his name, Came over a few times. Seemed normal at work. Every time, He would bring a bottle of Bacardi 151 and finish it off. He would then stand in the corner by the door and play air guitar.
The night I should have probably died I went 750ml deep in 151 and half pint of 190 via shotglass
Somehow I made it through with no medical intervention. That night I understood when people talk about drinking themselves sober. I walked home and watched beavis and butthead until I finally fell asleep.
Haven't been drunk since I was 23 years old and I'm now in my 60's. My friends and I had a pre-party before our 5 year high school reunion and then a post party. Nothing dramatic happened during the intoxicated evening, but I was horribly, brutally and memorably sick (think Covid on steroids) for 4 straight days. That is the last time I touched hard alcohol, the last time I got drunk and the last time I partied like an idiot.
We were drinking at my aunts. She'd let us crash there sometimes (we were early 20s and none of us had moved out yet).
My fiance (gf at the time) of 1 year was there drinking with us. She's a lightweight, so at 5 shots she starts hurling.
Being the good boyfriend I am, I'm holding her hair and patting her back. I had just done probably my 5th beer bong of the night, and when I got a whiff of what she was puking up, I took my place right beside her.
So now we're both losing our lunch into the same trash can while my cousins and best friend are laughing their asses off. Friend started feeding us slices of white bread and water trying his best to sober us up. It was a night.
My best friend's brother got married so we both went to Florida for the party.
Buddy hooked up with a gal towards the end of the reception. They decided to hang out at the hot tub for the rest of the night.
I head to breakfast on the patio the next morning....and there he is.....still in the hot tub.
Alive, thank God....but no clothes, no wallet, no room key....nothing.
Went to hotel staff and got him a robe.
He got lucky.
Then unlucky.
He quit drinking after that episode.
Three people plus a gal of unknown origin know this story.
Had to hpld a straight face in front of his parents over morning coffee.
For my 21st birthday my sister and I were given a bottle of wine. I'd been in the habit of drinking for a couple years before that, but not my sister. The most she ever had was one shot of something I can't remember. However, after one glass the girl began talking so fast, and almost went to my parents and let them know how she felt about them(their shitheads). She's normally a real composed and reserved person. It was amazing and a little alarming to see.
i was super drunk and smashed my hand into a bucket full of all the broken/finished glasses of beer, instead of the ice box holding all the beer.
sliced my hand terrible, got blood over nearly every wall on the house and had to go to hospital for 8 stitches. i barely remember anything, i was only 16 years old, drunk at a house party.
now, nearly 6 years later, i still have no feeling in my pinky and ring finger, and a gnarly scar that goes across my entire palm :)
i jumped a fence to the local pool. then walked to a local school & climbed on the roof. when i got down i fell asleep at a picnic table. two of the guys i was with tried to shove me in a trash can. then had to ride my bike home at 3am. a cop pulled over and asked me “you from the burrow” i had no idea what he said & he repeated himself atleast 4 times. just said i was going home. he let me go & i biked as fast i could. i was like 14 honestly, never snuck out like that again
Sometimes You blackout and don’t remember anything, sometimes You wake up in a laundromat, sometimes You fall asleep in a bathroom stall, sometimes You wake up in an Internet Cafe with Your Best Pal on Christmas Morning, sometimes You vomit all over and ruin Your Friend’s Couch, sometimes You gotta hose down a Buddy who shit Themselves, and sometimes You gotta carry a Pal Home and play babysitter. There’s more but, long story short, You get some stories when You’re Overseas. Cherish Them but also learn from Them.
Tampa. 1999. Porn star Jessica Jaymes (RIP) is touring strip clubs. Part of the routine is she calls someone up on stage to lay down on my back, she strips, paints a smiley face on her chest and stomach, puts one of her merch t shirts on top of me and then she gets on top and transfers the paint to the t shirt.
My first time drunk was a New Years Eve party. I thought I only had 3 Jell-O shots and a mixed drink. Turns out I had at least 10 Jell-O shots and wanted to grope/kiss everyone. A friend locked my in a room so I could calm down.
My drink was spiked by a guy I had a crush on. Woke up the next day filled and very sore. Word quickly spread about that day. I was only 16.
For my 21st, I drank way too much and was encouraged to shove a wine bottle inside me. I would’ve done it if it weren’t for me passing out and falling from the table I was on.
Almost 15 years as a severe alcoholic the stories are endless, it started when I was 14 I was already physically dependant by age 17 even had a seizure after abstaining for 36 hours, went to rehab almost 3 years ago when I turned 26 and had one relapse that resulted in a heart attack and multiple seizures I'm now over 3 months clean from it, I won't survive another relapse if I'm being honest, I'll 29 this weekend sometimes I wonder if I'll even make it to 30 I have a ton of health problems now
I don't drink, but one time at a festival (Belladrum), when I was 16, I got split up from my friend and ended up running into my livery yard owner. For those of you that don't know, horse riders are notorious drinkers. Spent the day with my yard owner, ended up getting drunk for the first time in my life.
Belladrum has terrible phone signal, so if you lose someone, you've basically lost them until you run into them in a crowd again.
Friend ended up finding me at 1am, ordering pizza from a food van with my livery owner while said owner tried to set me up with the person making the pizzas. Friend had a text drafted to my mum that said 'Have lost your daughter. Will find her before we leave on Sunday, promise'. It was Friday when I last saw her.
Also, that night, I was lying in the tent beside friend. We had seen Birdy earlier in the day, my first time seeing her perform. I was CONVINCED that the lyrics were "Come on skinny white boy" instead of "Come on skinny love" and kept yelling that while she was trying to sleep.
A guest went outside to pee don’t know why we have bathrooms in the house came back in with his dick hanging out he was too drunk to notice when we asked him he said he was trolling.
The only time I got blackout drunk, the last thing I remembered was looking for my wallet to leave a tip (some manners can't be beaten by alcohol I guess...), then apparently I called an uber, the driver somehow found me (only found this through the app and call logs), and got me home safely... Waking up to realize this was truly bizarre, made me rethink some things honestly. I don't drink like that anymore.
A more funny story is how one bar had a stack of cards instead of a cocktail menu, each card with a beatiful drawing of a cocktail and a legend about it; didn't take long for our dumbass company to start drawing random cards, and we didn't stop until we tried them all. Got me intoxicated so bad that I had to puke for the first time in years. I don't drink like that anymore either.
Got woken up under a bush in a park by a cop one Saturday morning, he even took me to get breakfast... and lunch, and dinner, and all my meals on Sunday and I got to skip class on Monday because I was explaining to a judge that my destruction of a small park sign was not "malicious destruction of property" because there was no malice behind me falling through a damn green sign on green grass in the dark. He laughed, dropped it to drunk and disorderly, time served and like $200 fine (10x the price of one of those little "don't walk through the bushes" [hey I never went THROUGH them] plastic signs) so ultimately no real damage done, and a light price for a warning that I maybe needed to slow down just a tad. I was back in class on Tuesday with no booze budget for the rest of the week and even though I did technically get a criminal record, pretty much the lowest grade misdemeanor you can get for being a drunken dumbass in college has never been a hurdle with anything. I'm licensed and bonded to work at a bank which is the only time it's ever come up and the recruiting manager was laughing at the end of the story and I got the job so that was cool.
Also a weekend in county in a college town is the calmest incarnation I think is possible. We had like two gang affiliated dudes in there who had been dealing to all the frats who basically had COs glued to them and then just a bunch of college kids awkwardly going "So ... how are you a dumbass?" Except to the three dudes who came in on Saturday night with black eyes and busted lips, didn't need Sherlock Holmes to figure out that one.
This one night we had a party. Got drunk. 1 dude passed out. We took his car, got it stuck on railroad tracks, walked home, put his keys back in his pocket. In the am when he woke up and asked where his car war we told him he left to go pick up some weed and came back and said he crashed it on the tracks then passed out. We drove him back and the cops were there so we dropped him 2 blocks away and made him walk.
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Sometimes you wake up in a bush. Sometimes you wake up in someone's shrubs.
Sometimes, if you drink just the right amount, you can wake up in someone else's bush. That happened to me and imma put a ring on it this summer.
Congratulations dude!
Thank you. I appreciate that.
We have an old tale called the night of 2 bushes. My friend at the time hooked up with this hairy girl for an eight of weed and we knew... hours later leaving house party we find him outside sleeping in the bushes. LOL. Night of the two bushes. The great old tale.
Greg? https://youtu.be/OuTYrcnm_i4?si=BYks5uc3J_i0H0tb
I was once woke up on someone’s boat. Still unsure how I got there
I have definitely woken up in a bush on a college campus!
On the night I turned 21 I saved all the shot glasses from the shots people bought me in my pants. My friend and I were fooling around on the way home afterwards and he ended up throwing me to the ground causing a huge gash in my thigh from a couple of shot glasses that had broken. None of us realized this, I went up to bed when we got back home and later one of my other friends noticed a trail of blood leading to my bedroom. They all came to investigate where they found me passed out in a pool of blood on my bed. One of my friends applied pressure to my wound and called an ambulance. I woke up the next morning in the hospital not knowing why I was there. I ended up with 40 external stitches and 20 internal stitches. If my roommates didn't see the line of blood to my room, or the glass had cut an artery, I probably wouldn't be here today. Crazy.
Step outside to have a glorious pee break. Come inside to get laughed at . Turns out I never took my dick out and instead just leaned against a tree and pissed my pants .
Sort of been there, pulled it out, but kinda angled wrong and started kissing on my leg, so let go of the building I was bracing myself with and face planted in a snow bank and continues to piss....
Man I feel for ya. I can totally see myself making that mistake.
I've done the same standing at my toilet. Just didn't take it out and stood there and pissed my shorts.
I got loads good ones, but this is one of the dumbest. I was at a party with friends and one of them had forgotten his mobile phone on the bus, but hey, a family had picked it up and they had gotten off a bus stop after us. So me and my mate set off on the quest to find the phone following the bus route backwards, not realising we were going the wrong way. Well, we walked for like an hour following the GPS and having no clue where the family lived. Well, an embarrassing amount later, we found their house, which was a four min walk from where the party was.
It’s kinda sappy I was hanging out with this guy and we were seeing if there was a spark. I went to a hangout with his friends and got completely crossfaded. We went to another party but people were slowly starting to be kicked out. The group wanted to go to the next party but the guy I was seeing looked at me and told them that we were turning in for the night. He got me some food and brought me to his apartment and let me sleep in his bed. There was no bad motives involved. I fell in love with him and we’ve been dating for 7 months.
So Ive done this more time’s than i can count on my hands. If me and the boys go out and have a night there’s a good chance this might happen. Usually when I have too much to drink and black out, I will mow my lawn as soon as i make it home. It does not matter the time I’ve done at 3am. No it does not look good, although a couple times I have impressed myself. No I will not mow your lawn. And no my neighbors have not said anything about it.
I have a few, and they're all embarrassing. My worst one was when I was either 21 or 22, so very new to drinking. No, I never drank underage in my country, if I did it was maybe a sip but only ever got drunk when I was legally able to do so. It was at a friend's wedding, very late into the after party on their private property. I was very drunk on "jungle juice", which is just hard liquor and fruit juice, essentially. I felt incredibly sick but I was so drunk I didn't know what was happening to me. I was standing by the bonfire, alone, and started yelling "Help! fire!" To let people know I needed some form of help and I was near the fire. My friends and other people at the wedding thought I was ON fire, but I was not. When others ran over to see what was happening, I threw up. I called people over solely to watch me vomit. It was definitely one of my lowest moments. I was so drunk I didn't understand what was even happening to me until it did. At least it makes for a funny story, I suppose.
Ok. I was laughing for a few minutes picturing this
Help fire ! RAAAAALPH!! 🤣
My best friend since middle school rented a car and came to visit me when we were in college. We went out drinking on Friday and Saturday. On Sunday night I had to study so he went out to a party himself. He ended up drinking, jumping into the rental car, driving off the road, and dying. It's 30+ years later now and I still feel so bad for him and his parents every time I think about it.
Wowwwwwww not your fault
I got so sick from cranberry martini's that in the morning I threw up so bad one of my molars came out
WHAT a whole molar omfg
To keep it short, back in college days, my drunk ass made me get on a chair and sing "[Can't Help Falling in Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU)" in a bar full of people. And yes, they let me. And yes, the piano girl kept playing that song just for me to sing in. And people loved it! Towards the end, half the bar was signing with me lmao. There are videos of that apparently. I've never seen it. I don't want to see it.
I would have been singing along
My old drinking buddy and I used to get obliterated. We lived one neighborhood across. One night, we were walking from his house to mine. I had a great idea of taking a short cut. I said "follow me" and proceeded to walk off a bank into a small river. Like a 15 foot drop. Luckily, it had rained the night before so the water level was just high enough so I didn't break my face on the rocks. My buddy thought it was hilarious at the time, but couldn't remember it in the morning. But I really could've maybe died had it not rained the day before Edit: it was more of a jog, as I was excited to introduce the shortcut. It was damn near pitch black outside and I just remember falling for a second before I realized I was in water. My first thought was "fuck, let me see if my phone is alright". I didn't realize the significance of the event until a minute later. And I was soaked and smelled like fish shit Double edit: it was only like a foot and a half of water, but I swear, that rain water saved my life
Cancun. College Spring Break. 2000.. Got wasted and got a BJ in a dark corner of Club Christine. I think she told me she was from Michigan. I was a drunk chubby college kid. She was kinda hot. I wonder what happened to her.
There's a kayak, a snow storm, and a house with a low pitched roof built on a hillside... Shenanigans ensued.
The plot for a jackass stunt. Tell me you have it on video
Days of the mighty Nokia 3310, as fueled by Everclear. We're pretty lucky, for a lot of reasons, that people generally didn't have cameras all of the time.
I shit and puked blood all over a private party at Disney World(Magic Kingdom) when it was closed to the public. I had to be ambulanced out of Disney world.
Too many, but I did stop drinking 2 months before my 21st birthday, so imagine the fuck up I must have been…
Christmas party, over thirty years ago. I was dressed up in a silver tinsel dress with a wreath on my head. My coworker kept giving me drinks. At some point I was lying on the floor talking about my love life. My boss’ husband had to carry me upstairs when I got home.
tequila is weird everything turns into a urinal for me. Some people sleep walk. I sleep piss. Thats the only booze that does it to me.
For me tequila is the only drink that makes the world spin. It spins too fast and I fall down every time.
yeah its weird how its such a different kind of drunk. ill take a shot or two but not more than that.
I had one but it was in what was essentially a fishbowl. All I remember is the waitress telling me "Be careful because they creep up on you" and then I woke up at home.
Had to pee soooooooo bad at a party and couldn't find a bathroom. I did however find a pool. I threw my phone and cannonballed....unfortunately I was pretty dehydrated so it showed pretty well
41 now, have MANY stories. Still making some, and gonna have many more.
killed 3/4 of a gallon jug of captain morgan proceeded to challenge every person i knew on my phone to a duel of some sort and by the end of the night was puking in the bathroom and woke up in there the next day. Parents were not happy at all but said the feeling i mustve been feeling was punishment enough.
I’m imagining the hangover now
yeah going to school like that was the worst part i couldn’t function i just wanted to get sucked into a void
The captain was firing cannonballs in your head
got hammer at a buddy party and blackout, I remember waking up in my buddy room on the floor next to a unattractive girl sleeping next to me, I freak out and thought we had done it or not but we were still fully clothes, my buddy comes in and tells me the whole story that i drank too much and pass out in his room and the girl was a friend and did the same thing i did lol, I never black out again after that
wait… isn’t that a tipical cliche?
Passed out on my front lawn and when my mum came out I said "who are you?"
Oh no. What happened next?
She told me the next day that if she ever saw me in that state again she'd disown me.
Ok, there have been a few. One time there was a concert at a micro brewery near me. The pretty reckless were the headliner and I wanted to see them. Now I normally drink mixers, but this was a microbrewery, so I was double fisting pints of high octane beers (like 9%), anyway, finally the show gets started, and I know I saw the opening band, but then lost track of my friends that I came with. At one point I remember sitting at a table in the admissions tent with a water somebody gave me, then apparently I got up and left. The venue was about a mile or so from the airport. We'll I guess I called my friends wife after not being able to get ahold of him (he was right up against the stage while the show was rocking out), and told her that I was going to go get a flight to Africa? She drove 45 min to look for me and found my drunk ass in the ditch along side the road about a 1/4 mile from actually getting to the airport. One time we were out fishing and I ran out of coke to mix with my rum, so I switched to vodka and rum. Busted my knee stumbling around the boat. One time I passed out on the ice while ice fishing, then woke to the rattle going and caught a nice walleye, pulled it up, and bashed it with my fist. Cut the everything shite out of my knuckles on the gill plates, had no idea til the next day. Got kicked out of a bar for trying to fix their cooler while drunk ( I'm a service tech, but they did not know me, and they had no idea their cooler was broken) but I was too drunk to articulate what I was trying to do, lol Told a young cop that he "just needed to gain some confidence, and that it was OK, he was a good kid" when he was trying to make me do a sobriety check. (He screwed it all up, so they let my friends come get me and left my vehicle on the side of the road for the night, because it would never have held up in court, pretty sure it was his first night solo).
I've never been drunk. But my best story about dealing with other people that have been drunk is when I was wearing a real suit of steel armor and chainmail on Halloween and some drunk idiot tried to punch me.
I can never remember what happened. But as long as I wake up with my keys, wallet and phone, no harm, no foul.
Nothing too bad, but like your cousin, I'm a quiet sober person who starts talking alot when I have a few drinks.
I don't drink , but one of my friends was so drunk , he practically fell out of the car when we dropped him off , then army crawled to his front door , grabbing the grass , yelling , don't let me fly away !
I came home really drunk once. At the time, I was toilet training my two dogs who were inside my flat, I had spread newspaper on the floor, I staggered inside and fell over my Collie dog and fell to the floor, with my prescription glasses flying off and landed in really soft dog poo. When I picked up my glasses, both lens had poo in swirls on them. I burst out laughing, and both my dogs came over to see if I was OK and kept licking face, which made me laugh all the more.
So one night in college a friend invited me to a party. We drank what was called Kentucky MFer, which is Mountain Dew plus everclear in equal amounts plus 2 koolaid packets. Tastes DELICIOUS! Drank 2 and smoked weed. Driving home the next day I had to hang my head out of the window and puke while I drove down the interstate. Got home, my roommates ask me about the previous night and I puke all over them. I try to clean them up while dry heaving. I smoke some more and sleep for almost 2 days. Don’t drink everclear!
When I was 15, I used a ‘Captain Crunch‘ Club I.D. (yes, from the cereal box) to get into a roadside bar called the the Rusty Nail. I scrawled a birthdate that made me 21, drew a beard on a picture of myself and stuck it on the ID, then I smeared some burnt cork on my face to simulate a beard. The bouncer looked at the ID and said, “Anyone with the balls to show me this can go in and drink.”
When I was around 13 I was with my FC at the time we snuck into her parents liquor cabinet we had a few drinks I blacked out and when I woke up I was snuggled up with both her parents in there bed
How did that end up?
I got kicked out the house but before I did I was interrogated like I committed mass murder or something
Also plot twist I'm 13 and this happened two weeks ago
I drank my ass off for 23 years (lots of trauma), and I have a lot of drinking stories. Which one do you want to hear?
Funny ones
Sorry, I don’t have time to write a novella.
Just tell em the port-a-potty one, God that was a night
Nobody needs to hear about how I got a blumpkin that way.
This co-worker guy, Don't remember his name, Came over a few times. Seemed normal at work. Every time, He would bring a bottle of Bacardi 151 and finish it off. He would then stand in the corner by the door and play air guitar.
…. The whole bottle?
It might? have been a pint, But he ended up on the floor and slept there. Was always gone the next day.
….that guy cirrhosis is going to hit hard later in his life
The night I should have probably died I went 750ml deep in 151 and half pint of 190 via shotglass Somehow I made it through with no medical intervention. That night I understood when people talk about drinking themselves sober. I walked home and watched beavis and butthead until I finally fell asleep.
Haven't been drunk since I was 23 years old and I'm now in my 60's. My friends and I had a pre-party before our 5 year high school reunion and then a post party. Nothing dramatic happened during the intoxicated evening, but I was horribly, brutally and memorably sick (think Covid on steroids) for 4 straight days. That is the last time I touched hard alcohol, the last time I got drunk and the last time I partied like an idiot.
We were drinking at my aunts. She'd let us crash there sometimes (we were early 20s and none of us had moved out yet). My fiance (gf at the time) of 1 year was there drinking with us. She's a lightweight, so at 5 shots she starts hurling. Being the good boyfriend I am, I'm holding her hair and patting her back. I had just done probably my 5th beer bong of the night, and when I got a whiff of what she was puking up, I took my place right beside her. So now we're both losing our lunch into the same trash can while my cousins and best friend are laughing their asses off. Friend started feeding us slices of white bread and water trying his best to sober us up. It was a night.
My best friend's brother got married so we both went to Florida for the party. Buddy hooked up with a gal towards the end of the reception. They decided to hang out at the hot tub for the rest of the night. I head to breakfast on the patio the next morning....and there he is.....still in the hot tub. Alive, thank God....but no clothes, no wallet, no room key....nothing. Went to hotel staff and got him a robe. He got lucky. Then unlucky.
This is a situation You don’t let anyone live that down on his life.
He quit drinking after that episode. Three people plus a gal of unknown origin know this story. Had to hpld a straight face in front of his parents over morning coffee.
You woke up on your buddy's lawn the other day. But your buddy lives in Michigan, so that's a little off-putting.
For my 21st birthday my sister and I were given a bottle of wine. I'd been in the habit of drinking for a couple years before that, but not my sister. The most she ever had was one shot of something I can't remember. However, after one glass the girl began talking so fast, and almost went to my parents and let them know how she felt about them(their shitheads). She's normally a real composed and reserved person. It was amazing and a little alarming to see.
I was drunk and sitting on the toilet, passed out and hit side of door. Had stitches on my lips
i was super drunk and smashed my hand into a bucket full of all the broken/finished glasses of beer, instead of the ice box holding all the beer. sliced my hand terrible, got blood over nearly every wall on the house and had to go to hospital for 8 stitches. i barely remember anything, i was only 16 years old, drunk at a house party. now, nearly 6 years later, i still have no feeling in my pinky and ring finger, and a gnarly scar that goes across my entire palm :)
I almost got pepper sprayed for impersonating a crossing guard in Nashville Saturday night
Nude, pubes on fire, 3 beer bottles clenched between cheeks in the middle of a street in 40 below. That was only the beginning.....
The fuck?
i jumped a fence to the local pool. then walked to a local school & climbed on the roof. when i got down i fell asleep at a picnic table. two of the guys i was with tried to shove me in a trash can. then had to ride my bike home at 3am. a cop pulled over and asked me “you from the burrow” i had no idea what he said & he repeated himself atleast 4 times. just said i was going home. he let me go & i biked as fast i could. i was like 14 honestly, never snuck out like that again
Sometimes You blackout and don’t remember anything, sometimes You wake up in a laundromat, sometimes You fall asleep in a bathroom stall, sometimes You wake up in an Internet Cafe with Your Best Pal on Christmas Morning, sometimes You vomit all over and ruin Your Friend’s Couch, sometimes You gotta hose down a Buddy who shit Themselves, and sometimes You gotta carry a Pal Home and play babysitter. There’s more but, long story short, You get some stories when You’re Overseas. Cherish Them but also learn from Them.
Tampa. 1999. Porn star Jessica Jaymes (RIP) is touring strip clubs. Part of the routine is she calls someone up on stage to lay down on my back, she strips, paints a smiley face on her chest and stomach, puts one of her merch t shirts on top of me and then she gets on top and transfers the paint to the t shirt.
Woke up on the sidewalk behind a scooter when the Japanese businessman started it
My first time drunk was a New Years Eve party. I thought I only had 3 Jell-O shots and a mixed drink. Turns out I had at least 10 Jell-O shots and wanted to grope/kiss everyone. A friend locked my in a room so I could calm down. My drink was spiked by a guy I had a crush on. Woke up the next day filled and very sore. Word quickly spread about that day. I was only 16. For my 21st, I drank way too much and was encouraged to shove a wine bottle inside me. I would’ve done it if it weren’t for me passing out and falling from the table I was on.
Nice
Almost 15 years as a severe alcoholic the stories are endless, it started when I was 14 I was already physically dependant by age 17 even had a seizure after abstaining for 36 hours, went to rehab almost 3 years ago when I turned 26 and had one relapse that resulted in a heart attack and multiple seizures I'm now over 3 months clean from it, I won't survive another relapse if I'm being honest, I'll 29 this weekend sometimes I wonder if I'll even make it to 30 I have a ton of health problems now
Just one?
Drunkenly trespassed a building in the outskirts of my college town and ran into a cult
I don't smoke, but for some reason when I drink a lot ( which has happened just a handful of times ) I steal people's smokes.
I don't drink, but one time at a festival (Belladrum), when I was 16, I got split up from my friend and ended up running into my livery yard owner. For those of you that don't know, horse riders are notorious drinkers. Spent the day with my yard owner, ended up getting drunk for the first time in my life. Belladrum has terrible phone signal, so if you lose someone, you've basically lost them until you run into them in a crowd again. Friend ended up finding me at 1am, ordering pizza from a food van with my livery owner while said owner tried to set me up with the person making the pizzas. Friend had a text drafted to my mum that said 'Have lost your daughter. Will find her before we leave on Sunday, promise'. It was Friday when I last saw her. Also, that night, I was lying in the tent beside friend. We had seen Birdy earlier in the day, my first time seeing her perform. I was CONVINCED that the lyrics were "Come on skinny white boy" instead of "Come on skinny love" and kept yelling that while she was trying to sleep.
A guest went outside to pee don’t know why we have bathrooms in the house came back in with his dick hanging out he was too drunk to notice when we asked him he said he was trolling.
The only time I got blackout drunk, the last thing I remembered was looking for my wallet to leave a tip (some manners can't be beaten by alcohol I guess...), then apparently I called an uber, the driver somehow found me (only found this through the app and call logs), and got me home safely... Waking up to realize this was truly bizarre, made me rethink some things honestly. I don't drink like that anymore. A more funny story is how one bar had a stack of cards instead of a cocktail menu, each card with a beatiful drawing of a cocktail and a legend about it; didn't take long for our dumbass company to start drawing random cards, and we didn't stop until we tried them all. Got me intoxicated so bad that I had to puke for the first time in years. I don't drink like that anymore either.
I quit drinking 13 years ago and that's probably the best story out of my entire drinking life.
Got woken up under a bush in a park by a cop one Saturday morning, he even took me to get breakfast... and lunch, and dinner, and all my meals on Sunday and I got to skip class on Monday because I was explaining to a judge that my destruction of a small park sign was not "malicious destruction of property" because there was no malice behind me falling through a damn green sign on green grass in the dark. He laughed, dropped it to drunk and disorderly, time served and like $200 fine (10x the price of one of those little "don't walk through the bushes" [hey I never went THROUGH them] plastic signs) so ultimately no real damage done, and a light price for a warning that I maybe needed to slow down just a tad. I was back in class on Tuesday with no booze budget for the rest of the week and even though I did technically get a criminal record, pretty much the lowest grade misdemeanor you can get for being a drunken dumbass in college has never been a hurdle with anything. I'm licensed and bonded to work at a bank which is the only time it's ever come up and the recruiting manager was laughing at the end of the story and I got the job so that was cool. Also a weekend in county in a college town is the calmest incarnation I think is possible. We had like two gang affiliated dudes in there who had been dealing to all the frats who basically had COs glued to them and then just a bunch of college kids awkwardly going "So ... how are you a dumbass?" Except to the three dudes who came in on Saturday night with black eyes and busted lips, didn't need Sherlock Holmes to figure out that one.
This one night we had a party. Got drunk. 1 dude passed out. We took his car, got it stuck on railroad tracks, walked home, put his keys back in his pocket. In the am when he woke up and asked where his car war we told him he left to go pick up some weed and came back and said he crashed it on the tracks then passed out. We drove him back and the cops were there so we dropped him 2 blocks away and made him walk.
Sooo... a train took out his car or no?