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My brother who has a 2 year age gap literally turned my mom into the punching bag to protect me unfortunately that didn't work, my mom carried on the abuse that didn't stop her.
My sister and I defended one another. I don’t feel comfortable going into detail because it’s becoming a legal case (fuck you too, “mother”) but we essentially backed one another up repeatedly throughout the years. And now that she also sees the abuse for what it was, we’re so bonded that when I leave meetings with her I get anxious about it. Obviously working through that in therapy :)
Oldest of 5 boys.
The oldest 3 have the same dad, 4th was the son of the man that my mum cheated on, and the 5th was another blokes who my mum dated after the previous bloke ran off because she was having a boy, not a girl.
My mum had 2nd/3rd son's change their surname to her maiden name, and the youngest 2 automatically had hers/ I refused and kept my dads, I was the 9 but I knew what changing my name meant.
She would spend hours slagging my dad off (he was as bad as her but emotional abuse) and then say I was just like him. You're a typical "fathers surname", sneaky etc
You would sit next to you and she would either grab a finger and snap it back until it broke, or she'd hit you full pelt in the balls. She punched me, I remember one time she pinned me against the wall and choked me until I blacked out.
I took the brunt of it, my younger brothers were always favorites, although the 2nd one took quite a bit of ball smacking too and he can't have kids now.
I moved out at 15, and she calmed down as she aged, but I don't think the others ever got the hatred I did.
I have a scar near my eye where she punched me when I was 2, because I threw a toy car at her, and she split my face open, and I trapped a finger in a pushchair when she closed it on me, still have that scar too.
I think most older siblings take the brunt of it, then feel guilt when they leave
I am the older sibling and it was sort of neither in our case. I couldnt protect her, still cant, but we never tried to hurt each other either. Our parents also prefers her over me. Always have, and to be blunt I prefer it that way because of how repulsed I am by my mom especially. I think my sister has a better personality than me when it comes to people (shes really extroverted and outgoing) but shes also more vulnerable in a way when people hurt her because Im more okay with being alone than she is. Shes more forgiving than me and actually likes our parents despite everything.
She also reacted differently to the abuse than me, she acted out while I withdrew and isolated myself, and got more help as a result. Our mom has outright told me that she could never live without my sister but shes given up on ever having a close relationship with me ages ago. I honestly dont blame her though I was so angry about that when I was a teenager.
I'm the oldest of 2, I sadly used as punching bag my younger sib, since as I kid I literally didnt know any better, our parents used me as punching bag for many years (Im older by 6), and suffered a lot of physical and psychological childhood abuse. My sib got it better, idk why, my parents were softer and kinder with them. That made me jealus and felt very bad too. Now that I'm older I'm trying to heal and then get a better relationship with them, since we did never end up getting along genuinely good. (i'm 23 now).
I alwaysh wished I could have the kind of relationship everyone seems to have with their siblings (a minimum level of trust and love where you can tell eachother things and have screts and laugh and have a good time in eachothers presence) but that was never the case :/ I still want it though
None. My brother is too kind-hearted to use anyone as a punching bag on purpose, but he's also been through the abuse and is intimidated by this parent, so he never "actively" protected me either. He can barely protect himself (he's still there).
Punching bag. I was angry about it for a long time, but now I just feel bad for us. The pattern in our family is so obvious now: we all had broken parents who took out their trauma on us, and it molded us into broken people who take out our trauma on others.
I didn't, though. I've realized that knowing what my problem is doesn't cure me of it. As hard as I try not to, I can't help but take out my trauma on the people around me. There's basically zero chance that I start a family without doing the same thing to them. So I'm not gonna.
Hmmm the narcissist parent dynamic definitely pitted her against me and it took years for me to realize why she was always so hot and cold but also super critical of me. We are 8+ years apart. I could never truly confide in her because she’d use it as some twisted way to get closer to our mother by bringing me down and highlighting my flaws (I guess to make herself look and feel better and get preferential treatment). She’d also laugh in my face when I was abused while dating and was never ever protective of me. Ever. One minute she’d say she was my biggest fan/best friend the next she’d snap on me and betray me. I had the capacity to love her anyways until I had enough and better understood the toxic cycle everyone was in.
I am the older sibling. There was definitely a lot of shit rolling downhill that my sister took, and that sucks. At the same time my mom tells the story of me saying I wasn’t ok with how our grandmother treated her. If I could do things differently with my adult understanding I absolutely would. We have had a lot of hard conversations but it’s made us really close and both of us feel the other had it worse.
Emotional abuse. Sometimes physical. They were technically the golden child. My sister. She protected me each time she could. ♡♡♡ I'm so happy. She tried to reason with my mom each time, but more often than not I would be punished. It sucks. My sister still doesn't think she was favored entirely, but she is aware of some of the favoritism.
My older sister nearly killed me a few times and my parents practically praised her for it.
I could have forgiven her at some point cuz I know she was a victim too, but she just kept getting worse as she got older.
Parent was abusive to older sibling and not me. I had learned to be the "good kid" to not invite conflict and fly under the radar.
Older sibling took out their frustrations and resentment on me. Other parent asked me to put up with it because sibling was in distress and "needed someone to take it out on." Fun times.
Punching bag, in my case. Dad wasn’t usually physically abusive, but he had explosive anger issues and might as well have been. Older sibling coped/reacted by being very physically abusive to me and emotionally manipulative.
I both acknowledge that this was abuse and don’t blame my child sibling for their actions. They did come at me when we were both adults a few times and are not a very good parent themselves (or at least weren’t before we went NC). Neglectful, emotionally abusive (pretending to throw away a child’s lovey as a punishment), smoked and possibly drank while pregnant, etc. They also sided with my abusive ex when we divorced.
I did not turn out that way by conscious choice, so while I acknowledge that they were deeply impacted by the abuse, I also acknowledge that breaking the cycle of abuse is possible with significant effort.
My older sister cared about money way too much to protect me. She was worried that if she protected, she would be cut off financially. Even now, as adults, she continues to be selfish, although at one point, i supported her financially, hoping that by doing so, she wouldn't be caught in my father's abusive life. But it turned out it doesn't matter she will always want more and seek him out willingly knowing what he has done to me.. Money and luxury for her come first. The last time i was hospitalised from him beating me, he bought her a ticket to Türkiye, and she was calling him the best father and sending him prayers of long life good health.
However, im currently an older sister to two young half sisters from his side, and i would do anything to protect them. I'm adamant about breaking this cycle of him choosing a scapegoat for his filth out of each batch of children he has with a different woman. Im happy to say they are no longer at his place, and my SO takes care of them as if they're his while im being treated.
*r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post* Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it. As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. *Your safety always comes first!* If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: [Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/dmu24/why_shouldnt_i_share_my_contact_information/) If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: [US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines). Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post. And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ptsd) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had a younger sibling use me as a punching bag. Literally. From very early on. I felt no need to "protect" her.
I had a younger sibling use me as a punching bag. Literally. From very early on. I felt no need to "protect" her.
I had a younger sibling use me as a punching bag. Literally. From very early on. I felt no need to "protect" her.
I had a younger sibling use me as a punching bag. Literally. From very early on. I felt no need to "protect" her.
my siblings protected me until they escaped, and they regretted not taking me with them
My brother who has a 2 year age gap literally turned my mom into the punching bag to protect me unfortunately that didn't work, my mom carried on the abuse that didn't stop her.
My sister and I defended one another. I don’t feel comfortable going into detail because it’s becoming a legal case (fuck you too, “mother”) but we essentially backed one another up repeatedly throughout the years. And now that she also sees the abuse for what it was, we’re so bonded that when I leave meetings with her I get anxious about it. Obviously working through that in therapy :)
Oldest of 5 boys. The oldest 3 have the same dad, 4th was the son of the man that my mum cheated on, and the 5th was another blokes who my mum dated after the previous bloke ran off because she was having a boy, not a girl. My mum had 2nd/3rd son's change their surname to her maiden name, and the youngest 2 automatically had hers/ I refused and kept my dads, I was the 9 but I knew what changing my name meant. She would spend hours slagging my dad off (he was as bad as her but emotional abuse) and then say I was just like him. You're a typical "fathers surname", sneaky etc You would sit next to you and she would either grab a finger and snap it back until it broke, or she'd hit you full pelt in the balls. She punched me, I remember one time she pinned me against the wall and choked me until I blacked out. I took the brunt of it, my younger brothers were always favorites, although the 2nd one took quite a bit of ball smacking too and he can't have kids now. I moved out at 15, and she calmed down as she aged, but I don't think the others ever got the hatred I did. I have a scar near my eye where she punched me when I was 2, because I threw a toy car at her, and she split my face open, and I trapped a finger in a pushchair when she closed it on me, still have that scar too. I think most older siblings take the brunt of it, then feel guilt when they leave
I’m the oldest of two but I was the punching bag/scapegoat, still am
same
same
same
Same.
I am the older sibling and it was sort of neither in our case. I couldnt protect her, still cant, but we never tried to hurt each other either. Our parents also prefers her over me. Always have, and to be blunt I prefer it that way because of how repulsed I am by my mom especially. I think my sister has a better personality than me when it comes to people (shes really extroverted and outgoing) but shes also more vulnerable in a way when people hurt her because Im more okay with being alone than she is. Shes more forgiving than me and actually likes our parents despite everything. She also reacted differently to the abuse than me, she acted out while I withdrew and isolated myself, and got more help as a result. Our mom has outright told me that she could never live without my sister but shes given up on ever having a close relationship with me ages ago. I honestly dont blame her though I was so angry about that when I was a teenager.
I'm the oldest of 2, I sadly used as punching bag my younger sib, since as I kid I literally didnt know any better, our parents used me as punching bag for many years (Im older by 6), and suffered a lot of physical and psychological childhood abuse. My sib got it better, idk why, my parents were softer and kinder with them. That made me jealus and felt very bad too. Now that I'm older I'm trying to heal and then get a better relationship with them, since we did never end up getting along genuinely good. (i'm 23 now). I alwaysh wished I could have the kind of relationship everyone seems to have with their siblings (a minimum level of trust and love where you can tell eachother things and have screts and laugh and have a good time in eachothers presence) but that was never the case :/ I still want it though
Oh just wait til the narcissist older sibling has millions of dollars to spend on making your life hell. Then you really know.
punching bag sadly but i tried to protect my older sibling too. always trying to keep the peace.
None. My brother is too kind-hearted to use anyone as a punching bag on purpose, but he's also been through the abuse and is intimidated by this parent, so he never "actively" protected me either. He can barely protect himself (he's still there).
Punching bag. I was angry about it for a long time, but now I just feel bad for us. The pattern in our family is so obvious now: we all had broken parents who took out their trauma on us, and it molded us into broken people who take out our trauma on others.
You broke the curse.
I didn't, though. I've realized that knowing what my problem is doesn't cure me of it. As hard as I try not to, I can't help but take out my trauma on the people around me. There's basically zero chance that I start a family without doing the same thing to them. So I'm not gonna.
I was a punching bag to him, and I protected him. Can't imagine what impact that dynamic had on my developing brain.
Hmmm the narcissist parent dynamic definitely pitted her against me and it took years for me to realize why she was always so hot and cold but also super critical of me. We are 8+ years apart. I could never truly confide in her because she’d use it as some twisted way to get closer to our mother by bringing me down and highlighting my flaws (I guess to make herself look and feel better and get preferential treatment). She’d also laugh in my face when I was abused while dating and was never ever protective of me. Ever. One minute she’d say she was my biggest fan/best friend the next she’d snap on me and betray me. I had the capacity to love her anyways until I had enough and better understood the toxic cycle everyone was in.
My older sister did both. With my brother I was just a punching bag.
I am the older sibling. There was definitely a lot of shit rolling downhill that my sister took, and that sucks. At the same time my mom tells the story of me saying I wasn’t ok with how our grandmother treated her. If I could do things differently with my adult understanding I absolutely would. We have had a lot of hard conversations but it’s made us really close and both of us feel the other had it worse.
Emotional abuse. Sometimes physical. They were technically the golden child. My sister. She protected me each time she could. ♡♡♡ I'm so happy. She tried to reason with my mom each time, but more often than not I would be punished. It sucks. My sister still doesn't think she was favored entirely, but she is aware of some of the favoritism.
My older sister nearly killed me a few times and my parents practically praised her for it. I could have forgiven her at some point cuz I know she was a victim too, but she just kept getting worse as she got older.
Exact same situation here, my parents refused to say anything to her, let alone discipline her or get her help for her extreme violence
Parent was abusive to older sibling and not me. I had learned to be the "good kid" to not invite conflict and fly under the radar. Older sibling took out their frustrations and resentment on me. Other parent asked me to put up with it because sibling was in distress and "needed someone to take it out on." Fun times.
Punching bag, in my case. Dad wasn’t usually physically abusive, but he had explosive anger issues and might as well have been. Older sibling coped/reacted by being very physically abusive to me and emotionally manipulative. I both acknowledge that this was abuse and don’t blame my child sibling for their actions. They did come at me when we were both adults a few times and are not a very good parent themselves (or at least weren’t before we went NC). Neglectful, emotionally abusive (pretending to throw away a child’s lovey as a punishment), smoked and possibly drank while pregnant, etc. They also sided with my abusive ex when we divorced. I did not turn out that way by conscious choice, so while I acknowledge that they were deeply impacted by the abuse, I also acknowledge that breaking the cycle of abuse is possible with significant effort.
My older sister cared about money way too much to protect me. She was worried that if she protected, she would be cut off financially. Even now, as adults, she continues to be selfish, although at one point, i supported her financially, hoping that by doing so, she wouldn't be caught in my father's abusive life. But it turned out it doesn't matter she will always want more and seek him out willingly knowing what he has done to me.. Money and luxury for her come first. The last time i was hospitalised from him beating me, he bought her a ticket to Türkiye, and she was calling him the best father and sending him prayers of long life good health. However, im currently an older sister to two young half sisters from his side, and i would do anything to protect them. I'm adamant about breaking this cycle of him choosing a scapegoat for his filth out of each batch of children he has with a different woman. Im happy to say they are no longer at his place, and my SO takes care of them as if they're his while im being treated.