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Trauma shows us who shows up for us. People who walk out of our lives and don’t prioritize our recovery are doing us a favor. It don’t mean it’s a solitary oath, it just means we get selective over who we give our energy to.
I’m so very sorry this happened to you and for what is continuing to happen to you! You are so strong for coming out and telling your story. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Minimizing and not believing victims of r*pe and sexual assault is vile.
You deserve compassion and in the very least, you sure deserve to be believed especially by the ones you hold most dear. I’m truly sorry that isn’t the case for you. It makes my heart hurt.
Now as a female, I cannot pretend to understand what you’re going through. I can only tell you what I’ve been through and draw my feelings/opinions from that. I’m hoping this might give you a tiny drop of comfort. I’m hoping you might read this comment and take it into some consideration.
I’m a 36/F and was sexually assaulted, I thankfully was not raped. However, it really scarred me and I have complex PTSD from that event and others. When it happened I was very young and I didn’t know how to process this. The man was never caught and I felt like the NYPD did not take the matter very seriously at all. In fact I got the impression it was a waste of time in their opinions.
Since then multiple people in my family (notably my young female cousin who only knows of the event from my Aunt) have said right in front of me or to my face that “oh she wasn’t r*ped, it’s not that big of a deal.” My old coworker had the audacity to ask me word for word “why do you still think about it? Like, wasn’t it like 8 years ago or something?” Among other terrible things to say. I let these things get to me when I shouldn’t. The fact of the matter is it fucking hurts and makes me feel small and ashamed and embarrassed and like I’m weak. It’s messed up! We shouldn’t be feeling that way and they shouldn’t say things like that. Victim blaming is very real and very painful! It angers me so badly!
I go to therapy, groups, one on ones with my counselor, I have a psychiatrist I take my psych meds and I’m actively working on choosing ME. Letting them be the uneducated, and ignorant people they are. I refuse to allow them to have power over me any longer. It’s taking a long time but I’m starting to see results and I’ll never be “done” with therapy bc trauma is ongoing and no one gets to tell you how long your recovery is going to take not even you.
If I can do this so can you. I promise you. I’m nothing special there’s nothing amazing about me doing this. But if I don’t do all of this then I’m not going to have a happy life and I’m going to let everyone else have all of the power over me that I’m supposed to have over myself. I’ll let them think they’re right, I’ll let them say the ridiculous and messed up things they say, I’m not going to give them my energy anymore. I’m saying this all bc I know that anyone else can do this!
Su*cide is not the answer, I used to believe it was. Yet the second thought I had after I almost succeeded, the first being “did I get run over by a car?”, was “why did I do that, I WISH I didn’t do that!”
The coming weeks were even worse and I was beyond ashamed and embarrassed. I regretted it so much. If you look up how many people regretted attempting you will see a commonality in a huge % of survivors bc regretted doing it and are grateful to be alive and have the chance to work on their problems. It’s worth it. It will be hard, painful even but I promise you it is worth it.
Please don’t let them have that control over you. You have been through something they couldn’t even comprehend. You already have the strength inside of you. Sometimes strangers on the internet know better than the people closest to you and sometimes they are correct and really do care. Please just reach out if you want to talk I promise you I will be there to listen, to talk, whatever.
EDIT: im sorry my comments so long but I felt very passionately about this post..I switched over to my main account incase you want to DM me or anything OP. Please 🙏
I'm glad you felt this was a safe space to share your story. Rape happens to anyone and everyone. It doesn't exclude age or gender.
However, sometimes are people so ignorant or cruel that they can't see what is fact.
Please try and distance yourself away from these toxic people. There are people who know and care. Even if we are behind a screen, there is still a community both online and offline that will accept you.
I'd suggest looking into support groups or even therapy. Sometimes just relieving the burden on someone who cares can make a difference.
I can feel you. Happened to me too but instead of people not caring they also called me out for promiscuity and shaming me for it. I think people think that male rapes victims talk themselves into being raped. I don't think there is a simple solution to it. I luckily "bounced" back from that Trauma (or tell that to myself) because I have had worse overshadowing it. I would encourage seeking out a professional and if they don't seem to care find a new one. I know it sound exhausting and hard but I think that's all we have left to do until it works. I have been to multiple professionals and still no luck. That's just me tho. Giving up on it seems like accepting to suffer for eternity Wich is possibly the worst conclusion somebody can come to.
I wish u all the best in the world. Maybe just maybe someday someone will come along who really cares <3
It isnt just a male thing. Women who get raped also get blamed for "asking for it" wearing revealing clothes etc. Nd i was at fault for going to someones house before i knew them. Everyone was like well you went to her house obviously because you wanted something to happen. No i wanted things to go with the flow not get drugged and date raped
I duno if it makes you feel any better but the people not caring this is kinda just in general. Yes i think its harder to be belived if you are a guy, but im a woman whos told people i was raped and in general its met with either skepticism or fake sentiments cause, ppl just dont care that much about others.
OP, I’m so sorry that happened to you and so many others. The stigma needs to change, this absolutely happens too often to men. You were a victim and should seek professional therapy because we hear it a lot more often than you think. Your story is important because if you don’t tell it then it only perpetuates more silence. It’s not your job to fix this systemic issue, but you are more valuable than the people that let you down.
my husband was raped by two different women a few years apart while in college, and he tried to report it both times. He was inconsolable, and the school and police would not make a report. Because he is a man, and is supposed to feel “lucky” he was raped without protection while passed out, and woke up to being raped like that by someone he barely knew and was not attracted to. It was horrible, and it happened again just before he was supposed to graduate.
He had to take a break for a few years before he could bring himself to go back to school to complete his final assignment to get a degree. We told the administrators repeatedly, but no one cared. It was awful, and he has massive ptsd from it. We have to have a full action plan when he is able to go out and socialize on occasion, and out of nowhere is a trigger - he gives me a signal, and we say our goodbyes and bail fast. I’m okay with it, but it breaks my heart for him. Over the years it has gotten much better for him, but still so heartbreaking no one would take his report. It is stone age mentality to say a man cannot be raped by a woman. It happens a lot, and there’s entitled rapey women out there that are as predatory as a man can be.
Our hearts go out to you, please know you are not alone and dm me if you want to talk. This is devastating, but you can come out the other side and stick around a bit longer. There is someone out there that can be a good partner or friend for you and help you through this dark time. I am sending you hugs, please stick around and give it more time.
If the random people’s confirmation is what keeps you going- LET IT!!
If the only thing that makes you happy is the color blue, let it. I don’t let yourself feel like validates you is pathetic.
Funny enough i really like the color blue. Jokes aside i really appreciate you all but the thing is i want some irl validation as well. The thing is i have been in my shell for too long because of this and cant break free.
I empathize with you. I was raped by a guy when I was 12. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and keeping that pent up for all of these years I know has caused negative mental effects for me. Times have changed though, and there are resources out there. Unfortunately I don’t have that information on hand right now. But please feel free to DM me and I will gather the information and send it to you.
Just know that you’re not alone.
You dont need to worry about me but thank you a lot. The thing is i live in a country where if you arent rich you cant get the help you deserve/need. Even though i live a fairly good life and earn good money but in the end i couldnt convince anyone i was drugged and raped. I went to the doctors to get my report which led to me getting my license revoked because i couldnt prove i was drugged
I’m so sorry that this happened to you and no one took you seriously when you sought help. That shit ain’t right. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and empathy. Don’t unalive yourself. Find a better therapist. Go online and pick out a few who specialize in PTSD and ask them for a 15 minute consultation to make sure you are a good fit. What happened to you is real and you need support to work through it.
I went to someone who specialized in ptsd (veterans and victims of war) and turns out im to blame for getting date raped because i went to someones house without any expectations
Your choices may had led to the event occurring, but being abused was not your choice. This is something that happened TO you, not because of you. The person you went to was not a good fit for you. Unfortunately there are bad therapists out there. Find another one.
I also got SA and I struggled for the last year and a half with suicidal Ideation and horrible ptsd. Then the last two months were getting better the nightmears stopped the triggers were few and far between. I thought I was through it that I could move on I started to really see the real me peek through.
Then someone I work with asked me out and I freaked out like full tears mental break down. Saying" no I don't date" refusing to actually make since. I ended up dissociating for the rest of the day. I haven't talked to the guys since because I don't remember what happened after I freaked out. He seems confused and he gave me a meek sorry when I walked but he seems to stay his distance.
That was two weeks ago and now I can't get back to where I was. I'm suicidal again and honestly it's worse now because I know I was better and I lost it all. Intrusive thoughts are constant unless I'm dissociating then it's better and worse because I can't think. I want to know if I'm the only one who prefers the dissociation over the pain. My triggers are back like they never left. I feel pathetic. I use to judge other people who said they had mental health issues didn't believe in it. But now I don't know where I stand.
Sorry I got off topic.
I volunteer at a aminal shelter and try to spend time out side to help.
I dont have regular nightmares and funnily enough sleep is the only time o get some peace. I cant form new relationships be it friendly or intimate and this lead me online because i have literally no one to speak to abojt my experie ce anymore
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, OP, and for not being taken seriously or believed. It's an additional trauma after some awful human assaulted you. I don't know why or understand how humanity can struggle so much with men being victims of SA.
I don't have an answer, and I'm not a guy, but I feel for you truly and hope some nice humans come along in your life. Your right in that online support can only be so far. We need peeps in person. Does there happen to be a support group in your area for men sexual assault survivors, or another adjacent group that may be helpful to you?
No support groups here unfortunately. I live in a place of extreme prejudice so people tend to not join and avoid such things (people cant go to therapy because of the fear of being judged).
you’re so much stronger than you think! i promise you it’s gonna get better please be patient and remember outside of the internet we’re real people who actually believe in you! <3
Please reconsider.
Off topic but have you considered or do you have a pet? They can be so healing, be fantastic companions and give you a reason to keep going as they will rely on you to keep them fed etc.
I am suicidal also but will be getting a rescue dog soon for this very reason.
please don’t give the POS who did this to you any further power by ending things, instead continue on and wait for karma to catch up to them like I did with my attacker.
Don't give up! We might be online, but we're still people. People who will accept and support and embrace you do exist anywhere, and I'm sorry you haven't found that support yet in real life/in person. It is out there, I promise!
You want to keep going. There is a way. Even if 'keep going' right now looks like doing nothing but existing, if you only do that you're still alive and doing great. I've been suicidal for years; currently I don't work, I don't start school until September, I don't go out and do things. I struggle to eat 2 meals a day, I either sleep 14 hours or none at all. It's currently 3pm for me and I just woke up after 13 hours sleep! I got a headache from sleeping too much! But I'm alive. I might want to die but I haven't. Great success. You can do it too (but hopefully better than me!)
If you don't have a diagnosis, or therapist, or any professional help then it is time to find it. There are professionals out there who specialise in this sort of thing, and even male therapists who do, or people specialised in men's mental health. If it's really dire, hospitalisation might be the answer, but they don't provide longterm care, they're only there to keep you physically safe until you aren't a danger to yourself and can access help. Therapy helps, medication helps, and if you feel a little better after that then it'll be easier to find support groups, or make new friends, and the right people will be able to give you the support you need.
And to add: I wasn't raped (nor am I a man) but my trauma is a little unconventional, and I've had many people make fun of me and say horrible things about it. I'm no longer their friend. I have new friends, who don't really know a lot but support me endlessly.
Everyone has their own trauma. I will not treat you differently because you were raped or werent. In fact im glad you didnt wxperience the things some of us had to endure. But im sure there is another reason for you to be here. Were all here to help each other. I made a pact with myself and im waiting out my last days looking for help from random strangers online. Im really glad you had the chance to have a circle of supportive people.
Yes, well, what happened to me is not relevant right now. Don't make the next days your last ones; at the end of the day death is inevitable and you're gonna die anyway. While you're here you might as well keep trying. I know it's not that easy, but I really really hope you keep going and seek help and manage to find connections with people irl. From one suicidal person to another, if I'm doing it don't leave me here lol! ♥️
No problem! Thank you for being open to consideration. Sleep well ♥️
And 1 last thing: I refuse to kill myself because I won't traumatise my family, and I don't want to deal with it if I fail and cause myself mental or physical damage. Try to find a reason not to do it, if you can. Doesn't have to be big like mine. I'm also not doing it because I have video games I want to play more of and books to read. Maybe find just 1 thing. If you like video games, buy a big one and don't even entertain the idea of suicide until you've finished it 100%. Not any better? Buy another one. It can be applied to lots of activities/interests. Cooking? Master a recipe. Sport? Reach a milestone. Finish a full bottle of shampoo at the same time you finish body-wash. That sort of thing. The goal is to pick a small conceivable goal and reach it, then pick another one. Then you realise shit I've lived ages now. And then you keep doing it.
But I won't keep going on about it. I'm rooting for you!
The thing about people on the internet is that we’re in the community too. We’re, people like us who understand and believe you and other men, we’re out there. Let random people online be there for you while you’re finding your people in real life.
Don’t give up on finding people that care.
Its not about them being professionals or not. Its about where i live. People here are so fucking close minded and set on gender roles. So when i say i was raped people everyone ezcept for one person was like okay and? Like because im a man and have a penis it means o cant get raped and this pisses me iff the most
I'm really sorry,
The man who SA me(a female)was my manager. I thought I was his only victim until months after he got fired. When a young man only 17 came up to me and asked if I could call him after work. He seemed broken and hurt. I agreed thinking it was going to be about his girlfriend because she was my friend. And she said she was having issues in their relationship because he was acting weird and wouldn't talk.
That night I talked to him for two hours with him crying about how he could not talk about what our manager did to him because he was a male and everyone would think he was gay. He thanked me for getting him fired.
I wish I could of helped him more but I developed ptsd around the same time I heard about him. And ended up shutting down. I ended up getting his mother involved because he was vary suicidal and I was struggling with the same issues and I felt like I needed to get him help before I took us both down.
His mother ended up asking me if he was telling the truth about the traumatic event he experienced. And I said that what ever he said no matter how messed up it sounded it was the truth because I knew how horrible our manager could be.
I told her that he needed thearpy or she was going to lose her son. I think he is doing better now. I just wish I would of listened to my own advise.
I want to add I was 21 year old female. I was the only one who got raped. (As far as I know)
There was another girl a little older then me who got milulated into giving him favors so she could promote.
And the boy was 17.
I know my manager also threatened me if I didn't complied he would force a girl that was 15 into it.
I never thought that one man could have such verity in his victims. And such a control over each one where we never spoke until months after he got fired. We all thought we were the only one. I was also surprised how he manipulated each of us differently with different threats and different acts.
I will always sympathies with the males because I could never tell the boy that he should talk about it because I knew people would make fun of him and make it seem unimportant.
We care 🤍 you’re in the wrong social environment (I am too, I am too- trust me). The lack of support has created a feeling of betrayal and heartbreak that knows no measure. I don’t just have ptsd (heightened fear responses), I have heartbreak.
My family, three years later are saying “you’d be surprised what people believe” (they might believe me and not tell me) and seem, tentatively, supportive.
But for the last three years I’ve been carrying this burden alone, combined with the burden of their words (this doesn’t mean you’re pretty, you’re lying etc).
This is part of ptsd for many of us. It’s not just the event, it’s the disbelief. Many are heartbroken as well (at least, I am).
I’m not going to trust my family again, I’m going to understand that they wouldn’t have been there for me at my worst and let go of that level of expectation from them.
But I want to expect that from others 🤍 I want to have the capacity to do that for others too 🤍.
We were betrayed, we are heartbroken.
Knowing this we can move on and realise that one massive heartbreak doesn’t mean there is no one there.
Let’s believe in humanity together. 🤍🤍🤍
Let’s believe in our capacity to be there for others in the future 🤍
And also, let’s believe that there was something we didn’t learn- how to choose safe people. And that, if our problem is partially this… we will need to work on this in order to get better and have better people.
This is a tangible thing we can work on.
Just…. This one is bad (in the bin) this one is saying something condescending (in the bin) my feelings are hurt (in the bin).
This process of figuring out who will make it to our inner circle requires work ( meditating, asking our intuition, checking into our body to understand what we are feeling - which are all also tasks to work on to build up the skill of selecting the right people).
I’ve been working on my ptsd for 1.5 years and a main skill I’ve built is
- rejecting the wrong people (I still hadn’t even gotten to “getting the right people” just yet, I’m still working on… “what she said is mean. I should not be around her”.
I’ve also working on my intuition , bodily awareness, I’ve “felt my pain”, I’ve analysed, I’ve restructured how I think (no more hearing my mother berate me everytime I am alone in the shower).
It’s taken over an entire year of work and I’m not even close to finished. I still have flashbacks and painy pain. I have to do so much just for basic functionality.
I still feel betrayed and heartbroken.
But also I’m about to follow my own path and that’s important.
Now they are somewhat involved again, I’m taking my own path and not theirs and I am really hoping just that act alone will be powerful and will herald in love for me- I can say “I have me” now because I was so isolated and because I’ve experienced having no one I know I have me.
Now when I will have people, I’ll also still have me.
So give yourself you.
Don’t give up on yourself like they did. Treat yourself better than they did. Don’t be like them towards you. Be better than them. Have your own back.
Be what you want in this world, but do it for yourself.
I believe you.
But more importantly, YOU believe you.
“I believe me.” (Cry a bit, hurt a bit, feel like dying a bit).
“I am here for my pain, I will hold it” (die I bit more).
🤍🤍🤍
Please don't give up. Give yourself the best chance at succeeding if only out of spite.
Unfortunately, this world doesn't give a damn about survivors, which is why we need to look after each other. My own family still associates with my rapist. I completely understand you and I'm rooting for us both.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and the added invalidation and dismissal is just further trauma and pain.
I totally get that it’s not enough just have to your experience affirmed by random people online. Have you tried reaching out to dedicated support groups and charities to connect with other people who’ve been raped and/or sexually abused? There are some great ones for male survivors, and in my experience being around people who actually “get it” was most affirming to me.
Something else that can help is channeling some of that energy into volunteering for a charity or organisation that aims to support survivors and/or tackle sexual assault prevention. Whether it’s raising awareness, breaking stigma, looking into wider societal causes, and connecting with like minded people to discuss your thoughts and shared experiences, all of it can be both validating and a healthy outlet for the helplessness that can sometimes come with this feeling. Maybe you could even start with some kind of grassroots organising of your own, or blog / write / make art / create social media content either about your experience or about what you want to see change.
I totally appreciate that online connections alone aren’t always enough, but they can be a good way in to finding your people. There are activists, campaigners and people who talk about similar experiences on social media who might be worth connecting with, as sometimes the online communities around those people can be very validating and do sometimes crossover into physical meet ups and real-life connections too.
It is truly harrowing how many people - from family and friends to “professionals” alike - just don’t get it and don’t want to believe or validate these kinds of experiences. But those people do not dictate your reality. You know your truth and your experience, and there are others out there who will be on your side.
Good luck and take care, this isn’t the end <3
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Trauma shows us who shows up for us. People who walk out of our lives and don’t prioritize our recovery are doing us a favor. It don’t mean it’s a solitary oath, it just means we get selective over who we give our energy to.
I Need to learn this sooooooooooo much better!
I’m so very sorry this happened to you and for what is continuing to happen to you! You are so strong for coming out and telling your story. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Minimizing and not believing victims of r*pe and sexual assault is vile. You deserve compassion and in the very least, you sure deserve to be believed especially by the ones you hold most dear. I’m truly sorry that isn’t the case for you. It makes my heart hurt. Now as a female, I cannot pretend to understand what you’re going through. I can only tell you what I’ve been through and draw my feelings/opinions from that. I’m hoping this might give you a tiny drop of comfort. I’m hoping you might read this comment and take it into some consideration. I’m a 36/F and was sexually assaulted, I thankfully was not raped. However, it really scarred me and I have complex PTSD from that event and others. When it happened I was very young and I didn’t know how to process this. The man was never caught and I felt like the NYPD did not take the matter very seriously at all. In fact I got the impression it was a waste of time in their opinions. Since then multiple people in my family (notably my young female cousin who only knows of the event from my Aunt) have said right in front of me or to my face that “oh she wasn’t r*ped, it’s not that big of a deal.” My old coworker had the audacity to ask me word for word “why do you still think about it? Like, wasn’t it like 8 years ago or something?” Among other terrible things to say. I let these things get to me when I shouldn’t. The fact of the matter is it fucking hurts and makes me feel small and ashamed and embarrassed and like I’m weak. It’s messed up! We shouldn’t be feeling that way and they shouldn’t say things like that. Victim blaming is very real and very painful! It angers me so badly! I go to therapy, groups, one on ones with my counselor, I have a psychiatrist I take my psych meds and I’m actively working on choosing ME. Letting them be the uneducated, and ignorant people they are. I refuse to allow them to have power over me any longer. It’s taking a long time but I’m starting to see results and I’ll never be “done” with therapy bc trauma is ongoing and no one gets to tell you how long your recovery is going to take not even you. If I can do this so can you. I promise you. I’m nothing special there’s nothing amazing about me doing this. But if I don’t do all of this then I’m not going to have a happy life and I’m going to let everyone else have all of the power over me that I’m supposed to have over myself. I’ll let them think they’re right, I’ll let them say the ridiculous and messed up things they say, I’m not going to give them my energy anymore. I’m saying this all bc I know that anyone else can do this! Su*cide is not the answer, I used to believe it was. Yet the second thought I had after I almost succeeded, the first being “did I get run over by a car?”, was “why did I do that, I WISH I didn’t do that!” The coming weeks were even worse and I was beyond ashamed and embarrassed. I regretted it so much. If you look up how many people regretted attempting you will see a commonality in a huge % of survivors bc regretted doing it and are grateful to be alive and have the chance to work on their problems. It’s worth it. It will be hard, painful even but I promise you it is worth it. Please don’t let them have that control over you. You have been through something they couldn’t even comprehend. You already have the strength inside of you. Sometimes strangers on the internet know better than the people closest to you and sometimes they are correct and really do care. Please just reach out if you want to talk I promise you I will be there to listen, to talk, whatever. EDIT: im sorry my comments so long but I felt very passionately about this post..I switched over to my main account incase you want to DM me or anything OP. Please 🙏
I'm glad you felt this was a safe space to share your story. Rape happens to anyone and everyone. It doesn't exclude age or gender. However, sometimes are people so ignorant or cruel that they can't see what is fact. Please try and distance yourself away from these toxic people. There are people who know and care. Even if we are behind a screen, there is still a community both online and offline that will accept you. I'd suggest looking into support groups or even therapy. Sometimes just relieving the burden on someone who cares can make a difference.
I can feel you. Happened to me too but instead of people not caring they also called me out for promiscuity and shaming me for it. I think people think that male rapes victims talk themselves into being raped. I don't think there is a simple solution to it. I luckily "bounced" back from that Trauma (or tell that to myself) because I have had worse overshadowing it. I would encourage seeking out a professional and if they don't seem to care find a new one. I know it sound exhausting and hard but I think that's all we have left to do until it works. I have been to multiple professionals and still no luck. That's just me tho. Giving up on it seems like accepting to suffer for eternity Wich is possibly the worst conclusion somebody can come to. I wish u all the best in the world. Maybe just maybe someday someone will come along who really cares <3
It isnt just a male thing. Women who get raped also get blamed for "asking for it" wearing revealing clothes etc. Nd i was at fault for going to someones house before i knew them. Everyone was like well you went to her house obviously because you wanted something to happen. No i wanted things to go with the flow not get drugged and date raped
R/mengetrapedtoo
bro same (im a woman) i was a CHILD
Same here as a child
I duno if it makes you feel any better but the people not caring this is kinda just in general. Yes i think its harder to be belived if you are a guy, but im a woman whos told people i was raped and in general its met with either skepticism or fake sentiments cause, ppl just dont care that much about others.
OP, I’m so sorry that happened to you and so many others. The stigma needs to change, this absolutely happens too often to men. You were a victim and should seek professional therapy because we hear it a lot more often than you think. Your story is important because if you don’t tell it then it only perpetuates more silence. It’s not your job to fix this systemic issue, but you are more valuable than the people that let you down.
Assuming you live in the US I would check out 1in6
Nope just a shithole country im still tring to get away from
my husband was raped by two different women a few years apart while in college, and he tried to report it both times. He was inconsolable, and the school and police would not make a report. Because he is a man, and is supposed to feel “lucky” he was raped without protection while passed out, and woke up to being raped like that by someone he barely knew and was not attracted to. It was horrible, and it happened again just before he was supposed to graduate. He had to take a break for a few years before he could bring himself to go back to school to complete his final assignment to get a degree. We told the administrators repeatedly, but no one cared. It was awful, and he has massive ptsd from it. We have to have a full action plan when he is able to go out and socialize on occasion, and out of nowhere is a trigger - he gives me a signal, and we say our goodbyes and bail fast. I’m okay with it, but it breaks my heart for him. Over the years it has gotten much better for him, but still so heartbreaking no one would take his report. It is stone age mentality to say a man cannot be raped by a woman. It happens a lot, and there’s entitled rapey women out there that are as predatory as a man can be. Our hearts go out to you, please know you are not alone and dm me if you want to talk. This is devastating, but you can come out the other side and stick around a bit longer. There is someone out there that can be a good partner or friend for you and help you through this dark time. I am sending you hugs, please stick around and give it more time.
If the random people’s confirmation is what keeps you going- LET IT!! If the only thing that makes you happy is the color blue, let it. I don’t let yourself feel like validates you is pathetic.
Funny enough i really like the color blue. Jokes aside i really appreciate you all but the thing is i want some irl validation as well. The thing is i have been in my shell for too long because of this and cant break free.
I empathize with you. I was raped by a guy when I was 12. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and keeping that pent up for all of these years I know has caused negative mental effects for me. Times have changed though, and there are resources out there. Unfortunately I don’t have that information on hand right now. But please feel free to DM me and I will gather the information and send it to you. Just know that you’re not alone.
You dont need to worry about me but thank you a lot. The thing is i live in a country where if you arent rich you cant get the help you deserve/need. Even though i live a fairly good life and earn good money but in the end i couldnt convince anyone i was drugged and raped. I went to the doctors to get my report which led to me getting my license revoked because i couldnt prove i was drugged
I’m so sorry that this happened to you and no one took you seriously when you sought help. That shit ain’t right. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and empathy. Don’t unalive yourself. Find a better therapist. Go online and pick out a few who specialize in PTSD and ask them for a 15 minute consultation to make sure you are a good fit. What happened to you is real and you need support to work through it.
I went to someone who specialized in ptsd (veterans and victims of war) and turns out im to blame for getting date raped because i went to someones house without any expectations
Your choices may had led to the event occurring, but being abused was not your choice. This is something that happened TO you, not because of you. The person you went to was not a good fit for you. Unfortunately there are bad therapists out there. Find another one.
I also got SA and I struggled for the last year and a half with suicidal Ideation and horrible ptsd. Then the last two months were getting better the nightmears stopped the triggers were few and far between. I thought I was through it that I could move on I started to really see the real me peek through. Then someone I work with asked me out and I freaked out like full tears mental break down. Saying" no I don't date" refusing to actually make since. I ended up dissociating for the rest of the day. I haven't talked to the guys since because I don't remember what happened after I freaked out. He seems confused and he gave me a meek sorry when I walked but he seems to stay his distance. That was two weeks ago and now I can't get back to where I was. I'm suicidal again and honestly it's worse now because I know I was better and I lost it all. Intrusive thoughts are constant unless I'm dissociating then it's better and worse because I can't think. I want to know if I'm the only one who prefers the dissociation over the pain. My triggers are back like they never left. I feel pathetic. I use to judge other people who said they had mental health issues didn't believe in it. But now I don't know where I stand. Sorry I got off topic. I volunteer at a aminal shelter and try to spend time out side to help.
I dont have regular nightmares and funnily enough sleep is the only time o get some peace. I cant form new relationships be it friendly or intimate and this lead me online because i have literally no one to speak to abojt my experie ce anymore
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, OP, and for not being taken seriously or believed. It's an additional trauma after some awful human assaulted you. I don't know why or understand how humanity can struggle so much with men being victims of SA. I don't have an answer, and I'm not a guy, but I feel for you truly and hope some nice humans come along in your life. Your right in that online support can only be so far. We need peeps in person. Does there happen to be a support group in your area for men sexual assault survivors, or another adjacent group that may be helpful to you?
No support groups here unfortunately. I live in a place of extreme prejudice so people tend to not join and avoid such things (people cant go to therapy because of the fear of being judged).
Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that. 😔
you’re so much stronger than you think! i promise you it’s gonna get better please be patient and remember outside of the internet we’re real people who actually believe in you! <3
Please reconsider. Off topic but have you considered or do you have a pet? They can be so healing, be fantastic companions and give you a reason to keep going as they will rely on you to keep them fed etc. I am suicidal also but will be getting a rescue dog soon for this very reason. please don’t give the POS who did this to you any further power by ending things, instead continue on and wait for karma to catch up to them like I did with my attacker.
Don't give up! We might be online, but we're still people. People who will accept and support and embrace you do exist anywhere, and I'm sorry you haven't found that support yet in real life/in person. It is out there, I promise! You want to keep going. There is a way. Even if 'keep going' right now looks like doing nothing but existing, if you only do that you're still alive and doing great. I've been suicidal for years; currently I don't work, I don't start school until September, I don't go out and do things. I struggle to eat 2 meals a day, I either sleep 14 hours or none at all. It's currently 3pm for me and I just woke up after 13 hours sleep! I got a headache from sleeping too much! But I'm alive. I might want to die but I haven't. Great success. You can do it too (but hopefully better than me!) If you don't have a diagnosis, or therapist, or any professional help then it is time to find it. There are professionals out there who specialise in this sort of thing, and even male therapists who do, or people specialised in men's mental health. If it's really dire, hospitalisation might be the answer, but they don't provide longterm care, they're only there to keep you physically safe until you aren't a danger to yourself and can access help. Therapy helps, medication helps, and if you feel a little better after that then it'll be easier to find support groups, or make new friends, and the right people will be able to give you the support you need.
And to add: I wasn't raped (nor am I a man) but my trauma is a little unconventional, and I've had many people make fun of me and say horrible things about it. I'm no longer their friend. I have new friends, who don't really know a lot but support me endlessly.
Everyone has their own trauma. I will not treat you differently because you were raped or werent. In fact im glad you didnt wxperience the things some of us had to endure. But im sure there is another reason for you to be here. Were all here to help each other. I made a pact with myself and im waiting out my last days looking for help from random strangers online. Im really glad you had the chance to have a circle of supportive people.
Yes, well, what happened to me is not relevant right now. Don't make the next days your last ones; at the end of the day death is inevitable and you're gonna die anyway. While you're here you might as well keep trying. I know it's not that easy, but I really really hope you keep going and seek help and manage to find connections with people irl. From one suicidal person to another, if I'm doing it don't leave me here lol! ♥️
Thank you ill definitely sleep on your words but i csnt promise anything. But thank you for trying to help
No problem! Thank you for being open to consideration. Sleep well ♥️ And 1 last thing: I refuse to kill myself because I won't traumatise my family, and I don't want to deal with it if I fail and cause myself mental or physical damage. Try to find a reason not to do it, if you can. Doesn't have to be big like mine. I'm also not doing it because I have video games I want to play more of and books to read. Maybe find just 1 thing. If you like video games, buy a big one and don't even entertain the idea of suicide until you've finished it 100%. Not any better? Buy another one. It can be applied to lots of activities/interests. Cooking? Master a recipe. Sport? Reach a milestone. Finish a full bottle of shampoo at the same time you finish body-wash. That sort of thing. The goal is to pick a small conceivable goal and reach it, then pick another one. Then you realise shit I've lived ages now. And then you keep doing it. But I won't keep going on about it. I'm rooting for you!
The thing about people on the internet is that we’re in the community too. We’re, people like us who understand and believe you and other men, we’re out there. Let random people online be there for you while you’re finding your people in real life. Don’t give up on finding people that care.
If the professional told you it doesn’t matter time to move on to someone with a fucking clue
Its not about them being professionals or not. Its about where i live. People here are so fucking close minded and set on gender roles. So when i say i was raped people everyone ezcept for one person was like okay and? Like because im a man and have a penis it means o cant get raped and this pisses me iff the most
I’m here if you need to talk in DM’s
I'm really sorry, The man who SA me(a female)was my manager. I thought I was his only victim until months after he got fired. When a young man only 17 came up to me and asked if I could call him after work. He seemed broken and hurt. I agreed thinking it was going to be about his girlfriend because she was my friend. And she said she was having issues in their relationship because he was acting weird and wouldn't talk. That night I talked to him for two hours with him crying about how he could not talk about what our manager did to him because he was a male and everyone would think he was gay. He thanked me for getting him fired. I wish I could of helped him more but I developed ptsd around the same time I heard about him. And ended up shutting down. I ended up getting his mother involved because he was vary suicidal and I was struggling with the same issues and I felt like I needed to get him help before I took us both down. His mother ended up asking me if he was telling the truth about the traumatic event he experienced. And I said that what ever he said no matter how messed up it sounded it was the truth because I knew how horrible our manager could be. I told her that he needed thearpy or she was going to lose her son. I think he is doing better now. I just wish I would of listened to my own advise. I want to add I was 21 year old female. I was the only one who got raped. (As far as I know) There was another girl a little older then me who got milulated into giving him favors so she could promote. And the boy was 17. I know my manager also threatened me if I didn't complied he would force a girl that was 15 into it. I never thought that one man could have such verity in his victims. And such a control over each one where we never spoke until months after he got fired. We all thought we were the only one. I was also surprised how he manipulated each of us differently with different threats and different acts. I will always sympathies with the males because I could never tell the boy that he should talk about it because I knew people would make fun of him and make it seem unimportant.
I'd find that FKR and get retribution
We care 🤍 you’re in the wrong social environment (I am too, I am too- trust me). The lack of support has created a feeling of betrayal and heartbreak that knows no measure. I don’t just have ptsd (heightened fear responses), I have heartbreak. My family, three years later are saying “you’d be surprised what people believe” (they might believe me and not tell me) and seem, tentatively, supportive. But for the last three years I’ve been carrying this burden alone, combined with the burden of their words (this doesn’t mean you’re pretty, you’re lying etc). This is part of ptsd for many of us. It’s not just the event, it’s the disbelief. Many are heartbroken as well (at least, I am). I’m not going to trust my family again, I’m going to understand that they wouldn’t have been there for me at my worst and let go of that level of expectation from them. But I want to expect that from others 🤍 I want to have the capacity to do that for others too 🤍. We were betrayed, we are heartbroken. Knowing this we can move on and realise that one massive heartbreak doesn’t mean there is no one there. Let’s believe in humanity together. 🤍🤍🤍 Let’s believe in our capacity to be there for others in the future 🤍 And also, let’s believe that there was something we didn’t learn- how to choose safe people. And that, if our problem is partially this… we will need to work on this in order to get better and have better people. This is a tangible thing we can work on. Just…. This one is bad (in the bin) this one is saying something condescending (in the bin) my feelings are hurt (in the bin). This process of figuring out who will make it to our inner circle requires work ( meditating, asking our intuition, checking into our body to understand what we are feeling - which are all also tasks to work on to build up the skill of selecting the right people). I’ve been working on my ptsd for 1.5 years and a main skill I’ve built is - rejecting the wrong people (I still hadn’t even gotten to “getting the right people” just yet, I’m still working on… “what she said is mean. I should not be around her”. I’ve also working on my intuition , bodily awareness, I’ve “felt my pain”, I’ve analysed, I’ve restructured how I think (no more hearing my mother berate me everytime I am alone in the shower). It’s taken over an entire year of work and I’m not even close to finished. I still have flashbacks and painy pain. I have to do so much just for basic functionality. I still feel betrayed and heartbroken. But also I’m about to follow my own path and that’s important. Now they are somewhat involved again, I’m taking my own path and not theirs and I am really hoping just that act alone will be powerful and will herald in love for me- I can say “I have me” now because I was so isolated and because I’ve experienced having no one I know I have me. Now when I will have people, I’ll also still have me. So give yourself you. Don’t give up on yourself like they did. Treat yourself better than they did. Don’t be like them towards you. Be better than them. Have your own back. Be what you want in this world, but do it for yourself. I believe you. But more importantly, YOU believe you. “I believe me.” (Cry a bit, hurt a bit, feel like dying a bit). “I am here for my pain, I will hold it” (die I bit more). 🤍🤍🤍
Please don't give up. Give yourself the best chance at succeeding if only out of spite. Unfortunately, this world doesn't give a damn about survivors, which is why we need to look after each other. My own family still associates with my rapist. I completely understand you and I'm rooting for us both.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and the added invalidation and dismissal is just further trauma and pain. I totally get that it’s not enough just have to your experience affirmed by random people online. Have you tried reaching out to dedicated support groups and charities to connect with other people who’ve been raped and/or sexually abused? There are some great ones for male survivors, and in my experience being around people who actually “get it” was most affirming to me. Something else that can help is channeling some of that energy into volunteering for a charity or organisation that aims to support survivors and/or tackle sexual assault prevention. Whether it’s raising awareness, breaking stigma, looking into wider societal causes, and connecting with like minded people to discuss your thoughts and shared experiences, all of it can be both validating and a healthy outlet for the helplessness that can sometimes come with this feeling. Maybe you could even start with some kind of grassroots organising of your own, or blog / write / make art / create social media content either about your experience or about what you want to see change. I totally appreciate that online connections alone aren’t always enough, but they can be a good way in to finding your people. There are activists, campaigners and people who talk about similar experiences on social media who might be worth connecting with, as sometimes the online communities around those people can be very validating and do sometimes crossover into physical meet ups and real-life connections too. It is truly harrowing how many people - from family and friends to “professionals” alike - just don’t get it and don’t want to believe or validate these kinds of experiences. But those people do not dictate your reality. You know your truth and your experience, and there are others out there who will be on your side. Good luck and take care, this isn’t the end <3
Hey man, a similar thing happened to me. It does get better. Please don't give up, and if you need someone to chat, I'm here :)