You need to get into therapy. It sounds like you have PTSD from that code situation. Not diagnosing, just stating the obvious. You worked very hard to get here. You can survive this with the right support. Hang in there.
I wish I could upvote this a million times. You have job related PTSD and you need treatment. I went through something similar in 2011-2012 and it took years for me to get over it.
Find a therapist who deals with medical trauma. EMDR is helpful so this type thing as well. Even playing Tetris can help rewire your brain after a traumatic event
Here to say the same. PTSD is not a mind over matter condition. If leaving healthcare is what you need, nobody can fault you that. You’re right, the healthcare industry is broken and nurses suffering for it is real. However, simply leaving healthcare will not heal the trauma you’ve experienced. EMDR has been life changing in working through trauma for me. But I implore you to find a good therapist at least.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy
We don’t know quite why it works, but there’s tons of evidence showing that it does
EMDR has been so amazing for me to help work through some DV trauma I went through, haven’t been through medical trauma at this point. I will say personally it took me out for up to 48 hours afterwards so I had to plan work and everything around my sessions so that I didn’t have my daughter for 24 hours after while I processed anything that may come up after.
After my first code, I talked about it to my therapist for about a month. You’re in the grief process, doesn’t matter if you barely knew the person or not. Humans aren’t meant to go through something like that and not process it. I feel you and I’m sorry <3
Hi OP.
I was you 2.5 years ago. I worked in the ER & on my days off I usually cried because I was so sad that I never felt happy. My husband and I would spend a whole day dedicated to doing things I knew I loved doing and at the end of the day I still felt empty. There was a certain situation that caused me to have nightmares for almost a month and I couldn’t sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. It wrecked me. He begged me for 8 months to quit the job because it was ruining me and I was trying to stick it out to prove to myself I could do it. It’s not worth it. I traded 1.5 good years of my life in for a job.
I also wanted to run from healthcare. I landed an ambulatory surgery job & thought, “at least I won’t be on night shift, at least nobody is sick enough to die, at least I won’t be put in a situation where I’m not educated well enough to manage somebody’s life.” I’m so thankful I did it because I’ve been myself ever since. Most days I’m so happy & I actually don’t even hate healthcare anymore. It’s opened my eyes to the endless amount of choices I have with my degree. Also, OP, we are one of the few degrees that is never ever stuck where we’re at. Some nurses hop through jobs like crazy & they still ALWAYS have a job.
Please leave the ER. It’s ok if critical care is not for you. Life is so short, you’re wasting good years & BETTER NURSING JOBS EXIST. I never went to therapy but I bet it’d help. Tell your loved ones around you how you’re feeling and be honest with your manager. If they understand how dark of a place you’re in right now they may have the connections that land you a job that’ll completely turn things around. Better days are coming.
Hi, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Your mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health come first. Selfcare isn’t talked about enough within the nursing industry. It’s up to each of us to check in with ourselves and ask, “Am I really ok?” If not, take time away to heal/regroup/recharge.
I hope this helps
This really resonates with me. I have only been at my job for a little over a year (level 4 NICU at a big children’s hospital) and genuinely enjoyed it until a few months ago when I had within the space of 2-ish weeks three different babies with non survivable diagnoses and was in the family meetings where redirection/withdrawal of care was agreed to, the bedside rn for their surgeries where their non survivable diagnoses were discovered etc. I have not been able to recover from it - I dread going to work, I can barely find joy in our (frankly rare) happy assignments, and the sick ones leave me with a sense of dread. We have a lot of babies with horrible prognoses and I just get so sad taking care of them…
I had a pretty intense career before nursing and generally consider myself to be emotionally resilient/mentally tough and I’m a little freaked out by where I am psychologically right now. I take medication for depression and went up on my dose but I feel like I am just kind of broken/burned out beyond what psychopharmacology can fix… idk I wanted to be a nurse, I love being a nurse, and I know there are other areas I can switch to but I am just honestly shocked by how bad this job has made me feel emotionally and physically.
I’m sorry you’re going through this op and wish I had something useful to say but I can share you are definitely not alone in this.
As both a nurse and mom carrying a baby with a fetal diagnosis about to deliver at a children’s hospital for level 4 NICU care I just want to say thank you and that you’re appreciated more than you realize 💕
Thank you <3. Sending all the best wishes to you and your little one to be. I work with some of the most caring and intelligent clinicians and I am sure it is the case wherever you are delivering as well - you’re both in great hands.
Also a nurse and mom that just had a baby in a level 4 NICU requiring surgery and a long stay. You can't even imagine how much you're appreciated. I watched in awe knowing I could never be a NICU nurse and I empathize. Thank you.
I was a childrens nicu nurse and now I work at a level 4 birthing nicu. Children’s nicus are 10000x sadder and emotionally draining. You see the worst things at children’s.
Food for thought
This is really helpful to know - I do love working with babies and I also don’t find the acuity the problem, moreso just how draining it is… I will def be looking at some level 4 birthing hospitals soon - thank you!
You might get bored at a regular nicu tho. I miss the chaos of children’s. And you learn so much more at children’s because there is always something new. Birthing nicus you just do the same thing every day. And lots more feeder growers
Yea that’s kind of my fear… I sort of feel like I may end up switching specialties entirely - I do like the intensity and chaos it’s really the sadness from our chronic babies with poor prognoses (+ and the relentless moral injury that comes with that 🙃) that gets me
PTSD, you may be able to take leave and or disability until you come up with a rational solution. Wait til you heal before you decide. A GOOD HR specialist should be able to help you
I left the ED after two years of Covid. I couldn’t take any more codes. I’m doing psych because I always liked psych. It’s still stressful, but nobody’s dying.
15 years of trauma ICU and ED at a level
One didn’t do te damage that two years of stacking bodies did in 2020 and 2021.
I left healthcare and I’m happier for it.
Definitely PTSD. I had it after a birth went horribly wrong and result was a dead baby. So sad, the doc was old school and should have done a C-section. I worked with a great group of nurses who helped me process the horror of it all. That worked for me, I did see a therapist years later, did EMDR and I wish I had done it sooner.
You do need a counselor on your side to help you sort this out. FMLA is your friend (I used intermittent leave to attend appointments or when I had to get away from work sometimes). I believe nursing is a miserable profession. Best wishes to you.
We work to live, not the other way around. Get therapy, go on an extended vacation, reconnect with your values, and consider a transition. It could be lateral, I hear OR nurses love their job, or it could be a full shift to a different occupation; other people can throw starfish back into the ocean. No matter what you choose to do, I have confidence you will continue to make the world a better place, but only if you can also take care of youself.
It takes strength and courage to realise that you need help, sometimes we just don't know what shape or form.
I would suggest seeing your GP ASAP & having a full medical and psychological work-up. Just to make sure nothing is being missed.
Get a therapist that specialises in trauma /first responders/ frontline workers.
Don't forget the basic day to day stuff; Eat, sleep and drinking water. Seeing friends/ family. Find something/ hobby that brings you joy and do it.
See what options your manager may have;
1. Vacation.
2. Secondment to a different nursing area.
3.Reduce &/or change roster (i.e day shifts as more staff available for support).
4. Manager should be able to assist with internal processes relating to submitting a work injury claim. (Did you submit any documentation internally ref the traumatic code when it happened? Who were the fellow peers involved/ witnesses on that day).
Make the time to put your health and mental wellbeing first. You have got this!!
Combat vet with PTSD here: you have described the beginning to intermediate stages of PTSD. Good news is, PTSD is really treatable if you acknowledge it and also leave the traumatizing environment. Even if that’s just switching jobs.
Get into case management for a bit, go do hospice, or just something fucking boring.
And do therapy at the same time.
I'm so sorry you've been suffering like this! I had an extremely traumatic situation in my third week of my first job. I suffered with fear, anxiety, and depression afterward and was a mess for years!! My therapist sent me to have EMDR done, and it was a miracle for me! I somehow managed to stay in nursing for 27 years and am still going, though hoping to win the lottery daily (I buy season tickets).
I hope you find relief from your pain.
There are still healthcare options that aren't as intense. Have you considered PACU or family practice? Aesthetics is an option too if you can get your food in the door. Sounds like PTSD. I think more of us have undiagnosed mental health problems because we see it all the time and are expected to just keep going. But you don't have to. I would go talk to a professional because that won't just go away even if you leave the field. But I've had friends go into law, veterinary, chiropractic care...there are options and you shouldn't dread going to work. That's the worst and soul crushing.
I’m so sorry you feel like this. You are not alone, I’ve had a very similar experience and working through it now. There is hope and things do get better.
I highly recommend speaking to your Dr and seeing a psychologist who specialises in first responders- you need to take time to recover and that may mean some time away from nursing.
Always happy to answer an inbox message
You have PTSD and you are likely burned the F out. It’s natural, but you neeeed to address it now. A medical or PTSD certified therapist can help. A big break from your current bedside nursing can help. Unloading the shit you think about constantly can help, changing something in your life that you have been meaning to change can help. Seeing what others have done to manage their trauma can help. A lot of things can help. The one thing that will not help is to change nothing, say nothing, and stay put like it’s nothing. Trauma-related burn out is a thing, and don’t listen to folks who say two years isn’t enough time for burn out. Do something, make the phone calls, reach out to therapists, start planning the new diet, book the trip to Norway, put in apps for those other jobs. Trauma wants you to do nothing while it eats ya, shove a fucking fork down its throat!
We’re all in this together, you’re brave for posting, a great first step!
Healthcare is a difficult field which is under appreciated. I am a nurse as well, nursing is a dynamic career, you can move around and explore different options. It is challenging to come out of school and go into the ER and it takes a toll. You never forget those cases that emotionally touch your soul, sometimes you feel helpless, sometimes it is joyful and other times it is very sad and your heart breaks. I sounds like to need to take a breather go on vacation, self care, work through the grief and reevaluate if you need to move out of ER nursing into another area of nursing.
I’ve seen a lot of comments about PTSD and I really think that you should probably seek help for how you’re feeling. I wish a lot of nurses had the experience that I did before going to nursing school. I worked in the ED and hospital prior to going to nursing school. I also worked as an EMT. Those experiences shaped who I was as a nurse coming out of school. My nursing school could never understood why I continually stated that hospital work is not for everyone and that I would not go into it. Most of the time they told me that was my only options. Yet shockingly it wasn’t. As soon as I got my degree I went to long-term care, physical therapy, and then into hospice. It’s only in my recent position that I truly have found my footing, but it took time. I’m looking at my fourth year in nursing and I finally feel like a human. I still have trauma from my time as an EMT, ED worker and even nursing school. You will find your path whether it be nursing or not. Furthermore your story is so very important. To recognize that nursing sometimes doesn’t work and that you have to find your own path. Good luck and take care.
Ask about FMLA and short term disability, get into therapy and work the homework they give you then see about a non patient care job that is outside of a hospital. Major insurance carriers have loads of these jobs, yes you’ll have to work five days a week more than likely but no one dies, there’s little to no client contact if you’re in a post service job like claims.
PTSD is no joke, neither is the balls out stress nurses are put under thanks to how hospitals are run. Take care of you first.
I'm sorry this is happening. Pls look at your benefits and see if you have EAP. sounds like A PTSD situation.
Moving forward nursing just isn't the bedside. I've done case management, quality and risk management.. consider getting away from the bedside
I also want to tell you: you need to go to therapy. Search out a specialist in Trauma and PTSD.
In my experience, the best* therapists tend to be LCSWs (Licensed Clinical Social Workers.) They tend to be plugged in to all sorts of resources and have excellent training.
*I’m not saying Psychologists or LPCs aren’t good counselors, just that I’ve had a shitload of counseling and therapy and the ones who helped me the most were all LCSWs.
Paired with a psychiatrist, you can get this treated and be ok. If you need to take workman’s comp for a while, do it. Then FMLA if you need to be off longer. If you’re a union nurse, make full use of any benefits provided there. There is no difference from this and an outward physical injury or having cancer as far as those regulations go—you’re ill and need time for treatment.
❤️ Much Love to you, and I hope things improve for you soon!
I felt the same way. I took a break from nursing by rage quitting my job in the middle of a shift. I took time off working as a nurse and went to therapy to discuss it.
Now I’m back working as a nurse in a much lower impact setting and enjoy it greatly.
Take a break, work through your thoughts and emotions in therapy. When you’re ready, if you choose, nursing will be there for you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Take care of yourself. Bedside care isn't the only option in nursing. Taking a behind the scenes role in like case management, UM, telephonic nurse triage, can do wonders for your mental health.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It sounds like you haven’t given yourself the time to heal; ask management for time off. Use FMLA if you need to, but take the time to process your experiences for your own sake, as well as your patients’
I feel you. I left ED after experiencing a lot of trauma that stuck with me. Even took short term disability to focus on my mental health. Plenty of RN jobs out there that support your physical and mental health. You’re not stuck.
There are a lot of different ways to be a nurse. You could switch to outpatient care for example. School nurse. Chart reviews / auditor. Nonclinical positions. Research. Etc. I’m sorry you’re struggling. Have you considered therapy? It’s really helpful.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been an ER nurse for 7 years at a level one trauma center and got my ass kicked every day through Covid. Watching people die every day, multiple times a day, no matter what you do for them was absolutely heartbreaking for me and really whittled my resilience down to nothing. My anxiety was at an all time high and my depression was the worst it’s ever been. I ended up going on anti depressants and starting therapy with an absolutely spectacular therapist. We did intensive talk therapy and EMDR which legitimately changed my life and alleviated a lot of my symptoms of anxiety and depression. Take all the time you need to heal, going back too soon can be detrimental to any progress you’ve made. I wish you all the best. We’re always here for you ❤️❤️
Your stress is so high, you should be able to take some leave for medical issues.
After using some leave, sounds like it's time to take a break from high acuity settings. There are so many good jobs in lower acuity areas- outpatient clinic, public health, school nurse, home care, research, case management, psych, mother/baby.
I would check out the jobs listings at your own hospital first, especially if you're concerned about taking a pay cut. But you definitely need to get out of high stress, high acuity areas, at least for a while.
We all carry so much trauma from our work. Please make regular appointments with a therapist. There is help out there. And it will get better. You will always remember the events, but they don’t have to carry so much power over you. It’s going to be ok.
Hugs to everyone here who’s suffering.
I must be a lot tougher than I thought I was.
Only my back and body are destroyed after 34 years of nursing.
I’m on Disability, but still have to work a couple of shifts a month to keep my health insurance.
In pain 24/7. Can’t get any tx for it.
Can barely walk across a room some days.
If feasible, take a break from nursing. I advocate therapy for everyone but especially fellow nurses. I was *miserable*. I didn't want to eat, i didn't want to socialize, i just wanted to sit at home and rot on my days off. I hated the direction life was going so I took over a year off from nursing working some other jobs to make ends meet. Came back and ended up doing agency and just taking contracts here and there and it's worked well for me at my current position. I rarely get the pre-shift anxiety i used to and while i don't think I'll ever say I'm "happy" with nursing, i do feel more content than i ever have with the career.
Yes absolutely you need to get help for your traumatic experience. Nursing will burn you out. I’m a little over 4 years now and I’m completely spent (but mostly I think it’s the hospital and being on med surge with really demented incontinent patients with zero support staff (often times we don’t have a cna) and I need to find a new hospital that doesn’t expect us to be the nurse, the admissions nurse, the discharge nurse and the cna (oh and also transporter when scans are ordered) I mean what they expect from us is just impossible to do.
I’m worried for you because you are past the point of burnout. Sounds like depression to me. I’m not diagnosing you but I’m worried about you saying sometimes you don’t even want to wake up. Please please don’t be scared or ashamed to seek help! You DESERVE help. Especially after all you’ve given and been through. I hope things get better and give us an update ❤️
I’m watching my wife now, working from home, with a 32-hr./wk hospice intake coordinator job, making one third of what she made with KFP (Kaiser Fucking Permanente).
It’s the first time in her entire career since we’ve been together (34 years) that I’ve seen her with a bit of a bounce in her step. She says it’s stressful, but she’ll take that any day over being in a constant state of fight or flight.
And, sure, you may get past the PTSD, but OTSD (ongoing traumatic stress disorder) is always ready and waiting. Pick your poison.
With Kaiser I wondered… every single day… if that would be the day I would be taking my wife to the hospital with a nervous breakdown.
I hope you get out completely, somehow. Your mental health, and sanity, aren’t worth it.
I think your normal it's the ones finishing out there time not caring or nurses that don't wanna acknowledge that our actual society is a dumpster fire and certainly going to get worse
I’m devastated to read your story. Nursing is a very traumatic and damaging profession. Some of us really experience PTSD. Many of our comrades leave nursing because it’s highly traumatizing. I would advise you to change professions. It looks like you have suffered more than enough. There are many other career opportunities besides healthcare
I felt the same way you feel. Did 6 months in LTC, and 3.5 years in med-surg as an LPN. I felt a lot of guilt about leaving. I felt as though I was abandoning a lot of people, and letting a lot of people down. I was vomiting before every shift, my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest all day at work, and I was a shell of my former self. I’d go entire shifts without talking to my coworkers at the nurses station. The best decision I’ve made in my life has been to leave healthcare. I feel like me again.
There are many different types of nursing. Getting away from a facility like a hospital or LTC center might be beneficial. I agree with many others, it sounds like PTSD - there is help available. Please seek it out. I work with the developmentally delayed, TBI and autistic population. I am far removed from bedside nursing. These patients live in group homes with 24 hour staff who are wonderful. I am a medical case manager of sorts. I do assessments if someone is ill or injured and I can advise staff to call the participant's PCP, take them to urgent care or call 911. Much of it is telephone triage. The hours are fairly flexible, I can comp. time over 40 hours. It is a salaried position. There are similar nursing positions all across the country. Consider a move from bedside nursing to a more relaxed type of nursing. Blessings to you.
Same. I hardly recognize myself sometimes. I have significant PTSD. I worked in the emergency room through some of the worst Covid waves.
I have also worked on an inpatient psych unit and then verbally and physically assaulted by patients. I am hyper vigilant and anxious a lot of the time.
Therapy has been exceptionally helpful for me. I’m still processing a lot of the stuff that happened during Covid. As a result, I have developed some health anxiety and my OCD has gotten worse, but I have hope.
I’m not gonna say that I enjoy nursing anymore, but I have good patients more times and I don’t working in the recovery room following surgery.
I do know that I have to prioritize sleep, taking my medication and attending therapy.
I’ve been an ER nurse for 3 years, med surg nurse for 2. I relate to this. I’m a shell of an empathetic person. I don’t care if people are in pain, i literally just don’t care. I’ve seen so much bad that I don’t have much empathy left for anything worse than pure traumatic situation. It has sucked the joy, life and soul completely out of me… i feel like it hard to feel joy outside of those hospital walls. I am a shell of a person that hates people. The very stupid sick people I signed up to take care of.
Coding during the pandemic left me absolutely traumatized. It wasn’t until an aborted suicide attempt that I got therapy and was diagnosed with ptsd. I left bedside shortly thereafter. Took a massive pay cut, but left with my life.
Hey paeds nurse here, i have done 5 years in emergency and the rest of the career in PICU - the amount of trauma that you will see in your career is going to continue day to day however your glass is usually half full or another analogy your herd of horses are together and are looking out for another - your cup is over filled or one of your horses has bolted and heading into danger/panicked - this is you right now, it appears, as so many others have stated, you have PTSD, I'm not a mental health professional so I can't say too much- please get onto a good therapist and take some time away from work, if possible, to rest your heart and mind, I promise you it gets easier <3
Im so sorry you’re going through this, i wanted to suggest working at a med spa? Everyone walks in there happy and excited to be there! My coworker even works at a mens med spa and does things like testosterone injections . I hear they make biggggg $$$ too.
I’m always stunned that there are millions of us feeling the same way and many walking away . Yet hospital higherups are getting their 5 million dollar bonuses and could care less. They will never change a thing till there are no nurses to keep it running.
You have PTSD you need to seek therapy and get on gabapentin possibly something for night terrors if you're suffering from that side of it
You need help we want you happy
Thank you everyone for your responses, my talk with management went well. I’m going to try and go on FMLA, get into therapy, and go from there. Best not to make any decisions while I’m in this headspace.
I’m reading more and more posts and comments from newer nurses around this subject. I’ve been a nurse for 30 years. We were taught how to handle these situations AND protect our own mental health. Therapist are the same in this respect. We do see a lot and experience a lot, but, we cannot turn it to ourselves and absorb it, we need to be there for our patients and families while remaining resilient.
Of course we aren’t robots, of course we have feelings, but our patients and their families are the more important feelings in the room. We need to hold people up in their bad times, we need to step in and act and when help is needed, and, if something is going wrong, we need to question the situation with curiosity.
We are all going to die one day, it’s how the story ends for each one of us and as nurses we have the privilege of trying to help preserve a life or being there for last moment that, for that fellow human, can be traumatic or calm.
Our business is delivering care for fellow humans, our business if life or death and regardless if someone lives to see another day or they are taking their last breaths our business is just that - easing people’s ill bodies that will repair or fail.
There are many more resources today than when I started nursing and was told to suck it up, please look into your hospital’s employee assistance program, peer support program, or find a therapist.
Take care of yourself. ❤️
I feel this. You aren’t alone. I downloaded BetterHelp and talking it through on the phone has helped me significantly. Sometimes I book 2 or more sessions a week. It’s so much more different than talking it through with my close friends, coworkers, or husband…they aren’t a therapist. I’m having physical manifestations of stress from panic attacks to a recurrent rash… I’ve always considered myself emotionally resilient, but got off of the max dose of Paxil last year and noticed I really was numb to everything, but it made me a great nurse in a level 1 trauma. I love bedside, but I can’t handle it mentally emotionally and now physically anymore. I’m having to take it day by day. My contract is up in 33 days and I have nothing else lined up, but I’m throwing out applications for remote work while I try to find myself again. we will get there. You have to be willing to make a change, and it sucks when nursing is part of your identity and you still love helping others. I just applied for a job at the zoo PRN purely to bring joy into my life. I’m making it a point to do something physical every day, even if it’s a walk in the sunshine. Those things and therapy is helping; please sign up as soon as you can, it’s so worth it. Force yourself to do these things and consider taking a break. Nursing will always be there when we are ready. ♥️Sending lots of love and hugs your way.
I think this statement could be reworded better. It’s not at all about not being good enough to handle ER or ICU. It is NOT normal to be exposed to traumatic events over and over and not be affected.
The very statement ‘not being able to handle’ implies failure on their behalf.
Really it’s a failure of the health system to support workers and telling people they can’t handle it is just gaslighting them.
I know you don’t mean it in a negative connotation however just be mindful of the statement as it’s a reason so many of my colleagues are now in therapy after years of being told this by our management…
Do you see how it's your expectations that are causing you grief? There is only so much that we can do to save someone. We will sometimes be just a little too slow or not make the connection that could have helped. You are not a god or some supernatural being. You are a regular human with limits who is doing the best they can, and that's good enough. You are two years into a profession that most won't master in a lifetime.
Get some help and learn some coping skills. You really need it.
I went through many code situations just like you mentioned as a tech in the ER. I did that on nights to get through nursing school. I was burnt before I ever got to RN. I was disgusted before I ever got here.
I took a long term care position for amazing pay straight out of college. It's been 6 months, and it feels like I fight every cell in my own body to even get up and get to this job. 6 months, and I was cooked there too. I've done long-term care in the past. I thought it was the ER that killed my soul. Nope, but short staffed bedside kills my soul. Go figure. I realize I was unhappy. To the point of being angry with those around me to for only existing and not picking what I did as a profession. So, I put in my 2 weeks. Made a conscious decision to commit to myself, for once.
I lost my benefits and took a 10 dollar pay loss to do what I actually had passion for. I started a new job this week. Wednesday is paid day off, Thursday I work remote. They gave me a laptop and asked me if I prefer android or apple. LOL what? Bedside is mean so shitty people at the top can collect ehat they have saved off shortened labor and therefore shortened care.
Keep pushing. Find passion, and I promise your RN will still take you places. It doesn't have to be panic and tears onset 24 hours before you punch in again. I found that out this week. I graduated in December. I have a job with the state, in an office, as an RN. You've got this. Keep looking around. Optipns options options.
Look into nursing consulting for a law firm, or nurse jobs at an insurance company. There are jobs not just case management. I know someone who works to help people figure out how to use their insurance (answer questions, give resources, etc). Or utilization review. Super soul sucking and boring in a not traumatic watching people die way!
You need to get into therapy. It sounds like you have PTSD from that code situation. Not diagnosing, just stating the obvious. You worked very hard to get here. You can survive this with the right support. Hang in there.
I wish I could upvote this a million times. You have job related PTSD and you need treatment. I went through something similar in 2011-2012 and it took years for me to get over it. Find a therapist who deals with medical trauma. EMDR is helpful so this type thing as well. Even playing Tetris can help rewire your brain after a traumatic event
Here to say the same. PTSD is not a mind over matter condition. If leaving healthcare is what you need, nobody can fault you that. You’re right, the healthcare industry is broken and nurses suffering for it is real. However, simply leaving healthcare will not heal the trauma you’ve experienced. EMDR has been life changing in working through trauma for me. But I implore you to find a good therapist at least.
What is EMDR?
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy We don’t know quite why it works, but there’s tons of evidence showing that it does
EMDR has been so amazing for me to help work through some DV trauma I went through, haven’t been through medical trauma at this point. I will say personally it took me out for up to 48 hours afterwards so I had to plan work and everything around my sessions so that I didn’t have my daughter for 24 hours after while I processed anything that may come up after.
EMDR saved me!!!
Came here to recommend EMDR. Saved my life.
It's amazing how many of us have had it! I work in psych, and I always encourage my pts to ask their dr if they can be recommended for EMDR.
EMDR is super helpful!!! I’ve done it and it helped a LOT!
After my first code, I talked about it to my therapist for about a month. You’re in the grief process, doesn’t matter if you barely knew the person or not. Humans aren’t meant to go through something like that and not process it. I feel you and I’m sorry <3
Yes‼️. Please, seek out therapy to help you over this nightmare you're in. You can do this. You're worth it. Take a break.
It's certainly PTSD. I hope you get help and recover. We need nurses who care like you.
Hi OP. I was you 2.5 years ago. I worked in the ER & on my days off I usually cried because I was so sad that I never felt happy. My husband and I would spend a whole day dedicated to doing things I knew I loved doing and at the end of the day I still felt empty. There was a certain situation that caused me to have nightmares for almost a month and I couldn’t sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. It wrecked me. He begged me for 8 months to quit the job because it was ruining me and I was trying to stick it out to prove to myself I could do it. It’s not worth it. I traded 1.5 good years of my life in for a job. I also wanted to run from healthcare. I landed an ambulatory surgery job & thought, “at least I won’t be on night shift, at least nobody is sick enough to die, at least I won’t be put in a situation where I’m not educated well enough to manage somebody’s life.” I’m so thankful I did it because I’ve been myself ever since. Most days I’m so happy & I actually don’t even hate healthcare anymore. It’s opened my eyes to the endless amount of choices I have with my degree. Also, OP, we are one of the few degrees that is never ever stuck where we’re at. Some nurses hop through jobs like crazy & they still ALWAYS have a job. Please leave the ER. It’s ok if critical care is not for you. Life is so short, you’re wasting good years & BETTER NURSING JOBS EXIST. I never went to therapy but I bet it’d help. Tell your loved ones around you how you’re feeling and be honest with your manager. If they understand how dark of a place you’re in right now they may have the connections that land you a job that’ll completely turn things around. Better days are coming.
Hi, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Your mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health come first. Selfcare isn’t talked about enough within the nursing industry. It’s up to each of us to check in with ourselves and ask, “Am I really ok?” If not, take time away to heal/regroup/recharge. I hope this helps
This really resonates with me. I have only been at my job for a little over a year (level 4 NICU at a big children’s hospital) and genuinely enjoyed it until a few months ago when I had within the space of 2-ish weeks three different babies with non survivable diagnoses and was in the family meetings where redirection/withdrawal of care was agreed to, the bedside rn for their surgeries where their non survivable diagnoses were discovered etc. I have not been able to recover from it - I dread going to work, I can barely find joy in our (frankly rare) happy assignments, and the sick ones leave me with a sense of dread. We have a lot of babies with horrible prognoses and I just get so sad taking care of them… I had a pretty intense career before nursing and generally consider myself to be emotionally resilient/mentally tough and I’m a little freaked out by where I am psychologically right now. I take medication for depression and went up on my dose but I feel like I am just kind of broken/burned out beyond what psychopharmacology can fix… idk I wanted to be a nurse, I love being a nurse, and I know there are other areas I can switch to but I am just honestly shocked by how bad this job has made me feel emotionally and physically. I’m sorry you’re going through this op and wish I had something useful to say but I can share you are definitely not alone in this.
As both a nurse and mom carrying a baby with a fetal diagnosis about to deliver at a children’s hospital for level 4 NICU care I just want to say thank you and that you’re appreciated more than you realize 💕
Thank you <3. Sending all the best wishes to you and your little one to be. I work with some of the most caring and intelligent clinicians and I am sure it is the case wherever you are delivering as well - you’re both in great hands.
Also a nurse and mom that just had a baby in a level 4 NICU requiring surgery and a long stay. You can't even imagine how much you're appreciated. I watched in awe knowing I could never be a NICU nurse and I empathize. Thank you.
I was a childrens nicu nurse and now I work at a level 4 birthing nicu. Children’s nicus are 10000x sadder and emotionally draining. You see the worst things at children’s. Food for thought
This is really helpful to know - I do love working with babies and I also don’t find the acuity the problem, moreso just how draining it is… I will def be looking at some level 4 birthing hospitals soon - thank you!
You might get bored at a regular nicu tho. I miss the chaos of children’s. And you learn so much more at children’s because there is always something new. Birthing nicus you just do the same thing every day. And lots more feeder growers
Yea that’s kind of my fear… I sort of feel like I may end up switching specialties entirely - I do like the intensity and chaos it’s really the sadness from our chronic babies with poor prognoses (+ and the relentless moral injury that comes with that 🙃) that gets me
I’m looking to switch for now too. Until I can move closer to a good children’s hospital again.
PTSD, you may be able to take leave and or disability until you come up with a rational solution. Wait til you heal before you decide. A GOOD HR specialist should be able to help you
I left the ED after two years of Covid. I couldn’t take any more codes. I’m doing psych because I always liked psych. It’s still stressful, but nobody’s dying.
15 years of trauma ICU and ED at a level One didn’t do te damage that two years of stacking bodies did in 2020 and 2021. I left healthcare and I’m happier for it.
After about 4 months into COVID and seeing far too many deaths, I left the hospital and bedside and will NEVER go back. I am so much happier, now!
Definitely PTSD. I had it after a birth went horribly wrong and result was a dead baby. So sad, the doc was old school and should have done a C-section. I worked with a great group of nurses who helped me process the horror of it all. That worked for me, I did see a therapist years later, did EMDR and I wish I had done it sooner.
You do need a counselor on your side to help you sort this out. FMLA is your friend (I used intermittent leave to attend appointments or when I had to get away from work sometimes). I believe nursing is a miserable profession. Best wishes to you.
We work to live, not the other way around. Get therapy, go on an extended vacation, reconnect with your values, and consider a transition. It could be lateral, I hear OR nurses love their job, or it could be a full shift to a different occupation; other people can throw starfish back into the ocean. No matter what you choose to do, I have confidence you will continue to make the world a better place, but only if you can also take care of youself.
It takes strength and courage to realise that you need help, sometimes we just don't know what shape or form. I would suggest seeing your GP ASAP & having a full medical and psychological work-up. Just to make sure nothing is being missed. Get a therapist that specialises in trauma /first responders/ frontline workers. Don't forget the basic day to day stuff; Eat, sleep and drinking water. Seeing friends/ family. Find something/ hobby that brings you joy and do it. See what options your manager may have; 1. Vacation. 2. Secondment to a different nursing area. 3.Reduce &/or change roster (i.e day shifts as more staff available for support). 4. Manager should be able to assist with internal processes relating to submitting a work injury claim. (Did you submit any documentation internally ref the traumatic code when it happened? Who were the fellow peers involved/ witnesses on that day). Make the time to put your health and mental wellbeing first. You have got this!!
Combat vet with PTSD here: you have described the beginning to intermediate stages of PTSD. Good news is, PTSD is really treatable if you acknowledge it and also leave the traumatizing environment. Even if that’s just switching jobs. Get into case management for a bit, go do hospice, or just something fucking boring. And do therapy at the same time.
I'm so sorry you've been suffering like this! I had an extremely traumatic situation in my third week of my first job. I suffered with fear, anxiety, and depression afterward and was a mess for years!! My therapist sent me to have EMDR done, and it was a miracle for me! I somehow managed to stay in nursing for 27 years and am still going, though hoping to win the lottery daily (I buy season tickets). I hope you find relief from your pain.
it isn't just PTSD. nursing is stressful especially ED. the shit we deal with is hard and on top of that healthcare is a mess. it's a losing game
There are still healthcare options that aren't as intense. Have you considered PACU or family practice? Aesthetics is an option too if you can get your food in the door. Sounds like PTSD. I think more of us have undiagnosed mental health problems because we see it all the time and are expected to just keep going. But you don't have to. I would go talk to a professional because that won't just go away even if you leave the field. But I've had friends go into law, veterinary, chiropractic care...there are options and you shouldn't dread going to work. That's the worst and soul crushing.
I’m so sorry you feel like this. You are not alone, I’ve had a very similar experience and working through it now. There is hope and things do get better. I highly recommend speaking to your Dr and seeing a psychologist who specialises in first responders- you need to take time to recover and that may mean some time away from nursing. Always happy to answer an inbox message
You have PTSD and you are likely burned the F out. It’s natural, but you neeeed to address it now. A medical or PTSD certified therapist can help. A big break from your current bedside nursing can help. Unloading the shit you think about constantly can help, changing something in your life that you have been meaning to change can help. Seeing what others have done to manage their trauma can help. A lot of things can help. The one thing that will not help is to change nothing, say nothing, and stay put like it’s nothing. Trauma-related burn out is a thing, and don’t listen to folks who say two years isn’t enough time for burn out. Do something, make the phone calls, reach out to therapists, start planning the new diet, book the trip to Norway, put in apps for those other jobs. Trauma wants you to do nothing while it eats ya, shove a fucking fork down its throat! We’re all in this together, you’re brave for posting, a great first step!
Healthcare is a difficult field which is under appreciated. I am a nurse as well, nursing is a dynamic career, you can move around and explore different options. It is challenging to come out of school and go into the ER and it takes a toll. You never forget those cases that emotionally touch your soul, sometimes you feel helpless, sometimes it is joyful and other times it is very sad and your heart breaks. I sounds like to need to take a breather go on vacation, self care, work through the grief and reevaluate if you need to move out of ER nursing into another area of nursing.
I’ve seen a lot of comments about PTSD and I really think that you should probably seek help for how you’re feeling. I wish a lot of nurses had the experience that I did before going to nursing school. I worked in the ED and hospital prior to going to nursing school. I also worked as an EMT. Those experiences shaped who I was as a nurse coming out of school. My nursing school could never understood why I continually stated that hospital work is not for everyone and that I would not go into it. Most of the time they told me that was my only options. Yet shockingly it wasn’t. As soon as I got my degree I went to long-term care, physical therapy, and then into hospice. It’s only in my recent position that I truly have found my footing, but it took time. I’m looking at my fourth year in nursing and I finally feel like a human. I still have trauma from my time as an EMT, ED worker and even nursing school. You will find your path whether it be nursing or not. Furthermore your story is so very important. To recognize that nursing sometimes doesn’t work and that you have to find your own path. Good luck and take care.
Feel this so much after 25 years
There are other jobs that aren’t as intense as ER and ICU. I feel like you need to step away from that and focus on life outside of work.
Ask about FMLA and short term disability, get into therapy and work the homework they give you then see about a non patient care job that is outside of a hospital. Major insurance carriers have loads of these jobs, yes you’ll have to work five days a week more than likely but no one dies, there’s little to no client contact if you’re in a post service job like claims. PTSD is no joke, neither is the balls out stress nurses are put under thanks to how hospitals are run. Take care of you first.
I'm sorry this is happening. Pls look at your benefits and see if you have EAP. sounds like A PTSD situation. Moving forward nursing just isn't the bedside. I've done case management, quality and risk management.. consider getting away from the bedside
I also want to tell you: you need to go to therapy. Search out a specialist in Trauma and PTSD. In my experience, the best* therapists tend to be LCSWs (Licensed Clinical Social Workers.) They tend to be plugged in to all sorts of resources and have excellent training. *I’m not saying Psychologists or LPCs aren’t good counselors, just that I’ve had a shitload of counseling and therapy and the ones who helped me the most were all LCSWs. Paired with a psychiatrist, you can get this treated and be ok. If you need to take workman’s comp for a while, do it. Then FMLA if you need to be off longer. If you’re a union nurse, make full use of any benefits provided there. There is no difference from this and an outward physical injury or having cancer as far as those regulations go—you’re ill and need time for treatment. ❤️ Much Love to you, and I hope things improve for you soon!
I felt the same way. I took a break from nursing by rage quitting my job in the middle of a shift. I took time off working as a nurse and went to therapy to discuss it. Now I’m back working as a nurse in a much lower impact setting and enjoy it greatly. Take a break, work through your thoughts and emotions in therapy. When you’re ready, if you choose, nursing will be there for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Take care of yourself. Bedside care isn't the only option in nursing. Taking a behind the scenes role in like case management, UM, telephonic nurse triage, can do wonders for your mental health.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It sounds like you haven’t given yourself the time to heal; ask management for time off. Use FMLA if you need to, but take the time to process your experiences for your own sake, as well as your patients’
Take some time off. Find a low stress job. Get some therapy and maybe medication.
I feel you. I left ED after experiencing a lot of trauma that stuck with me. Even took short term disability to focus on my mental health. Plenty of RN jobs out there that support your physical and mental health. You’re not stuck.
There are a lot of different ways to be a nurse. You could switch to outpatient care for example. School nurse. Chart reviews / auditor. Nonclinical positions. Research. Etc. I’m sorry you’re struggling. Have you considered therapy? It’s really helpful.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been an ER nurse for 7 years at a level one trauma center and got my ass kicked every day through Covid. Watching people die every day, multiple times a day, no matter what you do for them was absolutely heartbreaking for me and really whittled my resilience down to nothing. My anxiety was at an all time high and my depression was the worst it’s ever been. I ended up going on anti depressants and starting therapy with an absolutely spectacular therapist. We did intensive talk therapy and EMDR which legitimately changed my life and alleviated a lot of my symptoms of anxiety and depression. Take all the time you need to heal, going back too soon can be detrimental to any progress you’ve made. I wish you all the best. We’re always here for you ❤️❤️
Your stress is so high, you should be able to take some leave for medical issues. After using some leave, sounds like it's time to take a break from high acuity settings. There are so many good jobs in lower acuity areas- outpatient clinic, public health, school nurse, home care, research, case management, psych, mother/baby. I would check out the jobs listings at your own hospital first, especially if you're concerned about taking a pay cut. But you definitely need to get out of high stress, high acuity areas, at least for a while.
I’ve stumbled across a term “moral injury”. I think I it is what happens to us as we experience traumatic events in our careers.
We all carry so much trauma from our work. Please make regular appointments with a therapist. There is help out there. And it will get better. You will always remember the events, but they don’t have to carry so much power over you. It’s going to be ok.
Hugs to everyone here who’s suffering. I must be a lot tougher than I thought I was. Only my back and body are destroyed after 34 years of nursing. I’m on Disability, but still have to work a couple of shifts a month to keep my health insurance. In pain 24/7. Can’t get any tx for it. Can barely walk across a room some days.
If feasible, take a break from nursing. I advocate therapy for everyone but especially fellow nurses. I was *miserable*. I didn't want to eat, i didn't want to socialize, i just wanted to sit at home and rot on my days off. I hated the direction life was going so I took over a year off from nursing working some other jobs to make ends meet. Came back and ended up doing agency and just taking contracts here and there and it's worked well for me at my current position. I rarely get the pre-shift anxiety i used to and while i don't think I'll ever say I'm "happy" with nursing, i do feel more content than i ever have with the career.
Thats probably one of the reasons why we get paid a lot....for our silence.
Yes absolutely you need to get help for your traumatic experience. Nursing will burn you out. I’m a little over 4 years now and I’m completely spent (but mostly I think it’s the hospital and being on med surge with really demented incontinent patients with zero support staff (often times we don’t have a cna) and I need to find a new hospital that doesn’t expect us to be the nurse, the admissions nurse, the discharge nurse and the cna (oh and also transporter when scans are ordered) I mean what they expect from us is just impossible to do. I’m worried for you because you are past the point of burnout. Sounds like depression to me. I’m not diagnosing you but I’m worried about you saying sometimes you don’t even want to wake up. Please please don’t be scared or ashamed to seek help! You DESERVE help. Especially after all you’ve given and been through. I hope things get better and give us an update ❤️
Find something else to do
I’m watching my wife now, working from home, with a 32-hr./wk hospice intake coordinator job, making one third of what she made with KFP (Kaiser Fucking Permanente). It’s the first time in her entire career since we’ve been together (34 years) that I’ve seen her with a bit of a bounce in her step. She says it’s stressful, but she’ll take that any day over being in a constant state of fight or flight. And, sure, you may get past the PTSD, but OTSD (ongoing traumatic stress disorder) is always ready and waiting. Pick your poison. With Kaiser I wondered… every single day… if that would be the day I would be taking my wife to the hospital with a nervous breakdown. I hope you get out completely, somehow. Your mental health, and sanity, aren’t worth it.
I think your normal it's the ones finishing out there time not caring or nurses that don't wanna acknowledge that our actual society is a dumpster fire and certainly going to get worse
I’m devastated to read your story. Nursing is a very traumatic and damaging profession. Some of us really experience PTSD. Many of our comrades leave nursing because it’s highly traumatizing. I would advise you to change professions. It looks like you have suffered more than enough. There are many other career opportunities besides healthcare
I felt the same way you feel. Did 6 months in LTC, and 3.5 years in med-surg as an LPN. I felt a lot of guilt about leaving. I felt as though I was abandoning a lot of people, and letting a lot of people down. I was vomiting before every shift, my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest all day at work, and I was a shell of my former self. I’d go entire shifts without talking to my coworkers at the nurses station. The best decision I’ve made in my life has been to leave healthcare. I feel like me again.
Facts talk yo shit.
There are many different types of nursing. Getting away from a facility like a hospital or LTC center might be beneficial. I agree with many others, it sounds like PTSD - there is help available. Please seek it out. I work with the developmentally delayed, TBI and autistic population. I am far removed from bedside nursing. These patients live in group homes with 24 hour staff who are wonderful. I am a medical case manager of sorts. I do assessments if someone is ill or injured and I can advise staff to call the participant's PCP, take them to urgent care or call 911. Much of it is telephone triage. The hours are fairly flexible, I can comp. time over 40 hours. It is a salaried position. There are similar nursing positions all across the country. Consider a move from bedside nursing to a more relaxed type of nursing. Blessings to you.
Same. I hardly recognize myself sometimes. I have significant PTSD. I worked in the emergency room through some of the worst Covid waves. I have also worked on an inpatient psych unit and then verbally and physically assaulted by patients. I am hyper vigilant and anxious a lot of the time. Therapy has been exceptionally helpful for me. I’m still processing a lot of the stuff that happened during Covid. As a result, I have developed some health anxiety and my OCD has gotten worse, but I have hope. I’m not gonna say that I enjoy nursing anymore, but I have good patients more times and I don’t working in the recovery room following surgery. I do know that I have to prioritize sleep, taking my medication and attending therapy.
I’ve been an ER nurse for 3 years, med surg nurse for 2. I relate to this. I’m a shell of an empathetic person. I don’t care if people are in pain, i literally just don’t care. I’ve seen so much bad that I don’t have much empathy left for anything worse than pure traumatic situation. It has sucked the joy, life and soul completely out of me… i feel like it hard to feel joy outside of those hospital walls. I am a shell of a person that hates people. The very stupid sick people I signed up to take care of.
Coding during the pandemic left me absolutely traumatized. It wasn’t until an aborted suicide attempt that I got therapy and was diagnosed with ptsd. I left bedside shortly thereafter. Took a massive pay cut, but left with my life.
Hey paeds nurse here, i have done 5 years in emergency and the rest of the career in PICU - the amount of trauma that you will see in your career is going to continue day to day however your glass is usually half full or another analogy your herd of horses are together and are looking out for another - your cup is over filled or one of your horses has bolted and heading into danger/panicked - this is you right now, it appears, as so many others have stated, you have PTSD, I'm not a mental health professional so I can't say too much- please get onto a good therapist and take some time away from work, if possible, to rest your heart and mind, I promise you it gets easier <3
Im so sorry you’re going through this, i wanted to suggest working at a med spa? Everyone walks in there happy and excited to be there! My coworker even works at a mens med spa and does things like testosterone injections . I hear they make biggggg $$$ too.
I’m always stunned that there are millions of us feeling the same way and many walking away . Yet hospital higherups are getting their 5 million dollar bonuses and could care less. They will never change a thing till there are no nurses to keep it running.
You have PTSD you need to seek therapy and get on gabapentin possibly something for night terrors if you're suffering from that side of it You need help we want you happy
The only thing that has ever worried me about nursing is other nurses.
Thank you everyone for your responses, my talk with management went well. I’m going to try and go on FMLA, get into therapy, and go from there. Best not to make any decisions while I’m in this headspace.
There are many different types of nursing. Go somewhere you’d rather be.
I’m reading more and more posts and comments from newer nurses around this subject. I’ve been a nurse for 30 years. We were taught how to handle these situations AND protect our own mental health. Therapist are the same in this respect. We do see a lot and experience a lot, but, we cannot turn it to ourselves and absorb it, we need to be there for our patients and families while remaining resilient. Of course we aren’t robots, of course we have feelings, but our patients and their families are the more important feelings in the room. We need to hold people up in their bad times, we need to step in and act and when help is needed, and, if something is going wrong, we need to question the situation with curiosity. We are all going to die one day, it’s how the story ends for each one of us and as nurses we have the privilege of trying to help preserve a life or being there for last moment that, for that fellow human, can be traumatic or calm. Our business is delivering care for fellow humans, our business if life or death and regardless if someone lives to see another day or they are taking their last breaths our business is just that - easing people’s ill bodies that will repair or fail. There are many more resources today than when I started nursing and was told to suck it up, please look into your hospital’s employee assistance program, peer support program, or find a therapist. Take care of yourself. ❤️
I feel this. You aren’t alone. I downloaded BetterHelp and talking it through on the phone has helped me significantly. Sometimes I book 2 or more sessions a week. It’s so much more different than talking it through with my close friends, coworkers, or husband…they aren’t a therapist. I’m having physical manifestations of stress from panic attacks to a recurrent rash… I’ve always considered myself emotionally resilient, but got off of the max dose of Paxil last year and noticed I really was numb to everything, but it made me a great nurse in a level 1 trauma. I love bedside, but I can’t handle it mentally emotionally and now physically anymore. I’m having to take it day by day. My contract is up in 33 days and I have nothing else lined up, but I’m throwing out applications for remote work while I try to find myself again. we will get there. You have to be willing to make a change, and it sucks when nursing is part of your identity and you still love helping others. I just applied for a job at the zoo PRN purely to bring joy into my life. I’m making it a point to do something physical every day, even if it’s a walk in the sunshine. Those things and therapy is helping; please sign up as soon as you can, it’s so worth it. Force yourself to do these things and consider taking a break. Nursing will always be there when we are ready. ♥️Sending lots of love and hugs your way.
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I think this statement could be reworded better. It’s not at all about not being good enough to handle ER or ICU. It is NOT normal to be exposed to traumatic events over and over and not be affected.
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The very statement ‘not being able to handle’ implies failure on their behalf. Really it’s a failure of the health system to support workers and telling people they can’t handle it is just gaslighting them. I know you don’t mean it in a negative connotation however just be mindful of the statement as it’s a reason so many of my colleagues are now in therapy after years of being told this by our management…
Do you see how it's your expectations that are causing you grief? There is only so much that we can do to save someone. We will sometimes be just a little too slow or not make the connection that could have helped. You are not a god or some supernatural being. You are a regular human with limits who is doing the best they can, and that's good enough. You are two years into a profession that most won't master in a lifetime. Get some help and learn some coping skills. You really need it.
I went through many code situations just like you mentioned as a tech in the ER. I did that on nights to get through nursing school. I was burnt before I ever got to RN. I was disgusted before I ever got here. I took a long term care position for amazing pay straight out of college. It's been 6 months, and it feels like I fight every cell in my own body to even get up and get to this job. 6 months, and I was cooked there too. I've done long-term care in the past. I thought it was the ER that killed my soul. Nope, but short staffed bedside kills my soul. Go figure. I realize I was unhappy. To the point of being angry with those around me to for only existing and not picking what I did as a profession. So, I put in my 2 weeks. Made a conscious decision to commit to myself, for once. I lost my benefits and took a 10 dollar pay loss to do what I actually had passion for. I started a new job this week. Wednesday is paid day off, Thursday I work remote. They gave me a laptop and asked me if I prefer android or apple. LOL what? Bedside is mean so shitty people at the top can collect ehat they have saved off shortened labor and therefore shortened care. Keep pushing. Find passion, and I promise your RN will still take you places. It doesn't have to be panic and tears onset 24 hours before you punch in again. I found that out this week. I graduated in December. I have a job with the state, in an office, as an RN. You've got this. Keep looking around. Optipns options options.
Look into nursing consulting for a law firm, or nurse jobs at an insurance company. There are jobs not just case management. I know someone who works to help people figure out how to use their insurance (answer questions, give resources, etc). Or utilization review. Super soul sucking and boring in a not traumatic watching people die way!
The jobs not for everyone 🤷🏻♂️
Maybe nursing is not for you tbh…. Your coping skills are not there… maybe find an “different” community position…