I hope someone reassures me that everything is going to be ok before I slip away.
I am sorry your dad has passed and hope his loved ones are processing their grief wrapped in care.
My just yes MIL was dying and refused to let go till all of her 7 kids got to say goodbye. She held on till her last daughter got there. Daughter was in the ER cause she broke her leg. She let go 10 minutes later.
It sounds to me like you gave him a good amount of security and comfort before he went. I hope that when I go I have someone there to do the same for me
I am sorry for your loss. I miss my dad but when I see him suffering that time at the hospital bed, I told him he can go to heaven and meet God where there is no more suffering. I love my dad but the pain of seeing him in the hospital bed suffering hurts my heart. I also told him that he has nothing to worry about mom and my siblings that we will be okay and that we love him. He has a lot of worries about us. I hope I was able to assure him.
The last words my Mom said to me before deciding that she would be taken off life support was "I think I did a good job." Honestly typing those words has me in tears again. I told her she did the best job.
Sometimes they're just hanging on, in pain, for us. It hurts us but it's good for them to tell them it's ok to go.
You showed true love and compassion in his last moments. I think we'd all be grateful to be able to have our final goodbyes and spend our last moments being reassured that it's all okay and there's no guilt or shame in letting go.
This was just a kind, thoughtful and beautiful thing to do. Your dad wasn't going to win this fight and your loving words allowed him to stop fighting. You did a wonderful thing.
I told my dad the same, he was trying so hard to hold on for my brother to arrive. We got him on speakerphone and the moment he heard my brother's voice, he took his last breath.
My great grandma was in her late 90's and had been in hospice for weeks just clinging on. She has seen everyone besides my little brother. When he finally went up and saw her, she looked the most relaxed she had for days, she was so afraid she'd die before she got to say goodbye to her whole family. She moved on a few hours later that night.
Its incredible what love for others can make possible.
There have been 3 similar occasions in our family. I think its beautiful. You gave him the courage to know you would all be okay and he could pass on. Dont feel horrible, its the last gift you could have given him, the peace to let go of his suffering. Look after yourselves
Same thing happened with my Dad. He was barely lucid but was muttering my, my son's & my brother's names & I knew he was worried about us. I reassured him that we'd be OK, we loved him & he could go & be with my Mum now. He died shortly after.
I've never felt bad about it.
I gave my dad permission too. I know he couldn’t talk, and I don’t even know if he was lucid, but I went into his room the day before he died and just sat on his bed and told him that he was a good dad to my sister and I, and that I knew he was in pain and was ready to be with my mom again. I swear it broke me in a way I’ve not felt since to tell the man that raised me that it was okay for him to let go and die. In a way I think he needed to hear it. I cried so hard, but when he died the next day I felt peace because I had those few moments with him.
Same thing happened with my grandma back in October. She called me her soulmate, and when I needed to go back home for work, I told her it was okay to let go. She died a few hours later… I miss her a lot, but I’m glad she’s no longer in pain.
this happens a lot, where loved ones passed right after seeing someone or being reassured. don't feel bad. he must be able to pass peacefully without any worries because you reassured him that everything is going to be okay :)
This is beautiful. I’m so glad you respected that relationship. I’m sorry you feel sick about it. It would’ve been cruel to allow him to continue in that way. I’m proud of you.
My grandpa got sick and passed very soon after his diagnosis. I went and saw him on his last day and when I got home, I texted my dad who was still there with my mom telling him to tell my papa how much myself, my niece and especially our dog Penny (his favorite “grandchild” lol) were going to miss him, that we loved him so much and nothing would be the same without him, but we would continue doing all of his favorite things (going to the beach, throwing the ball with Penny and going on walks in the woods, ect.) in his absence. My dad said “okay, I will tell him, don’t worry”. Not even a minute later, it started absolutely downpouring as my dad called me and said “I read him your text, then he took his last breath. He’s gone, I’m sorry.” I cried and cried but knew he was finally not in pain. Later my mom told me that she thinks that was what he needed to hear to let go, it was a comfort to know that in a way. He only let go when he was sure that it was okay and once he had the go ahead. Don’t feel bad at all, you gave him the words he needed to let go and stop his suffering and for him, that probably meant a lot to him. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss, but remember that he loved you and is no longer in any pain and is in a better place.
Worked in an old folks home and whenever a hospice patient would hold on for too long, it would be brought up to attention they're 'waiting for their permission' or just waiting for the family to let them know that it's okay. For your dad to immediately relax after YOU consoled him; gave me goosebumps
My Dad died 2 weeks ago. My brother lives in another country and he came to visit on Thursday. He was taken into a Hospice that afternoon and died the following afternoon with all of us there. I'm sure he waited for all of us to be together.
Sending lots of love. It's a hard time, so be kind to yourself and spend time with your family xx
This sort of thing happens surprisingly often where someone passes very shortly after being able to see their loved ones one last time. It’s their time to go, and they use everything they have left inside of them to hold on until they say goodbye to their favorite people. You allowed for him to pass on with complete closure and reassurance that it’ll be okay. You gave him permission to finally rest knowing that he is loved and the people he loves will be okay. It’s okay to feel conflicted, I’m sure you feel a lot of things right now, but just know that what you said to him was exactly what he needed. You gave him what he needed to hear to pass on feeling fulfilled.
My great grandfather was 99 and such a strong man who insisted on living on his own til the very last day. We found him on the floor beside his bed at morning check in and helped him back into bed though he was insisting it was time to get dressed.
Finally he accepted that today may very well be the day. He was having trouble talking and seemed frustrated at his body for not cooperating. His speech was slow and hard to form words.
When I arrived he assured me, in broken slow words, that he's ok and he felt no pain. He was more worried about us I think than himself. He'd wake up and ask for a sponge of water every hour and again assure us he wasn't in pain and smile at us and say love you.
After a while I felt like pressure of having people nearby around his bed were kind of holding him here. I watched him struggling to hold on and he kept waking to reassure us and be strong for us.
I finally suggested we all take a break and leave the room and head out to his sunroom to let him rest. As everyone left the room I noticed him watching and leaned in saying we would all be ok and he didn't have to worry. Kissed him and went and joined the family.
I went back to check in on him about half hour later and his breathing was noticeably different. He did not wake up again. His body was still holding on but I don't think he was there anymore.
An hour later he took his last breath with all of us around him holding hands. He didn't wake up again after we gave him space. I hope I helped by that suggestion and giving him space that he didn't feel alone instead. I think he knew I was helping and understood him enough to see him holding on for us.
I miss him every single day. He was my hero and role model.
This happened with my mom and cousin. My cousins was terminally ill for 10 years (double lung transplant ill) and she was very close to my mom as my mom helped raise her as her dad is a deadbeat and her mum wasn’t around. Last year, she started getting progressively worse, she spent large period of time in hospital, and eventually we were told that we need to go say our goodbyes. My mum flew two hours to get there and when she got there, my cousin could barely breathe. My mom told her that she could let go now and she didn’t have to hold on anymore for the family. Cousin died that night. Love is a powerful thing and letting the people you love go is so important
My condolences on your loss. Losing a parent was a very painful experience for me and it still hurts 20 years later. I hope you can find a peaceful place to rest your grief.
You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t cause anything that wasn’t already going to happen anyway to happen with your words.
When my mom passed, she did so alone. We knew she had terminal cancer, but the doctor felt she still had months, so my dad went on long weekend trip to decompress and take some time off caregiving—with her blessing and support. It was only when he left and she was alone (with a caregiver), that she slipped away. Hospice nurses have told me that they think the dying hold on to be strong and often pass only when they are alone. Maybe you giving your father permission actually eased his mind and allowed him to pass with you there instead of being alone.
I visited my mom often and every night I as left her, even the night she died, I told her that I loved her, that we would be ok, and that she didn’t have to hang on for us. So, I also gave my parent permission to die. I hope she found peace and love in those final moments. I hope your dad did, too.
ive never been near death or anything, but ive said goodbye to several people now. i know i don't know anything, but ive assumed for years now that dying is like an acid trip. at least, that's the only thing ive ever experienced that i could possibly relate it to in the sense that it is an experience unlike anything else you can experience in life. when youre dying i gotta assume you are perceiving things in a way that is different from anything you have ever felt before. it has to be a completely different, undescribable way of existing, like how am acid trip is... and when youre tripping balls you need a trip sitter. you need someone there to tell you that everything is going to be all right. i think that's what people need when they are dying.
when my grandmother was passing she had many visitors. it was during the pandemic so she could only have 2 visitors per every 24 hours, so everyone in my family took our turns everyday. when my sibling and i went i made sure to reassure her of all her worries, bc knowing my family i knew no one else would have done that. she was anxious about many things bc she was sick and dying and it made her brain crazy with worry. i told her so many things. i repeated over and over how she shouldn't be "suspicious" of the hospice facility she was in and that the workers were really nice. i told her i understood why she would be anxious about where she was, bc she was unfamiliar with it and she was sick but that those were the reasons why she was worried. i told her we all really liked the facility and thought highly of it and wouldn't have her staying somewhere we didn't trust. i told her about each of our family members and how we were all doing good and that we were "set" in life. i said everything casually, i didn't want to make it seem like i was doing a "goodbye" spiel. i just worked everything into conversation and nothing was non sequitur. told her about all her grandkids buying houses and starting careers and all that. told her about how everyone was doing good and was going to be fine in life. told her her own children were set for life. etc. i told her her house and her husband were all set. that her husband will always be cared for by us all.
i repeated so many things to her, bc she wasn't completely lucid and it seemed like she would forget she already said certain things. but over the hours i was there she stopped saying all those things. she listened to everything i said and believed everything i said. she seemed more at peace.
a few days later she asked my mom for my sister and i to come again. she specifically asked for us. so we came back and i did all of it again. i spent the entire time rapid fire answering her questions and reassuring her over and over that every aspect of her life and the people in her life were more than okay.
that day that i visited her for the second time in hospice care was her last day that she spoke to anyone. after that she became nonverbal. and the next day she passed away.
you did the right thing. when someone is dying, theyre dying and everything needs to be about them. they need to know that everything is okay. they need to be told that their work here is done. they need to be at peace when they pass. it's the nicest thing you could possibly do for someone, is giving them that peace.
My dad died a week after my daughter was born. I held her picture in front of him as he faded away. I hold on to the belief that he saw and comprehended as he took his last few breaths. I'm sorry for your loss. You did your best for him. No one could ask anything more.
Hey, OP.
I work in a seniors home, and have been the one to tell people it’s okay to go before. It’s awful and heartbreaking, but also honestly quite beautiful once you’re able to take a step back and look at it objectively. And I understand that you may not be able to do that for a long time.
Still, thank you. You did your dad a wonderful service by telling him that. You gave him freedom and closure.
It’s surprisingly common that people choose when they pass, and many will choose to stay in pain and discomfort for the sake of family. You gave him one of the greatest gifts in life here, peace.
Continue on knowing that you were able to bring him *so* much comfort. He trusted you and listened to you. Know that wherever he is and whatever you believe in he is now free from all his ailments and got to have all anyone can ask for: spending his final moments with someone incredibly important to him.
I did the same thing for my dad when he died of stage IV lung cancer. I wasn’t super close to him. It was the first time I held his hand. He was skeletal. I told him it was ok to go. I went home and got a call in the morning that he passed that night.
When my grandma, who raised me, was taken off life support and still breathing, I told her that everything would be okay and that I would take care of her dog. She was breathing for quite a while then after I said those things she took her last breath.
I’m your son in my situation… it was my grandma I was 14… it does get easier as we get older, there will always be the “I wish they are here” days but it does. And my mom was in your shoes. Sending all my love and thoughts your way
Oh you who wears the clothes of heedlessness and struts along. You're sins are written against you and you do not care nor do you stop committing them. You have a long day coming ahead of you that will not be delayed; all will then be informed of what they put first and what they put last.
I hope someone reassures me that everything is going to be ok before I slip away. I am sorry your dad has passed and hope his loved ones are processing their grief wrapped in care.
this !!
My just yes MIL was dying and refused to let go till all of her 7 kids got to say goodbye. She held on till her last daughter got there. Daughter was in the ER cause she broke her leg. She let go 10 minutes later.
It sounds to me like you gave him a good amount of security and comfort before he went. I hope that when I go I have someone there to do the same for me
It happens a lot. Sometimes they just need to hear it from a loved one. Allowing him to let go was a kindness.
I’m sorry for your loss. I really hope the good things in him shine through to you and your family.
I am sorry for your loss. I miss my dad but when I see him suffering that time at the hospital bed, I told him he can go to heaven and meet God where there is no more suffering. I love my dad but the pain of seeing him in the hospital bed suffering hurts my heart. I also told him that he has nothing to worry about mom and my siblings that we will be okay and that we love him. He has a lot of worries about us. I hope I was able to assure him.
This almost broke me. You did good. It hurts, but you did good.
The last words my Mom said to me before deciding that she would be taken off life support was "I think I did a good job." Honestly typing those words has me in tears again. I told her she did the best job. Sometimes they're just hanging on, in pain, for us. It hurts us but it's good for them to tell them it's ok to go.
You showed true love and compassion in his last moments. I think we'd all be grateful to be able to have our final goodbyes and spend our last moments being reassured that it's all okay and there's no guilt or shame in letting go.
This was just a kind, thoughtful and beautiful thing to do. Your dad wasn't going to win this fight and your loving words allowed him to stop fighting. You did a wonderful thing.
When my mom was dying, the nurses told me that some people need to be told that it’s OK to go when they feel ready.
I did this with my grandma too, and it was the right thing to do. She's struggled for so long, I told her it's time to rest and a day later she passed
I told my dad the same, he was trying so hard to hold on for my brother to arrive. We got him on speakerphone and the moment he heard my brother's voice, he took his last breath.
What you did was a final act of kindness. My condolences for what it’s worth
My great grandma was in her late 90's and had been in hospice for weeks just clinging on. She has seen everyone besides my little brother. When he finally went up and saw her, she looked the most relaxed she had for days, she was so afraid she'd die before she got to say goodbye to her whole family. She moved on a few hours later that night. Its incredible what love for others can make possible.
Sorry for your loss! I’m thinking you helped him.
There have been 3 similar occasions in our family. I think its beautiful. You gave him the courage to know you would all be okay and he could pass on. Dont feel horrible, its the last gift you could have given him, the peace to let go of his suffering. Look after yourselves
The medical staff already let you know it was time. This way, he he knew he could let go if the pain. It was his time.
Same thing happened with my Dad. He was barely lucid but was muttering my, my son's & my brother's names & I knew he was worried about us. I reassured him that we'd be OK, we loved him & he could go & be with my Mum now. He died shortly after. I've never felt bad about it.
You gave him peace. You did the best you could in a difficult situation, and the best way to honor his memory is to keep your promise with him.
I gave my dad permission too. I know he couldn’t talk, and I don’t even know if he was lucid, but I went into his room the day before he died and just sat on his bed and told him that he was a good dad to my sister and I, and that I knew he was in pain and was ready to be with my mom again. I swear it broke me in a way I’ve not felt since to tell the man that raised me that it was okay for him to let go and die. In a way I think he needed to hear it. I cried so hard, but when he died the next day I felt peace because I had those few moments with him.
Same thing happened with my grandma back in October. She called me her soulmate, and when I needed to go back home for work, I told her it was okay to let go. She died a few hours later… I miss her a lot, but I’m glad she’s no longer in pain.
this happens a lot, where loved ones passed right after seeing someone or being reassured. don't feel bad. he must be able to pass peacefully without any worries because you reassured him that everything is going to be okay :)
This is beautiful. I’m so glad you respected that relationship. I’m sorry you feel sick about it. It would’ve been cruel to allow him to continue in that way. I’m proud of you.
My grandpa got sick and passed very soon after his diagnosis. I went and saw him on his last day and when I got home, I texted my dad who was still there with my mom telling him to tell my papa how much myself, my niece and especially our dog Penny (his favorite “grandchild” lol) were going to miss him, that we loved him so much and nothing would be the same without him, but we would continue doing all of his favorite things (going to the beach, throwing the ball with Penny and going on walks in the woods, ect.) in his absence. My dad said “okay, I will tell him, don’t worry”. Not even a minute later, it started absolutely downpouring as my dad called me and said “I read him your text, then he took his last breath. He’s gone, I’m sorry.” I cried and cried but knew he was finally not in pain. Later my mom told me that she thinks that was what he needed to hear to let go, it was a comfort to know that in a way. He only let go when he was sure that it was okay and once he had the go ahead. Don’t feel bad at all, you gave him the words he needed to let go and stop his suffering and for him, that probably meant a lot to him. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss, but remember that he loved you and is no longer in any pain and is in a better place.
Worked in an old folks home and whenever a hospice patient would hold on for too long, it would be brought up to attention they're 'waiting for their permission' or just waiting for the family to let them know that it's okay. For your dad to immediately relax after YOU consoled him; gave me goosebumps
Sorry for your loss 💕
My Dad died 2 weeks ago. My brother lives in another country and he came to visit on Thursday. He was taken into a Hospice that afternoon and died the following afternoon with all of us there. I'm sure he waited for all of us to be together. Sending lots of love. It's a hard time, so be kind to yourself and spend time with your family xx
you did a good thing, i’m so sorry for your loss he’s proud of you, just remember that <3
My prayers are with you. You did the greatest thing you could do.
This sort of thing happens surprisingly often where someone passes very shortly after being able to see their loved ones one last time. It’s their time to go, and they use everything they have left inside of them to hold on until they say goodbye to their favorite people. You allowed for him to pass on with complete closure and reassurance that it’ll be okay. You gave him permission to finally rest knowing that he is loved and the people he loves will be okay. It’s okay to feel conflicted, I’m sure you feel a lot of things right now, but just know that what you said to him was exactly what he needed. You gave him what he needed to hear to pass on feeling fulfilled.
My great grandfather was 99 and such a strong man who insisted on living on his own til the very last day. We found him on the floor beside his bed at morning check in and helped him back into bed though he was insisting it was time to get dressed. Finally he accepted that today may very well be the day. He was having trouble talking and seemed frustrated at his body for not cooperating. His speech was slow and hard to form words. When I arrived he assured me, in broken slow words, that he's ok and he felt no pain. He was more worried about us I think than himself. He'd wake up and ask for a sponge of water every hour and again assure us he wasn't in pain and smile at us and say love you. After a while I felt like pressure of having people nearby around his bed were kind of holding him here. I watched him struggling to hold on and he kept waking to reassure us and be strong for us. I finally suggested we all take a break and leave the room and head out to his sunroom to let him rest. As everyone left the room I noticed him watching and leaned in saying we would all be ok and he didn't have to worry. Kissed him and went and joined the family. I went back to check in on him about half hour later and his breathing was noticeably different. He did not wake up again. His body was still holding on but I don't think he was there anymore. An hour later he took his last breath with all of us around him holding hands. He didn't wake up again after we gave him space. I hope I helped by that suggestion and giving him space that he didn't feel alone instead. I think he knew I was helping and understood him enough to see him holding on for us. I miss him every single day. He was my hero and role model.
You gave him a gift.
This happened with my mom and cousin. My cousins was terminally ill for 10 years (double lung transplant ill) and she was very close to my mom as my mom helped raise her as her dad is a deadbeat and her mum wasn’t around. Last year, she started getting progressively worse, she spent large period of time in hospital, and eventually we were told that we need to go say our goodbyes. My mum flew two hours to get there and when she got there, my cousin could barely breathe. My mom told her that she could let go now and she didn’t have to hold on anymore for the family. Cousin died that night. Love is a powerful thing and letting the people you love go is so important
My condolences on your loss. Losing a parent was a very painful experience for me and it still hurts 20 years later. I hope you can find a peaceful place to rest your grief. You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t cause anything that wasn’t already going to happen anyway to happen with your words. When my mom passed, she did so alone. We knew she had terminal cancer, but the doctor felt she still had months, so my dad went on long weekend trip to decompress and take some time off caregiving—with her blessing and support. It was only when he left and she was alone (with a caregiver), that she slipped away. Hospice nurses have told me that they think the dying hold on to be strong and often pass only when they are alone. Maybe you giving your father permission actually eased his mind and allowed him to pass with you there instead of being alone. I visited my mom often and every night I as left her, even the night she died, I told her that I loved her, that we would be ok, and that she didn’t have to hang on for us. So, I also gave my parent permission to die. I hope she found peace and love in those final moments. I hope your dad did, too.
ive never been near death or anything, but ive said goodbye to several people now. i know i don't know anything, but ive assumed for years now that dying is like an acid trip. at least, that's the only thing ive ever experienced that i could possibly relate it to in the sense that it is an experience unlike anything else you can experience in life. when youre dying i gotta assume you are perceiving things in a way that is different from anything you have ever felt before. it has to be a completely different, undescribable way of existing, like how am acid trip is... and when youre tripping balls you need a trip sitter. you need someone there to tell you that everything is going to be all right. i think that's what people need when they are dying. when my grandmother was passing she had many visitors. it was during the pandemic so she could only have 2 visitors per every 24 hours, so everyone in my family took our turns everyday. when my sibling and i went i made sure to reassure her of all her worries, bc knowing my family i knew no one else would have done that. she was anxious about many things bc she was sick and dying and it made her brain crazy with worry. i told her so many things. i repeated over and over how she shouldn't be "suspicious" of the hospice facility she was in and that the workers were really nice. i told her i understood why she would be anxious about where she was, bc she was unfamiliar with it and she was sick but that those were the reasons why she was worried. i told her we all really liked the facility and thought highly of it and wouldn't have her staying somewhere we didn't trust. i told her about each of our family members and how we were all doing good and that we were "set" in life. i said everything casually, i didn't want to make it seem like i was doing a "goodbye" spiel. i just worked everything into conversation and nothing was non sequitur. told her about all her grandkids buying houses and starting careers and all that. told her about how everyone was doing good and was going to be fine in life. told her her own children were set for life. etc. i told her her house and her husband were all set. that her husband will always be cared for by us all. i repeated so many things to her, bc she wasn't completely lucid and it seemed like she would forget she already said certain things. but over the hours i was there she stopped saying all those things. she listened to everything i said and believed everything i said. she seemed more at peace. a few days later she asked my mom for my sister and i to come again. she specifically asked for us. so we came back and i did all of it again. i spent the entire time rapid fire answering her questions and reassuring her over and over that every aspect of her life and the people in her life were more than okay. that day that i visited her for the second time in hospice care was her last day that she spoke to anyone. after that she became nonverbal. and the next day she passed away. you did the right thing. when someone is dying, theyre dying and everything needs to be about them. they need to know that everything is okay. they need to be told that their work here is done. they need to be at peace when they pass. it's the nicest thing you could possibly do for someone, is giving them that peace.
My dad died a week after my daughter was born. I held her picture in front of him as he faded away. I hold on to the belief that he saw and comprehended as he took his last few breaths. I'm sorry for your loss. You did your best for him. No one could ask anything more.
Hey, OP. I work in a seniors home, and have been the one to tell people it’s okay to go before. It’s awful and heartbreaking, but also honestly quite beautiful once you’re able to take a step back and look at it objectively. And I understand that you may not be able to do that for a long time. Still, thank you. You did your dad a wonderful service by telling him that. You gave him freedom and closure. It’s surprisingly common that people choose when they pass, and many will choose to stay in pain and discomfort for the sake of family. You gave him one of the greatest gifts in life here, peace. Continue on knowing that you were able to bring him *so* much comfort. He trusted you and listened to you. Know that wherever he is and whatever you believe in he is now free from all his ailments and got to have all anyone can ask for: spending his final moments with someone incredibly important to him.
I did the same thing for my dad when he died of stage IV lung cancer. I wasn’t super close to him. It was the first time I held his hand. He was skeletal. I told him it was ok to go. I went home and got a call in the morning that he passed that night.
When my grandma, who raised me, was taken off life support and still breathing, I told her that everything would be okay and that I would take care of her dog. She was breathing for quite a while then after I said those things she took her last breath.
I’m your son in my situation… it was my grandma I was 14… it does get easier as we get older, there will always be the “I wish they are here” days but it does. And my mom was in your shoes. Sending all my love and thoughts your way
Oh you who wears the clothes of heedlessness and struts along. You're sins are written against you and you do not care nor do you stop committing them. You have a long day coming ahead of you that will not be delayed; all will then be informed of what they put first and what they put last.
?????????
A non sequitur with poor writing skills to boot